RAM Magazine - Issue Toru

BABY IT’S COLD OUTSIDE

WINTER ICY JACK FROST SOUP

HOT CHOCOLATE RAIN SKIING

SNUGGLE MOVIES

NIPPY PUFFA REDBANDS

CRISP

MULLEDWINE BRISK ICE

OODIE UGGBOOTS FIREPLACE BRR

President Amy Wells

Kia ora koutou whānau. Congratulations! You’ve made it to the end of term! The last few weeks of lectures are always a slog so take a moment to pat yourself on the back and take a breath before attacking your exams. A highlight of this term was graduation. You might have seen lots of people dressed up in their fancy robes, colourful hoods and funny hats. Hopefully that will be you one day! Congratulations to everyone who graduated!

I said at graduation that university is about more than getting a qualification, as much as that piece of paper is the defining aspect. Embracing uni life looks different to everyone, but if you’re not sure how to get the most

out of your time here, I have two suggestions. Firstly, make the most of the services you have available like the gym, careers advisors, learning advisors, student health, and counselling. Secondly, get involved in a club! It’s the perfect way to make new friends, learn skills and have fun.

One of the many things that occurs each year is the setting of the student services fee. We talked to over 50 students about the student services levy and over half didn’t know what the student services levy was. Check out the article in this RAM to see the results of that survey and to learn what your money is used for.

Arguably, the best part of exam season is the free food LUSA puts on during study week. Fuel the grind and get amongst it! Very soon we’ll be heading into Semester Two with an awesome Winterball being planned. We’ll also have a clubs market day which is the perfect opportunity to join some more clubs.

If you’re a postgrad, we have another PG morning tea coming up, so come along on June 15th have some kai and meet other postgrads.

If you’ve read this far, well done! With this level of commitment you’re bound to nail those exams and final assessments.

If you ever have any issues, questions, concerns or suggestions, pop into the LUSA office! All the best for your study and I hope that you take some time for yourself to recharge as well as earning money before we launch into the next semester.

VICE-President

Demetrio Cooper

A lot of what LUSA does tends to be in meetings. Here’s an insight into what I did last week:

Monday - Campus Service Council. Here we discuss changes to the Student Services Fee.

Tuesday - Faculty Teaching Commitee ESD.

Wednesday- LUSA weekly exec meeting. Learning and Teaching Committee meeting.

Thursday-LUSA Board Meeting. LUSA’s more formal monthly meeting that’s open to the public (check the website under official docs for more info). Here we decide on policy changes and make more strategic and governance decisions.

Friday- LUSA Policy SubCommittee. In this committee we review policies and then take that to LUSA’s Board Meetings for approval.

Then the fun stuff handing out donuts for pink shirt day. Worked on a lighting plan with Cam and Campbell for key areas around campus. Then wrapping the week up with a NZUSA General Election Campaign hui.

International Rep

Camabadee (Ploy) Suphakit

Big applause to everyone for making it through the busiest time of the semester! Although the exam period is stressful, keep it up, you’ve got this! For all international students who may feel a little homesick, remember, we are always here to talk. And to our new international or exchange students, we have many experiences awaiting you here at Lincoln University and in New Zealand itself! If you need any help or just want some ideas on how to get the most out of your student exchange, be sure to take part in all the events LUSA has to offer, keep up to date with all the activities and free food they provide on their glass calendar outside their office, join a LUSA club or just pop into LUSA in Grounded to chat with one of the friendly team.

If you have already experienced something exciting during your time here, then we love for you to share it with us in this little magazine in your hands, just email your story/pictures to comms@lusa.org.nz

Lastly, the holidays are coming, and if anyone is looking for holiday work or wants some ideas on what to do these holidays, then here are some

links:

~ www.sjs.co.nz

~ www.christchurchnz.com

Or check through the international magazines in the library’s kitchen, there are several advertisements in them. Another option is to go straight to the career center in the library for some advice.

All the best to everyone and have a great holiday!

Disability, edi & wellbeing rep

Cam Holmes

Semester 1 is winding down with exams starting next week and last-minute cramming for exams and assignments in full force.

I hope everyone has enjoyed this semester and if you are staying around uni or heading home for the semester break make sure you take some time to chill!

It’s been a hectic term with events such as Grad Ball, Graduation and Marama Hauora ticked off in the calendar, I know I’m ready for a break. A big highlight for me was Pink Shirt Day, it was great to see so many students and staff wearing pink and reiterating the message of

being an upstander. For everyone, exams and final assessments can be an extremely stressful time. It’s important to remember that to perform as best you can, you need to prep as best as you can, whether that’s revising or taking time to chill and reset. Some top tips from me are;

• Study in small blocks –work for 30 minutes, have a break for 5 minutes and repeat

• Create a study schedule –stick to it! This allows you to set out your day and tick off small achievable goals.

• Find a study space that works for you – everyone studies in different places, I enjoy studying while listening to some music in a very quiet space by myself (most of the time.)

• Potentially study in a group – studying with classmates can be a very good option to improve your knowledge. Everyone has a different viewpoint on course content.

Rainbow, edi & wellbeing rep

Arabella Dudfield

I hope everyone is well and staying warm as we head into the colder months. As Semester 1 draws to a close, its crunch time for assignments and exams, then onto a well-deserved break! Make sure you take time out for yourself to recharge before the start of Semester two. Marama HauroaWellbeing Month in May was hugely successful, and it was awesome to see a number of you turning up to the events and building connections with others. We had our annual Pride Walk on May 31st which commemorates the beginning of World Pride Month in June. In terms of Pride events, we have some awesome events such as:

• SPACE Movie Night: Tuesday 6th of June 7pm till 10pm

SPACE Photo Competition: Starting on Wednesday 31st of May

As well as SPACE Ball in August that was postponed from the end of May. Check out the Christchurch Pride website for more events happening in the Canterbury region.

The LUSA team is always here for you so feel free to reach out

if you have any questions or concerns.

I wish everyone the best of luck for exams and enjoy the rest of the semester. Happy Pride!

Engagement & media rep

Vivian Wang

Hey everyone, I just wanted to take a moment to say a big thank you for the incredible privilege of graduating in May. It truly felt like a blessing. As a single mom of two, this achievement means the world to me. Juggling my studies and being a parent has been tough, but I’ve embraced it with all my heart. What’s made this journey even more amazing, is the fantastic friends I’ve made along the way. Whether it was through LUSA clubs, events, or working on group projects, these friendships have stood the test of time. Even after two years since we’ve completed projects, we’re still close. What’s even better is that our kids have become friends too! We stay connected through sharing stories about work, family, and just general life, cherishing the special connections we’ve built here at LU.

I’m sure many of you can relate to the mixed emotions that come with graduation. It’s a time of looking back and celebrating our accomplishments. We’re saying goodbye to one chapter and embracing new adventures. As students, we share a bond that’s built on late-night study sessions and supporting each other through thick and thin. These friendships have made our educational journey truly special.

