How to Create a Personal Inheritance

f How to Create a Personal Inheritance *****

Writing about Yourself And the Times You Lived In *****

Creating a Legacy for Yourself and a Personal Inheritance for Your Loved Ones ***** by

Neil Michelsen

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f Dedication To my family: past, present and future

2013

2015

f Table of Contents Title

Page

Preface A Personal Inheritance versus a Financial Inheritance

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The Inspiration for this Book

3

Why We Should Write

5

What We Can Write About

16

The “How To�s of Creating a Personal Inheritance

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Conclusion

53

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f Preface I’ve had the idea for this book since 1987 and never let go of it. Its subject matter is one that I believe needs more exposure and whose themes are easy to implement. The book is therefore both an awareness and a how-to book.

Back in 1987, I only had some rudimentary notes.

In 2002, I drafted a full length book entitled: How to Write about Yourself and the Times You Lived In. In 2011 I greatly condensed the book and had it reviewed by a number of professionals some of whom were in the publishing business and others who were authors themselves. All liked the theme. One told me that he was so inspired by it that he actually acted on some of its recommendations, which was encouraging.

In 2012, I condensed the book further so that it could be read in one or two sittings. I also modified its title to: How to Create a Personal Inheritance with a number of subtitles.

In 2014, after some further revisions, I met with a representative of the publishing house of Simon and Schuster in New York City and in 2015 with an individual in the publishing business and who had been a former executive with Reader’s Digest in Stamford CT. Both informed me that publishing companies would not consider any book until its author had “sensationalized” their material and showed, through their own marketing efforts, that there was a market for it.

Because the book was not written so much for commercial purposes I decided to get the book printed for my own library and as one of the components of the personal inheritance I wanted to leave my family.

Since the book has not been professionally edited, I apologize for any deficiencies in form and for any errors in spelling or grammar.

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How to Create a Personal Inheritance

y A Personal Inheritance versus a Financial Inheritance Two Parts to an Inheritance When we think about inheritance, we normally think of a financial one. And towards that end we spend a great deal of time and effort during our lives on financial, insurance and legal matters. But being so focused on a financial inheritance we often overlook what kind of a personal inheritance we’ll leave. A true and complete inheritance is composed of two parts, financial and personal.

A financial inheritance is a monetary inheritance, composed of such assets as our home, investments, bank accounts and insurance proceeds. While meaningful, a financial inheritance is cold and impersonal and the assets in it are either spent or absorbed into the assets of those we leave them to. They tend to just disappear and not have any special, separate or lasting value. They represent the assets we haven’t gotten around to spending ourselves and therefore, so to speak, represent our financial leftovers.

A personal inheritance on the other hand is warm and personal. It’s a non monetary inheritance composed of such simple but meaningful things as informal notes, journal entries and other writings about ourselves, our family and the times we lived in. They also include writings about our personal feelings, experiences, and beliefs; our observations and commentaries about life; family stories; or even our memoirs. They could also take the form of personal letters we’ve written to loved ones that are intended to be opened after we pass away. These are not leftovers, but rather things that we purposefully create for our loved ones as a personal inheritance from us. In addition to our writings, there are many other things that can be included in a personal inheritance which we’ll also cover.

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Half an Inheritance If we only leave a financial inheritance we’ll only leave half the inheritance that we could and should leave for our loved ones. But by leaving a personal inheritance along with whatever financial inheritance we might leave, we’ll leave a full inheritance. And by leaving that personal component for them, we’ll have created a personal legacy for ourselves that will truly define who we are and how we’ll be remembered.

And even if we have no monetary assets to leave, the personal inheritance we leave may more than compensate for it.

The Will is Not the Way The will, and the financial inheritance we leave through it, is not the best way to be remembered but rather it will be through the personal things we leave as part of our personal inheritance. And by doing so we’ll be loved and respected for our sensitivity, thoughtfulness and foresight.

From the Heart Not the Pocket A financial inheritance comes from the pocket, whereas a personal one comes from the heart.

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y The Inspiration for this Book My Lost Parents When my parents died, I realized that I primarily knew them only as “Mom” and “Dad” and very little about them as “people.” And that was because they didn’t write or leave behind much of anything about their personal lives, experiences and feelings to help me get to know that other dimension of them. So when they died, it was as though I walked into to their room one day and found it completely empty − empty of them and all their personal belongings. It was as though they had packed up everything and left in the middle of the night without even leaving a personal note of goodbye. Unintentionally, but sadly, they had taken most everything personal about themselves to their graves that would have given me precious insight into their lives as people.

Although I knew some personal things about them, from my own memories and from the stories they and others had told me, I didn’t have anywhere near the intimate insight that I would have had if they had written a little about themselves and left it for me. So that part of them was lost.

This experience made me realize that I should not make the same “mistake.” It made me realize how important it was to leave something about myself and the times I lived in for those I love and will leave behind. It convinced me to, at a minimum, buy a little notebook and begin writing little things about my life, experiences and feelings and about the family that I could leave as part of my personal inheritance.

The Purpose, Format and Content of this Book The purpose of this book is to show how, through the simple act of writing a little about ourselves, we can leave a unique and valued personal inheritance and how easy it is to do. Its intent is also to show 3

what other things might be included in that inheritance. And just as my experience inspired me, I hope this book will inspire others.

The book is purposely short so that it can be read in one or two sittings. It is also written in simple, almost outline format, so that it can be easily understood and its points quickly applied. Also the book contains numerous examples that provide tangible direction and guidance to its readers.

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y Why We Should Write If a Tree Falls in the Forest If we don’t write about ourselves, we risk leaving this world with very little trace of our existence which is comparable to the philosophical question “If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, was there any sound?” If we don’t leave any trace of ourselves did we ever really exist? To avoid having that kind of a situation happening to us we should leave something of ourselves even if it’s only a few personal notes or letters. We should leave something about who we are and the times we lived in, otherwise we will have, in effect, died anonymously. We should leave something that makes us a somebody – a somebody with a name, a face, a life and a story.

Something of ourselves for both ourselves and for our loved ones.

Something as a personal inheritance. Something that will connect and bond us to those we leave behind and them to us. Something that says “I was here.” This point may best be brought home by the following true story. *** A Message in the Wall In the old days, carpenters used to sign their names on little chips of wood and leave them inside the walls of the houses they worked on.

One day when I was working on our 1894 home, I found one such chip of wood that was signed and dated. It was a message from a workman saying, “I was here.” It was his simple way of saying that he existed. It was his way of leaving some trace of himself. It was his way of reaching out and connecting to those who would follow him. *** Similarly, our writings, and the other personal things we leave, will be our messages. And just as I was projected back in time and 5

connected with that workman, so will our loved ones be connected with us from what we leave them. They will be our personal time machines.

Showing Who We Really Are Each one of us is filled with an ocean of emotions, feelings and life experiences. But by not writing about them we not only forego the opportunity to express ourselves but also of letting people know who we really are. We forego a means of decoding and explaining ourselves and leaving ourselves open to being misinterpreted and misunderstood. And most importantly, we won’t leave anything really personal of ourselves for those we love and leave behind. But by writing we give ourselves a vehicle for self-expression, a way to be better understood as a person and a way to leave a rich personal inheritance for our loved ones. Let’s look at what the following passage in someone’s personal writings conveys. *** Personal Journal Entry June 12, 2010 On My Personality Why do I always seem to come across so different than I want to? Just today for example, I tried to give John some constructive criticism but he took it as some sort of personal attack, which wasn’t my intention at all. So often I try to present myself one way only to come across the opposite which constantly frustrates me. *** This simple entry provides the writer not only a means of expressing himself but also a way to be better understood. It also shows the more personal and sensitive side of this writer − the side that he or she apparently and disappointingly can’t seem to present to the public. It discloses his or her human failings and frustrations that we all have and can identify with in one way or another. Just a little note or journal entry such as this one can go a long way in explaining our sensitivities and the personal human issues we are dealing with that 6

would never have been known had we not written about them and passed them on as part of our personal inheritance.

Our Writings are Both about Ourselves and about Others When we write, we’ll not only be writing about ourselves but also about our family and others who were part of our lives. Accordingly, our writings will have personal meaning to them just as they have to us. And as they develop, they will, over time, constitute a form of family history that can be passed down. The following entry written by a new mother may demonstrate this point. *** Personal Journal Entry December 15, 2011 Mary’s Birth Mary was born today. My heart pounded with love − and relief − that she was born healthy. When I looked at her I felt a love I’d never felt before. I carried her inside of me for nine months and now here she is, the most precious and beautiful thing in the world. She’s a miracle and I can’t stop looking at her − my little baby girl. She’s made me feel so special. She’s made me a mother and all my love and best hopes are for her and her happiness. *** In this simple little journal entry, Mary’s mother is writing as much about herself as she is about Mary and because of it, it will be as personal and meaningful to Mary as it is to her mother. And furthermore, Mary will be forever grateful to her mother for having taken the time to write about this special segment of their shared lives.

