Mayhem! magazine-issue14 (February 2013)

ISSUE 14

THE #1 FREE

LIFESTYLE MAGAZINE

E mma

Stone LONDON FASHION WEEK

WIN DINNER FO R

4 COURT COAST TOESY OF COAST GUN WHARF

Sir David

Attenborough A Living Legend

Pete Codling

I’M P U

EE

E M K

FR

Hanks

PI C

Tom

… the artist himself

SEPTEMBER 2011 || SHOTGUN CELEBS | SPORTS | MUSIC | FILM | BEAUTY | FASHION | CULTURE | FOOD HUMOUR

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WORD FROM THE TOP!

Founder/Director Daniel Tidbury Editor Mia Habens Studio Manager Felicity Patrick Design Tidbury Media Staff Writers Edward Couzens-Lake Chris Morley Contributing Writers Elisha Pilmoor Kelly Wickham Claire Lincoln Laura Knowles Kathryn Black Emma Reid Alyson Watts Andrea Fernandez Chris Donnelly Jennie Rawling Felicity Patrick Proof Readers Chris Pursey Felicity Patrick Nightlife Paparazzi Mick Wythe Matt Byne Online Editor Alyson Watts Sales/Marketing Jake Catterall Stephi Gibbs Distribution Distribution Experts Publisher Tidbury Media

023 9229 4408 hello@mayhemmagazine.co.uk The Clock Tower, 44 Castle Rd, PO5 3DE www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk Mayhem! is a free lifestyle magazine dedicated to keeping you up to date with the latest trends, fashions and interviews.

Our monthly instalments are available to pick up from the countless distribution points scattered across the city and surrounding areas at the beginning of each month. © Copyright 2013 All rights reserved Tidbury Media

EDITOR’S

LETTER

Ready for some February fun?

This month can be one of the most depressing in the year, with a distinct lack of money in your wallet, a post-Christmas party slump and you’ve probably already broken all your New Year’s resolutions! But fear not, Mayhem! is back again to cheer you up and provide some welcome relief and winter warmth.

This issue checks out everything February – from Pancake Day to British Yorkshire Pudding Day, from Valentine’s Day to London Fashion week!

Plus we find out all the latest from Hollywood A-listers Tom Hanks and Emma Stone from the sets of their latest moves. We catch up with Kiwi comedian Jarred Christmas, and for the more cultured among you, we are even awed into silence by British institution Sir David Attenborough.

And for the music lovers out there we’ve had a chat with ‘hot on the scene’ singer Josephine and had a think about the top five romantic melodies for warming the cockles this Valentine’s Day. So whether you want to learn more about the cosmos and the art of stargazing or how to make and flip the perfect pancake, then make Mayhem! your first port of call!

Enjoy!

For even more Mayhem!, checkout our website: www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk and join in the conversations on Facebook/themayhemmagazine.

Mia Habens | Editor @MAYHEMMAG

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THE MAYHEM MAGAZINE FEBRUARY 2013 | MAYHEM!

7

WHAT’S INSIDE?

LOOK OUT FOR YOUR MATES WITH OUR ‘MAYHEM!’ MOMENTS...

SEE PAGES 76-79 10 Perfect pancakes 12 Around the world… on pancake day 14 Dealing with heartbreak 16 Sleep tight!

18 What your face says about your health 20 Beating the blues!

22 Attenborough…

It’s in his nature 28 Going Down under!

30 Rousing reads!

32 London Fashion Week

page 22

8

MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

34 Valentines lingerie with Ann Summers 40 Eyes to the skies 42 Sincere Hanks 48 How to host your own murder mystery party 50 Pete Codling… we meet artist himself!

52 When the chips are down 54 Music for those… special moments!

56 Dances with Wolfgangs 58 Cooking this Valentines!

pag e 42

page 60

60 Emma Stone… one to one 62 Romeos rivals 64 National Eating Disorder awareness 68 Josephine, a portrait!

70 Getting green fingered!

72 What if celebs were… companies?

70 Yorkshire pudding appreciation day!

80 A chat with funny man…

Jarred Christmas why wait any longer…

pa g e 80

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FEBRUARY 2013 | MAYHEM!

9

PANCAKE DAY, FEBRUARY 12TH

A FLIPPING-GOOD GUIDE TO WRITTEN BY ELISHA PILMOOR

PERFECT PANCAKES

gs with Pancak e Day brin an d syrup it lemon, sugar us ed to bu t are th ey on ly ncak e hide th e dis mal pa all want un dern eath? W e ly en d up a bu t th ey normal

THE MIXTURE The basics needed for a pancake mixture are flour, eggs and milk but too much or too little of these simple ingredients can be disastrous. BBC’s Good Food website suggests 100g flour, two eggs and 300ml milk for eight easy pancakes. But, the Guardian online says a little more flour, a little less milk and one egg for eight perfect pancakes.

But, who needs boring, simple ingredients? Why not try peanut butter pancakes? Just add six tablespoons of smooth peanut butter to the mixture and bake on a low heat to give a nutty surprise for dessert.

Or for something a little healthier just add either slices of apple or pumpkin to make fruity pancakes.

10 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

THE FLIP

tip s to an d slig ht ly odd, ’.

‘Per fect Pancak es

It’s every pancake-makers worst moment – the flip! To balance the batter on the edge of the pan and prepare it to somersault through the air can make even the most confident chef shake. And that is the last thing you need when holding a hot frying pan. And speaking of pans, make sure yours is a non-stick or a burnt pancake is on the cards.

To get the 180 degree flip, edge the batter to the lip of the frying pan and, with good wrist movement, toss it in an upwards, outwards and back movement ensuring it lands flat and on the uncooked side. Or put simply, up and hope for the best.

AND FINALLY...

Toppings. Simple lemon and sugar can be nice but why not go all out with the whipped cream and berries and chocolate chips and a tablespoon of golden syrup just for good measure.

Honestly, there are no top tips of toppings. This is the one part of the pancake making process that can’t go wrong.

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WRITTEN BY KELLY WICKHAM

NICE BUNS!

AROUND THE WORLD

ON PANCAKE DAY Whether you know it as Pancake Day, Shrove Tuesday, Mardi Gras or Fat Tuesday, it ’s that one day where, traditionally, households grab all the fat left in their cupboards and make delicious crepes or pancakes before lent begins. Whether you enjoy yours with sugar, chocolate, syrup or lemon, you usually consume more than you intended, but what do the rest of the world do on this day?

FUN PANCAKE FACTS

q 5IF XPSME SFDPSE GPS DPPLJOH UIF CJHHFTU pancake was in Yorkshire in 1994! The huge battery cake measured 15 metres in diameter and weighed three tons! q 5IF XPSME T CFTU UPTTFS XBT 3BMG -BVF GSPN Germany who broke the world record in 1997 by tossing a pancake 416 times in two minutes! q 5IF XPSE ATISPWF JT OPU VTFE JO BOZ PUIFS DPOUFYU *UT PSJHJOT derive from the verb shrive which means absolution, basically, UIF DPOTVNQUJPO PG MVYVSZ GPPE q "V[[JF DIFG "OEZ 8SPCFM CVJMU UIF 5BMMFTU 1BODBLF 4UBDL NBEF GSPN B tower of 60 pancakes, standing 29 inches high. q )FBMUI BOE TBGFUZ SVMFT XFSF QVTIFE UP UIF MJNJU XIFO 3JQPO T IJTUPSJD 1BODBLF %BZ race was scrapped two years ago. Schoolchildren used to run down a cobbled street flipping pancakes following the ringing of the cathedral’s ancient ‘pancake bell’ at 11am. However, organisers cancelled the event following hefty policing costs.

12 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

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NICE BUNS!

DENMARK

FRANCE

Pancake Day in Denmark is celebrated on the last Sunday before Lent, rather than the traditional Tuesday. The day is called ‘Fastelavn’ and it is customary to eat Danish buns.

The middle of these is removed and filled with whipped cream and jam. Children are encouraged to play ‘hit the cat out of the barrel’.

While in olden times this was literally as it is called whereby kids bashed a barrel with a bat while a live cat sat frightened inside, traditions have now changed to include sweets rather than a kitty.

The French celebrate Pancake Day as Mardi Gras, which translated means ‘Fat Tuesday’.

This name originates from the ancient custom of parading a fat ox through Paris to remind people they were not allowed to eat meat during Lent. A carnival is held and people disguise themselves and put on crazy masks. The festival lasts in Nice for 10 days, with daily parades, concerts, street theatre and giant masks. Breaking tradition, the main pancake day in France is Candlemas on 2nd February. This holy day is six weeks after Christmas and is the day that Christ was presented at the temple by his mother. Pancakes at this time must be tossed with a coin in the hand to ensure prosperity throughout the year.

SWEDEN Known as ‘Fettisdagen’ which translates to Fat Tuesday, the Swedish eat Semlors which, similarly to Denmark, are round buns with the centre removed, but this country fill theirs with marzipan and cream. The top of the bun is replaced and then sprinkled with icing sugar. Another tradition is to eat pea soup with pancakes. The Swedes approach the making and eating of these buns very seriously, and many newspapers hold competitions to find the best ones in town.

CANADA The Canadians add things to their pancakes including, coins, nails, rings and buttons. Yes, that’s right; they place (clean) inedible goods into their battery cakes for lucky finders. Of course they have meanings, the one who discovers the coins will be rich, whoever chomps on the ring will be the first to marry, the finder of the nail will be destined to become a carpenter and buttons or thimbles in your crepe symbolise a new career as a seamstress or tailor. These unusual pancakes are served with syrup, partridge jam and…sausages!

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AUSTRALIA The Australians make and share pancakes on Shrove Tuesday.

They sell pancakes to raise money for charity and proceeds often go towards support for low-income families who are experiencing tough times. Pancake tossing races are also often held by neighbours and families. Australia now holds a Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras, where international celebrities fly out to sing at the event. A parade is also held featuring elaborate costumes and dance music.

BRAZIL Known as ‘Fatty’ the Brazilians refrain from pancakes but go all out and celebrate with a carnival lasting for three whole days; ending on Shrove Tuesday. Due to the long deprivation of Lent, this country decided to hold meetings of various festivities marking enjoyment of pleasures. Large parties were held in previous times, where people ate, drank and enjoyed carnivals in streets, squares and houses.

FEBRUARY 2013 | MAYHEM!

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LOVE LETTERS OF A DIFFERENT KIND!

WRITTEN BY CLAIRE LINCOLN

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POST-HEARTBREAK

POSITIVITY STUCK ON YOU

For some, Valentine’s Day can be a painful reminder of a broken heart, a reminder of how happy you were ‘last year’, experiencing that familiar ‘kicked in the guts feeling’. Break ups happen all the time but it doesn’t make it any easier, you get sad, depressed, cry, watch ‘Bridget Jones’ on repeat, listen to that ‘favourite’ song, over and over again? Eventually you start to feel better and then, before you know it you are sooo, over them.

