Nexus 2023 Issue 2

(SOME OF THE)

TO GRAB YOURSELF A UNIREC

A+B TRIMESTER

STUDENT GYM MEMBERSHIP

1. Choice selection.

2. Choice people.

3. Outrageous amount of space.

4. Mirror room great for krump practice.

5. Friday night pick-up basketball.

6. Get ankles broken at Friday night pick-up basketball.

7. Seriously big weights room.

16. Table tennis duels (to the death of course).

17. Member of the Month honours.

18. Punching bags able to withstand karate chops.

19. Limited edition lanyards.

20. JTR.

64. Cause headaches with uneven weight plates.

65. Reply to emails, check the weather and finish that script you’ve been working on these past few years between sets.

66. Finally beat your dad in an arm wrestle.

91. Very lit Zumba classes (think Outback dancefloor).

92. Outdoor pools for bomb practice.

93. Indoor pools not for bomb practice.

94. H.I.I.T.

95. Debut your latest Gymshark haul.

122. Women’s Weights. 123. Super cool and nice trainers.

124. 1x ice cold drinking fountain whose location shall remain anonymous.

125. Get your butt kicked by REV instructor Steph (either one).

126. Finally beat your mum in an arm wrestle.

148. Excuse not to study. 149. Summer bod maintenance.

150. Learn powerlifting. 151. Surprise yourself.

152. Aggressive pre-town pump.

153. Crack the honours board top 10.

177. Sasa’s legendary bootcamps.

178. Foam rolling for the muscle knots but actually the chinwags.

179. Post workout feeds at Bongo.

180. 180 windmill dunks in the sports hall (if unable to dunk please see #181).

181. 180 windmill layups in the sports hall.

199. Showers with decent water pressure.

200. Underestimate the stairmaster.

201. Die on the stairmaster.

202. Crack a muscle-up.

203. Get called to reception by Vanessa.

204. Test out the new gym playlist to determine if Taylor Swift can withstand the force of a bodyweight deadlift.

205. Forget your gym towel for the 23rd time this week.

206. Get a new training program.

207. Train for parkrun.

255. Social Sport league.

256. Did we mention a place to krump?

257. Mental wellbeing.

258. Physical wellbeing.

259. Weights room used to be a nightclub (ask James).

260. Steptember.

261. Not Les Mills.

262. Crowd DJ.

263. ‘Most Smiley Reception Staff’ award winner 3 years in a row.

264. Big ol’ sports hall.

291. Flex the 1998 West Ham home kit you spent your entire course related costs on.

292. Update your experience on Linkedin with your latest bench.

293. Master the skipping rope.

294. Catch a Muski basketball training camp.

295. Spot a mate (in the weights room).

296. Spot a mate (at the front desk).

297. Spot a mate (at Kahurangi when they swore they were too sick to come to the gym).

310. Plenty of space to krump if you wanted to.

311. Gym tag in a pleasant shade of orange.

312. Yoga.

333. Try get crocs past security (reception).

334. Start a fitness IG.

335. Get sponsored by Sportsfuel.

336. Become wildly famous.

356. Pre-season training.

357. Spot a Silver Fern.

358. Rationalise the 5 coffees a day by rebranding them as ‘pre-workout’.

359. Forget headphones to better appreciate true devastation.

360. Your knees.

361. Let everyone know on Snapchat that you gym.

362. Stress relief.

363. Fall in love with someone at reception.

364. Body Blast.

365. Hit a milestone.

366. Learn to krump.

367. Acquire Steph Curry range at practice.

368. Showcase Rudy Gobert range at the game.

369. Damn you fine.

370. Good lighting.

371. Free exercise consultations.

372. Drop-in volleyball.

373. Grow muscles in strange new places you didn’t know could grow muscles.

374. Start a diet.

375. Abandon diet.

376. Realise balance is key.

AVAILABLE UNTIL 31 MARCH 2023. TERMS & CONDITIONS APPLY. 12 MONTH, 6 MONTH AND FLEXI-TERM CONTRACTS ALSO AVAILABLE.

