2010-02-01 outlook: columbus

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outlook The faith & conflict Issue

feb 2010 • vol 14 issue 9

inside: NYE snapshot Rev Susan Smith Brother Alvis Moore Redwood Review Top 10 Ex-Gay-Related Events Alexander’s Jewelers Virginia West pin-up new queer on the block astro forecast & Local celebrity Ryan

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We know the economy is tight, but take some time to treat your special someone to a great meal on Valentine’s day, even if the someone is yourself!

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of the situation.

We are Gay First

by Chris Hayes Recently, the subject of self-identification as either a gay person or someone who is a [fill in the blank] that just happens to be gay, keeps coming up. I’ve been engaged in this old familiar conversation with a whole variety of people and to have yet figure out why this topic is so taxing again. I’ve heard a lot of these people complain that they don’t want the world to define them by their gayness and they continually have to explain that they are, for example, a civil engineer that just happens to be gay.

Of course our sexual orientation doesn’t make up 100% of who we are. None of our characteristics do. And though I appreciate that someone might not want his or her sexual orientation or gender identity to be their defining characteristic, we don’t have much of a choice these days. Right now, in this era, it comes first. It has to.

Whether we like it or not, we are in the throes of the gay civil rights movement, and if you’re out of the closet, you are a living political statement. I personally love it because our actions - our very lives are making history. We get to help enact real permanent change.

How we live, relate and interact with the world around us, will impact our community’s quality of life, not only now, but also for generations to come.

The flip slide of that though, is that us queers are the red-headed step children (I’m a ginger with step parents, I can say that) of America right now. We are the last punching bag (figuratively and literally) people can use to feel better about themselves. So putting gay at the end of your title doesn’t make a bit a difference. All the rest of the world hears when you describe yourself is “Blah blah blah bla blah blah…I’m gay.” That’s it. Why? Because the majority Americans don’t understand much of anything about the queer community. They don’t get it, they’re not sure they want to get it or they think they got it all figured out [probably because the Bible made it clear]. Their interactions with us then, are either an attempt to relate to, to run from, or to ruin us.

You might just happen to be gay, but you cannot escape the reality

No one is beating you up for being a banker. No one is repealing your right to get married because you like to hike. So don’t give me this bullshit that you being gay or bi or trans is secondary in your life. It’s not. Statements like that are not only ignorant, but reek of self-loathing and laziness.

Presenting your queerness as an aside, sounds to me like your trying to make “gay” easier for people… or yourself. You either don’t want people to think of you as queer because of the negative connotation associated with the stereotype or you don’t want to put the effort into changing someone’s opinion. People are going to think of you as they will until they know you better. Any time someone knows you are gay, they will try to confirm or reject a stereotype they heard about a queer person through 3 you are here you. The same holds true for Arabs, Jews, Blacks, Trekkies, 4 snapshot etc., but they aren’t secondclass citizens under the law.

You are. And though there is 6 hey! nothing you can do about how people approach you being queer, you can teach them that 9 q-munity we are more than our stereotypes by embracing your 10 earthopolis place in the world, living out loud, and not making them comfortable. insightout

outlook columbus is published and distributed by Outlook Media, Inc. the first day of each month throughout Ohio. outlook columbus is a free publication provided solely for the use of our readers. Any person who willfully or knowingly obtains or exerts unauthorized control over more than 5 copies of any issue outlook columbus with the intent to prevent other individuals from reading it shall be considered guilty of the crime of theft. Violators will be prosecuted.

The views expressed in outlook columbus are those of the individual authors and do not necessarily reflect the views, policies, or personal, business, or professional practices of Outlook Media, Inc. or its staff, ownership, or management.

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Happy Valentine’s Day! Chris Hayes, Editor-in-Chief

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small pond

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anything but straight 38 music is the answer

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common life

23 frames per second

40 interview: Tim Miller

24 complete the circuit 42

fashion forward

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calendar

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food drama!

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about town

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retail therapy

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feature

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savage love

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from queer to eternity new queer on the block

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feature

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local celebrity

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open kimono

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deep inside hollywood

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astro forecast

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In that vein, it’s fitting that this month’s issue is on Faith, Religion and Conflict because our houses of worship are the biggest allies and obstacles we have to gaining full equality. If ever there was a place to be gay

first, it’s there. Inside you’ll read about ex gay events, history of gay spirituality, keeping religion out of healthcare, the hypocrisy of the Catholic Church and the politics of being affirming or not. Plus there’s plenty of the fun stuff, too, like our Valentine’s Gift Guide, Fashion Forward, Savage Love, Local Celebrity and Deep Inside Hollywood. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. As always, let us know what you think.

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outlook columbus does not guarantee the accuracy, completeness or reliability of any interpretation, advice, opinion, or view presented.

Outlook Media, Inc. does not investigate or accept responsibility for claims made in any advertisement. Outlook Media, Inc. assumes no responsibility for claims arising in connection with products and services advertised herein, nor for the content of, or reply to, any advertisement. All material is copyrighted ©2010 by Outlook Media, Inc. All rights reserved.

In NYC there is an intersection of Christopher St & Gay St. Chris loves getting his picture taken there. He’s working on a similar intersection here in town.

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#) NYE 2010 @ LEVEL

NYE 2010 @ LEVEL

NYE 2010 @ LEVEL

New Year, New 3-way!

Is someone groping a tit?

Nights in White Satin

NETWORK COLUMBUS JANUARY 10, 2010

NETWORK COLUMBUS JANUARY 10, 2010

NETWORK COLUMBUS JANUARY 10, 2010

Hogwarts?

Dial’s looks are cardiac-arresting.

We love your ascot!

Hot. Literally. They are sweating.

PRIDE LEADERSHIP RECRUITING JANUARY 19, 2010

PRIDE LEADERSHIP RECRUITI NG JANUARY 19, 2010

PRIDE LEADERSHIP RECR UITING JANUARY 19, 2010

PRIDE LEADERSHIP RECRU ITING JANUARY 19, 2010

d’Artagnan goatee, Amish beard!

These recruits were won over with the free buffet.

Isn’t Mr. Bagnato cute?

Those name tags look a little longwinded.

PRIDE COUNCIL LAUNCH JANUARY 21, 2010

PRIDE COUNCIL LAUNCH JANUARY 21, 2010

PRIDE COUNCIL LAUNCH JANUARY 21, 2010

Remembering the days when they were both t winks.

Introducing Mrs. Sally Kemp!

3 Levels of Fun

NETWORK COLUMBUS JANUARY 10, 2010

PRIDE COUNCIL LAUNCH JANUARY 21, 2010

The new Mr Rogers holds story time with cocktails.

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Love the built-ins.

Hope you win.

Did we take your picture but you don’t see it here? Head over to outlook’s facebook page: outlook columbus. Tag away!

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Take some advice from personal experience...NEVER kiss someone whose lips look like that if you at risk for diabetes.

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Keep Religion Out of Health Care Reform To The Editor:

y

Elected officials’ religious views should be their own private affair, neither imposed by them upon the nation, nor imposed by the nation as condition to holding public office. This means their private religious views should not be imposed via the current debate over health care reform.

Important life decisions are responsibilities of individuals and families, not of government or religious groups. On that, most of us can agree. There is also a strong history of separation of church and state in America, and one of our founding principles is of freedom from religious intolerance. That’s why I was deeply offended when Roman Catholic Church bishops lobbied Congress on health care reform in order to deny millions of women access to abortion.

As an American I am proud of our constitutionally guaranteed right to worship or not as one sees fit, and of our prohibition of government-imposed state religion.

But what started out to be about health care for all has morphed into a referendum and debate on abortion unduly influenced by the church. Health care legislation passed by the House of Representatives compromises our personal choices and subverts the principle of abortion neutrality.

Women supposedly will be able to obtain abortion coverage by purchasing a separate, single-service “rider.” However, according to the National Women’s Law Center, in the five states that currently require a separate rider for abortion coverage, there is no evidence that plans offer such riders. Furthermore, women are unlikely to buy a rider to cover abortion, because they do not plan for unplanned pregnancy or one that is needed for medical or health reasons.

A number of national polls have shown that Americans strongly believe health insurance should include complete women’s reproductive health services and that women have a full range of choices offered. A recent poll commissioned by Moving Forward, a valuesbased research initiative developed by the Women Donors Network and the Communications Consortium, found that a majority, 56 percent, believe those receiving subsidies should be able to purchase a health insurance plan that covers abortion. The House proposal does not reflect that view.

Meaningful reform has the potential to bring health care to more American women and their families than ever before. But Congress should not be in the business of restricting choices for women, particularly for religious reasons.

As presidential candidate, John F. The Stupak-Pitts amendment potentially Kennedy said, “I believe in an America goes farther than any other federal law to where the separation of church and state restrict a woman’s access to abortion. By is absolute ... where no public official eiprohibiting women who receive partial ther requests or accepts instructions on federal subsidies from buying insurance public policy from the pope, the National plans that cover abortion, the Stupak Council of Churches or any other ecclesiamendment bans abortion coverage by astical source - where no religious body any insurer participating in the health ex- seeks to impose its will directly or indichange. The amendment favors one reli- rectly upon the general populace or the gious view of abortion and enlists the public acts of its officials ...” federal government as enforcer. As such, it is an egregious assault on the rights of Instead of kowtowing to Catholic bishops, women and an enormous step backward Congress should stand up for what the for those who believe in separation of majority of Americans want in health care church and state. reform - and they want choices, not limitations.

President Obama has said, “If you’re Sincerely, happy and satisfied with the insurance that you have, it’s not going to change.” M. Patricia West, MSSW But this House proposal potentially reduces health care coverage for the more West is a public health consultant who lives in Philadelphia. She is a member of the Women than 80 percent of typical employerDonors Network and involved with their Moving Forbased insurance plans that now cover ward initiative. Copyright (C) 2009 by the American abortion.

Forum.

OWNERS AND PUBLISHERS Michael Daniels & Christopher Hayes HEADQUARTERS Outlook Media, Inc. 815 N High St, Bsmt Ste ii Columbus, OH 43215 614.268.8525 phone 614.261.8200 fax www.outlookmedia.com

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CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Jennifer Vanasco, Deborah Steele, Wayne Besen, M. Patricia West, Paul Saltz, Rev. Dr. Susan K. Smith, Regina Sewell, William Ashley, Gregg Shapiro, Romeo San Vicente, Jack Fertig, Simon Sheppard, Dan Savage, Marcus Morris, Mette Bach, Elliot Fishman, Mickey Weems, Jason Tanner, Adam Lippe, Mikey Rox, William J Mann, Michael

Which would you prefer: public health care or the US with no deficit?

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Buckeye rainbow alliance of the deaf? Has “Glee” contacted them yet?

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By looking at this page, you risk “Hang on Sloopy” AND “YMCA” getting stuck in your head.

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Hearts for Haiti: A Valentine Happy House The GLBT community has so much in common with Haiti if you just look at a little history. They too have been ravaged by AIDS, discriminated against, had to fight for their freedom, had Pat Robertson say disparaging things about them and so much more. We are a community of folks with big hearts – hearts for giving, helping, lifting up those in need.

So here’s the challenge: If you have a home to come to, a safe place to fall, you must act. If you have food to eat and most of your bills paid, you must act. If you have a job and you are not happy with it but are getting paid, you must act.

If your family thinks you are selfish, well, you really need to act. If you have been watching the coverage and wonder what you can do, here is your chance, act.

New Creation Metropolitan Community Church hopes to build a house in Haiti and we want to finance it by selling Valentine sweets. They are hosting a bake sale Friday, Feb. 12, from noon to 7 p.m. at 116 E. Williams Road. All sales will go toward a “Happy House” in Haiti.

A Happy House is a standardized dwelling that’s low cost, appropriate to local conditions, and far sturdier than the typical rural Haitian shack of sticks and straw.

In the wake of the recent devastating earthquake, there are millions of people without adequate shelter. Even before the quake, people lived huddled into tiny, dark, flimsy and unhygienic huts. Haiti Health Foundation completed 150 “Happy Houses” in rural Haiti in 2007 and has continued replacing unhealthy living conditions at an ever-increasing number since. This earthquake makes their work even more urgent.

New Creation MCC is committed to raising the $600 needed to build a Happy House in Haiti and invites you to their bake sale on Feb. 12.

Come experience a “cookie walk” and take home cookies and other goodies for a good cause.

Finally, you should know that we have a donor willing to match, dollar for dollar, all the funds

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raised in this bake sale. The more you spend on Valentine’s goodies, the more this benefactor has to spend. So please get up, get out, and get going and come support this cause so you can feel good about making a safe place for a family to live.

ple I’ve encountered in my seven years of service with the organization. I am most grateful for the confidence the community has shown in my work and the bridge building done on our behalf.”

Yours, Abstract Annie

KYE’s board is currently doing a search for a new ED. For more info www.KYCohio.org.

TransOhio Welcomes New Members to its Board of Directors

Pride at Work Names Peggy Shorey as New Executive Director

TransOhio, which formed in 2005, announced that Ohio residents Jacob Nash (former Executive Director of Transfamily of Cleveland), Sarah Wagner (co-facilitator of the TransOhio Partners’ Discussion Group) and Melissa M. Alexander (meeting and event planner (CMP), and Adjunct faculty instructor) have been appointed to the TransOhio Board of Directors.

Pride At Work, the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) constituency group of organized labor, has selected longtime LGBT and labor activist Peggy Shorey to serve as the organization’s new executive director. Shorey, who has been an organizer and community leader in Connecticut for the past 17 years, succeeds Jeremy Bishop, who resigned earlier this year to join the Obama administration in the Department of Labor. Shorey began her new responsibilities at Pride At Work’s headquarters in Washington, D.C., in January.

“We’re thrilled that Jacob, Sarah and Melissa have joined TransOhio’s Board of Directors. They each bring experience, expertise and perspective that are invaluable to the continued growth and success of TransOhio,” says Shane Morgan, founder of TransOhio. “As we continue to grow and build our programs and services, it’s vital that we build our presence in other Ohio cities.

Jacob is based in Cleveland, Sarah is in Chillicothe and Melissa is in Columbus. Transgender people live all throughout our state, and it’s difficult for some to travel to Columbus. Part of our responsibility to our community is to make our programs and services accessible to all of the Ohio transgender community.”

For more information: www.transohio.org.

Kaleidoscope Youth Center ED Steps Down Angie Wellman left her position as Kaleidoscope Youth Center’s Executive Director on January 15.

Wellman moves to a position with the Multicultural Center at The Ohio State University.

“Working for Kaleidoscope Youth Center has been a remarkable experience, and I have enjoyed my tenure here,” says Wellman. “I cannot say enough wonderful things about all the peo-

Administration Adds Gender Identity To Equal Employment Opportunity Policies Beginning in 2010, the Obama administration, through the Office of Personnel Management, has started to list gender identity among the classes protected by federal Equal Employment Opportunity (EEO) policies. By including gender identity as a protected class, the federal government is stating its commitment to protecting transgender employees and has taken a significant step toward ending employment discrimination of LGBT people in the federal workforce.

lar American brands are rated based on the businesses’ treatment of their LGBT employees.

The iPhone application is available for download at www.hrc.org/iPhone. Both Apple and AT&T score 100% on the 2010 Corporate Equality Index.

22 Years, HIV Travel and Immigration Ban Lifted The ban on HIV+ visitors and immigrants entering the country, first established in 1987, has been lifted. A regulation promulgated by the Obama administration last summer and finalized in November went into effect January 4, removing HIV from the list of communicable diseases that bar foreign nationals from entering the United States.

Three LGBT Youth-Focused Organizations Among 100 Charities Vying For $1 Million In Chase Community Giving GLSEN, the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, the Matthew Shepard Foundation and The Trevor Project – three organizations that work to improve the lives of LGBT youth – are among 100 finalists in Chase Community Giving, a campaign by Chase and Facebook to award $5 million to charities voted on by Facebook users. The top vote-getter receives $1 million. Five runners-up receive $100,000 each.

Each of the hundred finalists received a $25,000 grant.

New Jersey Senate Rejects Marriage Bill for Same-Sex Couples

Human Rights Campaign Releases “Buying for Equality” iPhone Application

The New Jersey State Senate failed to pass legislation recognizing marriage equality for samesex couples. The senate voted 14-20 against the bill. The bill had passed out of the Judiciary Committee by a 7 to 6 vote this past December.

The Human Rights Campaign (HRC) released a free iPhone application for its “Buying for Equality” guide. This new technology will allow shoppers to access the Buying for Equality guide as they enter a store to see how hundreds of popu-

Same-sex couples do not receive federal rights and benefits in any state. For an electronic map showing where marriage equality stands in the states, please visit: www.HRC.org/State_Laws.

Pat Robertson claimed that Haiti was stricken by earthquakes because of a Devil-pact. We think Pat is insane.

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Regulation Is The New Green

by Deb Steele Keeping up with environmental issues can feel like information overload at times. A main underlying theme used by the fossil fuel industry in various ways is that of regulation being a bad thing. While anti-regulation has always been a keystone of polluters’ political platforms, recent announcements by the EPA has spurred their lobbyists into action again with that old message. Within a matter of days the U.S. Senate will vote if the EPA should have the power to regulate greenhouse gasses under the Clean Air Act. Also on the EPA’s to-do list is figuring out if coal ash should be labeled as a toxic substance. As our government toils over how to deal with these long overdue environmental issues we better be sure they are hearing from citizens. If you want a cleaner safer climate you should be not only for regulation, but a politically active person as well.

It has been more than a year from when over a billion gallons of coal fly ash slurry spewed from a broken containment area near the coal fired Kingston Fossil Plant in Eastern Tennessee overcoming a nearby river. The amount of coal ash released was 50 times larger than the Exxon Valdez oil spill of 1989. With a new head of the EPA last year, Lisa Jackson announced action from her agency around the issue of coal ash by the end of 2009. A decision from the EPA has yet to be announced despite the fact that OSHA already considers coal fly ash a hazardous chemical. There are abundant levels of mercury, cadmium, and other heavy metals present in coal ash.

It does not take a horrible accident like the spill or living near containment areas of coal waste, to be vulnerable to serious health risks of coal ash. This material unregulated is already all around us in various forms. In 2000 the Clinton Administration missed an opportunity to correctly label coal ash as toxic, as a result

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it is considered a product fit for industrial recycling into products such as concrete. In the U.S. about 30 million tons of fly ash material was “recycled” for other uses during 2008 alone.

Review meetings of EPA’s proposed coal ash regulation have received an historic amount of industry attention, even more so than the regulation of greenhouse gasses at the White House. Industry stakeholders have attended 22 meetings while environmental stakeholders have been present at just four. Who is to insure the government is representing the interests of the people with a ratio of five to one? It could be argued more progress can be made in talking to culprits, but unfortunately there is a long running history of those most responsible for creating the mess influencing what does or does not happen in D.C. That influence is bad for all of us. If we learned anything for the mortgage crisis, we learned how important oversight is.

Whereas we could allow our elected officials to continue business as usual, and as a result avoid changing the underlining problems in the system; we could keep burning coal that destroys mountains in the process of obtaining it and everyone’s health in the process of burning it; and we could just continue to simply assume if we get the right person elected to office our work is done as citizens in a democracy; but at a certain point we cannot afford to fail our environment. As a society these issues demand our attention from the top down and the bottom up simultaneously and with conviction. As we stand on the eve of the 40th anniversary of Earth Day, we should remind ourselves what a social movement looks like. We must demand our government protects our health and the environment from the interests from corporate polluters. We each must be personally involved. steele.deb@gmail.com

Here’s the factory where Maria Garrison gets her foundation. No, not from inside, she uses the coal ash runoff. She says it gives a more natural black face.

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COMMUNITY RESOURCES

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This is an incredible list of community resources. Don’t be afraid to use them!

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Healing From Faith …if that which you seek, you find not within yourself, you will never find it without.

For behold, I have been with you from the beginning, and I am that which is attained at the end of desire.

Starhawk Everything outside – doesn’t matter.

Everything inside – doesn’t matter.

Being, really being, in this moment is all there is.