Seeing the Changes in Ourselves over Time Through our writings, we’ll be able to see how we’ve changed over time. How we might have changed from being the young, naïve and impressionable person we were, to the more outgoing and self7

confident person we are now, or possibly on the contrary, how we might not have changed much at all, or might have even become more shy and introspective. Through our personal writings, we’ll be able to see how our beliefs, attitudes and philosophies about life have shifted as we aged. Let’s look at the following example written by a young student. *** Personal Journal Entry January 15, 2002 School I really don’t feel like going to school anymore. It’s so boring. I’m more of a hands-on person. All my friends have jobs and are making good money. But for me, I have to beg my parents for money. I just want to quit school and get a job. My parents are pressuring me to finish school saying that by having a degree I’ll have more opportunities for better paying jobs in the future. But they’re not me and feel I just don’t need any more schooling. *** In this sample entry, it’s quite obvious that when it was written its young writer had a negative attitude toward education. Assuming that attitude had changed with maturity, it would be amusing to both the writer and reader to read about this youthful commentary years after it was written. Our writings give us those kinds of unique perspectives and comparisons between the way we were and the way we are now.

Passing on the Lessons of Life There’s an old expression that says, “There’s nothing new under the sun.” And what that means is that most of the issues and problems we deal with in life are not all that different from those that others have had to deal with for thousands of years and differ only with respect to the times and circumstances surrounding them. So when our children and or other loved ones read our writings about the problems and issues that we’ve had to deal with in our lives it will help them identify and relate to the problems they are dealing with in theirs. It 8

will give them a perspective that they would not have had otherwise.

It will help them realize that they are not the only ones who have had to face the challenges that life presents and that realization will better help them cope with their challenges.

In addition to helping our children cope with life’s challenges, our writings will also serve as learning tools for them. While it’s true that the best way for us to learn is through our own experiences, it’s also true that the second best way to learn is through someone else’s, especially if that someone else is someone we know and can identify with, such as a relative. So through our writings, we can pass on to our loved ones the lessons that we have learned in life by simply sharing our experiences and insights with them through the personal writings we leave them as part of our personal inheritance.

Bridging the Generation Gap When we try to counsel our children we sometimes fail, or worse, wind up in heated arguments that are counterproductive. By writing about it though, we give ourselves a second chance at counseling them by sharing what we had written about that past argument at a time when they are more mature and when cooler heads prevail. This technique will help foster mutual understanding between parents and children by allowing both sides to learn from each other’s mistakes in a more neutral and positive way. Our writings will serve as effective learning tools. Just as sports players learn by watching the replays, we can learn by watching the replays that our writings provide us. Using our writings in such a way will go a long way toward bridging that infamous generation gap as the following father and son entry might show. *** Personal Journal Entry August 15, 2012 An Argument with John I just had a heated argument with John about his wanting to go out with his friends before he finished his homework. I tried to reason with him but he was defiantly adamant and testing me. Then, when he 9

made a snide and disrespectful remark under his breath, it really hurt me and I lost my temper and yelled at him. I felt terrible afterwards and turned it over and over in my head trying to figure out what went wrong and how he and I could have handled it better. All I wanted to do was to impress upon him that his schoolwork is very important and should be his priority, not so much for my sake but more so for his.

He’s a good boy all in all, and I love him very much, and only want the best for him. *** Father and son, sitting down sometime in the future and reading this entry together would go a long way towards not only clearing the air and healing old wounds, but also towards building mutual understanding going forward. It would serve as a great learning tool that would reduce the likelihood that a simple incident such as the one just described would happen again as no one wants to wind up in a heated argument if they can at all avoid it. And even if his father didn’t share his entry while he was alive, and rather only left it as part of his personal inheritance, it would give John personal insight into his father’s side of that argument, how it affected him, and more importantly how much his father loved him. It would allow John to better understand his father for the person he was as well as give him an added sense of respect for his sensitivity and thoughtfulness for having written that touching passage.

Being an Eye-Witness to History Throughout our lives we’ll experience a number of seemingly ordinary events that in time may actually be viewed as historic events, such as that long drought, that successful space shot, that failed assassination attempt, the outbreak of a war in some foreign country, or the discovery of a new wonder drug. And with each year that passes, such events often assume greater historical value and therefore are more appreciated by those who read what we had written about them not only with respect to the event itself but for the privileged, eye-witness account we had given them. One of the more important historical events written by an eye-witness New Yorker is shown in the following entry.

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*** Personal Journal Entry September 12, 2001 On 911 At about a quarter to 9 yesterday morning, we heard a news report that a commuter plane had accidentally crashed into one of the World Trade Center towers in New York City. An unfortunate little accident they called it. Then we heard that another plane − this time a large commercial plane − had hit a second tower resulting in a huge fire ball explosion. Soon after that, it was reported that the first hit was not by a small commuter plane at all, but rather by a commercial plane as well. It quickly became apparent that these were not accidents or isolated incident, but part of some coordinated attack.

This was further reinforced by subsequent news reports that two other commercial planes had been hijacked and were possibly on their way to other targets. The seriousness of it all was really brought home when we learned that the president had been whisked away from Washington on Air Force One and taken to a secret bunker somewhere.

As we watched the TV coverage of the two towers burning we could see people jumping to their deaths trying to escape the inferno. It was a horrible thing to watch. Then to our further shock we saw these two huge 110 story buildings collapse onto the streets of New York − one first, then the other. From my office window, I could see them collapsing and hear that frightening rumbling sound. Almost 3,000 Americans died yesterday compared to the 2,400 that were killed at Pearl Harbor. We all felt so scared for what might come next. We were in a new era. *** Those who were too young to have witnessed this horrendous event themselves will be captivated by the eye-witness and personal account of it when they read it in this person’s personal writings that are left as part of his or her personal inheritance. It would be similar to our reading of a passage written by one of our relatives about a battle he had personally fought in during the American Civil War. 11

There is nothing more exciting and alive than reading a relative’s eyewitness account of some historical event that had occurred in his or her lifetime.

Telling It Like It Is In addition to the benefits of creating a personal inheritance for those we leave behind, there are a number of other benefits of writing. As mentioned before, writing serves as a vehicle for self-expression. It allows us to freely and honestly say what’s on our minds. It allows us to express our raw feelings and gut reactions to things we experience, have strong opinions about and might not feel so comfortable expressing verbally. In that sense, it enables us to “tell it like it is.”

Writing also serves as an effective way to relieve stress by providing us the means to vent our feelings and get things off our chests and onto paper. Let’s look at the following entry. *** Personal Journal Entry January 5, 2012 Uncle Charlie I just can’t stand Uncle Charlie. He’s so pompous and obnoxious. He talks and talks and mostly about himself. And when he talks about others, it’s mostly in a disparaging and disrespectful way. Sometimes I get so upset with him that I’m close to calling him out. But knowing that it might cause a rift in the family I often just leave the room when I get to the point where I feel I can’t take him anymore. I’m always so close to my tipping point with him and fear it’s just a matter of time before I’ll explode. *** This little entry allows its writer to vent his or her frustration and release a lot of stress. It also gives the reader a personal first hand glimpse into the frustrations this writer is dealing with. While such matters might be too sensitive to air openly, they are perfect subjects for our personal writings.

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The Rich Man, Poor Man Equalizer While a poor man, or a man of modest means, can’t come close in monetary value to what a rich man will be able to leave as his financial inheritance, he can leave something of equal value in the form of the writings and other personal things he leaves as part of his personal inheritance. Often the lives and stories of those who had to struggle financially have greater human interest, appeal and personal value than those who were well off and didn’t have to struggle, and therefore make good subject matter for writing about and leaving as part of their personal inheritance. Having the ability to leave a meaningful personal inheritance in lieu of a substantial financial one is therefore one important and distinctive way of leveling the playing field and equalizing things between the have and have-nots. And even if someone has no financial inheritance to leave, as was stated before, he or she can leave a rich and personal one through their writings that may in fact be even more meaningful than any financial one. Below is a poor man’s touching journal entry that will highlight this point. *** A Poor Man’s Personal Journal Entry July 12, 2012 My Personal Inheritance to My Family While I don’t have many assets to pass on to my family as a financial inheritance, I have kept a series of personal journals that recorded my personal experiences, my inner most feelings, and my worries, joys and disappointments. They also contain a number of family stories that I hope will serve as a form of family history. Through these personal writings I hope to show the love and respect I had for my wife, children and other family members. I’ve also maintained our family photo albums which I hope will serve as another element of our family history. While I wish that I could pass on a more meaningful financial inheritance, I’m hopeful that the journals and family albums I leave will represent a meaningful personal inheritance knowing that it was the best that I could do under my circumstances and that they come from my heart. *** 13

This little and unassuming journal entry nicely sums up the intention and love behind this person’s inheritance and anyone reading it would be touched by its simple and genuine sincerity and be most appreciative of what he left for his loved ones.

