Obscure Sports Magazine

SPORTS OBSCURE magazine

MAY 2010

V ir g in Te r r it o r y

R o ll e r D e rb y

N a t io n a ls

Gone but not F o rg o tt e n

“ O ” L is t

PIECE BY PIECE

C in e m a a n d th e O b s c u re S p o rt

ma te Ki ckb al le r B ui ld in g th e Ul ti

Als o : Ta ilg a t in g - B r e a k f r om t h e N or m www.obscuresportsmag.com

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[ Contents ]

MAY 2010

www.obscuresportsmag.com

[ Cover Story ] PIECE BY PIECE

Building the Ultimate Kickballer It takes more than just your run-of-the-mill attributes to be the Ultimate Kickballer. Read along as we explore why he differs than your normal Johnny Hustle.

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Nationals: Gone but not Forgotten Josh looks back at the NCDA National Tournament as captain for the last time.

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[ Quick Hits ]

p.6 - Upon Further Review Our favorite obscure sports clips

p.7 - Do’s & Don’ts

What every sports-loving fashionista needs to know

p.21 - Photo Tag

Think you’re witty? Win an OSM tee!

p.29 - 1/2 Page

Circle Rules Football

[ Columns ] Tailgating - Break from the Norm Andrea spins us through numerous games to liven up any tailgate party.

p.24

p.4 - By the Glass

The creator talks about teamwork

p.12 - Virgin Territory

Jami goes hardcore for Roller Derby

p.18 - The “O” List

Cinema and the Obscure Sport

p.24 - Master Debaters Beirut vs Beer Pong

p.30 - Final Word “Backyard Bondage”

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by the glass “Endeavor to persevere”. If you are a fan of westerns, you might remember that line from The Outlaw Josey Wales starring Clint Eastwood. It’s in my humble opinion, his best work and oddly enough, the first of two references to Eastwood in this issue. But quite honestly, that quote does sum up the magazine as a whole for the month of May. Merriam-Webster defines persevere as: “to persist in a state, enterprise, or understanding in spite of counterinfluences, opposition, or discouragement.”

Counterinfluences? You don’t say.

...the team hung in Let’s keep in mind that all team members have “real” jobs outside there and got the job of contributing to the magazine. In done. No one gave up. addition to the regular, day-to-day activities, like taxes and family visits, No one quit. many of our contributors have had some major life changes to contend with this month. Andrea bought a house and is in the midst of packing, painting. moving and cleaning. That right there is a full-time gig. Jodi got a new job and now commutes three hours round-trip. Jake has a huge work project to contend with, meaning longer hours. Even worse, Jami fractured an elbow, sidelining her from any sports activity. Worst of all, Mike dealt with a close family member passing away, requiring an out-of-state visit. Very rough situation.

Through it all and despite these counterinfluences, the team hung in there and got the job done. No one gave up. No one quit. We still had fun. There is something to be said about that. So, I say thanks to everyone that brought you another exciting issue of OBSCURE SPORTS MAGAZINE.

Daniel B. Glass Creative Director Obscure Sports Magazine

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Last month’s Bike Polo photos we re credited to Dane Haman. It should h ave been Dane Hanman. OS M regret s t h e error.

CONTRIBUTORS

Question of the Month - Favorite Memorial Weekend activity?

Daniel B. Glass Creative Director “Camping”

dan@obscuresportsmag.com

Andy Buteyn Drawing Guy “Eating charred animal flesh and drinking cold beer” andy@obscuresportsmag.com

Jodi Neitzel Marketing/Contributor “Be convinced it’s not too cold to go to the lake” jodi@obscuresportsmag.com

Follow us on your favorite social networking site...

Josh Raymer Contributor “Remembering how badass our military is” joshraymer1003@gmail.com

Andrea Spiegelberg Editor/Contributor “BBQ or as we Midwesterners call it, a cook-out” andrea@obscuresportsmag.com

Contact Us...

Obscure Sports Magazine 4918 West Vliet St Milwaukee, WI 53208 414-454-0447 info@obscuresportsmag.com check out our BLOG or our MESSAGE BOARD!

Kristine Szatmary Contributor “Spending time with the one that lights my campfire” kris@obscuresportsmag.com

Jami Topolovich Photographer/Contributor “Doing anything that involves, not working” jami@obscuresportsmag.com

Michael Votto Contributor “Missing whatever Will Smith movie that is released” mvotto@obscuresportsmag.com

Additional Photographer credits: Michael S. Glass Kevin Vodicka Ben Wilcox

Jake Wallendal Contributor “Bunkered in watching the Band of Brothers marathon” 5

Upon Further Review...

1. GIRL DESTROYED IN DODGEBALL What is it with people getting hit in the face that makes us laugh? Sorry but this girl gets drilled and it’s damn funny.

2. BEER PONG SLAM DUNKS Move over LeBron, Kobe and D-Wade.

Here are the 30 greatest finishing beer pong dunks ever put to video.

3. ROLLER DERBY REVIVAL This one is from a couple years back. Was shown on ESPN and a great piece on Roller Derby.

4. INSANE WIFFLE BALL PITCHER This is insane. There is no way in hell I would want to face this guy. Get ready for some unbelievable pitches.

5. THE CORNHOLE SONG Well, all I can say is that it isn’t that catchy of a song so you can’t hate me for getting it stuck in your head. Pretty amusing though.

Got a funny clip? We want to see it! Send us the link at ufr@obscuresportsmag.com 6

Do’s & Don’ts

No wrong answers here... just doing our part to help the helpless figure it out.

a win i rt t- s h

L i v i n g t h e “ H i g h L i fe” n ever l o o ke d s o b a d . I ’m s u re t h e M i l l e r B rew i n g co m p a ny wo u l d s e n d h i m 4 0 ca s e s o f B u d L i g ht i n h o p e s h e wo u l d fo rs a ke t h e i r s a c re d b ra n d .

D e ta il belo s w

I d on ’t k n ow wh at t h i s fel l a wa s t h i n ki n g b efo re h e a d i n g o u t t h e d o o r. O t h e r t h a n t h e l a d i e s h e p a i d to p o s e i n t h i s p h o to w i t h h i m t h i s i s a ra re i n sta n ce of a fl at- ou t D O N’ T.

There is way too m u c h p atter n - o n - p atte r n c r i m e go i n g o n h e re ! T h i s outfit could easil y b e co nf u s ed o u t f i t fo r a 3 D - p u z z l e u n i ta rd , w h e re onlookers just sta re h o p i n g i f t h ey co n c e nt rate e n o u g h , t h e h i d d en picture will appea r.

