how tolive in the midst of waiting

story by | vicky westra

As a stage IV breast cancer patient, I've discovered waiting becomes a major part of treatment. We wait for blood work, for oncology and radiation appointments. We wait for results from CT scans, MRIs, PET scans, etc. We wait to feel better, have more energy and live life full.

I feel such an urgency to live and yet so much of my time is spent waiting. I often struggle with how to reconcile these two opposing forces vying for space in my life. It took a trip to the grocery store and a day filled with waiting for me to see with fresh eyes.

It was the day before chemo, just a week before Christmas 2011. My to-do list was unwieldy and it left me breathless just thinking of it. If only it would go smoothly. Of course I doom myself every time I dare suggest an “easy-button” kind of day.

It started on a rocky note instantly. Our new puppy destroyed my son's mitten. I sent a teary-eyed boy out the door with mismatched mittens. The dog tangles his rope around the tree outside in the snow, so I rush to wrangle the dog, and finally slip out the door. My to-do list firmly gripped in my hands, me completely out of breath already. How will I manage?

And I am late! I circle the parking lot at the clinic, frantically race through the halls, run up the stairs and arrive to a long line at the wound care clinic. Due to the holidays, everyone is trying to be seen.

After a lengthy wait of my own doing, the nurses are efficient. They expertly dress my mastectomy site. I jump in my car and scoop up the library books I need to return. I circle the block three times before I find a parking spot. I cross the street to the post office. This time the line is staggering, and snakes out through the lobby door. Time ticks away as my resolve and energy wane. I will have spent most of my day just waiting. How will I ever make it home before the school bus?

Its well afternoon by the time I get to the grocery store. I fly around the grocery store hurriedly throwing things in my cart and scratching them off my list. I get to the checkout line and find the last register only has one person in front of me. I may beat the school bus home after all!

I start to relax and it’s then that I notice the woman with her baby in front of me as she unloads her groceries. She unloads a variety of fresh and healthy items. They are similar to what I would have gotten when my kids were young like her's. I feel a flush of warmth when I notice her bottles of apple juice. Oh how my boys loved their apple “goose.” Sippee cups and goose seems like ages ago to me.

It's then I notice the stack of vouchers. The cashier scans an item, picks up a voucher and manually keys in a long code. Time is once again slipping away. The vouchers are endless and time consuming. I wait and wait. Several times the clerk and the woman confer over the wording of the vouchers to be sure they have the exact items the vouchers call for.

And then it all comes to a grinding halt. The cashier announces quite loudly, “You can't use this voucher. It clearly states one container of apple juice and you have two containers.”

The woman seems embarrassed. She shyly replies, “It's okay, then take away the juice. I thought maybe I could substitute two 32 ounce bottles, because I couldn't find the 64 ounce one I usually get.” The clerk nods her head firmly and places the store-brand juice off to the side.

Really? I think to myself. Just like that? Her kids won't get juice? Its Christmas. It doesn't sit well with me at all. It wasn't like she was trying to buy something frivolous? In fact scanning her items, there isn't any junk food.

The clerk gets through the rest of the woman's items. She tells the woman what she owes, and I see two items remaining; a bag of sugar and a package of almond bark. Of course, I think, for Christmas baking. The woman is scrounging through her wallet. I see bits of change being counted and an odd dollar or two.

Without hesitation, I reach in my pocket and pull out my to-do list and as I do, wadded up dollars get pulled along with it. I hand the money to the clerk and ask her to give the woman her juice back. I also tell her to add in the sugar and the almond bark if I have enough. The woman turns to me as I hand her the money to use. I search her eyes and pray I won't embarrass her. I simply tell her the truth. “My own children loved their apple juice and I've seen the disappointment in their eyes when I couldn't provide.” She grasps the money and hands it to the clerk. When she sees it’s enough, she grabs the cart and darts off. The clerk is standing with some change and her receipt, but the woman is long gone.

What just happened? As I load my groceries in my car, I feel lighter. I've forgotten about the time. It ever so slowly occurs to me, all that waiting I did, accounted for something. What if all that waiting wasn't about me and my list? Had I not been held in long lines, and if everything had run smoothly today, I would not have made it to the spot where I was perhaps needed the most.

Maybe we aren't waiting for life... what if life is in the waiting? Perhaps the waiting ensures we are exactly where we are meant to be.

I crumpled up my to-do list and threw it away. It turns out the most important thing I did that day, wasn't even on my to do list. My “to do” list wasn't even about me. It took a lot of waiting, and a trip to the grocery store to realize I lived well that day.

It turns out, urgency to live subsides a bit, when you take the time to live your moments full.

This section is dedicated to capturing your parent thoughts. Want to share what’s on your mind? Submit your article idea to info@onthemindsofmoms.com along with a short bio for consideration in an upcoming issue.

