imprints

story by | kathleen wrigley

Our grandparents, or family elders, are uniquely positioned to influence us. Most often they aren’t saddled with the daily rut and responsibility of raising their grandchildren. The culmination of their history and experience and placement in our lives provides a nice recipe for us to learn. It’s up to us to tap into that expertise!

Eight years ago I was in Ashland, Pennsylvania, for the annual Kelly family reunion. My grandmom, Grace [Kelly] Boyle, and I sat in a bedroom and talked. She invited me to ask her anything. We chatted about family members and family stories that we’d never discussed before. It was the closest I’d ever felt to grandmom Boyle, and it paved the way for the relationship we have today.

My grandmom is not the type of grandma that most of our kids know. Oh, she’s a good grandparent. She loves each of us dearly. But she didn’t play with us when we were growing up, or dole out many hugs and “I love yous.” Her generation, sometimes, had a different idea of their roles. I remember many of our elders shushing us, saying, “Children should be seen not heard.” Can you imagine the crooked looks we’d get from kids today?!

Gracie Boyle turns 91 on May 29th. Anyone who’s lived that long has endured. She has always been proud, practical, tough, and quick with an opinion or advice and never minces words, similar to many in her generation. Grandmom’s stoicism and strength have guided her through a large share of heartache. She lost her mom to breast cancer when she was just ten. She’s lived through the deaths of all five of her siblings, nursed her husband through lung cancer and lost him to the disease. Her only daughter was killed in a car accident. And we witnessed her age before our eyes, as our family endured the loss of her oldest grandchild, my brother, Danny, who was killed in the line of duty as a rookie Philadelphia police officer.

Childhood memories float into our consciousness. They’re often influential, inviting us to consider those moments again.

I can recall grandmom sitting at the kitchen table, deftly handling a ciggy in one hand [fingers pointed and nails perfectly manicured], and sipping on her one cold mug of beer a day. Her house was filled with Irish accents and memorabilia that told visitors, “I am 100% Irish and proud of it.”

Incidentally, grandmom quit smoking at the age of 80, right before gall-bladder surgery. When I asked, “Why stop now?” she answered, with a grin, “I wasn’t ready to before.” She definitely called the shots!

Grandparents of her time were practical, too. She fit the mold. Our Christmas gifts, year after year, were winter coats. We needed them, and she provided them. I don’t remember a toy. As we grew older, the coats were replaced with a card and a check, to “buy something we need.”

I remember the smell of grandmom Boyle’s roast beef dinners. She made the same thing, every visit, knowing it was our favorite: roast beef, home-made coleslaw, mashed potatoes, and corn. I used to mix them all together! The 7-up bottles we drank were a treat, too. To this day, I can’t pass the green 7-up cases in Hornbacher’s without noticing and smiling. She’d be pleased, knowing I hold these memories close to my heart.

Across the decades, she stiffened her back through pain and sadness. I have spent my life watching grandmom from the periphery, until that visit eight years ago, when I began to absorb her. There was an invitation to share these memories, our pain. Sitting together we cried and laughed as we zigzagged through our life-lines, and I welcomed her imprint.

Since then, grandmom and I have had some of the most memorable conversations and have built a relationship much deeper than I would have predicted. The years have changed her. As she aged, her shell has softened. Or is it that I grew up and grabbed my chance to learn from her? Either way, our relationship blossomed. And I connected to her wisdom and history. I hesitate to think what would have happed had I let that opportunity slip away from me.

Now, time has just about run out for us. She’s frail, can’t hear, and is mostly confused. Still, in true grandmom Boyle style, she continues on, at peace, knowing her mark is indelibly imprinted.

Recently, we flew to see grandmom. I recognize this may be one of our last times together. Despite her hearing deficit and memory lapses, the conversation flowed loudly, but easily, and we laughed, even giggled, at times. Each trip to grandmom’s is a wonderful souvenir for my kids, whom she doesn’t remember, but enjoys as they yell into her face asking if she needs anything, “a sip of iced tea, tissue, or how ‘bout your walker?” My nine year-old daughter drinks in every ounce of her great-grandmother. She sits next to her and holds her hand, examining the wrinkles, rubbing them gingerly. This child gets it. At nine, her intuition is one of her most astonishing gifts.

Our visit was special. At one point, for a moment, grandmom looked up at me and pointed, with a twinkle in her eye and a mild gasp, that told me, “I know you. I remember you’re woven in my life, somehow.” It was gone as quickly as it came, but I won’t forget that look for as long as I live.

Grandmom has spent her years living a simple, practical life. She focused on her responsibilities and provided for her family. Yes, she’s endured, and built a legacy of strength and perseverance. And somewhere, along the way, probably after bringing another generation into our family, it struck me that grandmom is an enduring influence in my life, a vital part of my narrative. She’s left her imprint on me . . . my heart . . . my family. When life throws me unexpected curveballs, I don’t duck. I try to stand tall, hang in there and endure, just like Gracie Boyle would expect. I’m doing my best, grandmom. Thanks for leading the way.

We will always love you. . .

