Nexus 2023 Issue 5

He's

Editor-in-Chief

Jak Rāta editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Lead Creative Stien Huizenga design@nexusmag.co.nz

Deputy Editors

Seamus Lohrey seamus@nexusmag.co.nz

Tehana De Klerk tehana@nexusmag.co.nz

Staff Writers

Yashanshi Kala

Joel Collins

Te Ao Māori Editor

Kae’sharn Hose

Social Media

Leilani Goodall

Lead Media Designer

Jordan Fritz jordan@nexusmag.co.nz

Cover Artist + Centerfold

Kamcarlo

Contributors

Internal Informant

Kat Jones

Kamcarlo

Kaihautu Rāta

Dr. Sex

Ava

Nexus is a magazine made by students, for students. As such it’s sometimes controversial views don’t actually represent those of the Nexus Editor, the writers, or the sponsors.

Location

The Nexus office is located down the hall at the WSU, usually with Alexa playing terribly dated music.

Printing

The Forest Stewardship Council® (FSC®) is an independent, not for profit, non-government organization established to support environmentally appropriate, socially beneficial, and economically viable management of the world’s forests. FSC® vision is where the world’s forests meet the social, ecological, and economic rights and needs of the present generation without compromising those of future generations.

Waewae the 35 walks all over expectations

Social media star, Te Aorere Pewhairangi, is walking more than 200 kilometres along state highway 35 to raise funds and awareness for the communities on the East Coast that have been affected by Cyclone Gabrielle.

The 27-year-old, Ngāti Porou, started his journey on the 13th March from Tairāwhiti and reached Wharekahika in 7 days (beating his goal of 10). His hīkoi had been aptly named “Waewae the 35”

Pewhairangi said he was inspired by his cousin Hoana, who started a pop-up school in her carport in Tokomaru Bay for about 20 children who could not access their schools in Ruatōria and Tairāwhiti due to the collapse of Hikuai Bridge. He said he wanted to tell the stories of people who are still struggling after the cyclone and help them get what they need.

“I’ve just had to call cousins, call favours, call mates just to get it off the ground,” he told Stuff.

Pewhairangi has set up a Givealittle page that has raised $50,000 so far. He said he also wants people to share his posts on social media to show their support and solidarity.

Along his route, Pewhairangi had visited schools and marae that have been impacted by the cyclone. He said he was impressed by how they are teaching children about sustainability and resilience.

He also said he was not too worried about the physical challenge of walking such a long distance.

“I’m relatively fit, I do a lot of running, I play touch. I’m not sure, I’ll soon see but the pain I’ll go through is nothing compared to them,”

Pewhairangi’s main hope for his hīkoi was to inspire others to create their own destiny, which was also the theme of this year’s ASB Polyfest that took place in February, Mana Motuhake, which Pewhairangi translates as “the power within yourself”.

Ginny Andersen takes over as police minister after Stuart Nash’s resignation

Ginny Andersen, the MP for Hutt South, was appointed as the new police minister by Prime Minister Chris Hipkins on Monday. She replaces Stuart Nash, who resigned last week amid controversy over his repeated breaches of the Cabinet manual.

Andersen, who was only sworn in as a Cabinet minister earlier this year, has a relevant background in the police portfolio. She worked for the Police as a non-sworn staff member for around 10 years and was a strategic advisor on Māori, Pacific, and ethnic services. She also worked on policy issues such as methamphetamine and organised crime.

Andersen said she recognised the importance of Kiwis having confidence in the police and that she was looking forward to seeing their work on the ground and in communities.

“New Zealanders deserve to feel safe in their communities and I’ll be giving it everything I’ve got,” she said.

Hipkins said he had high expectations of Andersen and outlined some of her priorities. He said he wanted her to focus on retail crime, youth offending, organised crime, and legislation targeting gangs. He also said he would be having conversations with her about his reprioritisation of the Government’s work programme.

Hipkins, who was police minister before becoming prime minister and had a personal interest in the portfolio, said Andersen was one of his first choices for the role.

“I think she’ll do an outstanding job,” he said.

National police spokesman Mark Mitchell criticised Andersen’s appointment and claimed it was a signal that Labour had “given up on law and order”. He pointed to Andersen’s level of ministerial experience and the increase in reported victimisations since 2017.

Nā Jak Rāta

Indigenous football groups sign treaty ahead of World Cup

Indigenous football authorities from Australia and New Zealand have signed a historic ‘Football Treaty’ to promote recognition and inclusion of their communities in the sport.

The Australian Indigenous Football Council (AIFC) and Māori Football Aotearoa (MFA) signed the agreement in Brisbane last Thursday, ahead of the FIFA Women’s World Cup co-hosted by both countries later this year.

The treaty aims to foster collaboration and empowerment between the two groups, who represent more than 100 Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander communities and tangata māori respectively.

It also calls for direct funding, self-determination, and recognition of Indigenous representative teams by FIFA and national football federations.

AIFC chairperson Lawrence Gilbert said the treaty was inspired by the United Nations Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples and the Uluru Statement from the Heart, which seek greater participation and voice for Indigenous peoples in all aspects of society.