Someone new is on the scene and life is a bed of roses once again. That is, unless you get stuck, can’t shake those negative feelings and you stay in negative thought processes and behaviours, not moving on.

What on earth can you do about it though? There are positive steps and exercises that you can do; they might 14 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

be baby ones to start with, but little steps can help you move on a little bit, day by day. Why carry around thoughts that are getting you down, you want to get rid of them and make way for the person who’s really worth your time, energy and thoughts. But where on earth do you start?

WRITING A LETTER You may consider these exercises to really help your transition back to the happy you. Consider the humble ‘letter’, I don’t mean pick one from the alphabet, I mean one of those things that we used to write and send to friends and loved ones as a way to communicate.

Put everything you wanted to say but didn’t in your letter. Be as vitriolic as you want, be honest, rant and cry if you want to but just get it all down on paper. The key thing, well the most

important, imperative thing here, is that this letter is NEVER, EVER sent.

Not emailed, not sent in the post, popped through the letterbox, it stays firmly within your grasp. You may even want to ritually burn it, rip it into tiny pieces and bury it forever. Doing this exercise can be extraordinarily cathartic and can feel like a load off your mind and your heart, with the added bonus that by not sending it you haven’t done anything to warrant the label ‘the crazy ex’.

JOURNALING Journaling is another fantastic way to help move you on the next phase, just putting those thoughts and feelings down and aired, on paper, out of your head will help. And soon you’ll notice that your thoughts and feelings are more positive as you slowly make the transition back to a happier you.

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SLEEP TIGHT

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Q DBO ¤T TMFF OJHIU CBE FMT " FWFO PVS UPMFSBODF MFW PX 4P I JHIU PWFSO MJUFSBMMZ DIBOHF PVS QFSTPOBMJUZ VTU EP XF HFU UIF PQUJNVN OJHIU¤T TMFFQ )FSF XF C JQ UIF NZUIT BSPVOE UIF BMM JNQPSUBOU OJHIUMZ L

WRITTEN BY LAURA KNOWLES FROM BALANCED WELLNESS

SLEEP FACTS AND FICTION Women are more likely to suffer with insomnia Fact: Insomnia is nearly twice as common in women than in men. A woman’s sleep is uniquely influenced by menstrual cycle, biological life stage, stress level, health, mood, parental status, work hours and other life responsibilities.

My room has to be silent and pitch black to get a good nights sleep Fact: Melatonin, the hormone produced by the pineal gland in the brain to help us sleep responds to light and noise. Alarm clock lights, TV on switches and street lamps through the curtains can disturb the pineal gland and the body will not produce enough melatonin to be able to sleep deeply. Your room should be as dark and quiet as possible.

Exercising before bed will make me tired, and help me sleep Fact: Exercise can be helpful for good sleep, especially when done regularly in the morning or afternoon but not too close to bedtime. Exercise has an alerting effect and raises your body temperature. This rise leads to a fall in temperature five to six hours later, which makes sleep easier then. Make sure you’re exercising earlier in the day and not in the evening.

If I wake and can’ t get back to sleep I turn on the light and read Myth: Turning on the light in the middle of the night will make you feel worse in the morning because of the disturbance of the pineal gland in the brain. If you wake in the night and can’t get back to sleep, close your eyes, breathe deeply into your belly and place the palm of your hand on your forehead. This will calm any whirling thoughts and have you back to sleep in no time.

Watching TV and working on my laptop before bed helps me fall asleep Myth: Doing work, watching TV and using the computer close to bedtime and especially in the bedroom, hinders quality sleep. It stimulates the nervous system and adrenals to produce adrenaline, the hormone that keeps us alert and awake.

Make sure you are relaxed and rested at least an hour before bed.

Milky drinks help me sleep Myth: The theory behind milk making you sleepy is that it contains the sleep-inducing amino acid tryptophan. But the amount of tryptophan in milk is not large enough to boost hormone levels. Also the way milk is processed it causes excess mucus for many which can increase your risk of snoring. A warm drink has more of a psychological effect than nutritional so enjoy a warm herbal tea before bed rather than milk.

16 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

TIPS FOR A GREAT NIGHT’S SLEEP q & TUBCMJTI B SFHVMBS bed and wake time q "WPJE BMDPIPM nicotine and caffeine q &YFSDJTF SFHVMBSMZ (but complete the workout at least three hours before bedtime) q & TUBCMJTI B DPOTJTUFOU SFMBYJOH AXJOE EPXO bedtime routine that does not involve the laptop or TV q $SFBUF B TMFFQ conducive environment that is very dark, quiet and comfortable q 0QFO ZPVS XJOEPX to circulate air and JODSFBTF PYZHFO in the bedroom q #BDI 'MPXFS Remedies can help emotional upset that troubles sleep.

Try Elm for feeling overwhelmed or White Chestnut for circling thoughts

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JFUZ QSPWJEFT NPSF 5IF #SJUJTI 4MFFQ 4PD k www. sleeping.org.u information on sleep o offer The Sleep Council als sleep tips on a good nights g.uk .or www. sleepcouncil FMMOFTT XIP 4QFBL UP #BMBODFE 8 ative treatments on specialise in altern disturbance insomnia and sleep ness.co.uk www.balancedwell

BEAT THE BED WAKERS 1) RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME

If you suffer with restless leg syndrome at night, cut down on caffeine and take a natural magnesium supplement which encourages the muscles to relax.

2) STRESS Stress is the number one cause of sleepless nights.

If you are going through a stressful period have the pen and paper by your bed so if you wake you can scribble thoughts down rather than letting them whirl and keep you awake.

A B complex will help calm nerves and support adrenals when we’re busy.

3) NIGHT SWEATS Night sweats can cause misery especially for women experiencing the

menopause. Alternatives to HRT include Evening Primrose Oil and a diet rich in phytoestrogens (soya, legumes, grains and vegetables).

4) WAKING AT THE SAME TIME In Chinese Five Element Theory, waking in the night at a certain time can indicate a meridian imbalance with an organ or an emotion that is difficult to deal with.

11–1am – Liver – the emotion is anger; 1–3am – Gall Bladder – the emotion is resentment; 3–5am – Lungs – the emotion is grief; 5–7am – Bowels – the emotion is not letting go. If you are waking at the same time each night investigate further with an alternative practitioner such as a Kinesiologist or Acupuncturist.

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WHAT YOUR FACE SAYS ABOUT YOUR HEALTH

WATCH

WRITTEN BY EDWARD COUZENS-LAKE

YOUR FACE!

You look at it in the mirror every day – sometimes quite often. Our face is what we present to the world on a daily basis and the way we look is, more often than not, how we’re judged by those around us.

REMEMBER: this article is for information and interest only and should not be regarded as advice, medical or otherwise. If you have any doubts, worries or questions about your health, always refer it to a medical professional.

18 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

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WHAT YOUR FACE SAYS ABOUT YOUR HEALTH

So, what does your face say about you?

More than you might think. Changes in your facial appearance, even little subtle ones, can be an early indicator that all may not be as it should be with regard to your overall health. Mayhem! takes a closer look at all things facial...

HAIR It’s considered ‘normal’ to lose about 100 hairs a day – typically the amount you might find left over on your hairbrush or in the plughole.

If you seem to be losing more, it might be worth checking out possible reasons. Some medications can cause hair loss, such as the hormone Progesterone which is found in some forms of birth control as well as some Vitamin A derivatives.

EYES First and foremost, you should be having your eyes examined every two years – and not just to see if you need glasses, a simple examination tells the optometrist far more than that. They can help detect the early signs of glaucoma as well as cataracts and macular degeneration – or even suggest other issues, such as diabetes and high blood pressure.

NOSE Nose symptoms vary a lot and depend on what an underlying condition might be. Typical nose symptoms include it being dry/itchy; a nasal discharge (which could be clear, yellow, Check out our website for even more... www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk

white, green or speckled with blood); repeated sneezing; sores/pustules (no, this isn’t nice, but read on!) at the base of nasal hairs or the loss of your sense of smell. Unexplained or unexpected symptoms which originate in or around your nose which don’t vanish quickly or respond to treatment are always worth checking out.

LIPS Cold sore anyone? Yep, nasty little buggers aren’t they. Those vicious little white spots which flare up on the lips are caused by the Herpes Simplex virus and usually clear up without treatment within seven–10 days. There are two types of Herpes Simplex virus; HSV-1, which is usually responsible for the ‘standard’ cold sore and HSV-2, which can occur as a result of having oral sex with someone who has genital herpes. Not nice for them and certainly not so for you as a result. No kissing for a while for starters! If you have an outbreak of them on your lips and they just don’t want to clear up, even if you have been treating them, get it looked at.

FEBRUARY 2013 | MAYHEM!

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WRITTEN BY KATHRYN BLACK

CHEER UP, IT’S NEARLY SPRING!

BEATING THE FEBRUARY

BLUES

When the excitement of December and January are over and the cold, dark nights seem like they’re never going to end, February can seem like a month where there’s nothing really to look forward to. Here are our quick and easy ideas on how to cheer yourselves up before the 20 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

PARTY Rather than spend another lonely night on the sofa, invite your friends over for a themed party. Try a tropical island night where everyone drinks fancy cocktails and wears brightly-coloured clothes, or a murder mystery evening. If funds are tight, substitute alcohol for fancy fruit juices and home-made smoothies and you’ll have forgotten about the rainy world outside in no time.

It’s a well-known fact that February is the most miserable month of the year. The festive season is well and truly over and half of us have already broken our New Year resolutions so check out our ways to combat the February blues this month.

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CHEER UP, IT’S NEARLY SPRING!

HOLD A MOVIE NIGHT A perfect way to distract yourself from your work or your studies is to have a film night. Invite some friends over, bulk buy the popcorn, and stick on a movie.

Whether you’re into action, horror, or a cheesy chick flick, snuggle up on the sofa and hit the play button.

PAMPER YOURSELF Run yourself a hot bubble bath with some essential oils and put your feet up with a glass of antioxidantrich red wine. For the guys out there, treat yourself to an extra hour playing Fifa. You deserve it!

LASER QUEST Who doesn’t love running around in the dark, hiding from enemies and firing lasers at unsuspecting victims? Grab a group of friends and head down to the Historic Dockyard for an hour or two and you’ll burn plenty of those postChristmas calories while you’re at it.

TRAVEL With the hovercraft to the Isle of Wight and trains to London on your doorstep, there’s no excuse not to finally go on that adventure you’ve been craving and take a day trip to an unknown land. Sure, it’s still technically in this country and it’s hardly travelling around the world, but who knows what local haunts and hidden treasures you might find along the way.

GET NETWORKING Particularly if you’re stuck in a job you don’t see yourself in forever, getting online is a fab way to talk to potential employers and show yourself off to the world. Signing up to Twitter is a quick and easy way to gain followers and see upcoming job offers and, for those of you at university, can provide plenty of information on graduate schemes and internships.

GO FOR A RUN Not only does half an hour a day impressively increase our fitness, exercising boosts endorphins and gives us a mind-changing happy feeling after a workout. While gym fees and the rainy weather outside might be off-putting, find a fitness video online or take a cycle around Portsmouth and you’ll be feeling right as rain in no time.

