Methodist Message: July 2023

Young Voices: In search of authentic Christian community

MGS brings seniors back to school

At The Well: A new advice column

Contents

Editorial Board

Adviser and Publisher

Dr Anthony Goh

Chairperson, Council on Communications

Communications Manager

Lynn Tan

Managing Editor

Alvin Tay Editor

Lianne Ong

Communications Executive

Kathrynn Koh

Sub-editors

Lucy Cheng

Janice Khoo

Tan Chiu Ai

Proofreaders

Kenneth Lee

Christabel Tan

/ Bishop’s Message /

/ News /

3 AldersgateSG 2023: Seeking answers in the past, present and future

6 Bringing seniors back to school

9 Ang Mo Kio Methodist Preschool is 7th MPSPL centre

/ Feature /

11 Embracing dyslexia helped her find her calling as a palliative care nurse while serving the needy

14 Are intergenerational mentoring and relationships possible?

/ Opinion /

18 Young Voices: In search of authentic Christian community

22 Soundings: New age seductions

/ Outreach /

24 Equipping volunteers for pastoral care to the elderly

26 A new chapter for Singapore Mission School in Laos

/ Relationships /

28 At The Well

32 You and Your Family: When doing your utmost still isn't enough

/ Worship /

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/ People /

Results and relationships

An anecdote is often told about Charles Francis Adams Sr who was the United States ambassador to Great Britain during the Lincoln administration. He kept a daily journal and taught his children to do the same.

The journal of Ambassador Adams has an entry which reads simply:

Went fishing with my son; caught nothing. A day wasted.

But his eight-year-old son Henry Brooks Adams also made a journal entry of that same day which reads:

Went fishing with my father today, the most glorious day of my life .

In a world where we are often too busy working to see tangible results and to prove productivity, we sometimes

most important are best developed and sustained by simply spending time together. This may or may not be time spent doing nothing, but even when doing something together, the emphasis is not on the doing but on the togetherness

The prophet Malachi looks forward to a day when parents and children will incline their hearts towards each other.

He will turn the hearts

Malachi 4:6 NIV

May we today love our neighbours and one another by inclining our hearts and minds, less towards results and more towards relationships.

of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents.

AldersgateSG 2023: Seeking answers in the past, present and future

Each year, we are reminded of our Methodist roots when we commemorate that day in the year 1738 when John Wesley's heart became strangely warmed on Aldersgate Street in London. As a Church, it is timely to reflect on our past and appreciate how God has grown the Methodist movement. In this year's Aldersgate celebrations, we also looked to the future in search of answers about God in our vast universe and, with a basic hunger in our hearts and minds to connect with what is beyond our world, sought to challenge our own perceptions of our place in the present and in the future.

The opening day of AldersgateSG 2023 on 20 May saw approximately 600 people gather at Toa Payoh Methodist Church to celebrate God's faithfulness to the three arms of the Church—the Chinese Annual Conference, the Emmanuel Tamil Annual Conference and the Trinity Annual Conference. The diversity of people in attendance reflected the breadth and depth of The Methodist Church in

Singapore, comprising clergy and lay members, young and old, and those from different language groups. The triumphant procession of banners into the sanctuary to rousing music in exultation to the Lord at the opening of the service was indeed a sight to behold. The service continued with heartfelt songs of praise and worship.

Bishop Dr Gordon Wong expounded on Acts 10:22-35 and reminded us that God wants us all to have a similar heart-warming, mindexpanding experience of divine love with him. The example of Cornelius proved that Christ embraces all religious people who are God-fearing, even if they do not embrace Jewish customs or Christianity.

Elliot Soh is a history student at Nanyang Technological University and worships at Barker Road Methodist Church. / Photos courtesy of Daniel Lie and Dominique Wang

A formal portrait of MCS pastors and leaders is a tradition at AldersgateSG

Bishop Dr Gordon Wong delivering the AldersgateSG 2023 sermon

The Bishop then remarked on how the encounter between Peter and Cornelius illustrates the wideness in God's mercy, and challenged us to ponder on what God is calling us to have a heart-warming experience in, and how to approach religious neighbours like Cornelius with both God's love and wisdom. This is especially pertinent in Singapore, as we are the world's most religiously diverse country. 1

Star Wars, Star Trek and exoplanets

On 23 May for the first of the two-part Aldersgate Lectures, a gathering of 250 onsite and nearly 1,000 online came in search of answers to burning questions about the universe, the future of humanity, and their relationship to the Christian faith. The speaker Rev Prof David Wilkinson, Principal of St John's College at Durham University, an astrophysicist and ordained Methodist minister and theologian, addressed questions ranging from the relationship between extraterrestrial life and God to the ethics and economy of space exploration. He began by illustrating the infiniteness of the universe and speculating about possible other worlds, and asking the audience to consider the harmony between faith and science. He then went on to outline the pioneering role that Christianity has played throughout the centuries in wondering about life elsewhere in the universe, citing figures such as the early Church Fathers, Thomas Aquinas and Richard Bentley.

Long Service Award Recipients

Congratulations to the following clergy, who have served for 25 years.

Rev Erick Tan Eng Ghee

Rev Dr David Koh Ah Chye

Rev James Nagulan

Rev Stanley Chua

Following this, Prof Wilkinson elucidated the various schools of thought on the religious implications of extraterrestrial life, including one school which suggests that God is an alien! Prof Wilkinson wrapped up his first lecture with the borderlands in the search for extraterrestrial intelligence (SETI), mentioning "religious" dimensions of SETI such as the universal hunger for identity and purpose, resisting the urge to view

God through earthly constraints, and the contribution of theology to SETI in terms of the consequences and ethical considerations of future contact with extraterrestrials.

genre tells us what at heart it means to be human, through themes of loneliness, purpose, identity, fear and salvation. Using the example of Star Wars, Prof Wilkinson demonstrated how science and faith do not necessarily have to be in conflict, as a sci-fi series like Star Wars poses the question of whether there is more to life than science and technology. It invites us to wonder what God is like and to recognise the finiteness of our minds which can only imperfectly comprehend our infinite God. Prof Wilkinson then challenged the audience to approach sci-fi in new ways, seeing it as a place for theological playfulness and sacramental moments when we experience God in ways that charm, enlighten and disturb us.

Many insightful and thought-provoking questions were raised by an enthusiastic audience during the Q&A session ably moderated by Rev Gilbert Lok. Prof Wilkinson's candid responses left the audience with much food for thought. A notable question raised was how he, as an astrophysicist and a theologian, would reconcile Genesis 1 with the scientific theory of the age of the universe. He responded that Genesis 1 is not meant to be read literally as a scientific textbook, but primarily as a theological book that showcases the greatness of God (though this is a hotly debated issue). Another question was raised about the need for humanity to leave Earth if it becomes unsustainable to continue living here due to global warming. In response, Prof Wilkinson concluded the first evening on the insightful note that our hope is not in technological survival, but in Jesus Christ as our saviour, just as the problem with the Tower of Babel was not technology but rather the motive of desiring to be famous and secure without God.

The following day brought back a revitalised audience determined to hear more from Prof Wilkinson. He began the second part of his lecture by noting how popular culture can be wielded for theological education, such as understanding the big themes in culture and offering insight into how we can share the Good News with 'alien' cultures. He illustrated how the science fiction movie

The second-day Q&A again elicited passionate and profound questions from the audience. One question was about the ethics of spending billions of dollars on exploring the universe, as opposed to channelling it towards social services for the least, the last, and the lost. In response, Prof Wilkinson adopted a balanced approach in weighing such financial costs against the God-given gift of exploration. He believed that ethical issues can be especially reconciled by Christians being salt and light in space-economy industries. Another popular question concerned ways of sharing the gospel with people who hold firmly to atheism, citing science as their reason. Prof Wilkinson foregrounded the need to acknowledge that atheists are not a monolith, and may have vastly different reasons for not believing. He asserted that the most powerful explorations of Christianity are centred not on philosophy, but on the witness of the scientist in a Christian. Prof Wilkinson summarised this succinctly when he remarked, "Christians do not believe in God because of arguments, but because of Jesus."

The Q&A session ended on a poetic note with a timely reminder of how it is not primarily our witness that brings people to God, but the Holy Spirit.