“We’re delighted to sign this formal sporting treaty … with the full support of the traditional owners of South-East Queensland, where we stand,” he said.

MFA chairman Phill Parker said the treaty was a milestone for Māori football, which has been operating since 2008 to support Māori players and communities through various events and projects.

“We exist to empower Māori through football. We are committed to staying innovative and development-focussed, procuring the best football talent in New Zealand,” he said.

The signing ceremony was attended by representatives from FIFA, Football Australia, New Zealand Football, and local Indigenous elders.

Both AIFC and MFA hope to meet with FIFA president Gianni Infantino to discuss their aspirations and concerns ahead of the World Cup, which is expected to bring economic and social benefits to both countries.

Food prices eating at our wallets

Food prices have increased by 12 percent in the year to February 2023, according to Stats NZ’s food price index.

The main drivers of the annual rise were fruit and vegetables (up 23.1 percent), grocery food (up 12.2 percent), and meat, poultry, and fish (up 9.8 percent).

Tomatoes and potatoes were among the items that saw the biggest price increases, up 117 percent and 48 percent respectively.

Stats NZ said severe weather events across the North Island had affected the supply and quality of some crops, leading to higher prices.

Industry representatives said growers were facing one of their worst years despite the high prices, as they struggled to meet demand and cover their costs.

Some analysts expected food prices to rise further in the coming months, contributing to inflationary pressures in the economy.

Māori Football Aotearoa

Senior Indonesia Police Officer Receives Death Penalty

Indonesia’s police force have had a reputation for developing violence and impunity cases but the murder case involving Police Brigadier Nofriansyah Yosua Hutabarat shocked the nation.

Born on November 29th in 1994, the Indonesian National Police officer was shot dead on July 8th 2022, age 27. According to many news articles, the late officer was shot dead at “the home of Ferdy Sambo, one of Indonesia’s most senior police officers and its head of internal affairs — the department responsible for police conduct”.

Just months after the murder of the young police officer, in August 2022, murders were charged. The charges were made against Hutabarat’s former boss Ferdy Sambo, his wife, and three other people. Hutabarat’s former boss, Sambo, the former head of Indonesia’s Internal Affairs department and a two-star general, was sentenced to the death penalty recently by Chief Justice Wahyu Imam Santoso. The sentence was for the killing of his aide-decamp, Police Brigadier Nofriansyah Yosua Hutabarat, in a case widely seen as a litmus test of police accountability in Indonesia.

Judge Santoso stated, “The defendant [Sambo] embarrassed Indonesia’s police force both at home and internationally, and involved other members of the police force in his crime”. His sentence took four hours to read, in which the Judge and the panel of two other judges said that “Sambo had planned the murder of Hutabarat” and had conspired to cover up the evidence of the crime by “destroying closed-circuit video footage”.

The prosecution had asked for a life sentence, suggesting an affair between Hutabarat and Sambo’s wife, Putri Candrawathi. This piece of information provided a motive for killing. As per reports, “Candrawathi was also on trial alongside Sambo, also charged with premeditated murder”.

In defence, the couple claimed that Hutabarat had “sexually assaulted” Candrawathi before he was shot dead by their bodyguard. However, the Chief Justice concluded there was “no

evidence that any sexual assault had taken place”. Despite the attempt, the allegation of the affair did not need to be proved as the motive for the crime as “Indonesian law only needed to prove that a crime had been committed and that the accused had committed it”.

The Judge did not believe that Candrawathi was sexually assaulted and sentenced her to 20 years in prison. Candrawathi’s personal assistant was sentenced to 15 years for the murder, and Chief Police Brigadier Ricky Rizal Wibowo 13 years for the involvement in the act. A much more lenient sentence was for Richard Eliezer Pudihang Limiu, a junior police officer and Sambo’s bodyguard. Despite shooting Hutabarat three or four times on the order of Sambo’s, he got just 18 months. Though a murder, Limiu faced an ethics committee which allowed him to remain in the police force, as of February 22nd this year.

Nā Yashanshi Kala

Ferdy Sambo

‘Law lecturer on Tinder’

Turns out a PhD isn’t big enough to impress co-existing beings. Standard “my friend sent me it” so no bio to be ripped apart today team. Or the usual, ya know, photo with a fish. Or a deer. Or a pig. I’m sure it can’t be as bad as my ex who’s basically the Wish version of Percy Hynes White. Hopefully he’s jobless, like Percy.

‘5 Seconds of Hindi’

There’s one singer I never expected to like. Or listen to it on repeat. Nick Jonas. The one that married one of the top actresses in Bollywood, Priyanka Chopra. Dude has an odd face and the more I stare at it, I realise why Selena kept her purity ring. I’m still simping over his 5 seconds of Hindi in “Maan Meri Jaan”. We’re slowly colonising the colonisers. I’m pleased.

‘Tig gives up on international names’

Yes, a person with such a name exists. What is Notaro? Reminds me of the UN Charter for Pokémon, if that’s even possible. Anyways, this Tig, went to the Oscars but couldn’t be bothered learning three names. Names of the RRR team. Was Tom Cruise’s lookalike getting paid minimum wage (too) for this minimum effort?

