f Poems To, For, or About
Violeta Michelsen by Neil Michelsen Witten between 1998 and 2014
f
f Dedication To my dearest wife Vi, together for over 40 Years
2015
Vi and Neil Michelsen
1998
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f Preface The poems in this volume are to, for or about Vi and my way of showing my love and appreciation of her as my loving, faithful and supportive wife. The poems are a mixture of love poems as well as poems that relate to some of the events and feelings experienced during our shared lives together. All the poems are personal, private and dedicated to Vi. I apologize if any offense is taken with anything I’ve written as that was not my intent. Also, since these poems were not professionally edited, I apologize for any deficiencies in poetic form and for any grammatical, typographical or spelling errors. The poems in this volume go up though 2014 with any later ones in subsequent volumes. The poems herein are presented in the chronological order in which they were written. Those that are considered most favored for their poetic style, subject matter or personal meaning to me are indicated by an asterisk. An index of all of my poems, including those herein, is presented in a separate Master Index volume. It is my hope that these poems, along with my other personal works (i.e. my journals, books and other writings; music compositions; family movies and photo albums; paintings; and various collections and memorabilia) will serve as my legacy and mark in life as well as a personal inheritance to Vi and the family.
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f Table of Contents No 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30. 31. 32. 33. 34. 35. 36. 37.
Title Preface Love Continues On 30 Years And Still On The Job What Would I Ever Do Without You? ** Please Don’t Leave Me Like My Mother Left My Dad ** I Show My Love In Different Ways ** Please Turn Over On Your Side My Faithful Lady The Good Woman That She Is * Love’s Been Good To Me * She’s Weakening * I Could Have, But I Didn’t The Class I Might Have Missed Through The Evening Window Pane ** Please Don’t Die On Me * Something Snapped You Have The Full Affection Of My Heart *** Look At The Evidence Looking At Her Empty Shoes * Little Do You Know * She Doesn’t Ask For Much Taking Things For Granted * It Seems That All I Do Is Apologize It Seems I’ve Loved You All My Life *** Now I Hesitate For A Different Reason We Found It In Each Other I See You As A Different Person If I Were The Same As You It Was For Her On Our Anniversary She Appreciates It * I Hope I’ve Not Been All That Bad For You * Always And Forever * If She Were Any Other Way * It Doesn’t Take So Much To Please Her ** My Only Valentine * Her Heart Keeps My Heart Alive ** Eating Peanut Butter Sandwiches With You ** Saving For A Time That May Never Come
Pg 1 2 3 5 7 9 10 12 14 16 18 20 22 24 26 28 29 30 32 34 35 37 38 40 42 44 45 46 48 49 51 52 54 55 56 58 60
38. 39. 40. 41. 42. 43. 44. 45. 46. 47. 48. 49. 50. 51. 52. 53. 54. 55. 56. 57. 58. 59. 60. 61. 62. 63. 64. 65. 66. 67. 68. 69. 70. 71.
She’s Way Out Of Balance Our Separate Lives Together * Life And Death, Please Collaborate * All Because Of You ** I Want To See You Cry *** Shall I Call Ahead? ** Mom’s Full Bright Smile ** A Balanced Love Though I’ve Failed For Now Her Simple Birthday Wish * You Know How To Fight The Sweet Forensics Of My Wife ** What I See Ahead Of Me ** That Smile Of Hers * That Little Good-Bye Wave ** Pascal’s Wager Keep It Up When I Hear Her Singing *** That Disconcerting Look And Smile What Keeps Me Home And Loving Her * At Her Smiling Best ** Will I Curse The Darkness When She’s Gone? * The Blessing Of Having Her Me Without Her * I Kiss Her Goodnight Anyway *** I Love Mysteries We Just Do What Has To Be Done She Didn’t Steal Me Away Over Her Head But Into Her Heart In Two Places At The Same Time “It’s For You” ** Every Flower Will Hold Her Face ** Miss Sun And Mr. Clouds Without Praise Or Complaint Most favored for their poetic style, subject matter or personal meaning to me: *** 1st most favored; ** 2nd; and * 3rd.
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62 64 66 68 70 71 73 75 77 79 81 83 85 87 89 91 94 95 97 99 101 103 104 106 107 110 111 113 115 117 118 121 123 124
Poems of Neil Michelsen
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y Love Continues On (On Vi) 11-20-1998 The effects of aging. _____ 1. My snoring And her tossing from her back pain Have worked against us For getting a good night’s sleep together So sometimes we’re forced To sleep in separate beds 2. Though Life’s circumstances Have brought us to this point Love continues on Both separate and together. *****
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y 30 Years And Still On The Job (On Vi) 4-11-2000 Amazed and proud of Vi for holding on to her job for so long. _____ 1. Vi’s been a nurse For more than 30 years And at the same hospital no less! 2. For me Who’s changed jobs so frequently This is an amazing achievement and testament Not only to her competency and personality But also to her sheer staying power. 3. While I’m proud and happy for her I can’t help but feel just a little envious Wishing that in this respect I had a little more Of what she has. *****
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y What Would I Ever Do Without You? ** (To Vi) 5-27-2001 Vi knows how important my writing is to me. _____ 1. I’m driven by my personal works − My music, writing and my poetry − And spend so much time on them Which you thankfully allow me to do. Somehow I think you know That if you didn’t I’d slowly die inside. ~ What would I ever do without you? 2. In the dark and silence of this night While the house is all asleep I pace the floor Trying to capture and interpret All my fleeting inspirations And organize them Into yet another poem.
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3. But in the midst Of this sometimes long and tedious process I often stop and think of you And say a prayer of thanks and love For your patience and your understanding Of all that I do. ~ What would I ever do without you? *****
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Please Don’t Leave Me Like My Mother Left My Dad ** (To Vi) 5-28-2001 Vi’s health problems generate flashbacks of my mother’s early death and the effect it had on my father and our family. _____ 1. You are off to see the doctor For yet another test and follow-up To your recent operation And another prognosis to worry about. 2. Three times I almost lost you And therefore always worry If the next one Might be the last. 3. Please don’t leave me, Vi Like my Mother left my Dad − An empty and a broken man.
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4. Please don’t break me Like my Mother broke my Dad In front of all his children Who were all too young To give him much of any solace When he cried. 5. Please don’t leave me, Vi Like my Mother left my Dad − An empty and a broken man. *****
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y I Show My Love In Different Ways ** (To Vi) 11-5-2001 Not being so romantic at times I hope I compensate for it in other ways. _____ 1. I’m not so young and romantic As I used to be For age and time have taken their toll. But I can tell you this: I love you just the same and even more But only show it now In different And less apparent ways. 2. And how do I show it? Well, for example I think and talk about you every day − To both myself and to others; I also write about you In my journals and my poems. And I also show it With the strongest proof I know − Always feeling good About coming home to you.