Tim Shay – explaining the essence of Taoism

by Regina Sewell “Jesus loves me (but he can’t stand you).*” With this simple line/song title, the Austin Lounge Lizard capture the essence of what many conservative Christians believe about homosexuality. And it’s not just the conservative Christians who think we’re somehow deplorable. Conservative Buddhists, Jews, Hindus and Muslims also condemn us. Some people feel compelled to implore us to repent and “straighten up” and tell us that we are going to hell if we don’t. Exodus International, a “nonprofit, interdenominational Christian organization promoting the message of Freedom from homosexuality through the power of Jesus Christ,” offers to liberate us from our homosexual urges and to help us become the straight people they think God wants us to be. Fred Phelps, the notorious anti-gay preacher from Kansas, cuts through the hypocritical bullshit and puts the real message out there: “God hates fags!” Either way, the message is pretty clear: God’s “unconditional love” is conditional and queer folk don’t measure up. Many fundamentalist Muslims and Hassidic and Orthodox Jews hold similar non-accepting beliefs about homosexuality.

Given these messages, it’s no wonder that so many of us turn our backs on religion. For some of us, life without religion is fine. We don’t have to worry that eating pork or shrimp violates scriptural rules. We can sleep in rather than going to the temple, mosque or church and we don’t have to put all that energy into clearing our minds and being present.

But for others, our lack of spiritual connection leaves a hole in our beings that cries out to be filled. Rather than find ways to fill that hole with our own brand of spirituality or seeking out one of the many congregations and groups that not only accepts us but has put energy into recruiting us into the fold, we blame the fundies, or God, or the gods, or the Universe, or the Higher Power, or the “Ass-

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hole in the Sky” or whatever it is that we call that connecting force in the universe for our sense of emptiness. And rather than sitting with the emptiness, we fill it with resentment, blame, hatred, shame and self-hatred. And then we eat, drink, take drugs, shop, play video games, work, obsessively organize or create overwhelmingly busy schedules in order to mask the pain of these toxic thoughts.

And yeah, I know, some of you have probably tried. You’ve gone to a congregation or group with the hope that you’d be accepted as you are and left in disgust because you felt like the ugly stepsister. Or you felt frustrated because you didn’t like their rituals or their songs or didn’t click with some of their doctrinal beliefs. Or maybe you didn’t “connect” with anyone in the group. Or you sat on your cushion in silence or chanted your heart out but just couldn’t “feel it” and figure it must be them.

Fundies and other anti-gay zealots may broadcast hateful messages, and ignorant but well-meaning people may not welcome us in a way that feels like “home,” but at the end of the day, we are the obstacle to our spiritual connection. You may be thinking, It’s not my fault. I really did try and they let me down. Or, I prayed, honestly and sincerely – not just the “please God, let me pass this test and I’ll never get drunk the night before an exam again” kind of prayer, but a real “open my heart and pour out my soul” kind of prayer and God never answered. So screw you!

I’m not letting them off the hook. I’m not apologizing for God/Higher Power/the Universe or whatever. I’m just being realistic.

We can’t control the anti-gay zealots or convince them that we are just fine the way we are with words or arguments. But we can control our thoughts, actions and ways of being on the planet. If you come at it from this angle, it’s clear that we are the ones who block our connection with the earth, with the God/the universe/spirit/higher power, with others, and ultimately with ourselves. They can’t take this from us. The problem is that we buy into the illusion that we are separate, that we are different, that we are disconnected. And when we do this, we are disconnected. Most of us, in any given moment, don’t know how our left big toe or our right elbow feels. Most of us, in any given moment, are lost in our thoughts and don’t notice that our breathing is shallow, that our posture is poor, or that our neck is tense. If we do notice something in our body, it’s probably becontinued

Florida exempts divine healing from the law. We aren’t sure what that means exactly.

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cause we feel discomfort or arousal and our focus is on how to make the pain go away or how to satisfy the ants in our pants. In other words, we “go away.”

age, let yourself breathe into those spaces until they soften. If thoughts or feelings emerge, notice them and let them go.

If we can disconnect, we can reconnect.

We can “heal from faith.” We can heal from the wounds of hateful words and from the disappointment of unanswered requests and prayers. The path is both very simple and yet very difficult. We have to sit with the emptiness, with the silence, and with our suffering. We have to be present. Once we get present, God/the Universe/spirit/higher power flows through us. The challenge is that our brains are wired to distract us with thoughts and stories and worries. The solution to this challenge is to circumvent our busy minds by connecting to our bodies. Here are a few tricks:

3. Breathe as before, but this time, after several rounds of breathing, silently say, “heartbeat” and see if you can feel your heart beating as you continue to notice your breath.

1: In a chair: Rock forward and back on your sitz bones. (If you sit on your hands, these are the bony nubs you feel.) Notice how your lower back feels a little crunchy or cranky when you go too far forward and how your lower spine collapses when you go too far back.

When you’re sitting directly on your sitz bones, notice how your spine elongates and you have more room to breathe. Let yourself breathe here! Just notice your breath. Notice how it feels when you inhale and how it feels when you exhale.

Now let yourself breathe deep into your belly and see how that feels. Breathe into your chest and see how that feels.

And breathe into the upper corners of your lungs and notice how that feels.

Now, go back to breathing into your belly, but this time, follow your breath all the way up to your chest, and then up to the upper corners or your lungs. After you have done this extended breath for three breaths, allow yourself to breath normally and just notice your breath.

If you need someone to guide you, go to a yoga class, pop in a meditation CD or do it with a supportive friend. My plan is put links to guided meditations and visualizations on my website www.ReginaSewell.com soon, so check it out.

2. Sitting in a chair or standing: Notice the energy in your right hand. Can you feel it buzzing? Can you feel it alive? If it hurts, let yourself be with the pain.

Breathe into it. Notice how the pain changes as you focus your attention on it. Once you really feel the energy in your right hand, shift your attention to your left foot. Can you feel the energy buzzing there? What else do you feel?

Watch this for a moment. And then shift your awareness to the flesh around your right sitz bone and then to the left. Gradually explore your entire body and then see if you can feel the energy in your entire body. If there are places of block-

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4. Go outside. Take a walk, go on a hike, work in your garden, or sit by the river and let yourself just be. When you find yourself distracted by thoughts, judgments, worries or daydreams, gently pull your awareness back to where you are, to the natural world around you.

5. Let yourself create. Paint, draw, cook, make jewelry or make music. Start by purposefully singing out of key, missing notes, following your intuition to change the recipe, or drawing or sculpting something so hideous even your dog runs in fear and then let yourself play.

Let go of the outcome. If the cookies come out funky, take them to a potluck, leave them in the break room at work or toss them into the compost pile. If the poem is beyond trite, welcome to the poet’s lament. That’s what the recycle bin is for. The point is the process, the journey, the fun of getting there.

Once you’ve connected with yourself you can probably connect with the universe/God/higher power/ whatever. If you can’t, perhaps you need to search through your beliefs and see if you have negative beliefs that block the connection. If you can’t sit with yourself even in a yoga class or with a CD, you might need the help and support of a counselor so that you don’t have to face the fear and pain that you’ve been avoiding so long on your own.

Once you’ve connected on your own, once you’ve really felt the truth that you are an integral part of the universe just as you are, that you are part of the divine, then you can find others who connect in a similar way, even if it is through the paradigm of a religious group (like Catholics or Southern Baptists) whose official dogma says God can’t love us.

The fundies and anti-gay zealots can spout their interpretations of reality all they want. We get to choose how we react to it whether or not we believe it. *This is a great parody of fundy Christianity. Check it out on YouTube.com Regina Sewell is a mental health counselor. To ask a question, propose a column topic, read about her approach to counseling, or check out her books and other writing, go to: www.ReginaSewell.com . Her most recent publication, “Sliding Away” can be found in Knowing Pains: Women on Love, Sex and Work in Our 40s, edited by Molly Rosen.

A heart on? I haven’t tried that one yet...

feb 2010

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But are they really part of us?

by Mette Bach Everyone gossips. Ask anyone in junior high or anyone who regularly shows up at any house of worship. Ask anyone who lives in a senior center or a co-op. Gossip is part of what we do. It’s “natural.”

But that doesn’t mean it isn’t awful and destructive. There’s a couple I’ve heard about for years. A man and a woman who live together in a couplelike scenario. They’ve built a home together, they go to each other’s family functions and, presumably, have sex. So they are what they claim to be: partners. But here’s the snag. They also both claim to be queer and this is why they are legendary enough that I should know all about the details of their sexuality from all kinds of people before I ever even meeting them.

Did they have their same-sex experiences before they got together? Can you call yourself queer after you’ve coupled with the opposite sex? Isn’t it bad etiquette to go to queer events with your opposite sex partner? Maybe they are imposters, eager to appropriate the cachet of queerness, trying to hang with the cool kids, talkin’ the talk but not walkin’ the walk. Yap. Yap. Yap. As usual, these questions and observations negate the bisexual experience and are offensive and nosey and ultimately inappropriate. Love is love wherever you find it.

But there’s more to it, of course. The word “queer” is a word of change. It is its own little mini-revolution within the larger more historical context of the sexual liberation movement. The word queer engages all sexualities outside of what these two appear to be living. This is what gets everyone’s backs up. I get it. The real question on everyone’s minds is, if straight people can call themselves queer, what are we?

It boils down to something like this: if “those people” can say they are a part of this movement, then that changes what “this movement” is. It just does. Camps are created, sides are taken and differences are noticed.

Personally, I think that the beauty of the word “queer” is that it includes all kinds of experiences, even those of the folks in the eye of the gossip storm (who hopefully have no idea that a little trail of whispers follows them everywhere they go).

Queerness is not an exclusive club. If people want to label themselves queer, that’s good enough for me. Let the masses appropriate all they want. Let us dilute this precious pool we’re swimming in. I don’t see the harm. The problem isn’t with those who want to identify as queer. The problem is with sticking our noses where they don’t belong.

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Looks like the Help Wizard should see Vincent J. Lombardo, DDS for some dental work.

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New Town, New Love

by Jason Tanner I think I am slowly falling in love with Columbus.

And with Valentine’s Day right around the corner, isn’t the timing just perfect? I know I’ve been here for only two months, but this just might be the healthiest relationship I have ever been in…with a city, that is.

Well, there was that one-night stand I had with Cleveland, but I’d rather forget about that as soon as possible. I think it gave me a rash.

Anyway, before I tell you all about my experience at Havana, let’s talk about the weather for a minute.

True, weather is something you talk about with your stepfather or a trick (while you wait for them to get dressed and leave). This time, I mean it. I’d like to address the snow “issue” in Columbus.

it a few times that night. I was trying to find it, but the letters are just so skinny and tight. Maybe they should call it Impact or Helvetica. (Shout-out to my design junkies! Holler!)

When I walked in, one of the first things I noticed was that super-high table in the back right corner.

It’s like the Havana penthouse, or something. Is it an elite, reserved spot for special queens to watch and silently judge you? I could feel their eyes burning through my back. I started to sweat a little, but quickly realized it wasn’t the queens sitting on the prow of the Titanic. It is hot up in that bitch! I take it all back; they should re-name the bar Savannah. `Cuz it’s hot! You know, like Georgia. Mmmm, peaches… Sorry.

I stripped down to my t-shirt and ordered a drink— a margarita. But I don’t think that’s what I got. The bartender handed me some cloudy dark green Remember the “storm” we had a few weeks ago? marga-tini-rita-politan-thing and said, “Here, try No, I’m not referring to the whole month of Decem- that.” Holy shit balls, Havana makes a strong ber. I’m talking about that little two to four inches of drank! (Note: I am almost positive when I asked for bullshit that took an entire day for nature to squeeze a glass of water later in the evening, the bartender out of her cooch. That was so cute! It was like God gave me a shot of vodka on the rocks.) As my eyes took a saltshaker and sprinkled us with kittens and filled with tears of joy, I smiled and nodded at the ribbons. Let me explain… bartender in gratitude. Within seconds, I could no longer feel feelings.

Growing up in Boston, you experience the pleasure of being donkey-punched with 20 inches of devil’s Now, I am a huge music lover. So, of course, I was blow. We also call them blizzards. After days of shov- slightly upset at the videos/music playing at Savaneling wet, heavy snow off your driveway, you crawl nah (tee hee, Georgia). I have never been to London, your tired, beat-up ass back into your house and Sweden, France or anywhere else in Canada for that begin defrosting your nuts… until the Canadian matter. I didn’t recognize a single artist playing over winds bitch-slap you with another 10 inches. That’s the speakers! Some crazy drag-ho named somelife on the right. thing like Boo-Boo Kitty Titty doing a cover of George Michael’s “Freedom `90.” It was rather upsetting. I I, willingly, moved 3,000 miles to the left side to live was confused, scared, slightly famished… and through a 5.0 earthquake in Los Angeles. By the drunk. time I was 25, I found my first gray pube. Coincidence? I think not. I will gladly take your two inches I had to leave and eat something, quickly. So, I made of baby’s breath any day! So, Columbus, the next a pit stop at Haiku. One of my coworkers told me time it “snows” here, I expect to see you all run out- they are famous for their amazing hand rolls… or side in your shortest shorts and make me a godwas it hand jobs? The rest is a blur. All I remember damn snow angel. was being hungry again 15 minutes later and peeing sideways. Haiku = best sushi in the Short North.

I feel your pain, though. What I haven’t gotten used to is that between your two-inch avalanches, it I found myself, once again, at Union. I am slowly somehow manages to snow every day. Every. Day. learning that Union is the gay mothership of High That’s just fucked up.

Street. No matter what you do or where you go in the Short North, you always somehow end up at Union.

Every morning, I wake up to approximately one cen- Just last week, I had a 9 a.m. doctor’s appointment timeter of (what looks a lot like) arctic volcanic ash and I found myself trying to get into Union. Even covering my car. The second I finish brushing off the stranger? Union accepted my insurance card! last spot, there is a brand new centimeter where I began. That is not okay! Before I moved to Ohio, a Columbus is such a fun, vibrant and beautiful city -I friend of mine once told me that it hardly snows in am having a blast learning all of the ins and outs. A Columbus. We aren’t friends anymore. few nights ago, I was at Union (see?) and a young lady asked me if I think I can really be happy in Yet, I am still falling in love with this city. I can’t help Columbus. I told her: “Happiness is a funny thing. it. Everyone says hello to me and smiles. Well, alYou can only find it inside of yourself. Your surroundmost everyone. There’s a homeless woman who ings only enhance the happiness.” Then she threw roams High Street. She told me to “go fuck” myself up on my shoes. when I didn’t have any cash for her. I will win her over! She’ll see…

I also met someone special. All I will say is this: He makes this (already) beautiful city even brighter and I finally decided to check out Havana. I walked past more beautiful for me. I’ll keep you posted…

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I think the Clinton Room was the name of a room in a bath house i went to once in Pittsburg.

feb 2010

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Taking the Risk and Showing the Love

Brother Alvis Moore

by Michael Daniels I first met Brother Alvis J. Moore when Chris and I were doing radio outlook on WVKO AM 1520 – back when it was still progressive talk and not its current format of evangelical Catholic programming. Alvis was the gospel music programmer and host of Praise and Worship program on that same station. Later, I had the good fortune to work with him on a Network Columbus event for the faith community, and was honored to speak last year at his church’s Martin Luther King Day celebrations.

Alvis serves as Director Music and Arts Ministries at the Rehoboth Temple Church of Our Lord Jesus Christ (rehobothtemplechurch.com), a Pentecostal Church at 1111 E Long St, where Bishop Bradford Berry is pastor. I reached out to Alvis to get his perspective on a variety of issues on faith and spirituality.

Michael Daniels: Many churches are open and affirming to their GLBT congregants, while many others are not. Why do you think that this issue in particular is polarizing in its interpretation and in its scope?

Alvis Moore: It is imperative that we demonstrate the love of Christ to everyone. I can't pick and choose whom I will love. Whenever I have opportunity, I am to love and follow peace. The most important thing is God loves all of us, regardless.

MD: I recently read a quote on the Internet that said, in essence, that it's easy to raise money in two ways - in support of a cause (like building a church, buying an organ, or supporting victims of a natural disaster) and in opposition to something (like gay marriage or abortion), but that it's hard to raise money if there's no crisis and you're just doing the right thing. Do you believe this is true?

AM: Part of that can be true, seeing as that a crisis seems to call for immediate action, On the other hand, building the resources financially that empower an organization to be prepared to act without waiting for people to give at a whim’s notice means that people within that organization or group have always been giving in preparation to meet an immediate challenge. The opportunity to meet a sudden need in a crisis situation can be done right then.

MD: Many people look to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr as a symbol of hope and equality for all, and point to Bayard Rustin's involvement as proof

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outlook readers are people of faith too. Thank you Brother Alvis, for loving us as we are. We love you too

that Dr King supported GLBT equality. Many others claim that the civil rights movement and the gay rights movement cannot be compared and are not equal. Dr King's widow, Coretta Scott King, and his son, MLK III, say he would have supported full GLBT equality; his daughter Bernice and niece Alveda say he would not.

How do you interpret Dr King's message?

AM: I believe that he would have been supportive.

The loss of equality for one eventually leads to the loss of equality for all.

MD: Is there a distinction between the following: religion, spirituality, and "the church"? If so, how would you define or explain the difference?

AM: The first is a practice, the second is obedience and actively seeking and following God's plan for your life and the third, as we so often look at it, an organization.

MD: Can a person be spiritual and not religious? Can a person be religious but not spiritual? If you had to be one but not the other, which would you choose?

AM: The answer to both questions is yes. I would prefer to be spiritual because my heart, soul and mind will consistently be opened to obedience and following God's plan for my life. More than that, I will have more ability to be sensitive to and ready to help with the spiritual and emotional needs of others rather than disdaining them because their "religion" or anything else is different from mine. Being spiritual in the sense that I am obedient to God and that I demonstrate his love and empathy allows me to be a light in dark places.

MD: As a friend of outlook, and as a pastor, what is your wish for 2010?

AM: Well, I am not a pastor. A lot of people think that I am and I am flattered by that. My wish for 2010 is that in spite of differences, we all take advantage of standing together in love and unity in order to demonstrate the power of God's unconditional love in our lives.

MD: What else would you like to say to our readers?

AM: First of all, Michael, thank you for being a friend and brother. Secondly, to all of the readers and supporters: Whenever and wherever you have an opportunity, do something good for someone.

Give support and encouragement to those who need it. Be a light. Take the risk and show love.

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“The Bronze Bubble� Tanning and laundry & The Men Zone: critical pieces to your Winter Party Festival prep work.

feb 2010

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small pond

Alexander’s Jewelers

Commitment and Community

by Elliot Fishman

part of my family,” Khvalsky says with a Russian accent. “When you come here, I want you to be our customer for the rest of your life.”

Alexander Khvalsky thinks that gay and lesbian couples should match, but their rings don’t have to.

“Commitment rings don’t just show you’re taken - they’re a statement about your individuality,” says Khvalsky, owner of Alexander’s Jewelers in the Short North. “It should be something that will make you want to put it on every day.”

Alexander’s carries a wide selection of rings and other jewelry from quality houses like Gottlieb, LA Weddings and Ingwer in addition to fashion-forward lines such as TeNo and B.Tiff. The store also specializes in custommade jewelry.

Khvalsky and his staff have been selling commitment rings, watches and other high-quality, high-fashion jewelry to people who appreciate the great design, good value and family atmosphere the store offers. The store is a comfortable place for GLBT community to shop, because they get it. Alexander’s staff is diverse like his clientele, including his out store manager Shane Hampton.

“The first thing is I want you to feel is that your accepted, you’re comfortable, like you’re

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Although most customers were looking at wedding bands or commitment rings during our recent visit, Alexander’s carries earrings, necklaces and pendants - in gold, silver and platinum, as well as diamonds and semi-precious gemstones. Prices range from $160 for a TeNo pendant to thousands of dollars for estate jewelry.

When asked for a Valentine’s Day suggestion for a lesbian couple, salesperson Heather Brake pointed to a rhodochrosite pendant with matching earrings. “It’s the color of white zinfandel wine,” she said.

The store is perhaps best known, however, for its selection of previously owned, high-end watches, which make up about 40 percent of sales. The center cases are filled with newer and vintage timepieces from Rolex, Cartier, Omega, Patek Phillipe and Jaeger, among other brands. In fact, it was a love of watches that brought Khvalsky into the jewelry business. Having emigrated from Russia to Columbus with his mother, he graduated from Ohio State’s Fisher College of Business with his MBA. He decided to combine his business acumen with his growing collection of

watches and open a jewelry store.

“Just because the watches may be pre-owned does not mean they are of inferior quality,” says Khvalsky. “Any watch I buy has to be mint. These are investment pieces which grow in value.” And Khvalsky stands behind that investment with a guarantee: Alexander’s will buy back watches bought from the store at the original purchase price and apply it to another watch.

