Mayhem! Magazine Issue 23

issue 23

The Origin of Darwin Movies

2014

Mark

Thomas …causing trouble!

B i us o o r sc

P I P CELEBS | SPORTS | MUSIC | FILM | BEAUTY | FASHION | CULTURE | FOOD | HUMOUR

Don’t forget to pick up your next FREE copy of Mayhem! Magazine, out soon!

www.brooksrunning.co.uk @brooksrunninguk

www.facebook.com/brooksrunning

competition time!

3 LUCKY ReaDeRs WiLL

2 tickets to see Ed Byrne at the Kings Theatre in Portsmouth on Sunday 23rd February, 8pm

On Sunday 23rd February, one of the biggest names in comedy, Ed Byrne, brings his new show Roaring Forties to the Kings Theatre.

A self-confessed “miserable old git” since the age of 23, Ed Byrne is now in his forties. While for others this might result in a crisis that prompts the purchase of a sports car, Ed embraces middle age with open arms. Come join him, as he truly comes of age and gives out his clarion cry: “I am in my Forties.

HEAR ME ROAR!” “Comedy’s holy grail.... Go see!” ★★★★The Sunday Times “Byrne is at the top of his game” ★★★★The Sunday Telegraph “Jokes come so fast that hecklers don’t have a chance to get a word in edgeways” ★★★★ The Times “It is rare for a comic to merit the word “masterful” but in this case it is no overstatement” ★★★★ The Scotsman

Simply email us with word ‘COMEDY’ to WIN SUBMIT YOURS BY THE 21ST FEBRUARY TO: win@mayhemmaGazine.co.uk WITH ‘COMEDY’ AS THE SUBJECT. make sure you Give us your name, address and phone numBer so we can contact the winner.

4

mayhem! | February 2014

to advertise in Mayhem! Magazine call us on: 023 9229 4408

+ Sam Brookes

STUDIO ZOO TOUR

SUNDAY 2 MARCH

Portsmouth Guildhall 0844 811 0051 | GIGSANDTOURS.COM | SEETICKETS.COM New album ‘Studio Zoo’ out now on CD/Deluxe CD/Download A Metropolis Music presentation by arrangement with CAA

word from the top!

eDitoR’s

Letter What a start to the year, and we’re back with even more Mayhem!

So what have we got in store for you?

Local lad and world reknowned singer-songwriter Frank Turner drops in for a chat ahead of his show at the Portsmouth Guildhall.

Check out our website, Facebook and Twitter pages for more Mayhem! exclusives, monthly competitions and freebies!

Take our short survey and WIN You can be entered into a draw to win an ipod touch simply by completing our short survey. We want to know why you love Mayhem! so much and how we can make it even better.

3

1

SCAN ME

TV presenter, broadcaster, comedian and political activist Mark Thomas is touring his latest show, we track him down to fi nd out more.

We also catch up with poet and spoken word performer Scroobius Pip, one half of hip-hop duo dan le sac VS Scroobius Pip ahead of their show at the Wedge this month.

2

Win

Complete our survey

There are loads of ways to join the lively Mayhem! network. Let us know what you’re thinking.

Email us: hello@mayhemmagazine.co.uk

As well as tips on how to burn those last few festive calories, what to look forward to on the big screen, and how to keep your loved one happy this Valentine’s day, plus loads more.

Find us on Facebook at: /themayhemmagazine Follow and Tweet us: @mayhemmag Write to us: The Clock Tower, Southsea, Hampshire PO5 3DE

Don’t forget to tell your friends about Mayhem!

Daniel Tidbury | Editor-in-chief

Checkout our online archive!

www.issuu.com/mayhemmagazine

www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk www.mayhemmagazine 08 the end of the world!

10 Valentine’s for the girls 12 Gentlemen’s corner 14 Off your brolly!

16 Music to my ears 18 Frank turner chats 20 Origin of Darwin

26 interview tips 28 Money talks 30 Park life 32 We’re off to see the wizard 34 Catch up with Mark thomas 36 book worms, sssshhhhh 38 Motoring in 2014

@mayhemmag Meet the team… editor-in-chief Daniel tidbury assistant editor Chris Pursey studio manager Felicity tidbury contributing writers edward Couzens-Lake, Wayne Gorret Sara niven Smith, nick bush special thanks to Chris Morley

Mayhem! moments Mick Whythe online editor Daniel tidbury social media Lawrence Patrick advertising sales Steve Holland design & marketing tidbury Media distribution Distribution experts publisher tidbury Media

If you would like to write for us email: hello@mayhemmagazine.co.uk

6

mayhem! | February 2014

40 the whole hog 42 Unhealthy snacks 44 Cinemayhem!

46 Star trekked 48 How to burn calories 50 Scroobius Pip, one to one 52 Girlfriend bootcamp

the mayhem magazine

Mayhem! is a free lifestyle magazine dedicated to keeping you up to date with the latest culture, trends, fashions and celebs. Our monthly instalments are available to pick up from the countless distribution points scattered across Portsmouth and its surrounding areas at the beginning of each month.

Contact us…

023 9229 4408 hello@mayhemmagazine.co.uk the Clock tower, 44 Castle rd, PO5 3De www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk

© Copyright 2013 All rights reserved tidbury media

to advertise in Mayhem! Magazine call us on: 023 9229 4408

apocalypse now!

WRITTEN BY edward couzens-lake

2014 has long been foretold as the year that the world will end. Ancient prophecy. However, before you cancel the papers – wasn’t 2013 also meant to be the year everything came to a apocalyptic conclusion?

And 2012? 2011 and 2010, and, indeed, just about every year before that?

THE

end nigh!

IS

You’d be right. Because people have been predicting the end of the world almost since it began in the first place. And we’re still here today. It will happen one day, there is no doubt about that – the only uncertainty involved is exactly when and how. Mayhem! takes to the hills before looking at four possibilities for doomsday.

coronaL Mass eJection Whoa, that sounds like something you’d discuss with your doctor doesn’t it? CME’s are huge releases of matter and electromagnetic radiation from the surface of the Sun. A really big one could break through the Earth’s defensive magnetic field and lethally eradicate the entire planet – although it would have to be on a scale unlike any we have previously encountered. That’s not to say the Sun is totally harmless, (the increase in skin related cancers relating to sunburn indicate that), but on the whole Mother Earth has been able to protect us from such dangers.

8

mayhem! | February 2014

nucLear War Ever since the US dropped two A Bombs on Japan at the end of World War Two, the possibility of our collective doom coming as the consequence of an all out nuclear war has been prominent in many people’s minds. We came mighty close to it happening in 1962 when the US and then Soviet Union nearly came to blows over the Cuban Missile crisis – and have probably done so on numerous occasions since – it’s just that we didn’t know about it!

There are currently estimated to be around 17,300 nuclear weapons on Earth – more than enough to do an awful lot of damage.

asteroid iMPact Our Solar System is teeming with huge lumps of rock that, just like the Earth, have their own, often eccentric, orbit around the Sun. As far as numbers are concerned, there are reckoned to be something like two million of the things out there with a diameter of 1km – which is pretty damned big as rocks go. Scientists are constantly tracking them – one example, designated 1997XF11, will come extremely close to Earth in

around 2028 – boffi ns reckon it’ll be a near miss, but, should they have cocked up with their calculations and it does hit, we’d end up with a mile – wide asteroid striking the planet’s surface at about 30,000 mph.

That would impact with the energy of a one million megaton bomb – and, in all likelihood, wipe out most of the life on the planet. Let’s hope their calculations are right in that case.

aLien inVasion Just as we see the Earth’s natural resources as something to pillage and destroy with barely an afterthought, who’s to say that life forms from another planet won’t see us in exactly the same way? OK, it’s a long shot – but look at it another way. In our Milky Way galaxy alone there are reckoned to be around two to four hundred billion stars – is anyone going to be brave enough to stand up and say the only star that has a planet orbiting it that contains intelligent life is our sun? Maybe we’re not so alone. Maybe our Milky Way is teeming with life.

And maybe, just maybe, some of those life forms are hungry? In that case, let’s hope they’re vegetarians – it might be our only chance!

to advertise in Mayhem! Magazine call us on: 023 9229 4408

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Written by sara niven smith

Beauty therapy

VaLentine’s

gifts FoR tHe giRLs Forget wilting garage flowers – perfume, candles and pampering treats are far more likely to win hearts this Valentine’s Day. Mayhem! picks out five February favourites.