Wearing clothes yo u ow n e d f ro m 7 t h g ra d e i s o n e t h i n g . C re epy, yet yo u r own business. Wea r i n g t h em i n p u b l i c fo r eve r y b o d y to s u ffe r s ee i n g i s another and an o ffen s e wo r t hy o f ca n i n g , i f yo u a s k m e. I get s h o r t o f breath j ust thinki n g a b ou t h ow t i g ht t h at s h i r t i s . T h e Hi g h L i fe l o go i s so stretched that i t l o o ks m o re l i ke O r v i l l e Re d en b a c h er ’s b ow t i e t h a n the symbol for th e c h a m p a g n e o f b e e rs . T h e L a r r y B i rd s h o r t s we nt o u t of style for a reason , a n d C h ewb a cca h ere i s s h owi n g u s why.

Based on the expre s s i o n o n h i s fa c e , t h e u nt i e d s h o e a n d t h e L i vest ro n g bracelet; I’m fair l y s u re h i s b ra i n i s to o b u sy t r y i n g to p ro ce s s t h e m illions of m es s a ges s ent from h i s crotch , b eg g i n g for a i r to n o t i c e any thing els e.

Send us your pictures to dodont@obscuresportsmag.com and win a t-shirt if we use yours.

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Piece by Piece Building the ultimate kickballer

W ritten by D aniel B . G lass D rawn by A ndy B uteyn

Like a finely tuned Frankenstein, you can find him terrorizing playground diamonds and shredding up scoreboards. The score won’t matter. He will win; it’s just a matter of by how many runs.

He’s above the ironic nicknames. His jersey will never bear the numbers 69, 420 or 007. You will never find him dressed up like a chicken or even participate in team theme nights.

Chicks dig him and guys want to be him. He IS The Ultimate Kickballer.

Whether he was constructed with power tools or built by NASA from the finest space age polymers, this kickballer has all the attributes to make him “ultimate.”

He begins his warm-up like any other baller out there - by heading to the bar a couple hours early. Even skips out of work, if need be for those early games. What’s the difference? While you sip on your finely tuned microbrew, this guy pounds pitcher after pitcher of the crummiest macro swill, with little affect on his liver.

Don’t get me wrong, he has a very refined palate and enjoys the artfulness of a handcrafted beer, but during kickball season it’s all about business. And business is all about mass consumption.

Everyone entering the tavern knows they’re in the presence of something bigger than them. He slaps high fives and exchanges handshakes with each and every person. Does he know their names? Doubtful, but you can be sure they know his. A quick glance around the room reveals the gravitational pull of his personality.

Women swoon and watch him out of the corner of their eyes, hoping to get noticed. All the guys laugh at his thinly-veiled insults and tasteless jokes, as if Mr. Ultimate is the featured comic at the local comedy club.

Shortly after several hundred ounces of adult beverage, the team is gathered and he leads them to the field like the Pied Piper. No matter the conditions, this kickballer shrugs off foul weather; for he has the blackest of crude oil running through his veins. Like a postal worker, neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night, sways this baller from the swift annihilation of opponent. With thick blood and thicker skin, he is able to fend off the elements like the highest quality North Face® jacket ever made. Gore-Tex® has nothing on this guy. When others huddle for warmth, he is playing sans sleeves and even shirtless if the mood strikes.

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When it’s time to challenge for home and away, this captain steps to the plate as if he stepped out of the Wild West. Ready for a high-noon showdown, he quickly punctures a hole in the can, snaps the poptop, and slams the 12 ounces quicker than you can say Clint Eastwood. His team erupts with excitement.

The night belongs to them. He can’t be beat.

Confident in the knowledge that his team will be

Male o r f e ma l e H is a r m cano n kn ow s no gend e r.

general he commands his team onto the field of battle.

Cowering like lambs at the slaughter, the opposition knows they don’t stand a chance. Already defeated before the game even started, they reluctantly come up to kick one by one. “Terminate, with extreme prejudice.” Male or female - his arm cannon knows no gender. He will peg you and you will feel it. His arm strength can never be over shadowed by his accuracy. All equal parts. As the bodies are dragged, one-by-one from the baselines, the other team’s bench area looks more like a M.A.S.H. unit then a recreational sports team. Battered and bruised, they are on the verge of giving up. And the game isn’t even half-over.

Wherever the ball is kicked, he has the uncanny knack for making a play. Not only is he everywhere, he possesses the agility and courage to sacrifice life and limb for countless stellar plays. One-handed catches, over-the-shoulder catches, diving to tip the ball up to a teammate, laying out with both hands, all in his arsenal of defeat. Truly, he is a one-man ESPN highlight reel.

When he can’t make a play, he barks out orders instructing his team. Guides them left, right, deep, winning heading into the 9th inning; he chooses to shallow. “Do this, do that.” It’s all an ongoing process. be the visitors. Not only will this ensure his team gets A process that is necessary for victory and that’s to kick every inning, the onslaught of shock-and-awe the only thing that matters. So when there’s a rare offense will demoralize the opponent from the start. breakdown, his team knows about it. From the casual observer, some see it as rude, demeaning and flat-out A true strategist. cruel. Well, he is anything but casual and he wouldn’t Leading by example, he always kicks first. When expect the feeble outsider to understand something his boot connects with the finely molded rubber it so far beyond them. He rules with an iron fist that creates a sound that echoes throughout the park. has carved out championship after championship, so Children at play stop and gaze in wonderment. The who are we to judge? normal hustle and bustle of everyday life comes to a halt and in that one moment, the only sound heard Don’t think for a minute that any team member is is the ball ripping through the air. His leg strength is safe. They are all expendable. Always looking for the without comparison. It’s not by accident he calls one next best talent to bolster the team, he doesn’t bat an leg “Thunder” and the other “Lightning.” Together eyelash cutting his own best, but underperforming, they make it rain. Instead of dollar bills, it’s runs. friend. Losers are not tolerated.

His only regret is that there are other players on the A friend once told me - there is no such thing as team. Given the chance, he would kick through every intangibles. How do you measure the heart of a man, especially This Man? But isn’t that what heart is, an position in the lineup. intangible? Not really something you can measure, When it’s their turn to take the field, like any great but you know it’s there. Beyond all The Ultimate 10

Kickballer’s physical abilities, he has to have heart and lots of it.

And if you are on his team, you better have it, too. There is no quit and there is no such thing as playing half-assed. This is what it means to give 110% every time, all the time.

Each victory is sweeter then the next, but he doesn’t call it quits after the game. There is more beer to be consumed, and a pitcher race to be won.

H e re, h o l d my t ro p h y as I k i s s y our g i r l f r i e nd.

