Obscure Sports Magazine - Sept/Oct 2010

SPORTS OBSCURE magazine SEPT/OCT 2010

MUSA

TURNS 1 0

FLUGTAG - FLY, FALL & SINK BEER DARTS VIRGIN TERRITORY WHIP IT: MOVIE REVIEW AND A TON MORE INSIDE ! www.obscuresportsmag.com

2

[ Contents ]

SEPT/OCT 2010

www.obscuresportsmag.com

p.8

[ Cover Story ] The Evolution of Immaturity: MUSA Turns 10

A subcultural staple of the Midwest is celebrating their tenth anniversary and Obscure Sports Magazine writer Jodi Neitzel meets with founder Joe Szatmary to hear his thoughts on the past, present, and future of Midwestern Unconventional Sports Association.

Flugtag: Fly, Fall & Sink

Jess Kubis sees what Minnesota has to offer Red Bull - perhaps a world record flight?

[ Quick Hits ]

p.6 - Upon Further Review Our favorite obscure sports clips

p.7 - Do’s & Don’ts

What every sports-loving fashionista needs to know

p.25 - Photo Tag

p .22

Think you’re witty? Win an OSM tee!

p.31 - 1/2 Page Radball

Review:

Whip It recently was re-released on DVD. Yeah, Michael Votto is wondering why?

p.26

[ Columns ]

p.4 - By The Glass Seasons Change

p.14 - Virgin Territory Beer Darts

p.33 - Final Word “My Daddy”

3

by the glass Fall is a time for change or transition. If you’re lucky enough to live where the leaves turn colors, you’re able to walk out the door and see bright reds and golds fill the once green trees. The leaves are the obvious reminders of the season, but there are other signs. The air gets cooler and the waves get bigger. Wildlife begins to prepare for the winter and hunters prepare for their sport. Major League Baseball steps aside while the NFL, NHL and NBA become the center of attention.

I guess you could say transition is happening for OBSCURE SPORTS MAGAZINE, too.

Don’t worry - we aren’t flying South or hibernating for the winter. We’re re-defining our outlook and transitioning into something that is more interactive with more daily content for our readers.

You will be able to count on us for your daily fix of all things Obscure Sports. We are still going to have our magazine layout that you have come to know and love, and each month you will be able to page through the obscure world of sports one by one, but that also means more blog posts, more tweets and more updates on Facebook.

Like the leaves in the fall, this transition isn’t going to happen all at once. Expect gradual changes throughout the month of October, along with a website makeover. OBSCURE SPORTS MAGAZINE is very excited for the new things ahead and hopes that you will join us in any capacity.

We are always looking for more contributors with great ideas. If you or someone you know likes to write or research, please contact us. We want to grow our team before the snow starts to fall. Use the links on our Contributors page to check out all of the other Internet playing fields we will use daily so you don’t miss out on the changes ahead. We like our friends and want to become even better acquainted.

Daniel B. Glass Creative Director Obscure Sports Magazine

4

MANBUNTER - noun Male player that bunts during a kickball game. While in some leagues this is considered strategy and acceptable, in others it’s deemed shameful and looked down upon. see also (M’unter)

CONTRIBUTORS

Contributor Question of the Month: What was your favorite back-to-school supply?

Daniel B. Glass Creative Director “Glue and lots of it”

dan@obscuresportsmag.com

Andy Buteyn Drawing Guy “Sharpies”

andy@obscuresportsmag.com

Jess Kubis Contributor “Mechanical pencils” rubixkube17@gmail.com

Follow us on your favorite social networking site...

Jodi Neitzel Marketing/Contributor “That’s an easy one - Trapper Keeper for sure” jodi@obscuresportsmag.com

Andrea Spiegelberg Contributor “New clothes”

andrea@obscuresportsmag.com

Kristine Szatmary Editor/Contributor “Protractor & new notebooks”

Contact Us...

Obscure Sports Magazine 4918 West Vliet St Milwaukee, WI 53208 414-454-0447 info@obscuresportsmag.com check out our BLOG

kris@obscuresportsmag.com

Jami Topolovich Photographer/Contributor “A fresh box of crayons, the big box with the sharpener” jami@obscuresportsmag.com

Michael Votto Contributor “Magnum Sharpie and a paper bag” mvotto@obscuresportsmag.com

A D D I T I ON AL P HOTO GRA P HY CRE D ITS: M i c h ael S . G l a ss

Jake Wallendal Contributor “I never went to school”

5

Upon Further Review...

1. M & M’S BIKE POLO COMMERCIAL 1982 Not quite what we are used to seeing nowadays on the court or in the grass, but you got to hand it to Mars, Incorporated for bringing some obscure sports to the surface in the 80’s.

2. Gloucestershire Cheese Rolling Nothing says obscure sport like chasing a wheel of cheese down a super steep hill. Not sure how you win or if anyone actually does.

All I know is that watching people roll, fall and flail about is reason enough to post.

3. world record flight flugtag Here is the World Record flight at the Red Bull Flugtag event in Minneapolis this year.

Most of these “machines” just fall straight off the pier, but some geniuses thought to build one that looks like an airplane. Weird.

4. Ball ball, the greatest sport ever We fell for this trick one other time and were severly disappointed. Not sure I would call this the greatest sport ever, because I am not sure it’s even a sport., but holy crap it made us laugh. What a bunch of morons.

5. roller derby workout Hmmmm... this has a wonderful cheesy 80’s commercial vibe to it. Similiar to those Wham-O commercials we grew up with, only this one has a lot more skin. Bravo for coming up with this idea. Roller Girls rejoice!

Got a funny clip? We want to see it! Send us the link at ufr@obscuresportsmag.com 6

Do’s & Don’ts

No wrong answers here... just doing our part to help the helpless figure it out.

a win t ir t- s h

D e ta il belo s w

Yeah, the beer is over there toots. Exactly what you need, another drink. Look, I get it, going to your co-worker’s after-bar party just because you’re on the company kickball team is always a good idea. Team building is a recipe for success.

However, when you raid Julie from accounting’s dresser drawers, well, my guess is that there will be no ‘U’ in team.

I do have to say, way to pick something classy though. Better than the leopard print matching bra and panties. Nothing says trash like animal print.

Oh, and I see you got the breath spray. Very handy in your pocket. You must have heard the rumors around the office that you are the dude with the stank breath.

Fresh breath and no back hair will get you one step closer to that promotion from team lush to team lover. Don’t forget to take your sock home - the one behind you on the stair - not the one in your pants.

