Mayhem Southampton Issue 01 by Mayhem! Magazine

issUe 01

WEIRD WORLD NEWS

S ki Breaks …this winter

Sir Ranulph

Fiennes …in from the cold

Lady

Year old

Virgin

Gaga

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EDITOR’S

leTTer Crack open the sherry and pass the mince pies around, it’s that time of year again, and as we at Mayhem! sit back and reminsce on 2013, why don’t you put your feet up and feast your eyes on Southampton’s newest magazine?

We go face-to-face with pop sensation Lady Gaga, as she celebrates the release of her new album Artpop and come down oﬀ the winter slopes for a chat with living legend and lifetime explorer, Sir Ranulph Fiennes. If you’re feeling active and looking to explore, why not check out our top skiing destinations, p46?

Check out our website, Facebook and Twitter pages for more Mayhem! exclusives, monthly competitions and freebies!

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Email us: hello@mayhemmagazine.co.uk Find us on Facebook at: /themayhemmagazine

So put on your favourite festive tunes, join us as we look forward to 2014, and make reading your monthly Mayhem! a resolution worth keeping!

Follow and Tweet us: @mayhemmag Write to us: The Clock Tower, Castle Road, Hampshire PO5 3DE

Checkout our online archive!

Happy new year! Daniel Tidbury | Editor-in-chief

www.issuu.com/mayhemmagazine

www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk www.mayhemmagazine 08 Weird world news 10 I don’t like Mondays 12 Gentlemen’s corner 14 In from the cold 16 Girls gift guide 18 Cracking nuts!

24 It’s winter outside 26 Obscure festive traditions 28 Hampshire farmers’ markets 30 The time is now 32 World Aids Day 34 Mayhem! meets Lady Gaga

38 Poker face 40 40 year old Virgin 44 Wear a hat day 46 Winter ski breaks 50 Wizards of Oz 52 Pull at your oﬃce party

Don’t forget to look out for your friends in our ‘Mayhem!’ moments on page 56

@mayhemmag Meet the team… editor-in-chief Daniel Tidbury assistant editor Chris Pursey studio Manager Felicity Tidbury contributing writers Vanesha Peach, Saﬀron Watson, Graham Brown, Jutta Lasner, Fiona Stanton, Steﬀen Reuth, Shannon Barker, Chris Morley, Bradlee Moore, Emma Murphy, Edward Couzens-Lake

MaYheM! | WINTER 2013/14

Mayhem! Moments Mick Whythe & Matt Byne online editor Daniel Tidbury social Media Lawrence Patrick advertising sales Steve Holland & Matt Cheverton Design & Marketing Tidbury Media Distribution Distribution Experts publisher Tidbury Media

the mayhem magazine

Mayhem! is a free lifestyle magazine dedicated to keeping you up to date with the latest culture, trends, fashions and celebs. Our monthly instalments are available to pick up from the countless distribution points scattered across Southampton and its surrounding areas at the beginning of each month.

023 9229 4408 hello@mayhemmagazine.co.uk The Clock Tower, 44 Castle Rd, PO5 3DE www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk

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WEIRD

WRITTEN BY feLIcItY tIDBurY

heaDer But true… straNGe

news Showbiz, Politics and Royal Babies: the three topics that consistently dominate the front pages of newspapers around the country. But skim past these usual oﬀenders and a wealth of wacky news stories are waiting to be gawped at. Here at Mayhem!, we have sifted through the column inches to deliver a round-up of the weirdest stories the press has to oﬀer, so make a cup of tea, put your feet up, and read the news, but not as you know it.

False wiDow sPiDer calleD boris A builder recently found the UK’s most venomous spider, a False Widow, whilst working on a house in Burley. He recognised the species due to its distinctive dark and cream markings following its recent media attention. The brave builder caught the spider in his lunch box and decided to name him Boris. As if that’s not enough Boris has been feeding on the remains of Sugar Puﬀs in this builders butty box. Gives us the shivers!

126 briDesMaiDs A Sri Lanka couple decided to make their wedding day extra special by breaking the Guinness world record and having 126 bridesmaids at their nuptials. The previous record was set at a measly 96! The ceremony must have lasted a while as each made their way down the aisle, not to mention the dress bill. We wonder how the 25 best men managed?!

DeoDoranT THaT sMells GooD enoUGH To eaT A Seattle based company, J&D Foods, have launched a bacon fresh 24-hour protection deodorant called Power Bacon. At just $9.99 this deodorant stick is designed for people with active lifestyles in mind. To go with this unique product is the meaty strap-line “for when you sweat like a pig”. J&D Foods was set up by bacon entrepreneurs Dave Lefkow and Justin Esch to provide a range of pork products. Their range includes bacon lip ﬂavoured lip balm, shaving cream and above all things a coﬃ n for “people who love bacon to death”?! 8

MaYheM! | WINTER 2013/14

invisibiliTy cloak Think invisibility cloak and Harry Potter will probably spring to mind. Scientists have developed a cloak that conceals objects at diﬀerent light frequencies, and in some instances can even enhance them. Unfortunately the cloak isn’t able to achieve complete invisibility, something that Scientists at the University of Texas say is “impossible” to achieve, however it is a good start and could be used in biomedicine and military technology. To advertise in Mayhem! Magazine call us on: 023 9229 4408

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happY MoNDaYs!

It’s official: you hate Mondays, especially in winter. The total aberration of getting up in the early hours, the urge to throw your alarm clock across the room and getting ready while your mind is still in the land of Nod! There are so many reasons why we hate Mondays. There is no sensible alternative unless you decide to stop working. But us humans need to be realistic and, well, earn our living. So it’s back to the drawing board for thousands of us. Unless we manage to adopt a diﬀerent standpoint. So here we go…

TiMe To Give liFe soMe PUrPose For some g interestin ut o quotes ab visit Mondays, edia . kip www.weeonday_ /m k .u co quotes

I DON’T LIKE WRITTEN BY VaNesha peach

MonDays! a new lease oF liFe

Decision MakinG TiMe

Mondays can be seen as an opportunity for regeneration. There is absolutely no need to do the same thing and have the same petty ambitions which you nurtured last week. You can suddenly come up with new ideas about how to change the world and go to work bursting with excitement at the prospect of doing it. Or to put it less blatantly you can modify the way you work. Instead of almost dozing oﬀ at 4pm while waiting for torture hour to end at 5pm, you can have an “idea exchange hour” or an “inspiration hour” to gather your thoughts about company goals and discuss them with colleagues or even your boss.

The total misery of getting up on Mondays and going to work may be smothering a more important fact: that you hate your current job. Loving your job makes you a happy man or woman. If you’re screaming blue murder on Monday morning at the prospect of meeting your boss and “boring” colleagues, then maybe it’s time to think about changing jobs. You might consider skilling up in your ﬁeld and looking for another job or even learning something totally new and switching careers. Think about what you would love to do and get paid for. If you really love your job then you won’t look on it as work but will instead think of it as a paid hobby.

10 MaYheM! | WINTER 2013/14

Mondays are the beginning of something bigger. A grand dream or a secret ambition. If you’re still looking for that all elusive meaning to your life, getting up and taking the trouble to go to work may suddenly appear as the ﬁ rst steps in making your dream of helping your community come true. Small steps may lead to bigger things – it doesn’t matter if it’s winter and that the leaves are falling oﬀ the trees and the cold is creeping in, as you know why you get up in the early hours.

a social occasion It’s also about going out and meeting people. You might not like some of them in the buzzing world of work but there must be a few who you do like seeing and talking to. You can chat about your weekend or the latest blockbuster movie (or that girl or boy you fancy the pants oﬀ ). There will always be time for a natter in the corporate world.

TiMe To live Seen in a less philosophical context, Mondays are like any other day of the week. Time to live, laugh, have fun or cry. Maybe one should de-dramatise Mondays and just look on them as an element of our lives. Seen this way, maybe you would stop saying that you hate Mondays and just shrug your shoulders and get on with it. The best option for the wise man or woman of the 21st century.

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“It’s a form of travel that’s a bit more nitty gritty” A MAYHEM! eXcLusIVe

IN FROM THE

colD Sir Ranulph Fiennes takes his next brave step…

14 MaYheM! | WINTER 2013/14

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eVer the eXpLorer!