382. Opportunity to obliterate your panda dunks via calf raises.

383. Bring a buddy with bring-a-buddy.

384. Squash courts.

385. Eat a PB (sandwich), then hit a PB (squat).

387. Lose count of your reps.

395. Cardio.

396. Improve your strength and stamina for that drunk wrestling league you and your mates seemed to have started.

397. Decent backdrop for a BeReal.

398. Test out the latest batch of your pre-workout homebrew.

399. Content.

400. Kick Box.

413. Grunt a bunch.

414. Spend 45 mins just on the warmup.

415. Skip core.

416. Skip class for a (group ex) class.

417. UniRec swag.

418. High Performance room for medium and low

28 Reviews

31 32 35 36

Editor Jak Rāta editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Designer

Stien Huizenga design@nexusmag.co.nz

Media Designer

Jordan Fritz jordan@nexusmag.co.nz

Deputy Editors

Tehana De Klerk tehana@nexusmag.co.nz

Darts & Crafts

Horoscopes

Cooked Cooking Puzzles

Seamus Lohrey tehana@nexusmag.co.nz

Staff Writers

Yashanshi Kala

Joel Collins

Te Ao Māori Editor

Kae’sharn Hose

Social Media

Leilani Goodall

Cover Art

Jordan Fritz

Contributors

Dave Snell

Marātea Mohi

Kat Jones

Oliver Dunn

Kaihautu Rāta

Dr. Sex Bing

Nexus is a magazine made by students, for students. As such it’s sometimes controversial views don’t actually represent those of the Nexus Editor, the writers, or the sponsors.

Location

The Nexus office is located down the hall at the WSU, usually with Alexa playing terribly dated music.

Printing

The Forest Stewardship Council® (FSC®) is an independent, not for profit, non-government organization established to support environmentally appropriate, socially beneficial, and economically viable management of the world’s forests. FSC® vision is where the world’s forests meet the social, ecological, and economic rights and needs of the present generation without compromising those of future generations.

from United Nations,

It’s been a year since we first heard about Russia’s invasion of Ukraine. Data shows approximately 500 innocent children’s death and almost 1,000 injured by explosive weapons. While in the past people were insensitive and made (somewhat) viral TikToks on Ukraine for laughs, the truth of the situation is in no way laughable. The UN Children’s Fund announced that more than 800 health facilities have been damaged or destroyed. Additionally, schools were damaged, impacting 7.8 million children, out of which more than 5 million cannot access education.

“Man stabbed to death in Wyoming by girlfriend – 26 February

On Wednesday, February 8th, around 3:30pm, there was a fatal crash in Whangārei, killing one individual. Now, just over two weeks later, upon reaching no recent lead, police are appealing for witnesses. The police department is seeking information from anyone who saw a “white Toyota Yaris hatchback or a blue Toyota Hilux prior to the crash to get in touch”. While this isn’t pertinent to anyone local to Waikato, the statement still stands.

Andrew Moore, a shearer, died on Monday in hospital after receiving severe stab wounds on his left side by his girlfriend in rage. Moore’s girlfriend, Monique Sullivan, has been charged with second-degree murder and is currently in jail in the rural town of Kemmerer. The Kiwi couple was heavily drunk at a party, when during an argument, the girlfriend felt “angry” and stabbed Moore with a kitchen knife. With a bond of $500,000 and under the Wyoming law, her charge is defined as “killing purposefully with malice,” indicating she’ll serve 20 years to life in prison if convicted.

Police finally release the name of the victim involved in a fatal crash, a 37-year-old Carla Murray from Christchurch. The crash that took place at an intersection of Withells Rd and Rangitata Highway (State Highway 1), at about 3:45am on February 18th left three people seriously injured.

Finance Minister Grant Robertson announces that businesses impacted by Cyclone Gabrielle can get up to $40,000. This is to assist them with immediate costs of the damages. If the amount does not prevent the businesses from further loss, it is possible that they [the businesses] will be able to apply for more later. Furthermore, the Minister also indicates future announcements on funding support.