Hampton, recommends a watch as a Valentine’s Day gift for men. “It’s men’s jewelry,” says Hampton, “even for the most conservative man. A gift of a good watch often makes the recipient a collector, and we love that, not only because of the business, but because watches are our passion. We have a large collector clientele because we are excellent at helping customers find pieces that diversify their collections for their personal style, but also their investment portfolio.”

For those LGBT people wanting to make more of a fashion statement, Hampton recommends neckpieces and bracelets in surgical steel and precious metals from German maker TeNo and its Yukon line. “TeNo has that German sense of high design, with a very highquality product,” he said. “There’s even a red and gray piece for Ohio State Buckeye fans.”

Alexander’s supports the GLBT community as much as it can. “We gave a lot of support to California’s No on 8 campaign,” Hampton said, and noted that they also support such local organizations as Camp Sunrise.

Still, it is Alexander’s attention to detail and customer service that keeps customers - gay and straight alike - coming back to the store, says Khvalsky.

“I am very picky,” he said, showing fingers stained with the acid he uses to test jewelry for the quality of its gold. Khvalsky says that he and his staff “will spend as much time as necessary” with a customer to find the right piece of jewelry, in the customer’s price range. “I never sit down at work,” he said, “because I am always with the customers and making sure we get it right for them.”

For Khvalsky, the customer commitment is personal. “For me, reputation is number one, and money is number two,” he said. He thought for a minute. “My wife might not like to hear me say that, but it’s true.”

Alexander’s Jewelers is located at 689 North High Street in the Short North. For more information, call the store at 614.233.6666 or go to the store’s web site at www.alexanderscolumbus.com.

A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, but liquor is a girls best friend. And diamonds. Liquor too, though.

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Why do people think cartoon representations of lesbians must include dreads?

feb 2010

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EVEN

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The eyes say female, the eyebrows say male, the grooming of the eyebrows says drag king...we may never know.

outlookcolumbus.com

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Top 10

Ex-Gay-Related Events of 2009

by Wayne Besen

son’s leadership, this mega-ministry started the ex-gay roadshow Love Won Out. Dobson’s retireWhile 2009 will be remembered for the worldwide ment represents the winding down of the old economic recession, for the ex-gay industry, it will guard. This includes the passing of other ex-gay be known as The Great Moral Depression. It was a proponents or anti-gay preachers such as Rev. dreadful year for such programs, as they showed Jerry Falwell, D. James Kennedy and Oral Roberts. A themselves to be a global menace run by repronew generation of Evangelicals will hopefully join bates, such as Exodus’ Randy Thomas and Alan the reality-based community and break with the Chambers, who combined a dangerous dose of ar- past. However, there is reason to be skeptical, conrogance and incompetence. Much like the Roman sidering the leader of the pack is Rick Warren, who Catholic Church, these men ignored a credible al- isn’t too much better than his predecessors. legation of abuse for more than six months and engaged in a dangerous game of denial.

9) The Fizzling Out of Michael Glatze and Stephen Bennett Whatever shard of credibility this industry had was Michael Glatze was formerly co-editor of XY Magastripped away in 2009. It was a year where such zine and YGA Magazine, publications directed at programs were harshly rebuked by the mental LGBT youth. He and his partner of ten years, Benjie health establishment. An important new study Nycum, also co-authored the book XY Survival showed that their retrograde methods of shame Guide. and blame harmed LGBT people. The old, outdated research that they stubbornly latched onto for dear Glatze’s ventures went belly-up and he seemed to life seemed to betray them and then vanish into disappear from LGBT activism. He re-emerged in thin air.

July 2007 with a disgusting op-ed on the extremist website WorldNetDaily, where he announced he Several “ex-gay” heroes turned out to be zeros and was “ex-gay” (although he had no experience with slithered away into the mist. The past 12 months, women). if anything, unmasked the facade of “love” this industry cynically showers on potential clients and Glatze alleged sexual conversion seems, in part, to an often gullible media. In 2009, the world saw ex- have come from a sort of nervous breakdown. He gay programs for what they are: A sugar coated ex- reported that he suffered from frequent panic atcuse for homophobia. tacks and that he obsessed about death.

Exodus was revealed as a front for international hate groups, who used the group’s credulous leaders as pawns in an international struggle for theocracy. PFOX stepped forward and showed, time and again, that it was just plain nuts.

In late September, Glatze contacted me, hoping that I would interview him and reinvigorate his flagging career as an “ex-gay.” I refused to oblige his publicity stunt, and so did LGBT advocates at other sites.

NARTH put out an embarrassingly shoddy “study” that was so pathetic it was virtually ignored by the media. By the end of 2009, NARTH had solidified its place as a cabal of embittered and irrelevant quacks on the far outer fringes of psychology. Homosexuals Anonymous was, well, anonymous. The Catholic ex-gay group Courage also had a meager profile and had little impact on popular culture.

And, JONAH, the Jewish ex-gay group, continued to humiliate itself through its affiliation with crackpot Born Again sexual reorientation coach Richard Cohen.

Glatze’s downfall came when he opened an incoherent vanity blog and wrote:

May 2010 bring the same abundance of truth and light regarding the ex-gay fraud we had in 2009.

Here are the Top 10 ex-gay related stories of the year.

10) The Passing of The Old Guard Focus on the Family Cofounder James Dobson announced that he was stepping down. He was an arch-homophobe who once claimed allowing gay people to marry would end the Earth. Under Doboutlookcolumbus.com

“Have I mentioned lately how utterly *disgusting* Obama is? And, yes, it’s because he’s black. God, help us all… It’s a shame Obama is black. He could end up setting back race relations decades.”

Condemned for his idiotic comment about President Obama, Glatze sent out a rambling e-mail announcing his career as an ex-gay spokesperson had fizzled and he was retiring. Chalk Glatze up to a pitiful flash in the pan.

Similarly, 2009 was the year that big-haired ex-gay activist Stephen Bennett completely vanished from the scene. And Anthony Falzarano’s (founder of PFOX) attempted return to the spotlight also petered out.

8) The Lisa Miller Kidnapping and Abduction Case Lisa Miller broke up with partner Janet Jenkins after becoming a born-again “ex-gay.” In a fit of

holier-than-thou zeal, Miller went on the lam and pubic hair. He asked what type of underwear that I absconded from Vermont with their child, Isabella, wore. whom the couple was raising together after having a civil union.

“He wanted me to describe my sexual fantasies to him and the type of men I’m attracted to. On one As a result of Miller’s poor parenting and criminal occasion, he asked me to take my shirt off and behavior (she was cited for contempt of court), a show him how many push-ups I could do, which I Vermont court transferred custody to Jenkins (after did not do.” a five year legal ordeal that will surely leave emotional scars on their child Isabella) and refused a Tragically, it took Exodus until December to take motion to delay transfer, as requested by Miller’s action and cut ties with this renegade ministry. Exlaw team. odus’ dithering in the face of scandal cost precious time and may have placed additional youth in People for the American Way’s Right Wing Watch harm’s way. This was a key episode in 2009 bereports that the location of Miller and 7-year-old Is- cause it underscored how Exodus has little control abella Miller are presently “unknown.” This is over its satellite ministries and each one is an inhighly problematic because the court order took ef- dependent fiefdom with its own rules and techfect on New Year’s Day. niques. Exodus is no more than a Wild West and an unprofessional hodgepodge of fundamentalist Janet Jenkins filed a missing person report in Vir- pop-psychology combined with spiritual warfare ginia on Wednesday in hopes of finding her 7-year- and efforts to pray away the gay. old daughter, according to her lawyer.

Unfortunately, Miller’s outlaw behavior has been 5) Ex-Gay Charlatan Matthew C. Manning cheered on by ex-gay activists who want to pretend Unmasked As A Fraud they are martyrs rather than criminal miscreants. A report by the website, “Ex-Gay Watch,” cast a dark cloud of skepticism over “ex-gay” activist 7) The Caitlin Ryan Study Matthew Manning’s tale of being “delivered” from The January 2009 issue of Journal of the American homosexuality and AIDS. According to the report, Academy of Pediatrics reported on a new study by Manning has been repeatedly dragged into court San Francisco State researcher Caitlin Ryan. Her for allegations of inappropriate behavior and was research concluded that “teens who experienced even banned from a popular gym after improper negative feedback (when they came out as LGBT) sexual advances were made on a 22-year-old hetwere more than eight times as likely to have aterosexual male. Manning, a frequent television tempted suicide, nearly six times as vulnerable to guest and the founder of Lighthouse World Evansevere depression and more than three times at gelism Inc., based in Santa Rosa, California, has risk of drug use.” yet to comment on the allegations made in the investigative report.

This definitive study was hugely important because it contradicted the claim by “ex-gay” ac4) Focus on the Family Abandons “Love Won tivists that homosexuality was the root cause of Out” Road Show such problems. Indeed, it was ex-gay programs – Focus on the Family held its final Love Won Out the epitome of negative feedback – that led to the conference in Birmingham, AL, after pawning the destruction of LGBT people. program off on Exodus International. The notorious road show was sold under duress, in the midst of 6) Exodus Bungles Corduroy Stone Scandal After financial trouble for the mega-ministry based in TWO Exposes Abuse Colorado Springs. Love Won Out was started by Exodus International officially cut ties with its “ex-gay” organizer, John Paulk, who I phoLansing affiliate Corduroy Stone after charges tographed in a Washington, DC gay bar in Septemwere made by an ex-gay survivor that the sessions ber of 2000. included harmful and bizarre therapy.

Although Focus on the Family will still work with In August, Patrick McAlvey made the charges Exodus, the sale of this conference suggests disagainst Corduroy Stone’s Mike Jones in a Truth enchantment with the ex-gay message. If it were Wins Out video. At the age of 19, McAlvey, who working and people were still being fooled, there is came from a religious background, was terrified little chance that Focus on the Family would have that he might be gay. Feeling vulnerable and des- dumped a program so central to its anti-gay work. perate to change, he placed his trust in Mike Jones This development does not bode well for the longand Corduroy Stone. term future of Exodus and may signal that ex-gay propaganda is losing sway and in decline with “He asked how large my penis was,” McAlvey ex- larger fundamentalist ministries. plained of Jones’ therapy. “He asked if I shave my continued on page 35

Ask us about our Niche Marketing Seminar, and how it can help bring you to the attention of lucrative niche markets throughout Columbus. 614.268.8525

feb 2010

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Boma rhymes with Stoma. One is fun. The other…not so much.

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The More Affirming Churches Become,

The Closer to Equality We Get

by Jennifer Vanasco It doesn’t matter if you attend religious services weekly or if you have fallen away, if you’re atheist or agnostic, if you think religion is the opiate of the people or the road to peace – established religion in America is an important force.

So when the bishops of the Episcopal Church voted last year to affirm gay clergy, it was an important move.

Ever since 2003, when the openly gay Gene Robinson was consecrated as a bishop, the 77 million-member Anglican communion – the worldwide body of which the Episcopal Church is a part – has been threatened by schism.

First, the Episcopal Church is seen as the canary in the coalmine by other mainline Protestant Churches. They are waiting to see if accepting gays and lesbians as full members of the church will lead to a breaking away from the international church, or whether different views will be able to co-exist happily.

If the Anglican fellowship survives with an inclusive Episcopal Church, it might lead other denominations – Lutherans, Presbyterians – to follow the example of the United Church of Christ and become fully inclusive of gays and lesbians as well.

And once all mainline Protestant churches start approving of gay marThree years ago, there was a moratorium riage, it will be very difficult for polition future elevation of gay bishops until cians and anti-marriage advocates a the issue could be more carefully conreligious argument against gay marriage, sidered. The gay Episcopal group Insince it will be even clearer that not all tegrity says that the inclusive vote denominations agree on this issues. effectively ends the ban, though others say that it just affirmed what was already Secondly, however, the entire issue the case, that gays and lesbians are a points out something that is easy for us full part of the Episcopal Church.

American gays and lesbians to ignore: the rights (or lack thereof) of gays and Also last year, conservative breakaway lesbians internationally has an effect on churches in the U.S. formed their own us here at home.

Anglican group aligned with more conservative South American and African There is the threat of a schism because diocese. Called the Anglican Church in gays and lesbians in many parts of South North America, they have a paltry America and Africa (South Africa being 100,000 members compared with 2 mil- the notable, progressive exception) lag lion Episcopalians – yet if the internabehind their American counterparts tional Anglican groups choose to align when it comes to how they are viewed by with them instead, that could change. their societies. If gays and lesbians were seen as nearly equal in those parts of the For now, however, their absence has led world, we would have more rights in the to a more liberal Episcopal Church. A U.S. now. committee voted that the Episcopal Church should also permit the blessing That is, mainline churches would have of same-sex couples. When it came to accepted us already – which would lead testifying in favor of the measure, 50 to more pressure on politicians – which people did so – only six testified against would lead to a quicker change in our it. At the 2009 General Convention then, laws. the House of Bishops and the House of Deputies voted to approve a measure A gay rights battle in one place – that allows Episcopalian bishops to bless whether that place is within the Episcosame-sex marriages at their discretion. pal Church or in a city in Africa – affects The Houses also voted to begin a process gay rights in every other place. of writing official liturgy for the blessing of same-sex unions.

We will not have full equality here until gays and lesbians have equality everyAll of this might seem like inside basewhere. ball to you if you’re not Episcopalian, even more so if you’re not Christian or Jennifer Vanasco is an award-winning, syndicated not religious at all.

But it is important to all of us who are gay and lesbian, for a couple reasons.

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columnist. Follow her at Twitter.com/JenniferVanasco; email her at Jennifer.Vanasco@gmail.com.

Faith is a fictional character created by Joss Whedon for the television series Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

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Gay Spirituality: Roots and Branches

by Mickey Weems

anomalies, often ridiculed, sometimes revered and sometimes condemned. Many The gay community was not always welsocieties had spiritual systems in which comed by religious denominations. Neverthe- same-sex and gender-variant orientation less, we in the L, G, B, T and Q have a sacred were not considered moral defects. However, dimension to us: the acceptance of ourselves societies that were regulated by a literate, may include an understanding of a cosmos male-dominated elite with religions that dethat also accepts our orientation and gender mand strict enforcement of the dichotomy expression. (such as Christianity and Islam) tended to frame same-sex romance, homoeroticism But first, some definitions before we talk and gender variation as sinful perversions. about LGBTQ spirituality then and now. Spiri- Tolerance of such identities and behaviors tuality is an intimate relationship with the di- was seen to undermine the very basis of huvine. It is related to, but not identical with, manity’s relationship with the divine and religion, which is the codification of that inti- could lead to massive natural disasters as mate relationship. the result of Heaven’s punishment.

go into ecstasy with his foot in the crotches of young men as an adult. In the late twentieth/early twenty-first centuries, Vietnamese Buddhist leader Thich Nat Hanh would declare the “God is a Lesbian” because there are no differences that are not subverted when experiencing the divine, and American Zen master Robert Aitken would teach that “you can’t find enlightenment in the closet.”

This can still be seen in the reverence that women at the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival have with the Land, the grounds on which the festival takes place. It is this same bond that led to the Women’s Land Movement and the formation of women’s rural communities in the USA and Canada.

Radical Faeries

Post-Stonewall Lesbian Spirituality

Among gay men, there have been organizations that base intimacy with Heaven on hoAfter the Stonewall Riots and the start of Gay moerotic and romantic love between men, Liberation, spiritual expression within the such as the Radical Faeries, created in 1979 LGBTQ community came forth in multiple

by Harry Hay, John Burnside, Don Kilhefner forms. For the lesbian community, there were and Mitch Walker. “I wish to honor the archemovements to recognize the feminine as suf- type of gay-centeredness in men,” Walker Nevertheless, when certain respected indiHistorical Roots ficient unto itself as a cosmic principle, so said. viduals of various faiths experienced an inti- that a woman is automatically invested with Human societies often construct a two-gen- mate relationship with the divine, the an intimate connection with the cosmos sim- Like lesbian spiritual movements, the Radical language used would undermine the strict di- ply by being a woman. Goddess-centered dered universe. The masculine principle of Faeries feel a strong connection with the enchotomy of formalized religions. Medieval the cosmos is contrasted with the feminine communities arose to codify the intimate di- vironment, and hold many of their functions Muslim Sufis would speak of the love of God vine feminine, but many goddess-centered principle. In general, masculine is active, outdoors. Since its inception, the Radical strong, hard, aggressive, warlike, public, and in homoerotic terms. Thirteenth-century Eng- women resist codification past a certain Faeries have spread around the world and lish anchoress Julian of Norwich would dethe penetrator. Feminine is passive, weak, point in order for each woman to establish have opened up to all orientations and scribe Jesus as Mother. In the sixteenth soft, congenial, peaceful, private (or homethe intimate connection on her own. sex/gender configurations. bound), and the penetrated. These principles century, San Juan de la Cruz (Saint John of the tend to be cosmologized, that is, part of the Cross) would write “Noche Oscura” (Spanish: Women and the Land The Radical Faeries also hold to the basic “Dark Night”) in which he describes his soul basic structure of the cosmos. principle of inner revelation, borrowing tradias a woman who seeks out her lover in seAfter Stonewall, there was also a strong bond tions from various cultures, but holding no Those who do not fit into the masculine/femi- cret. The eighteenth century Hindu saint Ra- felt between women and nature, particularly strict codification of their spiritual principles. makrishna would cross-dress as a youth and with the physical environment of the Earth. nine dichotomy were usually treated as Walker explains further: continued on page 35

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The ten amoral concepts of Buddhism are theft, violence, murder, lying, evil speaking, adultery, idle talk, covetousness, greed, and perverted lust.

outlookcolumbus.com

SATURDAY Margarita Madness @ Union Bar+Food, 782 N High St, 614.421.CAFE (2233), www.columbusnightlife.com: $5 Margaritas. Get sloshed. 8p.

Dance Your Ass Off @ Axis, 775 N High St, 614.291.4008, www.columbusnightlife.com. Self explanatory. 10p.

Lesbian Dance Night @ Wall Street, 144 N High St, 614.464.2800, www.wallstreetnightclub.com. Bump and grind.

10p.

DJ Jeremy James @ Level Dining Lounge, 700 N High St, 614.754.1342, www.levelcolumbus.com. 10p.

Karaoke with Tim @ Tremont Lounge, 708 S High St, 614.445.9365. 10p.

DJ T Cruz @ Q Bar & Nightclub,

calendar outside FEB10_Calendar 1/22/10 3:25 PM Page 1

THURSDAY $3 Three Olives Night @ Level Dining Lounge, 700 N High St, 614.754.1342, www.levelcolumbus.com: $3 Three Olive – College Night – Buckeye Shots $1. Fun begins at 4p.

3 Wise Men @ Exile, 893 N 4th St, 614.299.0069, www.exilebar.com: Jack, Jim and Jose for $3.50 and free pool during happy hour 4-9p.

Leather & Fetish @ Flex, 1567 E Livingston Ave, 614.252.0730, flexbaths.com: Nuff said... oh, and it starts at 4p.

Long Island @ Union Bar+Food, 782 N High St, 614.421.CAFE, www.columbusnightlife.com: $3 Long Islands, $4 Flavored Islands, $5 Belvedere Long Islands.

Good times and good prices start at 8p.

CW & HipHop @ Wall Street, 144 N High St, 614.464.2800, www.wallstreetnightclub.com: Two-steppin’, line-dancin’ and dropped ‘g’s with the Columbus Stompers followed by hip-hop hotness with VJ Mykal. Country 8p-11p, hip-hop 11p-2a. No cover.

Flashback Thursdays & Thursday Thrust @ Tradewinds II, 117 E Chestnut St, 614.461.4110, www.tradewindsii.com: Classic ‘80s dance music with DJ Shaun.

Buck-a-beer domestics for happy hour, $2 domestic bottles Happy Hour, $3 Long Islands all day; Fun starts at 10p; Hot strippers at midnight; No cover.

Ladies 80s @ Skully’s Music Diner, 1151 N High St, 614.291.8856, www.skullys.org;

$2.50 Miller drafts and $3.50 Enjoy the only ladies’ night in 205 N. Fifth St, 614.222.2401, Bacardi Rum drinks; Starts at 9p. Columbus that is 7 years runwww.q-nation.com. 11p.