As we continue on our educational paths, let’s keep supporting and cheering each other on. To all the current students out there, I want to wish you the best of luck on your own educational journey. Work hard, stay dedicated, and never lose sight of your goals, remember you have a network of friends who understand the challenges you face, lean on each other, support one another, and together, you can achieve greatness.

Together, we can make a difference and create a bright future. Good luck and keep working hard!

Sustainability Rep

Sam

Dryden

Kia ora e hoa mā!

Far out... How is it the end of semester one already? I know it has been a struggle for many, but I’m so proud of everyone for making it this far. There have been so many wins along the way worth celebrating. For example, I made several new friends and strengthened the existing relationships in my life. I went on an amazing coast to coast field trip with ECOL 202, enjoyed every moment spent with the LUSA team, and soaked up the sunshine when I could.

To end this semester, AGG and LESS are also organizing some much needed plant therapy for those who need a break from study. There will be an arboretum weeding day at 11am on Thursday the 8th of June and I’d love to see you all there! Keep an eye out on LUSA’s socials for more info coming soon.

Next semester, I’m most excited about sustainability week in early August! It’s an opportunity for everyone to both improve our natural world and simply enjoy its beauty. If anyone has ideas for what they’d like to see during sustainability week, I’d love to catch up sometime. My email is Sam.Dryden@lincolnuni.ac.nz.

As for exams, I wish you all the best of luck! I’m sure you will all do fantastic! Do the mahi, get the treats, and remember to look after yourselves and each other.

What have Te Awhioraki been up to?

Tēnei mātou o Te Awhioraki e mihi kau ana ki a koutou o Te Whare Wānaka o Aoraki. E ngā mana, e ngā reo, kei konei mātou hei tiaki, hei manaaki, hei tautoko. This semester is in full swing and with exams creeping closer, it feels like the last few weeks have flown by. We have had a busy semester so far with a few events already, and plenty more instore for the year ahead! Have a read below to see what we’ve been up to lately.

There has been a lot happening over the last few weeks on campus. Te Awhioraki has been able to support our Māori tauira by providing wellbeing packs, which included everyday food items and essentials. Our recent events have also been a great success, bringing students across all year groups together within a group environment. An on-site multisport and BBQ night and a trip to the movies have been opportunities in which students have been able to meet new faces, korero with their mates and take their minds off study! Keep an eye out for any upcoming events on our Instagram page.

May was Marama Hauora, mental health month. University is a stressfull at the best of times, and we all need to remember that our health is important!

Te Whare Tapa Whā (The House with Four Walls) is the Māori holistic model of health and outlines the four dimensions of wellbeing developed by Sir Mason Durie in 1983 to provide a Māori perspective. Taha tinana (physical wellbeing), taha hinengaro (mental wellbeing), taha wairau (spiritual wellbeing), taha whānau (family wellbeing), represent the four walls of the wharenui (meeting house). The wharenui’s connection with the whenua forms the foundation for these four dimentions and signifies our connection with the land. Check out Te Awhioraki on Instagram to see our executives take on what Te Whare Tapa Whā means to them.

Kia kaha e hoa mā!

The 2023/2024 Annual General Meeting for Te Awhioraki is happening on Friday, June 2. Our Annual General Meetings are open to all tauira at Lincoln University! It is a great way to see the inner workings of our Student’s Associations and learn how to get involved

teawhioraki

teawhioraki.org.nz

for the upcoming year. The agenda for Te Awhioraki AGM will cover confirmation of minutes for the previous AGM; a presentation of annual report and financial statement; consitutional amendments/ changes; and a vote of thanks to the outgoing board members. Waiata Wednesday is your best way to meet some of the team for Te Awhioraki and practice your Te Reo Māori!

The waiata and haka session is hosted in Te Whare on Calder Drive from 1 pm – 2 pm, most Wednesdays and is open to all tauira and staff at Lincoln University. Lyrics are provided on the day for the dozen waiata and haka that we regularly practice. Never underestimate the power of singing and laughter! It is always a great time so don’t be shy, come and join us, just remember to take your shoes off at the door.

We would love to see some new faces, so feel free to call in to the whare for a kai, catch up or kōrero. We are always here for you all, if you see us around campus don’t be a stranger! You will find plenty of other Te Awhioraki members as well as the exec in the whare all the time. Nō reira, tēnei te mihi maioha kia koutou, I ngā rangi whakamua, kia kaua e wareware... kia ū, kia māia, kia manawanui ki te kaupapa! Kei ōu koutou ringaringa te ao, kia mau tō rangatiratanga!

Kia hiwa rā!

Kia hiwa rā!

Ka tipu, ka rea, ka whanake ake te rākau mātauraka

Ko tōna pakia ka, he waewae haere

Ko tōna kaupapa, he takata ora

Plant, nurture and grow the tree of knowledge. Whose roots allow it to move freely. Whose purpose is to support healthy people.

WINTER WELLNESS PHRASES

WINTER SURVIVAL tips

Officially the Wintergeddonapocalypse 2023 has commenced. Lasting from June till September, meterorologists prepare for excessive amounts of device time.

Winter in the South Island has some of the lowest temperatures, getting down to minus 5 degrees. So here are some tips so you don’t freeze your balls of this Winter.

1. Winterise your flat; get some cute snake draft guards for those sneaky gaps under your doors. They also make for great whacking sticks to stop your flatmate snoring.

2. Get a puffa jacket for your cat. Noone likes a cold pussy.

3. Determine which family members you will eat. If trapped by snow for more

than two days, you may need to decide which family member the rest will eat in order to survive. It’s best to make those plans now when you can do it rationally and without letting emotions get in the way during a crisis.

4. Don’t leave any part of your body exposed to the cold air, not even your face. This will also help with the above, as members may see how tasty some parts of you look.

5. Get a sled, a big red sack, a reindeer and call it a day.

6. Ask “How’s this weather?” over and over again. This will help make decision number 3 easier for the rest of the family.

7. Prepare entertainment. Remember, if the power goes out, you won’t be able to access Netflix, Spotify if

your devices go flat. So prepare for some non-electric based entertainment. Like puppets or something. I don’t know what people did for fun in the dark ages, but I assume puppets were involved.

8. Mock people. If you are from the South, now is your opportunity to make fun of and be condescending to your Nothern neighbours. Make as many insulting, rude and annoying statements about how they just don’t understand what cold is really like and that it’s quaint that they react to winter weather the way we do. JAFFA’s love that.

9. Last but not leastdon’t eat yellow snow.

PICS...

Untitled Poem No. 11

By James M.B

Where someone says As Darwish had prayed, You became like the coffee, Where you awake me, The bittersweet créma, in front of me, Deliciousness, just by smelling it, the shallow cup, where stains were left. A bitter aftertaste yet it was so addicting. You yourself. What a mess. Anyways, it left a stain, the small old wooden table, unconquered and pain. Cover it with a coaster, as fast. Aghast! Don’t let it slip away.

