2010-01-01 outlook: columbus by Outlook Media, Inc

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outlook jan 2010 • vol 14 issue 8

inside: Holiday Snapshot Business Builders, Inc Kevin Boyce & the census HRC vs NGLTF Savage Love Equality Ohio Royal Renegades Pin-up trippin’ out to florence astro forecast & Local celebrity traut

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january 2009

Dog tags are used in the military to identify soldiers. Gays use them to get laid.

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We All are Hoping for an Awesome 2010 Thank god we made it to 2010. Even as I write that I cringe, as this is going to press 8 days before the new year. Should the outlook office have blown up or we were victims of friendly fire in the Short North gang war, please know we loved you. I think it’s safe to say, though, that 2009 was a year of loss for everyone. If we weren’t watching our retirement dwindling, we were on our way to another funeral. If we weren’t applying for unemployment, we were breaking up. If we weren’t “enjoying” our staycation, we were wondering when the phrase cash flow got removed from the English dictionary. It’s been utterly ridiculous, so much so that I hit the point where nothing surprised me anymore. A Democratic homophobe for Secretary of State? Sure, that seems reasonable. Parking meter rates are going to double? Excellent, that pesky change weighs me down anyway. Mothra’s attacking downtown? It is Tuesday isn’t it? The absurdity has been more amusing than a Mel Brooks comedy. But that is the past (fingers crossed), and it’s time to look to the future. Which is why we invented New Year’s Eve, and James Watson wrote Auld Lang Syne. We need a definitive point in time to break from the past and start anew. There are so many of us that are hoping for a better year that I think the mass positive energy is going to turn the beat around and start us on the road to recovery. One path in particular on which we will see progress is our political agenda. This issue of outlook is all about our continued quest for equal rights in 2010. Elliot Fishman talked to HRC and NGLTF to find out their opinions on what rights are attainable nationally, and Billy Ashworth got the scoop locally from Equality Federation’s Lynne Bow-

man and Equality Ohio’s new ED Sue Doerfer. Our community is set up to have some wins this year. We just need to keep calling/writing our representatives, educating everyone, making ourselves visible and using our greatest tool - telling our personal stories to whomever will listen. Another of our greatest assets in our endeavor for equality is our straight allies. People like our cover model Ambre Lake, who is trying to use her Rock of Love celebrity status to make a difference. Ambre did a photo shoot in front of the Mormon temple in LA to protest the marriage ban and to inspire other celebs to take up the cause and fight for our equality. Ambre got involved because her mom is gay, as is her best girl friend, and she thinks it’s ridiculous that they don’t have the same rights as everyone else. She feels, much like we do, that most people believe in the cause but no one is willing to put themselves out there for it. We both long for a time when people took to the streets or laid on the White House lawn to get their point across. Ambre thinks the edgier the better. “That’s how you get people’s attention and that’s exactly what my campaign strives to do.”

you are here

common life

interview: Tom Ford

snapshot

complete the circuit

deep inside hollwood

q-munity

feature

new queer on the block

small pond

calendar

fashion forward

open kimono

aboout town

food drama!

earthopolis

feature

trippin’ out

Merry New Year!

from queer to eternity

feature

savage love

Chris Hayes Editor-in-Chief/Co-Publisher

gayatri

feature

local celebrity

insightout

creative class

astro forecast

We love her. And we love you. And we hope you’ll enjoy this edition of outlook. There’s plenty more than just Capitol Hill politics in here. Discover and discuss. We look forward to your comments.

outlook columbus is published and distributed by Outlook Media, Inc. the first day of each month throughout Ohio.

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outlook columbus is a free publication provided solely for the use of our readers. Any person who willfully or knowingly obtains or exerts unauthorized control over more than 5 copies of any issue outlook columbus with the intent to prevent other in-

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DUCT TAPE never looked so damned good!

or reliability of any interpretation, advice, opinion, or view presented. Outlook Media, Inc. does not investigate or accept responsibility for claims made in any advertisement. Outlook Media, Inc. assumes no responsibility for claims arising in connection with products and services advertised herein, nor for the content of, or reply to, any advertisement. All material is copyrighted ©2010 by Outlook Media, Inc. All rights reserved.

january 2010

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#) NETWORK COLUMBUS 12.09.09

NETWORK COLUMBUS 12.09.09

ARRANGED BY HEIGHT LIKE CELLPHONE BARS

I ALMOST LANDED THAT FISH - IT WAS THIS BIG ...

BEN THERE DONE THAT

MISS PEPPERMINT STICK @ Axis - 12.06.09

NOTHING SAYS HOLIDAY LIKE A FOAM ANIMAL

MARIA’S LUNCHBOX OR VIRGINIA’S MAKEUP CASE?

LOOK IT’S CHAD JOB FRYE IN SHIT FACE

WHY HID ‘EM BEHIND STRIPED STICK?

TURNABOUT SHOW @ Level - 12.02.09

JACKIE-O & OPRAH TOGETHER AT LAST

YOU WANT ME TO BRING YOU A WHAT?

