Nexus '22 | Issue 08 | n e drugs?

Page 17

专栏 / MARAMARA KŌRERO

NEXUS

Soapbox Just gimme the drop by Lara Dashfield

Katrina Jones

I’m all for supporting small businesses in order to help them grow, but most small business owners call you babe and send an ‘x’ at the end of every single message and do cutesy little Instagram sales with discount codes. However, the ‘small businesses’ of drug dealers don’t seem to have this amazing customer service that Instagram small business girlys do. I wish I could fucking track my package, but I’m lucky if I even know it’s on its way. Now, I’m not trying to shit on all drug dealers - I’ve come across a few who do birthday specials, and I even recently saw in a group chat where someone was selling cheese skunk (just call it weed, I’m not fucking Geronimo Stilton) and running a Mother’s Day giveaway! Saying that “the more you buy the more entries, HAPPY TRAPPING FAM” (What am I trapping? A mouse?) But dealers need to realise that it’s all about customer service these days. I’m not trying to wait at the end of their driveway for 20 minutes while they take their own sweet time coming out even though I told them I was here. Only for them to come out

and do a quicksy little product exchange and not even ask me about my day! You would think that because drugs practically sell themselves that they would want to improve their service. There’s nothing like messaging someone asking for some buds when they’ve posted in a group chat saying they’ve got some A-grade greatness, for them to reply six hours later saying “you after?” Like babes I’ve already got it from someone else, smoked it, and gone to bed. Also, you’ve literally been active the whole time, why were you ignoring a potential customer??? I wish you could rate drug dealers that you find on Discord and in group chats that your mates add you to. Because I’d rate half of them 0.5 stars - nothing like saying that they’re on drops but then showing up to your whare two hours late, making you think that they’re the Uber Eats fulla. While on the other hand, some dealers have better stuff than others so you try to be a repeat customer but it always seems like they’re running a different time zone (your SHEIN order will probably come before they

even reply). With drug dealing not being rocket science and drug dealers being as common as a Four Square, it’s hard to be a repeat customer with their constantly bad customer service. Another thing, what’s with all these funky names they’ve got for weed these days? Do you think that it comes in a packet, like it does with flower seeds (doubt you can buy cannabis seeds at Mitre 10, tbh)? I thought I’d seen it all when they started calling it things like purple haze, but then they came out with stuff like ‘Banana Kush,’ ‘Blueberry Kush,’ ‘OG Kush,’ ‘Bruce Banner,’ ‘Pineapple Kush,’ and ‘Afghan.’ I understand that there are different strains of all the stuff, but who the fuck comes up with these names???!! My favourite marketing tactic that I’ve come across so far was an ‘Indoor Party Mix’ labelled to have a taste and smell explosion! A combination of purple kush, afghan and pineapple! Like, just say that it’s a mixture of buds that you stole off your uncles’ plants and you have no idea what they are g.

N E DRUGS?

17


Turn static files into dynamic content formats.

Create a flipbook
Issuu converts static files into: digital portfolios, online yearbooks, online catalogs, digital photo albums and more. Sign up and create your flipbook.