WED - NES - DAY

Today I woke up to a sore head I stagger out of bed I wish I could be Wed Nes Day Because then I could wear pink And I wouldn’t be on the brink Of crying into the sink, Every day that is not Wed Nes Day

JAPANESE EXCHANGE STUDENT IN NZ

By Mami Imami

I’m an exchange student from Nara Women’s University, Japan. Nara is the oldest capital city in Japan. One of the biggest temples in the world is in Nara, and you can also see the oldest Buddha there too!

It’s so rewarding that I get to look back at my time at Lincoln University, and recognize my own inner changes and to compare my time here with the time spent at my own university. Here, we take fewer courses per semester, which allows us to learn the subjects more in-depth. My university back in Japan, offers a variety of lectures which are all theory-based.

During my time at Lincoln, I was studying environmental studies. Every course I’m taking here comprised of theoretical lectures and hands-on exercises, which were exciting to me. Not only the lecturers but the students around helped me learn many new things. I am now trying to stop setting limits and have started thinking in a positive way, as much as possible.

Another pleasure of my exchange time here as a student, has been is traveling around New Zealand. I have visited some well-known places in the South Island, such as Milford Sounds, Mt. Cook etc. I’ve enjoyed this time here as a treat, and it has helped me realise how beautiful New Zealand is. I love the LU campus, surrounded by amazing farms and beautiful nature.

KOREAN Food & Culture

By Hayoung Moon

Korean culture is widely associating with Korean food. Most of you have probably heard of a food called ‘kimchi’. Kimchi is the most famous traditional fermented food, and many traditional Korean recipes use fermented ingredients. In particular, Jeollanam-do in Korea is called the “Hometown of Taste” and is the most famous region where you can taste various traditional foods.

Among Jeollanam-do, Jeonju is a place where you can experience not only the traditional taste of Korea, but also traditional costumes and games. So it is often recommended as a first-time travel destination. Seoul, which many people know, is usually the reason for visiting Korea, along with its provinces and to experience the food, culture and attractions.

The area I recommend as a tourist destination iscalled Jeonju Hanok Village. In Jeonju Hanok Village, you can feel the depth of taste with a different charm from New Zealand, where simple meals are the main focus. Here, you can enjoy Korean food and make Korean memories by wearing the traditional costume, Hanbok. Additionally, there are two big holidays in Korea, one is the Korean Lunar New Year and Chuseok. In Korea, it is also a tradition for many houses to make their own food as holiday food and on New Year’s Day, we eat rice cake soup, sikhye, japche, and jeon, and on Chuseok, we eat songpyeon, Korean sweets, and jeon.

There are so many food experiences in Korea, that I recommend you you must experience it for yourself!

COUCH GAMING SESH

Finally the season for oodies, pillow forts and big fluffy blankets has arrived. What better way to spend it than destroying your friends in games from the comfort of your own couch! As an epic gamer, I of course know the best games for such an occassion. Welcome to Ness’ fun multiplayer couch game picks!

If you think that monopoly is the ultimate friendship breaker, then you definitely haven’t played Ultimate Chicken Horse. The goal is to reach the flag on the other side of the map with your little animal friend. This should be a simple enough task...if every other player wasn’t actively trying to sabotage you by placing deadly obsticles on the route there.

ULtimate chicken horse

It’s just a silly game for you and your silly friends. Much like JackBox, you use your phones and your wit to play. Dub over foriegn movie clips, fill in silly prompts and bamboozle everyone into picking your answer over the real one. Fun to play in person, or over discord!

USE your words

Imagine tetris but the blocks have physics. Now imagine this gravity tetris game, but it’s a highly competitive race to the top. That’s Tricky Towers! Fun for all ages, and even funner to ruin your friend’s day by knocking over their delicately built towers with comedically large blocks, pianos and slippery ice blocks.

tricky towers screen cheat

Have you ever played with someone who is *definitely* not looking at your side of the split screen, but somehow always knows exactly where you are? Well here’s the game for them! All player models are invisible, and the only way to find anyone’s position is by looking at their screen. Hunt down and murder your friends with this high pressure, highly streesful game. Good luck keeping track of everyone!

Welp, what’s on the tin is what you get with this one. Genital. Jousting. Must I say more? Grow and shrink your little wanger, and wrestle all the other falices out of the ring. With multiplayer options to let you play as the balls or the tip, there’s a role for everyone. Now wiggle that willy until you win!

Genital Jousting

Ōtoromiro Hotel - Day Trip

52 Main Road Governors Bay, Christchurch

On a cold winters day the fire will always be going at Governor’s Bay’s, Ōtoromiro Hotel. With its snug bar, pool table, giant chessboard, jukebox, and collection of board games, you’ll be set to settle in for the afternoon. Their gastropub fare, fish and chips, as well as award-winning wines, and plenty of craft beers. It would be rude not to!

On a clear day, the sun-soaked decks overlook stunning views of the Lyttelton Harbour, which providing the perfect spot for a long brunch. If you’re charmed enough to stay, enquire about the Ōtoromiro Hotel’s seaside guest rooms and wake up with stunning views.

The Best Hot Chocolates in Town

Christchurch City YOUR YARNS

Warm yourself up in the sweetest way. From classic to experimental flavours, there’s something for every taste bud. Here are a couple of places across Christchurch where you’ll find the most yummy hot chocolates to warm you up.

Majestic Tea Bar

The beautifully decorated cafés around Christchurch (including Prebbleton) offer a range of delicious hot chocolates made with real Belgian chocolate, including classic, dark, and white chocolate options.

Photo courtesy of North South Holiday Park

She Chocolaterie

If you’re a fan of boutique chocolate shops, then She Chocolaterie is the perfect place for you. Their hot chocolates are made with premium Belgian chocolate and come in a range of flavours, including salted caramel and hazelnut. They also offer decadent packaged chocolates and also vegan chocolates.

Little Poms

Little Poms is a warm and welcoming spot that serves up some of the finest hot chocolates in town. Made with the key ingredient - real chocolate, their hot cocoa comes in a variety of options, such as hazelnut and salted caramel. They also offer great brunches to go alongside your hot chocolate from locally sourced, organic artisan producers.

Mountain Biking

Ōtautahi, Christchurch

Christchurch has a huge range of vast natural landscapes to race up and down. Whether it be through a forest, down the Port Hills or an uphill climb, Ōtautahi, is the ultimate bikers playground on a crisp winters day.

Bottle Lake Forest

15 minutes north of the CBD is this working forest has 6 easy trails that create a 10km inner loop. It’s a great spot to build fitness with a range of long and short mountain bike tracks suitable all ages and levels of fitness.