You know the scene in movies where one of the characters enters a bar or party, the record player scratches, the music stops, and everyone turns to look? It’s exactly like that. Instantly, he’s mobbed by others from the league. He picks the best-looking woman out of the crowd, hands his trophy to her boyfriend and says, “Here, hold my trophy while I kiss your girlfriend.” He then proceeds to plant one on her. Dazed and confused, as if she was hit in the head with a club, she blushes with excitement. He proceeds to drink. The night wears on and the crowd thins out.

Countless teammates pass out trying to keep up, or give up and go home. The bar closes, the lights come on, and without a stumble or a stagger, he grabs his trophies, one by the handle, one by the arm and heads home. Just to wake up the next morning and do it all over again. He is The Ultimate Kickballer.

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y r ito

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When Do I Get to Hit Some Bitches?

by Jami Topolovich d mi tte d ly, there a re m a ny ti m es t hat I‘ve wanted to resort to v iolence, b u t h ad n eve r b ee n to a pl a c e w here i t ’s act ually encouraged. When given t he ch an ce to p a rtic ip ate i n a Rol l er D er by B oot C amp wit h Milwaukee’s Brewcit y Bruisers , I th o u ght my w il d est d re a m s were com i ng tr ue!

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I h a d l i tt l e p re paration for this boot camp other than beating up my body two n i g ht s a week at k ic k ba l l . M y conta c t for the event was S er v in’ J ust ice, a skater for t h e C razy Ei ght s a n d m e mber of the league board of directors. She told me the camp wo u l d b e “ n o - co nta c t ”, la st three hours a nd I s hould be prepared to sweat .

No co nta c t . I g uess that was starting to sound like a good idea, considering two d ays b efo re I rec ei ved a wound on my thigh from sliding into second base. What rem a i n e d wa s li ken e d to a pum a atta c k, or a side of roast beef. The day prior to camp, I co llid e d w i t h a n o g re o f a first baseman, resulting in what I later discovered was a fra c t u re d e l b ow. Ever yo ne knows rollergirls are tough, so I decided to suck it up and p l ay t h e part.

Ju sti c e to ld m e that I woul d need a l l the proper safet y gea r to participate. This in c l u d e d a h elm et , m o u t h guard, knee pads, elbow pads and wrist guards; not to mention s kate s .

I ex p l a i n e d t h at this was for a new magazine with a budget of basically zero a n d s h e m i ra c u l o u s l y found me ever y thing I needed. Don’t worr y - I bought my own m o u t h g u a rd . A ll o f t h e B rew C i ty B r ui sers were more t han accommodat ing and helpful.

Th e day o f cam p a r r i ved a nd I hea ded out to t he inconspicuous warehouse t hat s er ve s a s t h e l ea g u e ’s practice facility. Pul ling into the unpaved gravel lot and seein g s o m e 12

wo m e n i n r i p p ed tights and funky socks, I k n ew I wa s i n t he right place. Reluctantly, I entered t h e b u il di ng a nd i ntroduc ed myself to Ju st i c e , w h o wa s a bout si x feet of pure, b l o n d e b a d a s s . The inside of the building se em e d to b e wa r ni ng m e of my i m pending d o o m . S m e l l i n g of sweat and broken bones, i t s u n even co n crete floors and dim, sparse l i g hti n g was a s i f I wa l ked i nto a sc ene from a s l a s h e r f l i c k . I half-expected to come fa c e - to -fa c e w ith a deranged serial killer i n a h o c key m ask. Instea d, Justi c e pointed o u t t h e gea r a nd gave me some skates. I h a d n o id ea h ow to put a ny of the pa d s on.

T h e l a st t i m e I wore four-wheeled skates wa s p ro b a b l y over 20 years ago, skating in my b a s e me nt to som e c ra ppy New Kids on th e Bl o c k s o n g . I never wore pa ds a nd longa go m a d e p e a c e with the realization that my l e g - m o d e l i n g career was never going to h a p p en .

I gea re d u p and attempted to stand.

No t h i n g m a ke s you feel more out of place t h a n atte m pt i ng to skate and hearing , “O h , t h at ’s s o cute!” as you wobble away.

Fe el i n g l i ke a toddl er ta ki ng i ts f i rst steps, I b e ga n to ta ke a few laps. The regu lation f l at t rac k was m uc h sm a l l er tha n I had ex p e c ted . T h e boundar y lines were taped to the c e me nt f l oor a nd j ust ba rel y f it into t h e s p a c e . L o oking around, I was happy to s ee wo m e n of all shapes and si ze s. T h ey ran ged f rom a ski nny t w i g t h at I co uld probably blow ove r, to a few girls who looked l i ke t h ey co u l d crush me with a glance.

how she was int roduced.) We’re told s h e ’s more of a hard-ass, and liked to make p e o p le sweat. Okay, now I was getting ner vo u s . I shouldn’t have stayed out so late th e n i g ht before. The last five rounds of b a r d i c e were probably a bad idea.

Justice showed us how to skate in p ro p e r roller-girl position, referencing the s kate r on t he cover of t he mov ie “ Whip I t ” a n d how to stop, which was somet hin g I was hav ing a hard t ime mastering. Usin g to estops just doesn’t come easy. I fe l t l i ke a tornado on a path of destructio n . T h e n told we were going to learn how to fa l l , I immediately thought of my leg and e l b ow.

V isions of being carried out on a st retch er raced through my mind, but I snap p e d o u t of it and sucked it up. I came for t h e f u l l experience. We learned some k nee s lid es , which were actually pretty fun. The B r u i s ers really stressed that falling backward i s a b a d idea because your tailbone is unpro tecte d , even if it has been endowed with ex t ra padding , like my own. A fter learning s o m e more techniques, it was time to fu l l y t u r n the session over to Moby Nipps, a s c ra p py skater wit h seemingly endless energy.

Immediatel y, I saw that things were go i n g to get a lot more intense. Nipps wa nte d u s to pract ice gett ing up as fast as we co u ld .

T h ere were a b o ut 30 new skaters at t h e ca m p , w hich at times made m e fee l l i ke I was skating in a h e rd o f catt l e . We were told that t h e f i rst h a l f would be learning e l em e nta r y s kating technique, l e d by S e r v i n ’ J ustice. The second h a l f wo u l d b e more intense, and l e d by M o by Nipps, a skater for th e S h evi l Kn evi l s . (Yes, that ’s 13

I was starting to really feel it and began falling a b i t . M y body was starting to hurt. We worked on blockin g o t h e r skaters and whips. The recruits pushed our partn e rs a n d then they pulled us. Fatigue set in and I took a b a d fa l l onto my tailbone. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I fo rc ed them away. Mak ing sure I got up and out of t he way o f t h e other skaters, I sat out a bit to catch my breath. Fe e l i n g like Rocky Balboa getting pummeled by Ivan Drago, I m a d e myself get back out there and tr y again. It was comfo r t i n g to see I wa sn’t t he only newbie falling.

