Obscure Sports Magazine - July 2010

SPORTS OBSCURE magazine JULY 2010

NOT SO SHINY DIAMOND The Stor y Behind Quitting Kickball

Virg in Territ o r y Kickb all

Wiffle Ball

Fro m Backyard to P la y ing Field

O SM R ev ie w

Cus to mInk .c om

www.obscuresportsmag.com

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[ Contents ]

JULY 2010

www.obscuresportsmag.com

[ Cover Story ] Not So Shiny Diamond:

The Story Behind Quitting Kickball

It isn’t always rainbows and unicorns on the kickball field. What started out as a weekly gathering of friends turned into drama and eventual departure.

p.8

Review:

OSM puts CustomInk.com under the microscope to see if they get our Seal of Approval.

[ Quick Hits ]

p.6 - Upon Further Review Our favorite obscure sports clips

p.7 - Do’s & Don’ts

p.24

What every sports-loving fashionista needs to know

p.23 - Photo Tag

Think you’re witty? Win an OSM tee!

p.29 - 1/2 Page Wiffle Hurling

[ Columns ]

p.4 - By The Glass

Wiffle Ball

Charlie checks in on the popular backyard game now playing at a field near you.

Backyard oasis

p.12 - Virgin Territory

Jodi takes to the diamond for kickball

p.18 - The “O” List When Sports Collide

p.22 - Master Debaters Battle of the noise makers

p . 26

p.31 - Final Word “Stages of Injury”

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by the glass While reading through this month’s articles, I couldn’t help thinking back to my childhood and growing up in a small rural town. It’s the kind of town where you’ll see a farmer’s implement on every road leading into town before reaching the first row of houses.

Our house was on the main street and near the “downtown.” We had what I thought at the time, was the greatest backyard ever. In reality it wasn’t that big, but it was big enough for daily games of wiffle ball, kickball, pickle and many variations of tag; path tag being one of my favorites during winter time.

The yard had it all. Our home plate was a couple of white lilac bushes which grew together forming an archway and allowing plenty of room for a kid to run under.

The grass under the arch was worn away enough to make a dirt patch, perfect for home plate. First and second base were small squares of concrete or stone. I have no idea who made them or how they got there, but they were later removed to prevent injury. The grass had died underneath revealing perfect patches for bases. Third base was an old tree stump from a rather large oak. We eventually didn’t need the stump as the base anymore because after the years a patch of dirt was worn in front of it providing us with our complete infield.

We didn’t have much of an outfield as second base was almost to the “warning track.”

The warning track consisted of a row of small pine trees about 4 feet high or so. This row of trees was bookended by a huge pine that protected anything flying out to right field and a flat, wide bush was in left. A white picket fence was just beyond the row and was the target everyone aimed for from home plate. This yard came complete with a “Green Monster,” just like at Fenway Park in Boston. Ours was white and it was actually the neighbor’s garage. It was two stories high and intimidating. Legends were made for anyone going yard over it. Bragging rights were yours until someone else did it.

My parents still live in that house, but the landscaping has changed significantly. Every time I go back there, I can’t help think of all the great times we had in that yard. It was our own little oasis for hitting walk-off homeruns and having a ball with our friends.

It’s summer and I hope you can enjoy a more relaxed pace in your play time and leisure reading. Find an oasis of your own. Better yet, make an oasis and invite friends over to play.

You won’t regret it.

Daniel B. Glass Creative Director Obscure Sports Magazine 4

CONTRIBUTORS

Contributor Question of the Month: What’s your Star Wars name?

(the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 3 letters of mom’s maiden name)

Follow us on your favorite social networking site...

Daniel B. Glass Creative Director “Gladasch”

dan@obscuresportsmag.com

Andy Buteyn Drawing Guy “Butanwed”

andy@obscuresportsmag.com

Jess Kubis Contributor “Kubjesee”

rubixkube17@gmail.com

Jodi Neitzel Marketing/Contributor “Neijoful”

jodi@obscuresportsmag.com

Contact Us...

Obscure Sports Magazine 4918 West Vliet St Milwaukee, WI 53208 414-454-0447 info@obscuresportsmag.com check out our BLOG

Andrea Spiegelberg Editor/Contributor “Spianspi”

andrea@obscuresportsmag.com

Kristine Szatmary Contributor “Szakrkei”

kris@obscuresportsmag.com

Jami Topolovich Photographer/Contributor “Topjabas” jami@obscuresportsmag.com

i m p l e m e nt [ im - p l u h - muh-nt] noun a ny ar t i c le used i n som e a c t ivi t y, esp. a n i nstr um ent, to o l , o r u tensi l

Charlie Tritschler Contributor “Trichpet”

Michael Votto Contributor “Darth Vader” - weird how that turned out. mvotto@obscuresportsmag.com

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Upon Further Review...

1. Sky Ball I know this markets to the kids, but whoa!

Have we found a replacement for the Wiffle Ball? There are some resourceful people out there and I am sure someone will give this a shot for a league or something.

2. Real field of dreams Little Fenway Park in Vermont was built in 2001 and is used to raise money for charity.

Take a peek at this great backyard and learn more about their annual wiffle ball tournament.

3. POOLJUMPERS TRAILER Well, I am not sure where this fits on the obscure sports radar, but I guess why not. A fantastic parody to Lords of Dogtown about pool jumping back in the 80’s. Well done folks.

4. new urban sport I don’t know. Is it possible to get that 1:19 back of my life? I was kind of excited after reading “New Urban Sport”. It could catch on I guess. People watch American Idol so I guess anything is possible.

5. Warrior DASH Our friends at the Attack of the Show! showcase the fairly new and very dirty race called Warrior Dash. This is a bit of foreshadowing because in our August issue, Andy takes this on for our Virgin Territory.

Got a funny clip? We want to see it! Send us the link at ufr@obscuresportsmag.com 6

Do’s & Don’ts

No wrong answers here... just doing our part to help the helpless figure it out.

a win t r t- shi

D e tai l b e l ows

News Alert! Sex change operations aren’t just for the rich Shelia and Tammy’s trapped in Steve and Tommy’s body anymore. Thanks to Discovery Channel documentaries, most people know that a majority of health care plans now cover the “Gender Bender.” Judging from your PBR bonnet (read budget), you don’t have to embarrass your teammates by wearing your sister’s souvenir from her ‘92 Panama City spring break. One other thing Crying Game. Let’s not get cantaloupes put in ok – get starter models first before you get back problems, stop working out, and look all out of sorts. You can’t throw men off the scent with 36DDs, untoned arms, a spare tire, hail damaged thighs, and calf implants……oh wait, nevermind.

Send us your pictures to dodont@obscuresportsmag.com and win a t-shirt if we use it.

