f Poems of Neil Michelsen
Volume 18
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f Dedication To my family
2016
Neil Michelsen 2016
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f Preface I began writing in Brooklyn in 1960 when I just turned 17. That was the year my mother died with my first poem being about her death. The approximate 1,500 poems written between 1960 and 2015 were compiled in a published series of 17 hard bound books that represented a catch up of all the poems I had written up to 2015. This volume is a continuation of that series. I started out writing traditional style poetry but then gravitated to poetry that was a variation of free verse in that while it had meter it had limited rhyming. As with all my poems they represent my observations, experiences, stories and personal feelings. The poems herein are presented in the order that were most favored for their poetic style, subject matter or personal meaning to me. I apologize if any offense is taken with anything I’ve written as that was not my intent. Since these poems were not professionally edited, I also apologize for any deficiencies in poetic form and for any grammatical, typographical or spelling errors. It is my hope that these poems, along with my other personal works (i.e. my journals, books and other writings; music compositions; family movies and photo albums; paintings; and various collections and memorabilia) will serve as my legacy and mark in life as well as a personal inheritance to my family.
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f Table of Contents No Title and Dedication Preface 1. The Gang’s Not All Here 2. A War Junky (By Comparison) 3. Oh Boatman, Please Let Me Off Here 4. The Smell Of Death 5. Almost There 6. The Goose That Couldn’t Keep Up 7. The Land Of The Invalids 8. The Alamo 9. Perception Became Reality 10. In Empathy With The Moon (On Vi) 11. Will I Beat The Clock? 12. My Little Winter Birds 13. My Old Pajamas 14. Nature Called 15. Mutual Curiosities 16. Seeing God 17. The Tortoise And The Hare (On Tom Carroll) 18. The Cloudy In-Between 19. Tick Tock 20. Trees – My Favorite Things 21. Waiting For The Knock 22. The Last Tunnel 23. The Face Of Death (On Ronnie Zeilnhofer) 24. Just One Day Of Relief 25. “But They Have No Legs!” 26. A Matter Of Life And Death 27. Have I Mellowed? 28. Time 29. Stuttering 30. Bad News Radio 31. Beep, Beep – Passing 32. Satisfied With Less 33. When Will The Pump Stop Pumping?
Pg 1 3 7 13 14 17 19 22 23 25 27 29 31 33 35 37 38 40 43 45 48 51 52 54 56 58 59 60 63 65 67 68 70
34. 35. 36. 37. 38. 39. 40. 41. 42. 43. 44. 45. 46. 47. 48. 49. 50. 51. 52. 53. 54. 55. 56. 57. 58. 59. 60. 61. 62. 63. 64. 65. 66. 67. 68. 69. 70. 71. 72. 73. 74. 75.
Missing Him (On Tom Carroll) Sugar-Glazed Moonlight Rose Colored Glasses? As Long As They Came Together I’m Still 18
Under The Flowers Cute Little Song Birds? It’s Going So Slow My Recall But Tomorrow Never Comes What If I Didn’t Have? (On Vi) Fluttering Leaves Tenants In Common Vegetables First Now It’s Happening To Me My Sighs I Think – I Hope Trying To Make Her Hurt Too Full House (On Leandra And Kerry) First Time-Last Time Each Night And Morning Singing For Your Supper She Was Always There (On Vi) Brave Like Him Macbeth Ashes Picking Lint Let Me Go A Man Of Leisure Something I Don’t Even Want To Think About God, Prophet Or Con Artist? My Sendoff The Most Amazing Things
Being Certain Russian Roulette On Average
The Violent Universe Things That You Just Don’t Do My Musical Game Shakespeare Members Of A Special Club (On Judy) Full Circle
71 76 77 80 83 84 85 87 88 89 90 91 92 94 95 96 97 98 100 102 105 107 109 110 111 112 116 119 121 124 125 126 128 130 131 132 133 134 135 137 138 140
76. 77. 78. 79. 80. 81. 82. 83. 84. 85. 86. 87. 88. 89. 90. 91. 92. 93. 94. 95. 96. 97. 98. 99. 100. 101. 102. 103. 104. 105. 106. 107. 108. 109.
On The Edge Of Knowledge For The Times I Didn’t It’ll Be Worth It Little Worm, Big Giant Halley’s Comet (On Stella) Boy Scout Camp Wish Me Luck Having A Smoke Together TV Company I’m Ready To Go “Snickers” And “Emma” The Navajo Club The Desert Trying To Imagine The Basic Rectangular Shape Politically Correct And Ready To Go Who’s To Blame? I Had A Dream Arrows Into The Future Half Dead Rules Uniforms For Sanity’s Sake How Would I Have Handled Things? Forced Rhyme And Meter (On Poetry Writing) Watching The Weather Parkinson’s And Alzheimer’s The Inevitable Enough In Return? (To Vi) Always Preparing An Unbalanced Equation It’s Not A Racial Problem Changing Gifts Let Me See *****
141 142 143 145 148 150 154 155 156 158 159 162 166 167 168 170 171 172 175 176 177 180 182 183 185 186 187 189 190 191 192 193 196 197
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Poems of Neil Michelsen
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The Gang’s Not All Here 4-10-2016 Missing my two departed sisters. _____ 1. It was an inseparable union − A circle of wagons against the Indians − An unbroken chain And something that was indivisible. It was the gang of us 5 siblings Forged together though the stress of growing up Under unfortunate family circumstances. 2. We were always together Both in person And in absentia. We had an invisible magnetism That kept us joined and strong. 3. And at every family function The whole gang would be there And we’d feel and silently sing our song: “Hail, Hail, the gang’s all here.” And if one of us couldn’t make it We felt his or her absence.
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4. But then my sisters Chris and Enid died And 2 of the wagons were gone Which left a huge hole in our circle. The circle had been broken And the formally happy theme song Had painfully changed To: “Hail, Hail, the gang’s not all here.” 5. Now it’s only the 3 of us joined together And who are always the missing the 2 who were taken And always thinking and painfully aware That the gang’s not all here. 6. “Hail, Hail, the gang’s not all here.” Oh how it hurts to sing that new song. *****
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y A War Junky (By Comparison) 1-7-2016 Post traumatic stress. _____ 1. It was unnervingly quiet at home And everything he did was trivial With nothing Being a matter of life and death Like it was in the war. 2. And everyone was friendly – Too friendly − Which made him suspicious − And uncomfortable. 3. Life now Was all too full Of soft and pleasant choices With nothing tough, threatening Or dangerous about it.
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4. And all his new found friends Were weak and untested And nothing like his foxhole-buddies Who were steel strong, combat tested And ready to die for him. 5. At home There were so many inconsequential decisions That he had to make And too many unchallenging little chores That he had to do All of which were unsatisfying And downright demeaning to him. 6. Having returned from the war All the softness and pleasantness of home life Was something he just wasn’t used to And completely unfulfilling. He just couldn’t get into home life For it had no life and death aspect to it – By comparison. 7. In the war He had missions to accomplish That always had his adrenalin going Which mustered up huge amounts of energy and focus. But now – By comparison − He just had little wimpy “honey-do” chores to do That he just couldn’t get into.
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8. At home His focus and energy was fragmented and diluted As it had to be dispersed, divided and allocated Among a million petty day-to-day chores and decisions That neutralized or neutered them all. 9. In the war His focus was clear, concentrated and vital: Complete your mission Protect your fellow marines And survive. These were the daily rules Day after day And night after night In the war. 10. But now In the quiet security of home and civilian life Everything was trivial and uneventful − By comparison. 11. He also couldn’t find The same level of emotional attachment To his blood family That he had felt for his buddies. Blood was not thicker Than the glue that comes from the bonding That happens in war.
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12. He was afraid that he had become A war junky Going through withdrawal And fearful that once an addict − Always an addict − Always alone, distant and on edge With nothing to challenge or interest him − By comparison. *****
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y Oh Boatman, Please Let Me Off Here 4-30-2016 I woke up with happy tears in my eyes from a dream I had about feeling content at having achieved all that I wanted to achieve in life making it the perfect time for me to go. _____ 1. Oh Boatman Please let me off on this lovely shore For I’ve gone far enough in this life And feel that it’s time. 2. And God Although you might not even exist At this unusually content point in my life I’m inclined to believe you do And in all things good. 3. Oh Boatman Please stop here So that I may kiss God’s cheek That I think I see In the low hanging clouds Just up ahead. 4. Oh Boatman Keep a steady and gentle course For I believe That you’re approaching my starting place And the place to where I must return For like the salmon I can taste the waters of my origin. 7
5. Oh Boatman Can you please stop here So that I can take in A full breath of that sweet air That smells like home. 6. Dear God Take me now When the love and gratitude That I have for my wife and kids And for all my remaining family Is at its highest and deepest. 7. Oh Boatman You can stop now For I’m seeing the Heavens open up Which is the signal I’ve been waiting for. 8. Oh Boatman You’re close enough to the shore now Where you can easily glide onto it Without any more paddling And stop with just a gentle touch Upon the sand. 9. Oh Boatman Be quiet and listen. Do you hear the purring of my heart? Or is that my imagination?
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10. Oh God Give me your blessing and extreme unction And close my eyes with your holy fingers At this timely moment When the warm beauty of your sunset Is in them. 11. And gracious God Let the sound of that song bird That I now hear Be the last thing To fill my ears. 12. Oh Boatman Let me off here Feeling good that I have provided For my wife and children And confident that they will miss me And visit my grave And that I won’t be forgotten and alone. 13. Oh God Let me pass away now With this rare warm memory of my life Wrapped around my heart. 14. Oh God Let me die tasting these salty tears of joy Which tell me That it’s the optimum time to leave this world And not be tempted to wait And risk a lesser moment.
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15. Oh Boatman Let me bravely face the shadow of death That had always intimidated me For now I see it as a trusted ally Who will escort me to my grave That it has especially prepared for me. 16. Oh God I hear a choir of angels And thank you for that honorable gift To coincide with my passing. 17. And God Let me smell the flowers of spring And take their fragrances with me To my density. 18. Oh Boatman Let me hum that lovely song That I now hear in my heart − The song that I heard before But never really listened to. 19. Oh Boatman Put me on the shore And let me sit in calm reflection Of where I’ve been And what I’ve done in life.
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20. Thank you, God For finally untying the knots That had bound my mind before And allowing me now To fully understand The true and perfect synergy Between life and death. 21. Oh my companion and understanding Boatman Please hand me a pen and some paper So that I can write my loved ones And tell them that I’m safe and happy And have found the peaceful passing That I’d been looking for And having found it That I must embrace it before I lose it Hoping they’ll understand and forgive me For not having said good bye in person. 22. Oh Boatman Let me swing my feet over the side And into the warm wet sand And stand facing the sun With no regrets in my heart. 23. Pull over, Boatman And let me touch a plant and a tree Knowing that I’m touching something That will live on after me.
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24. Oh Boatman Please drop me off on this here lovely shore For I’ve gone far enough in life And feel I’m ready to peacefully close my eyes And say good bye. 25. Thank you Boatman For your kind services. And as you fade into the distance And leave me on my own I wave good-bye to you And wish you well. 26. And Boatman Don’t worry about me For I am not afraid As all is as it was destined to be From the very beginning. 27. Oh God, I see my soul rising now As smoke into the sky Leaving my physical remains behind To be bleached and scrubbed white and clean By the water, sun and sand Until they become relic monuments on the beach − Footprints in the sand − To show that although I have departed I was once here. *****
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y The Smell Of Death 6-29-2016 The inevitability of death that comes with life. _____ 1. Every new birth Carries the seed of death. 2. Every fresh birth Is infected with a deadly virus. 3. Every sunrise Comes with the inevitability of nightfall. 4. As soon as a person’s born His shadow appears. 5. With the first sweet breath of life There comes the smell of death. *****
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y Almost There 6-11-2016 Nothing’s done until it’s done with timing being everything. _____ 1. I call to my grave and welcome its echo Confirming to me that it’s ready and waiting. So Death, Before anything tempts you To change the course of things Let me have the peaceful passing That I think I’ve earned. 2. All the things that I have lost and failed at Are in the past And their frightening voices have been muted And their sharp fangs dulled. 3. And the cross that I hold in my hand I carry with confidence now And hold it up bravely against all the vampires Who had so ravaged me before.
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4. My skin is now Miraculously free of boils That before had found me Their fertile breeding ground. 5. While I prayed for the dream Of a content passing I always had doubts That it would ever come true But now – By whatever miracle is at play – I feel I may be close And maybe – just maybe – My dream will be realized. 6. With success so near It’s hard for me to remember The disconfidence and loneliness That I felt before. And the harsh and threatening voice That was always ringing in my ears Is hardly audible now And which I try my best to ignore So as not to encourage it in any way. 7. Always being a believer that All’s well that ends well I’m pleased at what I see may be my end.