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3. Though I’m sometimes edgy and impatient When you’re around You should know That I really miss you When you’re not. 4. And whenever I hurt you I feel so bad about it That I punish myself With a hefty dose of guilt and deep regret. I also apologize For every one of my offenses − Maybe not always to your face − But in my heart I do. 5. Yes, while it’s often true That I sometimes don’t show my love for you In such open and obvious ways It’s also true That deep inside of me − In my heart of hearts − I love you dearly Which I hope you know And can feel. *****
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y Please Turn Over On Your Side (On Vi) 11-5-2001 My snoring keeps Vi up at night. _____ 1. Many times during the night Vi wakes me up Because of my snoring: “Neil, can you please turn over on your side?” And so I do − Once, twice, three times or more a night. 2. But all too soon I’m over on my back again Snoring as loud as ever With neither one of us getting all the sleep we need. 3. “Neil, can you please turn over on your side?” “OK, sorry Hon.” 4. It’s our senior nightly Bedtime ritual: “Neil, can you please turn over on your side?” *****
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y My Faithful Lady (To Vi) 12-5-2001 Trusting Vi totally. _____ 1. I’ve never had the worries about my wife That other husbands often have As to whether she’s a flirt Or worse, unfaithful − That she’s anything other than What she shows herself to be − Other than A loyal, honest and devoted wife. Never have I had these kinds of worries. 2. Many husbands are plagued with worry Over a simple glance Or comment made by their wives And how quickly their trust Can turn to deep suspicion − Some justified, Some not, And some just latent Or precautionary.
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3. All too often I take my situation For granted Until I see how other husbands Are sometimes burdened With the worries that I don’t have. It’s then I realize Just how lucky I am. 4. I have so many things to worry about That I don’t need another one − Especially this one. So, not having to worry About my wife’s faithfulness and loyalty Is a much appreciated blessing That gives me peace of mind And deep respect and love for her Knowing that She’s my beautiful And ever-faithful lady. *****
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y The Good Woman That She Is * (To Vi) 4-21-2002 Because of her health problems, and remembering my Dad losing my Mom, the thought of losing Vi scared me. _____ 1. I forget sometimes What a good woman Vi really is. But on our family trip to Maine It became So much more apparent. 2. I always knew she was A special kind of girl But something happened on this trip That made me see it Much more clearly and profoundly. 3. I experienced A kind of enlightenment, An epiphany, An awakening, A realization, As best I can describe it.
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4. It came to me As we were having lunch in town At a little restaurant we stumbled upon. There, as I watched her enjoying her meal And attending to the kids For some unknown reason I happened to catch a privileged glimpse Into her soul And saw her more fully As the precious jewel she was. 5. How lucky I was To have married her; And how lucky I am To still have her by my side. 6. Dear God I hope you’ll not decide To take her away For many more years to come − Not like you took my Mom From my Dad. *****
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Love’s Been Good To Me * (To Vi) 6-2-2002 Finding the right woman. _____ 1. I’ve had many disappointments With the loves and lovers in my life And found it hard to know: Who I wanted? Who I needed? Who’d be best for me? And who would I Be best suited for? 2. In my life There’d been so many indecisions, Doubts and fears, And cruel rejections, Both by them and me.
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3. But even though it’s been A confusing and exhausting effort I finally found the right one In finding Vi. So all in all I can honestly say, ~ “Love’s been good to me.” *****
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She’s Weakening * (On Vi) 10-30-2002 Love has gotten stronger. _____ 1. I used to always get Long, strong and frequent Two-handed massages That were deep and penetrating − Almost painful − But a good kind of painful. 2. But now They’re weaker, Shorter And less frequent 3. When she was young She had so much strength That I never thought She’d ever weaken.
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4. But that was then, And now is now. And what was once Is sadly not so any more. 5. But while her massages Have gotten weaker My love for her Has gotten stronger. *****
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I Could Have, But I Didn’t (To Vi) 11-20-2002 I could have accepted Vi’s dinner invitation, but didn’t. _____ 1. She called me on the phone at work, “I’m in Manhattan, honey And wondering if you could leave a little early And meet me for dinner in the city?” 2. “I don’t think I can As I still have a lot of work to do”, I told her. 3. “Oh, OK then, I guess I’ll just go home”, she said. “Sorry honey, see you later”, I replied. “OK, see you later”, And she was gone. 4. As I thought about it later I could have stopped my work. I could have found a breaking point And honored that simple request From someone, who never asks for much.
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5. I could have, but I didn’t. I couldn’t, wouldn’t, or whatever. 6. What was I so busy with That I couldn’t have left a little early To meet my darling wife for dinner? 7. I could have, but I didn’t And now I’m paying for it With feelings of both regret and guilt Knowing that I really could have − But didn’t. *****
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y The Class I Might Have Missed (On Vi) 12-10-2002 I saw the real and most important class in Vi. _____ 1. In the profession I was in Your spouse Was an important part of your success And had to have A certain kind of sophistication and class. So when I first met Vi − Just as I had to do With all the other girls I dated − I had to see If she had the required business class That I was looking for. 2. While my rational mind debated Back and forth − Yes and no And maybe − My instincts told me That she had a special kind of class And an even more important class Than the class I might have been looking for.
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3. It was the class of: Honesty, loyalty and sincerity. The class of: Faithfulness, giving and sacrifice. And the class of: Tolerance and love − The love of me. 4. Thank God I trusted my instincts For she had in fact The most important class of all − And the class I might have missed. *****
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y Through The Evening Window Pane ** (On Vi) 3-24-2003 I get a rush of love just watching Vi go about her work. _____ 1. This evening While searching for my house keys I happened to look through the window pane Of our kitchen door And noticed Vi Shuffling about the kitchen Cooking, tending to her pots and pans Setting the dinner table And cleaning up here and there. 2. And as I watched her I was struck by the fact That even after all these years I still find pleasure In simply watching her.
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3. And as I continued to watch her I further realized How both Luck and Fortune Had favorably joined forces on my behalf In giving her to me And that whatever petty pet peeves I have They’re only that – Just petty little things − Almost nothing things at all. 4. And as I continued to watch her A rush of love came over me Knowing that I had married her And still had her here at home with me Just on the other side Of that evening window pane. *****
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Please Don’t Die On Me * (To Vi) 4-2-2003 I have recurring fears about losing Vi all too early in life. _____ 1. All my life I’ve worked hard To be able to: Provide a nice home for our family, Save enough for our children’s education, Retire with you in reasonable comfort, And not be a physical or financial burden to anyone. 2. I’ve also always hoped That I’d be able to spend my final years Doing simple little things with you. 3. Like: Having breakfast-for-two each morning, Working the grounds together, Joining you for a coffee break, Having a quiet lunch by the river, And taking you to a play or concert.
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4. Like: Making a toast to us at a candle-light dinner At some cozy restaurant by the water, Quietly reading a book With you right there next to me, And staring at a winter fire dancing in your eyes Dreaming half-awake And reflecting back on our lives together. 5. So please Vi Please don’t leave me too early or untimely. Please don’t leave me prematurely And frustrate all my plans for us together. Please don’t die on me Before I’ve had the chance to pay you back For all your love and sacrifice. 6. Please don’t die on me Like my Mom, died on my Dad And before we’ve had a full life together. Please don’t die on me Like my Mom, died on my Dad. *****
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y Something Snapped (On Vi) 5-17-2003 Out of love and worry, an argument with Vi deeply affected me. _____ 1. Whenever I’d have a fight with Vi I’d always be able to bounce back. But this time it seemed different. Thus time it seemed like Something might have snapped inside me Or some kind of threshold Had been breached. 2. I’m not recovering the way I had before. Is it because this time She’s hurt me in a very different way? Has she broken my spirit? Has she awakened some latent thing inside of me? Has she raised a doubt That perhaps I wasn’t as happy as I thought I was? 3. What was it this time That makes me almost feel That I just want to be alone?
