Poems of Neil Michelsen Volume Eight

f Poems of Neil Michelsen

Volume 8 with a 911 Supplement

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f Dedication To my family

2015

Neil Michelsen

1960

2013

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f Preface I began writing at home in Brooklyn in 1960 when I just turned 17.

That was the year my mother died at age 44 with my first poem being about her death. I continued writing through and including my years in the navy and after my discharge.

Then there was an approximate 25 year gap in my writing between the early 1970s and late 1990s when I was focused on my career and bachelor years living in New York City and Rio de Janeiro, travelling, getting married and starting a family and then working 7 ½ years renovating our 1894 home in Connecticut.

I started out writing traditional style poetry but then gravitated to blank verse. Many of my poems may be thought of as poetic chronicles or essays as they record my observations, feelings and experiences.

Some poems represent emotional lows that were written for emotional release and may even take the form of private confessions. Many are heavy, personal and serious which reflect the somewhat introspective side of my nature and personality. A number reflect some of the events of my younger, delinquent and wilder days before I settled down.

I thought about excluding certain poems that were not well written, were too personal or revealing or that talked about my youthful indiscretions but decided to include them for completeness which I hope any readers will take into account.

Although not completely satisfied with the quality of many of the poems I had to make the decision to stop making revisions and edits as a matter of practicality.

Between 1960 and 2014 I’ve written approximately 1,500 poems which have been compiled into 14 volumes: 8 volumes of general poems and 6 volumes of poems that relate to my family. Volume 8 is supplemented with poems that relate to the 911 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center in New York City on 9-11-2001. A 15th volume contains a master index of all the poems and a 16th comprises an anthology of selected poems.

The poems in this volume go up through 2014. Those written after 2014 are included in subsequent volumes. The poems are presented roughly in the order that were most favored for their poetic style, subject matter or personal meaning to me.

I apologize if any offense is taken with anything I’ve written as that was not my intent. Also, since these poems were not professionally edited, I apologize for any deficiencies in poetic form and for any grammatical, typographical or spelling errors.

It is my hope that these poems, along with my other personal works (i.e. my journals, books and other writings; music compositions; family movies and photo albums; paintings; and various collections and memorabilia) will serve as my legacy and mark in life as well as a personal inheritance to my family.

f Table of Contents No Title and Dedication Preface To General Poems 1. Brethren Animals In The Herd 2. To Light The Dark 3. When The Clouds Disperse 4. The Color Of Gold (To Sharon) 5. Rush (To Sharon) 6. We Want Recognition, But… 7. Let Me Love You (Maybe To Sharon) 8. The Workings Of The Mind 9. Restless 10. Clouds From Nowhere 11. A Song With Wings 12. A Subtle Fear Settled In 13. Henry David Thoreau 14. Hermaphrodites 15. A Weak Plea For Exoneration (Maybe To Gwen) 16. Humility And Superiority 17. False Garments 18. Self 19. The Peg 20. Rare Security 21. I’ll Not Remember You 22. Mirrors 23. The End − All In Good Time 24. Body Language 25. They Never Saw It Coming 26. I’ll Stand Aside Again Right?

27. On Rameau’s Music 28. Bearing Certain Indignities (On Tom Carroll)

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The Eyes That I Don’t Have (On Tom Carroll) I Welcome All As Sacrifice (To Gwen) I Took A Chance The Pain Would Pass Rest Or Prepare For War? Wealth Equates To Worth?

When Time And Circumstance More Favorably Meet They Can’t Do You Any Harm My Hiding Place Protect Your Fire On The Backs Of Envelopes Be Patient For The End Is Near Let Me Be! Truth − Friend Or Beast?

Sad And Heavy Music My Life Is All On Paper Things Take Their Toll I Did It On My Own Please Bring Him To His Senses Curses Breed They Tell Me Scary Stories In My Sleep What About Me? (On Tom Carroll) You Bleeding Heart Liberal!

My Spiritual Shield I Have My Priorities!

Over All My Drinks The Cramping Of My Legs Look Deeper In My Eyes My Exit Music Without Eloquence I Aligned Myself With A Power (On Tom Carroll) We Are Only Monkeys On Our Keyboards I Hope I Don’t Become A Grumpy Old Man Absolutely Nothing They Won’t Make It On Their Own Hard Clean Money Defenses Mistaken For Offenses The Best For Both Of Us

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I Am A Cloth Not Fully Wrung Out Yet A Race To Vindicate Myself Freedom − At Any Cost?

I Fell In Love With Water Ironically − Hated Or Heroed Don’t Make The Wrong Extrapolation Linguistic Chemistry Don’t Make Me Grovel Just Because You Can Rousted!

My Dreams Are Rank Strangers Now Stand By The Gate Don’t Hurt Me So Bad That I Can’t Recover You Can Stop Now − I’m Hurt Enough At No Extra Charge So Why Me? (On Tom Carroll) Remember What We Are Keep Your Children Off The Streets I’ll Get You Through It All The Onus Is On You Fighting With Myself To Overcome In The Overall Scheme Of Things The Fire That We Didn’t Build As Helpless As A Turtle On Its Back I Just Had To Recognize Myself Share In The Glory God, You Are Accountable Too Days On The Farm And Nights In Town It Wasn’t Your Problem It Was Theirs Gold Is Too Expensive Hold On You Poor Classical Musicians The Quarrels Of The Few Back In The States For The Sake Of The Job (On Tom Carroll) Progress Or Regression?

Miracles Are All About Always Standing On Lines The Future Has No Past

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Samurai − Being Aware Of The Unobvious Not Deserving That Keg Of Beer You Christen My Heart Rise And Follow Lastly To Myself Heat A Reunion Haiku (#1 And #2) Come Over Here And Listen Faith And Hope My Coffee And My Music What’s Wrong With Me At 57?

Good Rushes, Bad Rushes, Fears And Dreams Two Kinds Of Homelessness One Less Day To Go A Peaceful Face Content With My Music And My Books Are You Finished With The Paper, Sir? Preference Versus Prejudice Show Your Class The Open Field (Haiku) Short But Clearest (Haiku) Jesus Christ − Man Or God? His Night-Time Visitors Anti-Christs Can Be Our Models Too Maybe The Next Train Will Be Yours I Can’t Get Past My Door I Go Into A Trance For The Gods To Figure Out Nations Of The Good My Secret Observation (On Stella And Leandra) Perhaps They’ll Bridge Off Me I Could Follow, If Stretching His Neck A Little Beyond The Fence They’ll Never Get Fat Yours The Yellow And Mine The White (To Gwen)

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A War May Separate Us (On Gwen) Thank God She’s Got Someone To Talk To (On Vi) Thank God For The Phone (On Vi) At Least I Get To Play Once In A While Charles The Great My Life’s Equation Howard Hughes Dictators More Of A Reflection On Them Plain And Simple Catastrophic Insurance Money Back Guarantee Although We’ve Never Met (To Stefanie Powers) Ye Old Audit Trails On The High Road (To Tom Carroll) Written From The Hearts Of Friends (To Colm Keogh) You Are Moving On (To Lisa Hobson) Good-Bye, Khalilah On The Occasion Of Your Wedding (To Kristi) 911 Supplement *****

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Poems of Neil Michelsen

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y Brethren Animals In The Herd 11-1-2011 We are herd animals. _____ 1.

Just as traffic slows down To look at a wreck on the highway But then keeps on going A herd slows down To glance at a fallen brethren Then continues on its way.

2.

As social and herd animals We show curiosity, compassion, and identification With and for our fallen brethren And recite a little prayer Over their misfortune.

3.

But all such noble gestures And gracious sentiments Are short-lived For just as the herd does We also turn away from that fallen soldier And resume our original pace and direction And get on with our lives.

1

4.

And as we move on We breathe a sigh of relief And utter under our breaths, “There, but for the grace of God, go I”.

5.

And all the dust that’s raised by the herd Serves as both An incense offering to Heaven For the continued protection of those still standing And a burial blanket For the one who’s fallen.

6.

That last glance from the herd Duly marks the formal end of the incident And the signal to Nature − That insatiable Vulture − To begin picking on the bones Until every remnant’s gone And it becomes As if it never was. *****

2

y To Light The Dark 8-4-1960 The illumination of moonlight. _____ Have you ever seen the moon rise And spread its brilliant creamy rays Exposing all the shadows hiding in disguise And lighting up all its dark and haunted bays?

Have you ever seen it, just as I? Have you ever seen it, in just that way? *****

3

y When The Clouds Disperse 8-5-1960 Seeing perhaps even God? _____ 1.

On a cloudy day I see the sky as a misty veil That begs the question as to what’s behind it.

And as I wonder I wait apprehensively For its unveiling.

2.

And when the clouds finally disperse And the veil is lifted I see or sense something − Or someone – That unnerves me And that may be greater Than the entire Universe itself?!

3.

Can you see what I see?!

Can you sense what I sense?!

Can you see and feel it?!

Just as I do?! *****

4

y The Color Of Gold (To Sharon) 8-6-1960 On blonde hair. _____ 1.

They always compare blonde hair to gold But for me Such a comparison is wholly inadequate.

2.

Blonde hair is soft, alive and richly beautiful And can’t be compared To such a hard, cold and an inert thing as gold.

3.

For me A more fitting comparative description Would be to that of the soft rays of the sun As it describes Something warm, soft, delicate and full of life.

4.

Oh, the beauty of this lovely color gold – This blonde-hair color of gold. *****

5

y Rush (To Sharon) 10-14-1960 Anxious to be with Sharon, my first love. _____ 1.

Be gone, vain worries That infest my heart And replace them With your love.

2.

Oh how my love hurries To meet and take your heart And put it into to mine.

3.

Oh if only I could have Your precious love alone And be assured That we would never part. *****

6

y

We Want Recognition But‌ 10-18-1960 Wanting recognition may be called conceit.

(Adapted from an essay.) _____ 1.

Both you and I Whether we admit it or not Crave recognition.

2.

But will we openly admit it And risk being called conceited?

Or perhaps something even worse?

3.

Is recognition a natural need?

Or a conceited extravagance?

Or is it both? *****

7

y Let Me Love You (Maybe To Sharon) 10-19-1960 A prayer for love. _____ My love for you is true and never will abate For this it seems is my chosen fate.

And so I pray, that my heart remains at the vaulted height It is right now, here in love with you tonight. *****

8

y The Workings Of The Mind (Jamaica Bay, Brooklyn) 10-21-1960 Being away from people but not too far.

(Jamaica Bay, Brooklyn was a trash-strewn and polluted beach but had some natural beauty that made it a kind of refuge for me.)

(Adapted from an essay.) _____ 1.

One of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen Is that of Jamaica Bay Where the Marine Parkway Bridge crosses over it And whose multi-colored lights glisten and shimmer In a regular but never monotonous pattern On the black bay below.

2.

Tiny waves disperse themselves upon the shore With their soft repetitive lapping sounds.

3.

In the summer It’s much cooler there than in the city.

And at night You can see the fireworks from Coney Island And hear their distant muffled sounds As they thunder across the sky.

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4.

You can also hear the car tires Buzzing across the metal gratings of the bridge In a constant, steady and high-pitched whine.

5.

In the background You can hear the wind coming off the bay And the rustle of the reeds As it brushes across their bristly tops.

6.

And the sound of people While all around you Is morphed into a kind of muted tone That allows you to separate yourself from them But still know they’re there.

7.

While you appreciate the quiet privacy of the place You’re glad in a way that people are nearby For if they weren’t you’d be afraid Of the absolute and naked silence that would result And the fear of being, totally alone.

8.

Sitting among the reeds You can see people But they can’t see you; You can hear them But they can’t hear you; You’re alone But not really all alone.

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9.

It’s like stepping out From a wild and boisterous party Just to get away for a minute or two To have a private smoke.

It’s not that you weren’t enjoying the party It’s just that you felt like having A little peace and quiet and privacy And being by yourself for a while.

10.

Since you can still hear the dull noise of the party You feel secure in knowing That you can return to it any time you like.

It’s the perfect balance: The balance of being alone But yet, not really being, truly alone.

11.

But what if the noise was to cease And all went quiet?

Fear and panic would suddenly engulf you And you’d begin to fear that you’d been left behind – Abandoned − And left totally and truly all alone.

12.

Can you relate to anything I’m saying?

Do you enjoy exploring, as I do The wondrous, mysterious and often confusing Workings of the mind? *****

11

y Restless 1-14-1962 This rhyme came to me while I was studying but I’m not sure it’s even mime. _____ Studied I Restless to grow As the subtle night Moved around and past me Ever so slow. *****

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y Clouds From Nowhere 3-18-1962 My mind sometimes wanders into frightening places. _____ Deep in the still of the night While alone and pondering About everything and nothing Dark and heavy clouds came drifting in In their silent and subtle flight And choked my defenseless soul With a dreadful and terrifying fright. *****

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y A Song With Wings 1-16-1963 The angelic power of song. _____ Oh, how I wish I had a voice That would give a song the magic wings That could fly it up to Heaven And make all the angels sing. *****

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y A Subtle Fear Settled In 9-6-1963 Fear increases as darkness approaches. _____ As the black veil of Vesper begins to appear And the pressing darkness seeps slowly in And the city begins to slowly dim There settles into me a heavy fear − A heavy fear of almost everything. *****

15

y Henry David Thoreau 12-9-1963 Thoreau found his peace. _____ Thoreau had found his simple garret − That sylvan, somber cabin by a pond Where he could live his life in full without regret And rest his heart upon the verdant breast of nature’s bond. *****

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y Hermaphrodites 1-16-1964 In Plato’s “Symposium”, there is a story of creatures called the Hermaphrodites. They were so strong and unruly that they threatened the god, Zeus, who split them in half to weaken them. He then scattered them throughout the earth to further reduce their threat. We, men and women, as their descendants, have since been destined to be always looking for our “other-halves.” And when we find them, although we’ll be unable to be joined back to back as we had been originally, we’ll join front to front as mates forever, as man and wife. _____ 1.

Man was the first to be born, of the Sun. And next, was woman, born of the Earth.

Then a third, made up of both sexes and joined back-to-back as one, Was born of the Moon and given their strange parallel birth.

2.

So strong and wild were the third that they made the gods afraid.

But Zeus, who didn’t want to see their death or ruin Halved them, so half as strong they were made Then scattered them around the world just as they’d been hewn.

3.

Today, we are the descendents of that ancient race − A race of men and women always looking for their other halves.

And when they find them they’ll unite but this time face-to-face.

So for all our lives we’ll always be searching for our other halves. *****

17

y A Weak Plea For Exoneration (Maybe To Gwen) 3-19-1964 A plea for understanding in that we all succumb to temptation.

(Perhaps written with Gwen in mind due to my not being as faithful to her as she was to me.) _____ 1.

Due to its inherent weaknesses my heart and mind Sometimes succumb to Temptation, both imposed and self-made.

And just like the truest of loves, to sin can be swayed The strongest of wills can also be made to unwind.

2.

How can a man of heavy laboring craft With hands all hurt and calloused bare Resist the soft-felt feel of velvet gloves to wear That are made perfect to his fit by a master of his craft?

3.

And when for days without a drink, one has gone And his mouth is parched and dry And then comes upon a fount of water nigh How can he resist and not swallow and just move on?

Not impossible, but nearly so.

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4.

And how can a man, with stomach swelled by hunger’s pain Fail to take a viand offered him?

Or likewise, when he finds a table especially set for him How can he turn away and not make it his gain?

Not impossible to do, but nearly so.

5.

Even the truest of loves Can be swayed by Temptation And the strongest of wills undone. *****

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y Humility And Superiority 3-20-1964 Through not generally superior we are in certain specific ways. _____ 1.

I am no greater being Than the wind, the sea, a stone, or a tree − Not more or less am I, than they – And this I say with the greatest of humility.

2.

But as I think about it more And at the risk of sounding superior I realize that Evolution itself has undeniably Brought me in many ways to a more elevated position Which conclusion comes not from any contrived opinion of my own.

3.

So now where do I stand With respect to whether we’re Equal or Superior?

From all I’ve seen I do believe we’re both Equal and Superior Depending on the context. *****

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y False Garments 4-1-1964 It’s what’s underneath that counts. _____ 1.

It’s no good for a man to adorn himself in silk-made garments When underneath he reeks with a sharp offensive smell Or to be defended by those who have equally repulsive scents And who can’t between perfume and stench the difference tell.

2.

A man who’s kept his body pristine and his heart in moral frame And who wears no fancy clothes or ornaments Is a man to be respected for having no hypocritical elements In him, and the kind of man who should be everybody’s aim. *****

21

y Self 4-2-1964 We own little more than ourselves. _____ 1.

The more a man possesses the less he has And the more he has the more he seeks.

The seeking of possessions is as senseless as A man who tries to bottle air or save the tear drops that he weeps.

2.

How can one possess the things he doesn’t own Or keep anything that he’s only been loaned?

3.

Nothing’s ever owned outside of oneself And what only counts is what’s inside us For self is all and all is self. *****

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y The Peg 4-7-1964 We are all trying to fit somewhere. _____ 1.

When the inner man has formed, what can change him much?

He’s basically set in life and bound by the form of his inner core In that his shape and size will govern where in life he fits And just like a little peg he’s looking for a hole in which to fit.

2.

In Life, we’re all just pegs looking for our proper fits So with respect to people, places and things We must be prepared for many things Including the fact we may never find our proper fits.

3 We never really know if Life will help us in the tiniest bit To find our places in the world or just leave us as sad little misfits.

Maybe we’ll have to do most everything by ourselves to get To our destined or self-created places in life.

Or maybe by chance we’ll find our places and our natural fits Through some benefactor’s gracious gift.

Most likely though, it’ll only come from our own sweat and strife. *****

23

y Rare Security 4-12-1964 Feeling unusually better about my public performance this time.

(Written the night before signing up for 4 years in the Navy.) _____ 1.

Too many times when I’m with people I’m not satisfied with my public performance Feeling that I didn’t make a good impression, or worse That I’d made a bad one or had given away too much of myself.

2.

But after leaving the group downstairs and going up to my room I felt that even though I’d given up a lot of myself And exposed many of my vulnerabilities It was different tonight for I felt less depleted and consumed Than I’d normally felt so many times before.

3.

Before I left the group, I was somehow able to replenish myself − To repair my mind, heart and soul – To repair any damage that I had done to my confidence and ego.

And what I couldn’t replenish then and there I took to my room to try and complete the repair As best I could by myself.

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4.

And sure enough soon thereafter, while reading by a solitary lamp I found that I had recovered most of myself that I had given away.

And while the dark soldiers of my inferiority still kept their camps Around me, I was, this night at least, able to keep them at bay.

5.

I never felt so recomposed and proud of myself as I did there alone In the well of solace that was my dark and tiny room And where the softness of the silence was for me the perfect tone.

For once, Life and I smiled at each other and were briefly in tune. *****

25

y

I’ll Not Remember You 4-2-1966 Individuality joined as one. _____ Do not remember me And I’ll not remember you But rather let us both Remember us. *****

26

y Mirrors 4-20-1969 Mind games. _____ Is everyone the mirror of himself?

If so, then why do right hands show as left And left hands show as right?

I think I know why But let that be for a later And deeper conversation. *****

27

y

The End − All In Good Time 4-25-1998 Life’s struggles will someday end. _____ 1.

My life And all its attendant worries Will someday end All in good time.

All in good time.

2.

So not to worry For all the daily strain Of this hard and uphill fight of ours Will one day end All in good time − All in good time. *****

28

y Body Language 9-20-1998 Animal body language establishes rank, control and dominance. _____ 1.

There’s a certain way to walk, To swagger, To shift your weight, To catch your opponent’s eye, And show him your confidence and superiority All of which is called, body language.

2.

Body language: You have to be assertive And make an authoritative impression.

You have to make your statement.

You have to earn your respect.

3.

Body language: You have to take it through All the time-tested phases With all its blustering and exaggerated bravado Just as all the other animals do.

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4.

And you have to do it all in sequence: From momentum, To position, To control, And then to dominance.

It’s a bluffing game you have to play.