Just when I thought it was over, we started in on condi t i o n i n g .

I definitely saw why it was called “Boot Camp”. Core m u s c l es are ver y important for skaters, so we were about to wo r k them. We were told to leave our skates on and did nu m e ro u s leg-lifts and crunches. Starting to feel like I had c e m e nt bl oc ks ti ed to my feet , my mind was full of loat hing fo r my magazine peers for encouraging me to participate. D u r i n g condition i ng , one of the Bruisers said, “Just wait u nt i l yo u get to hi t bitches. Then you will k now why you are he re an d that you were meant to do t his.” I have to admit ; it m ad e m e sm i l e and was just t he bit of mot ivat ion I needed to get through the rest of the afternoon. The recruits then to o k off our gear and were instructed to participate in va r i o u s r unni ng a nd jumping exercises. My own personal hel l was n ’t over yet. To finish out t he session, we had to do a “ wall si t ”, whi ch is basically leaning against t he wall in a s itt in g position with no chair. My legs were cr ying and I was p rett y sure they were going to make me pay.

Leaving the camp filthy and sore, I was pretty sure t h at I sm el l ed l ike I had bat hed in locker room sweat . Honest ly, I hadn’t had that good of a workout in a long time a n d wa s really impressed by the strength of the women that p l ay t h i s s p o r t . Ro l l er d erby was a lot harder than I expected. However, I really enjoye d t h at t h e B r u i s ers s e em so much like a family. Ever yone seemed genuinely concerned w h e n a n o t h e r wo m a n fell and were ver y supportive when the newbies made an effort to re a l l y t r y a n d get s o mething right. The Br uisers made it a point to stress that tr y-o u t s a re o p e n to anyo n e, but ba d atti tudes a ren’t accepted.

A s I d rove h o me, all I could think about was washing away the stench of that swe at y s afet y ge a r. Fo ur days later, my elbow seemed to be hiding in a sea of brui s es a n d swel l i n g . I st i l l had a hard time moving , due to the tightness in my inner thighs a n d wa s wa l k i n g l i ke I ’d just been horseback riding for the past week. Would I be intereste d i n atte m pt in g ro ll er der by a ga i n?

Of cou rs e ! Wh o woul dn’t wa nt to hi t a bitch? Let ’s just make sure it ’s not wit h a b ro ke n el b ow.

M i l wa u kee ’s Brewc i ty B r ui sers a re m embers of t he WF TDA . For more informat ion o n t h e B ru i s e rs o r to f i nd a l ea g ue nea r you, go to- w ftda.co m and w w w.brewcit y bruisers . co m 14

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!” e s r o H e ik L t o N “ N o , I t ’s D ir e c t e d by M ic h a e l V o t t o

To p Fi ve F ictional Spor ts T h a t S h o u ld Be E xp lo ited in Rea l L i f e

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h e re a re s o me sports out there that I don’t think should be popular. Just to l et ever yo n e k now, I hate mixed-martial arts. Just plain don’t understand the a l l u re o f watc h i n g a bar brawl within a cage, but I also don’t like putting gel in my h a i r a n d wea ri n g Ed H a rdy shirts. Maybe I’m not their demographic, but there are pl e nt y o f s m a l l s p o r t s o u t there not getting TV deals and video games. Going even furthe r, t h e re a re ga m es b o r n from mediums within pop culture that - if completely within the re a l m s o f l ega l i t y - wo ul d a bsol utel y sm a sh lame sport s like hockey and MMA .

D e s p i te tel ev i s i on’s many contributions to popular culture, the closest output of f i c t i o n a l s p o r t s co m e f rom either animated sitcoms (like Blernsball in the underrated Fut u ra m a ) o r o n e - o ff ep i s odes (think Flonkerton during the Olympics episode of The Offic e ) . L et u s t u r n o u r attention towards the channel of the movies. So in the past 120 ye a rs o f f i l m m a k i n g , w h ich sports deser ve highlights on ESPN and lucrative broadcasting d e a l s ?

I ’ve o u t l i n e d t he top five that either I think would have a legitimate shot at b ei n g p o p u l a r a n d a few that would just be awesome to watch while bookended by B a s s M a sters a n d a n LPGA tour event.

0 5 . Roller b all fro m Roller b a l l Po s s i b l y t h e f i lm on here with the most serious cast and crew, this 1975 No r m a n J ew i s o n c l a s s i c stars James Caan as a super-athlete on the Houston squad in th e s p o r t o f Ro l l er b a l l . The film itself is a meditation on global corporate control and s o c i eta l te n d en c ie s towards the ba r ba r i c , but all t hat sy mbolism really falls by t he waysid e wh e n yo u watc h t h e kick ass rollerball sequences. Truthfully, you can watch similar a c t i o n w i t h i n t h e re a l ms of Roller Derby, a sport that allegedly takes its inspiration fro m t h e f i l m . Ro l l e r b a l l just adds a goal and a magnetic ball into the mix. Oh, and moto rc yc l es .

A n d t h at i s w h at takes this game from simply flippin’ sweet to “oh my god, I t h i n k I mi ght h ave p e ed a l i ttl e” awesom e.

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0 4 . The Run n in g M an from Th e R u n n i n g M a n Fo r a w h i l e d u ring the 80’s and 90’s, ever y single film released was an adaptat i o n o f s o m e k i n d o f S tephen King book/short stor y/bar napkin, and I was shocked to d i s cove r th at t h e A r n o ld Sc hwa r zeneg ger f i l m The Running Man is no exception. Set in t h e ye a r 2 0 1 9 , t h e U n i ted States has dissolved into a wicked combination of 1984 and E s ca p e F ro m L A . T h e Governator himself plays Ben Richards, a jailed militar y veteran w h o h a s b e en fo rc e d to compete in the realit y TV sensation “ The Running Man”, which co n s i st s o n o n e m a n avo iding “stalkers” who are tr ying to kill him in spectacular ways. Obv i o u s l y a p ree m pt i ve d ig on what dominates our television sets now, what makes this m ov i e a l i tt l e b etter than Commando and not as good as Twins is the stalkers them s e l ves .

C a pta i n F ree d o m, played by former Minnesota governor and crazy conspiracy t h e o r i st J es s e Ve nt u ra , and Fireball, better known as nine-time Pro Bowl running back Jim B row n , a re a l l t h e co nv i nc i ng you need to go out and rent t his classic - preferably on V H S.

0 3 . Skeet S u rfin g fro m To p Sec r et !