In a near 50-year career, Sir Ranulph Fiennes has been to places most people can only imagine. PHOTO BY BILL preNtIce – PHOTOTECH.CO.UK

An explorer with no notion of the word ‘fear’, the former army officer has broken record after record: the first man to reach both North and South Poles; the first man to cross the Antarctic and Arctic Oceans; the only man to lead a team to circumnavigate the Earth; the oldest Briton to reach the summit of Mount Everest – in other words, he didn’t get named ‘the world’s greatest explorer’ by the Guinness Book of Records for nothing. The sometime author has just released “I think some of the military lessons are Fiennes says there have been “one or a new book, Cold: Extreme Adventures applicable in certain cases, but a lot of two” occasions where he feared for his at the Lowest Temperatures on Earth, them aren’t. You’re up against other life, but doesn’t buy into the theory which documents many of these people in the army whereas you’re that those experiences teach a man expeditions and the unimaginable, up against nature in the expeditions. about himself. “From a philosophical life-threatening conditions he has People can be unpredictable and you and introspective point of view, I don’t faced, the kind that led him to losing don’t get that with nature. It’s fairly dabble in that sort of stuff. Two and two his fi ngertips to frostbite. predictable even if the conditions makes four. Freud doesn’t get a look in.” are deeply unpleasant.” In his matter-of-fact, plain speaking Nor does he look back onto his manner, Fiennes rejects the notion Those conditions, Fiennes says, are achievements with particular that those losses have had any effect much more testing on sea than on land. nostalgia – could he pick a on his life – “it happened 11 years ago, favourite expedition? “In the Antarctic you are travelling on and that very hand has helped me on land, which is a lot more secure. But if “Not particularly, the circumnavigation other expeditions since, it isn’t an issue” you’re trying to cross the arctic ocean of the world was so unique and – but if nothing else, it certainly via the North Pole, you are travelling on so ambitious it was good that it typifies the dangers the 69-year-old moving bits of ice on top of the sea. The succeeded. It would have been a waste willingly endures. Why would one current and the wind is breaking it all of 11 years had it failed. The finding of put themselves through such up and unless you do it at the right time the lost city in Arabia took us 26 years testing experiences? of the year, i.e. the summer, you are on and off. We started in 1968 and “There are many motivations why going to possibly get into trouble.” found it in 1994. And that was a relief, people would be attracted to this life. In otherwise we would have had another “And if you go to the North Pole from my early expeditions, patriotism was a 10 or so years of searching.” the Soviet Union, you start from Siberia factor. Competition against other people and a lot of people can come into grief. And even at 69, Fiennes is not yet is another as well as attempting world A female expeditionary disappeared, ready to cease putting his body records and making a living. It’s a form Reinhold Messner, the great climber, through the mill, though he has of travel that’s a bit more nitty gritty, got swept away by moving ice. It’s a unfi nished business before planning and all those things come together.” more unpredictable zone very often his next mission. “I’ve never planned Did his training in the army, than the Antarctic. Some of the ice an expedition when I’ve still got one where he served until 1970, help nodes float around at three miles an going on, and we have a mission his explorations in any way? hour and weigh three million tonnes.” in Antarctica” Cold: Extreme Adventures at the Lowest Temperatures on Earth, published by Simon & Schuster, is out now. Check out our website for even more... www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk

WINTER 2013/14 | MaYheM!

GIRLS GiFT GUiDe for the GIrLs!

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festIVe theatre fuN!

crackinG! WRITTEN BY chrIs MorLeY

crackinG UP As thoughts drift towards Yuletide, why not put on your best festive tutu? And no, not just to give any visiting relatives a giggle – as theatres up and down the land will tell you, it’s Nutcracker time! Luckily for you that doesn’t mean a punch in the soft and curlies. The ballet premiered in St Petersburg’s Marietta Theatre on 18th December 1892 as part of a double feature alongside composer Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s opera Iolanta. Almost every year since that day, The Nutcracker has been performed by ballet companies around the world as a twirly celebration of all things Christmas. 18 MaYheM! | WINTER 2013/14

nUT, anyone? The ballet is adapted from the short story The Nutcracker and The Mouse King. Even then, the age-old problem of what to cut and what should remain intact in the process of adaptation was present. Tchaikovsky and his collaborator, choreographer Marius Petipa (with whom he previously worked on a similar treatment of Sleeping Beauty), had to wrestle with the problem of removing a ﬂashback sequence integral to the plot of the source material, later leading to criticism that they’d been unfaithful to the original text. Petipa proved himself something of a dictator even on the musical side, too – issuing instructions on tempo and the number of bars allowed for each section of the score, which just goes to show that even in those early days creative types could be diﬃcult to work with!

Critical reaction to that first production was mixed, with some calling it insipid while others praised its brilliance. One audience member described a key battle scene in none too flattering terms, commenting “One can not understand anything. Disorderly pushing about from corner to corner and running backwards and forwards – quite amateurish”, while the whole thing was praised by a reviewer as “from beginning to end, beautiful, melodious, original, and characteristic.” At only two acts long, it’s remarkably short, and most people who know of it immediately make a connection with the suite of music written for it. It has been reinterpreted in various styles down the years, from comedy musician Spike Jones’s 1945 attempt on his Murdering The Classics album (which has to be heard to be believed), through the original first serious recording in 1954, to Duke Ellington and Billy Strayhorn’s 1960 jazz version. Cracked it yet?

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festIVe fuN!

IT MAY BE

winTer

oUTsiDe… …but we at Mayhem! think there’s no excuse not to wrap up, so get down and check out some of the best Christmas festivities the South can oﬀer!

soUTHaMPTon cHrisTMas FesTival winTer wonDerlanD, HyDe Park The capital’s festive favourite returns for its seventh exciting year and is bigger than ever. Alongside the popular ice skating, it boasts a Magical Ice Kingdom, complete with ice sculptures and 200 tons of snow (but beware of the ice trolls!) Also worth visiting is Zippo’s Christmas Circus, Giant Observation Wheel and rides, or browse for that last minute gift at the Angels and Yuletide Markets. Admission is free and you only pay for the attractions you want to visit. However it’s worth booking ahead, as it can get busy at peak times. www.hydeparkwinterwonderland.com

24 MaYheM! | WINTER 2013/14

A relaxing Christmas break with a diﬀerence can be found in Bath. Alongside a stunning ice rink beneath the famous Royal Crescent, there are also over 150 traditional stalls at the award-winning Christmas market located by the Bath Abbey and Roman Baths. Sit back and relax in a horse drawn carriage, or if it all gets too much indulge yourself in the Thermae Bath Spa, with the option of treatments, steam rooms and open air rooftop pool!

Holidays are defi nitely coming to Southampton with the exciting news that the Coca Cola Truck will be in attendance at the Guildhall Square on 18th Dec! Residents can get up close and personal with this seasonal favourite and have their pictures taken as a festive memento. Additionally there will be over 30 stalls in Above Bar and Bargate from 14th Nov–31st Dec offering unique present ideas from around the world, whilst local community carol singers entertain the shoppers. This Christmas festival is ideally placed close to both West Quay and Marlands shopping centres, and near to Mayflower Theatre so there are no excuses not to pop down and immerse yourself in the local festivities.

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Chilworth, Southampton, Hampshire Chilworth, SO16 Southampton, 7PT Hampshire SO16 7PT Telephone: 023 8076 7333Telephone: 023 8076 7333 email: sales@chilworth-manor.co.uk email: sales@chilworth-manor.co.uk web: www.bw-chilworthmanor.co.uk web: www.bw-chilworthmanor.co.uk

WRITTEN BY Jutta LasNer

weIrD festIVe traDItIoNs…

cHrisTMas

MaDness

AROUND THE WORLD My my, where has the year gone? With Christmas rolling around again, the usual stress and organisation of the festivities begins. Sometimes, we find ourselves more relieved than sad when the only reminder of its celebration is the torn off gift wrap on the floor. Such a sad thought, considering how diverse the festivities are around the world! Sit down with Mayhem! and get into the spirit as we take you to foreign places and reveal some rather obscure traditions.

