blessed beyond measure

Alexis says she really looks forward to one-on-one time with her mommy. "She does a lot of fun things with us, but my favorite thing is when she takes us out on dates alone and when we go running together."

Last winter, with the arrival of their ninth child on the horizon, the Rivers Family Fun Night was created. “We allow each child to choose that night's supper/menu and sometimes they even help to shop for it or make it. Then we either play a game or watch a movie of their choosing. It allows each of them to express their desires and have some control over something on a regular basis. Although around here, your turn might not come for another 2 months!”

The couples’ devotion to their children and hard work as parents is evident as soon as you meet their kids. “What impresses me most about the kids is that the older ones will always look you in the eye and say "hi" when you greet them,” friend Lindsay Yoder says. “Sounds simple, but these days you'd be hard-pressed to find kids who will do just that. To me it just reflects great parenting on Jess and Jared's part because that is something that requires intentional training—hard to do with one child, let alone nine.”

And, like any family, each child is developing his or her own unique personality; something neighbor Suzanne Hedden notices each time she picks up the kids for the school carpool. Suzanne says Alexis is a protective big sister who “goes out of her way to be helpful.” Madeline is energetic and adventurous. Bradyn is curious. “One day he was in our garage reading the instruction manual for the John Deere tractor!” Austin “has a natural athletic ability that brings big smiles to his face.” Keilah Grace is a leader who “looks after her younger siblings with a very caring heart.” Harrison is a little fighter. “Born a sick little guy, he had that ability to fight through his illness in the same way he fights to keep up with the older kids.” Sophie is all girl and “walks with authority, unafraid to speak her mind.” Sullivan is shy “but likes to follow the older kids around.” And Sebastian well he’s the baby! “his personality will come in time.” All in all, Suzanne says the Rivers’ kids are polite and friendly, just like Jess!

A Dash Of Normalcy

Raising a family of nine children has changed Jess’ life more than she ever realized. It’s changed her perspectives on perfectionism, made her relish personal passions, and erased any limit to the amount she could love another human being.

The one thing motherhood hasn’t changed in Jess is the value she places on her friendships. Rebecca Rankin, a longtime friend of Jess’s who lives in Iowa, says Jess is one of the most loyal and faithful friends she has. “Even with nine kiddos she finds time to send encouraging cards and notes to me, gifts, calls often, and never gets annoyed when I call all the time to chat.”

That perspective of acceptance —of yourself and others—is something Jess encourages all mothers to embrace. Because at the end of the day, we’re all trying to balance the same things: the desire to be a good person and to raise good children who will grow into good people.

“I think women, in general, we just want to have all these balls in the air, whether you work or you stay at home,” she says. “We all just want to appear like we’ve got it all together to everybody.”

We each have our own version of ‘normal.’ For Jess and Jared, that includes raising nine children and being open to the idea of having more. For some families, one child is enough. In either scenario—and every situation in between—we should focus on supporting, empowering and encouraging one another and avoid questioning others’ life choices.

“What is a ‘quiver full’ for one couple or family may be completely different for another family—and for completely different reasons,” Jared says. “Everyone's circumstances are different in this area and we have learned that we are not all going to see things the same. It's not our job to decide what's best for anybody else other than our family.”

Jess insists that she is like any other mother, juggling being a mom, wife and friend on any given day. And after spending an afternoon getting to see her quiet confidence and quick wit firsthand, we agree. She admits she sometimes drops the ball. But you find true strength in how you pick it up, she says. And if you surround yourself with good friends and a good partner and a strong foundation of faith, you can do anything.

“I’m happy doing this. My husband and I do look at each other and go, “Huh!” Jess says, breaking into a smile. “But we feel totally at peace with it. Do we feel balanced? I think we feel really blessed. Blessed beyond measure.”