June/July 2022 On the Minds of Moms by on the minds of moms

JUNE JULY 2022

Inside: The valley’s modern resource for today’s parent

FARGO COUPLE SHARES THE GIFTS OF THEIR SONS’ OPEN ADOPTIONS PG 24 TRY THESE REFRESHING VERSIONS OF YOUR FAVORITE CLASSIC SUMMER SALADS PG 30

2 | On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022

contributors

On the Minds of Moms is grateful to have the following individuals contributing their expertise and voices to this issue of the magazine.

Melissa Davidson is a mom to three girls and writer for Click Content Studios, a marketing and video production agency. In addition to writing, she’s passionate about health and wellness, wishes she could get through all the non-fiction books out there, and thrives on learning new things, like the cello!

Jessica Rerick of Grand Forks is a freelance writer, trained chef and mom to four boys. Her food blog, wineandhotdish.com, is filled with recipes that quickly become new weeknight favorites. She also owns and operates Craveable Kitchen, an expanding line of dry mixes and seasonings.

Paula Quam works as managing digital editor of InForum. A Glyndon, Minn. native, Quam served as an Air Force broadcaster before moving "back home" to join the news business in Fargo, working in both TV and newspaper. She and her husband Donavon are the parents of four children — Parker, Oliver, Addison and Kaja — and they live in Detroit Lakes, Minn.

Danielle Teigen is managing editor of On the Minds of Moms magazine as well as the author of two nonfiction local history books. She and her husband have three children who keep every day filled with laughter, craziness and caffeine.

On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022 | 3

CONTENT

IN EVERY ISSUE

CONTRIBUTORS

EDITOR'S NOTE

SHUTTERBUG

EVENTS

EveryDay Adventures Photography

4 | On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022

CONTENT

FEATURES & PROFILES 8

MOD MOM Amy Wasvick

READY TO READ Helping pre-K kids prepare for school one book at a time

SPOTLIGHT ON SUPPORT

Haven

WELLNESS

Why pediatric pelvic health is so important

COVER STORY Fargo couple shares the gifts of their sons’ open adoptions

GOOD FOOD Try these refreshing versions of classic summer salads

RAD DAD Russ Peterson

PARENTING PERSPECTIVES

Is all that comfort we provide to our kids actually hurting them?

38 Plus: 38

SUMMER FUN A bucket list just for the family

BOOK NOOK “A Grown-Up’s Guide to Kids’ Wiring”

MOVIE REVIEW “Turning Red”

On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022 | 5

moms@forumcomm.com

PUBLISHER Forum Communications Company EDITOR Mary Jo Hotzler mhotzler@forumcomm.com MANAGING EDITOR Danielle Teigen danielle.teigen@forumcomm.com WRITERS Melissa Davidson Paula Quam Jessica Rerick Danielle Teigen ADVERTISING Lisa Tillotson adfeatures@forumcomm.com DESIGN AND LAYOUT Sara Slaby PHOTOGRAPHY Taylor Jane Photography CONTENT INQUIRIES moms@forumcomm.com

SFI-00574

MISSION AND VISION

On the Minds of Moms is dedicated to providing a community of local support and real-life advice for the modern mom who is on the go and needs to know. We are inspired to help the woman behind “the mom” balance it all by offering support, validation and reassurance she is a good mom wanting only the best for herself and family. On the Minds of Moms is an online community and magazine for and about local moms. We strive to achieve a balance between useful information and entertaining content. Written to serve as the local reading alternative to family magazines that are produced for a national audience.

On the Minds of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision.

6 | On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022

Real parenting stories more important than highlight reel

f you only spend your time on social media, you might have a distorted picture of the world.

If your feed is filled with politics, you might see the world as broken or corrupt. If your feed is filled with people complaining, you might feel agitated or hopeless. And if your feed is filled with seemingly perfect families with kids who are apparently the best at everything they do, you might see yourself as failing or not measuring up. I don’t know about you, but I’ve felt all of these recently. The realization of how these things were affecting my mood prompted me a couple of months ago to delete the Facebook app from my phone. I needed a break and I needed to focus inward. It’s been helpful. Every now and then I log back on, just to see what I’m missing or to check on some news headlines. Typically I scroll one or two times, see the same old stuff, and log off (hoping my real friends and family don’t notice I’m no longer liking their posts since I’ve never bothered to explain my absence.) Pulling back from Facebook helped me remember why publications

like On the Minds of Moms still matter. That sounds a bit selfserving I suppose, but I believe it’s true. A big part of what was turning me off about Facebook was how it made me feel as a parent. I often found myself feeling like everyone else was doing it better than me. And yes, I logically know this isn’t true, but that’s what lack of context can do.

MARY JO HOTZLER

Real stories – including but not limited to the highlight reel – matter, and that’s always been our goal with this magazine. Sure, we want to be fun, but we also want to keep it real. In future editions I look forward to going even more in-depth on important parenting topics. In this particular edition, you’ll find a mix of fun and upbeat – after all, summer is right around the corner and we ALL are looking forward to that – and you’ll also read several stories that will help you see and feel the beauty that comes from enduring pain and hardship. I hope you’ll find a story you connect with. If you have ideas for future articles or moms we should feature, don’t hesitate to reach out at moms@ forumcomm.com. I’d tell you to DM me on Facebook, but well … you know.

Mary Jo Hotzler is Forum Communications Company’s Chief Content Officer and the editor of On the Minds of Moms. She lives in Fargo with her husband Heath and twin boys.

On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022 | 7

Amy Wasvick is mom of Leif, 6, and Zinnia, 8, and wife to Scott Dahl. She is also the founder of The Healing Arts Revolution, which provides services and programs that provide physical, emotional, nutritional and spiritual well-being. Special to On the Minds of Moms 8 | On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022

MOD MOM Amy Wasvick Supporting safety and inclusivity personally and professionally BY MELISSA DAVIDSON

Often it’s the unexpected things in life that have the biggest impact on showing us how strong we truly are. For Amy Wasvick, owner of The Healing Arts Revolution, this happened when her youngest of two children was 1 1/2 years old. “We began to notice he had a strong preference for clothes geared toward girls,” she said. “Because he was so young, we thought nothing of it.” But as time went on, she and her husband noticed conversations between her son and his older sister revealed he indeed did not resonate with being male. The longer they listened, the more they became concerned. “I found myself confused and worried how such a young child would want to harm their body and feel this way about their gender,” she said. “I had no idea who to talk to, so I reached out to our pediatrician.” Amy recalls waiting in the doctor’s office, a nervous wreck not knowing how to start “that” conversation. She shared her concerns, shed many tears and accepted the facts. Her son has gender dysphoria. Parenting any child comes with its own set of fears (albeit sometimes

I envisioned a place free from judgment regardless of gender identity, expression, sexual orientation, race, religion or ability. AMY WASVICK

irrational), but parenting a child with dysphoria comes with its own set of fears backed by some hard statistics. “I learned that people who experience gender dysphoria have an extremely high rate of suicide. All I could think about is how someday I could lose my child without the proper support,” Amy said. It started with weekly counseling, giving not only her child a place to open up and feel understood, but also a place where Amy herself could find understanding so she can be a supportive parent. But

she still felt there was more that needed to be done. So her and her husband put all their savings into building a safe space for families like them. “I envisioned a place free from judgment regardless of gender identity, expression, sexual orientation, race, religion or ability,” she said. Today The Healing Arts Revolution continues to be that inclusive, safe space where individuals of all ages in our community can access healing services, such as therapeutic massages as well as gather and learn On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022 | 9

Amy and her family are shown with their rescue dog, Bruno, who has become an unofficial therapy dog for Leif when she’s having a bad day. Special to On the Minds of Moms

10 | On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022

MOD MOM through classes and workshops. For Amy, it was that connecting piece to LGBTQ+ resources that took her and her family years to find.

when we rescued our dog. I’m not saying that a 100-pound dog is right for every household, but Bruno was the magic formula for us.