It’s an intimidation dance you have to dance.

5.

Body language: It’s the first and foremost animal skill we have To bring our beastly and threatening peers – Our audience, Our competition, Our opponents, Our enemies − In check and at bay.

6.

Body language – It’s critical To our very animal survival. *****

30

y They Never Saw It Coming 10-20-1998 Careless love. _____ 1.

She reacted Just the way he thought she would − In an exaggerated, demeaning, and hurtful way.

2.

And he knew from past experience That that was exactly what she’d do Which he just accepted and took for granted Just as he always had.

3.

She couldn’t help herself.

And he?

He couldn’t help himself either.

4.

They both believed That’s just the way it was with them and with love itself And that’s the way it would always be So they never gave it too much thought beyond that.

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5.

But one day they discovered What love really was And how it was supposed to work.

And with that awakening They broke away from each other And went their own separate ways To find it out there in the world.

6.

And so What was the saddest And most ironic thing about their love And their breakup Was the fact that because Neither one Had given much thought to it Neither one Ever saw it coming. *****

32

y

I’ll Stand Aside Again, Right?

10-25-1998 Accepting abuse as just part of love. _____ 1.

I’ll stand aside and let you pass.

To do otherwise, taints my love for you, “Right?”

2.

And as you pass You don’t even look at me.

And if you do, you almost look right through me For now, you see me as beneath you − Beneath the new-found image you have of yourself Which is now your blinding and first priority.

I’ll try to understand And just accept things as they are As I’ve always done.

3.

This flaw, or grace in me − This over-understanding Of all your vanities, faults and cruelties − Has taken its toll on me For it’s stripped my soul of its dignity And cut my heart down the middle.

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4.

But for you and for your sake And for only wanting to do what’s best for you And to preserve our love I’ll stand aside again and let you pass For that’s what love requires, “Right?”

For that’s what love’s supposed to do, “Right?” *****

34

y

On Rameau’s Music (Jean-Phillip Rameau, Composer) 11-19-1998 Identification with a piece of music. _____ 1.

His music has reached inside of me And touched me As few others have.

2.

Through his music I felt I understood him As much as I understood myself.

3.

I saw him as my musical soul mate.

I saw him Almost as kin. *****

35

y Bearing Certain Indignities (On Tom Carroll) 11-19-1998 For certain benefits I must endure some indignities. _____ 1.

You are my entrance into chambers That I’d never otherwise be invited to.

You are my introduction To those I’d never otherwise get to meet.

You have the power and the influence That I don’t have myself.

You are also a shield Against my enemies.

2.

And for those privileges and protection In this sometimes very political corporate world I must follow and never challenge And endure some of your arrogance and belittlement.

3.

For such privileges and protection I must pay a price − The price of bearing A certain number of indignities. *****

36

y

The Eyes That I Don’t Have (On Tom Carroll) 11-19-1998 Being privy to certain things through a surrogate. _____ 1.

You are the eyes that I don’t have − The eyes that I can use to visit all the private chambers Of the corporate world in which I work And would never otherwise have privy to.

2.

In this respect You are my benefactor And I’m bound to defend and support you To protect these rare And special privileges you give me. *****

37

y I Welcome All As Sacrifice (To Gwen) 3-31-1964 Bearing hardships now for a greater pleasure in the future. _____ 1.

Although these city streets are hard on me And even painful − I don’t mind.

Although the wind is filled with a cold dampness That stiffens my every joint − I don’t complain.

Although my body’s racked and tired From over-use and strain − I bear it.

Although my mind’s at war with itself − I deal with it All for knowing that when my suffering passes My pleasure will be all that much more.

2.

And as I suffer with your not being here, now − I don’t mind Knowing that my pleasure will be all the more later When once again we are together. *****

38

y I Took A Chance The Pain Would Pass 5-10-1998 The music took precedence over my health ____ 1.

After 7 ½ years of renovation The house is finally finished And that big pressure is off me.

But while I’m now free to rest a bit, I don’t For I’ve now taken on two other major projects That I had postponed − My music and my poetry.

2.

One day, while working on my music compositions I felt my heart beating hard And fighting with itself − Beating so hard that I had to ask myself, “Am I having a heart attack?

Am I fighting for my life?”

3.

My lungs were struggling for their breaths As if someone were sitting on my chest.

I felt the blood in my head, hot and pulsing.

And I had a pain in my heart that wouldn’t dissipate.

39

4.

I had to decide: “Go to the hospital?

Or take a chance that it would pass?”

5.

“No! No! Not to the hospital”, I admonished myself, “You’ve got too much work to do.

You can’t ‘baby-out’.

You’ve got to press on.

You’ve got to get your projects finished!

And don’t worry”, I assured myself with my fingers crossed, “It’ll pass.”

6.

This was what I heard myself saying.

This was the irrational but real debate I was engaged in.

This was the dangerous dialogue I was having with myself.

7.

Well it did pass, thank god.

But you know It could have easily gone The other way. *****

40

y Rest, Or Prepare For War? 5-16-1999 Weighing the pluses and minuses. _____ 1.

With the house renovation project now done − That took me 7 ½ years to complete − I have the opportunity now for a respite.

I have the opportunity to relax a bit.

2.

But I have a number of other projects That I’m debating starting right away – My music and my poetry Which will be equally as challenging As the renovation project was.

3.

Whose counsel should I listen to?

The one that says, “Relax and enjoy the peace that’s finally come And enjoy it while you can?”

Or the other one that says, “Don’t relax and get soft But rather prepare for the next war That’s sure to come?”

41

4.

Two opposing counsels: One in one ear And one in the other.

5.

Two opposing counsels: The Angel on my right Or the Devil on my left. *****

42

y Wealth Equates To Worth?

(A Second Set Of Books) 7-9-1999 Additional measurements of success. _____ 1.

I try not to measure my wealth and worth Only by the money I make and accumulate.

I try to include as well My music and my poetry In my measurement of success.

2.

Sadly though In this money-based world we’re in Music and poetry Are only weak and vague measurements Whereas money Is clear, precise and universally accepted.

It’s also a convenient and easily measurable way to compare One person’s success against another’s.

3.

Although our system for the measurement of success Is not as comprehensive and diverse as it perhaps should be And certainly other factors should be taken into account The dollar remains steadfast as our standard of measurement.

So in terms of gauging worth and success.

The dollar is King.

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4.

As erroneous, shallow and one-dimensional That measurement system may be For gauging success It is the standard That we’re forced to reckon with − Unless of course We change our entire value system − But what’s the likelihood of that Ever happening Anytime soon?

5.

So under these circumstances If we want to substitute money With other factors In the measurement of our success − As in my case With my music and writing − We’ll just have to develop Our own personal accounting system And keep a second set of books Until the current accounting system changes. *****

44

y When Time And Circumstance More Favorably Meet 8-10-1999 Hopes for my work. _____ 1.

Firstly I have a very simple hope: That someday My music and my poetry With achieve a modicum of recognition In some musical or literary circle Either On their own − Based on the quality of the work itself − Or Through my own direct and forceful efforts To create a market for them myself.

2.

Secondly If my first hope doesn’t materialize My back-up hope Is that some family member or friend Might think enough of them, or me To pick up where I left off − And try in my absence To do what I couldn’t do.

Perhaps they’ll have better luck than I When time and circumstances more favorably meet.

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3.

And thirdly If the above two hopes don’t come to be And no market recognition ever comes to them My final hope − And maybe the most meaningful of all my hopes − Is that the loved ones who I leave them to Will at least value them As a rich and personal inheritance At which point Time and circumstances Will have most favorably met for me Indeed. *****

46

y

They Can’t Do You Any Harm 8-10-1999 The protection that comes from being a good soul. _____ 1.

At first, you don’t see anything in the dark.

But then you notice something moving And some blurry shapes and images begin to emerge Which soon develop into ghosts.

2.

These ghosts will shyly touch you To try and unnerve you.

3.

They’ll also touch you both randomly And in cleverly spaced and measured cadence Designed to slowly drive you mad.

4.

And when they get their courage up They may even get aggressive.

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5.

But don’t be afraid For they can only threaten And try to scare you For with a soul as unblemished And a heart as pure as yours They can’t do you any harm. *****

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y My Hiding Place 8-11-1999 Writing is often my retreat. _____ 1.

When I write I go into a little secret hiding place To get away from the world.

2.

My secret hiding place Is like a hollow in a tree trunk That I squirrel in To do my writing.

3.

In my secret hiding place I find privacy and safety From this here Sometimes overbearing, threatening And intrusive world. *****

49

y Protect Your Fire 11-26-1999 The importance of a fire. _____ 1.

Be on guard and protect your fire Against anything that would threaten it For it’s the only thing that’s saving you.

2.

It’s the thing that will keep your body warm And your mind secure.

And it’s the only thing that you can speak to In the cold black night.

3.

Watch your fire like you would your child.

Feed and nurture it.

Keep it stoked and alive.

And watch for any sign that it may die.

4.

Protect your fire with your life For if it dies You’ll die with it.

Protect that fire with your life. *****

50

y On The Backs Of Envelopes (Saving My Drafts) 5-24-2000 An author’s drafts could be as interesting as his final products. _____ 1.

So much of my poetry is spontaneous The notes for which Are often taken down on the backs of envelopes − A packet of which I always carry around with me Held together with a little rubber band.

2.

These envelops Catch the poetic thoughts that come to me − Sometimes as fast as lightning And which − If I didn’t capture them the moment they appeared − Might get away and be lost forever.

3.

Later on They become the first drafts of my poems On which my editing begins Which is a process That takes days or even weeks to complete And that constantly morphs these poems From one form to another.

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4.

And when my poems are complete I enter them into My long-hand “Book of Verses” Then throw away those drafts.

5.

Upon reflection though I came to realize That maybe I shouldn’t throw away those drafts For some day They might have some stand-alone value or interest In and of themselves − For while the value of the final product Is one thing Seeing an author’s work-in-process through his drafts Is quite another.

6.

I never thought to save my drafts But now I do − At least some of them. *****

52

y Be Patient For The End Is Near 8-14-2000 The time we’ll have to suffer is inconsequential. _____ 1.

We shouldn’t worry too much about life And all its trials and tribulations For in the overall scheme of time Life doesn’t really last all that long And therefore Is of very little consequence.

2.

Relatively speaking Compared to the 14 billion years of cosmic time We’re only here for barely a spark of time − One spark of life and then we’re gone.

3.

So we should therefore take comfort in the fact That all our pains and woes Are only borne for the smallest length of time – Only a spark of time − Which is hardly worth mentioning In the overall scheme of things.

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4.

So take heart and hold together And be patient for the end For the end is near And our lives And their attendant worries Will be over in no time. *****

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y Let Me Be! 9-30-2000 Worries sometimes feel like a boot on my chest. _____ 1.

I sometimes feel Like I have a boot on my chest – The boot of worry and discontent − That just won’t get off me.

2.

Its weight is always on me Making it hard for me To even breath sometimes.

3.

Will this heavy boot Ever lift itself off of me?

4.

When will enough Be enough?

5.

When will this heavy boot Ever get off my chest? *****

55

y

Truth − Friend Or Beast?

10-4-2000 Facing truth is often a scary thing at first. _____ 1.

Truth can be a fearful And intimidating beast.

2.

But when you approach it Slowly and honestly It will disarm itself and embrace you And change from a thing That once you feared would hurt you To a thing that will protect you.

3.

Even though you’ve denied Truth in the past If you realign yourself with it All will be forgiven And it will realign itself with you.

4.

If you embrace Truth It will always be your ally And always keep you in its favor. *****

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y Sad And Heavy Music 10-13-2000 I identify with darker, heavier and more serious music. _____ 1.

I’ve always had an affinity Toward sad, heavy, and mournful music: Church chorals and Gregorian chants; The high and lonesome sounds of Bluegrass; The Elegies, Adagios and Largos of classical music; The dark drones of ancient Celtic songs; The wailing sounds of bagpipes; And even the haunting Morning and evening prayers of Islam.

2.

Sad and heavy music Is what I like − And with which I best identify. *****

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y My Life Is All On Paper 10-28-2000 The combined pleasure of doing and documenting. _____ 1.

My life is all on paper − So to speak − Represented in: My poetry, My books and sort stories, My letters and essays, My photographs and videos, My musical compositions and recordings My diaries and journals, My collection of quotations, proverbs sayings, jokes and cartoons, And the stories that I’ve written about Our family trips and sailing cruises.

Everything in my life has been recorded In one way or another.

2.

While all well and good I question myself: “Have I lived more for the record Than for the events themselves?

Have I recorded life More than lived it?”

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3.

The answer’s, “Yes”, at least in part, In that since my nature is somewhat introspective I’m more comfortable at times Being an observer and recorder of life Than being a full, eager and enthusiastic participant.

While there is much in life that I enjoy doing I also enjoy being the journalist and documenting them – And sometimes just as much or even more.

4.

By being so much the journalist Maybe I have sacrificed a little of the living of life But I feel that whatever I’ve sacrificed in that regard I’ve gained from the personal satisfaction I got From recording them and knowing that I’ll be leaving a record for posterity.

5.

And since what I’ve documented about my life Includes so much about our family It also constitutes a form of family history That I hope will be appreciated By those I leave them to.

6.

So that little mark I want to leave in life About my family and I Is all recorded on paper For everyone’s convenience. *****

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y Things Take Their Toll 10-28-2000 The permanent effects of a tragedy. _____ 1.

When tragedy strikes It can leave some awful and permanent scars.

When tragedy strikes It can take such a toll on you From which you’ll never fully recover And be the same person you were before.

2.

You’ll see, hear, feel and remember things That you don’t want to And there may even be times That are so bad That although you wouldn’t outright ask for death’s relief You might entertain an offer If it were presented in the right way And at the right time.

3.

In time All things heal But never completely.

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4.

When tragedy strikes You never come back fully To the way you were before.

5.

When you visit Hell You’ll always bring some of it back with you As well as leave something of yourself behind.

6.

The album of your life Will always be full of Before and after pictures.

7.

You’ll never come back The same way you left – Not completely anyway. *****

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y I Did It On My Own (On My Music) 10-30-2000 What I’ve learned on my own is good enough. _____ 1.

I’ve had no formal training In the science and art of musical composition And all of what I know and have done Has been more or less Self-taught.

2.

I’m rather satisfied with what I’ve taught myself And the compositions that have resulted.

And even if it takes me twice as long To write a piece of music With only the tools I’ve taught myself I don’t mind Because for my basic purposes I think they’re quite sufficient − And besides It’s the melody that’s the most important thing in music − Not its form − And the melody can only come naturally from within And for the most part Can’t be taught.

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3.

Years from now I might reflect upon my works And conclude that they could have been better Had I acquired a bit more formal musical training.

But by the same token I can also reflect back with pride Knowing that what I did accomplish I did More or less On my own. *****

63

y Please Bring Him To His Senses (Dialogue Prose) 4-3-2001 A wife (W) pleading with her husband (H). _____ H: “I’m leaving now. I’ve got to go” W: “But she’s too young for you And will leave you when she’s tired of you.”

H: “But I need her. She makes me feel young and alive.”

W: “But she’s all wrong for you and is only using you!”

H: “No, you’re wrong, she’ll be good for me. Can’t you see that?”

W: “The only thing that I can see, is what you can’t see − That someday she’ll break your heart.”

H: “But it’s my last chance for love, and I’ve got to take it!”

W: “Please listen to me! Please, don’t do this thing!” ~ (From the apartment door, she watched him go down the stairs.

And then from the apartment window, she watched him Slowly walk across the street and disappear around the corner.) ~ W: “Please God, please bring him to his senses.

Please bring him back to me Not only for my sake But for his sake too.” *****

64

y Curses Breed (Manila) 8-15-2001 Curses are the worst. _____ 1.

Even the most horrendous deeds Can’t rival the evil That are born from curses.

2.

A murder is fixed in a time and place But an evil curse is everywhere.

3.

Curses are a plague That inbreed and infect everything.

4.

They’re in the air and everywhere And once breathed in Death will quickly follow.

5.

An evil curse Goes everywhere. *****

65

y They Tell Me Scary Stories In My Sleep 10-16-2001 Someone’s scary dreams. _____ 1.

They tell me scary stories in my sleep And however much I try not to listen It doesn’t help For they still succeed in scaring me.

2.

They put scary images in my head That make me cower Whenever their images appear And make me so scared at times That I almost want to cry.

3.

I often have to get up Turn on the light And walk them off.

It’s the only way sometimes That I can ground their haunting images And reconnect with reality.

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4.

They tell me scary stories in my sleep, Put scary images in my head, And haunt me Like a phantom would.

5.

Oh how I wish That they would find it in their hearts To just leave me alone And let me sleep A peaceful sleep. *****

67

y What About Me? (On Tom Carroll) 11-12-2001 I’m often the missing person in his stories. _____ 1.

Tom has a tendency To talk only about himself And frequently fails to mention me In so many of his stories.

2.

“On 9-11 I had such a tough time getting home”, he pined, “As I had to take my car Far around the disaster zone; Then take the train; Then walk the rest of the way home.

It was a terrible day for me.” ~ (And what about me?

You never mentioned me!

I was right there with you the entire day And drove and took the train with you And had to deal with an equal number of issues But you never mentioned me!)

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3.

“We ran the business Like it was our own, Me, Marty and the guys.” ~ (And what about me?

I was one of those “guys” Working just as hard, and often harder!)

4.

“I remember all those times When I stayed out very late And got so drunk That I could hardly stand And often didn’t even know How I made it home.” ~ (And what about me?

I was there with you so many of those times And the one who actually got you home!)

5.

“I brought in so many clients to the firm And built the business up from ‘scratch’ Into a multimillion dollar practice.” ~ (And what about me?

I was the one behind the scenes Doing all the quiet, dirty and detailed work That helped guarantee its success!

What about me?

You never mention me!)

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6.

“I remember all the troubles that I had With all my old girl friends − Oh how I anguished over them And all the heartaches I had to endure.” ~ (And what about me?

You never mentioned me!

I was the one who always rallied to your side, Listened to all of your laments, And consoled you over drinks on so many, many nights!)

7.

“And the time I had that accident And killed that girl − Oh the worry and the legal problems That I had to wrestle with!” ~ (And what about me?

You never mentioned me!

I was the one who was always there To comfort and to counsel you During every step of your trial!)

8.

With respect to so many of the stories you tell In which I played a personal part with you You so often Forget to mention me! *****

70

y You Bleeding Heart Liberal!

11-18-2001 I was irate at a bleeding-heart liberal’s criticism of the U.S. actions in Afghanistan in going after Osama bin Laden for his terrorist attack on the World Trade Center.

(Parenthetical comments are what I was thinking.) _____ 1.

“What is the chief moral issue we face today?”

That was the question posed at the Church meeting That I reluctantly attended at Vi’s request.

2.

When the first spokeswoman at our table said, “For me the chief moral issue we have today Is why we’re bombing Afghanistan?

How do I explain that to my children?”, I lost it!

3.

(Why are we always so critical about what we do?

Why do we always think that whatever we do is wrong Yet defend every other country’s actions?)

4.

“I disagree,” I had to say. (“You bleeding-heart liberal!”)

And stated my reasons.

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5. (“Who’s in charge in your house!?

Haven’t you got the backbone To give your children a patriotic answer By telling them that it’s in retaliation for Destroying the World Trade Center in New York City And the killing of almost 3,000 Americans!?

What’s wrong with acting like a parent and an American And telling them that?”

I was especially mad Because I had lost a personal friend And almost lost my only brother in that attack!

Oh you spineless bleeding-heart liberal, you!)

6 I lost it from the inside out And I believe it showed For I know I can’t hide Such an emotional and personal thing as that From my Brooklyn-boy red-neck face!

7. (“You bleeding-heart liberal, you!

I despise you and all your kind!”

You have no guts And are totally blinded By your self-appointed and liberal self-righteousness − Blinded to everything around you And even to simple common sense.”)

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8. (“It’s the likes of you who ruin our country And who work to break our spirit, will and resolve!

You ungrateful bleeding heart! − You coward, you!”)