Adventure Park

With 44 trails and a year-round lift, there are rides

for every ability. From flowing green trails to technical double blacks, the Adventure Park experience is yours for the making. Not only are you in for an epic mountain bike ride but there’s also ziplining, signseeing adventures, walking tracks, and a Cafe nestled in the Pine forest for an after ride pizza and beer!

Crocodile Cross Country (XC) MTB Park Trail

This fun cross-country trail system in the Halswell Quarry, is the perfect spot to advance your skills. There are 8 comfortable green trails to explore for beginners, and intermediate to advanced riders have 17 trails to play with. There are even a few black diamond runs for more expert riders. The system is spread over the hill side, so you’ll be running on pedal power for short uphill climbs on some tracks.

Austin Club - Nightlife

Basement Bar 236 High Street, Christchurch

Tucked away down a dark alley, underground with password-only access - this cozy, home away from home bar offers cocktails galore, classy live music alongside an intimate and sophisticated atmosphere. Grab the password from their website and social media and head down to this hidden gem that makes you want to stay until closing time.

Wallabie Hunting Trip Wallabie Hunting Trip

The second Club Hunt for the year snuck up on us and was bashing on the door. This time we headed down to the Hakataramea area to hunt wallabies. ‘Hunt’ might be an understatement for one group, it may as well have been classed as a ‘shoot’! The LU Hunting Club had access to four different farms in the area. This should have meant that the total number of wallabies should have been a lot higher, but that was to be said elsewhere.

We had access to the farms on the 13th and 14th of May. Three trucks headed to each farm, either with 4 or 5 people per truck. Some of the groups were lucky enough to get permission to head to the farms on Friday evening. Hurstlea station and half of Station Peak shot down on Friday night. This was going to prove very beneficial for Hurstlea Station. Arriving at roughly 8:15 pm, we dropped all our gear and shot into the hills. We had two trucks full, one good spotlight (and one average one), and a thermal to top it off. As it was

our first time on the farm for everyone. We were all unsure of what to expect.

We had a bit of a slow start, bumping into a few wallabies but not managing to get a shot away. We eventually found some on one of the hillsides. So, the .243 was put into action, drilling the first wallaby of the trip. After that first shot and shots did not stop for the rest of the evening. Taking down about 25 wallabies that night and countless numbers of hares.

The next day was proving to be very slow with not much action happening. We caught up with the owner of the station, which proved beneficial for us as he permitted us to hunt on the home block. So, the decision was made to have an early dinner and head out spotlighting before it got dark. After having an early dinner, everyone loaded into the trucks and we headed down to the home block. We went around the block trying to find any wallabies we could. We managed to pick up a

handful before we decide to head back to where we were the night prior. As we were leaving the home block we bumped into a young fallow buck on the road, which was nice to see. When we got back to the main block, we headed up to where we were the night before. Long and behold the wallabies were all back in the same area as the night before! Guns started blazing and empty shells started landing across the back of the truck and rolling down the windscreen! The night was proving to be very successful! We managed to find a few more paddocks that we did not hunt the night before, which were holding good numbers. With the number of wallabies that we were seeing and the amount

of shooting that was happening, the ammunition stock was slowly dwindling, to the point, we were trying to find spares in any of the trucks! We eventually wrapped up the spotlighting and called it a night due to practically running out of ammunition! The evening did not finish there and ran into the early hours of Sunday morning, with everyone getting up well after the planned time. All in all, everyone had an awesome trip, and nearly everyone at Hurstlea Station who had not got a wallaby before now had.

The official count for Hurstlea was 70 wallabies and a whole heap of hares!

LAB SURF Trip

By Callum Jamie

Over the weekend of the 20th of May, we sealed the deal on our inaugural LAB trip.

With a slight drizzle to start off the morning, stoke levels were high as we loaded our roofs with boards of all kinds and departed the big city of Christchurch. In strict accordance to speed limits, we boosted up the coast to Kaikoura to get into the surf before the wind was expected to pick up in the afternoon. Always a nerve-racking experience. All doubts were put to sleep when we got to the break and humbly observed some positively pumping surf. Some of us made it out easily, some of us didn’t, and decided to take up a secondary career choice of photography from the beach.

Following a very fun surf, the fish and chip store didn’t know what was coming as we bombarded

their establishment with an ungodly amount of hunger that needed to be remedied to fuel the evenings antics. Retreating back to the woolshed we were kindly allowed to stay in, we settled in with a social beverage or two.

Accompanied by some mellow tunes provided by one of LAB’s own (who thought it appropriate to bring decks and speakers to a camping trip), we boogied into the night. The next morning saw some tired faces, but no less excitement. Another surf in some slightly smaller waves welcomed almost all members into the water, while some(one) decided to get some seriously deep sleep on the beach. An all round good time made up from a fantastic crew, fantastic swell, and fantastic planning - thanks to everyone for coming along and keep an eye out for some more events as we tackle on some high altitude surfing this winter.

The LU Parent Society is excited to share news that we’ve been chosen to perform at this year’s CultureFest. Which is a free family event held annually, designed to celebrate `Selwyn’s diversity through cultural performances. Our kids have been working hard, learning different dances, and their `happy faces show how proud they are of all their work so far. We know that being a student, a parent, and also whilst working can be challenging, but when we come together as a club, we have the chance to relax and share in similar experiences. Whether it be day-to-day tasks or life-changing events, we are there to support each other through good times and the bad. Together, we’ve created a place where we can share our experiences, wisdom, and friendship.

CultureFest will be held on Sunday 10th of September at the Lincoln Domain and is a special time to come together, learn, and celebrate the growing cultural diversity in Selwyn while our kids can show off their talents in celebration. Your support means a lot to us and helps us create a welcoming and inclusive environment for our children to thrive. So, we invite everyone to join us at Culturefest!

Speed Shear

By Claire McFetridge

On the 13th of May, shearers, young farmers, and city-goers alike, flocked to the Famous Grouse Hotel to see some of the best in the business peel out a hogget, as fast and as clean as they could. They did not disappoint in the LU Young Farmers Speed Shear.

It was awesome to have a great range of talent, from beginners in their first competition to seasoned professionals, getting up on the truck and showing off how good it is to crank a handpiece. It was an epic night for the club, and we are always grateful that we get to show the community a little about what rural New Zealand is about. The atmosphere was buzzing and it was pretty exciting to be part of it!

We raised about $3,000 in club funds which go back into club events, trips, and supporting our members. We must thank all our sponsors. We couldn’t host this event without their support. Kudos particularly to the Famous Grouse Hotel, who are fantastic hosts of this event year after year, and of course a massive congratulations to our winners on the night. Also thanks to our sub-committee members. These guys did all the leg work behind the scenes, setting up, and finding sponsors. Also, a big thanks goes to Dave Langley. This guy is always our biggest fan of this event, providing everything we need to ensure the night runs as smoothly as it does.

This event is always a highlight of the year for the LU Young Farmers Club and it’s especially great to see our community get involved and be part of our club if, for only a night

We have a few more events coming up that you don’t want to miss out on like our Hunting Competition and Bark Up! As always anyone is welcome to come along to our meetings and it’s definitely is not too late to join!

