专栏 / MARAMARA KŌRERO
NEXUS
Soapbox Mid-Tri Murmurs by Lara Dashfield
Chloe Smith
Campus parking Anyone who parks on campus knows the struggle. It’s a busy day, packed carpark, you pull up and there’s no carparks. Finally, you spot one you can’t get into- there’s a shitbox Ute parked in two spaces or even worse, a Swift driver who thought it was fine to angle park in a straight park space. I’d get it if you were driving a logging truck but I’m sure if you got your licence, you are more than capable of reversing, straightening up and driving back in. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a shit driver who has hit my fair share of curbs, but out of courtesy and fear of people judging my parking I take an extra minute to fix that shit.
thought they would torture the residents there by planting a beautiful tree that emits a smell only comparable to actual dog shit when you stand on the leaves and berries. With the wind right, you can even get a lovely whiff of it sitting at your desk - or maybe that’s just a first year (we all know one) who hasn’t washed their ass in weeks. Take a guess, either way chances are one of those guesses is right.
Litter bug residents
Gingko trees aka that shit smell by college hall
Listen. I get it. Your parents didn’t let you go to dunners. So, you tried to bring the dunners energy here by chucking your empty low percentage RTD seltzer vodka cans out your window. My ex-dunners breather for a boyfriend thinks you lot are a bunch of wannabes. Real dunnerz breathers would only do this sort of shit after consuming a coffin of Billy Mavs and a copious amount of Speights.
If you’ve ever walked to college hall at this time of year and questioned what the dog shit smell is, you aren’t alone. Fear not I have the answer- it’s the bloody gingko trees. I suppose a few years back someone
Instead, you lot do that shit after a couple of cruisers and Long Whites, after listening to white girl throwbacks in your lounge and getting told off by RA’S at 10. Maybe you were too munted to walk to the bin
Fix yo parking. Don’t be a dick. Xoxo
that your lovely housekeeper empties for you, or maybe your mummies and daddies have cleaned up after your messy asses (see above about the gingko trees) your entire lives. Whatever your excuse is, just walk down the hall and tidy up after yourselves. The groundskeepers and housekeepers aren’t your parents and other residents think it looks like shit. I mean for fucks sakes there’s even a bottle and can collection site at every hall.
" My ex-dunners breather for a boyfriend thinks you lot are a bunch of wannabes. Real dunnerz breathers would only do this sort of shit after consuming a coffin of Billy Mavs and a copious amount of Speights. "
SICK SOUNDZ
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