And if you’re single, why not just go ahead and treat yourself?

naturaLLy does it

haVe a heart

Neal’s Yard Remedies Pure Indulgence Organic Spa Collection is a pampering treat containing their best selling Wild Rose Beauty Balm, a foaming bath product, body moisturiser and a candle, £37 nealsyardremedies.com.

need More insPiration? check these out

get fresh Clinque re-launches Calyx this month – a zesty, feel good fragrance with grapefruit and mandarin top notes, from £46 for 50ml, Exclusive to Debenhams from 6th–27th February then nationwide and online at clinique.co.uk from 28th February.

faB fragrances Balm Balm are known for their lovely, all natural skincare but their collection of seven single note organic perfumes are also gorgeous and affordable at £20 for a 33ml bottle or £6.99 for a mini set of all seven, balmbalm.com.

10 mayhem! | February 2014

Lush has a great range of romantically themed beauty goodies at prices for all pockets.

Choose from Love soap, £4.25, Prince Charming shower gel, from £4.65 or push the boat out with their Lots of Love gift box containing five love related products at £26.50. From Lush stores and online at lush.co.uk.

Perfect Match Neom Organic’s new Love Candle will create the right mood. This natural wax three wick candle contains aromatherapy oils and comes in stylish black glass.

Available from 1st February, priced at £42 from John Lewis stores and online at neomorganics.com

• Carefully chosen underwear – be sure to check their size beforehand, and avoid anything scratchy or minus a crotch!

• A big bunch of colour coordinated flowers from a florist or something tasteful like a white orchid.

• Champagne – pink would be a nice touch. Or if you’re on a tight budget a decent quality sparkling wine.

• Luxurious, beautifully packaged chocolates – a family sized bar or supermarket chocs won’t make quite the same impression!

• A voucher for a massage or facial.

• Something personalised – it shows thought and care.

to advertise in Mayhem! Magazine call us on: 023 9229 4408

MEN’S for the Boys!

corner

Forget valentine’s this year fellas, why not treat yourself?

She won’t mind!

(Disclaimer: Mayhem! will not be held responsible for any loss of love, limb or life as a result.)

Who’s got the balls?

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originaL Beard hats Say goodbye to that cold chin this winter with an original beard hat! The beanie hats come in a soft chunky knit, with a detachable beard. You can even choose the colour and length of your beard!

So does a beard make a man – we’ll let you decide. www.fuzzyfaces.co.uk

12 mayhem! | February 2014

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stayinG dry!

oFF YoUR BroLLy!

Where would we be without a trusty Written by chris morley umbrella? With bad weather currently battering Britain on and off, probably incredibly wet! Take shelter under our brolly as you battle the elements – or simply read on to pay tribute to the protector that got you home safe and dry just in time to stick the kettle on and delve into your shiny new Mayhem!

Just enough to make you want to sing in the rain, you’ll surely agree…

daMP and gaMP ParasoLar PoWer The history of the umbrella, and indeed its sunnier cousin the parasol, is rich and varied. 'Parasol' comes from the happy marriage of two Spanish words – 'para' (to shield) and 'sol' (Sun). If we go back as far as ancient Persia (specifically Nineveh) the parasol appears in a bas-relief image of a king being shielded from the sun in his chariot by a servant, and similar impressions are given by carvings found at Persepolis.

It would appear that such protection from the Sun was reserved only for monarchs – with hapless attendants left to simply hold parasols or umbrellas over the heads of those they serve. The palm-leaf fans as seen in depictions of the Pharaohs of ancient Egypt are also considered by some as a form of parasol, though the proper term for one is 'flagellum' – they can also be found in temple wall paintings as part of procession scenes honouring chosen gods.

Time, then, to leave the pyramids behind and jump forward to brollies as we know them today. Well before Rihanna saw fit to celebrate them in song of course!

14 mayhem! | February 2014

Umbrellas have their roots in Latin – hailing from either 'umbel' (a flower, from which they get their recognised shape), or 'umbra' (which can mean either 'shadow' or 'shaded'). The most popular slang term for one is of course 'brolly' – though a little-used and uniquely British alternative is 'gamp'. We can thank Charles Dickens for that! It comes from the character of Mrs Gamp in his 1843 novel Martin Chuzzlewit – she's an alcoholic nurse who is rarely seen without her black umbrella.

Those of you who pay attention to Met Office weather forecasts will also know that the umbrella is their symbol for rain. But what you may not know is that they can also be used as weapons! Any woman reading the Daily Mirror in January 1902 would have found a handy article on how to protect themselves from 'ruffians' using only a parasol or brolly, while then – French president Nicolas Sarkozy was revealed to have invested in an armour-plated umbrella for similar reasons in 2011. It set him back an eye-watering £10,000, and we think he'd have been better off nipping across the Channel to James Smith and Sons of London, one of Britain's only remaining dedicated (if not the last) umbrella stores!

Of course if you wanted to have a little fun with it, you could always do a Mary Poppins – if you’re a lady and can fi rst fi nd a parrot umbrella and then work out how to fly the thing, or for the chaps there's the Seventh Doctor (who carried two different umbrellas – a simple black one from his début in Time and The Rani (1987) until Paradise Towers and then the question-mark shaped alternative he's most associated with from Delta and The Bannermen until his last outing in Survival, in 1989).

Either way, keep singing – and dry, of course!

to advertise in Mayhem! Magazine call us on: 023 9229 4408

stayinG dry!

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£165

In celebration of the humble umbrella we’ve gathered a selection of brollies perfect for every occasion and personality – but just wait until you’re outside before you open it up!

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£19.45

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£25

£ 55

£10 www.moss.co.uk

£155 www.bloomingdales.com

£30.99 www.mocha.uk.com www.amazon.co.uk (Dualbrella)

£29.99 www.home arama.co.uk

£18

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February 2014 | mayhem!

15

music to my ears!

Lost in

Written by chris morley

eyes and ears

Music Is there any more pleasant Looking for the Perfect Beat a way in which to kill a few It would be all too easy to simply give hours than to lose yourself you a list of recommended listening in music? Sister Sledge – why do that when you can shape your own playlists? Making good use certainly thought not, and we’re inclined to agree! After of the likes of Spotify, Last.fm and other similar sites will allow you to mould a a hard day crafting your sonic experience suited to your own beloved Mayhem! we like tastes and maybe even introduce you nothing better than making to all manner of artists you wouldn’t a beeline for the office chill have thought of otherwise!

After all there’s nothing wrong with a out room and sticking on little nudge in the right direction, and some headphones. surely the giddiest of thrills for those Occasionally we branch out and raid the music room for instruments, but the resulting din draws complaints from the neighbours – so this year we’ll have to be content with listening. One more cranked up solo and we’re done for!

16 mayhem! | February 2014

who live to listen is discovery – the knowledge that the next thing you hear might be the best thing you ever have, regardless of genre. Don’t be afraid to branch out either: a good song is a good song, so let your ears – not your preconceptions – be your guide!

Knowing where to look is also a key part of all musical matters. If you’re willing to go week-by-week it’s probably worth checking out NME (New Musical Express, see www.nme.com). Of the monthlies, Uncut (www.uncut.co.uk) and Mojo (www.mojo4music.com) offer arguably the most definitive appraisals of the best new albums and reissues as well as handy free CDs compiled either by their own writers or reflecting a theme. If you’re really lucky they might’ve collared a special guest to do the job for them!

If you’re inspired to get down to the practical business of making your own sweet music, Portsmouth’s very own Musicroom has everything you could ever need and probably more besides – pay a visit to www.musicroom.com.

If you’d prefer just to listen and maybe even get your thoughts published, the good people at MintSouth (www.mintsouth.com) would love to hear from you! Having had a relaunch and been spruced up a bit, they’re now looking for recruits to their merry band – if you think you could be what they’re looking for drop them a line.

And with that we’re off to sit on some cushions, stare into space and just bask in some tuneful goodness!

to advertise in Mayhem! Magazine call us on: 023 9229 4408

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Tickets also available from Eastney Community Centre Bransbury Park 10-3 weekdays.

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MAYHEM! meets…

18 mayhem! | February 2014

Hampshire’s very own Frank Turner returns to his roots for a series of dates – a short break from jet-setting the globe with his tour and latest album release. We catch up with Frank ahead of his show at the Guildhall to find out more… to advertise in Mayhem! Magazine call us on: 023 9229 4408

MAYHEM! meets…

For those who may be new to you, can you describe your music?

Well, you could say it’s folk music, punk-rock and country mixed up, but I’d recommend you have a listen and make up your own mind.

What influence has growing up in Hampshire had on your songwriting?

I write autobiographically, so I guess it feeds into that; I also like the way folk music has a sense of place, which hopefully comes across in what I do.

Talk us through your writing process and how it’s changed over the years.

I don’t really have a process. Songs arrive in the manner of their own choosing, and it’s never the same.

Hopefully it’s got better over the years.