Similarly, those who are well off and who never have had to struggle financially, have a competing and equal opportunity to create a rich personal inheritance through the personal writings they leave.

Through their writings they can tell their stories from their own perspectives and dispel any possible misperceptions that because they were financially well off they didn’t have their own unique issues to deal with in life. Their writings are their equalizers. The following is an example of an entry that hopefully makes this point. *** A Rich Man’s Personal Journal Entry July 12, 2010 My Personal Inheritance to My Family Over the years I have worked hard to become successful and accordingly might not have been perceived as warm and approachable as I would have liked. This has always been a source of stress and frustration for me, and one that I sincerely regret having to live with. However, I want my family to know that even though I had difficulty showing my feelings, they were always in my heart and thoughts and that the personal writings I leave them hopefully will evidence this. While I will leave them all a reasonable financial inheritance, I’m hoping that my personal writings, as well as the other things I leave them as my personal inheritance may be equally or even more valuable knowing that they came from my heart. *** What a great way for this person to present him or herself more favorably than he or she apparently could in person. What a great and simple way to contrast and complement a financial inheritance with a personal one. Through the writings and other personal things they leave, both the rich and poor have equal opportunities to create meaningful inheritances for their loved ones.

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Redefining Success and Genius The measurement of success is often determined by how much money one has made and left for their loved ones. Likewise, many are considered to be geniuses because of their intelligence and or for having done something great. While there’s some validity to all that, the criteria used to determine who is successful or a genius should include other factors.

Money should not be the primary defining criteria for success. While it may be true with respect to financial success, it is doesn’t determine success in any holistic or personal way. Also, in many cases those who are considered geniuses haven’t really done anything great per se but rather something quite simple, but that had great impact.

Therefore, because of the high personal impact that someone’s personal writings will have on those they leave them to, its author might easily be included in those special categories of successful and genius as he or she will be someone who’s created something truly valuable, ingenious and memorable.

But regardless of how one is categorized, those who leave a personal inheritance for their loved ones, will certainly be remembered for having done something very touching, personal and special.

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y What We Can Write About The Three Phases of Time − Past, Present and Future Our personal writings will span all the three phases of time, the past, present and future. The past, by writing about our past experiences; the present, by writing about the events that are currently happening in our lives and the world at large; and the future, by writing about our hopes, dreams and predictions for and about the years ahead of us. Our writings will represent a continuum with respect to all three phases making for a rich, personal and comprehensive inheritance for our loved ones. In the sections that follow we will talk a little bit about each of those phases.

Write, Relive and Reminisce about the Past In whatever stage of our lives we begin to write, there will be a large reservoir of past events and subject matter that we can draw on to write about. And as we write, our writings will cover an ever increasing span of years that will allow us to look back into all the various and different eras and circumstances in our lives. And when we write about past events we will be reliving them, making us feel as though they occurred only yesterday. For example, imagine how exciting and nostalgic it would be to re-experience such things as the awkwardness of our first date, passing that tough final exam when we were in school, the difficulties of trying to make ends meet when we were first married, or getting that long-awaited promotion. The following personal journal entry might demonstrate this point. *** Personal Journal Entry August 12, 2010 Remembering That Tough Final Exam in High School 16

Even though I had studied hard for my final exam in biology, there were a lot of questions about things I had never even heard of. I had to guess at so many of them that I felt there was a good chance I’d fail and not be able to graduate. Not only would it have been embarrassing for me, my Dad and Mom would have killed me. When the results were posted on the bulletin board, I was afraid to look and hesitated for a long while. Finally though, I mustered up enough courage and inched my way forward, held my breath, and with one eye open, peeked at the list and saw, to my great relief, that I had passed! It was finally over. A huge weight was lifted off me. *** Writing about past events, provides us the opportunity to reminisce and reflect over our lives and the experiences and feelings we had at the time. And equally, or maybe even more importantly, they allow those who read them to experience what we experienced. Another example follows. *** Personal Journal September 15, 2007 My First Date I remember as if it were yesterday. I was about 14 and knew nothing about girls and was always very nervous around them. One day though, I met a girl named Sharon, who stirred up feelings in me that I had never felt before. After building up my courage, I nervously asked her out to the movies. When I picked her up, I remember getting that “warning look” from her father which unnerved me. When we were at the movies, I awkwardly put my arm around her shoulders which was the farthest I had the courage to go. After our date, I remember reviewing all the events of that night and second guessing all my actions and inactions telling myself, “You should have done this, you should have done that.” She really had me going and was always on my mind making me wonder if I was actually “in love”. *** 17

In addition to the pleasure the writer would get in reliving that experience through his journal entry, imagine how his children would feel being able to read about their Dad’s personal first encounter with the opposite sex and how grateful they’d be for his sharing that part of his personal life with them through the personal writings he left for them. A simple entry such as this would help present their Dad as a real person, and not just a parental figure. Below is another reminiscent example about the past. *** Personal Journal Entry October 10, 2011 On Our Empty House Jennie went off to college this week and the house suddenly feels so empty. It seems like only yesterday she was just a little girl running around the house, laughing and giggling and dependent on me for almost everything. And as I sit here alone, I’m remembering her through all the phases of her life − as that little girl, as that teen-ager and now as that young lady. I have so many mixed feelings both of joy and of sadness. Although she’s no longer my little girl, in my heart, she’ll always be my little girl. *** In this one little entry a father reminisces about the many years of his and his daughter’s life as she progressively matured into womanhood.

Not only is this little entry meaningful for him as a means of expressing his feelings, but it would be multiples more meaningful for Jennie when she reads it, for she’ll have been given a treasured insight into the love and heart-felt emotions her father had for her.

What a lasting and loving effect this little entry will have on her when it’s left as part of her father’s personal inheritance.

Write about Present Day Events as They Happen As close to the time that events occur, and or emotions, feelings and moods well-up inside of us, we should write about them. This will not only ensure that we won’t risk forgetting about them, but that we’ll 18

more accurately capture their spontaneity and emotional impact. This in turn will allow those feelings to be most fully conveyed to our readers making them feel as though they were experiencing them right along with us. Feel the excitement in the following sample journal entry. *** Personal Journal Entry April 15, 2005 A Game-clinching Catch It was the bottom of the ninth inning and the last batter of the opposing team up was at bat with two men on base. We were ahead by one run and only needed to get this one batter out to clinch the game. It had been a boring game for me in the outfield as all the plays were made by the infielders and other outfielders. I figured this batter would be quickly disposed of and the game would end completely uneventful for me.

But then I heard a powerful and loud crack which startled me. The batter had hit a high and deep ball that was coming right at me. I knew I had to run hard and fast if I wanted to have any chance of catching it. And if I didn’t catch it we might lose the game.

So I took off running as fast as I could. I was running almost backwards, looking over my shoulder and squinting into the sun. The crowd was yelling loudly. It was now all up to me. Because the ball was in the sun, I could hardly see it and knew the only chance I had of catching it was to jump and stretch for it and just hope I got lucky. So I did, and while I was in mid-air I thought I felt something slam into my glove but couldn’t be sure.

After tumbling on the ground, I looked in my glove and saw to my amazement that little white ball. I had caught it. I had made a spectacular catch and the crowd was up on its feet and cheering wildly. I had clinched the game with that all-or-nothing, once-in-alifetime lucky catch. I was a hero. *** 19

Anyone reading that entry would be hard pressed not to get caught up with the emotion of that game-clinching catch as if he or she were experiencing it right along with its writer. By writing about events close to the time they occur we’ll best be able to capture the full experience and emotions surrounding them. Also, a side benefit to writing about things at or close to the time of their occurrence is that it will help ensure that we’ll never fall too far behind in our writings.

Write about the Future − Our Hopes, Dreams and Predictions We all have hopes, dreams, and plans for the future all of which are perfect subjects for our writings as they represent the things that often motivate us and keep us going each day, so by all means we should include them in our writings. In fact, the very act of writing about the things that we want and wish for may be just enough to overcome the inertia that so often holds us back from taking the actions needed to accomplish them. Wishful writing brings us past the stage of wishful thinking and closer to actually achieving them. Below is a sample entry of someone’s bold and courageous move to start a business and his or her hopes and fears for its success. *** Personal Journal Entry December 15, 2010 Starting My Own Business After many sleepless nights I’ve finally decided to start my own business. I’m just not happy with the type of work I’m doing now and working for someone else. What I’m about to do is very risky in that I’ll not only be cutting off my steady stream of income but also investing a good deal of my personal savings to get the business started. If things don’t work out I’ll have really set myself and the family back financially. But, I’ve got to stay positive and hope that with a lot of hard work and luck, I’ll make it. *** Anyone reading this entry will be able to identify with both the writer’s hope that things will work out and his or her fear if they 20

don’t. And if the business is a success, it will give both the writer and any subsequent reader a fascinating insight into the origins of that new business venture.

