Mayhem! Magazine - Issue 6 (World Book Night Special)

PORTSMOUTH’S #1 FREE

LIFESTYLE MAGAZINE

ISSUE 6

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Meg Rosoff

World Book Night ‘ Special’

…one to one with

Jason Donovan

Twin Atlantic

…a catch up with

CELEBS | SPORTS | MUSIC | FILM | BEAUTY | FASHION | HUMOUR

FR

…bares all in a Mayhem! Exclusive

PI C

K

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I’M

…Reality bites

APRIL 2012 | MAYHEM!

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MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

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WORD FROM THE TOP!

Founder/Director Daniel Tidbury Editor Mia Habens Assistant Editor Tori Nairn Studio Manager Felicity Patrick Graphic Design Tidbury Design Staff Writers Mia Habens Edward Couzens-Lake Contributing Writers Hannah Pidgley Sam Cottee Tory Harris Tori Nairn Mia Habens Chris Morley Jennifer Le Roux Ben Jones Hayley Malins Felicity Patrick Nick Bush Anabela Gavrilova Nightlife Paparazzi Mick Wythe Matt Byne Promotions Felicity Patrick Daniel Tidbury Jennifer Le Roux Sales/Marketing Simone Sarsfield Jennifer Le Roux Distribution Jamie Pay Jamie Matthews Publisher Tidbury Media 023 9229 4408 hello@mayhemmagazine.co.uk The Clock Tower, 44 Castle Rd, PO5 3DE www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk Mayhem! is a free lifestyle magazine dedicated to entertaining the people of Portsmouth. Keep up to date with the latest trends, fashions and interviews with our monthly instalments available to pick up from the countless distribution points scattered across the city and surrounding areas at the beginning of each month. © Copyright 2012.

All rights reserved, Tidbury Media .

EDITOR’S

LETTER

It’s April and our last ever issue…

Gotcha…April fools! Mayhem! is going from strength to strength and this month we’re all about the written word. We’re escaping into whole new worlds of wonder, fantastical futures and gritty dramas by celebrating World Book Night.

And we’re even catching up with one of the authors of choice, Meg Rosoff, about her success, her future and how to cure the dreaded writer’s block.

But if books aren’t your bag baby, then fear not – Mayhem! offers something for everyone and April is no exception. We’ve not only got music interviews with Twin Atlantic, the Artful Dodger and more, but we’ve also got lots of Easter treats, seasonal fashions and plenty to see and do in Portsmouth and the surrounding areas.

We’re also catering to all you sporty types out there, with a focus on the famous University boat race; we’re finding out all about the weird and wacky world of Octopush, and the upcoming horse-racing is also jockeying for position.

So, if you fancy having a flutter on the Grand National this month or getting down and dirty with Bear Grylls, then this is the place for you!

Hope you Enjoy!

Mia Habens

@MAYHEMMAG

Check out our website for even more... www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk

| Editor

THE MAYHEM MAGAZINE APRIL 2012 | MAYHEM!

5

WHAT’S INSIDE

GREAT SAVINGS ACROSS THE CITY LOOK OUT FOR YOUR MATES WITH OUR MAYHEM! MOMENTS...

ON PAGES 74-79

11

New job, new hope…

12 Pity the fool!

14 Bear Grylls bares all 20 Perfect eyeliner… in 10 east steps

32 The Crabb conspiracy at Gunwharf Quays

58 Reality bites with Jason Donovan

34 Rockin’ out with…

Belligerence

60 World Book Night

42 Skull Candy

64 One to one with…

Meg Rosoff

22 Catch up with…

Twin Atlantic

44 Rewind with… Artful 48 Fancy a Flutter?

68 Mayhem! checks out…

Octopush!

26 Worst fad diets

50 Good old St. George

70 A laugh with…Adam Kay

28 Mayhem! Easter egg-off

54 Buying a home… our simple tips!

72 Hit the ground running in the London Marathon

56 The Boat Race

80 Eyes front soldier!

30 How to…make perfect Hot Cross Buns

page 58

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MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

pag e 14

page 64

p a g e 34

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NINE TO FIVE!

8IFUIFS B DIBOHF PG DBSFFS JT GPSDFE VQPO ZPV PS ZPVS KPC JT KVTU OPU HJWJOH ZPV B SFBTPO UP XBLF VQ JO UIF NPSOJOHT MPPLJOH GPS B OFX DBSFFS JT OFWFS BO FBTZ UBTL 5IBU¤T XIZ .BZIFN IBWF KPUUFE EPXO TPNF VTFGVM QPJOUFST UP FOIBODF ZPVS $7

LOOKING FOR A

FRESH START? WRITTEN BY HANNAH PIDGLEY

LOOK ABOVE AND BEYOND

BREAKING POINT If you’re one of those people that are fed up of the same old routine, day in – day out, then why not do something about it? Your job, whatever it may be, will have more to it than just the task that’s been outlined, so mention to your boss how you’re feeling. We’ve all been there at some point and they should be able to help. Low moral can be changed simply by having new tasks to focus on or some new goals.

Any boss would be happy to learn that their staff want to do more. Who knows, that initiative could even lead to a promotion!

If asking for more tasks and responsibility hasn’t changed how you’re feeling, then it may be time to move on. But don’t just quit – that’s not fair on yourself or the people that depend on you. We also need money to survive and working while you hunt for something else is a lot better than being completely broke and landing yourself in debt!

Now is the time to sit down and think about your strengths – the things that are going to shine if you decide a new job is in order. There are thousands of job sites online and no-one needs to know you’re applying elsewhere until you’ve nailed that interview and you can hand in your notice!

Check out our website for even more... www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk

NO QUICK FIX So you weren’t happy and you changed jobs. Are you happy now?

If you just changed jobs because you were fed up or you didn’t like the travelling, then be prepared my friend, as there will almost definitely be something you don’t like about the new job too – from the lunch in the canteen to the clocking-in system. That’s why it’s important to change jobs for the right reasons – you don’t want to look back and think you could have handled that annoying receptionist for a few more years or that the bus ride really wasn’t that bad after all.

APRIL 2012 | MAYHEM!

11

PRANKS THROUGHOUT HISTORY!

PITY THE

FOOL WRITTEN BY EDWARD COUZENS-LAKE

win d up. yone lik es a good Le t ’s fa ce it ; ev er an d st touch paper an d So , lig ht th e blue n! ai ag ril Fool’s Day w ell ba ck ...it ’s Ap shy to w hip ne has never be en May hem! magazi at som e an d take s a look ou t th e w hoop ee e past... th l Fool capers of examples of Apri

SLICE OF Pi

SPAGHETTI HARVEST An all-time classic, courtesy of the BBC in 1957. The feature, shown on flagship current affairs programme ‘Panorama’ showed a bumper ‘spaghetti harvest’ in Southern Switzerland.

The footage shows a Swiss family, clad in national dress pulling the spaghetti off trees to a commentary that included the line “...for those that love the dish, there is nothing like real, home-grown spaghetti.”

As the show was presented by then TV heavyweight Richard Dimbleby, millions of people fell for the trick, convinced that, if he was involved then the story had to be factual and many people contacted the BBC asking where they could purchase some spaghetti trees for themselves!

12 MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

COLOUR TV Determined not to be left behind by their staid colleagues at the BBC, those crazy executives on Swedish TV announced in 1962 that all Swedish viewers with black and white sets could, thanks to advances in technology, instantly convert them to colour by simply covering them with a pair of nylon tights. And yes, the Swedish people, masters of flat pack furniture and sensible cars, fell for it completely – causing sales of tights to go through the roof.

In 1998, State legislators in the US City of Huntsville, Alabama passed a law redefining the value of Pi from its commonly known and revered 3.142 to three. Suitable outrage erupted from the scientific community with one learned man in a white coat from the military saying, “... it would have been nice if they had consulted with someone who actually uses Pi”, only for the legislature to magnificently respond by saying that “... the mathematicians are being irrational and it’s time for them to admit it”. The story eventually went viral all over the US and, such were its convincing origins, it took some time for both story and indignation to die down, even after it was announced to be a hoax. Bravo Alabama, Mayhem! salute you.

DUTCH DILEMMA More BBC antics! In 1973, the BBC broadcast an interview with ‘renowned academic’ Dr Clothier who advised that a recently discovered complication of Dutch Elm disease was the effect it had on red headed people – it turned their hair yellow!

Dr Clothier went on to say he regarded the sensible option for red heads would be to “stay away from forests for the foreseeable future”. Needless to say, people believed the story, unaware that the academic tones of Dr Clothier were, infact, those of gag man supreme, comedian, actor and writer Spike Milligan.

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PRANKS THROUGHOUT HISTORY!

GOLDSMITH AVENUE SOUTHSEA PO4 0AW

MAYHEM! FACT:

The 1904 St Louis cluded Olympic Games in mud in medal contests r ea fighting and sp as ed uc throwing-introd d le al -c contests for the so s! ce “minority” ra

NIXON RETURNS! NEW YORK FOOLED A press release in 2000 that announced the “Fifteenth Annual New York City April Fools Parade” fooled everyone – including respected TV company CNN who sent a full camera team and crew to cover and commentate on the event, despite the fact that one had never been previously held. Despite this, both CNN and the hoards of people who turned out to watch were still left making mumbled excuses as they scurried, red faced, back to their homes.

In 1998, it was announced on US radio that disgraced ex-President Richard Nixon was to stand for the Presidency again with the campaign line, “I didn’t do anything wrong and I won’t do it again”. Accompanying the announcement were audio clips of Nixon delivering his ‘new’ candidacy speech. Listeners to the show responded with unanimous outrage, flooding the station with calls to protest. The station let the joke run for a bit longer but eventually admitting it was a wind up and that a comedian had done the Nixon impersonation.

023 9235 5245

BEAR GRYLLS BARES ALL!

WRITTEN BY SAM COTTEE/HOTFEATURES

Survival hero Bear Grylls is a man who goes out of his way to put himself in deadly and terrifying situations. Little wonder he gives his wife Shara ‘minimal information’ when he returns home from his TV adventures.

The host of ‘Man Vs Wild’ and ‘Born Survivor’ often finds himself face-to-face with big snakes, crocodiles and sharks plus tackles free climbs and huge rapids on his programmes.

Here Bear also says he is looking forward to filming new episodes of ‘Bear’s Wild Weekends’ and has hand-picked the celebs who will be joining him on his next survival adventures....

14 MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

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BEAR GRYLLS BARES ALL! YOU EAT SOME PRETTY GROSS THINGS ON YOUR ADVENTURES, LIKE BIRDS THAT HAVE BEEN DEAD FOR A FEW DAYS! WHAT’ S THAT ALL ABOUT? Survival isn’t going to be pretty and the show is trying to show you what you can do to stay alive if you’re really up against it –and I love that.

I love being imaginative and having to be resourceful and think of cool ways of using things to get stuff down this cliff face or across this river and I love that part of the challenge. I always have. But it’s been demanding. We’ve done seven seasons of the show now in America and it’s taken us to the worst extremes but it’s pushed me to all kinds of limits. And I look back now through a lot of narrow escapes and think, ‘Blimey, you’ve been lucky a few times.’

ARE THERE MOMENT S WHEN YOU GET NERVOUS OR DOESN’ T I T AFFECT YOU AT ALL? No, I do definitely feel nervous and I think you’re not human if you don’t feel scared sometimes, you know, we’re dealing with big snakes and big crocodiles and sharks and free climbs and big rapids, you know, all the time. But fear is OK, fear is an emotion that is there to sharpen you and that’s how I look at it and that’s helped me through those times a lot.

DO YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR THREE BOYS AND YOUR WIFE AND THINK , ‘MAY BE I SHOULD S TOP PUT TING MYSELF IN THESE SI TUATIONS’?

I do and it’s a struggle in my life in the sense that I have a job that has an element of danger to it, but at the same time, I’m a dad. And I think it’s about trying to trust your instincts a lot and trying always to get those decisions right. I say to the crew, ‘You only get it wrong once.’ You’ve got to get it right every time. And that’s really at the heart of what we do and why we’re still doing the shows.

When we’re out there, there is no ego, if there’s any doubt we’ll stop, if there’s no doubt, we’ll reassess.

There’s always another way down stuff. And we need to look after each other as a crew and I thrive off that dynamic. I love that kind of way we work together in difficult places.

IS YOUR WIFE UNDERSTANDING OR DOES SHE SOMETIMES GO ‘ BEAR PLEASE CAN YOU JUS T NOT DO THAT ONE?’ Well, I work on minimal information.

She doesn’t watch a lot of it. She cares about me getting home in one piece when I tend to get back she goes, ‘How was it?’ And I’m like, ‘it was hot’ or ‘cold’ and then you’re back into life and we’ve got three young boys and it’s kind of busy. And I like that, I like that separation between my work life, where I get very focussed, very driven to get out of there in one piece.

And then back home and, you know, she doesn’t want to know about the details about being bitten by some horrible snake, she’s just interested in, you know, being a nice dad and being back as a family.

THE BOYS MUS T BE INT ERES T ED BECAUSE THIS IS A DREAM, TO KNOW THAT THEIR DAD IS GOING OFF ON THESE ADVENTURES? They do love it. The thing is, all kids love adventure and the show has been a great way to encourage young people to have their own adventures. It’s all about encouraging kids to get out there, and we’re doing a tour of stage shows as well at the moment. And for me again, it’s the same deal. It’s about encouraging people to be able to follow their dreams. These are the things that helped me, these are skills and attitudes that have helped me and I hope it can help you in some way – and that’s kind of the ethos of all of these different mediums that we try and put out there.

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WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOUR THREE BOYS START ASKING YOU TO TAKE THEM WI TH YOU? Erm, well, it’s funny because Channel 4 and Discovery asked us to do a show where I took the boys on an adventure and it’s a difficult one because I don’t really want to put them out in that public space but at the same time, they’d love it. It was difficult but we said no in the end.