80s Video Dance @ Wall Street, ning! Ladies get in FREE; Drink Saturday Entertainment @ Inn 144 N High St, 614.464.2800, specials all night; 21+.

Rehab, 627 Greenlawn Ave, www.wallstreetnightclub.com: Karaoke @ Havana, 862 N High 614.883.9933, Music by DJ Michele Chaney with St, 614.421.9697, www.columwww.innrehab.com: “Where Fe$3 Long Islands and hot, sweaty busnightlife.com: Sing like every- male Illusion is not a Drag.” Male boys. 18 & up; Starts at 10p; no one gives a shit. Fun starts at strippers 2nd Saturday of the cover with college ID. 10p. month. 11p.

Karaoke with Tim @ Tremont DJ Rob Engel @ Axis, 775 N High Lounge, 708 S High St, FRIDAY St, 614.291.4008, www.colum614.445.9365. Sing your heart Get Your Mojo @ Level Dining busnightlife.com: Spinnin’ discs out at 10p.

Lounge, 700 N High St, in a different way.

Absolut Wednesdays @ Exile, 614.754.1342, www.levelcolum- Crazy Catus Night @ Havana, 893 N 4th St, 614.294.0069, bus.com: $5 Mojitos $6 Fresh 862 N High St, 614.421.9697, www.exilebar.com: $3.50 Absolut Fruit Mojitos. Starts at 4p. www.columbusnightlife.com: drinkies all day long.

Equality Happy Hour @ Union Your guess is as good as ours.

Stoli Night @ Union Bar+Food, Bar+Food, 782 N High St, 782 N High St, 614.421.CAFE 614.421.CAFE (2233), SUNDAY (2233), www.columbusnightlife.com: $5 Brunch & Showtunes @ Union www.columbusnightlife.com: Get Flirtinis. Guzzle ‘em down begin- Bar+Food, 782 N High St, your stoli on. ning at 8p.

614.421.CAFE (2233), Wednesdays ‘R A Drag @ HaLive Bands @ Havana, 862 N www.columbusnightlife.com: All vana, 862 N High St, High St, 614.421.9697, You Can Eat brunch buffet and 614.421.9697, www.columbuswww.columbusnightlife.com. made-to-order gourmet omelets nightlife.com: Get dragalicious at Shake your shit starting at 9p. $9.99. $3 Mimosas and $3 Havana.

College Night @ Wall Street, 144 Bloody Marys. Showtunes 6p-2a.

N High St, 614.464.2800, Brunch at 10:30a. www.wallstreetnightclub.com.

Margarita Madness @ Show everyone that a higher edu- Tradewinds II, 117 E Chestnut St, cation means puking in a toilet 614.461.4110, www.tradewindand not on the floor. 10p. sii.com: Giant 16+ margaritas till DJ Pat Finn @ Q Bar & Nightclub, 9p only $2.75 and $2.50 regular 205 N. Fifth St, 614.222.2401, margaritas from 9p-close. www.q-nation.com. 11p.

Strippers @ Q Bar & Nightclub, Friday Entertainment @ Inn 205 N. Fifth St, 614.222.2401, Rehab, 627 Greenlawn Ave, www.q-nation.com. The clothes 614.883.9933, come off at 6p. www.innrehab.com: “Where FeLatin Dance Night @ Wall Street, male Illusion is not a Drag.” 11p. 144 N High St, 614.464.2800, 18+ College Night @ Havana, www.wallstreetnightclub.com: 862 N High St, 614.421.9697, Every month on the first, second www.columbusnightlife.com: Fi- and third Sundays. Pretend you nally, hang out with your underknow how to salsa at 8p.

21 cohorts! Just make sure they Sunday Night Players @ Wall bring a student ID. Street, 144 N High St, DJ Rob Engel @ Axis, 775 N High 614.464.2800, www.wallstreetSt, 614.291.4008, www.columnightclub.com: Every month on busnightlife.com: Spinnin’ discs the last Sunday. 8p. in a different way.

Strippers @ Score Bar, 145 N 5th St, 614.849.0099, www.scorebarcolumbus.com. ‘Nuff said. 9p.

Strippers @ Exile, 893 N 4th St, 614.294.0069, www.exilebar.com: Hot & steamy male stripper goodness; Pants get dropped at 9:30p.

(See the fun again on Tuesdays) Karaoke @ Level Dining Lounge, 700 N High St, 614.754.1342, www.levelcolumbus.com: $12 Long Island Pitcher, starting at 10pm – Karaoke with KJ Crazy Bob. 10p.

Male Revue @ Havana, 862 N High St, 614.421.9697, www.columbusnightlife.com.

10:30p.

Sinful Sundays @ Tradewinds II, 117 E Chestnut St, 614.461.4110, www.tradewindsii.com: Join Maria Garrison and her hot strippers. 11p.

• • • • • • • • about town • • • • • • • • WEEKLY HAPPENINGS me, want to think about those 11 inches for a moment - one-topMONDAY ping pizza for $12. Starts at 8p.

Dollar Days @ Flex, 1567 E Liv- Team Trivia Tuesdays @ Level ingston Ave, 614.252.0730, Dining Lounge, 700 N High St, www.flexbaths.com: $1 lockers 614.754.1342, www.levelcolumfrom noon till midnight. bus.com: $3 Smirnoff all flavors, Happy Hour @Tremont Lounge, $2.50 Domestic Bottles – Start708 S High St, 614.445.9365: ing at 10pm – 614 Night - 2 RoTremont is happy seven days a tating DJ’s, drinks up to 50% off; week, with well liquor and doFun starts at 8p. mestics for $2 and call liquor for Bacardi Tuesdays @ Exile, 893 N $3. 1p-8p every day; no cover.

4th St, 614.294.0069, www.exile$2 Bitchy Mondays @ Club Dibar.com: $4 Bacardi drinks; All. versity, 863 S High St, Day. Long.

614.224.4050, www.clubdiverFree Darts @ Exile, 893 N 4th St, sity.com: $2 well drinks all night; 614.294.0069, www.exilebar.com: Starts at 4p The title says it all; Free; 7p-9p.

Happy Hour @ Blazer’s Pub, Strippers @ Exile, 893 N 4th St, 1205 N High St, 614.299.1800, 614.294.0069, www.exilebar.com: rascalnut.com/blazers: Free hot Hot & steamy male stripper goodfood buffet, $2 domestic beers 5- ness; Pants get dropped at 9:30p.

8p. No cover.

(See the fun again on Sundays) Cape Cods @ Havana, 862 N Tequila Tuesday @ Union High St, 614.421.9697, Bar+Food, 782 N High St, www.columbusnightlife.com: To 614.421.CAFE (2233), remind you of warmer times...and www.columbusnightlife.com: to make you feel the burn, too.

Love the name? Love the prices.

Pizza, Pints & Karaoke Monday Torso Tuesday @ Havana, 862 N @ Union Bar+Food, 782 N High High St, 614.421.9697, St, 614.421.CAFE (2233), www.columbusnightlife.com: www.columbusnightlife.com: Test Shirts not required. your chops at U. $10 pizza and $2 beers all day. Karaoke starts at WEDNESDAY 10p; No cover.

Biker Bear Happy Hour @ Service Industry Night @ Level Tradewinds II, 117 E Chestnut St, Dining Lounge, 700 N High St, 614.461.4110, www.tradewind614.754.1342, www.levelcolum- sii.com: A happy and hairy time bus.com: $1 Domestic Draft, $2 with the Columbus Ursine BrothDomestic Bottle, $3 Well Cockerhood and their bear, cub and tails, Complimentary Nacho Bar. admiring friends; Happy hour Starts at 9p. from 4-9p; No cover.

Karaoke @ AWOL, 49 Parsons LevelTini Night @ Level Dining Ave, 614.621.8779, www.awolLounge, 700 N High St, bar.com: Show off your nine-oc614.754.1342, www.levelcolumtave range at a neighborhood bus.com: $5 Apples & Oranges, favorite. Starts at 10p; No cover. $5 Cosmopolitan, $5 Raspberry Trivia & Comedy @ Q Bar & Bellinitini and $5 White Vineyard.

Nightclub, 205 N. Fifth St, Starts at 4p.

614.222.2401, www.qTrivia & Karaoke @ Score Bar, nation.com: Trivia happy hour 4p- 145 N 5th St, 614.849.0099, 8p; comedy video night 10p. $3 www.scorebarcolumbus.com: Skyy vodka. No cover.

Anything Goes Trivia with Sam and fabulous prizes, followed by karaoke with KJ Mark and a chance to win a trip to Ft Myers, FL. Fun starts at 7p; No cover.

Fiesta Night @ Union Bar+Food, 782 N High St, 614.421.CAFE (2233), www.columbusnightlife.com: $2 Coronas and $5 bluetinis are sure to spice up your Wednesday. Fiesta starts at 7p.

Futuristic Karaoke @ Exile, 893 N 4th St, 614.299.0069, www.exilebar.com: Absolut vodka drinks for $3.50 and tunes with Karaoke Mark. Starts at 8p.

Extreme Strippers @ Q Bar & Nightclub, 205 N. Fifth St, 614.222.2401, www.qnation.com: Hot male dancers on the bar with music by DJ Haus.

TUESDAY Karaoke @ Q Bar & Nightclub, 205 N. Fifth St, 614.222.2401, www.q-nation.com: $3 Skyy vodka and your chance to rock the mic. Come early for happy hour, 4p-8p.

Top Shelf Tuesday @ Havana, 862 N High St, 614.421.9697, www.columbusnightlife.com: Top-shelf booze at well prices.

Starts at 5p; No cover.

Three Olives With Jazz Mary @ Club Diversity, 863 S High St, 614.224.4050, clubdiversity.com.

Starts at 7:30p.

Cheap Date Night @ Slammers, 202 E Long St, 614.221.8880, www.slammersbar.net: $4 domestic beers and 11” - pardon

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4:00 PM Get Your Mojo @ Level 8:00 PM Flirtinis @ U 10:00 PM College Nite @ Wall St

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8:00 PM Margaritas @ U 10:00 PM Dance Your Ass O" @ Axis 10:00 PM Lesbian Dance Night @ Wall St

5 Arnold Sports Festival @ Convention Center

8:00 PM Ailey II @ Capitol Theatre 8:00 PM Margaritas @ U 10:00 PM Lesbian Dance Night @ Wall St

27 8:00 PM Gyspy @ Axis 8:00 PM Flirtinis @ U 10:00 PM DJ Pat Finn @ Q

26 25 4:00 PM $3 3 Olives Night @ Level 4:00 PM 3 Wise Men @ Exile 8:00 PM Long Island @ U

20 11:00 AM Polar Bear Plunge @ Crew Stadium 10:00 PM DJ Jeremy James @ Level 10:00 PM Dance Your Ass O" @ Axis 19 8:00 PM Louis Armstrong's Hot Fives & Hot Sevens Re! visted @ Lincoln Theatre 10:00 PM Shower Night @ Axis 10:00 PM DJ Pat Finn @ Q

13 11:00 AM PBJ & Jazz @ Lin! coln Theatre … Virgina West's LOVE @ Axis 7:00 PM A Date 2 Remem! ber @ BOMA 9:00 PM Kevin McGuire @ Columbus Museum of Art

4:00 PM Gallery Hop @ Short North 9:00 PM Bamboo Banga @ Outland 11:00 PM DJ T Cruz @ Q

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18 4:00 PM 3 Wise Men @ Exile 5:30 PM City of Columbus's 198th Bday Party @ T&OC Railroad Stn 6:00 PM Positive Connec! tions @ Monaco's Palace (Catering)

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9:00 PM Bamboo Banga @ Outland 9:00 PM Live Bands @ Ha! vana 10:00 PM College Nite @ Wall St

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11 4:00 PM $3 3 Olives Night @ Level 6:30 PM Vegetarian Cook! ing @ North Market 8:00 PM Disco Night @ Mar! tini Park

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17 7:00 AM CYP Elevator Net! working Breakfast @ M/I Homes Marketing and De! sign Center 4:00 PM Biker Bear HH @ Tradewinds II 5:00 PM Calling Beauty @ CCAD

5:30 PM Evening Exchange 6:00 PM Network Columbus @ OSU Fawcett Center

10 10:00 AM Certified Net! worker Educational Preview @ The Meeting Place

7:00 PM AgriCulture Panel Discussion @ Wex 8:00 PM Futuristic Karaoke @ Exile 10:00 PM Extreme Strippers @Q

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Eastern Time Time Zone

12:00 PM Dollar Days @ Flex 9:00 PM Service Industry Night @ Level Dining Lounge 10:00 PM Pizza, Pints, & Karaoke @ Union

28 3:00 PM We Can Dance @ Capitol Theatre 10:30 PM Strippers @ Ha! vana 11:00 PM Strippers @ Tradewinds II

22 1:00 PM Happy Hour @ Tremont Lounge 10:00 PM Pizza, Pints, & Karaoke @ Union 10:00 PM Karaoke @ AWOL

21 6:00 PM 101 Dalmations Showtune @ Union 10:00 PM Karaoke @ Level 11:00 PM Strippers @ Tradewinds II

23 … Pizza, Pints, & Karaoke @ Union 5:00 PM Top Shelf Tuesday @ Havana 8:00 PM Cheap Date Night @ Slammers 8:00 PM Peking Acrobats @ Palace Theatre

16 … Cape Cods @ Havana 7:30 PM 3 Olives with Jazz Mary @ Club D 8:00 PM Karaoke @ Q Bar 8:00 PM Dream Girls @ Palace Theatre

15 4:00 PM Trivia & Comedy @ Q Bar 5:00 PM Cape Cods @ Ha! vana 5:00 PM Happy Hour @ Blazer's 14 8:00 PM “Village of Hope Tour” Starring Village Peo! ple @ Palace Theatre 10:00 PM Karaoke @ Level 10:30 PM Strippers @ Ha! vana

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9:00 AM SRJNG Tuesday Tune Up @ Espresso Your! self Cafe 4:00 PM Karaoke @ Q 5:00 PM Top Shelf Tuesday @ Havana

Tuesday

9:00 AM BNI Group Oneto-Ones @ Panera Bread (Bethel) 12:00 PM Dollar Days @ Flex 4:00 PM Bitchy Mondays @ Club Diversity

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5:30 PM International Net! working Month Kick-O" Event @ Arena Grand 6:00 PM Dames Bond @ Clintonville Outfitters 7:00 PM Matt Hires @ Base! ment

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8:00 PM Latin Dance Night @ Wall Street 9:00 PM Strippers @ Score 9:30 PM Strippers @ Exile

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photography by robert trautman

• • • • • Stylings Tri-Diamond Hoop Drop Earings by Purple Angel = $565.21 Pleather Sofa by BC Ethic = $723.90 Faux Toile Print Maternity Jumper by Baby R Us = $65.00 Panstick by Max Factor = $48.00 x 100 discontinued

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Virginia West starring in V is for Virginia’s Vagina Surprise Vendetta

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4:00 PM Get Your Mojo @ Level 8:00 PM Flirtinis @ U 10:00 PM College Nite @ Wall St

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8:00 PM Margaritas @ U 10:00 PM Dance Your Ass O" @ Axis 10:00 PM Lesbian Dance Night @ Wall St

5 Arnold Sports Festival @ Convention Center

8:00 PM Ailey II @ Capitol Theatre 8:00 PM Margaritas @ U 10:00 PM Lesbian Dance Night @ Wall St

27 8:00 PM Gyspy @ Axis 8:00 PM Flirtinis @ U 10:00 PM DJ Pat Finn @ Q

26 25 4:00 PM $3 3 Olives Night @ Level 4:00 PM 3 Wise Men @ Exile 8:00 PM Long Island @ U

20 11:00 AM Polar Bear Plunge @ Crew Stadium 10:00 PM DJ Jeremy James @ Level 10:00 PM Dance Your Ass O" @ Axis 19 8:00 PM Louis Armstrong's Hot Fives & Hot Sevens Re! visted @ Lincoln Theatre 10:00 PM Shower Night @ Axis 10:00 PM DJ Pat Finn @ Q

13 11:00 AM PBJ & Jazz @ Lin! coln Theatre … Virgina West's LOVE @ Axis 7:00 PM A Date 2 Remem! ber @ BOMA 9:00 PM Kevin McGuire @ Columbus Museum of Art

4:00 PM Gallery Hop @ Short North 9:00 PM Bamboo Banga @ Outland 11:00 PM DJ T Cruz @ Q

Saturday

18 4:00 PM 3 Wise Men @ Exile 5:30 PM City of Columbus's 198th Bday Party @ T&OC Railroad Stn 6:00 PM Positive Connec! tions @ Monaco's Palace (Catering)

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12 4:00 PM Get Your Mojo @ Level 8:00 PM The Legacy Tour @ Wexner 8:00 PM Romeo & Juliet @ Ohio Theatre 8:00 PM Virgina West's LOVE @ Axis

9:00 PM Bamboo Banga @ Outland 9:00 PM Live Bands @ Ha! vana 10:00 PM College Nite @ Wall St

Friday

11 4:00 PM $3 3 Olives Night @ Level 6:30 PM Vegetarian Cook! ing @ North Market 8:00 PM Disco Night @ Mar! tini Park

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5:30 PM Evening Exchange 6:00 PM Network Columbus @ OSU Fawcett Center

10 10:00 AM Certified Net! worker Educational Preview @ The Meeting Place

7:00 PM AgriCulture Panel Discussion @ Wex 8:00 PM Futuristic Karaoke @ Exile 10:00 PM Extreme Strippers @Q

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12:00 PM Dollar Days @ Flex 9:00 PM Service Industry Night @ Level Dining Lounge 10:00 PM Pizza, Pints, & Karaoke @ Union

28 3:00 PM We Can Dance @ Capitol Theatre 10:30 PM Strippers @ Ha! vana 11:00 PM Strippers @ Tradewinds II

22 1:00 PM Happy Hour @ Tremont Lounge 10:00 PM Pizza, Pints, & Karaoke @ Union 10:00 PM Karaoke @ AWOL

21 6:00 PM 101 Dalmations Showtune @ Union 10:00 PM Karaoke @ Level 11:00 PM Strippers @ Tradewinds II

23 … Pizza, Pints, & Karaoke @ Union 5:00 PM Top Shelf Tuesday @ Havana 8:00 PM Cheap Date Night @ Slammers 8:00 PM Peking Acrobats @ Palace Theatre

16 … Cape Cods @ Havana 7:30 PM 3 Olives with Jazz Mary @ Club D 8:00 PM Karaoke @ Q Bar 8:00 PM Dream Girls @ Palace Theatre

15 4:00 PM Trivia & Comedy @ Q Bar 5:00 PM Cape Cods @ Ha! vana 5:00 PM Happy Hour @ Blazer's 14 8:00 PM “Village of Hope Tour” Starring Village Peo! ple @ Palace Theatre 10:00 PM Karaoke @ Level 10:30 PM Strippers @ Ha! vana

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… Dollar Days @ Flex 5:00 PM Top Shelf Tuesday @ Havana 6:30 PM Reiki Level II Class @ Yoga on High 8:00 PM Team Trivia Tues! days @ Level

9:00 AM SRJNG Tuesday Tune Up @ Espresso Your! self Cafe 4:00 PM Karaoke @ Q 5:00 PM Top Shelf Tuesday @ Havana

Tuesday

9:00 AM BNI Group Oneto-Ones @ Panera Bread (Bethel) 12:00 PM Dollar Days @ Flex 4:00 PM Bitchy Mondays @ Club Diversity

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5:30 PM International Net! working Month Kick-O" Event @ Arena Grand 6:00 PM Dames Bond @ Clintonville Outfitters 7:00 PM Matt Hires @ Base! ment

Monday

8:00 PM Latin Dance Night @ Wall Street 9:00 PM Strippers @ Score 9:30 PM Strippers @ Exile

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31 11:00 AM Brunch & Show! tunes @ U 6:00 PM Stippers @ Q Bar 8:00 PM Sunday Night Play! ers @ Wall St

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Bars/Clubs Weekly Events

Networking

Special Events

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photography by robert trautman

• • • • • Stylings Tri-Diamond Hoop Drop Earings by Purple Angel = $565.21 Pleather Sofa by BC Ethic = $723.90 Faux Toile Print Maternity Jumper by Baby R Us = $65.00 Panstick by Max Factor = $48.00 x 100 discontinued

January 2010 S M

Virginia West starring in V is for Virginia’s Vagina Surprise Vendetta

calendar inside FEB10 _Calendar 1/22/10 4:06 PM Page 1

me, want to think about those 11 inches for a moment - one-topMONDAY ping pizza for $12. Starts at 8p.