In addition to writing about our hopes and dreams, we can also write about any predictions we might have about how things will turn out in our own lives, the lives of others, and the world in general. We all speculate about the future and what it will bring, so why not include them in our writings. And when the future does arrive, it will be quite interesting to see which of our predictions came true and which didn’t. The following is an example of one such prediction. *** Journal Entry August 3, 2012 The Fear of another Great Depression While there are rays of hope in the economy, I believe that it’s not on a very solid footing and there are a number of bubbles that could easily break and bring it crashing down. In addition, unemployment is high and our national debt burden continues to grow exponentially.

I also feel that the rich are getting richer, the poor poorer, and the middle class − which is the backbone of our economic engine − is rapidly shrinking. Because of these factors I feel that we’ll be in for another Great Depression. It’s been over 80 years since the last depression and since history has a way of repeating itself, it seems to me we’re overdue for another. *** If the predictions we make come true, we can point to our journal entries as proof of our forecasting abilities. (Let’s hope the one above doesn’t come true.)

Write about Both the Big and the Little Things Graduations, weddings, births, special vacations and the like are examples of some of the more notable events that we should write about either in the form of simple journal entries or by something 21

more elaborate. For example, whenever we take a family vacation I write something more than just a simple entry about it. I write a brief two or three page story about it, include our itinerary, insert some photos we took, make up a cover page, have it bound at a local stationary store and then place it in a Family Vacations file. Over time, these simple family vacation stories have accumulated into a collection that will become a special part of the personal inheritance I will leave for my family.

That being said however, it’s equally important to write about the small, every day events and experiences in our lives too, as they give our loved ones a true and representative view of the reality of our daily lives. Don’t overlook writing about the little things in life, for there’s a great deal of truth in the saying, “It’s the little things in life that count.” All those little and seemingly inconsequential events actually comprise the bulk of our lives and therefore make for a rich personal inheritance that should not be underestimated, for often they truly represent who were are, the lives we lived and the times we lived in. An example follows. *** Personal Journal Entry October 1, 2012 A Simple but Special Morning For some reason I couldn't sleep anymore and got up much earlier than usual. It was Saturday and I didn’t have to go to work. No one else in the house was awake yet. I got dressed and went downstairs and made myself a cup of coffee and buttered a piece of toast. The smell of the toast and coffee filled the room and I savored it more today than on other day. I then took my breakfast out onto the front porch and watched the sun come up and marveled at how it progressively brightened up and colored all the plants and trees that it touched. It seemed that time was moving in slow motion and I had such a rare feeling of contentment, peace and privilege. I’ll never forget that special morning. ***

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While this entry marks no special event, it does mark a simple and quiet event in a day-in-the-life of its writer that is special in its own way. Below is another entry about another simple, and amusing, life experience. *** Personal Journal Entry August 25, 2004 Being a Handyman I’ve never picked up a hammer in my life, but now that we’ve bought this old house I find myself constantly having to repair things. And any repairs I make, takes me ten times longer than they should and fraught with so many big and little mistakes. More often than not, you’ll see me holding a tool in one hand and “How To” repair book in the other, looking just like a scene in some TV sit-com. *** These types of entries are gems of personal glimpses into the real and little day-to-day events that make up so much of our lives. And because they do, our writings should contain a representative number of them, which will give our loved ones a true and grounded sense of who we are and the life and times we lived in.

Write about the Job One of the most important things in all our lives is our job and accordingly we should write about it. Our jobs and careers take up so much time and energy and represent such a huge source of both satisfaction and stress that they should definitely be captured in our writings. Below is a sample entry that reflects a hard and stressful aspect of this particular writer’s job. *** Personal Journal Entry May 30, 2010 23

Working Late Again Worked late again at the office and am on the 9:20 pm train heading home. It seems as though there’s more work than ever. I feel so bad that I’m not able to get home early enough to spend more time with Joan and the kids. By the time I get home, they’re often all in bed and I’m relegated to eating cold leftovers and watching some TV alone to unwind before going to bed myself. Life’s not easy sometimes. *** While this entry is a short and simple one, it says a lot about the writer’s hard, day-to-day working life and the sacrifices involved with it. Below is a sample entry that describes the positive side and end result of the above mentioned writer’s hard work. *** Personal Journal Entry June 12, 2012 Just Got Promoted!

I’d been worrying about whether I’d get promoted during this cycle or would have to wait until the next one. When my boss called me in today, I prepared myself for a disappointment, but instead he told me that he was promoting me. I felt so relieved, then elated. As I reflected on it, I remembered all the hard work I had to put in to get it. I also remembered how supportive and understanding Joan was dealing with all those times I had to work late. Without her loyal support, I wouldn’t have been able to do it. This promotion belongs to her as much as it does to me. *** This little entry not only records an important job-related event in the writer’s life, it also provides Joan with a touching insight into that sensitive side of her husband and his appreciation and love for her.

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Write about Money Matters Another area that we all wrestle with, and that preoccupies so much of our time and energy, has to do with money matters, namely budgeting, paying our bills, making the mortgage payment, saving for our children’s education and our own retirement, and having to economize during our elderly years. There isn’t a day that goes by without us thinking about our present and future financial situation and security, so writing about it is something that we shouldn’t ignore and that our loved ones will appreciate our sharing with them as part of our personal inheritance. Money matters speak volumes about our lives as reflected in the following personal entry. *** Personal Journal Entry January 15, 2007 Money Worries I got a whole bunch of unplanned bills this month. On top of that, I found out that the furnace needs to be replaced and the car requires some major repairs. That, coupled with John and Mary’s upcoming tuition bills, I’m swamped and may have to take out a home equity loan to get through it all. It’s a tough and stressful time for me now trying to make ends meet. *** While the children are growing up, they’ll probably have no idea of what money problems and worries their parents had to wrestle with, and won’t, unless their parents write about them. But if their parents had the foresight to write about such things and leave them as part of their personal inheritance, they will have gained a real appreciation of what monetary sacrifices their parents actually had to contend with during their lives.

Write about Private and Personal Matters While it’s not a problem or issue writing about general and open topics, we may feel awkward and uncomfortable writing about such 25

private, personal and sensitive matters as our inner most worries, doubts, self-criticisms and fears; our pet peeves; our personal and often critical opinions of others; our views on love and marriage; among many other personal topics. So for such sensitive subjects as these, we can always record them in a private journal, but never should we not write about them, as they represent integral parts of our lives and provide deep insights into who we really are and what sensitive and personal things we’ve had to deal with. The following entry is an example of one kind of sensitive issue. *** Private Journal Entry July 20, 2009 Depressed I’ve been feeling very depressed lately. Things seem to be going all wrong for me these days with no hope in sight for any kind of improvement. At times I feel so all alone and isolated and that life’s not worth living. Sometimes I even feel like just ending it all. *** Since the above entry is obviously very personal, the writer may justifiably want to put it into some sort of private journal. Keeping a private journal serves a number of purposes. It enables us to capture very weighty and sensitive things in our lives as they occur and also provides a vehicle to relieve some stress and tension by writing about it. It also provides us the option of deprivitizing some or all of these types of entries if we feel that at some point in the future they are not as sensitive as once they were and can be shared as part of our personal inheritance. We always have the option of keeping them private and or even having them destroyed if we feel they’re still too sensitive. So for all these reasons we should write about sensitive things as well.

Write about Children and Family There are so many precious moments in our children’s lives that should be captured in our writings. Not only will we enjoy reading 26

and reliving the events and their attendant emotions, so will our children when they read them. This is particularly relevant with respect to their very early years when they were all too young to remember or understand much of anything. Memorializing the events that took place during our children’s early years will be an unmatched personal gift to them that they’ll always appreciate and be forever grateful to us for our thoughtfulness, foresight and sensitivity in writing about them. Two sample entries follow that will bring this point home. *** Personal Journal Entry May 14, 2011 Falling Off Her Bike While I was working in the yard, I heard a crash and then Karen crying. When I looked up I saw that she had fallen off her bike and scraped her knee and the heel of her hand. I immediately went over to her and held her as she cried. After she calmed down a bit, I told her that I’d fix her up and in a little while she'd feel much better. After cleaning and patching her up I wanted to find a way to get her back on her bike so she’d get past her bad experience and not be afraid to try it again. So I went over to the bike, and pretended to talk to it. In a low voice, but one I knew she could hear, I asked the bike, “Will you promise to be more careful the next time?” I then held my ear close to it and told her that the bike said, “OK.” She laughed a little and willingly got back on it. What a precious and special moment that was with my daughter. I can’t fully explain how much love I felt for my little girl. *** Personal Journal Entry February 21, 2008 Superman

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John was all dressed up in his Superman costume, and flying around the house, room to room, making loud swishing sounds. As he approached me on one of his flights, I stopped him and asked if he liked playing Superman. He then turned to me, looked me straight in the eye and said with a dead-serious 4 year old look, “I’m not playing Superman, I am Superman.” My son, Superman. *** Years from now when Karen and John read these passages they’ll be so very grateful to their mother and or father for having captured such precious and innocent moments in their early lives and making them part of their personal inheritances to them.