You held a world stage at the London Olympics back in 2012. Amazing exposure. Can you describe the feeling and what effect it’s had?

It was a very surreal experience, there wasn’t really any audience in front of us. But it was great to be part of it, an honour of sorts. I guess it’s made more people aware of who I am and what I do.

Can you talk to us about your music roots and who you were listening to while finding your own voice?

I grew up with metal and punk rock, and later hardcore, as my main musical concerns. As I got a little older I got into Dylan, Springsteen, Neil Young and so on, broadened my horizons somewhat.

You were busy touring Europe, Asia and North America last year, which must have been amazing. What was the standout show and why?

I’m always loathe to pick just the one show from a tour, but the Boston gig lately was a really special evening.

Our biggest North American headline show to date, and an incredible atmosphere.

Tell us about the ‘Tour Flag’.

On the UK tour we made a flag and gave it out to people to carry from

show to show without our help.

For the US tour people made their own one. It was very cool, bringing strangers together at the shows.

How were you entertaining yourselves while travelling? What was the most amusing moment?

Touring is a lot of work, I don’t get much downtime in between shows, promo and sleep.

As well as some of the world’s biggest festivals, you also played some very small intimate gigs. How does performing in front thousands compare to just a handful?

A show is a show, it doesn’t matter so much to me how many people are there. It’s more about creating a good atmosphere with whoever is in the room, be that 10 people or 10,000.

Being a Hampshire chap, do the venues locally still hold a place in your heart?

Yeah sure, I have a lot of love for the Railway and the Joiners and places like that, I grew up seeing shows there.

How does a home crowd compare to anywhere else?

There’s a certain special magic to a hometown show, actually, which I love. A warmth that can’t be imitated.

How influential are your fans to the way you’ve progressed?

Well, without wanting to be rude to anyone who has supported what I do through the years (I’m aware of them and grateful as always), I try not to be influenced by any outside factors, creatively; the path I choose is the one I think is right, not the one I think will please people. I like to think that people who genuinely like what I do would expect me to think and act like that.

What importance does radio and multimedia exposure have for you?

It lets new people know about what I do, so it matters in that respect, but there are other people (at the label and so on) who care about the specifics of it a lot more than I do.

You’ve had some difficult press to deal with in the last 12 months.

How important is the role of the press in music?

I don’t pay masses of attention to the music press, personally. Some people do, of course, and we all have to deal with the effects of that, positive or negative.

You performed with Billy Bragg in support of the charity ‘Shelter’.

What drew you to support ‘Shelter’ in this way?

I’ve been working with them on and off for years, it seems like a pretty simple premise to me; an affluent society should be able to house everyone.

Who else would you love to work with and why?

I’ve been vaguely talking about working with Jon K Samson; he’s easily my favourite songwriter, so that would be amazing.

Who are you listening to at the moment?

Will Varley. He’s amazing.

Frank plays the Portsmouth Guildhall on Thursday 13th February, but if you can’t make the show, why not check out his new album Tape Deck Heart, OUT NOW!

The touring will continue into this year. What are you looking forward to?

The UK arena tour is a massive undertaking for me and my crew.

It’s a real challenge, but I think it’s going to be great.

Check out our website for even more... www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk

February 2014 | mayhem!

19

happy Brithday charlie!

Ever wondered just how the human race got to the state in which it now finds itself?

Perhaps the most curious mind in that regard was the great Charles Darwin, author of On The Origin Of Species (1859). It’s routinely cited as one of the definitive works on biology and evolutionary science – yet at the time of publication it opened up something of a schism between the Church of England and the scientific establishment, mostly thanks to the idea of natural selection.

n

owadays it’s taken as a given that a little push from Mother Nature plays a part in the evolution of living species and allows selected examples to thrive, so we think it’s only right that Charlie’s honoured. Every year on 12th February (the great man’s birthday) his ideas are dusted off and debated anew by some of the fi nest minds in existence as well as their admirers. So let’s take a trip back and look at how he came to his own very special place in the pantheon of science.

darWin eVoLVes

This in turn led him to join the Plinian Society in his second year of uni – a club of like minds with a passion for natural history. Why the odd name choice, you may well ask?

It all dates back to Ancient Rome and Pliny the Elder. A noted authority on matters of the natural world and natural philosophy as well as a naval and military commander under Emperor Vespasian, it’s perhaps little wonder Darwin felt such a kinship!

WRITT EN BY chris morl ey

tHe oRigin oF

darWin

Charles could very well be the only man clever enough to have mapped out how he came into the world in a manner acceptable to both nature and cold hard science!

In positing that all living species evolved from a common ancestor over time he flew in the face of the accepted Church teaching that all mankind were the children of God, made in his image and with dominion over ‘beasts’ (that is to say anything that isn’t human).

He was the fi ft h child of Robert and Susannah Darwin, and both of his grandfathers were leading fi gures in the fi ght to abolish slavery – on his father’s side Erasmus Darwin, while maternally Josiah Wedgwood was of a similar mindset and also made some nice pottery!

Accounts of young Charlie’s interest in natural history generally start at around the age of eight. He’d grow up to attend the University of Edinburgh Medical School in 1825, though he quickly discovered both the lectures and practical side of the discipline weren’t for him and abandoned his studies in favour of learning taxidermy from a happily freed black slave by the name of John Edmondstone.

20 mayhem! | February 2014

His father was fuming after learning of his son’s neglectful attitude to study and so sent him to Christ’s College, Cambridge for training as an Anglican parson. Despite taking more of an interest in a new craze for beetle collecting than the prospect of being a man of God he still came tenth in the overall exam rankings for his course. Any thoughts of taking up a quiet country parsonage would soon be put to bed, though...

the BeagLe has Landed The path to choosing science over religion was arguably sealed when he was nominated to join the crew for HMS Beagle’s second voyage. Circumnavigating the Earth over a five-year span at sea, Darwin was brought aboard as a gentleman naturalist under the authority of the grandly named Captain Robert Fitzroy.

What he learned during the trip would cement the beliefs which eventually led to On The Origin Of Species, collecting fossils and making detailed notes on the plant and animal life which lay all around him. Little did he know he was sitting on a foundation stone which would provoke debate many years after his passing.

Amazingly you can view a full archive of his works at www.darwin-online.org.uk. A telling glimpse at the evolution from pen and paper to mouse and keyboard! to advertise in Mayhem! Magazine call us on: 023 9229 4408

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February 2014 | mayhem!

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February 2014 | mayhem!

25

Written by chris morley

interview tips

Hanging on tHe

teLePhone Perhaps the frustration of missing out on previous jobs thanks to phone interviews inspired Blondie to sing about being left hanging – but it doesn’t mean you have to make the same mistakes, and with that in mind we present our handy guide to making the phone interview work for you and snaffling employment with the minimum of fuss!

Please hold while we connect you to Mayhem!’s personnel department...

the Lay of the LandLine

rsVP Water on taP We all know nerves are natural. So combat that mysterious outbreak of a soprano voice and dry mouth by making sure you’ve got a glass of water at hand. Calm sips between answers to any questions the interviewer throws at you may also help give the impression of cool, calm collectedness – never a bad thing to project in any situation.

siLence is goLden Should the call come, switch off any possible distractions and find a quiet spot in which to conduct the interview. That means no TV, radio or computer, in simplest terms! You’ll be expected to give your all for however long they keep you on the phone, so eyes forward soldier. If your mind wanders at any point they can usually tell – which means game over, and nobody wants that.

26 mayhem! | February 2014

Rhythm, speed, volume and pitch.

Perhaps the simplest tip in the book. Speak clearly and vary the rhythm, speed, volume and the pitch of your voice. Mumble and the interviewer will be none the wiser about why you want the job or why they’re bothering to speak to you.

Simple steps but oh so vital in the move from the dole to the desk.

go the extra sMiLe Smile! You may have heard this one before, and usually when the camera is out, but it’s just as valid here. Believe it or not people can tell your mood from your vocal tone – so if you can sound happy and radiate positivity it just might be crazy enough to work and a more relaxed you can only be a good thing. Confidence is key and cracking a grin while adopting a positive mindset is a good way to go about getting it, and making it work for you!

We’ve all been frustrated by the poor quality of a mobile phone signal from time to time, so if you have a good old-fashioned landline, make good use of it! If not, make sure you dial those digits from somewhere you know your mobile signal will be strong. After all why kick yourself over missing out on that dream job when the solution is so close at hand?

Don’t let missed calls cost you more than just pounds on your phone bill.

standing taLL While the temptation to lounge in an attempt to give off a relaxed air to an interviewer might seem in practice to be a great idea, it really isn’t. Stand tall though and things could really start to look up!