SMILE! Just forcing a smile can actually trick yourself into thinking you’re happy, so give it a go and you’ll be smiling for real soon enough.

ONE TO ONE WITH…

A MAYHEM! EXCLUSIVE

22 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

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ONE TO ONE WITH…

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FEBRUARY 2013 | MAYHEM!

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ONE TO ONE WITH…

Celebrating 60 years as the natural world’s most passionate commentator, Sir David Attenborough talks to Mayhem! about his incredible career.

24 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

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ONE TO ONE WITH…

“I’ve seen about as much as I can possibly imagine, but I’m still not finished with this planet just yet.”

Sir David Attenborough explored the tundra of Siberia, the searing plains of the Gobi Desert, the forest of Papua New Guinea, encountering feral wild animals, primed and ready to defend their territory.

Yet in a 60-year career, Attenborough has surprisingly endured few close calls... well until shooting for his latest series, ‘Natural Curiosities’ where he fell foul of a zebra.

“60 years... 60 years and I haven’t had so much as a sting. I’ve been charged several times by rhinos and there’ve of course been a few close shaves along the way with snakes and dangerous spiders and the like, but by and large I’ve known how to handle myself.

Frankly if you get attacked by an animal, you’re not working their environment correctly and it was your own fault.”

“But somehow, I managed to aggravate a rather irate zebra while we were shooting ‘Natural Curiosities’, and without even noticing, it swung round and clamped down on my finger. Of all animals to get bitten by, a zebra. Marvellous!”

Having celebrated six decades at the very peak of his game, during which time he has fronted and produced groundbreaking natural world programmes including ‘Life in the Freezer’, ‘Blue Planet’ and ‘The Life of Mammals’, the 86-year-old grandfather is showing no signs of slowing down.

Indeed, he’s actually ramping up his work commitments.

The New Year saw him head for China for a new series documenting freshly discovered fossils; then followed a stint in the Amazon where he conducted research on the design and mechanisation of the spider’s web.

Having spent his career charting the four corners of the Earth and all its natural wonders, Attenborough has gone against the grain and remained on home soil for ‘Natural Curiosities’, a fascinating new series which shines the spotlight on some of nature’s extraordinary evolutionary anomalies, looking at how, even today, these curious animals continue to baffle and fascinate.

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FEBRUARY 2013 | MAYHEM!

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ONE TO ONE WITH…

“I haven’t enjoyed that luxury in a long time.”

“There was no need to travel outside television does. With the spotlight on “I haven’t enjoyed that luxury in the UK for this programme because we the animal, we can investigate the a long time.” were looking to focus on the animals myths and legends surrounding Given that Attenborough has outside of their habitat, concentrating their discovery.” arguably chartered the entire on their marvellous adaptations “You’ve got a lot of ecological stories, a lot surface of the planet, one wonders if and mutations.” of conservation stories, a lot of adventure he harbours ambitions to cross the Each episode will feature two stories and, most importantly, the next frontier and land a spot on creatures with curiously distinctive mythical side, which encompasses the Richard Branson’s maiden voyage characteristics that link together with once believed existence of mermaids, flight of Virgin Galactic... a common theme. From the curious dragons and the like.”

“No, not at all,” he snorts. “The thing ‘hoax’ of the platypus’s discovery “These tales don’t normally fit into the with space is there’s nothing out there; to the narwhal, the creature that formula of a typical wildlife show, but nothing as beautiful as a butterfly. inspired myth of the unicorn, and the this format enables you to do that.”

It’s a barren world compared to the mole rat that defies the age limits of all beauty of the Earth; a beauty that will other rodents and lives for 30 years, “And the fact that we had the never be fully discovered because it Sir David will discover how nature opportunity to film at places like is always evolving.” has found a way of turning the London’s Natural History Museum, Kew ordinary into the extraordinary.

Gardens and more, with the furthest we “I’ve seen about as much as I can ventured being Scotland, meant it was a possibly imagine, but I’m still not “’Natural Curiosities’ looks at animals in lovely novelty to be able to return to my finished with this planet just yet.” a way that no other programme on home in Richmond most nights.”

26 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

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G’DAY MATE!

GOING

DOWN UNDER WRITTEN BY EDWARD COUZENS-LAKE

28 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

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G’DAY MATE!

ART The arts in Australia are all renowned internationally, particularly in literature with writers such as Collen McCullough and Clive James, plus Nobel prize winning author Patrick White. In theatre, the stunning Sydney Opera House remains one of the most iconic buildings in the world – over 50 years since work on its construction began, while the National Institute of Dramatic Art in Sydney includes alumni Cate Blanchett and Geoffrey Rush. Australian art history dates back at least 30,000 years (predating Stonehenge by around 25,000 years!) with more contemporary examples including the 19th Century Heidelberg School – and Rolf Harris!

HISTORY Western history seems only to count after ‘we’ have made our bloody mark somewhere on the globe. Hence the history of Australia is usually referred to as anything that happened after one Captain James Cook charted its east coast in 1770.

Huzzah! However, the original Australian people are believed to have first arrived on its mainland as long as 60,000 years ago – thus establishing one of the oldest and most important artistic, musical and spiritual traditions on the planet.

SPORT

Australia. The only country in the world which automatically generates a smile just by the mention of its name. Party Central.

Laid back people and a climate that dreams are made of – plus plenty of beaches to lounge around on. Sounds good to me... ...but Oz is not all beaches and beer. Oh dear me no. The country has contributed a lot to the world for which we should all be thankful. Mayhem! tosses another shrimp onto the barbie and suggests there’s more to Australia than meets the Ky-lie.

Little pleases an Aussie more than giving the Poms a bloody nose – and if it’s on the field of sporting conflict, so much the better. We may think the typical Aussie male is all about lounging on the beach and having another tinnie but they regularly kick our backsides at most sports – notably in the swimming pool As well as cricket, rugby and (whisper it quietly), sailing. As for our ‘national’ sport – well, the world as most Englishmen knew it ended a decade ago when their football team beat ours; Beckham, Lampard, Rooney and all, 3–1!

TODAY A recent international survey ranked Australia as the second best place on earth to be born (just behind perpetual ‘winners’, Switzerland). The Where To Be Born Index ranks nations on national wealth, life expectancy, crime levels, weather and political freedom.

Great Britain came 27th.

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FEBRUARY 2013 | MAYHEM!

29

ROUSING READS!

FOR THOS E COLD WIN TER NIG HT S!

*T £'JGUZ 4IBEFT PG (SFZ¤ OPU RVJUF FOPVHI UP TBUF ZPVS BQQFUJUF GPS FSPUJDB $IPDPMBUFT BOE PXFST KVTU XPO¤U DVU JU BT B HJGU JEFB GPS UIBU TQFDJBM QFSTPO UIJT 7BMFOUJOF¤T %BZ 5IFO DIFDL PVU UIFTF GPVS CFTU TFMMJOH UJUMFT DPVSUFTZ PG 8BUFSTUPOFT 1PSUTNPVUI

HAVEN OF OBEDIENCE

BY MARINA ANDERSON

REFLECTED IN YOU BY SYLVIA DAY The second in Sylvia Day’s Crossfire erotica series (the first being ’Bared to You’).

Eva and Gideon continue on their passionate journey through the rocky road of their love. Perfect for those Fifty Shades pangs!

NON-FICTION

WRITTEN BY EMMA REID

SNUGGLE UP WITH A‌BOOK!

30 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

GABRIEL’S’ INFERNO

BY SYLVAIN REYNARD The eponymous Gabriel is a university professor who hides a double life of debauched pleasure.

He inducts his university student, Julia into his world but will he end up falling for her and taming his wild alter ego?

For non fiction lovers discover the real life of S+M with ‘The Diary of A Submissive’ by Sophie Morgan or ‘Can You Keep a Secret’ by Katie Collins.

If none of these float your boat then what about the old favourite. The Kama

EIGHTY DAYS YELLOW BY VINA JACKSON This is the first in Vina Jackson’s trilogy. Poor student breaks her violin and her handsome professor makes a kind offer to replace it. The only catch is that he requires a private performance. This book doesn’t follow the conventional love story root but is still a good read.

Originally released in 2000 it follows the story of Natalie, a woman used to getting what she wants, in her career and personal life. Despairing of ever finding a man due to her busy career, she attends a weekend ‘pleasure’ retreat where she meets Simon, her equal in more ways than one! There is some good characterisation and this makes for, ultimately a great story.

Sutra, there are many varieties of this ancient text and none of them vanilla.

For those not interested in erotica or romance, ‘50 sheds of Grey: A Parody’‌ go on look it up, you know you want to.

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www.santyagos.co.uk

–11pm Mon–Thurs 5pm 30pm Fri & Sat 12–11. m Sun 12–10.30p

GET YOUR GLAD RAGS ON!

FIVE WAYS THE UK CHANGED FASHION:

WRITTEN BY ALYSON WATTS

q +BNFT )BSHSFBWFT revolutionised the weaving world with the invention of the Spinning +FOOZ JO

LONDON FASHION

WEEK

The British Fashion Council was formed in 1983 and its aim to showcase British designers and develop London’s position as a major player in the international fashion arena resulted in London Fashion week (LWF) ranking alongside New York, Milan and Paris as one of the ‘Big Four’.

Nestling between NY and Milan before closing in Paris, a fashion week is a fashion industry event, which allows fashion designers, brands or ‘houses’ to display their latest collections in runway shows and for buyers and the media to take a look at the latest trends. Most importantly, these events let the industry know what’s in and what’s out for the forthcoming season.

Fashion week happens twice a year in the major fashion capitals of the world. They are held several months in advance of the season to allow the press and buyers a chance to preview fashion designs for the following season.

This also allows time for retailers to arrange to purchase or incorporate the designers into their retail marketing. The latest innovations in dress designs and 32 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

Wacky, whimsical, extravagant, or a necessity? Love it or hate it, for a few days in February, the world will be focusing on London. Think that’s an understatement, think again. accessories are showcased by renowned fashion designers during these fashion weeks and all these latest collections are covered in most magazines.

Held in the beautiful surroundings of Somerset House, LFW runs from 15–19th February. It’s now attended by over 5,000 press and buyers and has estimated orders of between £40m–£100m.

Over 150 designers will present runway shows or presentations over the four days and will welcome the new and the established to showcase Autumn/Winter 2013. However, many ‘off-schedule’ events, such as Vauxhall Fashion Scout and On|Off, are organised by other privatefunded groups and take place at other venues in central London.

Whatever your feelings about the clothes on show, British Fashion is not just about designer frocks. You should not underestimate fashion in terms of its importance to the wealth of the nation. If the general attitude is that fashion isn’t a real job, it’s actually lots of jobs and £21 bn yearly may make you think again.

q $IFNJTU 8JMMJBN Perkin invented the first artificial dye (colour?