Dollar Days @ Flex, 1567 E Liv- Team Trivia Tuesdays @ Level ingston Ave, 614.252.0730, Dining Lounge, 700 N High St, www.flexbaths.com: $1 lockers 614.754.1342, www.levelcolumfrom noon till midnight. bus.com: $3 Smirnoff all flavors, Happy Hour @Tremont Lounge, $2.50 Domestic Bottles – Start708 S High St, 614.445.9365: ing at 10pm – 614 Night - 2 RoTremont is happy seven days a tating DJ’s, drinks up to 50% off; week, with well liquor and doFun starts at 8p. mestics for $2 and call liquor for Bacardi Tuesdays @ Exile, 893 N $3. 1p-8p every day; no cover.

4th St, 614.294.0069, www.exile$2 Bitchy Mondays @ Club Dibar.com: $4 Bacardi drinks; All. versity, 863 S High St, Day. Long.

614.224.4050, www.clubdiverFree Darts @ Exile, 893 N 4th St, sity.com: $2 well drinks all night; 614.294.0069, www.exilebar.com: Starts at 4p The title says it all; Free; 7p-9p.

Happy Hour @ Blazer’s Pub, Strippers @ Exile, 893 N 4th St, 1205 N High St, 614.299.1800, 614.294.0069, www.exilebar.com: rascalnut.com/blazers: Free hot Hot & steamy male stripper goodfood buffet, $2 domestic beers 5- ness; Pants get dropped at 9:30p.

8p. No cover.

(See the fun again on Sundays) Cape Cods @ Havana, 862 N Tequila Tuesday @ Union High St, 614.421.9697, Bar+Food, 782 N High St, www.columbusnightlife.com: To 614.421.CAFE (2233), remind you of warmer times...and www.columbusnightlife.com: to make you feel the burn, too.

Love the name? Love the prices.

Pizza, Pints & Karaoke Monday Torso Tuesday @ Havana, 862 N @ Union Bar+Food, 782 N High High St, 614.421.9697, St, 614.421.CAFE (2233), www.columbusnightlife.com: www.columbusnightlife.com: Test Shirts not required. your chops at U. $10 pizza and $2 beers all day. Karaoke starts at WEDNESDAY 10p; No cover.

Biker Bear Happy Hour @ Service Industry Night @ Level Tradewinds II, 117 E Chestnut St, Dining Lounge, 700 N High St, 614.461.4110, www.tradewind614.754.1342, www.levelcolum- sii.com: A happy and hairy time bus.com: $1 Domestic Draft, $2 with the Columbus Ursine BrothDomestic Bottle, $3 Well Cockerhood and their bear, cub and tails, Complimentary Nacho Bar. admiring friends; Happy hour Starts at 9p. from 4-9p; No cover.

Karaoke @ AWOL, 49 Parsons LevelTini Night @ Level Dining Ave, 614.621.8779, www.awolLounge, 700 N High St, bar.com: Show off your nine-oc614.754.1342, www.levelcolumtave range at a neighborhood bus.com: $5 Apples & Oranges, favorite. Starts at 10p; No cover. $5 Cosmopolitan, $5 Raspberry Trivia & Comedy @ Q Bar & Bellinitini and $5 White Vineyard.

Nightclub, 205 N. Fifth St, Starts at 4p.

614.222.2401, www.qTrivia & Karaoke @ Score Bar, nation.com: Trivia happy hour 4p- 145 N 5th St, 614.849.0099, 8p; comedy video night 10p. $3 www.scorebarcolumbus.com: Skyy vodka. No cover.

Anything Goes Trivia with Sam and fabulous prizes, followed by TUESDAY karaoke with KJ Mark and a Karaoke @ Q Bar & Nightclub, chance to win a trip to Ft Myers, 205 N. Fifth St, 614.222.2401, FL. Fun starts at 7p; No cover. www.q-nation.com: $3 Skyy Fiesta Night @ Union Bar+Food, vodka and your chance to rock 782 N High St, 614.421.CAFE the mic. Come early for happy (2233), hour, 4p-8p. www.columbusnightlife.com: $2 Top Shelf Tuesday @ Havana, Coronas and $5 bluetinis are sure 862 N High St, 614.421.9697, to spice up your Wednesday. Fiwww.columbusnightlife.com: esta starts at 7p.

Top-shelf booze at well prices.

Futuristic Karaoke @ Exile, 893 Starts at 5p; No cover.

N 4th St, 614.299.0069, www.exThree Olives With Jazz Mary @ ilebar.com: Absolut vodka drinks Club Diversity, 863 S High St, for $3.50 and tunes with Karaoke 614.224.4050, clubdiversity.com. Mark. Starts at 8p.

Starts at 7:30p.

Extreme Strippers @ Q Bar & Cheap Date Night @ Slammers, Nightclub, 205 N. Fifth St, 202 E Long St, 614.221.8880, 614.222.2401, www.qwww.slammersbar.net: $4 donation.com: Hot male dancers on mestic beers and 11” - pardon the bar with music by DJ Haus.

WEEKLY HAPPENINGS

Enjoy the only ladies’ night in Columbus that is 7 years running! Ladies get in FREE; Drink specials all night; 21+.

Karaoke @ Havana, 862 N High St, 614.421.9697, www.columbusnightlife.com: Sing like everyone gives a shit. Fun starts at 10p.

FRIDAY Get Your Mojo @ Level Dining Lounge, 700 N High St, 614.754.1342, www.levelcolumbus.com: $5 Mojitos $6 Fresh Fruit Mojitos. Starts at 4p.

Equality Happy Hour @ Union Bar+Food, 782 N High St, 614.421.CAFE (2233), www.columbusnightlife.com: $5 Flirtinis. Guzzle ‘em down beginning at 8p.

Live Bands @ Havana, 862 N High St, 614.421.9697, www.columbusnightlife.com.

Shake your shit starting at 9p.

College Night @ Wall Street, 144 N High St, 614.464.2800, www.wallstreetnightclub.com.

THURSDAY Show everyone that a higher edu$3 Three Olives Night @ Level cation means puking in a toilet Dining Lounge, 700 N High St, and not on the floor. 10p.

614.754.1342, www.levelcolum- DJ Pat Finn @ Q Bar & Nightclub, bus.com: $3 Three Olive – College 205 N. Fifth St, 614.222.2401, Night – Buckeye Shots $1. Fun www.q-nation.com. 11p. begins at 4p.

Friday Entertainment @ Inn 3 Wise Men @ Exile, 893 N 4th Rehab, 627 Greenlawn Ave, St, 614.299.0069, 614.883.9933, www.exilebar.com: Jack, Jim and www.innrehab.com: “Where FeJose for $3.50 and free pool dur- male Illusion is not a Drag.” 11p. ing happy hour 4-9p.

18+ College Night @ Havana, Leather & Fetish @ Flex, 1567 E 862 N High St, 614.421.9697, Livingston Ave, 614.252.0730, www.columbusnightlife.com: Fiflexbaths.com: Nuff said... oh, nally, hang out with your underand it starts at 4p.

21 cohorts! Just make sure they Long Island @ Union Bar+Food, bring a student ID. 782 N High St, 614.421.CAFE, DJ Rob Engel @ Axis, 775 N High www.columbusnightlife.com: $3 St, 614.291.4008, www.columLong Islands, $4 Flavored Isbusnightlife.com: Spinnin’ discs lands, $5 Belvedere Long Islands. in a different way.

Good times and good prices start at 8p.

SATURDAY CW & HipHop @ Wall Street, 144 Margarita Madness @ Union N High St, 614.464.2800, Bar+Food, 782 N High St, www.wallstreetnightclub.com: 614.421.CAFE (2233), Two-steppin’, line-dancin’ and www.columbusnightlife.com: $5 dropped ‘g’s with the Columbus Margaritas. Get sloshed. 8p.

Stompers followed by hip-hop Dance Your Ass Off @ Axis, 775 hotness with VJ Mykal. Country N High St, 614.291.4008, 8p-11p, hip-hop 11p-2a. No www.columbusnightlife.com. Self cover. explanatory. 10p.

Flashback Thursdays & ThursLesbian Dance Night @ Wall day Thrust @ Tradewinds II, 117 Street, 144 N High St, E Chestnut St, 614.461.4110, 614.464.2800, www.wallstreetwww.tradewindsii.com: Classic nightclub.com. Bump and grind.

‘80s dance music with DJ Shaun. 10p.

Buck-a-beer domestics for happy DJ Jeremy James @ Level Dining hour, $2 domestic bottles Happy Lounge, 700 N High St, Hour, $3 Long Islands all day; Fun 614.754.1342, www.levelcolumstarts at 10p; Hot strippers at bus.com. 10p. midnight; No cover.

Karaoke with Tim @ Tremont Ladies 80s @ Skully’s Music Lounge, 708 S High St, Diner, 1151 N High St, 614.445.9365. 10p.

614.291.8856, www.skullys.org; DJ T Cruz @ Q Bar & Nightclub,

$2.50 Miller drafts and $3.50 Bacardi Rum drinks; Starts at 9p.

80s Video Dance @ Wall Street, 144 N High St, 614.464.2800, www.wallstreetnightclub.com: Music by DJ Michele Chaney with $3 Long Islands and hot, sweaty boys. 18 & up; Starts at 10p; no cover with college ID. Karaoke with Tim @ Tremont Lounge, 708 S High St, 614.445.9365. Sing your heart out at 10p.

Absolut Wednesdays @ Exile, 893 N 4th St, 614.294.0069, www.exilebar.com: $3.50 Absolut drinkies all day long.

Stoli Night @ Union Bar+Food, 782 N High St, 614.421.CAFE (2233), www.columbusnightlife.com: Get your stoli on.

Wednesdays ‘R A Drag @ Havana, 862 N High St, 614.421.9697, www.columbusnightlife.com: Get dragalicious at Havana.

SUNDAY Brunch & Showtunes @ Union Bar+Food, 782 N High St, 614.421.CAFE (2233), www.columbusnightlife.com: All You Can Eat brunch buffet and made-to-order gourmet omelets $9.99. $3 Mimosas and $3 Bloody Marys. Showtunes 6p-2a.

Brunch at 10:30a.

Margarita Madness @ Tradewinds II, 117 E Chestnut St, 614.461.4110, www.tradewindsii.com: Giant 16+ margaritas till 9p only $2.75 and $2.50 regular margaritas from 9p-close.

Strippers @ Q Bar & Nightclub, 205 N. Fifth St, 614.222.2401, www.q-nation.com. The clothes come off at 6p.

Latin Dance Night @ Wall Street, 144 N High St, 614.464.2800, www.wallstreetnightclub.com: Every month on the first, second and third Sundays. Pretend you know how to salsa at 8p.

Sunday Night Players @ Wall Street, 144 N High St, 614.464.2800, www.wallstreetnightclub.com: Every month on the last Sunday. 8p.

Strippers @ Score Bar, 145 N 5th St, 614.849.0099, www.scorebarcolumbus.com. ‘Nuff said. 9p.

Strippers @ Exile, 893 N 4th St, 614.294.0069, www.exilebar.com: Hot & steamy male stripper goodness; Pants get dropped at 9:30p.

(See the fun again on Tuesdays) Karaoke @ Level Dining Lounge, 700 N High St, 614.754.1342, www.levelcolumbus.com: $12 Long Island Pitcher, starting at 10pm – Karaoke with KJ Crazy Bob. 10p.

Male Revue @ Havana, 862 N High St, 614.421.9697, www.columbusnightlife.com.

10:30p.

Sinful Sundays @ Tradewinds II, 117 E Chestnut St, 614.461.4110, www.tradewindsii.com: Join Maria Garrison and her hot strippers. 11p.

205 N. Fifth St, 614.222.2401, www.q-nation.com. 11p.

Saturday Entertainment @ Inn Rehab, 627 Greenlawn Ave, 614.883.9933, www.innrehab.com: “Where Female Illusion is not a Drag.” Male strippers 2nd Saturday of the month. 11p.

DJ Rob Engel @ Axis, 775 N High St, 614.291.4008, www.columbusnightlife.com: Spinnin’ discs in a different way.

Crazy Catus Night @ Havana, 862 N High St, 614.421.9697, www.columbusnightlife.com: Your guess is as good as ours.

• • • • • • • • about town • • • • • • • •

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Hypocrisy of tHe cHurcH

by Rev. Dr. Susan K. Smith The hardball move by the Roman Catholic bishops to stymie the progress of healthcare reform by directly involving themselves in Congressional deliberations reeks of hypocrisy.

The church, they say, has an obligation to raise moral concerns on any issue, including abortion rights and healthcare for the poor.

In theory, true. The church as moral agent should be the conscience of the land reminding lawmakers that above them is a God who exacts justice for all.

The church has not even advocated noticeably for healthcare for children. Surely, the church knows that sick children grow up to be sick adults. Could it be that many of the crimes of our society occur because babies, born to parents who could not afford them, grew up without ever having received the minimal healthcare needed in order to be healthy?

It is disgusting and troubling, and unfortunate that the one body, which is supposed to be “the moral voice” or “the moral conscience” of a nation, seemingly has no conscience at all.

I doubt that healthy children were a concern for the church. No, what was most important was the keeping of its dogma and doctrine.

In the end, this move by Roman But in reality, the church has been Catholic bishops sorely silent and absent on so many has shown them to moral issues. The church has not be opportunistic and been in the forefront of advocating not particularly confor the rights of poor people. In fact, cerned about “the the ulterior motive of the bishops’ least of these” who stance is to thwart the right of Their position seems disingenuous, love them to a women to choose abortion. and very convenient. fault and will suffer much in Were the church genuinely interAm I angry about it? Yes. I would not order to follow ested in the plight of poor people … be angry if the church were involved, church dogma no, wait, were the church genuinely or had been involved in some of the and doctrine. interested in being a moral voice or most biting and serious social probraising moral concerns, it would have lems of this country as a rule. But no, started with itself and the sexual im- the church has not. The church has proprieties of its own priests. sat idly by and let socially bad policies exist with hardly a word, things In addition to healthcare, or lack of like discrimination and racism and it, there are plenty of areas for which sexism. laws advocating for the poor are needed, and yet, I have not noticed People have died trying to folthe church on the bandwagon for low the dogma and doctrine “the least of these.” The church has of the church. People have missed opportunities to push for had babies they could not racial justice, for the end of sexism, afford because the for more equality in this society. church disallows birth control and of course What is more important to the disallows abortion. church than people and their lives To my knowledge, the and their situations is its dogma and church has not come Unfortunately, doctrines. A fetus is worth more to forward with ways to help dogma and doctrine the church than the life of that fetus families cope with their extoo often leave God outonce it is born. The church does not penses once they have followed “the side of their tenets. stand on street corners, nor does in teachings of the church.” involve itself in Congressional hearSuffer the children who stumble in ings or proceedings when issues that Being close to God ought to be liber- the dark, oppressed by those who would improve the quality of life for ating, not oppressive, but the fact of were supposed to lead them the fetus once it is born. the matter is that “the church,” and through their wildernesses to a love here I mean all denominations, has that knows no bounds.

It is difficult to believe that the been anything but liberating. The church is interested in healthcare for church has used people to further its Rev. Dr. Susan K. Smith is Pastor of Advent United Church of Christ (2303 N Cassady Ave). the poor. Were it so interested, the own wealth and power. It has rouFor more info call 614.476.0707 or visit church’s voice would have been one tinely taken advantage of “the least www.adventucc.org, of the loudest, demanding healthcare of these” instead of trying to help or easier access to healthcare for them. the poor long before now. outlookcolumbus.com

This pious stance of the Roman Catholic bishops is so convenient.

Roe v. Wade has not been overturned, and so the bishops are looking for the next best way to stop abortion. How better to do it than to come forward as caring clerics of and for the people?

Orthodox Jews believe the world as we’ve always known it will end in 2240 CE. Very Debbie Downer of us, we know. Sorry.

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Reclaiming Our Spirits:

From Damning Dogmatism To Caring Community

by Paul D. Saltz The day I renounced my candidacy for ordination in the United Methodist Church due to Book of Discipline rules forbidding the ordaining of openly gay men was the day I felt my heart ripped from my chest. To this day it remains the most monumental decision that I have ever had to make. It was a decision that ended an eight-year formal process, with the consequence of having my college funding stripped from me and ending my association with a congregation that had watched and cared for me for over fifteen years.

For some time, I was beyond angry. I was betrayed by those who called me brother, forcing a decision that would seem unspeakable. The choice: to live genuinely and leave, or live a lie and stay. I had to remain true to myself, so I left.

considerable time for this to sink into our subconscious and usurp the negative messages that we have been inoculated with.

Second, we must choose for ourselves how we will acknowledge the holy and nourish our souls. Regardless of what faith tradition we choose, it is important that we pay attention to the divine in our own lives. Each tradition has its own way of accomplishing this: be it community worship, prayer, meditation, community service, etc. Experiment to see what fits, or if you’re more pluralistic, you are welcome to pick and choose which elements of which traditions fit your spiritual path. Also remember that we are social beings.

We are not meant to travel life’s journey alone, and like all aspects of our lives it is important that we can share our spiritual walk with others. Whether you join a formal house of worship or There are few LGBT people who haven’t simply gather together a group of been unsettled by institutional religion. friends who you are comfortable sharThey are the lucky ones. The rest of us ing this intimate part of yourself, it’s have felt the painful ambivalence be- vital that we are able to share and tween following “the law of God” and learn from one another. following our own hearts, when all we desire is to live a genuine life on our The key point to remember is that own terms. To say that many of us have while there are those in this world who earned the right to rant, rave, disbewould like nothing more than to hold lieve and be skeptical of anything re- our souls ransom for the sake of social motely religious is an understatement. conformity, the truth is that your spirit Yet regardless of how much we disis fabulous just the way it is. Yet it is up tance ourselves from the holy or how to you to reclaim it from those who much we badmouth practicing people would take it from you. The spiritual of faith, it is possible to heal. walk is a journey, and we are all pilgrims.

Each person’s healing process will be different, but the point of note is that it I can’t begin to explain the excruciatis possible. It will perpetually amaze ing process of coming to terms with a me how resilient the human soul really very simple truth: God didn’t write the is. While it is difficult to accept that rules, humans did. It seems silly now people of motive, bias, ignorance and but when we are immersed into a relieven hatred have overrun religion for gion with such a strong protocol, we the purpose of chaining human souls lose sight of that very simple fact. It is rather than freeing them, the soul de- so easy to manipulate the sacred; it’s mands freedom. While dogmas and scary and after years of studying rules attempt to label and package church history I would be the last to God in a specific light, that which is deny that it has been to great effect. truly divine can never be contained; However, that does not make the holy just as the love we have for those most any less so. It took years but I was cadear to us can never be denied. pable of finding my God again, not as judge or parent, but friend and even First, we must fully accept that we are lover. The holy can be manipulated not not evil and condemned for being our because it is false but because it is so genuine selves - that we are in truth delicate. It is our lives and our love beloved of our creator, however we which is sacred and it is there, regardchoose to identify it. While this may less of who wrote what and when, that appear simple at face value, it takes we may come face to face with God.

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“God doesn't look at how much we do, but with how much love we do it.” – Mother Teresa

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Erotic, erotic, put your hands all over a muse gallery. Ok, well really, don’t do that. Please keep your hangs off the art and yourself, at all times.

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Affirming or Not Affirming,

Is it Just a Racket?

by William Ashley I have never been a deeply religious person. Growing up in a split household with a ChristmasCatholic mom and a Baptist-through-marriage dad turned me into your typical agnostic. That being said, I never had to bother with finding a church that welcomed my sexual orientation.

Yet, religious thoughts go through my head each and every time I come across the intersection of King and Neil Avenues. Every time I pass the King Avenue United Methodist Church, I can’t help but careen my head towards that giant banner that reads, “All are welcome. Experience inclusiveness as God intends.” I repeatedly find myself wanting to go into that church, if only to see how welcoming they truly are. Sometimes I even engage in a whole mess of internal dialogue: Maybe I am religious and I just haven’t given it a fair chance.

Could being a member of LGBT-friendly church change my entire views on faith?

ing” - churches brand themselves much in the same sense that a company must brand their product for a certain audience. Locally, churches will use visually affirming images (same-sex couples, racially diverse parents, single couples without children) of families to convey their welcoming stance. Smaller churches do this in a quiet way to avoid a complete split from their denomination. To break off from the denomination would deplete all of their resources, leaving them with an inability to preach religion to anyone, let alone their LGBT parishioners.