‘Male lawyers are stingy with money’

A man brought his wife a tennis bracelet for $10k. That’s like, 5 years of my pay? I’m not sure. I don’t do maths. “A lawyer could never,” said my friends. Now, law school has already crushed many of my dreams, but this hurt the most. I can compromise and settle for a $10K ring though. No need for a bracelet.

Nā Yashanshi Kala

the country who can see the shortlisted candidates. Just promise us you won’t tell anyone.

Jacinda Ardern

She was clearly bored and looking for something to do after stepping down as Prime Minister. Now, as cool as it would be to see a wāhine in charge, it can’t be said her background of politics would have provided a strong CV for footy.

Jak Rāta (Editor of Nexus):

A bit optimistic don’t you think, Jak? We get it, you were captain of your high school’s First XV (he wasn’t). You don’t need to keep letting us know everyday (he doesn’t).

Neil Quigley (Vice Chancellor):

Clearly being a leader of the university and chair of the Reserve Bank wasn’t enough for you. I’m sorry to say, but being the All Blacks coach is clearly just a step too far, mate.

Jamie Joseph:

Sorry Highlanders fans, but I mean, he never was going to get it. Anyway, who would want a coach that has two first names? I can’t trust that.

Jacinda Ardern

Neil Quigley

Jak Rāta

Jamie Joseph

Entertainment Entertainment

— Melissa Barrera

Melissa Barrera (Sam Carpenter in Scream 5 and 6) is nothing short of stunning. Of course Jenna Ortega has been quite popular lately, but people have totally overlooked Barrera. Not only was she completely badass in the latest Scream movie, she looked fucking hot too.

Don’t get us wrong though, we’re not objectifying women here, but we sure do love to appreciate talented people and this woman is exactly that. We love a female protagonist who has her crazy rage moments.

Their words [Oscar’s Edition]

“Do not check my pulse rate.”

— Everyone when they look at Pedro Pascal

“WELL.”

— Taylor Swift serves the children with her eras tour, destroying expecations

— Billie Eilish asking why I tweeted for her to step on my throat and spit in my mouth.

— Selena Gomez in response to becoming the most followed wāhine

years have passed since New Zealand became the first country to let women vote. Nice.

adults still sleep with a comfort object. It’s okay, they won’t judge you when you cry.

years old is what Leo Dicaprio is willing to go for amidst dating rumours with Gigi Hadid.

“It’s tied to trauma, isn’t it?”

“Suck my ass, how it taste”

Cheeky 10 [people Who Could Win The Hunger Games]

Joel Miller (+ Penicillin)

He would definitely be the Katniss Everdeen of the games. The moment he gets that shot you’re absolutely done for.

Jungkook

He would have so many sponsors because he’s pretty and talented. If any other tributes are stans, there’s absolutely no way he isn’t winning.

Daemon Targaryen

This man would be the most disrespectful person and everyone else would die the worst deaths because he literally has no chill. Probably a career tribute.

Deku (specifically as Rizzuku Himdoriya)

If you’re on this side of anime TikTok, then you know that the rizzilante is built different. He’ll quite literally be stopping hearts with Rizz For All.

Matt Donovan

Plot armour. This annoying fucker should have died in season one of The Vampire Diaries.

The

Annoying Little Girl From Aliens

She survived xenomorphs for fuck knows how long just by hiding. A true underdog. Peeta’s camouflage got nothing on this kid.

Laurie Strode

How do you even survive Michael Myers? Doesn’t matter, she did. The GOAT.

The Dora Milaje

This game would be over in two seconds. As soon as they make it to the cornucopia, it’s over for everyone else.

Alex Russo

There is no debate about this. She would win.

Emma Watson (in This Is The End)

She survived outside for days, and then she robbed six grown ass men. Give her an axe and she’s showing you why Hermione would’ve been a menace as a Death Eater.

Tuesday 28th March

Good Neighbour 2pm - Ground Floor Kitchen

Wednesday 29th March

Cultural Hour Sausage Sizzle | outdoor sports games in the atea | Level 1 Courtyard |

Solomon's Gold Chocolate Factory Tour:

Monday 27th March. happening every Monday until Winter

Lani alternatively serving pancake or loaded porridge bowl breakfasts from 9am outside Te Manawaroa/Adams Foyer - Morning Munchies. we have called the event - Morning Munchies

Tauranga

Community Events

Plant Feast

Tauranga Racecourse

Sunday April 16 2023

crankworx

MARCH 18 - 26, 2023 | Skyline Rotorua |

The Little Big Markets

Mount Maunganui

Coronation Park, Maunganui Road, Mt Maunganui

Saturday 1 April 2023 9:00am - 2:00pm

TGA WSU Reps Segment:

Lani and Logan's top rated things to do in Tauranga:

Have a cheeky afternoon beveragino at Matakana Island

Paddle Boarding at Pilot Bay with Mt Cats and Yaks

Scoff down one | or two | Ice Cream sandwiches at Sea People Ice Cream

Have a panic attack in the CBD escape rooms

Disclaimer: I definitely do have access to all the uni blocks and I wasn’t just hiding out after hours.