Don’t worry, what’s the worst that can happen if I take this picture? It’s not like this picture is going to be in a magazine, uploaded to the internet and made fun of for thousands of people to see. It’s all good!

Send us your pictures to dodont@obscuresportsmag.com and win a t-shirt if we use it.

7

The Evolution of Immaturity: MUSA Tur ns 10 b y J o d i N e itz e l On c e u p o n a t im e a dul t rec reati ona l team sport s were limited to act ion-packed gam e s o f te n f i rst i nt roduc ed to ski l l f ul pa r ticipant s at t he club, high school or collegiate level.

So f tb a l l , vo ll eyba l l , a nd soc c er l ea g u es were popular and plent iful around t he co u nt r y.

A res u rge n c e of i nterest i n c hi l dhood games and v intage sport s has created n ew o p p o r t u n it i e s for a g row i ng com munit y of at hletes, ex t rovert s, wallflowers , an d afi ci on ad o s . T he va r i ety of both co-ed and single-sex adult recreat ional spor t s h as ex p l o d e d ove r t he yea rs a nd l ea g ues n ow offer year-round opport unit ies to play kickb all, d o d ge b a l l , w iff l e ba l l a nd m ore. Tournament s for games like cornhole, beer po n g , f lip cu p , an d ro s h am bo a re orga ni zed, well-attended and often include prize money. A s b o th o ld a n d n ew l ea g ues devel op different ways to cont inue t he evolut ion of ad u lt re creat i o n a l s por ts, i t ’s a ppa rent that it takes some st rategy and commit ment fo r a l ea g u e to m ai nta i n i ts popul a r i ty.

Th e Mi d we ster n Unconventi ona l Sport s A ssociat ion (MUSA ) celebrates it s 1 0 ye ar a n n i vers a r y t h is fa l l a nd i ts l ongevi ty makes me wonder, what have been t he cont r ib u t in g fa ctors to i t s s uc c ess? M USA offers opport unit ies for adult s to play k ick ball, dod ge b all, p u tt- p u tt go lf, ba sketba l l , vol l eyba l l and soccer. S everal mont hs ago I played my f irst a d u l t k ic k b al l ga m e ever on a M USA team. The V irgin Territor y (link to J uly issue ar t icle) ex p er i en c e ma de m e reeva l uate my p ercept ion of t he league and realize t here was m o re to i t t h a n j u st pl ayi ng a ga m e.

To get a b e h i n d- the-sc enes understanding of t he league I asked founder, J oe S zat m ar y (a ka “D a C o mm i sh” ) , a bout M USA’s evolut ion from an idea to a t hriv ing associat io n si n c e 2 0 0 0 .

8

OS M : I s it mi n d - bog g l i ng to you that MUSA a n d k ic k b al l h ave sur vi ved ten yea rs?

JS : I h ave mi xe d thoug hts on thi s. Yes, t he fa ct t h at we h ave been a round 10 years a n d g row n to t he si ze we have i s a bi t nut s.

H owever, w h e n you l ook at the si m plicit y a n d f u n o f t h e ga m e, i t doesn’t seem so sh o ck in g . Ki c k ba l l ha s a l ways been a great ga me an d I d o n ’t see that goi ng away. A s l o n g as we kee p doi ng a good j ob r unning th e le ag u e an d tour neys w i th a few fresh tw i st s a d d ed h ere a nd there, I thi nk folks w i l l co nt in u e to wa nt to have f un w i t h us.

OS M : Wi l l M U SA l a st a nother ten years?

H ow, an d w hy or why not?

OSM: What was t he best adv i ce yo u received when you tossed around t h e id e a of start ing a k ick ball league?

J S: It wasn’t adv ice really, but mo re o f a rhetorical quest ion. “S o, you are go in g to go ahead and do t his, right ? ” S o I did . A f te r t he league was created, t he adv ice to h ave a spring season and not wait a full year after t he fall season was prett y gre at to o .

OSM: What was t he big gest roadblo ck to gett ing t he league started? To exp an d it ?

J S: At t he t ime, kick ball wasn’t re ally o n t he radar so t here was a st igma ass o ciate d wit h play ing – a sense t hat it was so m e h ow at hlet ically inferior.

That was a ll we ll

JS : It real l y d epends. If fol ks kee p h av i n g f u n w ith i t a nd we’re a bl e to a c co m p li s h som e of our goa l s to d eve lo p le ag ue oppor tuni ti es for a l l s ki l l leve l s , I thi nk there i s sti ll a l o t o f ro o m to r un wi th thi s. T he M U SA m in d s et wel com es a broa d ra n ge o f p layers a nd we tr y to kee p i t i nterest i n g for a l l . We have tea ms th at m ix we l l together com peti ti vely a n d s o c ia l l y, a nd m a ny i ndi vi dua ls th at wa nt to p l ay m ore tha n onc e a we e k. T h ere’s n o rea son for the f un to en d yet .

OS M : D o yo u thi nk ki c kba l l i s the p ri ma r y reas o n the l ea g ue ha s become so p o p u la r o r have the other spor ts co ntr i b u te d to t he l ea g ue’s g row th as we l l ?

JS : T h e p r i m ar y rea son we’re sti ll a ro u n d i s b eca u se there a re f un people w h o h ave wa nted to see us thr i ve as a l e a g u e – a good m i x of pl ayers a n d f i el d m o n ito rs . D odgeba l l i sn’t the mo st u s er-f r ie ndl y spor t, a l thoug h it tru l y i s s p ec tac ul a r. I thi nk what we o ffe r w it h leag ue pl ay a nd tour neys, a s well a s o t h e r events, rounds thi ngs o u t a b it b u t k i c kba l l seem s to be ou r b re a d a n d b u tter.

9

a n d go o d t h o u gh beca use we ha d a solid g ro u p t h at s i g ned up j ust to have a good ti m e, p l ay s o me ki c kba l l a nd pa r ty hard afte r ward s . G etti ng that i ni ti a l 100 p eople wa s a b it to u gh, a s wa s getti ng a parks a n d rec re at i o n coordi nator to g ra sp t hat fa ct t h at ad u l t s wa nted to use a soft ball f i el d fo r s o m ethi ng other tha n soft ball.

Ex p a ns i o n real l y ha s been a f unc ti on of f i n d i n g t h e r i g ht peopl e w ho want to ru n w it h t h e idea i n thei r ow n m arket .