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4. Whatever it is It has affected every part of me And I feel it In my heart and soul And show it Fully on my face. 5. Although I’m sure That it won’t last It’s a very heavy thing on me Right now. *****
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y You Have The Full Affection Of My Heart *** (To Vi) 11-2-2003 Love displayed in different ways. _____ 1. I may not take you out that much But I never go out without you. 2. And though I sometimes come home late I always come home. 3. And though I may not be the lover that I used to be I’m still in love with you. 4. And when I kiss you, even just casually I really mean it. 5. And although I may not show you That much affection sometimes, on the outside I can tell you that, on the inside You have the full affection of my heart. *****
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y Look At The Evidence (On Vi And I) 5-6-2004 Look at the evidence of our love. _____ 1. While one can always say That they might have done much better In choosing their partners You have to look at the evidence And not rely on idle speculation. 2. And in our case Both the evidence – And the testimony of my heart − Show that our choices Were instinctively correct In that we have found in each other That elusive and indefinable thing Called love. *****
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y Looking At Her Empty Shoes * (On Vi) 5-23-2004 A flashback to my Mom dying on my Dad. _____ 1. When Vi was at work this week-end I happened to notice her empty shoes Underneath the table And when I did A terrifying fear came over me. 2. Was it a premonition Of things to come? − That she would leave me All too young and early in my life? − That she would die on me before her time Like my Mom died on my Dad And that her empty shoes Underneath the table Would be all that I’d have left of her?
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3. This image of her empty shoes Underneath the table: Was it an omen? Was it a premonition Of what the future held for me? Was it telling me That not too long from now I’d be left alone and missing her For the rest of my life? 4. What did it mean? − Her empty shoes Underneath the table? *****
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y Little Do You Know * (To Vi) 7-7-2004 Vi’s steady loyalty and support has changed me over the years more than she might realize. _____ 1. Little do you know How much you’ve changed me. Little do you know How much you’ve made me see things Better than I could ever see them by myself. 2. You’ve changed me over time − Slow and steady and little by little With nothing too direct or obvious, With no threats or heavy-handedness, With no sudden moves that might scare me away, With no coop d’et tats, With no nagging or annoying demands, But rather only Through slow and patient changes over time.
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3. You’ve always waited for the right time − For the time when I was ready. You’ve always made your moves subtly − So subtly, that I never saw them coming. You slipped your magic potion into my drink − So skillfully that I never even noticed. 4. You’ve never pushed me down any path But only pointed out the way. You’ve never made me do it your way But rather only made suggestions And let me do it my way And even be content To let me take the credit. 5. I know how much I’ve changed For I can see and feel it. But little do you know How much of it Was all because of you. *****
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She Doesn’t Ask For Much (On Vi) 8-9-2004 A resolution to change for her sake. _____ 1. All she wants from me Is not to be too critical or impatient And to just show her A little more attention and affection. 2. She’s not asking for so much And only what she deserves. 3. So I made a vow to do my best To give her more of what she wants And so well deserves As payback for all the sacrifices She’s made on my behalf. 4. She doesn’t ask for much So I’m pleased to do whatever I can Out of appreciation and love for her. *****
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y Taking Things For Granted * (To Vi) 9-2-2004 A fear that Vi may die before I can show my appreciation for her. _____ 1. She always has a smile for me. She always offers: “Can I get you this.” “Can I get you that.” 2. She doesn’t complain about my working late Or when I’m in my private little world at home Intensely working on my music and my writings And almost ignoring her. 3. She puts up with so much And demands so little. 4. And whatever little things she does With which I disagree Or sometimes find annoying Only come from good intentions And never out of any selfishness or malice.
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5. Before she’s taken from me Or me from her I hope I’ll have the opportunity To pay her back And show my appreciation For all she’s done For otherwise my guilt in life And in death Will be A very heavy weight on me. *****
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y It Seems That All I Do Is Apologize (To Vi) 9-17-2004 Vi’s been very sensitive about things lately. _____ 1. Lately Everything I say or do Seems to strike a sensitive chord in her And creates a negative reaction Which has me apologizing It seems For everything. 2. Her sensitivities are trip wires That are set to go off At the slightest touch Which has me very much on edge. 3. It seems that lately All I do Is apologize. *****
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It Seems I’ve Loved You All My Life *** (To Vi) 9-17-2004 The mystery image of who I was looking for was finally disclosed. _____ 1. It seemed like long before I ever met you It was you Who was always In the back of my mind And in the deepest part of my heart. 2. For years I tried to figure out Who that mystery person was That I had always wanted And needed in my life Until it slowly came to me That it was you. 3. Before I knew that it was you It was just: A shadow on the wall, A whisper in my ear, A ghostly figure in the dark, A vague reflection in the mirror, And a dream I had at night.
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4. It was just: A question in my mind And a tug on my heart − Something that was always there But never quite enough to fully identify Until I finally saw That it was you. 5. So long before I ever met you It was you Who was always there. It was you Who was always in the back of my mind And in my heart and dreams. 6. So even though I didn’t know it It seems I’ve loved you all my life. *****
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y Now I Hesitate For A Different Reason (On Vi) 9-28-2004 Vi’s been uncharacteristically moody lately. _____ 1. After a hard and stressful day at the office I’d always look forward to coming home For my home was my refuge. 2. And just before I’d go inside I’d hesitate outside the door And enjoy watching Vi Working in the kitchen. 3. “Why rush the moment?”, I’d say to myself. “Why not enjoy this slight delay Just before going in?” And when I did go in No matter how late it was She’d always greet me With her full-toothed beaming smile and say, “Hi, Dad, how are you? Can I get you anything?”
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4. But lately it’s been different. She’s been moody And said some things That I took personally Including saying That I always take the children’s side of things As opposed to hers. ~ (Oh, if she only knew how many times I’ve taken her side with the kids When she wasn’t around to see it.) 5. There’s a tension now That wasn’t there before And I’m all on edge about it But just hoping and trusting That it will pass. 6. While I still hesitate outside the door Before going in Lately It’s been for quite a different reason. *****
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y We Found It In Each Other (Atlantic City, NJ) (On Vi) 10-7-2004 The makings of a stable marriage. _____ 1. It’s better to have a steady stable love That will last Than an unstable fiery one That will burn itself out in time. 2. And what we have is A love That’s steady and fundamental, A love That makes me feel secure, A love That keeps me coming home, A love That won’t wash away in the rain, A love That I’m determined to protect, And a love That I can proudly speak to others of.