J u st to l et ever yone know: I just wanted to mention this often disregarded gem f ro m t h e 8 0 ’s . T h e first of two films created by the Zucker Brothers on this list, sta r r i n g a s l i m m er Va l Ki l mer (seriously, has he been sucking down can after can of Batter B l a ste r si n c e t h ey gave B atm an to George Clooney?) as an Elvis Presley-like entertainer by t h e n a m e o f Ni c k R ivers, who gets into international shenanigans, all the while sing i n g h i s way i n a n d o u t of situations. His first big hit is a Beach Boys parody entitled “ S ke et S u r f in g ” w h ere he encourages the youth to grab their “12 gauges” and go sur f i n g . I t i s d ef i n i tely s o methi ng wor th l ooki ng at , which is why I’ve included t his fantast ic lin k.

Yo u a re m o st wel com e.

0 2 . Transco nt in e ntal Ro a d R a c e f ro m D e a t h R a ce 2 0 0 0 P ro d u c er Ro ger C or m a n i s a nati ona l treasure, especially among lovers of great directo rs a n d te r r i b l e f i l ms. He’s responsible for the careers of Martin Scorsese and Franc i s Fo rd C o p p o l a , b u t h e ’s also at fault for Bloody Mama and Attack of the Crab Monsters. Ne ed l e s s to s ay, h e ’s k i n d of a hero of mine, and he’s also the man behind the absolutely fa nta st i c De a t h Race 2 0 0 0 starring grindhouse veteran David Carradine. Basically the insp i rat i o n fo r T he Running M an a nd the bl oody counterpart of Rollerball , the Transcont i n e nta l Ro a d Rac e i s t h e ea si est spor t to ex plain: a t hree day cross-count r y race in dangero u s lyo u t f itted ca rs where points are scored by completing the race, defeating opp o n ent s , a n d k i l l i n g i n n ocent pedestrians. Not something we’ll be seeing on Spike TV a ny t i m e s o o n , yo u can sti l l see thi s f i l m ’s i nf l uence in odd places, especially in t he realm o f v id e o ga m es w i t h i n t i tles like Carmageddon and Grand Theft Auto, at least before they go t a l l s er i o u s a n d sta r ted m a ki ng m oney.

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0 1 . Baseket b all fro m B as eketb a l l B efo re S o u t h Park: Big ger, Longer, and Uncut assaulted the sensibilities of aud i e n c e s , c re ato rs Trey Parker and Matt Stone snuck a little David Zucker film into t h eaters ca l l e d Baseket bal l . Not the best movie in the world by any stretch of the imag i n at i o n ( Pa r ke r a n d Stone frequently deride it in inter views), but the most imp re s s i ve contribution is the sport of the same name. A cunning combinat i o n o f sur pr i se, surprise - baseball and basket ball, t his is t h e spor t on t he list wit h t he greatest possibilit ies. O n e, it i s a game t hat can be played in arenas or driveways , so accessibilit y by fans is easier t han somet h in g like, say, Transcontinental Road Racin g - b u t admittedly, t hat would be prett y sweet in an amateur sense. Fully realized in the f i l m a s a national league with large and small m a r ket teams, Baseketball is not only fun look i n g b u t it also appeals to a money demographic : d r u n k college k ids. That ’s your bread and butter, Am er ica - let s get on board t his grav y t rain.

Ex t ra Innings: Worst F ict ional S port Th at I s A ct ually Played Quidditch from t he Harr y Potter S eries Honestly, in the movies, this sport comes ac ro s s a s badass. But when I heard that there were M u g g l e Quidditch leagues being played at coll e ges , I threw up in my mouth a little. The idea of k i d s i n their early-twenties throwing dodgeballs into h u l a hoops just makes me a little sad, not to m e nt i o n fearful for the future of our countr y. If you a re o n t he fence, t his should help you hate t his as mu ch as your humble author: the snitch is a player, d re s s ed in gold, roaming t he campus while t he seekers t r y to capt ure him. Yeah, it ’s k ind of like t hat .

facebook group of the month: LA Dodgeball Society

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g a t o t o h p

win a t-s hir t

AGAZINE M S T R PO SCURE S ting a caption B O e m o at wri Win s d k c a r c a we’ll sen ke a d t n a g e a r tu sw . nthly pic o m e ick yours h p t e w for f i e t-shirt you a fre submissions to: m ur smag.co t r o p s Send yo e r u g@obsc photota

L a s t m o n t h ’ s W i n n e r ! - Al e x H . “ Th ey to ld him of f-road breakdancing would never catc h o n , b u t t h at didn’t stop him f rom tr ying.” phototag@obscuresportsmag.com

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Go ne, b u t n o t Forgotte n

by Josh Raymer Photos by Ben Wilcox During my three years as the captain of Western Kentucky University’s dodgeball team, I’ve been faced with plenty of tough situations. I’ve had to cut players who didn’t attend practice. After each game, I struggled to walk as the soreness coursed through my body. During my first season in the National College Dodgeball Association, I had to deal with the fallout of a 16-0 thrashing that was so devastating, half my team quit coming to practice.

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But none of that measured up to how tough April 10 and 11 were for me. My team attended the NCDA national tournament at Bowling Green State University and I took the court for the final time as captain of WKU’s team. Walking away from the game I love was tough, but my team gave me a grand sendoff. What follows are some of my highlights from that week-end. Some were major and others were minute, but they all added up to one hell of a finale.

I drove to the tournament with Felix Perrone, the alternate captain for our team and my successor. For two year I’ve trained on how to run WKU’s team. In a weekend of uncertainty, knowing my team would continue after I left was extremely comforting.

We faced two big setbacks before play even started.

On top of drawing the toughest bracket, our two best players wouldn’t be joining us in Ohio. Our title hopes had taken a hit and I wasn’t feeling too con-fident.

Apparently my shaken confidence continued into Saturday, as I did something I rarely do – lost my cool during a game. Our goal for the weekend was to win our first game on Saturday and then coast through the other two in order to save our arms for Sunday.

At half-time of our opening game against the University of Wisconsin-Platteville, we were down 2-1.

Frustrated, I yelled at my team to “get their s**t together.”

Walking away from my dejected team, I heard Andrew Swanson, one of our newer players; tell his teammates to keep their cool so UWP couldn’t feed off the negative emotion. Hearing a player rally the team a just a few months after joining, will always be one of my proudest moments as a captain. We came back to beat UWP 4-2 and Andrew won our Nationals MVP.

To make room for our two extra players, Alex and I sat out of Sunday’s games. Our first match-up was against DePaul University and I got to try my hand at pure coaching. We won that game, and in the week after the tournament, I received two offers to coach different dodgeball teams. I’m now rethinking my career plans.