Mauve) in 1857 q $IBSMFT 'SFEFSJDL Worth, widely regarded as the ‘Father of Haute Couture,’ was born in the UK before moving to Paris and establishing The House of Worth in 1858 q -BEZ %VĂŠ (PSEPO also known as the designer Lucile, was one of the first to champion individualism in fashion. She was among the first designers to train professional fashion models and stage DBUXBML TUZMF TIPXT in Victorian/ Edwardian times q #FGPSF $IBOFM NBEF it ‘the’ colour to wear in the 1920s, Queen Victoria was instrumental in bringing black into mainstream fashion, as she wore black mourning clothes for 40 years following Prince Albert’s death in 1861

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Based in the heart of the city, we extensively cover Portsmouth and Portsea Island with a fleet of around 110 cars and a range of 7 and 8 seater mini-buses.

TREAT SOMEONE THIS VALENTINES!

Minnie Heart Balconette Bra £28 Minnie Heart Balconette Tutu Brief £18

34 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

Anastasia Balcony Bra £32 Anastasia Balcony Susp Brief £16 Anastasia Balcony Waspie £26 To advertise in Mayhem! Magazine call us on: 023 9229 4408

TREAT SOMEONE THIS VALENTINES!

Enigma Bra £26 Enigma Skirt £22

Helena Long Line Bra £30 Helena Long Line Brazilin Brief £14

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FEBRUARY 2013 | MAYHEM!

35

TREAT SOMEONE THIS VALENTINES!

Elouise Body £35

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Esme Body £45 To advertise in Mayhem! Magazine call us on: 023 9229 4408

Esme Bra £28 Esme Susp Brief £16

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TREAT SOMEONE THIS VALENTINES!

Voyeur Corset £80 Voyeur Bra £40 Voyeur Brief £20 Voyeur Robe £100 Check out our website for even more... www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk

FEBRUARY 2013 | MAYHEM!

39

WRITTEN BY CHRIS MORLEY

EYES TO THE SKIES

WHEN YOU WISH UPON

A STAR hat Ever won dere d w rit ten really could be w at eur in the st ars? Am be the as tronomy could d you hobby for you, an Prof es sor don’ t have to be your ey es Brian Cox to put marvel to the skies an d iverse ’s at some of the un ... greatest won ders

ACROSS THE UNIVERSE Astronomy is actually one of the oldest natural sciences on record – even prehistoric cultures left behind artefacts and records suggesting the great importance placed on the alignment of stars for all manner of reasons. In Predynastic Egypt (basically meaning before the time of the Pharaohs) and beyond, it was used to help determine the timing of events such as the annual flooding of the Nile, and the pyramids were built in sync with the North (or Pole) Star, an important point in the process of celestial navigation.

40 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

It’s a technique which has been used to help travellers determine where they are on land or by sea simply by measuring the distance between the nearest celestial body (a star, planet, the sun or moon, for example) and the visible horizon.

But with the advent of technology, in particular GPS systems, the art has all but died out, though the US Air Force/Navy continued to teach it to recruits up until 1997 for four simple reasons: 1) It can be used independently of ground aids, 2) It has global coverage, 3) It cannot be jammed (although

it can be obscured by clouds), 4) It does not give off any signals that could be detected by an enemy.

They (and others, including their country’s Second World War pilots) would have been trained using something like the Link Celestial Navigation Trainer, a flight simulator with coloured lights standing in for the various stellar constellations. And, like every good idiot’s guide to the cosmos, that’s where we head next, one small step for Mayhem!, one giant leap for Mayhem!-kind!

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EYES TO THE SKIES

ART OF THE SPHERES Whoever designed our universe must have been a bit of an artist at heart, for who could fail to gaze at a constellation and do anything but gasp in wonder?

Put simply, they are arrangements of stars in the night sky which form patterns (reflected in the Latin term constellatio, meaning ‘set with stars’).

Rather poetic, wouldn’t you say?

Orion the Hunter is one of the most obvious examples, easily recognisable owing to its place in popular culture alongside his legendary opponent Taurus the Bull, and these works of art are made by the precise positions of stars in relation to each other, which can then be seen as shapes with straight lines joining them together on a constellation map.

PRINTERS & STATIONERS

print

digitalcopy

And all of this could be said to dance to the ‘music of the spheres’ (musica universalis), which has its roots in the thinking of Pythagoras, who theorised that celestial bodies each emit their own orbital resonance based on their resolutions in orbit, while the quality of Earthly life reflects the tenor of celestial sounds inaudible to the human ear. Perhaps a bit of an abstract thought, but oddly affecting isn’t it?

To learn yet more about what the stars can teach us, get in touch with the Royal Astronomical Society, the authority on all such matters, older than even the late great Patrick Moore (www.ras.org.uk) keep watching the skies!

023 9281 1118

info@errandjervis.co.uk www.errandjervis.co.uk Fax: Office 023 9273 8338 ~ Shop 023 9287 1001 63-65 Albert R oad, Southsea, Portsmouth, Hants. PO5 2R Y

WHAT A CHARACTER!

Hanks Sincere

A MAYHEM! EXCLUSIVE

42 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

Tom Hanks returns with not one character, but six!

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WHAT A CHARACTER!

“I like the idea of coming back to something you know, an old classic.

In recent years, Tom Hanks seems to have undergone a career transformation, ramping up his commitments with movie after movie. Since last year’s awards friendly tear-jerker, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, the two-time Oscar winner was the lead in recent fantasy sci-fi epic Cloud Atlas alongside Halle Berry and, as of now, is currently working on 20 upcoming projects including Toy Story 4, and revisiting Robert Langdon in Dan Brown’s latest page-to-screen adaptation The Lost Symbol. What’s changed for the youthful 57-year-old?

“The kids are out of the house,” he laughs. “It’s the greatest thing that has ever happened to Mr. and Mrs. Tom Hanks, I’m going to tell you right now.

Holy smoke, it’s like you’re dating again. It’s fantastic! ” “It must have seemed from the outside that we weren’t working, but at our production company Playtone we were doing an awful lot of producing and writing and things like that.”

The man who has depicted characters as diverse as an AIDS patient in Philadelphia, endearing simpleton, Forrest Gump, (winning Oscars for both) and a modern day Robinson Crusoe in Castaway, is now portraying a Hollywood icon, Walt Disney, in Saving Mr. Banks. It tells the story of the behind-the-scenes drama that went on in making the 1964 movie musical Mary Poppins; he stars alongside Emma Thompson and Colin Farrell.

“The script is really delightful, and what it’s talking about is how difficult it was to make Mary Poppins, which is a pretty neat kind of ‘let’s go back and revisit that’ idea. So it’s like another version of Mary Poppins by way of the relationship between PL Travers, who wrote it, and everybody that made the movie, because it was a very contentious experience.”

It all comes so naturally to the Hollywood giant, who has been married to fellow actor Rita Wilson for 25 years, and is officially the highest grossing box office draw of all time.

“I like the idea of coming back to something you know, an old classic. I’ve made two visits to San Francisco for the film – if you get a chance to see the Disney Family Museum at The Presidio, it’s like a trip to Disneyland itself. It is the third happiest place on the planet behind Disneyland and Disney World. It’s really a special place.”

While the film won’t be out until 2014, fans won’t have to wait long to see him back on the screen, and how, giving that he plays a myriad of characters in the esoteric sci-fi tale Cloud Atlas, adapted from David Mitchell’s bestseller.

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FEBRUARY 2013 | MAYHEM!

43

WHAT A CHARACTER!

I can’t imagine a better way to spend your waking hours than putting on people’s clothes and pretending to be somebody that you’re not.”

The movie contemplates the question of reincarnation and redemption of the soul. Hanks plays six characters in six interwoven plots that span five centuries. The three-hour epic co-stars Halle Berry and Hugo Weaving, and is directed and adapted for the screen by The Matrix sibling team of Andy and Lana Wachowski, and Run Lola Run’s Tom Tykwer.

It’s not the first time Hanks has played multiple characters in a single film. Remember The Polar Express?

Of course, that was animated. In the live-action Cloud Atlas, Hanks is almost unrecognisable under layers of makeup and prosthetics, but that’s just fine by him.

“It’s magical. The way this works is every one of our characters had probably three days of makeup and wardrobe tests. Sometimes they were one right after another. But you would walk in and you would see six or seven versions of the character and you and the director 44 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

and the makeup artists start picking and choosing, and slowly you build it with their help. At the end of it, you’re looking at a different person and what a treat that is.”

After 35 years in Hollywood, has Hanks spotted any stark changes in the movie industry? Surely it must be a world away from his first bit part on Love Boat?

“I would say it hasn’t changed a whit. It’s still about the fun and the joy of doing it. It’s the greatest job in the world, and it’s in the creative process. Sometimes, you are going on pure instinct and other times your instincts are wrong and you are convinced that you stank up the place. But somehow it works. All of these jobs are alliances with other artists, other cast members, the people who wrote it, the people who direct it and the people who apply latex to your face for hours and hours. I can’t imagine a better way to spend your waking hours than putting on people’s clothes and pretending to be somebody that you’re not.”

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SHE LOVES ME, SHE LOVES ME NOT…

WRITTEN BY KELLY WICKHAM

ROMEO’S

RIVALS c t or hey ’re fa t r e h t e Wh

e hin d as b e e n b his tory h d’s t h e w or l s om e o f s. u s s torie o m a f t s mo d in w hich en f o y n a m a f ew so H ere ’s t r ag e dy, lly u y a ct ua g e h t e r w he girl … g et s t he

KING KONG

SHREK All young girls grow up reading fairy tales with the idea of a female being trapped somehow, until a knight in shining armour sweeps her off her feet and rescues her. Unlike most conventional princes, Shrek is an ogre, and although the rescue doesn’t go quite as planned, the prince (or ogre in this case!) wins the princess’s heart, breaks the spell on her and marries her back at his swamp – proving once and for all that true love does conquer all!

46 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

The lovable giant gorilla, actually dies in his attempts to gain the love and affection for Ann Darrow, the glamorous blonde bombshell. Kong might have the reputation as a scary ape, but when the natives present Ann to him as a sacrifice, he falls in love with her. It’s not until we see King Kong on top of the Empire State Building, that he finally displays his affection and love for her, protecting her to the end.

The infamous line “it was Beauty who killed the Beast” confirms the true affection.

OSGOOD FIELDING III

KING HENRY VIII Surprised to see this man as a romantic? Well, even with his reputation, the former King of England was obsessed with his second wife, Anne Boleyn.

He wrote in a letter to her, ‘My heart and I surrender themselves into your hands’ and even signed himself as ‘Your servant and friend’.

Henry spent seven years in turmoil before marrying his true love, only to have her beheaded three years later for adultery with several men, including her own brother! Just eleven days later, he married Jane Seymour, the only one of the lucky wives to bear him a son!

The character from the 1959 film, Some Like It Hot, Osgood breaks all conventions of a typical romantic. This millionaire finds himself falling in love with Daphne, who is really Jerry, a male musician in female disguise!