We have b e en pretty ha nds off w i t h our aff i l i ate d l eag ues, but do offer support w i th t h e webs i te, i nsura nc e a nd i nc lusion i n o ur G o l d e n Lu nc hbox tour na m ent at t he en d o f t h e s p r i ng a nd fa l l sea sons. I n t he en d t h o u g h , if you don’t have som eone to d o th e l eg wo r k i n new m a r kets, you can’t ex p a n d . Per i o d .

how we can make kickball more centralized .

I’m not talk ing all leagues necessaril y u n d e r one roof, just somet hing where t here is an agreement or an attempt to promo te t h e idea of mult i-league part icipat ion i n eve r y league’s major tournament s. I wo u ld like to get more involved wit h t he lead ers at Kick ball365.com too, but t here are a lot of differences in play, such as s ize o f t he k ick ball. Also, manbunt ing was an d generally is a huge taboo for us, bu t s o m e leagues openly discuss and give p ro ps to guys who are good bunters. In t he e n d I t hink a system where teams t ravel to cit ies and play t he rules of t he host leagu e prov ides proof t hat a team is s o lid n o matter t he circumstances. That wo u ld b e some great k ick ball to play and to watch .

OSM: What ideas are you scheming u p fo r t he fall season?

J S: A website redesign, new ball an d dropping down a player defensively. We’re also t r y ing to come up wit h a fun to u r n ey format for teams t hat don’t ma ke t h e Golden Lunchbox tourney.

OS M : D o yo u thi nk there a re enough ki c kb a l l vi rg i n s sti l l out there a nd what ’s th e b e st b ai t to get them on the f i el d ?

JS : Ye ah , I t h i n k so. It ’s rea l l y j ust gett ing th e wo rd o u t , a nd better yet havi ng ‘em l a ce u p a p a i r of shoes a nd sta r t pl aying.

OS M : I f yo u coul d i nvi te 2- 3 ki ck ball cel eb r i t i es an d/or founders of ki ck ball l ea g u e s to d i n n er, w ho woul d you pi ck and w hy ?

JS : We ll , I wo u l d l i ke to m eet m ost ot her i n d ep e n d e nt leag ue founders a nd explore 10

OSM: Most people don’t keep t he sa m e jo bs or homes ten years any more but t h e re are people who have been play ing sinc e 2 0 0 0 .

You’ve managed to maintain accountab ilit y for t he league and employ ot her pe o p le to administer it . How were you able to star t a family, switch jobs, t rain for t he I ro n m an t wice and keep k ick ball in your life, as well as t he lives of ot hers during t h is t im e period?

J S: I t r y to appreciate t he fact t hat t h ere are opport unit ies to do t hings in t h is world. Not tak ing some risks or p u tt in g no effort into life isn’t an opt ion fo r m e .

A dmittedly, I have been st retched a b it t h in some of t he past 4-5 years and appreciate t he effort s of t hose who have helpe d kee p t he league humming. Over t he yea rs , I ’ve counted on people who’ve wanted to p u t in t he t ime and see MUSA cont inue to grow.

I ’m a l ways i nterested i n ta l ki ng to p eople w h o wa nt to ta ke a n i dea a nd r un w i t h it to i m p rove t h e leag ue.

OS M : Wh at o bsc ure spor t woul d you be w i l l i n g to t r y for a n O SM Vi rg i n Territor y a rti c l e? O r w h at spor t woul d you l ike to se e covered ?

JS : Ho o k m e up w i th som e sponsors, so meo n e w h o k nows how to or i enteer and so me o t h er c razy ba sta rds a nd I woul d love to d o a n Eco - C ha l l enge a dventure ra ce. Or so me u lt ra- r u n ni ng events. Gi ve m e a call i f you n e ed s o meone to tr y a spor t wit h so me r u n n i n g o r bi ki ng .

OS M : H ow h as ki c kba l l c ha nged your pace o f l i fe an d w h at you do for f un?

JS : Fo u r k i d s h ave c ha nged my pa c e of life a n d how I e n j oy ki c kba l l . It ’s not so much a b o u t p a r t yi n g for m e now a s i t i s t r y ing to h e lp p ro mo te a nd provi de a f un l eague fo r t h e p eo p le that pl ay i n i t. B esides

being a big k id wit h my own family, I en joy endurance at hlet ics and coming u p wit h ot her goof y ideas to get people to get h er - be it k ick ball related or ot her w is e . I like to play k ick ball on one fun an d o n e compet it ive team ever y season. I ’d love to t r y indoor k ick ball one of t hese winters .

OS M: What do you t hink it is abou t M U SA and t he game of k ick ball t hat keeps p e o p le coming back to play and be part o f t h e organizat ion?

J S: Hopefully, t hat we prov ide great valu e and a fun, high-qualit y experience.

OSM: Thanks, J oe. It ’s obv ious t he p ast 1 0 years have created a lot of memories an d it sounds like t here are st ill many m o re to be had. Congrat s and good luck .

It ’s t rue t hat t he success of t he le agu e is dependent on cont inued interest an d n ew blood. However, it wouldn’t be wh at it i s wit hout a few key players. I asked t wo o f

11

th e M U SA o r ig i na l s to tel l m e a bout their experiences over t he years.

M a rk Ne ls o n , aka Nel l y, j oi ned M USA in 2000 after hearing about it on campu s . P r io r to kic k b al l h e wa s i nvol ved w i th l ocal soft ball leagues and social organizat ion s b u t says h e’s b e co m e m ore i nvol ved w i t h k ick ball t han any of t he ot hers. He contr ib u te s h i s d e d icat i o n to the ca sua l atm osphere and t he o p p o r t u n it y to m eet new f r i ends a nd stay act ive. “ Ki ck b al l is n ’t the m ost g r uel i ng thing , but it ’s n i c e to get o u t si de a nd ha ng out w i th friends and p l ay a s p o r t m ost of us g rew up wi th,” said Nelly.

Wh e n a s ked i f s ur pr i sed that M USA i s celebrat ing te n ye a rs , h e sa i d he’s m ost a m azed by t he re si l ien c e s o ma ny pl ayers a nd tea ms have had. “ Th ere are m any tea m s c l osi ng i n on 20 seasons i n th e le ag u e . It ’s pretty rem a r ka ble to look at p i c tu re s o f a l l of us f rom , say 2002, you can see a n o ti c e ab l e a ge di fferenc e,” he expl a ined, “ That is so met h in g yo u don’t rea l l y noti c e year after year.

I t ’s a l s o p rett y rem a r ka bl e to see how it all has evo l ved in te r m s of pl ayi ng styl e a nd sk ill level.

Th e s ki l l e d team s now a re m uc h better t han t he ski l l ed team s 7 + yea rs a go.”