How have you seen your business impact people?

What has been the most challenging aspect of parenting so far?

The messages I receive from people tell me we have made an impact since building our space. This is a huge start in how our community can keep our LGBTQ kids safe, by supporting organizations that support human rights. The more we crowd out the negativity, the more we will create safe spaces for everyone.

Realizing that even showing my support to the fullest, my child still needs outside support. Even with all the guidance we’ve provided, it still took three years for our child to feel safe to use different pronouns.

What do you feel is the most important role of being a parent?

Some of the funniest and most beautiful moments in my 14 years of being a licensed massage therapist have been when I shared with my clients why I was creating my new business and relocating. Most of them were a bit nervous and they would say “I’m straight and married and I fully support what you are doing; am I able to still see you for a massage?” My response was always, “Absolutely”

My most important role as a parent has been leading by example. I do this by showing compassion, acceptance and kindness in each step I take. How about the most rewarding? The most rewarding was to see how our kids mirrored those exact things

How did your customers react when you started your new business?

and they would take the deepest sigh of relief. I lost clients, however, I gained so much. I was more than okay with it because I am proud of my practice and studio being inclusive to allies and the LGBTQ community. How has that openness with clients impacted you and your business? Sharing our family’s story with my clients deepened my relationship with them in the most unexpected way. It felt like a door unlocked because they now know they can share anything with me free of judgment and vice versa. What is the most important thing you hope your kids learn from you? I want my children to know I’m proud and love them unconditionally. For me, this journey has been about finding my own strength and accepting things I may not understand and finding the tools to help our family and others. Most of all, we thank our family, friends and community for their amazing support.

On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022 | 11

The Ready to Read Program offers free resources to families in West Fargo and beyond to encourage early literacy at home, before children enter Kindergarten. Photo courtesy of the West Fargo Public Library

West Fargo Public Library’s Ready to Read Program Helping pre-K kids prepare for school one book at a time BY MELISSA DAVIDSON

any of us have heard how important reading is for children even before they can speak or hold a book. Their first several years of life are a critical part of their development where being read to, seeing words, singing and talking can have some big impacts on reading and other 12 | On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022

literacy skills. But in 2020, nearly half of the children entering Kindergarten in West Fargo were behind in these skills. The West Fargo Public Library is striving to provide education, resources and opportunities parents and providers can use to help all kids get a successful start in school.

READY TO READ

During the first few years of a child’s life, they are growing and learning rapidly. So, reading with your child, even your newborn, is a great, valuable thing! ELLEN ROSSOW

“During the first few years of a child’s life, they are growing and learning rapidly,” said Ellen Rossow, West Fargo Public Library communications specialist. “So, reading with your child, even your newborn, is a great, valuable thing! Education definitely starts at home, well before a child heads to Kindergarten.” There may be a number of reasons kids don’t get the practice they need in these skills before going to school. They may not have a collection of books at home or their parents didn’t have the time, resources, or knowledge to practice these skills with them. That’s where the Ready to Read program comes in.

“A thousand books may sound like a lot, but this is a common goal and is easily attainable,” said Sarah Davis, Children’s Services librarian. “If you read a bedtime story each night, that’s 365 books a year and that’s

also as many as 78,000 words that the child has been exposed to.” Parents and their kids can also join the library’s storytime sessions each week. The sessions give children the

The program offers free resources to families in West Fargo and beyond to help them practice these important skills with their children through reading, writing, talking, singing and playing. Ready to Read offers multiple activities and resources, including a 1,000-Books Before Kindergarten challenge. Each child receives a free book to start building their collection and a guide where they can track their progress, which is also filled with tips and tricks for grown-ups. The reading challenge encourages kids to read with fun and educational prizes offered at certain milestones. Families can sign up and receive their kit at the service desk at the West Fargo Public Library or register online at westfargolibrary.org/ beanstack and then visit the library to pick up their kit.

Research has shown that when mothers frequently talked to their babies, those children learned almost 300 more words by age 2 than peers whose mothers rarely spoke to them. Photo courtesy of the West Fargo Public Library On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022 | 13

UPCOMING EVENTS Storytimes • Ready to Read Storytime (Ages 3-5): Wednesdays at 10:30 a.m. • Baby Boost Storytime (Ages 0-2): Fridays at 10:30 a.m.

Summer Boost The WF Public Library’s summer reading program started June 1 and includes summer reading challenges with prizes for all ages (even adults), tons of summer events and the Little Red Reading Bus route. Kids of Ready to Read age (0 to 5) will have a special modified challenge that incorporates the elements of 1000 Books Before Kindergarten.

Little Red Reading Bus Stops: • Mondays 5:30 to 6:30 p.m. at Meadowlark Park • Mondays 7 to 8 p.m. at Dakota Park • Tuesdays 5:30 to 6:30 p.m. at Village West Park • Tuesdays 7 to 8 p.m. at Tintes Park • Wednesdays 9 to 10 a.m. at Goldenwood Park • Wednesdays 10:30 to 11:30 a.m. at Maplewood Park • Thursdays 9 to 10 a.m. at Rendezvous Park • Thursdays 10:30 to 11:30 a.m. at Shadow Wood Park

Do you run a daycare? Partner with the WF Public Library to offer Ready to Read services to your children. Visit www.westfargolibrary. org/daycares to learn more.

14 | On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022

The West Fargo library’s Little Red Reading Bus will begin making stops in the metro this summer. Photo courtesy of the West Fargo Public Library

opportunity to read, play, create, socialize and practice important early literacy skills. The Ready to Read program also visits daycares in the area with book deliveries and special storytime events. Its Little Red Reading Bus, which brings books and activities directly out to the communities, also visits area neighborhood parks during the summer. “We really are trying to do two big things with our Ready to Read programming,” Davis said. “We want to help set kids up for success by ensuring they get the early literacy practice they need before they head to Kindergarten. We also want to empower grown-ups to help their kids get that important practice at home.” Empowering kids along with parents is a key part of the program and also why the library offers pre-K kids their very own My First Library Card. The card helps kids take ownership of their library experience and gets them excited about check out their own books. The Ready to Read program is not only for West Fargo residents but also the library’s service area. This includes all of the West Fargo School District, which goes well beyond the city boundary, to include parts of Fargo, Horace, and Harwood. To learn more about the WF Public Library’s Ready to Read program as well as other resources and events visit westfargolibrary.org or connect with the library on Facebook and Instagram @WestFargoLibrary or @thelittleredreadingbus. Parents can also sign up to receive email alerts about Little Red Reading Bus events at https://bit.ly/WFLibraryEmails.