The University of Waikato can be an endless fortress of walls upon walls. You know that movie Labrynth? It was written about Waikato, trust me, I’m a journalist. Just know that I can relate when you say that you hear knocks in the wall or some scampering in the halls every now and then. How can something so old and so vast not contain hidden corridors and secrets that would rival even the almighty Illuminati. You’re probably wondering where I’m going with all this–so am I. But the idea was pitched to me, and I’ll make it into a series of doing different shit on campus so you don’t have to. So I present to you, staying overnight in all the uni blocks that I can.

8:00 pm — Had high hopes for the old mate. But I was sorely disappointed when I was found at the beginning of the night. Probably leaving doors open and jammed wasn’t a good idea and a sure way of getting caught. There’s a major part of me that feels that it wouldn’t have provided major thrills of epic proportions.

K Basement The Basement (WSU)

One of the less haunted ones. Though if you’ve not been there in the dark, it’s not comfy nor is it the most inviting place. But here’s what I saw:

11:00 pm — there were flashes for a moment, and I thought that it was finally my time to leave this plane of existence. The worst part though? I was ready and accepting of my new life no longer breathing.

12:00 am — There was a voice. Now what that voice said? I don’t know, but there was a voice. It was high-pitched and was just like screeching through the building.

4:00 am — One other voice could be heard. But the jury is out on whether it was just me hearing shit this time. Maybe I wanted it to be another voice in the hopes that this wasn’t going to become a few more hours of silence that were interrupted by my staggered breath and popcorn lung.

7:00 am — Finally made my exit and it wasn’t the most interesting night. I enjoyed my stay but I probably wouldn’t stay again. Those padded seats don’t provide much comfort nor is the material that nice on the skin. Note to those planning on staying, bring a pillow and a blanket. It’s cold and you need to be better prepared than I ever was. Caution to the win.

2:00 am — The concrete court of terror is actually so much nicer at night. Just fucking kidding, it’s colder and reminds me of what brutalist architects dream about. So my nightmare really. There were shadows and shit everywhere but nothing could take my attention from the absolute design monstrosity of that hole. It’s grey and god awful.

6:53 am — Siri, how can I do a wellness check for a student? Left at midnight and back at the asscrack of dawn. The commitment? Palpable. Mental health? Completely wrecked. I worry about all of you. I may not have discovered ghosts but the spirits are present. Broken spirits of sad 3rd or 4th year kids unable to distinguish between life and work. My bros, take a night to sleep. Those readings aren’t shit.

Final verdict?

Law kids are built differently. Case closed, sustained.

7:20 pm — My earliest start, but also so damn busy. Do you Law kiddies never rest? Because here I am waiting to start my night of slumber only to be met with students everywhere.

12:00 am — No shit of a lie, kids only all left at this point. Maybe I’m just not well versed but are you having a “who’s the saddest sack with no personal life” competition? If so, the student wearing a suit jacket and button up Hawai’ian shirt takes the win, sorry mate but come on.

9:00 pm — Had to dim my laptop brightness because I’m fairly certain that someone came in to check that the theatre was empty. Surprise shawty, I’m watching minecraft videos with my headphones on. Lucky I’m too poor for the noisecancelling kind, hey.

2:00 am — Okay, you’re for sure never going to believe me but I almost got a photo of the ghost. Ghost is probably a stretch but please find attached a blurry pic of what I believed to be an apparition that showed themselves to me. Although on second thought, it could be just the light from my phone reflecting. Fuck.

7:00 am — Nothing to be found here. Packed up my shit and hit the road. No ghouls, only my brain failing me in all scenarios. Sorry team.

Not the worst choice, but it was sort of uncomfortable as I couldn’t really get anywhere soft enough to relax. I tried behind the whiteboard but got freaked. Scary but not like The Conjuring, DNF.

1:00 am — I went for a wander (bring shoes to stop doors from closing and plan accordingly) and found lots of art but was met with a hella scary sight of just nothing. Ya know when you get to the top of the stairs and look towards the door facing R block? Well, have you seen it at night? How about going down the stairwell by the elevator? Oh, you don’t? Well get the FUCK out of my dms before you start accusing me of not having guts.

5:00 am — No part of me would like to let you know about the sound I made when I saw a student coming in to start their day. I’d spent about 3 hours hiding in the bathroom when I saw my reflection in the hall window–thinking it was going to be la llorona. I need to stop watching James Wan horror. Shout out to the young wāhine for not calling security when I screamed in her face. Cheers.

If you want to recreate the stair scene from Parasite, I have the location for you, and the lighting wouldn’t take much to recreate with that shoddy wiring.

I’m not going to structure this by time, because there’s a major absence of time when you’re sitting under a table in the old cafeteria. There’s no light or sound except a subtle hum with a flicker from the once used advertising boards. Switching them on helped me have something. I needed something to help ground me in reality, everything was unreal and fading. My light was diming, internal self-worth diminishing to nothing. Enough on my failing on Tinder, this shit is so fucking haunted team.