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8. I can now see the finishing line And the prospect of a happy ending to my story. I’m almost there – Almost there. 9. But having said that I also fear that that prospect May only be a cruel and teasing apparition For nothing’s guaranteed in life And almost there Is not there. 10. So let me rush to my happy death And to that peaceful grave I see in front of me Before something trips me up And ruins it all. Life has tripped me up so many times before So please, Death Don’t be a copy cat show-off. 11. I’m almost there – Almost. But while being a hopeful believer That all’s well that ends well I’m also a pessimist And know full well That timing is everything And that almost there Is not there. ***** 16
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The Goose That Couldn’t Keep Up 1-8-2016 No one waited for him. _____ 1. They were honking And flying in their traditional “V” shape formation Going south for the winter. 2. But one was way behind the others Honking for them to wait up. But they didn’t And he kept falling further and further behind. 3. Looking up You could see that almost perfect “V” shape formation Except that is, for that one dot lagging behind And that you just couldn’t help feeling sorry for. 4. They wanted to wait for him But they couldn’t Because keeping that “V” formation Was instinctive and the law of their survival.
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5. They saw him falling behind, Heard his weakening calls And felt bad about not being able to help. But that was just the way it was And they could only wish the best for him. 6. He’d always been a little weaker than the others But in the summer He only had to fly short distances And was able to keep up. But that wasn’t the case now With this long and strenuous winter migration. 7. As he became increasingly exhausted He continued to fall further and further behind And lower and lower in altitude Until he was ultimately forced to land. And when he did land − Puffing and all out of breath − He saw that he was in a very foreign and lonely place. 8. All he could think about Was that warm and distant place in the south Where all his friends and family were going And the possibility That he might not make it through the winter Where he was. It was a very cold and lonely feeling Compounded by the shame of knowing That he just couldn’t keep up. ***** 18
y The Land Of The Invalids 3-29-2016 Leaving one world and entering another. _____ 1. In one second His hand was cut off. It was a freak accident And happened Before he even knew what had happened. And after it happened He couldn’t believe it. 2. The second before He had his hand And the second after It was gone. 3. After his treatment and therapy He faced a completely different world. In one second He went from one world – His old world − To another – To a completely different and alien one.
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4. He was no longer part of the normal world But rather Relegated, downgraded and consigned To a disadvantaged and much smaller world – A world that was based on sympathy. He had been deported To the land of the invalids. 5. His life had completely changed And all his former friends and even relatives Were estranged In that they felt very awkward with him And he with them. They were now two different species, it seemed. It was an overpowering and depressing feeling. 6. His life was different now − It was more than different − It was completely different. He was an immigrant in a new land With different people, neighbors, employers And a different culture and language to learn. 7. He could no longer participate in his former world And just had to face it. And no matter what anyone said to the contrary To make him feel better In belief, sympathy or by outright lying to him It was an entirely different life.
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8. Formerly he had self esteem and freedom But now he was self-conscious and embarrassed Where he found himself avoiding people and events And spending more and more time And feeling more and more comfortable In the recesses of his dim-lit and stuffy room. 9. He was now on a reservation that he felt – Rightly or wrongly − Was especially prepared for him To keep him comfortably out of sight. 10. He knew that those in his old life and world Couldn’t be expected To be slowed down by his misfortune Nor could he expect To keep up. 11. He also knew that although it was no one’s fault, per se And that it’s just the way things are sometimes And nothing personal And what life sometimes does to you − He couldn’t help feeling bad about it and its unfairness. 12. He was in a different world now And the sooner he accepted it and let go of his old world The better it would be – At least that’s what they say. ***** 21
y The Alamo 1-25-2016 The last leaf of Fall. _____ 1. Hang on little leaf of Fall! Even though you know that you’ll ultimately lose your grip And fall to the ground And add yourself to the landscape’s volume and color Like all the others Hang on as long as you can. 2. Even though you know it’s inevitable – The inevitability of a hundred million years of prior Falls – Hang on, for what’s not inevitable Is that this year you may be the last one to fall And there’s honor and pride in that. 3. Hang on there, little Autumn leaf. Be the last man standing at the Alamo. Be a role model for the others. Do it for the honor and pride of it Which is something That we all wish we could achieve In some fashion or another. *****
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y Perception Became Reality 2-22-2016 What got him killed. _____ 1. He always dressed well − In a nice suit and tie. 2. Even at informal occasions He dressed with conservative style That drew admiring eyes. 3. And when you saw him at a restaurant It was always at an upscale one – Not an extravagantly expensive one But one that was well-known and served good food. And with his meals He’d always have a glass of wine After which he’d have A double espresso with Sambuca. 4. He was a man who appeared to have money – Like a rich bachelor businessman, entrepreneur Or something.
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5. It was for these reasons That he became a mark on the street. It was for these reasons That he was robbed and killed. And it was for the following reasons That it was all for naught. 6. During the police investigation of his murder It was discovered that he was not the rich man That everyone thought he was. 7. He was rather a man of only modest means Who had to save up For each of those witnessed restaurant meals And for the stylish clothes he wore. And the proof was in his closet For it contained only a few sets of clothes. And further proof was in his bank account Which was almost empty. 8. His clothes and his restaurant meals Were the only little luxuries he had in life − And the ones that got him killed. It was perception that got him killed When perception became reality. *****
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y In Empathy With The Moon (On Vi) 6-12-2016 Empathy for my loss. _____ 1. Oh Mom You’re gone now − My little faithful sunflower has been taken away − Leaving me with doubts so deep and hurtful That it sometimes makes me feel That you never even existed. 2. But I know that you did In another Time long ago And take comfort in that fact And for which I thankfully Make the sign of the cross. 3. The darkness faces me like a bully But there within it I see, smell and feel a warm fire That gives me the strength To stand up against the empty, black, cold And frightening night.
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4. But where is the moon To help me in this night? Where is it To show me the path I have to take And give me some orientation In this cold new forest of loneliness? 5. Oh there you are, Moon! I see you hiding behind that tree. Though I know you never cared much for me I extend my hand to you anyway In the hope that you’ll accept it At least out of empathy For I know that you are as lonely In your black-night world As I am in mine. 6. And even if you don’t accept my hand I’ll take some reconciling comfort In knowing that we both exist in our sorrows Drifting in our dark and empty sovereign worlds For misery loves company. *****
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y Will I Beat The Clock? 3-18-2016 On the cycles in life. _____ 1. I’ve had my share of good times and bad times – Bad times in my childhood years; Good times in my Navy and early career years; Bad times in the 1990s When I was often out of work and low on money And racked with anxiety dealing with the kids in their stressful years; Then good times with a run of steady work And the ability to save for retirement; Then bad times when I was forced to take early retirement That financially hurt me and forced me to go Into a stressful and unsuccessful business as an insurance agent; Then, after quitting that business and voluntarily retiring, The good times were back again as retirement has been good − So far anyway. 2. But knowing that the economy and personal luck Are cyclical I sit here and wonder if and when my luck might turn again – When the cycle might unfavorably reverse itself And sweep me up with it.
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3. So here I sit Wondering if I’ll be able to “Beat the Clock” * − Wondering if my luck will hold out For the remainder of my life And before the cycle turns again − Wondering if I’ll be able to go out with the good times And with peace of mind and dignity Rather than in bad times Struggling and worried for my family’s future. * A 1950s TV game show. 4. “All’s well that ends well.” But likewise “All’s bad that ends bad.” 5. So here I am waiting – Waiting − Waiting to see If I’ll beat the clock. *****
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y My Little Winter Birds 3-28-2016 The birds of winter. _____ 1. I look out the window And see a bunch of little winter birds Darting all about − Exploring, socializing and foraging in the snow. With their colors contrasted against the icy fields of white. 2. While all the other birds Have gone off to warmer climates And left me alone to the cold silence of winter These brave little birds have elected to stay with me And keep me company Giving me something to look at and enjoy – Something of life − In this cold and windy northern tundra. 3. While everything else of life has vanished These little things have remained alive and full of life And for this I thank them For both their bravery And their loyalty.
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4. We are kindred tenants In this white icy winter And we’ll get through it together. “Thank you for not leaving me,” my little ones, “And for giving me something of life to look at While everything else has fled or gone dormant. Thank you My little birds of winter.” *****
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y My Old Pajamas 5-18-2016 50 years of companionship. _____ 1. I have an old pair of cotton pajamas That I’ve had for over 50 years And they’re my favorites. 2. After 50 years They’re broken in perfectly – Soft and comfortable. 3. I’m often told that they’re so worn out That they look like a rag But I love them And love is blind and protective − Or defensive Depending how you look at it. 4. Over the years They’ve become a mere veil of threads – Unattractive to others But a confirmation to me That they’ve been super-personalized.
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5. They’re so thin you can see right through them And look somewhat like men’s lingerie Which is embarrassing for others But not to me. 6. Also their cotton threads are so fine That they move With the slightest breath of air But that just proves How light and comfortable they are. 7. And although they’re all stretched out And misshaped It just means that they’ve been honed Into a perfectly tailored fit. 8. I know my old pajamas Will someday just evaporate Which I’m content to wait for Rather than do anything To this dear old friend of mine. 9. But where things really count With respect to their true personal worth Is how warm and cozy I feel in them When I’m in my bed and under the covers For you can’t put a price on that − Just as you can’t put a price on love. ***** 32
y Nature Called 1-10-2016 Discovered. _____ 1. I worked on the grounds until dark And after finishing I had to take a pee. So I went into the woods Where it was dark and secluded With an eerie silence surrounding me And found a spot. I felt as though I was just like one of the forest animals – No better – No different – And liked that identification. 2. Then half way through my relief The flood lights that we had installed in the woods Suddenly went on. They were like beams of light from heaven. It was as though God himself had “caught me in the act” Just like he had “caught” Adam and Eve.
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3. While it was just a short circuit of some sort That made the lights go on It felt like something more divine and ominous Had happened − Something more ill-omened − Something tailored and fitting for my “sin.” 4. While I fully understood The scientific reason for it − Being the poet that I am − I couldn’t help but think about The symbolism and poetic justice of it all − Being caught in the act By God, himself. 5. I wondered too If I was being reprimanded − For lowering myself And embarrassing my Creator Who perhaps expected more of me. Was I being embarrassed As I had embarrassed Him? Was this my punishment For just taking a little pee in the woods? *****
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y Mutual Curiosities 6-5-2016 Watching the little birds on Mom’s Crepe Myrtle bush. _____ 1. I always sit In the left hand corner of our kitchen couch Which serves as my working office With its padded arm as my makeshift desk. 2. It’s also my viewing perch Because right next to the couch Is the kitchen window Which gives me a nice view of our grounds. 3. It’s my favorite spot And the spot that has a close-up view Of Mom’s normally red-flowered and vibrant Crepe Myrtle bush. But for some reason the bush died And is now just a twisted maze Of bare brown branches Empty of both flowers and leaves.
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4. But despite its barrenness It has attracted A cadre of little fist-sized birds Who have adopted it as their favorite spot And who fly in and out of it Constantly interchanging positions with each other. 5. So here I sit Enjoying all the fluttering activity Of these little creatures On this little stage Just outside my window. 6. Watching them Is a wonderful break from my work And something I can depend on seeing With assured predictability For they’re continuously coming and going. 7. I look at them And they look at me – Or at least I think they do – Making us mutual curiosities to each other. 8. They’re on their perch And I’m on mine With only a double pane window Between us. ***** 36
y Seeing God 6-7-2016 Acquiring knowledge. _____ 1. Knowledge is pure And a thing of beauty. 2. It is a speck of brilliant light In the dark. 3. And when you stand at the edge of knowledge You stand at the edge of the Universe. 4. And when you stand at the edge of the Universe You can see god in the distance. *****
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y The Tortoise And The Hare (On Tom Carroll) 6-18-2016 Who bested who? _____ 1. Oh Tom You have beaten me In the race to our graves. 2. You have found yours first Leaving me stranded And still searching for mine. 3. You’ve always been Smarter, more charismatic and more successful than I And bested me at most everything And now you’ve done it again − Or have you? 4. But by winning this latest race and contest Have you outsmarted yourself? By winning, have you in fact lost? Were you the hare, and I the tortoise in our race?
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5. Knowing who really won Overall Is still up for grabs As it all depends On who will have left this world On the higher note. 6. So the race is not over As I’m still plugging along Slowly but surely And so we won’t be able to tell yet Who was it that bested who – Who was the tortoise And who was the hare. *****
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y The Cloudy In-Between 7-23-2016 Not the same kind of love. _____ 1. He loved her for the genuine smile She always had And for freely giving it to him Out of honest love. But his heart ached From the strain of faking his return smiles. He loved everything about her But he just didn’t love her – At least not in the same way That she loved him. 2. Should she have been less naive and less hopeful? And should he have been More brutally and hurtfully honest? Nothing against either one − It was just the way it was.
