J-Anthony & Madelin’s Tips for a Happy Marriage
It’s not jewelry and flowers that make a marriage, but the little things and small, simple steps over time that will yield bigger and happier results. It works for us.
PUT GOD FIRST
Center every plan, dream, thought and action on the PLAN and WILL of GOD. For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NKJV) SAY THANK YOU AT LEAST ONCE A DAY
Express Gratitude
You thank others for little courtesies, but do you thank your partner? To avoid taking each other for granted, try to show your appreciation at least once a day. Say it like you mean it—even if it’s in response to something that’s his or her “job” (like washing the dishes, cooking meals or paying the bills). If there’s something you appreciate, large or small, speak up! DO SOMETHING FOR ONE ANOTHER THAT YOU DID WHEN YOU WERE NEWLYWEDS
Turn back the clock at least once a week
Don’t lose the spontaneity in the relationship. Romance one another. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Never losing the chemistry and WOW factor in the marriage. Find moments to reconnect in the busyness of life. Show PDA (Public Displays of Affection) whether you’re at a party, a business meeting, or just strolling down the street. Just don’t over do it, okay. LEARN HOW TO LET THINGS GO
Overlook Small Annoyances
Leaving the seat up in the bathroom? Rarely getting the TV remote. She takes a little longer to get ready or not able to find what she needs. Your wife orders small, but then wants to eat off your plate. Resist the urge to complain. While it’s irritating, it will undoubtedly happen again... and again. Instead, recite a song; a scripture verse; or a modified Serenity Prayer, “I accept the things I cannot change.” You’ll be amazed at how quickly your resentment melts away. Remember you can win the battle but at what cost and was it worth it in the end. If you feel that you must speak, do so in a loving and calm tone. Choose your words lovingly and be prepared because you are not as perfect as you think.
EACH MORNING ASK, “WHAT’S ON YOUR CALENDAR?”
Know The Little Things
Does he or she have a big meeting? Are they dreading a phone call to an important client? Is he having lunch with an old friend? Talking about the daily details of your lives is just as important as sharing hopes, dreams, and fears. Asking about the meeting, phone call, or lunch is not only a great way to build understanding and rapport with one another; your thoughtfulness will make your wife/husband feel loved and cared for. LAUGH TOGETHER
LOL ( Laugh Out Loud )
Life often brings challenges, so feel free to smile and laugh with one another. “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22 Couples who share funny experiences and laugh out loud together tend to enjoy a longer, healthier and more vital relationship. TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF
Go Solo
Go ahead, take that writing class—or any other interest you might have outside of those you share with your spouse. It makes you more interesting to your spouse and everyone else. Moreover, a little “me time” allows both you and your spouse to grow as individuals and reduces the pressure on each of you to fill the other’s every need. WORK TO IMPROVE YOURSELF
Work On Yourself
Demonstrate your love by working to improve something about yourself that bugs your partner. For instance, if she wants you to be healthier, take the necessary steps to improve your health. If he’s a neat freak, stop leaving your dishes in the sink or snacking in bed. Saying “I love you” is always nice, but showing it is really fundamental. ALWAYS PUT YOUR MARRIAGE FIRST
Prioritize your partner
This is a golden rule: Of all your relationships, your wife/husband always comes first. After all, the kids are going to leave someday; hopefully, your partner isn’t. Putting your marriage first means deliberately setting aside time for the two of you, whether it’s a: weekly date; movie night (AMC, Netflix, or On Demand); night drive to NYC or around town; or walking in the park. So feed the kids early and go be a couple. Escape for the weekend or check into a local 5 star hotel for the night. One more tip, “keep your word”. Don’t over-promise. Breaking a promise can ruin the trust and unity your relationship is based on. ‘Communication is the door and trust is the key.’ Solotov
30th Wedding Anniversary Menu A Taste of Florence Buffet Style – SALADS –
Romaine Salad Mixed Greens, Artichokes Hearts, Black Olives, Mushrooms and Peppers With Balsamic Vinaigrette Vegetables Pasta Salad Fusilli Pasta Tossed with Carrots, Onions, Zucchini, Yellow Squash, Diced Tomatoes and Black Olives Insalata Caprese Beefsteak Tomatoes, Fresh Mozzarella and Basil, Drizzled with Red Onion Vinaigrette - ENTREES Roasted Breast of Chicken with Portobello Mushrooms and Sun Dried Tomatoes Grilled Vegetables Lasagna Rolls with Light Pomodoro Sauce Fresh Seasonal Vegetables Sautéed with Garlic and Olive Oil Basil Whipped Potatoes Garlic Bread & Fresh Baked Rolls and Butter - DESSERT Anniversary Cake Freshly Brewed Regular, Decaffeinated Coffee, and Herbal Tea Selection Assorted Soft Drinks and Iced Tea
Order of Celebration A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Arrival of Honored Family & Friends............................................................................ Greetings & Welcome.....................................................................................................