9.

Her words were ringing Both in my head And in my heart So much so That I felt like slapping her Right in the face − Right then and there In front of all the others at the table!

She really got to me! − That bleeding-heart And pontificating liberal that she was! *****

73

y My Spiritual Shield 12-17-2001 An inspirational phrase to draw on. _____ 1.

To protect myself From the thrusting swords and piercing arrows Of the outside world And from the twin dark angels Of Depression and Despair That sometimes mutiny inside of me I fashion a protective shield That I make from The inspirational words and quotes That I glean from others Or that I sometimes create myself.

2.

One such inspirational phrase that I like Is an adaptation from Palm 27 in the Bible Which reads as follows: ~ “Though my enemies encamp around me And seek to devour my flesh Why should I fear For I am with the Lord?”* ~ * The word “Lord” can represent many different things for me.

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3.

To help me ward off Any internal or external attacks or threats Against my body, mind or spirit Or to help me face Whatever challenges I may encounter I sometimes repeat this phrase.

4.

Although it’s not the perfect solution Or any kind of panacea It helps And is better than nothing. *****

75

y I Have My Priorities!

12-20-2001 Using the envelops of my pay stubs. _____ 1.

I rarely check my pay stubs to see if they’re correct or not.

Instead I use their unopened envelopes To draft my poems.

2.

My poetry − Rather than the correctness of my pay − Is my priority For you see at this stage in my life I feel lucky to even be working And getting paid at all − So why do I need To check such minor details?

3.

So getting my poetic thoughts down on whatever’s available Before I lose them – Including on my paycheck envelops − Is more important to me Than checking the correctness of my pay.

I have my priorities! *****

76

y Over All My Drinks (My Stations Of The Cross) 1-6-2002 Periods where I reflect upon things. _____ 1.

My coffee in the morning My soda over lunch My glass of wine at night.

2.

These are the little markers in my day Where I reflect upon myself And on life.

3.

These are my stations of the cross Where I pause and review my failings Repent for my sins And light my candles for the future.

4.

These are my waypoints in the day – My stations of the cross: My coffee in the morning, My soda at lunch, And my glass of wine at night. *****

77

y The Cramping Of My Legs 4-22-2002 One of my fears about old age. _____ 1.

Many times in the middle of the night My legs cramp up so bad That I often have to vault myself out of bed And uncramp them in order to relieve the pain.

2.

I remember my Uncle Artie When he was 89 and dying in the hospital.

He was unable to talk and therefore couldn’t let anyone know About any painful cramps that he might be having.

3.

I have therefore, this persistent fear that when I get old I might be in a similar condition and situation And possibly reduced to screaming silently inside From the unbearable pain of cramps in my legs And be unable to help myself or ask anyone else for help.

4.

What a horrible way it would be to end my life In excruciating pain As my Uncle Artie might have ended his. *****

78

y Look Deeper In My Eyes 7-17-2002 Having a desire to do and be more. _____ 1.

When you look at me − The way I dress The way I talk The way I walk You might conclude That I’m all together and secure.

2.

But look a little closer And deeper into my eyes − Beyond the surface blue And nearer to my soul − And you will see a vacancy From wanting to be better understood And more than what I am.

3.

Look a little closer And deeper into my eyes And you will see A yearning need to prove my worth And make some mark in life.

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4.

Look a little deeper into my eyes And you will see a burning need in me To be more than what I am.

5.

Look a little deeper into my eyes And you will find The deeper regions of my soul And where you’ll see So much more of me. *****

80

y My Exit Music 7-16-2002 I made 250 tapes of my favorite music to use in my old age. _____ 1.

I collected all the records that I owned And borrowed hundreds more from the library.

Then, I listened to all of them And selected all the pieces that I liked.

And then one by one I taped them all.

2.

Hour after hour and year after year I did this as if I were on a mission.

3.

The pieces I selected were primarily: Slow, emotional, and often melancholy pieces Which I guess reflect my mood and personality.

4.

These favorite pieces of mine Now constitute my prized collection Which I look forward to enjoying Throughout my final years in life As my exit music. *****

81

y Without Eloquence 10-26-2002 Things are tasteless if they aren’t seasoned. _____ 1.

Eloquence is the seasoning of language Making bland and common words Come to life with appetizing flavor.

2.

Food without seasoning Is only sustenance But with it − It’s cuisine.

3.

Similarly Words spoken without eloquence Are flat and unappealing But with it − They are tasty and exciting.

4.

Without eloquence words are ignored And left to atrophy and die But with it − They thrive.

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5.

Words spoken without eloquence Are seeds that never root.

But with it They take instant root And blossom all year ‘round.

6.

Words spoken without eloquence Are corpses that dig their own graves But with it They never die And become spirits immortal.

7.

Oh how the pallets Of the ear, heart, mind and soul Love eloquence. *****

83

y I Aligned Myself With A Power (On Tom Carroll) 10-27-2002 As outsiders we became friends. _____ 1.

I was kind of an outsider And never one of the favored ones In the Peat Marwick Mitchell Banking Department.

I also didn’t have a “godfather” And was always on the margin Tethering on corporate elimination At the whim of the powers to be.

I was a gladiator Who was always waiting For the verdict of the coliseum crowd − Thumbs up, or thumbs down?

2.

Then Tom joined the department From another office And I introduced myself to him.

He, like me, was in some ways an outsider too And so we hit it off and formed An unnamed, undefined and personal alliance.

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3.

Though we had a number of differences We recognized that beyond just being outsiders We had many other things in common Which made our alliance even stronger.

4.

While my alliance with him In many ways Made me more secure It also made me more vulnerable For while I gained protection From my own non-supporters, detractors and enemies I inherited all of his.

5.

But it all turned out for the best For in addition to his helping me keep my job − For longer than I might have otherwise And helping me make Partner − Which I was very proud of and grateful to him for − He also became a long-time friend. *****

85

y We Are Only Monkeys On Our Keyboards 11-5-2002 We use only a fraction a computer’s capacity. _____ 1.

How little use we make of all the power our computers have By merely being satisfied With simple inputs and simple outputs − Hardly “computing” at all.

2.

We think that we’re sophisticated because we’re “computerized.”

But we’re not really computerized at all.

Rather, we’re little more than monkeys on our keyboards Content to create little dancing figures on our plasma screens Which is not any more sophisticated Than flipping channels on TV. 3.

The limited extent to which we use our computers Makes them little more than cute little toys That we use for our simple entertainment.

4.

Sadly, therefore We’re little more Than monkeys on our keyboards. *****

86

y

I Hope I Don’t Become A Grumpy Old Man 11-5-2002 Fearing that I won’t accomplish all I want to. _____ 1.

I have the sinking feeling That I’ll never finish all that’s on my plate Much less What’s simmering on the stove.

2.

I may be in a race that can’t be won − For while I’m moving ahead I’m at the same time Falling behind.

3.

It seems I may be looking for A destination On a road that has no end.

4.

It seems that I may have become Some kind of addict with an insatiable habit − Hooked on wanting to get so many things done That I’ll never get them all done Which will be a guaranteed recipe For frustration.

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5.

God, I hope I don’t become A grumpy old man Who’s so hard to be around Just because I didn’t get done All that I wanted to get done. *****

88

y Absolutely Nothing 12-8-2002 My personal works may mean little to anyone or even to me. _____ 1.

It’s with a driven urgency That I push myself To finish all my music and my writing.

2.

It’s as if I’m in a race with Death itself Who is now my principal competitor.

3.

While my music and my writings Are of paramount importance to me In the scheme of things These and all the other things I’ve done Might mean absolutely nothing To the world or anyone in it.

4.

And if that’s the case Where no one thinks anything much of them Then maybe sadly I might even lose my own heart for them as well. *****

89

y

They Won’t Make It On Their Own 12-9-2002 Any recognition of my work may require a sponsor. _____ 1.

I fear that none of my works Will gain an ounce of recognition Without the help and support of some sponsor Who by chance might just happen to take a liking to them And decide to be their advocate.

Absent that, I fear That they might never make it on their own.

2.

Even if they’re lucky enough To find an advocate The market itself might not accept them.

3.

And if that’s the case And with no other options open to me And nothing left to lose I just might have to try to market them myself Or even create a market for them For I owe them that − I owe them at least a try. *****

90

y Hard Clean Money 2-3-2003 The simple sources of my money. _____ 1.

Whatever money I have Came only from Education, hard work and savings And not from any other source or discipline.

2.

It didn’t come from anything Devious or dirty − Like from cheating or gambling.

3.

Nor did it come from anything Like luck or fortune − Like from gifts, inheritance or shrewd investing.

4.

So when I think about it I get a little bit emotional For whatever money I have today Came from nothing else But what I’ve worked for and saved. *****

91

y Defenses Mistaken For Offenses 10-24-2003 Unfortunate misinterpretations. _____ 1.

We raise our arm For any number of innocent reasons And with no intended malice.

2.

But in doing so It’s often erroneously perceived As a sign of offence.

3.

Perception becomes reality And retaliation often follows.

4.

And so it goes − And so it goes − One misinterpretation After another. *****

92

y The Best For Both Of Us (Aggressive Women) 5-7-2004 A preference for femininity. _____ 1.

I’ve never liked aggressive women And always preferred women Who were shy, soft and polite − Women who, in a word – Were feminine.

2.

Femininity Has always brought out the best in me − The best of them for me And the best of me for them − The best for the both of us.

3.

Aggressive women are not for me And have always turned me off.

4.

I’ve always valued femininity, Appreciated it, And responded to it.

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5.

Reasons?

Reasons?

Let the experts speculate about the reasons why For as far as I’m concerned It matters little For what I like, is what I like And there’s little changing that No matter what the reasons are. *****

94

y I Am A Cloth Not Fully Wrung Out Yet 9-26-2004 Though old I still have a lot left in me. ______ 1.

I am a cloth That’s been in use For many years.

2.

Some may think I’m finished And there’s nothing left in me.

But, despite appearances, use and age There’s still a lot more left in me And more than you might think.

3.

Yes, I’m an old cloth But one That’s not been fully wrung out yet. *****

95

y A Race To Vindicate Myself 10-15-2004 I hope my intensity on my personal projects is understood by my family. _____ 1.

There’s so much of my past music and writings That I have to catch up on − So much to organize and edit To make them presentable − To make them acceptable − And so little time to do it in.

2.

I’m at that age now Where I’ve come to realize What life is all about, mostly.

3.

I’m also at that age Where I realize too That I only have, perhaps 13 years or so of life to go.

96

4.

I’m therefore virtually In a race with Death Where the pressure’s on.

5.

I hope that all who know me − Especially my family − Understand Just how much this catching up means to me And why I sacrifice So much time and effort on it.

6.

In many ways It’s a race to vindicate myself.

In many ways It’s a race for my redemption as a person.

Yes, it’s that important to me. *****

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y

Freedom − At Any Cost?

10-26-2004 Individual freedom at the expense of others. _____ 1.

Total freedom!

Just let it out!

Anything goes!

Eliminate repression!

Free the tiger from its cage!

Let it roam about at will No matter what!

Freedom at any cost!

2.

To be completely free and uninhibited Is theoretically And intellectually exhilarating.

3.

Freeing the tiger and giving it unbridled freedom May be fine for a while But in time this tiger will attack For whatever reason − Anger, misunderstanding, instinct Or whatever − For remember It’s still a beast.

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4.

We’re told that the most important thing Is that it has its freedom And its right to that freedom Must be guaranteed at all costs.

What a misplaced, mindless, liberal principle that is.

5.

So my dear liberal When that tiger leaps on you And tears you to shreds I want to hear you say, “We did the right thing In letting it have its unbridled freedom.”

6.

We’ve set the stage And the show is about to begin.

The cast is in control And the audience better beware! − For it’s freedom for the individual At any cost!

7.

Something’s very wrong With this kind of thinking − Freedom − At any cost? *****

99

y I Fell In Love With Water 11-3-2004 I never thought I could get to like plain water. ______ 1.

Coffee, coffee − How I love my coffee and everything about it.

I love its taste and smell − Its look and color − Its feel and warmth − And even its history.

2.

And as for water?

There’s nothing that I like about it.

It’s empty and tasteless And void of color and character.

3.

But after giving up coffee For nearly five months now I not only got used to water But actually got to like it And so much so That even the thought of coffee now Is almost – I can’t believe I’m saying it − Unappealing.

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4.

Although it’s hard for me to fathom I think I’ve fallen in love With plain old boring water. *****

101

y

Ironically − Hated Or Heroed 11-9-2004 An ironic twist of admiration. ______ 1.

You may be hated By the ones you love And admired By the ones that you dislike or even hate.

2.

Isn’t that the way it is sometimes?

Isn’t that an annoying and inexplicable irony of life?

Isn’t that the thing That will frustrate you to no end And drive you absolutely crazy? *****

102

y

Don’t Make The Wrong Extrapolation 11-9-2004 Minor things can be big things. _____ 1.

The bulk of the disagreements we have Are usually over minor things − Over little hurts and subtleties But that sometimes grow Way beyond their original proportions And then explode like massive sunspots − Especially when they get personal.

2.

So when you have a minor disagreement You shouldn’t assume That it will have a proportionately minor effect For if you do You’ll risk a titanic underestimation.

3.

Don’t make that logical But possibly erroneous assumption That small things will stay small things And won’t get personal.

Don’t make that wrong extrapolation. *****

103

y Linguistic Chemistry 11-21-2004 About Shakespeare’s use of words. ______ 1.

I love the crafty, eloquent and ingenious use of words Whose clever combinations Produce both imagery and innuendo − Which is why I love Shakespeare.

2.

It’s not so much Shakespeare’s plays that I like It’s rather his use of words and phrases in them.

It’s the special way he joins Two otherwise common words To give them A completely different meaning and imagery That electrifies my mind And which technique I’ll call “Linguistic chemistry”!

3.

He’s a master of linguistic chemistry!

Just as a chemist combines two otherwise boring chemicals And creates a completely new and exciting element Shakespeare combines two common words And makes them into something regal.

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4.

Linguistic chemistry! − Where the end result Is greater than the sum of its parts.

5.

Linguistic chemistry! − Chemistry on paper!

Magic on a paper stage − The paper stage of a book With me, its wide-eyed and fascinated student Spell-bound in the audience of my reading chair.

6.

So enamored am I with his use of words That I’ve undertaken to collect All my favorite lines from all his plays So I can enjoy them for years to come – So I can enjoy and marvel at His linguistic chemistry! *****

105

y

Don’t Make Me Grovel Just Because You Can 1-25-2005 Making me grovel for the mistakes I’ve made. _____ 1.

Don’t make me grovel just because you’re right And just because you can.

Don’t press your foot against my neck And choke my very breath away Just to watch me gasp.

Don’t humiliate and treat me In such a cruel and demeaning way.

2.

Yes, what I’ve done was wrong.

And yes, I need to be taught a lesson of some sort But not one as harsh as this.

3.

Continue this way and you’ll risk losing me − If not physically Then emotionally.

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4.

Something dear and fragile is at stake here − Something that took years to develop But that can quickly be destroyed Faster than you think.

5.

Think again if it’s all worth it.

Think again.

Don’t make me grovel Just because you’re right And just because you can For if you do You’ll run the risk of losing me − Faster than you think. *****

107

y Rousted!

3-5-2005 No rest for the weary. ______ 1.

Just when you get comfortable in your seat You’re shaken out of it and forced to stand: Rousted!

2.

Worry, worry – constant worry With no relief at least that I can see: Harassment!

3.

There’s never any rest it seems For you’re always ordered to your feet: March!

4.

You pray that warm and restful thoughts Will someday come to you and give you peace of mind: Imagination!

108

5.

You run away and try to hide But you’re easily found: Busted!

6.

Worries and frustrations, Pain and heartache, Disappointment and regret: Reality! *****

109

y My Dreams Are Rank Strangers Now 5-31-2005 A man losing his memory perhaps due to age. _____ 1.

I misplaced my memories for a while But then got them back.

2.

But when I got them back I could hardly recognize them.

3.

My memories used to be The closest friends I had But now, sadly They’re all rank strangers. *****

110

y Stand By The Gate 6-6-2005 Being comfortable with your style. _____ 1.

If you like You can passively stand by the gate And wait for it to open Or for someone to open it for you Rather than open it yourself.

If that’s your preference Or you’re the type of person Who needs permission for everything you do Then so be it and stand by the gate And wait for it to be opened for you.

2.

If you feel you have no right or desire to open the gate yourself; Or that things should be offered to you Rather than asked for or taken; Or if you fear you’ll risk Some kind of embarrassment or punishment For opening it yourself Then so be it as well and stand by the gate And wait for it to open And don’t dare Open it yourself.

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3.

If you feel at peace with this decision Even though a brasher one Might prove to be the better Trust your instincts And don’t take any bold or daring actions That you’re not comfortable with And that would go against your nature And just stand by the gate And wait for it to open. *****

112

y

Don’t Hurt Me So Bad That I Can’t Recover (Philippines) 7-6-2005 A plea for mercy. ______ 1.

You can do to me Most anything you want.

2.

You have so much power over me That there’s little I can do to counter Whatever you scheme for me.

3.

I’m almost defenseless Against your charm and guile To the point of being almost helpless.

4.

Therefore all I ask of you Is that you don’t hurt me So bad I can’t recover. *****

113

y

You Can Stop Now − I’m Hurt Enough (Philippines) 7-6-2005 A plea for relief from a lover’s abuse. _____ 1.

You’ve said so many hurtful things to me That have broken both my spirit And my heart.

2.

You’ve embarrassed, ridiculed and belittled me All of which has made me feel Small and worthless.

3.

You’ve done and said it all to me − Everything that you’ve intended to − And given me scars that will forever show.

4.

Yes, you’ve done it all And done it well So you can stop now For I’m hurt enough. *****

114

y At No Extra Charge 8-7-2005 All his extras come at no extra charge. _____ 1.

I make excuses For all your shortfalls − 2.

I stand by you Through all your trials and tribulations − 3.

I worry about you For your safety and your happiness − 4.

I bear all your hurts And always forgive you for them − 5.

In addition to giving you all my love I give you all these extras too − At no extra charge! *****

115

y So Why Me? (On Tom Carroll) 8-28-2005 Mystified why my boss has such an affinity to me. _____ 1.

My boss knows so many important people − Many of whom are even in the news and/or on TV. He’s even dating a famous TV/movie star − Stefanie Powers.* * Star of the old TV series, “Hart to Hart.”

2.

He’s highly regarded by chief executives With whom he deals with almost every day.

He’s well-read and cultured in the arts.

He’s handsome, intelligent and dresses stunningly.

His presence fills the room when he comes in.

He’s super competent and super confident.

He’s rich and only travels one way And that’s first-class.

116

3.

So why me?

Why does he, so often ask me To join him for lunch or drinks? ~ Why does he, feel so comfortable with me To share all his most personal problems with? ~ Why does he, always ask me my opinion And seek my advice for almost everything?

4.

Why he chooses me over so many others I’ll never fully understand.

What do I have That they don't have?

5.

Why me?

I’m just a nobody Compared to all the others he knows.

So why me?

Maybe he sees a quality in me That I can’t see in myself.

6.

So in the meantime It’ll just remain for me A curious and flattering mystery. *****

117

y Remember What We Are 9-28-2005 Currently the animal gene is dominant. ______ 1.

We pick between our toes and smell our fingers − Nothing wrong with that for we’ve smelled our feet before.

We pass gas and almost enjoy its aroma − And why not? For every dog smells his own.

We clear our nose and throats and swallow it − A little gross but no big deal.

We take a dump and look at it before we flush it down − Hey, it used to be a part of us.

And we kill living creatures every day and eat their flesh – We have no choice in order to survive.

All these base and primal traits Emanate from the animal gene That’s in all of us.

2.

The animal gene is the gene That has evolved and been in us For millions of years And with millions of years head start It’s our dominant gene.

118

3.

The domesticated or civil gene On the other hand Is only a recent arrival So it may take another million years or so Before it has a chance to rival our animal gene And possibly become our dominant gene.

4.

