To understand family relations in the Netherlands, it is essential to note that the Dutch language uses two expressions for the word family. This is unusual compared to many European countries, which have just one expression with a similar meaning of the word. It is therefore relevant to focus some attention on the words “GEZIN” and “FAMILIE”. “Gezin” can be expressed as a narrow meaning of family. It refers to the nuclear family, comprising the people who belong to one’s household; in a traditional family the husband, the wife and the children. Of course other constellations are possible as well in modern society. “Familie” refers to the extended family, including all those related to one another biologically and legally (e.g. by marriage). The fact that this is an essential distinction in Dutch society can be concluded from the fact that this distinction was made in Dutch law as early as the 15th century. The distinction is based on the looser relationship the members of a “gezin” have with the rest of the “familie” compared to most of the other European societies. Ties between the members of a “gezin” are close. The ties people have with members of the “familie” are not as close as they are in general in other European societies. Even when a member of the “gezin” leaves to start his or her own family, ties loosen further and faster than in other European societies. This has its origins in the historical course of Dutch society. In the Netherlands, the “gezin” has economically been a very independent group, while the economic bond within the “familie” in other societies was closer and more important to the members. Of course family affairs are not influenced only by economic aspects. Another aspect of this development can be found in the very liberal and individual attitude in the Dutch national character. As a consequence, a society that had low moral standards developed around at the end of the 19th century. As a result, politicians in the 20th century worked to create a society in which the “gezin” was considered the cornerstone of society. This meant that an extra emphasis was placed on the “gezin” as a socially desirable institution, in addition to the already existing financial aspects. FAMILY LIFE As the “gezin” is the central point of the family life, it is within that nuclear family that the routines of daily life unfold. Problems are discussed and solved together and a home is provided for all by all. Economic ties are restricted to this group. Children are raised exclusively by the parents; other members of the family are not involved. Nowadays a discussion is going on in the society whether and to what extent schools should be involved in bringing up children, in addition to their educational task. Tasks in the household are divided among the members of the family, depending on the age of the children, the number of children and the economic obligations the adults have outside the household. Although it is preferred to have breakfast, lunch and dinner together, obligations of work, school and sports often interrupt this pattern. A special role in family life is reserved for the pets; especially if the pet is a cat or dog. The Dutch consider their pet a full member of the “gezin” rather than an animal “just for fun”. This can even go so far that the pet is beloved and cared for “as a child” and is emotionally closer to a member of family than a relative outside the “gezin”. When a family is broken by divorce, in general both parents try to provide a home for the children in a separate household. Appointments on when the children are with whom are made either on a voluntary basis or in court. FAMILY CELEBRATIONS The most important day of the year for a Dutch person is his or her birthday. This is celebrated extensively. The most valuable presents of the year are received on this occasion, and it is a common custom to invite family and friends to a party. Children treat their fellow classmates and the teacher at school to sweets or fruits. At home, a birthday cake is part of the celebration. For children, the cake is decorated with a number of candles equal to the number of years being celebrated, and the home is decorated as well. Colleagues treat their fellow workers to cake or pie. In general, the name-day is not celebrated in the Netherlands. Other important events that are celebrated extensively with parties and presents are: • Diplomas upon graduation, • Weddings and wedding anniversaries, and • Anniversaries at work. The reason for the celebration of diplomas is that the Dutch society is very diploma-minded when it comes to finding a job. Only proper education allows a promising career. It is therefore very important for young people to graduate at the highest possible level. As there is a link between the level of education and the level of a student’s future income, parents encourage their children to study to the limits of their potential and celebrate their results.