During the DePaul game, a couple of players got into a shoving match. My player was Jared McKinney, who was only playing his second NCDA event. Hardly any of the guys on the team knew him, and yet Kyle Dahl, one of our longest-tenured players, came running to have his back. Kyle got a red card for shoving DePaul’s player away from Jared, but I couldn’t have cared less. My players had their team-mates’ backs. I felt like I’d accomplished something right there.

After my final game ended on a left-handed throwing point with Central Michigan University, I was swarmed by other league members, telling me how they appreciated my hard work helping the NCDA grow. With all the money and time I’d invested into reforming the league’s website – it was the greatest thanks I could have received.

On the drive home, Felix and I talked about how he planned to reform the team next season. I felt a twinge of jealousy about stepping away from my Our second game was against Grand Valley State team this semester, because we’re getting some University; the defending national champions and sweet uniforms in the fall. I’m big on uniforms. So, the same team that handed us the 16-0 loss three graduate school at Western is now in the cards. years earlier. We stood no chance and I knew it. So, I de-vised a strategy that would take away their ball I could keep rambling on about my feelings toward control and ability to counter, two cornerstones of walking away from college dodgeball. I could exGVSU’s attack. I still had reservations going into the change a tearful goodbye with my teammates at our game if my plan would work. It did. We held GVSU to end-of-the-year shindig. four points and the looks of confusion on their faces proved to be the sweetest kind of revenge.

But why bother?

After the first round of games, Felix and I joined the WKU is hosting Nationals next year. other alternate captain, Alex Heichelbech, for our traditional dinner at Ruby Tuesday’s. We drove 30 minutes and got lost twice, but that just made devouring the Triple Prime Burger taste even better.

I finally fell asleep on the hotel bed at 2:30 a.m. Our two late arrivals showed up five minutes later. We had to wake up at 8:00 a.m. It was a rough night.

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I n t h e p a st d ecade or so, tailgating has ta ke n o n a l i fe of its own. In many cases, g ri l l i n g o u t i n a pa r ki ng l ot wi th f r iends, w i t h s o m e b eer and a few games has b e com e t h e m ain attraction, more so than t h e a c t u a l s p o r ting event. A quick Google s e a rc h o f ta i l gate games pulled up over two m i l l i o n res u l t s . Officially a phenomenon.

B u t , i f t h ere a re so many sites devoted to 24

tailgate games, why does one see th e s a m e games played at each and ever y ta i l gate?

Don’t get me wrong , beer pong , co r n h o l e and ladder golf are good times, bu t t h e re has to be more out t here.

So, I began my search, both in pers o n a n d online, to find new, fun tailgate gam es . M y goal was to find games that were ea sy to play, wit h minimal equipment .

The first step is to cut off the handl e o f t h e bat. You should probably do this befo re yo u get to the parking lot. Consider it ta i l gate preparation. Nex t, fill the bat w i t h t h e can of beer. A lso, save t he can - t h at will come in handy later. Continuing on to t h e most important step, pick your fi rst v ict im , er, candidate. Going first will he l p yo u r buddies ease into it. Nex t you will a s s u m e the position and begin the most fun p a r t o f your day: chug the beer in the bat , w h i l e your friends count the seconds, the l o u d e r the better. Then bend over, place t h e b at on your forehead and spin. The n u m b e r of times you have to spin is based o n h ow long it took to chug your beer. Your f r ien d s should be count ing here, too. Once yo u ’ve completed all your spins, the can is p i tc h e d , and you attempt to hit it wit h t he b at .

This game is i deal for tailgating , a s i t requires minimal equipment, i nvo l ve s drinking and draws a crowd. Th e o n l y drawback is that there is no clear w i n n e r in t his game.

Be e r Dar ts

L o ui sv ille Chu g ge r C o m b i n i n g d r i nking with your tailgate s h e n a n i ga n s i s like peas and carrots. But i f you ’re t i red of beer-pong and flip-cup, m i g ht I s u g gest - Louisville Chug ger aka, D i z zy b at . A l l you need are: a plastic bat, p refera b l y em blazoned with your team l o go, a ca n o f b eer and willing participants.

If you like your drink ing tailgate gam es to be a bit more sedentar y and low-key, b u t still with an element of danger, t h ere i s always Beer Darts. Again, it require s l i tt l e equipment – one steel-t ipped da r t , t wo chairs, plenty of beer, two rubber m at s a n d a minimum of t wo people. You ca n o rd er fancy Beer Dart mat s at sites s u ch as , beerdart s.net, or just use the rubb er f l o o r mats from your car. Situate the chairs 1 0 - 1 5 feet apart and place a rubber mat i n f ro nt of each chair. (Some recommend atta c h i n g a piece of cardboard to the front o f t h e chair, to protect against injur y.) P l a c e a can of beer on each rubber mat . Th row one steel-tip dart at the opponents ca n o n the dart mat. If you hit your opp o n ent s can and the dart punctures the ca n , t h at person has to quickly pull the dart o u t o f the hole and drink the beer down to t h e height of the hole. Once a can is h i t 2 - 3 25

t i m es at a ny h eight, you must stand up, f i n i sh yo u r b e er a nd l et the nex t pl ayer sit d ow n . T h i s ga me is fairly fast- paced and a l s o d raws a h uge crowd.

Nate I va n ows k i , avid beer dart enth usiast s ays , “ M o st o f the time there is a line of p e o p l e w i t h a full can of beer waiting to p l ay. We h ave been playing this game at M a d i s o n ta i l gates for a couple years now, a n d a l ways h ave a blast. There have been a co u p l e o f c l o se calls, but no injuries yet, I s ay yet , b eca use it ’s bound to happen.”

Off i c ia l r u l es found on B eer D a r ts.net state th at if a d ar t h its the opponent ’s bod y, t he th rowe r m u st consum e thei r beer a nd is out o f t h e ga m e . Clearly the major drawback to t h i s ga m e i s bodily injur y. However, no g u t s , n o g l o r y.

Th i s in st r u c t io na l vi deo wi l l i nfor m you of a l l you n e ed to know to pl ay B eer Dart s .

P l e a s e n o te - this video is Not Safe for Wo rk .

Ya rd D ice M i n o r ga m b l i n g more your thing? Then, ya rd d i c e i s for you! Yard dice follows s i m i la r r u l es to many bar dice games, just a w h o l e l o t b i g ger. For this particular dice ga m e, yo u n ee d three dice, a large bucket, t h re e d o l l a rs a nd at least four opponents.

L a rge d ic e ca n be boug ht, or i f you a re into wo o d c raf t s , m ade by hand. One person s e r ves a s t h e jackpot, and preferably d o e sn ’t ’ p a r t i c ipate i n the ga m e.

wit h money. That person wins t he j ackp o t .

