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Dare to Care
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well-known Christian broadcaster caused a stir last year with comments that seemingly suggested a man would be justified in divorcing his wife, who had Alzheimer’s disease. The broadcaster’s remarks drew widespread criticism from inside and outside Christianity. After all, Jesus shared a different perspective on divorce in Matthew 19:3–12, and marriage vows typically include commitments “in sickness and in health” and “until death do us part.” Many spouses faithfully serve as caregivers. Martha Evans Sparks, this month’s foundation writer, helped her husband for 42 years as he battled chronic illness, and she served as his fulltime caregiver during the final five years of his earthly life. Children, parents, nieces, nephews, neighbors and fellow
church members also become caregivers when people in their lives face physical or mental challenges. Biblical examples of caregiving include Ruth, who supported her mother-in-law, Naomi (Ruth 1:16–17); the Good Samaritan, who cared for a stranger (Luke 10:30–37); and Jesus’ beloved disciple (commonly believed to be John), who took Mary into his home (John 19:26–27). As Jennifer Barrett reveals in this month’s history article, the Free Methodist Church continues its rich legacy of caregiving institutions. Let’s make sure we also do our part as individuals to care for others — regardless of what Finley i Jeff Managing Editor TV hosts say. [LLM]
EXTRA! EXTRA! Read more at
llcomm.org. 1] Do you use QR codes? Scan this box with your smartphone to read more articles on this issue’s theme. 2] Caregiving Calendar Martha Evans Sparks shares scriptures for caregivers. 3] Being Grateful Sudha Khristmukti learns to be thankful.
“In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.” — John 1:4
LLM LIGHT & LIFE MAGAZINE
Developing Earnest Christians Since 1868
Managing Editor Lead Designer Writer/Photographer Copy Editor Internal Communications Project Manager Publisher Business/Operations
Jeff Finley Erin Eckberg Michael Metts Dawn McIlvain Stahl Andrea Anibal Julie Innes Jason Archer Ben Weesies
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Jazmin Angulo Carmen Hosea Karen Kabandama Samuel Lopez Rodrigo Lozano, Coordinator
To receive Light & Life in Spanish, please contact our office: (800) 342-5531 or ben.weesies@fmcusa.org.
Website: www.llcomm.org Email us: www.llcomm.org/staff News and submissions: jeff.finley@fmcusa.org Advertising: ben.weesies@fmcusa.org Address all correspondence to: Light & Life Magazine, 770 N. High School Rd., Indianapolis, IN 46214 (317) 244-3660 LLM: Light & Life Magazine (ISSN 0024-3299) was established in 1868 by the Free Methodist Church. Published monthly by Light & Life Communications. © 2012 Free Methodist Church – USA, 770 N. High School Road, Indianapolis, IN 46214. Views expressed in articles do not necessarily represent the official position of the Free Methodist Church. All rights reserved. Except for brief quotations, no portion of this magazine may be reproduced in any form without written permission of the publisher. All Scripture quotations are from the New International Version unless otherwise indicated.
Whole No. 5245, Vol. 145, No. 11 Printed in U.S.A. Member: Evangelical Press Association, Evangelical Council for Financial Accountability Periodicals postage paid at Indianapolis, IN, and additional mailing offices. Postmaster, send address changes to: Light & Life Magazine, 770 N. High School Rd., Indianapolis, IN 46214
Preparing for Life’s Earthly End BY DIANE MUÑOZ
O
nce upon a time in a faraway land, one man’s vision of dignity in end-of-life care became a reality.
Chancellor Nicolas Rolin opened the Hotel-Dieu (Hotel of God) in 1443 in Beaune, France, after seven years of construction. Moved by the deplorable conditions of the average citizen, Rolin created “the palace for the poor,” a prestigious foundation that exponentially raised the standard of care for the dying. The halls were uuu
3 [feature] emblazoned with Flemish tapestries, original religious paintings — some as high as 20 feet tall — and a handcarved altarpiece that rivaled any other in Europe. Finely carved wood canopy beds were furnished with clean linens and intended for only two patients per bed — a luxury as the standard of the day was four per bed. Architects still marvel that the floor was centered over a river with glass tiles enabling the soothing sound of running water to bring solace to the patient and caregiver alike. The canopies opened to the ceiling so patients could see the artwork on the ceiling and the mantra inscribed on the rafters: Ars Sacra Moriendi, Ars Sacra Vivendi (the sacred art of dying is the sacred art of living).