1 https://www.pewresearch.org/ religion/2014/04/04/global-religious-diversity/

Q&A session with (right) Rev Prof David Wilkinson, moderated by (left) Rev Gilbert Lok

By the Methodist Girls' School (MGS) Communications Team. / Photos courtesy of MGS

Bringing seniors back to school

Intergenerational Learning at MGS

Methodist Girls' School (MGS) turns 136 years old this year. During its Founder's Day celebrations on 25 July 2023, in continuing the pioneering spirit and legacy of its founder Miss Sophia Blackmore in present times, the school will be launching a first-of-its-kind Intergenerational Learning Centre located on a school campus in Singapore.

The Intergenerational Learning (IGL) programme at MGS seeks to foster intergenerational understanding and bonding by bringing students and seniors together to initiate and collaborate on projects, drawing on the interests and strengths of both age profiles. By hosting student- and senior-led IGL activities, a deeper, transformational two-way exchange is fostered between community and school.

Authentic connections across the generations

Epitomising the school's purpose anchors of MGLearns and MGServes , the IGL programme builds on the school's previous years of experience in engaging the elderly in the community. Since November 2022, these initiatives include a mix of both student- and senior-initiated activities such as crocheting and guitar workshops, Christmas wreath-making, calligraphy, nature photography, visual art and cooking classes. A "Reminiscence" autobiography project was also initiated to unlock conversations between students and seniors and give voice to the latter's stories, rich in values and life lessons.

By leveraging on the knowledge and skillsets of both students and seniors,

authentic connections across the generations will be made, and the collaborative experiences of learning and serving together will imbue both students and seniors with a sense of agency and ownership that anchors them in purpose.

The IGL programme could be scaled to give other youth the opportunity to be part of a youth-led movement to engage seniors, while enabling students to hone civic literacy skills.

MGS and MWS sign MOU

In addition, MGS is working with agencies and institutions on research in IGL and geragogy, and will be joined by Methodist Welfare Services (MWS) as the anchor social service agency partner for IGL. A memorandum of understanding was signed between MGS and MWS, representing the partnership between organisations under The Methodist Church in Singapore.

"MWS' heart for the elderly is manifest in the many care services and outreach programmes we have to empower seniors to lead wholly engaged and full lives, whether they be ageing in the community or in residential care facilities. We are delighted to collaborate with a sister Methodist institution and strongly believe

the intergenerational engagement will make for a beneficial experience for both the seniors and youth, cultivating in all a greater sense of purpose, mutual understanding and respect," said Ms Fong Mee Sim, Acting CEO of MWS.

Principal of MGS, Mrs Valarie Wilson, said, "With IGL, we are reframing the narrative around how our society views youth and seniors interacting together in our shared community space that is less about caregiving and more about authentic relationship building. IGL is about collective meaning-making as the different generations help one another in gaining perspectives, experiences and competencies that enable and empower. We encourage youth in Singapore to take the lead in shaping a new social compact with our seniors for a collective positive future for all in Singapore."

The MGS Carnival, last held 6 years ago, took place on 1 July 2023 to raise funds for the IGL programme, centre and related facilities. The carnival this year featured elements of intergenerational learning— with students working and interacting with seniors at the various booths—and saw the overwhelming support of the MGS community past and present towards the meaningful cause.

Seniors and MGS students who have participated in the IGL programme share their experiences and thoughts.

"I had thought that the elderly might be afraid to step out of their comfort zone, but it seems they really enjoyed it! The IGL programmes bring new opportunities and new perspectives for students and the seniors, and allow for more exchange in knowledge, guidance and skills, ultimately benefiting both parties. I believe interaction between the two generations is an integral part of society."

Kristen Magnus (Age 14)

Secondary 2 student, participated in an IGL art workshop with her grandmother

"As seniors, we need to make the effort to have conversations with the younger generation. Listening to one another is important and art is a medium that facilitates human connection. As a teacher of art, people look to you and I am glad to be able to inspire and encourage students to want to do better, and help them gain confidence and self-belief. I hope to add value to others and for everyone to be happy, as there are already so many problems in the world!"

Auntie Mei Ho (Age 77)

Owner of Heartroom Gallery, taught the students and seniors canvas art painting at MGS

"Since I am always with my peers, spending time with the seniors felt very refreshing and they gave me a new point of view on the topics that we talked about. I was also able to share my thoughts on mental wellness with the seniors. As Singapore has an ageing population, interacting with seniors is inevitable. Many things can be learnt from the seniors and I think that it is important for students to listen to their stories, lessons and advice as these can bring great value to our lives and future."

Nicole Cheng (Age 14)

Secondary 2 student, participated in an IGL nature photography trail

"It helps for seniors not to look at the young as being so different from us. The IGL programme is a good strategy to build bridges to connect our youth and seniors through this process of learning about each other and about themselves. Seniors can feel an acute loss of purpose, especially after retiring if their lives had been anchored solely on work, and it helps to expand their exposure."

Pastor David Ho (Age 66)

TRAC Board of Seniors Ministry, led IGL nature photography trails

MGS invites the Methodist community to join the school in Intergenerational Learning, and welcomes those who are keen to learn, collaborate and share their expertise and experience with students and seniors. For enquiries, please contact IGL@mgs.sch.edu.sg .

Ang Mo Kio Methodist Preschool is 7 th MPSPL centre

In 2020, The Methodist Church in Singapore set up Methodist Preschool Services Pte Ltd (MPSPL) to centralise the management of Methodist preschools. On 26 June 2023, Ang Mo Kio Methodist Preschool joined the MPSPL group as the seventh centre at the start of the new school term. The centre provides 4-hour and 6-hour preschool programmes and has been operating within the premise of Ang Mo Kio Methodist Church since 1982.

The preschool network began with five centres—namely Bedok, Faith, Foochow, Sengkang and Toa Payoh Methodist Preschools. Serangoon Garden joined the fold in January 2023.

Roland Tan, Executive Director of MPSPL, said, "We welcome Ang Mo Kio Methodist Preschool as the seventh centre in our MPSPL family. We thank God for leading and guiding us in our journey to develop Methodist preschools into centres of

excellence to provide holistic and highquality education anchored on Christian values in a nurturing environment to enable all children to maximise their potential, with future-ready mindsets. The unification of Methodist preschools as one entity with a shared vision, mission, core values, curriculum and brand identity has provided leverage through centralised resource utilisation, optimisation and management in several areas like curriculum development, centre operation, educators' training, HR development and marketing."

Mrs Priscilla Low, Principal of Ang Mo Kio Methodist Preschool, shared, "My team and I are excited to be part of the Methodist Preschool family! We believe that our children will enjoy and benefit from the new curriculum content and innovative education technologies that will be introduced to enhance our programme offering. For a start, the Methodist Preschool's Signature Space Buds

Yuey Sum is the Manager (Marketing & Promotion) at Methodist Preschool Services Pte Ltd (MPSPL). / Photos courtesy of MPSPL

Programme will be introduced to our K2 cohort in 2023. Children and parents alike are very much looking forward to that!"

In the two years since it was established, MPSPL has collaborated with renowned STEM-based education content providers to implement several first-in-Singapore programmes at its centres, including its Signature Space Buds Programme, LEGO's Build the Change programme and Microsoft's Minecraft Education. In 2023, MPSPL also collaborated with the Methodist School of Music to pilot a holistic faith-based music programme called the Methodist Music Odyssey (MMO) which seeks to address cognitive, physical, socio-emotional, moral, and spiritual development whilst growing the child's musical aptitude and ability. MMO is slated to roll out at all seven MPSPL-managed preschools at both the K1 and K2 levels in 2024. MPSPL has also integrated coding and AI reading technology companions into its curriculum to make learning fun and effective while equipping children with basic digital literacy skills necessary in the increasingly technology-dependent 21st century.

Eternal Peace

Initially labelled as lazy in school because of her poor grades, Emily Yap felt indignant and hurt by her teachers' insensitive comments. Her teachers did not know how hard she was working at home, or of the frustration she faced when she could not attain the grades she felt she deserved. Finally, with her parents' encouragement, she got tested for dyslexia, which confirmed why she had struggled to read and took more time than her peers to do her work.

Today, Emily Yap, 24, is a palliative care nurse at Alexandra Hospital, after completing a nursing degree on scholarship. Not only that, she served the underprivileged and migrant worker community during the pandemic, rallying a group of friends and neighbours to join her. This was highlighted by PM-designate DPM Lawrence Wong in his parliamentary

Budget 2023 speech as someone who embodied the Singapore spirit. "Emily has been hard at work at the Covid frontlines. Despite this heavy workload, she still volunteers on her off-days to care for the wider community … She also used her CDC vouchers—not for herself, but to buy kueh bangkit from her neighbourhood bakery and shared them with vulnerable families over the Lunar New Year," DPM Wong said. 1

Emily has worshipped at Barker Road Methodist Church with her family for the last 17 years. Methodist Message caught up with her on her day off to understand what drives her to serve others in both her profession and beyond, overcoming what had initially held her back—dyslexia.