We thought, ‘Do you know what? We don’t need to do this.’ The kids were mad because they all wanted to do it. But I thought, You’re too young to know what you’re saying.’

NOT YET BUT LAT ER MAY BE? They can do it when they’re 18 on their own, it’s a difficult one. Luckily my wife Shara is very grounded.

She was very clear, the answer is no.

So that always makes it easier.

The long-haired colonel!

I READ THAT YOU’ D SAID RATHER THAN BEING 120% RECKLESS, YOU’ VE SCALED I T DOWN NOW AND ARE ABOUT 90% RECKLESS? Yes, I’m trying to edge it back to 70%.

SHARA WOULD BE HAPPY WI TH THAT? Yes, that’s our combined goal.

APRIL 2012 | MAYHEM!

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BEAR GRYLLS BARES ALL!

16 MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

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BEAR GRYLLS BARES ALL! I T ’ S ALSO GREAT WHEN YOU TAKE CELEBS OUT INTO THE WILD. JONATHAN ROSS WAS PARTICULARLY FUNNY AND MIRANDA HART WAS BRILLIANT; HAVE YOU GOT MORE PLANS TO DO THAT? We’re doing another series for Channel 4 of ‘Bear’s Wild Weekends’.

We’ve got some brilliant people lined up which I’m excited about. I’m not allowed to talk about them yet though, which is boring. But no, I’m really excited and we definitely got the kind of people we really wanted to get.

DO YOU HAVE A SAY IN WHO THEY CHOOSE? Yeah. Sometimes I think, ‘That would be weird’ or ‘That would be a bit mad’. But yeah, we pick it together and the nice thing is we’re always encouraging to the people and it generally makes them look pretty good. And they get to do something that they’d never normally get to do.

And it’s great seeing their confidence grow. I remember with Will Ferrell, it was so fish out of water for him, he’d never done anything like this before and he was soo nervous. And it was great seeing his confidence grow as the journey went on and I love that.

I love the way the wild does that to people and it’s an empowering thing and it’s the same deal as it is with kids, adventure gives people confidence.

SO YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO ARE DOING I T. HOW ABOUT THOSE WHO DIDN’ T MAKE THE LIS T? No. But you’ll love it. We start filming those soon and we’re going to some pretty wild and wacky places. So I’m excited for those. Basically the next few weeks we have the stage tour and then as soon as we finish that we start filming.

WE READ THAT DAVID WALLIAMS’ WIFE APPARENTLY SAID NO… We kind of had that one lined up but understandably his wife, the domestic general, the long-haired colonel, has put her foot down.

He almost contracted some pretty horrific things on his last adventure swimming down the Thames. I totally respect that and we’ll do something lower key, maybe off telly sometime.

DO YOU HAVE A WISH LIS T? I READ SOMEWHERE YOU’ D SAID THE DUCHESS OF CORNWALL IS SOMEONE YOU’ D LIKE TO TAKE ON A ‘WILD WEEKEND’ WI TH YOU? Well that was a slight misquote.

That was a classic one where the journalist said, ‘Wouldn’t the Duchess of Cornwall be great?’ At which point I went, ‘She would be

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great. I know she wouldn’t be allowed to do it but she would be great.’ And that’s always a good headline, ‘Bear wants a date with the Duchess of Cornwall’ which kind of isn’t right. But she’s been amazing, she’s really supported us with the Scouts and she wanted just to help out, but rather than wanting to head it all up.She said initially I just want to help out and be a volunteer and she’s helping out at various local Scout groups and I think that is an amazing inspiration to so many people in this country, you know, that somebody that busy can help out at a local group and make a difference in their community – how much more can we all do? So she’s been a fantastic encouragement to all the half a million Scouts in this country.

YOU’RE INVOLVED IN A NEW PROJECT WI TH ‘PERSIL’ AND THEY’ VE DONE A SURVEY THAT SHOWS KIDS DON’ T GET OUT AND ABOUT AS MUCH AS THEY USED TO? I know and it’s sad because we lose out on so much that’s brilliant in life.

And, for me, growing up as a kid, so much of what I loved was found in being imaginative outside, you know, coming up with cool ways of making camps and tree houses and swings. And I used to love that and the survey said that ten per cent of young kids never go outside – and that’s just crazy. And I suppose what we’re trying to do is encourage and make access easier for families and young kids to be able to enjoy adventures, simple adventures outside. So we’ve done ‘Bear’s Top Ten Things To Do Under Ten Years Old’. And there are simple things you can do – just a couple of sheets of a bed and a bit of rope, like how to make dens, how to make rope swings, count the stars, make mud pies and slide down things. It’s just about encouraging kids to enjoy the outdoors and not lose touch that.

APRIL 2012 | MAYHEM!

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BEAR GRYLLS BARES ALL!

18 MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

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BEAR GRYLLS BARES ALL! A LOT OF KIDS GROW UP IN CI TIES NOW THOUGH WHICH MAKES IT HARDER TO PLAY OUTSIDE. The thing is you never have to travel far in this country to find great places to have adventures. And I think people don’t realise how much brilliant public wilderness actually is in the UK. But, you know, it’s simple things. You can make dens in a tiny little back garden. You don’t have go to the ends of the earth to do these things.

And what it does is give kids a chance to use their imagination. That’s what’s so great about kids. You give them an inch and they’ll take a mile. I see it with my kids. They set up camp sometimes and it’s literally on the doorstep and I hear them talking and they’re imagining that they’re high up on Mount Everest and that’s brilliant because their social skills improve, their imagination improves and they have way more fun that sitting on a PlayStation. So it’s not rocket science. And it’s just about encouraging kids and families to not totally lose touch with something that is so powerful in young people’s lives when you give it to them, which is this love of the outdoors.

DO YOU THINK SOMETIMES IT’ S BECAUSE PARENTS DON’ T WANT TO GO OUTSIDE SO THEN THE KIDS DON’ T GO OUT? Well, we all get a bit lazy in our life. But the people who suffer are the kids and I

think in some ways you make a rod for your own back and if you don’t encourage your kids to get outside then the kids get more hyperactive, they become more difficult and actually make life harder. So I think that everyone is a winner when you encourage your kids to get outside and do simple adventures. And that is what we’ve done.

Again, it’s not rocket science, we’ve just devised a really simple list of top ten things to do that anyone can do anywhere.

WHAT WERE YOU LIKE AS A BOY? Trouble, but that’s not a good role model. I learnt a lot of lessons from the stuff I do on the TV, shows on ‘Born Survivor’, I learnt a lot of them by getting it wrong. I was endlessly getting in scrapes and getting stuck in quick mud. I was brought up in the Isle of Wight and I remember trying to cross this harbour at low tide and getting stuck in the quick mud and having to be rescued by life boats.

And so I did learn a lot of the lessons the hard way.

But in the military it became my job then, my job was combat survival which is basically how to survive being chased. So I kind of grew up always loving this stuff and I feel lucky that I’ve now been able to make those skills that I’ve learnt in the military and started as a kid, being able to make it my job now. So that’s a great privilege.

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WRITTEN BY TORY HARRIS

EYES TO THE WORLD!

PERFECT

EYELINER IN 10 EASY STEPS PG UIF NPTU "QQMZJOH FZFMJOFS QFSGFDUMZ JT POF FO EPOF SJHIU JU¤T DIBMMFOHJOH NBLFVQ TLJMMT ZFU XI Â&#x; UIJOL -BVSFO POF PG UIF NPTU ÂŤBUUFSJOH MPPLT FSF BSF NZ UJQT $POSBE BOE IFS QFSGFDU ÂŤJDLT ) P MFBSO UFDIOJRVFT PO UIF CFTU QSPEVDUT BOE FBTZ U I ZPVSTFMG UP DSFBUF UIBU ÂŤBXMFTT ÂŞOJT

STEP ONE – GET THE RIGHT TOOLS! Bobbi Brown Long Wear Gel Eyeliner – £16.50. This product is one of my all time favourites and, although £16.50 may be more than other products on the market, these little pots really do last. Black is a very harsh colour so for daytime looks try a grey or brown tone for a softer effect. Gel liners don’t come with a brush so you will need to purchase one. MAC 209 eyeliner brush is a good choice – at £16 it is fairly reasonable for a high quality brush.

2) Firstly never attempt to do eyeliner in a rush – make sure you have time to do it slowly. It’s much more successful this way!

3) Sit at your dressing table or in front of any other sturdy surface and look straight ahead, place your mirror slightly below where you are looking so that you glance down onto it.

20 MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

This helps to keep both eyes open when you apply the eyeliner – you’ll find if you close one and try and look with the other you create creases on the close eye – inevitably causing gaps in the eyeliner.

4) Rest your elbow on the table in front of you and let all the movement come from your wrist – your eye is only a small area to cover and all you want is one soft swoop! Resting your elbow means you have less weight in your hand allowing you to go much more gently with the liner – the more gently you press the brush the thinner line you will achieve.

5) Eyeliner is used to shape the eye – similarly your eyelashes are also used in this way so use them as a guide. Liner should be thin in the inner corners where eyelashes are sparse and gradually expand into a thicker line. The easiest way to achieve this is to start thin and build up the outer corner by going over

the area and pressing slightly harder to create a thicker line.

6) Eyeliner can also be used to create dramatic effects without creating a line. For this you will need a liquid liner and not a gel.

Take the liner between the lashes and make a dot then wiggle the brush away from your face, pulling it through the lashes as you do so.

Repeat this down the lash line to create lashes that appear much fuller at the base, top up with mascara for a really defined look.

7) If you’re finding it difficult to smoothly line the inner corners, the hardest area to get to, the best alternative is to start around the middle of the eye. Just be sure to fade the line into the lash line for a beautiful eye widening effect.

8) If it’s the ‘flick’ that’s challenging for you, all I can suggest is to experiment – different shapes suit different people. I would recommend keeping the

flick within the crease of the eye - anything longer tends to be a more theatrical look. If you can’t get the eyes even make a small dot on each eye first – like a finishing point.

Make sure these two dots are even and then just swoop into your dot for perfectly even eyes!

9) Like anything else practice makes perfect however, with this it really is true – the more you practice the more confident you will get.

The more confident you are the steadier hand you will have! Get a colour that suits you and work out a good size flick and you won’t go wrong.

10) And if you do smudge, don’t despair! There are lots of eye makeup corrector pens out there to remove any smears, lumps or wobbles. I like Simple’s ‘Kind to Eyes – Eye Make-Up Corrector Pen’ which, at ÂŁ4.99 is a godsend when still perfecting your eyeliner technique.

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HEALTH

COUGH… PLEASE!

CORNER! 8IBU JT UIJT 8IFSF EJE UIBU DPNF GSPN 4IPVME * TFF B EPDUPS )PX TIPVME * USFBU UIJT "N * QBSBOPJE Now all your questions and concerns can be answered by our resident health expert. Every month a selection of questions that you’ve sent in will be answered – including helpful tips, treatments, suggestions and whether or not you should seek further medical advice.

Our highly qualified Mayhem! health advisor will provide information on medical conditions,

while allowing you to remain anonymous – so that you can ask even the most embarrassing questions without all your mates finding out!

We’ll always do our best to provide the best advice, but if symptoms US, EMAI L .UK persist or you’re unhappy with TO WRITE TO CO M MAGAZ INE. HE AY M your diagnosis, consult your O@ LL HE RNER AS H HEALTH CO IT W local doctor or medical centre.

TH E SUBJECT. Can’t wait to hear from you...

CATCH UP WITH…

raig Twin Atlan tic’ s C ll in a K n eale reveals a ve ahead Mayhem! Exclusi mon th of their gig this od Rooms. at the Wedg ewo

TWIN ATLANTIC INTERVIEW BY TORI NAIRN

22 MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

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CATCH UP WITH… We’ve been listening to your new great sound. How would you describe your sound?

In a nutshell, rock music with pop sensibility.

You’ve all played in different bands before forming Twin Atlantic, can you connect the dots?

Yep. We all grew up around Glasgow, Sam and Ross went to school together and formed separate bands. I was in a band with some friends and Barry played in a band called Think:Fire.

We all knew of each other’s bands from the Glasgow live circuit, but within about a year our respective bands broke up or we had left them.

Sam and Ross started playing together with a different drummer and started playing around the UK under the name Twin Atlantic. I saw them live and begged like a pathetic person to be in their band. Barry was helping a band out on cello who happened to be touring with Twin Atlantic, shortly after this I think they realised it would be easier to just give in and let me be in the band. We had a practice together which Barry also came along to, and the rest is history.

Not interesting history, but history none the less.

You’ve played next to some great artists such as, Gaslight Anthem, Blink 182, The All American Rejects and Smashing Pumpkins.

What is your dream line up?

Pearl Jam & Nirvana (I know this can’t happen) joint headline billing, Eels as main support and Cave In opening the show. And it would be compered by Jerry Seinfeld.

You’ve spoken about the feeling of straying from your original ethos and ideals as a band on your website. Can you tell us a little more about how you’ve managed to regain control?

Basically we just wrote songs without thinking of anyone else but ourselves, and stopped trying to please people. Where we strayed in

the first place is when people started telling us what they liked about our band so we thought about that kind of thing too much. We found that what made us happy was just doing our own thing and if people like it then that’s great.

loudest snorer!? We had a guitar tech that had to wear a peg on his nose because he snored so badly. As for bad habits, Sam McTrusty leaves all his possessions at his backside 24/7.

You can usually find him by following the trail of his things.

The video for the second track on the album, ‘ Time For You To Stand Up’, features the band playing in white uniforms while having black paint thrown over you. Looks like it all got pretty messy but a lot of fun! What is your favourite part of the music making process?

Gil Norton (producer for both the Foo Fighters and Pixies) produced your new album. On your website you say he is, “a f**king dude-anda-half” how has he progressed the band’s sound?