Unbeknown to Osgood, he proposes to Daphne on his yacht and she (he?!) accepts under the impression that he can receive a nice cash settlement after their wedding. At the end of the film, Jerry tells Osgood he cant actually marry him, bringing a range of reasons to which Osgood takes no notice and insists the wedding continues.

Finally, Jerry confesses and removes his wig, pronouncing “I’m a man!”, only for Osgood to speak the film’s memorable last line, “Well, nobody’s perfect.”

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ADVERTORIAL

WEAR A HAT ON MARCH 28TH and join the nation in helping to raise funds for brain tumour research On the 28th of March 2013, #SBJO 5VNPVS 3FTFBSDI BMPOH with our brilliant family of member charities, fundraising groups and supporters, will be encouraging everyone across the UK to wear a hat.

Our annual Wear A Hat Day is the UK’s premier brain tumour awareness event.

From schools, colleges and universities to shops, offices and clubs, we are asking school children, students, workers, indeed everyone, to get involved. From best hat and hat throwing competitions to passing the hat to collect donations, hundreds of organisations and thousands of people around the country will be helping to fund the fight against brain tumours.

Sue Farrington-Smith, Director of Brain Tumour Research, comments: “Research into brain tumours receives less than one per cent of national cancer research spending in the UK yet this devastating disease kills more children and adults under the age of 40 than any other cancer.

Wear A Hat Day is a fun way of increasing awareness and getting people raising money for an often overlooked form of cancer�.

As well as donating a pound or two to wear a hat for the day, you can also easily raise even more money for Brain Tumour Research by selling the four Wear A Hat Day badges designed by the charity for this event. With new designs each year, these badges have become popular and collectable. This year’s designs include a Mortarboard (as worn by academic students and staff), an Easter Bonnet, a Builder’s Hard Hat and a Royal Crown – one to suit every taste. The badges will be available to order from the Brain Tumour Research charity in February as part of its fundraising pack. All the badges produced for Wear A Hat Day can be sold before, during and after the event itself – a great way of keeping the fundraising going with minimal effort!

Rachel Trevor-Morgan, Milliner to Her Majesty The Queen has also agreed to help by providing a design for a unique hat brooch, which will be fashioned by the charity as a limited edition in support of Wear A Hat Day this year. Rachel comments: “I am delighted to support Brain Tumour Research and Wear A Hat Day. I am always trying to encourage people to wear more hats – what a perfect way to raise awareness and make a statement for such an important cause.�

For further information about Brain Tumour Research go to www.braintumourresearch.org To get involved, request your fundraising pack, badges WVY\Z WdmZh VcY dgYZg ndjg GVX]Za IgZkdg"Bdg\Vc brooch, please visit www.braintumourresearch.org/ wear-a-hat-day or contact Brain Tumour Research directly via email: Sarah@braintumourresearch.org or phone: 01296 733011, quoting ‘MAYHEM’.

48 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

The brooch will be available from 1st March for a suggested donation of £10. Orders are encouraged now for what will likely be a fast-selling collector’s item! #SBJO 5VNPVS 3FTFBSDI JT UIF only national brain tumour charity in the UK that is dedicated to granting 100 per cent of its funds to continuous and sustainable scientific research. In collaboration with its member charities and fundraising groups, the charity jointly raised over £2.5 million in BOE #SBJO 5VNPVS 3FTFBSDI now supports an annual £1 million programme of research into brain tumours at a dedicated Centre of &YDFMMFODF JO UIF 6OJWFSTJUZ PG Portsmouth. Funding for this research has been woefully JOBEFRVBUF GPS GBS UPP MPOH #Z getting involved, you will be generating vital funds for a new $FOUSF PG &YDFMMFODF JO BOE helping research to move another step closer to finding a cure.

To help make your day a success we have put together some great fundraising materials: ™ Djg LZVg 6 =Vi 9Vn WVY\Zh WVY\Z WdmZh! plus balloons, posters, an A-Z of event ideas, an A-Z of Hats, and a Hat Quiz ™ IZbeaViZ egZhh gZaZVhZh [dg LZVg 6 =Vi 9Vn id help you maximise the publicity around your event ™ LZVg 6 =Vi 9Vn VcY di]Zg VlVgZcZhh gV^h^c\ videos on our YouTube channel www.youtube.com/braintumourresearch ™ >chigjXi^dch [dg bV`^c\ ndjg dlc ]Vih [dg Vaa the creative supporters out there!

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The pre UK’s bra mie i awan tumo r ur re eve ness nt

Reg charity no: 1093411

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HELP US put an end to brain tumours

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POST UP YOUR FUN HAT PICS & VIDEOS

Tel: 01296 733011 | www.braintumourresearch.org

MAYHEM! MEETS…

Pete

Codling WRITTEN BY ALYSON WATTS

50 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

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MAYHEM! MEETS…

You may not know the artist, yet you probably know the art as it adorns the streets of Portsmouth.

Now, after working for many years on public art projects, Pete Codling is returning to the basic tools of his trade and producing fine portraiture for private commissions, we catch up to find out more…

A respected artist within the city, Pete has gone full circle from his early forays working across the disciplines of landscape, furniture, architecture and sculpture. Known for the variety of materials he uses, projects including One Million Pebbles, the John Pounds Centre and Arundel Street Precinct have attracted national press and awards.

A graduate of Portsmouth University, he previously worked ‘outside the gallery’ in what he calls ‘the front line of public art; away from the galleries and ivory towers of academia into the streets, tower blocks and estates of regeneration areas.’

After creating a range of public realm artworks from the miniature to the epic; from large scale public commissions to artist interventions and installations, he has scaled back and recently opened his Atelier (a studio or workshop where an artist works) and has already garnered much interest and commissions.

‘I wanted to return to the basic drawing and painting in its truest form,’ he said. ‘So many of us are used to taking a digital image and looking at that, rather than seeing an artist’s impression of themselves. Sitting like this is something, which many of us may never experience yet it was commonplace before the invention of the camera.

I wanted to return to the basic craft of painting and to offer something that people will enjoy over the years.’

Set in a compact, former pub, his Atelier is a wonderful setting for commissions to emerge through sittings, sketchings and oils. With interest re-growing in portraiture, it’s a fantastic way to capture a moment in time for oneself or as a gift.

Working direct from the sitter, not a photograph, the personal, one-to-one time enables the artist to work with the subject and reflect back in oils, through feelings as well as image. With commissions taking from three to several months (taken over one/two hourly sittings at a time), it’s an investment and a fantastic opportunity, whether it’s for personal pleasure in keeping or in giving.

Pete Codling Atelier can be found at 86 Castle Road, Southsea PO5 3AZ. For further information, contact: 0750 3105 655 or email: info@petecodling.co.uk

www.petecodling.co.uk

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PROU D PU B L I S H E R S OF

YUMMY!

What could be more British than a hefty portion of good old Friday treat served in chip shops up and down the land, for seemingly as long as there’s been an England.

So it ’s only right that there’s a national Chip Week, taking place this year from 18th–24th February to spread the love for the chippy and the fried goodness within!

WHEN THE CHIPS

ARE DOWN GRUB’S UP

The chip shop originated in 1860, when Joseph Malin opened the first such outlet in Britain in London.

Adding fish to the menu soon followed, in the early 19th Century, as the rapidly developing railway network and spread of trawl fishing allowed for vast quantities of the citizens of the briny deep to be transported at speed across the country.

But the facilities in which all this was cooked were drastically more basic than what we’re used to today while we wait in line for our share of the fun. Most accounts suggest that the principal method of cooking in the early days was a large cauldron of 52 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

cooking fat, heated by a coal fire – which makes it all sound a bit like Mrs Lovett’s shop in Sweeney Todd, no? If nothing else that mental image could have you humming a note- perfect realisation of Stephen Sondheim’s original score while you eye up that mouth-watering cod and chips, dancing on the counters optional (though you’ll probably be told to clear off if you try).

OLD HARRY’S GAME Mention any of this to a relative of a certain age and they’ll most likely start pining for the good old days at Harry Ramsden’s. Harry opened his first restaurant in Guiseley, North Yorkshire, in 1928. And here’s a fun fact – did you know his nephew

WRITTEN BY CHRIS MORELY

Harry Corbett (later to create Sooty) played the piano there to entertain customers while they waited? We at Mayhem! think this is a great idea, and would urge any local chippy owners reading this to bring it back immediately!

Sadly Harry sold his business in 1954, and it’s now in the hands of Associated Fisheries. But don’t let it put you off, as there are many great similar outlets in Portsmouth and beyond, the city’s prime position as a port, making sure the best grub is available.

And if that’s not enough to make you want to tuck in, visit www.chips.lovepotatoes.co.uk.

To advertise in Mayhem! Magazine call us on: 023 9229 4408

WWW.MOTHERKELLYSFISHANDCHIP S.CO.UK

TRACEY CHILDS JAMES CLYDE MIRANDA FOSTER

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WEDDINGS ~ CELEBRATIONS ~ SPECIAL OCCASIONS ~ PRIVATE EVENTS ~ MEETINGS

VALENTINE’S DINNER & DANCE

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Our Gift Vouchers are a great way to treat a loved one this Valentine’s Day Available for Afternoon Tea, Sunday Carvery and Accommodation Packages

TO BOOK ANY OF THESE EVENTS ~ TEL 023 9282 2466 # 2 OR www.queenshotelportsmouth.com

SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND, BABY!

DAVID GUETTA FT. USHER WITHOUT YOU OMG ladies, he’s trying to say how pointless life would be if you weren’t around. Well, not around when he’s either feeling horny or hungry anyway.

You try showing up when he’s about to go to the football. Anyway, a must for any romantic evening this one, a slowly surging dance track that might just lead to some surging slowly later on.

KATY PERRY THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY Wail, sob! Poor old Katie, sometimes you just can’t hang onto the one you love the most – well, until the next one comes along that is. Lost love, oooh, the pain. Playing it when you’re together makes you feel how desperate you would feel if you had to part...forever.

Don’t think of that though. Make love, make love NOW and make love as if it’s the last time you’ll ever get to make love. For a few days anyway.

RIHANNA YOU DA ONE

MUSIC WRITTEN BY EDWARD COUZENS-LAKE

FOR LOVERS age of I def y anyone ove r the er, at nev y the 40 to den y that made a s, live ir the in nt som e poi t and res ‘mix tap e’ for their nea iou sly ser of s ute min deares t. 90 s. wit h the lad bal er pow ic ant rom a suitab ly obj ect ive of becoming k to rac ndt sou cal isia aph rod . We ’ve som e seriou sly hot sex e as far all don e it. We ll, gon t is... tha e tap the e mak as

Mayhem! brings this fine old tradition into the 21st Century and picks five tracks to accompany a little horizontal aerobics! Listen up…

54 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

BOYZ II MEN I’LL MAKE LOVE TO YOU Remember the video? Man gets letter, man reads letter, man takes clothes off as he’s reading the letter – not something you do when you get your bank statement! And that chorus, “...I’ll make love to you, like you want me to, and I’ll hold you tight, baby all through the night, I’ll make love to you...” OK ladies, so it’s complete rubbish – he’ll be gone by the morning but hey, he’s promising all night cuddles. Lot to live up to here gents: can you deliver?