“News

the devastating impact on Ukrainian children – 24 February 2023”

“Police appealing for information – 24 February 2023”

“Minister Grant Robertson announces $40,000 grant for businesses affected by Cyclone Gabrielle – 26 February 2023”

2023”

“Police finally release the name of the woman killed in a crash – 26 February 2023”

TOYOTA HILUX

CYCLONE GABRIELLE

Early morning + lectures = D’s—the other kind of d…

A new study in Singapore showed students performed worse when lectures/school start at 8am. Teenagers’ (the annoying scumbags who think they’re cool after getting 30 likes on Instagram) sleeping patterns shift during puberty, and so do other things. And yet somehow, these imbeciles are being prioritised; now, a 9:45 start to school is recommended! Wtf about us? Does this ring a bell UoW? Y’all hear this? Cancel my 8 and 9 AM classes. I don’t want that kind of a D.

Lectures

Brent Rivera is finally getting cancelled?

The lad who inspired our PM to endorse “spread your legs” by making his sister spread her legs as they go down the escalator said some shitty stuff recently. The cringy YouTuber with the most basic ass hairstyle makes fun of another YouTuber over using an iPhone for recording videos. Yeah, the same Brent Rivera- who could endorse Viagra with that surname- is still friends with a girl that called him out on his failed bedroom techniques. Him. Yeah, he had the audacity.

Nepo baby (Bieber wife) a living joker

26 but still needs her husband’s ex to keep her relevant on social media, Hai-low has lowered her non-existing standards once again. Apart from being besties with women her husband has explored on various occasions before, the ‘model’ is a natural bully. An old video surfaces on the internet where Bieber’s wife trolls a successful and self-made woman, causing Selena Gomez to really say, ‘it ain’t me’.

Net-flex can no longer flex

The ‘Wednesday’ cast’s photos as the new profile icon isn’t enough to keep users from cancelling their Netflix subscription. The downfall of the company’s ‘strategy’ has stirred the news a lil, with the stock falling 5%. Turns out, people don’t want to pay extra to watch ‘Love is Blind’. Besides, Stranger Things isn’t out anytime soon. For those that like it. For those.

Titanic dude with a 21 yr old. Again

Leonardo DiCaprio- who is actually a Scorpio- spotted with a 21 year old. Partying. If he was younger, I’d love to be delusional and say ‘I had a chance’ as a fellow 02’ kid. But what can I say, the model is stuck in the 90s vision. Someone pass her my lens cleaner. She has 4 years left though, so ain’t too bad, I guess, eh.

Tales from overseas - Tehana

After living outside of New Zealand for most of my life, I didn’t expect to experience such a cultural shock over the Summer when I went on holiday. Much to my surprise (and delight), the world beyond our country’s borders never ceases to amaze me.

My first and favourite stop on this trip was New York City. I’ll admit, flying alone for the first time in my life was utterly terrifying, but to finally be in the city that never sleeps will forever be one of my greatest memories. New York is magnificent; if you can get past the tightly packed streets and sometimes weird smells, you’ll find yourself immersed in a beautiful culturally diverse atmosphere.

Of course, like any other city, New York has its downsides. The homeless population is at large, and it is incredibly heartbreaking to see. Additionally, on New Year’s Eve, there was an attack on several police officers. While I would love to dive further into this, that’s not exactly what this piece is about… (I really don’t know how to move on from this without sounding like a coldhearted bitch).

De KlerK

Anyways? Being in New York was quite a different experience compared to any other city I’ve travelled to. I’ve seen people say it’s “the Paris of the USA”, but I actually thought it was a really nice place to be. That’s not me saying Paris sucks; I’ve never been there so I wouldn’t know. But NYC was great! I’d love to return there someday, and if the dream my mum had a few weeks back comes true, then I will.

saudi arabia

Now, while that may not have explained much, I have lots to say about the time I spent in Saudi Arabia. As someone who has lived in the Middle East, I knew what to expect. And let me just say, I was not disappointed! When I bring up Saudi Arabia in conversation with people who don’t know the place well, I get asked many questions about the lifestyle over there, and it’s quite different from what you might think.