Methodist Message (MM): How has dyslexia shaped your life?

Emily Yap (EY): I did badly in PSLE. I asked God, why me? Then I remembered the song "Jesus Loves Me". I took comfort in knowing that I am a child of God and that I am loved. So I persevered and never gave up on myself because I believe that God would never give up on me. I had faith that he had a plan for me.

After PSLE, I got tested at the Dyslexia Association of Singapore (DAS) and was diagnosed with dyslexia. Initially, it was a setback. But the diagnosis led me to an awakening and instead, drove me to do better wherever I was. Having tasted failure before, it taught me not to take success for granted. I believe that everything is in God's plan, even those moments of failure and struggle.

Emily (front row, with glasses) and her family at Barker Road Methodist Church

Embracing dyslexia helped her find her calling as a palliative care nurse while serving the needy

Methodist Message. / Photos courtesy of Emily Yap

DAS taught me to understand myself better and I learned how to learn. I am grateful for the support that was given to me by DAS, the teachers and my family, who helped me to excel academically. I was awarded a scholarship from Alexandra Hospital, and I graduated with a Bachelor of Science (Honours with Distinction) in Nursing from the Singapore Institute of Technology. Most recently, I received the NUHS post-graduate scholarship to pursue a Master of Public Health at NUS which will commence in August 2023.

Today, I see my dyslexia as a strength rather than a weakness. I don't see dyslexia as a disability, but rather, as the ability to think outside the box. I'd like to think that people like me, because of our ability to think differently, can change how a company or industry behaves for the better. As a result, we will find an entirely new way of doing things.

MM: What drives you to serve the community, like delivering groceries to the elderly and low-income families?

EY: I found my passion for helping others at the height of the pandemic in 2020, when the risk assessment was raised to DORSCON Orange and many Singaporeans rushed to the supermarkets, emptied the shelves and stock-piled food. As I worried for the safety of my grandmother, who would go marketing amidst the crowds and long queues, I couldn't help but wonder how other elderly and lower income families would secure their daily necessities. This then led me to feel like I had to do something for the vulnerable. So I started Dunearn Youth, a ground-up initiative to serve the elderly and needy families.

I applied for the National Youth Council's Young Changemakers Grant. I gathered

a few friends and neighbours, purchased essential items with the funds and started delivering groceries to lower income families. The experience I gained from this was something special, a unique feeling that I have never felt before. The warmth I felt in my heart upon seeing how happy these families were to receive groceries was honestly amazing and it inspired me to continue this charity work with the support of Temasek Trust's oscar@sg fund. I am grateful to God for giving me this opportunity to live out my faith in practical ways. When we care for others, our lives become a living testimony of our faith. Community is an essential part of Christianity.

MM: You've been featured in the media a lot. Has the media attention you've received surprised you?

EY: I want to acknowledge God in the things that I do. If the media coverage inspires others into action, then that's a good thing.

MM: Why did you choose to be in palliative care? It's tough to be in this area of health care, isn't it?

EY: My maternal grandma was a palliative care patient until she passed from cancer. I choose to be a palliative care nurse because the nurses took such good care of my grandma and I would like to pay

it forward. My paternal grandma was a nurse also, and she inspired me to think of nursing as a vocation. I believe that it is my calling.

Recently, one of my patients was readmitted and when she saw me, she exclaimed, "My guardian angel, Nurse Emily!" I was touched that she remembered me. It was then that I realised that as a nurse, I am not only in a position to deliver healthcare to someone in need, but what I do also leaves a meaningful and impactful impression on the patients that I care for. When you truly love God, loving people becomes second nature.

On days when a palliative patient whom I have grown close to passes, I feel very sad. I go home, let myself cry it out and pray. And the next day, I pick myself up and continue to serve, renewed in his Spirit.

MM: How has your family influenced your walk with Christ?

EY: My grandparents are the kindest people I know. They always believed in giving back to the community, and I have continued with that same philosophy. My idea of success used to be about what I have achieved but now I think that it is about what I give, about the positive impact that I make.

1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhjfZWJS9jU

(left) Emily sharing about her community work at a townhall at Alexandra  Hospital

(right) Emily with fellow volunteers delivering carepacks in the Clementi Meadows neighbourhood  in 2022

Ho Wei Hao was a social worker in a local Family Service Centre before working as a civil servant in various government ministries. Along the way he earned a Master of Divinity (MDiv) from Biblical Graduate School of Theology. Wei Hao has served in youth and young adult ministries over the years, and strongly desires to help bridge the gap between different generations in the Church which is the body of Christ.

Since 1985, Tan Soo-Inn has been journeying with people through his ministry of preaching, teaching, writing and mentoring. Originally trained as a dentist at the University of Singapore, he answered God's call to go into full-time church-related ministry in 1981 and obtained his Master of Theology from Regent College, Vancouver, Canada, in 1984. In 2006, he obtained his Doctor of Ministry from Fuller Theological Seminary, California. He is a director of Graceworks, a Christian publisher in Singapore.

Are intergenerational mentoring and relationships possible?

In the 1950s, sociologist David Riesman coined the term "the lonely crowd", in part to describe collectives of people who live according to common traditions and conforming values, but who barely know or like each other. I fear the church is in danger of becoming just such a lonely crowd.

Mike Frost wrote this sobering thought in his article "The Lonely Crowd: Churches Dying Due to Friendlessness". 1 During our research for The Generations Project, 2 it was clear that the desire for deep and meaningful relationships was present in every generation. Yet, underlying tensions

between young and old were also equally obvious. Why does this happen and can we do anything to build better intergenerational relationships in our churches?

Differing ideals of mentoring

One of the very clear trends emerging from our research was that a majority of the Silent and Baby Boomer generations had not received personal mentoring where an older person with more life experience journeyed with and guided them through the challenges of life. For Baby Boomers, this was largely due to the fact that between 1967 and 1980, almost one in every two persons in Singapore was within the same age group (refer to table on next page). 3

Dr Tan Soo Inn and Ho Wei Hao are the authors of The Generations Project.

Percentage Boomer Population to Total Population in Singapore (1957-2005)

Note: Figures prior to 1980 refer to total population. From 1980, figures refer to Singapore residents (citizens and permanent residents).

Instead, greatly influenced and inspired by their books, prominent Christian authors were these generations' "mentors". When we asked a well-known local Baby Boomer pastor whether he had mentors in his younger days, he replied with gusto, "Yes, many! John Stott, A W Tozer, C S Lewis, and lots more!" Seeing my (Wei Hao's) wideeyed bewilderment, he quickly clarified that he didn't know these spiritual giants personally, but because their books had a tremendous impact on his life and ministry he considered them his teachers and mentors. His next statement summed up the common experience of his generation, "In our time, mentoring was unheard of; we were content to admire our heroes from afar …" Able to admire them only at a distance, their mentors were models to aspire towards rather than people they shared a meal with. When asked to mentor the younger generations, they naturally followed the same track.

Their mentoring ideal is unfortunately very different from what the younger generations are looking for. Millennials and Gen Zs especially value people who are willing to have deep authentic relationships and are ready to journey with them without trying to run their lives. They naturally gravitate towards mentors or friends who are willing to be honest about their own

failures and struggles instead of people who present their lives as "perfect", for it is difficult to relate to such people. This is certainly influenced by the postmodern culture of these generations, which is to be greatly sceptical of those who appear to "know it all" or "have it all together". This has resulted in a situation in some churches where both older generation mentors and younger generation mentees feel "burnt" by the "mentoring relationships" arranged in their church. The mentors feel unappreciated and even slighted by their mentees despite their best efforts to provide the guidance which they had craved but was absent in their own youth; the mentees feel stifled and manipulated by what they perceive as attempts to preach at them without any effort to understand the context of their lives.