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NOT SO SHINY DIAMOND

The Story Behind Quitting Kickball

by Je s s Kubis

I

q u it k i c kb al l a yea r a go. No, I wa sn’t a six t h grader mov ing on to junior high, le av in g el e me nta r y s c h ool rec ess behi nd. At t he t ime, I was 30 years old and had been p layin g a d u l t k ic k b al l rec reati ona l l y for four and a half years. I k now what you’re t hinkin g: s h e go t o ld , s h e go t hur t, she got m a r r i ed, or she got pregnant . The answer is none o f t h e a b ove ( t h an k god) . Ac tua l l y, I now pl ay roller derby, a sport t hat requires much m o re o f my ti m e a n d my body tha n ki c kba l l ever did. A nd while becoming a roller girl and h av in g l ess f ree t i m e pl ayed a pa r t i n why I quit k ickball, it wasn’t t he main reason I lef t . I t wa s m o re li ke t he exc use I needed to get out .

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I sta r ted p l aying ki c kba l l i n the spr ing of 20 05 . My o r i g i na l tea m , T he C r ushi nators, wa s ca pta i n e d by my best f r i end a n d her h u sb a n d a n d m ade up of thei r si bl i ng s a n d va r i o u s lo ngti m e f r i ends. We f re q u e nt ly h a d “ Fa m i l y Fun Ni g hts” a n d dec i d e d to beg i n pl ayi ng ki c kba l l to ens u re t h at we woul d conti nue to h a n g o u t o n a weekl y ba si s. Whi l e I wa s at f irst s kepti ca l a bout j oi ni ng a n o rgan i zed s por t i n my l ate 20s, i t so o n b ecam e the hi g hl i g ht of my we e k. Ki c kb al l com bi ned a l l of my favo r i te t h in g s: f r i ends, f r i endl y co m p et i t i o n , and dr i nki ng a dul t b eve ra ge s o u t s i de i n ni c e weather.

Al s o, it o f ten l ed to post- ga m e tr i ps to a lo cal b ar, where the f un woul d co nti n u e . T h e ki c kba l l pa r t of i t wa s st r i c t ly s e conda r y, even thoug h we p layed q u i te wel l a nd enj oyed w i n n i n g o u r gam es. As the weeks p a s se d t h at f i rst sea son, we g rew to kn ow s eve ra l p eopl e on other tea m s, a n d we re tal ked i nto m ovi ng f rom M i n n e a p o l i s to St. Pa ul for the fa l l se a s o n .

At f i rst , t h e f u n conti nued. M eeti ng n ew p e o p l e and getti ng to know a co re o f te a m s l ed to ha ng i ng out at the f ield s for the enti re eveni ng .

We ’d g r i l l a s a di vi si on, rent keg s a s a d i vi s i o n , d r i n k boozy c i der to wa r m u p d u r i n g c h il l y fa l l ga m es, a nd even h a d a d u l t s n o -cone ni g hts i n the sp ri n g , co m p lete w i th sc hna pps a nd o th er li b at i o n s . It wa s l i ke a l l the b est p a r t s o f ca m pi ng , wi thout havi ng to ca m p .

F r i endl y r i va l r i es g rew a c ro s s t h e s e asons between the teams, a s we co nt in u ed to pl ay a nd get to k now ea c h o t h er. Wi tty ba nter wa s exc hanged o u t on t h e f ield, a l l i n good f un. And t hen so met h i n g s h i f ted.

I ’ve t r ie d to p u t my f i nger on w hen exact ly i t h a p p en e d , b ut I ca n’t. I thi nk it was

somewhere around my 3rd year. A ll I kn ow is t hat t he fun-lov ing , boozy at mo s p h e re began to become overshadowed by

doucher y.

F riendly rivalries b e cam e less t han friendly, loud-mout hed b u llies became more prevalent , and negat iv it y began to run rampant . It becam e m o re drama t han a hospital scene in a Telem u n d o soap opera. My team wasn’t imm u n e to t his phenomenon eit her. We began yellin g at each ot her over dropped balls in t h e 9

o u tf i e ld an d b ase-r unni ng m i sta kes. There wa s eve n a t im e or two where thi ng s became h eated w it h o u r opponents a nd f i g hts were n a rrow l y avo id ed. Ki c kba l l beca m e about w i n ni n g f i rst a nd f un second, whi c h led to me d re ad i n g weekl y ga m es. Nothi ng takes th e j oy o u t o f ki c kba l l fa ster tha n adult s w i th s o m et h i n g to prove.

M y o r i g i n a l tea m di sba nded because th e ca pta i n s h ad thei r f i rst c hi l d and it b eca me h ard er to get ever yone to commit to atte n d gam es reg ul a r l y; I bel i eve t his wa s u lt i m ately for the best. Som e of us co ntin u e d to p lay on other tea m s, but we we re n o lo n ge r at odds w i th ea c h ot her o n th e f ield week i n a nd week out, which p ro b ab l y s aved our l ong - ter m f r i endships.

Of cou rs e, it d id l ea d to the end of “ Family Fu n Ni g ht s ,” b ut i t ’s ha rder to gat her a g ro u p o f p e o p l e a nd dr i nk beer when ch i l d re n are i n t he pi c ture. I pl ayed for t wo o th er tea m s d u r i ng the l a st yea r a nd a half o f my k i c k b al l ca reer that were m a de up of p eo p l e w h o I h a d m et throug h ki c kba l l: first w i th t h e C leve l a nd Stea m ers a nd my final se a s o n w i t h t h e Ar l i ngton T i gers. We had a l o t of g reat t i m es together a nd beca use of so me o f t h o s e tea m m ates I bega n to make th e p i l g r i m age to M i l wa ukee for the End o f Seas o n to u r na m ent ever y fa l l . I will be etern al l y g ratef ul for thi s dec i si on, because I m et a g reat n u m ber of peopl e there who I n ow co n s id e r c l ose f r i ends. I m ay have l o st a b o u t f i ve yea rs off my l i fespa n due to l i ve r d am age, but for awhi l e, my fait h in th e joy o f k ic k b a l l wa s renewed.

M i l wau ke e 10

s e em ed

to

have

cont inued

t he camaraderie bet ween teams th at we had lost and in fact , taken it to a wh o le different level never really experie n ce d in Minnesota. The teams hung out to get h er at t he fields, t hey hung out toget h e r at t he bars, and t he social aspect s e em e d to take precedence over win-at-a ll-co st s compet it ion. There were teams th at h ad t heme night s, play ing in full cost ume, team s wit h lush bucket s, teams t hat did I r is h car bombs ON t he field, and teams t hat p laye d weekly games of quarters at t he b ar af ter games. I wanted to recapt ure t hat m agic back home t hat I felt whenever I p laye d k ick ball in Milwaukee. Of course, p layin g one weekend, t wo or t hree t imes a year in a different cit y, compared to play ing wee k in and week out for six mont hs in my h o m e div ision is a vast ly different exper ien ce.

The more I came to k now peo p le in Milwaukee, t he more I came to lear n t h at t hey were facing many of t he same is s u es we were. Teams being created solel y to win led to ot her teams leav ing who didn’t want to deal wit h play ing against loud m o u t h asshat s, mocking t hem for losing a s p o r t t hey had signed up to play simply to h ave fun wit h each ot her and meet new p e o p le.

It ’s one t hing to lose soundly to a team o f good-nat ured people; it ’s far ano t h er to lose to a team who yells at you, an d each ot her, mak ing you feel like you’re b e in g bullied on t he playground.