PolisH web Merry PiGMas Did you know that in the Czech Republic, people are supposed to fast on Christmas Eve? Yeah, that alone seems pretty crazy. But the reason behind it is even more absurd: they fast to evoke hallucinations in order to see the vision of a golden pig, supposedly bringing good luck to those who catch a glimpse. 26 MaYheM! | WINTER 2013/14

While the Czechs look out for pigs, Christmas in Poland goes hand in hand with spiders. A Christmas tree decorated with little spider ﬁgures and spiderweblike ornaments is quite common there. This tradition derives from a religious background: according to legend, spiders wove a blanket to keep baby Jesus warm. Whoever ﬁnds a (hopefully) fake spider in their tree is supposed to be lucky during the upcoming year.

kenTUcky FrieD cHrisTMas Crimbo is mostly a western world celebration, simply because there are more Christians in the west than in the east. That’s why in Japan, Christmas, like Valentine’s Day, is mainly regarded as a festival for couples to spend some time together and exchange gifts. The crazy part is that, following a successful advertising campaign, it’s become so popular for families to have a takeaway from KFC on Christmas Eve that you have to order your wings weeks in advance!

no sH*T If you thought all of that was bizarre, try this: in the Spanish region of Catalonia, there’s something called Tió de Nadal which is a mythological character. It describes a hollow log ﬁlled with sweets or nuts, which the children of the household feed every night from 8th December onwards. On Christmas Day, the kids then pick up sticks and hit the log singing Caga tió until all the treats fall out. The tradition gets rather interesting when translated: Caga tió means “poop log”. We’ll leave that one there.

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FarMers’ MarkeTs The Hampshire Farmers’ Markets will be bringing lots of festive fare and a vibrant seasonal atmosphere to all of its markets held throughout December across Hampshire

The HFM are staging special Christmas markets at Petersﬁeld on the 1st December and at Winchester on 8th December, providing a wide range of festive foods and drinks from Hampshire producers. Markets are also held at Alton, Romsey, Southsea, Elvetham Heath, Emsworth, and Andover – with Winchester being the largest farmers’ market in the country.

Visitors to the market can enjoy the sights, sounds and tastes associated with the festive season and opportunities to sample Hampshire produce before buying. Plus there’s always a large range of interesting and delicious ‘to go’ food such as the popular Hog Roast, Water Buﬀalo Burgers and more.

Many of the stallholders create special gift packs and a range of traditional Christmas food and drink including mince pies, meat, chutney, wine, beer, cider, as well as soup, ﬁsh, bread, fruit, vegetables and non-food produce such as lavender products and candles, will all be available.

For that last minute shopping just before Christmas and also to collect pre-ordered turkeys, hams, cheeses, Christmas cakes and puddings, there will be an additional market in Romsey on Sunday 22nd of December.

Hampshire Farmers’ Markets is a community interest not-for-proﬁt organisation and their Business Manager Alex Handford commented: “Everyone is watching how much they 28 MaYheM! | WINTER 2013/14

spend on food and our market visitors are often surprised by the great value of the produce they find, with savings from reduced food miles and no middle man passed onto the consumer” For more

information on the dates and locations of all the Hampshire Farmers’ Markets across the southand for, recipes, cooking tips and oﬀers – check out hampshirefarmersmarkets.co.uk.

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It’s NeVer too Late!

WRITTEN BY shaNNoN Barker

Going to u niversity to study is very real a option fo r m a ny p for variou eople s reasons. You may college or b e at sixth form wanting to on to high go er educati o n , o r y ou may alrea dy be work ing but w to gain qu ish aliﬁcatio ns to imp your job p rove rospects. All of this comes wit h m a ny n ew a n d unfamilia r tasks to complete so how do , y ou h an d le them?

THe TiMe is

now! Personal sTaTeMenTs Starting one seems a hard task and the thought of writing 47 lines about yourself is a daunting process. This statement is how universities will get to know you, without actually meeting you. Start with your own unique opening sentence that will catch the reader’s attention. Structure how you want to lay out your statement in easy to write paragraphs; what you like most about the course, your interests, experiences, achievements and why you want to complete the course. You need to sell yourself and your skills. Take time to write it; don’t stress out trying to get it done in one sitting. It takes time to get it how you want or think it should be. You’ll go through plenty of drafts to get it perfect! 30 MaYheM! | WINTER 2013/14

oPen Days Found the course you like the sound of? Want to double check it’s the one for you? Attend the university’s open day to get a taste of what it is like and then you can ﬁnally decide if it’s for you or not. On an open day you’ll get to know more about what the course entails, the enrichment and facilities available, and of course the fees and accommodation. You can go to as many as you desire. If you can’t go to an open day on a certain day, choose one that’s right for you. However, if you can’t make any days available then ﬁnd out if the university will let you look around on a day when you’re free.

aPPlicaTion Process Before you fi nally submit your application through UCAS (Universities and Colleges Admission Service) you need to make sure you have the following things included; your personal details, personal statement, the courses you’re applying for and your previous qualifications. Once you have fi lled out your application form online, it is sent off to UCAS who will then forward your details on to your chosen universities. The universities will contact you, usually by May, with offers of a place on the course which you have chosen to study. It’s then down to you to make the decision on whether to accept or refuse placements. Whether you have recently taken exams or took them some time ago, you will still need to comply with the UCAS points requirements for the individual course. The points required vary depending on the course and the university, but most are well into the 200/250 points mark. It is under very exceptional circumstances that you would be offered a place with below target points. Your time is now, so good luck!

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show Your support

World AIDS Day first started in 1988 sT and gives the opportunity for us to fight against HIV, show support to those living with it, raise awareness and to commemorate those who have lost their battle. This is why WAD is important, so get involved.

1 Dec 2013

wHaT is Hiv & aiDs?

worlD WRITTEN BY fIoNa staNtoN

aiDs

Day 32 MaYheM! | WINTER 2013/14

HIV means Human Immunodeficiency Virus. It basically attacks the body’s immune system that is used to fi ght off infection and other viruses. HIV can be spread by sexual contact (without using a condom), bodily fluids and sharing infected needles. AIDS is the fi nal stage of HIV which weakens the body’s immune system to more life-threatening levels. There is no cure for the virus but those who have it can live a healthy and active life with the right treatment.

wHaT is worlD aiDs Day anD wHaT Does iT Mean To Me? Despite advances in HIV treatment, there are still around 100,000 people living with HIV in the UK and 34 million around the world. Tragically, a quarter of those people are unaware that they are infected; WAD is to raise awareness of the virus. More than 25 million people who were diagnosed between 1981 and 2007 have died from the virus, making it the most destructive pandemic ever. It’s important to reduce these ﬁ gures now by raising money to ﬁ nd a cure. To advertise in Mayhem! Magazine call us on: 023 9229 4408

show Your support

How to get involved… Facebook/TwiTTer Just a simple step you can take to raise awareness on World AIDS Day is to take this quiz about your knowledge of HIV and share it with your friends on Twitter or Facebook www.hivawarequiz.org.uk/quiz

Fancy Dress As long as you clear it with your boss, why not arrange a fancy dress day at work? If you and your colleagues aren’t a fan of fancy dress then your boss might approve a “dress down day’” or a “dress red day”. Ask everyone to put in £1 each and all proceeds go to National Aids Trust (NAT).

cake sale Everyone loves a bit of tea and cake to break up the day. Why not arrange a cake sale either in your home or at work? Ask your friends and family to start baking and you’ll be surprised at how generous people can be for a bit of cake.

skyDive If you’re feeling particularly adventurous, you could do a sponsored skydive. If you like a challenge and you’ve always fancied the idea, but never had the bottle to do it, then contact NAT for further details at fundraising@nat.org.uk.

worlD aiDs Day concerT We All Live Together on 1st December 2013, 7pm at St Mary’s Church, Kemptown, Brighton. Ticket price £5. This is an evening of live music and mulled wine featuring LGBTQ choirs and Rainbow Chorus to name a few. For more details check out www.brightongmc.org If you don’t feel like participating in those events, then you can support WAD by buying a red ribbon or making a donation at shop.nat.org.uk

GeT TesTeD For Hiv The results for the test are given in just 15–20 minutes. Check out your nearest GUM clinic and be HIV aware. www.nhs.uk/Service-Search.

breakinG news A two year old baby from Mississippi has, for the first time in history, been cured of the HIV virus. The baby had intense treatment a year ago, is no longer on any medication and is showing no signs of the virus. Science is definitely advancing.