The "performance system" in our churches

Casting mentoring relationships within the context of a church programme or structure can also seem too contrived for younger generations. They prefer relationships to be more organic, as opposed to "arranged", and motivated by positive feelings towards one another instead of obligations or responsibilities. Many expressed their apprehension whenever they are approached for a meal or coffee by their church leaders because they expect the conversation to eventually lead to a "challenge" to step up in ministry and play a role in church. While they are not opposed to serving in church, having key performance indicators (KPIs) or return on investments (ROIs) for relationships, where the mentee is expected to emerge as a "better person" who can then be of

greater use to the church, will ultimately result in a spirituality that is content only with external behavioural modification and no real internal change. This is because, once they start serving in ministry, their "spirituality" will be judged by how well they fulfil their responsibilities (i.e. whether they are able to lead worship or teach a lesson in cell). There is often little concern on whether their internal spiritual and emotional maturity matches up with the roles they are expected to play. In fact, they sense an unspoken "performance system" in church which may, for lack of a better word, be considered manipulative. These are perceived behaviours that will either be "rewarded" or which will draw criticism; both the reward or criticism seem to be motivated more by societal norms and expectations rather than biblical wisdom. Someone who verbally professes the need for unquestioning obedience to the Bible will most likely be looked upon more positively than one who expresses immense doubts about whether ancient biblical principles are applicable to modern life. In our churches now, someone like Job will probably not be well regarded, or seen as one with "leadership potential".

In our quantitative survey, we asked both Millennials and Gen Zs how much they identified with this statement: "I believe that church can be manipulative in getting members to conform to accepted behaviours." The results were much higher than expected; 28.9% of the Millennial respondents strongly identified with the statement and 40.5% identified moderately. Among our Gen Z respondents, it was even more, with 31.4% strongly identifying with the statement and 41.2% identifying moderately. This certainly does not paint a healthy picture of how they view relationships in church. What could possibly be done in the face of such discouraging data?

What about mutual mentoring?

The best mentoring literature has consistently pointed out that good mentoring is always a mutual experience— both mentor and mentee grow as they journey together. With the vast differences in formative experiences of older and younger generations, the present may actually be the best time for mutual mentoring. We live in a unique time when the young have more learnt knowledge (a consequence of being digital natives) although the old, as always, have more lived experience. Instead of competing, young and old now have things to offer each other. Intergenerational mentoring, done well, could be a great way to build up the Church.

Traditionally what the older mentor has to offer is his or her experience. But as Peter Gregoire reminds us, experience is contextual. 4 It may not be immediately applicable to a newer context. The internet, for example, has been an enormous game changer. Experience gleaned from a pre-internet era may not be automatically applicable to a generation shaped by the internet. This does not mean that wisdom gleaned in the past is no longer helpful. But a dialogue between an older mentor and a younger mentee may help both uncover universal principles still relevant today.

However, for any attempt at mutual mentoring to potentially bear fruit, there must be mutual respect—all those in the mentoring journey must believe that they can learn from each other. The young must resist the temptation to dismiss the old as being out of touch with the world today and the old must resist the temptation to dismiss the young for having less life experience. Philippians 2:3-4 (NIV) undergirds mutual mentoring:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

In these times when there is such great need for the gospel, we need all the wisdom we can muster and that requires both old and young to help each other bring their best to the table.

1 Mike Frost, "The Lonely Crowd: Churches Dying Due to Friendlessness," Church Leaders, January 8, 2022, https://churchleaders. com/outreach-missions/outreachmissionsarticles/379774-the-lonely-crowd-churchesdying-due-to-friendlessness.html.

2 https://graceworks.com.sg/store/category/ pastoral-resources/the-generations-project/

3 Sharmistha Roy, "Baby Boom Generation in Singapore and Its Impact on Ageing," World Academy of Science, Engineering and Technology, International Journal of Humanities and Social Sciences 8, No. 3 (2014).

4 Peter Gregoire, Mentoring Reversed: The Road to Creativity and Imagination, Hong Kong: Proverse Hong Kong, 2017

(left) Jonathan Chan is a writer and editor. He is the author of the poetry collection going home (Landmark, 2022). His poetry and essays have appeared in Ekstasis, Inheritance, The Yale Logos, Christianity Today and the Ethos Institute for Public Christianity. He serves as a worship leader in the Main and KoreanEnglish Worship Services at Covenant Community Methodist Church and is also the Director of the CCMC Gospel Choir.

(right) Darryl Lau worships at Covenant Community Methodist Church. He leads a Small Group of young adults and supports other such groups as part of the church’s Small Group Ministry. In his free time, Darryl enjoys conversations over kopi and regularly advocates for justice and reconciliation as a member of the Singapore Bar.

In search of authentic Christian community

This question undergirds many ongoing conversations on young adults in the Methodist Church. It lies beneath disappointments, disillusionments, and frustrations nursed by young adults who feel let down when their churches remain distant from scriptural precedents and ideals. It drives young adults from church to church, in search of congregations and communities that fit into their envisaged notions of Christian fellowship. It pushes young adults away from church altogether when hypocrisy or abuse causes this question to fester into discouragement and despair.

Fundamentally, this question is an expression of desire among young adults to be part of a church living in obedience to Christ. While this should seem like a common aspiration among all Christians, it may be a challenge to appreciate every believer's unique perspective towards

this. Convictions are shaped by different experiences and generational and societal pressures.

Left unchecked, dissonant perspectives can threaten the unity of the church. Church members may become discouraged by perceived stubbornness, pettiness, or rebellion. Theological disagreements may taint interactions within the community. Generational distinctions may harden into fault lines.

Writing to the early Church, the Apostle Paul addressed the struggle of disunity through the unifying image of the Church as one body formed of many parts, under Christ's headship. It is in appreciating this image that we learn to wrestle with this question together, align our individual perspectives and learn to live in obedience to Christ, as one church.

" It is written clearly in the Bible that the Church should (be) , but why don ' t I see in my church today? "

We

are many different parts

If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be?

If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be?

(1 Corinthians 12:17 NIV)

In Paul's first epistle to the church of Corinth, the image of difference between body parts is taken to affirm each believer's individuality. Being part of a church does not demand the abandonment of one's individuality, nor does it demand that others abandon theirs. Paul illustrates the absurdity of a body composed completely of only one body part by highlighting the need for each part's purpose and function. Similarly, we cannot, and should not, expect such homogeneity in our views, experiences, talents, and gifts. Just as the body is designed to function through the collective diversity of its parts, so it is with the Church and its members.

Christ as the head

Our individuality must, however, be subject to the enthronement of Christ as the head of the Church. It is crucial to align our individual perspectives of what the church should be with that taken by Christ, and discern the Lord's will for our churches.

Paul writes of the body growing and building itself up in love. Just as we test our understanding of church life through prayer and scripture, as well as by the Godly counsel of friends, family, and church members, so too must we allow our love for Christ, and each other, to anchor and find expression in the communal life of the church.

We are one body

Our individuality is nested within the networks of relationships that comprise our church communities. In his epistle to the church in Rome, Paul illustrates that it is through these networks and the collective diversity of every believer's individuality that the church grows and builds itself up.

For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us.

(Romans 12:4-6 NIV)

Being a part of the Church extends beyond simple inclusion within community life. It asks of us to be connected to other members such that our talents, gifts, and experiences may complement one another and work together. Through the image of the body "held together by every supporting ligament" as "each part does its work", Paul illustrates that the building up of the Church is only made possible through connection between church members, as well as the coordinated exercise of their respective individual gifts. In building up our churches, we each have our parts to play.

(Ephesians 4:15-16 NIV)

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

ACS (International)

ACS (International) Singapore is a distinctive international secondary school open to all Singaporeans & other nationalities, offering an all-round English-based education for students aged 12 to 18 years leading to the International General Certificate of Secondary Education (IGCSE) and the International Baccalaureate Diploma Programme (IBDP)

Building Through Belief, this school of choice provides

• Exceptional examination results, strong value-added achievement and an all-round holistic education

• 50:50 mix of local and international teachers who uphold the dual Methodist ethos and ACS heritage

• Small class sizes with overall student-teacher ratio of 8 7 : 1

• 40 different CCAs – 16 Sporting, 12 Visual and Performing Arts, 12 Special Interest Groups

• Over 200 formal student leadership positions

• Scholarships for four Singaporeans to undertake the IBDP

Achievements include

• Students with perfect score of 45 points in IBDP

• 23 “Top in the World” awards in IGCSE examinations over each of the past twelve years

• Students accepted to Oxford and Cambridge universities for the past eight years

• Admissions to top universities in the UK, the US, Australia and Singapore

• PSLE and GCE ‘O’ Level students obtaining outstanding value-added examination results for the IBDP and improved pathways to good universities

For more information, please contact Joseph Ng or Serene Lim at +65 6472 1477 or admissions@acsinternational.edu.sg

• Successes at national level in Athletics, Touch Rugby, Debating, Orchestra, Volleyball, Taekwondo, Ice Hockey, Fencing, Swimming, Artistic Swimming, Rhythmic Gymnastics and Wushu.