SPOTLIGHT ON SUPPORT

BY DANIELLE TEIGEN

o one wants to lose a child. But in the tragic instance when that happens, Haven provides a community of support for parents who’ve endured that tremendous and distinct loss. The organization was founded by Jen Burgard in 2017 after she lost her son Henry as a way to honor her child but also ensure no other parents dealing with that kind of loss felt alone in their journey. “Some of the best support comes from others getting in touch to tell you they have been there and they were surviving,” Burgard said in a 2018 Forum article. “They had survived this unimaginable loss, and you could too.” Haven provides hope, healing and support to parents who have suffered loss at any stage, and offers a safe space to love those children and each other. Some of the healing resources Haven offers include literature, remembrance items options, support networks and, new in 2022, a podcast called “Landscape of Loss, A Haven Podcast”. The podcast, which launched in April with the rebrand from Hopeful Heart Project, aims to share stories of parents enduring loss and sharing stories of their children in a healing practice. The first episode featured “engaging and open hearted father Jeremy Scott Nelson” in an episode named “How Loss and Grief Changes Your Perspective” with additional episodes released about bereavement photography and writing about loss.

Haven recently launched a podcast featuring stories of parents who have endured loss. Photo courtesy of Haven Haven also curates and delivers healing gifts to grieving parents as a way to offer comfort and healing. The items that have been gifted include candles, journals, self-care items, books and gift cards. In addition, Haven hosts events for mothers and fathers who have experience loss as another form of healing and to foster community support. Past events include an annual remembrance service in October, a three-day healing retreat, volunteer opportunities, healing workshops, and more. Learn more about Haven and its services at havenmidwest.org.

On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022 | 15

The correct posture for children on the toilet involves having their feet supported with their knees above the hips. During the potty learning phase, some children may need activities like books to keep them on the toilet until the process is done. iStock / Special to On the Minds of Moms

Why pediatric pelvic health is so important And what parents can do if issues occur BY DANIELLE TEIGEN

arenting is a journey with many surprises along the way. One of the most important, yet unexpected, lessons new parents learn quickly is how much time is spent analyzing and inspecting their child’s poop. Don’t laugh – you know it’s true. Quiara Smith is the owner and director of Aloha Integrative Therapy, a boutique 16 | On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022

pediatric pelvic health practice in West Fargo. She’s an occupational therapist with more than 12 years of experience who works extensively with children who have bowel and bladder issues as well as toileting challenges. She knows firsthand just how important proper pooping is, especially for young children. “Kids have challenges just like adults when it comes to digestive issues, and I have a real compassion for families

PEDIATRIC PELVIC HEALTH dealing with those issues,” Smith explained. “These issues can affect relationships, a child’s self-esteem… it can consume their whole life. I want to figure out how to put the pieces of the puzzle of what’s going on together so kids can start feeling better and enjoy their childhood.” Smith’s experience with pediatric pelvic floor issues comes from her time at Stanford Children’s Hospital in California, where she recently moved from when her husband took a job at NDSU. She’s owned her own practice since 2017 when she decided she wanted flexibility in her schedule once she welcomed her daughter in 2018. As a pediatric occupational therapist, Smith also works with neurodivergent children with autism, Down syndrome, and other medical conditions that require complex care, and she also provides animal-assisted interventions when that benefits the patient.

Bedwetting is not behavioral The most common issues Smith sees in her practice include bedwetting and daytime incontinence where urine or feces are leaking. When she begins working with a patient, she first completes an in-take assessment to dive into any triggers that may be happening or observable behaviors that are disrupting the toileting process. “Toileting is a sensory process, and not just the sensation of going but also the sensation of when people are in the bathroom and what’s happening in the environment,” Smith explained. “It’s important to assess different environments children encounter as well as the demands of the skill of toileting and see if we need to bridge those situations.”

Kids have challenges just like adults when it comes to digestive issues, and I have a real compassion for families dealing with those issues. QUIARA SMITH

resources to help children overcome bedwetting. He said in a 2021 podcast interview around 25% of children may wet the bed until around age 5, but that isn’t necessarily a typical situation for healthy children; if the issue persists, treatment may be necessary. Bedwetting is often caused by constipation because a full rectum presses on the bladder and causes accidents. Both Smith and Hodges argue that toilet issues rarely stem from behavioral issues and they can’t

Dr. Steve Hodges is an associate professor of pediatric urology and the founder of bedwettingandaccidents. com where he offers parents and medical providers

Coulson Keyshia and Kyrie

“Dr. Jessi is #1 with our family.” ~ Curtis & Jennica Ness

SARA GIMBERLINE REALTOR ®

701.799.8404

SARASFARGOHOMES.COM

imahealthcare.com • 701-280-2033 On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022 | 17

Research supports that when children are potty trained closer to age 3, they are less likely to have bowel or bladder disorders later in life. QUIARA SMITH

automatically be outgrown as a child ages. “If parents or kids are asking for help with bedwetting or other issues, we as providers don’t want to dismiss them by just saying the kids will outgrow them,” Smith said. “I educate parents and kids about what is happening in the child’s body based on science and medicine.” It’s important for parents to recognize that children cannot control the bedwetting issues because they likely stem from medical conditions that require diagnosis and treatment; children should not be shamed or punished when accidents happen. “I want to help parents learn how to show up for their kids,” Smith said. “Parents are the experts on their child, and I just want to help the children.”

What can parents do? One of the most important steps parents can take regarding their child’s pelvic health is talking with the child daily about their toileting habits; it may be awkward if those conversations haven’t happened before, but parents can start the process by introducing it as a wellbeing issue. “It depends on the age of the kids, so help them learn about the body and body parts,” she explained. “Books and videos are great. With older kids you can have the conversation about being a friend to your body and help your child understand why peeing and pooping is important and what it tells us about what’s happening in our bodies.” Smith pointed to the Bristol Stool Chart as a good resource for parents who want to understand their child’s poop using an actual clinical assessment tool; the type 3 through 5 stool range is preferred so anything other than those, could possibly indicate a medical issue. Tracking concerning issues or general toileting habits can also help a provider better understand what a child is dealing with. Quiara Smith’s pediatric pelvic health practice works with children who are experiencing bowel, bladder or toileting challenges. She also provides animal-assisted interventions when that benefits the patient. Photos courtesy of Quiara Smith, Aloha Integrative Therapy 18 | On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022

Habits that promote good bladder and pelvic health include drinking a lot of water so urine is diluted and won’t cause a urinary tract infection as well as eating good fiber to keep stool soft; Smith said to think of the P fruits: prunes, peaches, pears, pineapple and opt for oatmeal or whole wheat while limiting processed foods. It’s also important for kids to have correct posture on the toilet: knees above the hips, feet supported, and leaning forward slightly with very little straining or pushing; products like a toilet stool can help

PEDIATRIC PELVIC HEALTH

Quiara Smith achieve this position. “Good defecation practices are key; squeezing and straining doesn’t mean the stool is hard and can actually cause constipation,” Smith said. “You can check how relaxed your child is on the toilet by palpating on their glutes – is it tight or relaxed? It should be relaxed while voiding pee and poop.”

Let’s talk potty training No discussion on proper toileting habits would be complete without talking about potty training, because that’s where these practices are established and the skills are taught. Smith created a self-paced potty training course with a step-by-step process to help parents and caregivers feel empowered. “Research supports that when children are potty trained closer to age 3, they are less likely to have bowel or bladder disorders later in life,” Smith said. Additionally, sphincter control for bowel and bladder management is better achieved between the 24- to -30-month age range, and abilities between each child are vastly different from age 2 to age 3, she shared. During the beta testing stage, Smith’s online parent education course on Potty training was ranked at the top for its effectiveness and approach. “Potty training is about building those skills over time, and there are many misconceptions about the time it can take and when a child is ready,” she said. “In reality, linking body urge signals and having consistent and accurate sphincter control for going pee and poop is a process that takes 6 to 12 months for mastering the skill of bowel and bladder control independently.”

