Nottingham connected
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REMINDED OF MY PLACE By Jaya Gordon-Moore In the midst of the recent BLM movements. I was reminded of my place. Going shopping minding my business. Headphones in, Nas ‘Purple’ is playing. I get on the tram as usual. Very much in my own world. I was interrupted by some shouting – I pull out my headphones and turn to face where I can hear the noise. A man Is shouting at me, I’m not sure what he’s saying at first, but he looks me in the eye, then up and down in absolute disgust. He is red faced and eyes almost watering. I was just confused. ‘I’M SPEAKING TO YOU’ , ‘EXCUSE ME IM SPEAKING TO YOU’ , ‘Huh?’ , ‘I SAID, WHAT COLOUR EVEN ARE YOU? ITS NOT MY FAULT YOU ARE BLACK IS IT?!’ For the next however many seconds, I am bombarded with questions, words, phrases. I looked around almost in disbelieve, like is anyone else seeing this? Apparently not. Or they just don’t want to. Or they just don’t feel they need to. I pull out my phone and ask him what he said again. At least if anything happens, I have some evidence. ‘WELL ITS NOT MY FAULT, WHAT COLOUR EVEN ARE YOU- WELL I DON’T KNOW DO I?’ I contest him. I’ve been taught to stand up for myself and others when it comes to moral and discrimination. Even though it can be scary and can cause a ‘scene’, I cannot sit there and take that. As I contest him, the man pulls out a pair of scissors from his bag as he says, ‘Stop it now!’. He then goes on about how he is grieving, and it is ‘my grandma’s fault’ that he had mental health issues. There was a lot more to the story. And although I contested the man, I did remove myself from the situation. When he pulled out the scissors, no one even batted an eye lid. A twenty year old girl getting verbally abused by a grown man because of the colour of skin she was born with. I would like to point out also that all of this was very loud, and the tram driver did not do anything or even check if anything was happening.
He felt the need to define me. Like many people do. My interracial Jamaican Irish heritage confused him. It felt like he was angry at black people and chose me as a ‘spokesperson’ to inform about it. I feel failed by the system again. I reported it to the police. They came to my house at 9PM that night and took some notes. I sent them the video footage, for them to update me that they uploaded it to their system weeks later, after telling me during our interview they would do it immediately and take this stuff ‘very very seriously’. I went to town about a week after the incident, only to see the man again, in central Nottingham, 5 minutes away from one of the police stations. He was shouting again. I called 999 immediately. The women on the phone seemed confused as to why I was getting so upset. She told me to follow him but keep a distance and keep them updated on his whereabouts. I did not realise this was my job - the victim of the hate crime incident – to almost ‘spy’ on the culprit – a man who I believe is a danger to society. I’ve heard no news since. That day reminded me of my place. As a young interracial woman alone in a western society. For the last six years or so I have been passionate about intersectional issues. I have been reading bell hooks since sixth form. A big aim of my music is to open discussions and stimulate change. I have always been interested in thought provoking content. I have always stood up against racial and gender discrimination, even when the little blonde girl called me a ‘nigger’ at the skatepark when we were 11. Even when the neighbour’s kids threw apples at me and my sisters because we didn’t look the same. My job out of uni is for a charity that empowers black communities and offers opportunities. But after this moment I felt exhausted. I felt so powerless. I make podcasts about this stuff; I really try to have hope that I can make a difference. But this moment really got to me, more than usual. No matter my degree, no matter my success, no matter how strong I feel, how above a situation I feel, how empowered I feel – this moment reminded me that the racial difference is still stronger in the eyes of them.