For Those Who Don’t Have Children For those who don’t have children, their writings will have equal value as personal inheritances to whomever loved ones they decide to leave them to: nieces, nephews, friends or neighbors. A personal inheritance can be created for anyone we chose.

Write about the Roles We Play in Life We play many roles in life: mother and father, son and daughter, sister and brother, aunt and uncle, and friend and lover. And each one has a different and unique perspective to it that is worthy of writing about and that shows how multi-faceted and interwoven our lives are with the lives of others. By writing about the various roles we play in life we add greater dimension and perspective to our personal writings. The following is a sample entry written by an uncle about a conversation he had with his niece that might help bring this point across. *** Personal Journal Entry April 5, 20011 A Chance Conversation with My Niece

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At the family gathering today, I had an impromptu conversation with my niece, Christine. She talked about her plans for college and about getting a job to help pay for it. She also talked about her boyfriend and shared some of the good things she liked about him as well as some of her concerns. She also opened up to me about some of her hopes and worries in life. For each of the topics she brought up, I gave her my advice and suggestions based on my own experience, which she seemed to genuinely appreciate and take to heart. I felt so privileged and honored for this rare opportunity to have such a oneon-one and personal conversation with her and felt a deeper bond between us as niece and uncle. *** Years from now, when Christine’s all grown up with perhaps a family of her own and reads what her uncle had written, she’ll understand the special meaning that little conversation had on him which she would never have had and appreciated had he not taken those two minutes to capture it in his writings.

Starting a Family Tree and Tradition As a visual aid to our writings, we might consider creating a family tree to help put all the members of the family into their historical and genealogical perspectives. A family tree would serve as a pictorial reference tool for both us and our future readers that would help to see how everyone we write about is connected and related to each other in the family lineage. A family tree becomes increasingly important as a reference tool as time goes on, as family members increase in numbers and as succeeding generations naturally separate from each other.

Catching Up and Filling in the Gaps As I was looking over my own writings one day, I realized that I hadn’t included as much as I thought I should have about my brother and sisters. There were some obvious gaps. So one afternoon I sat down and wrote a page or two about each one of them. I wrote about their individual qualities, personalities and characteristics and some of the noteworthy experiences we shared growing up together. By doing so, my writings were now not only more complete, but will give my children a better understanding of their paternal aunts and uncles from 29

their Dad’s personal perspective. Our writings provide us with any number of different ways to pass on information about ourselves and our loved ones as part of our personal inheritances and if we find we’ve missed something, we can always catch up and fill in the gaps.

Teaching Our Children to Write We should also encourage our children to write about their experiences as well and as early as possible. Just as children have great capacities for learning languages at an early age, they have great capacities for learning to write if they are introduced to it in their early years. And by doing so, we will have given them something that will benefit them throughout their entire lives. We will not only have given them a valuable means of self-expression, but also a means of writing about their own youthful personal experiences. And through that gift they will not only be able to create a rich personal inheritance for their future loved ones but just imagine the nostalgic thrill they’d get themselves at age 50 for example if they were to read something they had written at age 10, as shown in the following personal journal entry. *** Personal Journal Entry June 18, 1993 I went to Paul’s birthday party today. We played a lot of games and it was fun. He got a lot of presents. My Mom came early to pick me up. I wanted to stay more but she said we had to go home. She told me that she would wrap up an extra piece of cake and bring it home for me. It was a fun day. *** In addition to the author’s pleasure at reading his or her early-age entry, imagine the impact and value it would have on his or her children when they read what their mother or father had written at their very young ages. Start a family tradition. Do it for them and family. Teach them early. Be that special one who provides them with that insightful and personal leadership.

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Getting Other Family Members to Contribute To supplement our writings we should reach out to both our immediate and extended family members and inquire as to what stories and experiences they might have to tell about themselves and about others in the family. Most everyone has a wealth of stories inside of them that can be tapped just by directly asking them. And by asking the older members in our family we can reach back generations and glean some very interesting stories about the lives of our distant relatives and the times they lived in.

Below is a sample entry of someone who did just that and whose entry captured a cache of personal and family information spanning in this case, three generations. *** Personal Journal Entry November 12, 2009 A Conversation with My Grandfather I sat down with my grandfather the other day and asked him to tell me a few things about his life and those of his relatives. Below are a few of the things he told me about himself, his father (my great grandfather) and his grandfather (my great, great grandfather). ____ My Grandfather My grandfather told me how he, at age 14, left the farm in Norway where he was born and raised and took a job as a cabin boy on a whaling ship. He told me about the hard times he endured out at sea, the severe storms he experienced, the men who were lost or injured or who just got sick and died, the rationing of food and water, and all the excitement and danger of the whale hunts in the small boats they launched from the mother ship. He told me that it was on that whaling ship that he first learned to become a carpenter and how he took that trade with him when he immigrated to the US. He also told me stories about how difficult it was as an immigrant, having no relatives, no money and speaking little English.

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My Great Grandfather He also told me about his father (my great grandfather) and how he borrowed money from a number of friends and relatives to get the down payment to buy a little farm house, two old work horses, a few used pieces of farm equipment and some seed. He also told me about his father working from sun up to sun down plowing fields that were filled with rocks and tree stumps. He told me stories of poor harvests which sometimes caused him to fall behind on his debt payments.

Further, he told me about how he had to hunt game in the brutal cold and snow of the Norwegian winters in order to supplement his food supply and how he sometimes had to even ration his own family’s food in order to ensure that his horses survived.

My Great, Great Grandfather Reaching even farther back in time, he told me about his grandfather (my great, great grandfather) and how he too was a farmer and about his experiences, including the tragic death of his wife during childbirth and one of his children from a farm accident, the fight he had with one of the neighboring farmers that almost cost him his life, and about his off and on drinking problem. ___ I took a lot of notes on all the stories he told me and intend writing about them in greater detail someday. I never realized how much family history I could get just by asking, and am so glad I did, as otherwise they’d all have been lost. *** Our relatives have untapped treasures of family history within them that are there just for the asking and that can be made an integral part of our own personal writings. In doing so we will add generations of rich perspective to the personal inheritances we leave our loved ones.

Another thing we should consider in this regard is doing some independent research through the use of the various ancestry software programs that are available. We might be pleasantly surprised with its results and if successful could add dimensions to the personal inheritance we leave.

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What If Our Ancestors Had Written?

Just imagine how privileged we’d feel if we were able to read some of the first-hand, eye-witness stories written by our distant relatives and ancestors about the events that took place in their lives and times.

Their stories could be about such minor, but interesting things as the surprise results of a local political election or the latest gossip about some famous celebrity of their day. Or they could be about such major events as the American Civil War, as mentioned before, or the crash of the Hindenburg, the outbreak of WWII, or, as depicted in the following sample entry, about the Great Chicago Fire of 1871. *** Personal Journal October 10, 1871 The Fire in Chicago The fire started 2 days ago and is still burning out of control. The destruction is horrific with many dead and so much of the city destroyed. We are getting worried about the safety of our own home as the fire rapidly moves closer to us. We feel helpless as we watch and wait. Just yesterday we took the Barton family in when their apartment burned down. Our place is very crowded now and we have four more mouths to feed. The factory I worked at also burned down so I don’t have a job anymore. We are getting short on money and sometimes short of food as the stores we used to shop at are gone forcing us to walk quite a distance to get to ones that are still open.

And with supplies being scarce, the prices of most everything are extremely high.

I spent all day today helping the police and firemen and am exhausted. And my clothes smell of smoke. I can only hope the fire will be put out or die out soon. And when it’s out, it will take years to rebuild what was destroyed. We may have to move to another city to look for work. And even then, with so many other families probably doing the same, it will be difficult to find anything decent. We are facing years of hardship and sacrifice ahead of us. *** 33

Just as captivating as it would be to read about a relative’s firsthand account of the tragic Chicago Fire, would be a relative’s firsthand account of a more uplifting historic event, namely when man first walked on the moon, as captured in the entry below. *** Personal Journal July 30, 1969 The Flight to the Moon I’ll never forget it. I was standing on the roof of an apartment building in Union City, New Jersey when man first walked on the moon. While I listened to the radio reports I remember looking up at the moon and seeing in my mind’s eye, those American astronauts standing on its surface. I felt so proud but also a little confused by it all, as I tried to comprehend the magnitude of what was actually happening. The moon just seemed so far away and impossible to reach, yet here it was, happening in my lifetime and me being a witness to it all. *** While the Great Chicago Fire and man’s first walk on the moon were certainly spectacular and historic events to write about we should also, as mentioned before, not overlook writing about day-to-day, non-historic events as well, for they represent an integral part and the bulk of our lives. Furthermore, these smaller and seemingly inconsequential events often take on more special and often more historical meaning as time passes. Be that revered and special ancestor who had the foresight and presence of mind to have written about both the historic and the non-historic events that had occurred in the times he or she lived in.