Entrance of the Children
Master James Anthony Dargan & Princess Christine Jannie-Lorraine Dargan
Grand Entrance of the Happy Couple
Reverend J-Anthony & Lady Madelin L. Dargan Music Selection......................................................................Mr. Luther Hudson, Jr. Wedding Vows Renewal of the Happy Couple Reverend Dr. James Dargan, Officiating Music Selection............................................ Princess Christine Jannie-Lorraine Dargan Table Grace LUNCH IS SERVED
“Boo Bear’s 30th Anniversary Tribute to Ms. Kitty” Video Presentation Game................................................................................................................................
Special Greetings & Well Wishes........................... Guest Participation (2 minute limit)
Anniversary Toast.........................................................Mr. Albert C. & Mrs. Carol Tews Mr. Raphael & Mrs. Jevor Peart The Cutting of the Anniversary Cake........ Rev. J- Anthony & Lady Madelin L. Dargan
Anniversary Dance
Reverend J- Anthony & Lady Madelin L. Dargan Remarks.............................................. Reverend J-Anthony & Lady Madelin L. Dargan
Benediction......................................................................................................................
ONCE IN A WHILE
— — R i g h t i n t h e m i d d l e o f a n o r d i n a r y l i f e t h e L o r d g i v e ’s
Once upon a time, in the spring of 1984, Boo Bear, while working at the prestigious Irving Trust Company located at One Wall Street (Downtown NY) took a second job working nights “washing dishes” at a Friendly’s Restaurant in Cedar Grove, NJ (just to occupy his free evening time). Needless to say Papa Bear was having difficulty understanding how this second job was going to lead to a promising law career seeing that he was paying off student loans.
In the summer of the same year, 1984, Ms. Kitty secured her first job as a waitress between her junior and senior year at Montclair High at the same restaurant in Cedar Grove. She was working to save up money for her prom and a summer vacation following graduation. Within 50 days, the part-time evening job developed into a full-time gig when Boo Bear accepted the Assistant Manager position at the restaurant at which point he submitted his resignation to the big Wall Street Company.
Boo Bear and Ms. Kitty were both ambitious and they did not pay much attention to one another (frankly because of the age difference) until that “magical”moment at an after-work party when they really saw each other for the the first time. That moment was like the scene in the Disney movie, “Little Mermaid,” when Sebastian the crab and his calypso band set the mood with his ballad, “Kiss The Girl.” From that night forward, Ms. Kitty had Boo Bear’s full attention.
Though both parents were not particularly pleased with the relationship (for obvious reasons), they were respectful and watchful of the young love birds (Yes, I said, “love birds,” don’t sweat the semantic… we’re trying to tell a story here). Now the Mother Lion, was particularly watchful of the “lovers” seeing that she was a single mother raising her only cub alone. However as time passed the relationship grew. In the summer of June 1985, Ms. Kitty took Boo Bear to her Senior Prom.Ms. Kitty wore a gorgeous white prom dress with lots of lace accessorized with white gloves and headpiece/tiara that she designed and had professionally made 100% with the money she saved the summer before. The entire gown with all of the accessories took approximately 3-4 months to make.