To learn more about Quiara and her practice, visit alohaintegrativetherapy.com. The potty training course she helped design is available at https://www.tinyhood.com/ course/potty-training.

On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022 | 19

20 | On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022

Sophie Grace Photography

My2Peas Photography

Sophie Grace Photography

EveryDay Adventures Photography

Ten Little Chickens Photography Ten Little Chickens Photography

shutterbug Shutterbug is a section dedicated to partnering with area photographers who have a passion for family portraits. Interested in having your photographs featured? Email moms@forumcomm.com.

EveryDay Adventures Photography

My2Peas Photography

Ten Little Chickens Photography

On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022 | 21

Labor of Love Words by Kelsey Mix, Essentia Health

FIVE THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT ESSENTIA HEALTH MIDWIVES From the moment a woman discovers she is pregnant, a million new decisions confront her. Possibly the most pressing one of these decisions is choosing who will care for her during her pregnancy and labor. In recent years, an increasing number of women have chosen to deliver their babies with the assistance of a midwife to achieve a more personal birthing experience. Essentia Health in Fargo is proud to have several certified nurse-midwives on staff for women who prefer to go this route. Here are five things to know if you’re considering seeking care from an Essentia Health midwife:

Midwives can do more than deliver babies: Our certified nurse-midwives are advanced practitioners with education and training in caring for women throughout their lives, from the teenage years to menopause and beyond. These specialists can provide:

Primary care.

Reproductive health care, including family planning and gynecologic exams.

Midwives help ease labor pain the way you want: A certified nurse-midwife can be counted on to help you manage labor pain the way you want. They will support your choice to have a medicated labor and delivery, including an epidural. However, if you choose a nonmedicated delivery, they will help you cope with labor pain using tools such as: n

Aromatherapy.

Pregnancy and birth care.

Birthing balls.

Postpartum care and newborn care.

Breathing techniques.

Heat and cold therapy.

Hydrotherapy in a whirlpool tub.

Massage.

Movement and positioning.

Nitrous oxide.

Relaxation techniques, such as guided imagery.

Midwives provide attentive care during pregnancy and labor: At Essentia, certified nurse-midwives strive to be your partner in care. During your pregnancy, a midwife will work with you to come up with a birth plan to meet your mental, physical and emotional needs. You can also expect your midwife to be by your side throughout the entire labor and delivery.

22 | On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022

Postpartum care and breastfeeding support

Skin-to-skin care and rooming-in

Your birthplan choices

Midwives provide postpartum support: One major benefit of delivering with a midwife is the extra care that you receive after giving birth. The postpartum period can be an especially challenging time for new mothers, so our certified nurse-midwives strive to go above and beyond by offering breastfeeding support, answering questions about newborn care and assisting with emotional and physical recovery.

Physician backup is available: An overwhelming majority of midwife deliveries are in the hospital. Should the pregnancy become high-risk, or you suddenly need a C-section, our certified nurse-midwives will work with an obstetrician to give you the care that’s right for you and your baby.

Above all, Essentia’s certified nurse-midwives are committed to providing the support and expertise necessary to facilitate a healthy pregnancy, a safe and enjoyable birthing experience and the best possible first chapter for you and your baby. For them, it is not just a job, but a labor of love. “It’s an honor to be invited into the most intimate time in a family’s life,” said Essentia certified nurse-midwife Denise Powell. “For me, midwifery is a calling.”

If you are pregnant and want to learn more about delivering with one of Essentia’s certified nursemidwives, please call 701-364-8900 or visit EssentiaHealth.org.

On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022 | 23

24 | On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022

Kacie and Ryan Schulz

Abounding and abiding love Fargo couple shares the gifts of their sons’ open adoptions BY DANIELLE TEIGEN

t all comes down to love. That’s the resounding message you take away from a conversation with Ryan and Kacie Schulz about their journey to adopting their two adorable sons Fletcher and Arlo and the beautiful relationships they have with the biological parents of those little boys. Because they are all family, bound by the endless love they have for the boys and for each other.

The first chapter of a love story Like so many, Ryan and Kacie’s story started long before their cherubic children entered the picture. They met in 2011 through mutual friends just before Ryan was deployed overseas, and

while they made the most of their time together before he left, the majority of their dating life consisted of video calls in different time zones. Not only that, but the couple exchanged many letters – yes, personally written, mailed pieces of paper – with one another. “Not necessarily what young people today experience when they’re dating,” Kacie laughed. Shortly after Ryan returned, the pair became engaged and married in August 2013. Thanks to the many hours they’d spent talking, Ryan and Kacie knew they wanted a family and planned to start one as soon as they could. “I’ve always loved kids, and I thought I’d be the first of my friends to have kids,” Ryan shared. “So when it wasn’t happening for us,

Kacie and Ryan Schulz married in 2013 and felt called to pursue adoption as the best way to grow their family. Since then, they have welcomed sons Fletcher, 4, and Arlo, 2, to their family through open adoptions. Photo courtesy of Taylor Jane Photography

On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022 | 25

Fletcher and Arlo are the answers to many prayers their parents Kacie and Ryan Schulz offered and are the greatest blessings their parents have received. Photo courtesy of Taylor Jane Photography we started talking about adoption. I’d always known I wanted to be a parent, so I said, ‘Yes, let’s do it.’” Arriving at adoption as a way to grow their family happened after testing and consultations for their unexplained fertility as well as exploring assisted reproductive technology. But something wasn’t quite right. “That just wasn’t where we felt comfortable, where we felt called,” Kacie shared about reproductive assistance. “Faith is really a huge part of our life . . . so we felt like we needed to explore other options, and fertility options didn’t feel like where we were being led.” They explained that their prayers changed from asking God to give them a pregnancy to asking God to grow their family in any way that was meant for them. 26 | On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022

Kacie shared that as they contemplated infant adoption, she experienced a few “God moments” that seemed like signs they were headed in the right direction. One of those moments happened when Kacie was traveling to Florida, and a couple next to her on a flight began talking about their children. They did not know she had considered adoption, nor did they know she had silently wondered if parenting feels the same for both biological and adoptive parents. It turned out that the couple had both biological and adopted children, and they looked at her without prompting and said, “The love is just the same.” She understood this to be an answered prayer. She explained that she now understands, “God makes families in so many ways; families don’t have to match,” Kacie shared. “Love is God given.”

Opening their hearts to love Once Kacie and Ryan started the adoption process, they felt a rush of excitement as people asserted that they would match quickly with a prospective birth mom and have no trouble being chosen as the adoptive parents. But, that process was fraught with some frustrations and waiting as well. They remained optimistic about God’s plan for them, standing firm in their faith that they would match when it was right. And then they matched. They were “on Cloud 9”, Ryan said, as they traveled to another state to meet the mother and baby, and then they got a call that shattered their hearts. “Our case worker called and said, ‘Are you alone?’ and that’s not what you want to hear,” Ryan explained. “She said the mother

ABOUNDING AND ABIDING LOVE had decided to parent.” So they returned home…with no baby. As they coped with the disappointment, Kacie and Ryan got another call soon after. “It was scary to say yes again,” Kacie said. As they contemplated whether they should open their hearts again to what could be another devastation, they learned the baby was a boy. “And I said, ‘Yes’. In my head, we were already planning for a boy, so I said, ‘Yes, let’s do it,’ ” Ryan shared. Less than two weeks after the first match, they hopped a plane to Arizona to meet the woman who made them mom and dad to their son Fletcher. Before they matched with Fletcher’s birth mom, Ryan and Kacie had planned to have a semi-open relationship with the birth parents, but after meeting with her in person, they felt that having an open adoption just made sense. “We felt a bond then, and now she’s become family to us,” Ryan said.