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3. He tried to make her happy Because she deserved it But unfortunately not because he loved her. He wished, for both their sakes, That it was for a much more affectionate And genuine reason than that But sadly it wasn’t. 4. In one sense he was a martyr For not wanting to hurt her But in another sense he felt like a liar and a cheat; In one sense it was an act of kindness And in another, like a cruel charade All of which however put a strain on him And wore him down. It wasn’t a total dishonesty however As he truly loved her But just in a different way than she loved him. It was a sidewise-love And not one that was straight on and up front. 5. He so much wanted to find someone To whom he could give his love And gain some relief From what was all pent up Inside of him.
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6. He so much wanted to give his love Out of love And less Out of duty and honor. But that was not in the cards And he had to accept it as such. 7. He rationalized – And perhaps correctly – That his partial and silent dishonesty Was better than speaking the stark and hurtful truth And that it was just like so many other things in life Where there’s no best thing, but rather Something in the cloudy in between. *****
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y Tick Tock 7-29-2016 Your life is a ticking clock. _____ 1. Each life is granted An allotted amount of time – An allotted number of Ticks and Tocks. 2. Throughout our lives Those Tick Tock sounds Are so strong, regular and unwavering That we take them for granted Giving us the illusion and false confidence That they will last forever. 3. And today for me Was like every other day Tick tock, tick tock…... 4. But then without warning One day it went Tick and nothing followed – There was no Tock. The Tick had lost its life-long partner − The Tock.
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5. There was no prior warning That anything was amiss − No hesitation, No delay, No gradual slowdown, No nothing. The clock just stopped with the Tick. It was like a dangling participle, An incomplete sentence, And like having one foot on the ground And the other in the air. The inseparable had been separated. The unbreakable pair had been broken. The atom had been split. 6. It was like in the game of musical chairs Where when the music stopped You couldn’t find an empty chair And were out of the game. 7. It happens quickly and unexpectedly But once it happens You recognize it immediately For after that last Tick or Tock Everything just goes dark and quiet And the game is over. *****
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Trees – My Favorite Things 7-30-2016 I love to study the trees. _____ 1. Trees are one of my favorite subjects to look at With their elephant skin like barks And all their calloused knurls That evidence All the battles and traumas That they’ve been through. 2. On a mature tree, the ridges in its bark − When I get up close to them and use my imagination − Look like chains of mountains and valleys. 3. And when I look at their boughs And all their tributary branches I see how amazingly each one Has bent, curved or twisted itself To best find the sun it needs for its survival All proving a rudimentary, primitive But definitive Thought process at work.
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4. To me a tree shows strength and character – Silent and unassuming And without any showy boastfulness. 5. I especially admire the winter trees Not only for the bravery and durability they display In withstanding the winter winds and icy cold But for the fact that without their leaves I can see their complete and intricate structures − I can see their skeletons And how each of their million branches – Large, small, curved, straight, smooth or knurled – Is spaced perfectly To maximize its individual contact with the sun. 6. And in winter These skeletons help me identify all the various species − The elm, maple, oak, cider, birch, ash, willow and the cherry − Just as their leaves do In summer. Each skeleton is a masterpiece of engineering Governed by An engrained, pre-historic and continuous thought process.
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7. Yes, trees are my favorite things To admire, study and love. And when one is cut down Or even just dies of natural causes I can’t help feeling deeply sorry about it Almost as much as when I see a deer Killed on the road. Yes, I feel it that deeply About my trees. *****
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y Waiting For The Knock 8-25-2016 Waiting out life. _____ 1. He’s waiting for Death To knock on his door. Listening for it. Dreading it. But at the same time Not wanting to miss it. 2. He wrestles with mixed emotionsTrading a painful certainty For a worrisome uncertainty. Russian roulette. 3. In the meantime He bides his time by reading − Reading everything − But not absorbing anything And rather just taking up time – Filling up empty time and space − Filling it up with a forced pregnancy While waiting for the knock.
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4. He was reasonably satisfied With just having gotten through life, Achieving most of what was important to him And having the good fortune Where most of his scars had healed. 5. He was pleased with his life Except for the loneliness now. But even with that, he − Being a very private person − Looked at it as a blessing in disguise At least in some ways. 6. He worked hard all his life And had experienced more than most So he had no real complaints or regrets Or any desire to do anything more Than to read, watch TV And wait. 7. All his affairs were in order In that he had written: All his letters of goodbye to his family, His letters of explanations about himself, And an ethical will All of which he had put in a shoe box And placed it where it would be easily found.
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8. So now There was nothing more for him to do Except for the waiting − The waiting for that knock on his door. *****
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y The Last Tunnel 11-13-2016 Life is a journey through a number of tunnels. _____ 1. During my life I’ve gone through many tunnels Each one representing a life experience. 2. Some were short and some were long. Some were smooth and some were bumpy. Some were straight and some were winding. Some were easy and some were difficult. 3. Despite the tunnel And the type of ride Every tunnel had a light at the end of it – There was always a light at the end of the tunnel. 4. But now, in this last phase of my life, Each tunnel I enter May be the one That doesn’t have a light at the end of it. *****
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y The Face Of Death (On Ronnie Zeilnhofer) 11-26-2016 Impressions at Betty Ann’s 80th Birthday party at the Ocawasin Lodge in West Milford, NJ _____ 1. Vi and I went to my cousin Betty Ann’s 80th birthday party At the Ocawasin Lodge in West Milford, NJ Which was right near Mountain Springs Where I used to spend some time in the summer At my Aunt Jennie’s summer cabin When I was a boy. 2. At the party I saw Betty Ann’s husband, Ronnie Whom I hadn’t seen in maybe 10 years or so. Although I knew that he was sick and on dialysis And expected that he’d probably look somewhat different When I actually saw him His appearance was more shocking than I ever expected. 3. The last time I saw him He was a big-framed, healthy and quick witted man With a great sense of humor and a robust laugh. He looked great and the picture of middle aged health.
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4. Soon after arriving I went over to the table where he was seated To say hello. And when he slowly turned and looked up at me I was looking into the face of death. 5. I was visibly shaken. His face was drawn, pale and discolored And almost expressionless. His eyes were blank and droopy. It were as though I was looking at A face in a coffin. 6. He was frail and weak, His hands shook As he held the top of his cane, And you could see that it was physically impossible For him to get up by himself. 7. Ronnie’s drawn pallid face Was scored into my mind. It was the face of death. And what was most shocking to me As I looked into it Was that I saw my face – Not far away. *****
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y Just One Day Of Relief 6-30-2016 A wish for a tortured mind. _____ 1. He was affected by the war Where not a day goes by That he doesn’t see his buddies dropping And that he doesn’t see lost limbs searching for their owners. 2. Not a day goes by Where he doesn’t have doubts about himself And where he doesn’t feel that everyone is better than he. 3. Not a day goes by That he doesn’t wish he was somewhere, and somebody, else And where he doesn’t wish for something impossible. 4. Not a day goes by That he doesn’t wish for just one day of relief And for the desperate circle to be broken.
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5. He’d gladly take the next hard day With pleasure If he just had one day of relief In between. 6. “Please, please”, he prays “Whoever’s in charge of my destiny Just give me one day That’s not like all the others.” *****
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“But They Have No Legs!” 3-10-2016 When I saw my first cow. _____ 1. I was born and raised in Brooklyn – In the city − Made of concrete, steel, asphalt and glass And the only live animals I ever saw Were stray cats and dogs and pesky rats. 2. All the other animals I knew about Came from cartoons on TV, in comic books Or the like. For example I knew what a cow looked like From the picture of “Elsie” the cow Who was that cute little brown and white cow On the Bordon’s waxed cardboard quart container of milk That was in our refrigerator. 3. Then one day my father took us for a drive To New Jersey – To the “country” – And pointed out of the window saying excitedly, “Hey guys, look over there at all the cows in the field!”
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4. I looked over to where he was pointing But didn’t see any cows. All I saw were big black lumps on the ground. “Where?”, I said “I don’t see any cows.” My father pointed them out again and repeated, “Over there, over there − they’re all over the place!” 5. I still couldn’t see any cows. “There they are. A whole bunch of black cows”, He said again. “Black cows?”, I said to myself “They’re not cows. Cows are brown and white And have legs.” 6. I had always thought That all cows looked like “Elsie “ And never imagined that they could lie down. It was an urban reality check That made me wonder What other myths and misconceptions were out there That I’d have to face. It also made me realize That I had a lot to learn – And relearn. *****
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y A Matter Of Life And Death 4-23-2016 Aging faster and faster. _____ 1. With every year that passes It feels like it’s been stolen from me Which at my age Is easy to do. 2. As a defenseless old man I can be easily tricked – “Hey, look over there, old man!” And as soon as I do And then look back I see that another year’s been taken. 3. Each of those years Are precious and limited in number And therefore so important to keep Which at my age It’s literally a matter of life and death. 4. My coffer of years is being emptied Faster and faster the older I get And when I can least afford it. *****
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y Have I Mellowed? 5-20-2016 Reaching a stage in life. _____ 1. Now that I’m retired and a senior citizen I can say things that I couldn’t say before With a certain amount of immunity. 2. I can say things without the same degree of fear Of the business, political and social repercussions That I risked before In my younger and more scrutinized years. 3. But even though I’ve gained some new found Advantages, tolerances and leniencies I find that I don’t need them as much as before As I’m less inclined to say things That are controversial or inflammatory. 4. Could it be That with my aging I’ve mellowed? *****
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y Time 12-24-2016 The attributes of time. _____ 1. Time is the thing That prevents everything From happening all at once 2. Time is the thing That prevents everything From piling up on each other. 3. Time is the thing That spreads things out So you can see them individually One by one. 4. Time is the thing That disciplines everything To wait its turn.
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5. Time is the thing That allows for both anticipation And resolution − For hurt And then for healing− For polarization Followed by reconciliation. 6. Time is the thing That has given everything Both a beginning And an end. 7. Time is the thing That has also given everything Its 3 dimensions Of length, width and depth And the additional 4th dimension Of Time itself. 8. Time is the thing That tells the question To wait for the answer. 9. Time is the thing That allows the notes of a melody To untangle themselves From a bundle of indiscernible noise.
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10. Time is the thing That keeps us begging for more of it When things are good And for less of it When things are bad. 11. Time is the thing. *****
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y Stuttering 1-27-2016 Dealing with life’s unpleasantries. _____ 1. He spoke a half a sentence Then stopped in a stutter Drawing everyone’s attention to him. It was frustrating and wearisome And you could see The hurt and embarrassment in his face. 2. While it was frustrating and embarrassing to him It was also to me For I shared his pain and anguish. I couldn’t ignore it As I always get sucked sympathetically Into other people’s problems Just as I can’t help crying When I watch a sad movie. 3. Listening to him was difficult. It was like watching someone who is about to trip and fall Where you’re spring loaded, ready to catch him.
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4. I couldn’t ignore it or give up on him As that would only exacerbate his pain, Add to his loneliness And be an additional thorn of abandonment. 5. He was always tripping And I was always on edge ready to catch him. It was nerve wracking. So I had to find a way to work with him And not destroy myself in the process. 6. So I invented a little game − A little method to counter all the negatives – Or at least mitigate them. 7. So when he stuttered I made believe it was a natural pause And a method of emphasis That he did on purpose To give me time to absorb what he had said. I also let myself believe That these pauses were a welcomed relief From those who talk too fast. 8. Life is made up of little games like this To help us deal with things better. Sauce is often the thing that saves a tasteless dish − At least enough to get it down. ***** 64
y Bad News Radio 2-27-2016 The morning news on the radio. _____ 1. 100 killed or maimed by 3 Muslim suicide bombers; 25 children kidnapped to become mercenaries and sex slaves; Breaking stories about scandals, corruption and deviants; Bullfighting in a ring of cheering spectators; Eposes about chickens being forced fed in tiny cages; Baby seals clubbed to death for their fur; Children digging tunnels for cobalt for lithium batteries; Depressing news about the economy; And politicians making empty promises. This is what the radio wakes me up with – With this kind of news. 2. Even before the first news story’s finished I reach over and silence that bearer of bad news. I’m just not able to stomach the world And just like one of the three monkeys – That see, hear and speak no evil − I cover my ears in pain, avoidance and denial.
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3. So before the next news story punctures my heart And crushes my will to get up I turn off that offensive and depressing radio. 4. I’d rather live in dark and silent ignorance – In a cave deep in the forest – Or as a hermit somewhere – Rather than be wakened And dragged into That most disturbing and unsettling world. 5. Oh if I could only reach over And silence the world itself Rather than just the radio. *****
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Beep, Beep − Passing 3-1-2016 Dealing with certain house clutter. _____ 1. When I approach Some of the messy and cluttered bedroom rooms in our house I speed up to get past them faster Because it hurts me to see them that way Not only because I value order and neatness But also, because of all the work I put into renovating the house 2. As I pass these rooms I keep my eyes on the road ahead For what’s in my peripheral view is painful. I silently beep my symbolic horn To let them know I’m there But passing. 3. And does this have any motivational effect on them Out of embarrassment, awareness or whatever? Apparently not – For the rooms remain messy − At least so far. But there’s always room for hope Where maybe one day I won’t have to blow my horn. *****
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y Satisfied With Less 3-5-2016 I have a lower threshold of satisfaction. _____ 1. My family life growing up Was very stressful And detrimental to the development Of my confidence, security and self-esteem. 2. There’s no blame attached in saying that For some things are just what they are For a multitude of reasons and circumstances That emanate from the unemotional cruelties of life itself. 3. Life is a deaf, dumb and blind giant sometimes Unable to see where it’s going And what it’s stepping on. 4. So whatever family life I have now I’m always comparing it To what I had or didn’t have When I was growing up.