I genuinely did see something staring at me from the door-way. Was it the souls of failing teaching students? Was it that awful painting coming to life? Or was it all the worst versions of myself manifesting themselves in a visual form? All answers are yes because TC is a bottomless pit, a succubus whose only goal is to ruin my life and the lives of those around me.

At all points in the evening, I felt the presence of something and someone around me. I’m not exaggerating, that place is alive and the spirits are angry. I pray for the souls of everyone that’s ever had to spend time in there, shit’s off and I don’t think I’ll ever recover. But the snacks in the fridge were alright, solid comeback.

10:00 pm — It’s quiet here. Ha ha, I get the irony okay, though it’s exceptionally silent, even my breath is nervous that it’s going to get told off for making sounds. There was a low hum downstairs, I’m sure it’s something to do with kids actually doing some study. Maybe a building open all night wasn’t the right choice. But I was alone on the top floor so, can’t complain hey.

11:45 pm — This was when things got interesting, I could hear someone roaming around but every time I looked it seemed to be emptier than the last. Almost like the aisles got darker, longer, emptier. This was about the time I wanted to throw in the towel, but I’m persistent. Or stubborn. Both are false and true.

7:00 am — I crashed out, sorry I couldn’t report more. The honest truth is that I got one of the best sleeps of my life in there. Fuck me it was good, catch you in the stacks. Come say hey to me and Casper.

You’re all missing out (or I’m late to the party) with sleeping in the aisles through the Library. Not shit, I’ll be returning when I’m feeling like some REM sleep or just some comfy ambience. Apart from the footsteps. I’ll let them go.

If I was giving final rankings and thoughts, they would go as follow:

K Basement was av as, bad start as I got kicked out. +5 shit-cunt security.

The Basement was the most empty feeling–there was nothing going on but I kept getting a fright from nothing. +3 scary

L Block slept in a theatre. The only ghosts you could feel were kids sleeping through an English paper. +5 Shakespeare in love

The Library wasn’t the first time but was the first time I felt actual life in there. Wish it had turned out like ghostbusters. +666 gooey ghost cumshots

S Block had the most interesting experience. Said no one ever. +7 uses for the building other than thoroughfare.

Law can you all be so fucking forreal and just head home for a moe. +8.9 for utilising your after hours access.

Teaching College the scariest hole you could get stuck in. Well except for Judith Collins. +10 talofas

You can’t lie and tell me that there’s no ghosts roaming the empty halls in the early hours of the AM or under the guise of midnight blues. But if you want to lie or argue with me, you can flick me an email and I’ll happily tell you that you’re wrong and I don’t have to listen to you. Why do I have this right? Well because I’m a hard-hitting journalist with no intent on changing my opinion. Email is informant@ nexusmag.co.nz, light it up mate.

Catch me next time when I explore ‘Where to leave your shit so it doesn’t get stolen so you can run and grab a bite to eat within classes’.

NIHILISM RULES, BOYS DROOL

I can’t believe that people still care in this day and age. As a society, undeniably, we are fucked. All the bullshit that’s happening with the economy, and the environment, and politics, and the internet and all that Bo Burnham Inside shit is not only fucking debilitating, it’s forced in our faces everyday by the online! Ever heard about the Willow Project? Of course you freaking have, it’s drilling its way through every fyp in the goddamn Spider Verse.

Nihilism has a special place in my heart, I’ve loved it ever since Rick and Morty graced the screen of my Android Tablet back in the olden days (2017). Not only is the concept AGGRESSIVELY atheist (which was kind of my vibe at the time), but also it meant that I didn’t have to try at anything! In that moment I secured my fate as a high school dropout. Why should I do assignments when I can stay home and Pickle in her Rick till she Morty.

Also, if I dropped nihilism now, my lifestyle would be kind of fucked. If I started caring too much about the goodness of the world, the amount of empty chocolate milk bottles in my fridge would probably make me double give up. It’s a lot, but I have to rinse them out if I wanna put them in the recycling and it’s just a whole thing and I can’t deal with that rn okay? OKAY????????? THANK you.

I’m not saying there’s no joy in the world. I believe we should find our joy in the little things. Y’know, because all the big picture things are lost causes. It’s like a painting of a dead baby with really good shading, or a man’s personality AMIRITE HAHA UP TOP. C’mon, up top. Don’t leave me hanging haha. Up top. High five me. Come on I’m serious haha. Please.

I understand that maybe this will undercut the whole ‘not caring’ point but could no one please judge me for the chocolate milk thing, I’ve been SO busy with all my other responsibilities.

Optimism is not for the weak

I may not be the most optimistic person, nor do I know what the meaning of life is because we’re all going to die anyways and oblivion is inevitable. However, that does not mean that I don’t have certain hopes about the future. The world is going to shit, that much is true. But I couldn’t give two shits about the world. What I do care about is me, and the way I want to live my own life. I strive to be optimistic for myself, because I was born into this world and given a chance to be happy. But then, what even is happiness? For me, it’s whatever I want it to be.