R ay Ro b e r t s , m ore com m onl y know n i n t he k ick ball wo rl d a s M u n d om a n or R ay R ay, found MUSA in fa l l 2 0 0 1 w h e n a f r i end hea rd a commercial on a l o ca l ro c k stati on a nd ca l l ed hi m. Ray states th at k i c k b al l h as si nc e becom e hi s life and cites h i s i nvo lve ment a s a cata l yst to many great f ri en d s h i ps . “ T hi s l ea g ue ha s become my social o u tl et . I h ave m et so m a ny g reat people; some d o n ’t eve n p l ay,” he sa i d, “O f the 25 greatest p eo p l e eve r in my l i fe, 50 perc ent of t hem I have met i n t h is le ag ue a nd I a m proud to call t hem f ri en d s .”

Wh i l e t h e m ai n com peti ti on i s to be league ch a m p io n s a n d ea r n the hi g hl y coveted “Golden L u n c h b ox ,” t h ere i s a l so the unoff i c ial challenge o f com in g u p w i th the best tea m name. Of th e ove r 1 5 0 0 tea m na m es, Nel l y is a fan of “ Ki ckto s p o r id i u m ” a nd “ D oo D oo C hop.” Ray listed Th e S it u Ray t io n, R ay ’s Anatomy a n d Ray-Ray ’s An gel s a m o n g h i s favor i tes.

Over t h e p ast ten yea rs, M USA ha s evolved into a th ri vi n g o rgan i zati on a nd soc i a l l i fel ine for many.

Th e fa c t t h at more tha n 1700 tea m s have taken t he f i el d over 1 6 ,0 0 0 ti m es si nc e M USA’s incept ion is 12

p rett y s o l i d evidenc e that the orga nizat ion prov ides an env ironment and socia l o u t let ma ny h ave co m e to rel y on. As new recreat ional sport s hit t he mainst ream and v ie fo r a s p o t in t h e h ea r ts of obsc ure sport ent husiast s and weekend warriors, t he n ex t te n ye a rs d ep en d o n the conti nued l oya l t y of t he current members and t he recruit me nt o f n ew tal ent .

13

y r ito

r r e T

TH E RE W I LL B E B LO O D

by A n d rea Spiegelberg

Ph o to g rap h s by R a c hel Ni el son & Andrea S piegelberg A few m o nt h s ago, I wrote a n a r ti c l e in t he May issue of Obscure S port s Magazin e ab o u t u n u su a l ta i l gate ga m es a nd there was one I just HA D to t r y – Beer Dart s. It s e em ed to b e t h e p e r fec t com bi nati on of danger and friendly, one-on-one compet it io n , an d yo u eve n get to si t down w hi l e pl aying! Or, perhaps it was t his awesome inst ru ct io n al 14

A J uly camping t rip wit h 15 or so of my clo s e st friends seemed like t he perfect oppor t u n it y to test it out . A n encouraging , infor m at ive email was sent to our camping comp at r io t s lett ing t hem k now t hat we were go in g to t r y out a new game, but not to wo r r y, we had all t he equipment . While th is is a group of folks t hat love to play gam es , t h e prospect of beer dart s was met wit h a b it of t repidat ion. However, my fiancé, Kev in , was support ive of my beer dart dre am an d hav ing v iewed t he v ideo himself, was gam e.

He even made a t rip to Wal-Mart to p ick u p t he needed beer dart materials; 2 r u b b er floor mat s and a pack of steel-t ip d ar t (we obv iously own camping chairs). A f ter pack ing up t he car for our t rip, we re alized t hat we had forgotten t he cardboa rd u s e d as shields, but since t he v ideo said it was n ’t mandator y....

Off we go!

The first to arrive at our campsite , Kev in and I quick ly picked t he best place to p itch our tent , dipped ourselves in DEET an d we were ready for some beer dart act ion . A s o u r friends t rick led in, t wo by t wo, we f igu red t his was t he perfect t ime to begin ou r b e er dart advent ure. S o, we set up 2 cam p in g chairs, roughly 10 feet apart , put a r u b b er floor mat in front of each one, gra b b e d 2 cans of t he cheapest swill we had a n d o n e of t he dart s and were ready to pop o u r b e er dart cherries.

The first few rounds were unevent fu l, wit h neit her Kev in nor I hitt ing t he can o r even t he floor mat . This is when we discove re d t he first drawback to beer dart s – d ir t .

Because, you see, if you aren’t hitt in g t h e can or t he floor mat , t he dart land s in t h e dirt . Thus we arrived at revelat ion # 1 - a cup of water ala beer pong to rinse th e d ir t y dart . The dirt became a part icular p ro b lem v i d e o . S o i nfo r m ati ve! So enter ta ining. once Kev in made his first hit – com p letely Rega rd le s s o f t he rea son, I m a de a vow to punct uring t he bottom of t he can, fo rcin g mys e l f t h at I wa s goi ng to pl ay thi s game me to down t he ent ire beer in one s itt in g.

Yes, on my first attempt at beer dart s , I h ad b efo re s u m mer ’s end. cont inued on page 1 8

15

d l o f r e t t shu

16

photo s Kris S by zatma r

y

17

to sl a m an e nt ire ca n of beer ( som et hing I h a d n ’t d o n e s i nc e col l ege.) D i r t g ritt ing i n my teet h , I vowed revenge. Af ter a few mo re ro u n d s wi th sna r ky ba nter being to s sed b ac k and for th - SUC C ESS! I hit Kev i n’s can , fo rc i ng hi m to down half of h i s bee r. Neve r one to ba c k down from a ch a l le n ge , h e qui c kl y reta l i ated, hitt ing my can 2 t im es. By now, I wa s gett ing a b u zz. I ’m n o l i g htwei g ht ei ther, I’m from Wi s con s i n ! I ca n hol d my own a ga i nst t he b est o f t h em ! However, som e of our more a d vent u ro u s f r i ends ha d a r r i ved a nd were ea ger to p l ay, s o I g ra c ef ul l y bowed out , l etti n g o u r f r ien d D a n ta ke a tur n against th e reig n i n g cam pi ng c ha m p. D a n was a mu ch m o re wor thy opponent, m a king a mu ch mo re ac ti on pa c ked ga m e. W hich b ri n g s u s to revel ati on #2- i f you a re good at d a r t s , it ’s a pretty safe bet that you ’ll be a b l e to h o ld yo ur ow n at beer da r ts.