Senior Leadership Team

Mr Gavin Kinch Principal Mrs Tan Siew Hoon Vice-Principal

Dr Kristopher Achter Vice-Principal

Mr Christopher Hayward Vice-Principal

Speaking the truth in love

In encouraging the church in Ephesus to be this body of Christ, Paul instructs them to speak the truth in love. To consider how we can be a collective body of believers living in obedience in Christ, it is imperative that we have such truthful, loving conversations with one another.

Paul's instructions did not confine the Ephesian church to organising such conversations within particular structures. Some conversations could be formalised, others left to develop organically. This should provide relief that we need not bind ourselves to dialogue sessions, townhalls or meetings. Developing meaningful relationships may simply require a little initiative.

These speak of the hospitality essential to life as a church, as lavish expressions of Christ's love. These actions also speak to the unique places in which young adults are positioned within the body of the Church to have these conversations—at the precipice or intersection between different age segments.

Programmes and structures are, however, an excellent way to bring people together by reducing social inertia, which can inhibit the forming of new relationships or the strengthening of existing ones. In Covenant Community Methodist Church, young adults have various platforms for such conversations—with the youths in the Youth Ministry; amongst themselves in their Small Groups and in the monthly get-togethers organised by our Young Adults Ministry; and with the adults in programmes intended to support young adults through difficult transitions, such as into marriage or the workplace.

It is through our relationships and conversations with each other that we begin to know one another, and in doing so, learn to better love, encourage, and support one another.

Sit next to someone new this Sunday. Say hello to an unfamiliar face. Invite an uncle or auntie out for coffee. Join the youths for lunch (maybe even ice cream after). Catch up with someone you haven't talked to in a while.

Through these conversations, we begin to understand the different generational and societal pressures that shape our theological understandings of the Church, particularly as young adults start exercising a sense of ownership and belonging to their church communities. These conversations allow us to see how best we can realise Christ's blueprint for communal Christian life within our churches. They allow us to see how we may use our respective God-given gifts, as our fellow church members use theirs, to build up our churches as the body of Christ, for the sake of the world and for one another.

According to a study conducted by the Pew Research Centre, roughly six in ten American adults who self-identify as Christian hold at least one New Age belief, which includes a belief in reincarnation, astrology, psychics and the presence of spiritual aura or energy in certain physical objects. 1 Among American adults who consider themselves to be spiritual but not religious, the proportion is a comparable three in four. Moreover, 60 per cent believe spiritual energy can be located in physical things and 54 per cent believe in psychics. 2

Young people are also susceptible to the lure of New Age spirituality and practices. The study shows a similar 65 per cent for respondents aged between 18-29.

One wonders if comparable results would present themselves if a similar study is conducted on Christians in Singapore.

Scholars researching the subject have found the New Age movement difficult to define because of the diverse nature of the phenomenon. In his excellent and informative book, John P Newport describes the phenomenon as such:

"The New Age movement offers the world a new frame of orientation. It seeks to replace traditional biblical religion and secular humanism. It promises hope for a new future through personal and social transformation. It involves new types of psychological techniques

that often are nothing but updates of older approaches. It capitalises on our concerns for our health, the environment, nuclear power, and women's issues." 3

New Age metaphysics and spirituality is a bewilderingly diverse cocktail of western esotericism, eastern religious worldviews and spiritualities, pseudo-science, pseudopsychology, the occult, and eco-spirituality. But why are evangelical Christians so susceptible to its lure?

Many reasons have been offered —some of which relate to the culture that we inhabit, and others to modern Christianity itself, especially (but not exclusively) its "evangelical" segment.

An important factor that contributed to the popularity of the New Age movement is the rampant secularism that pervades western society. Modern secularism is a form of cultural philistinism that has resulted in the disenchantment of reality itself. For some, New Age metaphysics, with its emphasis on the spiritual and mystic, provides a timely and needful alternative to the bland and arid secularism that dominates western culture.

Drawing eclectically from a variety of religious and spiritual traditions, New Age metaphysics re-sacralises the world by insisting that the entire cosmos—in both its physical and subliminal dimensions—is energised by spirit. It presents a holism that is attractive to people who have become

Dr Roland Chia is Chew Hock Hin Professor of Christian Doctrine at Trinity Theological College and Theological and Research Advisor at the Ethos Institute for Public Christianity.

weary of the reductionisms and dichotomies that secularism has engendered.

However, New Age beliefs and practices would not be quite so attractive to Christians in the west if there was not already dissatisfaction with Christianity.

Reflecting on the phenomenon from the standpoint of the United Methodist Church, Richard Thompson argues that the New Age simply came "rushing in to fill the void left behind by the decline of Christianity and secular humanism".4

The successful lure of the New Age movement betrays the lack of doctrinal and spiritual depth among some evangelical Christians. For many decades, theologians and historians, such as David Wells5 and Mark Noll6 respectively, have observed the erosion of biblical literacy and theology in evangelical churches in America. This has resulted in ambivalence towards ecclesiastical authority and the privatisation of the Christian faith, making Christians more susceptible to New Age teachings. As sociologist and New Age expert, Paul Heelas, puts it:

"The … rejection of external voices of authority, together with the importance attached to Self-responsibility, expressivity, and, above all, authority, goes together with the fact that one of the absolutely cardinal New Age values is freedom." 7

Added to this, we find mixed signals being sent by Christian theologians and leaders concerning the New Age movement. While many argue that such idealogy goes against the traditional teachings of the Church, some take a more neutral position. For example, Lutheran theologian Ted Peters argues that while some aspects of New Age teaching are dangerous, "modest dabbling in New Age spirituality is probably harmless; it may even be helpful". 8

Alarmingly, though, some Christian leaders even go so far as to validate and promote New Age and occult practices. For example, Jonathan Welton argues that New Age

practices such as clairvoyance and spirit guides "actually belong to the Church, but they have been stolen and cleverly repackaged". 9 The Church, he insists, must reclaim these practices.

Following such a position, some churches have used "Destiny Cards", modelled after Tarot cards, to offer "destiny revelations", in an effort to evangelise. "Seers" stationed at booths will answer questions pertaining to relationship, career, and other life issues by reading the cards. 10

The story of American evangelicals' flirtation with New Age beliefs and practices should serve as a cautionary tale for Christians in Singapore. It should urge pastors and church leaders to "teach what accords with sound doctrine" (Titus 2:1), so that God's people will be firmly grounded in the "faith that was once for all delivered to the saints" (Jude 1:3).

1 Claire Gecewicz, '"New Age" beliefs common among both religious and nonreligious Americans', Pew Research Center, October 1, 2018. https://www.pewresearch.org/facttank/2018/10/01/new-age-beliefs-commonamong-both-religious-and-nonreligiousamericans/.

2 Ibid.

3 John P. Newport, The New Age Movement and the Biblical Worldview (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Eerdmans, 1998), 1.

4 Richard Thompson, 'A Look at the New Age Movement', Military Chaplains' Review (Fall, 1989), 20.

5 David Wells, No Place for Truth: Or Whatever Happened to Evangelical Theology? (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1993).

6 Mark Noll, The Scandal of the Evangelical Mind (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1992).

7 Paul Heelas, The New Age Movement: The Celebration of the Self and the Sacralisation of Modernity (Oxford: Blackwell, 1996), 26.

8 Ted Peters, The Cosmic Self (San Francisco: Harper, 1991), 194.

9 Jonathan Welton, 'Authentic vs. Counterfeit', in The Physics of Heaven , edited by Judy Franklin and Ellyn Davis (Crossville TN: Double Portion Publishing, 2012), 49.

10 See Christalignment, https://www. christalignment.org/destinyreadingcards. See also Holly Pivec, 'The "Christian" Tarot Card Controversy at Bethel Redding', https://www. hollypivec.com/blog/2017/12/the-christiantarot-card-controversy-at-bethel-church-inredding-california/7409.

By the Methodist Welfare Services Communications Team. / Photos courtesy of Methodist Welfare Services

Equipping volunteers for pastoral care to the elderly

It is a known fact that Singapore's population is ageing rapidly. By 2030, 25 per cent of our population is expected to be 65 years or older. In fact, 1 in 10 of those aged 65 and above will most likely suffer from some form of dementia. The statistics point to an urgent need for us to better equip ourselves in caring for the elderly. We spoke with Rev Dr Norman Wong, Head Chaplain from Methodist Welfare Services (MWS), to learn more about what we can do.