This might be a little bit confusing, so I’ll try my best to explain it in a way that even a child could understand. I don’t have hope for the world. I don’t care about having hope for all those around me. I genuinely just care about myself. And I have so many hopes and dreams that I’m confident will come true. And if you ask me “why? You just spoke about oblivion. No one will even remember you.” Okay? And? I’m not allowing myself to be optimistic about things to be remembered. I don’t want my name slapped on the tallest building in New York (actually, having something like the Stark Tower would be dope as shit). I’m doing it, so that when I eventually die, I’ll know that I was pretty fucking cool and pretty fucking happy.

- Yashanshi Kala

I stay away from (serious) personal opinionated pieces. It gets heated. And real. It’s not me. The heated part, I’m hundred percent natural. No Kim K money here. Life’s too short to get angry. Too short to care about others’ opinions and have it dictate you. Therefore, I don’t write them. I have no desire to persuade someone unless it's related to law or how precious novels are. It’s safe to say that I mind my own business. No grudges, no fake smiles, just co-existing with respect, despite (if) we share any history. Though I occasionally roast people, that’s how far it gets. That’s what my boss pays me to do. There is, however, something I’ve lately been exposed to. A lot more than before. Hypocrisy.

I received an email—like my peers—from my lecturer. It was regarding group work. Everyone hates their group members, let’s be honest. You’re not real if you don’t want to throw them in that dirty pond we all see daily. I know I do. Always.

The problem was that students wanted to kick group members out because of their lack of “ability”. Language abilities. That struck me. It doesn’t matter how old you are or where you study, people will remain selfish and judgmental. It’s wrong to blame a romantic partner for their “lack of communication skills and effort” when we ourselves don’t do the same on a regular basis. With acquaintances. Forget about relationships.

The issue, I realised, wasn’t necessarily the amount of contribution someone was making in the assignment. It was the effort these morons had to put to “explain” to their international group members what was to be done. It’s different working under pressure and not working at all. These are the same students who lick professor’s asses. Same students,

regardless of gender, go around protesting for the “right causes” on Instagram. These are the same students who do 5% of the group work but make it seem like they did it all. I’ve encountered one of those. You’re welcome for the grade btw. My mum has taught me the importance of charity work.

Now, let’s be a little less sentimental about this and consider logic. One that a lot of you lack. So, let’s educate one another. These students pay over $32,000 per year. Per year. Most of us won’t even make this much after getting our top-notch degree. A degree that’s clearly failed to teach us common sense and manners. This figure doesn’t include accommodation, food, travel, and other expenses. Some of them don’t even have jobs. It’s hard. Life is hard. Make it less hard by not being a dick. It’s easy. Shut. Up. Since one individual—many individuals—capability and English-speaking skills are being measured, let’s weigh $888 (the amount domestic students pay per paper) to $4091 that international students pay. $888. Half of which can be easily saved by Student Allowance or covered by student loan if you spent less on your situationship. Did it even last? Back to important topics, weigh that amount. Weigh that amount to our insensitivity.

Kicking someone out of a group assignment— making them feel left out—stopping them from passing the paper and receiving the “quality” education we all want. That. That is called being selfish. You’re busy with work. That’s a reason, sure. They take time to understand and wrap their head around these new concepts and that’s “hard” to deal with? Think. Think about it.

You’ve come here to talk about kinks with me? Isn’t that sweet. Instead of me giving the spiel about why and how you should be respectful of any and all kinks (while I’m your sex positive older sibling, even I have my limits), I want to compile a list of some of the more obscure and intriguing kinks that I’ve stumbled across one way or another. They’re going to be ranked based on commonality and popularity. Buckled up (precursor?) and get ready for a wild ride.

Bondage

I’m sure we’ve all experienced even the smallest form of bondage in one way or another. Whether the tie on the wardrobe door has pushed you to experiment or perhaps you’ve just really enjoyed the feeling of the ropes at the gym on your bare skin, there’s probably been a case for enjoying bondage in some form right?Bondage is a form of restraint. To get into it, you can tie someone up to a bed frame using a tie or scarf or, if you’re like me and have a box spring cunt, you could start by simply binding the arms together.

Podophilia

Those giggles don’t make this any less common. Feet just seem to tickle certain fantasies, and who are we to judge? Perhaps I can’t quite understand the fetish, but I can respect how INTO it fans of feet are. For those uncertain, use the process of elimination my bros.

Spectrophilia

Stay with me here. I can kind of see it right? You know that scene from Scary Movie 2 when Shorty

fucks the ghost? Or when that one girl gives head to the ghost? Am I turned on by Scary Movie 2? Would make sense. There’s more to it but the gist is that people want to fuck ghosts and maybe, just maybe, I can get behind it.

Lithophilia

You know how some people just will not shut the hell up about crystals and their moonstones or some shit? Well this isn’t exactly that because it's an attraction to gravel and stones. But that’s all the same stuff in my mind. I can’t personally say I’ve cum from gravel-rash though I can’t explicitly say it wouldn’t in the future. Whatever scuffs your knees.

Stygiophilia

This is an arousal to the thought of hellfire and damnation. I mean holy fuck. I want to know more, can’t help but let my curious brain wander at to the extent of how much they want to be fucked into hell. Does it stop at Satan or are we going all the way to his three-pronged uncut schlong. Either way, I’m curious.