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3. And when I think about How hard it is to find A love that’ll burn for life I thank my lucky stars That we found one in each other. *****
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y I See You As A Different Person (From the Different Person I’ve Become) (To Vi) 10-9-2004 The positive effect Vi has had on me. _____ 1. I see you now as a very different person Than I used to see you as before With the reason being That I’m now seeing you Through the eyes of a very different person − The eyes of the person you’ve helped me become. 2. Over time we’ve become two different people – The person I’ve become And the person you’ve become Now that I see you Through the eyes of new person that I’ve become. 3. Over time we’ve become Two different people − The two different people That you have helped us both become. *****
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y If I Were The Same As You (To Vi) 10-9-2004 Differences bring complements and balance. _____ 1. While the differences between us Introduce a number of conflicts They also bring a host of synergies. 2. They bring us many complementary balances: You balance out some of my strengths and weaknesses And hopefully, I balance out some of yours. 3. You bring to me Some things that I don’t have And hopefully I bring to you Some things that you don’t have. 4. If we didn’t have these differences − These counter-balances and complements − We’d have nothing to add to what we have as individuals And therefore, we wouldn’t be much good to one another Now would we? *****
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y It Was For Her On Our Anniversary (Atlantic City, NJ) (To Vi) 10-9-2004 I tried to do all the right things for Vi on that trip. _____ 1. During our anniversary trip to Atlantic City I tried to be on my best behavior. 2. I checked and caught myself From saying anything That might be taken As either curt or offensive. 3. I was patient, Listened attentively, And answered all her questions. 4. I honored all of her requests And agreed to all the things she wanted to do Without complaint or sighs of disapproval. I was also giving and respectful.
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5. I was glad to be the best that I could be Because it was our anniversary And because I know It’s the little things like these things That she appreciates most. 6. And although she never mentioned it I trust she noticed it Because I know It’s the little nice things That she always notices. *****
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y She Appreciates It * (To Vi) 10-9-2004 Appreciation and return appreciation. _____ 1. She appreciates The little things I do for her And shows her appreciation for them Which I in turn appreciate. 2. She’s also grateful For everything I do for her Which also makes me grateful in return. 3. But what I’m most appreciative of And most grateful for Is just having her. *****
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I Hope I’ve Not Been All That Bad For You * (To Vi) 10-19-2004 Hoping that some of my good points are considered in Vi’s evaluation of me. _____ 1. My faults are many: I’m sometimes not that warm, I’m often quite impatient and anger easily, I sometimes let my own frustrations Spill over onto you, I’m very sensitive and private, And I don’t show my appreciation As often as I should. 2. But my faults however Have some compensating offsets: I’m hard working and responsible, I love my family and always enjoy coming home, I try to be a good husband and father, I keep the house, grounds and me in decent shape, All my avocations are basically constructive, I don’t have any major vices Such as smoking, drinking, gambling or running around And as for drugs I never touch the stuff.
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3. And in addition to all of the above − And most importantly − I love you And look forward to growing old with you. 4. So all in all I hope That I’ve not been all that bad for you And that in your sincere And honest evaluation of me I’ll at least Get a passing grade. *****
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y Always And Forever * (To Vi) (12:30 am) 11-15-2004 Vi’s genuine smile always returns. ______ 1. Seeing your smile return And your eyes brighten again Even after I’ve been rough on you Is what keeps me here And loving you. 2. You never allow the negative To dominate the positive. You’re loyal and forgiving And for this I’ve given you my heart. 3. It’s the little things like these That keep me here And loving you. *****
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y If She Were Any Other Way * (To Vi) 11-24-2004 Going through some “what-ifs” helps my perspective. _____ 1. Whatever things I find annoying Or disconcerting about her I know they emanate Only out of good intentions And the goodness of her heart. 2. There’s never any malice or devious motives Behind anything she does that irks me − Only the inadvertent result Of little mistakes and indiscretions. 3. And because of that I must always remember To use her steady love and giving nature, To check my criticism, To calibrate my gratitude, And to appreciate all that comes with having her Just the way she is.
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4. And to help me keep the right perspective And my appreciation for her At their proper levels I discipline myself By imagining a number of “what if” scenarios: What if she were: Vengeful, sly or devious, Self-centered, arrogant or conniving, Prying or demanding, Or even worse, a gambler, drunk or run-around. 5. If she were any one of those things In whole or in part I couldn’t begin to fathom how miserable I would be In every waking day and every sleepless night Being tortured with a troubled mind Eating out my insides And dying of a racked and broken heart. 6. So to fully appreciate what I have in Vi I try to imagine from time to time How it would be If she were any other way. *****
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It Doesn’t Take So Much To Please Her ** (To Vi) 12-7-2004 Vi enjoys the simple things in life. _____ 1. A little cup of coffee and a toasted muffin, A touching movie on TV, Elevating her feet on a nearby chair, Getting a good night’s sleep for a change, And having a little ice cream in a sugar cone. 2. Eating peanuts from the shell, Taking a trip to Atlantic City to play the slot machines (And staying overnight for free!), Sitting by the river on her gardening break, And being appreciated for the things she does. 3. It’s little things like these that make her happy: Nothing fancy or exotic. Nothing grand or very special. Just little things like these. 4. It’s these little things − in her That make for the big love − in me. ***** 54
y My Only Valentine * (To Vi) 2-13-2005 My true Valentine is my precious wife, Vi. _____ 1. Although my love Is sometimes not so visible I can tell you That’s it’s indivisible. 2. From the moment we met I began to see Clearer and clearer Each and every year Just how much you mean to me. 3. You’ve been my love for all this time And My one and only Valentine. *****
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y Her Heart Keeps My Heart Alive ** (On Vi) 4-26-2005 With Vi by my side I can handle my adversities. ______ 1. Even if I lost my job And had to grovel once again, Or ran out of money And went completely broke, Or my health Were to severely decline, I could handle it Knowing that she’d be by my side − For her heart Would keep my heart alive. 2. And even if I had to face An endless number of torturous trials For the rest of my days I know that I could do it − For her heart Would keep my heart alive.
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3. With each year that passes I realize a little bit more Just how blessed I am Knowing that her heart Will keep my heart alive. *****
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y Eating Peanut Butter Sandwiches With You ** (To Vi) 4-29-2005 Bearing the basics with Vi. ______ 1. While I was making myself A peanut butter sandwich A worrisome “what-if” scenario Crossed my mind. 2. What if misfortune Were to drain away our funds To the point Where we’d barely have enough to eat? 3. What if we couldn’t afford Meat, fish or even chicken anymore? 4. What if all we could afford to eat Were peanut butter sandwiches?
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5. But even if we got to that stark point Of only eating peanut butter sandwiches I know that I could handle it So long as I’d be eating them with you. 6. “So Vi While I’m making myself A peanut butter sandwich Would you like one too?” *****
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y Saving For A Time That May Never Come (To Vi) 5-6-2005 I hope we’re able to do some of the things we planned to do. _____ 1. You read about it all the time − About those who have put off their plans To when they’re retired, Or have more money saved, Or to some more appropriate time Which unfortunately sometimes never comes Due to the vagaries and misfortunes Of health, money, age or untimely death. 2. You read about it all the time − About those couples who’ve postponed Their well-deserved vacations and travel plans − You know The ones they’ve worked so hard for And talked about for years − Yeah, those ones − Only to have poor health, no money, or death Orphan them.