Bands of nuns and volunteers cared for the sick and dying. A newcomer would be stripped of clothes, bathed in ashes to relieve lice, and robed in a gown. The patient was invited to go to the altar for confession and prayer with a priest. The open canopies enabled patients to better hear the prayers, hymns and liturgical chants being offered. These people understood the relationship of the spiritual to the physical: care for the body necessarily involved caring for the soul. A medieval artist’s depiction shows townspeople providing Sunday brunch, nurses nursing, children playing, musicians singing and pets roaming.
Medical Reliance
Fast-forward six centuries. Advances in medical science are breathtaking. Yet I believe the scientific fine-tuning comes with an unfortunate, if unintended, trend. Growing confidence in medical professionals leaves family members, neighbors and volunteers feeling ill-equipped to care for their loved ones and unwilling to trust their instincts. Dr. Ira Byock, a former
president of the American Academy of Hospice and Palliative Medicine, observed that in spite of all these medical achievements the last two generations of Americans have not, in general, died well. Americans spend more money on medicine and hightech care at the end of life than any other society in history. Physicians now have an arsenal at their disposal to control physical symptoms like breathlessness, nausea and pain. Yet for many of us at the moment of death, something essential is missing. When I began my first unit of clinical professional education at Hospice of the Bluegrass in 2005, a social worker colleague presented a seminar on cultural understandings of end-of-life care. Magdalena Lehman came to the United States from Switzerland. She shared how her family never questioned her grandmother’s living in their home in her senior years; it was assumed. At age 8, she participated in her grandmother’s care through the day her grandmother died in their home. She helped prepare her body for viewing, which also took place at their residence. Lehman recalled her bewilderment about how hands-off Americans generally were toward caring for their elderly.
[feature] 4 Surveys find that 80 percent of people would prefer to die at home, yet 80 percent of people die in hospitals and nursing homes. (Nursing home placement can be a viable and good choice for some families and patients.) I have become increasingly aware how much the American culture is in denial about the reality of death. As the old adage goes, nothing is certain except death and taxes. Yet I have seen, time and again, how ill-prepared families can be to accept this reality, even if their loved one is advanced in years and has strong Christian beliefs. Dr. Lawrence Schneiderman stated the dilemma well at a conference I attended on medical futility: “In the past, we went to church and prayed to God for a miracle. Now we go to the hospital and demand a miracle.” The Hippocratic tradition desires to restore health and alleviate suffering. Hippocrates would have had great difficulty imagining a medical culture that could enable life beyond what nature would allow.
Church Changes
The medical culture is not the only one in denial. Observe some changing
phenomena within the church. One hundred years ago, graveyards commonly bordered church buildings. Worshippers were reminded as they walked past graves that this too was their fate. When was the last time you saw a graveyard being built alongside a church? A century ago, many hymns referred, usually in the last stanza, to the surety of death and the hope of heaven. While the hope of heaven can occasionally be heard in modern songs, the reality of death is much less prevalent. All these changes are to our detriment because the dying are among our best teachers. Thankfully, the modern Western concept of hospice is enabling and empowering families to once again care for their loved ones. I have seen spouses, sons, daughters, grandchildren, nieces and nephews step up to care for family members. Families that embrace the process, refusing to isolate their loved ones, often experience what we call a “good death.” Physical, emotional and spiritual needs are addressed. Patients are surrounded by their families while hearing familiar
Death has the power to heal because it has incredible power to put life into
perspective and bear out life’s important priorities.
sounds, voices and smells within the sacred space of a familiar place. Although it’s not easy, family members who draw near prior to death tend to have less troubling grief processes after their relative dies. I have heard story after story and witnessed firsthand the grace of
5 [feature] God being poured out as a soul nears death. Sometimes this journey is complete with glimpses of a loved one seeing things from the other side or conversing with deceased loved ones. Now is the time to have the conversation with your loved ones about your hope and wishes for the end of your life on this earth. Now is the time to place trust and confidence in your
www.fmfoundation.org
family to be able to provide that care. Death has the power to heal because it has incredible power to put life into perspective and bear out life’s important priorities. The art of dying can become the art of living. As Henri Nouwen, a master pastoral care theologian, aptly stated, “The only people prepared to live are those prepared to die.” [LLM]
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Diane Muñoz, an ordained FM elder, serves as a full-time chaplain with Hospice of the Bluegrass and as the vice president of the Free Methodist Chaplains Association.