It’ll really help to get you into a proper working mindset, so you’ll be on the ball when the questions keep coming. Roll with the intellectual punches and the world’s your oyster.

If you fancy a spot of method acting too, why not dress the part? The visual it’ll give you just might be a spur to your efforts – good luck!

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The London Symphony Orchestra, recently voted one of the top five symphony orchestras in the world, is set to be back in Portsmouth for the first time in almost 30 years on Friday 21st March at Portsmouth Guildhall.

Swinging the baton and delivering the pre-concert talk will be Sir John Eliot Gardiner, one of the most versatile conductors of our time, and the concert will include two of Mendelssohn’s symphonies that underline his great passion for travel: No.3, known as the “Scottishâ€?, and No.4, the “Italianâ€?. The two symphonies will flank Schumann’s rarely performed but highly lyrical violin concerto, played by the hugely talented Alina Ibragimova. She has been the recipient of awards including the Royal Philharmonic Society Young Artist Award 2010, Borletti-Buitoni Trust and a Classical BRIT. “Violinist Alina Ibragimova performs with a mixture of total abandonment and total control that is in no way contradictory. She is destined to be a force in the classical music ďŹ rmament for decades to comeâ€?. – The Times (UK) The concert, kindly supported by CoďŹƒnMew Solicitors, starts at 7.30pm and tickets are ÂŁ25–£36.

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show me the money!

We’ve all had the sermon from wellmeaning relatives on how ‘investment for the future’ in the here and now will benefit us later, most likely, but how to go about it? Step into the office of Mayhem!’s slick-talking money-man and learn just why Gordon Gekko was fundamentally a little wrong in saying ‘greed is good’ in Wall Street.

Money WRITTEN BY chris morley

taLks striking a chord With your WaLLet

oWned or Loaned?

There’s a difference between investment and purely gambling your money away, and here’s how to drive the money-lenders from the temple.

Investment is a calculated assessment of just where best to place your hard-earned cash – you’ll need to take a long, hard look at a few potential areas to plough funds into and decide for yourself when and where to invest.

We come now to the business of ‘bulls and bears’ (or to the uninitiated, stocks and shares). As many a frenzied voice on the stock market has no doubt cried down the years – ‘stocks are loaned, bonds are owned’. Repeat this as a mantra every time you’re tempted, and the difference between buying and lending will become apparent.

Be warned, though, its not as easy as swapping your usual morning paper for a copy of the Financial Times! Nor is it entirely without risk or entirely down to luck of the draw – not dissimilar to a gambling splurge, you may argue, but if you’re savvy enough to know what you’re getting into, it can work for you.

28 mayhem! | February 2014

coMPound heaP Yes, it may sound like a dull reminder of school chemistry lessons, but this is a fundamental principle of both science and economics, with the bonus of not needing to don a lab coat and dodge potential fall-out should it not work out.

Put simply, it means making money from previous earnings, and depending on how much you save or invest it really can reap dividends!

After all what’s not to like about making interest gains on existing interest, its a no-brainer!

And perhaps like everything else in life, its important to understand your needs! If you’re working with a tight budget, don’t exceed it, and if equally you have plenty to play with think carefully before making a move into the markets – see you on the trading floor!

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WRITTEN BY chris morley

play up pompey!

Park Life With the news that Fratton Park is to get the go-ahead to return to its 20,000 seater capacity thanks to a generous cash injection from its presidents (£500,000 to be precise), we thought we’d get our old-school Pompey tops on, lace up our boots and have a run through the history of the famous old ground!

Join us in a round of the Pompey Chimes as we look back.

first WhistLe Fratton Park has been home to the Blues ever since they were founded in 1898. Fittingly the fi rst match at the spanking new Park was a derby with Southampton – the home side winning 2–0 with goals from Dan Cunliffe and Harold Clarke. The majority of fans would have taken up residence in the old Main Stand, designed by renowned stadium architect Archibald Leitch (whose work also includes Ibrox, home to Glasgow Rangers, among an array ranging from Anfield to Villa Park) which originally included a pavilion and clock tower similar to that still visible at Fulham’s Craven Cottage to this day.

Moving forward a few years to 1956, Fratton was the first Football League ground to stage a match under floodlights, on 22nd February when Newcastle United were the visitors. The record attendance is still the mind-blowing 51,385 who crammed in for the visit of Derby 30 mayhem! | February 2014

County in a 1949 FA Cup tie – which Pompey won 2–1 thanks to a double from that man Clarke!

the Modern gaMe The average crowd at home games this season has been 15,398 even in spite of the reduced capacity enforced by Portsmouth City Council, which has informed the club of its recommended improvements to the stadium – which range from sprinkler systems for the North and South stands, to improved electrical systems around the ground. With the money raised by the eleven club presidents under the new ownership structure, work should have started by the time Mayhem! goes to press.

If you’ve not yet been to a game, whether you’re local or on a visit, it has to be near the top of any list of things to do in Portsmouth. One listen to the famous Chimes ringing out around the ground (“Play up Pompey, Pompey play up!” to the

tune of the Westminster Chimes) and you could very well be sucked in.

The origin of the chant has its roots with Royal Artillery FC, who were in many ways the predecessors to Pompey before a messy demise in 1898. Playing their home games at the United Services ground in Burnaby Road, referees would use the chimes of the handily-placed Guildhall clock to help them keep time.

With matches fi nishing at 4pm in those days (late 18th Century), the crowd would chant in time with the clock to encourage the official to put the whistle to his lips at the appointed hour. The original words as recorded in histories of the early days of Pompey were “Play up Pompey, Just one more goal! Make tracks!

What ho! Hallo! Hallo!”

So why not join the massed Blue Army for a home game? There’s never been a better time. See www.portsmouthfc.co.uk for ticket information. Play up Pompey!

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there’s no place like home!

WE’RE OFF TO SEE THE

WiZard Written by chris morley

He’s 75 years old this year, so we’re off to Oz to throw the Wizard a bit of a birthday bash! Whether you’re a cowardly lion, a scarecrow who needs a brain or a tin man after a heart, come with us as we follow the Yellow Brick Road.

As we stick Elton John on the record turntable (Goodbye Yellow Brick Road of course), get ready to dodge the flying monkeys!

foLLoW the yeLLoW Brick road After publication he gave the fi rst copy hot off the press to his sister Mary Louise, and just two years later the fi rst stage musical adaptation was in the works! Practice those singing voices, everyone.

It all started life as a 1900 novel from the pen of L. Frank Baum. Born on 16th May 1856 in New York, he originally wanted to be an actor.

Though he was a bookworm, it wasn’t until his mother-in-law encouraged him to put the stories he’d been telling his sons to paper that he seriously pursued writing.

Following a premiere in Chicago it moved to Broadway a year later.

A look at its structure confi rms it’s mostly faithful to the original book with a few notable changes – the Wicked Witch of the West isn’t in it at all, and Toto the dog’s role is taken by a cow called Imogene. The story instead centres around the attempt of King Pastoria to take the throne of Oz back from the Wizard.

Who was this encouraging lady?

Not inconsequentially, US suff ragist Matilda Joslyn Gage. He’d married her daughter Maud in 1882, and both women supported his literary ambitions. Perhaps unsurprisingly Frank was viewed as an early male supporter of women’s suff rage and The Wonderful Wizard Of Oz of course features a female hero in the form of Dorothy Gale.

Confusing? Quite probably! But there’s a certain degree of overlap if you delve deeper into the musical side of things.

Composer Paul Tietjens wrote the original score having been enthused by the project as first pitched by the book’s illustrator W. W. Denslow, and is believed to have been in the running to repeat the trick for the famous 1939 film adaptation which is first in many people’s minds when talk turns to Oz.

to Be frank

32 mayhem! | February 2014

Released on 25th August 1939, directed by Victor Fleming and starring Judy Garland as Dorothy, the defi nitive celluloid version of Frank Baum’s tale is regarded as one of the greatest musicals of all time, itself inspiring a stage prequel, Wicked.

But what you may not know is that one of the elements most associated with it – the red slippers – were a bit of artistic license. In the book Ms Gale’s footwear of choice is a simple pair of silver shoes.

Amazingly that’s just one of a jaw-dropping 44 differences between the film and the book, though this one’s said to be more faithful than the 1910 and 1925 silent movie versions.

For most, it’s arguably the music that makes it what it is with tunes and lyrics by Harold Arlen and Yip Harburg, including Over The Rainbow which won them the Academy Award for Best Original Song and incidental music by Herbert Stothart which got the Best Original Music Score at the same ceremony.

Fly, my pretties, fly!

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one to one with…

Comedian, presenter, writer, political activist and reporter – Mark Thomas cut his teeth as a guest comic on BBC Radio 1’s comedy show The Mary Whitehouse Experience back in the late 80s and became more widely known following Channel 4’s The Mark Thomas Comedy Product.