The whole process really! Writing a song can be the most frustrating experience in the world, but when you get somewhere with it and feel you’ve written something good it’s a really special feeling. The same can be said about recording, it’s a lot of hard work but when it starts to come together and you hear a song you wrote together in a tiny room in Glasgow being played back to you for the first time through massive speakers. It’s pretty overwhelming.

Can you talk us through your song writing process? Is there a special place where you write, or is it a case of jotting down notes here and there?

Classically, Sam will write the bare structure and melody of the song at home on an acoustic guitar. Then he’ll bring the idea to us at practice and we’ll expand it and change parts that didn’t feel right. Myself and Ross will then get the rhythm to the song solid and then Barry will try out a couple of things for his lead guitar parts. It changes every now and again, but I’d say 90% of our songs are written this way.

You’ve been touring for a long time now. You guys must be extremely close. Who’s the loudest snorer on the bus? Any other tour bus bad habits you can share with us?

We’re actually all quite quiet sleepers I think? Maybe I’m the

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He basically showed us how to get the most impact from our songs. He didn’t mess with the ideas we had too much but he did show us how to drive the choruses to their potential or build the dynamic of the songs.

More often than not it would always be about simplifying so parts had room to breathe. It was a joy to work with him, he’s a genius.

We’ve checked out your Facebook page and seen that you’ve uploaded quite a few photos from hotel rooms when the band has been on tour...what’s this all about?

Well, hotel rooms are as familiar to a band as a venue? Hotels become like your home, if you get to spend more than one night in one then it’s genuinely hard when you have to leave it.

What do you miss most while touring?

Family and friends. I think it’s the same for all of us. Touring is the greatest feeling in the world but you sometimes do feel quite selfish doing it. The fact we still have people at home that have time for us when we do get back means the world to us.

My favourite track from the album is, ‘Make a Beast of Myself’. Have you got any personal favourite tracks?

Yeah, I think my favourite tracks are probably Free, The Ghost Of Eddie or Yes, I Was Drunk. They’re all pretty diverse songs but I think that’s why I’m so proud of them.

APRIL 2012 | MAYHEM!

23

CATCH UP WITH…

How do you feel about the press in general?

You made the cover of Kerrang! recently. Can you describe the feeling of being on the cover of one of the world’s most famous music magazines?

It was a great honour to be on the cover but also very surreal. We were on tour in the UK the day it came out so we all went to a newsagent to buy a copy – it didn’t quite seem real when we were looking at our own faces staring back at us from the rack.

24 MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

It can be frustrating to do at times, especially because I’m really bad at talking about our band or myself, but it’s still one of the most effective ways of connecting with people.

I remember growing up and absorbing every word written in interviews with my favourite bands, and it does add to the allure of a band when you learn the process of how they write music or how they conduct themselves on the road.

Skrillex did a dubstep remix of your song, ‘What is Light?

Where is Laughter?’ What were your thoughts on it?

I really liked it. I’m not too knowledgeable on the whole dubstep movement but I thought his remix sounded great - loads of energy and I thought what he did with Sam’s vocal was really clever. Obviously he’s a huge artist now so a lot of people actually seem to be finding out about our band through that remix.

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CATCH UP WITH…

Check out Twin Atl antic playing at the Port smouth Wedgewood rooms on Sunday 22 April .

Do you have any pre-gig rituals?

We all touch foreheads. I can’t remember why we started this but now if we don’t, then we think we’ll have a bad show.

You’re heading back home for T in the Park again this year. How does it compare, playing to home crowds?

The stakes are raised that little bit more, as people back home obviously consider us as ‘their’ band and we feel they’re a little bit more like ‘our’ crowd and there’s the added pressure of friends and family being there too. But it’s a very special feeling getting to play such a big stage at the biggest festival in our country. We can’t wait.

Finally, where would you like to see Twin Atlantic in a year from now?

What other music are you listening to at the moment?

I’ve been hammering The Maccabees most recent album Given To The Wild for the last week or so. It’s fantastic, it sounds so alive. I’ve also been listening to a lot of The Low Anthem and a band called Delta Spirit.

Last December you were chosen as iTunes New Artist of the Year for Rock! What would be your dream award?

World’s most handsome man award.

What are your feeling towards awards generally? Do they have a an effect on the way you move forward?

It’s a massive honour to be given an award or be considered in the running for one. But I don’t think it really effects us too much. It’s nice to be recognised. But we’d still be as focused on our next move as a band, even if nobody was interested.

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I’ve given this answer from the start of our band but it still holds true. As long as in a year we’ve made progress from the point we’re at now and haven’t digressed, then we’ll be happy. Even if it means we can play to 20 more people in each city, we’ll still see that as progress. So, I don’t know where we’ll be in a year but as long as we’re moving forward then we’ll be in the right place.

APRIL 2012 | MAYHEM!

25

WHO ATE ALL THE PIES?

8F¤SF BMM HVJMUZ PG XBOUJOH UP MPTF B GFX QPVOET GSPN UJNF UP UJNF CVU F TPNF QFPQMF BSF XJMMJOH UP HP UP FYUSFN MFOHUIT UP TIFE UIPTF VOTJHIUMZ MPWF IBOEMFT .BZIFN FYQMPSFT TPNF PG UIF XPSTU GBE EJFUT PVU UIFSF˜ WRITTEN BY MIA HABENS

CABBAGE SOUP DIET This diet involves living off homemade cabbage soup – that’s it. Long-term this can result in nutritional deficiencies and, in most cases, users find it a struggle to manage on the cabbage soup and start to dread mealtimes. You’ll also smell like a compost heap so any of the positive effects of losing weight are instantly negated.

MAPLE SYRUP DIET ZONE DIET Well BeyoncÊ did it, so it must be good, right? It’s based on the Medal Bal natural tree syrup – made from the sap of the maple tree. The idea is that it cleanses your body of toxins, when mixed with lemon juice, water and cayenne pepper and the user is supposed to drink half a pint up to nine times per day – this results in an intake of way below 600 calories.

Diets under 600 calories per day can be dangerous to health, and this one contains pretty much no protein, fibre, vitamins or minerals!

WARRIOR DIET Also known as the Hunter or Caveman diet, it comes in several variations but in general is based on eating one main meal per day between the hours of 5–7 pm when the hunters are thought to have come back with the goods. The remainder of the day involves grazing on foods such as nuts and dried fruits.

Remember eating breakfast and regular meals is key to losing weight and maintaining weight loss long-term.

Even nuts and dried fruits, though high in nutrients, are also high in calories and can add up.

If you want complexity then this is the one for you! The zone has no room for flexibility and is based around meals being 40% carbohydrate, 30% protein and 30% fat. The time and inclination required to work out the food groups and meals is probably more complicated than making small changes to intake that will result in long-term healthy weight loss.

BLOOD GROUP DIET The inventor of this diet believed that blood type influenced how each different nutrient is broken down in the body. q #MPPE (SPVQ " – Vegetarian based diet with no dairy products q #MPPE HSPVQ # – Varied intake q #MPPE HSPVQ "# – Combination of diets for A and B – so on one hand varied intake and the other a vegetarian diet? q #MPPE HSPVQ 0 – the most common blood group – high meat, no dairy or wheat/grains – sound familiar: think Atkins The problem is that cutting out foods for certain blood groups can lead to problems e.g. decreasing dairy foods in the diet can mean a risk of a calcium deficiency if followed for long periods.

Conclusion – get off of your lazy arse and get down the gym‌ it’s not rocket science!

26 MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

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FOCUS ON MAYHEM!

It’s our sixth issue and we need you!

Join our focus group and tell us what you think of Mayhem! Magazine We’d love your feedback and input!

If you would like to get involved, email us with ‘FOCUS’ as the subject title at: hello@mayhemmagazine.co.uk with your name, gender, age, nationality, occupation and area that you live in. We’ll be in touch.

Check out our website for even more... www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk

APRIL 2012 | MAYHEM!

27

WRITTEN BY TORI NAIRN

EGGCELLENT FUN!

MAYHEM!

EASTER EGG-OFF MOST

OF US BIG OR SMALL, OLD OR YOUNG, ENJOY

EASTER FOR THE COPIOUS AMOUNTS MAYHEM! WE WERE SQUABBLING ONE SUNNY AFTERNOON AS TO WHICH EGG WAS THE BEST! WHICH EGGY-DELIGHT WOULD OFFER STICKINESS, SICKLINESS AND GOOEY-NESS? NEAR HELL WAS ABOUT TO BREAKOUT, IN THE HEAT OF HAVOC WE DECIDED TO PUT OUR LITTLE EGGY CONTENDERS THROUGH THEIR PACES AND SEE WHICH ONE WOULD COME OUT GOLDEN! OF GUILT-LESS CHOCOLATE EGGS IT BRINGS.

SMARTIES CHICK A

WEAK PERFORMANCE FROM

NESTLE,

A

QUICK-RIP FESTIVE WRAPPER UNCOVERS A MEDIOCRE CHOCOLATE CHICK.

GREAT

FOR THE

KIDS, BUT FOR ANY TRUE CHOCOLATE LOVER THIS ISN’T FOR YOU.

COMING OUT LAST IN THE EGG AND SPOON RACE, THIS LITTLE CHICK WAS FLYING ALL OVER THE SHOW. Spoon Race: 19 seconds (4 Drops) Time to open: 5 seconds Mmnmm Test: 8/20 Stickiness: 6/20 Sickly Test: 9/20 Tea Test: 12/20 Splatt Test…

28 MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

HERE

AT

KINDER SURPRISE ANOTHER

WINNER FOR KIDS BUT NOT

PARTICULARLY TANTALIZING TO THE TASTE BUDS.

THIS

CHOCOLATE IS FAR MORE

ABOUT THE KID’S TOY THAN THE CHOCOLATE COATING.

LACKS

STICKINESS, GOO AND

DOESN’T STAND A CHANCE WITH TEA.

DISQUALIFIED

IN THE

‘EASE

TO GET INTO’

ROUND AS WE MANAGED TO SMASH THE

EGG INTO PIECES WHEN UNWRAPPING IT, TAKE CAUTION, YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.

Spoon Race: 6 seconds (0 drops) Time to open: 12 seconds Mmnmm Test: 14/20 Stickiness: 5/20 Sickly test: 8/20 Tea Test: 8/20 Splatt Test…

GALAXY CARAMEL EGG THIS LITTLE EGG IS A LUXURY CARAMEL AT RETAIL PRICES.

SUPER

STICKY,

DELIGHTFULLY SICKLY AND AN EASY OPEN!

A

GREAT COMPANION TO A HOT BEV Y

BUT YOU MAY STRUGGLE TO HAVE MORE THAN A HANDFUL!

Spoon Race: 6 seconds(0 Drops) Time to open: 3 seconds Mmnmm Test: 14/20 Stickiness: 20/20 Sickly Test: 16/20 Tea Taste: 18/20 Splatt Test…

DAIRY MILK CARAMEL EGG THERE’S

NO MESSING WITH THIS EGG,

QUICK TO GET IN TO, IT’S EVEN EASIER TO DEVOUR!

ANOTHER

FAVORITE AMONG

SHOPPERS, THIS EGG IS STICKY, SICKLY

AND A BEST FRIEND TO A HOT BEVERAGE!

ALL

ROUND A TOP CONTENDER.

Spoon Race: 6 seconds (0 Drops) Time to open: 3 seconds Mmnmm Test: 14/20 Stickiness: 20/20 Sickly Test: 18/20 Tea Test: 16/20 Splatt Test…

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EGGCELLENT FUN!

CADBURY CRÈME EGG A

CLASSIC FAVORITE AMONG SHOPPERS, THIS

LITTLE EGG HAS A CREAMY INSIDE WITH A YUMMY CHOCOLATE COATING.

A

TRICKY

START, NOT THE EASIEST OF OPENINGS

HOWEVER COMING UP TRUMPS WITH THE STICKINESS AND MANY MMNNNMMMS WERE ECHOED AROUND THE OFFICE!

THORNTON CARAMEL MELT

THIS EGGY TREAT GIVES YOU EVERYTHING YOU’D EXPECT FROM A CARAMEL, STICKY, SICKLY AND CHOCOLATEY! HOWEVER NOT

BUT NOT GREAT

A GOOD,

CHOCOLATEY PLEASURE OFFERS A PERFECT

GOODNESS MAKES THIS SCRUMMY EGG A TOP

A

RESOUNDING MMNNMM FROM ALL THE

TEAM HERE!

THE

CONTENDER!

TREAT GOES FANTASTICALLY WITH A HOT

CHOICE FOR THE EGG AND SPOON RACE!!

CUPPA ON THE SOFA!

LACKS

THE SERIOUS

STICKINESS OF A CARAMEL, BUT

EGGCELLENT TREAT FOR THOSE WHO PREFER A LIGHT TREAT!

Spoon Race: 6seconds (0 Drops) Time to open: 4 seconds Mmnmm Test: 19/20 Stickiness: 7/20 Sickly Test: 17/20 Tea Test: 20/20 Splatt Test…

EASY

SILKY, SMOOTH AND VELVETY

COMBINATION OF LIGHT AND BUBBLY

MELT-IN-YOUR-MOUTH

COMPOSED

OF DARK

CHOCOLATE WITH A VELVETY CENTRE AND

THOSE TRUE CHOCOLATE LOVERS - CALORIFIC!

OVERALL EGG.

LINDT LINDOR EGG

THIS

YET JUST AS DEADLY.

MMNNMM FACTOR.

GALAXY BUBBLE EGG CHOCOLATE.