Writing a Personal Passage about, to or for Someone We all have deep feelings of love for our family and other loved ones, be it our wives, husbands, children or friends. But so often we overlook, hesitate or postpone writing about them. Whenever those feelings come to us we should capture them before they get away.

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Such feelings say so much about who we are and how we feel that they should be memorialized in our personal writings. Just think how moved someone would be if they were to read some loving passage that we had written about them and left as part of our personal inheritance and how much love and respect they’d have for us for having done so. Take for example, a husband who was suddenly moved by a spontaneous feeling of love and appreciation for his wife and decided to write about it as shown in the following example. *** Personal Journal Entry June 15, 2000 A Sudden Feeling of Love for Kathy I was sitting across the room concentrating on some work that I brought home from the office when I happened to notice Kathy cooking, cleaning up around the kitchen and attending to the children all at the same time. She didn't notice me watching, but as I watched her I suddenly became overwhelmed with the realization of what a good person she was and how much I really loved her. For whatever reason, I experienced an unusually deep insight into her soul and loving nature. I also had a most sincere appreciation for her devotion to me and the family that I so often take for granted. I felt a love that was deep and profound and one that touched my heart and my soul.

I’m so blessed and grateful to have her in my life. *** While there may be reasons and excuses, such as shyness or modesty, as to why we might feel uncomfortable and hesitant expressing such things openly, there is no excuse for not writing about them. We should never allow such beautiful feelings to go to waste and taken with us to our graves. Rather, we should write about them and capture them in our writings as they occur. By doing so, we afford ourselves the option of sharing them with our loved ones at a later date in our lives or leaving them as part of our personal inheritance. Can you imagine the impact it would have on Kathy when she reads this simple but moving and heart-felt entry her husband wrote about her?

And just think of the impact it would have on the children when they 35

read it and the insight they’d have been given into the relationship their Mom and Dad had with each other that would never have been known had their father not written about it.

Write a Personal Letter for Delivery in the Future An even more powerful variation of writing a loving passage about someone is writing a personal letter to him or her and holding it for delivery sometime in the future when that person is perhaps at the age or time in their life when they would more fully appreciate it or after the writer has passed on. With each year that passes, a letter written to one’s wife, son, daughter, or whomever, will accrue in both value and impact between the time that it was written and the time that it was read. Let’s look at a mother’s letter written to her 10 year old daughter as an example. *** Personal Letter to a Daughter May 12, 1995 Dear Mary, I just came from your room where you are burning up from a fever. I get up almost every hour or so to see how you’re doing and to put a cool, wet cloth on your forehead so you might be able to sleep a little more comfortably. I speak to you softly to let you know that I’m here for you and that you aren’t alone in your suffering, but I’m not sure you even hear me. In between my trips to your room, I try to get some sleep myself. I feel so helpless and just wish there was some way that I could take your pain away and put it on myself.

I’m writing this letter just to let you know that I hurt when you hurt and how much I love and care for you as my precious daughter.

Love, Mom *** It’s a short letter, but a beautiful one. And when Mary opens and reads that mother-to-daughter letter, years from when it was written − 36

at a time when she’s old enough to more fully appreciate it and perhaps has a child of her own − she’ll feel unimaginable love for, and identification with her mother and be forever grateful for her thoughtful and loving gift. There’s nothing more personal and touching than receiving a personal love letter from someone. A second example follows, this time that of a father’s letter to his son. *** Personal Letter to a Son February 5, 2010 Dear Paul, It’s 9:30 pm, cold and raining lightly. I just got home from work and decided to write you this letter to let you know how bad I feel about the argument we had the other day when I reprimanded you for staying out too late and hanging out with people who I feel are bad influences on you. I know I was kind of hard on you, but hope you’ll understand a little better when you’re older and read this letter.

Yes, I could have side-stepped the whole issue and avoided a conflict, but that would have been the easy way and not have provided you the direction I felt you needed. I felt that if I hadn’t taken a stand on this matter I’d risk your developing some bad habits and possibly even getting into trouble that might negatively affect you your entire life.

I was so tempted last night to be your pal and just let things slide, but if I had, I wouldn’t have been a parent. I wouldn’t have been doing my job. Being a parent often requires making some hard decisions which I hope you’ll better understand someday.

Please believe me son, that what I did wasn’t easy on me either, but that I felt was the right, necessary and responsible thing to do as your father, and out of my love and concern for you as my son.

Love, Dad *** Imagine the impact this letter will have on Paul when he opens and reads it years after it was written. He, like Mary, will have gained 37

deep and loving insight into parenting, parental love and parental responsibility. What a wonderful and personal way for parents to show their love and concern for their children and as a way to be remembered, respected and loved for having written such touching letters. Writing a personal letter to a loved one for future delivery is a priceless element of anyone’s personal inheritance.

Recording a Silent Prayer to God In many cases when we pray, we are praying because we’re wrestling with a very emotional or personal issue that has affected the deepest parts of us. What better subjects to write about and to show our humanity and our souls? And with that being the case, why not journalize some of those prayers? Why not put some of them into our journals? They will both touch the hearts of anyone who reads them and say so much about us. They will also strike a chord of identification and empathy as we all have felt the need to pray at one time or another.

Save Correspondence from Others We often receive letters, cards, notes and emails from family members, relatives and friends and should consider saving some of them for they contain a lot of insightful information about us and our relationships with others and accordingly, serve as great supplements to our own writings. Including communications from others provides information about us from a different perspective − a perspective that’s not so introspective and subjective as our own writings and that nicely supplement what we write.

Creating an Ethical Will Another element of our personal inheritance can take the form of an ethical will. An ethical will is a letter, or any other kind of document, that talks about the lessons we have learned in life and or the principles we believe in and that we would like to pass on to our loved ones. It’s a means of providing advice, counsel and guidance to those we leave behind. An ethical will also serve as a key element of our personal legacy. The following is an example of what one might look like.

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*** The Ethical Will of George Johnson October 29, 2011 Dear Family and Friends, Firstly let me say that I love you all very much. Secondly, though I’m saddened not to be with you anymore, I don’t want you to be sad for me, but rather to take comfort in knowing that I’ve lived a long and full life and that my passing is just a natural occurrence in life.

Thirdly, I’ve learned a number of things over my lifetime − sometimes the easy way and sometimes the hard way − and would like to pass them on to you.

Always keep trying: In all that you do in life, keep trying. It doesn’t matter what talents you have, or don’t have, just always keep trying to be the best that you can. Keep trying after each and every disappointment, embarrassment, failure or defeat. Never give up. Never stop trying.

Look to the future: While you should never ignore the past, you should more importantly look to the future. Every day represents a chance to get past yesterday’s failures that may discourage you from aiming for future successes. Every day represents a new start. Focus more on the road ahead than the road behind you.

Attitude is everything in life: Try to groom a positive attitude about life. If you have the right attitude you’ll be able to cope with whatever life throws at you. Try to think positively even if you have to fake it a little. To get through difficult challenges in life we often need to play mind games with ourselves. Psyche yourself up, not out.

Be brave: When you have to face difficult things in life you need to be brave.

When things look bad you must dig down deep inside yourself and find your bravery and bring it to the surface. Trust me, it’s in you, you just have to go in and get it.

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Think of how you’ll want to be remembered: If you think of how you’ll want to be remembered you’ll have a better chance of leading a decent and admirable life and being favorably remembered. Think of what others will think and say about you when you’re gone. That being said, however, be careful that you don’t compromise or sell out your principles just to be liked or to please your audience, for that’s a trap you can easily fall into.

Be responsible to yourself, family and society: Remember you have two main duties and responsibilities in life: first to yourself and family, and secondly to society, which is your extended family. Be faithful to both, but in that order.

So in closing, let me say that although I’m not physically with you anymore, I’m still with you spiritually, and give you all my love and best wishes for your happiness and well being.

Love, George Johnson *** When we pass away, we will have lived for many years and have seen, heard and been taught many lessons. We should therefore try to pass those lessons and that wisdom on to our loved ones though a letter, an ethical will or whatever we might call it, for in doing so we will contribute both to our personal legacy and the personal inheritance we leave. It’s not only a meaningful, organized and eloquent way to say goodbye, it’s also a heartfelt way to show how much we cared for those we love.