Doggy Day Care

By Shayla Rigg

Lincoln University Student Volunteer Army runs events that help local charities through volunteering. This year, we’ve had some amazing events like the Selwyn Dinner and The Big Give with UC SVA. Recently 12 volunteers from LU SVA headed out to Dogwatch Sanctuary Trust in Bromley to help with yard maintenance. They were able to make a great difference to the dog runs!

The Dog Watch Sanctuary has been in existence since 1982 and relies heavily on community support and donations to run. Dog Watch Sanctuary focuses on rescuing, retraining, and rehoming abandoned and surrender dogs within the Christchurch and Selwyn community. A group of volunteers tirelessly work to support the small team of paid staff members to create the best possible environment for dogs in need.

At the end of the event, volunteers were lucky enough to meet Rocco, a 7-year-old Shar Pei cross and Kora, a Beardie x Labrador. A special thanks to Patricia from Dog Watch Sanctuary for enabling us to come volunteer and Lincoln University AGLS for the transport for our volunteers.

UTE MADDNESS

When Townies Embrace their Inner “Farmer”

Welcome to the hilarious world of townies and their extraordinary quest to become instant farmers by driving utes. Yes, folks, it’s as absurd as it sounds. Strap in for a satirical journey as we unravel the comical illusions these wannabe farmers create.

Ute Mania - The Fashion Frenzy

Behold the spectacle of townies with their freshly polished utes, sporting new wool jumpers and RM Williams hats, like they just stepped out of a Swanndri commercial. They’ve mastered the art of

Ute Tax - When grown men cry

If you love driving a ute, the only thing better than a Hilux is watching grown men cry about having to pay extra for their Hilux. We all know about the ute tax starting from $3,100 for utes and going up to $5,175. I have a better idea, why don’t we just raise the tax even higher? Yes, you heard me right. Let’s raise the tax to $10,000 right now, and then keep raising it every year until it reaches $30,000 or more. If we raise the tax so high that no one can afford to buy or drive a ute anymore, then we’ll have no more emissions from utes at all. Problem solved! And not only that, but we’ll also have more money for the government to spend on other things like health care, education,

looking the part, but alas, a wardrobe and a shiny vehicle do not make you a farmer. Watch them stumble through conversations about crop rotation and livestock, armed with nothing more than a few buzzwords they picked up from LINC101. It’s a sight to behold as they attempt to mask their lack of genuine experience with theatrical flair. Let’s bid farewell to the townies and their ute-driven fantasies and raise a toast to the real farmers, the unsung heroes who work tirelessly to nourish the world. And a note to the townies, ‘it’s okay to enjoy the perks of city living without pretending to be what you’re not. Hop in your regular car, wear whatever suits your fancy, and if you want to experience the countryside, take a stroll through a local farmers’ market, the authentic townie way!

infrastructure, and maybe even some subsidies for electric and hybrid vehicles. And if we’re really lucky, maybe they’ll even lower our income taxes or GST as a reward for our sacrifice. Sounds like a win-win situation to me. So what do you say? Are you with me on this? Let’s make New Zealand the first country in the world to have a $30k ute tax! It’ll be fun!

‘WE’RE NOT COPING’

By Jay McKendrey

Over the last few weeks (and years), I have been in many conversations with my fellow postgrads and one thing is clear, WE ARE NOT COPING! To put it nicely, this year has ruined us mentally.

From all the conversations we’ve had, one thing has become apparent and that’s ‘mental health’ and ‘postgrads’. Summarised with the two questions (that we fleshed out):

1. “Is mental illness a prerequisite for being a postgrad?”

2. “Is being a postgrad a mental illness in itself?”

I know it might sound a bit crazy or stupid to ponder these two questions, but amongst all the postgrads I’ve talked too, (some of you readers), there are many shared symptoms.

The main points around postgrad being a ‘mental illness’ isn’t necessarily the most accurate statement, with a more correct analysis being that postgrads and this year, has accelerated or allowed our mental health issues to present and become much more forefront.

Questioning your entire university career and

Did you know there is a special, quiet, study space, just for Postgrads?

It’s just here!

Upstairs on the 1st floor of Forbes, past Grounded cafe through the double doors.

choices has not been uncommon amongst us. For one whole week I questioned why I went into biochemistry and didn’t go into consumer science (social).

I think that the easiest way to sum up postgrad-life is that I we’re overwhelmed. Remember, you are not the only one going through this! This year I have found that other friends and students are much more open to talking about their wellbeing once someone brings up the topic , which is great. Talking does help, be it with friends or staff or someone in a professional setting.

The university has a wellbeing team with amazing staff who are there to talk (for free), and Student Health has counsellors that are available to talk to (Domestic students get it for free and international students could have some costs). I personally find Erica (at Student Health) amazing to talk to, her counselling style suits me the best and she is lovely. Just remember that there are different counselling styles, so one might not be right for you, but don’t give up trying to get help, you might just have to try someone new. All the counsellors are awesome so just reach out.

POSTGRAD SPACE

The Student Experience Team is here to help advocate for all Lincoln University students. We want you to have a positive and distinctive experience that meets your unique needs. There are 10 of us in the team, led by Janelle Blythe, Student Experience Manager. Our main responsibilities include, but are not limited to:

• Facilitating student general information enquiries through the University main reception in Hudson, email and phone.

Greeting from Student Experience Facilitators!

Kia Ora koutou! We’re the Student Experience Facilitator team! We’re current students on campus that work with the Student Experience team. If you’re in your first year, you might recognise some of us from your Respectfully Lincoln workshop. As facilitators, we are part of some awesome mahi around campus around all things anti-discrimination and safe and inclusive behaviours. If you have any ideas about things you would like to see around campus, or you’re interested to know more about the role, get in touch with Alex Michel-Smith (Safer Communities Programme Advisor) at experience@lincoln.ac.nz

• Managing current student communications via email and engagement through Raftr.

• Organising the Transition to University activities (i.e. orientation/student buddies).

Leading proactive student education initiatives (i.e. Respectfully Lincoln/Matapaki Ka Tahi).

• Involving students’ voices in decision-making and acting on student feedback and concerns ia surveys, student groups (i.e., Te Roopu Wheako Tauira) and workshops.

• Partnering with tauira and the wider Uni to put student experience initiatives into action.

• Providing pastoral care and support to international students.

We would love to hear about your experiences at Lincoln Uni, whether it be about orientation, events, learning, accommodation, support or catering services. Anything that’s important to you is important to us!

Email us via experience@lincoln.ac.nz, come over to the Hudson building or just say “kia ora!” when you see us on campus.

Top tips on how you can be an Upstander at Lincoln University

• Look after yourself and your mates.

• Say something if you see someone bullying, harassing or gossiping about other people.