MWS Staff: We've heard from some MWS volunteers how valuable and cherished the bedside pastoral visits have been for elderly residents at MWS' Nursing Homes. How do we equip more volunteers to provide pastoral care?

Rev Norman: You can join me in the Pastoral Care Volunteer Training course that I run. The purpose of the course is to enhance our volunteers' capacity to care for others—especially seniors with dementia. The training will also help you to age graciously yourself, because before you can consistently care for others, you must take good care of yourself.

When I first joined MWS, I was the only chaplain. So, I sought help from other chaplains in the social service sector, especially from the Anglicans. They very kindly allowed me to go through their intensive pastoral care training programme. With their kind permission and encouragement, I condensed the training I received into 28 short training videos,

Andre Chan, a member of Barker Road Methodist Church and pastoral care volunteer with MWS, with Mr Tan Guan Liang, a resident of MWS Nursing Home - Yew Tee

each lasting an average of 10 minutes. You will also receive "on-the-job" training through this course.

MWS Staff: What do you mean by "on-thejob" training?

Rev Norman: This course provides you with the unique opportunity of learning by doing, where you discover things for yourself as you join me in making pastoral visits.

The training videos include modules on "Listening to God", "Understanding Yourself", "How to Keep Praying Even When Your Prayers are Not Answered" and "Dying Well", among others.

MWS Staff: What skills will one learn?

Rev Norman: The core skill you will develop is attentive listening. The core discipline you will develop is pausing to reflect and learn from what you have done. In addition, there are practical modules like how to minister to someone with dementia, who suffered a stroke or with thoughts of suicide.

MWS Staff: How much time will this course take? How long is it?

Rev Norman: I suggest that people just come once and have a taste of Module 1 before deciding if they will proceed further. I will need two hours of your time. We will meet at one of our Nursing Homes, and you can come alone or with a small group of your friends.

In that time, you will make between two to four pastoral care visits. After that we will regroup and reflect on our experience and learn together.

How often you come is up to you. Can you afford two hours once a month? Once in two months? Each visit is meaningful by itself.

MWS Staff: What qualifications do I need to enrol for this course?

Rev Norman: All you need is a heart to serve the Lord and a desire to keep learning and growing in your capacity to care for others. I believe that if you choose to join me in this training, our Lord will minister to you as you learn to minister to others.

About the Trainer

Rev Dr Norman Wong graduated from the London School of Theology in 1977 and served for seven years with the Chinese Overseas Christian Mission in Scotland before returning to Singapore. He has been a pastor with the Trinity Annual Conference of The Methodist Church in Singapore since 1985. Besides serving as a pastor in six different Methodist churches, he has also been assigned to Missions, Schools and Youth Ministries. In 2014, he was appointed as a chaplain of Methodist Welfare Services where he has been serving and visiting the elderly in its nursing homes. He can be contacted via email at normanwong@mws.sg

A new chapter for Singapore Mission School in Laos

The vision

The vision to establish the Singapore Mission School in Laos (SMS) was planted in the hearts of a group of Christian Singaporeans living and working in Laos in the early 2000s. In 2010, the vision took shape in the form of daily English enrichment classes for children between the ages of four and six years. Full day school in English and Lao started later that year.

In 2011, SMS was officially registered as a company with the intrepid husband-andwife team of Kok Liang and Lesley Yeow as directors. The plan was to establish the first Singapore-flagged school in Laos to provide quality education in the tradition of the mission schools in Singapore. This was supported by much prayer and material resources from the then steering committee and many well-wishers from Singapore.

The builders

In 2013, the school directors and the Methodist Missions Society (MMS) formed a strategic partnership to develop SMS to operate as a fully-licensed entity registered

with the Lao education ministry. MMS and the Yeows signed a memorandum of understanding to provide support and funding for a purpose-built extension to the rented premises and for MMS to eventually own and manage the school.

By February 2017, the new extension was completed. Then Bishop Dr Chong Chin Chung dedicated the building and the SMS team in Vientiane. Concurrently, a school management board was set up with professionals from Singapore and Laos to provide strategic oversight for managing and operating the school.

SMS' unique curriculum was a draw as it had successfully blended critical elements of the Lao-language primary school curriculum with world-leading aspects of Singapore's English-based national curriculum.

Dr Eileen Aw and Jason Chin are members of the board of Singapore Mission School. They worship at Wesley Methodist Church and Christ Methodist Church respectively. / Photos courtesy of Singapore Mission School

Pioneer students and teachers in 2014

Bishop Dr Chong addressing students during the dedication of the new school building in February 2017

The present

SMS currently has 105 students in its Kindergarten 1 to 3 and Primary 1 to 5 classes. Its school day begins at 8.30 a.m. and ends at 4.00 p.m. The school year runs from September to May while summer school—focusing on life skills enrichment through engaging and fun learning activities—is conducted over six to seven weeks from July.

The future

SMS is now part of the network of Methodist mission schools in Singapore and the region. We are united in our vision to provide quality Christian education to nurture and develop Laos' future leaders. Coming from diverse backgrounds, our students and families are our mission field.

Moving forward we need churches and individuals to:

• Pray | Our students, their families and our staff members need prayer.

• Serve | If you are an experienced school leader or teacher, use your God-given talents and experience to help us in teaching, management, curriculum development or programme evaluation.

• Volunteer | Join the individuals and groups who give weeks or months to serve professionally with our teaching and administration teams.

The unique Lao-Singapore kindergarten and primary curriculum ensures students graduate from Primary 5 as confident, capable and bilingually-conversant individuals, ready for secondary education.

MMS, the Yeows and the SMS Board continue to work as a team, united in the task of ensuring the continued development of the students, staff and facilities. The Yeows play an integral role as Principal and board members.

In addition to operational funding, the MMS provides support for student sponsorship to ensure that every Lao child who wants to be part of the SMS experience will not be denied entry.

In February this year, almost six years to the day the SMS extension was dedicated by Bishop Dr Chong, MMS Executive Director Rev Derrick Lau and MMS Regional Director Col (Ret) Quek Koh Eng joined the SMS Board and staff to mark the handover of the school to MMS. It was a meaningful occasion that also served to recognise the many hands and hearts who have come alongside SMS over the years.

• Partner | Methodist churches with a heart for missions can partner us by sending workers and project teams and providing support.

Glory to God, for indeed the best is yet to come!

Singapore Mission School, Laos is looking for a new Principal.

For more details, visit https://www.mms.org.sg/sms-laos-principal

Teachers had to adapt and use new ways to teach during the pandemic

SMS staff and students today

Benny Bong has over 40 years of experience as a therapist, counsellor and trainer. He also conducts regular talks and webinars. Benny has helmed MM’s You & Your Family column for more than 16 years and is a member of Kampong Kapor Methodist Church.

Rev Tay Li Ping is currently pastoring at Christalite Methodist Chapel. Trained as an Industrial-Organisational Psychologist before becoming a pastor, Rev Tay is particularly interested in the intersection of Psychology and Theology. She is married and has five sons.

Koh Ai Jin i s a registered clinical counsellor with extensive experience in marriage and family counselling, mental health concerns and psychological trauma. She runs her own practice and currently serves as Vice-President of the Association of Christian Counsellors (Singapore).

Need advice? Scan the QR code or visit https://www.methodist.org.sg/mm-atthe-well/ to submit your question. Due to space constraints and repetition of topics, we may not be able to feature all questions submitted.

Family

Moving on from parents' divorce

My parents divorced some years ago. I was already an adult when it happened. But till today, I struggle with feelings of betrayal, anger, disillusionment and sadness. I live my life in a constant attempt to escape from these feelings. My attempts at gaining closure by talking to my mother were met with, "You were grown up, don't be so sensitive! / You shouldn't be affected", or it would end up in a huge argument. Henceforth, I kept everything to myself. When I think of old times, the tears still start to flow, like it happened yesterday. My mother has remarried, but I still pine daily for my parents and family to be reunited. I don't want to live like this anymore. How do I move on?  Mary

Ai Jin says Dear Mary,

Perhaps you’ve hope that your mother could view things from your perspective and acknowledge the ways in which the divorce has impacted you. The outcome may seem futile, but the conversations with her have allowed you to put your sentiments across and are necessary for closure.