Other Things That Make Up a Personal Inheritance As mentioned before, there are many other things besides our writings that could make up our personal inheritance, including such things as personal audio and video recordings to family members; our photo albums and home movies; our book and music libraries; our collections and collectibles; and an array of personal and family memorabilia and mementos. We will talk about some of these in the next section and the diversity and depth they add to the personal inheritance we leave.

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y The “How To”s of Creating a Personal Inheritance Don’t Make It into a Big Project Writing about ourselves and the times we lived in should not be made into a big project, for it’s not. We should not over-think or overcomplicate it. Nor should we worry too much about its form and structure or be too preoccupied with style or perfect grammar. Instead the little events, observations, thoughts, and experiences in our lives can be captured using plain and simple English on a plain sheet of paper or into a simple notebook or computer. And while the scope and subject matter of some of what we write might be lengthy, most will probably be short and sweet. A few succinct sentences or paragraphs written naturally from our heart and gut will usually suffice. There’s a lot of truth in the sayings, “Less is more”, and “Keep it simple.”

Cold Reading and Editing As mentioned above, while we shouldn’t get too hung up on perfect grammar, it is on the other hand, important that our entries read well enough to be understood. Obvious grammatical and spelling errors should be eliminated as they can be distractive and undermine the communicativeness of what we write. It therefore would be prudent to do a quick little second or cold reading, silently or aloud, to catch obvious errors, eliminate any confusion about what we have written or just to make slight writing improvements.

How Can We Find the Time and Discipline to Write?

Finding the time to write is just a matter of developing a little technique and having a little discipline. For example we might set aside a particular time of day or night to write, just as we might set aside a specific time period for an exercise program. There are any number of time slots to chose from including writing during our lunch breaks, while commuting to and from work on trains or buses, while 41

having that morning cup of coffee on the weekend, or in the15 minutes before sitting down to watch TV at the end of the day. There are many little windows of time in our daily lives to do some writing if we just identify them and discipline ourselves to use them.

Keeping a “To Do” List of Topics It’s always a good idea to maintain a list of topics that we’d like to write about as it mitigates the risk of inadvertently leaving out something important or being stumped about what to write about when we have the time and inclination to write. It also may serve as a catalyst to write so as to get things off the list and help keep it to a manageable size. After we’ve written about a particular subject we can just cross it off the list which will leave a clear record of what’s done and what’s yet to be written about as shown below: My “To Do” List of Topics:  John’s Graduation  Our Family Trip to California  A Rough Day at Work  Always Tired Lately  Couldn’t Sleep Last Night  Mom and Her Delicious Cakes  Dad and His Easy Chair  Worried about the Job  A Special Christmas Wish for my Family  My First Impression of Harry  On Joining the Navy  Remembering My First Day at School A Picture’s Worth a Thousand Words To personalize our entries, and to add a little more interest and intimacy to them, we should consider incorporating an occasional photo of ourselves and or the persons we are writing about.

Remember, “A picture’s worth a thousand words.” For example, if a father is writing about his children he might consider including photos of both himself and or his children. Just think of the added emotional impact his passage would have on his children when they read it years from when it was written if there were photos of Dad and the kids.

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Similarly, if we make an entry commenting on an article we had just read in the newspaper, magazine or on the internet we should consider including the article in what we leave. Doing so will not only serve as good reference material, it will add context and tangibility to whatever we’ve written about it.

Including photos and reference materials along with our entries is an effective technique to enhance what we have written and add to their communicativeness, relevance and interest.

Identifying Our Entries through Headlines and Dating Any entry we write should be titled and dated. The titles should be both descriptive and invite interest as a newspaper headline might.

We should consider including the name of the event and or person or persons we are writing about. With respect to dating, we should consider including two dates, namely the date it was written and the date of the event we are writing about. Without effective titles and dates our entries are nondescript entries in a sea of other entries. But with them, they provide a way to easily identify and find the ones that may be of particular interest to us and or to those we leave them to.

Take a look at the following entry as an example. *** Personal Journal Entry June 12, 2012 Remembering Christmas Dinner at Aunt Jennie’s in 1990 While I was going through some old photographs, I came across one that was taken in 1990 at one of Aunt Jennie’s family Christmas dinners which brought back so many fond memories. Aunt Jennie had no children of her own so she always invited the family over to her house every Christmas. She was a great cook and always made a wonderful dinner. It was a family tradition − Christmas dinner at Aunt Jennie’s. *** As we can see, this entry’s title has all the appropriate headline and dating elements for good description and identification, namely its 43

subject matter, the subject person, the date of the event and the date it was written. An enhancing feature, as suggested in the previous section, would be the inclusion of a photo, in this case, of Aunt Jennie and that dinner.

Introductions or Mood Setters To help set the tone and mood of our entries, we should consider including some introductory remarks that describe the facts and the circumstances surrounding our entries. Introductory remarks could include the time of day and place they were written, the circumstances that prompted us to write, the general setting and ambience, and the emotional state we were in when we wrote them, among others. Doing so will help put the reader in the right frame of mind or mood for a proper, fuller and more engaged reading. The parenthetical, introductory remarks in the following example will hopefully demonstrate this point. *** Personal Journal Entry January 24, 2005 Searching for a Job (It’s 2 am, 15 degrees outside, and I’m sitting in the cold living room worrying about things while the rest of the family is asleep upstairs.)

I can’t sleep, for there’s so much on my mind tonight. The economy took a turn for the worse this year and I lost my job. Although I’ve been looking hard, I haven’t been able to find anything for months now, nor have I been able to get any solid leads. It won’t be long before I’ll have trouble paying my bills. I’m really feeling the pressure, but trying my best to stay focused and positive. It’s a lonely night tonight, but tomorrow’s another day and maybe I’ll find that job. *** Those little parenthetical and mood-setting introductory comments provide a very effective technique to enhance the entry’s imagery and 44

its setting. And when the entry is ultimately read by the writer’s children years later, those introductory remarks will enable them to clearly visualize their father sitting there alone in his worries in that cold living room writing his journal entry with them asleep in their beds upstairs oblivious to his plight all of which will greatly add to the entry’s emotional impact for them.

Developing an Index of Our Entries As the number of entries grows we might want to consider having a list or index of them to facilitate good organization and to better enable us to scan and find the entries that might be of particular interest to both us and those we leave them to. We could also add other subject or key word identifiers to our index to further enhance the robustness of our search capabilities. So in the sample index below, if we wanted to find an entry about our “job” we could look through the index and identify all the entries that had that word in it. *** Index of Entries in Journal Book Number I: 2000-2005: Date Written 11-24-2000 08-12-2001 12-25-2004 03-12-2005

Date of Event 11-15-2000 04-13-1998 12-25-2004 08-22-1999

Title of the Entry

Subject Identifiers

Thanksgiving Dinner Mom, family, Thanksgiving Got Promoted John Smith, job, promotion A Family Christmas The Jones, family, Christmas The Shock of my Life Roger, shock, money worries

*** And if the index was prepared in such programs as Microsoft Word, Excel or Access we could search electronically and therefore more quickly and efficiently. Also, we’d be able to sort the index in various ways e.g. by date of event, date written and subject matter, among others.

Becoming Better Writers − Practice Makes Perfect Our personal entries can be written in plain and simple English or with more style and eloquence. It will all depend upon on us and the way we want to present what we are writing about. Writing is an art so we should have fun with it and not be shy about experimenting 45

with different styles and techniques. One thing is for sure, the more we write, the better writers we’ll become for as they say, “Practice make perfect.”

Writing Poetry To add another dimension to writing about ourselves and the events and people in our lives, we might want to try our hand at poetry.

Poetry is really not all that difficult to write and we might be pleasantly surprised to find that we have some natural poetic abilities in us and discover a whole new avenue of expression. Poetry is quite informal these days in both form and structure in that the writer doesn’t have to be so concerned with strict rhyme or meter as was the case in the past. In fact today’s poetry has very little of that and is more focused on its thought, message, flow and creative style.

Including some poetry in what we leave as part of our personal inheritance is worth considering.

Media Forms −The Big Four There are four main mediums we can use in developing our personal inheritance: (1) paper (2) the computer (3) audiotapes and (4) videos.

Since each one represents a different dimension of our work, why not use all of them? Some things are more effectively conveyed in one medium than in another so we should consider varying our medium choices accordingly. And when we do vary the mediums we use, our work will naturally become more diverse, interesting and have enhanced impact. Remember, “Variety is the spice of life.”

Using Paper and Traditional Long-Hand Journals Recording our day-to-day experiences and feelings onto simple notepaper or into a notebook, hand-written journal or diary is the most traditional way to start and continue writing. Also, because we are writing in our own hand, such paper-based mediums are very intimate and personal forms of writing giving warmth, authenticity and tangibility to what we write. Reading something written in the author’s own handwriting helps connect the writer with the reader.

The paper medium is simple, traditional, personal and effective.