• Respect your mate’s privacy. If you have pictures or videos of them that they might find embarrassing, keep it to yourself or delete it.

• Show manaakitaka and whanaukataka to everyone on campus.

Student initiative (NZ Sign Language Week at LU)

New Zealand Sign Language (NZSL) week was the 8th-14th of May. Emily who is helping with Student Buddy programme and Iconic initiated the idea to encourage more LU whānau to grow awareness and participate in NZSL week. NZSL week was promoted around LU campus by encouraging students and staff to learn how to sign for their coffee order. Twenty lucky individuals received $10 vouchers to the cafes on campus!

Although NZSL Week is over for the year, there is never a better time to start learning than today! Why not learn how to sign your name, or basic directions. Maybe even get a group of friends together to learn, what better way to communicate in a loud party or even through a window!

By the LUICS Executive Team

Congratulations to our winners of the Spicy Noodle Challenge’ held on the 12th of May. Thank you to all attendees, sponsors, and to everyone involved that made this event run smoothly. We are glad to have created an annual event for all students to join in and make great connections with international students and learn about different cultures through interactive activities.

This year we had one of the biggest turnouts for the Lincoln University International and Cultural Society (LUICS). Spicy Night 2023 saw in the final round; of intense heat, weak knees, sweaty palms, dizzy heads, and scorching lips...

Riley Cole- the man, the myth, the legend was crowned first place. He had quietly beaten the other three participants that had also made it into the final round. Yang Liu, Samuel Walker, and Daniel Benedikt were struggling to keep up with Riley.

Determination was strong from all but eventually, Yang Liu and Samuel Walker took their positions in second and third, respectively.

Getting through the final round was no easy feat, to say the least! There were 3 levels of spiciness to complete as fast as you could, to beat the others, and to then take your spot in the top 4.

You wouldn’t believe how spicy the last round was, but everyone managed to finish it, with the help of our wonderful crowd cheering them on at every round. And for that, in return, some lucky audience members had the chance to win raffle prizes and enjoyed their night catching up with friends and getting to know some new people.

Congratulations to the raffle winners: Samuel Walker, Florencia Lodia, Emily Daguchi, Taiga Saito, and Anup Neupane.

We hope everyone had a chance to use up all the prizes, and for those who did not one or missed out on the Spicy Night, we’ve already started working out something bigger and better for our next event!

MEET THE RAM CLUB EXEC

President

Hi guys, my name is Vivian. It’s a privilege to work the rest of our exec team and to look after RAM Club. We are dedicated to bringing more creativity and free food on campus. So please, join us on Qpay.

Vice President

Hello my name is Sahiti, I’m the Vice President for RAM Club this year. I’m in my fourth year at LU, graduated with a Bsc in Food Science, and now doing my masters in Food Innovation. I’m a part of various LUSA Clubs including RAM, LUICS, AGLS, and TIB. You’ll see me around campus during club events, or in undergrad labs as a lab demonstrator, or probably as your Student Experience facilitator for Respectfully Lincoln, if you’re a first year!

Secretary

Hi I’m Jay.

Are you Enrolled to Vote?

By Amy Wells

Treasurer

Hi, I’m Tash please sign up and be part of history by leaving your stamp in a Lincoln Uni RAM edition. Once printed you can keep a cool nostalgic and tangible RAM magazine to look back on in years to come, and remember all the things you got up to during your time here at Lincoln.

RAM is a great space to express yourself!

For many of us at university, this year will be the first time we get to vote in the general elections.

It’s easy to check if you’re enrolled to vote by heading to vote.nz/enrolling and where it says, “I want to check or update” click “check online”. Enter your details and you’ll be able to see if you’re enrolled. It pays to check your address so that your easy vote card doesn’t go to your old flat.

FUN FACT: On average it takes voters under the age of 25 just 4-5 minutes to enrol online using their driver licence. This is faster than any other age group.

The 2023 General Election will be held on Saturday 14th

October 2023 with advance voting starting on Monday 2nd October. By voting you get a say in who represents us in Parliament making laws and decisions that affect our everyday lives.

Here at LUSA we know this is all a bit new and can be overwhelming. So to make the process easier, we’re working with the uni to have a voting station available on campus.

We’re also going to be inviting all the candidates standing in Selwyn to speak in an election debate here on campus on September 27th at 1 pm.

Bright idea to Dream career

Just Laugh!

Everybody knows that laughing feels good, but few realise how valuable these simple tools can be in improving our everyday wellness and wellbeing. Laughter cannot heal or solve anything, but it can help to heal and dissolve everything. Did you know that there are several community groups around the world known as Laughter Clubs, who regularly practice simple international laughter techniques that promote wellness and overall well-being?

World Laughter Day is celebrated on the first Sunday of May every year. In 1998, the first celebration took place in Mumbai, India. It was arranged by Dr Madan Kataria founder of the worldwide Laughter Yoga movement.

As we know that when we laugh we feel good and no doubt laughing is a way to relieve some stress and pain. World Laughter Day is a day to raise awareness about laughter and its several healing benefits.

Laughing helps relieve stress and tension, boosts your oxygen intake, and can actually help improve your immune system.

Check out these tips to get laughing:

• If you’re having a hard time laughing, try starting with a smile. Even a fake smile can

trick your body into feeling happier, which can make it easier to slip into laughter. Train yourself to smile as you’re working, even a fake laugh can sometimes encourage real giggles. When you’re alone at your flat, or when you’re driving to uni, try laughing a few times as realistically as you can.

• If you’re feeling down, search “funny videos” on YouTube. Click on the first thing that gets your attention- you can find everything from silly pets to compilations of pranks. Chances are, it won’t take long before you’re chuckling to yourself, and a belly laugh might just be close behind.

• Try not to be self-conscious about your laugh, even if it’s especially unique. As long as you’re laughing for the right reasons, there’s no reason to hold back when you get the giggles. In fact, if your laugh really stands out, it might make the people around you laugh even more.

There is no need to wait until the World’s Laughter Day to come! Go on, smile and laugh with your friends. You know you looks better when you smile!

YOUR YARNS

Experience Art

By Zara Weissenstein

Albert Einstein once stated that creativity is intelligence having fun. Through time, many havediscovered the value of allowing the brain to “have fun” in developing our minds in various different ways.

Art is said to have many effects on our lives, such as relieving stress and improving communication. It helps us express ourselves in ways we otherwise could not, and thus is used as a form of therapy for various reasons. Art therapy combines diverse creative techniques to properly express emotions that could otherwise not be communicated. Artistic creation is said to have therapeutic value both for people who are healing and those who are simply looking to understand themselves on a higher level.

You don’t have to create art yourself, however, to experience its power; simply viewing art activates parts of our brains that would otherwise remain unused. Some even say that experiencing art is like a workout for your mind, simply because it activates thoughts, memories, images, etc. in our brain.