So in the meantime We’ll just have to live With our predominant animal traits And understand just “what” we are While we painstakingly wait to further evolve Into the more civilized “who” we hopefully will become.

5.

So we’ll just have to wait Until the civil gene Catches up to the animal gene – Until evolution does what it has to do − In maybe another million years. *****

119

y Keep Your Children Off The Streets (On The Muslim Riots In Paris) 11-10-2005 Reflecting on the Muslim riots in France. ______ 1.

You parents, elders and the like Don’t excuse these rioters − your youth − By saying that it’s from being repressed due to prejudice.

It’s not so much from prejudice as you claim − That’s not the primary cause of it.

You as parents and leaders of these children Are as much to blame as anyone or anything.

If you had pushed them harder to get an education The situation might be very different.

2.

Education is a long and hard commitment That you must make Every day for 20 years or more.

They are your children and your obligations And so you owe it to them with no expected “thanks.”

That’s the only way they’ll gain acceptance into society − Not by rioting, burning and looting − Nothing fast or easy like that will benefit their lot − But rather Only through your slow and full commitment To their education.

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3.

And when their education is completed Don’t expect that they’ll be equal even then For no one’s ever equal.

But even though they may not be equal They’ll be better off And have a better chance in life − Which will be good enough And all you should expect.

4.

The dividers of people In their most obvious priority order are: Color, class and education.

But if you reverse that order And focus on the new priorities of: Education, class and color You’ll have a greater chance of success.

5.

Parents, relatives and friends Keep your children off the streets And in the classrooms.

Get them an education.

And just as importantly Get them integrated into society.

6.

They probably riot Because you have failed them − Not society. *****

121

y

I’ll Get You Through It All 1-4-2006 Promised assistance to a weaker friend. _____ 1.

I know you’re weak and inexperienced And have never been through anything like this before.

But it doesn’t matter Just follow what I say and do But more importantly, trust me.

2.

Don’t think about how weak you are For I’m strong enough for the both of us And I’ll get you safely through it all.

3.

You can’t do it on your own For you don’t have the training, Experience, Or inner strength 4.

But if you take my hand and trust me You can ease your mind For I’ll safely get you through it all. *****

122

y The Onus Is On You 1-8-2006 We have to try our level best first. _____ 1.

As a new arrival to any group It’s conveniently tempting for you to say, “I’m not accepted.”

“They’re prejudice.”

“I’m a victim.”

It’s easy to point your finger And pin the blame on others But that’s not right And it’s also counterproductive.

2.

What you need to recognize Is that the onus is first on you − To try and prove yourself to others.

You must be the first to blink For if you don’t A standoff will begin That will harden over time.

123

3.

You have to try to prove yourself.

You have to work harder than you ever had.

You have to eat “humble pie” for a while.

And when you do You’ll probably be pleasantly surprised At how soon your probation period will end And how quickly you’ll be accepted and taken in – If not for your accomplishments Then for your trying.

4.

And what you’ll also realize Is that if you keep it in its right perspective The process will be seen as little more Than a new-comer’s initiation fee Rather than anything more ominous or sinister As prejudice.

5.

But if, after you’ve done all these things You’re still not accepted Then you’ll have all the right in the world To claim prejudice And rightly call yourself a victim.

6.

But first You have to try your level best to prove yourself to others For as with any new-comer situation The onus is first and foremost On you. ***** 124

y Fighting With Myself To Overcome 2-26-2006 Having to compensate for deficiencies in my thinking. ______ 1.

There’s something in the way my head works That causes it to want to shut down When confronted with a problem.

Some barrier goes up – Something freezes.

Sometimes it’s subtle And sometimes it’s blatant But every time I can definitely feel it happening.

But why? I don’t know exactly why.

2.

When I’m faced with a challenge My mind will often tell itself That it can’t handle it.

It’s as though There’s an underground resistance effort in me Aimed at sabotaging My confidence, drive, and efficiency.

125

3.

My mind may even go so far As to run away and hide somewhere At which point, I virtually have to: Go and get it, Sit it down, And have a serious conversation All of which takes a lot of time and effort.

4.

And even when I get it back And under my control again It still resists And is always looking to escape again.

5.

And when I have it under my control I never have it under my complete control Or get its full cooperation As it’s always dragging its feet And resisting all my efforts.

So that whatever I do Often takes me twice as long With twice the effort And only half the results.

126

6.

I’ve had to fight this persistent problem Most of my life.

What comes natural and easy to others Doesn’t to me So I’m always involved In some kind of heart and mind-wrenching Internal counter insurgency fight with myself To compensate for it That’s not only frustrating But also Exhausting. *****

127

y In The Overall Scheme Of Things 3-5-2006 The problems in life are comparatively inconsequential. _____ 1.

I’m always aware of our relative position In the vast Universe we’re in And just how small a part we play in it.

2.

No matter how involved I get With this myopic And seemingly all-consuming life of ours I try to stay grounded With the reality of the situation Recognizing That our sun, planet and even less so, we, Are nothing more than specks of dust in space And matter very little In the overall scheme of things.

3.

And with respect to us in particular Our entire lives on earth Are as brief as mayflies − Only nanoseconds In the overall and comparative scale of Time And the Universe.

128

4.

So by extension We should take some comfort in the fact That in the overall scheme of things All the pain and worry in our lives Is so short-lived and so insignificant That for all intents and purposes It hardly exists at all And therefore Nothing to complain about. *****

129

y

The Fire That We Didn’t Build 3-13-2006 We enjoy the benefits of the efforts of others. _____ 1.

We all bridge off and benefit from The work of others.

2.

The warming fire we now enjoy Was built by someone else.

The food we eat Was grown by others.

And the knowledge that we have now Was passed on to us as our inheritance.

3.

As Thomas Edison once said: “I began where others left off.”

We should think in a similar way.

4.

We should ask ourselves: “What will we contribute to the future?

What is it that we will leave for those who’ll follow us?

What is it that we will leave for others to bridge off us?” *****

130

y As Helpless As A Turtle On Its Back 8-7-2006 From security to sudden helplessness. _____ 1.

I go for long stretches With my mind and heart: Secure and in perfect sync, Upright and secure, Feet firmly planted on the ground, With a low and stable center of gravity.

2.

Then All of a sudden Something unexpected comes happens And I’m turned upside down.

3.

So here I am In an amazing twist of fate − Once upright and secure But now As helpless as a turtle on its back. *****

131

y I Just Had To Recognize Myself 1-18-2007 Compensating for not getting the proper recognition. _____ 1.

What I had done in the office construction project Was as much, or more, than what he had done But he got center-stage Because his work Was much more visible than mine.

2.

What he had done was perceived as critical And what I had done, by default As only incidental.

3.

He took the bows on stage And got the loud applause.

But as for me?

I pretty much stayed behind the curtains Listening to all the cheers for him.

4.

So with only token recognition For my work I just had to do something extra For myself.

132

5.

So I looked inside myself Found my wounded Pride and Ego And asked them To come up and take a little bow together For all the work they did.

6.

Although it wasn’t all that they deserved It was something And the least that I could do. *****

133

y Share In The Glory 6-5-2007 Being happy for someone else’s good fortune. _____ 1.

Don’t be dismayed That only one side of a coin is polished And the other side is not.

Be thankful, enjoy and share In the beauty and the glory of the shiny side.

2.

Admiration is a virtue and jealousy is a sin.

Give your blessing to and share in Whatever Or whosever glory comes your way.

3.

Don’t angst yourself over what Fate has decreed you Or be envious of anyone else’s Fortune.

Rather Share in whatever glory comes your way − Your own, directly Or someone else’s, indirectly.

Share in the glory Whichever way it comes. *****

134

y God, You Are Accountable Too 3-31-2008 Is accountability only an intellectual concept? _____ 1.

God, You must be held accountable For what You have created And the pain that You have perpetrated.

2.

You foresaw every consequence of Your creation Yet, You went ahead with it anyway.

You even created Fate to toy with us And to frustrate so much of our efforts As we try to change what can’t be changed.

3.

If we must be accountable for our actions Then You too, should be accountable for Yours For there shouldn’t be any exceptions to Accountability For either us as mortals Or for You as God.

135

4.

But wait There is an apparent inherent conflict here: Between Accountability and Fate As the two are mutually exclusive For how can anyone be held accountable for anything If Fate has pre-determined everything?

5.

So if that’s the case Then Accountability may only be a concept And the mere workings of our challenged minds With no basis in Reality Where our minds just have us imagining: Mirages in the burning desert sand, Art where there is no art, Beauty where there is no beauty, A master plan where there is no master plan, And God where there is no God. 6.

But if art and beauty are not just concepts And actually exist And there actually is a master plan Then Accountability also exists.

And if that’s the case Then it’s back again to You, God Where Accountability should apply Not only to us But to You as well. *****

136

y Days On The Farm And Nights In Town 4-6-2008 Fantasy helping to cope with reality. _____ 1.

You’re on the farm every day of your life.

But once in a while You go to town and meet a woman − A woman who is wild and free − A woman who makes you feel…like a man.

2.

She’s the kind of woman who’s the complete opposite Of the one you married − A woman who you’d never marry − A woman who’s completely wrong for you in life But yet For that one night in town Is completely right for you.

3.

One night with the girl in town Serves its purpose For she’ll help you bear Your long hard days and nights on the farm − And as strange as it may seem She’ll also keep you steady With the one you love.

137

4.

The girl in town is not the one Who you’d ever settle down with For one night in town Is all you can take of her − And lucky for you For that’s all you need. *****

138

y

It Wasn’t Your Problem It Was Theirs (Warsaw, Poland) 5-14-2008 Negative traits in people can give nationalities, religions etc. a bad name by association. _____ 1.

“It’s against our religion to be seated next to a woman,” Said two Hassidic men to a woman on the plane, “So would you mind moving to another seat?”

The nerve! The arrogance!

2.

Again they badgered her, “Our religion won’t allow us to sit beside you So would you mind moving to another seat?”

I couldn’t believe my eyes and ears Nor could any of the others around them.

3.

They badgered her three or four times And you could see there’d be no letting up Until they got their way.

They were unrelenting And bullied her Until she finally got up and moved.

139

4.

As she took the seat behind us I heard the man she sat beside say to her, “You really didn’t have to move As it wasn’t your problem, it was theirs.”

5.

Oh how correct he was!

It wasn’t her problem, it was theirs − But they made it hers!

6.

It’s unfortunate That that kind of public display of arrogance By two individuals Might cause many to malign their religion As a whole Just by association.

7.

They were horrible ambassadors for their religion And I wish I had the guts to tell them that Instead of just keeping it to myself.

But I was afraid as to how it might be taken And what further trouble it might cause.

8.

So I just stewed in my seat And bit my tongue – Mad at them And mad at me. *****

140

y Gold Is Too Expensive (Psych Yourself Up Not Out) (Vienna, Austria) 5-21-2008 Negatives shouldn’t cause you to overlook the positives. _____ 1.

Gold is too expensive; Silver tarnishes quickly; Wine takes too much time to make; Getting a good education is just not worth the cost; Taking one woman for life stymies sweet variety; And raising children is just too much trouble.

2.

Listen to yourself!

Listen to your arguments!

Listen to how weak and shallow they are!

How flat they fall!

How one-sided they are − Citing all the negatives and none of the positives!

Oh how we can so easily psych ourselves out!

141

3.

Oh, the beauty of gold!

The elegance of polished silver!

The rich bouquet of vintage wine!

The personal enrichment of a good education!

The love of a faithful woman by your side!

And the rewarding experience of children and family!

4.

Now you’re talking as you should be talking − With your mind and heart And all the pros and cons In balance!

Now you’re talking sense!

Now you’ve psyched yourself up − Not out! *****

142

y Hold On You Poor Classical Musicians (Prague, Czech Republic) 5-23-2008 On classical music street musicians. _____ 1.

Oh you poor classical musicians You study so long and hard to perfect your art.

And for the noble work you do And for the gift you give us You have to beg for money just to survive.

2.

What a cruel contrast it is To those who play trashy music And have millions thrown at them By mindless, screaming audiences.

3.

Oh what a sad contrast it is Between you, you classical musicians, Who are so serious and sincere about your music And those whose only purpose and aim it sometimes seems Is crude and shocking entertainment.

143

4.

And look at the audiences that you try to reach − They all but ignore you Because they have little appreciation for the arts And only for shallow entertainment.

5.

You, my dear classical musicians Are today’s brave and dedicated monks Who, like those back in the Dark Ages, Protected and preserved the culture of the civilized world From the barbarian hordes who overran it.

6.

So I thank you, my dear musicians From the bottom of my heart For being faithful to your music, For preserving it for us For saving it from the ravages of today’s barbarians − From today’s Dark Ages of bad music − And for protecting it Until the second Renaissance arrives.

7.

What can I do?

How can I help?

I can only: Praise you for your efforts, Encourage you to persevere, Pray that you’ll endure, And give you a small donation With the hope that whatever I give you Won’t be too little or too late.

144

8.

Oh you poor classical musicians The only other thing that I can do for you Is to apologize on behalf of all the others Who are so ignorant and unappreciative Of all that you are doing For art, society, and civilization itself! − Yes, what you’re doing is that important!

9.

Hold on, you brave and noble musicians, Until the barbarian hordes Have either exhausted themselves or moved on.

Hold on, you poor classical musicians − Hold on with the hope That the Renaissance is near. *****

145

y The Quarrels Of The Few (Berlin, [East] Germany) 5-28-2008 The masses get dragged into the quarrels of the few. _____ 1.

Oh how much pain and suffering Is inflicted on the masses When their leaders declare war Which is often only aimed at satisfying Their own self-serving motives and ambitions Centered around the vices of: Power, domination or control, Feigned justice or revenge, Or just plain greed.

2.

How long will this continue?

How much more can the masses take?

If history provides any evidence It seems there is no limit!

3.

How can we protect the common man From the deadly effects of the whims, wishes and quarrels Of their political leaders and generals For it’s the masses who always pay the dearest price For whatever they decide to do?

146

4.

How can we more efficiently satisfy The aims of our politicians and generals Other than by going to war And sacrificing the lives Of so many innocent soldiers and civilians?

5.

The answer is To suit up the politicians and generals − Instead of the people − And put them in the coliseum Where they'll be the gladiators And we the people will be the spectators.

Let them fight out their disputes to their deaths Instead of us to ours.

6.

If all leaders knew That that’s what would happen to them When they declare war I believe we’d have solved the problem. *****

147

y Back In The States (Civilization − So Short-Lived) 5-30-2008 Europeans were more civil. _____ 1.

In Eastern Europe I found the people to be: More civilized, Less aggressive, More polite, Slower paced, Less pushy And less loud in public, And much more discreet In their use of cell phones.

2.

They were also: More courteous, Orderly, clean and neat, And less up-tight and irritable.

3.

They also had: Less attitude, Less challenging eye contact, And more subtle body language.

148

4.

While I was there I adopted many of their more civilized attributes Which I felt good about doing.

And so when I returned home I happily brought some of them back with me.

5.

But sadly In very short order I had to abandon them For back home in the States I was forced to act more tough and aggressive Just to protect myself From being bullied, walked on, and taken advantage of.

6.

Back home in the States Everything seemed so much less civilized − Where everyone was posturing And making some kind of challenging statement With both their eyes and their bodies − And where everyone seemed to have Some kind of attitude That filled the air with tension.

7.

Back home in the States.

I was forced to think and act more reactively And even preemptively sometimes Both physically and mentally.

149

8.

Oh, good-bye and farewell To that much more gentle and civilized society That I had briefly brushed up against And so much admired and appreciated.

9.

Good-bye and farewell To that short-lived and civil respite That I enjoyed For the little while it lasted. *****

150

y For The Sake Of The Job (On Tom Carroll) 9-11-2009 Reflecting on the arrogance of my boss and former friend.

(This poem and others around this time reflect my negative reactions to an insulting email he sent to me which marked a turning point in our friendship. Being hurt, my pride made me evade him which in turn ultimately cost me my job.) _____ 1.

Can’t you see how badly you treat people With your arrogance? − Always putting them down So disrespectfully? − Always making them squirm As you manipulate and control them?

Look behind you.

Can’t you also see the resentment That you leave in your wake?

2.

Can’t you see what you’re doing?

And if you can − But have no conscience about it − Then you’re close to being some kind of psychopath.

151

3.

You like to pride yourself with who and what you know And who you think you are.

But it’s never enough to cover up your brutality Some of which has been directed at me Ranging from your blatant non-responsiveness To your arrogant and demeaning belittlements.

4.

Even after you’ve brutalized someone You have that gift Of being able to reingratiate yourself And charm them back into your graces.

Pathetically, you can even make them act like a dog In that even after it’s been beaten by its master It willingly returns with its tail up and wagging And just glad to be back in its master’s favor.

It’s a sad and demeaning form of the Stockholm Syndrome.

It’s a gift you have − But one you shouldn’t be too proud of.

5.

When I look back and think about things I get a little annoyed with myself Remembering how many times I’ve responded in a similar way – How many times I’ve “heeled” and beckoned to your call – How many times I’ve come running back Whenever you patted the side of your leg And said, “Here boy!”

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6.

My only defense and consolation For my actions − For putting up with all that I did And kowtowing to you so many times − Was that so much of it was done For the sake of the job. *****

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y Progress Or Regression?

9-29-2009 Economic indicators could be interpreted in opposite ways. _____ 1.

What are normally considered Positive indicators Of economic progress Might in a longer view be considered Negative indicators Of future economic problems and regression Depending on how you look at them.

2.

While the growth in consumer confidence Is normally a good economic indicator It might also signal unneeded consumption And the exacerbation of our poor savings rate.

3.

While higher disposable income Is normally a positive indicator It could also portend More spending on such frivolous things As games and entertainment.

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4.

While a boost in housing starts Might be good for the construction industry and jobs It might also indicate Too much population growth.

5.

And while population growth Might be good for economic growth It might also create excessive demand For the limited resources of land, fuel and food Which might lead to The depletion of our natural resources Which might then lead to Excessive completion, rising prices, more poverty And increased friction among nations Which ultimately Might even lead to war.

6.

What are conventionally viewed As positive indicators Might also be viewed As negative ones Depending on how you look at them.

7.

We therefore must be very careful To give both points of view Equal weight And consideration. *****

155

y Miracles Are All About 1-1-2010 Seeing miracles in simple things. _____ 1.

Take a deep breath of the clean blue sky.

2.

Feel the fresh wind in your hair.

3.

Feel the cool summer rain on your face.

4.

Smell the special fragrance of the flowers.

5.

Enjoy the changing colors in the sky.

6.

Touch the bolder Knowing that it was made over a billion years ago.

7.

See miracles in everything And everywhere. *****

156

y Always Standing On Lines 3-21-2010 There are lines for everything in life. _____ 1.

We always have to wait on line For almost everything in life.

2.

Just as there’s a line for the movies, Or to register your car, Or get money from the bank There’s also a line for wisdom, A line for love, And a line for peace of mind.

There’s a line for everything in life.

3.

Sometimes you’re lucky to find a line that moves fast Or one that can even handle multiple transactions But it’s very rare For most of the time you’ll have to stand On a lot of single, slow-moving and inefficient lines Where all you can do is hope that you’re on the right line, That you won’t have to wait too long, And that the window doesn’t close Before you get there. *****

157

y The Future Has No Past 3-15-2011 The confusing cosmology and metaphysics. _____ 1.

The Future is the Future And the Past is the Past And both are mutually exclusive of the other − Or are they?

2.

It seems The Future has no Past And the Past has no Future And in between, is that “Twilight Zone” Called the Present − That nanosecond of Time Wedged between the long Past and the longer Future − That threshold − That “killing field” − Where the Present bites off a piece of the Future Chews it up And then spits it out as the Past.

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3.

But could the Future be Just another Dimension of the Past?

Or the Past just another Dimension of the Future With both having little Or no knowledge of each other?

Is the Past in fact dead Or does it stay alive somehow Like a memory stays alive And lives in the Present?

4.

Is the Past only a cemetery Occupied by all the dead and lifeless bodies Of what used to be living in the Present And before that Lay unborn in the Future?