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Using the Personal Computer Using PCs for what we write, while a little less personal than handwritten journals, they are very practical choices as they allow us to easily edit and correct errors in our entries, reorganize them, make duplicates for back-up purposes and to print them out as hard copies.

And with PCs (and or Notepads, i-phones, etc.) now being so compact and light, they can be carried around in a purse or bag just as easily as a small paper journal and used anywhere and anytime.

Making Audio Recordings The human voice can convey emotions that the written word just can’t. Electronic recorders therefore provide an added and very personalized dynamic to what we can leave our loved ones. For example, imagine the effect on the children if they were to listen to an audio recording of their mother or father’s voice speaking to them years after they had passed away. Listening to their parents’ voices delivering a special and loving message to them would stir up so much emotion that they would feel as though they were still there with them. It’s a very personal medium and adds a powerful and emotional element to anyone’s personal inheritance.

Making Videos About 80% of what we learn, retain and are most impacted by comes from visual images, so using the camcorder for some of the components of our personal inheritance is something that we should seriously consider. Through the camcorder we can capture and convey so much of ourselves i.e. our voices, body language and facial expressions. We can also make eye contact. A video is the closest thing to actually being there, alive and in person with our loved ones after we’re gone. If we thought that an audio recording was powerful and emotional just imagine how much more emotional a video of a parent’s loving message would be to his or her children.

Further, videos can capture such other important peripheral things as views of the old home and neighborhood, clothes and hairstyles of the day, cars designs of that year and so much other relevant and period data. Need anything more be said about the scope and power of videos?

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Using Emails, Websites and Social Media The Internet and the use of emails opens up a whole new range of ways to solicit and collect family stories from any family member who has a story to tell or personal experience to share. And we can do this globally. Through these vehicles we can collect more candidate material than we ever could before for inclusion in the personal inheritance we leave.

Going one step further, we can even establish a family website for use by all family members to post their family stories to. Having such a website would serve as a repository for any and all family stories that could then be accessed by any family member for general information purposes or for use in developing their own personal inheritances.

Other Things That Can Be Included in a Personal Inheritance The kinds of things that could be included in our personal inheritances is limited only by our imagination and therefore could not only include personal journals; letters written for future delivery; and audio and video recordings but also photo albums and scrap books; the products of our hobbies or personal avocations such as our amateur musical compositions, poems, or paintings; our collections of coins, art, figurines, knickknacks, etc.; our book, video and music libraries; and any number of other personal or family memorabilia that we choose.

We can be quite creative in what we consider including. For example, in my case, when my children outgrew or got tired of their toys they would put them in the trash. Similarly, when they went on to the next grade in school, they’d throw out their former school drawings, notebooks and exam papers. But recognizing that what they were throwing out was actually part of their youthful histories, I would go and retrieve some of them and store them in boxes in the attic which I plan to leave them as part of my personal inheritance to them. At that point in time they will be older and in a better position to decide if they want to keep them or not. It’s my bet that they’ll see the sentimental and personal value in at least some of them that they couldn’t see when they were younger. Accordingly, I believe that they will choose to keep many of them and perhaps even consider passing them down to their loved ones.

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Developing a Master Inventory or Table of Contents As the scope of what’s included in our personal inheritance grows in size we might want to consider developing a little inventory list that itemizes all the various components, what medium they’re in, and where they can be found. An example of what such an inventory list might look like is shown below. *** Master Inventory of John Borden’s Personal Inheritance Hard-Copy Items On the Credenza in my Home Office: Journals

Book I Book II

Description/Subject: General Subjects: 1998-2009 General Subjects: 2010-2011

In a Blue Metal Box in the Attic: Audio Tapes

Tape I Tape II

General Subjects: 2000-2011 Personal Subjects: 2008-present

In a Red Plastic Box in the Attic: Videos

Tape I Tape II

Self and family: 2005-2010 Self and family: 2011-present

In a Metal File Cabinet in my Home Office: Poems

Book 1 Book II

General: 2001-2009 General: 2010-present

On the Closet Shelf of my Home Office: Photo Albums

Album I Album II Album III Album IV

Early School Years: 1970-1978 Navy Years: 1982-1986 Wedding/Honeymoon: 1990 Children and Family: 1991-present

Electronic/Digital Items on my Laptop In the “My Journals” File Folder: Journals Book III Book IV

General Subjects: 2011-present Personal Subjects: 2012-present

In my “Indexes” File Folder: Index of All Items

All subjects:

1998-present

***

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A master inventory can be in either hardcopy or electronic form and a comprehensive way to identify and organize all the components in our personal inheritance. It would also eliminate the stress on our loved ones of having to rummage through our drawers, closets, cabinets, boxes, and computer files never knowing if they’ve found everything. Also it could easily be modified to identify who gets what if we wanted to give specific things to specific people.

The Ultimate in Centralization and Access Just as we can use a website to collect family stories and other related information we can also establish a website to contain, most or all of our personal inheritance items so that every family member would know exactly what’s in it and have central and electronic access to it.

The lead page could be the site map or master list of each component and each tab could contain the details of each component. Having such a website would allow for easy updating. It would also mitigate the need to make copies for distribution to specific and or multiple family members as everything could be downloaded. For anything we wanted to keep private or allow access to only specific individuals, we could install appropriate security access codes or alternatively, just keep it off the site. The contents of a simple site map/index could look something like the following. *** Website Map of Personal Works and Inheritance of John Jones Web-site Map Cover Page

Site Map Index

Tab/Page 1: Tab/Page 2: Tab/Page 3: Tab/Page 4: Tab/Page 5: Tab/Page 6: Tab/Page 7: Tab/Page 8: Tab/Page 9: Tab/Page 10: Tab/Page 11: Tab/Page 12:

Inventory List of Personal Inheritance Items My Bio and Short Life History My Ethical Will Selected Personal and Family Photos All or Selected Journal Entries Audio Recordings Video Recordings Family Home Videos My Poetry List and Photos of Collectibles Letters to Family Members Private Matters (controlled by access code)

***

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From the above, it’s very easy to see the entire scope of this person’s personal inheritance and every item in it in a very organized, centralized and functional format.

Backing up Files Just as it’s a standard business practice to make back-up copies of files and store them in a location other than where the originals are located, we should consider doing the same with respect to all the components in our personal inheritance. Anything that’s in digital format can easily be backed up and stored on an off-site disc drive or in a cloud account to safeguard against the originals possibly getting corrupted, infected by viruses, lost, or destroyed. Making back-ups for non-digitized components takes a little more work, but definitely worth the extra effort. For example with respect to hand written journals, we could either scan or photo copy them and then store the copies in a separate location from the originals. For those that can’t be scanned or photocopied, such as our collectibles, we should consider taking digital photographs of them. Backing up our files is like having insurance wherein we hope we’ll never have to use it, but if we do, we’ll be so glad we had it.

Where the Will Is the Way In the beginning of the book it was stated that the will was not the best way to be remembered after we pass away namely by what we leave as our financial inheritance but rather through the personal inheritance we leave. But when we have a personal inheritance to pass on, the will may in fact be a very good vehicle to use for our personal inheritance matters in the sense that by using it we are putting our personal inheritance on an equal par with our financial inheritance. We are also confirming our belief that our inheritance truly does consist of two integral parts, financial and personal.

And just as our wills are the appropriate vehicles to identify how and by whom our post mortem financial inheritance matters will be handled they could just as appropriately be the vehicles to identify how and by whom we’d like our personal inheritance to be handled.

If however, the executor/executrix of our will is not a person who has the interest or sensitivity to deal with our personal inheritance items we should appoint someone who has. Likewise, if, for some reason 51

we feel our wills are not the appropriate or desired vehicles to handle our personal inheritance we should consider preparing a personal letter of instruction that outlines who will be entrusted to undertake that task and just how it should be executed.

Another reason for possibly thinking of our personal inheritance items in equal terms as our financial assets is that, who knows, someday some components of them might actually have some monetary or notoriety value – you never know.

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y Conclusion A Final Word There were a number of objectives of this book which hopefully came across but might be worth summarizing:    

 

To define what a personal inheritance is and show that it’s equal to, or maybe even more important than one’s financial inheritance; To show that by leaving only a financial inheritance we leave only half the inheritance we could and should leave; To show that creating a personal inheritance is as simple as writing about ourselves and the times we lived in but that it also could include many other types of things as well; To show that by writing about ourselves we’ll be better understood as a person and more respected and remembered by our loved ones for having had the foresight, thoughtfulness and sensitivity to have created a personal inheritance for them; To show that by creating a personal inheritance for our loved ones we will have also created a personal legacy for ourselves; and finally To provide ideas and practical guidance on how to go about creating a meaningful personal inheritance.

It is my sincere hope that this book will inspire its readers to create personal inheritances for their loved ones and that by doing so they’ll be forever remembered for their sensitivity, thoughtfulness and foresight. *****

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