The cycle of anniversaries in the Netherlands is 12½ (copper), 25 (silver), 50 (golden) and 60 (diamond). Of course when it comes to work, no one seeks diamond, but achieving it in marriage is considered to be a super performance. DAILY ROUTINE When it comes to daily routine, the customs and habits in a Dutch family do not differ too much from those in the surrounding countries. In general, economic activities take place between 8:00 a.m. and 5:00 p.m. during the week from Monday till Friday. A school day generally ends at 3:00 p.m. Dinner is served sometime between 5:00 p.m. and 7:30 p.m. The evening is spent on a combination of resting, sports and fulfilling obligations for school or work. The role of the computer (Internet) and television are quite important; the number of families with an Internet connection and the number of television sets per family are among the highest in the world. The Netherlands are asleep between 12 midnight and 7:00 a.m. During the weekends, the Dutch sleep longer than during the work week. Visiting friends or relatives, shopping, sporting, resting and spending time on hobbies are the common things to do. THE PLACE OF CHILDREN IN THE FAMILY AND IN SOCIETY Within the “gezin” or nuclear family, child-rearing is a major activity. Children can therefore be considered “the centre of all activities”. Their daily routine determines the activities and routines of all. The ages and number of children are of course very important factors in this. Parents not only try to raise their children properly, but also want them to have a good education. Many parents also want their children to be active in sports. This means that parents not only spend a lot of time on their children, but a lot of money as well. In most families, both parents have a job. This means that it often occurs that small children spend several days a week in a day nursery. These nurseries are quite expensive. Grandparents that take over the role of the parents in bringing up the little ones in situations like this, which is quite a common thing in many European countries, are more of an exception in the Netherlands. The same goes for other members of the extended family. Many employers contribute up to a certain percentage toward the costs for nurseries, and there is also some tax relief for the parents. Both contributions in costs are proportionate to the income of the parents. Besides these two measures helping individuals to develop their participation in society, the government pays a general child allowance to parents which is not income-based; it ends at when the child reaches the age of 18. This allowance covers just a fraction of the costs of bringing up children and does not arise from the political intention to encourage couples to have more children. CITY LIFE, COUNTRY LIFE AND URBANIZATION As mentioned in the introductory chapter, the Netherlands is densely populated. Because there are modern infrastructures in all areas, the difference between living in a city or in the countryside is not a large difference. Another reason for this is that there is no real metropolis in the Netherlands. The largest town, Amsterdam, just exceeds 740,000 inhabitants. Although there is a concentration of inhabitants in the triangle formed by UTRECHTAMSTERDAM-ROTTERDAM (known as the Randstad urban conglomeration) and, conversely, the provinces of Zeeland, Groningen, Friesland and Drenthe are less densely crowded, people and houses are found everywhere. There are many towns and villages, all connected by the modern infrastructure. This means that the family life in a town does not differ too much from family life in a village. The exception is that farming families have a life which is concentrated on their farm. However, all other inhabitants experience the everyday hectic routines of work, school, traffic, noise, light, sports, shopping and so on. As wealth came to the masses in the 1960s, the government encouraged the city inhabitants to abandon their overcrowded towns, especially the out-of-date centre cities, in exchange for a life in a village or a suburban area. The policy was to encourage people to leave town by creating suburban areas next to the large towns, encourage villages to provide houses for newcomers and make improvements in infrastructure. Because there has always been a shortage of family houses since the Second World War, many were happy to move. The idea of working in town but living outside of it was abandoned in the late 1980s. As the large numbers of people had to commute extensively in order to attend school or just go to work and back home again, pressure on the environment and the infrastructure forced the government to pursue a policy of living closer to work and school. However, because the population had increased rapidly in the meantime, the situation could not be reversed. Adaptations to infrastructure, such as improving public transportation and developing real estate for commercial purposes next to railway stations, are a few of the solutions implemented. FREE TIME, ENTERTAINMENT, VACATIONS AND LEISURE ACTIVITIES In daily life, sports are important in Dutch society. As a result, many people consider sports and sports-related activities to be an important way of spending free time. Chapter 9 offers a further explanation on the role of sports in Dutch society.