Connect to the Free Methodist Church on iPhone, iPad, or Android. Use your phone or tablet to search the Apple App Store or Google Play.
[bishops] 6
When Love Visits
“G
od is love” (1 John 4:8)! John declares it on the strength of God’s own gift-of-Self in Jesus (1 John 4:9–10). John describes it in terms of practical responses of care offered to whomever needs it around us (1 John 3:16–17; 4:11). In fact, John insists boldly: One who does not love with concrete acts of care does not know God, love God or belong to God (1 John 4:8, 19–20). Jesus reveals God’s person and way in human flesh. His followers form families, societies and cultures of love: not love in the abstract, but love in the nitty-gritty; not love when it’s convenient or comfortable, but love … whenever; not love when its benefits may return blessing to us, but true love that cares … just because. Yes, they form families, societies and cultures of love for whomever is there, wherever they hurt, however they’re vulnerable, whatever the cost and as long as they need. Throughout the world, the people who follow Jesus become communities and families of such love. Their natural families (traceable through a genealogical tree) deepen and widen in God’s love. They deepen enough to include the hurting, wounded and aged whom they cherish, protect and bless. People who walk with Jesus on His way of love can be recognized by the help and support they readily offer others. Because they are devoted to God, they commit to one another, commitments they then keep, as God helps them. Parents care for children with disabilities. Husbands and wives remain devoted to each other even when one of them can no longer recognize the other. Children love their aging parents, though it requires an awkward and difficult reversal of roles. In the world, it doesn’t often work this way. Love is conditional and contractual — you do for me, and I will do for you. Commitments expire when no longer “helpful.” Parents may counter their deepest instincts and reject their own flesh and blood. Spouses bail on each other when it’s too much to bear. Children may despise their now childlike parents. In the world, everyone understands these painful “necessities” of life. People are blind to the God who is love, except when God visits people and places through the companions of Jesus. When the God who is love visits, blight becomes beautiful, and people are helped to flourish. [LLM]
People who walk with Jesus on His way of love can be recognized by the help and support they readily offer others.
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Bishop David Kendall
To read more from Bishop Kendall, visit fmcusa.org/ davidkendall.
7 [foundation]
Honoring Aging Parents S C RI P T U R E : Deuteronomy 5:16 Exodus 3:1–2 2 Timothy 4:16–17 Jeremiah 38:6–13 1 Thessalonians 2:19–20 Psalm 18:28–29
Caregivers, visit llcomm.org/ llm/november-2012 for a downloadable one-month Scripture calendar compiled by Martha Evans Sparks.
BY MARTHA EVANS SPARKS
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hen aging parents need help, remember to “honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you” (Deuteronomy 5:16). But be warned: Caregiving is emotionally and physically wearing. Every caregiver — whether caring for an aging parent, a sick spouse or a permanently disabled child — says at some time, “I am alone. Nobody knows or cares. I am isolated and trapped.” If you believe yourself alone, you have plenty of company. Moses thought himself alone when an angel joined him (Exodus 3:1–2). Paul’s friends deserted him, but he reported, “The Lord stood at my side and gave me strength” (2 Timothy 4:16–17). Jeremiah’s enemies threw him into an empty cistern. An Ethiopian eunuch rescued him (Jeremiah 38:6–13). Caregivers may feel insignificant when missionary friends bring exotic reports, but the person you care for is evidence that your labor for God has borne fruit. A stroke victim may walk again with your help. You may patiently feed someone three times a day for years. Your ailing loved one is your joy and crown (1 Thessalonians 2:19–20). God looks for faithfulness. Caregiving can be a source of personal growth. The more you know about a disease, the better you can manage it. Caregivers learn for the good of their care receivers. But learn for yourself too. You may find the new knowledge intellectually stimulating. You may help others; they may help you. In Psalm 18:28–29, David appeals to the Lord to keep his lamp burning, and then says that with God’s help he can scale a wall. Caregivers, think that over the next time you feel overwhelmed. [LLM]
Former caregiver Martha Evans Sparks, a Wilmore (Ky.) FMC member, is the author of five books (three on caregiving).