Bit of girl power here. Rihanna is basically saying that she’s got her eyes on you and you’d better not stray else, boy, you’re going to get your sorry ass kicked. Who could resist? One for the ladies here – put it on, wear nothing more than a smile – and, if he then has the look of fear in his eyes, kick him out of the door because he isn’t worth it and is probably a letdown in bed anyway.

BARRY WHITE CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF YOUR LOVE, BABE You can’t not have a song by this man.

He was Mr Sex, a voice that was deeper than the Grand Canyon and growlier than a pride of hungry lions – with moves that no man has, or will ever be able to repeat. He loves you so much he can barely string together a coherent sentence. He is clearly, utterly, totally in love with you, either that or he’s desperate and has nicked one of his dad’s CD’s. But hey, he’s a trier!

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MUSIC TO MY EARS!

New year, new start, right?

This really could be the year you get that job or pass that exam! There are many different approaches you can take to prepare your mind and body for a prosperous and productive year – positive thinking and all that.

DANCES

With WOLFGANGS WRITTEN BY CHRIS MORELY

56 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

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MUSIC TO MY EARS!

#VU GPS TPNFUIJOH XJUI B MJUUMF NPSF TPQIJTUJDBUJPO XF UVSO UP B DFSUBJO "VTUSJBO DPNQPTFS BOE IJT NBOZ WBSJFE XPSLT BOE XIBU TDJFODF DBMMFE £UIF .P[BSU FGGFDU¤ ROCK ME AMADEUS But just what is the effect? First popularised by Dr Alfred A. Tomatis in his book ‘Why Mozart?’ (1991), which details his experience of using various pieces of old Wolfgang’s music in his efforts to ‘retrain’ the human ear, believing that listening at different frequencies helped in this process, as well as promoting healing and stimulation within the human brain itself.

Three years later a similar experiment was carried out to examine its effects on spatial reasoning ( also known as spatial awareness). Participants in the research were tested in a variety of different spatial awareness tasks having been exposed to either silence, ‘New Age’ relaxation music or a Mozart sonata, with the final results revealing that something in the sonata stimulated the brains of those exposed to it, basically suggesting that the brain responds to certain sound frequencies better than others, though it should be stressed that the tests lasted only 15 minutes, with any effect wearing off soon afterwards.

THE CLASSICAL Don Campbell’s book ‘The Mozart Effect – Tapping The Power Of Music To Heal The Body, Strengthen The Mind and Unlock The Creative Spirit’ (1997) then swiftly caused yet more controversy, discussing the theory that listening to the Mozart piano concertos may temporarily increase IQ and have benefits on other areas of mental function. Many similar studies had been conducted with no conclusive results, though it didn’t stop a follow-up for children, including specially selected pieces of music intended to aid intelligence and learning, creativity and imagination and deep rest and relaxation.

1998 saw a further boost to the theory when Zell Miller, governor of the state of Georgia, announced plans to set aside $105,000 a year from his official budget to provide every local child with a CD of classical music (not exclusively by Mozart, as the effect has been found to be present in a number of different pieces across styles and genres).

Research by the British Epilepsy Organisation into the phenomenon subsequently also found that Wolfie’s Piano Concerto No.23 and K.448 being played to epileptics led to a decrease in seizures and similar activity – so why not treat your neurons, as well as your ears, to a bit of culture?

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Passion for selling?

If so we want to hear from you!

Mayhem! is looking for an "EWFSUJTJOH 4BMFT &YFDVUJWF to join our vibrant team.

You’ll need to have: q Media sales experience and excellent communication skills; You’ll need to be: q A good team player with a strong work ethic; q Confident, trustworthy, determined and dynamic; q Proactive and creative.

If this sounds like you, please get in touch today!

Send your CV to: hello@mayhemmagazine.co.uk

READY, STEADY…COOK!

WRITTEN BY ANDREA FERNANDEZ

How to…

COOK

DINNER

FOR YOUR LOVED ONE THIS

VALENTINE’S DAY without the hassle or stress!

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READY, STEADY…COOK!

DESIGN A MENU Try and find recipes that both of you will enjoy; sometimes it’s easier to think about the types of food you feel most at ease cooking: what type of meat, perhaps a pasta dish, or a vegetarian option.

Deconstruct the menu, it’ll make it less challenging and easier to organise.

Look at recipes – they’re everywhere: the internet (BBC Good Food website is particularly good), your family’s recipe book collection, your local library, etc. Following a recipe will particularly help when it comes to buying ingredients and getting the timings right.

Don’t worry if you can’t seem to find the perfect recipe, just focus on the main cooking instructions and adapt the rest to your taste. For instance, if the recipe calls for lots of coriander but you are not keen, just replace with a different herb and tweak the seasoning to taste.

You can also mix and match bits of different recipes by pairing the main meal from one with the side from another.

First option, vegetarian or meat dish. If you choose meat, the next option would be poultry, red meat or fish. Don’t feel afraid of vegetarian meals, even if they require a bit more imagination and a bigger array of ingredients, they can be just as filling and really tasty, and you can get to the dessert guilt-free!

Choose a seasonal starter (seafood and sprouts are at their best in February).

Soups are also great at this time of year but avoid anything overly rich.

Dessert is the indulgent bit, so choose something especially for your guest.

Chocolate is always a winner, and don’t forget the extra bits to accompany, like cream, ice cream or custard!

BE PREPARED Part of making this hassle-free is being as organised as possible when it comes to cooking.

If you tend to get easily distracted, make a note of the the order in which things need to be cooked.

Write an ingredients list and don’t forget to include any herbs or spices that you might need and don’t forget to dress the table with flowers and candles.

You might need to borrow a food processor or an electric whip, but nothing that a friendly neighbour wouldn’t have! With some recipes you can do all the chopping before hand, or you can also buy prechopped vegetables. Also take into consideration many desserts need to be chilled or thawed overnight and the same goes for marinated meats.

GET COOKING! Allow enough time to cook everything accordingly and try not to get flustered.

Take one thing at a time and refer to your timings.

Enjoy it, after all this is a meal for yourself too!

Bangladeshi & Indian Cuisine

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He has won many awards including silver and gold medals in renowned international competitions and now brings these qualities from the Jumeirah Beach Hotel in Dubai to the Aubergine restaurant in Albert Road. Offering delicious real home-style indian cooking. Our menu has been created to demonstrate an exciting range of flavours and dishes, using excellent quality fresh produce. Come along and enjoy a delicious meal prepared by our award winning chef, you can be sure of a fabulous evening.

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FROM SUPERBAD TO SUPERGOOD

E mma

Stone A MAYHEM! EXCLUSIVE

60 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

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FROM SUPERBAD TO SUPERGOOD

Superbad actress Emma Stone is back, starring in Movie 43. Here she talks comedy, anxiety, and working with Ryan Gosling.

Leggy, lithe, and luminously beautiful, Emma Stone is riding high these days.

She’s enjoying a fabulous romance with Andrew Garfield with whom she co-starred in this past summer’s The Amazing Spider-Man, and recently sizzled as the vampish vixen who seduces Ryan Gosling in gritty cop drama, Gangster Squad. So playing a woman who contracts HPV (also known as genital warts) after a rather amorous encounter with a homeless man in Movie 43, the film described as a mish-mash of movie shorts, can hardly do her career any favours.

Well seeing as she got her break in ‘gross-out’ teen comedy Superbad, it seems like Stone wants to stay relatively true to her roots. “Comedy is what really got my career going,” she remarks. “I would rather be seen as funny rather than sexy when it comes to my work.”

“I love watching comedies and when I was growing up I fell in love with the old Saturday Night Live shows and I was inspired by people like Steve Martin and Gilda Radner and Bill Murray and John Candy. They were trailblazers for me and Lorne Michaels (the creator/ producer of SNL) is also one of my idols.”

“Before I moved to LA with my mum, I did a lot of theatre, improv, and sketch comedy growing in Arizona. Doing improv was like playing sports for me.

It taught me patience and teamwork.

It gave me a comfort zone and the feeling that this was something I could make a living at.”

Currently the 24-year-old is one of Hollywood’s hottest properties,

working on the sequel to The Amazing Spider-Man and Cameron Crowe’s yet untitled new comedy alongside Bradley Cooper. But Stone admits the pace of Tinseltown life can be hard to take.

While happily loved up, Garfield should naturally be concerned over the close bond between Stone and Ryan Gosling after the pair worked together again in Gangster Squad.

Clearly she’s a big fan.

“Sometimes it’s hard to adjust to all the travelling and being away so much.

You go into this microcosm of people and you get really close; then you leave and you never really see them again.

And then you go somewhere else and do it all over again. It’s like one summer camp after another, without ever going home in between.”

“I loved working with Ryan again. Ryan and I just hit if off from the first moment and he has this funny, playful nature that is so pleasant to be around. He has a different take on life, although, when it comes to work he’s very serious and completely dedicated. He has this natural charisma that surrounds him in whatever he does.”

She and boyfriend Garfield divide their time between a Chelsea townhouse in New York where they have been living for most of the past year and a recently purchased home in LA, but the photogenic couple make every effort to stay grounded.

“He’s very funny and a very generous actor who’s so interesting to work with. But I kind of freaked him out when we were doing the Dirty Dancing scene (in Crazy Stupid Love) where he lifts me up over his head. We had practised the scene a few times but then when we did in front of the cameras, I had this panic attack. I broke both my arms doing gymnastics on the parallel bars when I was seven, and until we did this scene, I never realised that I had this unconscious fear of being lifted up like that. So I panicked and I started screaming for him to let me down and I accidently kicked him in the throat.

But at least they were able to use my screams as a voice over for when the stunt double replaced me for that scene!

“I’ve the sheer luck of having parents who would never allow me to lose my mind like that. I mean, they just would not let that happen. And I need that, knowing that they’re always going to be there for me.”

“I’d be a mess without that. I need to have people to cry to, because I don’t want to get calloused. I don’t want to grow a thick skin. You know, you see these actors sometimes, who’ve been famous for a long time, and they’ve grown like this rhino skin, emotionally?”

“And it makes sense, it’s a defence mechanism. But then they can’t relate to people in the same way anymore, and you can see it onscreen. They can’t emote like they used to. And I never, ever want that to happen to me.”

Check out our website for even more... www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk

“Ryan was such a gentleman, though.

Even though I know I kind of freaked him out, he just stayed cool and tried to help me calm down.”

“But, hey, all in a day’s work, right?!”

FEBRUARY 2013 | MAYHEM!

61

ELEMENTARY MY DEAR WATSON!