Or is it actually still alive As some sort of a living Trinity Made up of the Past, Present and the Future?

5.

Speculating further Couldn’t it be true That the Past and the Future Have no memory of each other Similar to the possibility That Light may have no memory of itself Before it burst through the Dark and became Light?

Or Dark, any memory of itself After the birth of Light?

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6.

And just as the Future and the Past Might be in their own respective Dimensions And have no connectivity to each other Might it also be true That Light and Dark Have no connectivity to each other, as well And might in fact Be mutually exclusive of each other In the same way That possibly when Light appears It might remember nothing of the Dark that once enveloped it For the fact that when it was Dark The Light might not have even existed Therefore making it impossible for it To remember anything about itself?

Might the theory of Light and Dark − Being mutually exclusive of each other − Be further evidenced by the possibility That when one begins, the other ends In effect annihilating each other?

7.

But wait! Just as might be the case With the Past and the Future Couldn’t Light and Dark Have some tangential attachment to each other Whereby Light, may in fact Be a living thing having some latent memory of itself Just as living things Might have some embryonic memory of themselves Prior to their births?

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8.

Could it be that Light actually existed within the Dark And just pushed away a little swath of it To allow for its birth?

And likewise Could Dark live within Light somewhere As a shadow or in some corner Where we just can’t see it?

9.

And another question about Light and Dark Also comes to mind: Can Light only go forward and never backwards?

Can it never retrace its steps?

And if not, why not?

10.

Also, could Light be thought of as chalk And Darkness as a blackboard With both intrinsically needing the other to exist In that each would have no visible existence Without the other? − Where they’re both dependent on As well as independent of Each other?

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11.

Could all things in this World and Universe Touch each other At the edges of their existences − At some common threshold?

Might the Present touch the Future on its right And the Past on its left ?

And could Dusk be that comparable middle ground Between Light and Dark Or that horizon Where Light is born and Dark expires?

12.

Could everything Be mutually exclusive of each other; Co-exist; Be dependent on, or independent of, each other; And have, or have not, any knowledge or memory of each other All at the same time In some Parallel Universe? − Or in a number of Parallel Universes? − Or alternatively could it be that everything shares Some kind of collective biosphere − Where their respective existences, histories and memories Are recorded in some common memory bank Somewhere in the outer Ether of Time and Space?

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13.

Could all these seemingly contradictory things Somehow be true – Either separate or together, In whole or in part, In both theory and in fact − All operating in their own mutually exclusive Or co-existing Or shared Dimensions And, under their own or shared set of Laws?

14.

Questions, questions − All searching for answers Which never seem to come with any transparency.

15.

These realms of real and theoretical Cosmology, physics and metaphysics Have always fascinated me.

And while they keep me interested They also get me very confused. *****

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y

Samurai − Being Aware Of The Unobvious 11-26-2011 Inspired by the life of the Japanese Samurai warrior Miyamoto Musashi (1584-1645). _____ 1.

To be a good Samurai You must learn to be aware of everything Especially the unobvious.

You must look for things you cannot see But can only sense For if you don’t You’ll perish In the flash of your opponent’s sword.

2.

You must have eyes in the back of your head And be able to read The hairs on the back your neck when they stand up.

3.

You must be able to see the grass bending From a stalking tiger; Smell the faintest scent in the air; Spot the slightest ripple in the water; And hear that barely audible sound underfoot in the forest.

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4.

You must always be suspicious And not believe All you see or hear.

5.

You must be able to read Your opponent’s eyes And anticipate his every move.

6.

You must be aware of everything Especially the unobvious For otherwise You risk a swift blade across your neck And the shame and dishonor Of not being A true Samurai. *****

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y Not Deserving 10-15-1960 Misgivings over some praise received. _____ I’m not comfortable with all the praise given to me From those who are so much more deserving than I could ever be.

And I don’t think that they’d continue with their praise If they knew of all my wicked ways. *****

166

y That Keg Of Beer 10-22-1960 Waiting for the beer to arrive. _____ I feel the time is near When we’ll all be happy and gay!

So sit down, stay calm, and do not fear For I’m sure that long-awaited keg of beer Is on its merry way! *****

167

y You Christen My Heart 10-24-1960 I don’t know who or what prompted this poem, probably Sharon. _____ You christen my heart with love Each time you kiss me tenderly.

You are my angel from above And with your love, you’ve captured me But at the same time, made me totally free. *****

168

y Rise And Follow 1-24-1963 God will call the chosen from the dead. ____ Away upon this midnight cold and dreary A Voice breaks the Silence over all the buried weary, “Rise up from beneath the Earth, you, whom I have chosen For I have come to end the sleep that you’ve so long been in!” *****

169

y Lastly To Myself 4-8-1964 Putting yourself last puts you first. _____ 1.

When it’s God that I put first My neighbor second And myself third and last I’m really putting myself first.

2.

But if I put myself first And before the others I’m really putting myself last. *****

170

y Heat 5-19-1964 The sweltering city heat. _____ 1.

The city’s streets are filled with burning air And through the canyons of its buildings it’s blowing everywhere.

Today the city’s like an oven making it a hellish place Where the air’s so hot it’s as if it were rising from the fiery depths Of Hell itself like scorching waves of satanic spirits sent to chase Me down and burn me up with their hot and smelly breaths.

2.

Nothing but a furnace grate does the street Resemble, which almost burns the soles off my feet.

And the blistering heat from off the concrete, heaves Up in currents of merciless scalding waves That almost set my body abalze as I try to weave My way through all the city’s burning streets and alleyways In a desperate attempt to escape its unbearable hell-born heat. *****

171

y A Reunion 5-31-1964 So close to each other that we were almost as one.

(I’m not sure who I had in mind, if anyone.) _____ 1.

Thy lips reflect the trappings of your soul.

And it’s not thy lips alone I kiss But rather thy entire being whole.

Thy body and thy inner substance are now Fully mine, in as much as love allows And our hearts insist.

2.

At one time our hearts were cleaved In half and painfully lost to us and to themselves.

But since then, we have found and retrieved These broken and missing pieces of ourselves So that now, Fate is full within our midst. *****

172

y Haiku (#1 and #2) 4-18-1968 Haiku (or Hokku) is a form of Japanese poetry consisting of a specific number of lines and syllables with one form being composed of 31 syllables in the per-line format of: 5-7-5-7-7 = 31.

Another form consists of 17 syllables: 5-7-5 = 17.

The ones below consist of 13 syllables. _____ Haiku #1 I came home But I could not sleep So I wrote a poem.

Haiku #2 Hands move slow, Minutes pass, I hear a flower growing. *****

173

y Come Over Here And Listen 11-20-1998 Something important to say. _____ 1.

Please come over here As close as possible.

2.

Sit down next to me And listen hard.

3.

And prepare yourself For what I’m now about to say. *****

174

y Faith And Hope 1-15-2000 What you need to get through life. _____ 1.

When we find life staring down at us With a scowling face; When we haven’t any solutions To our problems; When we’re desperate With no options left to us − It’s then that Faith and Hope Must be quickly called to arms.

2.

It’s then that Faith and Hope Must be wakened from their sleep, Mustered in front of the barracks, And readied for battle.

3.

We must keep both Faith and Hope Strong and at the ready For one day They may be our last resort! *****

175

y My Coffee And My Music (Plain And Simple Things) 5-2-2000 Content with the simple things in life. _____ 1.

Coffee, bread and butter, music, cheese and wine, All represent Simplistically and metaphorically The only things I need in life.

2.

These simple little things Represent Both my sustenance and my treats.

3.

These simple and symbolic things Represent Everything that’s plain and simple in my world And meaningful to me.

4.

And as I go through life I find that plain and simple things Are not only enough But more than enough. *****

176

y

What’s Wrong With Me At 57?

(The Marks Of History) 8-24-2000 An unchronological mixed-tense, disjointed, non-inclusive and poorly written verse about some of my physical history. _____ 1.

I can’t remember things so well these days And often lose my train of thought.

2.

My left knee hurts And it can’t take the weight that it used to As it got a little damaged while I was working 7 ½ years Renovating our house.

3.

My left thumb’s was dislocated In a fight I had in Brooklyn a long time ago And which I never got fixed.

4.

I also have scars on my right and left hands From some other nasty fights Including one knife fight where I had to fend off some thieves Who wanted to steal from me the car that I had stolen.

(These were during my young, irresponsible and dangerous years in Brooklyn and the years I’m not so proud of.)

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5.

My skin got badly damaged from the sun, “Cooked like eggs”, the doctor said And living in Rio de Janeiro didn’t help.

6.

My back and shoulders grew kind of bent From years of being a skinny, stooped-over And self-conscious kid.

7.

My ankles give out all the time And have been that way just about all my life.

8.

My fingers have some burn scars on them From seizing lines for my boat.

9.

My eyes went bad on me in my early twenties − Earlier in life than normal – Which I believe came from too much studying And close and concentrated accounting work.

10.

My hair went white earlier than usual Just like my Mom’s did During her short and tragic life.

11.

There’s a little weakness in my left hand That I got when I hit it When Vi, a crew member and I were washed overboard In a storm off the coast of Massachusetts.

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12.

My hair has been receding in the front And there’s an emerging bald spot in the back.

13.

While my hairline’s been receding My nose, ear and eyebrow hairs have been advancing!

14.

At an early age my forehead got furrowed From a lot of worry lines.

15.

I have an open cut on me Which somehow just won’t heal.

16.

I now wobble left and right And drag my feet when I walk Just like my father did.

17.

I creak a little in the morning When I get out of bed; And when I try to get up after sitting a while It can be quite a slow and sometimes achy process.

18.

I cannot fully turn my neck when backing up the car Resulting from a 5-car accident on Highway 95 That Leandra amazingly slept right through!

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19.

There’s a constant hissing in my ears from tinnitus Which drives me mad if I listen to it.

I also have a little loss of hearing in my right ear.

20.

I can’t take the lead at business meetings as I used to do And even have trouble keeping up sometimes.

21.

I generate more gas these days From both my ends – Both front and back And top and bottom.

22.

I get diverticulitis once in a while Which put me in the hospital a few times.

23.

I damaged my knees from lifting weights Trying to bulk up my skinny teen-age body So I could look and be tougher on the streets.

(Since our basement ceiling was low I could only lift those weights while I was on my knees.)

24.

My knees also got damaged From laying a lot of tiles and shingles.

180

25.

I’m extremely nervous − Perhaps from years of insecurity, Fears of being jumped, Or maybe just from plain old jumpy nerves.

26.

I get shooting pains in my head That often stop me cold And make me worry about The possibility of someday having a stroke.

27.

I cannot drink as much as I once did − And oh how I could drink Where I’d normally be the last man standing.

28.

While romance has been a little impaired with age My love for my wife is stronger than ever.

29.

Back to my sight again: I lost a lot of it While writing a major professional book At Peat Marwick, where I used to work And from constant studying for My MBA, CPA, CIA, CMA, CTA, CLU, CFP certifications As well as for my Series 6, 7 and 63 securities licenses.

181

30.

My left elbow still hurts sometimes From the time that I was thrown against the steel bulkhead Of the ship that I was on when it collided with another ship During night maneuvers in the Navy off the Hawaiian Islands (We lost a number of men that night and others lost their limbs.)

31.

My left eye twitches Whenever I read a lot.

32.

When I was just a little boy I had a steel clamp in my head After cracking it open from a 20 foot fall.

33.

Four or five of my teeth are gone.

My gums are shot and I’ve had to have Two major surgeries to try to save the rest of them.

I have cavities as deep as volcanoes.

And with all the geography That’s changed inside my mouth I sometimes can’t talk as well as I had before.

34.

My tonsils were removed when I was a boy And still remember the ice cream they gave me To make my throat feel better.

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35.

Also, when I was a kid I kissed a dog Who then Went and bit right through my upper lip To thank me for my affection.

36.

I almost died in Egypt From an overdose of quinine Due to the wrong dosage having been prescribed Which I was taking throughout my trip through all of Africa For the prevention of Malaria.

(My legs were swollen to twice their normal size, I had a very high fever, I couldn’t eat anything, And I’d completely lost my hearing.

A doctor told me that I was close to dying And should go to the hospital But I refused to go to any hospital in Egypt.

And when I finally got back home I had to be assisted off the plane.)

37.

In my wilder days I caught some strains of venereal disease.

(One time I got the crabs so bad that they jumped right off my arm While I was taking my CPA exam, no less!

I remember “playing” with them with the point of my pencil Like they were some kind of circus act.

I can thank a girl from India for that experience.)

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38.

Another time I caught another dose of something From an Andes Indian girl I’d met Somewhere in the hills of Brazil.

(I went to a primitive rural clinic to get treated Where an attendant, after shooing away the flies, Took an open needle off the table And injected it right through my shirt and into my arm With no alcohol treatment or even rolling up my sleeve!

I remember watching the little circle of blood Expanding on the arm of my shirt.

But despite it all I got cured.)

39.

I also got cured a number of other times From things I caught From girls in China and Thailand.

40.

I tore my leg on a fence When running through the back yards in my neighborhood After escaping out the window of my next door neighbor’s house Whose husband came home unexpectedly early at 3 am.

(He was Sicilian and worked in a Mafia club in Brooklyn So I knew he had a gun which made it a very dangerous affair.

She was more than twice my age of 16 and my “Mrs. Robinson.”) * * From the movie “The Graduate”, starring Dustin Hoffman and from the song “Mrs. Robinson” by Paul Simon

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41.

I used to smoke And my lungs got a little blackened.

(I later stopped smoking but in a very strange way: I found myself one early morning Face-down drunk in a sandbox in a Brooklyn playground And as I was waking up I heard some mother saying to her boy, “Don’t go near that man, Johnny Don’t go near that man.”

I was so sick that I couldn’t touch a cigarette For 2 full days.

So, with 2 days “on the books.”

I gave up smoking.

Ironically, I didn’t give up drinking!

Those were my young and wilder days in Brooklyn Which I’m not so proud of.)

42.

I have high cholesterol, High blood pressure, And fissions and polyps in my colon.

43.

I have a deviated septum from picking at my nose Which is an obsession with me In that any object in my nose Just drives me nuts.

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44.

My knuckles are scarred From chewing on them until they bled All due to nerves and pressure.

(For years they were swollen to twice their normal size And very ugly to look at.

And just like with smoking, when I decided to stop I did it cold turkey.)

45.

I’ve had flat feet for most of my life.

(Right after graduating college I joined the Navy.

And because of my flat feet I was initially rejected.

I “begged” the doctor to pass me, who finally said, “OK, son, fake me a foot-arch and I’ll pass you”, Which is exactly what I did and he in turn passed me.

This was during the war in Vietnam Where I wanted to go in for the action As well as to complete my service obligation.)

46.

I lost a cuticle in an accident Which never grew back.

47.

When I lived in Brazil A borrachuda bug burrowed itself into my thigh.

I couldn’t get it out so there it stayed And where it’s been ever since.

186

48.

I cracked my breast plate Trying to correct years of bad posture.

So now I can crack it any time at will Whenever I expand my chest.

49.

I have post nasal drip That keeps me constantly, annoyingly and loudly Clearing my throat.

50.

Because of a misplaced, dislocated jaw Which I never got attended to I can’t open my mouth very wide.

(I can’t remember If I that was the result of a fight Or from something else.)

51.

I have some warts on my fingers Small, but annoying.

52.

I also have some blood blisters on my body Which they say I should take care of But that I don’t have the time or inclination to do For there are so many other things to worry about.

53.

I’ve got some cancerous and pre-cancerous sores on my skin And get them burned off whenever I find the time.

187

54.

I scarred myself while lancing A golf ball-sized boil That was growing under my armpit.

(I held the top of a door Cut it open with a kitchen knife And all that was inside went “plop” on the floor − The operation was a success.)

55.

Pimples occasionally pop up on my hand Sometime in the same spot And sometimes in others.

56.

I get severe cramps in my legs In the middle of the night So bad that I have to jump out of bed To relieve the pain.

57.

When I was renovating the house I never wore a mask So got some asbestos and spackling dust in my lungs Which I can feel a little bit when I breathe.

188

58.

I have a scar on my left palm That I got when I fell on a piece of glass When I jumped over a fire hydrant On a Brooklyn street when I was 6.

(I remember going into my Irish grandmother’s house Crying, and looking for help and sympathy Only to hear her scream at me, “Get out of my house, you’re dripping blood all over my rug!

Get out in the alley!”

When I continued crying she unsympathetically And sarcastically said to me, “Oh stop your crying, you’ll live ‘til you’re married twice!”) ~ 59.

There are probably a number of other things That I could cite But I can’t remember them right now So I’ll end it here − And besides I think I’ve babbled on long enough already. *****

189

y Good Rushes, Bad Rushes, Fears And Dreams 8-24-2000 Another random, poorly written, and non-inclusive verse about some good and bad memories. _____ While I was daydreaming Some old memories came into my head – Some “Good” Some “Bad” And some of which I cite below. ~ Good: 1.

Playing and composing music − For when I play An instant calm comes over me Which makes me feel so lucky To have such a rewarding avocation That I can enjoy the rest of my life.

2.

Having gotten a decent education And gotten safely out of the old neighborhood.

190

3.

Having joined the Navy Which helped me become a man.

4.

Having travelled around the world While I was young.

5.

Having gotten a decent job Right out of the Navy Which launched my career.

6.

Having become a partner In a firm and business that I loved.

7.

Having found a wife As good as mine.

8.

Having children Who I dearly love.

9.

Having worked hard And been able to save Something for the future.

10.

Having been in fairly good health For most of my life.

191

11.

Having found two sports that I loved − Camping and sailing − Which led To a lot of adventurous and memorable times.

12.

Having found personal satisfaction In writing poetry Than I can immerse myself in.

13.

Dreams that after I die My music compositions and poetry, My family movies and photo albums, And all my various collections and memorabilia Will serve as both my legacy And hopefully An appreciated personal inheritance to my family. ~ Bad: 1.

Having to deal with many periods Of financial and personal insecurity.

2.

The memory of being shot at by the police in Brooklyn While trying to get away from an arrest for stealing cars.

(Those were my young, wild and dangerous years And the years I’m not so proud of.)

192

3.

The fear I had in Pearl Harbor While watching a torpedo being hauled up on a line Tied with a knot that I had made And fearing that it would slip or break And kill or maim the men who were working under it.

(Impatient with my men and their attempts to tie a proper knot I pushed them aside and made my own make-shift knot.

Luckily it held, but it scares me even today When I think of what might have happened if it hadn’t held.)

4.

The fear of being caught for a crime And living a ruined And incarcerated life in jail.

(Probably a throwback to my Brooklyn days.)

5.

The horrible nightmare That I had for many, many years And which seemed so real, each and every time Involving the fear of my being caught For a murder that I’d committed.

(Another throwback to my Brooklyn days, I think) 6.

The fear I had of having nearly killed a guy In a Brooklyn fight.

When I knocked him through a plate glass window And the broken glass nearly guillotined him!

193

7.

The fear of being falsely accused of some embezzlement Or some other white-collar crime.

(Perhaps from my experience at Excel Bank Where I prepared myself to be led away in cuffs On some politically motivated trumped up charges Which thankfully never came to pass.)

8.

The similar fear I had When one of my own men in the Navy Was caught embezzling from my ship And I had to testify against him at his trial And my fear that I might somehow be implicated.

9.

The fear of losing a client Which was the worst thing that could happen In that client-driven, public accounting business I was in.

10.

The fear of being left behind and abandoned Which is a dream I constantly have.

11.

Being so depressed about life at times When I was a boy That I even thought about ending it all.

12.

The fear, loneliness and insecurity I felt When I first joined the Navy.

194

13.

The fear of losing Vi During the three operations she had Just as my Dad lost my Mom And preparing myself mentally To become a single parent.

14.

The fear of Leandra drowning After falling off the dock at our home in Port Liberte’ Which was a dream I had many times over.

15.

The fear of Kerry being hit by a car In front of our house on River Road Which was another dream I had Over and over again.

16.