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5. So although Mom gets upset and hurt When she feels the kids don’t treat us Like parents are treated and respected Back in the Philippines And the model she grew up with I don’t get as upset as she Because of what I’m comparing things to. 6. But having said that I wish I had a better model To compare things to. *****
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y When Will The Pump Stop Pumping? 3-7-2016 How many beats does the heart have? _____ 1. Like a pump My heart has just so many pumps in it – Just so many programmed pumps or beats to it Until it just stops. 2. Just what is the life of my pump? And how many pumps Is it actually specified for? I haven’t got a clue And I’m not given any hint as to what to expect Or for me to make an educated guess from. There’s no noticeable weakness, slow down, murmur, pain or skip From which to make any estimation, interpolation or projection. 3. So rather, I feel that my pump will just stop Without consideration or courtesy of a warning. It’ll be like in a game of musical chairs Where when the music stops I’ll just find myself without a chair. *****
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y Missing Him (On Tom Carroll) 5-3-2016 Missing having a friend in my old age. _____ 1. Yes, he fired me Which put a big financial hole in my retirement And yes, He was arrogant And sometimes belittling and insulting. 2. But on the other hand I admired him and was glad That he took me under his wing as a close and special friend As he was powerful, handsome and charismatic And associated with, and had the admiration of, Many rich, important and influential people. 3. Being who he was and the elite circle he travelled in It always befuddled me, and others, As to why he chose me to be his friend But more so To be his confidant.
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4. As his confident He would share with me All his personal and private thoughts and worries As well as ask my advice with respect to So many of the business and personal decisions he had to make. He’d sometimes call me at all hours of the night And ask me to meet him for a drink To discuss a job or personal problem he was wrestling with Including the ones that related to his many girlfriends. And even if there was no heavy subject involved He’d often just ask me to join him for a social drink Which often lasted long into the night And bar after bar. 5. And whenever he ran into An executive, a movie star, personal friend, politician Or whomever Which he often did He would always stop and introduce me As an equal to them and him. 6. We could, and did, talk about everything Including the land-mine topics of religion and politics. But with us it wasn’t so dangerous As we had similar views and opinions About almost everything.
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7. When we both worked at Prudential He’d often drop by my office At about 3:30 or 4:00 pm and say, “Let’s go Michelsen, I’ll give you a lift to the City” After which we’d often stop for a drink Or two or three Or until we stopped counting. 8. I always wondered and asked myself What it was that he saw in me Wherein he felt so comfortable In bringing me into his elite circles And relying on my counsel and opinions. Whatever it was, it was special. 9. It was a special relationship − A strange inequality Yet at the same time an equally strange – Equality. The relationship was complex and intricate And had a co-dependency to it as with: Batman and Robin, Abbot and Costello, Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon, Poncho and the Cisco Kid And Dick Tracy and Sam Catchem. I was his sidekick And our relationship Had a kind of intertwined inseparability to it − A unique Duality.
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10. But one time he offended me In a particularly cruel way That really hurt me And I withdrew from, and avoided, him – Noticeably. It became a kind of standoff And went on for about a year at Prudential To the point where he vindictively forced me to retire – That is, he fired me. It was a sad and tragic situation − Especially sad after having had such a close relationship That had lasted more than 40 years. I didn’t fight my extradition but rather just accepted it. 11. Some years later he passed away And with that, any chance for reconciliation Had passed with him Which brings me to the point of this story. 12. I’ve never had such a powerful and influential friend as Tom Who saw things in me That I never saw in myself – And who felt so drawn to, and felt so comfortable with, me. It was always difficult for me To win and maintain normal friendships So to have someone like Tom Be drawn to me − Just a simple kid from Brooklyn − Was amazing And something I’ve never experienced before Nor will ever experience again, I’m sure.
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13. So now I don’t have that unique and long time friend That I could have had with Tom − That someone to have a drink with And be associated with And with whom I could have Both an intellectual and a social conversation Which I would have relished to have In these my golden years. 14. So here I sit Thinking about and missing Tom And pining over a failed and lost friendship That would have been So much valued and appreciated In my old age. 15. So here I also sit Looking out into the distance Aware that behind me The years are creeping up on me With no special friend to help me handle them. *****
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y Sugar-Glazed Moonlight 10-15-2016 How the moonlight sometimes falls. _____ 1. On this clear crisp night I’m watching how magically the moon falls On all the branches of the trees and its shivering leaves, On the midnight grass And on the shinny window panes Making everything Look like they’re sugar-glazed. 2. It’s an eerie and magical sight – Almost supernatural − When the landscape is painted With this rare and shinny glaze of an autumn moon Making it look like a scene Out of science fiction. *****
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y Rose Colored Glasses? 5-25-2016 Seeing life’s problems as challengers. A euphemism? _____ 1. Whatever obstacle or worry I encounter these days I look at it more philosophically Than I used to before – Not perfectly philosophically But more than before. 2. In my younger years I used to get So upset, mad and or worried over things. But these days I look at them as Just another thing in life That I’ve got to get through Like all the other things I’ve gotten through before – Mostly anyway.
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3. It’s like I’ve arrived at the philosophical point Of the book I once read, “A Road Less Travelled” Whose opening line was “Life is difficult” And whose theme focused on recognizing That life is in fact difficult And that rather than trying to deny Or let it get you down You should just accept it And work with it as best you can From which you’ll achieve Spiritual growth and self-understanding. 4. It also advises that we should look at life’s problems As enabling challenges rather than debilitating problems And that we face them and take pride and satisfaction In doing the best we can with them. 5. The book also advises That we should expect problems in life And when they appear We just handle them – Both philosophically and practically And without personal hysteria or pessimism.
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6. When I was younger I could never look at things that way As such things were always downers and depressants. But now that I’m in my golden years I see these things differently. 7. I guess part of that new found attitude Comes more easily with age Which is, in part, grounded in the appreciation Of still being alive and a participant in life. 8. “Good things will come And bad things will pass.” This has now become My spiritual aphorism and dictum. 9. Through the clouds I now see life as it is – Or am I just looking through An old man’s rose-colored glasses? *****
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y As Long As They Came Together 6-10-2016 A long-awaited feeling. _____ 1. Most of the time in my life I’ve been burdened with problems And weighted down with: Dissatisfaction Disappointment And pessimism. 2. I’ve never been very happy And always somewhat at odds with the world In one form or another In that I’ve never been satisfied with my past performances In particular Or content with myself In general Nor confident about all things coming. And if I that wasn’t enough I’d worry about everything large and small And angst over all the things that I wanted to get done But hadn’t gotten done as yet.
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3. So it was a strange feeling When I went to bed one night Feeling fully content with myself and life. Was it a fortuitous premonition? Or did I just take Some kind of happy pill that night? 4. I remember some of the particulars That generated this general euphoria: 5. I remember thinking About how lucky I was to have − And how much I loved − My wife, son and daughter. 6. I remember thinking How content I felt in having done So many of the things that I wanted to do in life And at having gotten most of my affairs in order With only a few things left to tidy up. 7. I had seen the world, My music compositions and poetry were in formal volumes, My family albums, journals and recordings were completed And the hard work I put in during my career Will now provide some financial security for my family.
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8. As I crawled into bed that night I remember feeling so content with everything − A feeling that I’ve never had before. I was not afraid of death Nor mad if death had caught me a bit by surprise Because I had done most of what I wanted to do. So I was ready to accept death that night Rather than risk having it occur At a less favorable time. 9. It was a warm and content feeling that I had As I laid my tired body down And pulled the warm blankets around me. It were as though My bed was my long awaited and happy grave And I was about close my eyes And enter into an eternal and peaceful sleep. It were as though I was returning home From a hard campaign in the world. It was a feeling That I never had before. 10. Was all this a premonition that I was getting close – Close to both Contentment and to Death? And if it was, I would willingly accept it So long as these two things came together. *****
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I’m Still 18 6-17-2016 Your mind never ages in some respects. _____ 1. In my mind I’m still 18 years old Despite how I feel And what I see in the mirror. 2. So at 18 At bed time I sometimes go out on a date. 3. Who will I take out tonight? And maybe make love to? After all I’m still 18 And the night is young. *****
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y Under The Flowers 6-1-2016 Beware of deception. _____ 1. Beware and be wary Of beautiful, attractive and innocent looking things For as Shakespeare said In his tragic play, Macbeth And I paraphrase, “It looks like an innocent flower But there’s a serpent under it.” 2. Some attribute these words To the Latin poet, Vigil, in his Eclogues Where he wrote, “You, picking flowers and strawberries That grow so near the ground, Fly away, boys, and get you gone For there's a cold adder lurking in the grass.” 3. It doesn’t matter what the source of those words are It’s the advice within them that matters. ***** 84
y Cute Little Song Birds? 6-23-2016 Looking more closely. _____ 1. I’m listening to the songs of the birds outside Smiling and enjoying how beautiful they sound And how cute and innocent they all look As they tilt their heads eying everything And banter about in every direction. 2. But when I look and listen more closely I see stark distinctions in their activities and their songs In that what I thought was all innocent activity Was often aggressive bullying of other birds And what I thought were happy songs Were often angry and threatening shouts. 3. I was so naïve About what I was looking at before And a little mad at myself for being so. But more so, I was sorry That my innocent and fairy-tale bubble Had broken.
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4. And while I’m pleased to be more educated And see things more as they actually are I’m at the same time Saddened for having lost that childhood innocence That was once so pleasant to have And that made the world more Disney And Bambi-like. 5. What you don’t know can’t hurt you. But correspondingly What you do know can hurt you. 6. Reality versus Dreams − Never a fair trade-off. *****
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It’s Going So Slow 6-24-2016 Having a different perspective with age. _____ 1. When I was young And had a million years in the bank to draw on I was always feeling That time was going too slow. 2. But now that I’m much older With precious few years left in my account I’m feeling That time is going too fast. 3. But no matter how much I try to economize The years keep coming And then going − Out of control And as fast as shooting stars − Faster and faster, it seems And just to spite me, it also seems. *****
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y My Recall 8-4-2016 Grounds for a recall. _____ 1. Oh god You have made me so oversensitive Lacking self-esteem And always feeling socially uncomfortable. 2. As you know, god It’s a common practice here on earth That when a defective product’s made It’s grounds for a recall. 3. So god When you examine the defective model you made of me I think there’s more than ample grounds For a recall. 4. So god Please demonstrate your manufacturer’s responsibility And your omnipotence And make things right. ***** 88
y But Tomorrow Never Comes 12-3-2016 In a painful limbo. _____ 1. They tell him − And he tells himself − That, “Tomorrow will be better.” But for him Tomorrow never comes. 2. So he sits there Alone in his pain and worry Caught in a limbo Of good-intentioned lies and self-deceit Waiting and believing. 3. These were his only options − His only choices. 4. So after each day passes He tells himself again That, “Tomorrow will be better.” But once again Tomorrow never comes. *****
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What If I Didn’t Have? (On Vi) 6-29-2016 Some tragic what ifs. _____ 1. What if I didn’t have A songbird to listen to in the morning? What if the wind stayed still And didn’t make the leaves dance for me? What if my wife died on me And my life was alone and empty? 2. What if the warmth of the sun was no longer And it was always as cold as a winter night? What if the moon turned its back on me And took away my hopeful beacon in the sky? What if all the flowers Lost their sweet perfumes? 3. What if my wife died on me And I was empty and alone? *****
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y Fluttering Leaves 7-22-2016 Leaves in a breeze. _____ 1. As the wind bristles The leaves on the tress are all turned belly up And change their color From dark green to light green In a spectacular combination of Orchestrated and random motion – A choreographed magical show of color and motion. 2. The leaves looked like little green flags Snapping in the wind Making the sounds of little cracking whips. 3. Oh how delightful is this unintended show of nature With these actor leaves Not even knowing That they’re unwitting performers on a stage And I’m their audience. *****
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y Tenants In Common 7-2-2016 Mom’s Crepe Myrtle bush was cut down. _____ 1. The Crepe Myrtle bush that Mom had Had sadly died. But even though it was leafless and dead It was full of alternative life With hundreds of little birds Constantly flying in and out of it And using it as their favorite playground And theatrical stage For my daily enjoyment As I looked out of our kitchen window. 2. But when that little dead bush Was cut down to the ground All the little birds Went with it. 3. Now there’s only a bunch of 2 inch stubby sticks to look at Which have become sad and thorny reminders Of things that are lost and gone And never more to be.
