A Baby is Not a Bad Thing

WRITTEN BY CAMI ARMIJO-GROVER

I was talking to a friend recently about her experience having a child in her teens. She admitted being scared to tell her parents, so she told her aunt first. I can only imagine how hard her heart was pounding as she said the words out loud, but her aunt didn’t reprimand or shame her. Rather, she reassured her, “A baby is not a bad thing.” And my friend began to feel excitement about the life growing inside her.

When it comes to teen parents, there are a lot of statistics about how many teen moms drop out of school or how their children are more likely to experience poverty, struggle in school and be incarcerated. These are all true, but they aren’t a complete picture. They don’t take into account that many of these teens already live in poverty, that some get kicked out of their homes, that many schools (and our culture) aren’t set up to provide teen moms with the resources they need and deserve to be successful. And the shame we attach to teen parenting can leave a young parent feeling unable to ask questions, because they are concerned that asking for help will only confirm the myth that teens are not capable of being good parents.

I think we can all agree that parenting is hard, but for some, like teen parents, there are additional challenges. Teen moms are more likely to be single parents, may not yet have the skills or education to make a living wage and, without strong support from their partner or family, may not have access to quality child care.

While I didn’t have a child in my teens, I am the child of teen parents. My mom had my sister when she was 17 and me when she was 18 and my dad was only a couple of years older. My parents did get married, but they were unhappy and divorced when I was 5. I was lucky because both my father, and all of my living grandparents, took a very active role in raising me. In fact, after the divorce, my father and I lived with my grandmother for several years. Even after we moved out, we continued to have dinner at her house every evening. She was a third parent to me and my child is named after her.

My mom was unable to attend public school after my sister was born, but in my small hometown of 5,000 people, the high school allowed her to count night classes toward her diploma. She was very proud of herself when she went back to massage therapy school in her 40’s. It was the first opportunity she really had to invest in herself and her own future.

My father has worked part-time, low-wage jobs most of my life, and delivered lunch and mail to schools for most of my childhood. He never complained, but as soon as my sister and I graduated and moved out, he quit. He said he had disliked it for years, but they had great insurance and he needed that for us girls. Many parents can relate to that need to sacrifice what might be best for ourselves, to ensure the needs of our children are met.

As I said, my parents were lucky to have supportive family to help them, a sentiment echoed by the friend I mentioned. Her child is now a bright, well-adjusted, vivacious 7-year-old and the center of her mama’s world. And my friend is about to graduate with her Bachelor’s Degree and dreams of attending nursing school. She has had to overcome some very large challenges herself, including an abusive relationship with her child’s father and being a single parent. Without the support from her parents, she doesn’t know how she would have done it.

These are only two stories that I hope highlight the need to stop stigmatizing teen parents and start supporting them. Because here are some other statistics:

» 45% of all pregnancies are unplanned – it’s not just teens rate in the developed world

» The U.S. has the highest teen pregnancy

» Over 70% of all 19-year-olds have had sex

If we can support people over age 20 who experience an unplanned pregnancy, why can’t we do the same for teens? Teen parents and their children can be amazingly resilient and, with better family and community support, we can help ensure that everyone has a bright future.

Cami Armijo-Grover is the Education Director at Bridgercare, the family planning clinic in Bozeman. She was first drawn to teaching sex education because of her strong conviction that people (of all ages and genders) deserve the knowledge and resources to plan and space the births of their children. Her favorite name to be called is “Mama!”

https://www.cdc.gov/reproductivehealth/contraception/unintendedpregnancy/index.htm#:~:text=In%202008%2C%20women%20 reported%20that,higher%20rates%20of%20unintended%20 pregnancy

https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/databriefs/db366.htm