Wh i l e D a n a n d Kevi n conti nued to batt le fo r the b e er d ar t c rown, one of our more safet y- co n s c i o us f r i ends a r r i ves, willing to p lay, b u t w i th a hef ty ca rdboa rd box i n tow. “H ey, a ren’t you g uys supposed 18

to use card b o ard as a shie ld or somet hing? ” he asked. We n o te d t he t hought f u ln es s of t his gest u re an d cont inued to p lay.

I played a ro u n d o r t wo against D an , even winn in g a game. I see m ed to be improv in g an d was eager to te st out my sk ills again st a new op p o n e nt or t wo, bu t alas , most of our f r ien d s were fearful o f t h is new, excit ing gam e and instead were content to ente r tain t hemselves wit h more sedate act iv it ies, such as bee r p o n g and staring into t he fire. This largely limited our play ing t ime, as bee r d ar t s wit h 3-4 people can quick ly lead to o u t o f cont rol drunkenness. S o, we dec id ed to take a break to eat , socialize and re cr u it .

A fter fort if y ing ourselves wit h gr ille d meat s, we decided to resume gam e p lay, despite t he t hreat of darkness.

So o n , we act ually recruited t wo new p layers , Mike and Rachel. They insisted on p layin g against one anot her, as I decided to take photos and Dan and Kev in are k n own to cause shenanigans.

Their game b e gan unevent fully, much like our earlier gam e s ; neit her player hitt ing t he can, t h e f lo o r mat , etc… Then, DISA STER .

I t urned my head away from t he act io n for just a second, but quick ly t urned b ack once I heard a lone, quiet … oh. Sh it . I look at Rachel’s st unned expressi o n an d scanned down. Oh. MY GOD. The ste e lt ipped dart was sunk all t he way i nto h er calf. Ever yone sat in st unned silen ce, n o t

kn ow i n g w h at to do. T hen som eone (most l i ke l y D an ) s ays - “ Ta ke a pi c ture!” Shak ing o ff my i n i t i a l shoc k at seei ng a metal DA RT st u c k i n som eone’s l eg , I gat her my s e n s i b i l i t i e s , pi c k up the ca m era and cl i ck. A n u nfo rgetta bl e m om ent, ca pt ured fo reve r.

Af te r a few more stunned seconds.... mi n utes ? S o m eone w i ser tha n m e a d v ises R a ch el to remove the da r t f rom her calf.

L u c kil y, a n Eag l e Scout wa s on hand, co m p lete w i t h a f ul l y stoc ked Fi rst A id k it .

Fo rtu n ate ly t h e bl ood wa sn’t copi ous and R a ch el wa s a t rooper. Soon she wa s good as n ew an d t h e o nl y thi ng l ef t to wor r y about wa s a p o s s ib l e i nfec ti on a nd w hat her so o n - to - a r r i ve husba nd wa s goi ng to do to M i ke o n c e h e found out that he i mpaled h i s w ife .

M i ke meanw h i l e i s si tti ng i n hi s camp ch a i r, f roze n i n hor ror. You see, while ever yo n e kn ew that som ehow, som e way, SOM EO NE wa s goi ng to get i nj ured on t his a d vent u re , m o st l i kel y f rom beer dart s, n o o n e t h o u g ht the c ul pr i t woul d b e t he mo st l y s o b e r, ca rdboa rd- br i ng i ng fat her o f 3. A f ter e n sur i ng that R a c hel was 1.

Okay a n d 2 .

Not going to ki l l h im , M i k e

declared t hat he was NEV ER going to p lay beer dart s ever again and began takin g a st raw poll on whet her t he s o o n -to arrive husband was going to k ill o r s u e him. (S ince t hey are cousins, n e it h e r happened.)

Later on t hat evening , and t he nex t d ay, despite all odds, a few of us did re s u m e play ing beer dart s, but not unt il we created shields out of t he aforement io n e d cardboard box and only in t he d aylight .

While st ill enjoyable, t his met hod o f b e er 19

d a rts wa s a lo t m ore unwi el dy a nd a lot less dangerous. Despite t he t ragic event t h at o ccu r red , I ’d st i l l recom m end g i vi ng beer dart s a whirl. It will definitely be somet h in g me mo ra b l e to enha nc e your ca m pi ng , tailgat ing or yard part y experience. Of co u rs e , I wa s n ’t m ai m ed i n a ny way. However, I’d st rongly sug gest acquiring some sort o f s h in g u a rd o r at t h e ver y l ea st, use.the.freaking.cardboard. A nd no matter what- Re s p e ct a n d fe a r t h e d ar t.

T H E AFT ER M ATH Mike’s Ta ke 1. D i d yo u e n j oy your beer da r t ex p er ien c e?

M o re s o t h a n my opponent

Rac h e l’s Take 1. Did you enjoy your beer dart experience?

Yes. Perhaps not as much as t he spectators.

2. What did you t hink of t he game an d how could it be better?

So cc e r s h in g u a rds

It is wort h remembering t hat if t h e item has enough force to pierce m etal, a pair of pant s is definitely not go in g to protect you.

3. Wo u l d yo u pl ay a ga i n?

3. Would you play again?

I ’d h ave to f in d som eone wi l l i ng to play w i th m e a gai n f i rst.

Doubt ful, but only because it wou ld b e hard to top t hat first game. I’m lo o kin g for new hobbies.

2. W h at d i d yo u thi nk of the ga m e and h ow co u ld i t b e better ?

4. D es c r i b e yo ur ex per i enc e i n 1-3 words?

I mp a l e d my o p ponent

4. Describe your experience in 1-3 words?

5. W h at wa s i t l i ke hi tti ng som eone wit h a d ar t ?

Beginner ’s Luck

I ’d s ay i t d et ra c ted f rom my enj oy ment o f th e gam e , but i t wa s a g reat l earning ex p er ien c e I ’d l i ke to sha re wi th ot hers: Fi rst o ff, i f you’re goi ng to i m pa l e your o p p o n e nt m ake sure that thei r si g nificant o th er i s n ’t a ) a l aw yer O R b) a for m er linema n - N ei t h e r of these pa nned out for me.

Th en , af ter t h e i nc i dent, m a ke c er ta in t hat yo u are t h e f irst person to tel l the l i neman l aw yer t h at you i m pa l ed thei r si g nificant o th er w it h a b eer da r t - beca use someone el s e co u ld t w i st words a nd m a ke i t sound b a d . La st l y, yo u shoul d a pol og i ze to your o p p o n e nt .

