sally meets karma

story by | deb uglem

Iasked my 15-year-old daughter what she knew about karma. She replied with, “Karma is pay back.” Of course I asked for clarification and she replied, “All the bad stuff you do will come back to you.” It’s interesting to me how she [like most] took the negative approach to karma. I guess it is somewhat gratifying to think that there is some cosmic revenge. You know for the real important stuff like… that guy that cut you off on the way to work—he will get his someday!

If you look up karma, it is a Buddhism term and is defined as “the sum of a person’s actions in this and previous states existence, viewed as deciding their fate in future existences.” Pretty heavy, in other words karma is the result of our own past actions. So for Sally this means, “What goes around comes around.” In a way this is comforting to me. It makes me feel like I have control and control is big for moms, considering the fast-paced, busy schedules we all keep.

I have been multitasking for the last 20 years to be the perfect [ok maybe not perfect!] wife, mother, daughter, employee, writer, housekeeper, landscaper, interior designer, etc. The list is ever changing and could go on forever. Of course the majority of the multitasking time is spent on my kids and focused on having them grow up to be confident strong adults that will contribute to society in some wonderful way [or at least graduate from high school]. The thought that all this hard work could somehow come back to me puts a smile on my face. It also raises the question, “Will karma understand my methods?”

In my quest for raising well-adjusted kids [and of course helping my husband see the light] I have tried several methods. As I look back I have used grounding, family meetings, chores and crazy phrases that in the heat of the moment seemed so intelligent. I once held a family meeting to explain the very difficult task of replacing an empty toilet paper roll [it may be time for a review]. I have said things that I thought I would never hear come out of my mouth. This Sally is due a little Mom Karma for all the times my mouth has opened and things like this came out…

• “Honey, we don’t eat money.” That one ended with a trip to the emergency room.

• “Don’t go over to the corner to poop.” Those who are in the middle of potty training will understand this one.

• “We put garbage in the garbage can.” Amazing how brilliant I can be!

• “I am serious! Do not sit on your brother’s head!” As if the “serious” part was really scaring them.

• “You are not wearing Daisy Dukes to school.” That needs no clarification.

• “Fine, I really don’t care.” I found that reverse psychology doesn’t work on my family, but it was worth a try.

• “You guys the dishwasher is clean.” My family uses the dishwasher like a cupboard.

• “Is anyone listening to me?!” Of course this one is always followed by silence.

• And I have to mention my new favorite, “Really?”

Sometimes I think, “what did I just say!” Then I will see little signs that karma is watching. One day this summer I came downstairs and my son was unloading the dishwasher. I froze and thought, “if I walk in the kitchen will he stop?” I chanced it and he finished his task. I thanked him with a hug. It made my day—there is hope.

Other times this Sally feels like she is banging her head against the wall. It can become frustrating when you feel like your spending 90% of your time disciplining in some form or another. As you think about how you are instilling the dos and don’ts of life into your family don’t get hung up on the method, concentrate on the message.

I try to be consistent in my craziness, listen to my children, reward the good behavior and discipline what needs to be disciplined. It is important to make the punishment fit the crime. I don’t ground for not unloading the dishwasher, but I do take away twitter for improper use. I try to behave the way I want my kids to behave—this one can be hard! And I am not sure if I want my kids repeating some of my crazy quotes. But all we can do is our best. Try to break bad habits and maintain a positive attitude and hope our children will catch it. It doesn’t matter what method you use as long as you are taking your children’s well being into account.

So Sally… have you met karma yet? If you haven’t seen her—start looking. I for one am counting on her and I becoming good friends. I know she will understand my crazy mothering methods and send my good intentions back my way. Maybe even that child [who shall remain nameless] who lost twitter privileges indefinitely will one day post the sweet “I love my mom” tweet.

Women’s Clothing