TASTY LITTLE TREAT IS A MINIATURE

EGG COMPARED TO ITS BIGGER PEERS,

CRISP WAFER, THIS IS UBER SICKLY AND

RACE, ALSO IT DOESN’T DELIVER THE

Spoon Race: 12seconds (1 drop) Time to open: 7 seconds Mmnmm Test: 10/20 Stickiness: 18/20 Sickly Test: 18/20 Tea Test: 8/20 Splatt Test…

THE MMNNMM TEST SHOWS, THIS

THIS

MY FIRST CHOICE ON THE EGG AND SPOON

Spoon Race: 15seconds (3 drops) Time to open: 17 seconds Mmnmm Test: 18/20 Stickiness: 20/20 Sickly Test: 19/20 Tea test: 10/20 Splatt Test…

AS

FERRERO EGG

TO OPEN, HOWEVER BE

WARNED, THIS EGG WILL BE A WOBBLY

Spoon Race: 11 seconds (3 drops) Time to open: 3 seconds Mmnmm Test: 16/20 Stickiness: 15/20 Sickly Test: 18/20 Tea Test: 13/20 Splatt Test…

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RATHER STICKY.

DEFINITELY

A WIN FOR

Spoon Race: 12 seconds (2 drops) Time to open: 5seconds Mmnmm Test: 9/20 (dark chocolate) Stickiness: 10/20 Sickly test: 19/20 Tea Taste: 16/20 Splatt Test…

QUARTER FINALS 1) CADBURY DAIRY MILK CARAMEL 2) GALAXY CARAMEL EGG 3) GALAXY BUBBLE 4) LINDT LINDOR EGG

SEMI FINALS

1) CADBURY DAIRY MILK CARAMEL 2) GALAXY CARAMEL EGG

WINNER!!

CADBURY DAIRY MILK CARAMEL APRIL 2012 | MAYHEM!

29

WRITTEN BY MIA HABENS

ONE A PENNY, TWO A PENNY!

HOT CROSS

What goes in !

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The science bit!

BUNS! Hot cross buns are sweet, spiced buns made with currants, raisins and the occasional candied fruit. Their name derives from the massive cross on the top – obviously!

They are traditionally eaten on Good Friday, with the cross standing as a symbol of the Crucifixion. However, some believe that they actually pre-date Christianity, as buns marked with a cross were eaten by Saxons in honour of the goddess Eostre and the Greeks may have marked cakes with a cross even earlier than that.

There are also some weird and wacky old-wives tales surrounding hot cross buns such as; sharing a hot cross bun with another ensures friendship throughout the coming year; if taken on a sea voyage they protect against shipwreck and if hung in the kitchen, they protect against fires and ensure that all breads turn out perfectly.

All we know is that they taste great, so if you fancy making your own this year, here’s a recipe fit for the Easter Bunny!

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1) Tip the flour into a bowl and stir in the salt, mixed spice and sugar.

2) Rub in the butter with your fingertips. Stir in the dried fruit, then sprinkle over the yeast and stir in. Gently warm the milk so it is hot, but still cool enough to put your finger in for a couple of seconds. Beat with the eggs, then pour into the dried ingredients.

3) Using a blunt knife, mix the ingredients to a moist dough, then leave to soak for five mins. Take out of the bowl and knead lightly for five minutes then cut the dough into eight equal pieces.

4) Shape the dough into buns on a floured surface. Space apart on a baking sheet, cover loosely with cling film, then leave in a warm place until they double in size. This will take 45 mins–1 hr, 15 mins, depending on how warm the room is.

5) When the buns are risen, heat oven to 220C/fan 200C/gas 7. Mix the flour with two tbsp water to make a paste. Pour into a plastic food bag and make a nick in one of the corners. Pipe crosses on top of each bun.

6) Bake for 12–15 mins until risen and golden. Trim the excess cross mixture from the buns , then brush all over with honey or golden syrup. The buns will keep fresh for a day. A"er that they are best toasted and served with butter.

30 MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

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GUNWHARF QUAYS EXPLORE‌

THE CRABB CONSPIRACY )-!').% )& 9/5 7),, 4(% &/,,/7).' 3#%.% )4´3 *5.%

! "/$9 )3 &/5.$ (%!$,%33 !.$ 7)4(/54 (!.$3 &,/!4).' ). 4(% 7!4%23 /&& 0),3%9 )3,!.$ ). #()#(%34%2¨"54 (/7 $)$ )4 '%4 4(%2% Fourteen months earlier, Royal Navy ‘frogman’ and MI6 diver Lionel ‘Buster’ Crabb (who had joined the service in 1941) dived into Portsmouth Harbour to investigate Soviet cruiser the Ordzhonikidze – his naval bosses were interested in the innovative design of its propeller.

Crabb’s early career had seen him posted to the army as a gunner prior to a transfer to Gibraltar, where he worked as part of a mine and bomb-disposal division to counter campaigns by the Italian Fascist’s Navy, the Decima Flottiglia MAS, for which he was awarded the George Medal and a promotion to Lieutenant Commander within the Royal Navy, as well as Principal Diving Officer for Northern Italy, going on to lead an underwater explosives disposal squad in Palestine after World War II.

This was at about the same time as Communist Party secretary Nikita Khrushchev and Nikolai Bulganin, Premier and Minster of Defence for the Soviet Union, had travelled to Britain on a diplomatic mission.

Ten days after Crabb’s disappearance, stories emerged that he had disappeared while on a mission.

The popular opinion being that he had been captured by the Soviets - a statement from the Director Of Naval Intelligence on April 29 merely said that their man had vanished while trialling ‘secret underwater apparatus’ in Stokes Bay, Gosport.

The response was swift, the men from Moscow confirming that the crew of the Ordzhonikidze had seen a frogman near the vessel on April 19.

Prime Minister Anthony Eden, told MPs that it was not in the public’s interest to reveal the exact circumstances of Crabb’s death.

Years later, new information emerged – speaking to a Russian television documentary crew, former Soviet frogman Eduard Koltsov said he had killed Crabb after spotting him attempting to plant a mine on his ship’s hull, although a counter-claim was made disputing Koltsov’s story, 32 MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

suggesting that Crabb was trying to remove the mine, which had been planted by the anti-Communist White Army movement.

Other theories include that he was shot by a Soviet sniper, a double agent or defector; or murdered before he could defect to spare the concerns of MI5, as was suggested by his former diving partner Sydney Knowles.

The incident is believed to have inspired James Bond author Ian Fleming as he wrote ‘Thunderball’ – Bond’s ninth adventure in print, which was adapted into a film in 1965. It was the fourth film in the series, Sean Connery portraying 007 as he battles SPECTRE, a terrorist organisation which has stolen two atomic bombs and is holding the world to ransom for ÂŁ100 millionworth of diamonds, threatening to blow Miami to smithereens.

After a brief period back on civvy street following his demob from the service in 1947, he soon returned to action, his first mission with Knowles as diving partner seeing him looking into the hull of a Soviet cruiser, the Sverdov and discovering what gave it such manoeuvrability, finding a propeller inside the bow. He was then made to retire on grounds of his age, but soon found similar work with MI6, which he could not have known would lead him to his end.

Government policy dictates that official paperwork from the incident will not be made available until 2057, adding all the more to the mystery surrounding the furtive frogman.

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LOCAL GUYS, ROCKIN’ OUT!

WRITTEN BY TORI NAIRN

k of t heir f f t h e ba c o t h t year , ig a r St de bu t l as l’ a iv t s e F it h Ju s t in ‘Dow n load e s t u dio w h t it h e c n be llig ere ir or de d t h e s ), an d rec t r a e ’…

H t g e in cr T h e S m ok ’s Your S e ‘Now H ere m u b l A n ew

“Exploding with chugging ri ffs and gut-wrench ing meaty hook s” 8/10 Rock S ou n d

“If Belligerence m can pull out an albu ng ro as consistantly st as this EP, the’ll be on to great things” 7/10 Powerplay Magazine.

For those of our readers who don’t know who you are, how would you describe your musical journey from the beginning?

We got lumped into the stoner category when we started. We cross into hardcore but essentially we’re a metal band. The songs we write now are far more mature and our live performances are much richer.

We’re big chaps and we like to throw our weight around.

Can you name a few bands you’ve played with that have been memorable? Who would you love to play alongside with in future?

The Smoking Hearts, Godsized, White Wizzard, Malefice, and theoretically any band that played Download last year. We are playing with Red Fang in April!!

34 MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

What’s been the biggest gig of your career to date? Do you have a particular highlight that you’d like to share with us?

Download 2011! Last December we played the Borderline and Barfly in London for the first time. A highlight has to be when we were played on Radio 1 Rock Show and Tom Robinson Introduces on Radio 6.

Do any of the band members have any unusual hidden talents that your fans might not know about?

Craig is an ex pro kick-boxer and still competes now and David has a day job as a mental health nurse.

Can you share with us any amusing stories that happened when you were making your album?

Amusing stories, too many. We’ve just recorded a video for One Things Clear in which the musicians cross dressed for a night out.

We hear there’s a funny story behind Lee getting into the band?

Can you elaborate for us?

Lee’s second show was in Glasgow at a Hard Rock Hell event, we drove all the way there and he’d forgotten his cymbals. We hadn’t even given him the job then, luckily he managed to borrow some.

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LOCAL GUYS, ROCKIN’ OUT! Formed in 2008 Belligerence combine a myriad of influences and sit between any number of rock and metal sub genres. With Now Here’s Your Secret they’ve evolved their sound and have moved away from the stifling ‘stoner rock’ tag. “We’ve never really considered ourselves stoner, blues rock or anything for that matter.

We’re the sum of our influences, the riff is the basis of any song we start writing and it develops from there”.

“We’re very proud of this EP, there’s no point in writing or recording anything if you don’t mean it.

It’s a cathartic process, we all identify with the music and lyrics to some extent” .

This EP is a statement of intent, lead single One Things Clear says it all, you’re either with Belligerence or you’re not. No grey area, musically it’s black and white in a world that isn’t.

Belligerence will be touring the UK extensively throughout 2012, including festival appearances and an invite to the US for South by Southwest 2013 (Belligerence were booked to perform at this years festival in Texas on The End Records stage but due to unforeseen circumstances are, devastatingly, unable to appear).

“We’ve produced the best set of songs we have ever written. It’s a great basis for what will follow, we’ve found our voice, play loud and enjoy!”.

“Portsmouth’s to Belligerence look r, ba ow Cr of the likes ch ut Cl h, Sabbat ing and Down, build s that ve oo gr ic monolith could sound like they e” easily erode ston se ee Ch g 5/5 Bi Magazine

You’re a quite a new band, what tactics do you guys use to get your music out there?

So you’re performing in Portsmouth soon! What else have you got coming up?

Yeah, at the Wedgewood Rooms in April. We’re booking shows currently; so far we have, Furnace, Swindon and an all-day show in Croydon in May. We’ll be booking other shows around these dates, and are planning to look at Europe late summer.

We’re very active with self-promo.

We basically hunt people down and make sure they get copies of things, Daniel P Carter played us first because we found his personal email address. We’ve been on Sony Music Spotify Playlists, and had our first EP reviewed in Big Cheese, Rock Sound and online. Essentially we’re nice guys who love what we do. That’s how we got Download, we emailed Andy Copping every so often over an 18 month period and eventually he gave us a break. That’s how The End Records picked up on us.

Check out our website for even more... www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk

ALBUM OUT N OW !

APRIL 2012 | MAYHEM!

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APRIL 2012 | MAYHEM!

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APRIL 2012 | MAYHEM!

43

REWIND!

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44 MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

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REWIND! First of all, welcome back! We’re bring with your new music under the arm, Artful. What can we expect?

Thanks very much, I realise it’s been a little while but I’m very excited to be out there making tunes again. For me, the new music is a natural progression from the music I made before, now with the benefit of the new technology now available.

It’s still very much aimed at the dance floor with a mix of soulful melodies, big bass-lines and skippy beats, but I’m also experimenting with other sounds to try and create something a bit more progressive.

What is different about your music now compared to your earlier singles as Artful Dodger, i.e.

‘Rewind’ and ‘Moving Too Fast ’ ?

Computers and software have advanced so much in the last 15 years and I really enjoy using that to create music. So I guess the new stuff has a bit more of an electronic feel to it but the essence of basing it around a traditional song structure is still there, rather than relying solely on sounds and beats.

It’s hard to believe that it ’s been over a decade since we saw you in the charts, where have you been?

After finishing “It’s All About The Stragglers” I left Artful Dodger and concentrated for a little while on producing and writing for Craig David’s solo stuff and a few other bits and pieces. Then I moved out to Ibiza for a few years where I met my wife and have since had 3 kids which has kept me very busy! I never stopped making music but it seemed the business was in a real state of transformation and it took me some time to figure out what I wanted to do.

How was your new music received initially? Did you test it out on smaller crowds or family and friends?

When I started creating the new music I made it quite an interactive

process, posting short ideas online to get a reaction through the likes of Twitter, and also sharing beats and ideas for people to use and remix. This gave me the perfect opportunity to experiment and see where I wanted to take the music, and also get instant feedback from people. I found this very exciting and it’s now become an integral part of what I’m doing.

What was it like working with Craig David all those years ago?

Have you stayed in contact?

It was an amazing time, he was a real talent and because we had no responsibilities back then, we had the freedom to create music at our own pace and write the songs we wanted to write without any expectations. I have stayed in contact on a small level and we chat from time to time, but recently we have been talking about doing more writing together which I’m excited about.

How have you utilised the ‘Digital Revolution’ to elevate your music as Artful?

I have to say, when I first started making music again seriously I had to almost throw out everything I knew about making and selling records and start from scratch. I’ve spent a lot of time getting to grips with all the digital platforms and social media and now it’s become a bit of an obsession and has got me fired up with the possibilities of how to share music with a bigger audience. The use of analytics has been a real eye opener, to be able to pinpoint almost exactly who’s listening to the music. It’s a very powerful tool and makes it much easier to do things independently.

We noticed that you draw from current successful artists including Ed Sheeran and Daniel Debourg, are there any future collaboration exclusives you can reveal to Mayhem!?