I’ve spoken to ot her people wh o q u it k ick ball about why t hey left and I fi n d t h at t here isn’t just one reason. Mar r iage , children, jobs, responsibilit ies, d iffe re nt interest s, liver damage – answers var y.

We’ve all come to a point in our lives wh en what we are current ly doing is at o d d s wit h liv ing like t he grown-up we n ee d to be. We can no longer close down t h e b ars on weeknight s or eschew our erran d s an d chores to play k ickball t hree night s a we ek.

Different interest s crop up, as do d iffe re nt priorit ies. A ll t he people I inter v iewe d , however, stated that before leaving they had

b ecom e co n c er ned a bout the m ovement toward s a mo re com peti ti ve tea m base, w h i c h was p u s hi ng out m a ny of the funb a s e d tea m s and ever y thi ng ki c kba ll had o ri g i na l l y sto o d for. Som e ki c kba l l l eagues h ave n ow s et asi de spec i f i c di vi si on s for l es s co mp et it i ve pl ay, w hi c h I hope will so l ve t h e p ro bl em s that contr i bu te to ma ny te am s q u i tti ng . B ut, I wor r y that in so me ca s e s i t ’s too l ate a nd there won’t b e e n o u g h i nte rest to conti nue the l eague i n th e f u t u re b eca use so m a ny people and te a ms h ave a l rea dy been pushed away.

M o st o f t h e o t h er peopl e I spoke to who q u i t k ic k b al l went on to pl ay a n ot her sp o rt , w h et h er i t be hur l i ng , vol l ey ball, so f tb al l , o r in my ca se, rol l er der by. I o bv i o u s l y d id n ’t l eave ki c kba l l because I h ate d co mp et iti on a nd nei ther di d t hey.

Al l of u s fo u n d other spor ts w i th a level o f comp et it i o n we f i nd a c c epta bl e and i t d i ffers w id ely. Som e of us a re highly co m p et i t i ve , w hi l e others a re j ust i nvolved to get a l i tt l e athl eti c a c ti vi ty a nd meet n ew p eo p l e . We a l l sti l l m a ke sure to drink a b ee r o r t wo af ter wa rds, thoug h, keeping th e kic k b al l s p i r i t a l i ve a nd wel l .

I ’l l n ever reg ret the four a nd a ha l f years I sp e nt p l aying ki c kba l l , despi te t he n egat ivi t y t h at bega n to preva i l .

The f ri en d s h ips I d evel oped or strength ened a n d t h e memo r i es I have beca use of it are p ri ce les s to me . A l ot of my “good ol ’ days” sto ri e s c e nter a round the exper i ences I h a d a n d t h e p eopl e I m et throug h ki ck ball.

Jo i n i n g al s o o pened my eyes to the fact th at I d o l i ke p layi ng orga ni zed spor ts, and i ntro d u c e d m e to the peopl e w ho would u l ti mately get me to tr y out for the Nort h Sta r Ro l l e r G ir l s. And i t ’s g reat to know th at d ow n t h e roa d, i f I w i sh to recapt ure a b i t o f im mat u r i ty a nd a buse my l i ve r wit h co p i o u s a m o u nts of a l cohol , the big red b a l l w il l b e wai t i ng for m e. B ut douc hebags b ewa re : I ’ve got one hel l of a rol l er girl h i p - c h e c k a n d a m not af ra i d to use i t.

Q u e stio n n aire Why did you start playing kickba l l ?

Matty: F inishing undergrad and fr ien d of a friend needed to fill a team.

Barb: Brot her-in-law formed a team and needed girls.

What did you like about playing?

Matty: The people I got to spend t ime wit h. Unquest ionably t he mo st crazy, over-t he-top, risk-tak ing , bad judgment-hav ing period of my life, and ever y bit of it was because o f t h e friends I made.

Were you ever injured playing?

Matty: Do hangovers count ?

Barb: Besides a few scrapes/bruis e s , not hing serious.

Why did you quit?

Matty: I met t he woman who is n ow my wife. A s we slowly sett led dow n (me perhaps a litt le more slowly ) , t h e life I had enjoyed as part of t he le agu e became less important . We also move d furt her away from t he fields.

Barb: It got too compet it ive and n o t fun to be involved.

Still hang out with people you playe d with?

Matty: A bsolutely. One was t he b e st man in my wedding and I was t he s am e for his. We met play ing k ickball.

Barb: I st ill see most of t he ones t h at I care about .

Would you ever return to playing?

Matty: Probably not . I’d consider subbing ever y once in a great wh ile , but no more t han t hat .

Barb: No. Sum up your kickball ex perience i n a few words!

Matty: Time of my life.

Barb: A dult fun.

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y r ito

r r e T

by J o d i N e i tze l

Photographs by Daniel B. Glas s

I

vo l u ntee re d to pl ay ki c kba l l for Virgin Territor y wit h about as much ent hus ias m as m o st p e o p le o ffer to hel p a f r i end move – secret ly hoping I wouldn’t be need ed b u t w i l l i ng to s h ow up a nd get the j ob done if it came down to it . A s soon as I put th e id e a o n the tab l e I i m m edi atel y wi shed I could take it back and sug gest a different s p o r t – p refera b l y o n e that I coul d dr i nk heav ily before and blame any at hlet ic missteps o n an i nte n s e p re - ga m e ra l l y, or “ tea m bui l ding exercise” as I prefer to call said rallies .

Do n ’t get me w rong , i t ’s not that I’m not at hlet ic. I’m t raining for a sprint t riat hl o n n ex t m o nt h a n d am ki c ki ng my ow n a ss to prepare for t he race. I love a good spin clas s an d ca n s u n s a l u tate w i th the best of them, but when it comes to sport s wit h no p ers o n al fi n i s h l i n e a n d a whol e tea m of Type A personalit ies I need to apologize to if I s crew u p .. . i t ’s j u st n ot my thi ng . I prefer to be focused on a finish line and in “go” m o d e.

M a ny o f my f r i ends pl ay ki c kba l l a nd really enjoy t he lifest y le. S ome have even as ke d m e to p l ay i n t h e p ast, but af ter rea di ng public Facebook apologies for not play ing well an d h ea ri n g p o st- ga m e c r i ti ca l a na l ysi s of each player ’s performance over a pitcher o f b ee r, I’ve b ee n a b l e to dec l i ne qui c ker than you can say, I’m prett y happy wit h my cu r rent s e l f- este em l evel so I’m goi ng to go ahead and pass on t hat .

B u t now I was com m i tted a nd coul dn’t take it back. No, I had just signed up for som et h in g I swore I ’d n ever do…

On th e d ay t h is ga m e of ki c kba l l wa s set to go down, I met Dan at t he OS M off ice. A s we wa l ke d to t he f i el d, I m enta l l y prepared myself to join t he A ssassins of S o b r iet y.