As you may know, Saudi Arabia is an Islamic country. This does not mean whatever the media may portray about this region of the world. As a visitor with parents who live there, I can say that this country has come a long way in terms of the stereotypical western culture. Of course, one must be respectful of Islam; this means wearing appropriate clothing and respecting the religion. Know that this is not a problem; it is the same for

the way that other religions like Christianity should be respected, and if you have a problem with any of that, you basically suck. People should be judged on whether or not they are good people, not because of what they believe in (that is, unless you believe Thor: Love and Thunder is a good movie. If you do, sincerely get fucked). Moving onto more lighthearted things, the highlight of my time there was definitely Riyadh Season! Oh, and the food was to die for. Arabian cuisine is so good and you are missing out if you haven’t tried it! But back to Riyadh Season… basically, every year since 2019, an annual entertainment and sports festival has been held in Riyadh over the Winter months. I was lucky enough to go, and it was so much fun! The place I went was a sort of celebration of the entire world, and I basically visited many countries while in a single city. My favourite part was the Japan section (mostly because of all the anime showcases they had), but the entire place was amazing. There was even a live orchestra playing movie themes! I realised how much of a nerd I was when I heard the Avengers theme while we were practically miles away…

Peo Ple shoulD be ju D geD on wheTher or noT They are goo D Peo Ple, noT because of whaT They believe in (ThaT is, unless you believe Thor: love an D Thun D er is a goo D movie. i f you D o, sincerely geT fuc KeD)

iTaly- florence

Now, I’ve just realised that I probably haven’t done much to explain just how great it is to travel outside of New Zealand. And I’ve also realised that I sound like a bit of a snob because it’s not exactly affordable to travel outside of New Zealand. I’m going to continue to sound like that because I’m going to list other places I’ve been to give a sneak peak into more Tales from Overseas.

Italy: Florence is the G.O.A.T. and I would sell my kidney on the black market to go back. Rome and the Vatican City (which is its own country, I KNOW) are pretty cool because of all the architecture, but Miss Flo takes the win.

Thailand: Phuket is great for a nice beachy holiday. Expect to see many Aussies.

Australia: Brisbane doesn’t count as a holiday because I lived there, but it’s pretty chill. I mean, excluding all the things that could kill you… (it’s

also great to live in Australia because concerts actually happen there).

Holland: Amsterdam was mean as, but I was 13 so I didn’t get the hype about people going there for weed. Still dope though, and I had the world’s best cookie hehe (it wasn’t an edible mum I swear).

Spain: Madrid was amazing. My dad accidentally left one of our bags in a bar, but the owner kept it safe for us! Ups to you dad, and to you random bar owner.

UAE: Again, I lived there, but it’s pretty cool. I mean, everyone knows Dubai is cool, but Abu Dhabi is pretty chill too. Dubai Sevens is a must go.

And there you have it folks, I can’t think of anything else to say. What I will reiterate is that travelling outside of New Zealand is really important for you. Experiencing such diverse cultures is truly eye opening. I genuinely believe that while our beautiful country is a great place to live (if you can get past how expensive it can be), exploring the world is the greatest gift I’ve ever received, and I can’t wait to travel more. So, do yourself a favour; when given the opportunity, as scary as it might be, take it. Don’t live with regrets.

i genuinely believe ThaT while our beauTiful counTry is a greaT Place To live (if you can geT PasT how exPensive iT can be), exPloring The worlD is The greaTesT gifT i’ve ever receiveD

Piazza del d uomo

Growing up kinda sucks, man. I’m already well immersed in my first year of flatting which has really given me a proverbial kick up the proverbial ass. And dude, has it left a bit of a bruise as well. It’s a huge adjustment to a life where getting a meal was a simpler process, gas and electricity was all inclusive, and I didn’t have to struggle to make every single piece of furniture I own from a bloody Kmart flatpack. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not that big a deal, I know. We all do. But at the moment, all of these little changes are really beginning to have a go at me. But ultimately, it’s great. I’m growing up. So that’s where we’re at today: making adjustments and being a little uncomfortable. Pull up a seat and sit down with me my child, let’s talk about life.