Check out our website for even more... www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk

I’m currently doing a lot of writing with Donae’o and Terri Walker, and am planning sessions with C4, the US artist Eric Roberson and with a bit of luck, Rizzle Kicks, who I’ve been chatting too on Twitter.

We understand you grew up in Southampton, what did the city have to offer in supporting your rise to success?

I actually grew up in Wales, which is where much of my musical influence came from, but studied in Southampton and have remained there since. Southampton is a bit of a funny place, there was no real hub of creative activity, but lots of pockets of people making great music individually. Clubs like the Rhino and Academy, and Movement records played an important part.

Were you always going to work in the music industry? What did you grow up listening too?

I always loved music, but sort of had a plan to get a proper job! I actually applied to do Architecture at University before a last minute change of heart (and getting crap grades). I had absolutely no idea that I would get involved in the music industry the way I have done, although I did dream of being on Top Of The Pops.

How have your family and friends responded to your return as to juggle your personal life with your career?

It was a very mixed reaction, they were torn between having faith and being worried. It took a while to convince them that I was serious again, but now they are very much behind me and realise that I have that fire burning in my belly again! Luckily, I am managing to juggle my personal life as well as I can do so much from my studio at home, and over the Internet!

Its a real blessing. Although, once I start touring it could get more difficult!.

APRIL 2012 | MAYHEM!

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REWIND! What makes you different to any other artists out there at the moment?

I’m not sure I can answer that to be honest, I never really set out to be different, and don’t get too hung up about it. I just make music that excites me and seems to come naturally, and let the fans decide if they like it or not. I find it quite hard to listen to what I do objectively.

You mentioned ‘rizzle kicks’, would you work with artists such as ‘chiddy bang’ or ‘skrillex’?

I love all three and would jump at the chance to do a studio session, and a ton of other people too providing they are happy to be open minded in the studio and try new things. It’s sometimes a problem when an artist enters the studio with a preconceived idea of what they want out of the session and expect me to deliver a generic track.

If we “Rewind” to your time collaborating with Craig David and the success of your early years. What were your highest and lowest points during this time?

The highest points would include receiving an Ivor Novello award, especially as that comes from other writers and composers and isn’t just based on sales and performing at Top Of The Pops and Glastonbury. The lowest points would include not having the opportunity to remain involved in Craig’s career for various reasons.

How does touring and gigging now as Artful compare to your experience as Artful Dodger?

It’s very early days but I’m probably much more excited about getting out there this time as I have far more control, and am a little older and wiser and won’t be taking it so much for granted this time.

The fans have been so supportive and I’m really looking forward to playing to them and meeting them.

Is there anything else you would like to tell our readers?

Just a massive ‘thank you’ for allowing me to do what I do and supporting me over the years!! Please keep supporting music and musicians.

46 MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

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THE GRAND NATIONAL‌

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WRITTEN BY BEN JONES

JO¤T 0O "QSJM #SJUB IF 5 CFTU LOPXO IPSTF SBDF M CF (SBOE /BUJPOBM XJM FST VOEFS TUBSUFS¤T PSE The race, at the Aintree course near Liverpool, is traditionally the time when almost everyone has a flutter on the outcome, not just those with subscriptions to the Racing Post.

48 MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

The National, as it’s known, has become a British sporting institution.

Synonymous with a horse called Red Rum, who was trained on the beaches of Southport and went on to win the steeplechase three times between 1973 and 1977, the race is often cited as the ultimate test of horse and rider.

There is no question that the course is a daunting one, on its four-and-a-half mile total length – the circuit is lapped twice by the field – combined with vertiginous jumps that make you wince each time a horse negotiates one safely. Of the 28 fences – it was shortened from 30 last year amid safety concerns – perhaps the most famous is Becher’s Brook, with a drop of 6ft 9� on the landing side.

The Australian satirist Clive James wrote in the Observer of the 1980 edition of the race: â€˜â€Śa tremendous race, with four finishers out of 30 starters, so that by the end there were far more BBC commentators than horses.’

Unfortunately, for some horses, the race has been a finish in the terminal sense of the term: the event has come under increasing fire in recent years for the number of horses which have to be put down after competing in it.

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THE GRAND NATIONAL‌ Two horses died in last year’s event and 33 have been killed since 2000. Last year, Animal Aid director Andrew Tyler said: “The public has been conned into believing that the Grand National is a great sporting spectacle when, in reality, it is straightforward animal abuse that is on a par with Spanish bullfighting,â€? before adding: “This race should have no future in a civilised country.â€?

Tyler’s view, however, seems to be a minority one, at least if the amounts wagered on the event are anything to go by. Nearly half the UK adult population have a flutter on the National, staking a total £300 million, at an average of £8 per bet and Grand National day is the one day of the year when women close the gap on men in the betting stakes – one in three Grand National bets are placed by women.

This makes it a fundamental part of the British sporting calendar. Just as ‘Abide With Me’ is the soundtrack to

FA Cup final day and Jerusalem rings around Lord’s during a cricket Ashes series, the noise on Grand National day is largely punters both at trackside and in living rooms across the nation, yelling their horse on.

But it hasn’t always been thus. Before Red Rum thrust the race back into the public consciousness in the 70s, there were grave fears for its future. In 1973, Aintree owner Mirabel Topham, who had been trying to find a buyer for the course since 1965 and of whom comedian Arthur Askey famously said: “It was always my ambition to throw a saddle over Mirabel Topham and ride her over those appalling Aintree fences,� sold up.

The new owner, property developer Bill Davies, hiked the admission prices up for the 1975 National, resulting in the lowest attendance in living memory, and the race was at a low ebb. ‘Rummy’, however, became a sporting icon and a household name and,

together with some wise stewardship by bookmaker Ladbrokes, the race came back into national prominence.

Aintree Racecourse’s future was finally secured in 1984 when it was purchased from Davies by Racecourse Holdings Trust, a Jockey Club subsidiary which is now called Jockey Club Racecourses.

For this year’s event, the runners had not been announced at the time of going to press, but it is sure to herald a new name in racing history.

Rather fittingly, last year’s race was won by Ballabriggs, trained by Donald McCain, the son of Red Rum trainer Ginger McCain. Ginger died later in the year, just before his 81st birthday.

The Grand National has been entertaining audiences since its first official running in 1839 (the race was first run unofficially three years earlier, in 1836). It is sure to thrill the watching crowds and the huge TV audience again this year. Who’s your money on?

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GOOD OLD ST. GEORGE!

GEORGE AND THE DRAGON WRITTEN BY EDWARD COUZENS-LAKE

"QSJM SE JT B TQFDJBM EBZ B 4BJOUT EBZ Â&#x; 4U (FPSHF¤T %BZ UP CF QSFDJTF BOE KVTU BT 4U 1BUSJDL¤T %BZ JT GPS BMM UIJOHT *SJTI 4U (FPSHF JT BMM BCPVU BMM UIJOHT &OHMJTI So why can’t we celebrate the day of our Saints like they do for St Patrick’s Day? The latter is a day of celebration held across the world, as well known in Detroit, Darwin and Durban as it is in Dublin. A day of rejoicing, drinking and partying – like we need any excuse. Indeed, of all the Saints days, it’s fair to say it’s the Daddy.

So why doesn’t St George’s Day have the same lustre?

Well, St George has a bit of a mixed heritage. As well as England, he is also the Patron Saint of Bulgaria, Ethiopia, Georgia, Greece, India, Iraq, Lithuania, Palestine, Portugal, Romania, Russia, Serbia, and the Ukraine. In other words, he’s spread himself rather thinly!

Then there’s the question of just how ‘English’ St George is. As you’ve probably guessed – he wasn’t.

Indeed, it’s highly probable that he never even came to England as contemporary history suggests he was a Roman soldier, born and raised in what is now Palestine and probably not even aware of England’s existence!

The image of the armour clad St George, bravely slaying a dragon was a legend brought back to England by survivors of the Crusades in the 11th and 12th Centuries. And, even the famous St George’s flag, the red cross on a white background, adopted as the flag of England and now only carried into battle by 50 MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

drunken England football supporters is ‘second hand’. It was originally the flag of Saint Ambrose, a 4th Century Bishop of Milan. He adopted it as the City’s flag, as did the people of Genoa – where, even now, it features on the football club’s shirts. Thus, through the vast Genoese trading fleet, the flag eventually would have made its way to England and been adopted accordingly. The fact that it arrived on these shores at about the same time as the myths about St George were gaining in popularity is no more than a happy historical coincidence that eventually saw the two inextricably linked.

With both Medieval and Victorian literature embellishing the legend of St George and giving him and the flag the heroic image they have now, the adoption of both Saint and flag was complete. As a result of this, today’s vibrant and culturally diverse England now celebrates a Saint who was born in Palestine, a Roman soldier draped in a flag that originated in Northern Italy‌ who is celebrated as being the symbol of all that is quintessentially English on April 23rd every year. Which is possibly the reasons why, unlike St Patrick’s Day, it has never really caught on.

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WHAT’S ON AT‌

GROUNDLINGS

FOR TICKETS CONTACT THE BOX OFFICE: 023 9273 7370

THEATRE

GROUNDLINGS THEATRE, 42 KENT STREET, PORTSEA, PORTSMOUTH PO1 3BS VISIT: GROUNDLINGS.CO.UK

TITANIC 100

Commemorate the centenary of RMS Titanic’s fateful, maiden voyage, held in our stunning Grade 2* Listed Georgian building.

Groundlings Theatre will transport you back in time to the sights, sounds and characters of this incredible chapter in modern history.

Dine in 1st class opulence with the sounds of Strauss, enjoy Irish jigs and lively entertainment in 3rd class, or take your place at the exclusive Captain’s Table on Saturday 14th April at 8pm.

MEDIEVAL MURDER MYSTERY DINNER A KNIGHT OF MURDER

Watch the drama unfold around you as costumed actors take on the roles of crew and passengers, authentically creating the atmosphere of 1912.

Fancy dress hire available from Groundlings wardrobe with the chance to have your photo taken as a souvenir.

This will truly be a night to remember.

Take a seat at your own Round Table and test your detective skills to solve a dastardly murder in the time of King Arthur.

Ticket price: Captains table: ÂŁ58 1st Class Boarding Pass: ÂŁ38 3rd Class Boarding Pass: ÂŁ26 All tickets include an authentic meal from the Titanic Menu and live entertainment.

Question the characters whilst enjoying a medieval-themed two course dinner, gathering evidence so that you can decide whodunit.

Only a sleuth of the right Excalibur can solve the mystery.

A hilarious, interactive evening of dinner theatre.

Thursday 19th April @ 8pm. ÂŁ18 includes a two-course meal

ROMAN MURDER MYSTERY DINNER CHARLIE & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY This Easter, Groundlings Theatre vividly brings to life the beloved Roald Dahl classic. Long isolated from his own family, Willie Wonka launches a worldwide contest to select an heir to his candy empire.

Five luck children, including Charlie, a good hearted boy from a poor family, draw golden tickets from Wonka chocolate bars and win a guided tour of the legendary candy-making facility that no outsider has seen in 15 years.

Charlie is drawn into Wonka’s fantastic world in this astonishing and enduring story.

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A Bloody Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum‌

SCALLYWAG – SOOP A brand new original show from Havant’s acclaimed theatre company, SOOP, who brought you The Flying Monk, The Revenger’s Tragedy and Radio Soup.

World War 2 – in the face of the seemingly inevitable threat of invasion, British Intelligence comes up with a splendid notion the enemy would never think of – Scallywags!

Recruited on a really very hushhush basis at the local post office, thousands of ordinary folk were trained as saboteurs to conceal blunt objects, make do with a hole in the ground, dot their dashes and drink rum in the face of interrogation.

CABARET Berlin, 1931 – a dark and sexually charged haven of decadence. The city’s extraordinary and morally ambiguous inhabitants are determined to keep up appearances in the comfortable sanctuary of the cabaret, as the outside world prepares for the nightmarish chaos of war.

It is here that Sally Bowles performs nightly at the infamous KitKat Club in a shimmering masterpiece of a show guaranteed night after night!

It’s divine darling!

Show includes a two-course dinner with waiters to serve you from the bar. Bar open till 11pm.

With their characteristic blend of physical theatre, puppetry, music and comedy-drama, SOOP asks the vital question: what if the invasion actually happened?

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Show time: 8pm %JOOFS b "EVMUT ÂŁ14 Concessions

Don your togas and thinking caps to find the killer in a Roman Murder Mystery Dinner. Probe into the suspect’s backgrounds, examine clues and find who had the means, the motive and the opportunity to do away with one of their number in another of our popular interactive theatre events.

4BUVSEBZ UI .BZ ! QN ÂŁ18 includes a two-course meal

1920’S MURDER MYSTERY DINNER Speak Easy When You Whisper Murder You dirty rats! Step inside the cut-throat world of prohibition, gangsters and showgirls in 1920’s New York. Who’s gonna get iced?

Who’s double-crossing who? Pick your way through the clues to discover the ‘moiderer’ in an evening of comedy, songs, ludicrous accents and a delicious two-course dinner.

4BUVSEBZ UI .BZ ! QN ÂŁ18 includes a two-course meal

APRIL 2012 | MAYHEM!

51

CAUGHT ON CAMERA!

MOVIE NIGHT As part of the celebration of film, Groundlings Theatre will be turned into a Cinema, celebrating all Two fantastic feature films. A great night to meet up with mates and the best of British short films and movies. The Festival enjoy the best of British movies.

As a bonus, you’ll have a chance to kicks off with a selection of short British films. chat to the film directors and cast.

You can watch as many films as you like!

Show Dates: 4BU UI 4VO UI .BZ Show Time: 8pm Tickets: b

Show Dates: 4BU UI .BZ Show Time: QNl QN Tickets: b GPS BO afternoon film pass.