Rega rd le s s o f whether I wa s rea dy or not , it was game t ime and I decided I m ight as we l l j u st h ave fun. D a n i ntroduc ed me to t he team captai n, Zach, who offered a war m we l come a n d p oi nted out the other members of my new team. I was expect ing a s ilent

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a n d dete r m in e d wa r m - up, m aybe a n intense stare down wit h th e ot h e r te a m f rom a c ross the f i el d and t hen a group huddle w h e re it was rei nforc ed that w i nni ng is ever y t hing and if we d i d n ’ t we al l s uc ked at l i fe. As I sur veyed my surroundings, I wa s h ap py to see ever yone ca sua l l y chatt ing as t hey made th e i r way to where they were supposed to be. May be t his wo u l d n ’ t b e s o ba d af ter a l l .

Th e o t h er team took the f i el d f i rst a nd I stood t here awkwardly wa i ti n g fo r s o meone to tel l m e w hat to do. When it was finally my tu r n to k i c k I wa l ked up to the pl ate like I owned it , hoping to n o t l o o k l i ke a com pl ete i di ot. T h e red ball rolled toward me a n d I to o k a few steps for wa rd to meet it . Of course it to o k a l a st m in ute hop a nd m a de a weak attempt at contact w i th my s h in . La m e. B ut I shook i t off. The ot her A ssassins o ffe red s o m e words of encoura gem ent and I was not about to l et th e m d ow n . T he nex t pi tc h m a de it s way toward me and I to o k it , d ete r mi ned to redeem myself. To be honest , I don’t even k n ow w h ere i t went. I wa s focused on gett ing to first b a s e an d n o t l etti ng a ny thi ng or a nyone get in my way. On th e n ex t p l ay I wa s out at second, but t he inning ended on a 13

and fort h and I was ready to cont r ib u te some sarcasm. Behind me in left ce nter was Fernando, who k indly called eve r y b all as mine regardless of what direct ion it was going. A nd after each play I assu re d my team t hat if t hey had really needed m e to carr y t hem, I would’ve had it .

The game moved quick ly. I was happy to ju st blend in and not really have to cont r ib u te to any plays. A fter play ing out field an d short stop, I took an inning at catcher an d I st ill don’t really k now what I was su p p o s ed to do. Fort unately, it ended quickly an d I was able to ret urn to t he safet y o f t h e dugout wit hout any mishaps at home p late.

Going in, I was most ner vous about kickin g.

A s a new player, I t hink t hat ’s t h e m o st v ulnerable spot you can be in. Eve r yo n e is watching , wait ing for you to prove wh at you can do… I had no idea what I cou ld d o . I t hought I would have an entertainin g sto r y to share about how I fell or comp letely missed t he ball and ever yone pointe d an d laughed at me, but unfort unately I d o n ’t .

I’m not going A ll-S tate any t ime soon , b u t I can make contact and t hat ’s good e n o u gh for me. h i gh n o te fo r m e. I m a na ged not to fall on my fa c e a n d t h at ’s suc c ess enoug h for me.

Th e f i rst t im e the Assa ssi ns took t he f i el d , I p l aye d r i g ht c enter. Not much a c ti on . No t t hat I’m com pl a i ni ng . The n ex t i n n i n g I s hi f ted to r i g ht a nd prayed th e b a l l n ever ca m e my way. It di dn’t and th at was j u st f i ne by m e. M y fea r wa s t hat th e o t h er team woul d know I di dn’t really p l ay k i c k b al l and woul d tr y to ki c k to t he we a kest l i n k . But that wa sn’t the ca se so in my m in d , I f ig u red I’d j ust ha ng out i n right f i el d a n d t h e ga m e woul d be over in no ti m e. Wro n g . T he nex t ti m e the Assassins we re o u t in t h e f i el d Za c h l ooked at me a n d po i nted to shor t stop. By that point I wa s a c t u al l y sta r ti ng to have f un a nd up to th e c h a l l e n ge. M y tea m ba ntered back 14

A s we took t he field one last t im e, Zach t hrew me t he ball and gave a quick ru n d own of t he rules of t he pitcher ’s moun d . Th e first kicker approached t he plate an d I rolled t hat ball as if I’d done it a m illio n t imes before. Like it was my job, in fact .

I felt comfortable on t he pitcher ’s m o u n d and was start ing to feel like part o f t h e team. The nex t k icker put t he ball in t h e air and it arched back down to Eart h d irect ly bet ween me and Zach at first ba s e. We bot h made a move for it and wit ho u t eve n t hink ing , I shouted out “I got it ! ” Trut h is, I had no idea if I had it . W h at t h e hell was I t hink ing? The ball collided into my cradled arms and just as quick ly bo b b led out . I was not about to let t hat happ en . No way, t his was MY play. I reached fo r t h e ball, pulled it in close, t urned to my team

a n d an n o u n c e d that ’s how i t ’s done!... A nd of course asked Fe rn an d o w h ere he wa s on that one. A few more unevent ful p l ays later t h e Assa ssi ns of Sobr i ety claimed v ictor y 8-0.

As we exc h an ged good- ga m e ha nd sl aps wit h our opponent s a n d wa l ke d o ff the f i el d, I tha nked ever yone for lett ing me p l ay. A n d I t r u l y m ea nt i t. In j ust one hour my perspect ive of ki c kb al l co mp l etel y c ha nged a nd I began to understand why my f r ien d s e n j oy thei r ti m e on the f i eld so much. They asked i f I’d co n s i d er b ecom i ng a f ul l -ti m e As sassin and surprisingly, my i m med iate response wa sn’t “ no way in hel l.” If I hadn’t ju st ac c epte d a j ob two hours away, I would’ve happily retu r n ed t h e fo l l owi ng T hursday to r isk complete humiliat ion o n ce a gai n . A s it tur ns out, that ’s part of t he fun!

I th ou g ht p l aying ki c kba l l woul d be an hour sacrifice for th e s ake o f t h is a r ti c l e. I f i g ured I’d write about how t he p re ss u re to b e a n Al l -Sta r el i m i nated any possibilit y of fun a n d pred ic ted I ’d l eave the ga m e feeling worse about myself th a n I h a d a r r i ved. T he draf t of thi s art icle I had written in my h e ad b efo re even pl ayi ng i s m uch different t han what yo u ’re re ad i n g now. Who knows, m ay be I’ll even join a team i n my n ew c it y.

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d l o f r e t t shu

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phot os by Jami Topo lovic h

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Wh en G a mes C ollide:

The Four Sport Hybrids of the Apocalypse

by M ic h ae l Vo tto

When I was in second grade, my friends and I were fairly resourceful.

Our school had monkey bars and basketball hoops, but it also had the most confounding asphalt art. Random colored boxes within a trackline white border, with a lone three-feet of red railroad. God knows what Timothy Leary was on when he was commissioned to design that little masterpiece, but the inventive streak in the young spun an apparent acid-flashback into a playground game. It was tag, and it was witch-doctor, but we just called it “Railroad.”