How do we define "moving on"? Perhaps it is personal healing and allowing time for the family to discover new ways to relate with one another. Your awareness and naming of feelings are the first steps which you have taken. It is in telling your story that you give yourself a chance to fully articulate your hurts, make sense of the betrayal and disillusionment, find release for the anger and pining, and seek consolation for the sadness as you grieve the loss of how family was before the divorce. Is there a trusted friend who can listen to and support you?

Some have found it helpful to journal, talk and pray to God. In laments of your pain and loss to God, may you receive healing, a renewed vision and restored capacity for acceptance of the situation, and regain joy in your life to fully engage in all relationships.

Friendships Is it weird I don't have a BFF?

I have a couple of good friends, some that I can share things with. However, I do not have a best friend. Also, though I have many friends from different social circles whom I meet with occasionally, I don't have one particular close-knit group that I often hang out with. I have been wondering for years: Is it normal not to have a best friend at all, or a close-knit social circle? Is there anything wrong with me or my personality?  Quinnie

Ai Jin says

Dear Quinnie,

You seem to hold a belief that "if one does not have a best friend or close-knit social circle, it is not normal" and also seem inclined to attribute a lack of that as due to your personality. Generally, friendships develop organically and there is a mutuality to it (it takes two hands to clap). There are many reasons why friendships form, maintain and grow deeper, while others grow apart. Life transitions, changes in interests and priorities and other reasons are often beyond one's control.

As such, it is unhelpful to allow this lack of a close-knit social circle to discourage you. Instead, how about focusing on the fact that you do have a couple of good friends and even some whom you can share things with, as well as diverse friends from different social circles? These are relationships which you do have and which you can build upon.

If I may do a pitch for church life groups, they are meant to be close as one's spiritual family. Perhaps do seek out one that is suitable for you as this can provide the opportunity to grow within a community that gives and receives love in Christ.

At The Workplace Friendship with a female colleague

I am a married man. I have a female colleague whom I work with on occasions for certain projects, and we get along very well. She is supportive of the work I do, and my feeling is reciprocal. Is it okay for me to have a casual or close friendship with my female colleague? Would eating a meal alone with her regularly, say once or twice a week, be perceived as suspicious? Is avoiding being friendly with her the safest way of steering clear from an undesirable relationship? 

SeemsOK

Benny says Dear SeemsOK,

A former client of mine struck-up a friendship with a divorced woman and they started having chats over drinks, and then later on, late evening suppers. They shared common interests. My client was firm that theirs was a strictly platonic relationship and that he had no interest to leave his wife. I suggested that if theirs was only a friendship, then he should introduce his friend to his wife. He was taken aback. Somehow, he knew that his wife would find the friendship less

than acceptable. Would your spouse have any strong thoughts or reaction to your friendship?

When considering the appropriateness for married individuals to share a close relationship with persons of the opposite gender, this question makes no distinction as to whether both are married or not, or even if they are happily or unhappily married. This is because when we are married, it does not mean that we will not find others attractive or be drawn emotionally or romantically to them. However, with marriage, we do not give in to these impulses. We do so because we want to protect the marriage and keep our feelings exclusive and therefore special to our spouses.

You might also want to consider what makes your friendship with this person so meaningful. Is it meeting a need that is absent in your marriage? To be clear, our spouses may not meet all of our needs. Some may not have the same recreational interests as us or be able to talk deeply on topics of discussion that we feel passionately about. This does not mean that there is a flaw in your marriage. But friendships with those who share common interests should not replace the close bond that should exist between marriage partners. Be watchful if you begin to fantasise about this friend or begin to do special things with her that you would not do with your spouse.

Finally, as believers, we should be mindful that our public behaviour, not just our private thoughts, are also open to scrutiny. This last point reminds us that our lives are not our own to live according to our own needs and wishes. We are stewards of the gifts of life and relationships.

Dating & Marriage Struggling to trust God in providing a life partner

I've had a few failed relationships and I seem to be unable to meet the right one. Friends or peers around me are all happily married with kids, and I feel like I am the odd one out. When I attend weddings, I genuinely share the joy of the couple, but I try not to be reminded of my singleness. Sometimes I struggle because I have been trying to be faithful to serve God and trust that he will give me the best, but my Mum (who is not a believer) especially wonders why my powerful God is unable to provide. How can I cope with my struggle to trust that God is good and believe that he wants the best for me, despite not seeing signs of the right one on the horizon?  Want To Trust God

Li Ping says Dear Want To Trust God,

I hear your pain and disappointment that God has not provided you with a life partner that you so deeply desire. I am also hearing your doubts about trusting God’s goodness, power, and perhaps, even his love for you.

The challenge with following Jesus is that he calls us to deny ourselves, take up our cross daily and follow Him (Luke 9:23). Taking up our cross is needed in this sin-broken world, because until Jesus comes again, some of our deepest desires may go unmet. For me, it has meant multiple miscarriages. For others, it may be a struggle with samesex attraction. For you, in this season, it means being involuntarily single. God calls us to crucify even these deepest desires, because any desire that takes the place of God, is an idol. Would you be willing to surrender your desire to be married, so that in its place, you may desire God himself, first and foremost? As he purifies and heightens your desire for him, and you experience his goodness and love, will you then trust what he chooses to give you, be it a life partner or not, trusting that he knows best?

Family LGBTQ at my son's school

My 16-year-old son tells me that his school (an all-boys school) has a handful of students who have openly declared they are gay, bisexual or gender fluid. How should I handle this as a Christian parent, while showing that it is important to love all our neighbours?  Suzie

Li Ping says

Dear Suzie,

First, discern why your son shared this with you. Is he troubled? Nonchalant? Curious? Supportive? Is he looking for advice on how to respond to his friends? With greater clarity about why he shared, you can then sensitively bring in your Christian convictions. This means showing love in a way that reflects God’s truth and compassion.

Truth is captured in our Methodist belief that gender and sexual expression within the bounds of a monogamous, male-female marriage are part of God’s good, original design. Same-sex attraction and gender confusion, however, are expressions of a creation distorted by sin.

Compassion is expressed in the assurance that God is nonetheless renewing the world through the cross of Christ. As such, we show Christian love to our neighbours by sharing about his love with them first, and not demanding that they follow our beliefs before that. Without compromising on our own beliefs, we continue to treat them with dignity and respect due to all people, since all are made in God’s image.

Dating & Marriage Choosing the right person to marry

I am quite confused about how to discern whether a person is the right person for me. What signs might God provide to help us better discern whether we are compatible with others?  Mr E

Benny says

Dear Mr E,

Choosing the right person is often associated with the possibility of having a good marriage and a happier life. However, this is only partially true. A good marriage is also about being the Right Person for your spouse. It is also learning how to make the couple combination between you and your partner work well.

Begin with knowing your needs and expectations. Needless to say, it is also important to keep your needs realistic. Expecting someone to always know when and how to make you happy would be unrealistic.

Alignment of interests, values, lifestyle and life plans is another important ingredient. This discovery comes with having long and deep conversations over time. Along the way, if the relationship does not feel right, you can always reconsider. Do not feel forced into a relationship or feel that you have to "settle" for what you get.

When you think you've found the Right Person, introduce her to your good friends whose opinion you trust. The Right Person should look Right to others too. Get to know your potential in-laws as well because any marriage is about the joining of two families and not just two individuals.

Lastly, attending a marriage preparation course can help you confirm your choice and remind both parties that marriage is an institution with God in the centre.

When doing your utmost still isn't enough

Life's stories do not always have happy endings. Often, the endings are unexpected. Now this may fly in the face of some of us who consider ourselves somehow protected or blessed in life. Some believers may also hold fast to God's promise in Jeremiah 29:11 of his plans to prosper and not to harm.

I think of two particular clients who unfortunately feel that this is not true for them. Working with them over many months, I can attest to the fact that they did whatever was humanly possible. They also went to the Lord with many prayers and petitions. They recruited the help of

sympathetic family and friends. In short, no stone was left unturned to look for some breakthrough.

The first case involved a woman with an unfaithful husband. The infidelity went on for years and even after forgiving him and giving him another chance, he failed her. She then decided to divorce him in an effort to push him to mend his ways. The hope they both had was that he would change and they might eventually reconcile and even remarry. Alas, after two more years of trying and hoping, he went back to his old ways.

Benny Bong has over 40 years of experience as a therapist, counsellor and trainer. He also conducts regular talks and webinars. Benny has helmed the You & Your Family column for more than 16 years and is a member of Kampong Kapor Methodist Church.