Spending a weekend in rented accommodations, or spending almost every weekend in a privately owned facility such as a boat, mobile home or bungalow situated in a park, is a common thing to do. Gardening is a popular activity, as are visiting garden centres and exhibitions. All kinds of amusement parks, theme parks and zoos attract not only tourists but Dutch people as well. The most popular amusement park is the EFTELING in KAATSHEUVEL, a theme park on fairy tales, which attracts 3,200,000 visitors a year. Events organized on certain themes such as e.g. motor racing or local celebrations are always a success. Concerts in all genres of music, movies and museums are well visited. The Dutch language has a word that has no equivalent in any other language: “GEZELLIGHEID”. It can be described as “an atmosphere in which there is harmony and a feeling of relaxation when one is spending time together with people that are close to one.” Having a cup of coffee or some other beverage together is one way to enjoy “gezelligheid” – although not home. The other ways is just to stay at home, relax and let the stress of the daily routine flow out of one’s body and mind and do “nothing” together with the members of one’s immediate family. Vacations and travelling are popular Dutch activities. Depending on their financial means, many Dutch travel abroad, several times a year if possible. Although Dutch tourists can be found all over the world throughout the year, the most popular destinations are camping in France, skiing in Austria and sunbathing along the Mediterranean. WAYS OF THINKING, CHARACTERISTIC IDEALS AND VALUES A present situation is always the result of historical developments; and the developments keep on going. Chapter 10 describes the history of the Netherlands, but in order to understand the set of Dutch standards and values, we already mention here that the Netherlands has always had a very open society with a strong focus on international economics. The set of standards and values is based on the Ten Commandments from the Bible. The economic circumstances throughout the recent decades and even centuries and the political developments influence the national character as well. Describing the national character is therefore very difficult. “GOING DUTCH” is an internationally famous expression. The fact that the Dutch have the honour of having the main role in this expression has nothing to do with an implication of greed but more with the economical, thrifty Dutch way of thinking. Pragmatism when it comes to economics is a national trademark. As the economy depends and always has depended on trade with foreign partners, an open mind toward the non-Dutch is a standard value. Being a rich nation compared to many other nations, helping the disadvantaged is a great national value. Contributions to charity are made generously, especially when a country suffers a natural disaster. The Dutch are involved with and helpful to those, national and international, who lag behind economically. There is a general kind of sense that “everyone should have the same”; equality in the economic arena is almost a value. Everyone is expected to behave that way when it comes to spending on luxury items end expressing material possession. If someone succeeds in exceeding the “expected” level and shows that success in public by purchasing luxury articles, then there is a general disapproval towards this person. This disapproval, a mix of envy and amazement, is expressed by the common phrase “act normally; that is odd enough”. People who were confronted with this attitude expressed it as: “as soon as you rise above ground level, your head is chopped off”. Extravagance is restricted automatically by this Dutch attitude in society. Although foreign observers often conclude that the Dutch society is a classless society, there are in fact class distinctions. However, the differences between classes are not expressed explicitly by showing off material possessions. When it comes to doing business with the Dutch, foreigners encounter the economic pragmatism as well. Economic arguments prevail over other aspects and the content of business talks and negotiations are practical and “to the point”. Profitable endeavour is what counts in business; personal relations as a basis for partnership are less important than in many other cultures. In general, the business attitude is very proper; promises made are kept, deadlines met and problems solved in a nononsense way. This goes for businesses in the public sector as well, although when it comes to problem-solving, the “no” is sometimes forgotten. The attitude is constructive and results-oriented. In business, politeness is part of the culture but personal relations are not sought after. Economic benefit drives Dutch businesses. Dutch people and authorities have an opinion on all international matters. Sometimes that opinion is expressed in a lecturing, teacher-like way, with the result that people feel that the Dutch misunderstand the importance of their role. A small country with a modest role sometimes overestimates its importance. Sometimes partners in politics and economics are bothered by this attitude and accuse them of being impolite and less than tactical.