THEME It’s always best to establish a theme for your party, whether it’s stepping back to the Wild West with cowboys, blood sucking vampires, Vegas casino or even a 1920’s Gangsters and Flappers. Once you’ve chosen your theme, you can come up with a script, characters and decorations. It’s a great idea to write a simple script that won’t get ruined instantly, but also means it’s not impossible to solve within three–four hours. Keep it scary, interesting and believable. Assign your guests to specific characters, based on personalities. You want your party-goers to feel comfortable but also be someone different. Decorate your venue with items from the era, checking charity shops and party stores for cheap goods. If the thought of script writing and inventing characters is something which leaves you with the feeling of murder, then why not visit websites for ideas or even call in the professional actors!

THE BIG NIGHT

HOW TO…

HOST A MURDER MYSTERY PARTY

WRITTEN BY KELLY WICKHAM

Are you easily ins pired by th e un rave lling pl ot s in show s lik e Poirot, CSI, De xt er or ev en Dic k to commit th e perf ec t murder of course , bu t ju st to de tang le th e we b of deceit, lie s an d my st ery of ‘w hodunnit ’? If th e an sw er is yes th en why not host yo ur ow n Murder My st ery Part y – invite your fr ien ds, decorate your hous e, lay on some food an d le t th e fun begin …

62 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

Get the invitations out at least six weeks in advance so people can get into character and get costumes sorted.

Remind guests to keep their characters a secret from absolutely everyone, it’s much more interesting to wait until the night. When everyone has arrived, ensure they spend time circulating and asking character questions. Lay on a buffet, so as host, you can spend more time concentrating on the action and visitors can nibble throughout the night.

Grab an evidence table to use to display evidence as it’s revealed, this also helps guests meet up and review the facts of the case and socialise.

SOLVING THE CRIME Clues should be broken down into rounds and sealed in envelopes for each character. Different people need to hear different things so they come to different conclusions. Remember stretching and hiding the truth is fine, but don’t lie! At the end of the night, ask your visitors to gather their thoughts and determine the who, how and why, just like in a game of Cluedo! don’ t forget to have fun!

To advertise in Mayhem! Magazine call us on: 023 9229 4408

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WWW.NATIONALEATINGDISORDERS.ORG

It’s quite likely that you know someone who has suffered from an eating disorder.

What’s more probable is that you didn’t know that they are experiencing it, as those who have the condition are likely to keep it under wraps, a secret they’d rather not share with anyone – even you.

YOU AREN’T WHAT YOU EAT WRITTEN BY EDWARD COUZENS-LAKE

64 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

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WWW.NATIONALEATINGDISORDERS.ORG

National Eating Disorders Awareness Week (11th–17th February) aims to bring the condition and awareness of it to a wider public audience, including illustrating how

WWW.MARPLECROSSCENTRE.CO.UK/FIND-A-THERAPIST

Need to talk?

it affects the lives of those in the UK who have been diagnosed with it.

WHAT IS AN EATING DISORDER? They are conditions defined by abnormal eating habits.

These may involve either taking in excessive food – or, in complete contrast, insufficient amounts. In both cases, the intake, or lack of it, is to the detriment of an individual’s physical and mental health.

Visit the Marple Cross Centre and start to change your life

HOW MANY PEOPLE DOES IT AFFECT? It’s thought to affect up to 10 million people in the UK alone, the very great majority of which are women with only around 10% of that figure accounting for male sufferers.

WHY ARE SO MANY WOMEN AFFECTED? Magazines and other media output, mostly controlled by men, spends much of its time and budget on articles and photographs demonstrating, intentionally or not, what the shape and look of the ‘perfect’ woman should be.

Broadly speaking, this means ‘thin’, a perceived perfect physical shape that all women are expected to strive for, no matter what the cost. The eating disorders of Bulimia or Annorexia Nervosa can be a consequence of this.

WHAT CAUSES AN EATING DISORDER? Precise causes are currently not fully understood, however, contemporary evidence suggests that it may be linked to other medical conditions. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in young girls has been linked with eating disorders as has Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

There is also the relentless peer pressure and portrayal of idealised body types as illustrated in media.

SO WHAT’S NATIONAL EATING DISORDERS WEEK ALL ABOUT? Its ultimate aim is to prevent eating disorders and negative body issues while removing the stigma that surrounds them. It is critical to remember that these are not ‘fads’ or choices but potentially life threatening illnesses – hence the importance of prominence and the need to recognise pressures, attitudes and behaviours that shape the disorder.

This year’s NEDAwareness Week theme is ‘Everybody Knows Somebody’. For more information and to find out how you can get involved, visit www.nationaleatingdisorders.org.

If you think this condition is affecting your life or that of a friend or family member, always consult a qualified health professional.

023 9229 5757 Albemarle House, Osborne Road, Southsea PO5 3LB

ANYTHING GOES

Vintage Clothing Anything Goes is the charity shop for Bivol Trust, which provides art, dressmaking and social groups for young people with learning disabilities in Portsmouth, Fareham and Gosport.

Come to us for an excellent range of affordable vintage clothing! If you are looking for special outfits from the 1940’s or 1950’s or just funky dresses, tops, skirts, jeans, bags or accessories from the 1960’s, 70’s or 80’s, come and have a look!

See also our special range of rare and sought after Edwardian and 1930’s dresses – ideal for weddings and a fraction of the usual cost! We also sell vinyls, vintage books and bric-a-brac.

You will come away with a bargain and you will be helping young disabled people too!!

97 Elm Grove, Southsea PO2 1LH

07588 657 315 www.thebivoltrust.org

in partnership with...

UK Singing Competition For Pre Teens & Teens

Enter Now at... www.TeenStarCompetition.co.uk

Au comdition FA ing s R E to H

AM

CATCH UP WITH…

JOSEPHINE WRITTEN BY CHRIS DONNELLY

68 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

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CATCH UP WITH…

Josephine’s brand new single, ‘Portrait’, out on 18th February, is taken from her recently released debut album of the same title.

2012 was a breakthrough year and her album received huge acclaim heralding her as a terrific new British voice with her appearance on ‘Later… with Jools Holland’ going down a treat!

We catch up with Josephine on tour with Paloma Faith, ahead of her show at the Portsmouth Guildhall on 5th February.

Congratulations on the album – it must have been a great way to end the year hearing so many people try to put into words how much they loved it?

Thanks, yeah 2012 was a pretty good year. I think most of the reviews were pretty complimentary and it was interesting to read the variety of responses to the album in terms of how reviewers have interpreted the lyrics and style.

When you recorded it, was there a particular message or idea you hoped people would consider or think about as they listened to the album?

Every song is a bit of a tale in itself.

There was no one message greater than the other. Only that each song really contains a different section of my life as a musician and artist, and as a girl from Manchester.

Each song is a little portrait.

In terms of recording it, were there any moments which you look back on fondly?

The best part of recording the album was having a full band and my producer Leo in the studio at the same time. Because of the way technology is now so many things are done piece by piece so you rarely get a full band in a room. But for ‘The last minute’ and ‘Portrait’, that’s how we did it. It was a really fun time.

Have you given any thought to what you might do differently when you come to record more music in the future?

Right now I’d like to really focus on song structures and finding out what else is out there. There is so much more than just verse/chorus, verse chorus.

Tell us a bit about your single ‘Portrait ’ – what inspired it?

‘Portrait’ is about the image we all put out in the world, how different that image can be to what we actually are. It was inspired by the wealth of technology all around us and it really asks the question ‘would we be something different without the influence of TV, video games and the internet etc on our lives?’

A lot of folks are just wowed by your vocals on the album. Who do you remember hearing while growing up? Were there certain artists or musicians that inspired you to into the sort of soul, folk and blues music you’re in now?

I did listen to a lot of folk artists (and still do). I remember hearing Odetta for the first time and being really impressed by the powerful brand of folk music she sang.

Appearing on ‘Later…with Jools Holland’ must have been quite an experience too. What was it like to be a part of that?

It was a great couple of days. Just being there mingling with people like Alice Cooper, getting hugs from Dionne Warwick. It was surreal at times. And a real benchmark as to where I’m up to with my career.

Being invited on the show made me really proud of the album so far.

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You’re touring with Paloma Faith – she’s known for her unusual attire, so do you think you’ll be swapping items from your wardrobes, or are you hoping to pick up a few tips and start creating your own fashion masterpieces?

Ha ha – I’m pretty sure our wardrobes will be staying very separate. When I play live it’s usually just myself or myself and another musician.

That means playing guitar pretty consistently throughout the set, moving around a lot and generally being really focused so I like to keep it fairly simple live otherwise I just wouldn’t be very comfortable.

What are you looking forward to most with the upcoming tour dates?

The best thing about playing so many gigs back to back is that the songs and the performances get better and better as you go along. I’m really looking forward to improving the live show and getting on the road again in April with an even stronger live set up.

Do you still manage to write while on tour, how does that work?

Writing on the road is fine as long as you get some time to do it.

Sometimes, going from promo to gig then to bed then waking up and on to the next city, there just isn’t time.

don’ t forg et to ch eck ou t th e album , ou t now !

FEBRUARY 2013 | MAYHEM!

69

GETTING GREEN FINGERED!

LAWNS Time to aerate when a dry spell permits. Do this by making holes in the soil with a fork, this allows water to drain from the surface of the lawn, not only helping it dry out but also helping prevent the growth of moss which normally thrives on wet lawns.

ROSES If your existing roses have been lashed by winter gales give them some support and firm the ground around them. You can even plant new ones if the soil is dry enough.

SEEDING FLOWERS Time to plan that Spring planting programme. And get the ground ready by lightly forking the beds that you will be using, removing weeds, organic debris and large stones. If you really want to indulge Mother Earth, work in a little bone meal. You can even sow some of the half-hardy annuals under glass.

TREES AND SHRUBS

FEBRUARY

WRITTEN BY EDWARD COUSINS-LAKE

IN THE GARDEN

If you’re going for some of the bigger stuff, now’s the time to plant it – again, when the weather is favourable and the soil fairly dry. If you have any shrubs that you want to leave to run a flowery riot in the Summer (i.e.

Clematis) cut it back to within about an inch of the old wood. Less now will usually mean more in the Summer.

VEGETABLES Go really green, make 2013 the year you plant and eat your own food! You can sow early peas and beans now, as well as get a border or even some large pots ready for seed potatoes.

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70 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

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CELEBS LIMITED!

WHAT IF CELEBS WERE...

COMPANIES?

From Apple to the Build A Bear Workshop, we have fun matching the famous faces to the business model they most closely resemble‌ 72 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

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CELEBS LIMITED!

DAVID BECKHAM APPLE Apple is now so ubiquitous it’s actually overtaken the fruit of the same name, which will soon be rebranded as ‘Crunchy Tree Spuds”. Becks meanwhile has morphed from a mere human into a brushed steel global brand/ scent/presence that everybody wants a piece of, without ever understanding why.

JIMMY CARR STARBUCKS They’re ruddy everywhere, aren’t they? BBC2, that shop that used to be Woolworths – dispensing rapier wit and gingerbread latte. Both the Carr and Starbucks juggernauts have been temporarily halted by tax avoidance scandals – but no doubt we’ll soon have forgotten all about it, and ordered an almond croissant with a joke about wheelchairs.