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The experience of art is unique to each viewer as no one person is the same with the same experiences and perceptions as any other person. Art can make us feel one way or another, however, everyone will interpret it slightly differently, which is the beauty of the practice. This is also why it does not take some miraculous gift to produce art, it is individual. It is in the mind - a muscle that you exercise and develop, to produce an image that means something.

Various studies state that art improves the mind, suggesting that one should partake in creating or just viewing art, to experience these effects for oneself. No matter what age you are, the benefits of art can only help, whether it be with early development, study, and learning, or in later years.

So pick up a pencil or paintbrush and create something that speaks to you, or head to an art gallery to experience what other individuals are saying through their own art. Because it can only do you good.

Emily Osborne

Daniel Cresswell

Zara Weissenstein

Last December, four of us; students and chaplains from Lincoln Uni, privately visited the Stockton Mine, courtesy of a local tour company.

Our tour left to head to Stockton Mine in the morning from the main Buller town of Westport and we returned six hours later. Upon arrival, we received an informative commentary on the areas we just traveled en route to the mine, including the many Maori place names and their meanings, plus their associated historical, geographical, botanical, and geological appropriateness.

The Stockton Mine is NZ’s largest open-cast mine. The coal produced there is mainly exported to Asia and other far distant steel manufacturers. The mine and coal fields are located on the Buller plateau at altitudes between 500 and 1,100 meters above sea level. The transport provided by the tour company was an ex-army vehicle capable of handling the mine’s terrain, with its steep in -

clines and rugged surfaces. The steep ascents and descents were a bit out of our comfort zones, but they were well handled by the driver and vehicle. With all of us from Lincoln, this was our first time visiting any form of a coal mine. We were supplied with safety helmets and very photogenic (you judge) apparel! Upon receiving information on the mine’s activities, we then toured much of the vast area. Stockton Mine is 22.9 square kilometers of coal mining, processing, transportation, and operations.

We observed an extensive array of (mainly huge) equipment and vehicles utilised in the mine’s operations. An interesting aspect of the tour was seeing the huge effort being expended by the mine’s operator, to remediate and rehabilitate particular areas of the land, following the completion of coal extraction there.

The objective seemed to be to contour the land appropriately and then replenish the mined areas

with native planting that prevails in that location. Given the altitude and local climate, this is a complex and lengthy task, however, we saw plenty of evidence that the land was indeed being restored to its original state, including the vegetation. Other aspects of environmental care were evident, such as the neutralisation of acidic liquids before they came into contact with adjacent waterways.

We were lucky to be welcomed with a beautiful summery day and were able to combine a unique tourism experience with a first-hand learning experience in an active coal mine in New Zealand. The tour company describes this tour as “mining and tourism, working together” and we felt that was a good description. For more info about this tour, head to www.outwest.co.nz

Dinners of Selwyn

Monday 17 July, 6–7.30pm

West Melton Community and Recreation Centre

Matariki signals the Māori New Year and is considered a time of celebration and renewal. It begins with the rising of the Matariki star cluster which appears mid-winter. This year we’re celebrating the Tupuārangi star connected to everything that grows in our trees and forests.

Dinners of Selwyn is a celebration of diversity, great food and meeting others’ from your local community.

Bring a dish connected to Tupuārangi (fruit and/or berries) and enjoy a shared meal with new friends!

Hear from local community gardens about the winter produce they are harvesting and cooking, plus find out how to get involved.

To find out more and secure a spot, visit selwyn.govt.nz/matariki

Lincoln University

Food and Fibre Awards and Networking Dinner

Friday 11 August 2023, 5.30pm - 10.30pm

• Celebrate student success

• Meet industry representatives

• Hear from guest speakers

Book your ticket at www.lincoln.ac.nz/food-and-fibre

RAM went about some very serious detective work through no other than an Instagram Poll, covering the important issues of no other than toilet etiquite aomong fellow LU students. Below are the published results on how dirty you really are!

SALAD THAT DOESN’T TASTE LIKE SALAD

By Emily Osborne

INGREDIENTS DIRECTIONS

Salad

• ¼ medium cabbage

½ telegraph cucumber

• ½ large red onion (equivalent to 1 small red onion)

• 1 apple

Dressing

• 1/3 cup olive oil

• 1/3 cup apple cider vinegar

• ¼ cup of apple juice (can substitute 2 tbsp of Apple Puree*)

• x2 big handfuls of spinach (can substitute 3-4 lumps of Frozen Spinach if using a blender)

• x2 cloves of garlic (2 Tsp of crushed garlic)

1 TBSP Dijon mustard

• salt and pepper to taste (I like about a ½ Tsp of both)

• corn chips (to serve)

Equipment

• chopping board

• knife

• bowl

• spoon

Salad Method

1. Wash all the fruit and vegetables.

2. Cut the cabbage into 1 cm pieces.

3. Cut the cucumber in half and deseed it using a teaspoon. Then dice into 1 cm pieces.

4. Peel (if desired) and dice the apple into 1 cm pieces.

5. Dice the red onion into 1 cm pieces. Place into a separate bowl and cover with cold water and a couple ice cubes while you make the dressing. This removes some of the harsh flavours.

6. Drain the onion, and mix everything together. Add the dressing, mix again. Serve with corn chips for a great way to get your 5+ a day!

Dressing method – No blender

1. Chop the spinach into the smallest pieces you can. If you think its too small, it is not. Keep going.

2. Mince the garlic.

3. Combine ingredients in a mixing bowl. Wisk vigorously.

Dressing method – Blender

1. Put everything in the blender and blend!

*Baby food apple puree works great. It comes in small packs, and only contains apple. No added sugar!

VEGE LASAGNA THAT TASTES GOOOOD!

By Jay McKendrey

INGREDIENTS DIRECTIONS

Veges (aim for a 10L pot full of ¾ veges)

• 2 or 3 purple kumara

• 1/2 pumpkin (skin removed)

1 broccoli (including stalk)

• ½ swede

• 2 or 3 parsnip

• 4 or 5 yams

• 10 brussel sprouts (quartered)

1 cauliflower (including stalk)

• 2 vegetable stock cubes

• 1L pasta sauce

Bechamel Sauce butter

• flour

• milk

• 500g grated cheese or ricotta

• lasagne sheets (no pre-cooking required)

Equipment

• chopping board

• knife

• 10L pot

• grater

• saucepan

• wooden spoon

Preheat oven to 180°C.

1. Chop veges up to be roughly even in size, with pumpkin a little bigger.

2. Put all the veg into the 10L pot and cover with water (so that the veg is only just covered).

3. Add stock cubes and 3 pinches of salt.

4. Boil at a medium/high temperature until boiling then lower temperature to medium.

5. Cook until veg is cooked through, drain liquid, and set aside.

Bechamel Sauce (white cheese sauce)

Follow a 1:1:10 ratio, butter: flour: milk.