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You caN stILL Be hot aND weIrD

Lady

Gaga INTERVIEW BY steffeN reuth

34 MaYheM! | WINTER 2013/14

To advertise in Mayhem! Magazine call us on: 023 9229 4408

You caN stILL Be hot aND weIrD

Lady Gaga is back…

with her third studio album, ‘ARTPOP’, featuring the hit single ‘Applause’. Initially planned for release in early 2013, a hip injury Gaga sustained during the ‘Born This Way Ball’ tour delayed the project for several months. Here, the outrageously glamorous superstar talks about how she got her body back in shape after suffering her injury and what fans can expect from her new music. Gaga also discusses how she felt about going totally naked in the name of performance, plus, how when it comes to relationships, Lady Gaga is feeling happier and sexier than ever... You’ve been recovering from an injury, which meant you couldn’t perform for several months. So what have you been up to? Yeah, I’ve been training and doing everything that I could to move forward, but the best thing was that I was able to take time to edit what I was making and make sure that I really love what I’m putting out. Have you been worried about the long term affects? Well I didn’t know how I would recover and if I would ever recover completely. Everyone’s body is different, so you don’t know – but I responded really well and I feel better than ever. How did you get back in shape? All kinds of exercise like swimming, yoga and Pilates and just good old fashioned gym training. Do you listen to your own music at the gym? Oh yeah, I listened to my music all the time. Can you tell us how the idea to use clowns in your ‘Applause’ video came about?

Oh well, yes that’s meant to be a sad clown and it’s meant to hark into Kabuki theatre and to very old paintings. It’s meant to be the performer, the mime being sad because he doesn’t exist without your cheers. He doesn’t exist without your applause. If you don’t pay attention to him, he has nothing. And it’s this way that I’ve been trying to really explain my existence actually, to I guess my followers or fans or people that listen to my music, to explain to them that any bid for their attention that I have ever wanted was only to then perform for them. So do you feel like a sad clown when you can’t perform? Yes, that’s exactly why we did that in the video. I dragged the make-up down my face and I saw from the camera monitors that it made me look like I’d been crying and then I started to really feel emotional. I love that visual in the video. What is your perception of pop music currently? Well, I suppose I want to push the boundaries of what pop music is currently deﬁ ned as. Not pop music in general, pop music has existed for a long time and a lot of amazing people have made great pop music. So right now I’m just trying to create a separate space for myself and for my fans where we can rejoice in our pop and be obsessed with something that came from an honest place in my life.

Well, I want there to be an exchange between that world and this world. There’s always been an exchange between those worlds but right now pop is winning and I wanted to bring art to the front. By doing that we let Jeff, Marina and Robert Wilson be in control instead of allowing this media driven perception of the entertainer to be what is in control of it. I want art to be in control again. So you say there used to be more art in pop and that now you want to go back to that? Well, pop art happened, Andy Warhol put Marilyn Monroe on the canvas and then it was repeated over and over and over, until suddenly everything looks the same to everyone and nobody can see differences in anything anymore. What happened is that Warhol became so big we came full circle and now Marilyn herself is walking out of the canvas a living figure. She is the muse, she is the maker, she is the art itself, she’s the artist, she’s all of those things instead of just the subject. That’s what I’m trying to say. That I am the Botticelli. I am the Venus de Milo walking out. I’m just the actor in Jeff Koons’ play. That is the shift. I am not the subject of the Jeff Koons work. I am the player in Jeff Koons’ theatre piece.

To many people pop music is escapism, it’s about fun, about dancing. Isn’t it risky to incorporate artists such as Marina Abramovic and Jeﬀ Koons in this world?

Check out our website for even more... www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk

WINTER 2013/14 | MaYheM!

You caN stILL Be hot aND weIrD In the video you’ve shot with Marina Abramovic, you run around naked through the woods. Was it easy to show yourself in that way? Well that wasn’t necessarily meant to be a performance, that was just Marina training me. That’s what we do when we’re together. She trains me in performance art and in my discipline and she cleans my house, you know, she cleans my spirit. She’s the only person that really understands me deeply that way.

As a long time supporter of equal rights for homosexuals would you perform now in Russia? In one sense I want to go because I want to be there with the fans and to make them happy. I want to speak out and inspire them but in another sense I don’t want to support business in Russia because it’s so wrong what they’re doing. I think I’d probably just show up to at least see the fans and maybe not charge any money or anything. I don’t know.

So being totally nude isn’t a comment on a pop musician’s life? No. No. I mean people have been undressing for the longest time. People have been undressing in paintings since over 2000 years ago. In many parts of the world nudity and taking your clothes oﬀ is really no big deal. In America it’s this big deal and everybody thinks you’re trying to say something, but I just wanted to be totally free in the woods. I wanted to feel all the thorns on my body, feel all of the sticks, feel the dirt and know that I could make it home even if it hurt. I wanted to go all the way. She appreciated that and I did it for her, I did it for her art because I believe in long durational performance art and if I’m ever going to do a piece like that I want to really prepare for it.

In ‘Sex Dreams’ you sing “I touch myself, when I think of you”, and ‘Man-I-Cure’ is pretty explicit. Are you turning a new leaf in your music by making it more about sex? I don’t think they’re that explicit really. I mean, not compared to things I’ve heard on the radio. I think that I’m just growing up. I’ve had more really great relationships so I’m feeling happy with myself and feeling more sexy. I think that’s coming through in the lyrics because I actually feel that way as opposed to putting it on. I’ve never been able to act, whether people think I’m faking it or not, I can’t actually fake it. When they wanted me to be sexy years ago, I went through things that, you know, really damaged my soul and being sexy meant something diﬀerent for me and it made me not want to be that way, if that makes sense. I didn’t want to seduce anyone. I wasn’t interested in seducing anyone with my body. That made me feel very uncomfortable. And now I ﬁ nd a sense of freedom. Not because I feel comfortable seducing people now, but because I’m excited that I now feel comfortable on stage and it’s a celebration. I think for my fans they feel what it means and they feel that it’s not an expression about

Can you talk about your song, ‘Aura’? It’s about all the diﬀerent things that we have around us to protect what’s on the inside. I have a lot of fans in the Middle East and I have fans in Indonesia that I never get to see so we have that one lyric about a Burka because we include everyone. I know that there are some people that would like to make sure that everything I do is controversial but it’s really not. I want to bring my fans together to feel part of the world. I write about their fashion so that they can feel like they belong. It’s not a comment on anything, but just me saying ‘Hey, we wish you were here with us’. 36 MaYheM! | WINTER 2013/14

female sexuality, It’s just an expression about feeling happy with your body, feeling happy with you. Feeling like you don’t have to be embarrassed just because you’re wearing a pig-nose earlier in the song. You can still be hot and weird. In ‘Swine’ you’re incorporating all kinds of musical styles, from techno to rock. Who are you singing about when you sing “You are just a pig inside a human’s body?” There’s a blending of musical obsessions of mine and many years of adoring the movement of different baselines, different synths and the way that they interact. Then putting things together that don’t necessarily go together and having that clash – fi nding a way to make it beautiful and make it pop and be representative of any pain that you feel inside from the ‘swine’ in your life. ‘Well I’m swine too, I can be free swine, I can be free and sexual, I can be free and creative’ and then all that pain just spouts out your pig-nose and adds paint onto a canvas and your paint becomes art and that’s what ‘Swine’ is about.