LADY GAGA ARGOS

MARIO BALOTELLI WACKY WAREHOUSE

Argos is weird: stubby pens, baffling search-calculators and an awkward sitting arena where customers perch uncomfortably waiting to ‘win’ their purchases. If it was a person, Argos would disguise its insecurities by wearing pork loin dresses, carrying an antique teapot everywhere and having dinner with Julian Assange.

The Man City forward is a human ball pit armed with a sponge-disc dispensing machine gun, high on orange squash and refusing to listen to daddy’s desperate pleas for calm.

Madder than a wet hen, we imagine his actual home is also rather like a firework-strewn adult version of every kids’ favourite romper room.

SIR DAVID ATTENBOROUGH ROLLS-ROYCE

VERNON KAY THE 99P SHOP

Is there anything more luxurious than Sir Dave’s honeyed vocal cords?

His are V8 voiceovers, the aural equivalent of piloting a millionpound Silver Ghost to a magnificent country home in leather driving gloves, even when he’s describing a mongoose passing wind. Quite a skill.

He’s rampantly popular, but the budgets for shows fronted by the Boltonian are plummeting so fast that they’ll soon match everyone’s favourite place to buy a sponge. After celebrity belly-flop challenge Splash!

– British TV’s nadir – there are rumours Kay will soon be presenting Mucky Squabble – a show in which celebrities fight over a packet of Wotsits in a puddle.

PROFESSOR BRIAN COX GOOGLE Aesthetically pleasing and brilliant dispensers of things you never knew.

Cox’s wistful stargazing has turned a new generation on to the powers of science, while Google is now a byword for accessing knowledge. We also imagine Cox would fit right in at Google HQ, playing ping-pong and ‘imagineering’ wildly on beanbags with his fellow swots.

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KATE MIDDLETON BAE SYSTEMS It’s a serious business, securing Britain’s future. The UK’s largest defence contractor preserved 6,000 jobs thanks to a £2.5bn deal to build jets for Oman, while the country’s supply of monarchs was also replenished as the Duchess of Cambridge (also riding a tidal wave of popularity after clapping some sport) started growing the foetus of our future overlord in her much-admired womb.

HARRY STYLES BUILD A BEAR WORKSHOP Sickeningly cute, great hair, lusted after by girls everywhere, and probably containing innards made from lovely fluff rather than the horrible gizzards found inside everyone else. There’s no doubt that our Harold is the human embodiment of the ursine-constructing high street behemoth that, ahem – ‘takes advantage’ of the odd mum.

PIERS MORGAN THE PARKING TICKET COMPANY Like the PTC, who dispense yellow ‘charge notice’ with an efficiency unparalleled in any other sector of British society, Morgan is relentlessly successful, gets right up people’s noses – and couldn’t care less. Come the apocalypse, only cockroaches, Piers Morgan and the Parking Ticket Company will remain.

FEBRUARY 2013 | MAYHEM!

73

WHAT’S FOR PUDDING?

hing newto Try somet something different

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THE NORTHERN

SOUL SUNDAY ROAST

OF THE

WRITTEN BY CHRIS MORLEY AND JENNIE RAWLING

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74 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

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WHAT’S FOR PUDDING?

A MEATY TALE

The Yorkshire pudding is thought to take its name from the region in which it is believed to have been created in the mid 17th Century around 1747, as cooks looked to make good use of the fat which found its way into dripping pans as meat roasted in the oven in the preparation of meals.

Hannah Glasse is thought to have refined an earlier recipe for what had been called ‘dripping pudding’ in her book ‘The Art Of Cookery Made Plain And Easy’, though an earlier version had been published in 1737, in a book called ‘The Whole Duty Of A Woman’: “Make a good batter as for pancakes; put in a hot toss-pan over the fire with a bit of butter to fry the bottom a little then put the pan and butter under a shoulder of mutton, instead of a dripping pan, keeping frequently shaking it by the handle and it will be light and savoury, and fit to take up when your mutton is enough; then turn it in a dish and serve it hot.”

Glasse’s work was aimed more towards domestic servants (or ‘the lower sort’ as she rather disdainfully referred to them), though depending on point of view she could hardly be seen to be any better, as she plagiarised several ‘authentic’ recipes from other sources.

The pudding was often eaten first to fill you up so you wouldn’t need much of the precious meat. The drippings it contained also provided a good source of essential fat in people’s diet, which was hard to come by back then.

HOW T’COOK T’ PUDDING Yorkshire pudding is traditionally cooked by pouring a batter made from milk (or water), flour and eggs into oiled then preheated baking pans, ramekins or muffin tins (in the case of mini puddings).

Perhaps nowadays it’s Aunt Bessie who’s best known for ensuring they remain a favourite (unless you’re lucky enough to have a budding Bessie for a mother or gran).

The brand’s ready-made frozen puddings were originally created in 1974 on a commission from Butlins holiday camps, launching into supermarkets only in 1995 with its expansion into supermarkets.

But fate wasn’t always on Auntie’s side – three months after its launch into retail, the original Aunt Bessie’s factory on Trinity Street in Hull was burned to the ground, though the company’s headquarters remain in that particular corner of the East Riding of Yorkshire.

Donning a flat cap is of course optional, and you don’t have to take a whippet for a walk, but why not bring North and South closer together by munching on arguably its greatest gastronomic legacy?

A CHAT WITH…

Jarred CHRISTMAS INTERVIEW BY FELICITY PATRICK

Kiwi comedian, Jarred Christmas, is finally coming to entertain us in Portsmouth on the 1st March 2013. The star of Mock the Week, Flight of the Concordes, 8 out of 10 cats, and how can we forget those Pot Noodle adverts, will bring his unique style that mixes gags with storytelling and we can’t wait. We catch up with Jarred to find out more…

You’ve lived in the UK for over 12 years now – what ’s the best and worst thing about being a kiwi in Britain and have you acquired any distinctively British traits?

The best thing thing about being a kiwi in London is I get an outsider’s point of view on the idiosyncracies of British life. I have started saying crisps instead of chips, guv’na instead of mate and I’ve developed a slight hatred of the French.

Were you working in comedy before you moved to the UK? Can you tell us about the comedy scene down under?

Yes I started stand up in NZ. I did the NZ comedy festival in ’99 and 2000. The scene was very small back then. I ran my own gigs in Christchurch because there weren’t any and I needed stage time. I had about four gigs a month at one point, which for a NZ comic in the South Island is a lot of work. In contrast when I got to the UK I worked every night of the week and sometimes have done four gigs in one night.

Many young comedians choose stand-up as a career as opposed to stumbling into it. Did you always want to get into comedy?

What were your options?

I stumbled into stand up, although looking back I guess I was heading towards it anyway. I did a lot of drama courses when I was a kid, I then started doing theatre sports/improv like “Whose Line is it Anyway” while 80 MAYHEM! | FEBRUARY 2013

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A CHAT WITH… at school. There was a nationwide competition, school vs school, then you could get selected to represent your county and play other counties. One year we had a South Island vs North Island improv tournament, which was awesome. So after years of drama and improv comedy, when a friend dared me to do stand up, I gave it a go and I’m still giving it a go. Once I had tasted stand up and loved it, the only real option was to move to the UK. It’s where the best work is and the best comics.

Okay, we can’ t not mention your performance as Madonna for Comic Relief in 2011…that hot pink leotard was something else! Were there hours of dance training or did it come naturally?

Of course it came naturally, I may not look graceful but this boy can move!

Actually I did a week of eight hour days rehearsals. I nailed that dance and then the day before the show they put me in heels and it went all kinds of crazy. My daughter loves that Madonna clip and she always points at high heels and says “Daddy’s shoes”. She is 18. No, she is three.

How did the Pot Noodle advert come about, and what’s your

I auditioned for the advert and I had never had a pot noodle. I think I’ve had maybe half a pot noodle since. I tasted all of them through the adverts, the beef and tomato would be my choice.

You recently performed in the pantomime Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs with the stellar line up of Warwick Davis and Priscilla Presley. Can you talk to us about the experience, and have you got any backstage stories or gossip?

Yes it was a brilliant experience.

Warwick is a dude and really fun to work with. Each show he would give me a word I had to smuggle into the show somehow. The toughest word he gave me was ‘Iraqi’. I got it in but it was tough and a bit risky. I think I said “I wanna party like a free Iraqi”

Anyway afterwards he told me the word was actually “Hierarchy” which would have been piss easy.

Priscilla was lovely and up for a laugh.

One show I had to sneak off stage during the ‘Gangnam Style’ dance routine because I was desperate for a poo. For three shows afterwards in the middle of a scene where I was doing some excellent overacting, Priscilla would go off script and ask me if I needed the toilet. So we had fun and it was a really good show. No gossip apart from all the dodgy Elvis impersonators who showed up to see Priscilla. I always wondered what they wanted her to say: “Oh, you’re alive!”

We can’ t wait to see you in Portsmouth, what can we expect from your up and coming show?

Laughs. I like to keep some answers simple. Ok, maybe some giggles.

Set the scene for us: You’re back stage getting ready for a show…

and I’m busting for a dump and no one has separated the blue M&Ms from the other colours.

I don’t really like heckles!

How do you deal with hecklers?

Love ‘em or hate ‘em? What’s been your best ever heckle?

I don’t really like heckles. Comics have worked really hard on their material to get it to the level they are performing at. Some drunk bloke then shouts something pointless out, it’s a bit annoying. For the comic and the audience. It’s something you have to deal with though and sometimes the heckle is just a knee jerk reaction, so you can’t just slam them.

There was one heckle that undid me very early on in my career. I was in Croydon so it wasn’t a great start anyway. A guy shouted out “You have ruined my birthday” which I’m pretty

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confident that I did. I had no answer and just finished my set to silence, I then muttered “Happy birthday” as I left the stage.

What’s your favourite short joke?

I will tell you my three year old daughter’s favourite joke; What do you call a lady with a sheep on her head?

Baaa ba Raaa! She now tries to make up her own versions, most of them are rubbish. The best one recently was what do you call a lady with a toilet on her head? Lulu!

How do you come up with ideas for your shows? What’s your writing process?

That’s like asking Colonel Sanders how much salt is in his secret recipe, of which he would reply drunkenly “Its all salt, make sure you get a Pepsi”.

I keep my eyes and ears open, or I focus on a subject that I find interesting. Then it’s a matter of writing it and trying it in front of a crowd until it works or you throw it out.

What’s been the most rewarding moment of your career so far?

I’ve had a couple. 2010 I was on a televised gala show in Montreal hosted by Steve Martin. Meeting him and having him compliment me on my gig was spectacular. The other moment would have been last year performing at the Sydney Opera House with Noel Fielding. 3,000 people in an Opera House hearing me swear.

Finally, what advice can you give to any aspiring comedians out there?

Just go for it, but if you keep sucking year after year, maybe do something else. Like vacuuming!

Checkout Jarred at r the Spinnaker towe on come dy club Friday 1s t March an d for more se e .com ww w.bant ercome dy FEBRUARY 2013 | MAYHEM!

81

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