Now, this is going to sound really obvious but don’t stop reading just yet; the biggest adjustments in our life comes from moving away from what is most comfortable. It’s called your comfort zone and it’s your worst freakin’ enemy. It’s like wearing Crocs: eventually you’ve gotta take them off if you’re ever wanting to be taken seriously. If I’m going to be a bit more to the point here, you’re not going to grow when you’re comfortable. So, before this sounds like a crappy and prolonged motivational speech, let me tell you about where this recently applied to me.

Hamilton isn’t necessarily the destination of choice for many Cantabrians like me. This phenomenon is often seen as deriving from the belief that people from Cantebrury are close minded to everything else apart from the south. Almost like a superiority complex founded in being better at rugby than everyone else. While true, many of us do venture off to the North for a higher education but very rarely do we pass the capital city. This may describe the confused looks when I told my parents, wider family, teachers, friends, and kind old ladies at work my

decision to venture off towards the Mighty Waikato. “Where?”

“Are you sure?” “Is Hamilton even a real place?” I may have made that last question up, but the point still remains the same. I knew nobody here and had never even visited the city itself. Let alone the campus. What was an uneducated and almost blind decision to those around me was one that made perfect sense to me. I needed to get away from what was comfortable. Despite me shaking, before I moved, like an old man when he hears you say Aotearoa instead of New Zealand, it is slowly becoming one of the best decisions I have ever made.

Now, it’s a guarantee that you have had a similar experience of growth as a result of adjustments. Many of you reading this will likely have had braver plunges into growth than myself. If we think about those moments, they often precede great success. It’s not a coincidence. In fact, it’s far from.

My question is, why not live outside of the old comfort zone a little more often? While uncomfortable and awkward (a lot like your first kiss), it will end up changing the trajectory of your life (a lot like your first kiss). See, we as humans enjoy being cosy and content in all aspects of life: we buy cars so we don’t have to walk and buy Maccas so we don’t have to cook. Comfort is what is sometimes needed. Sometimes. I’m not saying you need to be that weird kid who runs everywhere they go or the next Gordon Ramsey, but I am saying you need to start pushing your boat out away from the dock a little bit more. Man, this is becoming a sermon again. Let’s go to another story.

My Dad was told he was one of Sumner Cricket club’s most reliable players. Sir Richard Hadlee is regarded as one of the best cricket bowlers the world has ever seen. My Dad was named best fielder for the Sumner Cricket Club. Sir

Richard Hadlee had an illustrious career which saw him become the first cricketer to ever reach 400 test wickets. He retired from professional cricket as a legend. Unfortunately, for my Dad, Richard Hadlee did not retire from cricket altogether and was beside himself when he saw old Richie rock up to Sumner Cricket Grounds in his gear for the opposing team. Unsurprisingly, Hadlee was bowling and made a team full of grown men come close to tears when he got the first two batsmen out within the first three overs. No one wanted to go out and bat next. My Dad, normally the last on the order, padded up and went out. Although this was his dream scenario, he was still downright terrified. To this day he describes to me what happened next with complete clarity, almost as if he’s right there. Legs trembling with fear and sweat visually dripping down from his helmet, he saw Sir Richard Hadlee, New Zealand’s greatest bowler, running down towards him. The ball approached him and he swung as what he describes as “nothing”. He hit him for 6.

Now what would make this wholesome anecdote a whole lot more wholesome was if I told you he scored a century or got called up to the national squad or something. But, he actually got out the next ball. That’s not the point of the story though. My Dad demonstrating to Hadlee who daddy truly is showed me that all that is needed is just a swing. A swing no matter how uncomfortable and scared it makes you as it will eventually turn into a 6.

I’m sure you’ve got the message but I’ll repeat it once more for clarity: live outside your comfort zone. That’s not to say that you can’t return there for a rest but making those adjustments will truly alter your life. Trust me. Be like my Dad and just give it a swing.

This week, I had the distinct pleasure of immersing myself into the mind and life of Daniel O’Rourke–a man whose legend precedes him. But going into the patapātai without any preconceived ideas meant that I could be straight up and just chat major shit. Mission accomplished.