So how does all of this affect those who attend pro- or anti-LGBT churches? Burack believes that it depends on what you want to get from your church experience, and I heartily agree with her assessment. If you are attending a pro-LGBT church, then chances are that you accept your lifestyle and you are hoping to be surrounded with people who will accept you among their religious friends. On the other hand, if you are looking into a spiritually conservative church, then you are most One day, it hit me: maybe that’s the whole point of likely looking for strict guidance. By hearing antithe enormous sign. Perhaps this sign is there just LGBT sermons at church, you are affirming to to get people like me (people who know they are yourself that your sexuality is wrong. not religious, but are intrigued by LGBT-tolerant churches) to walk into their service.

This makes deciding the most effective approach extremely difficult. If you are selecting or attending True to my horribly inquisitive nature, this set off a a church based on a desired outcome, then you whole new set of questions. Is this church really can’t necessarily measure the end effect. But I bewelcoming to all, or are they struggling to pay the lieve that puts it in layman’s terms. It seems obvibills and need the donations of economically suc- ous to me that the pro-LGBT stance - whether it is cessful LGBT citizens? The same questions go to- as blunt as King Avenue United or as subtle as the wards the über-conservative churches that are churches in Trimble’s research - will win out behell-bent on tradition in all its forms. Do they tween the two approaches among self-identifying spread hate and pander to homophobia to get LGBT parishioners. The notion that a lot of more conservative members? churches are struggling with this issue goes to show that they are attempting to ride the tide of Cynthia Burack, professor of women’s studies at social change. Even though their members are The Ohio State University, denies the notion that stuck in the middle of this argument, they will unpolitical and membership strategy is the sole force doubtedly follow their church’s decision because behind a church’s position to either welcome LGBT they consider the church the end-all, be-all of believers or to shun them. Burack’s training is in morality. In her studies, Trimble recalled a certain political theory, and she focuses on exploring iden- older gentlemen who did a complete one-eighty on tity group politics. She has written several books his views of homosexuality once his church deand articles on the relationship between religion cided to be supportive of LGBT members. I believe and homosexuality, most recently being Sin, Sex, this change of heart will happen more and more and Democracy: Antigay Rhetoric and the Chris- as churches move from the subtle imagery aptian Right. proach to the banner-on-the-building approach.

Burack continued to explain that many churches, mostly liberal, have seriously struggled in deciding whether or not to be welcoming to LGBT citizens.

They want to follow what they read in the Bible, yet are conflicted with the notion of turning people away based on those views alone. And, while conservative congregations may look unified in their opposition from the outside, they face their own internal struggles in whether to be compassionate to their LGBT members or to punish them. Typically, conservative churches aim to keep struggling homosexuals close to the church to keep an eye on them. They don’t want to lose the poor souls to San Francisco or the circuit party scene.

In the end, I believe that religious acceptance often correlates with the political and social attitudes of our nation. Parishioners are happy just being along for the ride. Think about it: You would be dumbfounded to walk up to a church today and see a sign that reads, “All races are welcome.” Of course all races are welcome! Yet, before major civil rights movements, churches were segregated and African Americans had to find their own accepting places of worship because the Bible approved forms of slavery. I see this happening in a similar fashion to the issue of LGBT church-goers.

Possibly excluding the hard-core Evangelist churches, I believe in a few decades there will be as little of a struggle with LGBT members as there The King Avenue United Methodist Church is one is with racially diverse members. Then, with the of the more extreme examples of showing support full integration of sexual orientation, we can finally for the LGBT community. Rita Trimble, a Ph.D. stu- move on to conservative-favorite issues of dent at Ohio State, extensively studied the visual polygamy and bestiality. Because, you know, that’s images that churches use to show their pro- or always the next stop on the morality train. anti-LGBT attitude. She calls this “identity brand-

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Daniels has an unnatural obsession with Sarah Brightman. It borders on worship.

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Luxaderm offers treatments that will make you happy, not to be confused with a happy ending. For that you’ll have to see Chad’s boyfriend Jim.

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When you order a blondie, try to refrain from talking about that one lurid night at Wall Street.

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Top 10 Ex-Gay-Related Events of 2009 from page 24 3) Infamous Masters & Johnson Study Debunked plicitly says that “there is insufficient evidence” For decades, anti-gay organizations have gleefully for therapists to claim conversion therapy works. pointed to Masters & Johnson’s 1979 book, “HoThe APA report also admonished so-called “exmosexuality in Perspective,” that claimed to cure gay” counselors to not mislead clients by telling homosexuality. Indeed, Dr. William H. Masters and them that their sexual orientation can be changed.

Virginia E. Johnson, the husband-and-wife sex research team, went on Meet the Press on Sunday, The APA report cast doubt on efforts to change April 22, 1979, to discuss their finding that homo- sexual orientation and said, “Enduring change to sexuals could be converted into heterosexuals. The an individual’s sexual orientation was unlikely.” It book has since been used by the so-called “exalso questioned the objectivity of some counselors gay” industry to “prove” gays could go straight, if promoting “change” programs and cautioned they just tried hard enough. them to not “prioritize one outcome over another.”

In his groundbreaking new book, “Masters of Sex,” author Thomas Maier discovered that the results of Masters & Johnson’s study were entirely fabricated. Virginia Johnson acknowledged that the results were fake. She had actually argued in 1978 that book should never have seen the light of day – but it was already too late in the publishing process to undo the damage. One cannot overstate the importance of Maier’s findings. They undo the very underpinnings of the so-called “exgay” therapy movement, further showing that there is no scientific evidence or data to support the outdated idea that gay people can become heterosexual through therapy. Indeed, many people who have undergone such “treatment” claim the experience was harmful and that they were psychologically damaged. The American Psychiatric Association says that attempts to change sexual orientation can lead to “anxiety, depression and self-destructive behavior.”

2) Landmark American Psychological Association Report The American Psychological Association adopted a resolution and released a historic report that ex-

1) Ex-Gays Directly Tied To Uganda Anti-Gay Death Bill In the history of the “ex-gay” industry – Uganda’s Anti-Homosexuality Bill 2009 is a defining event. It is a grotesque tragedy that lives in infamy and will eternally tarnish and haunt America’s “ex-gay” activists – even if the bill does not pass. The role of so-called “ex-gays” highlights how such programs are cynically used by hate groups to justify bigotry, oppression and even violence against LGBT people.

Some of the dancers are on drugs and enter the discotheque with the radiant faces of the Magi coming to adore the Christ Child; others, who are not, enter with a bored expression, as if this is the last thing they want to do tonight.

In half an hour they are indistinguishable, sweat-stained, ecstatic, lost. outlookcolumbus.com

Uganda already punished gay intimacy with life in prison. But, apparently that was not harsh enough, with this bill penalizing anyone who “attempts to commit the offense” with up to seven years in jail. Additionally, a person charged will be forced to undergo an invasive medical examination to determine their HIV status. If the detainees are found to be HIV+, they may be executed.

This barbaric legislation stifles free speech by threatening anyone who is accused of “promoting” homosexuality with five to seven year prison sentences. Snitching on gay friends and family members is strongly encouraged because “failure to disclose the ‘offense’ within 24 hours of knowledge makes somebody liable to a fine or imprisonment of up to three years.”

Exodus leaders, Randy Thomas and Alan Chambers, are either complicit in the Ugandan witchhunt or they are silly dupes, easily manipulated and exploited by their more cunning fundamentalist friends. Either way, both men should resign immediately for their role (witting or unwitting) in this potential blood bath.

Sadly, this witch-hunt has the blood stained fingerprints of leading American evangelicals. The Fellowship, (aka The Family) one of America’s most powerful and secretive fundamentalist organization’s, converted Uganda’s President Yoweri Museveni to its anti-gay brand of Christianity, which is the “intellectual” impetus behind the anti-gay crackdown.

In March, American anti-gay activists traveled to Uganda for a conference that pledged to “wipe out” homosexuality. Seven months later, a draconian bill has been introduced that pledges to make good on this threat. The “Anti-Homosexuality Bill

The origins of this disgusting murder bill are traced back to a notorious anti-gay conference held in Kampala last spring. The seminar featured Scott Lively, author of The Pink Swastika, who blames the holocaust on gay people.

Gay Spirituality: Roots and Branches from page 24 Not only is the Faerie movement a significant part of contemporary gay life, but it is a This marked the beginning of the Circuit, a spiriuniquely influential one. It is the first indigetual-sensual folkway for gay men that came forth nous spiritual tradition created and sustained from clubs in Manhattan such as the Saint and by the gay male community in modern times.

Paradise Garage. The AIDS crisis, however, shut By “indigenous” I mean gay-centered and down many of the clubs, and the scene came to a gay-engendered, in contrast to the various gay standstill. But the community rallied (with help synagogues, churches, covens etc. In the latter from leather and lesbian communities), and groups, gayness is incidental or additional to events arose across the USA and Canada that the tradition espoused, while in the former it is raised money for the sick, and further advanced central and causal. Radical Faeries celebrate technologies for intensely sensuous, rhythm and and explore the Gay Spirit, which is itself the drug-driven altered states that generated transource of spiritual existence, wisdom and initi- scendent solidarity among the participants. It ation. also inspired some critics of the Circuit to label it a cult based on a drug-induced illusion of spiriThe Circuit and Transcendental Solidarity tuality.

Post-Stonewall gay men began to congregate in dance clubs during the early 1970s. In these spaces, new technologies for light, sound and music production led to the disco, venues for dancing in which the environment was conducive for sensuous presentation of self, recreational drugs and trancelike communal dancing that could go on for the better part of a weekend. In his novel, Dancer From the Dance, Andrew Holleran describes the scene:

2009″ is so severe that it is designed to shred the spirit and suffocate the soul of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Ugandans. If it passes, Uganda will become a predator state that actively hunts down GLBT people to destroy them.

Among the participants in the Circuit, one particular group claims to have spiritual experiences. It is the flaggers, people who wave bright-colored squares of soft fabric around their bodies. Flaggers tend to think of themselves as a tribe within the Circuit community. Construction of flags (usually made of silk or a similar fabric, one edge weighted with tiny metal pellets) and teaching the art of flagging is passed from flagger to flagger.

Spirituality and LGBTQ Religious Organizations Movements based on LGBTQ people’s spiritual insights have been codified into religious congregations, such as the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC, initially multi-denominational

Christian), Congregation Beth Simchat Torah (Jewish), and the Susan B. Anthony Coven (Dianic Wiccan). Some mainstream denominations have become more inclusive and Gay-friendly. Documentaries such as Trembling Before G-d (on gay Orthodox Jews) and A Jihad for Love (gay Muslims) have explored LGBTQ spirituality and identity within religious communities, and different organizations for LGBTQ believers, such as Dignity (Roman Catholic), Integrity (Episcopal) and Al Fatiha (Muslim) have been organized to help gay believers.

Other communities have incorporated those with same-sex and gender-variant orientations into their cosmologies, with spirits that switched sexes, combined genders, and made same-sex love. Vodou in Haiti and the French Caribbean/New Orleans recognizes Lwa-Gods that protect LGBTQ people, such as Erzulie Dantor for Lesbians and Erzulie Freda for gay men.

Chinese Daoism, with a gendered cosmology that treats the feminine as essential to cosmic order and co-equal with the masculine, contains in its pantheon the Rabbit God, Patron of LGBTQ people. Yoruba-based New World African religions such as Cuban Santería and Brazilian Candomblé allow each individual to manifest the Orixá-Gods, whose genders need not match that of the person manifesting them. Like Vodou (there are Vodou congregations of LGBTQ people in Port-au-Prince), these religions also have Divine Protectors for LGBTQ people. Native American/Hawaiian/Siberian/Indonesian peoples recognize people with same-sex and gender-vari-

Which branch of the government will ultimately be responsible for our equality?

The hate forum also featured Don Schmierer, a board member of the “ex-gay” organization Exodus International, and Caleb Lee Brundidge, who works with discredited ex-gay “reorientation coach” Richard Cohen. These American “ex-gay” activists clearly left their stamp on this evil legislation, giving Ugandan officials a way to justify the abuse because they can claim that “sinful” gays can choose to change.

“This legislation further recognizes the fact that same sex attraction is not an innate and immutable characteristic and that people who experience this mental disorder can and have changed to a heterosexual orientation,” the bill stated. “It also recognizes that because homosexuals are not born that way, but develop this disorder based on experiences and environmental conditions, it is preventable, especially among young people who are most vulnerable to recruitment into the homosexual lifestyle.”

If this is not a smoking gun, than what is?

Following the infamous conference, a Kampala newspaper named local gay people, placing their lives in immediate danger. Now the government may soon declare it open season on GLBT individuals.

The Uganda legislature is currently debating this evil bill. The lives and freedom of tens of thousands of LGBT Ugandans hang in the balance – thanks to America’s “ex-gay” industry.

ant orientations as having valid identities, and may even hold them in esteem.

Shrines An important facet of gay spirituality is shrines and memorials that have sprung up in the postStonewall world. Tombs of icons such as Oscar Wilde, Gertrude Stein, Alice B. Toklas and Michel Foucault are common sites of pilgrimage, as is the Stonewall Inn in Manhattan, the Gay Liberation Monument in front of it, the Castro Theatre in San Francisco, the Homomonument in Amsterdam, the town of Eresos on the Isle of Lesbos.

We’ve Come a Long Way, Baby!

If you have any acquaintances (or family members) that have a problem with your identity on spiritual grounds, just tell them an important Buddhist monk from Vietnam said that God is a lesbian. If nothing else, you can create a sense of befuddlement in the deep waters of their biases, thus allowing the lotus of understanding to blossom forth. Or you can tell them a medieval woman named Julian said Jesus was our Mother.

Come to think of it, both God-as-Lesbian and Jesus-as-Mother sound pretty close to a Haitian Goddess. Maybe Thich and Julian have been twittering each other on the spiritual plane, and are Facebook friends in Heaven with Erzulie Dantor!

And, speaking of spirituality, send your love and whatever aid you can to Haiti. feb 2010

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by Romeo San Vicente KERRY AND KRISTIN SITTIN’ IN A TREE…

CUMMINGS FARM HOSTS AN ORGY

In the ongoing development saga of the slowto-boil Dusty Springfield movie, the original question seems to have been definitively answered – and after a protracted period of “she is” and then “oh wait, no she isn’t,” the starring role has gone (finally!) to Romeo’s favorite Pushing Daisies alum Kristin Chenoweth. That’s the good news, since we can’t think of anyone who doesn’t love her.

And the hopefully even-better news is the possible addition of Kerry Washington, who’s now circling the role of Springfield’s love interest. It’s all negotiations and talks right now, but the Ray co-star has already appeared in the lesbian-themed She Hate Me and played a lesbian in the indie film The Dead Girl, opposite the late Brittany Murphy.

Furthermore, she’s beautiful, she’s talented, she’d be great in the role and, frankly, four out of five lesbians surveyed agree that it would be really hot to see her making out with Chenoweth.

After the low-key success of 2009’s indie film Humpday, the one about the two straight men playing a game of Gay Chicken by planning to make a video of themselves having sex, it’s no surprise to see other scruffy, alt-comedies about nervous heterosexuals experimenting with naughty action coming down the pipeline. So welcome to Cummings Farm (pun almost certainly intended), about three straight couples deciding that it’s time to try group sex for the first time. And while it’s almost a certainty that they will all come to some sobering realizations about themselves – guiltless orgies are for canceled TV shows like Swingtown, really – at least one glimmer of comedic hope rests with the presence of comic Laura Silverman (who co-stars as “herself” on her sister’s sitcom The Sarah Silverman Program). With any luck it’ll be more freewheeling than the average PSA for monogamy.

GREGG ARAKI GOES KABOOM

LOGO GREENLIGHTS MORE RUPAUL AND CONTROVERSY

When your most recent film, a goofy stonercomedy called Happy Face, gets unjustly ignored and barely released, what’s your next move as a director? Go back to your roots and make a hot, young teenage sci-fi comedy thriller about sexual awakenings, that’s what.

Gregg Araki’s latest film, Kaboom, stars Kelly Lynch (The L Word) and Araki mainstay James Duval alongside sexy young stars Thomas Dekker (Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles), Juno Temple (Atonement) and Haley Bennett (The Haunting of Molly Hartley). The plot involves a Twin Peaks-style small town mystery, some hallucinogenic cookies and a lot of boundary-blurring sexual connections.

Translation: it’s what you already know and – presumably – love about Araki’s weirdly cool worldview. Be on the lookout later this year for an explosion of old-school New Queer Cinema in a theater that shows that sort of thing near you.

RuPaul’s Drag Race was only the beginning.

The “Supermodel of The World” is turning into quite the media mogul and, it seems, about to turn cable channel Logo into the Drag Network with his new series RuPaul’s Drag U. Stepping into the void left behind by Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, the premise of RPDU involves drag queens showing up at the front door of unsuspecting citizens and giving life makeovers. What this sort of intrusion will entail is a mystery, but Romeo assumes it won’t involve tucking lessons. Meanwhile, Logo has also given the go-ahead to Kept, a reality show sure to anger a whole bunch of people – hilariously so, by documenting the lives of pretty young kept boys in New York City, their rich, doting sugar daddies and those who aspire to that sort of lifestyle. In other words, it will be totally gross and Romeo is going to watch every minute. Coming soon!

Romeo San Vicente has never “kept” anything but a really adorable pug, several dozen pairs of really expensive shoes and a lot of insanely hot men clamoring for more of his attention. He can be reached care of this publication or at DeepInsideHollywood@qsyndicate.com.

the movie), is strained to the point of being a joke - but isn’t. Chase inexplicably stops in front of Everett’s isolated house to ask for directions and it’s lust at first sight. At this point, a little musical tweaking could easily have turned RedThe lead character in Redwoods, Everett (played woods into either hard-core porn or a thriller at

by Brendan Bradley), has been in a relationship this point. Instead, we get comedic scenes where Lewis punches up the jokes with a single with his visibly older partner for seven years, during which time they’ve adopted an autistic horn note that comes right out of early silent

by Adam Lippe child. Everett, who looks like a young Chris Klein shorts, as if to signal how wacky Everett’s carwith a bowl-cut, looks and acts no older than 23 toonishly supportive family is.

Redwoods’ screenplay peddles one farfetched or 24, meaning that he was able to adopt a situation after another, in the guise of a down- child (who appears to be about 8) when he him- This is all a shame, because Redwoods starts to-earth romantic fable, daring to be taken seri- self was still a child. (Impossible for a straight with promise. It has beautiful and textured footage of the California Redwoods and it feaously. The film is filled with inspirational nature couple, science fiction for a gay couple.) tures a gay character with no interest whatsomontages, sappy music, soap opera-level actever in antiquing. But Chase and Everett’s ing and production values - practically inviting The meet-cute between Everett and his pararelationship is simply off. And not just because rampant heckling. mour Chase (played by Matthew Montgomery and is the only semi-palatable performance in they behave like melodramatic teenagers with

Redwoods

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each other and lack insightful dialogue. But rather that Lewis wants us to root for them, despite the fact that Everett is cheating on his faithful lover and his loving son on a whim. Why is anyone’s guess. The men in the movie are all average looking, but have bodies like sculpted male models (and only the non-sexual situations feature any nudity). And the only thing they have in common is that, while Everett is a failed writer who has moved on, Chase, whose musings are read to us repeatedly, is on his way to that same plateau. Perhaps realizing all of his conflicting elements, Lewis tries to be meta about the corniness of the movie he’s making by commenting on it. “It’s a little cheesy,” says Everett. If only Redwoods could reach that level.

You can read more of Adam’s reviews at www.regrettablesincerity.com. Redwoods is now on DVD courtesy of TLA Releasing.

Did anyone else think Holly Wood was a person when they were younger? Some kind of Queen of the movies, who ruled with an iron fist? No?

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Go to Evolved on Thursdays, get one nipple pierced, then get the other one free! Who knew you didn’t always have to pay for both?

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Chicago Sounds Like This

by Gregg Shapiro In their early years, Scotland Yard Gospel Choir mined a respectful and respectable Belle and Sebastian sound. As if Belle and Sebastian hailed from Chicago instead of Glasgow. SYGC haven’t completely abandoned their U.K. pop influences on… and the horse you rode in on (Bloodshot), gently switching their allegiances to Pulp and Jarvis Cocker.