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3. Oh the unrelenting pain of guilt and hard regret Of those good people Who’ve always postponed their plans For all the right and prudent reasons But sadly Never got around To making them come true. ~ Oh I just hope and pray That we don’t have the same misfortune Fall on us. *****
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She’s Way Out Of Balance (To Vi) 5-11-2005 Vi’s good qualities far outweigh her faults. _____ 1. Just as she tolerates my imperfections I tolerate hers Which aren’t all that many And that all come with compensating offsets: The clutter in her room − For the way she keeps the rest of the house; Her conversations that are sometimes hard to follow − For being a good listener to me; Her sometimes pointed counselings − For all the good intentions behind them; Her sometimes piercing voice – For her soft and gentle heart; Her chubbiness – For giving me more of her to love; And her procrastinations − For her responsiveness to me. 2. If I were to weigh all her faults They’d only have the weight of feathers. And if I were to weigh all her qualities They’d have the weight of gold.
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3. Her qualities Are so disproportionate to her faults In number, weight and kind And everything about her Is so way out of balance And always to my favor. 4. And whatever appreciation and love I show her It’s also way out of balance For it’s nowhere near the depth of love That I actually have for her In the deepest silence of my heart. *****
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y Our Separate Lives Together * (On Vi) 6-29-2005 Separate but together. _____ 1. Our interests often don’t match, Our communications frequently fail, We don’t see eye-to-eye on a number of things, And because I snore and she tosses constantly We now have to sleep in separate beds. 2. But ignore the synergies That we don’t have Which are the same ones that many couples have And rather pay attention to the special magic That we do have To, for and with each other. 3. Don’t look at all our little disconnects And the things we don’t have But rather look at All the strong and bonded connections That we do have.
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4. And also think about the fact That after all these years, trials and circumstances We’re still together While so many others cannot say the same. 5. How many of those Who started out their lives together At the same time as we did ours Are still together today? That’s the point And the point that really matters. 6. By having both our separate lives And our lives together − You might say That we have the best of both worlds. But whatever you say about it Underneath it all Is a long and lasting love. *****
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y Life And Death, Please Collaborate * (To Vi And Dad) 7-26-2005 A plea to Fate not to take Vi too soon as it did my mother. _____ 1. When the kids are on their own I look forward to doing all the things I’ve planned to do with Vi: 2. To travel across the country in a simple camper − She’s not a prima donna And doesn’t need to go first class. 3. To have a breakfast, lunch or dinner In a small and quiet restaurant − For all the cooking that she’s done. 4. To take her to a play, recital, or the like − She loves to dress up now and then And get out of the house once in a while. 5. To play piano and guitar − Which she’ll rightly imagine As little serenades to her.
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6. To work in the garden and the grounds together − She doesn’t shy away from work Or mind getting her hands a little dirty. 7. To sail into a cozy harbor somewhere And anchor overnight − She loves to sail as much as I. 8. To go to our boat and just hang out − For like me, she considers it The second home we never had. 9. She so much deserves to enjoy her life Before she’s called to go − A life she almost lost three times before − The prospect of which I always worry about. 10. So Lord, Life, Death and Fate Please collaborate amongst yourselves And allow us to spend our final years together And do the simple little things in life That we’ve always planned to do. 11. So please Lord, Life, Death and Fate Please collaborate in my favor By not conspiring to take her away from me As early as you took my Mom from my Dad. ***** 67
y All Because Of You ** (To Vi) 8-5-2005 I’m so lucky to have found Vi. ______ 1. In you I’ve found A faithful, loyal and giving heart On which I can always rely. 2. In you I’ve found that someone Who will have me as I am. 3. In you I’ve found a woman Who’s never lost her girlish heart. 4. In you I’ve found the one Who’s more than I deserve. 5. In you I’ve found the reason Why I stand a little straighter And feel more secure.
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6. In you I’ve found my lucky charm That allowed me to beat the odds in life. 7. All these things I’ve found And appreciate Now More than ever And all because of you. *****
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y I Want To See You Cry *** (To Vi) 10-31-2005 Crying for the right reason. _____ 1. I want to see you cry the day I pass away − Not to see you hurt in any way − But just to know How much I meant to you. 2. I want to see you cry So I will know that what we had together Was worth the broken heart and all the tears That follow with my passing. 3. I want to see you cry For then I’ll know that you have come to know That you will never find another Who’ll love you more than I. 4. I want to see you cry the day I pass away − Not to see you hurt in any way − But rather just to know How much we loved each other. ***** 70
y Shall I Call Ahead? ** (To Vi) 11-14-2005 Looking forward to doing simple things in our latter years. ______ 1. When work is past our doing And the kids are grown and on their own I look forward Now and again To taking you to a simple mid-day lunch And just watching you enjoy it As you always do. 2. Somehow I knew The day I married you That you were all I needed And that I Might be all you needed too. 3. Such a lucky man am I − No, much more than lucky − Blessed is what I’d say I am − Blessed For my, having chosen you And blessed For your, having chosen me.
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4. So Vi Shall I call ahead And make a reservation at noon For two? *****
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Mom’s Full Bright Smile ** (To Vi) 11-26-2005 Vi’s smile is full and genuine and reflects her very essence. (I often call Vi, Mom.) ______ 1. If there’s anything that warms my heart so much It’s Mom’s genuine, bright and full-faced smile. How fortunate was I To have chosen her to be my wife. Was it luck or was it instinct? Most probably It was a little bit of both. 2. Her smile is like the sun That brightens up the darkest corners of a room And makes me set aside as petty All the things that sometimes frustrate me. It also puts both life and love Back into their right perspectives. And like the sun It’s all the light and warmth I need.
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3. All the investments that I’ve ever made Never turned out all that well. But the one I made in Mom Was a winning one Making up for all my prior losses. 4. Oh Luck and Instinct I thank you both And give you credit where credit’s due For helping me choose her. 5. But just as she did with me In helping me to decide on her She gave you as well The best and biggest hint of all − Her genuine, bright And full-faced smile. *****
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y A Balanced Love (To Vi) 12-18-2005 What Vi and I have may not be perfect but it’s pretty close. _____ 1. What we have − Vi and I − Is a love that has An indefinable and mysterious balance to it − A balance that’s both delicate and strong And one that brings the opposing contrasts in life Into mutual balance. 2. Whatever’s on the left Is balanced on the right: The giving, with the taking, Volatility, with stability, Dependence, with independence, Love, with practicality, So on and so forth.