The fear and insecurity I felt Each time I lost my job Which is one of the greatest Financial and psychological fears I know.

17.

The fear I had when I was almost knifed one night On a train going back to Brooklyn from Manhattan Wherein the only thing that saved me Was the college text book I was holding against my chest Which blocked the knife.

195

18.

The frightening memory that keeps on coming back to me About the time our boat was buried by a giant rouge wave In a storm off the coast of Massachusetts And three of us − Vi, another member of the crew and I − Were washed overboard.

Thank god we were all able to climb back on board, Save the boat, And limp back into the nearest port Some 18 hours later.

19.

The panic and fear I had When I dropped an air conditioner Out of the upstairs window of our house in Brooklyn And into the alley where my niece Debby was playing.

I remember looking down from the window Expecting to see Debby under it and dead.

(My life and the life with my family – Especially with my sister Enid Who I’d never be able to face again − Would have been forever changed had that happened.)

20.

The pain of not being able to decide on who to marry First Gwen, then Bich-Thuy, then Stella and finally Vi. 21.

Always regretting my past mistakes; Not having enough confidence and peace of mind in the present; And being too pessimistic and afraid of the future. ~

196

22.

I’ve rambled on too long About some of the “good” and “bad” memories in my life That just happened to come to mind.

And although I haven’t covered them all I’ll stop for now. *****

197

y Two Kinds Of Homelessness 5-7-2001 There are two forms of homelessness. _____ 1.

A Man without his Home Is homeless And very much alone.

2.

A Man without his Spirit Is homeless too But so much more so. *****

198

y One Less Day To Go 7-25-2001 Sometimes wanting to just get life over with. _____ I take some gloomy comfort in knowing That with each day that passes There’s one less day to go And one less day of struggle. *****

199

y A Peaceful Face 8-24-2001 The best internal and external protection. _____ 1.

I’ll disarm my enemies With a peaceful face.

2.

And in doing so I’ll have armed myself With the best of all weapons − That of a peaceful face.

3.

A peaceful face − Is both my weapon And my shield. *****

200

y Content With My Music And My Books 12-17-2001 Substitute company. _____ 1.

As I age I foresee the time When I may find myself Alone.

2.

And if in fact I were alone I think that I could be content – Or at least be able to cope − So long as I had my books and music To keep me company. *****

201

y Are You Finished With The Paper, Sir? 4-17-2002 The pride of a poor person. _____ 1.

“Are you finished with the paper, sir?

For if you are Please don’t throw it out Or take it with you For I was just too busy today To buy one for myself.”

2.

(But if the truth be known I’d like to have the paper To fill the holes On the insides of my shoes.) *****

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y Preference Versus Prejudice 6-24-2002 Characteristics are the important things for me. _____ 1.

I’m not for or against anything That has to do with race, color or religion.

But I do have my preferences for people − But they’re based on Their characteristics and their personalities.

2.

Please don’t confuse preferences with prejudice.

Don’t confuse pro-this for anti-that.

Don’t also confuse standards with prejudice.

Don’t make those convenient But ignorant misinterpretations.

3.

So, if I’m labeled prejudice It wouldn’t be just For in my heart I judge people Based on their characteristics And their personalities And not on anything to do with Race, color or religion. *****

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y Show Your Class 6-24-2002 Holding your anger. _____ When you get snubbed Don’t show your anger.

Rather raise your eyes, Stand erect, Throw out your chest, Tighten up your ass, And show your class! *****

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y The Open Field (Haiku) 8-8-2002 Like animals we fear being in the open. _____ Unable to run across The open field Frozen with fear. *****

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y Short But Clearest (Haiku) 8-8-2002 Less is more. _____ Simple and sparing words Make for the fullest And clearest messages. *****

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y

Jesus Christ − Man Or God? 11-18-2003 Being God or not is a technicality. _____ 1.

Jesus Christ − Is he “God”, or is he not?

For me it makes little difference either way.

2.

For me − “God” or not − Jesus was at a minimum: A great spiritual leader, A teacher and sage, A man of principle and conviction, And a man of compassion and love Which was rarely seen In those brutal days in which he lived.

3.

With all these attributes It seems to me that Jesus Christ − If not “God”, per se − Is the closest we could ever hope to get to one In this shabby little uncertain world of ours − And as good a “God” as any. *****

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y His Night-Time Visitors 11-21-2001 Little romantic fantasies about his old girlfriends. _____ 1.

Before he goes to sleep He sometimes thinks of some of his old girlfriends And picks one of them out to take on a date.

2.

These old girlfriend dates of his are fantasy dates That just come and go.

They’re just fire-fly dates that randomly happen Now and again.

3.

These dates of his are not very frequent And little more than flash backs of days gone by With little more significance than flattering fantasies That make him sleep a little better.

4.

His dates are also very short Lasting only a minute or two And are gone just as fast as they came After which he’s fast asleep before he knows it. *****

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y Anti-Christs Can Be Our Models Too 4-4-2004 A negative role model could serve as a positive one. _____ 1.

Just as Christ can be A positive influence on our lives So can an Anti-Christ If we use it as a contra-model And act In an exact and opposite manner As they do.

2.

Although we can use Anti-Christs As anti-models for our behavior It’s a lot harder For it’s like looking into a mirror And seeing everything in reverse.

3.

While it’s doable To do it that way It’s convoluted And very difficult. *****

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y Maybe The Next Train Will Be Yours 6-29-2004 Inspired by a song I heard. _____ 1.

If you miss the train There’ll always be another.

There always is another.

2.

The next train may be your train That you can climb aboard.

3.

And if you miss that train too There’ll always be another.

There always is another. *****

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y

I Can’t Get Past My Door 9-25-2004 The tragedy of inaction. _____ 1.

“I’ve traveled everywhere And seen the world!”

That’s what I’d like to say.

2.

But for some strange reason I’m paralyzed And can’t get past my door.

3.

As a result I stay at home and stare at the door – Fearing what’s beyond it And not knowing why.

4.

So sadly And most likely I’ll probably never see the world. *****

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y I Go Into A Trance 10-4-2004 A method to help me get through the day. _____ 1.

So many times I find myself Sleep-deprived.

And to get through the day I have to go into a kind of Sleep-walking trance.

2.

In this trance It seems as though I’m a Zombie Stumbling around on instinct.

3.

In this trance Self-pity or complaining Aren’t options for me And I just plug on through my day.

4.

In this trance I’m somehow able to manage My exhaustion and my hurting And do what I have to do.

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5.

In this trance It’s as though everything’s going In slow motion − And every step I take Is a baby step.

6.

This trance that I go into In many ways Is a strange In and out of body experience But one that works And the only way That I can ever make it through the day. *****

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y For The Gods To Figure Out 12-30-2007 A commentary about one factor in our engineering. _____ 1.

In the half hour before he goes to sleep He sometimes take a date to bed with him − Just like in the old days.

2.

Such fantasies Might be seen As infidelities and bad things But because they often relieve a lot of tensions And equalize a lot of out-of-balance forces They could be seen as good things.

3.

If these fantasies Are the result of our genetic engineering (Which I suspect they are) And not from our own free will Who’s to say If they’re good or bad Or right or wrong.

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4.

And if they’re just an integral part Of how we’re programmed Who’s to say Whether we’re guilty of anything Or not?

5.

I have no answers to these questions For they lie within the purview of the gods Who made us what we are And who put us in these awkward situations And troublesome debates.

6.

So don’t ask him or me − ask them! − For it’s for the gods to figure out and answer to And who must assume Whatever blame or credit is due. *****

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y Nations Of The Good 10-25-2004 How we should classify people and nations. _____ 1.

Being German, French or English − Or being from Germany, France or England Is how we currently classify people in the world.

This is the common convention we use.

2.

It’s a shallow and simplistic way to classify ourselves For it classifies us by things Over which we have no control:

By Geographic areas, Nationalities, Language, And Religion, All of which to me Are primitive and tribal classifiers.

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3.

I would prefer it if we were to classify ourselves By some derivative characteristic of “good” − By “Nations of the Good” − By people who are: Self-sacrificing, Responsible, Sincere, Unselfish, And Respectful −

By Nations of people who are “Good” –

By Nations of the Good.

4.

Let’s classify ourselves According to our good attributes.

Let attributes be our nationalities.

Let there be Nations of the Good. *****

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y My Secret Observation (On Stella And Leandra) 10-30-2000 Leandra’s uncanny resemblance to an old girlfriend. _____ 1.

One day when I was looking at Leandra’s baby pictures Something caught my eye But I couldn’t put my finger on what it was.

2.

Then it came to me!

She had an uncanny resemblance To one of my old girlfriends, Stella!

3.

She had those same “soft-boiled” eyes, The same rounded lips and nose, And the same velvety complexion as Stella did.

She was a “little Stella”!

4.

I never mentioned this to anyone − About this chance and close resemblance − Not to Mom, Leandra or to Stella.

It will be my secret little observation − For why awaken anything? *****

218

y

Perhaps They’ll Bridge Off Me (Stranger Things Have Happened) 11-15-2004 Someone bridging off my works? ______ 1.

Writers often bridge their work Off the work of other writers.

For example, I plan to bridge a work of mine Off Shakespeare’s works By writing a book Containing all my favorite lines From his plays and poems − All of which I’ve read.

2.

The thesis and purpose of the book Will be to show and encourage readers To occasionally quote Shakespeare In their daily conversations Which I feel will add eloquence and impact To whatever they say Or whatever point they’re trying to make For it’s my opinion That his lines Are just as beautiful, meaningful and apropos today As they were when he wrote them More than 400 years ago.

219

3.

Since the basis of the book will be Shakespeare’s lines It won’t be anything fundamentally new But rather Only a bridge off something That already exists.

4.

Although none of my personal works Will probably ever gain any public or private recognition − And I don’t harbor any great expectation that they will − I leave open the possibility That with the combination of luck, time and perseverance There’s always the chance they might − For there’s always a chance For everything.

5.

So who knows Maybe someone will bridge some work of theirs Off something of mine. ~ Hey, stranger things have happened! *****

220

y I Could Follow, If (Hong Kong) 7-2-2005 Dogma often gets in the way of religion. _____ 1.

Although I’m not so sure if Jesus is the “God” Or the “Savior” that they say He is His teachings nonetheless Are certainly inspiring.

2.

And being so inspiring I could see myself following them − If only it weren’t for all the dogma That always seems to come along With all religions!

3.

A bad teacher Can kill a good subject.

Form Can undermine substance.

And dogma Can ruin religion. *****

221

y Stretching His Neck A Little Beyond The Fence 11-22-2006 We can’t resist stretching a little beyond our boundaries. _____ 1.

Sometimes he calls to mind His former girlfriends And picks one out to take on a date − Just to flirt and reminisce a bit − Just to relive some past and youthful romance.

2.

It’s just a little bit of self-flattery, A sparkle in the eye, A skip of the heart, Or a jog in the park to get some exercise.

3.

It’s nothing serious, Nothing meaningful, Nothing more than thinking That he can still attract and be attracted to Even if it’s only in his mind.

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4.

It’s similar to cattle Stretching their necks through their fences Just to see what’s on the other side − Just to stretch a little past their confines But never intending or wanting to breakout Or to put themselves in any kind of danger Or to do any harm to anyone or anything.

5.

It’s just a harmless little thing That’s really all it is. *****

223

y

They’ll Never Get Fat 1-20-2007 An irony in life for him. _____ 1.

“Marry an Asian woman And she’ll never get fat on you.”

That’s what he always believed And relied on.

2.

But unfortunately It didn’t turn out to be the case with him For she had put on a lot of weight In her later years.

3.

He didn’t fault her too much for it For he knew to a large degree That it was due to Age, metabolism and other factors Beyond her control And just One of those ironies in life.

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4.

On the one hand While it wasn’t the way That he envisioned things would turn out − Gaining all that weight and all − On the other hand − And how he humorously liked to look at it sometimes − He now had That much more of her to love. *****

225

y Yours The Yellow And Mine The White (To Gwen) 1-16-1966 What if there was a war between the White and Yellow races?

(Prompted by the book “White Lotus” by John Hersey.) _____ 1.

Under the very stars we gazed upon as lovers We might one day, god forbid, find our races − Yours, the Yellow, and mine, the White − Engaged in war.

2.

What a tragic thing that would be For I’ve always felt that our two noble races Would have been the best of bloods To marry and to mix *****

226

y A War May Separate Us (On Gwen) 1-29-1966 Possibly having to choose between two races.

(Prompted by my reading of “White Lotus” by John Hersey.) _____ 1.

One day Might there come a war between the races − Between the Yellow and the White?

2.

And if there was a war And I were to have married Gwen A Chinese girl Our family could be split in half Where we and our children Might be forced to choose One race Over the other?

3.

I hope that such a thing Will never come to be For one day I might marry Gwen When I’m more settled in my heart and ways. *****

227

y

Thank God She’s Got Someone To Talk To (On Vi) 7-10-2012 The pressure’s off me having to be a conversationalist. _____ 1.

Vi gets a lot of phone calls From her family and friends Where she winds up talking for hours It sometimes seems.

2.

I’m amazed at this As I’m not a conversationalist at all And all my conversations Don’t have anywhere near The same perpetual motion That hers do.

3.

So I’m very thankful That she has her family and friends to talk to For I’d never be able to provide All the chit chat conversation that she might need. *****

228

y Thank God For The Phone (On Vi) 6-26-2014 Another poem about not being a conversationalist. _____ 1.

When Vi gets on the phone It’s non-stop talking For sometimes up to an hour With her doing 80% of the talking.

2.

But by contrast When I get on the phone The conversation consists of only a few short sentences That lasts for maybe a minute or so, If that.

3.

Unless I’m waiting for or have to make a call I don’t get annoyed with her long conversations For it relieves me of the pressure of having to provide The social and conversational interaction that she needs For I’m nowhere near the conversationalist That she is. *****

229

y At Least I Get To Play Once In A While 4-7-2012 Being thankful for small things. _____ 1.

While I’m mostly on the bench I at least get to play once in a while.

2.

While I may not play as much as I’d like to And it’s very frustrating at times I’m thankful That I get at least a chance to play Once in a while.

3.

And I’m especially thankful When I think about how many others Never get the chance to play at all. *****

230

y Charles The Great 4-7-2012 A comment on reading about one of the “greats” in history. _____ 1.

At the cost of 2,000 men The battle of Portsmouth was won And Charles, who led that victorious army, Was consequently labeled “Charles the Great”!

2.

Because it flattered his aristocratic ego And appealed to people’s infatuation with heroic bravado Charles was labeled “Great” While in actuality his victory wasn’t that “great” at all As it only had limited and provincial impact.

3.

But what about the little tailor in the village Who, without any pomp, bravado or exciting cause, Invented the zipper?

Is he not as great or even greater For the broad and universal effect He had on so many peoples’ lives?

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4.

Shouldn’t the inventor of the zipper Have been labeled “Great” as well?

Wasn’t his achievement Just as great or even greater In application, benefit and duration Than that one-off thing that “Charles the Great” did?

5.

And what about all the other little “Greats” Who did, invented or discovered something That benefited and improved Man’s overall quality of life But who never got labeled “Great” Just because what they did wasn’t so exciting Or because they weren’t noblemen Who expected or required To be honored with an ego-feeding title?

6.

Let’s train ourselves To shift our focus and admiration Away From exciting, glorious, violent and ego feeding things That benefit only a few And towards Those people and things That benefit the many in more universal ways.

Let’s redefine the meaning of “Great” And who we bestow that title on. *****

232

y

My Life’s Equation 8-17-2013 Looking for a better equation. _____ 1.

“I’m not happy = I just want to get Life over with.”

This is my Equation in my life.

But the Equation that I’d like to have is: “Having peace of mind = Life is wonderful.”

So what will it take to change it?

2.

If I weren’t so weighted down with pessimism and self defeatism I’d maybe have a better chance of changing that equation.

But my talents and my personality Always have a way of thwarting My best intentions and goals.

3.

Oh how I wish that my Life’s Equation Was self-correcting Like so many other things in Life are.

But I’m afraid it’s not, and therefore, Will take a lot of work on my part to change it − If I can change it at all. *****

233

y Howard Hughes 4-13-2014 Circumstances could feed your natural tendencies. _____ 1.

If I weren’t married, Didn’t have a wife and children, And were independently wealthy I could see myself becoming A strange and anti-social person And maybe even a recluse Like Howard Hughes For I have some of these tendencies in me That circumstances Might be inclined to capitalize on If they had the opportunity.

2.

So thank god I have a wife and family And no great wealth To distract me away from What otherwise might − Under certain circumstances − Feed my natural tendencies And make me into what Howard Hughes became.

Thank god for small favors. *****

234

y Dictators 7-4-2011 Taking out cruel dictators. _____ 1.

Dictators who Through their autocratic reign Hold their own people hostage and prey on them Should be taken out Just as any brutal criminal Is taken out and off the streets.

They should be taken out by trained snipers Sure and fast and without any hesitation or debate Before they kill, terrorize, or steal from Any more of the people they rule.

2.

Leaders of the UN, should worry Less about political technicalities and sovereign law That protect these criminals And more about the people they brutalize.

They should worry less about the rights of these criminals And more about the rights of their victims Who get little comparable protection Much less any justice For the harm that they’ve endured.

235

3.

And might I add as a side bar By saying that The rights of these types of criminals in particular As well as all criminals in general Should be pared back significantly For they now far outweigh the rights of their victims And the rights of society as a whole.

4.

Putting aside all bogus legal and procedural technicalities All evil dictators Should be openly classified as criminals of the world And made to step down.

And if they refuse Should be taken out by a quick, covert And painless bullet to the head or heart − Or maybe by a more deserving And not-so-painless method.

5.

Politicians of the world Stand up and be counted As brave and caring men and women.

Speak out for what is right And for what is wrong.

Call a spade a spade.

Listen to your hearts And use your common sense For they will tell you and corroborate What you should do.

236

6.

Say what’s right And say what’s wrong Without ambiguity.

Say it loud and clear and straight And not under your breath Or out of the side of your mouth.

It won’t feel comfortable at first And may take a little practice But you’ll feel good about it In the end.

7.

Politicians of our world governments Even though some procedural due process may be violated It’s better to remove an evil dictator quickly As you’ll have saved countless innocents By your firm and decisive action.

Trust that it’s better to be politically incorrect Than morally wrong And trust that you’ll feel better for it afterwards All in all.

8.

Be brave you politicians Who we want so much to look up to.

Get some spine And don’t be so damned consumed With your technical and political correctness And so weak and timid In your sense of justice and morality.

237

9.

Do what’s right And not what’s politically correct and comfortable By sponsoring a new international law That will allow for the surgical removal Of the cancerous tumor of a cruel dictator.

Give us the laws we need To make this world a better place.

We can’t do it ourselves So we look to you Our leaders and our representatives To be brave and do what’s right On our behalf.

Do it And trust that you’ll feel better for it In the end. *****

238

y More Of A Reflection On Them 8-5-2011 Reflecting on how I left Prudential. _____ 1.

Two things bother me About the way in which I left Prudential: Firstly The way I left the Internal Audit Department And secondly And the way I left my Group within Internal Audit.

2.

Firstly With respect to the way I left Internal Audit: The official word was, that I “retired.”

But that was a euphemism For I was actually “involuntarily retired” In that my job was eliminated Which actually meant that I was let go or fired.

Behind which was the fact That I was personally targeted for a corporate assassination.

By my once-trusted friend and boss Tom Carroll.

239

3.

Secondly With respect to the way I left my Group − That wasn’t pleasant either For my own staff never hosted a lunch for me Or even got me a card when I left.

Although I wasn’t all that close to them I would have expected something As a matter of minimum courtesy or respect.

However, there might have been A reason for this possible “oversight” In that prior to my leaving I had hosted A number of lunches with the Group In the Executive Dining Room So they may have felt That it wasn’t so necessary to have another one.

In any event though It would have been nice if they had done – Or even offered – Something.

4.

What mitigated the situation And the hurt Was the fact that by contrast I received numerous gifts, cards and lunch invitations From a number of others outside my Group.

240

5.