20

Master Debaters message board

5. What was it like gett ing hit with a dart ?

In ret rospect , I understand how fo o lis h t his sounds, but most ly : surprising. I hadn’t really expected a dart in my calf, no matter how obv ious t hat r is k appears to be. (S eriously. I t hou ght it would be J oel or Dan who impa le d someone, not Michael. A nd you’ll not ice I didn’t play wit h Dan, no m atter how “perfect ly drunk ” he was.) I m ight have been just as surprised as eve r yo n e t hat t he dart was in my act ual leg an d not just my pant leg.

21

22

FLUGTAG - Fly, Fall & Sink

by J e s s Ku b i s Ph o tos by Wi j adi Jodi

Ever seen a station wagon fly? How about a coffin?

A barn? A hamburger? On Saturday, July 24th, down on Harriet Island in St. Paul, Minnesota, 90,000 spectators watched as these and other homemade flying contraptions launched into the air as part of Red Bull’s annual Flugtag event. Out of over 100 applicants, thirty-seven teams were chosen to compete in this year’s Flugtag and thirty-five teams completed the mission. A majority of the teams hailed from Minnesota, but there were others from Michigan, Indiana, Illinois, and other nearby states.

One of the competing teams was the North Star Roller Girls, an organization of which I am a part. So I headed out to join the masses and see dreams take flight. Or see them crash and sink into the mighty Mississippi.

were dressed in costumes related to their themes.

There was a team of purple-clad Princes standing next to their little red Corvette, while a team of zombies stood near their flying coffin. Gilligan, Mary Ann, Ginger, and the Skipper waved to the crowd as they passed the SS Minnow. The spectators mingled among the designs, taking pictures with the costumed teams and laying bets as to which entries might actually get some air and which would immediately plummet into the river. I must say I didn’t have a lot of faith in most of the entries getting very far, but there were a few I thought had a great chance and I was hoping the winged skate would claim the North Star Roller Girls a spot in Flugtag history.

As the teams began lining up near the ramp that led to the launch platform, a group of us claimed a spot At first I wasn’t really sure what to expect from with a great view of both the platform and one of Red Bull’s Flugtag. This event has never been held the giant Jumbotrons which would provide close-up in Minnesota, and my experience was limited to footage of each entry’s skit, flight, and post-flight seeing brief commercial snippets on TV over the interviews. Yes, that’s right - not only did each team years. I always thought it looked extremely goofy have to construct a homemade flying machine, but and wondered what these poor saps were thinking the four pushers and the pilot also had to choreograph trusting their lives to flying machines that looked like and perform a skit that corresponded to their theme they were made out of popsicle sticks, chewing gum, atop the platform. I had planned to stay only until and flimsy fabric. However, as I strolled through after NSRG’s launch, which was at position #17. But the hangar area to get a look at all the entries prior once it got underway, there was no pulling myself to the event, I was astounded at the creativity and away. The spectacle was too great. And a spectacle showmanship. It was obvious to me that several it was. teams had put hours of effort and a lot of money into their designs. The North Star Roller Girls’ entry was a The skits mostly involved dance routines to songs giant winged roller skate, and other entries included about flying or to songs that corresponded directly picture-perfect replicas of the St. Paul skyline, a to the theme of the entry. There were also a few World War II B-25 bomber, Snoopy’s dog house, the sports-themed performances with a Brett Favre Jetsons’ flying saucer, and the Griswold’s station impersonator throwing footballs in the Mississippi wagon from National Lampoon’s Family Vacation, to River. NSRG did a little something different and highlighted how important the role of pusher was name a few. to the Flugtag by dancing to Salt-N-Pepa’s “Push It.” Along with the actual flying machines, all of the teams My favorite skit involved the zombie team dancing 23

to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller,” a routine they practiced for over two months prior to the event. It was very well done and an awesome sight to see.

Also awesome to see? One flying machine after another being pushed off the launch platform and plummeting directly into the river, followed closely by the team members.

I would say the vast majority of the entries did not make it more than 30 to 40 feet from the platform. A few of the designs broke before even making it off the platform.

Apparently homemade contraptions shaped like coffins, hamburgers, penguins, Zambonis, Corvettes, dog houses, station wagons, narwhals, and penalty boxes just weren’t meant to fly.

The record for the longest Flugtag flight was set in Austria in 1991, the first year Red Bull held the Flugtag: 195 feet. As more and more entries launched and crashed, I began to believe that record would continue to stand. Then the replica of the World War II B-25 bomber sprung into action. The glider was built by Major Trouble and the Dirty Dixies, a team of aeronautical engineers from Inver Grove Heights, MN. It began its flight atop a metal tower that detached from the glider once it was pushed off the platform. The team hoped this would give the aircraft extra altitude and keep it from nosediving straight into the water, a fate that several of the other entries had already succumbed to. The glider also had a lever system that raised the nose

and was flown by a licensed pilot, which combined to help them surpass the 195 foot buoy marking the long-standing world record and land 207 feet from the platform. Entry #10 had already set a new world record and there were still 15 entries to go!

I wish I could say that the North Star Roller Girls’ flying skate went on to top Major Trouble and the Dirty Dixies or even come close to the previous world record. But alas, the skate plummeted to the water, launching the pilot, Aurora Whorealis, into the air before she and it hit the water with great force.

However, their spirits weren’t crushed; 90,000 people cheered them on as being one of the best crashes of the day and they were later featured on the cover of the St. Paul Pioneer Press, the Minneapolis StarTribune, and the evening news.

If I learned anything from this spectacle, it’s that Flugtag isn’t just about flying, competing to win first place, and breaking world records, (which Major Trouble and the Dirty Dixies would end up doing after all 35 entries took flight.) It’s also about entertainment, showmanship, and the best crashes – just like roller derby. Which is why the next time Red Bull’s Flugtag comes to town, you can bet there will be another entry piloted by North Star Roller Girls. And hopefully the next skate will fly even farther. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to start drinking that Red Bull now, if it really does give you wings.

Join the North Star Roller Girls on Facebook.