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SSMA Christmas Carol Concert

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Royal Marines Band Concert

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In Aid Of Seafarers UK. An evening of festive music and fun. The popular Big Band sound will be featured as well as soloists from this talented group of musicians

Vintage fashion & homeware, tea party & beauty salon

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Psychic Sally

Southampton Gymnastics Club annual gala

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Gymnastics Gala

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Afternoon Tea Dance

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The Kerrang! Tour 2014 Featuring Limp Bizkit + Crossfaith & Nekrogoblikon

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New Year Johann Strauss Gala

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Bournemouth Symphony Orchestra

BOX OFFICE

023 8063 2601

Franz Ferdinand

West Marlands Road Civic Centre, Southampton Hampshire SO14 7LP Doors 7pm unless stated

www.o2guildhallsouthampton.co.uk

Roy â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Chubbyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Brown Roy Chubby Brown returns with his bluest show yet! ->Ă&#x152;Ă&#x160;Ă&#x201C;Â&#x2122;Ă&#x160; >Ă&#x20AC;Ă&#x160;UĂ&#x160;Ă&#x2039;ÂŁx -Â&#x2026;Â&#x153;Ă&#x153;Ă&#x160;Ă&#x2021;Â°Ă&#x17D;Ă¤ÂŤÂ&#x201C;

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Jethro Tullâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Ian Anderson In Concert Following the great success of Â&#x2026;Â&#x2C6;Ă&#x192;Ă&#x160;VĂ&#x2022;Ă&#x20AC;Ă&#x20AC;iÂ&#x2DC;Ă&#x152;Ă&#x160;Âź/Â&#x2026;Â&#x2C6;VÂ&#x17D;Ă&#x160; Ă&#x192;Ă&#x160; Ă&#x160; Ă&#x20AC;Â&#x2C6;VÂ&#x17D;Â˝Ă&#x160;Ă&#x152;Â&#x153;Ă&#x2022;Ă&#x20AC;]Ă&#x160; legendary Prog Rock icon Ian Anderson will be coming to town ->Ă&#x152;Ă&#x160;ÂŁĂ&#x2021;Ă&#x160; >Ă&#x17E;Ă&#x160;UĂ&#x160;Ă&#x2039;ÂŁĂ¤ xÂŤÂ&#x201C;Â&#x2021;ÂŁÂŁÂŤÂ&#x201C;Ă&#x160;ÂŁnĂ&#x17E;Ă&#x20AC;Ă&#x192;Ă&#x160;Âł

Southampton German Beer Fest 2014 German Beers And Foods, The Alpine Stompers Ompha Band, DJ, MĂ¤dchens In Traditional Costumes 7i`Ă&#x160;Ă&#x201C;Â&#x2122;Ă&#x160;"VĂ&#x152;Ă&#x160;UĂ&#x160;Ă&#x2039;Ă&#x201C;Ă&#x2021;Â°xĂ¤Ă&#x160;Ă&#x2039;Ă&#x201C;Â&#x2122;Â°xĂ¤

Steve Hackett Genesis Extended + Support. Â&#x153;Â?Â?Â&#x153;Ă&#x153;Â&#x2C6;Â&#x2DC;}Ă&#x160;Ă&#x152;Â&#x2026;iĂ&#x160;Ă&#x192;Ă&#x2022;VViĂ&#x192;Ă&#x192;Ă&#x160;Â&#x153;vĂ&#x160;Ă&#x152;Â&#x2026;iĂ&#x160;Ă&#x201C;Ă¤ÂŁĂ&#x17D;Ă&#x160; Genesis Revisited album and tours, Steve Hackett is bringing the final version of his Genesis show to the UK Box office opening hours: Mon-Fri 9am-6pm Sat 9am-5pm A booking fee applies to online & telephone transactions Closed for Christmas 21st Dec â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 6th Jan

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It’s IN the carDs

Poker Face WRITTEN BY chrIs MorLeY

Alright, it might not exactly be the glitz, glamour and high stakes of Las Vegas, but why should that stop you escaping boredom with a few games of cards? We think it’s safe to assume you know how to play snap, so wind your way through the crowds to the dealer’s table in the Mayhem! casino as we show you how to mix with the big boys for National Card Playing Day on 28th December. Just remember, as in the wise words of the Motörhead classic, the only God you’ll need is the Ace of Spades, though whether you choose to believe that “gambling’s for fools, but that’s the way I like it baby, I don’t want to live forever” is your choice!

THe siMPle sTUFF Before you do a Lemmy and splurge your Christmas bonus at the blackjack table, perhaps it’s best to start with a few simple games. Try your hand at solitaire or “patience” – with a bewildering array of permutations you could easily become a seasoned card sharp in no time at all! Follow this up with a go at rummy, perchance? No, not drinking yourself into a liquid stupor after you lose it all, unable to resist the lure of throwing it all on a wild night of reckless card table abandon, but a nice easy game requiring nothing more taxing than to collect sets (a group of cards of the same rank) and runs (cards of the same suit in sequence, e.g. Ace, 2 and 3 of clubs). A nice way to warm up for the big games, no? 38 MaYheM! | WINTER 2013/14

Poker Face Should you choose to subtly up the stakes, cooler than Frank Sinatra as Danny Ocean in the original Rat Pack film version of Ocean’s Eleven (1960), you might want to opt for a laid-back hand of poker. Careful, though, you’ll need to master the art of the bluff, and avoid “tells” (any sign to other players that you may be making an attempt at bluffi ng to try to stay in the game or just hoodwink the opposition). The many variations of the game can be daunting to the fi rst-time player, but blackjack proves itself a lot simpler if not less unnerving! Your only opponent in this case is the dealer, and your aim is to reach “lucky 21” by skill or sheer luck, which can be done in three simple ways.

You could try to make the number with just two cards (known as a “blackjack”, from which the game takes its name); alternatively, should you feel the need for more cards to be dealt, try outscoring the dealer without going over 21. Or, throw caution to the wind and risk allowing the dealer to draw cards until he goes over the limit of 21 and loses the game – a diﬃcult gambit, but you never know until you try! Whether you’re dancing with the devil or going with the ﬂow, take care out there, it’s a dog-eat-dog life for a gambler!

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TICKETS ARE ONLY ÂŁ10PP Including plenty of bubbly at midnight

Grosvenor Casino Southampton West Quay Road, Southampton SO15 1RE

02380 334 333

40 Year oLD VIrGIN

YEARS OF

A series of five 3CD compilations spanning four decades to celebrate the 40th anniversary of Virgin Records – out November 4th 2013 2013 sees the 40th anniversary of Virgin Records, the revolutionary British record label launched by Richard Branson in 1973. To mark the event Virgin Records have released a set of five comprehensive 3CD compilations specially compiled to celebrate this landmark year. The five 3CDs span the four decades and include lost album tracks, seminal hit singles as well as 7” rarities never before released on CD.

losinG oUr virGiniTy 1973–1976 Losing Our Virginity pays tribute to the label’s opening releases and stops oﬀ at all the important artists and tracks of its pre-punk years. These were the days when Virgin hosted much of the most pioneering progressive work of the 1970s and was also home to some other truly maverick talents. Starting with the album 40 MaYheM! | WINTER 2013/14

that began the amazing Virgin Records story, Mike Oldﬁeld’s Tubular Bells, the Grammy-winning album is still selling today and stands as a monument to the label’s fearless creative ambition.

Egg, Hatﬁeld and the North and Boxer, as well as highly inﬂuential, cutting-edge German band Can, France’s Clearlight, Finland’s Wigwam and the Virgin catalogue of avant garde forefather Captain Beefheart.

The new collection also includes selections from the other albums in Virgin’s initial quartet of releases in May 1973. The album also notes the contributions of British acts such as Henry Cow, Slapp Happy,

The collection also features great British individuals nurtured by Virgin in these early years including Robert Wyatt, Kevin Coyne and Steve Hillage, not to mention the inimitable Scottish humourist Ivor Cutler. Tracks include: Mike Oldﬁeld Tubular Bells; Kevin Coyne Marlene; Faust Giggy Smile; Gong The Pot Head Pixies; Captain Beefheart Upon The My-Oh-My.

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40 Year oLD VIrGIN

never TrUsT a HiPPy 1976–1979’ The Never Trust A Hippy collection starts with Frontline reggae stars the Mighty Diamonds and Johnny Clarke with the angsty Crazy Bald Head. It was the reggae rebel stance and outsider attitude that really connected with the British teenagers who would go on to become The Sex Pistols, The Clash and The Slits. There was a kinship between the ﬁ rst generation British-born black community in London and white punks and we hear the blend of black and white right here, thanks to tracks such as The Members’ Oﬀshore

Banking Business. From the smooth tones of reggae we are suddenly thrown into the lion pit: God Save The Queen – a seminal punk track from indubitably the most seminal punk group: The Sex Pistols. Lydon’s phenomenal post-Pistols group Public Image Limited is represented by way of Public Image. Punk was as much about the odd, the humorous and the curious as it was about the shocking or the combative and therefore the Roogalator ﬁt here nicely, as do Scottish art-punks The Skids, XTC and the insouciantly robotic Flying Lizards. British eccentric Wilko Johnson also features with his post-Feelgood band the Solid

Senders and more idiosyncrasy radiates from the arch but no less fierce Magazine, Howard Devoto’s post-Buzzcocks project. We also have Oh Bondage, Up Yours!, an incendiary device of a song by X-Ray Spex from the hand of the muchmissed Poly Styrene and another urgent female voice was that of Penetration’s Pauline Murray. Punk was a healthy explosion of self-expression, and it continues to motivate and inspire us to look at life in a different way. Listen to this and let it stoke the fi re. Tracks include: Sex Pistols God Save The Queen; X Ray Spex Oh Bondage Up Yours; Magazine Shot By Both Sides; XTC Making Plans For Nigel; The Skids Into The Valley.

Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark

The Human League

The Sex Pisto

new GolD DreaMs 1979–1983 New Gold Dreams is a phenomenal overview of 40 songs that explore the story of Virgin at the turn of the ‘80s. The sense of adventure that had been the label’s central tenet since its inception in 1973 was in rude health. Diversity was key and pop was getting strange, interesting and exciting. Oﬀ the wall as some of them may be, these tunes represent an exhilarating awakening for the label and music in general. We marvel at how bands matured and indeed often the very nature of a “band” as had been known was

challenged. Duos, trios and machinedriven drums and synthesisers all became part of pop’s new language. Both sides of the original Human League had become hit factories; Japan took ambient poetry into the charts; and in Boy George, the former cloakroom assistant at the fabled Blitz nightclub and leader of Culture Club, Virgin had a bona ﬁde superstar.

would reach its apogee in their 1982 album, New Gold Dream (81/82/83/84). Tales of pasts catching up with you (Ghosts); Dostoevsky set to post-punk (A Song From Under The Floorboards); songs sung by established artists in their infancy (Neneh Cherry as part of Rip, Rig and Panic; Waterboy Mike Scott in Another Pretty Face).

Change was in the air. Strange was going overground. Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark sounded like Kraft werk singing on the Mersey estuary. Martha and the Muﬃ ns were on Echo Beach, far away in time; Simple Minds straddled art and prog and added some pop gloss, that

New Gold Dreams is a canter through yesterday’s future – an embracing of possibility and technology; an examination of the methods of dance.

Check out our website for even more... www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk

Tracks include: The Human League Empire State Human; Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark Electricity; Public Image Limited Flowers Of Romance; Martha & The Muﬃ ns Echo Beach; Japan Ghosts.

WINTER 2013/14 | MaYheM!

40 Year oLD VIrGIN

MeTHoDs oF Dance 1973–1986 Methods Of Dance brings together the cream of the label’s electronic output from its ﬁrst decade and a half in existence, drawing together a tapestry of disparate threads united by a singular desire to capture the sound of the new. From the late 70s into the 80s, Virgin had an almost uncanny knack for picking out the cream of cuttingedge, forward-thinking new music: The Human League, Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark, Giorgio Moroder, Japan, Simple Minds, Mantronix, and many more besides.

worldwide mainstream concern, springing forth Tooting (Snakefi nger) via Cologne (D.A.F.) and Tokyo (Ryuichi Sakamoto). Methods Of Dance takes in all of these sounds and more, in the process revealing Virgin Records to be at the forefront of more or less every key development in electronic music from 1973 to 1986 – from ambient krautrock to taut electro-funk and everything in between. Several key figures loom large over this collection. Italian-born, Munich-based super-producer Giorgio Moroder, Phil Oakey’s one-time bandmates Martyn Ware and Ian Marsh and restless sonic adventurer David Sylvian. If the fi rst half of this set is all about exploration and the realisation of newfound potential – John Foxx’s peerless Underpass; Cowboys International’s rampaging Aftermath

To begin with, a lot of it came from Germany: The Faust Tapes; Can’s later, more cerebral output. By the end of the decade, however, electronic music had become a

and OMD’s melancholic Souvenir – by the second, the ﬂoodgates have not just been opened but obliterated. Witness Simple Minds’ New Gold Dream 81/82/83/84, a pocket epic of electro-rock; Time Zone’s World Destruction, the earth-shattering answer to the question of what happens when the forefathers of punk (John Lydon) and hip-hop (Afrika Bambaataa) come together; the eﬀortlessly funky chart-topper Hangin’ On A String by Loose Ends; and the two great slabs of electrofunk that bring things to a close, Ladies and Bassline by Mantronix. Methods Of Dance is the sound of the future being born before your very eyes. Tracks include: Stephen ‘Tin Tin’ Duffy Kiss Me; Time Zone World Destruction; Sparks The Number One Song In Heaven; Giorgio Moroder and Phil Oakey Together In Electric Dreams; Public Image Limited This Is Not A Love Song

Steven Tintin Duﬀy

Soul II So

Enigma

FascinaTinG

rHyTHMs 1987–2013

Fascinating Rhythms celebrates 25 years of Virgin Records soundtracking the nights and days, the highs and higher-stills, of those who hear the call to dance and answer it with no little pizzazz. Collecting a raft of disparately styled but consistently affecting tracks from 1988 to the present day, this compilation tells the story of dance music’s evolution and its continuing trend to absorb myriad influences and transform into brighter and more brilliant forms. The albums begins its journey through the recent history of fluctuating BPMs with the fusion sounds of Neneh Cherry’s Buffalo 42 MaYheM! | WINTER 2013/14

Massive Attack

Giorgio Moroder

Stance, the sort of song – Cherry’s debut and greatest hit – taking cues from hip-hop, but underpinned by production from a dance world titan (Bomb The Bass), it’s a cut that can still pack a danceﬂoor. Of similarly classic, timeless design are Soul II Soul’s Back To Life, Heaven 17’s Temptation, Everything But The Girl’s Walking Wounded, David Guetta’s When Love Takes Over and The Chemical Brothers’ Block Rockin’ Beats. All are songs that capture a moment that stays with you. Naturally, it’s not all zesty tempos – even the most ardent dance fans need to cool down occasionally and the album reﬂects that necessary contrast by including less-frenzied tracks from

Massive Attack (Teardrop) and Enigma (Sadness Part 1). There’s space, too, for the tracks that caught a zeitgeist, but didn’t necessarily translate to longer-term recognition for their makers. So you’ll ﬁ nd the irresistible Fascinating Rhythm here, a track written by William Orbit (as Bass-O-Matic) before he became a go-to guy for Madonna and Blur. And that’s the point of a compilation like this: to spread happiness. Nobody usually dances when they’re down, and the tracks assembled here are all instructions to make merry. Tracks include: Bass-O-Matic Fascinating Rhythm; Empire Of The Sun We Are The People; Soul II Soul Back to Life (However Do You Want Me); Inner City Good Life; Fluke Groovy Feeling

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WITH ORCHESTRA

TUESDAY 1 APRIL 2014

BOX OFFICE: 023 8063 2601 www.bootlegbeatles.com

Get INVoLVeD!

WEAR A HAT DAY 2014 Get your hats on, hold an event, and raise money for brain tumour research. March 2014 is Brain Tumour Awareness month, the highlight of which is Wear A Hat Day. Taking place across the nation on the 28th of March 2014, thousands of people around the UK will take part in events, wearing hats and fundraising for vital research into brain tumours. From schools, colleges and universities to shops, oﬃces and clubs, the Brain Tumour Research charity is asking school children, students, workers, indeed everyone, to get involved. Whatever you do – holding best hat or hat throwing competitions; hat quiz and raﬄes; record-breaking hat events; or just passing the hat to collect donations – you can be certain that hundreds

of organisations and thousands of people will be helping to fund the ﬁ ght against brain tumours.

popular Wear A Hat Day badges – why not browse the website for diﬀerent ideas for your event.

Research into brain tumours receives less than 1% of national cancer research spending in the UK yet they are the number one cancer killer of children and adults under 40. Wear A Hat Day is a fantastic way of increasing awareness and getting people raising money for this devastating disease.

Brain Tumour Research is also producing a limited edition ‘signature brooch’ to coincide with Wear A Hat Day, based on a design supplied by Vivien Sheriﬀ, whose iconic headgear is an award-winning fusion of classic and modern design.

Described as the ‘red nose day’ for brain tumours, the charity has gone to great lengths to help you get the best fundraising results from your event. Register for Wear A Hat Day on their website www.wearahatday.org. Whilst waiting for your fundraising pack – which includes balloons, posters, leaﬂets, fridge magnets and specially designed and hugely

Brain Tumour Research is the only national brain tumour charity in the UK that is dedicated to granting 100% of its funds to continuous and sustainable scientiﬁc research. It supports an annual £1 million programme of research at a dedicated Brain Tumour Research Centre in the University of Portsmouth and in 2014 will launch its second research centre.