Jak: Tell me about your vibe bro, how do you explain yourself?

Daniel: Oh shit. I guess my vibe is kinda goofy. It’s sort of just what you see is what you get aye?

Jak: So then if I asked what your vibe is as an artist, would you say it’s the same? How’d you get into music?

Daniel: I like to think that my sound is more serious than I am, but it’s all me. I feel like I kinda stumbled up a series of staircases going up and down and up and down. I listen to a lot of Ben Howard and John Martyn–not that I derive my sound from there, but I fuck with their stuff. They tickle my music box.

It all sort of started in lockdown and has just gone from there. I wouldn’t say that I still draw inspiration from lockdown, or at least it doesn’t influence my work. It all sort of feels vague and shapeless.

Jak: What would you say are your goals and aspirations as an artist? Do you have an end goal here?

DAN O’ROURKE

Daniel: I wish I could say that I did have a goal. Though I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t want to be self-funded and able to live solely on my work but that’s sort of unrealistic. In a way I think a lot of musicians’ backgrounds, when they get started, is fame and fortune right. Currently I’m working with a few locals on recording some stuff and just continuing my gigs.

Jak: Can’t help but mention the name, Rust Red Shed, is there something behind that?

Daniel: Well it’s honestly just an instagram handle. But I grew up on a farm and all the sheds were painted in the same colour, Rust Red. It’s just a nostalgia thing.

Jak: Standard question, if you had to have anyone open for you– who would you have?

Daniel: I wouldn’t really want to be the main act. I’d honestly love to open for Ben Howard. Oh shit, original woodstock. That would be so fucking amazing.

Jak: Explain to me your sound without using sound terms.

Daniel: Okay–Timber box made of dark wood. It’s been left in the sun so it’s opened up. With a cone piece. Jak: Who are some locals that you’re vibing with that you think we should be too?

Daniel:

- Rat Cafe – Very sweet boys

- Love going to open mics

- Nadia Reed

- Albi and the Wolves

- Looking for Alaska

Jak: Finally, if you had to use a high school superlative to explain yourself, what would it be?

Daniel: Most likely to not shut the fuck up.

DAN O’ROURKE

Royal family member

As far as queens go, she’s not high on my list. I mean, aren’t queens supposed to rule and stuff? When did she ever do any ruling? She never organised any executions to my knowledge, and she certainly never declared war on anyone (publicly, at least). And also, what’s going on with those corgis? We have no clue what’s going on behind closed doors! I reckon they’re little butlers, serving drinks and dusting furniture but that’s just me.

According to Wikipedia.com, Elizabeth II’s life was BORING AS SHIT. I mean, given the state of the Royal Family over the last couple of decades (magazine fodder and eventually audiobook fodder) it isn’t surprising that her royal engagements didn’t extend past just hitting the town in fun outfits and sitting in cars waving at commoners. If that was my bare minimum in life I would probably just stick with it. Why should she change the system when it benefits her?

That being said, being known to that extent has to have some effect on someone, right? Being on all the coins everywhere would inflate my ego a touch. I guess we never got that much of an insight into how she thought. If she wasn’t actually well adjusted and healthy minded then it’s not like they would let us know that, that’s the queen we’re talking about! She has so much power, right? If she wanted to make a change, she could totally do that, right? The thing is, we’ll never know. She could’ve just decided not to make any change and to follow the system of monarchy as the rules state, or she could have tried to

make change but it got covered up, or possibly she could have but was told not to by the adrenochrome-drinking illuminati overlords that rule over the palace. Like I said, any of these are equally possible, but we will never know for sure.

There’s always the possibility that everything was as it seems in the Royal Fam (y’know, weird and incestuous but overall chill) and that Lizzy was well-adjusted and fun. There is that story about her calling that kiwi farmer every once in a while just to catch up. As it turns out, her majesty was a cow enjoyer, and after she purchased a few bulls off of him they kept in touch (turns out she has liking cows and fucking her cousin in common with us Kiwis). And yeah, there was that one time she yarned with CGI Paddington which was pretty cool.