And probably should buy their fr i en d s a beer once they ’re inside the stad i u m , a s no one wants any hard feelings at t h e i r tailgate.

Sta n d i n g i n a c i rc l e, ea c h pl ayer rolls t he d i c e o u t o f t h e bucket. If you roll a 4, gi ve a d o l l a r to t h e person ahead of you, a 5 a d o l l ar to t h e j ac kpot, a 6 g i ve a dollar to t h e p e rs o n b e hind you. Each person rolls o n ce e ac h t u r n. T he num ber of di ce you get fo r e a c h round i s i n di rec t rel ation to t h e n u m b e r o f dollars you have. Example, i f yo u ro l l e d a 1, 3, and a 6 the first round, yo u g i ve a d o l l ar to the person behind you a n d ro l l t wo d i ce in the second round. The ga m e i s p l ayed until there is one person left

Tailgate B owlin g

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Occasionally, inspiration strikes a n d yo u end up creating your own tailgate ga m e .

A few years ago, a group of friend s fo u n d ourselves with nowhere to go on a b e a u t i f u l spring day after a Brewers win. Want i n g to enjoy the weather, we began craft i n g o u r own game- Tailgate Bowling.

This game is pretty simple, yet ad d i c t i n g , and allows you to make up your ow n r u l es .

You will need ten beer bottles, wit h a few ex tras for the inevitable breaks. A ten n i s ball, or any small er non-baseball t y p e o f

b a l l w i l l s u ff i c e, a r ubber ba l l a l so works wel l . A ny b a l l that won’t easily break the b o tt l e s ca n b e used. Two to four people a re re co m m e n ded for this game. Basic b ow li n g r u l es apply. You may be too tipsy to kee p s co re , but if not, feel free to bring so me c h al k .

S et u p f i ve b ottles on each end in a b ow li n g p i n formation, about f ifteen feet a p a r t , w i t h two people on each end.

T h i s m a ke s i t easier to reset the bottles w h e n t h ey a re knocked over. Each person attem pt s to k n ock over as many bottles as p o ssi b l e, e i t h e r rol l i ng or throwi ng overo r u n d er h a n d e d . If a ny bottl es a re knocked ove r, t h e p ers on gets to go again. If a b o tt l e b re a ks , replace it with one of the ex t ra s , o r h u r r y up and finish your beer.

C a n s a re n ’t recommended, as they are too p ro n e to b low i ng away. T hi s ga m e needs a fa i r am o u nt of spa c e, so pl ayi ng i t after yo u r s p o r t i n g - event-of-choice is over is re co m m e n d ed .

I f, d es p i te t h es e hard economic times you h ave s o m e ca s h to spare on a new tailgate ga m e o r t wo, there are some intriguing , o bscu re o pt i o n s.

Irish S k ittles W h i l e i t d o e sn’t involve tasting the ra i n b ow, i t st i l l looks pretty fun. Originally a n o l d E u ro p ean lawn game, today its m o st co m m o n l y played in Irish and British p u bs. I n t h e U. S . i t ’s prefera bl y pl ayed on co n c rete, t h u s making it a solid choice fo r a ny ta i l gate. The components include a s ki tt l e r in g , fi ve feet i n di a m eter and a s e r i e s o f wo o den pins called “throwers” a n d “sta n d ers ”. The standers are placed a ro u n d t h e d i ameter and in the center o f t h e s k i tt l e r ing , and are worth various p o i nt s . T h row i n g underhanded, each player to s s es t h e t h rower at the ring , attempting to k n o c k t h e standers out of the skittle ri n g . Ro l l i n g i s not a l l owed.

hand, as demonstrated by Jimmy Fa l l o n and Ed Burns in t his v ide o .

While you can purchase the officia l s et o f Irish Skittles at Tailgate Games, L LC, fo r $200.00, the thriftier, industrio u s t y p e could probably easily create this ga m e fo r under $50.00.

Be co B all Claiming to combine cornhole, hors e s h o e s and skee ball into one game, t hi s gam e could appeal to bot h tailgate and car n ivalgame lovers. Like cornhole, it h as t wo boards, places equidistant apart, b u t h a s six; lightweight balls, and allows t wo to four players. S ince t he balls are e as ier to throw, this enables children, or weak l i n g s to easily play. Throwing over-or- underh an d e d is allowed. The scoring system is m u ch like skee ball, in which t he center r in g is worth more than the outlying rin g s . T h e first person to get to 21 points wi n s . T h e equipment for this game is much s m a l l e r and more lightweight than most co r n h o l e boards, so one could easily see it s ap p eal.

To find out more details, including a v id eo, check out w w w.tailgat ingideas.co m.

These are just a few of the plet h o ra o f tailgate games available. S o, t he nex t t im e you are headed to your favorite s p o r t i n g event, leave the bags behind a n d t r y something new. And be sure to let u s k n ow about it !

T h i s ga m e i s best played with a beer in 27

Master Debaters Beirut vs Beer Pong

Alright sweet cheeks, obviously Beirut is the name of the game.

Listen jackass, Beer Pong explains it better. Beer is consumed. Pong is thrown.

I don’t even know what that means. Historically, Beer Pong is played with paddles.

You know who else plays with paddles? Your mom.

You are a child. It was supposedly named during the Lebanese Civil War. Yeah, ‘cause people drinking tons of alcohol will get geopolitical references from 1975.

You still haven’t made me a believer that Beer Pong is the game without paddles.

I don’t need to because there is a little thing called The World Series of Beer Pong.

True, but not every thing popular is correct. Think Germany circa 1939.

Well played, kind sir, but when someone says “Beer Pong” in 2010, everyone knows what they are talking about.

Everyone except people at universities like Bucknell and Lehigh, where the name Beirut allegedly came from.

Yet another thing that comes from Bucknell and fails.

What do you have against Bucknell?

I just don’t like Neal Blaisdell, former mayor of Honolulu.

Wow, you really prepared for this one, didn’t you?

Can’t you tell? Anyway, while Beirut has a serious amount of history behind it, beer pong rolls off the tongue better … kind of like your mom.

Well, the Beirut guy left the room shortly after that statement, so we need a little assistance getting this one decided. Just jump onto the message board and let your voice be heard. The votes will be tallied and results posted in the June issue.

Last month, we pitted Cornhole versus Baggo, and the winner was Cornhole by a landslide. So cornhole sneaks into the Obscure Sports Magazine lexicon, while Baggo is left out in the rain wondering what his girlfriend saw in this cornhole fellow.