One of the qualities that really captured Boo Bear’s attention about Ms. Kitty (and there were many), was that Ms. Kitty, in spite of her age, was very success driven and focused for her age. She had clear goals and she was not going to allow a relationship (i.e. Boo Bear) to stand in the way of going to Penn State University and graduating. Ms. Kitty had witnessed first-hand dreams shattered and promises unfulfilled and she was determined that failure was not going to be in her storyline. She was fully committed to saying, “ARRIVEDERCI MI AMOR” (meaning “Good Bye My Love”) after the summer and she even broached the concept of “not limiting her options or prospects at Penn State” (need we say anymore). However, in spite of Ms. Kitty’s bravado and spoken statements, Ms. Kitty was impressed not only by Boo Bear’s display of love and commitment but with his natural drive and persistence to succeed in all fields. She loved his ability to make her laugh and to be optimistic even in the toughest situations.
Late August of 1985, Boo Bear rode with Ms. Kitty, the Mother Lion and Mr. X, a close longtime friend of the mother lioness, to drop Ms. Kitty off at Penn State. IT WAS AMAZING THAT THERE WAS EVEN A SEAT “RESERVED” FOR BOO BEAR in that heavily packed 2 door Mercury Cougar. During the entire 41/2 hour ride back to New Jersey, the Mother Lion was quiet and respectful. Boo Bear knew that though the Mother Lion did not say it, she was hoping not to see him anymore. After a few long phone calls and letters, the young lovers were not ready to say “Good bye.” Unknown to their parents, about once a month, Boo Bear calculated how to make an 8 hour (450 mile) drive both ways into 51/2 hours so that he could spend maximum time with Ms. Kitty after class and be back home in Montclair, New Jersey by midnight.
SIDE-BAR IF YOU WILL: You must understand that even at the age of 23 and 24, Boo Bear was living in Papa Bear and Momma Bear’s house, so it was “Papa Bear’s house - Papa Bear’s rules.” MAY WE ALSO ADD, Boo Bear chuckled because if it were not for the “reserved seat” in the heavily packed Mercury Cougar, he would not have learned the route to Penn State.
BACK TO OUR STORY: The formula of “bending time and space” worked even better when Boo Bear would rent a Pontiac Firebird for a day (with top speed of 115 miles per hour). Of course, Boo Bear never drove the rental car home because that would “raise flags” with Papa Bear and Momma Bear. Boo Bear always made it known to Ms. Kitty that her education and graduation was very important to him as well, so there was no missing classes or neglecting homework assignments because of his visits. So if Boo Bear had to sit in the library quietly while Ms. Kitty studied, did homework or wrote a paper, it didn’t matter because they were together.
Of course like all “science experiments,” one can only defy the odds but for so long. Everything was going fine until one time Boo Bear miscalculated a snow blizzard in January of 1986 while traveling back to NJ. Boo Bear did not (and we repeat “did not”) correctly factor in 12 inches of snow at night on Route 80. Boo Bear hit an ice-patch and the car hit the guard-rail along the Appalachian Mountains. Boo Bear often surmised that if the guard-rail was not there the accident may not have been realized until the snow thawed out in the spiring.
For you, millennials, who are still “wet behind your ears”, yes, there was no cell phone back then (this was the era when Michael Jackson was still “black”), so Boo Bear had to walk 5 miles on Route 80 in the heavy snow to arrange a tow and to call Papa Bear and Momma Bear with the “delightful” news that (a) he was in Pennsylvania and (b) he had an accident. To his surprise Papa Bear and Momma Bear, though shocked, took the news calmly. SIDE-BAR AGAIN IF YOU WILL, Papa Bear and Momma Bear may not agree with Boo Bear, but thankfully he was not driving a rental car because Boo Bear is definitively not sure that the rental car would have been fully covered for accidents. When Papa Bear showed up the next morning in Buckhorn, PA, he stated that the car was in better shape than he thought. They were able to drive the car back to NJ after minimal repair.