SATURDAY’S FEATURES: • SHADOW OF DEATH • THE SEASON OF THE WITCH SUNDAY’S FEATURES: • WASTERS • THE FIX

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FULL ACCESS PASS TO BOTH DAYS

FILM NETWORKING EVENT A great opportunity for anyone interested in film. Industry people, networking, casting suite for undiscovered actors, advice and much more.

Film showings throughout the day.

For a full list of showings, please contact our Box Office: 023 9273 7370 52 MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

Show Dates: Sun 13th May Show Time: QNl QN Tickets: ÂŁ3

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info@errandjervis.co.uk www.errandjervis.co.uk Fax: Office 023 9273 8338 ~ Shop 023 9287 1001 63-65 Albert R oad, Southsea, Portsmouth, Hants. PO5 2R Y

www.newtajmahal.in OPENING TIMES: FRI & SAT, 5.30PM–1.30AM SUN–THURS, 5.30PM–12 MIDNIGHT

WRITTEN BY MIA HABENS

HOME SWEET HOME!

GET WITH THE LINGO Do you know the difference between fixed rate, tracker and standard variable? If not, then you need to do a tonne of research to work out what’s the best option for you and how to recognise the good deals when they come up.

It’s also worth speaking to an independent financial advisor for the best advice, as mortgage lenders will always try and flog you their own products, even though there may be better deals out there.

CAN YOU AFFORD IT?

TOP

TIPS

FOR BUYING YOUR FIRST HOME ey you’ ll ev er th e mos t mon l It ’s probably ore st re ss fu m te n rank ed of is d ’s an d It . en sp ging jobs baby or chan than having a on th e ge t th eir foot tim e bu ye rs to ! has m he er – so May prop erty ladd tips … l fu lp he th es e com e up w it h

54 MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

Mortgage lenders have historically offered 3 to 3½ times salary, or 2½ times joint earnings – but it’s worth shopping around. Be wary of mortgages with very low interest rates as they can often come with hefty repayment fees, or go up to an expensive standard variable rate after a set period. Some lenders will also take into account other factors such as debt, savings, bonuses from work, credit ratings and risk assessments – so get a credit score and work on improving it before approaching lenders.

You also need to find out what your bills are likely to be in your area, for the type of place you’re looking to buy. There’s no point blowing your budget on a big mortgage if you can’t afford your bills once you’re there, or if you can’t leave the house ever again, let alone maintain a social life.

JOIN FORCES Couples can combine their wages to get a better deal, but if you haven’t found ‘the one’ yet, you can always team up with a friend. You could either rent out a room in your new house to help with the bills, or pool your deposits so you can buy together.

If you go in with a friend, make sure you work out a legal contract in case things go pear-shaped.

You can also offset your mortgage with your savings account to help lower your mortgage repayments. The idea is that you forfeit the interest on your savings, and that money is taken off your mortgage. You can even offset your parents’ savings, but it depends how generous the bank of Mum and Dad is feeling.

CHILLAX We know it’s really stressful and we’re talking about a big commitment and a lot of money here but try not to panic. Experts agree big hikes in house prices are a thing of the past and in most areas prices have remained stable. It’s also a buyers market out there so first time buyers can milk the fact that they have no chain and get good discounts on asking prices – and there could even be interest rate cuts in the future, so here’s hoping.

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FOOD AND DRINK FESTIVAL

BRIGHTON HOVE LAWNS

May 25, 26 & 27 H WATCLIN E MICHAR ST S CHEFING COOK LIVE

Taste quality treats from artisan producers Relax with an ice cream on our city beach Watch classic movies at Food of Love Cinema

Book advance tickets

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TICKE S ON SAT LE NOW

GENTLY DOWN THE STREAM…

THE WRITTEN BY EDWARD COUZENS-LAKE

BOAT WHO ARE THEY?

This year will see the 158th University boat race on the River Thames between Putney and Chiswick Bridges – a course of just over four miles. The event is one of the sporting events of the year, not only in London but the whole of the UK, with thousands of spectators lining the banks to watch and millions more doing the same on TV worldwide.

For a sport that otherwise registers little to no interest in the UK and one that, when it does feature, is all about a personal showdown between two exclusive Universities, why is this event so relentlessly popular?

Mayhem! polishes its rowlocks and takes a closer look at the whole watery phenomena...

56 MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

The race is the sole preserve of the Oxford and Cambridge University Boat Clubs and has been since 1829.

No other universities or institutions are invited to take part and neither are they likely to be. This is a strictly private, very personal clash between the two perceived elite members of British Higher Education.

SO AN ALL BRITISH ‘DO’ THEN? Not at all. Each university does its level best to make sure that their yearly intake always includes some of the best rowers in the world and many of the rowers are from abroad, especially the US. As far as the UK is concerned, if you can row, then a D and two E’s in your A Levels may well help you in – they’ll just let you row and pretty much disregard your academic studies!

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RACE

GENTLY DOWN THE STREAM…

HOW LONG DO THEY TRAIN FOR? Training for this year’s race would have begun in September, before even the first academic term started.

Trial eights (it’s important to select the best team rather than the best eight rowers) are put together by Christmas for further training and the final eight manned boats are put together from there.

WHO USUALLY WINS? It’s pretty tight to be honest. Up until last year, Cambridge had won 80 races and Oxford 76 with one dead heat. Oxford has won seven of the last ten races and will probably start this year as slight favourites.

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE?

Oh yes. In 1912 both boats sank in choppy conditions, while in 1984, the Cambridge crew unaccountably crashed into a barge near the start and ended up sinking before the race had even started! Cambridge also sank, mid-race in 1978, again, partially due to the rough conditions on the river at the time.

Putney to Chiswick affords good viewing. But the start is probably the best place – either view from a riverside pub there (and there’re plenty!) or from Putney Bridge. If you’re heading up from Portsmouth then train it to London and take the District to Putney Bridge, it’s a ten minute walk to the bridge from there.

The course record, held by Cambridge is 16 minutes and 19 seconds, from 1998. Expect this year’s winning team to do it in around 17 to 19 minutes however, winds and tide permitting.

IS IT OPEN FOR MEN AND WOMEN? ALL SOUNDS A BIT DULL TO BE HONEST Nope – the ‘main event’ is a strictly – HAS ANYTHING male thing (although women are INTERESTING EVER CAN I WATCH? allowed to be part of the mens team) HAPPENED? although, because they are a lot Yep, most of the river towpath from lighter and are very good at shouting and nagging men, the boats coxes are usually women. This isn’t a case of discrimination – there are women’s and men’s races. Indeed, from 2015, the women’s race will be held on the same course and day (it is currently held at Henley) as well as being given national TV coverage.

Check out our website for even more... www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk

APRIL 2012 | MAYHEM!

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MULTI TALENTED DREAM BOY!

REALITY

BITES Jason Donovan returns with new music, and a pledge to stay away from reality TV shows!

+BTPO %POPW BO T new album, Sign of Your L ove is out now.

n o s Ja

n a v o n o D EN W R IT T

58 MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

BY T H E

INTE R

V IEW H

UB

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MULTI TALENTED DREAM BOY!

In his pomp, Jason Donovan was best known for his collaborations – both musically and romantically – but these days the Strictly Come Dancing star is looking for another bedfellow in the unlikely form of David Guetta. The 43 year old star admitted he’s a huge fan of the French dance producer, who has previously worked on chart-topping tracks with Rihanna, Nicki Minaj and Kelly Rowland.

“That is honestly a dream of mine,” Donovan says. “I just love pop music; I love how one fantastic song can transform you in three minutes, and David is the King of that right now. My kids idolise him and I’m always robbing their iPods to listen to his latest stuff – they obviously know about the latest sounds far more readily than me!

So the opportunity to work with him would be amazing. He hasn’t called yet, but here’s hoping. I’m sure the mix would be something special.”

Not that Donovan is lacking his own creative inspiration, given that the release of his tenth solo album Sign of Your Love has again propelled him into the public’s music consciousness.

It’s a welcome return to familiar territory for the star, who has just come back off the Strictly Come Dancing Live tour, immediately confessing that the rigours of the BBC reality series and accompanying theatre showcase were beginning to take their tour. “I swear, if I hear that opening Strictly title music again, I will jump off a balcony and end it!” he laughs. “The show was a bigger experience than I ever expected it to be; it was an incredible journey and I learned skills that I never thought I’d be accomplished at.”

“But I’m truly exhausted by it. Since I signed up, I’ve been living and breathing dancing 24 hours a day! I don’t think anyone going into it really appreciates how utterly consuming the whole thing is. But, listen, I’m so grateful for the experience – it has kept me in the public eye and it’s always nice to be there.

But, in the nicest possible way, I would never do anything like that again!”

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So how did learning the tango and foxtrot compare with encountering black widow spiders and kangaroo testicles in I’m A Celebrity...? “There is no comparison!” Donovan laughs.

“One experience involves sitting on your back, watching the trees grow.

The other is getting out there and working your butt off.”

“I’ll admit, the jungle isn’t too pleasant, but no one’s going to die out there – it’s not in ITV’s interests. And I’m an Australian, that’s my backyard.

The scariest thing for me wasn’t the insects, it was the other celebrities!”

So Jason wouldn’t rule out completely the unholy trinity of reality television by doing Celebrity Big Brother? “I’ve been offered the show but it’s not one for me. I’m not a fan of people playing tricks to gain publicity. I’ve picked the best reality shows, they treat their celebrities the best and, honestly, I don’t think Channel 5 is for me. It’s a show driven by controversy; I don’t like that.”

Back to the music, and the singer’s latest album, Sign of Your Love, is a collection of swing classics inspired by his time on Strictly. It marks a fantastic return to form for the singer who is happy to get back to the real craft of music after a couple of years away.

“A good song is a good song, and I’ve really enjoyed expressing myself on this album. There is a huge trend for swing at the moment, inspired by people like Michael Bublé, no doubt. But it’s a genre that never goes away, and selecting songs that really mean a lot to me has been a fantastic adventure. I hope others enjoy the album as much as I do.”

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EXTRA EXTRA, READ ALL ABOUT IT!

WORLD BOOK NIGHT t is World Book Nigh br at ion le the ultimat e ce ok s, of reading an d bo e UK , ce le br at ed in th y an d the Irelan d, G erman rd. If you’ re USA on April 23 ing that in terest ed in shar uldn ’t pu t book you ju st co ed on dow n – ge t involv night.org w w w.worldbook

WRITTEN BY HAYLEY MALINS

As Lemony Snicket once said, “Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them.” I, as a passionate reader and constant carrier of books, cannot really comprehend how someone doesn’t enjoy reading. It’s an incredible form of escapism and what better way to motivate and nurture the imagination and creativity of the mind. What I love about World Book Night is that it promotes just this.

60 MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

To learn more about the titles featured in WORLD BOOK /*()5 read on!

HAN K S A BIG T TON E S ERS TO WAT OR OU T H , F M S T R O P G N I LO W T H E FOL EW S R E VI

I have loved reading since I was young and can still remember the first books we had were a Beatrix Potter collection. From that point onwards a love affair was born, and to this day nothing beats telling family or friends about this great book and passing it on. World Book Night is all about sharing this personal joy of literature and every year thousands of passionate reader’s give books to others in their community spreading the joy. It’s shocking that one person in six, in the UK, struggles to read and write which effects a person’s confidence and employability. World Book Night aims to rectify this by promoting literacy and celebrating books urging readers to share with others the value of reading.

SO, HOW DOES IT WORK? Well there are 25 titles that are especially chosen and then printed in World Book Night editions. By registering on the website you can give away any book you please (you get a first, second and third option) to someone who doesn’t regularly read as it’s all about opening up someone’s mind to a new world. Each giver receives 24 copies of their chosen title to pick up from a local bookstore or library in the week before April 23rd.

So don’t hesitate, if you’re an avid reader or even if you’re not, this is a great way to encourage yourself and others to start reading. Don’t judge a book by its cover; you never know you may just go on to love it.

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Portraiture doesn’t have to be stiff and boring!

„ „ 777 4)$"5290(/4/'2!0(9 #/-

WORLD BOOK NIGHT

62 MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

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WORLD BOOK NIGHT THE ALCHEMIST PAOLO COELHO Possibly Coelho’s most famous book, it has been sold in 74 countries to 62 million people! We follow Santiago, a shepherd living in the hills of Andalusia as he makes the life changing decision to move to a foreign land to pursue his dreams. Truly a life altering parable.

THE PLAYER OF GAMES IAIN M BANKS It is the end of history, humanity has filled the galaxy, no one gets sick and no one dies. Our main character craves something more and finds a neighbouring alien society which is much less advanced but infinitely more interesting.

On the surface at least. Very readable and very relevant to our modern day society.

SLEEPYHEAD MARK BILLINGHAM The first in the Tom Thorne series. Thorne battles to prevent the death of another individual at the hands of a most gruesome serial killer , while trying to decipher if the fourth victim is still alive by miscalculation or a deliberate decision of the murderer. It gripped me from the start and I read it in a matter of days!

NOTES FROM A SMALL ISLAND BILL BRYSON One of author, Bill Bryson’s funniest works. He takes a fond look at our own United Kingdom, looking at the contrasts of the country that invented marmite, has a naval hero asking for a kiss and has towns with very odd names, like Tipsey. You’ll laugh your socks off at this book!

A TALE OF TWO CITIES CHARLES DICKENS ‘It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…’.

This is one of the most famous opening lines of all time. Don’t be put off because ‘it’s Dickens’ or because ‘it’s a classic’, this is one of my favourite reads, a truly sweeping epic for all times.

Charles Dickens is 200 this year, celebrate by reading this fabulous story.

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE JANE AUSTEN A timeless classic, in its time it was a superb observational comedy about society and hierarchy. It is still as funny and sharp as ever, and Elizabeth Bennett, one of the greatest literary heroines (and one of my favourite novels!)

