Children and Creating a Safe Environment

WRITTEN BY ALLY DZURKA, PCLC, INTERMOUNTAIN CSCT THERAPIST

All children need a safe environment to express themselves and explore their world. For a child who has experienced trauma, creating an environment where they feel safe is crucial.

Children experience trauma for a variety of reasons. A child could be struggling with the death of a loved one or pet. Transitions, such as divorce or moving to a new state or school, can be traumatic. Regardless of how loving and welcoming a family can be, adoption may be traumatic as a child learns how they fit into a new family. Trauma can present in the child becoming withdrawn, irritable and acting in ways that are uncommon for them. A child may be resistant to accepting support as they try to understand their role in the traumatic event.

Children who have experienced trauma to any degree may have specific triggers or activators that contribute to feelings of being unsafe, out of control or overwhelmed. These situations can feel confusing and even overwhelming for caregivers because they may have the best intentions to create an enriching and caring environment.

There are a few strategies to nurture feelings of safety and create a more empowering environment for children who have experienced trauma. These small shifts in the child’s day-to-day atmosphere can contribute to growth and comfort in their relationships and overall well-being. The foundation for an empowering and safe environment includes feeling physically and emotionally safe, having choices, building relationships and feeling empowered.

Physical Safety

When we think about a safe environment, our priority should be physical safety. This includes a child’s perception of whether the space is safe for them. A physically safe environment may include objects that are comforting such as rugs, blankets, soft chairs and space that allows for gentle movement. Body language is also important in a child’s perception of safety. When caring for children, especially while they are experiencing emotional distress, it can be helpful to get on their eye level, have an open posture with visible and open hands and use facial expressions that mirror their emotional experience.

For example, if a child is tearful, intentionally placing a frown on your face can help a child inherently feel understood as you are mimicking the sadness they may be experiencing.

Emotional Safety

If an environment feels physically safe for your child, they may be more likely to express their emotions openly. Thus, it is then important to create an emotionally safe environment that validates and aims to understand a child’s emotional experience. A great way to create a relationship of understanding and validation for the child’s emotions is through attunement. For example, if a child loses their favorite toy and this leads them to feel overwhelmed, you can attune with this experience by saying, “That was a really special toy. These feelings are tough.” This approach validates the difficult experience of losing a toy and normalizes the emotions that come with loss of something special.

Choices

Providing age-appropriate choices, when possible, can help a child feel empowered and promote confidence in their decision-making. Some children who have experienced trauma may feel little control over their lives; giving them guided choices within appropriate limits can help them regain feelings of control and agency over their life.

Relationship

A trusting, collaborative relationship between you and your child is not only important for creating a safe environment, but it also is an opportunity to provide a foundation for healthy relationships in the future. Consistency, togetherness and boundaries contribute to trusting, collaborative and safe relationships. A child may feel safer when they can rely on you to follow through with your boundaries and commitments. When follow-through is not possible, as we are all human and we make mistakes, recognizing the mistake and repairing with your child will help them understand the importance of repair in healthy and trusting relationships.

Empowerment

Creating safety, allowing choices and nurturing the relationship build a foundation for empowerment. To further develop your child’s feelings of empowerment, it is helpful to recognize and build upon their strengths. Finding opportunities to be proud of them and guide them to experience that pride can be empowering for them. Showing a child that they are unique and valued for who they are can be invaluable to their sense of self and understanding of how they fit into the world.

Ally Dzurka is an Intermountain Comprehensive School and Community Treatment counselor at Smith Elementary in Helena. A nationally recognized nonprofit, Intermountain provides a variety of mental and behavioral health services in Helena, Bozeman, Billings and the Flathead Valley, as well as other communities that are served through community partnerships and telehealth services. Learn more at intermountain.org.