1. Melt butter in saucepan over low heat.

2. Stir in the flour and cook until frothy.

3. Remove from heat and slowly add milk, stirring constantly.

4. Return to heat and cook, stirring till sauce thickens.

5. Fold in the cheese and cook for another 2 mins until it has melted, then season with salt and pepper to taste. Set aside till assembly.

Assemble to bake

1. Pour a layer of pasta sauce into the dish, follow by a layer of lasagna sheets, add 1/3 of the bechamel and spread across the pasta, follow with a generous layer of vegetables.

2. Repeat these steps and top off with a bit more grated cheese.

3. Cook until the lasagna top is golden and a knife can easily slide through the middle.

NANNY DAPH’S TOMATO STEW WITH DUMPLINGS

By Faye White

My Nan used to make this banging stew on a Sunday that the whole family would come around for. When she died it turned out that no one had the recipe, so, I spent years trying to recreate it and now I make it regularly to warm hearts. Times are tough, and the bank balance is low, so this is not only good for the tummys but also for the bank balance. Share aroha and save money!

INGREDIENTS DIRECTIONS

Stew

• 2 tbsp butter

• 2-3 tbsp plain flour 1/4 pumpkin (skin removed)

• 2 carrots

• 2 white onions

• 1 or 2 parsnips

• 2 or 3 celery sticks

3-4 potatoes

• 1 leek (all of it)

• 2 bay leaves

• Salt and Pepper

• 1 can campbells condensed tomato soup (do not substitute)

• veggie stock cubes in boiling water

• seasoning (see picture)

Dumplings

• Atora Vegetable Shredded Suet (see pic) (English section at some New Worlds)

• or Jamie Olivers Dumplings recipejamieoliver.com/recipes/bread-recipes /dumplings/

Equipment

• 1 large frying pan

• slow cooker or big croc pot for the oven

• large oven dish

Preheat oven to 180°C.

1. Put butter in a massive frying pan and heat.

2. Cut up all the veg (but set the potatoes aside).

3. Put all the veg and flour (except potatoes!) into the frying pan and cook for about 8 minutes until slightly softened, stir regularly. (You are not actually cooking them just warming them to get a thick floury buttery coating).

4. Transfer to slow cooker.

5. Add tomato soup, seasoning and veggie stock. Add boiling water until about 1 inch from the top.

6. Turn the heat on high let cook for 1.5 hours. Do not let it boil, if it’s boiling turn it down.

7. At 1.5 hours add the potatoes. Cook for another 1hr.

8. Prep your dumplings and put them in when the potatoes have had an hour.

9. Give it 30 mins more, turn the dumplings halfway.

10. If you want the dumplings to be slightly brown on top, transfer the slow cooker insert to the oven and cook with the lid off for about 10 or so mins.

Gemini

May 21 - June 20

The stars are aligning for Gemini this week. You should be making that big decision you’ve been mulling over for a few weeks. Pay no heed to the fact that your entire future hinges on this one choice, and if you go down the wrong path your entire life will be ruined. Choose now, because if you wait any longer you’ll completely fuck it up.

...for assholes.

Cancer

June 21 - July 22

Cancer is the Crab sign, but that doesn’t mean you have to be so crabby all the time! Lighten up toots! You look much prettier with a smile on your face. Remember - when you’re smiling the whole world smiles with you, but when you’re crying it makes people feel uncomfortable.

Lucky Numbers for Cancers this week are 7, 29, 42, 55 and 0.

Leo

July 23 - Aug 22

Marilyn Monroe once said that blondes have more fun, but personally I think Leos do. This week you’re going to be outgoing, sociable and friendly to a fault.

Just remember that not everybody likes you as much as you think, so keep that in mind the next time you extend that handshake.

Virgo

Aug

23 - Sept 22

The Sun is in Virgo until Sept. 22, meaning it’s time for you to get your shit together. Do that task you’ve been putting off for the last week. That pile of dishes you have in the sink isn’t gonna do itself, and I think I heard a mouse crawling around in it last night. I mean come on, when we signed this lease we talked about dividing up the chores evenly, but you haven’t washed a single dish since we moved in. It smells like goddamn rotten eggs in here.

Sagittarius

Nov 22 - Dec 21

You should satisfy your innate Sagittarian thirst for adventure this week. Throw caution to the wind and see where the week takes you. Try out that new restaurant you’ve been thinking about, ride the bus to the end of the line, or if the opportunity should arise, smoke some cool new drugs.

Pisces

Feb 19 - March

The full moon is in Pisces this week, and that means you should avoid foods high in keratin and omega-3 fatty acids. These nutrients will block vital essences from circulating through your body, and you will suffer professionally as a result. Eat lots of fast food to get that promotion you’ve been angling for.

Libra Sept 23 - Oct

Scorpio

22

Libras are primarily concerned with Justice and Balance, making them excellent Jenga players. They also tend to solve problems with diplomacy, but the movement of the moon this week might make that difficult. If you run into problems trying to solve conflicts with words, consider using your fists.

Capricorn

Dec 22 - Jan 19

Capricorns take heedthis week will be extremely painful for you. I recommend shutting yourself inside your home and leaving only for the bare necessities. Do not expose yourself to the cruelty of the world. Consider buying an Xbox.

Oct 22 - Nov 21

Scorpios have intense intellects, and that could cause problems this week if you’re interacting with people who don’t like nerds. Make sure not to come off as a know-it-all dork this week. Maybe look into a prescription for contact lenses.

Aquarius

Jan 20 - Feb 18

You should go get tested for STDs. I mean everybody should, but you should go right now. Like, drop what you’re doing and go get tested immediately.

Taurus

April 20 - May 20

Aries

March 21 - April 19

Ares was the ancient Greek god of war. I’m not sure if this has anything to do with the sign Aries, but it seems too close to be a coincidence. Whatever. To be honest I don’t really know what’s up for Aries this week. Just wing it, I guess.

Taurus is the sign of the bull, and if you ask me a whole lot of it has been coming out of your mouth lately. Start telling the truth more, because people are starting to catch on. It starts out innocently enough - a white lie here and there never hurt anybody. But before long you’re sending remittances to your secret family in Antigua and moonlighting as a wrestler under the stage name Guenther to pay off your gambling debts.

WINTER WORD SEARCH

RUGBY

UGGBOOTS

GUMBOOTS

DRESSING GOWN

CUDDLE BUDDY

UMBRELLA

RAIN

REDBANDS

SKIING

HOT CHOCOLATE

SNOW

OODIE

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UNSCRAMBLE

How many words (ten would be good) can you make with the word...

SUDOKU - EASY SUDOKU - MEDIUM

SUDOKU - HARD

SUDOKU - EXPERT RIDDLE

1. What gets wet while drying?

2. What is the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?

3. What can you hold in your right hand, but never in your left hand?

4. What can you catch, but not throw?

5. What has many teeth, but cannot bite?

6. What has one eye, but can’t see?

Wednesday 19th July 2023 7.00pm–11.30pm, Woolston Club