Outside of business, people are less polite to each other than compared to the surrounding countries. Nevertheless, the general attitude can be classified as friendly and helpful. The typical Dutch tolerance is seen here again. Personal quarrels are solved as easily as they are started. Revenge is not a Dutch characteristic; “forgive and forget” is the norm. On the other hand, the level of emotional involvement with others tends to be less than in the surrounding countries. Considered by some to be “cold” or “distant”, the pragmatic character of the Dutch is seen here. SOCIAL RELATIONS, ETIQUETTE, POLITE GESTURES Social relations start within the “gezin” or nuclear family. Besides the immediate and extended family, friends are also very important. In general, the Dutch have many friends. They make friends with their neighbours, colleagues and people they meet through sports activities. Visiting each other during an evening, afternoon or for longer takes place mostly in the weekends. The Dutch generally make appointments for these visits rather than dropping by unannounced. Having a chat and enjoying some drinks and snacks is the common thing to do on these occasions. The frequency, duration and kind of drinks and snacks vary with the closeness of the friendship. Birthdays and other festive occasions are celebrated with many friends and relatives invited to a party. Visitors coming to a party bring a gift in honour of the celebration, but a regular visitor brings a small present as well. A bunch of flowers or a box of chocolates is customary. “HAVING A CUP OF COFFEE” together is more than just sitting next to each other and drinking a cup of coffee. The Dutch do drink a lot of coffee, 6 or more cups for an adult a day is no exception, and regard this as a resting point. Really enjoying the drink, forgetting about the world for a few moments and paying full attention to the person with whom one is drinking a cup of coffee brings people close in a pleasant, “gezellig” atmosphere. When someone is invited to have a cup of coffee, it is not done to reject this invitation, although of course it would be equally acceptable to drink tea instead. In general, 2 cups are consumed; the first one is often accompanied by something sweet, such as a cookie. Etiquette is not a thing that Dutch people lose any sleep over. Being considerate of others in one’s behaviour is not a high priority, although being helpful and friendly towards others is appreciated and politeness is valued. In the Dutch language, there are two forms of the word “you”: • “jij” for friends and close acquaintances, or children, and • “u” for strangers or people not close to one, and for children towards adults (or toward people in authority). There are no serious consequences for breaking the rules of etiquette in many areas in the Netherlands, so not everyone is equally conscientious about meeting expectations when it comes to etiquette. In business contacts, Dutch people are very adaptive to their foreign partners when it comes to rules of behaviour. Commercial interests inspire flexibility. In communication, the Dutch appreciate an open mind and a direct look in the eyes. Dutch people live by the clock; appointments are honoured on time. Being late is considered an expression of impoliteness or lack of interest and therefore taken by some as an insult. The ceremonies of greeting include verbal salutations, shaking hands and/or three (!!!) kisses on the cheek. Men do not kiss each other; neither do business partners. Token presents are appreciated, but they must be small; larger presents could lead to an obligation, which is offensive. ———————————————————————————————————————————————————— Moving to the Netherlands from a Western culture is on the whole a painless experience. The Dutch strive for an egalitarian society and are known for their liberalism, welcoming religions and traditions from elsewhere. But this doesn’t mean the Netherlands doesn’t have its own rich cultural heritage – far from it. Moving to the Netherlands enables expats to continue their own cultural practices, but they should be willing to explore and embrace Dutch culture. Accommodation in the Netherlands One of the world’s most densely populated countries, living in an apartment is commonplace in the Netherlands. PRO: Variety of accommodation Expats can either rent or buy apartments in various styles and locations to suit their budget – but it makes sense to live in the city where amenities and new friends will be close by. Dutch accommodation is generally of a high standard and most apartments feel spacious with large windows and high ceilings. CON: Extra costs Expats will need to move quickly when they find an apartment; the best ones get snapped up quickly. And although light and airy, the Dutch tendency to tack the kitchen onto the living room’s back wall isn’t always practical. Apartments