Frontman Elia Einhorn admirably emulates Cocker and the songs have a dark viciousness with which Pulp fans will connect. To their credit SYGC don’t get lost in the shuffle.

The band’s radiant personality shines through, as on “I Pretend She’s You,” “Libertyville or Somewhere” and the bare bones acoustic number “Praying Is A Heartache.”

Wishing the band a speedy recovery from the injuries sustained in a September 2009 van accident so that they can be experienced in a live setting.

a drunken doll, while “Ray Bouvier” is more swagger and strut. “Take Me Round Again” is a modern day march and “Even In The Rain” would be a hit single in a perfect world.

One of the lone survivors of the major-label raid of the 1990s Wilco, not only endured but consistently improved. Exhibiting a refreshing sense of humor right from the get-go with “Wilco (the song),” the opening track on Wilco (the album) (Nonesuch), in which the band declares that “Wilco will love you baby” no matter how bad things get in your life.

How can you not love them for that or for songs such as “Deeper Down” (sound effects and all), “You and I” (featuring a guest vocals turn by Feist), the pure pop of “You Never Know” and the retro bounce of “I’ll Fight.”

On their debut disc Ordinary Riches (WindUp), the trio Company of Thieves don’t sound like anyone else currently on the Chicago Possibly the biggest success story in the his- scene. Imagine Fiona Apple fronting Silvertory of the aforementioned Chicago-based sun Pickups and you’re on your way. ComBloodshot Records, Neko Case switched pany of Thieves had an unexpected hit on label allegiance to Anti- in 2004, which reis- their hands with the bumping “Oscar Wilde” sued her early Bloodshot recordings. Case’s (from which the album’s title is drawn) which breathtaking Middle Cyclone (Anti-) is easily affixed an irresistibly funky beat to the her most accessible recording. With a voice band’s modern blues guitar style. Other highas powerful as, well, a cyclone, Case origilights include “The Tornado Song,” “Even In nals such as “This Tornado Loves You,” The Dark,” and “In Passing.”

“People Gotta Lotta Nerve,” “Polar Nettles,” Of all bands for the suburban Painkiller Hotel “Magpie To The Morning,” easily rank among to emulate, it seems odd that they would byher best. As she’s done in the past, Case ex- pass Chicago’s own suburban grown Smashhibits stellar taste in cover tunes, including ing Pumpkins and Fall Out Boy for Orlando’s Sparks’ “Never Turn Your Back On Mother Matchbox 20, Atlanta’s Collective Soul or Earth” and Nilsson’s “Don’t Forget Me.” Tempe’s Gin Blossoms, but that’s mostly who they sound like. Ultimately, that’s the probNew kid on the block Daphne Willis (who is lem with Black Roses (Rock Ridge). Painkiller playing in Columbus Feb. 27) blows in on a Hotel needs to check out of the Vicodin villa playful bluesy vibe on the opening track of and find their own musical identity. her debut disc What To Say (Vanguard). By the delightful “Bluff,” “Far Away” and “Love Chicago may be the birthplace of house and Hate,” the versatile singer/songwriter music, but the funky dance-oriented tunes on has moved on to a warm island breeze. “All I Of The Blue Colour Of The Sky (Capitol) by OK Know” manages to both rock and be brassy, Go owe more to Prince than Frankie Knuckwhile Willis asserts herself as a modern les. The disc is a far cry from the power pop folkie on “Swirl,” “Still Tryin’” and “Jim of OK Go’s first two full-lengths, including “Oh Thornton.”

No” which yielded the hit single (and popular “treadmill” music video for) “Here It Goes Like the previously mentioned Neko Case Again.” Sure there were hip-shaking Carsdisc, I’m Going Away (Thrill Jockey) by The flavored hints, but nothing could have preFiery Furnaces moves the brother/sister duo pared listeners for this shift. Prince is bound in to more approachable territory. Not that to be purple with envy when he hears they’ve abandoned from their avant-garde “WTF?,” “All Is Not Lost,” “Skyscrapers,” pop style, just made it a little more user “White Knuckles” (which is begging for a friendly. The fuzzy title track stomps like a Frankie Knuckles remix) and “End Love.” lost White Stripes cut. “Drive to Dallas” has a subtle whiskey-soaked twang, while the key- Daphne Willis (pictured) is performing on February 27 boards on “The End is Near” are pure 1972. at 8p at Victorians Midnight Cafe in Columbus.

“Charmaine Champagne” bop-bop-bops like

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Belinda Carlisle says: "They say in heaven love comes first! We’ll make heaven a place on earth." Chris says this to his potential boyfriends!

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Just because Chad Frye is usually behind the bar does not mean he can be voted “Easiest bartender.�

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! d i a et L Laying Into Bold New

G

Territory with Citizen Miller!”

by William J. Mann Hailed for their humor and passion, Tim Miller’s performances have delighted and emboldened audiences all over the world. Lay of The Land is Miller’s saucy, sharp-knifed performance look at the State of the Queer Union. Miller will be performing Lay of The Land in the Columbus area in two free performances at Ohio Wesleyan University Feb 18 and at Kenyon College Feb 19. This newest of his acclaimed solo pieces takes a fierce and funny examination of citizenship, the marriage equality battles and who eats and who gets eaten. Framed by a No on Prop 8 protest in downtown L.A., Miller makes pit stops as Abraham and his gay son Isaac are spread out on an LA ‘70s suburban Formica kitchen, the LA courthouse explodes in pink jury summons that call queer identity to judgment, and in a vision of a Heimlich maneuver that helps America get that homophobia that is choking her out of her throat.

I caught up with Tim Miller while he was performing in Tallahassee - as Miller called it “the panhandle of the American frying pan” - to talk equality and the lay of the land.

William J Mann: Tell me about the new show. Lay of the Land is a wonderful title. What does it mean to you?

Tim Miller: I am super excited about this brand new piece. I think it is my funniest show, for sure, but also my kinkiest, strongest and most topical. Lay of the Land is a “lay” in all kinds of ways: a sexassignation, a queer citizenship map, and of course a narrative ballad with a recurrent refrain!

(My favorite way-down-the-list definition for “lay”!)

I travel constantly performing my shows, and this performance careens from my sexy misadventures performing in 45 states, to marriage equality street protests, to the electoral assaults on gay folks all over the country, to my life as a grade-school flag monitor (or as I was called at my school, “Fag Monitor”), to choking on cheap meat caught in my throat when I was a 10-year-old gay boy. Lay of the Land friskily gets at that feeling of gay folks being perpetually on trial, on the ballot - and on the menu!

WM: How did you start work on this piece? What is the crucial fuel that sends you on the journey?

TM: Right after Election Day last fall when Prop 8 passed and took away marriage equality in California, a quarter of a million of us marched in hundreds of cities in all 50 states to protest what had just happened with these electoral hate crimes in California, Florida, Arizona and Arkansas. I was marching with 20,000 of my closest personal friends in LA including many gay couples who got married in our much too short summer of love in California. A gay couple next to me was carrying a huge blown-up poster of their CA marriage license.

An SUV drove by and someone shouted, “You can stick that marriage license where the sun don’t shine.” This lovely “traditional family values” sentiment - hurled from a passing SUV fueled on the blood of 400,000 people who have died in Iraq made me remember that I have always been curi-

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ous about that expression “where the sun don’t shine.” This signal our culture tells us again and again - to stick it up your you-know-what - got me really interested to explore all these forbidden and judged places we experience as gay folks and away we go. It’s the magic of solo performance!

WM: How do people in other states relate to this Prop 8 material?

TM: Prop 8 called out the largest day of national gay protests in US history - 300 cities in all 50 states - so I think people all over the country are invested in this most visible struggle. I think from the veto of Anchorage’s gay rights bill 64, to Ohio’s Issue 1, to Florida Amendment 2, to California’s Prop 8, to Referendum 71 in Washington State that would stop Washington domestic partnerships before they even start, it is the same basic principle of disrespecting the humanity of gay folks. It has nothing to do with marriage equality as 64 and WA R-71 show. They don’t want us to feel welcome in our own homes, our own country!

Lay of the Land is all about the emotional and political wreckage of these post-Prop 8 moments.

When I performed the piece in Florida, the Prop 8 situation was immediately relatable to what they went through on Election Day with the Amendment 2, which monstrously took away not only marriage rights but anything that remotely acknowledged relationships between gay couples and wrote that bigotry into their state constitution. (Boycott, anyone?) It works both ways, for us California folks the veto of a basic gay rights bill 64 in Alaska really brings up all that toxic Prop 8 stuff. (Hmmm, 8 is the square root of 64!)

WM: You have been through so many battles around LGBT civil rights. You are also someone that travels the US as much as anyone I know.

What do you glean as you regard the lay of the land?

TM: I have had so many amazing, hopeful and surprising experiences whether performing at a Baptist University in North Carolina or in a shared queer and disability arts center like Mickee Faust in Tallahassee. Here’s a real vision. I was performing recently in Lubbock at Texas Tech. Lubbock (so those Lubbock folk constantly tell you!) is the second most conservative city in the US after Provo.

After my performance at Texas Tech in Lubbock, I found myself surrounded by some ROTC students in full uniform. They just wouldn’t leave and my stereotyping went into overdrive and I thought they were going to beat me up. But then one of them asked me how could they as military officers next year help dismantle Don’t Ask Don’t Tell in their units! These young officers have more vision and courage than our president. WOW! It definitely shows you never know who your audience is! It also shows that this country is changing- especially its young people- and the lay of the land is shifting before our eyes.

William J. Mann is the author of Object of Desire and the forthcoming book on Elizabeth Taylor, How To Be a Movie Star. He can be reached through his website, www.williamjmann.com. Tim Miller will be performing Lay of the Land free Feb 18 @ Ohio Wesleyan University 7:30p & Feb 19 @ Bolton Theater, Kenyon College 8p. Call 740.427.5531 to reserve tickets. Miller can be reached through his website, www.TimMillerPerformer.com.

Citizen Miller is fun, but Citizen Miller Lite is our friend Kate Burdett, formerly of Mix 97.1. We love that lady!

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Toothbrush, check. Ridiculously small swim suit, check. Best of Gaga? Ready to go.

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Goodbye Youthful Hang-ups

& Goodbye Columbus

by Marcus Morris Remember the high school years? Remember your freshman year of college? Remember how closeted you were, and how horribly you dressed? When we were coming out and into our own, we had to shed the “closet drag” and become the person who we are today. Today, the kinderqueers are dressed like an extra from The Donkey Show and heading into a high school physics lesson.

In high school, the object is to blend in. I tried like hell to avoid being noticed. So much so, that I would wait until the first week of school to buy clothes so that I didn’t stand out. Being a fatty, my options were limited to baggy jeans and a baggy t-shirt anyway. I could not imagine wearing some of the things I have worn since coming out. The size-four women’s skinny jeans I used to wear? I would have been killed. Small towns are not really kind to guys who wear girl jeans and have a stash of Vogues from the early 90s in their backpack. I was doing my best to avoid the punches of the assholes who would later be cart jockeys at WalMart, while trying to see the latest episode of Style with Elsa Klensch.

I wonder what it would be like to be out in high school? I would have loved the opportunity to be myself when I was 15, but my fear of being “found out” kept me from being honest with the rest of the student body and myself. I would have saved myself a lot of time in front of the television watching Oprah and eating Hostess cakes, as well as wearing a lot fewer stretch pants, if I had been able to accept myself and come out. I could have enjoyed myself so much more. I hear great stories about gays and lesbians who are now prom queens and kings, just as we have drag queens and kings. Is our world just a recreation of high school with martinis?

I mean, Union is just a high school dance with a drink special. Everyone wants to be perceived as good-looking, and really, most people look the same. Also, the bulk of the crowd is staring at one guy, who is like the high school quarterback, but in reality is just a college freshman at OSU with a set of parents who have no idea about his penchant for a silver daddy with a Saab.

It turns out that there is no such thing as a “U” type of gay. I don’t really find myself belonging to any type of clique, and I think it’s because I am an adult, and had to go through the growing pains of coming out and thinking I was too cool to hang with “the fags.” It turns out, I had to learn not to give a flying fuck about it all, and I wish I had learned this not only 3 years ago when I came out, but 10 years ago, when I was in the throes of teenage angst. I was an angsty fag in high school and had to deal with it again when I came out.

In this column, I have tried to show the fact that clothes are not as important as the person. I think the high school gays of today are getting it right because they can wear whatever the fuck they want and are brave for doing it. The clothes are just an extension of the person. We wore sad little clothes that hid who we were because we were scared of being the people who we would become.

Our generation, and the previous ones, have changed that for the next. Thank God. Boys can wear lipstick to class, and girls can wear their hair in the shortest butchest haircut, and not feel alien. Not to get all John Lennon, but imagine all the trannies working it in their finest to homeroom, and being happy that they were not spit on, or beat up, or even killed. outlook: columbus has a motto that “everything is political,” which is true, because it really is all about the politics of how we live. This little column was started to write about style, but has been more of an outlet about how we wear things. It’s also important that Michael and Chris have allowed this column to happen, because the clothes we wear are sometimes as big a statement as the things we say and do. The next generation of little gay boys and girls get to wear their skinny jeans, eyeliner, and lumberjack plaid to school because people like Michael and Chris continue to try and promote equality via their publication. We should be grateful we all have each other. Lube and all.

I have been lucky to write for outlook for the last couple of years and have a voice in a pretty large LGBTQ community. I am also lucky to be able to have the opportunity to study in Cape Town, South Africa, which means I will be leaving the lovely city of Columbus - I will be gone by the time you read this (tear). Ryan Harris from Wardrobe Therapy is This is what I felt when I first came out. I went to taking over my slot - be kind to him children - and Union and Axis and felt like I was a kid. I wasn’t will keep you fashion fulfilled. But don’t cry too wearing the right clothes, and didn’t have musmuch; I’ll send you occasional dispatches from cles or hair product. I was totally unprepared for Gay Africa via outlook’s new up-and-coming webbeing gay, like I was totally unprepared for “trysite. Since I began writing for outlook, I have ing” to be straight. When I initially came out, I learned a lot about what it means to work in publived at places like The Short North Tavern and lishing, and a lot about myself. I am truly thankful Zeno’s. Union and Axis became the high school for the opportunity Chris and Michael afforded me. cafeteria, and I went to The Tavern because it was I hope the community continues to support these like the band room. I thought that I was not the two fags in their quest to keep our voices heard.

“U” type of gay.

Totsiens! – “Goodbye!” in Afrikaans.

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Even in gym clothes, Marcus Morris looks stylish! We can attest! Good luck in Cape Town Marcus!

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Gays, pucks and sticks... how many puns do you think you can make out of that?

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Food is dramatic - Life is delicious.

Episode 38: The Ascot of Tom Yum Guy

by Claritin D The moment I saw his blond comb forward, seersucker pants, and magenta ascot, I knew he was the one. We met on a dark and stormy day in the Short North. His youthful, almost Hamptons-esque look caught my eye as we walked toward each other on High Street, his vibrant clothing displayed like so many peacock feathers, tempting me and inviting me to conquer him and make him mine. As we walked closer to each other, I caught him smiling at me. Then, just as I started to move toward him to introduce myself, he winked and made a sharp left, entering what I knew was Basil, a new Thai restaurant in the Short North. Momentarily flummoxed, I stood on the street, wondering if I’d missed the opportunity of a lifetime. I knew it was now or never, so I brushed off my Capri pants, and made the decision that for love alone I would initiate myself into the cult of Columbus-based oriental gastronomy.

The restaurant was small, but impeccably clean. The exposed brick wall, darkly stained woodwork, and modernish furniture made for an extremely attractive, inviting and functional space. It was the perfect place to hold an orgy, or a swap meet.

I sat at the first available table, and almost instantly a small, very happy looking woman appeared with a glass of water and a menu. I barely noticed her as I scanned the room, looking for my future love. I found him on the other end of the room, sitting by himself, sipping what looked like a delicious glass of Thai tea. Our eyes met again, and he waved – or at least it looked like a wave. I had intended to wave back, but the waitress reappeared to

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take my order. Without thinking I scanned the menu and ordered the Tom Yum soup, the Crispy Roll, Tomato Beef over Rice, and Pad Thai – I figured if all went well, I’d burn off the extra calories with my very own Quintin Crisp impersonator later in the day.

With my order placed, and the waitress dismissed, I resumed flirting with my future exhusband. He waved at me again, smiled, pointed to his head and mouthing something I couldn’t quite understand. Confused, I waved back, and mouthed, “I think I love you”. He smiled and laughed. I briefly played with the idea of walking over to join him, but there was something strangely intriguing about the anonymity of it all. We were like two wild animals, horns locked, engaged in a strange mating dance, whirling like dervishes. This continued for some time, until his food arrived and he momentarily lost interest. I assumed that our vigorous flirting had left him famished and in need of the restorative benefits of sustenance. I let his mind and appetite be engaged by his food, waiting with baited breath for our next exhilarating session.

It wasn’t long before my soup arrived.

I cradled each spoonful of the luscious and delicious Tom Yum in my mouth and made small noises of pleasure as I took in the subtle flavors of the lime, chili, cilantro, lemongrass, and fish sauce. As I did, I began to fan myself with one hand, and fixed my eyes on my ascot-wearing future paramour, who was in the middle of a large bowl of fragrantly sweet green curry. He seemed to be ignoring me for the moment, but that didn’t stop me from continuing to work up a sweat eating

the hell of out of my Tom Yum before moving onto my Crispy Roll. The Crispy was perfectly golden (just like I like it), and sliced in segments on the diagonal, packed with noodles and deliciously spiced ground chicken. Each bite filled my senses with the aromas of the Far East, and transported me to my youth when I’d spent quite a bit of time in Bangkok, my neck in a noose and my hands otherwise occupied. This pleasant thought brought a smile to my face, which apparently attracted the attentions of my Don Juan. He waved again, and pointed at his hair. Was he asking for head? I shrugged my shoulders, nodded my head and smiled devilishly. His wish was my command. It was just then that my Pad Thai and Tomato Beef arrived. Each plate, much like my soon to be sex slave, was beautiful. The Tomato Beef was fork tender and surrounded by gorgeous cooked tomatoes and green jalapenos in a garlicky and spicy beef broth. I sampled this first, placing a piece of hot meat in my mouth and presenting it to the seersuckered one. He must have of liked it, as he raised his eyebrows and laughed heartily. As I chewed the meat I threw my head around in ecstasy, showing Mr. Ascot that I was passionate – and that I’d never met any meat I didn’t like. I repeated this until my beef was gone, and then I moved on to the Pad Thai. I took my time with the delicious noodles and their accoutrement, sucking each drop of peanut and lime flavored liquid out of the dish. This took some time, and after I was done, my lovers face was red.

This last action must have sent him over the edge, for he called for the waitress to bring him his bill. I did the same, and within moments, we both had paid. I saw him stand,

and begin to walk toward me. This was the moment I had been waiting for. My eyes were fixed on his as he slowly sashayed up to my table, and extended his limp hand.

“Hello, I’m Chauncey DeNebish“ he said, his lisp lingering in the air well after he stopped talking. I was instantly aroused. I like them girly. He continued. “I think you have semen in your hair. I saw it on the street, and I’ve been trying to tell you this whole time.”

This wasn’t what I’d been expecting. Momentarily thrown off balance, I recovered.

“Why Chauncey, you randy raconteur, are you coming on to me?” I asked coyly, sure his comment was yet another maneuver in our grippingly sexual lunchtime tete-a-tete.

He shook his head “No. I mean you actually have semen in your hair. It’s pretty gross. It got especially bad when you were eating that heavenly Tom Yum. I’ve been pointing at it for almost an hour, and laughing at each ridiculous sexual overture you’ve been making” Mortified, I couldn’t speak. Silence lingered between us for a moment, before I finally found my bearings and responded. ”Me? Ridiculous? Eff, you Quentin Crisp! You’re wearing a fucking ascot! I hope you choke on your sinfully delicious green curry and DIE!” I got up abruptly and pushed by him to storm out. As I reached the door, I turned, reached back grabbing his dainty wrist gently and said almost under my breath, “Oh and darling, thanks for the point out. Whenever you want to add your own Tom Yum to my hairdo let me know. I owe you one.”

Basil Rathbone played Sherlock Holmes. Sherlock Holmes, contrary to whatever Guy Ritchie says, was not an action hero.