For more information about Wear A Hat Day and Brain Tumour Research, visit www.wearahatday.org or email wearahatday@braintumourresearch.org or call 01296 733011.

Brain Tumours: The Facts (SOURCE: BRAIN TUMOUR RESEARCH) • More children and adults under 40 die of a brain tumour than from any other cancer. • 73% of brain tumour deaths occur in those under 75 compared to 47% for all other cancers. • Brain tumours receive less than 1% of the national spend on cancer research.

• Brain cancer incidence is rising: 23% higher for men and 25% higher for women in 2012 than in 1970. • Brain cancer deaths are also rising, unlike most other cancers – these rose 10% for women and 15% for men from 1970 to 2011.

• 16,000 people each year are diagnosed with a brain tumour.

• Only 18.8% of those diagnosed with a brain tumour survive beyond five years, compared with an average of 50% across all cancers.

• Up to 40% of all cancers eventually spread to the brain, with melanoma (skin cancer), breast and lung cancers being the most common to metastasise.

• 58% of men and women diagnosed with brain cancer die within a year compared to 5% for breast cancer, 35% for leukaemia and 7% for prostate cancer.

44 MaYheM! | WINTER 2013/14

• Brain tumours kill more children than leukaemia or any other cancer.

• Our understanding of other cancers does not readily translate to brain tumours.

• Brain tumours kill more women under the age of 35 than breast or any other cancer and 65% more women than cervical cancer.

• Patient personality changes that can occur as a result of a brain tumour can cause massive family disruption.

• Brain tumours kill more men under the age of 45 than prostate or any other cancer

• With more than 120 diﬀerent types of tumour, brain tumours are a notoriously difficult disease to diagnose.

• The commercialisation of universities and introduction of performance grading to determine funding, along with the merger of larger cancer charities focused on more pervasive cancers, has dramatically reduced the funds available for brain tumour research.

• Brain tumour research is woefully under-funded and treatments lag seriously behind other cancers.

• Much more research is needed to discover the cause of brain tumours and to understand their behaviour.

• Brain tumours are responsible for over 20 years of life lost.

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& FUND THE FIGHT! www.wearahatday.org wearahatday@braintumourresearch.org

01296 733011

TO REGISTER & DONATE! FRIDAY 28TH MARCH

Registered charity number 1153487 (England and Wales), Company limited by guarantee number 08570737 (England and Wales)

JOIN US

More children and adults under 40 die of a brain tumour than from any other cancer

WEAR A HAT DAY & T N E V E N A . . ! Y HOLD E N O M E S I RA

2014

HELP US RAISE

N £1 MILLNIO EW FOR A

CENTRE OF EXCELLENCE

INFO Let’s connect:

www.braintumourresearch.org

wINter fuN!

HAND-PICKED ski breaks from Southampton Airport

Ski and snowboard lovers can ﬂy to more destinations than ever before, including some of Europe’s most popular resorts with some of the UK’s best-known ski specialists, from our very own Southampton Airport and Winter 2013/14 is set to be busiest year ever! To make booking your next trip as easy as A, B, Ski, we’ve hand-picked some of the best resorts for you – whatever type of ski holiday you’re after.

www.southamptonairport.com/destinations 46 MaYheM! | WINTER 2013/14

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wINter fuN!

Best for beginners

Best for families arinsal (neilson HoliDays) Picturesque Arinsal in Andorra is ideally suited to families thanks to its wide-open slopes, award winning tuition and on-mountain childcare facilities. The expert instructors are ﬂuent in English and most hotels are within a couple of minutes’ walk from the lift s. There’s free child supervision when adults book tuition, plus, there are free lift passes for all children under 12yrs with each prebooked adult lift pass.

anDorra (neilson HoliDays)

sT JoHann – kiTZbÜHeler alPs (inGHaMs)

All of the resorts in Andorra are suited to ﬁ rst timers thanks to the superb ski and board schools, but Arinsal is Neilson’s leading beginner ski resort, thanks to its wide-open slopes and excellent beginner tuition. The beginner slopes reach right to the top of the mountain so learners can enjoy taking in the views from the high point during their ﬁ rst week.

There’s a relaxed and unassuming atmosphere at St Johann in the Kitzbüheler Alps. For years, beginners have been visiting the resort to learn on the gentle nursery slopes, and under the careful guidance of the reputable St Johann ski school, they progress quickly.

la rosiÈre (esPriT ski) With a sunny position, great skiing and incredible views, the friendly resort of La Rosière is an established Esprit Ski family favourite. The resort has an impressive family ski area, with high altitude slopes, a good snow record and child-friendly slopes.

oberGUrGl – ÖTZTal (inGHaMs) Situated high at the end of the Ötztal, Obergurgl owes its place as one of Tirol’s top family resorts, thanks to its snow-sure slopes, generous beginner pistes and welcoming ski instructors.

Best for value val THorens (ski ToTal) Travel with Ski Total and treat yourself to a stay in the highest resort in Europe, Val Thorens, located in the world famous Three Valleys ski area. The Chalet Le Sommet is a cosy chalet positioned in a beautiful spot with fantastic views. There’s a welcoming lounge complete with an open ﬁreplace and guests can enjoy use of a swimming pool in between hitting the slopes.

el TarTer (neilson HoliDays) El Tarter oﬀers quality accommodation centred around a high-speed gondola making it a convenient base from which to explore the vast Grandvalira ski area. The standard of accommodation is superb with many properties boasting four star status at three star prices. Try one of the two catered chalets in Andorra; Xalet Motxo or Casale, or head for the slope side Aparthotel Del Clos for excellent convenience and comfort.

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ski Jewel wilDscHÖnaU (inGHaMs) With good value accommodation and plenty of skiing for all abilities, the Wildschönau valley is an attractive destination choice in more ways than one. Stay in one of the charming ski resort villages of Niederau, Oberau and Auﬀach as a base to access the newly created Ski Jewel skiing area. The new skiing area covers a total of 145km of pistes and has become one of the top ten resorts in Tirol. WINTER 2013/14 | MaYheM!

wINter fuN!

Best for adrenaline seekers sT. anTon (inGHaMs) With challenging skiing, reliable snow, legendary après-ski and first-class cuisine, it’s easy to see why St Anton in the Tirol region is regarded as one of the best ski resorts in the world. The whole Arlberg ski area covers 340km of slopes and 200km of off-piste run accessible by 94 cablecars and lifts. Offering some of the world’s finest off-piste skiing, St Anton is the Holy Grail for expert skiers thanks to the sheer diversity and consistently high snowfall records.

solDeU (neilson HoliDays) The Grandvalira ski area boasts 210km of varied terrain to keep even the most advanced skier or boarder happy. With wide-open, cruisy runs, fantastic oﬀ-piste areas and steep black runs to really test your skills, it’s deﬁnitely one to try if you like a challenge. Not only that, but the après-ski scene in Soldeu is second to none.

Best for ski luxury kiTZbÜHel (inGHaMs) With its strong skiing heritage spanning 120 years, Kitzbühel is one of the most cosmopolitan resorts in the Alps with a wonderful, cobbled old town, great hotels, award-winning restaurants, cosy cafés and trendy bars. There is great intermediate terrain but possibly Kitzbühel’s best kept secret is the amount of accessible oﬀ-piste terrain, a whopping 230km2/56,800 acres of hidden routes and untracked backcountry. Of course, there’s also the most famous 3.3km stretch of snow in the world, the Streif.

solDeU (neilson HoliDays) Soldeu in Andorra forms part of the impressive 210km Grandvalira area which suits all abilities. For true ﬁve star luxury head for the Sporthotel Hermitage. VIP airport transfers for up to four people are included, plus there’s an incredible spa centre split over several ﬂoors.

val D’isÈre (ski ToTal) Treat yourself to a stay in the high altitude resort of Val d’Isère, set in the legendary Espace Killy ski area. Travel with Ski Total to stylish Chalet Rive Gauche for traditional charm combined with a modern taste. It’s within an enviable ‘ski to the doorstep’ location and houses a stunning indoor pool. 48 MaYheM! | WINTER 2013/14

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Skiing in Soldeu Ski Resort, Andorra

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WRITTEN BY chrIs MorLeY

crIcket DowN uNDer!

wiZarDs oF

Tie Me crickeT PaDs Down, sPorT Everyone (including the Mayhem! team) experiencing withdrawal symptoms after England’s 3–0 whitewash of Australia in the home leg of this year’s Ashes series can rejoice – there’s a second helping coming your way!