It is the faith, love and trust of our children’s biological families that has made us a family. Ultimately, they’re the ones who loved their babies first. KACIE SCHULTZ

They knew the benefits for their son would be greater with an open relationship, plus it aligned with their own values. “We are called to love people, all people,” Kacie shared. “We just knew that if this woman is trusting us with such a big part of herself and her heart and her love,

the least we can do is be open to having a relationship with her.” Fletcher, who is now 4, knows his biological mom by name and that she carried him in her tummy. “We have visited quite a few times since his birth and have enjoyed making memories

Does your teen listen to your advice on beauty? Our current, enthusiastic, cosmetology students will work with your teen 1-1 to strengthen their confidence & identify their own beauty.

June 6-8

2022 DATES:

June 20-22

July 11-13

Ages 12-17 Online registration open May 15th Cost is $95 JosefsSchool.com

For more information, call Ms. Elaine 701-306-0712 or admissions@jsohd.com Camp is available at Josef's Fargo campus only.

What we will focus on: How to properly shampoo & maintain hair. Identify skin type, learn which ingredients to look for in skin care. How to choose & apply makeup Identify hair type & texture Blow-dry, style & braid Create styles with hot tools Build self esteem Hygiene and sanitation Mini photo shoot & celebration On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022 | 27

together. We have photos of her helping him learn to walk, swimming with him at the pool, and all of us celebrating his second birthday. She’s a dear friend who loves him,” Kacie said. “We all just love him.” When the time came for Kacie and Ryan to expand their family, they hoped to adopt again in Arizona. So they again asked God to grow their family, and after several months, they matched with their second son Arlo’s birth mother. They loved the open relationship they had with Fletcher’s birth mom, but Kacie and Ryan prepared themselves for the fact that all adoptions look different so an open relationship with Arlo’s birth mother may look slightly different. They were delighted to discover that his birth mother welcomed an open relationship with them and Fletcher. In fact, she invited Kacie to stay in her room with her and Arlo because there wasn’t a separate room available in the hospital, a lovely story Kacie shared with Love What Matters in 2019. In thinking about her family’s story, Kacie recognized that while she and Ryan overcame hardships in their journey, the biological parents of her sons had to make the hardest decision first. “It is the faith, love and trust of our children’s biological families that has made us a family. Ultimately, they’re the ones who loved their babies first,” Kacie said.

Sharing the love Kacie and Ryan have become advocates for open adoption, sharing their struggles and joys with anyone in need of an empathic ear or supportive friend. Both Kacie and Ryan have backgrounds in education (he graduated from NDSU and she graduated from Concordia), so they have a natural

Kacie and Ryan shared that they relied heavily on their Christian faith to endure the challenges of the adoption process, believing that God would reveal His plan for them when it was right. Photo courtesy of Taylor Jane Photography 28 | On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022

ABOUNDING AND ABIDING LOVE

Everyone needs encouraging stories…we all desperately need that in our human journeys and the authenticity of stories of struggle, too. We were willing to share that this is something that has been a rollercoaster journey; we took risks and relied on our faith and had the happiest ending we could imagine. KACIE SCHULZ

inclination to want to help others. “A lot of people don’t know who to turn to, who to talk to,” Ryan said.

get to be a family…and openness has become a testimony to the goodness in this world

One way they’ve shared their story is through an Instagram account called @SchulzScripted. The page originally began as a way for people to support their adoption journey and the costs associated with it by purchasing leather bracelets Kacie made with Bible verses on them, such as Proverbs 16:3, Jeremiah 29:11 and Ephesians 4:2. The page has now become a way for them to chronicle their family’s story of love, adoption, family and faith.

Kacie and Ryan’s faith has played a major role in their adoption journey, and they both recognize that it has been an anchor for them when facing challenges or disappointments. “Could we have gotten through this without our faith?” Kacie shared. “Unequivocally, no…we all need something bigger to believe in, and to believe that there is good and a plan for us. That is what got us through this.”

“Everyone needs encouraging stories…we all desperately need that in our human journeys and the authenticity of stories of struggle, too,” Kacie explained. “We were willing to share that this is something that has been a rollercoaster journey; we took risks and relied on our faith and had the happiest ending we could imagine.” While Kacie and Ryan acknowledge that they can’t speak for the biological parents of their sons, they are confident that having open relationships with all of them has been beneficial for everyone involved. “Their roles in our children’s lives is something we could never replace and we wouldn’t want to,” Kacie said. “Because of openness we still

Grateful, always A special Bible verse for the couple is Proverbs 16:3: “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.” “We just laid it down, from a faith perspective, at the cross, and we just prayed to God, and gave it to Him to show us,” she shared. “We said we are here to have our plans established by you, God…we just trusted in God, and now we have two sons who are the highlight of our lives and we thank God for them every day.” Kacie and Ryan also talked about their gratitude for the incredible support they have received throughout their journey, mostly from friends and family but often

from acquaintances or even strangers. Family members of friends let the Schulz family live in their houses for nearly a month after they adopted each of their sons. “That’s not a small amount of time to have someone else living with you, and they gave us that gift,” Kacie shared. A woman donated her breast milk, which had to be properly stored and delivered to the Schulz family. “That’s literally hours and hours of time that somebody had spent saving extra breast milk for their own child that they gave to us,” she said. A woman they do not know found out about their story and gave them the proceeds from selling candles she makes once a year. “She sent us that money to help with our adoption costs,” Kacie explained, obviously still incredulous at that unexpected gift. “Never underestimate the power of being kind.” Looking back on those instances continues to humble Kacie, even years later. It’s a feeling she’s used to, though, after the journey she and Ryan have been on. “Adopting my children and everything that comes along with it has been the most humbling thing I have ever been through in my life, bar none,” Kacie shared. “To be entrusted with something that is literally part of someone else is so humbling.” On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022 | 29

GOOD FOOD 30 | On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022

salads Summertime

Try these refreshing versions of your favorite classics BY JESSICA RERICK

ummer is here, and that means it’s time to say, “Hello, again” to salads! While all of these salads can be made year round, it’s so much easier to find produce at the farmers’ market or the local supermarket during the summer months. The first salad I am going to share with you is one that I love to make because it’s just slightly different from the usual potluck pasta salad. Greek

Orzo Pasta Salad is a bright and briney salad that can be made days ahead of time. In fact, I suggest you make it early because it gets even better the next day (and the day after that….and the day after that!). The prep for this salad is very minimal by using a store bought dressing, but you could also make your own. I also often substitute chickpea rice in place of the orzo pasta so anyone who is avoiding gluten can also enjoy this salad.