TOUCHING THE VOID JOE SIMPSON The true account on how Simpson managed to survive after the potentially devastating decision of his climbing partner to cut the rope joining them together.

How does he survive the Peruvian Andes? Find out in this gripping first-hand account.

LET THE RIGHT ONE IN JOHN AJVIDE LINDQUIST Filmed as ‘Let Me In’, this is a disturbing yet brilliant reworking of the vampire mythology, as well as being a moving tale of rejection, friendship and loyalty.

I promise you, this book is not what you expect.

GOOD OMENS TERRY PRATCHETT AND NEIL GAIMAN Armageddon is the subject of this novel. Not a simple topic, but Pratchett and Gaiman manage to tackle it with their own distinctive styles. A prophesising witch (whose predictions no one can decipher!), the antichrist, famine and a part-time rare book dealer make up some of the characters in this hilarious novel.

ROOM EMMA DONOGHUE This is one of the most emotional, heart wrenching stories that I’ve ever read.

Five year old Jack lives in ‘Room’ with his beloved Ma and has no concept of life outside apart from the man who comes sometimes and makes his Ma sad and scared.

Based loosely on real life horror stories such as that of Natashca Kampusch and The Fritzel’s, this incredible book surprised me by becoming one of the most uplifting and life affirming experiences.

It will make you see the world in a different light.

REBECCA DAPHNE DU MAURIER “Last night I dreamed I went to Mandalay again” – one of the most emotive opening lines of all time. This is a truly timeless gothic classic, full of tension and suspense; it follows a young bride as she struggles to live up to the memory of her much older husband’s first wife, Rebecca.

I CAPTURE THE CASTLE DODIE SMITH You would be forgiven for thinking that a story about an impoverished family living in a castle in the 1930’s isn’t the most gripping novel. You would be wrong however.

A cast of eccentric characters orbit around 17 year old Cassandra, which makes for a funny, heart breaking (and warming) novel. Beautiful.

MISERY STEPHEN KING You can’t go wrong with a good Stephen King book and Misery is one of his best!

A novelist is injured and ‘nursed’ by one of his most devoted fans, who turns out to be less than sane… if you’ve seen the film I’m sure, like me, you’ll wince remembering the ‘hobbling’ scene! The book is full of stomach churning twists and mounting terror – don’t read before going to bed, but if you do, leave the light on!

THE SECRET DREAMWORLD OF A SHOPAHOLIC SOPHIE KINSELLA Come on girls, I think there is a little bit of Becky Bloomwood in all of us! After all we all know that most problems in life can be solved by a new pair of shoes…or a new handbag – when the going gets tough the tough – go shopping!

SMALL ISLAND ANDREA LEVY Orange Prize winner Andrea Levy has created a modern masterpiece with this phenomenal look at life in post-war London, focusing on the clash of cultures between a group of Jamaican immigrants and gritty Londoners trying to return to their normal lives. Not an easy read but well worth getting your teeth into.

Check out our website for even more... www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk

HARLEQUIN BERNARD CORNWELL

THE DAMNED UNITED DAVID PEARCE

Harlequin’s are lost souls that the devil loves so much that he will not take them to hell but leaves to roam the earth.

The harlequin in this novel has stolen the cross of St George. Cornwell has created a work of fiction that contains well researched historical detail. Excellent for anyone picking up his novels for the first time.

Guys, nothing caught your fancy yet? This is ultimate football novel, a great big overwrought, overblown, sliding tackle of a book.

Loosely based on Brian Clough’s 44 days at Leeds in the 1970’s.

THE ROAD CORMAC MCCARTHY Terribly bleak, yet utterly impossible to put down and ultimately very uplifting – strange I know! Set in a dystopian future, this is a powerful exploration of a father and son struggling to survive. Packed with short punchy phrases that get straight to the heart of the matter, this is a great modern American Novel.

TIME TRAVELLER’S WIFE AUDREY NIFFENEGGER Quite simply one of the most unique and heart breaking love stories of all time and my absolute favourite on this list.

Claire meets Henry when she is 6 and he is 36. Henry meets Claire when he is 28 and she is 20. Henry suffers from a rare genetic condition that causes him to travel randomly through time and their epic love faces many challenges. You simply have to read this book.

THE VANISHING ACT OF ESME LENNOX MAGGIE O’FARRELL Esme Lennox is a fiercely intelligent woman but she has been imprisoned in a lunatic asylum for most of her life.

Now released and in her 60’s, her niece discovers why the aunt she never knew she had, was betrayed and locked away for so long. It’s a sad, yet ultimately happy story.

SOMEONE LIKE YOU ROALD DAHL If, like me you’re used to Dahl’s books for children, you will love these stories written for adults. They are as dark and sometimes twisted, as we have come to expect from the celebrated author.

HOW I LIVE NOW MEG ROSOFF Winner of the Guardian Children’s Fiction Prize in 2004. 15 year old Daisy is staying in England enjoying her summer when an unnamed aggressor attacks and she is forced to stay at her Aunt’s farmhouse. The main story focuses on how Daisy and her cousins cope with the war and being split from each other. It makes for extremely moving reading.

THE TAKE MARTINA COLE A fast paced and exciting novel. Freddie Jackson is released from prison, armed with criminal contacts and many plans. Can he trust anyone to help him though?

Now turned into a TV series, The Take is a hugely enjoyable crime story.

THE REMAINS OF THE DAY KAZUO ISHIGURO An absolutely beautiful novel. The main character is Stevens, the perfect servant, so dedicated to his master and the estate that he fails to notice everything outside of his routine and his work; not only that his master is a Nazi sympathizer but also potentially, and more importantly, the love of his life. The pages practically ooze with repressed emotion.

THE BOOK THIEF MARKUS ZUZAK At first glance this book sounds shocking: A tale set in Nazi Germany narrated

by Death?! Intrigued? I was and I loved it. Death is a surprisingly wry and witty narrator and the story grabs your imagination and won’t let it go. Completely different and very clever, this is a book everyone will take something away from.

WRITTEN BY THE WATERSTONES TEAM – PORTSMOUTH

APRIL 2012 | MAYHEM!

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ONE TO ONE WITH… INTERVIEW BY FELICITY PATRICK

ny T here aren’ t ma g aut hors like Me claim to Rosoff, who can delight l a u q e h it w d a e r be dults. by children and a Meg h it w p u h tc ca e W Book ahead of World from e r o m r a e h to t h Nig y… t his inspiring lad

64 MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

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ONE TO ONE WITH… Your debut novel ‘How I Live Now’ was a phenomenal success and has won numerous prestigious awards.

How does it feel for this book to now be part of World Book Night?

How I Live Now is my independent child, the one I don’t worry about because it’s smart, sensible, popular, etc. But I’m fantastically excited that it’s part of WBN – especially as it coincides with the beginning of pre-production for the film!

How did you get involved in World Book Night and what does it mean to you?

The first I knew I was involved was when they got in touch to tell me How I live Now had been selected.

I was thrilled. It opens a whole new audience for the book.

If you had the option, would you have chosen one of your other titles instead of ‘How I Live Now’?

Hmm, yes, I think I would have. Only because How I Live Now is my most popular novel, so a lot of people have already read it. I might choose The Bride’s Farewell, set in 1850, because I think it’s one of my most underrated books (and is full of horses and lurchers) or my most recent, There Is No Dog – because it’s been condemned as blasphemous (which, but the way, it isn’t really. Heretical maybe, but not blasphemous.)

What are your thoughts on the other titles selected? Have you read them?

I’ve read 13 of the 25, which isn’t too bad. It’s a brilliant list, and my favourites are probably Small Island, Pride & Prejudice, Touching The Void, I Capture the Castle… for your own WBN list, what would they be?

Let’s see. The Pursuit of Love, Nancy Mitford. Lucky Jim, Kingsley Amis.

Memoirs of a Fox-Hunting Man, Seigfried Sassoon. The Song Before it is Sung, Justin Cartwright. So Long, See You Tomorrow, William Maxwell.

I could choose about a zillion sets of five, but that will do for now. Oh lord.

Maybe The Secret Garden too. If I sit here for another ten minutes, I’ll keep changing the list. Maus, Art Spiegelman. Sum, David Eagleman.

Not only do you write adult novels, but you have had several children’s books published too. How do you feel about being termed a ‘crossover novelist’?

I always think writers just write books, and it’s marketing departments who decide what sort of books they’ve written. I’m writing for myself – and I’m definitely half teenager half adult.

That would explain it.

Which of your 9 titles proved most challenging and why?

Definitely my last book – There Is No Dog, about God turning out to be a sex-mad, self-centred 19-yearold who creates the world in six days because he can’t be bothered to think it through. But as my husband said, if you take on God, the universe and everything, you can’t expect to have an easy ride.

What are you working on at the moment?

I’m just finishing a book called Picture Me Gone – my first ever novel set in America. It hasn’t been a nightmare to write, which makes me love it to bits.

What is it that makes some novels a nightmare to write?

For me, writing a novel based on an idea is much much harder than basing a story on a wandery emotional journey. With an idea, you already have the punchline (God is a teenage boy, for instance) and you have to fit the story to the punchline.

With an emotional journey, you can work your way up to the ending, and not worry too much where it ends up.

Have you ever experienced writers block and what are your tips on how to beat it?

Funny you should ask that! Have a look at my website: megrosoff.co.uk.

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We hear that ‘How I Live Now’ does that feel? Have you had any involvement in the script, casting or production? When can we expect

Well, we sold the film rights before the book came out in 2004, so it’s been a long road and there’s plenty of time to get over your initial excitement. You never really know how a film is going to turn out, but I’ve got an amazing production team (Kevin McDonald, director of Last King of Scotland is directing) and an amazing cast so far (Saoirse Ronan is playing Daisy) so mainly I just cross my fingers and hope for the best. It should be out in early 2013. And yes, I wrote the first draft of the screenplay and then they got in a professional!

Would you consider a cameo appearance? If so, who would you like to play?

Oh, I’d love a cameo. Not sure there’s an actual role for me in the book, but I’d be happy to play a shrub or a goat.

(Though preferably not the one that gets…um…dead.)

You attended Harvard University in the States... was a lot expected from you from a young age?

I was a clever kid who was good at school, so in a way, a lot was expected. But back in the 70s there was much less pressure on kids than there is now. I don’t ever remember working very hard at all.

Does the education system today for the future of Literature?

Despair, mainly. Libraries and librarians being slashed while the government goes on preaching the importance of literacy. Makes no sense at all. The thing I hate the most is kids reading a chapter or two of an important novel ‘to get a taste of it’ rather than the whole thing. They don’t have to be reading Dickens, they can read Hunger Games for all I care, but read beginning to end!

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ONE TO ONE WITH… You also studied at Central St Martins in London, and later returned to live in New York. back to settle in England?

I fell in love with London the first time I stepped foot in it in 1976 and just never got over it. The love affair is still going strong. Throughout the entire ten years I lived in NYC, I longed to return to London. I’ve lived here 23 years now and though I’d quite like to try someplace new for awhile, it’ll always be home.

So, where else in the world would you like to live and why?

Oh, anywhere. My husband and I might move to California for a while because my mother’s getting on and would like the company – it wouldn’t necessarily be my first choice, but why not? I’d love to live in a hill village in the Himalayas, or in Japan, or – I’d consider almost anywhere, really.

Trying something or somewhere different slows down time. Having to adapt to a new life expands your brain and you don’t end up looking back and saying, ‘what happened to my life? I spent 40 years in the same house and it’s all a blur.’ Change is good, challenging, exciting.

You had a spell in advertising, when did your revelation to write a book arise?

I wrote my first novel after my youngest sister died of cancer.

I was 46 and suddenly realised I’d better do it sooner rather than later, in case I didn’t live forever.

So sorry to hear this, would you say that writing helped you to deal with your loss?

Writing helps you deal with absolutely everything in life. It’s an amazing way to process emotions and explore the really difficult facts of life. Not that writers are generally cheery folk – most of the ones I know have a broad streak of depression, which comes, I think from facing down all the dark stuff in life. But 66 MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

gazing at the hard stuff is important, it helps to conquer the fear of living.

Apparently there is a novel in each of us. Do you believe this? If so, do you have any advice for our readers on how to start

I totally don’t believe that there’s a novel in each of us. That’s like saying there’s an olympic gold medal for gymnastics in each of us! It takes a certain combination of talents to write a really good novel, and who would aspire to write a bad one?

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to write a novel any more than you shouldn’t try to learn gymnastics.

My best advice is to stop talking about it and just sit down and do it.

That’s half the battle.

I always judge books by their covers!

It’s the worst advice of all time not to.

Though publishers more and more try to ‘re-type’ books, for instance by putting chick lit covers on serious fiction. At the moment I’m reading quite a heavy memoir of Vienna before WW2 – Stefan Sweig, The World of Yesterday.

If you could pass only one mustread book on to the next generation, what would it be and why?

All these hard questions! Catch-22 is still one of the best books I’ve ever read. Funny, mordant, tragic, complex, exquisitely written.

And the most extraordinary condemnation of war.

Which author inspires you the most and why?

Coffee, please. Just milk. :-)

These days it has to be Hilary Mantel. She’s such a brilliant brilliant writer with the most original interesting mind and totally redefined fiction with Wolf Hall.

She’s not tricksy or self-conscious like so many of the literary stars coming out of America, she’s just a wonderful mature wise writer.

I can’t wait for the second volume.

Do you get a lot of books sent to you from unpublished writers? Is there anything we should look out for?

What has been your biggest career challenge, and how did you conquer it?

I do get lots of book sent to me, and find many of them a bit samey. I’m always looking for someone who has a genuine original compelling voice and something to say. That’s rare.

I think any writer’s biggest challenge is mid-career – when you’re not the hot new thing any more and you’re on your sixth novel. That’s when you settle in and realise that , in the end, you’re writing to please yourself.