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3. Is the earth In a perfectly circular orbit Around the sun? And the moon around the earth? No, not in perfect circles But in balanced orbits − And balanced enough To have maintained their tandem paths For billions of years. 4. That’s what I think we have – Vi and I − A plain, simple and balanced love − And one that’s so well balanced That it’s lasted all our years together And will last For all the years to come. *****
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y Though I Failed For Now (On Vi) 1-8-2006 Trying to lift Vi's spirits when she was a little down. _____ 1. What can I do To soothe my wife’s depression? What I’ve tried so far Has mostly been rejected − In fact sometimes They only seem to make things worse. 2. I’m so awkward At things like this − Things that require, finesse, charisma, and personality. I’ve never been able to find the right formula That works well with people And every plan I’ve formulated Winds up as a wrinkled ball of paper In the corner of my heart − But I’ll keep trying.
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3. Though I’ve not succeeded yet In relieving her malaise I hope my failed attempts Have at least been noticed And will be appreciated When she reflects upon them In better and more receptive times. *****
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y Her Simple Birthday Wish * (On Vi) 2-3-2006 A birthday wish that says so much about her as a person. _____ 1. She looked at me With a beaming face and smile, and said − Almost embarrassed for even asking − “For my birthday Could we see a movie And maybe have a simple dinner afterwards?” 2. It’s a simple thing like that That makes her happy And what I love her for. 3. I also love her for: For not demanding anything solely for herself, For never pushing me for more success or status, For being content with who we are and what we have, For being thankful for all the years we’ve had together, And for looking forward to all the years to come.
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4. Little did I know How precious she would be And how lucky I would be Which is all represented in That simple little birthday wish of hers. *****
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y You Know How To Fight (To Vi) 6-26-2006 Vi knows how to handle things when we fight. _____ 1. After we’ve had a fight You know enough to leave me be For the time I need. 2. You know the distance That’s best to keep. 3. You sense what you should say And what you shouldn’t. 4. You let me lick my wounds And heal a bit Before approaching me.
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5. You don’t intrude too soon But rather bide your time Patiently waiting for the proper time Instinctively knowing That timing is everything. 6. You know exactly how to fight with me And because you do You know exactly how to win – Both the fight And my heart. *****
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y The Sweet Forensics Of My Wife ** (To Vi) 10-29-2006 The innocent little signs of Vi’s presence. _____ 1. I find traces of her all around the house That represent the forensic evidence Of where she’s been and what she’s been doing And more importantly Who she is. ~ A can of soda with a napkin stuck in the top of it − To keep the dust and bugs out. ~ Some left-over take-out food − Another meal for tomorrow. ~ Napkins and tissues − Stuffed in little cracks and crevices everywhere. ~ A half-eaten apple wrapped in a paper towel − A snack for later. ~ Bags and pocketbooks − Bulging to their brims. ~
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A key-chain − Filled with every key and gadget You can imagine. ~ Little notes – From songs, articles and TV shows That she’s heard, read or seen. 2. When I see these things All strewn around the house I get annoyed at first. But I soon calm down and smile When I come to realize That they’re the very things That prove her innocence and her presence And give me the calming reassurance That she’s still there. 3. Everywhere she goes And with everything she does She leaves a trail of evidence That identifies not only who she is But also all the reasons why I love her − Oh the sweet forensics of my darling wife. *****
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y What I See Ahead Of Me ** (To Vi) 12-29-2007 Seeing Vi becoming less mobile due to her arthritis. _____ 1. It’s hard for me to watch her Struggling with her painful arthritis: Trying to get out of a chair, Hobbling around the house Holding on to furniture for support, Or worse Painfully walking up and down the stairs. 2. And as I watch It’s a sad and scary thing I see ahead of me − The day when she may be − God forbid – An invalid And I will have to care for her As such.
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3. But when I look back Through all the years we’ve been together And remember her loyalty and devotion And all the care she’s given me I find my strength And mentally begin to prepare myself For the time I might be called To pay her back By taking care of her. 4. I ask myself, “Will I be able to handle What may lay ahead for me?” The answer for me Lies in her smiling face And the fact that over all my years with her She’s been filling my heart With her love and devotion. 5. So if and when the time comes When I must care for her The heart in me that she has filled Will be what I’ll draw on And what will steady me When I need it to. *****
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y That Smile Of Hers * (Break In Case Of Emergency) (On Vi) 8-16-2009 Vi’s smile stays with me even when she’s not around. _____ 1. Oh that warm, sincere, and beautiful smile of hers − The smile she gives me just before she leaves − That spontaneous full-toothed smile That’s like a burst of sunshine Breaking through the clouds − The one that’s so genuine, And comes directly from her heart, And that stays with me Long after she’s gone. 2. If you take everything else away from me And just leave me with the memory of her smile I could make it Through all my bare and empty days and nights.
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3. And when she’s not around The memory of her smile Remains within in my heart And waiting Just in case I need it − Just in case I’m feeling down And need to boost my spirits up Or to put my worries in their right perspectives. 4. I always keep that lovely smile of hers Locked inside that little red box That’s hanging on the wall In a corner of my heart − The one with the glass-covered door And the sign on it that reads, ~ “Break In Case Of Emergency.” *****
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y That Little Good-Bye Wave ** (On Vi) 9-28-2009 A little thing that means a lot to me. _____ 1. Since I’m working from home today I drove Mom to the station In the cold and pitch-black early morning To catch her 5:18 train to work. 2. As we wait in the car she sips her coffee From her little blue thermos mug Nervously watching for the train’s arrival. 3. And as soon as she spots the light from its headlights Sliding along the overhead wires She bolts straight up, leans over and gives me a kiss good-bye, Then flings open the door and rushes up the platform stairs. “Can’t miss my train!”, she tells herself. 4. As the train doors open A burst of light illuminates her figure Just like you’d see in holy pictures.
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5. Then Just before she gets onboard She turns and gives me A little “good-bye” wave Just like she always does. 6. She doesn’t have to wave But she does it anyway Because that’s the way she is − Always thinking of me − Always willing to give me That little extra sign of respect and love − That little “good-bye” wave At 5:18 in the morning. 7. I often wonder if she has any idea What that simple little wave means to me And how it keeps my heart in touch with her The whole day through. *****
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Pascal’s Wager (On Vi) 12-15-2009 When I saw Vi praying it made me think about Pascal, the 17th century French philosopher, mathematician and physicist and his wager about whether or not one should believe in God. _____ 1. When Vi dies She’ll have the security of her God To comfort her. 2. Right or wrong Real or imagined It doesn’t matter For in her heart she believes in it Which provides her with the peace of mind That I’ll probably never have. 3. And as she approaches her end She’ll feel relatively safe For she’ll have made “arrangements” For someone to accompany her Out of this life and into the next. She’ll have made arrangements with the “Up Above” Even if it’s only in her mind.
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4. But as for me While I may be technically or scientifically correct In doubting God’s existence I’ll probably leave this world scared and alone With a sad and empty feeling in my heart For not having made any such arrangements. 5. So when my end comes I can see myself standing there Facing the open space of my destiny At best – Feeling only the shallow and unsure comfort That there probably is no God to fear But alternatively − Missing the reassuring belief That there is a loving God who will receive me And worse − That there is in fact a God And that I hadn’t met his expectations. 6. Forgetting about whatever logic and science Support my doubts or beliefs − Or about what’s true or false Real or unreal Right or wrong − Which is better?: To stick to my views And suffer an empty passing? Or to abandon them And enjoy a blissful fantasy?
