All Families are Good Families

WRITTEN BY AMY MILLER

If you ask someone what their definition of family is you may receive a different answer than what you were expecting or what you believe to be a family. You might not have even thought about how you would define the word “family” before reading this. Is a family composed of only blood relatives? Are family members anyone who supports, cares for and loves one another? You might describe a family as a mother, a father and their children, or a single parent and their child. We each come from different backgrounds and thus might have different perceptions on what does and does not constitute a family. Even so, if we open our minds about how to define a family, then better connection and decreased stigmatization are possible.

We should start by addressing and noticing the many different types of families. There are single parents, extended, step, foster, nuclear, grandparent, same-sex couple families and more. Additionally, family structures may change over time. Such diverse family forms are becoming more common and recognized. Yet, judging other family systems against the nuclear family is still common.

Regardless of family type, each has different hardships, needs, values and strengths, many of which we most likely cannot see from the outside. Thus, arriving at conclusions about another’s family from incomplete information can be harmful. Assumptions and judgments can feel heavy and may leave adults and children confused or feeling down about the family form they are a part of. Helping children feel proud about their family and their family’s uniqueness and guiding them in learning to acknowledge and respect people who come from backgrounds different from their own is essential. Having an open mind and having open conversations about family systems is a way to start this. By doing so, we can begin to lessen the stigmas around diverse family forms and create more acceptance.

On a personal note, I am a single mother and have had to navigate judgments, stigmas and critical questions as a result. There have been times when both adults and children have assumed that my daughter has a father when, in reality, she does not. My daughter seems to handle these situations well, but I do not know how it will affect her in the future. It leads me to wonder how children in similar non-nuclear situations or other familial structures handle speculation and assumptions about their families. It appears that society continues to reinforce the notion that nuclear families are normal and “good,” while not emphasizing the fact that many of us are a part of other family forms.

There are many various types of families. We should not view those that are different from our own as inferior – family structure does not always equate to the quality of a family. Connecting with other types of families, avoiding assumptions, listening and trying to maintain an open mind about family structures is the best route to take and may lead to an increased understanding of the ever-changing nature of family. Additionally, we each might broaden our definition of what a family is in the process.

Amy Miller is finishing up her Community Health degree, a Gerontology Certificate as well as Nursing prerequisites. After graduating from Community Health, Amy plans to enter into the Accelerated Nursing Program. She loves to spend her free time with family and friends, especially partaking in outdoor activities.