The second was a male client who had been abusive to his spouse. After 10 years in such a hurtful relationship, the wife managed to break free and leave him. He pleaded for a second chance, attended the therapy that his wife said he needed and even sought the counsel and support of their religious community. Even after no contact at all for almost two years and intermediaries' efforts to intercede, she decided to divorce him based on his past violent behaviour.

Both parties were at a loss as to what they could have done to avoid such an outcome. After both had exhausted all humanly possible ways to salvage their marriages, they threw themselves at the foot of the cross in complete despair.

Family and marital therapists find it rather challenging when confronted with situations that show no improvement or good outcomes. And when a client comes continually looking for help and hope, it can be very discouraging when we too, see no way forward. It is at such times that as therapists, we confront the client with the fact that everything has been attempted and it may be time to face the inevitability of no progress.

The next therapeutic task then is to help such individuals face the losses that confront them and learn to move on with their lives. As helpers, it is important for us to stay with them, especially in their state of despair and sadness. We must resist the

temptation to be irrationally optimistic or try to be a cheerleader to those who are despairing. As we stay with them and listen to their woes, the process can make us feel, in some minute way, what the client may be experiencing. Such a demonstration of empathy lets them know that they are understood and not alone. In some small way, this helps some clients cope, if only for that moment of time.

As I reflect on this topic, I am reminded of the account of King David in 2 Samuel Chapter 12. He sinned not only in committing adultery with another man's wife, but also when she was with his child, David engineered events such that her husband was killed in battle. When God struck the child with a grave illness, David repented, fasted and pleaded for days with God for mercy. But it was not to be. Upon learning of his son's death, however, he picked himself up and moved on in life.

What enabled David to do so? Was it because he knew he had to submit to God's sovereign will and he accepted it without question? The cynic may say that David was just trying his luck with his fervent pleas to see if the Lord would grant him more mercy. I think King David did care deeply for his son and though he desperately wanted the boy to live, he knew that God had supreme authority to grant mercy to whom he chose.

I only pray that if ever I am tested and there seems to be no way out, I may not lose heart.

Worship

The role of a worship leader

Who qualifies as a worship leader?

This is a question frequently raised in discussions at workshops on worship leading. Worship leading usually falls on people who are skilled in music or gifted with a good voice. But more than skills and personality, the worship leader's role extends beyond "performance".

The worship leader plays a vital role in inviting and encouraging the congregation to worship. Enthusiasm, authenticity and charisma are qualities that will help the worship leader engage the congregation to fully and honestly participate in the worship experience.

While we recognise that worship is an expression of praise, it is not the main point. Worship is about our relationship with God. A conversation exists in this relationship. Together with praise, lament, confession, intercession and gratitude are also expressed. The worship leader facilitates this dialogue through prayers and music. In praying, the worship leader prompts the congregation to respond. With instrumental music, meditation or reflection is inspired. In singing, the worship leader brings everyone together to sing a corporate "alleluia"!

Worship leadership becomes exciting when one's concept of worship is broader than just music style preference. Factors

that encourage congregational singing are linked to culture, mission, spiritual formation and discipleship. When all of these are considered, singing together allows congregations to expand in the breadth and depth of their understanding of the worship.

This is not to be taken lightly because we are talking about the spiritual nourishment and care of the congregation. In other words, the congregation's spiritual formation is also at stake.

This points us to the worship leaders' resources. Is there enough music and prayers for the congregation to express praise, say sorry, give thanks, or express lament? What about songs of loving our neighbour? Should these be set in either traditional or contemporary style? The worship leader (and the committee or worship team) ought to take stock of the church's repertoire, determine what might be lacking and figure out what fits the church's context. Resources may be vast, but planning requires thoughtful, prayerful thinking.

If you are a worship leader, how much thought have you given to these issues? Remember that your role is to inspire and nurture the congregation towards a deeper reverence and connection with God and the community.

Judith Laoyan-Mosomos is the Director for Worship & Church Music at the Methodist School of Music and a member of Kampong Kapor Methodist Church.

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For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38–39

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Being part of a Methodist church did not mean much to me when I was younger. But now, I realise that Methodist churches are part of a larger group. My church is part of the Chinese Annual Conference (CAC), which in turn is part of The Methodist Church in Singapore.

There are many events that bring churches together to fellowship and build stronger relations. For CAC, the Board of Youth Ministry Sports Day brought more than 170 youths from 12 different churches as well as participants from the Finding Your Place discipleship programme for a whole day of captain’s ball! What made it more memorable was that it was my first time being part of the planning committee as well. The recent Loving Families carnival is another example which brought families of CAC churches together. Beyond our conference, the Young Methodist Leaders Conference is another such event where young, aspiring leaders as young as 17 can attend to learn how to lead and take on bigger roles in their churches.

So being a Methodist to me means connecting with one another deeply, whether one to one over kopi at a coffee shop, or with other churches in the Methodist family. I am proud to be a Methodist of Changi Methodist Church.

Gideon Tay is a member of Changi Methodist Church and serves in the Youth Ministry. / Photo courtesy of Gideon Tay

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BETWEEN THE TESTAMENTS: 400 NOT-SO-SILENT YEARS

28 July*, 25 August*, 15 & 29 September, 13 & 27 October (Fridays), 7.15 p.m. – 10.00 p.m.

Online via Zoom with in-person sessions at 50 Kallang Pudding Road, #07-01 AMA Building, S349326 Register before 25 July via https://courses.bgst.edu.sg/pages/courses

$300 per person

* live in-person sessions

The 400 years between Malachi, the last book of the Old Testament, to the birth of Christ is often thought to be a period of divine silence. Yet, this is the period of Second Temple Judaism, which is not only significant for the development of Judaism and Jewish identity but also a time when Jewish literature and the Hebrew canon took shape. This course will provide a broad overview of this historically rich era and how it informs our understanding and interpretation of the Old and New Testaments.

Jasmine Foo is a former BGST student, an MA graduate and PhD candidate with King’s College London. Her biblical studies research is focused on the concept of Jewish identity during the 2nd Temple Period as depicted in the Dead Sea Scrolls. Previously a lawyer, polytechnic lecturer, and strategic planner at the State Courts, Jasmine also worked as a staff worker at the Fellowship of Evangelical Students (FES). She worships at All Soul’s Church, Langham (London) and Ang Mo Kio Methodist Church (Singapore). Jasmine’s varied experiences have helped develop her passion for learning and teaching the Bible, and also equipping all Christians in the practice of their faith in society.

Organised by Biblical Graduate School of Theology

TRINITY LECTURES |

THE RESURRECTION OF JESUS CHRIST: ITS MEANING AND MISSION

1 – 4 August (Tuesday – Friday), 8.00 p.m. – 9.30 p.m. TTC Chapel, 490 Upper Bukit Timah Road, S678093

Details via https://www.ttc.edu.sg/english/about/ttcs-75th-anniversary/trinity-lectures/ Free admission, open to the public

Trinity Theological College (TTC) celebrates her 75th anniversary this year with the theme: Changing World, Unchanging Light. These four public lectures on The Resurrection of Jesus Christ: Its Meaning and Mission will be presented by Prof Murray Rae from the University of Otago, New Zealand.

Murray Rae is Professor of Theology at the University of Otago in New Zealand. After completing a Bachelor of Architecture degree at the University of Auckland, he began his working career as an architect in private practice before studying theology and philosophy in New Zealand, Germany, and Great Britain. He is an ordained minister of the Presbyterian Church of Aotearoa New Zealand and has served as a University Chaplain, and in ministry in congregations in New Zealand and the United Kingdom. His varied research interests include theology and the arts, especially architecture, Māori engagements with Christianity, Christian theology and ethics, and the work of Søren Kierkegaard.

Organised by TTC

CULTURE MEETS SCRIPTURE WORKSHOP 2023

4 August (Friday), 9.00 a.m. – 5.30 p.m. / 5 August (Saturday), 9.00 a.m. – 4.00 p.m.

Grace (SCC) Church, 14 Queen Street, S188536 Register before 16 July via https://www.wycliffe.sg/events

$30 per person (includes food and workshop material)

What do we do when our cultural values and practices clash with biblical teachings? Freedom to celebrate culture can be found for Christians as they develop scripturally sound ways to handle conflict and events in a way that honours God while staying closely connected with family and community.

The Culture Meets Scripture Workshop is designed to help believers uncover their culture’s assumptions and beliefs, then search the Scriptures for how God’s Word answers those needs.

Organised by Wycliffe Singapore