grow ready, set

discipline: beyond the word

story by | dani parkos fluge

Remember the days before kids when you’d come across that out of control tot throwing a tantrum and you thought to yourself how your kids will never act like that; they will for sure know who’s boss. Fast forward the calendar…now you have a tot throwing a fit in the checkout lane because you won’t buy that bright pink ball or now she’s 15 and for the first time hasn’t told you the ‘whole’ truth. When it comes to discipline it isn’t all about timeouts, grounding and taking the car keys away. It’s about us teaching our kids right from wrong, keeping them safe and establishing their own self control.

Its3am…he’s just been fed…he’s been burped…he has a dry diaper…no temp…he’s not cutting teeth...and he’s still crying. All wee ones cry, but the tears can even take a toll on us. It doesn’t matter how many kids you’ve had, how much education you’ve experienced, or how many books you’ve read on the topic…crying still happens. Trust your ability to care for your sweet wee one and recognize when you’re reaching the end of your rope, then dig deep and above all keep your cool.

wee ones [0–18 months]

when the tears won’t stop

• think about it. You’re not failing your wee one or being lazy if you can’t stop a crying spell. Sometimes babies just need to cry.

• just breathe. Remind yourself to breathe in and out to stay calm. It might take 5 minutes counting down from 10 and that’s okay. Remember: “Smell the flowers, and blow away the clouds.”

• temporary check-out. If you’re alone, put your wee one in a safe place, crib or car seat. Let your baby cry while you take a few minutes to regroup in another room.

• raise the white flag. Lean on your spouse or someone close to you to take over for a while or take advantage of those babysitting offers you get. We have all been there at one time or another, so remember you’re not alone.

• shout it out sista. When you feel you’re reaching the boiling point, speak up. Don’t be embarrassed to admit you’ve had enough. This doesn’t make you a bad mom.

• zzzzz it off. Sleep deprivation will only make it harder to cope with a crying baby, so sleep when your wee one is…the laundry will be there when you wake up.

• recognize the difference. If you’re worried about your ability to cope with a crying baby and just don’t feel like yourself, contact your doctor, a local crisis intervention service or help line for support. It’s never a bad idea to post a crisis number on the refrigerator with your emergency contacts or in another visible, get-to-quick spot.

When you go through these trying times and find it difficult to see the joy in every moment, just remember all the moms before you have been there too. So never doubt your parenting abilities and believe, “this too shall pass.”