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Don’t worry, buying Time Warner’s Road Runner service does not make you more susceptible to falling anvils.

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See those two lovebirds up there? That’s outlook’s own Michael Daniels and his husband Noka Davers. Couple of cuties, huh?

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retail therapy

MIKEY ROX’S CUPID AIN’T STUPID: VALENTINE’S GIFTS THAT’LL GETCHA SOME BOOM BOOM TIME You know what a bitch your dog can be at times, and when you and your special someone are getting in the mood, you really just don’t want to deal. Behold the Pet Acoustics iPhone/iPod Touch application! It plays music specifically designed for your dog, cat or even horse with different music for different environments to soothe stress and aggression. Travel, thunderstorms, grooming and nasty time are just a few opportunities to play it up. If you’re the type to schedule your dirty time, the application even includes multiple timers. ($1.99; http://www.PetAcoustics.com) iLove Looking for some slip-on protection for your favorite tool? And I mean your iPhone, so if you made other assumptions, you might want to skip to the next item in our wrap-up. Scosche’s kickBACKS hybrid high-impact polycarbonate and rubber case is designed to be played rough with.

With its shock-resistant rubber edging and availability in clear, black, white and pink, you can’t go wrong if pain is your game. In your downtime, prop it up on its kickstand for some widescreen viewing. ($34.99; http://www.scosche.com) For the more aesthetic oriented or if you don’t already feel trendy enough with your iPhone, KONNET Technology has the HardJAC Graffito ultra-slim cases with fun graphic designs. ($19.99; http://www.konnetonline.com) And if you’re looking for that extra boost, mophie makes the juice pack air, the world’s thinnest iPhone external battery/protective case. Think of it as a kind of Viagra for your phone—it’ll keep you going hard and strong all day. Complete with indicator lights and the option to turn battery boosting on or off, it’s worth the load you’ll blow on it. ($79.95; http://www.mophie.com) For the MacBook enthusiasts, slip your pride and joy into one of be.ez’s LA robe Allure stylin’ notebook cases.

Made with memory foam and finished in flashy colors, it’ll make you want to wrap your junk. ($14.95-$39.95; http://www.be-ez.com) ‘SKYN’ IS IN They say abstinence makes the heart grow fonder. Or is it absence? Eh, who cares – you just wanna get lucky! And if you play your cards right, playa’, you might just bring down the outlookcolumbus.com

house, but one thing we hope you never gamble with is your health. Now, however, you can stay safe – and stimulated – with LifeStyles Condoms’ latest innovation in contraception, SKYN. Committed to providing its purchasers with the best product possible, SKYN is the first and only clinically approved polyisoprene condom. Exactly what does that mean? In layman’s term, it’ll let your willy feel freer than ever before. (TBD; grocery, convenience and drug stores nationwide) DANDY CANDY If you think “healthy” chocolate is an oxymoron, think again. XoCai: The Healthy Chocolate is produced with unprocessed, non-alkalized, nonlecithinized Belgian cocoa powder then combined with blueberry and acai berry to create a sweet treat that’s not only as tasty as your artery-clogging go-to brands but also packed with powerful antioxidants. Even better, XoCai is devoid of the caffeine, preservatives, fillers, waxes, processed sugar and trans fats that comprise its confectionary brethren. Dry your eyes, Russell Stover – there’s always next year. (TBD; www.cacaoforyou.com) PAPER HEART What began as a hobby has become a boon for husband and wife entrepreneurs Kyle Morris and Nicole Mogyorosi, who started House of Hazelnut Papery four years ago as an alternative to their self-proclaimed “aversion to generic greeting cards.” Today the company boasts more than 100 returning clients, and the couple is gearing up to launch the brand into the competitive retail market. But before House of Hazelnut sets out on its hunt for a piece of Hallmark’s profits, you can get its handmade, eco-friendly holiday greetings sent straight to your door. ($3 and up; www.houseofhazelnut.etsy.com) LOVE BLOOMS Various florae have long been a staple of Valentine’s Day, but what statement do they make about your “everlasting” love when a week later they’re limper than you after a few shots of Smirnoff? Thought we didn’t know? Trust us, it shows. Instead, opt for a bouquet of flowers that will truly stand the test of time with San Francisco-based artist Tim Aldridge’s Flowers collection, a series of high-quality prints priced for

every budget. Available framed or unframed, Aldridge’s collection includes roses, water lilies and a variety of other colorful blossoms. (From $28.47; www.timaldridge.imagekind.com) ‘MR. RIGHT’ Looking for love in modern-day London has never been more charming. Billed as a “grown-up gay movie for smart gay audiences,” “Mr. Right” follows a group of successful gay men – TV producer Harry, rugby player William and wealthy artist Tom – on a fast-paced, unabashedly flamboyant ride through the hills and valleys of life.

Sounds just like the nightmare you’re living, doesn’t it? If only… ($24.95; www.wolfereleasing.com) DOWN UNDERCOVERS One peek at him in 2wink’s “Cool Devil” or “Hot Angel” undies—high-cut cotton-spandex boxer briefs available in red/white and blue/white— and you’re mini-mate will be saluting “G’day.”

The only underwear brand producing in Perth, Western Australia (while others take production offshore), 2wink was created due to its founder’s frustration of buying expensive underwear that didn’t last. Durable and affordable, these skivvies have since become the easiest way to go Down Under without leaving the sheets. ($26.96; www.2wink.com.au) ‘SWELL’ An appropriately titled debut record if there ever was one, Cortes Alexander’s “Swell” will cause your heart do the same with its 16-track collection of jazz, pop-rock and euro-lounge-inspired songs. This evocative, emotional escape of an album was produced by McKay Garner (Red Hot Chili Peppers) and has received rave reviews from the likes of the Miami Herald, Instinct Magazine and Broadway World. ($9.99; iTunes and CDBaby.com) SLICK AND SLIDE Butter makes everything better. And in the case of Boy Butter, a line of personal lubricants, a truer statement has never been made. A unique addition to the lube industry, Boy Butter fuses vegetable oil with silicone to create an agent with a creamy consistency, but one just as slick, long lasting and easy to clean up as water-

based varieties. Created by 24-year-old entrepreneur Eyal Feldman, Boy Butter’s full line of products includes Original, H20, Extreme, Extreme H20, Warming and – er – Bonerz … the description of which even we’re not touching with a 10inch pole. ($10 and up; www.boybutter.com) TEQUILA HER SOFTLY And now a little something for the ladies!

Rosangel, a new tequila from The House of Gran Centenario, is infused with hibiscus then aged for a year to achieve the hooch’s distinctive pink hue and a deliciously earthy flavor. Marketed exclusively to the fairer sex, this premium reposado is the perfect gift for the woman who has everything. Like, say, a tendency to lower her inhibitions. ($36.99; www.rosangel.com) ‘BE MINE’ Does Cupid have his arrow aimed at shy Mayson and his newfound crush Reiley – or will Reiley’s penchant for chocolate scones cause Mason’s cookie to crumble before they leave the coffee shop? Oh, the drama! Still, what “Be Mine,” from director Dave Padilla, lacks in originality it makes up for in fresh-faced cuties. And that’s all you care about anyway. ($29.95; www.ariztical.com) LIGHT UP WITH LOVE Give your lover the gift of life with a new device poised to revolutionize the tobacco smoking industry. Cigotine – an electronic cigarette that looks, feels and tastes like a real butt – delivers the same enjoyment sans the tar, chemicals and negative societal effects associated with smoking. With its proprietary two-piece design, Cigotine is driven by an integrated structure made up of a cartridge, an atomization chamber and a built-in rechargeable lithium battery. When smokers inhale, an indicator light glows to simulate a burning effect while the mouthpiece releases a water mist that resembles smoke, leaving no residual behind. Except, of course, that kiss you plan to plant. ($79.95; www.cigotine.com) Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist/writer and the principal of Paper Rox Scissors, a copywriting and creative consulting company in New York City. Find him at www.paperroxscissors.com.

We aren’t trying to make a statement here but…The Creation Museum cost 27 Million dollars to build. That’s a lot of bobblehead Jesuses to sell in their gift shop.

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I’m a single (mostly) gay guy who is curious about women. A hot bisexual mate is interested in a friends-withbenefits arrangement. I’m not looking for an LTR just now, so regular, no-strings sex sounds great. However, his girlfriend doesn’t know he’s bisexual, and I’d feel uncomfortable having sex with him behind her back.

I’ve said no to guys in the past, bi and gay, because they wanted to go behind their partners’ backs. My mate would like his girlfriend to know about him because he’d really like to have threesomes with her (something I’m up for), but he’s worried about how she’ll react.

Personally, I’d be more concerned about how she might react if she found out about his sexuality some other way. That’s one reason why I always err on the side of honesty. However, I’m not exactly unbiased: I’d prefer threesomes to dicks-only sessions. What should I do?

Horny Homo How about a little honesty mixed with a little dishonesty?

Your mate should offer his girlfriend the boy-girl-boy threesome that all of today’s modern young women fantasize about. (Blame Twilight - why can’t Bella have it all?) If your mate is worried that she’ll react negatively to the suggestion, he can open by telling her that what he’s about to propose was all your idea. She’ll want to know if his gay-but-bi-curious mate - that’s you is going to want to get into his presumed-to-be-straight pants. Your mate should shrug and say,

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“Maybe…” and depending on the look on her face when the possibility of Edward-on-Jacob action is raised - disgusted or intrigued? - end with either “…but I don’t think I’m interested in going there” (leaving open the possibility of “getting carried away” and “going there” during the threesome) or “…and I might go there if that would turn you on” (making any boy-on-boy action at the threesome something he did for her).

Do you think he is bisexual or bi-curi- need his crap. Do I tell my parents? ous? We intend to enact this fantasy, I’m kind of bi right now, so he’s half and I wonder if it could shift the dy- right, but what business is it of his? namic of our relationship.

Uncertain Nephew Craving LevelThreesome Curious headed Explanation

It can be hard to predict whether a man will have an epiphany during an m-m-f threesome and come to the sudden and shocking realization that he’s bisexual. (Um… does your boyfriend refer to his male friends as If the threesome is a success and you “mate,” by any chance? Is he a fan of two wind up playing with and in front the Twilight series?) He’s obviously of her, HH, your mate can come to the more aroused by male-male contact sudden and shocking realization that than he’s capable of admitting when he’s bisexual. This will hopefully lead he isn’t about to blow a load, TC. This to future threesomes and, perhaps, at fantasy of his isn’t about, or isn’t just some point, her blessing for some about, wanting to gangbang a girl with boys-only time. If she objects, HH, your a buddy. Your boyfriend wants to bump mate can blame her for “making” him penises with another dude - but with bisexual - or making him realize it your, um, lady “innards” providing the because he fell on your sword that first “no homo” absolution. time because it was what she wanted.

But I don’t think you need to extract a I’m a woman whose “super-hetero” full confession of bi-curiousness or boyfriend is quite shy and needs to even heteroflexibility before you realize build trust before he can open up to this fantasy. He may not be in denial someone. Since I have gained his about what his desires add up to, TC. trust, he has revealed that he fanta- He just may want to check his fansizes about m-m-f threesomes. I’ve tasies about male-male contact asked him if he is turned on by the against the reality of male-male conidea of another man’s penis, and he tact before he tells you what he sussays no, he just wants to see me have pects: He’s the tiniest bit bisexual. sex with another man. Yet when he describes his dirtiest fantasies to me I have an uncle who calls me “fagat the peak of arousal, he says he got” whenever he and I are alone in gets off on the idea of double pene- the same room. He’s a conservative, tration - one penis in my anus, anstraight Mormon. I’m a boy who’s had other in my vagina - and wants to feel sexual encounters with guys and the other man’s penis bump up girls, and I’m trying to figure out my against his own, separated by my in- own sexuality while dealing with all of nards. the other stuff that comes with going off to college, and frankly I don’t

Your uncle is hitting on you, UNCLE, in his fashion - that is, the fashion of the tormented, self-hating, conservative/religious closet case. If you don’t wanna find yourself standing there with your uncle’s tongue stuffed in your mouth someday - you’d be surprised how quickly someone can stuff his tongue in your mouth - I would advise you not to spend another moment alone with your asshole uncle. And, yes, tell your parents what he’s been doing. Because, UNCLE, if he ever makes a pass at you and a scene ensues - you scream, you yell, you bite his tongue off and spit it out the window your uncle is going to insist that you made the pass at him.

She’s married, so that would be crossing a line. Second, we’re coworkers and she has even more to lose than I do.

Is there some other way - I already tried the direct approach - to bring this fantasy up to my boyfriend again, or should I just let it go?

Flirting With Danger I’m shocked that your boyfriend - a man who’s willing to share his boyfriend’s ass with other men - would react so violently to your curiosity about lady innards. But seeing as the direct approach prompted a two-week-long fight, FWD, I can’t imagine you would have much more success with the indirect approach. (I can’t imagine what the indirect approach would be.)

Since you’re not strictly monogamous and the boyfriend’s not strictly rational about this, FWD, a case could be made I’m a 31-year-old gay man. My for satisfying your lady-innards curiosboyfriend and I have been together ity on the sly and filing the affair under for five years. We have enjoyed a few “what he doesn’t know won’t hurt threesomes with other men, so I as- him.” But I can’t think of a worse set of sumed I could share a particular fan- lady innards to satisfy your curiosity tasy of mine: I’ve never had sex with with than this woman’s. You could a woman and I want to. wind up losing your job and your boyfriend if the affair got ugly and got I am not questioning my sexuality, I’m out. not “bi,” I have zero desire to date women. But my boyfriend immediWait, FWD, wait. In time, some other ately accused me of having issues gay-outards-curious lady will come with my sexuality, and after a twoalong, and perhaps by then your week fight I dropped it. Fast-forward boyfriend will have come around. to just before Christmas: I received a promotion, moved to a new floor, and Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage. have my own office now - and one of every mail@savagelove.net my new female coworkers has been coming on to me. First problem:

Mr. Frye has an Uncle Larry and an Aunt Dave, and they’ve NEVER called Chad a faggot. Mary, yes. Ma’am,

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We have quite a bit of faith that our interns live in a state of constant terror. They share office space with Daniels, Hayes and Frye. Oh, the horror.

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by Jack Fertig

n a y R

wardrobe, to revamping your entire look. It’s all personalized to your style choices, budget, and lifestyle. Consulting starts at $100/hour with a 3-hour minimum. It’s kind of like What Not to Wear without the bitchiness and berating.

But making Cbus a prettier place one outfit at a time isn’t what’s got us most excited about this month’s celeb du jour. Taking all that experience, combined with his years of model scouting from NYC to Tokyo, the countless photo shoots he’s styled and his adorable smile [ok it was really just the smile J], we couldn’t resist recruiting Ryan in the outlook family as the new author of our Fashion Forward column. Yeah!

Catch his debut next month and make sure to welcome our new fashion guru with a Tanqueray & tonic (with a lime) when you see him out.

by Chris Hayes This month’s local celebrity is in the closet… and he wants to be in yours.

As a Wardrobe Therapist, Ryan Harris does some of his best work in the closet. This Chillicothe native recently joined Elizabeth Bean’s outfit known as Wardrobe Therapy to lead the launch of the company’s men’s division.

Their goal is to make fashion easy for you by taking the work out of your wardrobe.

But why would you trust this 32-year-old mo to make you look good? Because the boy’s got experience. Growing up in a town that stinks of paper pulp motivated Harris to find a way out early. Harris found success at the age of 15 when he started working for

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his agent where mentored would-be models on not only their makeup and style, but the perils of industry. In 2003 he started his own modeling mentoring company, keeping his clients safe from the flyby-night talent searches and casting calls. “If you’re paying someone $1000 dollars to be in their agency,” warns Ryan “odds are you’re getting duped.”

Not happy with one career, Harris also judged beauty pageants and styled the contestants. Working across the country and in almost every major pageant, Ryan was the stylist to hire. His reputation for unique fashion and turning out winners kept his dance card full and self-defense skills polished. Not only do contestants need fashion assistance, they need

backup. “It really is just like in the movies,” Ryan says.

“Behind the scenes of a pageant is cutthroat. Those girls will steal, sabotage and scam to get ahead.” Hmmm, I think we know a few drag queens just like that. “Working in the field definitely honed my customer service skills and my karate!”

When he’s not writing for outlook or coordinating your ties, t-shirts and top hats, Ryan steps out of the closet to spend time with his partner of four years, Jamey, their two dogs, and a lot of TV. “I’m a television junkie,” he professes. “I can’t get enough Project Runway [shocker], America’s Next Top Model [bigger shocker], and anything I can sing along to like American Idol and Glee.”

In that vein you can catch this fashion hound hitting up show tune nights around town or hanging with friends at his favorite dive bars.

Now Ryan’s with WT and looking to help you help your wardrobe. “We work closely with each client during an in-closet evaluation, where we edit, purge and style each individual client,” he tells me. “Our services focus on getting the most from your current wardrobe, while identifying future items that compliment your lifestyle.”

He can do anything from creating an easy to follow outfit book, to designing a vacation

Sober, Ryan does good work in the world by raising money for charities like the American Heart & Lung Associations, Race for the Cure, juvenile diabetes, Habitat for Humanity, Relay for Life, Autism Speaks and the Babe Zaharias Golf Classic. Harris hopes his newfound celeb status will help him help these organizations, as well as, make the world, and your wardrobe, a more stylish place.

Don’t take anything for granted, a control queen! If you need Gemini! help distinguishing the two, your partner’s insights – or any An aspect between Venus in advice you receive in bed – can Aquarius and Mercury in Capri- prove very helpful. corn is supposed to promote charm and flirtation, but carLEO (July 23 – August 22): A litries the risk of trying too hard tle humility would help you deand coming off as inauthentic. velop those teamwork skills.

To make it worse, Eris is asJust remember: all your brilpecting both, offering bitchy, liance is really based on effeccompetitive undertones. Be tiveness! Making others look careful where you pull out that good will reflect better on you Margo Channing attitude! Just than selfish efforts. be your own sweet self, darling.

VIRGO (August 23 – September AQUARIUS (January 20 – Febru- 22): A playful attitude at work ary 18): Your efforts at imitating can help boost morale and proDorothy Parker or Bette Davis ductivity, but keep that playfulcould end up hurting friends’ ness squeaky clean! Responses feelings. Those old clever bitch to naughty provocation will imitations have been done to backfire! OK, a little double-endeath. You have it in you to be a tendre in the right places is charming original. good, but be very careful with that!

PISCES (February 19 – March 19): Charity is not a competitive LIBRA (September 23 – October sport. Give what you can, but 22): “Family fun” is supposed remember the airplane drill to be just that – fun. Getting too about putting on your own air competitive can spoil it for mask before helping others. everyone. Bringing your clan Focus on your own needs and together as a team can take care of yourself. Then strengthen bonds, but rememyou’ll be in a better position to ber: friendship first, competihelp others. tion second!

ARIES (March 20 – April 19): Your keen vision of future possibilities and your competitive spirit can help you talk out tough issues with your boss – or as the boss. You may need to rein it in a little to keep your inspiring speeches realistic.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20): Knowing better than those around you is no challenge, but does that really matter? The real trick is to excel in serenity.

To do that, you have to take time alone to cultivate your cool with meditation and inner exploration.

GEMINI (May 21- June 20): Speaking in a foreign language or exploring new ideas and possibilities could make you even sexier. Your friends will play along, up to a point. They have their own agenda. Don’t take anything for granted!

CANCER (June 21- July 22): Being adept in dealing with authority is not the same as being

SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21): Eager to learn new things, especially at work, you could unintentionally come off as snippy or provocative. Imagine you’re hosting a party with your great-aunts present (or your colleagues’), and behave accordingly.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 20): Money’s tight, but getting out to play is necessary for mental health. You can socialize on the cheap! What you really have to offer is your strong sense of values and playfulness. Remember that, and you’ll be rich in the things that count.

CAPRICORN (December 21 – January 19): Before you say what seems to matter, think about what really matters. Kindness and truth are high on that list. Work harder on kindness.

Being kinder to family members could prove much to your advantage.

Jack Fertig, a professional astrologer since 1977 teaches at the International Academy of Astrology www.astrocollege.com. He can be reached for personal or business consultations at www.starjack.com,

So, this is it. The last page. No pressure. Arthur Baer once said “A newspaper is a circulating library with high blood pressure”

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Okay, we can probably dig these...even if we have to give up the celebrity of J Hud. Mrs. JayZ and Glen Close.

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