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34 mayhem! | February 2014

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one to one with…

Not one to keep still, Mark is on tour again and February sees his latest show, 100 Acts of Minor Dissent, roll into Portsmouth. We sit one to one to and discuss the past, present and future…

Can you tell us a little bit about your new new tour and what people can expect from the show?

I have to commit 100 acts of minor dissent in the course of one year. It’s great fun – surprising and occasionally effective.

You once described yourself as a ‘Libertarian anarchist’, where did that come from?

In truth, I got bored in an interview once and said that was what I was.

I have also described myself as a confused liberal, and an angry faithless Christian. Other self descriptive terms include: Mouthy twat, fat dad and asthmatic rambler!

What was it like to break through alongside Rob Newman, David Baddiel and others on ‘The Mary Whitehouse Experience’?

I had no idea we were breaking through at the time. I enjoyed the radio series immensely and found my feet as itwent along – learning on the job to write quickly and cut the waffle. The fi rst series featured Jo Brand and Skint Video (a satirical musical duo, one half of which was Steve Gribbin) so looking back on it, quite a team assembled. I loved the recording which took place in the BBC Paris Studios off Piccadilly (now sold off ), it has a fi ne history of recording some of the great comedy shows and always had a couple of homeless people with bags in the audience who came in to keep warm.

Politics is never far from your mind, what was it like being able to use The Mark Thomas Product as a platform for investigations into current affairs?

I never intended the show to end up as it did. We ended up as accidental journalists.

How did it feel to play a part in the changing of the inheritance tax law after your challenge to Nicholas Soames?

Happy. Perhaps even semi erect.

You’d have to be a Tory not to feel pleased to make rich people contribute to the world they live in.

BUT I am reminded of a conversation I had with an old civil rights activist in the South of America, when I asked him what advice he would give to young activists he said two words, “constant vigilance”.

Do you see yourself as a human rights activist as well as a comedian?

Yes, I also see myself as a cook in the kitchen, a cleaner in the bathroom and an idiot with a remote.

It must have been a great experience walking between Israel and Palestine. Could you tell us a bit about Walking The Wall?

It was the most interesting thing I have done. I loved it; every day was a challenge, you never knew who you would meet, what excitement and friendliness you would encounter, nor the threats and hardships of the weather and the terrain. I would do it again if I could get away with it.

I loved the place and left feeling passionate about the injustice of the occupation and the stranglehold the settlers have upon Israeli politics.

Given the nature of your Manifesto broadcasts for Radio 4, would you ever consider going into politics?

I am involved in politics, just not the official end of it. I would never want to stand for office seriously, I recognise my limitations. People tend to think that if you are good at performing and mouthing off then you would be good at politics, not necessarily so.

Check out our website for even more... www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk

“As an old punk rocker it was everything I hated” Eddie Izzard would be a disaster as mayor of London. Just another example of celebrity disguised as ability.

You recorded Bravo Figaro earlier this year. Has experiencing opera through the eyes of your father changed your attitude to it?

I used to hate opera. As an old punk rocker it was everything I hated.

Elitist, incomprehensible tosh. My dad developed a love for it, which of course did little to endear it to me. But as my dad become gripped by a progressive and terminal illness, I started to listen to opera as a way of reaching and communicating with him. And discovered an accidental love of the music. Philip Glass and John Adams are two of my favourite composers.

Would you ever consider writing one of your own?

Not unless anyone wants to commission me!

You’re a prolific tourer, do you see yourself as a man of the people?

I see myself as a man with a low boredom threshold.

As an author/columnist as well as a comedian, do you ever see a time when you’ll focus purely on writing?

When I get too whitened with gout and can’t tour anymore.

What encouraged you to become a supporter of the Green Party?

Apart from the fashion, I guess it was the pro-democracy movement within the Greens that wanted to hold companies and the powerful to account, that and the fact that an environment that supports us can only be a good thing.

Mark is appearing at the Wedgewood Rooms in Portsmouth on 11th February, check it out!

February 2014 | mayhem!

35

ssh!

Written by chris morley

Book worms!

Do you love reading? Then join us in celebrating Library Lovers’ Month throughout February! Pull up a chair, find a copy of your favourite book and delve into a world of pure imagination.

doing things By the Book The word ‘library’ itself comes from the Latin liber (book) and/or the later French librarie. Interestingly, the first real library dates back to a time when there wasn’t even a word for one! A very long time ago indeed in Sumer around 2600 BC. And what was in there? A lovingly collected archive of some of the earliest examples of human writing.

The Ancient Greeks started to keep personal libraries as well as state records from the fi ft h century BC onwards, and the greatest libraries of the ancient world could be found in Alexandria and Constantinople. We can answer the question of who the greatest librarian in ancient history was with a trip to China. The Ming dynasty emperor Fan Qin had the Tian Yi Ge (One Sky Pavilion) built and promptly fi lled it with 70,000 antique texts.

Delving into its name and the concept of cosmic unity (as spread by the Han Dynasty) reveals that Fan was keen to ensure his book repository never caught fi re.

Tianyi means ‘water’, and by linking it with his books it’s reasonable to assume he wanted said water to prevent flame grilling of his reading material. It’s all detailed in the ancient I Ching, perhaps the most important book in all of classical-era China.

Booking in Do you ever wonder how, where and why books are organised in the way they are? The Dewey Decimal system has been adopted by most English libraries and determines where books are shelved. It means books of a similar topic can be found together making them much easier to locate.

a LittLe LiBrary Music No, not leaving your iPod on while you browse the shelves! Music libraries do exactly as you might expect, serving as a handy hub for all materials from CDs of recorded music to copies of scores and beyond. ‘Library music’ is also another name given to what is sometimes called ‘stock music’ owned by such libraries and licenced for use in fi lm, television, radio and other media – with the British Library currently playing host to 100,000 manuscripts and 1.5 million print music items.

Universal Publishing’s Production Music Library runs it close though – see www.unippm.co.uk for a comprehensive set of themed playlists, a roster of composers and everything you could possibly want to know about the more tuneful side of the library business!

Best of all it’s free! London’s British Library is probably the biggest to be found on these shores, but to fi nd out more about your local library visit the Hampshire Libraries Service at www3.hants.gov.uk/library or Portsmouth Libraries at www.portsmouth.gov.uk/learning/libraries.

36 mayhem! | February 2014

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vroom vroom!

SUGAR, SPICE AND, ER, A PINCH OF SALT

neW cars

for 2014 If you thought 2013 was a stellar year for new cars – and it was – then you’d be well advised to assume the brace position for 2014. We’ve rounded up a few sugary treats available for your delectation this year, plus a mesmeric blend of spicy exotics to extract wads of cash from your bank. For balance, we gave the automotive salt cellar a vigorous shake to find a few lumpy bits that will undoubtedly get left behind. Enjoy…

Sugar

New Qashqai With over two million made since 2007 (49,600 sold in the UK), the outgoing British-built Qashqai broke the mould. The MkII Qashqai – priced from £14,695 – has big boots to fi ll. An important car for Nissan but a far more important car for the UK.

New Mondeo Factory disputes got in the way of its early 2012 launch, but the new Mondeo will fi nally arrive in the autumn, with a new range of engines and the promise of a plug-in hybrid. Expect pricing to start around £17,000 with the flagship Vignale peaking nearer £31,000.

Jaguar F-Type Coupe The best-looking Jaguar in ages, the F-Type Coupe promises an enticing combination of looks, improved practicality, sharper dynamics and even more power. Fortunately, there’s no engine changes (2x V6s and 1x V8) and prices start from £51,235 up to around £85,000 for the bonkers F-Type R.

38 mayhem! | February 2014

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vroom vroom!

New Hyundai i10 The previous-generation i10 was one of the first Hyundais to be designed and developed specifically for the European market. Priced from £8,345, the new i10 costs a bit more than the first-generation model, but the pay-off is a far superior car inside and out.

Toyota Land Cruiser The best-looking block of automotive lard you’ll ever meet, although the ‘refreshed’ 2014 Land Cruiser credentials remain unquestionable. Prices from £34,995 to £52, 495.

Lexus LF-NX This hideous destroyer-ofretinas is what happens when project designers are not given an end-date. The LF-NX is a considerably over-designed concept set to spawn into production later this year. Based on Toyota’s RAV4 SUV, expect a starting price in the region of £35,000.

Yeah, can’t wait.

Sa l t

SsangYong Turismo A Rodius by any other name. How bad does a car have to be to rename it at a mid-cycle facelift?

This bad, apparently. Formerly known as the SsangYong Rodius, the seven-seat Turismo will be priced from £17,995 to £23,995. Rush out and get one, why don’t ya!