IN SPRING OF 1986, MS. KITTY FINISHED HER FIRST YEAR AT PENN STATE ON THE DEAN’S LIST. IN THE SUMMER OF THAT SAME YEAR, 1986, BOO BEAR PROPOSED TO MS. KITTY AND PRESENTED HER WITH A 11/2 CARAT MARQUISE ENGAGEMENT RING. For inquiring minds, even after the accident and a respectable period of give or take 3 weeks, Boo Bear resumed his “secret runs” to Penn State.
Needless to say the news of the engagement didn’t quite sit well with the Mother Lion because she was rightfully concerned with Ms. Kitty’s continued education. Again she was quiet. After the fall semester of 1986, Ms. Kitty transferred from Penn State to Rutgers’ University in Newark, where she maintained her honors status.
On Saturday, August 29, 1987
Boo Bear and Ms. Kitty Were Married At Community Church Of God, Newark, NJ where Papa Bear was the Senior Pastor.
The young couple was very creative and budget conscious because they were determined not to put themselves in heavy debt. After all, they secured a one-bedroom apartment in East Orange (which they did not sleep in until their “wedding night”...thank you) and in a few weeks, Ms. Kitty would be back in school for her third year. So with a lot of creativity, and the help of family and friends taking pictures, video-taping, bringing food, and decorating, Boo Bear and Ms. Kitty were able to have a BIG wedding including a 4 day honeymoon in the Poconos for under $1500. In fact, Ms. Kitty’s white prom dress with the white gloves and head-piece/tiara with some minor alterations became her wedding dress.
IN DECEMBER OF 1989, MS. KITTY COMPLETED HER EDUCATION IN ECONOMICS, WHILE MAKING THE DEAN’S LIST EVERY SEMESTER.
IN THE SPRING OF 1990, MS. KITTY RECEIVED HER BACHELOR DEGREE WITH HONORS TO THE DELIGHT OF BOO BEAR AND THE MOTHER LION.
On October 23, 1990, the “circle of life� continuted when Ms. Kitty gave birth to a bear cub, James Anthony and a lion cub, Christine Jannie-Lorraine on January 24, 1994.
Today Boo Bear and Ms. Kitty are just as happy and if possible, more in love, than they were 33 years ago. Every day has not been “clear sky and sunny,” but through it all, it was God, Our Heavenly Father, the giver of every good and perfect gift, who caused their paths to meet in a small ice cream shop/restaurant at a time that they were not looking for love. And it is The Lord, who has held them together, lovingly, for 33 years and counting. For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
From the bottom of our hearts, we sincerely want to thank everyone for sharing in our Pearl Wedding Anniversary.
You have enriched our lives with your love, support and encouragement, and now all the more in our celebration.
We are deeply grateful to Mom and Dad,
Reverend Dr. James & First Lady Mary Dargan
for EVERYTHING you continue to do for your family your loving actions do not go unappreciated.
Thank you: James, Christine and my niece, Ashley for your contribution and planning; Minister Leonard Barton for handling the photography; and my cousin, Luther Hudson for your participation. We can’t thank all of you enough.
We will treasure this wonderful moment for our lifetime.
It is our prayer that The Lord richly bless all of you and fill you with abundant joy.
With Love,
Pastor J-Anthony & Lady Madelin Aka, Boo Bear & Ms. Kitty
Program Design and Printing By: MLD Communications
“The Very Best In Desktop Publishing” Reverend J-Anthony & Madelin Dargan
62 Maple Avenue, Montclair, NJ 07042
Phone: 973-783-6198 | Email; mldcomm@aol.com