1–31

Lindenwood Park Lights

701.318.4747 www.fmsertoma.com

A display of lights throughout Lindenwood Park.

5–9, 12–16 & 19–23

Santa Village @ Rheault Farm

701.241.8160 www.fargoparks.com

Santa & Mrs. Claus open the village at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo] with elves, live reindeer & sleigh rides! November 24th & 25th, December 1st & 2nd 1pm–7pm, December 5th–7th 4pm–8pm, 8th & 9th 1pm–8pm, 12th–14th 4pm–8pm, 15th & 16th 1pm–8pm, 19th–21st 4pm–8pm, 22nd & 23rd 1pm–8pm.

8, 15 & 22

Santa Fly-In

701.293.8043 www.fargoairmuseum.org

Head to the Fargo Air Museum [1609 19th Ave N, Fargo] at Noon and see Santa fly-in to meet all the good boys & girls!

8 Jaws, Paws and Lunch with Santa Claws

701.277.9240 www.redriverzoo.org

Enjoy lunch, family photo with Santa, docents with animals, carousel rides and more. Tickets are $15 for adults and $10 for children. 11am–1:30pm

5

Disney’s Beauty & The Beast www.fargodome.com

Based on the Academy Award-winning animated feature film this classic musical love story is filled with unforgettable characters, lavish sets and costumes, and dazzling production numbers including “Be Our Guest” and the beloved title song. Experience the romance and enchantment at the Gate City Bank Theatre—Fargodome. Tickets on sale October 8th. 7:30pm

5

10

Bowls for Babies

701.235.5530 www.marchofdimes.com/northdakota

March of Dimes Annual Fundraiser for the babies. Your $20 ticket allows you to come select a uniquely artistic bowl, sample soup from several locally owned restaurants & then keep the bowl as a souvenir! Ramada Plaza Suites [1635 42nd St S, Fargo] from 11am-1:30pm.

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Car Seat 101 for Expectant

Parents

701.234.5570 www.sanfordhealth.org

Are your car seats installed correctly? Don't take the chance! This class is designed for expectant parents and focuses on infant car seats for newborns. Make an appointment be at the Sanford Auditorium [801 Broadway North, Fargo] between 6:30–8:00pm. Space is limited. Pre-registration is necessary.

CPR for Family Friends

701.234.5570 www.sanfordhealth.org

Learn the ABCs of CPR, how to manage airway obstruction 6pm–8pm & receive an American Heart Association participation card.

10

Disney’s Phineas and Ferb

701.777.4167 www.theralph.com

Phineas, Ferb, and the whole tri-state area gang are embarking on a bold escape right into The Ralph - Grand Forks!Tickets on sale now for $15, $20, $30 [VIP] show time 6:30pm.

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Car Seat Check-Up

701.780.1489 www.safekidsgf.com

4 out of 5 car seats are used wrong. Could one of them be yours? Is your child's safety seat on a recall list? Did you know that children 40–100 lbs. or under 4' 9" should be riding in a booster seat for the safest ride? Come and get a check-up.

Rydell Chevrolet Buick GMC Cadillac [2700 South Washington Street Grand Forks] 4:00pm–7:00pm.

13–16,

& 20–23

Santa Village @ Lincoln Park Golf Course

701.746.2750 www.gfparks.org

Santa & his elves will set up their workshop at the Lincoln Park Golf Course Clubhouse in Grand Forks! Everyone is welcome to meet the elves & make a holiday craft or two or take a ride on a horse-drawn sleigh or stop in to look at the beautifully adorned trees & sip some cocoa. Free admission with donation of non-perishable food item or new toy.

14–16

Cirque Du Soleil: Quidam

701.777.4167 www.theralph.com

Young Zoé is bored; her parents, distant and apathetic, ignore her. Her life has lost all meaning. Seeking to fill the void of her existence, she slides into an imaginary world—the world of Quidam, where she meets characters who encourage her to free her soul. The international cast features 52 world-class acrobats, musicians, singers and characters. Tickets range from Adults: $35 to $75, Children [12 & under]: $28 to $61, Military, Seniors & Students: $31.50 to $63. Show times vary each show. See you at the Ralph [Grand Forks]!

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Parent and Adults ADHD support Groups. www.chadd.net/336

The use of Medications in ADHD Management. Come get your questions answered by local Psychiatrist on medications and their application in ADHD management. 6:30–8:00pm at West Acres Community Room—Meetings are Free and Open to the Public.

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North Pole Calling

701.746.2750 www.gfparks.org

Children in Grand Forks who are in kindergarten and 1st grade have an opportunity to talk with Santa or Mrs. Claus who will be more than happy to call your child and wish him or her a Merry Christmas. Register your child today!

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Merry, Merry Christmas!

31 Happy News Eve!