BMW i8 Plug-in Hybrid The i8 follows the footsteps of the just-launched i3 city car. Expect the 1.5-litre, 3-cyl turbo petrol engine coupled with an eDrive electric motor to offer 354bhp, 0–62mph in 4.4s and still achieve around 78mpg.

Priced at £99,250, the 2014 production run is sold out.

S pi c e

Mercedes S-Class Coupe Set to be revealed in full production form at the Geneva show in March, the new S-Class Coupe replaces the CL. Most tech and engines will come from the new S-Class and expect an AMG version.

Prices from a £75,000, or £13k MORE than the entry saloon model.

Check out our website for even more... www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk

February 2014 | mayhem!

39

GoinG the whole hoG!

You’ve probably heard it used as a turn of phrase, but what does Groundhog Day, on the 2nd February, actually mean? Join us in the Mayhem! burrow as we dig a bit deeper.

WRITTEN BY chris morley

hogging the LiMeLight Let’s, just for a second, go all David Attenborough and ask: just what is a groundhog? Technically it belongs in the same rodent family as the marmot and can be found across North America. With two coats of fur they’re more than capable of surviving often harsh winters. If they’re lucky enough to find themselves living somewhere with few natural predators they can grow to weigh around 14kg and measure around 40–65 centimetres, fifteen of which are accounted for by their tails alone!

As far as their diet goes they’re mostly plant-eaters (or herbivores in the proper natural studies context) which means plenty of grass and vegetation with the odd small insect thrown in for good measure. In common with their squirrel cousins they treat themselves to the odd nut, though unlike the squirrel, groundhogs don’t bury them for future consumption.

What else are they good at?

Burrowing springs to mind!

Used as family homes for rearing young and hibernating, these nimblest of hogs shift around 2,500kg 40 mayhem! | February 2014

of soil in the process of excavating their burrows. In the wild they can live for up to six years, with two or three for the average hog thanks to a list of predators including dogs, wolves, bears and eagles. So it’s only fair they should get their day, even if they may not be around to see it!

the day of the groundhog The whole thing springs from American folklore. According to tradition, if a groundhog makes a sleepy exit from its burrow on the appointed day, spring will come early. If the sun is out and the hog catches sight of its own shadow, legend says it will retreat startled back into the safety of its burrow and winter will go on six weeks longer.

Nowhere is all this more enthusiastically celebrated than in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania where they host “Fersommling” social events (which basically mean plenty of food, drink and good cheer). Plays known as “g’spiel” are performed and there’s a singalong of My Country, ‘Tis Of Thee, but with a twist: it’s translated into German. With lyrics by Samuel Francis Smith, the tune it’s sung to

should be familiar to every proud Englishman and woman – it’s God Save The Queen (not the Sex Pistols version though!)

Sadly no groundhogs actually perform, though they have been known to exhibit musical tendencies – particularly if they’re led by vocalist/guitarist Tony McPhee.

Active throughout the Sixties, the Groundhogs achieved their fi rst major exposure when their single Cherry Red got them a Top Of The Pops appearance in 1971 after the Split album got to number five in the charts.

How did they get their name? After deciding to go in a more blues-based direction, what had previously been the Dollar Bills were rechristened after a John Lee Hooker number, Groundhog’s Blues. Whether he wrote it from the point of view of one isn’t recorded, though.

And of course there’s a certain 1993 Bill Murray fi lm to consider.

Pittsburgh weatherman Phil Connors fi nds himself in a time loop and forced to relive the same day in a repetitive cycle – sounds like the average commute to us!

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fact or fiction?

UnHeaLtHY

yes, But is it good for you?

snacks Snacks are big business these days, a multi-million pound industry in fact. Supermarket aisles are packed to the rafters with a vast array of treats large and small, while more and more companies are investing big money in advertising their products on TV – most of them promoting outlandish claims as to how healthy their product is. But are they? Indeed, do any quick snacks really offer nutritional health benefits? Mayhem! unwraps a chewy treat and investigates.

MMMMM, snacks!

Yep, snacking between meals. We’ve all been there. You know the feeling, it’s the middle of the afternoon, you’re bored, it’s ages until your next meal.

Hey, you deserve that chocolate bar.

Go on, it’s in the fridge. It’s calling to you.

Indulge, indulge...

It depends on what you are looking for.

The sugar content will give you an energy buzz but it won’t do much for your waistline. As for having one that’s deep fried – don’t even think about it. One deep fried Mars bar contains around 640 calories – and that’s a modest estimate. In fact the whole thing is considered such a health hazard that the Mars Company have recommended consumers NOT to eat them!

ok, are there any good snacks out there?

It’s all relative. What do you want from your snack? If it’s just an indulgence then the world is your chocolate bar. However, if a healthy nibble is your thing then beware – a lot of the stuff that’s promoted as being good for you is anything but that.

a Mars a day heLPs you... ...work, rest and play. Remember the advert? It was a very early mass-produced snack item in the UK with the first one rolling off the production lines in Slough back in 1932.

42 mayhem! | February 2014

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fact or fiction?

Like What?

Pre-made fruit smoothies are a great example. They’re portrayed as an elixir for eternal life, good looks and a great body. But hang on – some contain more calories than a cheeseburger! Smoothies can have as much as 650 to 1,000 calories in them due to the extreme portions of fruit, vegetables and added sugars.

i don’t touch those, i Prefer froZen yoghurt Sorry but they can be just as bad. We see them as a contemporary and tasty alternative to ice cream. OK, so there is less saturated fat in your frozen yoghurt, but when it comes to calories and the sugar content in them – then you might as well have the ice cream anyway.

any other ‘heaLthy’ snacks that are anything But? How about some “fat-free” items? Think about it: what replaces the fat in these to help make them at least vaguely tasty? Fat-free doesn’t always mean calorie-free as the sugar content tends to replace the fat in these products so you’re still getting a high number of calories. And if you’ve replaced the bacon sarnie for your breakfast with a healthy muffi n, think again. Many commercially sold muffi ns contain about 800 calories of pure sugar and fat, well above the calorie count of a doughnut!

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so What can i snack on that’s heaLthy?

Rule of thumb is keep it simple. If it’s processed or pre-prepared then it probably isn’t as healthy as it could, or should be. Thus fresh fruit and vegetables, either eaten off the branch or, in the case of most veg, after steaming – don’t boil them! And a glass of water is so much better for you than any one of the overpriced and overhyped bottled drinks that are currently available. It’s so often the case that what we think is healthy is sometimes far worse for us than foods we know are NOT healthy. A simple fix: read the nutritional information! It may stop you from making a huge diet mistake.

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cineMayheM! Finish your drinks and stop crunching your popcorn as it’s time for our look at the films you’ll want to be seeing in 2014! Barry Norman wasn’t available to assist, so we’ve got the next best thing and hauled in the manager of Cinemayhem! – our very own private picture house!

WRITTEN BY chris morley

Get ready to hum the famous Pearl and Dean pre-trailer music as we take you through what could potentially be another box office-busting year.

godZiLLa Tokyo’s worst nightmare is getting a relaunch! The massive green lizard last got an outing in 2004’s Godzilla – Final Wars, after which Japanese studio Toho announced he’d be

MuPPets Most Wanted yes, that’s right, Kermit, Miss Piggy and the gang return!

Following the success of their reboot, they’re on a world tour.

And things are about to get complicated...

44 mayhem! | February 2014

having a bit of a rest. Whether or not Blue Oyster Cult’s 1977 tribute from their fi ft h album Spectres will feature on the soundtrack isn’t yet known, but if not they’re missing a golden opportunity.

What we do know is that Aaron Taylor-Johnson (Kick-Ass) and Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad, Malcolm In The Middle) have roles as Lieutenant Ford and Joe Brody. If you love your monster movies this is worth a go!

Any film billed as a “musical mystery comedy” must be worth a watch, and with a list of cameos almost as long as the credited cast list it’s a real who’s who of celebrities. Featuring Lady Gaga, Ricky Gervais and Tom Hiddleston, it’s bound to be a real treat, especially if you grew up on a staple diet of the original Muppet Show.

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Aided by Gandalf (Ian McKellen) and a handy ring picked up by the enterprising hobbit, it should be a piece of cake. Not if The Necromancer/Sauron (Benedict Cumberbatch, who also voices Smaug) has anything to do with it, mind!

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to the edGe of the GalaXy…

star trekked WRITTEN BY edward couzens-lake

Those of you who go weak at the knees when the pre-Raphaelite Benedict Cumberbatch drapes himself all over Sunday evening TV in Sherlock will have, no doubt, taken note of his portrayal of eternal bad guy Khan Noonien Singh in the most recent of JJ Abrams’ dumbed down rebootings of the Star Trek movie franchise.