The likes of Glenn McGrath and Shane Warne may be sobbing into their Castlemaines after watching their boys initially limp through their visit to our shores, but a glance at the cricketing history books quickly tells us never to write them oﬀ. There will be ample reasons to haul yourself out of bed and switch on Test Match Special before you make your morning commute. You could even sneak a few listens at your desk (especially if you’d rather have the dulcet tones of Henry “Blowers” Blofeld and Jonathan “Aggers” Agnew massaging your ears than your boss!)

Captain Alastair Cook and the boys will be taking the gruelling journey to Oz for the return leg from 21st November to 7th January. The weather outside may be frightful (not to mention freezing) but pull a beer from the fridge and transport yourself to warmer climes as we look ahead to locking horns with our Aussie cousins once again.

Even better, why not take yourself away from the rat race and join the Barmy Army on their travels? The action gets underway with the ﬁ rst test at the Gabba in Brisbane. Then it’s on to the Adelaide Oval for the second test, Perth’s WACA Ground for the third, Melbourne Cricket Ground for the fourth and Sydney Cricket Ground for the concluding ﬁ ft h test.

50 MaYheM! | WINTER 2013/14

in THe arMy now In a somewhat unlikely twist, it was the Aussies who gave one of English cricket’s institutions its name. During the 1994–95 test series, the local press christened travelling fans the Barmy Army after noting their habit of not letting a tonking spoil their enjoyment, taking inspiration from similarly devoted followers at football grounds up and down the land. Most within the game now tolerate them: with the exception of Lord’s, most grounds now have special Army seating, revelling in the football-crowd style atmosphere their songs, ﬂags and banners create. They’ll be there this winter, so see www.barmyarmy. com/tours to book your spot.

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scaN Me!

@MaYheMMaG the MaYheM MaGaZINe

Meet You IN the copY rooM!

HOW TO PULL aT yoUr work

cHrisTMas

ParTy WRITTEN BY eDwarD couZeNs-Lake

year that you and It’s the one time of the ected to show up your colleagues are exp a complete fool ke ma for work, get drunk , legendary e om bec of yourselves and Yes, for one ne. chi ma ee figures at the coff son at the office. night only, it’s open sea man or woman is Anything goes and any – even you – yes even considered fair game of talking someone you might be capable ards, what with back to your place afterw going on, the ie hom all the seasonal bon and the ns tio ora dec cheap wine, the ... nts -ve crushed Vol-au

Don’T GeT PlasTereD

...however, it’s a diﬀerent game and a diﬀerent challenge to actually have the verve, vim and vigour to notch one up at the party itself. Think of the kudos and how much more palatable the whole evening might become if you have even the slightest chance of doing just that. So, let Mayhem! suggest a few ways of helping make some of those Christmas wishes come true... 52 MaYheM! | WINTER 2013/14

Well duh! But a rookie mistake for many. Yes, a few more beers than usual may well make you the funniest, most entertaining and interesting person on the planet with a Sinatra-like voice on the karaoke. But it’s also a sure fire way of ensuring that you won’t be getting any sort of early Christmas present if the one signal you’re giving off to everyone is “I’m drunk!” Pace yourself and quit the booze once you feel you’re at a point where you can be witty, confident and even suave – but still be in control, and at the point where you would have no qualms about Chris or Carol (hey, even both!) from Accounts catching you checking them out.

cHoose yoUr TarGeT Chances are that there’s always been someone in the oﬃce who you’ve had a bit of a secret crush on. If so, great, read on. There’s nothing more for you here. If not – well, pick someone at random who would never have dreamt you even knew they existed, much less had a thing for them. That element of surprise, the “what, me?” factor will pique their interest – at least. The rest is up to you. If it’s game on, you’ll both know soon enough. And the thrill of the unknown will only add to the potential and the growing excitement...

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Meet You IN the copY rooM!

M MayHe : FaceT ople

Make iT QUick!

10% of p to flirting admitted os s with the b

Pick yoUr Place

close THe Deal I’m glad things seem to be going well for you. But don’t you think that it now might be a good idea to start thinking of making a discreet exit? You both seem to be at the stage where you really couldn’t get any closer or touch each other anywhere else, at least in public, without raising eyebrows as much as anything else.

Spontaneity is great for making things super heated and sexy, but it can also get you busted if you haven’t put a little thought into where the evening’s proceedings might reach their noisy climax! So put the stampeding libido on hold for a few moments and choose your location with care. If it’s a room that can be locked from the inside – brilliant, see you later. On the other hand, if it’s the bathroom, well, come on – not the cubicles, eh? But a waist high counter might be rather fun, especially if there’s a mirror in front of it! And, as far as polishing the boardroom table is concerned – stay away, unless, that is, you are the boss, are with the boss, or you don’t give a ﬂying thingy about getting ﬁred in the morning.

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Yes guys, it can last for two minutes and, this time, it really doesn’t matter! Remember, you’ve only got a few minutes anyway until people start to notice you’re not around and start to put two and two together about the two of you putting yourselves together. Shirts, skirts, shoes and bras take time to take oﬀ and longer to put back on again – so keep them on and just remove or loosen the necessaries, remember, for both of you, this is scoring, not making love!

Make yoUr re-enTry Nothing but nothing announces a party hook up than two people wandering back into the room together after a brief absence, looking a tad flushed, dishevelled and without their drinks. It looks a lot less suspicious if the girl goes back first and the guy shows up later, and from a different direction. Then just continue where you left off – and you never know, you might find that your office score leads to bigger and better things! WINTER 2013/14 | MaYheM!

WRITTEN BY eMMa MurphY

fIGht for Your rIGhts!

HUMan riGHTs

MONTH

It’s been 65 years since the Declaration of Human Rights was signed. Human Rights Month not only celebrates the triumphs achieved in that time but also highlights the huge problems that are still encountered all over the globe.

wHaT can i Do?

Fundraise for an organisation that supports and promotes worldwide human rights like the Peter Tatchell Foundation or Amnesty International Raise awareness by displaying a copy of the UDHR or Amnesty International posters in your school or workplace.

workinG For yoUr riGHTs wHaT is iT all aboUT? On 10th December 1948, the newly-established United Nations published its Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR). The UDHR was the ﬁ rst global proclamation of human rights and enshrined the rights to life, freedom of religion and free speech. It also prohibits torture, slavery and discrimination on the basis of sexuality, gender or race. Aside from the Bible, this is the most widely-translated document of all time. December is almost universally recognised as Human Rights Month. 54 MaYheM! | WINTER 2013/14

THe HUMan riGHTs PriZe The United Nations Prize in the Field of Human Rights is given to people or organisations who have worked tirelessly to promote all human rights for everyone, all over the world. It’s handed out every ﬁve years and is due to be awarded this December. Past recipients include Eleanor Roosevelt, Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela.

The theme for this year is 20 Years: Working for Your Rights. It marks 20 years since the introduction of the High Commissioner for Human Rights (HCHR). The HCHR is the UN’s chief human rights official, in charge of spearheading the human rights efforts of the UN, offering leadership, educating and empowering individuals and assisting independent countries in upholding human rights. Past themes for Human Rights Month have included the struggle against poverty (2006) and in 2011, following waves of protests across the globe from the Arab Spring to the Occupy Movement, the theme was the power of social media to expose human rights abuses.

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MAYHEM! MoMeNts heaDer

Mayhem! moments...

COURTE SY OF TH E

Pro m We ote y ’ l p l a l s e n ou r e ce yo d our vent u w Em r info photo ith o ail rm gra ur M f he a llo or m tion pher ayhe @ m o re to a m ayh info nd lo you ! Mo em rm go’s r ev men e m a at io o n t t h nt a n s . ga z n ine toda is pa d ge . y .co .u k : 56 MaYheM! | WINTER 2013/14

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va i l

able on li NOw et

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The BEST party in town Orange Allstars House Band ALEX THE KIDD / Maxin' DJs / Stevo

2-4-1 cocktails and free canapés till 10pm Discounted champagne bottles Free bacon buttIes and redbull at the end of the night

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EARLY BIRD £5 (inc booking fee) ON THE DOOR £6 Admission on the door if available

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