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4. While I feel sad about it For myself I feel sadder about it For all those former little residents Who are now homeless. I’m also remorseful About the indiscriminate elimination Of yet another little thing that had meant so much To so many voiceless and defenseless creatures. It also made me realize with guilt That we have responsibilities to others And must always consider How whatever we do Affects them. 5. Oh what terrible things we do to our fellow creatures – Our tenants in common − Without even thinking. *****
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y Vegetables First 7-3- 2016 There was a disciplined method to his madness. _____ 1. He ate his vegetables first Then his potatoes Then his meat − All in that strict and set order. 2. He was an ordered and disciplined man And this translated into how he dealt with his meals. There was a method to his “madness.” 3. All his life he tackled things right away and head on Never ducking or postponing them. Further, he always took care of The more difficult and unpleasant things first To get them out of the way. 4. And this discipline or modus operandi applied to his meals too Where he took care of the things he didn’t like first And saved the best and most pleasant things ‘til last: His vegetables first His potatoes next And then his meat. *****
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Now It’s Happening To Me 7-24-2016 Aging. _____ 1. As your friends and family slowly die around you You become progressively alone in the world. When I was younger I watched it happen to so many And now It’s happening to me. 2. One by one they’re disappearing Until one day They’ll all be gone. 3. The worst though Is when your wife dies on you For that’s when you really feel it. That’s when it really hits you And you feel the starkest loneliness of all. 4. Over the years I’ve watched it happen to others But now I’m watching it happen to me. *****
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y My Sighs 7-25-2016 That my sighs are not lost and in vain. _____ 1. A butterfly can hear my sighs And feel the pain within them Better than anyone or anything. 2. And to know That these doleful and pregnant sighs Will not be allowed To fall dead on the ground But rather rescued Is a relief to me. 3. And watching that butterfly Carry them away To a safe and private place Gives me faith In the design of the world. *****
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I Think – I Hope 8-14-2016 Hoping there isn’t an afterlife. _____ 1. In my elder years It’s a bit depressing To look back And see how many years have gone by That are now irretrievable and gone forever − That had once been alive and all ahead of me But that are now dead and all behind me. 2. And it’s also depressing To look ahead And see only a sparse number of years left to protect me And to realize how fast they’re approaching And how quickly they’ll all be used up. 3. I’ll try not to pine, grieve or worry too much over this As I always knew the day would come When one of those days would be my last And there’d be no more days left − Where everything was behind me And nothing was ahead of me – I think − I hope. *****
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y Trying To Make Her Hurt Too 8-27-2016 Misery loves company. _____ 1. It seems that whenever he hurts her She’s somehow able to deflect it, Ignore it Or recover easily from it Which defeats his aim of hurting her. 2. He isn’t trying to hurt her out of hate But rather out of jealousy and envy Over the fact that she can handle hurt So much better than he. Misery loves company. 3. So when she seems to deflect a hurt Or bounces back too fast after one It gets to him And makes him feel bad about himself And about her And so he ratchets up his efforts.
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4. He wants to see her hurt Like he hurts. He wants to see it in her face For that’s the only way he’ll know That she gets hurt Like he always gets hurt. 5. Irrational But rational too. Warped But at the same time logical. Misery loves company. *****
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y Full House (On Leandra And Kerry) 12-15-2016 The kids are all here with me. _____ 1. Wanting to exercise his freedom and independence Kerry had moved out of the house and into an apartment For a number of years Which I fully understand. Leandra on the other hand stayed at home Which I also understand. Different strokes for different folks. 2. But then Kerry returned – “For just a while”, he said, Until he finds another place. 3. While I have no problem With either one of them Finding their own happiness and paths in life I’ve got to tell you I love having them here. I love a full house.
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4. When I get up in the morning And feel my way down the stairs in the dark I look out of the hallway landing window Between the 2nd and 3rd floors To see if I can see The vague outlines of both their cars. And when I do A big rush of love comes over me Knowing that they both got home OK last night And that we have a full house. 5. While many parents yearn for an empty nest I’m very happy with a full house For a full house Makes for a full heart For me. *****
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y First Time-Last Time 12-16-2016 Aging presents some new “firsts.” _____ 1. It’s the first time I’m sleeping with my socks on. The first time to button the top button of my pajamas. The first time with both arms under the covers And my shoulders raised up To protect my neck from the cold. The first time to double my blankets And tuck them under me Making them sleeping-bag tight To preserve my warm body print. It’s also the first time I go to bed at 9 pm instead of 1 am. 2. It’s also the first time I’m wearing gloves When I shovel snow And thinking that I’ve become a sissy Like I used to call others Not so long ago.
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3. It’s the first time I’m not waking up in the dark Along with the birds. The first time that I can smile at the sun Without panicking that I’ve overslept and am late for work And realize that I can actually sleep For an extra luxurious and bonus hour Without any consequences. And it’s the first time That I don’t have to shave every day And be overly concerned About forgetting to comb my hair. 4. It’s the first time that my greatest responsibilities are: Taking out the recycling bin on Wednesday And the garbage on Saturday, Wiping off the snow from the kids’ cars Before they go to work And getting enjoyment Out of seeing them go off to work And sighing to myself, “There but for the grace of God, go I.” 5. I know that I have retired and aged But it’s the first time that I’m noticing Just how many things have actually changed with that process That were years in coming But that seemed to have come Almost overnight.
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6. It’s also the first time That I’ve come to understand The meaning of certain poems That I’ve read over the years But didn’t fully understand When I was younger. 7. And soon it’ll be The first time That I see that blinding white light You always hear about Which will also mean That it will be The last time too. *****
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y Each Night And Morning 12-19-2016 Inspired by the words in a letter written by Franz Schubert, the composer. _____ 1. In the reading of the lives of the famous composers I found so many of them and their works Were cursed by a lack of recognition And downright rejection and ridicule While they were alive. 2. I also found that so many were cursed By both physical ailments and emotional depressions That made their lives miserable. 3. But in time and or with their passing Their works have been recognized – Too late for them But just in time for us.
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4. Not that I put myself Anywhere near The stature or talent that they have I identify with their problems And see parallels To my own personal problems And to my own works In that maybe – Just maybe – My works Might have a modicum of value More in the future Than they do now For everything has its time. 5. So I identify with the words of Franz Schubert Who wrote in a tortured letter to a friend, “Each night I hope never again to waken For every morning It just opens up yesterday’s wounds.” *****
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y Singing For Your Supper 1-5-2016 Some paraphrased lyrics from the first two verses of the American popular song “Sing for Your Supper” by Richard Rogers from the 1938 musical the “Boys from Syracuse.” _____ 1. “Sing for your supper And you'll get your breakfast. Songbirds will eat If their songs are sweet.” 2. “Sing for your lunch And you’ll get your supper. And if romance is in your voice You’ll dine with the wine of your choice.” 3. Do something To earn something. Give something To get something In return.
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4. Sing a simple little song And hope for acceptance And a little cut of bread. Life is all about Doing something For something in return. *****
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y She Was Always There (On Vi) 1-20-2016 An observation when reviewing our family photo albums. _____ 1. You sometimes don’t realize things Until you look at them from a different perspective. 2. It’s like one of those pictures That’s made up of a bunch of unintelligible spaghetti-like lines That don’t appear to depict anything Until you stare at it long and hard enough With your eyes a little out of focus After which an image appears – The image that was there all the while But that you just couldn’t see. 3. So when I was digitizing 50 years of photos I saw – as if for the first time − That Vi was always there − At every event, dinner, party, trip and family affair − In every celebration, project and problem – In every phase and aspect of my life − She was always there. *****
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y Brave Like Him 2-10-2016 He appeared to be so brave. _____ 1. He wasn’t screaming in pain like I was. He was stoic. He was the model of bravery. Oh how I admired him And wanted to be just like him. 2. How could he be so brave? So superhuman? How could he bare so much pain Beyond what was seemingly possible? − And without a sound? 3. Then I discovered his secret − He was already dead. *****
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y Macbeth 2-26-2016 The downside of success. _____ 1. Before, I only had one worry to focus on – To become the King. And after successfully deposing the former King I thought my worries would be over And my security guaranteed. 2. But now that the old King was dead And I’m the new King My worries have not been eliminated But rather multiplied and magnified. 3. Rather than being at peace I’m tortured with guilt and paranoia, Always looking over my shoulder And unable to sleep For now I’ve become the target Of so many ambitious and ruthless rivals Who now seek my crown − Oh the intoxicating illusion of success. *****
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y Ashes 12-9-2016 Burial versus cremation. _____ 1. When you die and are buried whole It’s a one-shot and final thing With no room for Reconsideration or alternatives. 2. When you’re buried whole You’re fixed forever in one location − Unable to be or go anywhere else. And further more Everyone is forced to trek to where you are If they want to pay their respects Or say a prayer for you, Or just reminisce in your presence. 3. Oh and then there’s the unpleasant and painful image Of you slowly rotting away underneath the earth With maggots feeding on you. How undignified is that?
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4. But if you’re cremated And turned into a vase of ashes You and your loved ones Have so many more Favorable options available. 5. As ashes You’re not subjected to any unpleasant decay But rather kept in a permanent state Of peaceful and dignified rest Where you can truly “Rest in peace.” 6. As ashes You can be divided and subdivided Again and again And shared with multiple loved ones Allowing each one of them To have a little piece of you Through your vesseled presence. 7. As ashes You have mobility And can be transported to other locations – That is, you can change your address.
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8. As ashes You can be taken for a walk or ride For a change in scenery. You also can be taken By a sympathetic and sentimental loved one To one of your favorite spots Where you could share precious memories together again Just like you used to do. 9. As ashes You are the epitome of the phrase, “Dust to dust” And living evidence and representation Of the full circle of life. How symbolic and moving is that? And through your stoic, eternal and ashy presence You will generate pensive thoughts in all your onlookers About the humble fragility, preciousness and shortness of life And about their own mortality. 10. As ashes You can be both in the ground From which you came And to which you have in essence returned As well as with your loved ones in their homes Allowing you to, in effect, “Have your cake and eat it too.”
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11. As ashes You are all that you were Embodied and preserved In a non-decomposing and unchanging unit Which gives you something That a rotting grave-shackled and dungeoned corpse Could never give you − A little taste of Immortality. *****
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y Picking Lint 12-2-206 Concentration. _____ 1. I looked over and saw him quietly sitting in his arm chair Picking lint off his shirt and pants. Methodically and one-by-one he picked them off All in a slow, measured and deliberate fashion. 2. He never made a sound Nor seemed to be aware of my Or anyone else’s Presence. It was almost as though He was in a kind of trance. 3. So I just let him be And watched him from a cautious and respectable distance And as discreetly as possible So as not to make him feel my eyes on him And be awakened by their intrusion. I wasn’t spying on him But just looking at him from my viewing post.
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4. He was, for sure, In another world somewhere And my imagination conjured up So many possibilities As to where he actually was With each one confirming Then contradicting The other. 5. He was either spaced out Or spaced in on something That continuously toyed with my imagination. He was a curious thing to me To say the least. 6. Some weeks later When I saw him again And he wasn’t in that zoned in or zoned out state I asked about the incident I had observed Trying my best to be discreet and tactful To whatever sensitivities may be involved And was quite relieved when he openly told me That all he was doing was just thinking about things – Reminiscing about life in general And about his life in particular.
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7. And about his lint picking? − He told me that it was nothing more Than a simple little technique that he used To keep his mind focused So that it wouldn’t be distracted By the things around him. It was his little way Of helping him concentrate. It was his way Of taking a little contemplative and solitary walk by himself With his hands grasped behind his back. 8. It was a simple, innocent and logical explanation – And a relief to hear. “Taking a little solitary walk by himself” – What a great analogy that was And one that clarified and put everything into Both context and perspective And that also made simple and innocent sense Out of an otherwise strange mannerism On his part And a concerned observation On my part. *****
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y Let Me Go 12-12-2016 A magnetic pull. _____ 1. Let me go To where the pull of life Is naturally taking me. 2. I feel it like a current That is both gentle and unthreatening And just guiding me somewhere. But at the same time While it is irresistible and frightening I hear a voice that is telling me That I shouldn’t be afraid or resist. 3. Look! On the bed! It’s a patch of moon light That has just arrived And rested itself beside me − That has kindly come To accompany me And be my escort.
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4. These are the signs I see And the voices I hear That tell me in vague, but yet, in no uncertain terms That I have arrived at a new juncture in life – That I’m at some staging point Where the forces of life and death Are joining together And taking over – Where they are gently taking over the tiller That I once held firmly in my hand Assuring me that they will be my pilot From here on out. 5. These gentle but powerful forces Are now enveloping me In their warm, flowing and reassuring current Telling me That it’s time And everything is ready Just as it had been arranged From the very beginning. *****
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y A Man Of Leisure 12-14-2016 What I should be but am not. _____ 1. When I get up in the morning I don’t have to dress up in a suit And commute 2 to 3 hours to go to work. 2. And during my free time at home I don’t have to exhaust myself Renovating the house and grounds Or working on editing 50 years Of my music, poetry and other personal endeavors As all that’s done. 3. With all the big stuff done All I have to do is little (But sometimes not so little) Chores around the house and grounds And working on any new poems or music that I’ve written All of which activities I’ll categorize as Maintenance, exercise, hobbies or just keeping busy.
