big kids [6–9 years]

Oh, they will always have each other. A built in best friend, confidant, secret keeper…errr…rival, friend stealer, tattletale! The relationship between your big kid and his sibling can change by the minute. A little sibling fighting is to be expected, but you really don’t want to wear the striped referee shirt all day, every day!

can’t we just get along

It shouldn’t be so hard, should it? There can be days when anything can provoke your big kid to fight with his brother or sister. Here are some things to help promote a little serenity on the home front:

• da rules Establish your family rules. No cursing, no name calling, no slamming of doors and so on. Also talk about the consequences of breaking the rules. Make sure the kiddos have input in the rules and consequences and hold weekly family meetings to reinforce the limits agreed upon.

• fairness, shmairness When the kiddos fight you’ll hear lots of “that’s not fair!” Well, honeys, life’s not fair. There is no way you can do anything exactly 50-50, so don’t get sucked into that battle. The PB & J can’t be cut exactly down the middle so don’t beat yourself up because you can’t do everything 100% equal.

• share…most of the time Keep in mind that the kiddos need their own time too. Time with you one-on-one, time with his friends without a tag along sibling and time simply to himself when he doesn’t have to share anything.

Try as you might, they are still going to fight. Keep these points in mind as you defuse sibling warfare:

• pick your battles It isn’t good for you to step in at every moment conflict raises its wicked head. Unless someone is going to be physically harmed, try not to get involved. The kiddos need to learn how to work things out.

• winner, winner chicken dinner Don’t worry about who’s right and who’s wrong. If you need to step in, they are both responsible to some degree.

• to your corner Separate your fighters and let emotions die down. Some extra space and calmer heads can allow you to use the situation as a teaching opportunity.

Sibling fighting is very common, but there are families that may need to seek professional help. If the kiddos’ fighting starts to effect the self-esteem or mental wellbeing of any family member, takes a toll on your relationship with your significant other, or there is a real threat of physical harm, talk to your doctor about outside help.

It’s been a long day. Your tweener counted down the seconds until the final bell. Get home, have a snack, a little TV and vegout a bit. In walks loving mother. After small talk about the day, you ask, “Got any homework?” And so it begins… getter done

There are so many things to keep your tweener occupied all of which are far more “fun” and attention grabbing than homework. Well, it’s gotta get done and here are some homework how-to tips:

• set the stage With your tweener’s help establish a homework space. Whether it’s at the kitchen table or his bedroom, it doesn’t matter as long as the work is getting done.

• offer some control Give your tweener the power to make some choices when it comes to homework such as doing his homework immediately after school or after dinner.

• a little help here You want your tweener to be resourceful, and it’s perfectly fine for you to help him with his homework, but make sure your help is wanted. And if you sense your help is creating conflict, get out! Let your tweener know you are happy to help, but you don’t want to argue and take a break.

• help, don’t do Remember that it’s your tweener’s homework, not yours. He needs to be doing the work and you are just the helper. Repeat after me, helper!

• ants in your pants For some tweeners, just being able to sit long enough to finish their homework is the biggest challenge. Taking frequent, short breaks may be the answer. It might take a little longer, but the real goal is just simply getting it done.

• anything else If your tweener continues to refuse to do his homework make sure there aren’t other issues at play such as a learning disability or vision problem.

One last consideration when it comes to homework is identifying the type of learner your tweener is. Maybe he needs to talk things out [auditory learner], picture or see an example [visual learner] or maybe he’s very detail orientated [analytical learner]. Knowing how your tweener best learns can make study time much more effective.

Youjust want to know where they are and that they are safe. And you aren’t being completely unreasonable, but come on, your teen can’t really expect to stay out all night, right? As your teen gets older, it becomes harder and hard to set limits, while still allowing them freedom.

crampin’ his style

Teen curfew is a double edged sword. You want to trust your teen, but be too lenient and you risk him pushing the boundaries further. Be too strict and he might become rebellious and start sneaking out the window. When setting [and more importantly enforcing] your teen’s curfew, consider:

• this teen Every teen is an individual so remember that. Try to base your teen’s curfew on his merits and needs while staying away from comments about older siblings or when you were a teen. That will go in one ear and out the other!

• talk it out Communicate with your teen. That means talking and listening. Listen to his ideas and talk about the consequences when he doesn’t make it home at the agreed upon time.

• bend, but don’t break Be flexible and know you are going to have to make compromises. But when the agreed upon curfew is missed stand firm to the agreed upon consequences. And make sure the consequences fit the crime.

• see the good too Be sure to acknowledge when your teen is meeting his curfew. Too often a whole lot of attention is focused on the times when curfew is missed, but nothing said for consistently meeting curfew. Reward the good behavior as much as you would reprimand the bad. says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says

When it comes to your teen’s curfew, you can probably assume there are going to be times of conflict. Setting the limits and making sure your teen is involved in the plan and subsequent consequences can take the edge off future curfew battles.

Who is Sally?

She is our quintessential, “do-it-all” mom and friend who reminds us to remember the woman behind the mom.