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7. A more philosophical argument That’s somewhat related to this subject Was posed in “Pascal’s Wager” Where Pascal argued that believing in God And following His laws Was a better bet or wager Than not believing in God For if you believe in God and are wrong You lose nothing But if you don’t believe in God And are wrong You lose everything and go to Hell. 8. So it looks as though Vi has made the wisest and the safest bet − Whether she knows it or not. *****
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y Keep It Up (And You’ll Never Get Rid Of Me) (To Vi) 3-13-2010 As time goes on I appreciate Vi even more. _____ 1. Each time I think that there can’t be Any more reasons why I love you You give me another one. 2. With every day, month and year that goes by You give me yet another reason As to why I love you. 3. So be very careful, Vi And listen to my warning: If you keep it up − If you keep on doing what you’re doing − You’ll never get rid of me And have hanging around forever. *****
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y When I Hear Her Singing *** (On Vi) 3-15-2010 Taking comfort in little signs. _____ 1. When I hear my wife softly singing I take some comfort in the fact That I have a wife Who’s at least happy enough To be singing. 2. When I hear her softly singing I feel so much less stressed out Knowing that she’s content enough With her life, the kids, and me − At least enough To be singing.
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3. When I hear her softly singing As she works around the house I feel grateful that I have a wife Who’s not any kind of prima donna or princess But rather someone who’s found a way to cope With all the work, worries, and frustrations in her life As best she can In part By singing. 4. So when I hear my wife Softly singing I feel good, I feel proud, And I feel love. *****
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y That Disconcerting Look And Smile (On Vi) 9-18-2010 First impressions can be deceiving. _____ 1. I remember when I first met Vi She seemed to have a look and smile That I thought was kind of “cold and hard” Which unsettled me. 2. It made me afraid That maybe she wouldn’t be compatible With my particular sensitivities And might not be the “sweet and innocent” girl That I was looking for. 3. With these concerns Running through my head and heart I worried that our relationship Might have a fatal flaw in it And made me wonder If we could ever be a couple.
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4. But over time I saw a beautifully different look and smile emerge − One that reflected The loyal, patient, and supportive girl she really was. 5. It was a smile that was spontaneous. It was a smile that was genuine and reassuring. It was a look and smile that was in fact Truly sweet and innocent And exactly what I was looking for. *****
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y What Keeps Me Here And Loving Her * (On Vi) 1-27-2011 Vi’s love and responsiveness is so important to me. _____ 1. When I get angry or hurt about something Or get just plain old moody and retreat into my cave And don’t want anyone to come near me She bravely approaches its entrance And tries to coax me out. 2. And when I’ve been sharp and short And even nasty sometimes She doesn’t hold any grudge against me But rather readily forgives me And takes me back. 3. And even when I turn on her sometimes In anger or frustration As soon as I show any sign of softening She has the courage and love enough To touch my hand In consolation and forgiveness And offer me a fresh new start.
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4. It’s these And all her other qualities That keep me here And loving her. *****
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y At Her Smiling Best ** (On Vi) 7-22-2011 Vi’s bright smile is in every picture. _____ 1. I love to look at Vi In all the family pictures That we have around the house Because in every one of them She always smiling − Smiling at her smiling best. 2. In every single picture There she is With that big, sincere, genuine And beautiful smile of hers Always smiling − Smiling at her smiling best.
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3. So, in almost every room I enter I’m greeted with her warm and pleasant smile For there she is In every picture − Alone or in a group – Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall – At home or abroad − Always smiling − Always smiling at her smiling best. *****
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Will I Curse The Darkness When She’s Gone? * (On Vi) 8-26-2012 Will Vi’s memory help or hurt me? _____ 1. She went everywhere and did everything with me And supported me in everything I did Without reservation or hesitation Which makes me wonder what I’ll do When she’s gone. 2. Will her memory Support me in her absence Or will it only serve as a cruel reminder Of how much I miss her. 3. When she’s gone Will I celebrate the memory of the light she was? Or will I curse the darkness of her absence? Only time will tell. *****
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y The Blessing Of Having Her (On Vi) 9-15-2012 Appreciating Vi. _____ 1. Vi did everything with me And for me. She was adventurous And participated in all the things I did Sharing all their attendant risks And never in any half-hearted way. 2. She took risky ocean sails with me in the States and in Brazil Even though she couldn’t even swim. She also went camping everywhere with me Even in the cold wind and winter snows. 3. She tolerated my impatience and my moods. She put up with my wild and raunchy bachelor days. She often let me put my career ahead of her. She also put up with all my indecisions And accepted the bad ones that I made. She even forgave me When I backed out of our wedding one time.
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4. Never being any kind of a prima donna She did all her motherly, household and garden chores − Always pitching in and never holding back And never demanding any thanks or praise. 5. And with respect to fitting in To my side of the family She went to all our family functions And fit in perfectly. 6. Whenever I think back About all that she’s done With and for me I fill with love and gratitude For always being there for me − For the blessing Of having her in my life − And for the privilege Of loving her. *****
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y Me Without Her * (On Vi) 7-29-2013 Thinking of when Vi might die on me. _____ 1. When she died She took my soul with her And left me on a baron island. 2. “Why me?” I ask myself. “Why me?” 3. But I only hear the echoes of my questions And never any answers. 4. I only hear the echoes of my questions Bouncing off the walls Of this hollow shell That is now me Without her. *****
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y I Kiss Her Goodnight Anyway *** (On Vi) 8-11-2013 Old habits. _____ 1. I got up early in the morning Like I always did, Had a piece of bread and coffee, Worked on my writings, And waited for Vi To come downstairs and join me. But then I remembered That she wouldn’t be coming down For she died on me some years ago. 2. After doing the lawn I came into the house But didn’t see her working in the kitchen As she usually did. Then I remembered that she had passed away And I wouldn’t be seeing her Standing at the sink and working on her cutting board. So I just sat down And starred at that empty sink and silent cutting board Pretending she was there.
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3. Then when lunch time came I thought I heard her Asking me what I wanted to eat. But it was just my imagination As I had to make my own sandwich And eat it alone − Except for the image I saw of her Sitting across from me. 4. Later on in the day I took a sail around Captain’s Island Imagining she was with me And helping me with the lines. But she wasn’t. “Maybe she’ll come the next time?”, I lied to myself. 5. Then in the evening After watching TV for a while on the couch I got tired and decided to go to bed. So I leaned over to kiss her good-night But her usual spot next to me was empty And I withdrew. It was just another habit that I’d have to break. But from missing her so much And a heart that won’t let go I leaned over again And kissed her goodnight − Anyway.