Kathleen Wrigley is a Philadelphia native, wife to Drew, and Mother of tree, Quinn, Patrick and Harper. Kathleen is a full-time stay-at-home mom who dutifully volunteers. She serves on several community boards & committees, is active in her church, kids' school, and politics, and runs to sustain her own mental health! Before children, she was Director for Bismarck's Child Advocacy Center and was a former speech writer.

Pizza Cups

Served hot or cold, these kid-friendly mini pizza cups made in a muffin tin are ideal for an after-school snack, birthday party, sleep-over or a unique appetizer option. So easy to make you won’t think twice about letting the little ones help you in the kitchen.

makes: 12 cups prep: 15 min bake: 15 min what you need:

1 tube of pizza dough

1 pound extra lean ground beef*

1 ½ cups pizza sauce

1 tablespoon Italian seasoning shredded mozzarella cheese mini pepperonis, chopped onions, green pepper, black olives or toppings of choice.

*ground turkey an alternative option how to make it:

1. Brown ground beef in a skillet.

2. Stir in pizza sauce.

3. Add in Italian seasoning.

4. Heat through.

5. Roll out and flatten tube of pizza dough to desired thickness into a rectangle on a lightly floured surface.

6. Cut into 4 x 4 inch squares.

7. Press squares into lightly greased muffin cup tins, skipping every other muffin cup. Corners of dough will spill over.

8. Repeat procedure with remaining pizza dough pieces.

9. Sprinkle shredded mozzarella cheese over dough in bottom of each cup.

10. Evenly spoon beef over cheese.

11. Sprinkle with onion, green pepper, pepperoni and cheese

12. Bake at 350°F 15 - 20 minutes or until crusts are browned and cheese is melted source: on the minds of moms

13. Remove from oven and sprinkle cheese over top of meat.

Have you lately allowed yourself to slip away in la-la land and fantasize about what you would do if you had a whole afternoon to yourself and $100 to spend?” If the answer is ‘no’, you’re not alone. We polled On The Minds Of Moms Facebook fans and here is what they said.

I would pay someone $100 to have my house clean and laundry done so I could focus all my attention on emptying my DVR of all the shows I have recorded but never have time to watch. Ahhh....bliss!!!

—Michelle W., Minot

I'm giddy just thinking about it! I'd start my afternoon off shopping at a couple stores I never go to with the kids and then I'd finish it off with a relaxing massage.

—Susan B., Fargo

I would go out to lunch and take in a movie. Then I think I would hang out at the bookstore and treat myself to some new cookbooks. You meant a REALLY long afternoon, right?

—Trina H., Grafton

I'd go nuts in the 2nd hand and thrift stores - money goes so much further [especially on kid clothes] and I feel so good about reducing, recycling & reusing!

—Michelle L., Fargo

I would get a massage, than I’d head to Barnes and Noble where I would spend the afternoon reading and drinking coffee.

—Jolene S., Oxbow

I would go and purchase scrapbook materials and catch up on my SCRAPBOOKING! It’s very relaxing, especially when you see the end result and have memories that you and your family can cherish FOREVER!

—Heidi T., West Fargo

I would put the money in my purse and take a LONG nap! An afternoon to myself definitely trumps the $100.

—Mandy J., Dilworth

As a mom of infant twins and a Kindergartner, I would check into a hotel so I could take a peaceful nap and not have to worry about all the other things around the house that need to get done.

—Lisa N., West Fargo

First, a much needed massage, then out to treat some girlfriends and I to some wine.

—Kris N., Moorhead

I would have lunch therapy with my bestie, TK- and then treat myself to a fresh hair cut, color and styleeven if I was not due for one!! Nothing makes me feel better or adds a better spring in my step than a fresh hair do!

—Erin B., Fargo

I would take my laptop to a coffee shop, have lunch, purchase digital scrapbooking supplies, and start my 2 year olds baby book.

—Jacy V., Harwood

I'd get a haircut, complete with a total head massage. Then go home to watch lifetime movies in bed alone.

—Erica J., West Fargo

I'd get a massage and hope the person giving it was one of those that does NOT talk through the whole thing!

—Julie F., Fargo

I would go out for a nice lunch with just my husband. We never have time together without our two girls tagging along, so this would be a special treat! After lunch I’d enjoy the rest of the afternoon shopping at some of my favorite spots, alone and in peace and quiet!

—Michelle P., Moorhead

In 1994 while working at Great Shape Women’s Health Club, Stacey Allard and Kate Frappier discovered they had the same passion for wellness. Six years later they would branch away and join forces in a business partnership that today is called Health Pros Personal Training Center, Inc. This year marks Health Pros 10 year anniversary and still to this day, Stacey [mom to 12-year-old Kacee and 10-year-old Kelli] and Kate [mom to 8-year-old Sophia] are proud to offer a relaxing, comfortable setting that allows clients to feel at home in an unintimidating environment. With approximately 100 clients between the two, the greatest testaments to their work are the dedicated clients who have been training with Stacey and Kate since they started their personal training careers. Kate and Stacey are extremely grateful to be making an impact in the wellness of their clients and they believe it’s never too late to start focusing on your health and wellness. Health Pros is a place where you don’t have to be in shape to start working out.