Cumberbatch is just one of a legion of famous actors, actresses and personalities who have appeared, in one form or another, in the various formats within the franchise, one which still rakes in the money worldwide nearly half a century since it first appeared on the small screen.

Mayhem! takes a look at some of the familiar faces who have set phasers to stun over the years.

46 mayhem! | February 2014

star trek: the originaL series

Yep, Kirk and co, this is where it all began. Joan Collins, now so hungry for fame and attention that she has spread her acting wings to appearing in an ad for Snickers, appeared in an episode of the series called The City On The Edge Of Forever Forever, long regarded as one of that series’ best episodes.

the next generation Mick Fleetwood, musician extraordinary and founder of band Fleetwood Mac, appeared in one episode as a giant fish whilst renowned physicist and all round genius Stephen Hawking appeared as himself, playing poker alongside Albert Einstein and Sir Issac Newton in the show’s final episode. On a lighter note, Kelsey Grammar, best known for his portrayal of Frasier Crane in the hit show named after his character, featured as Captain Morgan Bateman in the episode Cause And Effect.

deeP sPace nine Rock star Iggy Pop played a Vorta in a memorable episode of this, the darkest of all the Star Trek spin-offs whilst, in keeping with the show’s theme of darkness and menace, acclaimed actor, playwright and theatre director Steven Berkoff appeared as a ruthless arms dealer in the episode Business As Usual – which, for him as the bad guy, it certainly was. One regular cast member in this series was Colm Meany, the film actor whose credits include The Commitments, The Damned United and Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa.

Voyager WWE wrestler Dwayne Johnson (aka The Rock) was cast in a gladiatorial type role in one episode of this series whilst, before his time was taken up with the pressing matters of court as king, King Abdullah bin Al-Hussein of Jordan appeared as a non-speaking ensign in the episode Investigations.

enterPrise Seth McFarlane, the creator of Family Guy and American Dad! appeared in two episodes of this series in which the lead character was played by Scott Bakula, best known to all 40-somethings as Dr Sam Beckett in the TV series Quantum Leap.

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fiGhtinG the fat!

Written by chris morley

LittLe sneaKY WaYs to the things

Burn caLories

Ok, so your New Year’s weight loss resolution didn’t last long, but it’s never too late to get back on track. A healthy diet combined with regular exercise may be the most effective way to lose weight, but it’s not the only way.

Mayhem! is here with a few sneaky tips on how to burn calories without the pressure!

Some might call it fidgeting, but it really can be a great aid to stripping away the fat. There’s a little something you can do in almost every situation!

As a bonus it can burn off up to 350 extra calories a day, whether you jiggle in your office chair at work, take regular walks around your workplace or anything else, however small. Remember, it all adds up so you can’t go far wrong. Healthy body, healthy mind – as the old maxim goes – and with mind and body working in harmony you’ll feel better in yourself which has benefits all round.

straighten uP Standing up and sitting straight can do wonders for your posture and muscles, both of which will work your core and do favours for your appearance and general well-being – which we’re sure you’ll agree can only work well in all areas of life!

keePing hydrated sLeeP on it We start with perhaps the most important aspect of a healthy lifestyle. A good night’s sleep of between seven and nine hours per night should leave you feeling refreshed and more motivated for the day. Miss out though and you’re in for a world of problems and most likely a shortcut to failure in the bid to fi ght the flab.

Just remember that if you’re tired you’ll be motivated only by the thought of another trip to the land of nod, which could cause you to skip meals and neglect your original health plan, which simply isn’t an option if you’re serious about feeling good!

get technicaL There’s technical help available for most eventualities now, and you can use it to your advantage if you know how. Wearing a pedometer and/or heart-rate monitor could really help you measure the progress you make.

Whether it’s recording how many steps you’ve taken in the course of your normal routine or measuring your calorie intake, nothing is beyond the reach of those willing to explore their tech options. It can really help you achieve your goals as well as set new ones to push yourself towards your ideal weight.

48 mayhem! | February 2014

A simple drink of water before a meal can go some way to helping you feel full quicker and thus decrease your food intake. Slurping from a bottle throughout the day also increases your metabolic rate, as does spicy food.

So next time you go for a curry, take water with it and forego your usual beer! After all who said amping up the fitness meant fun had to go by the wayside?

heaLth kick Sick of feeling that pang of desire to raid the fridge or cupboards? There’s an easy way to stave it off. Prepare healthy alternatives and make sure they’re close to hand, plus it’s another great way to help your metabolism.

Saving money and working towards better health is a pretty good twosome!

and… reLax Of course it’s not all about running yourself into the ground. Even downtime can be put to good use.

Meditation is a great example and could help reduce cortisol, your “stress hormone”, which in turn means less chance of calories being stored as fat.

Work these into your daily routine and you’ll be feeling great in no time. to advertise in Mayhem! Magazine call us on: 023 9229 4408

Wear a hat day 2014

get your hats on, hold an event, and raise money for Brain tumour research.

March 2014 is Brain Tumour Awareness month, the highlight of which is Wear A Hat Day. Taking place across the nation on the 28th of March 2014, thousands of people around the UK will take part in events, wearing hats and fundraising for vital research into brain tumours.

From universities to shops, offices and clubs, we are asking you to get involved.

Whatever you do – holding best hat or hat throwing competitions; hat quiz and raffles; themed hat events; or passing the hat to collect donations – you can be certain that thousands of people will be helping to fund the fight against brain tumours.

Research into brain tumours receives less than 1% of national cancer research spending in the

UK yet they are the number one cancer killer of children and adults under 40. Wear A Hat Day is a fantastic way of increasing awareness and involving people in raising money for this devastating disease.

Brain Tumour Research is also producing a limited edition ‘signature brooch’ to coincide with Wear A Hat Day, based on a design supplied by Vivien Sheriff, whose iconic headgear is an award-winning fusion of classic and modern design.

For more information about Wear A Hat Day and Brain Tumour Research, visit www.wearahatday.org or email wearahatday@braintumourresearch.org or call 01296 733011.

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a catch up with…

Can you tell us a bit about your past as a spoken word performer?

I started off doing spoken word in around 2005 and have been doing it ever since really. I used to hit three to five open mic nights a week and just worked as hard as I could to get out there. I currently curate and host the spoken word stages at Camp Bestival and Bestival each year so it keeps me tight!

You took your name from an Edward Lear poem – what attracted you to his writing and indeed the name ‘Scroobius Pip’?

It was to the name rather than his writing. I’m by no means an Edward Lear expert. I liked the name as, in the poem, it’s the name given to a creature that doesn’t fit into any one category.

When I started using the name I was working in a record store, doing street art, doing photography, doing some film stuff, doing spoken word and rapping. So it seemed to fit with the fact I was active in many different areas.

INTERVIEW BY chris morley

s u i B o o sc r

P I P Modern day poet and spoken word performer, David Peter Meads chats with Mayhem! ahead of his show as one half of hip-hop duo dan le sac VS Scroobius Pip, at the Wedgewood Rooms. Check out the new album, Repent Replenish Repeat.

50 mayhem! | February 2014

How did you meet dan le sac, and when did you realise that your words and his beats worked well together?

We half knew each other at college (he was a year or two ahead of me) but met properly when working in HMV together for a while. A few years later he went to a different store and our paths crossed again at Reading Festival and, knowing he put on events and made music, I hit him up for a gig when I was putting together a tour of the country living in my 1987 space cruiser and generally playing on street corners. He booked me and when he played his set that night he had remixed some of my stuff. I was blown away and we started to put his remixes up on Myspace then it all went from there really.

Did you always know you’d make the leap from poetry into music?

There’s never really been a leap.

Music was defi nitely my passion before spoken word so the style in which I wrote always leant itself to music. But still, to this day, most of the to advertise in Mayhem! Magazine call us on: 023 9229 4408

a catch up with… stuff on any of our records gets performed as spoken word as well.

The leap was more of a regular womble back and forth.

Do you have any other literary influences?

Not hugely. I’m not amazingly well read. I never read much as a kid so it’s only something I’ve been readdressing in my adult life. In recent years my biggest literary influence would be the Book of Disquiet. But that was an influence on my whole way of thinking rather than specifically any kind of artistic influence.

Your shared musical touchstones range across a wide spectrum, from Gil Scott-Heron and Chilly Gonzales to Rakim, KRS-One, Mogwai and Joy Division. Would you say your own music reflects that eclecticism?

I think it does, yeah. Particularly when we started off, no one really knew what genre to put us in. And I think that came largely from us both having wide musical influences.

Which, in turn, I think came from working in record stores for years.