in the Netherlands are either furnished, unfurnished or advertised as a shell. Shell apartments may seem like a bargain, but renting one often means having to buy everything, including carpets and white goods. Finally, some rental agencies charge a month’s deposit and a month’s rent as a finder’s fee on top of all the other relocation costs. Lifestyle in the Netherlands The Dutch lifestyle is so lively, it sometimes seems like they’ll use any excuse for a public celebration. PRO: Great social life The Grote Markts’ easy-going café culture and the summer music festivals that pop up in parks and public spaces are ideal for meeting up with friends. There are also well-supported cultural events throughout the year, where museums and galleries open their doors to the public for nominal fees. CON: The aftermath The Dutch do like their organised celebrations, but their aftermath can look devastating as the streets overflow with litter – although, to be fair, it’s almost all cleared away before lunchtime the next day. Safety in the Netherlands PRO: Lower than average crime rates The Netherlands compares favourably to the UK and the USA when it comes to crime statistics. Expats will likely feel secure, and even large football crowds are usually family friendly and require few police. Nevertheless, as with anywhere, there are areas it’s probably best not to hang around at night. New arrivals will find out where these are quite quickly. CON: Irresponsible cyclists Most safety issues in the Netherlands seem to come from bicycles. Cyclists often weave in and out of traffic without safety helmets, and it’s worth bearing in mind that in a collision between a car and a bicycle, the car driver will be held responsible. Working in the Netherlands PRO: 30 percent tax ruling and work-life balance The Netherlands has one of Europe’s lowest rates of unemployment, which combined with the 30 percent tax-free allowance available to people moving to work in the Netherlands, makes for confident reading. But this allowance is mainly for people with specific skills which are rare within the local labour market. The Dutch are known for their healthy work-life balance and many people work part-time. CON: Not many opportunities for non-EU expats If a Dutch employer wants to hire someone from outside the EU, they have to prove a Dutch citizen or someone from another EU country can’t fill the position – which is rarely the case. Culture shock in the Netherlands PRO: An egalitarian society Moving to the Netherlands from another Western country hardly feels like culture shock. Almost everyone is tolerant of non-Dutch speakers and speaks English. They also have an inclusive culture that isn’t materialistic, in which employers, employees and people of all ages socialise. CON: Learning to speak the language While the Dutch are happy to speak English to new arrivals, they’re justifiably proud of their language and expect expats to learn the basics. Dutch seems like a cross between English and German, so many of the words sound familiar, but getting to grips with its guttural ‘G’ sounds can be challenging. CON: Misreading the Dutch The Dutch are known for their directness, which takes time to feel comfortable with and can be misunderstood as rudeness, when it’s more a desire for clarity and understanding. Healthcare in the Netherlands PRO: Efficient healthcare service The health service in the Netherlands is efficient, waiting times are usually short, and prescriptions can be ordered via telephone and collected the same day. Doctors generally speak impeccable English and give generous appointment times. CON: Healthcare is expensive
Health insurance in the Netherlands is expensive and doesn’t always cover what expats might expect, so it’s important to read the small print. Finding a doctor or dentist after arriving can be difficult and expats may find that dentists don’t offer enough pain relief. Local anaesthetic may cost extra. Doctors’ automated phone systems can also be challenging for non-Dutch speakers – expats may want to note the numbers needed to press to make an appointment and keep them by the phone. Transport in the Netherlands PRO: A nation of travellers The Netherlands hosts one of Europe’s busiest airports, Schiphol International and Rotterdam has one of the world’s biggest ports. For a small country, the Dutch do transport on a large scale. The Dutch have long been known as a nation of travellers and it’s easy to see why – most of Europe is easily accessible by car, train or boat, and anywhere else is just a flight away. PRO: The Dutch cycling habit Almost everyone uses a bicycle for any journey shorter than five miles. Embracing this habit will increase expats’ fitness levels while doing their bit for the environment and blending in with the locals. Cars aren’t necessary for city residents and it’s possible travel throughout the country using its extensive network of trains and buses. CON: Traffic jams and cancellations Due to the sheer density of the population, rush hour congestion is common. The usually efficient Dutch trains can be prone to unexpected cancellations, and it’s important to keep bikes chained as theft is widespread. Also, while cycling in the Netherlands is good for fitness, the rain can make it a wet experience. Weather in the Netherlands PRO: Four seasons Each of the seasons brings its own magic to the Netherlands. Skaters fill the frozen canals like a postcard during winter. The blooming tulips are an iconic sight in spring and the almost-Mediterranean summers stay light until late. But autumn is best of all, when the turning leaves transform parks and forests into a golden blaze of colour. CON: Unpredictable