Greek Orzo Pasta Salad Ingredients:

This Greek Orzo Pasta Salad can be made days ahead of a summer gathering and features bright, fresh flavors. Jessica Rerick On the Minds of Moms

1 pound orzo pasta, cooked and rinsed with cold water (or chickpea rice to make gluten free)

1 cup marinated artichokes, drained and chopped

3/4 cup kalamata olives, pitted and quartered

1 1/2 cups feta cheese crumbles

1/5 cups yellow and red grape tomatoes, halved

1 teaspoon cracked black pepper

1/2 cup diced red onion 1/2 cup parsley, fresh chopped 2 1/2 cups Greek salad dressing

Directions: Combine all ingredients in a large mixing bowl. Stir gently until combined and the pasta and vegetables are well coated. Chill for 2 hours or until ready to serve.

Cucumber salad is another summer salad I love, but most of the time, you’ll see it made with a creamy dressing. Because most of my family doesn’t enjoy creamy salad dressings, I started making Sesame Cucumber Salad. The mayo isn’t missed at all in this super light and refreshing salad. On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022 | 31

GOOD FOOD Even better, the whole family loves it (although I am not sure if it’s because of their love for cucumbers or for their love for sesame seeds — especially the “really cool looking” black ones)! Either way, I’ll take it! To add a little heat to this salad, you can also garnish it with a few crushed chili flakes. This salad would go great with any grilled meat, but my favorite pairing includes teriyaki chicken, beef, or ginger grilled shrimp. Because the cucumbers are sliced so thin, it’s best when it’s eaten within 1-2 hours, but it can last in the fridge for up to two days.

Sesame Cucumber Salad Ingredients: 2 medium English cucumbers 1/3 cup rice vinegar 2 tablespoons toasted sesame oil 2 tablespoons sugar 1 teaspoon kosher salt, plus more for sprinkling on cucumbers 2 tablespoon sesame seeds, white and black mixed Garnish with cilantro and chili flakes Directions: Using a mandoline (with the finger protector!), thinly slice the cucumbers and place in a medium-sized bowl. Sprinkle cucumbers with salt and let sit for 20-30 minutes. Drain the water from the bowl. While your cucumbers are marinating, whisk together the vinegar, sesame oil, salt and sugar in another bowl. Pour over the cumbers and stir gently to combine. Sprinkle with sesame seeds. Garnish with cilantro leaves and red chili flakes if desired or leave them on the side for guests to add as they wish.

Ditch the classic creamy cucumber salad for this zesty sesame version. Jessica Rerick / On the Minds of Moms 32 | On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022

Minor changes like using coconut milk instead of mayo and adding pineapple and coconut flakes majorly increases the flavor in a classic coleslaw recipe. Jessica Rerick / On the Minds of Moms Coleslaw is also a summer favorite at a lot of get-togethers. This version is a little different because it is made with coconut milk in place of the typical mayo dressing. I have also added pineapple and coconut flakes for sweetness and a few sliced almonds for added crunch and texture.

The coconut slaw dressing is made with full-fat coconut milk because the lite coconut milk will not be thick enough to properly coat the cabbage. It also contains lime, but if you didn’t want to add the lime, you could just add more apple cider vinegar. You can also omit the almonds or coconut flakes if you don’t like those, or you

could really make this slaw your own by substituting a different fruit such as papaya, mango, or strawberries for the pineapple. This cool and creamy Coconut Lime Coleslaw would pair perfectly with a hot and spicy grilled beef, chicken, or fish. You could even try it in fish tacos!

Coconut Lime Coleslaw Ingredients: 1 16-ounce bag of shredded coleslaw 1 cup diced pineapple, fresh 1/2 cup coconut flakes, unsweetened 1 cup canned coconut milk 2 tablespoon lime juice 2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar 1/4 teaspoon salt Sliced almonds for garnish Directions: In a large mixing bowl, whisk together coconut milk, lime juice, and salt. Add coleslaw, pineapple, coconut flakes and gently fold together until evenly combined. Store in the refrigerator until ready to serve. Garnish with sliced almonds and more coconut flakes. Note: Coleslaw dressing can easily get runny. To help solve that, sprinkle your cabbage with a bit of salt and let it sit in a colander for 30-45 minutes before making the slaw. On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022 | 33

RAD DAD Russ Peterson Reflections on beautiful music, beautiful life BY DANIELLE TEIGEN

Russ Peterson has many roles: associate professor in the music department at Concordia, founder of one of the FM area’s most popular bands Post Traumatic Funk Syndrome, husband, father, and grandfather. He melds those roles on a daily basis, whether that’s playing guitar with his 3-year-old granddaughter Charlotte or having family attend a concert or seeing his 18-year-old daughter Stella in the halls at Concordia. Music has been a part of his life since he was young and studied in Bordeaux, France. His first teaching job was at the University of Toledo in Ohio before he took a position at Concordia more than 20 years ago. Even though Stella is majoring in biology, she plays violin and sings in choirs at Concordia, and Russ had a special moment recently when he was walking through his department hallway and heard a lovely voice coming from a classroom. “It was my kid!” Russ shared. Being a professor at the same college his daughter attends has been a special situation for Russ, who has been divorced from Stella’s mom for years. “As a divorced dad, I didn’t get as much time with her as I wanted, but now I get to see her more often,” he said. 34 | On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022

That’s when I had this beautiful realization that kids aren’t ours to create; we just help them along their own way to get to this adult place and hope we’ve done a good job. RUSS PETERSON

It turns out they also share a love of jazz music, so the father-daughter duo enjoyed time together when jazz singer Cyrille Aimée performed at MSUM at the beginning of April. “Stella always thought jazz was too loud, but now she’s really getting into it,” Russ laughed. “We had a great night.” And even if Stella hasn’t been convinced to start a band with her dad, she does appreciate his role with Post Traumatic Funk Syndrome, which he founded nearly 20 years ago. “They are good musicians and

great people,” Russ shared. “We play music and have a ton of fun.” Over the years, the band has become another family where everyone knows each other’s kids and have been around for all the highs and lows of life. “We’re always there for each other, but when we play, everything else washes away and we just play beautiful music,” he said. Although being in a band didn’t score him “cool dad” points with his daughter, Russ is still holding out that granddaughter Charlotte and

Russ Peterson is a Concordia professor in the music department, and he frequently sees his 18-year-old daughter Stella, who just finished up her freshman year at the school. Russ is also the founder of Post Traumatic Funk Syndrome, husband to Robin Nelson and a grandfather of two. Special to On the Minds of Moms On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022 | 35

RAD DAD

Russ pursues his love of music with weekly appearances throughout FM, like this one with the Funk Commission back in January. Mike Vosburg / The Forum

grandson Brooks will be impressed. Charlotte and Brooks are the children of Nick Nelson, Russ’s wife Robin’s son from her first marriage. She also has a son named Brad.

decade ago, he never really served as a stepfather to them, but rather a friend. “I had no idea that marrying Robin would be a bonus for me to be a part of their lives,” he said.

“I thought marrying her was the greatest thing I ever did and then I met her two sons,” Russ said. He explained that because Robin’s sons were already in college and high school when he met them a

Russ and Robin enjoy seeing their grandchildren often, and Russ is already introducing Charlotte to some toy musical instruments. “I play guitar for her every time she comes over, and she likes to play her piano

36 | On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022

and drums,” he said. “We’ll introduce woodwind instruments later!” As Russ navigates being a grandparent, he can’t help but reflect on his parenting journey and the challenges he encountered along the way. “Every day with kids is a wild ride, and for parents there’s always a guilt factor,” he said. “But I feel a lot better about the journey now that she’s 18… she gave me a card that said, “thanks,

RAD DAD Dad, for all you’ve done for me,” and I had to stop and think about what I had done to help her. That’s when I had this beautiful realization that kids aren’t ours to create; we just help them along their own way to get to this adult place and hope we’ve done a good job.” Keep reading to learn more about Russ and what makes him a rad dad. I can’t live without… Music – playing it, listening to it, writing it. Favorite song to sing in the car? “Tom Sawyer” by Rush Best part about teaching music to kids? My two favorite things are kids and music. I love to help kids improve in music and help them understand that improvements from hard work can happen over time. What parenting lessons have helped you in the transition to becoming a grandparent? Kids love when you spend time with them, pay attention to them, communicate with them and love them. It’s a joy to experience this again with grandkids! How would you describe the members of Post Traumatic Funk Syndrome?