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6. Everything I ever did Was with her And now she’s gone. 7. I prefer to make these little mistakes − Imagining That she’s still here − Than to face the pained reality Of admitting That she’s gone. 8. So in the morning I wait for her to come downstairs And join me for breakfast. 9. And for lunch I have my sandwich with her At the table. 10. And in the evening When I’m ready to go to bed I lean over and kiss her goodnight − Anyway. *****
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y I Love Mysteries (On Vi) 11-17-2013 On Vi’s faithfulness. _____ 1. Despite all my faults She keeps me in her heart. 2. Despite all the hard times She stays by my side. 3. Despite all my shortfalls She both accepts me for what I am And for what I’m not. 4. Despite all these things She still retains her beautiful and giving disposition And because of that She’s always been a mystery to me − And I just love mysteries. *****
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y We Just Do What Has To Be Done (On Vi And I) 11-27-2013 Vi and I just do what comes natural. _____ 1. We’ve never had a plan As to who does what around the house and grounds. Rather we just know what has to be done and by whom And just do it. 2. Vi cooks and does the dishes And I put them away. She plants the flowers And I cut the lawn, rake the leaves and put out the garbage. And we both pick weeds and trim the bushes Whenever needed and whoever gets to it first. She does the laundry and I do the house maintenance. She takes care of the cable, food and fuel expenses And I take care of the expenses for the cars, taxes and insurance. And we both do the vacuuming as needed And always pick up after ourselves.
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3. We don’t have to assign or schedule anything. We just do what we feel needs to be done By whom And by when. And we never worry about overlapping Or underlapping As it all just seems to work out by itself. 4. We notice what each of us do But never say anything But rather silently thank each other with our hearts For this natural sense Of responsibility, cooperation and coordination That we have. 5. It’s just an unwritten code and our modus operandi That we work under And that has just evolved naturally Between the two of us With no structure or design to it But that works so well that you’d almost think It was part of a well-developed And highly structured master plan − But it’s not For we just do what we have to do together − Instinctively. *****
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She Didn’t Steal Me Away (On Vi And Stella) 3-8-2014 Remembering a comment made by an old girlfriend. _____ 1. Stella was my girlfriend for many years And we were very compatible together. But I wasn’t quite ready Or sure about getting married. 2. Then I met Vi And our relationship Soon began to grow Beyond that of Stella’s. 3. While this transition was happening I had heard through the grapevine That Stella felt That Vi had stolen me from her.
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4. From all that I could see I never felt that Vi did anything To steal me away from Stella. In fact, I never heard Vi Say anything disparaging about Stella Or even mention her name For that matter. 5. While I can understand Stella feeling that way The fact of the matter is That I only became endeared to Vi Through a natural attraction to her. 6. Vi didn’t steal me away from Stella − She won me away Through what I saw in her heart. 7. Vi didn’t steal me away from Stella − I did it all by myself. 8. Vi didn’t steal my heart − Rather I gave it to her. *****
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y Over Her Head But Into Her Heart (On Vi) 4-10-2014 Never missing the sentimental things. _____ 1. Vi hardly gets any of the jokes I tell her Which I believe is because She’s just so straight and honest in her thinking That she has little capacity for anything That’s not direct, That deals with innuendo and incongruity, Or that has any kind of double meaning. All such things as these Normally go right over her head. 2. On the other hand With respect to anything That’s touching and sentimental Nothing ever goes over her head But rather Straight to her heart.
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3. Because she is so straight And never misses Any matter of the heart My love for her Is as straight as she is. *****
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y In Two Places At The Same Time (On Vi) 4-15-2014 Being in the States and the Philippines. _____ 1. Vi watches all the Filipino TV shows and soap operas And keeps current with the news at home Up in her room. 2. And she stays in contact with her Filipino family and friends Through emails and Facebook on her I-pad In the kitchen. 3. And she sings her Filipino Karaoke songs Down in the basement. 4. Oh how lucky she is To be able to have her cake and eat it too − To be both in the States and the Philippines − To be in two places at the same time. *****
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“It's For You” ** (The Call That Snagged My Heart) (On Vi) 4-21-2014 That one little phone call I got from Vi. _____ 1. Early in our relationship Vi and I had a fight. 2. A week or so had passed And I hadn’t called her And felt I was ready to just let her go. And since I hadn’t heard from her I thought that she was ready to let me go as well. 3. But then One evening when I was working on the books At Nick’s Shoe Store On Montague Street in Brooklyn Heights − Which was an night time accounting job I had on the side − Nick answered the phone And to my surprise handed it to me saying, “It’s for you.”
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4. It was Vi Who just called to say That she was sorry we had that fight. 5. There was just something in that call − In the tone of her voice − In the way she spoke. There was just something in its timing That struck a resonate chord in me And said something about her That I hadn’t seen before. There was just something about that call That foretold me something about our future. 6. I looked at the phone as though it were a crystal ball And the blurry images that I saw in it Were somehow telling me That there was something very different about her And that she just might be The one that I was looking for. 7. There was just something in that call That I read into it. There was just something in that call That made me look up at the sky And notice that the moon and stars were all lined up. There was just something in that call That snagged my heart.
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8. That one little call from Vi At 7 pm in the evening That I took in the back room Of that little dark and leather-smelling shoe store In Brooklyn Heights Snagged my heart. 9. Thank God I took that call And picked up on that little hint of something That I heard, felt and sensed in it. 10. And thank God I let my heart and instincts listen in To help me decode What I was hearing and sensing − For the rest is history. *****
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y Every Flower Will Hold Her Face ** (On Vi) 6-26-2014 Thinking about when Vi might no longer be with me. _____ 1. When Vi dies I’ll miss her terribly. But I'll still have her here with me − Just in a different way. 2. Although she’ll be gone Every flower in our garden Will hold her face. 3. In every summer breeze I’ll hear her voice. 4. With every passing cloud She’ll blow a kiss to me. 5. And when the sun comes up I’ll feel her warmth.
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6. Although she’ll be gone She’ll still be with me − Just in a different way. *****
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y Miss Sun And Mr. Clouds (On Vi And I) 6-26-2014 Different personalities. _____ 1. Vi is Miss Sun And I’m Mr. Clouds. 2. Vi is always looking on the brighter side of things And I, on the darker side. She’s more the contented realist and optimist And I’m more the discontented dreamer and pessimist. 3. While I’d like to incorporate Some of her positive traits into my personality I fear that I might lose some of the impetus for my writing Which gets much of its energy from that heavier side of me. 4. But on thinking about it If the net result is that I’m a happier person for it And she’s happier too Maybe it’ll be worth the tradeoff. *****
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y Without Praise Or Complaint (On Mom) 10-2-2014 Watching Mom (Vi) doing things around the house and grounds. _____ 1. While I’m immersed in my work − Working on my writing, music and finances − I watch Mom doing all the little things that she does Without complaint or want of any praise or thanks. 2. Outside the house She does a little bit of gardening Before the sun gets too hot. And even though some of what she does Is a little strenuous for her She rarely asks me to help her So as not to take me away from my work. 3. And in the house She collects, washes, dries and folds the laundry; Prepares fresh ingredients on her chopping board for our meals; Repairs the tears in our clothes or adjusts their sizes; Sweeps or vacuums the floors and rugs and cleans the bathrooms; Prunes and waters her plants; Then takes a break and gets totally absorbed in her I-pad.
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4. All these things I notice About this petite little girl But rarely say anything − Openly that is − But in my heart I always do. *****
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