[history] 8
FM Caregiving Pioneers BY JENNIFER BARRETT
“I
’m old, I’m helpless and feeble, and the days of my youth have gone by and it’s over the hill to the poor house, I must wander alone there to die” is the chorus to an 1874 song based on the poem “Over the Hill to the Poor House” written two years earlier by Will Carleton. The song and poem reflect what many older adults faced, often because of loss of ability, depleted wealth and the dispersion of many families from the East and Midwest as the Western Movement progressed during the mid-to-late 1800s. During the latter part of the 19th and the early 20th centuries, employer-based and government pensions were virtually nonexistent with the exception of Civil War veterans and their widows. Displaced older adults, as well as orphans, found themselves crammed into dilapidated shacks with criminals and the mentally ill. Benevolent societies, charities and churches were the first groups to p This building housed senior citizens at the Gerry (N.Y.) Orphanage and Home, help improve these deplorable situations. now known as Heritage Ministries. Serious discussions focused on these problems. With loving hearts and limited resources, Free Methodist Church members responded. In 1886, they formed the board of the Gerry Orphanage and Home in New York and established the Chicago Industrial Home for Children in Illinois. The Chicago-based home was later relocated to Woodstock, Ill., and renamed the Woodstock Children’s Home, followed by the addition of the Old People’s Rest Home in 1903. Denominational pioneers in this field included Pastor Samuel K.J. and Ann Chesbrough and Bishop Walter A. Sellew in New York, and Pastor Thomas B. and Tress Arnold and Pastor J.D. Kelsey in Illinois. More than 125 years later, Heritage Ministries in Gerry, N.Y., and Hearthstone Communities in Woodstock, Ill., are thriving examples of honoring God’s call to “stand up in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God” (Leviticus 19:32). [LLM]
With loving hearts and limited resources, Free Methodist Church members responded.
held
in God’s
arms BY MICHAEL J. METTS
D
ean Griffiths met his wife, Bobbie Jane, at Roberts Wesleyan College in 1971. Three weeks after their first date during homecoming, they became engaged. On Dec. 16, 1972, they were married. Early in their relationship, problems with Bobbie Jane’s health came to light. uuu
Photo by Michael J. Metts
[action] 10 “She missed a lot of class her freshman year,” Dean said. “There was a pretty significant baseline of some medical problems going on at the time.” Dean and Bobbie Jane dreamed of having a big family, and their first son was born in December 1973. In July 1976, they welcomed a second son, but Bobbie Jane’s health problems soon forced her to have a hysterectomy. Her pain and seizures caused the cancellation of vacations and camping trips. “It got to the point where it was easier not to plan on something than to plan on something and have to deal with the disappointment,” Dean said. The family still found ways to connect. The boys often sat with their mother after school, talking with her and reading to her. “God’s grace was so evident,” Dean said. When the boys were in high school, Dean accepted the call to move to southwestern Pennsylvania and become a pastor. “I could see how even in the darkest of times, God was there, keeping us from letting go,” Dean said. “If I let go of God, I have nothing.” As Bobbie Jane’s needs grew, Dean took a leave of absence from
the pastorate in late 2008. “When we went in to get married, it was with the understanding that there’s no back door here,” Dean said. “It doesn’t matter what happens from this point forward, there’s no out. There’s no turning around.” Bobbie Jane was diagnosed with 15 health problems. None of the individual problems were life-threatening, but the combined effect led to her death in March 2010.
outdoor chaplain After Bobbie Jane’s death, Dean didn’t feel led to return to the pastorate. Instead, God gave him a heart to minister to a group that rarely comes into contact with church — people who work as river guides and outfitters in the wilderness. “There’s that group of people there, and they’re so special and they’re so sweet,” Dean said. “They’re worshiping creation, and they don’t have a clue that there’s a Creator.” Dean sold his house and now lives in a camper pulled behind his car. He’s been appointed by the Pittsburgh Conference as an outdoor community chaplain, splitting his year between working for one outfitter on the Youghiogheny River in Pennsylvania and another in the Chihuahua
p Bobbie Jane and Dean Griffiths met as Roberts Wesleyan College students in the early 1970s. (Photo courtesy of Dean Griffiths)
Desert along the Rio Grande River in Texas.