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4. I’m retired and a man of leisure now With all my professional and personal projects completed – My writing, music and other works − Neatly sitting on the shelf And ready to be passed on When I pass on. But having said that I’m somehow always pushing And always pressed for time Working on something. 5. I’m a man of leisure now So when I wake up in the morning I put on my casual dress slacks, shoes and shirt Make myself some coffee and a piece of buttered bread And read my book With a little music or TV in the background While I wait for the sun And the rest of the house to get up. But while leisure is a concept that I fully understand It’s something that I haven’t yet mastered. 6. I’ve waited And worked hard All my life For this time of my life When I could finally be A man of leisure But leisure still eludes me.
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7. Though I’m technically a man of leisure now I’m really not As I’m always working on something With the intensity as if I were on a mission. Yes, while my circumstances have changed It seems I’ll never change. *****
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Something I Don’t Even Want To Think About 4-1-2016 The best laid plans for image. _____ 1. Because I’m generally neat and organized I spent quite a lot of time Putting my financial and personal affairs in order But more so So that it would be easier for those I left behind And one of the things I’d like to be remembered for. 2. But then I learned that when you die Your waste materials sometimes flow out of you In a visible and smelly display. 3. Will that be what they’ll see when I die? Will that be how they’ll find me? Will that be what they most remember about me Overshadowing what I’d like to be remembered for? 4. That gruesome possibility is something That I don’t even want to think about. *****
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y God, Prophet Or Con Artist? 4-5-2016 Messiah or marketer. _____ 1. The major religions of the past Had generally excluded the dejected and other misfortunates. But when Christianity emerged And embraced the poor, sick and sinners alike – The undesirables – It had a huge comparative advantage And popular appeal to the masses Which in part accounted for its spectacular growth. 2. Did Jesus know this And use it to market his religion? Was he the true son of god Or just a good marketer? Or maybe an excellent con man? 3. Did he preach out of love Or out of ego? We may never know, for sure. *****
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y My Sendoff 4-13-2016 Remembering my sendoff from Prudential. _____ 1. The sendoff dinner that the management team gave me When I left Prudential Was a cordial one Organized by the man who let me go – My former friend who had “retired’ me − Who had fired me − And who orchestrated it Out of a mixture of courtesy, protocol and guilt. 2. As I ate and drank I watched their feigned smiles And sly looks at their watches. Was I being too cynical or unfair? 3. And when we finished with the dinner, the cards and the gifts They put me in a limo that they had arranged for me That would take me home And dispose of me.
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4. And in the limo As it slowly pulled away I imagined that I was in a boat Whose mooring lines had just been cut And set adrift On a moon and starless night In dark, unfamiliar and uncharted waters Leaving me staring out into the night And its dark emptiness. 5. My soul was empty, My heart had a hole in it, There was a lump in my throat And my mind was depleted of both confidence and authority Where I couldn’t calculate, decide or act on anything. 6. And as I looked out of the rear window of that limo I saw a bright orange glow Which was the burning of the bridge That had once connected me to my former world. It was a symbolic and imaginary confirmation That I could never cross that bridge again And regain what I had lost But rather that I was now alone and adrift In a strange and scary ocean. *****
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y The Most Amazing Things 4-15-2016 My little list of amazing things. _____ 1. There are certain things That have always amazed and bewildered me – Simple things But things that challenged my comprehension As to how they work And the magic behind them. 2. Things like: Photography Radio waves Memory chips Mirrors And the internet. 3. Take photography for example: How is it that you can face a strip of film at something And have it record that very thing or scene On a little piece of paper − And capture it in perfect and unblemished detail?
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4. And with radio waves: How is it that radio waves can carry your voice Through millions of miles of space − Through air, heat, dust, asteroids, sound and other waves – Through millions of pieces of debris and interference − And have it return in perfect clarity When you can’t even throw a paper plane across a room Without its trajectory being severely affected? 5. And with memory chips: How can you store Billions of bits of information Into a tiny little speck of silicon? 6. And even with the simple mirror: I’m almost as amazed as the Native American Indians were When they saw their faces in that piece of glass And feared that their souls had been captured. 7. And what’s with the internet: Where volumes and volumes of information Can be stored, transmitted and retrieved in seconds. 8. While I understand the technical science Behind these things They remain miracles to me And just boggle my mind. ***** 129
y Being Certain 5-1-2016 Confidence is a gift. ______ 1. Oh what a feeling it must be To be certain about things − And more so To be certain of yourself − Instead of the wavering uncertainty Of assumptions and doubts That usually plague me. 2. Oh how I envy those Who are certain about things – Even little things. *****
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y Russian Roulette 5-14-2016 Gambling on love. _____ 1. Let me spin the chamber In this Russian Roulette game of love And see what happens: “Click” or “Bang.” 2. Love is a spinning game Of Russian Roulette With either of two outcomes: Joy or Tragedy. 3. So let’s open a bottle of wine Toast to our love Fearing the “Bang” But praying for the “Click” *****
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y On Average 5-22-2016 You can’t hide in the averages. _____ 1. On average You will not Die in a car accident. 2. While you can run for cover In some of those kinds of averages You can’t hide in them And they won’t save you For you could easily fall victim Which will then only change the odds More favorably For others. 3. On average You will not die in a car accident. But while you can run for cover in those averages You cannot hide. *****
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y The Violent Universe 5-30-2016 An observation about the brutal nature of our existence. _____ 1. The creation, evolution and the future of the Universe Is filled with, and based on, violence: Stellar gases violently fuse, Planets collide, And stars explode into super novas. Whatever’s created involves violence in some way And often the destruction of something else. 2. This also applies to us here – Here on this pinpoint pebble in that Universe, Called Earth. 3. Even the events of birth, creation, life and death Are, more than not, violent and painful And an integral part of almost everything. *****
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Things That You Just Don’t Do 12-6-2016 Some of the “no-no”s in life. _____ 1. There are some things in life That you just don’t do − Like: Put metal in a micro-wave, Play with fire, Crap in your own backyard, Talk about old girlfriends, Tempt fate, Light a match near gasoline, Or Fly too close to the sun. 2. These are all taboos and “no-no”s With a wealth of experience behind them. 3. But despite how statistically valid these axioms are And that come out of true and tragic experiences It’s amazing how often we’re tempted To become the next statistic. *****
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y My Musical Game 4-7-2016 The game that makes music. _____ 1. I can’t play music very well As my playing is fraught with hesitations and mistakes Which is a constant source of frustration for me. 2. I do however Get satisfaction and stress relief from playing No matter how badly I play And part of that satisfaction comes from constructing chords Which I make into A kind of science-based musical game. Let me explain. 3. For example When I see the complex F# minor 7th chord In a piece of music I’m stumped and can’t remember how to play it. So I have to figure it out And this is where the game begins.
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4. To construct the F# minor 7th chord I first form the simple 3 note F major chord with 3 of my fingers. Then I raise all of the 3 notes in that chord ½ step. Now I have an F# major chord. Then I lower the 2nd note in the F# major chord Which converts the F# major chord to an F# minor chord. (Confused? I don’t blame you.) Then with another finger, I add the 7th note In the 7 note scale that every piece of music has Making the chord a 7th chord, i.e. an F# minor 7th chord. With that last move Combined with the prior 3 moves I’ve successfully constructed the F# minor 7th chord. 5. It’s such a proud thrill To being able to create that complex chord And play its composite sound. It’s like a musical erector set Where you connect one piece onto another Until the construction is complete − Which in this case Is the construction of a complex musical sound. 6. While it’s frustrating Not to have much musical memory or playing skill Through the step by step process of my little musical game I can still be a participant in music For which I’m very grateful. *****
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y Shakespeare 6-4-2016 A timeless master. _____ 1. I’m a big fan and admirer of Shakespeare And as such I’ve read all 39 of his plays And many of his poems. 2. And what’s impressive to me Is that his works Have relevance even today − More than 400 years later. 3. With that being the case It can be rightly said That Shakespeare Was not a man of any particular age But of all time. *****
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y Members Of A Special Club (On Judy) 6-21-2016 On knowing someone all your life. ____ 1. There’s something special About knowing someone All your life. 2. It gives you a sense of continuity And a personal linkage to the past That only you and he or she can identify with. 3. It makes you a member of a special club − A secret, private and personal club – A society or fraternity That has its own secret sign and password That tells you That you are a member.
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4. That’s the way it is with Judy and me My old neighborhood girlfriend Who I’ve known almost all my life And who’s always had a crush on me Even to this day But that I never had on her Nor do I today. 5. But despite that inequality And anomaly We are nostalgic members Of a very special club. *****
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y Full Circle 7-5-2016 Entering a new world − or was it the same world? Inspired by a priest’s eulogy at Walter Nero’s funeral in Long Meadow, MA. _____ 1. He closed his eyes in this world And opened them up in another. 2. In this new world, after his passing He wore robes of white Just as he did at his baptism in the old world. 3. These were the subtle analogies that the priest used To indicate that nothing had really changed And all that had happened Was that he had come back to his beginnings. 4. These were the illuminating analogies he used To confirm that everything progresses In perfect circles And returns to its beginnings. *****
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y On The Edge Of Knowledge 7-6-2015 Seeing the face of God. (I’ve written about this before.) ____ 1. When you stand at the edge of knowledge Or look out into the vast and infinite Universe You come face to face with God. 2. And when you’re that close to God You can hear His heart beat And feel Him breathing. 3. When you’re that close to God You have your fingers On His pulse And on the pulse of the Universe – Which may be one in the same. *****
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For The Times I Didn’t 6-27-2016 Wishes and regrets. _____ 1. This is for you For what I didn’t do in the past But that I wanted to. And this is for you For what I never said But intended to. 2. I know I can’t make up for everything But I’d like to try If you’ll let me. 3. Does the tear you see in my eye − That’s ready to join the others on my cheek − Account for anything Or is it all too little And all too late? Are soft wishes and hard regrets All that I have left to me? ***** 142
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It’ll Be Worth It 7-10-2016 Hoping for the best in life’s activities. _____ 1. Let me run And lose myself So that I can be found. 2. Let me fly To see how high I can go Even if I come crashing down For it’ll be worth it. 3. Let me do these things If only for exercise of it For it’ll be worth it. 4. But if I do run Will I really be found? And if I crash Will I ever really heal? – Open and unanswered questions With only the hope That it’ll be worth it.
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5. Is that my voice that I’m hearing? Or only the echo of someone else’s? No need to answer. 6. There may be no use in searching for answers To these enigmatic questions For some things in life just come to dead ends Where you only face dark shadows And empty silence. 7. But on the other hand There’s always the hope That somehow It’ll be worth it. *****
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y Little Worm, Big Giant 7-13-2016 Killing an eco-system and for what? _____ 1. When I pulled up some weeds in my garden A little worm came slithering out In fear and confusion. I’m stripping this bed of all its weeds But in seeing this little struggling thing I’m awakened to the magnitude of my actions For I’m disturbing – No, ruining – An entire eco system For a whole population of little creatures. 2. I’m in effect Clear cutting And by doing so I’m destroying all the canopy and root vegetation That had provided food, shelter and nests. All that is being stripped away And laid open to the burning sun Which will dry up all the moisture And turn it into a virtual desert.
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3. There will be no more roots, stalks or leaves − No nothing anymore With whole colonies of little creatures Displaced, killed or starved to death. 4. And for what did I pull up these weeds? For what greater purpose? So that I could look at a weed-free barren piece of ground? Is that the kind of beauty I have subscribed to? Is that better than knowing that the former Was a lush living forest And a habitat for millions of little creatures? Does the satisfaction that comes from the art of landscaping That I think I’ve achieved Outweigh the brutal immorality of my actions? Do I see myself as a noble patron of the arts Or as an indiscriminate and ignorant giant Trampling on thousands of little hamlets and villages. Had I given any thought or consideration To the rights and lives of others And our responsibilities as higher beings To share the world with these little defenseless creatures Who are so vulnerable? 5. Although they are just weeds Why couldn’t I see them as a beautiful forest of life? Why couldn’t I take intellectual and moral reward and satisfaction In giving due consideration To the rights of all those inferior living creatures And the land that hosts them and that they depend on?