Xylophilia

I know there’s no actual correlation between morning wood and Xylophilia. See where I’m going? It’s being turned on by wood. Now I can’t be the only one thinking back to the image that used to go around on Facebook of the trussy (tree-pussy). The rākau that looked like it had spread eagle and would give you the tightness in return. I’m only wording it this way in the hopes that someone out there just found their niche that I’m sure they’ll love explaining to their future partner(s).

What we’ve discovered is that there’s every kink under the sun (Actirasty), and we’ve not begun to scratch the surface. What I hope is gained from this is that you’re not afraid of exploring the deeper recesses of your sexual psyche. Sex can be spicy or it can be as vanilla as listening to Taylor Swift and engaging in missionary. Be open and receptive to trying new things that you discover but also what your partner suggests–don’t close yourself off to the idea because you never know what becomes your new favourite activity. Stay safe and buy foot doms if you’re planning to spelunk.

- Dr. Sex

Jak: Easy first question, how are you doing at the moment?

Ava: Tired and busy but ultimately better than ever!

Jak: Tell us more about how you found yourself in the world of bass and what that looked like?

Ava: My Mum is a music fanatic and I pretty much grew up listening to her jamming beats at all different times of the day. As I got older my friends would always jam on the decks at pre’s before going to raves and it looked like so much fun. I then found myself working behind the bar in Back Bar and after watching the Resident DJ’s play there every weekend I knew I could no longer ignore my itch to start mixing.

Jak: As a prominent woman in the industry, how do you deal with dick-swinging dj’s who want to minimise your talent?

Ava: Honestly, I just have a smile and wave mentality towards this. There’s always going to be people trying to tear you down, especially in the music industry. You can’t avoid it so the best thing you can do is believe in yourself and your talent and not

let other people’s opinions or judgement define you and effect what you bring to the table. One of my sayings to hype myself up is “Whatever they said I couldn’t do, I did”.

Jak: If you had to explain what you play without using music terms, how would you?

Ava: Ahhh Drum & Bass? That’s a music term. I guess music that’s a little bit different to the norm. I definitely don’t play Miley Cyrus or anything that you would really hear on the radio. I’m passionate about Dubstep and House music as well but DNB is where my heart will always lie because of how high energy it is and how much fun you can have while mixing it.

Jak: What’s your current rotation? Or rather who's on that rotation?

Ava: I’m really vibing with Goddard at the moment! All of his new tunes hit the spot for me. I’ve also been listening to a lot of vibey liquid drum & bass lately.

Jak: Using only high school superlatives (most likely too’s) explain who you were 5 years ago and who you are now.

Ava: I can’t even remember what I got voted as for most likely too’s but probably something very tame lol. I was super shy, a bit of a book nerd and I wanted to be a graphic designer. Fast forward to now and I’m super loud, still shy but outwardly a lot more confident and comfortable in my own skin and now I want to go into broadcasting! Obviously with still being able to have my lil DJ career on the side. So probably most likely to lose a fight to a cockroach then and now… probably most likely to be the only one on the dance floor

Jak: Who’s on your dream gig lineup?

Ava: Oh man don’t ask me this. Without giving reasons or explanations…Camo & Krooked, Calvin Harris, Diplo, Friction, Bou, Faithless, Fatboy Slim, Daft Punk, Turno and Modestep

Jak: What should we be looking out for in the future? Any big projects? Major gigs?

Ava: Honestly I know as much about my future as anyone else does but I do have ANODNB coming up at the Factory and Cinema one happening at the Mount on Good Friday. I hope to play a festival this year as a short term goal and ultimately my long term goal is to start producing and play a gig overseas but I’m not putting too much pressure on that at the moment cause I’m having a lot of fun where I am right now regardless

8 / 10

Anime tv show

Tehana

De Klerk

I feel like there’s a bit of a misconception about My Hero because of how crazy some “fans” are, but I’m here to tell you that this season is dope as shit. With only one episode left, season six of My Hero Academia has single handedly outdone every other season. There’ll be a few tiny spoilers here.

This season we have been introduced to a lot of character development of those that we know and love. Rabbit Hero Mirko finally got to show just how badass she really is and we finally got the backstories of Dabi and Hawks (they nearly made me cry). And that’s not all! All For One and Shigaraki are on some OP shit, and so is Deku. Izuku Midoriya’s vigilante arc (while I wish it lasted longer) was amazing. He has truly grown as a main character.

Season six also dives more into the Todoroki family (fuck you Endeavour), but what I thought was really amazing was how they showed Class A’s relationship with Deku. Aizawa wins best teacher for me, and Bakugo finally apologises to Deku (I cried that time). He gets his hero name too.

Some people did have negative stuff to say regarding the animation, but as someone who reads the manga too, I honestly didn’t have a problem with it.

Anyways, stan All Might because he’s just trying to help.

7 / 10

Documentary

Jak Rata

Evelyn is a documentary that follows director Orlando von Einsiedel and his family as they try to cope with the suicide of his brother Evelyn, who suffered from schizophrenia and depression. And holy fuck, does it just punch you in the face in the first 3 minutes, opening with the reading of the note itself.