eternal love Dean continues to love Bobbie Jane, and looks forward to seeing her again. “I miss her more now than right after she was gone, but I am more tightly held in God’s arms,” he said. [LLM]
11 [news]
Worship Leaders “Join in the Sound” BY MICHAEL J. METTS
“L
ord if you can use us, fill us up. Let us feel your love rush over us.” This is the refrain of “Alive,” one of the songs on Brothers McClurg’s first full-length album, “Join in the Sound.” NewReleaseTuesday.com credited the Free Methodist musicians’ recently released project with having “all the reverence of hymns and all the everyday relevance of contemporary worship.” Anthony Hoisington, lead vocalist and keyboardist, is the director of worship at Northgate FMC in Batavia, N.Y.; lead guitarist Justin Michau serves at Northgate as creative arts director. Chris Hoisington, fellow lead vocalist and acoustic guitarist, is director of worship at Brockport (N.Y.) FMC. Dan Swain, bass guitarist, is director of worship at Akron (N.Y.) FMC. “I feel proud that these songs have been birthed from our local churches,” Anthony Hoisington said. The group’s name, Brothers McClurg, is inspired by Anthony and Chris Hoisington’s maternal grandfather. Pastor Bill McClurg led a
For more about Brothers McClurg, visit brothersmcclurg.com.
Southern gospel group called the McClurg Family Singers. “We see it as a way of continuing the legacy and ministry while giving it a fresh vision,” Chris Hoisington said. The band members feel blessed to be with Integrity Music, a record label that has contributed to the worldwide popularity of contemporary worship music. The Hoisington brothers wrote most of the songs on the album with help from well-known worship songwriters such as Paul Baloche, Anthony Skinner, Mia Fieldes and members of
Rend Collective Experiment. “God has brought Brothers McClurg and Integrity together nicely,” Anthony Hoisington said. The members of Brothers McClurg hope their music will be used by God to transform hearts and lives. “For us, these are songs of healing and new birth,” Anthony Hoisington said, “a sense of urgency to wake up spiritually, be healed, made whole and become alive to what God is doing all around us.” [LLM]
[news] 12 FOOD IN THE HOOD ON TV Bloomington, Minn.
Cedarcrest FMC recently received attention on KSTP Channel 5 television news for its Food in the Hood program, which provides approximately two weeks’ worth of groceries to more than 1,500 people each month in partnership with Good in the ‘Hood and Union Gospel Mission. For more coverage, visit fmcusa.org/blog/ stories/food-in-the-hood.
CHAPLAIN BECOMES LT. COL. Colorado Springs, Col.
Tim Porter, the wing chaplain at Peterson Air Force Base, was promoted to lieutenant colonel, according to the August issue of the Free Methodist Chaplains Association’s Staying Connected newsletter. Approximately 70 people attended Porter’s pin-on ceremony, and he used the opportunity “to give glory to God for His guidance in my life.”
TEN BAPTIZED AT SERVICE Waterloo, Iowa
Lighthouse Fellowship FMC baptized 10 people on Sept. 23. Seven are new believers in Jesus Christ. “Some just received Christ a week prior to being baptized,” Pastor Bob Hetzel said. Nine of the people attend Lighthouse. A California man joined the baptism service after calling the church while in Iowa on a business trip.
FM CHURCHES FEED HUNGRY San Diego
Youth from the Foundry at Escondido (Calif.) volunteered Sept. 22 to help the San Diego FMC’s ongoing efforts to feed 250 people each Saturday and provide an optional time of worship, prayer and education. Each Friday, the San Diego congregation spends an hour collecting the food at a local food bank and up to five hours sorting and packaging the food.
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The Rest of the Story Want to find indepth stories of remarkable Free Methodists? Visit fmcusa.org.
We want to hear from you! Tell us what your church is doing to impact lives in the United States and around the world. Submit your story at fmcusa.org/ yourstory.