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6. I’m so conflicted By my drive and goal To rid this little patch of ground of weeds – And the life and lives that it harbors − That I question what satisfaction could I possibly achieve In sweeping this swath of land clean of life And making it completely sterile? Are weeds worse Than the barren desert that I’ve made? 7. I look in the mirror of my conscience And see nothing more than a blind, dumb and ignorant giant Crushing everything in its path Uncaring at worst And unknowingly at best. *****
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Halley’s Comet (On Stella) 7-14-2016 Would I return to an old girlfriend if Vi were to sadly die on me? _____ 1. I often wonder That if I were to sadly lose Vi Through tragedy or circumstance Would I ever find myself returning To my former girlfriend, Stella. 2. I remember on our first date After many drinks We slipped into the private shadows Of a Brooklyn rose garden Where I touched her large, hard and raised nipples. And when I think of that It’s just as exciting today as it was back then. 3. We were never embarrassed With our nakedness to each other − A rare thing in those days And special − Very special.
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4. In those many young and old years ago We were so very comfortable with each other And unashamed of everything we were and did. 5. We also looked like a perfect couple For it was natural and obvious to us and everyone And we’d welcome − And even invite – People to look at us Knowing they’d see us as we saw ourselves – As a natural couple For everyone can easily recognize Truly natural things. 6. Would I ever return to her and she to me? − Like Halley’s comet? Will there be some inevitability To our possible return? − Some predictability? Will there be some circular gravitational pull involved? − Some cycle in space and time at play That will cause it to happen? 7. Is it speculation or destiny that I’m talking about? Will Halley’s comet return? Or was the love we had back then Halley’s last pass Before it all burned up? ***** 149
y Boy Scout Camp 7-31-2016 Homesickness and over sensitivity. _____ 1. When I was a boy I joined the Boy Scouts. I’m not sure if I wanted to join on my own, Was following the lead of others Or if it was due to my parents’ encouragement or demands But whatever it was I joined. 2. Besides the Catholic Church and school The Scouts was my first encounter With a “big and official secular organization.” 3. I could handle the periodic meetings For they were local and short in duration But Boy Scout Camp For two weeks and away from home Was a different story And brought out some of the weaknesses And flaws in my personality.
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4. At summer Boy Scout Camp Its regimented and concentrated socialization Combined with my social awkwardness Made it seem that everyone Was adapting and enjoying themselves Better than I Which made me feel Inadequate, different and depressed. 5. This weighed heavily on me Each day and especially at night Until ultimately On one dark and rainy afternoon I tearfully asked to be taken home. 6. It was a long and self-humiliating ride All the way From Upstate New York to Brooklyn And when I arrived home I flew into the arms of my mother. If it wasn’t humiliating enough To be brought home crying I had to pass through A throng of the neighborhood women Who were having a ladies’ social at our house.
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7. What was it that made it so bad That I couldn’t handle Boy Scout camp? I believe the root of it Lay in the fact that I was basically Too sensitive, insecure and lacked self-esteem And a bit anti-social Or socially awkward to say the least. 8. I was to a large degree, I guess, a loner And putting me in this social and semi-military organization Where all my self-condemning weaknesses and inadequacies Were tested and exposed Brought me be to the point of giving up And asking to be taken home − In other words, Making a desperate run for it. 9. Fast forward 10 years or so I joined the Navy and the Naval Officers Training Program And experienced similar feelings of inadequacy And wanting to give up and drop out. 10. But with the Navy The outcome was very different As I stuck it out and became an officer And as best as I can describe it, a man. In fact I wound up spending not only 4 years on active duty But an additional 6 years in the reserves.
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11. My less than stellar Boy Scout experience Had been turned around And I had vindicated myself in the Navy– At least in my own mind − Which is where it counts the most. *****
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y Wish Me Luck 8-1-2016 A poem for my funeral service. _____ 1. As I lay here, finally at rest I’m thankful for you − You my wife and children, My brother and sisters, both living and dead, And all the others who are and were my family And who I was blessed to have and love − And only ask that you remember me As I have loved, and will remember, you. 2. As I lay here at rest Free from the worries of this world I worry now about what I might be facing In another world If there is one. 3. And if there is one Say a little prayer for me And wish me luck For I may need it. *****
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y Having A Smoke Together 8-17-2016 Having a cigarette together. _____ 1. The two are having a smoke together But they’re really not For each one is in his own world And worlds apart from each other. 2. Each cigarette is a hypnotic wand On which they each look at and focus their attention on And away from the other So that their respective worlds remain private and apart And don’t interfere with each other. 3. It’s the facade of doing something together But at the same time not And remaining worlds apart. 4. Isn’t that the way life is sometimes With all its many facades and anomalies? *****
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y TV Company 8-23-2016 His quiet reality. _____ 1. He was alone For his wife had passed away Many years before And all his children were gone And attending to their own full and busy lives. And as far as other family was concerned They had either passed away or were distant. 2. His house was too big for one person And seemed echoy and empty at times Which made it lonely. 3. He’d read in a corner of the room On his couch with the TV on low. Once in a while Something would catch his eye on TV And he’d look up from his book.
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4. It was a happy and welcome distraction – Not really a distraction − But rather More like an occasional but ongoing conversation That he’d often have Between his book and his TV. 5. His book and his TV Were his company, His social life, His sublimation, His reality. 6. He was alone But not completely alone And the best that he could do Under the circumstances − Depending on how you looked at it. *****
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I’m Ready To Go 8-29-2016 All ready for death. _____ 1. My poems are done, My music has been recorded, My writings have been compiled and catalogued And I’ll hopefully leave enough for my family’s security. 2. My wife is still alive and with me My children are grown and working And I still go to all of our family gatherings. 3. My affairs are in order The house is paid off My grave’s been picked out and paid for And I’m saving up for my headstone. 4. So, I’m ready to go And all that remains Is the waiting. *****
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“Snickers” And “Emma” 8-30-2016 About Leandra’s dog and rabbit pets at home. _____ 1. Communication is difficult enough With a dog But with a rabbit It’s exceedingly more difficult. A dog reacts to everything But a rabbit just stares at you. 2. “Snickers” the rabbit And “Emma”, the puggle. “Emma” romps around and socializes with you But poor little “Snickers” Doesn’t have the capacity to compete. 3. “Emma” runs around everywhere And talks to you with her barks. But “Snickers” on the other hand Remains sedentary And never makes a sound.
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4. “Emma” is always the center of attention Whereas “Snickers” rarely is. “Emma” is an active and interactive partner While “Snickers” is a silent one. 5. Poor “Snickers” He just sits there quietly With his back against the corner of his cage Looking out. I feel so sorry for him And guilty − Guilty because we humans don’t know how to take care of pets – Not with respect so much to their physical needs But more importantly With respect to their emotional and psychological needs. Poor “Snickers.” My heart breaks for him. 6. “Emma” also gets a greater variety of food Plus tidbits of human food That she successfully begs for With those pleading, soft-boiled eyes of hers. “Snickers” though, is given the same old dry food Day in and day out And doesn’t know how to beg. 7. Putting this all together and it weighing on me I just felt had to do a little something extra for “Snickers” To make his life a little more pleasant – To give him a little more attention – To compensate somehow.
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8. So at the end of the day And before I go upstairs to turn in I bring him a stick of celery and or carrot Which he eats as I hold it out for him. 9. It’s now become a tradition Which he evidently appreciates For as soon as I enter Leandra’s room He excitedly jumps out of his cage and runs over to me Looking for his expected treat. 10. This makes me happy for both “Snickers” And for me. For him – In that he gets some extra attention And something to look forward each night And for me – In that it mitigates some of my anxiety And tangential guilt. 11. Poor beautiful little “Snickers”− I love that little guy And do what I can for him And only wish That I could do more. *****
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y The Navajo Club 9-10-2016 An observation during our recent vacation to the southwest. _____ 1. We were in a little town in Arizona Having breakfast at McDonalds Where I noticed That there were some Navajo Native Americans Eating there too. Being a “people watcher” – Or “observer” As I prefer to call myself – I began to observe. 2. They looked so comfortable And their demeanor so leisurely That it looked like this place Was a favorite gathering spot for them. They moved slowly, were low keyed and soft spoken Unlike so many non-Native Americans Who can often be loud, outgoing, animated and brash.
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3. They also had a kind of sad look On their sculptured brown faces That portrayed a lot of history and character − Or was I reading too much into it? Was it the loss of their land and culture and subsequent plight That resulted from clash of two very different cultures − i.e. between the Europeans and Native Americans − That I was reading and empathizing with? 4. I make no claims As to who was “right” and who was “wrong” In that tragic clash But rather just feel bad about its sad result And that things didn’t Or couldn’t have Turned out better. 5. In their culture, the Native American Does not give in And rather stays stubbornly resistant To participating or assimilating into the dominant culture And to reaping any of its benefits Preferring to remain proud outsiders And silent conscientious objectors or protesters So to speak.
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6. They moved slow and deliberate − In a glide like manner Like a revered eagle. And when they approached each other You could tell that they recognized each other As members of a special people. 7. And when they began to speak They’d first speak in Navajo As if to confirm who they were to each other And as a sign of respect for their culture. It was a kind of secret password And as I listened I heard the soft, smooth and gentle flow Of their beautiful language Which made me feel as though I had my ear To the door of some secret club room. 8. They have lost their land and culture And were relegated to eating at – Of all incongruous and ironic of places – McDonalds. But even though I was seeing them at McDonalds In their dungarees, western shirts and boots I was also looking through the window of their faces And seeing them in their tribal village And tribal dress as well.
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9. In my mind and heart I could see them tall and proud Eating the shared day’s hunting kill Around a crackling cooking fire With the big mountains and big sky All around them. 10. This is the vision I saw And in seeing it I cried inside − As they are probably stoically crying inside as well − Over the culture they lost and miss so much And the internalized and heavy sadness That they have to live with Knowing how much they lost And that there’s no going back. 11. So the current question remains Is it better to just accept the dominant culture And reap some of its benefits – Or handouts as they may feel they are − Or not surrender and continue to resist and suffer Out of proud stubbornness? Is it better to live in the present Or in the past? 12. These may be questions That have no answers. *****
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y The Desert 9-11-2016 Clouds I saw over the southwest desert. _____ 1. The clouds over the desert Were huge, white, billowy and flat bottomed Which made them look like Slow gliding mountains. 2. And the actual mountains Looked like heavy clouds That were fixed and held down By the weight of their heavy red color. 3. Oh the mystery and beauty of the desert And how it invites the imagination To run in every direction. *****
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y Trying To Imagine 9-12-2016 Thinking about the life of ancients in the southwest desert. _____ 1. While on vacation in the southwest I learned a lot about how difficult it was For the ancient Native Americans To scratch out a living In their hot and dry desert environment. 2. Just finding water each day As well as the daily hard work of agriculture and hunting In the burning sun and hot winds With the good spirits working with them And the evil spirits against them Made for a very hard and difficult life And where I’m sure these ancients Went hungry on many a night. 3. And here I sit Ironically in this air-conditioned restaurant Trying to appreciate the difficult life they must have had With the aroma of a nice cup of coffee And a juicy hamburger and fries Breaking my concentration and straining my imagination. *****
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y The Basic Rectangular Shape 10-31-2016 We all have the same basic evolutionary shape. _____ 1. Roughly speaking All living things Have the same rectangular shape to them With little variations occurring continuously Over the millions of years of their evolutions. 2. Take the worm – it’s basically a long rectangle. Then take the snake – it too is basically rectangular But it has stomach muscles within that rectangle Which are mere variations of its rectangular shape That represent the beginnings of legs. 3. Then take the salamander − It too, while retaining its rectangular shape, Has developed little stubby legs Which were in effect – Although maybe not scientifically evolutionary accurate – The more advanced stomach muscles of the snake.
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4. Next, let’s take the dog − It too has that basic rectangular shape But had evolved much longer legs over time Than the salamander. 5. Finally, let’s take us humans − We too have also retained that same basic rectangular shape But evolved and developed our extremities On a much more sophisticated basis In that our former “front legs” Evolved into “arms and fingers” And our “hind legs” into “legs with feet” Giving us the ability to stand and walk upright. 6. So you see Everything – Exaggerated to make my point But not to invalidate it − Has that original rectangular shape And every evolutionary variation is an outcrop of it. 7. Yes we have changed But with respect to the basics We haven’t changed much at all. *****
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y Politically Correct And Ready To Go 11-2-2016 Saying good-bye ahead of time. _____ 1. I knew I was close to my end So I said my good-byes to everyone Ahead of time And while I had the time to do so To make sure I didn’t miss anyone. 2. So even though I’m still around − And have been around for quite some time − I feel good that I had gotten these formalities Out of the way For if I hadn’t And died before I had a chance to do so I’d feel terrible. 3. So now with all the formalities, courtesies and loose ends All taken care of I’m politically correct and as ready to go As I’ll ever be. *****
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Who’s To Blame? 11-4-2016 The unavoidable tragedies in life. _____ 1. I turn on a light And scare the hell out of a bug. I pull up a weed And destroy hundreds of homes in the process. I walk down the street And crush a number of little crawling creatures in my path. I take down a dead tree And destroy a whole eco-system of insects That depended on it. 2. We do things We don’t even know we do. We are like blind and ignorant giants Unaware of our own destructive powers. 3. But if we tried to avoid every such destructive act and result We’d be overwhelmed and grind our lives to a halt So what can we do? And who are we to blame? − Us, or our creator? *****
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y I Had A Dream 11-10-2016 A dream about Prudential. _____ 1. In my dream I just showed up in the lobby of Prudential My former place of employment Where I had worked with my friend Tom Carroll And who had let me go. My dream took place after Tom had passed away. 2. For some reason I had gotten dressed in the morning And gone off to Prudential. I just showed up Like a hungry and homeless person Looking through a restaurant window. 3. In my dream Prudential had apparently been taken over By another company As the whole climate, decorum and players had changed. Instead of being an insurance company Run by mild mannered executives It was taken over by a large investment firm Run by aggressive cigar smoking tycoons.