As I reflect upon these two situations I can’t help but think That here again That maybe my personality May have had something to do with it − That here again My sometimes awkward and unendearing personality May have been my own worst enemy As it’s been so often in the past.

But here again Having said that Am I being too critical of myself And too defensive of them?

6.

But on thinking about these two situations A little more And all the circumstances surrounding them I take some consolation in the fact That the insensitive actions Of both my boss and my staff Might in fact Be more of a reflection on them Than on me. *****

241

y Plain And Simple 9-15-2011 About my style of writing. _____ 1.

Yes, I could make my poems More dramatic and even more exotic if I wanted to Which might have made them a little more exciting But I choose just to keep them Plain and simple.

2.

Since so many of these poems Are more like poetic essays About my observations, feelings, opinions And experiences in life I just chose to keep them Plain and simple And let them speak for themselves. *****

242

y Catastrophic Insurance (A House Of Cards) 7-25-2011 My plans for insurance against a major world collapse. _____ 1.

The U.S. debt is now astronomically high As is the debt of the rest of the world.

That, coupled with the fact That all the financial, economic, and social systems Of our global economy Are all so interconnected to and dependent on each other We’re effectively looking at a row of dominos ready to fall As soon as the first one falls.

2.

The catastrophes of the past − Whether they be collapses of an empire, an industry or a market − Were in many ways one-off and isolated events.

But today, with almost every institution and system So globally connected We’ve created a huge and sprawling house of cards Whereby if one card falls The whole global economy might collapse along with it.

243

3.

Am I a doomsayer, a pessimist, or a realist?

Call me what you will But in this fragile environment I feel it’s only prudent To provide for some kind of catastrophic insurance To protect myself and my family from the consequences Of a possible catastrophic global event That might occur If and when the dominos or cards begin to fall And that will help me get through At least the worst of the crisis And until things stabilize a bit.

4.

So if the world-wide global system were to collapse I want to insure that I can still provide for my family When the banks might be closed And we wouldn’t have access to our money, When water, fuel and food might be hard to come by Or is extremely expensive, When unemployment might be so unbearably high As to precipitate even riots in the streets, And when the world in general Might be in total chaos and confusion While its leaders are trying to figure out Exactly what to do.

5.

So during that time I don’t want to find myself without a plan Or without some catastrophic insurance.

244

6.

Do all these possible events Sound too extraordinary to happen?

Or too drastic to be taken seriously?

Not really, as catastrophic events do happen And people do take out catastrophic insurance Against such rare and catastrophic events.

7.

Dying prematurely and having your house burn down Are both rare and catastrophic events But they happen And for which we all have insurance.

But since there’s no commercial insurance available Against a global economic catastrophe What I’m going to do Is “take out” or “create” My own brand of catastrophic insurance.

8.

So here’s my catastrophic insurance plan: Have a stash of currency in case the banks are closed; Buy some gold in case our currency becomes worthless; Stock up on canned food and dry goods; Purchase some seeds for planting for a supplemental food supply; Have my portable stove and fuel ready and working; Stock up on firewood in case heating oil is short; Buy an emergency generator; Put extra locks and alarms on the doors and windows; And have my guns and ammunition at the ready In case of civil unrest, riots or home invasions.

245

9.

Do all these things Sound as if they’d be difficult to implement?

Not really, because some are already in place And what remains to be put in place Won’t require all that much more time and effort.

10.

And like all insurance Both regular and catastrophic − But especially catastrophic insurance − It’s something you hope you’ll never have to use And probably won’t But if do You’ll thank God you had it. *****

246

y Money Back Guarantee (Advertising And Marketing) 9-19-2011 The Consumer Protection Agency – a misnomer? _____ 1.

While advertising and marketing make you aware Of all the new things that have come to market And that might be useful to you It’s unfortunately more about Trying to sell you things That you really don’t need And also And unfortunately more about using Deceitful, deceptive and misleading practices To do so.

2.

Advertising and marketing frequently employ Cunning and trickery To con and scam you into giving up your money − The money you might possibly need For more important and more necessary things.

247

3.

There is little conscience in advertising and marketing And its practices sometime border on downright fraud.

So where’s our Consumer Protection Agency For which we’re paying So much of our hard-earned tax dollars for To protect us from these cons and scams?

Where are they when we really need them?

Where are they Who allow so many scams to get through?

4.

If these marketers were required By that huge and bureaucratic Agency of ours To file − not obtain approval for − but only to file − Some proof or basis For the claims they make about their products or services Before they’re allowed to go to market It would go a long way In keeping those products and services That are downright frauds To a minimum.

Just by the very fact of having to go on record About what they claim to do or be Would provide at least some deterrent To potential perpetrators Before they take their fraudulent products to market And better forensic evidential material To help prosecute them After they’ve taken them to market If they fail to deliver what they promised.

248

5.

Like any legitimate and reputable company does In offering a money-back guarantee to its customers With respect to any faulty product or service it sells Shouldn’t our government give us – Its customers − its taxpayers − A money back guarantee as well With respect to failures Of the Consumer Protection Agency To protect us from scams?

6.

And if that Agency can’t do a better job Of protecting us from fraudulent products and services It should be disbanded And the billions of tax dollars used to support it each year Given back to the taxpayers As part of its money-back guarantee For that’s Just good business practice And good government. *****

249

y

Although We’ve Never Met (To Stefanie Powers) 11-10-2001 My boss, Tom Carroll, confided so much personal information to me about his new TV and movie star girl friend, Stefanie Powers that I felt I knew enough about her to write this trite poem for her.

I gave it to Tom to give to her when we met her for drinks at the Larchmont Yacht Club, but he never delivered it.

(I believe he didn’t want her to know how much he had told me about her that might be disclosed by that poem.) _____ 1.

Although I’ve never met you Somehow I think I know you.

And what’s in this amateur bit of prose I hope is accurate, or at least fairly close.

2.

You have presence and style And a very special gift That gives everyone a lift − Your genuine and engaging smile.

3.

You give yourself to so many worthy causes No matter what are your personal sacrifices or losses.

You’re a role model always doing good And helping as best you feel you should.

250

4.

You’re truly faithful to your friends And comfort those who are sick right to their mortal ends.

You’re also a woman who’s so well-accomplished, a lot of fun, And never with herself so overdone.

5.

You’re as elegant as a pearl Yet remain a simple down-home American girl.

You’re also a woman beautifully intense And your accomplishments are impressively immense.

6.

You’re as stately as any queen; Yet, girlishly romantic and refreshing like some teen.

And while you’re royalty, and that we can tell, You’re still one of us, as well.

7.

I wish we had some regal title that we could on you bestow As it would fit you oh so well. But even though You’re a prestigious Hollywood “Insider” You’d rather be considered just a horse-whisperer, “Outrider.” * * She considers herself a Hollywood outsider (i.e. outrider).

8.

You’re a glass-slippered Cinderella: Who’s found her prince-charming fella. * You’re a smiling face upon the moon And always the lady in the room. * She calls Tom Carroll her “fella”

251

9.

And if you’re uncomfortable with all this fest I’m sorry, but I just had to get it off my chest.

10.

Well I’m done now and you’ve heard it from the start − And it’s all sincere and from a “Heart to Hart.*” * “Hart to Hart” was a TV series she starred in with actor, Robert Wagner where they played a private eye husband and wife team, Jonathan and Jennifer Hart. She and Wagner were estranged after she played an awkward practical joke on him. The estrangement was also compounded by Wagner’s girlfriend Jill St. John, who was very possessive of him and jealous of Stephanie. As an aside, Wagner’s wife, Natalie Wood drowned in a boating accident under strange circumstances. The accident was investigated a number of times over the years with the same official conclusion that it was an accident. *****

252

y Preface The following are some trite poems written for certain corporate staff or events. *****

y Ye Old Audit Trails On The High Road (To Tom Carroll) 3-16-1999 Written on and read at a farewell gathering for Tom Carroll as he departed as General Auditor from Bankers Trust when it was sold to Deutsche Bank and he was on his way to Prudential Insurance. _____ 1.

When doth you came to lead us we were one thing.

But when you left you made us into a different and better thing.

2.

Day by day with no compromise or swerving You were so set and firm that it was unnerving The way you helped us see what was within ourselves In that we were not just auditors but rather professionals.

253

3.

And it wasn’t just a quirk That you elevated the meaningfulness of our work − And for which we very much did appreciate − As everything you did was always top rate.

4.

And fitting with that stature and as shown in our thankful faces You threw out all the old and renovated all our working spaces.

And so as not to fall again into untidiness and disrepair A clean desk policy was made Law for which we had better take care!

5.

You suited up with your armor gleaming in the sun, Unfurled the Audit banner and spurred your horse to run, And off to battle for our cause you always went Never yielding or with any knee abent.

6.

And when you returned from the Board you were in a race To tell us about all the battles that took place And all the corporate rough roads and raging rivers You had to negotiate to get those raises that to us you delivered.

7.

You always fought for us, the rank and file And always stretched for us the inch into a mile.

And at Christmas time you read us your poetry And shared your motto: “The high road is where we should be.”

254

8.

You came and made a difference with your reign And now you’re off to do your good work somewhere else again.

So thanks and best of luck we all to you are sayin’, And “Fair adieu, au revoir and, of course, Aufwedersehen!” *****

255

y Written From The Hearts Of Friends (To Colm Keogh) 6-30-1999 Written for a farewell gathering for Colm, my direct supervisor, upon his leaving Bankers Trust to join Tom Carroll at Prudential. _____ 1.

What can we say? What can we do?

Other than to wish from our saddened hearts all the best to you.

2.

But wait, there’s more to say − so much more To tell you about what you meant to us here on the 15th floor.

3.

You had the grace to treat us all as friends and equals And with your leaving they’ll be no better sequel.

4.

You had that impish smile and were always ready with your quips And yet always professional and smart as a whip.

5.

And so it fits you, what Shakespeare, I believe, said so earnestly: “Your skill is as great as your honesty!”

256

6.

For all your years here your sense of humor you never did forsake And never a mountain out of a molehill did you ever make.

7.

But what we couldn’t figure out was how an Irishman Could acquire such a taste for Mexican!* * We frequently ate Mexican food for lunch 8.

Now you can sleep, long and deep and late in bed As there’s no more need to worry about the Fed. * * Federal Reserve Bank of New York 9.

We’ll miss your metronomic swaggering down the hall As we grew to love it, one and all.

10.

And so precise and accountant-like, as you always did trend You timed your exit, to perfectly coincide with the quarter’s-end!

11.

So in leaving us as you now do Just one thing we ask of you: Don’t turn too quickly and look behind For a tear in many of our eyes you’ll find.

12.

Although our hearts are sore, our words are solemn: “We wish you all the best, dear friend, dear, Colm.” ***** 257

y You Are Moving On (To Lisa Hobson) 3-24-2000 Lisa Hobson was an employee of mine at Prudential.

(Written for and read on the occasion of her farewell lunch.) _____ 1.

For six year’s you’ve been with our group In the thick and thin of all that made up our departmental soup.

2.

You held down the fort with noteworthy fame Until the cavalry, namely your new job, finally came.

3.

With claps of thunder and bursts of sunlight You handled every challenge and every noble fight.

4.

And dashing down all the corridors and all the aisles You juggled everything from PCs to retention files.

5.

You did the work of many, from executives to porters As you were the Department’s timber, brick and mortar.

258

6.

Though you always tried to please You always told it straight from A to Z. 7.

In addition to your CPA and other credentials in the making You got your Masters degree in “Template Making.”

8.

And you chose your thesis in something directly in your court “How to prepare the Monthly Status Report.”

9.

You’ve proved it well and it’s all been tested And your “Can-do” attitude can’t be bested.

10.

Though you’re sometimes down, you’re soon up and walking tall.

You also take things firmly to heart and give it your very all.

11.

For example, when I told you that your assertiveness was lacking You went out and took up kickboxing.

12.

And also when I suggested that you should “reach for the stars” You decided to leave us − I never thought you’d take it that far.

13.

Normally you’re quite calm but often you can give a sharp refrain Especially when someone mentions the word “Hurricane.” * * One time she planned the Department picnic and got very upset when it was cancelled due to a threatening hurricane.

259

14.

Despite working hard you’ve always kept a smile on your face Which combination will be very hard for us to replace.

15.

There’s not enough time to say all we’d like to say about you, Lisa.

But so you can visit us again we give you a “Special Audit Visa.”

16.

So use that Visa to visit all the friends you’ve made within our ranks.

And as you go, we extend to you, our heart-felt “Thanks.” *****

260

y Good-Bye, Khalilah 9-27-2001 Written for a departing employee, Khalilah Fullman who worked for me at Prudential. _____ 1.

It seems like only yesterday you came to us And filled the spot we needed perfectly.

2.

You endeared yourself to everyone with your hard work And by always doing that little “extra.”

3.

And with charm and skill you became one of our best ambassadors Especially with your endearing and beautiful smile.

4.

And although you’re leaving us we all understand That talent can’t be stopped from its rightful ascent.

5.

And with your departure, Khalilah, you Can rest assure that many tears will surely be shed for your adieu.

6.

But those tears are not just tears of sadness They’re also the tears of happiness and best wishes For all your future success. *****

261

y On The Occasion Of Your Wedding (An Honorary Lunch To Kristi) 5-22-2007 Recited at a lunch for a member of my accounting staff at Prudential who was going on her honeymoon. _____ 1.

It is certainly not so easy And can even make you queasy Balancing both a wedding and our departmental books But you did it by hook or by crook!

2.

With the books all balanced (save that rounding error of “1”) And the wedding now all but finalized and done All will be calm real soon When you’re on your honeymoon.

3.

Oh, we can see you now, sitting on the beaches of Tahiti All tanned, relaxed, and removed from life’s nitty-gritty With your toes in the sand And a cool umbrella-drink in your hand.

262

4.

And don’t you worry about us back here As there’s no need to fret or fear About us but rather just have fun at your resort For we’ll be OK here, holding down the fort.

5.

And don’t forget your sun block so you won’t get burned For you don’t want to be hurting when you return.

In closing, we wish you all the best and all that’s tops From all of us here in Audit Ops*! * The Audit Operations and Administration Group *****

263

f

f Information About Certain Subjects Preface: The following information is about some of the subjects of my poems that are in this and other volumes for reference purposes and to help put them into better context. Some of this and other information may also be in the poems themselves.

Sharon Gagliardo: Sharon was my first love. She was a beautiful girl of Italian and Norwegian decent who lived in a 5 story walk-up apartment in the Flatbush section of Brooklyn where I lived.

Judy Theobald: Judy lived on East 42nd Street in Brooklyn, the same street that I lived on but a few blocks away. She had a crush on me but we never officially became girlfriend and boyfriend.

Esther Theobald: Esther was Judy’s mother. When I’d come over to visit Judy I’d often wind up discussing religion, philosophy, music and other subjects with Esther in her small dim-lit kitchen.

Nancy Salomons: Nancy lived two doors down from me on East 42nd Street. We were somewhat boyfriend and girlfriend.

Maureen Morrissey: Maureen was a girl from the neighborhood who my sister Christine introduced me to and who I dated once or twice. She was very pretty but a little distant and not so warm.

Al Capone: Al, not the gangster, was an older neighbor of mine who lived 2 doors down from me in Brooklyn. We struck up a friendship and enjoyed talking about such topics as philosophy, poetry and music. We’d often listen to operatic arias on his scratchy 78 rpm records from which I acquired an appreciation for opera. One time

when I asked him if he’d be a reference for a gun permit I was applying for he declined telling me that he had a police record. I knew there was a story behind that but didn’t ask.

Helen Conigliaro: Helen lived across the alley from me. She was married to a Sicilian who worked in a Mafia might club (“The Airport”) at the far end of Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn and had 4 kids. When I was 16 and she was 34 we started a very dangerous affair.

Gwen Ho: My sister Enid introduced me to Gwen who she’d met at secretarial school in Brooklyn. Gwen was Chinese and my first date with an Asian girl after which I favored Asian women. She was a very sweet girl and a devoted Catholic who came from a prominent family in Trinidad, West Indies. After secretarial school she went back to Trinidad and sometime after that I joined the navy. She wrote to me almost every day. She was a wonderful girl but I just couldn’t settle on marrying her as there was just something missing.

Ultimately she married an Englishman.

Pamela Ho: Pamela was Gwen’s older sister. She was an airline stewardess and whenever she flew into New York she stayed at the Hotel Lexington in Manhattan where we had a number of steamy rendezvous. If Gwen ever knew about our affair she never confronted me about it.

Carol Lee Johnson: Carol was a beautiful blond-haired blue-eyed girl who I met when I was stationed aboard the USS Loeser (DE 680) in the Washington Navy Yard in Washington DC. She was very lady like, mature and proper – a real Southern Belle. She never really took to me as I believe she saw me as just a Navy guy and or just a guy from Brooklyn that wasn’t in her class.

Jane Blum: Jane was another girl I met in Washington. She was a nice girl but so reserved that our relationship never developed.

Barbara Jane Moran (“BJ”): BJ was a beautiful and sensuous Polynesian who I met in Honolulu when stationed aboard the USS McMorris (DE 1036) in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. She used to write me erotic letters when I was out at sea. At one point she claimed to be pregnant and threatened to go to the captain of my ship. Not believing that she was, I took a chance and called her bluff.

Bich-Thuy Chung: I met Thuy when I was stationed on the McMorris in Pearl Harbor. She was an artist who came from a prominent family in Vietnam. Her father was an executive with Air Vietnam. She was attending the University of Hawaii in part to get away from the war that was raging in her country. She was unlike anyone I had ever met before and who had the most profound effect on me. She was petite, feminine, innocent and exotic and I was completely captivated by her. Unfortunately, she was very naïve and idealistic with an almost childlike and fairy tale view of life and love which didn’t make for any kind of stable relationship. I tried many times to make things work but it was impossible. When my tour in the navy was up I sadly had to leave her in Honolulu.

Diane Golunski: Diane was a very nice girl who I met right after I got out of the navy. Her parents were Polish and I had a good rapport with them and whenever we went on a date I was required to have a few drinks with her truck driver father before we left. She lived in an old Brownstone house in the Bay Ridge section of Brooklyn. I thought about marrying her but was uncertain.

Stella Lahoz: Stella was a Filipino nurse who I met at a party in Queens, New York shortly after I had gotten out of the navy. She lived with a roommate on East 22nd Street in New York City. We were very compatible and felt very comfortable as a couple.

I once visited her in the Philippines but had a confrontation with her father and had to slip out of the country in the middle of the night to avoid any further escalation. Stella and I made off-and-on marriage plans but I felt that I wasn’t ready for that kind of a commitment yet.

After we broke up she moved to Minneapolis for a fresh start.

Pei Pei Lin: Pei Pei was a shop girl by day and call girl by night who I met in a club in Taipei on a trip to Asia in 1969.

Letty Gonzales: Letty was a Filipino nurse who worked for New York Presbyterian Hospital in the Washington Heights section of New York City. I used to meet her at 11:30 pm when she got off her shift. While I liked her and she liked me she gave me the unsettling feeling that she could either take or leave our relationship. Even though she never said anything like that I was unsure of where she stood. She later moved to California.

Violeta (Vi) Paniza: I went on a blind date with a Filipino girl and, as was the custom with Filipinos, a number of other girls came along.

Vi was one of the other girls and I was more attracted to her than to my date as she had a special quality about her. Vi was one of 7 children who lived on the family farm in rural Philippines and who, after graduating from nursing school in a nearby city, immigrated to the US. After one aborted wedding attempt, and a period of time I lived in Brazil, we married. Since we met we’ve been together for a total of over 40 years.

Layla: Layla was Leandra’s friend who was murdered in the stairwell of the Hilton Hotel in Stamford, CT by her ex-boyfriend.

Joe Zuccalla: Joe was a friend and client of mine who was killed in the 911 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center on 9-11-2001. He was also a co-worker of mine at Peat Marwick.

Tom Carroll: When I was a manager in the New York Office of the public accounting firm of Peat Marwick Mitchell, Tom transferred in as a partner from the Hartford Connecticut Office. He was super confident, charismatic, handsome, an impeccable dresser with real board-room presence. He was also sometimes arrogant and belittling.