Kids running carefully within the lines to avoid “the one,” and only finding solace to catch their fleeting breath on that little stretch of rail-line. Creating rules and loopholes as recesses dragged on, by the end of that particular week, it had taken the whole school by storm. Everyone wanted to play Railroad - which is when I thought it turned too “mainstream” and opted to ironically play tetherball while extolling the virtues of Sonic Youth. I was pretty cool for someone wearing L.A. Gear shoes. It must’ve been the power of unknowingly standing on deadly mercury all day.

Despite our pitch-perfect local game, it never really took off beyond Dixon Elementary. There were no

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Railroad leagues popping up across the country, and ESPN2 isn’t showing matches at two in the morning (but they are showing sailing - that sounds about as fun as drinking Flavor Aid in Guyana circa-1978). Most sports played today are mostly rooted in the 1800’s, with exceptions like golf, which probably was born by drunken accident in a Scotland meadow. What can I say: the Scottish know how to make a whiskey stupor and some rabbit holes into an internationally-renowned sport.

One of the most popular modern sports, basketball, is also one of the newer sports to gain traction and that was invented by the good Dr. Naismith almost 120 years ago. Yeah, I know - stock car racing came around in the 1920’s, but when running moonshine is the catalyst for the creation of a competition, one has to be skeptical about labeling that endeavor a “sport.” With all that being said, we’ve gone nearly a century without having a solid invented sport sweep the nation. Hell, people are still trying to make soccer happen here in the United States.

If Hollywood can’t think up ideas for movies on their own, then we need to borrow their horrible philosophy and start revamping our stale sports. Not by making the cast more attractive and the gore more plentiful though these are all good ideas - but instead by combining our favorite pastimes. I’m talking about hybrid sports.

Hockey and Football (Footey, Deathball, Most Illegal Sport in the World) Imagine, if you will, playing football consistently on a frozen tundra. I mean, we’re talking thick ice in a bowl stadium. Outside linebacker Elvis Dumervil launching off the line towards some Southern California-raised quarterback at the speed of Alexander Ovechkin. Rolling to the plexiglass sidelines, he just releases the ball as the freight train hits, laying pretty boy into the boards, skates flying upwards as the protective siding gives way into the crowd. The pigskin finds Andre Johnson, just as he does a double salchow over goalie Ryan Miller to find the endzone. A well-choreographed Ice Capades routine follows soon after.

Same rules as America’s true favorite sport but with the addition of skates and a whole lot of momentum.

It would be equal parts slapstick comedy (no pun intended) and traumatizing injuries. Obviously, the highimpact nature of football isn’t something you want to combine with sharp skates and the all-or-nothing brutality of hockey, but doesn’t that scene just make you wish we lived in a dystopian wasteland where this would constitute entertainment?

Polo and Stock Car Racing (Carlo, Car Jockeying, Now American Stock Car Auto Racing Is Cool) One moment I’m saying driving around making left turns isn’t a sport, the next I’m combining it with polo.

The joys of being in charge! Anyway, everyone knows that most of the viewing public only watches stock car racing for the horrible car crashes. Don’t tell me that watching cars pass each other and stay in well-formed lines gets you excited - I don’t believe you. But I would start watching if there was a goal in mind, and these racing teams like Penske and Hendrick would compete head-on. Clear the infield at Daytona and let polo run free - only substituting horses for horsepower (cringe, I know, it hurt to type it too).

You’ll have Kurt Busch burning down the slippery grass in his Dodge while Sam Hornish, Jr. hangs out the passenger side window with an oversized mallet. As they work towards the ball, Jimmie Johnson’s Chevy crashes into the driver’s side of the Miller Lite car, making Hornish lose his beat on the prize. Jeff Gordon will emerge and start wailing on Busch’s wheels before Kyle rears back and strongly pushes the Lowe’s car into the wall, sending Jeff Gordon flying into the protective fence, saved only by his polo helmet.

Now that’s a Sunday afternoon I can get behind.

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Dodgeball and Rollerskating (Rollerdodge, Skateball, My Bone Is Suppose To Be Inside My Arm, Right?)

Watching a person getting hit in the head with a dodgeball is funny. Watching a person getting hit in the head with a dodgeball while on roller-skates must make your brain explode in laughter. Think back to when roller rinks were the cat’s pajamas - how many people did you see biff it during red-light/green-light in a given night? How many couples collectively fell to the hardwood while “Come Sail Away” by Styx softly built to its chorus? It was like a tamer Faces of Death, and all I could do is sit, watch, and shove nachos inside my gaping maw.

Adding roller-skates to dodgeball would be easy, but you would likely have to up the need for protective gear. Helmets would be a must, but the most necessary component would have to be elbow pads. One well placed ball at the kneecaps and those skates would be sent towards the heavens, leaving the skater no choice but to brace for their return to earth with their delicate joints. The potential for injury in this hybrid is beyond great, but its potential for spectator amusement will always outweigh its dangers.

Chess and Mixed Martial Arts (XTREME Chess, Ultimate Fighting Chess, Nerds With Muscles) Who am I kidding? They already have this - it’s called Chess Boxing. And guess what? It’s dominated by Eastern Europeans and Russians. Surprise, surprise. The late Bobby Fischer better be glad they didn’t have this format back in 1972, because I think Boris Spassky could’ve taken him by technical knockout.

get A grip

this is

dodgeball

join the

ncda visit us at www.ncdadodgeball.com

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Master Debaters Vuvuzela vs. Air Horn

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Umm, what are you doing?

Blowing on my Vuvuzela! The official noisemaker of the 2010 World Cup. What’s that in your hand?

BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR Ow! Why must you do these things?

Oh, sorry - that’s just my air horn. A staple of hockey matches across the country.

Wow, that’s adorable, and super annoying. There’s nothing worse than being in front of someone pressing that horn.

Did you know that the Vuvuzela can produce 127 decibels of sound. That’s physically painful for the human body.

Yeah, but have you tried constantly blowing this thing? You would have to be Louis Armstrong to take this thing from temporary nuisance into aggravating territory.

Well, the beauty of the air horn is that it is only to be used in short spurts - simply holding it down will bankrupt it in a matter of seconds.

An air horn might be good for scaring spectators, but can it turn the tide of a hockey game? The racket created by thousands of these Vuvuzelas can prevent soccer teams from communicating.

The Vuvuzela might be okay for the World Cup, but it will soon be banned by every sport. Try smuggling one of those into a US arena.

Speculation. Also, mine can double as a team-centric beer bong. Take that.

Yeah, well, the air horn can signal an SOS if you are on a boat. It literally can save your life.

That’s pretty hard to debate, bro.

Alright, we have a winner from last month. Apparently, people like playing with the rubber dodgeballs better than the foam ones. Who knew? Well, I did actually. I guess part of playing dodgeball is the fear factor of getting hit with the ball and feeling the sting. Something you just don’t get with the foam.