For nearly 20 years, Russ has been playing music with the Post Traumatic Funk Syndrome, whose members have become like family. Special to On the Minds of Moms across a table from each other, spend time together eating good food and exploring Fargo! It’s one example of how we make time every week to visit and be together. Is a family band ever going to be a possibility?

These guys are the best! They’re like family. We’ve been playing together for about 16 years and it never gets old! Every concert is fun. These guys show up to events and always bring their A game.

I keep hoping! Our granddaughter, Charlotte loves the guitar, we’ll start getting her ready….

Favorite musical instrument to play? To listen to?

Italy! I have been there about 10 times and speak some Italian. My great grandparents are from Sicily and I love the people, the food, and the culture.

The saxophone! I love to listen to it, I love to play it. Even just in my house, all alone, I could play all day long and not get tired of it. I also love the guitar, especially when no one is home and I see how loud my Marshall amps can get….

Favorite place to travel to?

I am known for.... I’m probably known for playing saxophone, but I hope I’m remembered for teaching and inspiring students, writing music that makes people happy, and being the best father and husband that I could be. What life lessons have you learned from divorcing? From remarrying? I could write a book on this. Relationships need several things, but most important is the ability to compromise. When both sides compromise every day, beautiful things can happen. It also needs maintenance. Here’s something fun we’re doing now. Every weekend we go together to a restaurant we’ve never been to. This is our new year’s resolution, sit On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022 | 37

Family summer fun

Bucket list BY DANIELLE TEIGEN

ummer is an amazing time for families to reconnect, have a lot of fun, and spend time together doing many different things. We all know that summer schedules can fill up fast, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still fit in some good wholesome fun that doesn’t require a lot of planning or time. Lots of people 38 | On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022

already have summer fun bucket lists that may include some very specific items they want to do, and if you do, that’s wonderful! If you don’t, here’s a fun list to get you started and make sure you and your family make some fantastic memories along the way.

SUMMER FUN BUCKET LIST

1 2 3 4 5

Go camping

Plant something

Go the simple route and put up a tent in your own backyard or check out some local campgrounds (think state parks like Itasca, Maplewood, Buffalo River, Turtle River (in ND), Lake Ashtabula, or Fort Ransom). No tent or camper? Consider staying in a cabin or a yurt (yes, Fort Ransom has them)!

Even if it’s just a pot of pretty annuals or as involved as planting a tree, go ahead and get dirty. It’s a great opportunity for kids to learn about the responsibility involved with growing something, and if you’re planting a vegetable, they’ll be delighted to see their hard work rewarded with something tasty to eat!

Visit a zoo

See a landmark

Kids love animals, and in the Red River Valley, we’re fortunate to have the Red River Zoo in Fargo as well as nearby Chahinkapa and Dakota Zoo in Bismarck. Willing to travel a bit further? Check out Hemker Park and Zoo in Freeport, Minnesota, or Safari North Wildlife Park in Brainerd.

Go down a water slide If you’re a fan of water and excitement, water slides are the epitome of childhood fun. Nothing makes you feel more like a kid than flying down a waterway into a pool. Bonus points if you find a place where you can take a double inner tube down a water slide with your child!

Watch fireworks There’s something nostalgic about fireworks – whether it’s because it reminds us of our country’s fight for independence, delights our senses, or gives us a reason to go back to our hometown celebration.

Maybe it’s something big, like Old Faithful at Yellowstone National Park. Maybe it’s something a little closer to home, like the World’s Largest Buffalo Monument in Jamestown or the Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox statues in Bemidji. The point is to pick something your family thinks would be cool to see in person and add it to your list!

Go ahead and make a mess! Instead of just tossing water balloons at one another, try tying them on strings and hanging them from tree branches for a new type of pinata!

7 8

Go fishing This is a great activity to involve other family members as well to make the occasion even more memorable. No doubt everyone will have a great time and remember it for years to come.

9 10

Enjoy ice cream or popsicles

It’s such a simple activity, but one that is inherently related to summer fun. Bonus points for the mess – and memories – your family will make!

Have a movie night outside Play with water balloons

You’ll need a projector, but the rest of the supplies are pretty basic – a white sheet to hang as the screen, some blankets or chairs to sit on, plus favorite movie snacks like candy and popcorn. Just cozy in and have a wonderful time watching a great movie with each other!

On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022 | 39

Is all that comfort we provide to our kids actually hurting them? BY PAULA QUAM

hen my kids were little (all four are teenagers now), we had a Friday movie night tradition, complete with chocolate milk and popcorn. They loved it. I loved it. And if there were ever a Friday when we’d take off for Grandma and Grandpa’s, I’d make sure that the 2.5 hour drive included a movie in the Suburban with blankies, popcorn and chocolate milk in sippy cups. They would never be bored or uncomfortable on the drive, only cozy and happy! And to be honest, I felt like I was slaying this mom thing. Now, however, I’ve been reading a lot lately about the “comfort crisis” we are all in today and the notion that we are creating an even more acute crisis for our children. What really caught my attention was the fact that while our life span may be up from our ancestors, our health span (the number of years we are healthy and living quality lives free of selfinflicted or age-related disease) is declining... and it will likely be worse for our children. Okay, so maybe I was exactly slaying it as much as I thought.

Being bored Being bored — they hate being it, we hate hearing about it. I packed that Suburban like a mobile slumber party in order to make sure my kids weren’t feeling it. But according to author Michael Easter of “The Comfort Crisis”, being bored is an incredibly valuable gateway to a focused, better-rested brain capable of creative ideas. It’s an uncomfortable feeling, even for us adults. I don’t know about you, but I find myself grabbing my phone the second I have to wait around for anything. My kids do, too. We strive to fill the silence and to never waste a minute. But as Easter describes it, those “wasted” minutes when our minds wander and we are left with nothing but 40 | On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022

our own thoughts are critical as they rest and restore our brains and provide us the opportunity to think of new, creative ideas. So as we’ve all been so busy trying to immerse our children into every stimulating activity under the sun, maybe what they really need is more I’m-just-going-to-sithere-with-my-thoughts kind of time.

Challenges Most of us pretty much live in our comfort zones. (I “have” to sleep with a fan. That’s non-negotiable.) And because life is “better” and more comfortable than it was generations before us, our expectation of comfort is higher and our tolerance for anything uncomfortable is much lower. And every time we get an upgrade on anything, the thing we had prior to that upgrade quickly becomes unacceptable and outside of our new, smaller comfort zone. Most children today have it “better” (those quotes are important), than we did as kids. We had it “better” than our parents, who also had it “better” than theirs. And so on. But then why do our children today have so much depression and anxiety? “We are moving about 14 times less than our ancestors,” wrote Easter. “We spend 95%of our time indoors, and spend 11 hours and 6 minutes a day engaging with digital media. So we went from never having these digital media in our lives to now it’s essentially become our lives.” Living inside this safe and shrinking little comfort zone is weakening us and our children because through our extreme comfort, we’ve deemed so much of normal life outside our comfy boxes. Real life becomes tougher to deal with. Little problems seem so big when you’re busy trying to get the proverbial sherpa blanket over your toes.

