How can I reach her?

WORDS JANET McGEEVER

I often hear men say, “Why can I not reach her anymore?” It’s the most perplexing thing for men to understand why their partner has changed since they first got together. There are many circumstances but here are some of the reasons and ways that you can nurture your relationship. Actually, it’s all about Time, Space, and Energy!

Women want connection.

If there is no connection, a woman will start to retreat. The connection has to be an emotional connection, before any sexual connection. Basically, spend TIME with her, doing things that you both used to love. Go back to what you did when you first came together - the things you enjoyed the most. Create more beautiful memories in the NOW.

Stop focussing on sex.

Sexual intimacy has to become a by-product of this connection. Women often say, ‘all he wants is sex’. Men want LOVE, just the same as women do. But sex is often the only way a man has been conditioned to connect with a woman.

How present are you?

If you are always working, reading the paper, on your phone, or watching TV, then chances are you are not very present. Meaning you are emotionally absent. Your attention is elsewhere. And then to want to have sex, after there has been no connection, is a real turn-off for your partner. It does end up being ‘all about sex’. So, start being ‘present’ to your partner. Look them in the eyes when you are talking. Face them. Have real conversations. BE WITH them.

Energetic Space..

Male or female, if you are always demanding something - sex, attention, or being overbearing to connect with the other, then chances are that you are over in their energetic ‘space’. Meaning you are taking up space between you that ends up making your partner withdraw. Bring that energy back into YOU. This is not withdrawing (being absent). It’s staying there but IN you. Available but not demanding. They will start to feel the void and start moving back towards you. This is not a manipulation. It’s staying with the love that is here inside you.

How sexual energy works...

It’s great to be aware that a woman’s body sexually takes time to warm up. She needs that emotional connection and loving touch to the upper part of her body. This helps her connect to the source of her sexual energy, which is in her breasts, her heart area, so avoid focusing on the genitals. Her body will awaken once there is an emotional connection.

There you go… Time. Space, Energy!

Janet is an intimacy specialist, psychotherapist and co-author of Tantric Sex and Menopause. She holds The Making Love Retreat in Queensland and is creator of Womantime Retreat – Ancient Wisdom for the Modern Day Woman. www.janetmcgeever.com