Is it any different working as a solo artist in comparison to a duo? You both seem to skip between the two disciplines with ease.

It’s great to have the variation! In the last four years alone I’ve toured with dan, toured with my band and toured alone doing spoken word.

To get to drift between these things is an amazing privilege. And it’s probably what allows me to keep sane despite not having a holiday in about eight years.

You’ve made three albums as a duo now (Repent Replenish Repeat being the latest) as well as two solo albums (No Commercial Breaks and Distraction Pieces) – do you think the musical landscape has changed since Angles (2008)?

Sure. The way you release and, indeed, what you get back for your hard work has changed hugely. But

that’s the music industry I guess. Ever changing. It’s why I tend to take all the opportunities I can! The way it is now, for an artist of my size, every album I release could well be my last due to illegal downloads and all that kind of stuff. So I try to just enjoy each moment!

How would you describe what you do to people who perhaps haven’t heard your music?

I tend not to. The beauty of the modern landscape is, if you want to hear what Scroobius Pip sounds like, you can. Normally within moments.

We have so many videos and stuff on YouTube that it is far easier to play something than try and describe it.

Is it really true you recorded parts of your first album in a friend’s shed in Essex?

All the vocals for Angles were recorded in Yila’s studio in his dad’s shed in Grays, yeah. But then for Logic of Chance my friend Olly and I built a little den of duvets and boards in a room in Rainham. Always varies.

The original vocal for Thou Shalt Always Kill was recorded in my bedroom at my mum’s house. dan le sac is often described as a ‘laptop musician’. What exactly does that mean, and are there any others we should listen out for?

It’s a silly term as it pretty much covers everyone. I guarantee some of the biggest pop hits of last year were made on a laptop. Laptops can have hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of plug ins and stuff. Dan is a producer. Simple as that. Whether he uses a laptop or a desktop computer means nothing. He also uses keyboards and guitars and amps and drums and drum machines and all sorts of stuff.

You’ve appeared on Newsnight – what was it like, and what were you invited to discuss?

I’ve actually talked my way out of Newsnight several times as every

Check out our website for even more... www.mayhemmagazine.co.uk

time I was interviewed as a potential guest I felt underqualified to go on.

I made a short piece with them once about spoken word but wasn’t actually in the studio discussing things. I generally feel that shows like that shouldnt be used as “promo”.

If I happen to be the best person to discuss a particular point then great. But if I’m being pushed on because I have an album out then I’d rather pass.

As the boss of your own record label, Speech Development, it must be rewarding to release music on your own terms?

Rewarding and incredibly tough.

Again it’s great to switch between the two. dan le sac and I release all our stuff with Sunday Best so it’s great to work with others but also a lot of fun to then go off and run my own label.

Have you signed anyone we should keep an ear out for?

Yes indeed. In 2014 I will be releasing the debut album from an amazing act called WarrenPeace and the new record from the legendary B Dolan. So both of those are hugely exciting prospects.

If you really could write a Letter From God To Man, what would you say to him?

I already did! That’s what Letter from God to Man is. My thoughts on what god would have to say to mankind.

It’s more a comment on society rather than a religious thing. God was just a good template to get these points across in a structure people could relate to and engage with.

Having played Reading, Leeds and Glastonbury Festivals, as well as several others worldwide, are there any you’d like to tick off your list?

I always just want to get back to them all. Coachella and Benicassim are ones we have only played once, I think, so would be good to get back to them at some point. Other than that, the more the merrier!

February 2014 | mayhem!

51

Written by nick Bush

eyes front soldier!

girLfriend haPPiness

Boot-caMP Lesson tWo: get cLean

It’s a tragic fact of life that there’s not a person on this earth who wants to be with a sweat-drenched, drunken slob.

As awesome as the single life is, the price you pay for being with the girl you care about is losing most of the perks that used to come with it. This means that you can no longer eat that slice of pizza you just found on the floor next to the sofa – it’s probably not a good idea to store pizza on the floor anymore for that matter.

Lesson three: eyes front soLdier!

You’re a good person.

Lesson one: Pay attention We know this. However, You may have been waiting all week to watch the latest episode of Songs we’re also aware that if of Praise, you may be completely your girlfriend knew engrossed in the latest jumper you’ve been knitting, or you may be halfway everything you got up through the bottle of tequila you bet to, she may not be quite your mates that you could finish. so understanding. Luckily Whatever the distraction, if your other half is in the picture, she for you we’re not into requires your undivided attention.

Don’t just sit there like a nodding dog, blackmail, so instead you need to actually listen – because, we’ve enrolled you in generally speaking, when someone tells you something important or the Mayhem! Girlfriend wants advice they want far more than Happiness Boot-Camp. a series of grunts or mild dribbling.

52 mayhem! | February 2014

We understand, really we do. You like your girlfriend an insane amount, you love spending time with her, but every time a (comparatively less) attractive girl walks past; your head is momentarily turned. Now, in the long term you know it’s meaningless, your eye is going to get caught, like some kind of lecherous eye-magnet to the random beautiful women the universe deems it necessary to place in your path. Such cosmic forces may seem too powerful for you to fight. You may not want to fight. However, if you’re unable to combat your testosteronefuelled instincts, the proximity of your girlfriend’s fist to your vulnerables may prove a more effective impetus.

So there you go, you now have the basic tools to drag your relationship off the rocks. And hey, if your girlfriend still isn’t happy after your trip to Mayhem! Boot-Camp, bring her to me! (yup, this entire article was a lead up to that one incredibly lame punch-line).

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Brendan is joined by a sensational international cast of professional dancers accompanied by a stunning 14 piece on stage Band under the Musical Direction of Mr Barry Barry Robinson in the hottest dance show around!

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D AN R M DE TOU R A D UL NDE P PO XTE 14!

Y 0 E K B AN OR 2 C BA ITH F W

header shake on it!

seCRets oF tHe

handshake Written by chris morley

A handshake can take pride of place in any number of situations: a business deal is done and hands are shaken to mark the end of the process; we make a new friend, and after the ‘nice to meet you’ pleasantries a good firm grab of the hand and a vigorous shake often signals the start of a long-term association.

a history of handshaking

So, all things considered let’s shake on it and agree to delve into the history of the handshake.

Nobody knows for sure when the fi rst ever shake took place, but we do know it was fi rst depicted in Ancient Greece as far back as the fi ft h century BC. Berlin’s Pergamon Museum is home to a funerary stele (a commemorative stone monument) of two soldiers shaking hands.

There’s also a similar depiction of the Greek goddesses Hera and Athena having a good fi rm shaking session which survives housed in the Acropolis Museum of Athens, and the British Museum has the Greek hero Heracles amiably shaking on something with Antiochus I of Commagene.

While the ancient world could be said to be the earliest home of the handshake, as civilisations grew elsewhere it quickly lost the monopoly and a wide range of associated customs sprung up.

shakin’ aLL oVer Perhaps it’s not surprising that in casual situations men are statistically more likely to shake hands than their female counterparts, but it might startle you 54 mayhem! | February 2014

that although this sceptred isle was built on the principles of diplomacy and fair play, we don’t hold the record for good hard shakes. Take a bow Belgium! And in Switzerland it’s taken as read that women’s hands are shaken fi rst.

Several nations are split on whether a weak or fi rm grip on the hand is preferred, but should you fi nd yourself in Russia it’s frowned upon for a man to shake with a woman, kissing the hand being the ritual of choice for the men from Moscow in such situations. In Morocco, you can choose to follow with a kiss planted on each cheek of the (male) person you shook with or by placing the palm of your hand on your heart in a perhaps more manly alternative.

Moving into Asia now and in South Korea it’s deemed respectful to let your elders initiate a handshake, and always remember to grab their right arm with your left hand.

Getting a little political, have you ever wondered just why the likes of David Cameron favour the ‘hand hug’ (shaking the hand, then covering it with the remaining free hand)?

It’s believed to make them seem friendlier and more trustworthy, but we’ll believe that when we see it!

As generations of small boys or former little men will testify, Scouts always shake with the left hand.

You may well ask why – it dates back to when Lord Baden-Powell, the founder of the movement, was a British Cavalry officer in Africa.

He did so when meeting a native tribesman and passed it on to his young charges later in life as the founder of the Boy Scouts.

He’d have to go some to beat the pairings of Alastair Galpin and Don Purdon, and Rohit and Santosh Timilsina, as they share the Guinness World Record for the longest shake at a mind-boggling 33 hours and three minutes. Hand-numbing stuff indeed!

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MAYHEM! moments header

MAYHEM! MOMENTS...

COURTESY OF MICK WHY THE WW W.P ROARTPHOTOGR APHY.CO .UK

56 mayhem! | February 2014

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