24

g a t o t o h p

w in a t-s hir t

AGAZINE M S T R PO SCURE S ting a caption B O e m o at wri Win s d k c a r c a we’ll sen ke a d t n a g e a r tu sw . nthly pic o m e ick yours h p t e w for f i e t-shirt you a fre submissions to: m ur smag.co t r o p s Send yo e r u g@obsc photota

L a s t m o n t h ’ s W i n n e r ! - k a r e n r . f rom California “… and i shall call him mini me ! ”

phototag@obscuresportsmag.com

25

26

F IL M SCHOO L DR O POUT WRIT T EN BY M IC H AE L

VOTTO

S i g h a nd Yaw n :

W hip I t Does No J usti ce to Rol l er De r b y M a ki n g H o l l y wood f i l m s i s so ea sy. No se ri o u s l y, it m ust be rea l si m pl e but t he p erceived o u tcom es va r y. Ta ke a fa ntast ic ca st ( an O s ca r w i nner, two others wit h n o min at i o n s ) and put them i nto a zany u n d e r b e l l y - boom , a l i c ense to print mo n ey a n d swa l l ow pra i se. Not so much i n th e cas e o f W hi p It beca use even given i ts p ed ig re e, its Ac hi l l es’ heel i s t hat it d o e sn ’t real l y know what ki nd of m ov ie it wa nt s to b e .

The stor y want s to be about a young gir l’s rise to A ust in met ropolitan undergro u n d roller derby fame as “Babe Ru t h les s ” (Page), but it is, t rut hfully, a classic t ro jan horse: it ’s t he stor y of a girl wit h m o m my issues. Page’s mot her (t he normally s u p er b Marcia Gay Harden) want s her to b e t h e pageant queen, which is t he film’s f irst leap of fait h. Ellen Page has a s m u ch charisma and beaut y to wear a t iara as I d o - and don’t say “t hat ’s t he point ” b e cau s e if it is, t hat ’s just deus ex machina in t h e Wh i p I t , t h e debut di rec tor i a l work of cruelest way. A ny way, Page decides t h at ’s Drew Bar r ym o re, ha s ga i ned som e new not a quirk y enough fate so she decid es to v i ewers in t h e l a st week a s the former t r y out for a local roller derby squ ad , t h e ch i l d star ’s n ewest f i l m , rom -com Going Hurl S cout s. This is where t he film co u ld Th e D istance , hi t the theaters a nd she h i t t h e p re s s ci rc ui t. In rec ent weeks, re p o r te rs h ave been a ski ng what her fo l l ow u p p ro j ec t woul d be, a s i f this was l i ke a s ki n g Ma r ti n Scorsese how he would a n swer T he D eparte d w i th Shutter Island.

I wo n ’t b e wai ti ng i n a nti c i pati on for her n ex t wo r k b ecause her f i rst f i l m pl ays out a s i f t h e p l o t wa s r i pped f rom the pages o f B a r r ym o re ’s teena ge di a r y. Watching a g i rl re b el i n m oder n c i nem a i s not hing n ew a n d , h o n e stl y, i t ha s been done well El l en Page , sta r of Whi p It, di d i t expert ly w i th i n h e r O s ca r-nom i nated tur n i n Juno b u t Ba r r ym o re is sol d on the fa c t that her femal e p ro tago ni st i s r i g hteous. Sure, but co m p a re d to o t her c ha ra c ters, she is also fa ntast i cal l y b o r i ng .

27

and sleepy role by her equally unforgiv in g and sleepy director. Page fills t he ru n n in g t ime wit h a dead-eyed teenage angst t h at would make t he most S eatt le-y gr u n ge band weep. A nd her romant ic relat io n s h ip wit h brooding musician Oliver (L an d o n Pig g) is t hinly const ructed, as if Barr ym o re hit “al ternat ive guitarist ” on a dart b o ard when filling out t he character list .

h ave b e en redeem ed - foc usi ng on t he sp o rt an d a n i nteresti ng set of support ing p l ayers wo u l d h ave buoyed the f i l m unt il it s co n c l u s i o n . I t coul d have been a c lassier a n d l es s s la pst i c k versi on of B a seket ball, b u t i n ste ad , t h e spor t i s si m pl y the re for set p i e c e s w h i l e ba rel y hol di ng toget her scen e s o f fam il i a l conf l i c t a nd a l a c kluster ro ma n c e s u b p l ot.

I ca n s u m u p my feel i ng s towa rds Page’s ch a ra c te r in two words: who cares.

Unfor t u n ate ly, conf l i c ts of a buse and n eg l ec t a re t r ul y the onl y ones t hat f i c ti on a l l y wo rk wi thi n a good mov ie.

Th e mo t h er- d aug hter r i va l r y pl ot of Wh i p I t b o i l s d ow n to a g i r l sc rea ming in h i strio n i c s t h at she wa nts to skate i n stead o f sa s h ayin g d own a sta ge. Just say it , and yo u ’ ll h ave a roc ky rel ati onshi p wi th your mo th e r fo r a coupl e of m onths. O h man, ca l l Her m an M anki ewi c z, we got a classic o n o u r h an d s ! E l l en Pa ge i s a versat ile a c tres s , b u t s h e’s g i ven suc h a n unforgiv ing 28

The most frust rat ing element of th e f ilm is what could’ve been t he most interest in g aspect - roller derby. While coverage o f t he sport is limited, I’ve lived in a cit y wi t h an act ive roller derby following , and I kn ow t he joys of t he game. J ust like The M o n ster S quad is amazing despite it s childis h f laws , roller derby is an excellent watc h even t hough t he players are not nece s s ar ily “t y pe A” at hletes. But t hat ’s t he beau t y o f t he derby - anyone wit h enough ten acit y and spirit can show up, kick as s , an d entertain a crowd. This side of t h e gam e is represented in such a schizop h ren ic fashion in Barr y more’s film. The directo r occasionally get s t he message acro s s , as she does wit h t he presence of moth e r an d team leader Mag gie May hem (Krist in W iig , in a less-t han-memorable perform an ce) , but ot her t imes, she seems conte nt in just lett ing people play stereot y pes . Th e support ing teammates are depicted as t hey probably were in t he init ial s cr ipt t reat ment : token black girl (Eve), fo reign badass (Zoe Bel l), and even Bar r ym o re herself plays t he brain-dead tough ch ick.

Un su r p r i s i n g l y, the onl y el em ent of the film t hat holds up is Babe Rut hless’ civ ili an b est f ri en d Pas h ( A l i a Shawkat) . M ost will recognize S hawkat as Maeby from defunct s h ow Ar r ested D ev elopm ent. Som eti m es you forget t hat Page is suppose to be a young gir l as sh e’s p layin g aga i nst thi r ty-som ethi ng women in most scenes, and S hawkat ’s Pas h is t h e o n l y remi n d er of that. T he setups a nd dialogue bet ween S hawkat and Page are t h e m o st re a l i st i c in t h e enti re f i l m , m a i nl y because Pash is so damn likable and sane.