PARENTING PERSPECTIVES

‘Can you bring me my charger?’ So how do I even begin to apply some of these ideas? I’m thinking with baby steps as to not completely shock the fam and cause an all-out rebellion. My daughter sent me a text the other day asking me to bring her chromebook charger to school because she’d forgotten it at home. My first thought was of annoyance at having to drive the six miles to do this. My second thought was, “Wait. What? I’m not bringing anything to her except a lesson in life.” (I’m very theatrical with one-liners in my own thoughts.) Instead, I explained to her that if I brought that charger to her, she’d never experience the inconvenience needed to both figure out a problem she’d created and to remember the charger next time. And although I could almost feel her eye roll from the other end of that text, it felt right. In fact, it felt like something I could get into more. (Insert mischievous mom smile.) My teenagers are going to HATE this, but I think it’s time the Quam family all started getting a little more comfortable with being uncomfortable. I don’t know why I feel like this should end with an evil laugh, but....

ENROLL NOW FOR THE 2022-23 SCHOOL YEAR “As a Deacon Alum I know that sending our kids to Trinity is a sacrifice financially. But it has been one of our best decisions as parents.” -Tony and Heidi Fritz Eukel ’02 For information or a tour call 701-893-3271 www.jp2schools.org

“We are moving about 14 times less than our ancestors,” Easter writes in his book “The Comfort Crisis”. “We spend 95%of our time indoors, and spend 11 hours and 6 minutes a day engaging with digital media. So we went from never having these digital media in our lives to now it’s essentially become our lives.”

On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022 | 41

Book Nook “A Grown-Up’s Guide to Kids’ Wiring” All children are uniquely wired and that wiring will affect their actions, emotional response and words. How your child is wired must inform your expectations of them, rather than your own upbringing, dreams or experiences. That’s the premise of Kathleen Edelman’s 2021 book “A Grown-Up’s Guide to Kids’ Wiring”. She breaks down the four main temperaments: Sanguines, Cholerics, Melancholics and Phlegmatics, and shares details about the strengths, weaknesses, innate needs and signals of each type. She asserts that the book is written not just for parents, but also teachers, coaches, and counselors. It’s enjoyable, insightful and highly useful, and reiterates that the words you choose to use based on how your child is wired can greatly influence your child’s confidence and self-image. The book is very approachable (you’ll flip back and forth in different sections, but don’t worry, everything is clearly color coordinated), and you can also access free videos on the author’s website or YouTube that further illuminate many of the concepts she discusses in the book. You can also access other resources and tools on her website, kindwordsarecool.com, to help you understand how kids are wired and how you can adapt your communication with and expectations of them to help them grow into the person they were made to be. - Danielle Teigen

42 | On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022

Movie Review “Turning Red” “Turning Red” is Pixar’s coming-of-age adventure set in early-2000s Toronto about Meilin “Mei” Lee (voiced by Rosalie Chiang), a Chinese Canadian teen who unleashes a literal red panda when she starts going through puberty. The panda transformation — which can sometimes be intense and leads to both unintended and purposeful damage/destruction — is definitely a metaphor for adolescence, and the movie skews more toward an older tween/early teen audience than many of Pixar’s other films. The story centers on the city’s Chinatown community where Mei lives and features an authentically diverse cast. With puberty and adolescence at the heart of the action, expect references to periods and celebrity crushes, discussions of “hotness,” and descriptions of the attractiveness of popular singers (as well as another older teen) and their gyrating dance moves. Occasional mild and insult language includes “crap,” “freak,” “jerkwad,” “butthead,” etc. The film encourages curiosity, compassion, courage, self-control, and teamwork, and families who watch together can discuss lots of issues afterward, from the importance of having honest conversations about puberty to the dangers of lying and keeping secrets and the need for both close friends and trusted adults. - Common Sense Media

TNT Kid’s Fitness Preschool Open Gym Fridays at 8 a.m. | TNT Kid’s Fitness Little Leapers at Skyzone Thursdays & Saturdays 9 to 11 a.m. SkyZone Summer Movies @ Carlson Branch of Fargo Public Library Fridays at 1 p.m.

Movies at Broadway Square June 2, 16, & 30 at 7pm Visit www.fargoparks.com for movie information.

Folkways Night Bazaar Last Thursday of the month from 6 to 10 p.m. Broadway Square

Gaming Days @ Broadway Square One saturday a month Visit www.fargoparks.com for movie information.

Moorhead Farmer’s Market Tuesdays starting May 31 from 3 to 6 p.m. Hjemkomst Center Parking Lot

JUNE EVENTS 4-5

Chutes & Boots Bull Riding 5 to 9 p.m. | Essentia Health Plaza, 3150 Sheyenne St.

Midwest Kids Fest 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. | Island Park

Race the Red Canoe & Kayak Races 6:30 to 9 p.m. | Dike East Park, 100 Second St. S.

West Fargo Street Fair 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. The Yards on Sheyenne between Main Avenue and Seventh Avenue W.

25-26

Bark in the Park 5:30 p.m. | River’s Bend Park, 2548 First St. E. in West Fargo

Jurassic Quest | Scheels Arena

Movie Night: “Guardians of the Galaxy” 7 to 9 p.m. | POW/MIA Plaza, 400 Sheyenne St. in West Fargo

Movie Night: “Black Panther” at Essentia Health Plaza at the Lights 7 to 9 p.m. | Essentia Health Plaza, 3150 Sheyenne St.

8 - 11 Happy Harry’s Ribfest 11 a.m. to 10 p.m.

BE SURE TO CHECK OUT FARGO MOM’S

ULTIMATE GUIDE TO SUMMER

10th Annual Go Hawaiian for Hospice 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. | 4501 23rd Ave. S., Fargo

JULY EVENTS 1

701 Day 5 to 7 p.m. | Broadway Square

Movie Night: “Jurassic Park” 7 to 9 p.m. | POW/MIA Plaza, 400 Sheyenne St. in West Fargo

Art Night 5:30 p.m. | Armour Park, 2nd Ave. NW and 5th St. NW, West Fargo

14-16 Downtown Street Fair

Summer Splash @ The Lights 7 to 9 p.m. | Essentia Health Plaza with a water slide, splash pad and more!

Movie in the Park 8:30 to 10:30 p.m. | Rheault Farm Check https://www.fargoparks.com/ events-and-deadlines/movie-park for more information.

4 Moorhead Proud 5656OOH & AAH 4th of July Celebration Dusk | Horizon Shores Park, 3801 24th Ave. S. Bonanzaville Carnival & Fireworks 10 a.m. to 10:30 p.m. Bonanzaville USA

8-17 Red River Valley Fair Check https://www.redrivervalleyfair.com/ for information and entertainment.

Event listing courtesy of

9 Red River Market Saturdays from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. POW/MIA Plaza, 400 Sheyenne St. in West Fargo

Social Events

ONGOING EVENTS

For more information about these and many other events, please visit https://fargo.momcollective.com/events/month/2021-12/.

Hosting an event that you would like to have published in the On The Minds of Moms magazine? Email moms@forumcomm.com.

On the Minds of Moms • June | July 2022 | 43