When people are born into royalty, can we really blame them when they just sorta hang out for their whole life? IDRK man. All we can do is just hope they aren’t crazy or *ahem* TOO revolutionary. There’s a line. Maybe the new guy will bring something new to the party. And also, everyone would say “even the queen farts” to dispel the awkwardness of an incongruous poot, but now that it’s a king how is that going to work? I personally think that we should switch the saying from dispelling the awkward poots to dispelling the awkwardness of pant-shitting. Pant-shitting in today’s society is much more frowned upon, and I think we should use this opportunity to lift the stigma. So everyone, I implore you, the next time you crap ya

daks, simply shout out “EVEN KING CHARLES SHITS HIS PANTS’’ and you will be in the social clear. Trust me bro,

Joel Collins

Person

I think I’ll start this by telling everyone to get fucked. Why were so many of you in town on Friday? How much did you spend on those tickets to see what’s-his-name? Like seriously, you made my life so much harder. And it was bloody raining? Honestly, you could have all just stayed home and played the same songs from your phones. But no, you decided to go to town to listen to the same tracks that play every damn weekend.

Okay, this isn’t me hating on you (it totally is), and I think it’s great that so many of you decided to do something fun (was it really?) with your mates. And for the freshers, I genuinely hope you guys had a great Friday experience of Hamilton town. However, that does not mean it was fun for ME.

If you can’t tell already, I’m just going to keep complaining for no reason at all (fucking hell, I sound like such a pick me). I think town actually looked pretty alright, but from the outside, it’s terrible. It was fucking freezing, it kept raining, and

I really needed to pee. Also, do you realise how hard it is to understand and talk to a drunk person? It’s funny, I’ll admit that, however after a while I started to wonder how much more fun it would have been to swan dive off of a really tall building.

Despite all the negatives, I will say that all of you were not the problem. You guys were actually super nice and very grateful which was cool to see, so I suppose I take back the “get fucked”. Shout out to all of you who took the bus. I’m mostly just complaining about everything else. I shouldn’t though, I only worked one night and now I’m acting like it’s the end of the world (it sure felt like it).

I will say the highlight of my night was when I played OMG by NewJeans and some chick was vibing to it in her car. At least, I think she was. There is definitely a chance she was either just judging my music choice or vibing to her own. I guess I’ll never know.

Tehana De Klerk

Straight-up premium burgers in your neighbourhood ~ simple & fast.

Come say hello: 372 Grey Street, Hamilton East

-JOEL COLLINS

ICE CREAM CEREAL

SPICE THAT BREAKFAST UP

DISCLAIMER: Do not eat if you have lactose intolerance or sensitive teeth or are allergic to eating things

INGREDIENTS:

HOW TO:

Step one: Get your ice cream out of the freezer and wait for a bit, this will make it easier to manoeuvre. You can skip this step if you can’t be fucked, but little milky shards of ice will form throughout the dish. It is recommended that you try them at least once to see if you’re into it.

Step two: Scoop bite-sized chunks of ice cream into your bowl, about a cereal amount. It is recommended that you use the virginal layer on the top of the ice cream as it is the best part and you deserve all of it

Step three: Pour your milk over the ice cream. Make sure to get good coverage over the frosty bits on the ice cream as to saturate and defrost them.

Enjoy your delicious “meal” and get ready to shit the shit out of your pants

Drink the delicious ice cream milk left over at the end (yummers!)!

*Freeze any leftovers. It’s algood for like… sometime in the freezer, we’re sure of it.

(Milk) preferably one with a good base cream, anyswirls will just get mixed in

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HISTORYCLUB IMPROV UNITYDANCE

SAVY UNIQ

PHILOSPHY

LEGALLEGENDS

UNICOL

BETAALPHAPSI OPPORTUNITIESPARTY

KENDO

TRIVIA

1. The star Polaris is more commonly known by what name?

2. What US state capital took its name from the French for “red stick”?

3. What US state was “Steak ‘n Shake” founded in?

4. What is the name of the arrogant male coanchor of Channel 5 News in the TV show “Family Guy”?