We hit it off and became close friends. He helped me become partner but I first had to make the sacrifice of going to Brazil and being a Brazilian partner for 4 years. Soon after my return to the States and becoming a US partner, there was a cut-back and I was let go but we

kept in contact. Sometime after he left Peat Marwick he went to Bankers Trust where I joined him for a brief period of time before that firm was acquired by another company. Later I joined him at Prudential Insurance in Newark, New Jersey where I worked for him for 12 years which involved commuting 5 ½ hours a day.

Unfortunately we had a falling out and I was forced to retire. A few years later he died of cancer at the age of 72.

Stephanie Powers: Stephanie was an actress girlfriend of Tom Carroll and who starred with Robert Wagner in the TV series “Hart to Hart” where they played a private eye husband and wife team.

Colm Keogh, Lisa Hobson, Khalilah Fullman, Kristi Madison and Mike Dennis: These were co-workers or subordinates of mine at Prudential. *****

f

f Poems On or About

911 The Terrorists Attack On The World Trade Center in New York City on September 11, 2001 by Neil Michelsen

f

f Dedication To those who were killed or injured in the 911 tragedy and their families

2015

The Twin Towers of the World Trade Center (WTC)

The Twin Towers as seen from our Boat on Tall Ships Day in 1984

Vi and Neil’s Wedding Lunch at the WTC in 1981with Eric and Georgie

Remains of the Twin Towers in the Background in 2001

f

f Preface The poems in this volume reflect my reactions to the radical Islamic terrorists’ attack on the World Trade Center (WTC) on September 11, 2001 in New York City where approximately 3,000 Americans were killed, including a personal friend of mine.

Four planes were hijacked that day by Al-Qaeda terrorists, whose mastermind was Osama bin Laden. Two hijacked planes hit the World Trade Center Towers, one into the North Tower and other into the South Tower. The third hijacked plane hit the Pentagon in Washington DC. The fourth plane, which was believed to be on its way to another high profile target, possibly the White House or the Capitol, crashed in a Pennsylvania field after its passengers tried to overpower the hijackers.

I personally identified with 911 for a number of reasons. Firstly, because my brother, Eric, a rescue fireman, went missing for about 24 hours after he was about to go into one of the Twin Towers that collapsed. Thankfully he hadn’t actually been missing or killed as it was rather a problem with communications, as was the case with so many of the events surrounding 911. Secondly, I lost a long-time personal friend, Joe Zuccala, who had been a co-worker of mine at Peat Marwick. Thirdly, after getting married at City Hall, Vi and I had our wedding lunch in the WTC with Eric (best man) and Georgie (bridesmaid). And finally, some debris from the planes and or Towers went through the window of my former office in the Bankers Trust Building which was adjacent to the World Trade Center.

I apologize if any offense is taken with anything I’ve written as that was not my intent. Also, since these poems were not professionally edited, I apologize for any deficiencies in poetic form and for any grammatical, typographical or spelling errors.

f

f Table of Contents No Title Preface 1. Let’s Show Them Otherwise (Attack On America!)

2. Where I Was That Day 3. The Best Of The Best 4. Swollen Eyes 5. Bomb Scares 6. Take My Hand 7. It’s My Duty 8. The Mayor Of New York City – Our Leader And Our Hero 9. Where Were The CIA And FBI? 10. Waiting For The Next Attack 11. You Must Be Brave 12. Ground Zero 13. The Chain 14. I’m So Ready 15. We Must Reconsider The Friends We’ve Chosen 16. Oh, My God 17. How Do You Feel?

18. I Called But He’d Been Killed

*****

Pg 1 3 8 10 11 12 14 16 18 20 22 24 26 29 31 33 34 36

f

Poems of Neil Michelsen

f

y

Let’s Show Them Otherwise (Attack On America!)

(On 911) 9-11-2001 A declaration of war. _____ 1.

It was a “Kamikaze” attack on America!

An Act of War! And I saw it all, live.

It was our new Pearl Harbor!

Another sneak attack!

The Twin World Trade Center Towers in New York City − 110 stories each – Went down And the Pentagon in Washington Was hit as well.

2.

At Pearl Harbor In just over 2 hours About 2,400 were killed.

In New York On 9-11 In just under 2 hours About 3,000 were killed.

1

3.

Attacks on our country!

On our soil!

On our institutions!

On our democracy!

We have to be strong!

Our democracy must prevail!

4.

Dear President Bush Make examples of them!

Show them no mercy!

5.

They think we’re soft And have no stomachs for a fight.

Let’s show them otherwise!

6.

Let’s cut out their hearts And put their heads on stakes For that’s the only thing they understand.

7.

Our people need their justice And their just revenge! *****

2

y Where I Was That Day (On 911) 9-25-2001 The story of my day on 911. _____ 1.

I was at our Tuesday morning Management Meeting At Prudential in Newark, New Jersey When we heard that a small private plane Had hit one of the Towers Of the World Trade Center.

We watched the Tower burn on TV. They said it was just a “little accident” Involving “a small commuter plane.”

2.

Then we heard That it was a larger plane − In fact a large airliner.

As we watched the Tower burn We saw the other Tower get hit By a second plane!

Then we saw a huge explosion – A fire ball!

We knew right then That these were no “accidents”.

3

3.

We knew right then These planes were hijacked planes And that we were under Some kind of real And coordinated attack!

4.

Then we heard That the Pentagon in Washington was also hit By yet another And third hijacked plane!

And later That a fourth hijacked plane Had crashed in a Pennsylvania field On its way to hit The White House or the Capitol!

5.

We were at War! We were horrified And we were scared.

6.

It all began at 8:45 am And ended by 10:15 or so When the Twin Towers fell.

We watched it all on TV And waited for even more things To unfold − Scared for our lives, families, homes and country.

4

7.

To get back home I would normally Have gone through New York City by train But the city And all its bridges, tunnels, trains and streets Were all locked-down.

8.

At mid-day I had lunch with my boss Tom Carroll And his secretary, Layla.

After lunch I tried to get a room at the Newark Hilton But it was full.

Both Colm and Kelly, Two co-workers of mine, Offered to put me up for the night But I just wanted to get home any way I could.

9.

When we heard That the Tappan Zee Bridge was open Tom and I took his car across it And drove to the parking lot Of the Larchmont Yacht Club Where he was a member.

5

10.

After parking his car We caught the Metro North train Which was thankfully running.

He went South to New York City And I went North to Greenwich.

11.

When I got home I took the kids to Greenwich Hospital with me Where I volunteered to donate blood For the victims who might possibly need it But they said they had enough.

(We later learned that no blood was needed For almost all the victims Had either died instantly Or had suffered from burns.)

12.

And as for Mom She was working that day At Beth Israel Hospital in lower Manhattan And with the subways all shut down She had to walk for miles − From all the way downtown To all the way uptown − To get to Grand Central Station Where she caught the Metro North Which slowly got her home Very late and tired.

6

13.

At the dinner table While waiting for Mom The kids and I Lit some candles And said a prayer for America And all Americans − For both the living and the dead − And a prayer for the courage To get through our current fears And the ones that lay ahead of us For now We were in a very different world. *****

7

y The Best Of The Best (On 911) 9-19-2001 On the firemen and cops who died on 911. _____ 1.

About 350 cops and firemen died When the Twin Towers fell.

Why was it That so many of them had to die? − For they were the “Best of the Best.”

2.

They were the ones who faced all the perils And gave up their lives for us.

They were the brave and noble ones Who did it for Duty, God and Country.

3.

And what do we have to show for ourselves When standing next to them?

What measure are we Compared to them − We, who were scared And primarily only thinking about our own safety On that infamous and frightening day?

8

4.

But it wasn’t that way with these brave men For they were unselfishly thinking Of their duty and of saving others For they were the “Best of the Best.”

5.

They were Americans, New Yorkers and family men.

Solid middle class.

The center of America.

Patriots, loyal to the Flag, and to its citizens.

They were The “Best of the Best.” *****

9

y Swollen Eyes (On 911) 9-19-2001 The sorrow and the guilt of having survived. _____ 1.

Their eyes are swollen From crying Over the loss of their fallen brothers.

2.

While they’re very brave And hold up hard An overwhelming wave of sorrow Often comes crashing down on them.

3.

The fact that they survived And their brothers hadn’t Puts on them a heavy weight of sorrow And an overpowering sense of guilt.

This is what they’ll have to live with all their lives And what they’ll never be able to reconcile in their minds Or heal in their hearts. *****

10

y Bomb Scares (On 911) 9-19-2001 Bomb scares were everywhere for weeks. _____ 1.

Every day sirens scream through the streets And alarms constantly go off everywhere Both in the foreground and the background.

2.

Every day there are so many bomb scares Causing us to evacuate our buildings − This one, that one, and then the other − Putting thousands of people in the streets With police cars, fire trucks and ambulances Parked and screaming about everywhere.

3.

Bomb scares And more bomb scares.

Are they only sick and willful pranks?

Or are they real And part of a continued plan of terror?

This is what we worry about Every day now. *****

11

y Take My Hand (On 911) 9-19-2001 The story of a rescue fireman, like my brother, Eric. _____ 1.

It was so dark, hot and smoky.

I was gasping for air And praying for my life.

2.

I could hardly see a thing For all the smoke And was coughing uncontrollably.

I was turning around in circles Confused and scared Looking for some way out.

3.

Then I saw a door fly open And a face in uniform.

It was a New York City fireman!

With all the weight of his gear He thumped himself down at the top of the stairs Trying to catch his breath.

12

4.

Exhausted from a hundred floors of climbing.

He searched the room and spotted me.

“Here, take my hand!,” he yelled.

“Take my hand and come with me!”

5.

All the way to safety He never once let go of me − He never took his hand from mine.

6.

For all my life I’ll never forget those words, “Here, take my hand!

Take my hand and come with me!” *****

13

y

It’s My Duty (On 911) 9-19-2001 Against his wife’s wishes an off-duty firefighter gives his life. _____ 1.

“Please stay home.

Please don’t go”, she pleaded with him.

“Don’t go − not yet.

It’s still not safe − And besides You’re not even officially on duty.

Wait a while ‘til things calm down.

Why risk your life?

Think about what will happen to us − To your wife and children − Should anything happen to you.

Why risk it?”

2.

“But I have to go, honey − It’s my duty.

And besides All my men are there.

And don’t worry − I’ll be back before you know it.”

14

3.

So he went And answered his call to duty But he never returned For he was crushed to death When the towers fell Ten minutes after he went in.

4.

His words forever ring inside her head − All day And especially at night − “But I have to go, honey − It’s my duty.” *****

15

y

The Mayor Of New York City − Our Leader And Our Hero (On 911) 9-19-2001 The true leadership of Major Giuliani during the 911 crisis. _____ 1.

He was everywhere.

We saw him.

We heard him.

He was in-charge and in-control.

He was a leader – Our leader.

2.

He buoyed up our spirits.

He was brave for us.

He put into words what we could not.

He spoke for all New York And all New Yorkers And especially For all the police and firemen Who had died that day.

16

3.

He also spoke for America And all Americans.

He showed us how to stand And face our crisis Bravely.

He was our hero.

4.

Though I’m sure he cried in private He never showed it to the people.

And more importantly He never showed it to the enemy. *****

17

y Where Were The CIA And FBI? (On 911) 9-19-2001 How could they not have detected these long-planned plots? _____ 1.

For a year or so − More close to two − They planned their terror.

2.

They trained as pilots On our very soil!

In our very schools!

And no one in the CIA Or the FBI Even knew about it?!

No one Had even a hint?!

18

3.

You had so many clues you could have pursued But you didn’t.

You had so many dots you could have connected But you didn’t.

And even if you had connected the dots You didn’t have the courage to follow through And make the call that could have saved us.

We were in your hands And you let us down.

4.

You, the CIA − you let us down.

And you, the FBI – you let us down too.

Now both of you Stand and face us!

Look us in the eye and show us your hands And we’ll tell you what we see.

We see guilt on your faces And American blood on your hands! *****

19

y Waiting For The Next Attack (On 911) 9-19-2001 More terrorist plots may be in play as we speak. _____ 1.

It was such a total shock When America was attacked − Attacked like Pearl Harbor was − All over again!

2.

We cordoned off our streets And closed our buildings, tunnels and bridges.

We also closed our markets and exchanges And called up our military.

Then we watched and waited For the next attack.

3.

We were told That there were perhaps other operatives Poised and waiting On our shores and within our borders And on our streets and in our buildings Planning more attacks.

20

4.

For now We just do what we can And wait − Wait for the next attack. *****

21

y You Must Be Brave (On 911) 9-19-2001 Whining over how 911 affected them. _____ 1.

“I can’t focus.”

“I can’t bear to watch the news.”

“I don’t want talk about it.”

“I’m afraid to go to work.”

“I don’t want to live in the city anymore.”

“I can’t sleep at night.”

“I’m worried for my life.”

2.

Oh, you pathetic whiners!

You selfish weaklings!

The world has changed And life will be a little harder now.

Adapt! Get over it!

And for god’s sake Stop your whining!

The things you’re whining about Are mere inconveniences And not really hardships at all.

22

3.

Show your bravery And set a good example!

Your whining isn’t helping anything And only hurting things!

4.

At a time When strength and bravery are needed Your whining Is downright cowardly and despicable!

5.

We’ll never win the war this way − Giving up At the first hit we take!

You must be brave!

Others have died – Yet you are whining!

This is the time We must be brave − So for god’s sake Stop your whining! *****

23

y Ground Zero (On 911) 9-19-2001 Remembering the bombed out cities of World War II. _____ 1.

I remember the photographs taken In 1944 and 1945 Of the bombed out cities in Germany and Japan At the end of World War II Showing the wreckage of all those buildings.

I also remember the reports Of the dust and the hissing sound That hung in the air.

2 And here at Ground Zero, New York, USA on 9-11 I saw the same bombed-out views, Smelled the same smell, And heard the same hissing sound That hung in the dust-filled air Before it all settled.

3.

Here it was again But this time On our very own soil.

24

4.

This is what I saw, smelled and felt − And what I’ll never forget − Last Tuesday On my native soil In my own proud but wounded America! *****

25

y The Chain (On 911) 9-19-2001 The spirits of the dead firemen and cops waited for their brothers. _____ 1.

There was a hissing sound In the background After those massive Towers Came thundering down.

The noise was similar, I imagine To the micro wave noise That followed the “Big Bang” At the inception of the Universe Some 14 billion years ago And that can still be heard today.

2.

No more sounds of cops and firemen yelling.

No more sounds of heavy boots In their rescue teams of 5 and 8 and 10 Bravely on their way to save someone – Just the quiet And that hissing sound.

26

3.

No more calls from them.

No calls of reassurance.

No calls of rescue For all of these brave men Were now dead.

4.

The wives and children Mothers, fathers Sisters, brothers Friends and lovers Of these brave men Were now left to cry alone In their joint and separate sorrows.

5.

Their brothers, dug and dug and dug − All day, all night, and all following day And the days, weeks and months after that − But there were no signs of life.

6.

The spirits of those who died And who arose from beneath the rubble Didn’t depart for Heaven right away.

Instead, they waited for the others So they could all go together As brothers one.

27

7.

One by one, day by day They waited for their brothers.

Day by day, night by night They waited for their brothers to assemble.

8.

Each brother who had died Reached out for another brother’s hand And then another, and another.

9.

It was only until all who died Had been mustered and accounted for And had joined their hands To form a solid human chain − A human chain of brothers − Did they depart for Heaven As a unit As brothers all together! *****

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y

I’m So Ready (On 911) 9-19-2001 Upset with people who I feel are little affected by 911. _____ 1.

This attack has gotten to me And I’m all on edge.

I’m polite and sensitive To those who show how truly affected they are By this national tragedy of ours And can see it plainly in their faces.

2.

But to those who are seemingly unaffected by it And act as if nothing happened − I scorn them, Stare them down, And openly show my disgust.

3.

So upset with their selfish and callous unconcern I try to provoke them in a number of ways: By staring directly in their faces With an angry, daring and challenging look; By walking beside them And purposely bumping into them; And by walking behind them And stepping on the backs of their heels.

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4.

And should they react in any way To my provocations I look at them defiantly And silently dare them To “do something about it” Because I’m so ready for a fight.

5.

I’m so ready for a fight!

I’m so ready for A good old patriotic fight! *****

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y

We Must Reconsider The Friends We’ve Chosen (On 911) 9-19-2001 This poem was written as an emotional reaction to 911 and how much of it might have been be due to our support of Israel.

(Not meant to be any religious or political statement or opinion.) _____ 1.

There’s so much pressure from the Jewish liberals.

So much pressure on our Congressmen from them.

So much pressure from the media that they control.

And so much influence from their money.

2.

50 years ago They took the land in Palestine And called it Israel.

And for 50 years since Our government has raised our taxes To help pay for its survival.

For 50 years We stood by the State of Israel And all the Jews.

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3.

We gave them our technology And our weapons To fight the Muslims And by doing so We traded 5 million Jews as friends For 100 million Muslims as enemies − Enemies who have the oil and suicidal wills.

4.

And what have we gotten From Israel and the Jews? − Very little Compared to what we’ve given them − And compared to the fact That we’ve made ourselves More hated around the world.

5.

And although we’ve given them So much in the past We’re now giving them more − We’re giving them our very own lives On our very own soil.

6.

Isn’t it time to reconsider? − To reconsider the friends we chosen In light of all the enemies That they bring along with them?! *****

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y Oh, My God (On 911) 9-19-2001 The expressions of shock I heard from the people in the streets. _____ 1.

“Oh, my God!” “Oh, dear God!” “Run. Run!” “Oh, God, no!”

“All those poor people!”

“No, God, please, no!”

“God in Heaven!”

“God have mercy!”

2.

This is what we heard From the people in the street As the planes hit And those massive towers Came thundering down. *****

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y How Do You Feel?

(On 911) 9-19-2001 About the shallow questions that the on-the-scene reporters ask. _____ 1.

I get so mad at all the on-the-scene reporters For asking such stupid and shallow questions as, “How do you feel?”

Or, “Where were you when it happened?”

2.

They should be doing more investigative reporting And providing us with information that we can use Instead of asking such trite and brainless questions as, “How do you feel?”

3.

We need to understand what happened!

And why!

We need to learn from our tragedy!

We need some solid information Not just feelings and reactions!

We need to have them ask More penetrative questions And get some more informed answers.

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4.

Instead, all we hear Are such repetitious, Dim-witted, And petty questions as, “How do you feel?”

5.

I’m so sick Of all their empty-headed inquiries!

So sick Of all their cheap and useless questions!

I’m just so sick of it all!

6.

So if they were to ask me how I feel I’d tell them Exactly how I feel – About them − And in no uncertain terms! *****

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y

I Called But He’d Been Killed (On 911 And Joe Zuccala) 10-1-2002 A personal friend of mine was one of those killed. _____ 1.

There were a number of people That I’d met during my career Who helped me when I needed it − Like the times when I was looking for work.

Appreciative of what they’d done for me I promised myself that someday I’d do something personal for them To return the favor.

Joe (the “Zuke”) Zuccala − A kid originally from Brooklyn And who I’d worked with at Peat Marwick − Was one of them.

2.

So with respect to Joe I got his number from my files And called him on the phone Planning to invite him and his wife To drinks or dinner at our home.

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3.

His daughter answered the phone And after a series of filtering questions About who I was And why I wanted to speak with him She informed me That he’d been killed At the World Trade Center By the terrorists on 911.

4.

I was stunned into silence And my heart went heavy With a sense of personal loss For this dear friend of mine.

5.

My friend, Joe, (the “Zuke”) Zuccala – Killed!

Killed by terrorists!

Killed by terrorists In this damned ugly war of terror!

6.

These damned terrorists Put two big holes in me: One For having killed a friend of mine And a second For depriving me Of the chance to pay him back In some small way For what he’d done for me.

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7.

They put two holes in me – Two holes That I can now Never fill. *****

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