Th i s i s n ’t a l l D rew B a r r ym ore’s fa ult - t he source material is less-t han-inspired an d mo st o f t h e ac t resses that f i l l the f rame are phoning in mediocre performances . Bu t B a rr ym o re s h o ul d have rea c hed out and found a capable editor and prov ided h e r own sp i n to t h e p lo t. Hel l , Stephen Ki ng hated S tanley Kubrick’s The S hining beca u s e t h e d i re c to r c h an ged too m uc h. T here i s n’t enough of a voice in Whip It , and t here was n ’t a stea d y h an d gui di ng i t beyond j ust gett ing a lot of film in t he can (does t he film really n ee d to b e as l ong a s i t wa s?) . If thi s is what Drew Barr y more intended to produce , t h e n sh e s h o u ld j u st qui t w hi l e she’s sti l l gett ing act ing gigs. The film and it s director s e em to th in k t h at rol l er der by i s a m ea ns to an end for all involved, but really, t he s p o r t is ju st a co ll ec t i o n of m i sf i ts beati ng the crap out of each ot her.

Do n ’t ove ra n a l yze ever y thi ng , Hol l y wood.

Facebook group of the month: Women’s Flat Track Derby Association

29

3 p o T s ’ o Joe Ben

S u p e r p owe rs fo r a P u tt P u tt Go lfe r ( w it h ou t c h ea t i n g to o m u c h )

1. X-Ray Vision No more guessing which hole your ball will come out of.

2. Illusion Create Imaginar y windmills for opponents to putt around.

3. Time Manipulation An opponent who takes freakin’ ever to line up their putt can really throw you off your mental game.

30

1/2 PAGE...

by Michael Votto

I probably shouldn’t be calling out my editor in the first paragraph of my article, but here I go anyway: Really Dan, you want me to cover “Cycle Ball”? Okay, but I must insist that it not be referred to as that, but instead by its more true and fantastically badass also-known-as. And do you know what that is? Radball!

Holy good god - radball? The single most succint and truthful sports name of all time? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the best thing to come out of Germany since the Instrument of Surrender: radball.

The objective of radball is, similar to most sports in the world, to score a goal with a ball. The only difference here is the ball is filled with horsehair and the only way to score is using the wheels of a fixed gear bicycle.

Two teams of two attempt to put a small ball into a roughly six-foot tall goal on both sides of a small court using only three methods of scoring: the front wheel, the back wheel, and in rare instances, the head of a player. One player, who is assigned with defending the goal, is allowed to use hands to keep lobbed shots out, but is required to drop the ball back to the playing surface. Scoring the game differs from league to league, with some adopting a time game while others play until a maximum score is reached.

If you think those rules sound more difficult than other sports, you are correct. Watching teams play radball is the only way to appreciate the athleticism and control needed for the game. Look for “radball” or “cycle ball” on YouTube to get a better glimpse of the artistry in this sport.

Surprisingly, this is not the result of recent drunken spells between the Germans and their bicycles - the sport has been around since the late 1800’s. There are over 500 cycle ball clubs and leagues around the world, most concentrated in Europe but colleges in the United States have begun to establish radball teams.

31

PERSONALS Women Seeking Men

on the cheek and thank you for a wonderful evening. Our eyes will Let’s go hiking, swimming, fishing, meet and I’ll know from the way running, sailing, canoeing, you look at me, that soon enough camping, mountain climbing, you’ll let me do you in the butt. bungee jumping, skydiving, #93029 spelunking, deep-sea diving, and so on until you’re so completely Women Seeking Women exhausted that you don’t care how ugly I am. #83445 I need someone to abduct and perform experiments on. This You buying me dinner and a may include but not limited to movie doesn’t mean that I’ll brain and bodily probing, drilling, sleep with you. I probably will extraction, excretion and etc. though. #69696969 Once you have read this you may submit. Thank you for your time.

Heading to Vegas soon. Heard #78402 there was a kickball tournament or something. I am looking for Men Seeking Men a champion. Enough of these losers. Time to upgrade to a new Yo ho ho! I want to dress up like size ball. #325486 pirates and have you ride my mast as I plunder your booty. Talk Men Seeking Women dirty to me in a sexy pirate way.

Arrrrgh! You’ve raised my sail!

Have Viagra. Need woman. #24523 #21130

Looking for that special someone or want to leave us a message?

EMAIL US ass. The bouncer kept trying to cover me up with the t-shirts they were giving away. I’m sorry my friend got a little too wild on the pole that night too. #73902 Susan, saw you at SPiN. I was the one wearing a blue sweatsedo jacket. I know you saw me.

Everyone sees me. Call me! Just get a hold of SPiN and they’ll get you my private line! I got something more exciting than ping pong. #53208

Classified Get out of my dreams and into my 1983 Honda Civic. $75 or best offer. #95782 FREE- 1 Beer Dart Set - includes floor mats and 2 metal tip darts.

Slightly used. Take it off my hands, please! #75930

Looking for someone witty and My ideal woman is a man. Sorry, creative to join contributors Romance is dead. So are my Mom. #254631 team of monthly magazine. parents. I have recently become Must be dependable, interested, very wealthy and would love to and eager to share ideas. Write show you a night on the town. a brief description of your Missed Connections #85903 interest in this magazine and include any special skills or Old-fashioned romantic wants to I saw you at the bar after kickball relevant experience. Answer this show you a lovely evening. I’ll pull last Friday and I think you’re month’s contributor question out your chair, hold the door open really hot! You might remember in your last sentence. Send to: for you, and send you dozens of me. The last time I was there I dan@obscuresportsmag.com roses. I’ll give you a polite kiss was wearing a hot pink dress that was way too short for my perky 32

email us with your ad idea: personals@obscuresportsmag.com

FINAL WORD

by Av a Sz at ma ry

b

My Daddy!

d

Onc e upon a time ther e was a man nam ed Joe Szat mary .

And he was on the new s the nigh t I was born beca use he star ted a kick ball leag ue call ed MUS A kick ball . And he star ted it beca use ever ybod y thou ght only kids coul d play kick ball but he star ted it for grow n ups so they coul d have fun too. And he desi gned a cool ball with a face on it and ever ybod y had fun. And then they had frie nds on thei r team and ever ybod y else got to do what they want ed and have fun.

I play kick ball in my back yard . I play kick ball at scho ol some time s.

The End.

33

SPORTS OBSCURE magazine Coming Up Next Month: balls are his business: this job isn’t for everyone across the pond: it seems the us isn’t the only obscure country reviews - jam: tales from the world of roller derby graphic novel and so much more...