Where do you write? Do you have a special place that inspires you and

I can write anywhere there’s peace and quiet. But I always prefer a couch so I can prop my laptop on my knees and recline!

Tea, milk and 2 sugars?

When you say they’re a bit samey, what are people tending to write about?

Finally, what is the one thing that you would still like to achieve?

I don’t mean samey in terms of content, I mean samey in terms of tone. A perfectly competent story told in perfectly competent sentences.

But a few pages in I always think ‘why am I bothering to read this?’

I want to be amazed and challenged.

What are you reading at the moment? Do you ever judge a book by its cover?

Do you mean aside from world peace? Hmmm. I guess I’d like to make enough money so I could take a few years off, lie in a hammock and read all the books I never get around to. That would be heaven.

Thank you so much again for your time! We look forward to seeing your book as part of World Book Night and can’t wait for the film How I Live Now.

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ONE TO ONE WITH…

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HOW TO BEAT WRITERS BLOCK! The secrets I am about to reveal are known only to those who have suffered and triumphed over a tricky non-compliant novel. In other words, anyone who has ever written a book.

I’ve yet to meet a writer who says, ‘Oh yes, it’s easy.

I just sit down to write and it all goes tickety-boo until I write The End. The real difficulty is getting paper into the printer.’ (Please feel free to set me straight if you are that writer). Nothing drives me madder than a room full of aspiring writers whining, ‘I get halfway through my book and then I get stu-uck.’

Well of course you get halfway through and get stuck.

EVERYONE gets halfway through and gets stuck.

Even the people writing My Magic Unicorn and Secret Lives of Football Wives get halfway through and get stuck. It’s what happens.

So here are three things to try:

Walk away. For a few hours or a few days or even a few weeks if it’s really bad and you’re not on a deadline. Set your brain on autodrive and think about your problem every night before you go to bed. Say the words, ‘How will I solve this problem, oh brain?’ as you turn your light off and if you’re really lucky and you practice enough, it will occasionally answer you.

Do something inspiring. I favour movies, theatre, art galleries, trying to convince my nutty horse to work nicely, watching my dogs chase squirrels on the heath. It sometimes takes more discipline to get up from my desk than it does

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Write through it.

Sometimes the only answer is to stay at your computer and force yourself to write another chapter. Accept that it will be terrible and that you will have to get rid of it. But the subconscious has an endearing habit of slipping a little piece of illuminating dialogue into an otherwise useless piece of writing. ‘OH’, you will think when you see it. That’s helpful.

And when all else fails,

Give up. We don’t need more competition.

No really.

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OCTO PUSH

WRITTEN BY NICK BUSH

MAYHEM! SPORTS GUIDE TO‌

we like to Here at Mayhem! readers. Sports look after our

HISTORY

want anyone to but you wouldn’t all mainstream think you’d gone lar sport like by playing a popu y! So, why football or rugb new and ing th not try some name a ith (w g interestin jected re a e lik ds un that so hem! humbly superhero). May to Octopush. presents: A Guide

Octopush was invented in 1954 in Eastney Swimming pool – right here in the fair city of Portsmouth – by Navy Diver Alan Blake and some of his diving buddies. The first ever Octopush competition was held in early 1955, between teams from Southsea, Bournemouth and Brighton‌and of course Southsea was triumphant. Octopush is today played internationally, though often (and wrongly) known as Underwater Hockey. Until recently there were Octopush World Championships held every two years. However, a split in the governing body for the sport has led to two main organisations running Octopush championships and competitions; the World Aquachallenge Association (WAA) and the ConfÊdÊration Mondiale des ActivitÊs Subaquatiques (CMAS).

If forced to take a side, we at Mayhem! would go for the WAA‌ it’s easier to type.

68 MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

RULES q 1MBZFE JO B TXJNNJOH QPPM q 5XP UFBNT q 4JY QMBZFST JO B UFBN q NJOVUF NBUDIFT TFWFO NJOVUF halves, with a minute break at half time for switching ends q 5 IF UFBNT DPNQFUF UP TDPSF CZ hitting a puck across the bottom of the pool, and into the opposing teams’ goal, using their ‘pushers’ (one handed implements resembling mini hockey sticks) q , JU DPOTJTUT PG B EJWJOH NBTL snorkel and fins, a swimming hat and gloves for protection and the aforementioned ‘pusher’.

Also swimwear, you pervert.

WHERE TO PLAY Of course, now that your interest has been piqued, you’ll want to know where you can play. Fear not‌ Portsmouth, being the home of the sport, still has an active Octopush scene‌so get involved! The University currently has an Octopush society, who train alongside the Portsmouth Octopush Club in Eastney swimming pool. Check out the University of Portsmouth Octopush Club website for details. www.pompeyocto.co.uk

To advertise in Mayhem! Magazine call us on: 023 9229 4408

the mayhem magazine KEEP UPTO DATE WITH

mayhemmag

MAYHEM! MEETS… INTERVIEW BY TORI NAIRN

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MAYHEM! MEETS… For people that aren’ t familiar with ‘Amateur Transplants ’, can you tell us who you are and what it’s all about…?

I’m essentially a man, sat at a grand piano on a stage – swearing at a room full of strangers. Or boiled down even further: smutty songs.

It may come as a surprise to some; doctorate from Imperial College London! How did you go from medicine to comedy?

Yeah, I worked as a doctor for a few years before jacking it in to do… whatever this is. As you can imagine, my parents were delighted. I think overall it’s a good thing for the wellbeing of the nation that I’m not involved with its healthcare provision though.

You’ve been the front man of ‘Amateur Transplants ’ since it began, you’re a singer/songwriter, a pianist and a doctor! What are your other hidden talents?

I can suck my own penis. I had to cut it off to be able to do it, but beggars can’t be choosers.

If you were in the middle of the street and somebody suddenly shouted, “We need a Doctor!” would you be on hand to help or walk on by?

It happens annoyingly often – and I obviously help where I can. It was particularly unavoidable when a woman came up to me after a gig and immediately collapsed. I’d like to say it was because she was overwhelmed with emotion at meeting me. (She wasn’t. It was just a heart attack.)

Some of your songs are a little crude and risque and you’ve reworked some of the greats, like Phil Collins’ Against all odds, Elton John’s ‘Tiny Dancer and the Band Aid song, ‘Do they know its Christmas?’

Do you ever receive backlash, or is it all taken light-heartedly?

They either take it very well, or sue me. There’s not really any middle ground. But none of those artists you’ve mentioned have sued me. Yet. How do you choose the songs to re-work?

I find a song that’s got a word in it that rhymes with a swear-word.

Then replace that word with the swear-word. Then drag the joke out until it’s three minutes long.

You donated 10% of your earnings to Macmillan Cancer Support.

That’s pretty generous! do you support a number of charities?

Macmillan has always been our charity we’ve supported over the years – they do the most amazing job.

Plus giving to charity offsets some of the bad karma from the songs we sing.

We’ve seen you are developing a sitcom, tell us more...

I’ve got a couple of scripts in development with production companies for sitcoms, but I’m not really meant to talk about them just yet… I’ve written on various other shows – most recently Mongrels (BBC3) and Watson and Oliver (BBC2). your Facebook page says your “show is probably not suitable for your elderly aunt.” What does your elderly aunt and family think about your break from medicine to comedy?

It’s difficult to find out, as they’ve all refused to speak to me since I gave up the day job.

You’re a sell-out at the Edinburgh Fringe every year, but how for your comedy career?

The Edinburgh Fringe has been hugely important for me – in terms of improving as a comedian (nothing helps you learn your trade like a month of solid gigging), in terms of profile and in terms of meeting other people in the industry. Unfortunately I think it’s simultaneously had disastrous effects on my liver.

Check out our website for even more... www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk

Why did you decide to use songs with your comedy, instead of the usual stand up?

I started with conventional stand-up, but felt more at home comedically with songs. Plus it gives me a good chance to show off my mad piano skillz.

Your partner in ‘Amateur Transplants’, Suman Biswas, has gone back to medicine. Will you ever go back?

All being well – which means I don’t get evicted for non-payment of bills – I imagine I’ll stick with comedy. So if the entire population of Portsmouth could make their way to my tour, that would really help me out.

Paracetamoxyfrusebendroneomycin, Snippets and Careless Surgeon were said to be mimicking students at King’s College London and Barts London medical schools, was there a lot of rivalry when you were at University?

There was a rivalry between the various medical schools in London – but I think it was predominantly propagated by the sports teams. I wasn’t good enough to be in any sports teams, so I think I was just trying to be cool by slagging off other universities.

You’ve written some comedy scripts for the BBC. How does that compare to writing for yourself?

It’s good fun writing in someone else’s character or voice – but it never stops being surreal seeing someone else saying your jokes on TV. You’ve just started your 2012 tour. What other plans do you have for 2012?

It’s a busy year for writing, plus a fairly full diary of gigs. Plus I imagine a lot of time getting lost driving on the way to shows, and a lot of morning spent watching Cash in the Attic.

What would you say to the people of Portsmouth to get them out to your Brighton show?

I’ll drive you home afterwards.

APRIL 2012 | MAYHEM!

71

HIT THE GROUND, RUNNING!

LONDON

MARATHON WRITTEN BY ANABELA GAVRILOVA

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LET’S TALK ABOUT CHARITY ...

Nowadays, one of the main objectives for thousands of people to participate in the race is to raise money for their favourite charity.

A BIT OF HISTORY… The London Marathon was established in 1981 by the former Olympic champion and sports journalist Chris Brasher and Welsh athlete John Disley. Both of them had heard a lot about the atmosphere and excitement of the New York Marathon, they decided to try it out themselves and see what makes it so special. During this experience, they saw how wonderful a ‘city wide marathon’ can be – what made it so special was a combination of factors, including the unity and camaraderie of the runners, world famous sights and the cheering spectators.

The two co-founders went to great efforts to organise and find the first sponsors of the UK based Marathon.

A great inspiration for Brasher’s Marathon were the New York and Boston Marathons, but in order not to disrupt the normal functioning of the city, the marathon’s 26-mile route was carefully planned in co-operation with the city council and the police forces.

72 MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

WHY GO TO ALL THE TROUBLE? Brasher and Disley had a number of aims when they were planning this monumental global event, which would later take a very important place in the sporting calendar and be aired by more than 150 channels.

First off, they aimed to improve the status of British marathons by providing a fast course with strong international competitors.

Secondly, to boost London’s tourism and raise money for sporting and recreational facilities in the city.

Thirdly, to show humanity that, occasionally, it could be united.

Last but surely not least, the marathon aimed to be fun for the public and offer a sense of achievement and a stress-free activity in this troubled world.

It holds the Guinness World Record for the world’s largest fundraising event. In 2007 about 78% of the runners raised money for multiple charities. Since its beginning in 1981, the runners have raised as much as £500 million!

WHY NOT GIVE IT A TRY? If you feel like doing a good deed and would like to test your running abilities, why not try and take part in the marathon? Also if you feel like having a bit of a laugh and want to stand out of the crowd, you can wear a fancy-dress costume to have that special memory (and hopefully pictures) to make you smile someday.

However, don’t wait too long to book your place, as the marathon is incredibly popular. Just to help you visualise, in 2010 an astonishing 36,550 people crossed the finish line. As the old saying goes – First come, first served.

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We also sell vinyls, vintage books and bric-a-brac.

Visitors to our shop are amazed at our low prices and will come back time and again, so why not join them? You will come away with a bargain and you will be helping young disabled people too!!

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WRITTEN BY NICK BUSH

EYES FRONT SOLDIER!

GIRLFRIEND HAPPINESS

BOOT-CAMP LESSON TWO: GET CLEAN

It’s a tragic fact of life that there’s not a person on this earth who wants to be with a sweat-drenched, drunken slob.

As awesome as the single life is, the price you pay for being with the girl you care about is losing most of the perks that used to come with it. This means that you can no longer eat that slice of pizza you just found on the floor next to the sofa – it’s probably not a good idea to store pizza on the floor anymore for that matter.

LESSON THREE: EYES FRONT SOLDIER!

:PV¤SF B HPPE QFSTPO 8F LESSON ONE: ATTENTION LOPX UIJT )PXFWFS XF¤SF PAY You may have been waiting all week the latest episode of Songs BMTP BXBSF UIBU JG ZPVS toof watch Praise, you may be completely HJSMGSJFOE LOFX FWFSZUIJOH engrossed in the latest jumper you’ve been knitting, or you may be halfway ZPV HPU VQ UP TIF NBZ OPU through the bottle of tequila you bet mates that you could finish.

CF RVJUF TP VOEFSTUBOEJOH your Whatever the distraction, if your -VDLJMZ GPS ZPV XF¤SF OPU other half is in the picture, she requires your undivided attention.

JOUP CMBDLNBJM TP JOTUFBE Don’t just sit there like a nodding dog, need to actually listen – because, XF¤WF FOSPMMFE ZPV JO UIF you generally speaking, when someone tells you something important or .BZIFN (JSMGSJFOE wants advice they want far more than )BQQJOFTT #PPU $BNQ a series of grunts or mild dribbling.

80 MAYHEM! | APRIL 2012

We understand, really we do. You like your girlfriend an insane amount, you love spending time with her, but every time a (comparatively less) attractive girl walks past, your head is momentarily turned. Now, in the long term you know it’s meaningless, your eye is going to get caught, like some kind of lecherous eye-magnet to the random beautiful women the universe deems it necessary to place in your path. Such cosmic forces may seem too powerful for you to fight. You may not want to fight. However, if you’re unable to combat your testosteronefuelled instincts, the proximity of your girlfriend’s fist to your vulnerables may prove a more effective impetus.

So there you go, you now have the basic tools to drag your relationship off the rocks. And hey, if your girlfriend still isn’t happy after your trip to Mayhem! Boot-Camp, bring her to me! (Yup, this entire article was a lead up to that one incredibly lame punch-line.

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