ENTREPRENEUR’N MOORE
Active Listening:
Why is It Important & How to Get Better? Active listening refers to a pattern of listening that keeps you engaged with your conversation partner positively. It is the process of listening attentively while someone else speaks, paraphrasing and reflecting what is said, and withholding judgment and advice. When you practice active listening, you make the other person feel heard and valued. In this way, active listening is the foundation for any successful conversation. Active listening involves more than just hearing someone speak. When you practice active listening, you are fully concentrating on what is being said. You listen with all of your senses and give your full attention to the person speaking. Below are some features of active listening: • Neutral and nonjudgmental • Patient (periods of silence are not "filled") • Verbal and nonverbal feedback to show signs of listening (e.g., smiling, eye contact, leaning in, mirroring) • Asking questions • Reflecting back what is said. • Asking for clarification • Summarizing • In this way, active listening is the opposite of passive hearing. • Active listening serves the purpose of earning the trust of others and helping you to understand their situations. Active listening comprises both a desire to comprehend and offer support and empathy to the speaker. It differs from critical listening; in that you are not evaluating the other person's message to offer your own opinion. Instead, the goal is simply for the other person to be heard and perhaps solve their own problems. Active listening means not engaging in unhelpful listening habits such as the following: • Being stuck in your own head • Not showing respect for the speaker • Only hearing superficial meaning (not hear-
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ing underlying meaning) Interrupting Not making eye contact Rushing the speaker Becoming distracted "Topping" the story (saying "that reminds me of the time...") Forgetting what was said in the past. Asking about unimportant details Focusing too much on details and missing the big picture Ignoring what you do not understand. Daydreaming Only pretending to pay attention.
Active listening has many benefits in your relationships. It allows you to understand the point of view of another person and respond with empathy. It also enables you to ask questions to make sure you understand what is being said. Being an active listener in a relationship means recognizing that the conversation is more about your partner than about you. This is especially important when a relationship partner is distressed.
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Do not interrupt while the other person is speaking. Do not prepare your reply while the other person speaks; the last thing that he or she says may change the meaning of what has already been said. Watch nonverbal behavior to pick up on hidden meaning, in addition to listening to what is said. Facial expressions, tone of voice, and other behaviors can sometimes tell you more than words alone. Shut down your internal dialogue while listening. Avoid daydreaming. It is impossible to attentively listen to someone else and your own internal voice at the same time. Show interest by asking questions to clarify what is said. Ask open-ended questions to encourage the speaker. Avoid closed yesor-no questions that tend to shut down the conversation. Avoid abruptly changing the subject; it will appear that you were not listening to the other person. Be open, neutral, and withhold judgment while listening. Be patient while you listen. We can listen much faster than others can speak.
Your ability to listen actively to a partner going through a difficult time is a valuable skill. In addition, active listening helps relationships in that you will be less likely to jump in with a "quick fix" when the other person wants to be heard.
• Remember that the way you respond to a question also is part of the dialogue. Keep an open mind and show respect for others' points of view even if you disagree with them.
The following tips will help you to become a better active listener: • Approach each dialog to learn something (Think of the person as someone who can teach you). • Make eye contact while the other person speaks. In general, you should aim for eye contact about 60% to 70% of the time while you are listening. Lean toward the other person and nod your head occasionally. Avoid folding your arms as this signals that you are not listening. • Paraphrase what has been said, rather than offering unsolicited advice or opinions. You might start this off by saying, "In other words, what you are saying is...".
In summary, to develop deeper and more meaningful relationships in business and life, focus your skills development on the lost art of "Active Listening" versus telling & selling – You & your relationships will be pleasantly surprised at the positive outcome!
Henry Dumas, Business Coach ICF Credentialed Coach – MCC linkedin.com/in/henrydumas Moore Norman Technology Center 405-801-3540 • mntc.edu
MAY 2021 | MOORE MONTHLY | 19
