Too Much Too Soon

WRITTEN BY JONATHON O’DOUGHERTY

Is she too young to learn a sport?

That’s a question I’ve been asked a lot. Let me share a story that might help answer it for you.

My wife, Pam, and I have been figure skating coaches for decades. Long before we got married, we used to compete together for Great Britain. In 2004, we left the UK and moved to California, where we spent the vast majority of our coaching careers training athletes of all levels. In mid-2021, we decided to take the bold step of moving to work at an ice rink in Bozeman, Montana.

We both wanted our children to get involved in sports. Sports opened up the world for the both of us – literally! Since we work in ice rinks, it made sense to put our girls in ice-skates as soon as they could walk. Our elder daughter, Zibby, progressed at a very typical rate. We recognized this learning curve. It was so far so good! Our younger daughter, Xan, however, was a little more energy efficient. She was more cuddly than competitive. More social than sporty. It didn’t concern us, after all she was only 3. We were going to the rink as a family a few times a week anyway. Consistency, consistency, consistency.

Taking a 3-year-old ice-skating three times a week is pretty normal, right? Of course not, and we both knew it. But hindsight is 20/20, and we did indeed take our toddler ice-skating three times a week for the better part of a year.

She would not let go of the walking aids kids use to hold themselves up. She would not skate unsupported. She just wanted to lie down or be carried. A nonnegotiable prerequisite for iceskating is walking in ice-skates, which she did not want to do... until she did.

The rink closed for maintenance for around two months, so there was no family skating time for the O’Doughertys. When it opened back up, our just-turned 4-year-old daughter was sliding and gliding like her older sister. She went from pushing the shopping cart around to chasing her sister down the ice with this inexplicable newfound confidence. She went from, “Mommy, carry me,” to “Leave me alone. I’m practicing my skills.”

We were flabbergasted. Neither of us had seen this before. So, naturally, we asked her what had changed. She told us, “I’m a big girl now. I’m 4!”

What changed? Her motivation had changed. The break from the rink, combined with the birthday, marked a new phase FOR HER. She decided that she was now a big girl, like her sister, so she started skating like her sister. She wanted to skate now.

Since then, both of our daughters have done countless performances and are well on their way to becoming bona fide figure skaters.

If there are lessons to be learned here, the first is that you cannot rush your child into a sport that they themselves are not interested in. Pam and I have been professional coaches for a long time, so we know all the tricks of the trade, and none of them worked. Motivation needs to come from within. I’m pretty sure that’s true across all sports.

Motivation can be a tricky thing. As adults, most of the time we can recognize it. We know that if we’re tired, hungry, too hot or too cold, our motivation can be pretty low. But we can exercise self-discipline and plow through. Children don’t recognize any of that, and although we can make our children plow through it, we probably shouldn’t. That leads me onto my second lesson.

Too much, too soon, too often is the kiss of death for any activity. Sure, consistency is important, but how much is too much? How soon is too soon? Aren’t they questions for the ages! I don’t know for certain, but I can tell you that skating three times a week was too much for my 3-year-old. Now she’s 5, though, and it works just fine.

Jonathon O’Dougherty is Gallatin Ice Skating Director.