weather Even though it sometimes feels Mediterranean, it isn’t. The Dutch weather changes quickly, especially in the summer, alternating between humid heat and thunderstorms several times a day. Shopping in the Netherlands PRO: Independent shops Unlike many other countries, independent stores are common, and shopping at specialist cheese and chocolate shops is a particular treat. The supermarkets are somewhat small, but expats should still find a few of their favourite home brands. Most places host weekly food markets which sell an abundance of fresh produce. Another bonus is that it isn’t necessary to buy bottled water – the Netherlands has some of Europe’s best drinking water. CON: Restricted hours The restricted opening hours may take a while to get used to: for example banks and most shops are closed till 1pm on Mondays and only major cities regularly offer Sunday shopping. ———————————————————————————————————————————————————— Gezellig — a word that encompasses the heart of Dutch Culture Gezellig is a Dutch word you will hear — and hopefully later use — a lot. The term encompasses the heart of Dutch culture, as the Dutch tend to love all things gezellig. You’re welcome to try and pronounce it: heh-SELL-ick. (You’ll get a chance to hear and practice it further down the page). Locals and foreigners alike will tell you that the word can not be translated. Its meaning includes everything from cozy to friendly, from comfortable to relaxing, and from enjoyable to gregarious. According to Wikipedia, “A perfect example of untranslatability is seen in the Dutch language through the word gezellig, which does not have an English equivalent. Literally, it means cozy, quaint, or nice, but can also connote time spent with loved ones, seeing a friend after a long absence, or general togetherness.” However, to the Dutch it goes way beyond ‘cozy.’ You’ll hear the word a lot when you visit Amsterdam, so here are some indications as to how to understand and use it:
GEZELLIG VS. NOT GEZELLIG A brown café is gezellig. A dentist’s waiting room is not — though it can be gezellig if your friends accompany you, particularly if they are gezellig. An evening on the town with friends is gezellig, especially if you have dinner at a gezellig restaurant, see a good movie, and finish with a drink at a gezellige pub. Trying to entertain the inlaws-from-hell is definitely not gezellig. Old-fashioned shops and boutiques are gezellig; modern warehouses are not. Watching a movie at home in a gezellige living room (read: warm colors, warm ambiance, full of books, plants, and knick-knacks, along with a dog or cat or two) is gezellig, especially if you have gezellige friends over. Eating dinner at MacDonald’s is ongezellig — though here again gezellige friends can make a difference. Amsterdam is gezellig. Rotterdam is not. Gezelligheid Gezelligheid (Dutch pronunciation: [ɣɘ.'zɛl.ɪɣ.hɛɪt]) is a Dutch word which, depending on context, can be translated as convivial, cozy, fun, or nice atmosphere, but can also show someone belonging, time spent with loved ones, the fact of seeing a friend after a long absence, or the general togetherness that gives people a warm feeling. The only common trait to all descriptions of gezelligheid is a rather general and abstract sensation of individual well-being that one typically shares with others. All descriptions involve a positive atmosphere, flow or vibe that colors the individual personal experience in a favorable way and in one way or another corresponds to social contexts. As this is a very vague and abstract notion, the word is considered to be an example of untranslatability, and is one of the hardest words to translate to English. Some consider the word to encompass the heart of Dutch culture.[1] The word derives from gezel which means companion or friend. During the Middle Ages a gezel was also the Dutch term for a journeyman, which in the Dutch guild system formed a group around a single Master craftsman; hence the added meaning of belonging.[2] Use[edit] Gezellig in English language could be used in places or with a party of people (one or more) that are easy to relax into and heartening. The adjective gezellig can be used in a wide variety of situations:[3] A room can be gezellig. (meaning cozy or inviting), A person can be gezellig. (meaning entertaining or pleasant), A party can be gezellig. (meaning fun), A visit to ones grandparents can be gezellig. (meaning togetherness) Gezellig can also be used as an exclamation, which can either carry the meanings described above or be used sarcastically or ironically or to express enthusiasm for an upcoming event such as one of the above. Similar words The Danish word hygge ([ˈhyɡə]) is very close in meaning. Etymologically, it is related to the Dutch word "heugen", meaning to remember. The German term Gemütlichkeit (of which "gemoedelijkheid" is its Dutch cognate), invoking coziness and comfort and which has also been adopted by the English language, covers some of the possible meanings of gezellig, but not all. Although the German term Geselligkeit does look a lot like the Dutch word, it has a different meaning. The Yiddish word heimishe., Norwegians also have a word, "koselig", that means a sense of coziness. Swedish also has a similar term, "Mysig".