The film shows them taking long walks across the UK, the siblings visiting places that Evelyn loved and opening up about their feelings and memories. It's a very emotional and honest film that explores how grief affects different people and how hard it is to talk about mental health issues. It’s well shot, with the majority of the camera work being on the unseen companion. With them either mounting it on their backpack or walking backwards for the more intimate moments, capturing the rawness.

If you’re ready for a cry but to also spend a moment with whānau talking about mental health–then buckle in for this one aye.

Designer's note:

This is me admitting that Jak was right and this colourway fucking slaps. But also we played a game of odds. Can ya tell who lost? Jak has assured me there's no such thing as losers, only second winners.

Food

Namaste Kitchen. I love you. Sorry, did I come on too strong? Can you blame me? Your $4 chips with butter chicken sauce is not only a deal but genius as well. I mean, the best part about butter chicken is objectively the sauce. On top of that, the salt to chip ratio is always spot on and the container of sauce is the perfect amount. Don’t get me started on the extra $4 for a hotdog! Ok, you’ve got me started. Perfectly battered and complemented beautifully by the sweet orange elixir it comes with. Me oh my. I won’t hold it against you guys that you’ve already upped your prices in my brief time here. It's tough out there and demand for butter chicken sauce with battered assortments is at an all time high (and understandably so).

Now, somebody in the office this week had the absolute nerve to say that your butter chicken doesn’t contain real chicken. I will not buy into these defamatory remarks; I simply do not believe them. I trust you, Namaste Kitchen.

I’ve seen that you guys have donuts now. Yet another genius move by you tycoon’s as you look to take over the village green one delicious venture at a time. Now, I am yet to indulge in these myself but my gluten-free friend is a sucker for them despite the pain he endures as a result. I think this puts into words what I simply cannot.

This is my ode to Namaste Kitchen. You beautiful, beautiful cooks. Keep churning out that butter chicken sauce and chips, just make sure you remember me when you’ve taken over McDonalds and achieved global dominance.

2 / 10 TV Show

If you're looking for a fresh and original comedy set in a women's prison, you might want to skip Hard Cell, Catherine Tate's first ‘attempt’ at a sitcom.

The show is a mockumentary that follows Laura (Tate), an inept governess who tries to reform the inmates with her clueless ideas and schemes. Tate also plays several of the prisoners, such as Big Viv, a violent Scottish woman who loves doing Kardashian impressions, and Sian, a Welsh woman who speaks so unintelligibly that she needs subtitles. So like the British version of Lunatics? Tough s(c)ell.

The problem is that most of these characters are one-note jokes that get old fast, and the humour relies too much on shit (just bad, not faecal) gags, niche stereotypes and toilet humour (so actual shit jokes). The show also feels dated and out of touch; as it makes fun of racism, homophobia, and classism without much nuance or insight. I’ve read hella praise for Tate's comedic talents and the cast, but I’d have to say the show feels like a lacklustre relic from a bygone era. Hard Cell might be just one hard watch.

Seamus Lohrey Jak Rata

- JOEL COLLINS AFTER SCHOOL SNACKS!

you’re packing absolute heat the yolk ratio may flex a bit). To accomplish this, cut the carrot twice in half vertically and once in half horizontally.

SNACK THREE:

Cereal. Also good for every other meal of the day.

SNACK SIX:

So we kept that up for the rest of intermediate but then the guy who had the basket on his bike died and we had to lug the boxes around on our scooters which was a total hassle so we just stopped.

SNACK EIGHT:

Yeah, by now it is crazy expired, but it still tastes the same. Sure, they seem to let off a suspicious amount of fumes, almost as if the sunny window I left it by had melted the plastic which had leached into the sauce making it go even worse than expired. Okay, MAYBE my nightmares have been getting more vivid and terrifying the more sauce I eat. And FINE, MAYBE I see a shadow person getting closer and closer each time I close my eyes! IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL!

YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT THIS IS C*NT

SIMPLE PUZZLES FOR SIMPLE PEOPLE

FINISH THIS...

COLORING IN PAGE PART 1/4

IS THERE A EXIT?

WE WON’T TELL YOU WHAT IT IS BUT IF YOU PUT THEM ALL TOGETHER, THEN YOU WIN. FIND OUT WHAT IN 2 WEEKS

ACROSS

4. Online flirting but like not PG (4)

7. “That’s ___” (3)

9. The thing you do on a couch that leads to more (6)

12. Best place for a break up date (10)

14. Slang term for a blowjob (5)

DOWN

1. Quiet place to fuck and learn about cases in the 1990’s (8)

2. An event where you’re forced to pay for shit you didn’t even consume (4)

3. Like an intense kiss. (4)

5. What I would like Mrs Incredible to do to my head with her thighs (5)

6. A common abbreviation for "relationship" (4)

8. “They got a ___truck” (4)

10. When you LIKE like someone(4)

11. What you give someone when they’re feeling down (4)

13. Where I lost my virginity (5)

15. What’s my favourite colour (10)

1. What author created the character of Tom Hagen?

2. What was the birth name of actress Betty Grable?

3. What connection did Thomas Edison have with the construction of Yankee Stadium?

4. In which city is the world’s largest film studio?