Master Debaters message board 22

g a t o t o h p

win a t-s hir t

AGAZINE M S T R PO SCURE S ting a caption B O e m o at wri Win s d k c a r c a we’ll sen ke a d t n a g e a r tu sw . nthly pic o m e ick yours h p t e w for f i e t-shirt you a fre submissions to: m ur smag.co t r o p s Send yo e r u g@obsc photota

L a s t m o n t h ’ s W i n n e r ! - B e t h A N Y V. f rom Colorado “Let t h e t ic kle f ight com m ence in, 3... 2... 1...”

phototag@obscuresportsmag.com

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by A n d rea Spiegelberg

C u sto mI n k ’s

s l oga n i s- “ You T hi nk It ... We Ink It,” A n d t h ey l i ve up to thei r sl oga n. While createyo u r- ow n tee websi tes a re a di m e a dozen, CustomInk sta n d s a b ove t he rest. T hi s web-ba sed business has been a ro u n d fo r 1 0 yea rs, a nd provi des qualit y merchandise, at an affo rd ab l e p r i c e, w hi l e sti l l offer i ng a wide variet y of product s. The nex t t ime yo u are fa c i ng d ow n a n opponent, ta ke a l ook at t heir jerseys – chances are t hey got t he m f ro m Cu sto mI n k .

W h i l e we co u ld rave on a bout a l l the reasons why we love t his site and t heir pro d u ct s , we ’l l t r y to b o i l i t down to a few m a in point s.

Si mp le - d e s i g n i ng your ow n l ogo i s easy and ver y user-friendly, even for t h e m o st i n ex per ie n c e d . If you have your ow n logo, t he soft ware to upload is ver y sim p le- n o a d d - o n s n e ed ed. O nc e upl oa ded you can increase t he size, change t he col o r, an d co m p a re h ow your l ogo l ooks on di fferent merchandise- you name it . Not ver y cre at ive ?

Cu sto mI n k eve n ha s a whol e bunc h of cool stock logos, ready to make your own .

Va ri et y - T h e s i te offers a w i de va r i et y of product s and prices in sizes for men, wo m e n a n d k i d s . W h il e m ost peopl e thi nk of t-shirt s and jerseys when t hey hear s cree n p ri nt i n g , yo u ca n pretty m uc h get your logo emblazoned on any t hing , from; hat s , wr ist b a n d s , ko oz i es , water bottl es, sweat pant s and even business att ire. Each item h as a p ri c e i n d i cato r $, $$, $$$. $$$$, to give you an idea of how much you’ll be spend in g.

Su p er io r c u sto mer ser vi c e- T hi s i s where t he site really shines. Once you design yo u r l o go an d p la c e your order, you’re sent a mock-up of your design, as well as t he d etails o f you r o rd e r to proof. T hen a n a c tual person calls to confirm and make any sug gest io n s to you r d es i g n . In my exper i enc e, C ustomInk has been ver y accommodat ing wi t h lastm i n u te o rd e r c ha nges. For one order, some fellow teammates and I decided to gif t a n o th er me mb er of our tea m wi th a jersey wit h a ver y … creat ive nickname. No t o n ly wa s t h e c u sto m er ser vi c e representat ive accommodat ing , t hey even laughed at t h e n i ckn am e . I n a nother i nsta nc e, a sug gest ion by a CustomInk employee act uall y s aved m e m o n ey! T h e si te ha s a 99% sati sfact ion rate and publishes all of t heir rev iews .

A ffo rd a b l e - C u stom Ink ha s a myr i a d of price ranges suitable for t hrift y teams an d t h o s e

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w i th cas h to s p a re. T he si te a l so wi l l reduce t he cost of each item by 50 cent s if yo u p u t th e i r lo go o n i t, a nd w i l l l i st sug gestions of t he most affordable opt ions. S hip p in g is a l so f re e i f yo u el ec t to rec ei ve i t w i t hin 14 days!

Qu a l i t y- u n l i ke m a ny onl i ne c ustom sites, t he qualit y of CustomInk ’s items is con s iste nt .

No b l u r r y l o go s or off col ors. M a ny sites use digital print ing , but t his company u s e s scre en p r int i n g for orders of 6 i tem s or more. This means t hat your logo will lo o k t h e sa m e o n a l l o f your i tem s. E m broi der y is also available. They also package each ord er in p l a st i c a n d t h en box i t – i n ca se of rain upon deliver y. CustomInk also offers a m o n eyb a c k g u arante e i f your order i s f l awed, different t han what you picked, or is re ce ive d l ate r t h an t h e prom i sed del i ver y date.

Of cou rs e , n o one i s per fec t. C ustomInk does have it s drawbacks. The main on e b ein g th e co st o f ad di ng na m es a nd num bers. Names are $4.50 and numbers are $2 . 5 0 fo r ea c h ite m, m e a ni ng that c ustom i zati on can be as cost ly as t he item it self. The si te d o e s a l l ow yo u to c reate som e i tem s wi th only a number, name only, and bot h with in t h e sa m e o rd er, t h u s g i vi ng you a bi t of wig gle room. At t imes certain merchandize is n o t i n sto c k , b u t i s l i sted a s ava i l a bl e on t heir site. S izing can be inconsistent wit h t h e s ize ch a rt s . A d d i t i o na l l y, order i ng a sm a l ler number of items, any t hing wit hin t he 6- 1 0 item ra n ge can b e q ui te costl y.

H owever, d u e to thei r va r i ety, consi stency and qualit y, OS M gives CustomInk our s e al o f a p p roval . Yo u r tea m i s sure to be best-dressed on t he field, court or any where o bs cu re sp o rt s h a p p e n .

3 p o T s ’ o n e B e Jo

Tran slat ions for “Ball”

1. Žoga (Slovenian) It flat-out sounds cooler than “ball”. Plus it ’s still simple and to the point, unless you want to play football, which requires a žoga za ameriški nogomet.

2. Liathróid (Irish) Growing up, I was constantly scolded by my mother for throwing balls in the house. I don’t want to imagine what she would have done if sh e caught me playing with a liathróid near her china cabinet.

3. Takululu (Chamicuro: an aboriginal language in what is now Peru) Best Translation Ever! We could solve America’s obesity problem if we called balls takulu lus. I mean, how could anyone resist participating in any thing involving a takululu?

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W I F F LE B A LL FROM

BACKYARD

TO

PLAYING

FIELD

by Ch ar lie Tr i t s c h l er

A p p a re nt l y, w i thout knowi ng i t, I played wiffle ball wit h my best friend t hrou gh o u t my c h i l d h o o d We pl ayed at hi s house where we set up areas for singles, d o u b les , tri p l e s , a n d h o me r uns, pl ayi ng out a full nine-inning game. The games usually go t p rett y i nte n s e a nd l ed to a coupl e of fight s because Mike’s (aforement ioned frien d ) b a se b al l s k il l s were two ti m es better t han mine. Therefore, I would get my a ss kic ke d a l ot. T he onl y di fference bet ween our version and wiffle b a l l , i s we p layed wi th a tenni s ba l l and a mini-souvenir bat t hat we go t fo r f ree at a ba seba l l ga m e. Years after I hung up my b at, w iff l e b a l l ha s tra nsfor m ed f rom a run-of-t he-mill b a ckya rd gam e that ki ds pl ay i n l i eu of act ual baseball, t o s o met h i n g m u ch, m uc h m ore.

People have started w i ffl e b a l l l eag ues w i th thei r ow n c reat ive, modified ru l e s , s p ec ia l i zed equi pm ent a nd more.