Master Debaters message board 28

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by Jodi Neitzel

by Jodi Neitzel C i rc l e R u l e s Fo otball was invented in 2006 by Greg Manley. A senior in the Exper i m enta l T h eate r W i n g of NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts, Manley sought to create a gam e t h at wo u ld b r i d ge t he gap between sports and the arts. Based on the belief that spor t s a re a fo rm o f t h eate r, C i rc l e R ul es Footba l l was formed wit h t he intent of being bot h co m p et i t i ve a n d e nte r taining. So much so, Manley compares the creative process used to i nvent t h e ga m e to t h at of a play wright or composer.

T h e ga m e b e g i ns with a Down-up, where a player from each team stands opposi te e a c h o th er an d o n t he referee’s si g na l , ra ce to be t he first to lie down, touch bot h s h o u ld er b l a d es to t h e g round simultaneously and return to the standing position … as i f t h at ’s n o t en o u g h o f an oddity in and of itself!

C i rc l e R u l es Fo otball is played in fou r, fifteen-minute periods on a circular field . T h e re i s o n e go a l i n the center and each team scores through opposite sides using a 5 5 c m yo ga b a l l . T h e winner of the Down-up decides which direction their team will sco re a n d w h et h er to k i c k or receive at the onset of a match. Players may touch the ball w i t h a ny b o d y p a r t , b u t may not hol d or si t on t he ball.

T h e f i rst o ff i c i a l season began in spring 2009 and leagues have since formed thro u g h o u t C a l i fo r n i a , O re gon, Fl or i da , D.C ., Toronto, Puerto Rico, and even Prague.

Go to their website to learn more: Circle Rules Football

FINAL WORD B a c kyard Bondage by Kris S zat m ar y I m i g ht have been jok ing when I said we should make t im e to play more cornhole in the backyard. My wish was si m p l y to spend more calorie-burning time together, that ’s all. I k n ew I wouldn’t get any where sug gesting kettlebells, b a l l ro o m da nc i ng , geocaching , or urban hik ing. We had just ret u r n ed from your family ’s annual 4th of July Olympics. We h a d been r i vals for t he ent ire weekend, never matched as a d u et in the highly automated team selection process gove r n e d by paper name slips. My performance was predicta b l e to all; my aim is terrible and I tend to throw short. L u c k i l y, there were a few surprising moments when I man a ge d to sink a bag in the hole like I had planned it strate g i ca l l y three rounds prior to halt the clobbering.

Your fa mily taught me how to play cornhole years ago wh en we f i rst started dat ing. It took a few tosses for me to catch on a nd hit t he board. Keeping score was t he nex t cha llen ge .

If we play more cornhole this spring , I might be a b l e to shock the competition at this year ’s 4th of July Ol y m p i c s .

B etter yet , we polish our cornhole techniques and h it t h e tournament scene. I’ll pack the toothbrushes wh i l e yo u handle the registrations. I love the idea of travelin g f ro m our backyard to the Maize Kraze in Virginia Beach o r t h e Cornhole Classic in Tampa. Think of the road trips we co u l d go on a nd how cool it would be to have dest inat ion s b as ed on the competition calendar. Let ’s invite some fans to j o i n us on our corny vacations and make sure their sup p o r t i s l oud w herever we go, whatever I t hrow.

If we are going to go all out and start traveling as a res u l t of this backyard bonding , let ’s get some matchin g s h i r t s and figure out a witty team name. Win or lose, I wa nt o u r tea m l ook to be capable and coordinated. This is somet h in g I wa nt us to be known for - not just our crazy good gr illed cheese s andwiches and wilderness stories. We mig ht n ee d to i nvest in a new board and some of t hose t wo -to n e d ba g s wi th one fuzzy side to boost our game st rategy. I f we start to show some promise, I’m so getting us a ba c k ya rd ba r keep. This isn’t a bench, mini-fridge, or someon e wh o mows the grass on call. It ’s going to make keeping s co re s o much easier and prevent our open drinks from spilli n g . M y treat; I’ll buy. Any thing to make our play time debate f re e shoul d one of us forget t he final score.

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PERSONALS Women Seeking Men

Men Seeking Women

The Can only stays cold for so long. Let’s share a 40oz can of Arizona Iced Tea and get each other warmed up for some national cornhole action. #83493

Looking for my next Roller Girl.

I love to be whipped and body checked. #62717

Searching for my Kickball King Me- cute, fairly athletic, laidback, great job, own car and home. Must be a winner. Willing to compromise on all other qualities. Serious inquires only. #9762 New to town...

Want to learn how to tailgate.

Allergic to corn, hops, barley, and wheat. Hoping you make a great bloody mary with big pickles, beef stick, and other mouth watering surprises. I’ve got free tickets to more games than you can imagine! #80920

Seeking BBW for nightly rendevous. I have lots of flour.

Wink Wink #85903

Looking for that special someone or want to leave us a message?

EMAIL US I shouted “fuck the police”! You made the Black Panther fist. You got tasered, I got goosebumps.

Your hair is very pretty. Let’s chat after you make bail. #78459

Missed Connections

Looking for badminton partner. I We met in the park last weekend have the shuttlecock, looking for when you were practicing offa nice net to play with. #21129 road breakdancing. I thought you had the best moves since Muscular, Mediteranian man Napoleon Dynamite but was looking for someone to play with too afraid to say anything at the my 8 1/2 balls. #54011 time.. #73820 Man seeking young female for flirty drinks and maybe more. I’ll let you buy. (the guy above me has a small penis) #20492

We missed each other two weeks in a row now. I am beginning to wonder if it’s on purpose. I’ll give you one more change to come to mama. #48292

Your Puerto Rico stallion is a real ass down to earth guy. Ain’t no Classified bullshit. #39102 Get out of my dreams and into Wanna shove your bag in the my 1983 Honda Civic. $200 or hole? If you like wood and some Ex-pornstar turned Best Buy best offer. #95782 distance, spread me out and let’s employee looking for sex. You got play. #957312 a problem? Let me be your Geek Elbow pads for sale. Won’t be Squad. #492187 needing them anymore. I broke Let’s go national. Take your game my elbow and am unable to skate to the next level and join me for Looking for my beer pong partner anymore. Yes, I still need my knee some farmland fun. Looking for in life. Must be able to go multiple pads. $10 #02874 a partner to share gas money rounds and willing to occasionally and a tent in Kentucky at Hole wash my balls when they hit the Headz. We’ll get team shirts at a ground. #49020 gas station and figure out the rest when we get there. #96732

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Coming Up Next Month: Cornhole pro’s - jodi learns what it takes Rules of engagement - looking at the rules of play; off the field wiffleball - more than meets the eye Speedball - what the hell is this? we’ll see. virgin territory - who’s next?

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SPORTS OBSCURE magazine 33

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