4t d’ESO Adam’s last letter Jia Jia Chen

Adam’s last letter

Jia Jia Chen / 4t d’ESO

LLENGUA ANGLESA_1r PREMI

For my family. No parent should bury their own child. I really tried to repair myself. I have taken each pill to try and feel normal. I thought I would have a lot more to say about sticking with this but, I failed. I wish I could say don’t worry, don’t hate me and keep going, but I know it will be more difficult than that. I thought I would cry more while writing this, but I can’t. I’m trying to scratch off any emotion or feeling, but I can’t feel anything anymore.

I feel a burst of anger, regret, sadness, and loss of hope. I’ve been trying to look on the bright side of things lately, but I can’t. I no longer feel invincible the way I used to feel when I was just a kid. I wish things would go back to the way they used to be. I wish I was in sixth grade again, in my old house, huddled in a corner where I felt safe at times. My room and my home. I feel hopeless and like there is no heaven. I am blessed, but not enough to stay.

I wish someone could teach me what happiness is. I like to imagine it, it would be a house close to the family, with someone who loves me and a son or daughter of mine, but that’s not how things work. Life is nothing more than a string of sadness with few “golden” moments. Those are few and far between. It is a constant battle to be happy and then you die. My golden moments are over.

It is finally time to find my peace. I want everyone to move on quickly. If it helps you cope, you can pray to my corpse. Stop by my grave and bring me lavender. Write me a letter like I used to do with you. Shout to the sky and ask me why I was selfish. All I have in my name are the pills I take and they apparently no longer work. I have a couple of bills in my wallet. Give them to my little sister

178 so she has some extra meals. Tell my friends to watch out. Be sure to cheer on Jason to finish college and work his way up to become the best lawyer the Earth ever saw. And assure Aurora that I never stopped loving her, and that I wish I could have started a family and be happily together. I wish things didn’t end. When we met, I said, “I feel like we met in another life before.” I agree with that. Maybe I’ll meet her again one day. But this life was not the right one. I’ll always be with you. Hold on, yes? I just ask one thing, don’t cry to me. With the last bit of love that I can muster. Sincerely, Adam