Th e a d u lt gam e i s pl ayed w i th b a l l , w h ic h is ver y l i g ht, fo r t h e b atter to get W i ff l e. o rg , t he b a se b al l , a a n d did a

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a standard wiff le mak ing it ver y d iff icu lt good contact . A ccord in g to ball cur ves ver y easily and like in pitcher can t hrow a cur veball , s lid er, ‘st raight ’ (a fast ball in baseball ter m s ) . I quick YouTube search to see t hese pitch e s in

a c ti on a n d fo u nd out a few thi ng s: 1. if I b atte d fo u r t i m es, I’d m aybe get a hold of o n e p itc h . 2 . T h ere a re som e tr ue superstars i n th i s gam e who ca n do thi ng s wit h a w i ff l e b a l l t h at nobody woul d ever expect .

(Go og le J im B a l i a n, the 2009 Ul t imate Wi ff l er ) 3 . T h e pi tc hers of the spor t have f i gu red o u t h ow to c reate di fferent pitches su ch as ; a s i n ker, sc rewba l l , a nd a riser w h i c h i s w h e re the ba l l beg i ns l ow in t he zo n e a n d t h e n com es up nea r shoulder l eve l .

Th ere are t wo di fferent ty p es o f w iff l e b a l l – one th at re q u ire s onl y 2 p eo p le an d t h e o t h e r w i th a f u ll tea m , which is a l ot c l oser to ba seba l l . T he first versi on i s m ea nt for a o ne-on- one contest in an al l ey, ba c kya rd, or pa r k. T he field s h o u l d b e at l ea st 20 by 60 feet wit h th e p l ayers ag reei ng to a rea s that are h o m e r u n s , t r ipl es, doubl es, a nd si ngles.

Th e on ly way outs a re m a de a re to st rike o u t, f ly o u t , o r g round out whi l e the ball i s i n m o t io n . Whi l e ea sy to pl ay, t he ex p a n s i o n o f 2 person wi ff l e ba l l i s l imited a n d t h e f u ll , tea m versi on i s the version th at h as gai n ed the m ost popul a r i ty. .

when available. In more laid-back leagues, t he st rike zone is a lawn chair. A ny pitch t hat hit s t he back or seat of t he chair is a st rike; pitches hitt ing t he arms or any ot her part of t he lawn chair are balls.

Batte rs a r e allowed 5 b alls and can choose if t h ey want to take a walk o r n o t .

A standard 3 st rikes are allowed , wit h unlimited foul t ips. A ny cau ght foul ball is considered an out .

Base running rules are similar to bas e b all, wit h a few except ions. A runner hit wit h t he ball, while not on a base is con s id e red out , including batted balls and balls t h rown by fielders. A lso, t hey enforce somet h in g called “pitchers hand,” where if t he p itch e r has secured t he ball before t he r u n n er reaches first base, t he runner is ou t .

For example, while play ing a gam e an d I lead-off wit h a single, my at-bat stays at first no matter what (cannot steal, get picked off, etc.) If t here are only 3 p laye rs and t he bases are loaded, a ghost-r u n n er is allowed, wit h t he person t hat b atte d first allowed to bat again. Players d o n ’t have t he abilit y to advance ex t ra b as es , remov ing t he element speed fro m t h e L e a gu e w iff l e i s pl ayed wi th f i ve players game. Essent ially, t his makes t he gam e o n ea c h tea m : a catc her, pi tc her, double much fairer and allows for anyo n e, n o a re a , t r i p l e area a nd hom er a rea . The matter t heir shape or abilit y, t he ch an ce p l aye rs h ave to c hoose thei r a reas and to play. sti ck w i t h t h o s e spots the enti re game b eca u s e w h ere you pl ay m atters i n terms Leagues, like t he Milwaukee Wiffle L eagu e o f th e b att i n g order. T he ga m e i s p layed (MWL), have a laid-back approach ab o u t o n a reg u la r sof tba l l /ba seba l l di a mond, t he game of wiffle ball, while ot hers are a

27

l i ttl e m o re s er i ous. Whi l e M WL ha s relaxed a n d co m p et i t i ve l ea g ues, i t ’s the t y pe w h e re I co u ld gra b a beer beforeha n d at a tave r n , go p l ay, a nd then af ter wa rds drink h eavi l y w it h my tea m . T he goa l seems to b e fu n f i rst a nd forem ost. T hei r website states “M W L expec ts a l l pl ayers to respect th e o t h er p l ayers that have pa i d to play i n th i s l eag u e . T he l ea g ue does NOT allow u n psp o r t s ma n l i ke behavi or dur i ng games.

Al l th es e o ffe n s es a re g rounds for di smissal, w i th ou t p r io r wa r ni ng s … by the l eague co m m is s i o n e r.” Wi th thi s one steadfast ru l e , MWL s ee m s to have set them selves a p a rt f ro m s o me of the sof tba l l l eagues, w h e re o n e can attem pt to rel i ve their high sch o o l d ays as i f they were Unc l e R i co from Na p ol e o n D yn a m i te.

Moonshot Bat s, which run over 100 d o llars just for a wiffle bat ! Granted, t hi s is n o ordinar y bat and you get free batt ing gloves wit h purchase, but t his is an inve st m e nt for only t he most serious player. I d o u bt most people who play wiffle are b reakin g t he pig gy bank for a leisure act iv it y.

While MWL and Golden S t ick are down r ight polar opposites, t hese leagues high light how wiffle ball is definitely a spo r t t h at could expand dramat ically t hrough o u t t h e United S tates, similar to dodgeb all an d k ick ball. In my opinion, t here is somet h in g for ever y body, whet her it is t he playe r wh o want s to have a relaxing night wit h f r ie n d s , but wit h a dash of compet iveness, t h en a league like Milwaukee Wiffle would s u it yo u well. On t he ot her hand, for t he playe r wh o Th e G o ld en S t ic k Wi ff l e B a l l L ea g ue ( a nyone want s an alternat ive from soft ball, kickb all el s e c h u c k le at G ol den Sti c k?) i s a fa r more or dodgeball, while st ill maintainin g a h igh i nte ns e vers i o n of wi ff l e ba l l . T hi s i s easily level of compet it iveness, t hen a leagu e like se en , as t h e i r ta g l i ne i s “A B a c kya rd Game GSWL is available. Not to ment ion, if yo u Ta ke n Way To o Fa r.” GSWL a dm i ts that t his get enough people interested in p layin g i s w i ff le b al l o n steroi ds, ( r um ors of test ing t his classic game, creat ing your own wiff le n ex t s u m mer, I ki d!) a nd the pa ssi on is at a league would take minimal t ime, effo r t an d b o i l i n g p o int . G ol den Sti c k i s hea dqua rtered equipment , perfect for t he sport y, b u t n o ti n New E n g l a n d, but there a re l ea g u es all too-ambit ious adult . If not hing else, t h e re’s ove r t h e Ea st C oa st, ra ng i ng pr i m a r i l y from always t he old standard of play ing wiff le in B o sto n , P h il a d el phi a , Ver m ont, New York, t he back yard wit h some friends, h av in g a Sa c ra m e nto, C A a nd St. L oui s, M O (t he few drinks wit hout t he organizat ion h as s le . l o n e west a n d M i dwest representatives). Regardless of which pat h you choos e- P lay To u rna m ent s a re hel d throug hout t hese (wiffle) ball! l ea g u e s , p r im ar i l y i n New E ng l a nd, and th e b est p layers f rom ea c h reg i on meet i n L a s Ve ga s fo r the Gol den Sti c k Nat i onal C h a m p i o n s h i p . Yes, a n a l l -ex pense paid tri p to p l ay w iffl e ba l l .