13 [world]
Stories of Love and War BY JEFF FINLEY
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retired Free Methodist missionary shares tales of hardship and hope in “Pendo: God Loves Africa!” “A lot of people know there’s been war in Rwanda and Burundi,” said author Martha Kirkpatrick during an interview about her new book, which helps readers “understand more that the church there is strong and powerful.” Kirkpatrick’s book —- available in select bookstores and also online from Amazon and Barnes & Noble —- details causes and consequences of the fighting in central Africa. Kirkpatrick and her husband, Jim, lived in Burundi from 1965 to 1978 and in Rwanda from 1980 to 1994 when
a violent period began while the couple traveled outside Rwanda. “Jim was area missions director then, and we were in Nigeria when the presidents of Burundi and Rwanda were killed,” she said. “Their plane was shot down.” The United Nations prevented the couple from returning to Rwanda, and they were reassigned to Kenya where they served through 2004. Despite tales of challenges faced by the couple and Jim’s missionary parents, the book is a story of God’s love. Kirkpatrick, said the title, “Pendo,” which means “love,” was given to her by central Africans. “They would give nicknames to missionaries so that when they talked in their language, they could say that, and missionaries wouldn’t know whom they were talking about,” said Kirkpatrick, who learned her nickname at the end of her four decades of service in Africa. Her motivation for writing the book included making sure her grandchildren learned of her African experiences. Grandson Philip Kendall helped make that possible by recording her verbal stories and then emailing transcripts to her. The book also is a response to Kirkpatrick’s friends who’ve urged her to write her stories. To order “These stories describe what God does “Pendo: God and has done,” Kirkpatrick wrote in the Loves Africa!” visit bit.ly/pendo. first chapter. [LLM] t Jim and Martha Kirkpatrick (Photo by Michael J. Metts)
[discipleship] 14
The Sandwich Generation BY CHUCK ROOTS
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hile my family sat around the dinner table one evening, my youngest daughter, Jenny, quipped, “Don’t forget. I’ll be the one deciding which nursing home you go to!” We all laughed. Therein lies the problem with the sandwich generation. You’re either taking care of family, or you’re being taken care of by family. A friend — who was taking care of grandparents, parents, children and grandchildren — described it as a club sandwich! Alzheimer’s ambushed our family when my grandmother slipped away from us so quickly. It fell on my wife and me to take her into our home. I was pastor of my first church at the time. Our children were 3 years old and 6 months old. My wife carried the load: two small children and a 93-year-old woman who didn’t remember any of us. Thirty years later, we find ourselves looking after the needs of my 80-year-old mother-in-law and my 97-year-old mother. Add to the mix several young grandchildren that my wife watches a couple of days each week, and you’ve got the makings of a classic sandwich generation. You may find yourself in a similar situation, but fear not! There are things you can do to ease the challenge: l Pray for a discerning spirit. l Involve your family and church. l Contact agencies and organizations in your community. l And, as the caregiver, take care of yourself! I believe the Lord uses the challenges in the sandwich generation so we may be a blessing. [LLM]
Chuck Roots is the senior pastor of the Ripon (Calif.) FMC, a retired Navy chaplain and the author of “The Sandwich Generation: Adult Children Caring for Aging Parents.” For more of his writing, visit chuckroots.com.
GROUP DISCUSSION: [1] What does God’s Word say about taking care of family?
[2] What community resources are available?
[3] How will you address this topic with loved ones?
Did you know a new discipleship article is posted to our website each week? The four monthly articles are perfect for use in your small group or as a weekly supplement to individual study.
LLM
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LIGHT & LIFE MAGAZINE
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[resources]
1 2 3 4
“CHERISH THE DAYS” In this book, Martha Evans Sparks shares inspiration and insight for longdistance caregivers: bit.ly/sparkswph.
Whether you’re a caregiver or in need of care, you can find information and support from fellow Free Methodists.
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WARM BEACH The Warm Beach Senior Community near Stanwood, Wash., offers retirement housing and continuing care: warmbeach.org.
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HEARTHSTONE Hearthstone Communities (Page 8) is a continuing care retirement community in Woodstock, Ill.: wclsil.org.
HERITAGE Heritage Ministries (Page 8) in Gerry, N.Y., promotes health, dignity and purposeful living: heritage1886.org.
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