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4. In my dream I was in the lobby of the building. Some employees recognized and greeted me. Then a lowly secretary Who was feeling empowered by her executive boss Reminded me − And relishing it − That I no longer had a position there And that there were none available And saying it in a tone that openly implied, “Especially for you.” I felt so demeaned. 5. After that I sat down in one of the cloth seats in the lobby And watched the tycoons all slumped down In their overstuffed squeaky leather chairs Smoking and talking. 6. Then, after a while, I thought I’d go up stairs to the offices And meet with my old friend, Colm Keogh. But looking down at my chest I realized That while I was in a suit I didn’t have a shirt and tie on But rather only an undershirt. “God,” I said to myself, “How did I miss that when I got dressed?” I was very mad at myself For I was always doing something like that.
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7. Then, in my dream I decided just to go home and call Colm And arrange to meet him some other day Which was better than just showing up In a suit and an undershirt. 8. After leaving Prudential’s lobby I remember that on the walk to the subway The streets were full of melting snow and ice And that my shoes got sopping wet And that having wet shoes, no overcoat and no shirt I was very cold. 9. A crazy dream? Yes, But one that had key pieces Of my personality and my experiences All cobbled together into a disjointed and surreal story. 10. Oh what a scary, representative and coded dream that was – All true, but not true If you know what I mean. *****
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y Arrows Into The Future 11-20-2016 Inspired, I believe, from a Native American story. _____ 1. Someone keeps silent So that another’s song can be heard. 2. Someone stays behind So that another can advance. 3. A stage is built For the sake of the performers. 4. The past is a platform For the future. 5. You can see farther When you’re standing on the shoulders of others. 6. Arrows are shot into the future From the bows of the past. *****
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y Half Dead 2-5-2016 Better dead than half dead. _____ 1. Let’s hope that the fire doesn’t go out Half way through your fiery death − That the cancer consumes you fully and completes its job − That the water fills your lungs all at once − And that you’ll die quickly of suffocation on the cross And not have to suffer for days. 2. It’s better to complete the job Fully and quickly And not leave things half done. 3. Dead is better than half dead By any measure. *****
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y Rules 1-12-2016 Conscience versus the rules. _____ 1. The rules of religion Are all clogged up with dogma Making them and religion itself Complex and convoluted. 2. Religion has become a muscle-bound giant Unable to flex and be meaningfully responsive To anything. 3. We should replace these archaic rules That have layered and weaved themselves over time Into a knotted, lumpy and ugly fabric. We should also shed the belief that our scriptures − Christian, Muslim or Judaic − Are the “word of god” That must be defended To the exclusion and detriment Of the others. Come on The “Word of God”?
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4. We should replace all the complex and inflexible rules of religion – And all their underlying and inhibiting dogma − With a set of more relevant and usable ones That are based on common sense, Our consciences And rooted in simply doing good deeds. 5. Instead of going to church religiously For the sake of appearance, rules and tradition We should just follow our consciences As that alone will lead us down the right path And better achieve the objectives of all religions Namely that of leading a good life And doing the right things. 6. These are the guidelines we should follow Not the maze of Convoluted and contradictory Rules of religion. 7. We don’t need rules that have self-servingly evolved And entangled themselves with dogma over the past 5,000 years To tell us how to act and what is right and wrong. Rather all we need to do Is follow our consciences, Be unassuming and respectful, Hard working and productive And grateful for our blessings.
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8. If we follow our consciences And do good deeds I guarantee we will be saved. But if we follow the rules of religion And its muscle-bound dogma I can’t guarantee anything. *****
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y Uniforms 2- 24-2016 Uniforms make things simple – maybe too simple. _____ 1. Uniforms – They serve many meaningful purposes And eliminate many superfluous ones. 2. They eliminate all shopping and dressing decisions Governed by style and narcissism Allowing us to concentrate On more productive things Like being neat and clean 3. Uniforms – They are equalizers And eliminate much of the vanities And stylish competition That complicate our lives. They also control our conceited drives And further, they average us all out And make us team members Rather than competitors.
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4. Uniforms – They redirect our scattered and sunburst-like directions Into a common track and often Into a singularity. 5. Uniforms – On the other hand May stifle individuality, Freedom of direction and thought And imagination and creativity. 6. Uniforms − On the other, other hand Tend to need and seek out a leader Often to the point of being so dependent on them That we lose the talent for, and strength of, independent thinking Sometimes to the point of fanaticism Where every form of check and balance Is suppressed or even voided. 7. Uniforms – Both the good and bad about them Must be considered. But having said that I personally, love uniforms. *****
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For Sanity’s Sake 5-7-2016 A rare event. _____ 1. Once in a while An ugly and formidable thing Can be seen As something beautiful and benevolent. 2. Most of the time We should accept the reality of things And take them at face value But once in a while We should leave some room For alternatives. 3. While we should believe mostly In what we see with our eyes Once in while We should leave a little room For healthy fantasy − For sanity’s sake. *****
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y How Would I Have Handled Things? 5-27-2016 Things were so much worse for others. _____ 1. I watch a lot of documentaries about World War II In Europe and Asia And try to imagine how it would be If I had lived through those trying years. 2. If I were a soldier Would I be brave enough To run across an open field As I saw my comrades fall all around me? 3. If I were a prisoner of war Would I be strong enough To survive mentally and physically? Would I be able to retain Enough hope in my heart And grit in my constitution To get through it all Or would I yield to complete depression Feeling sorry for myself?
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4. I also try to imagine other little things Like what it was like Being stuffed shoulder to shoulder like cattle Into those trains that went off to the gas chambers With no room to even sit down. And what about those who had to go to the bathroom? How was that unpleasant thing handled? There must have been some process To handle when people had to defecate And how that waste was disposed of. Did they discuss it ahead of time in each car And come up with a plan? Were specific people assigned to the job? Or was each responsible for handling his or her own? And what about the residual smell That had to be inhaled all throughout the ride? Was there a process to mitigate or mask it somehow Or did they just have to bear it? And to the point of this writing Would I be able to handle such things as these Without giving up? 5. Whenever I think things are unpleasant for me And begin to complain and feel sorry for myself I think of how bad it was during the war And how minor my issues are By comparison. It doesn’t work all the time But it does sometimes. *****
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y Forced Rhyme And Meter (On Poetry Writing) 6-19-2016 Comments about my poetry writing. _____ 1. In the earlier stages of my poetry writing A good part of my time and effort Had to do with making my poems rhyme And giving them poetic meter And in many respects It was forced rhyming and meter. 2. While rhyming and meter have value They sometime detract from the meaning of a poem As you have to contort your words to make it work. It also sometimes makes the poem too rhythmical – Too sing-songy and cute. 3. Forced rhyming and meter often inhibit The flow, emotion and intellect of a poem Which are the things that really grasp your hand And take you for that satisfying poetic walk. *****
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y Watching The Weather 7-28-2016 My life in retirement _____ 1. Checking on the weather Writing And watching Investigation ID on TV Are a lot of what I do In my retirement. 2. While I do many other things These are the things I do With daily regularity. 3. This is my new life – My new life In retirement. *****
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Parkinson’s And Alzheimer’s 12-2-2016 Deteriorating but adjusting. _____ 1. He was aging And his health had deteriorated To the point Where his doctor said That he couldn’t do any more strenuous exercise. While he was an avid exerciser And really missed it He didn’t complain and just adjusted. 2. Then he got injured on the job Wherein he could no longer work And had to go out on disability – Permanent disability. Again he didn’t complain but rather Found a job working on the computer at home. 3. Then his eyes started to go. But after he got a series Of progressively thicker glasses He was able to continue working.
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4. But then He began to get symptoms of Alzheimer’s And couldn’t work anymore And depended fully on financial assistance. Again he adjusted By finding fulfillment In surfing the internet And doing a lot of personal work. Although he was very limited in what he could do He was grateful For what little he could do. 5. But then he developed Parkinson’s disease Where every little shake of his finger or hand Would register itself on that little PC of his And inadvertently execute, delete or close something That he didn’t want to. And for the things he wanted to do His hands wouldn’t obey and rather disobeyed. So now he couldn’t even use his PC Which was the only thing he had left to him. 6. With nothing left for him − Except for the shaking − There was nothing that he could adjust down to. But he was forever the creative optimist And never one to feel sorry for himself So he once again adjusted to his painful reality By taking comfort in, and being thankful for, his Alzheimer’s Which took him into its protective custody. ***** 188
y The Inevitable 4-21-2016 I can see what’s approaching me. _____ 1. As I approach my later years The shadows thicken around me And begin to take on a more morbid face, A more threatening voice And a darker soul. 2. But I shall not waste my time on tears Over the inevitable − Easy to say But hard to do. 3. But I’ll try my best Knowing that Progress and relapse Are also inevitable. *****
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y Enough In Return? (To Vi) 6-14-2016 Vi’s always been there for me. _____ 1. I’ll forever thank you For always being by my side With your love and support. 2. Although it was sometimes hard for you to tell I was always aware that you were there – If not directly and in the center of my vision − Then in my peripheral vision And certainly in my heart. 3. You have always given me so much And my only wish Is that I’ve given you enough In return. *****
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y Always Preparing 4-27-2016 On life and transition. _____ 1. Preparing for kindergarten, For grammar school, high school and college, For the job, For marriage and children, For retirement, And now For death. 2. Life is a series of endless preparations – Well, unfortunately Not exactly Endless. *****
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y An Unbalanced Equation 7-14-2016 Getting a bargain in love. _____ 1. He returned her commitment to him With his commitment to her. 2. But he couldn’t return enough For all the love she had given him. 3. He got a bargain − A real bargain − In love. 4. No equation is perfectly balanced And in this case It was very imbalanced − And very imbalanced In his favor. *****
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It’s Not A Racial Problem 9-13-2016 Mistaken identity. _____ 1. With respect to slavery The blacks tend to blame the whites As if they invented the practice. And they also seem to blame all discrimination On the whites as well As if the whites are just “out to get them” And that it’s somehow in their DNA. They also tend to think That this is only a fairly recent situation. All this results in the erroneous thinking That it’s a racial problem. 2. However the truth is That slavery had existed in Africa itself Long before any white man took a black slave. Slavery in Africa had been a long time practice for centuries In that the Arabs of northern Africa Took the more vulnerable peoples of southern Africa And sold them as slaves.
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3. As despicable as that was What was even more despicable Was the fact that southern black Africans Betrayed their own people By rounding them up And selling them off to the Arabs for profit. 4. In addition, it should be remembered That it was a common and accepted practice For tribes and people Of every nationality and every race To raid, rape, pillage and take slaves. 5. It was also a common premise of war That any conquering army was expected to take slaves As one of the “spoils of war.” 6. The same erroneous perspective applies With respect to feeling that the whites Are the sole perpetrators of discrimination In that every race and nationality Is guilty of putting down or discriminating against Those who are different and more vulnerable Out of fear, the quest for domination or whatever. 7. These traits exist in everyone and everything (In every species and every human) Among and between all nations and races − Black, white, yellow, red and brown.
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8. So it’s not a black and white problem It’s a human problem. It’s a problem that has its roots in: The instinct for survival; The fear of others; The desire for power and control; Ignorance; And profit and greed Which, given the opportunity, Manifests itself in all of us And that we must jointly try to eradicate. 9. The objective therefore should be To continue the progress we’ve already made As humans in eliminating these negative traits through: Education, social progress and effective laws And by not getting bogged down In the convenient and misguided blame game. 10. And the same can be said For other problems in the world Where we focus on the myopic and peripheral aspects of the issues Rather than on the root of those issues That involve so many ethnic, religious, economic and other problems. 11. Oh if we could only get out of the weeds And see the real problem − The human problems that underlie everything. *****
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y Changing Gifts 4-18-2016 Our gifts change with age. _____ 1. As we age Our gifts change. 2. For example We go from From running shoes to orthopedic shoes. From an exercise machine to a walker. From an iPod to a hearing aid. From a belt to a back brace. From a baseball bat to a cane. From a video game to a Hallmark family movie. 3. On and on it goes Or at least until we reach the point Where we’re no longer Getting any gifts at all. *****
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y Let Me See 5-17-2016 Waiting for the outcome. _____ 1. Let me see If it’s true what they say About life and love. 2. With my heart beating in fear And my eyes closed shut Let me see If what they say Is really true. *****
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