I n a dd i t i o n , G SWL ha s a n off i c i a l bat .

Facebook group of the month: MOONSHOT BATS 28

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by Michael Votto

Any game that fields thirty players with wooden sticks and helmets is okay in my book. Hurling is an ancient Gaelic sport (perhaps the world’s oldest field game) that has reached far beyond the enchanted fields of Ireland, cropping up in Europe and the Americas over the past four hundred years. Essentially like the Native American sport of lacrosse, hurling’s objective is to score as many goals as possible by using hurleys (wooden sticks) to push the sliotar (ball) between the goalposts or over the crossbar. Hurling is such an old sport that many argue that Scottish-made golf is just a slightly-altered version of the Irish game.

The sport of hurling might not be that prominent stateside, but over in Ireland, it is a normal pastime.

Thousands of spectators show up annually for the Hurling Championships in Ireland, which fields thirty-six teams during its duration. Hurling organizations have been striving to have it included as an official Olympic sport for years now, and the game does seem to fit the bill for what constitutes an international competitive endeavor - I mean, even lacrosse appeared in the 1940 games. Its American-made little brother, however, will probably not be gracing the arenas of London or Rio de Janeiro.

Wiffle Hurling is, basically, the game of hurling but with wiffle bats and balls. Created by artist Tom Russotti, the sport consists of two teams of around six players, attempting to score goals, with the use of their bats and a regulation softball-style wiffle ball, over the course of sixty minutes. Typically played on a soccer field, wiffle hurling borrows greatly from that sport as well, implementing “corner throws” and “free throws” for fouls and boundary violations. The game even has contingency plans for ties, with the first being sudden death then followed by penalty shootouts.

Wiffle Hurling might not remain a such an odd sport for long. With mentions in the New York Times and Obscure Sports Magazine, you might soon be seeing wiffle hurling leagues popping up in your hometown.

And if you live in Chicago, New York, or California, just look around: there are leagues waiting for new hurlers to join the fold.

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PERSONALS Women Seeking Men

Buxom lady looking for fellow Desperately wanting short, sexspot to navigate “Matilda uncoordinated male for the Hun” in the annual companionship on the sidelines. Transcontinental Road Race. Last Yeah, I suck at dodging balls too. guy didn’t work out. #83493 BBW searching for someone to help during Beer Olympics. The name is T. Rex, and try to keep up. #9762

Men Seeking Men

Shy male seeks experienced minigolfer to show him the ropes.

Beating the windmill hole is like trying to keep dogs in a bathtub. #73820

Need a date for company summer picnic. Events include kickball and bocce. Must be able Veteran player needs a steady to kick and catch playground ball. frisbee thrower. Lets Jam some Free beer, food, and activities. Kans together!. #21129 No bermuda shorts or offensive t-shirts allowed. #68093 Group Play

Men Seeking Women Two males in quest for that special girl to be their Double Play star on the kickball diamond. #62717 I have long luscious locks and a nearly endless supply of ironic t-shirts. You know you want me on your team, baby. #85903

Women Seeking Women Sick of playing Beirut with men.

Hate being called “beer wench”.

Call me if you would like to work out feminist angst. #83462 30

Local Harry Potter fanatic wants to start Quidditch league with like-minded adults. Let’s get magical! (Ed. - this is the fifteenth time this guy has posted, please someone be his friend) #73820 Enterprising young male scouring the world for several people to explain the rules of Wiffle Hurling - I need your help desperately. #52824 Tired of my team captain. Know there are better ones out there.

Please help me cut the cord with my team and recruit me to join your fun and likable team. #5667

Looking for that special someone or want to leave us a message?

EMAIL US Missed Connections I showed you my barbwire tattoo around my arm and you told me it was stupid. When the bar closed you gave me a ride home and I must have left my wallet in your car. I never got your name or phone number. I hope to find you.

I had to cancel my credit cards because there was an expensive bill from Dairy Queen. #73820

Classified Get out of my dreams and into my 1983 Honda Civic. $150 or best offer. #95782 For sale, Moon Bat. I can’t hit a homerun to save my life, so getting rid of it. Asking $50. #75930 Looking for someone witty and creative to join contributors team of monthly magazine.

Must be dependable, interested, and eager to share ideas. Write a brief description of your interest in this magazine and include any special skills or relevant experience. Answer this month’s contributor question in your last sentence. Send to: dan@obscuresportsmag.com #73920

email us with your ad idea: personals@obscuresportsmag.com

FINAL WORD Sta ges o f I n j u r y An ger : W T F, D ude! Get out of the f * ck ing way ! Don’t touch me!

De n i a l: Wh at wa s that? M y bone i s st ick ing out ? It ’s just a scratch. I’ll be fine . I ju st n ee d to f in i s h t hi s ga m e. Ser i ousl y, I don’t feel a t hing! Let ’s get a drink .

An ger, Pa r t 2 : Hol y m other f *c ki ng sh*t , t hat hurt s.

B a rga in i n g : O K … pl ea se tel l m e i t ’s not broken or infected and I’ll promise to cu t d own o n s o m e o f my post-ga m e c el ebrati ons. A ny t hing else, I can deal wit h.

An ger, Par t 3 : I’m sor r y … what di d you just say ? I can’t play k ick ball for HOW lo n g? I ’ll me et yo u at t h e ba r.

De p re s s io n : I ca n’t do a ny thi ng for myself. My team won wit hout me any way. W h at d o e s it m atte r ? I’m stuc k here a s a st upid cheerleader for t he nex t four to six we eks .

Ki l l m e n ow. G i ve m e a dr i nk.

An ger, Pa r t 4 : I ca n’t sta nd thi s a nymore! S t upid, failing body. That collision wo u ld ’ve n eve r h ap p e n ed i f that g uy wa sn’t such an ogre. He owes me a drink .

Acce ptan c e : It ’s a l r i g ht. I’l l be st ronger when I ret urn. I’ll really appreciate t h e a b i l i t y to b e a b l e to enga ge i n tea m sport s again. I’ve really gotten a chance to s e e h ow mu ch my fa m il y a nd f r i ends ca re a bout me. At least I st ill get to hang out wit h my team .

Th i n g s w i l l b e f i ne.

An ger, Pa r t 5 : You wa nt HOW m uc h for a st upid arm sling and X-rays?! F ML. Drink. NOW. De p re s s io n , Pa r t 2: ( See Anger, Pa r t 5)

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