LEATHER & FACE

HE DIDN’T UNDERSTAND THE GRAVITY OF IT ALL

MARY ANN BRANDT @ Wall St. - 12.13.09

A SWEET DREAM OR A BEAUTIFUL NIGHTMARE?

UM, JUST WHERE HAS THAT STICK BEEN?

ASHLEY’S CHEST SEEMS RATHER HAIRY HERE

SINGIN’ & SWINGIN’ & GETTIN’ MERRY LIKE XMAS

THE NEXT GUY IN LINE WAS SHIRTLESS ...

MISS PEPPERMINT STICK @ Axis - 12.06.09

january 2010

Two words: Jai Ho

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The Hispanic chamber is an incredible organization, which outlook is more than happy to support!

january 2010

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OHIO COUNCIL OF CHURCHES VOTES TO SUPPORT ANTI-DISCRIMINATION LEGISLATION

host the GSWS. The receptions will be hosted Friday night at Score (9-11p) and Saturday at Union (7-9p), and Level (9-11p).

scope further success and is hopeful that that public will support the work that the Center does.

On October 28, 2009, with a vote of 9 to 0 with 5 abstentions, the Ohio Council of Churches passed a resolution supporting House Bill 176, the Equal Housing and Employment Act as it currently reads. The vote marks a monumental step forward in Ohio’s faith communities’ commitment to advocating for justice for all Ohio’s citizens. The Equal Housing and Employment Act, HB 176, would protect Ohioans from discrimination based on their sexual orientation or gender identity. The Ohio Council of Churches includes amongst its membership AME, Disciples of Christ, Church of the Brethren, Episcopal, ELCA, Greek Orthodox, Baptist, Presbyterian, Roman Catholic, UCC and UMC districts and conferences.

Columbus will host the largest annual gay sporting event in the world August 16-21. The event is expected to bring 5,000 players, fans, and officials into Columbus for a full week of softball and special events. To volunteer or learn more about the event please visit series2010.org.

MAYOR COLEMAN RESCINDS PARKING METER RATE INCREASE

The Ohio Council of Churches joins many of Ohio’s largest employers, Fortune 500 and 1000 Companies, many small businesses, 19 of Ohio’s municipalities and over 150 individual churches and pastors in supporting The Equal Housing and Employment Act. The Ohio Chamber of Commerce, the NFIB and the Ohio Chapter of the Society for Human Resource Management have all taken a neutral position on the bill. “The Ohio Council of Churches’ vote in favor of HB 176 marks important progress in gaining wide spread support for fairness in employment, housing and public accommodation. No longer is this just an issue with support in left leaning organizations,” said Kim Welter, Director of Programs and Outreach at Equality Ohio, the state’s advocacy organization for LGBT issues. “We are pleased to see more of Ohio’s faith community take this important and courageous step declaring that discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity will not be tolerated in Ohio, regardless of where a person lives, works or plays.” “I am pleased to have so many of Ohio’s faith voices join me in supporting HB176,” said Rev. Michael Castle, Board Chair of Equality Ohio. “Together we can advocate for social policies that are long overdue in Ohio. The support of the Ohio Council of Churches should make one thing clear: equality in housing, employment and public accommodations is an issue that people of faith in Ohio can support.”

Wellman took the position stating that ultimately this change will be most beneficial to her long-term personal goals and career objectives. Wellman expressed her sentiments saying, “Working for Kaleidoscope Youth Center has been a remarkable experience, and I have enjoyed my tenure here...Even though I will miss the youth, our collaborators, my colleagues, and the Center, I am looking forward to starting this new phase of my career.”

ANGIE WELLMAN TO LEAVE KALEIDOSCOPE Kaleidoscope Executive Director Angie Wellman announced that she leave the youth center after seven years of service on January 15, 2010. Wellman has accepted a position with the Multicultural Center at The Ohio State University.

Wellman also says she will be active in the community and will most likely maintain a presence and familiar activities and events through her new role with the Multicultural Center. Wellman wishes Kaleido-

Mayor Coleman announced that he was rescinding a decision to increase parking meter rates throughout the entire city of Columbus. The city had decided to increase parking meter rates by 50% without input from the community. As stated by the Short North Business Association, the increase would have “cost patrons 15 quarters for parking just to exercise for two hours at the Long Street YMCA... on a Saturday,” and, “it will cost 9 quarters for parking to have a one-hour lunch at Tip Top on Gay Street (18 quarters if you want to stay for two hours).” Director of Public Service, Mark Kelsey, said the rate was coming in part because there had been no citywide rate increase in more than 13 years, though there had been increases in particular parts of the city. After outcry from the public including an open letter from the Short North Business Association, the mayor decided to halt the meter rate increase. The Short North Business Association said they, “look forward to working with [the mayor] and his team to reach mutually beneficial and agreeable solutions to raising funds for the Convention Hotel and replacing aging meter heads.”

NAGAAA DELEGATES VISIT COLUMBUS The Columbus Lesbian and Gay Softball Association will host the annual North American Gay Amateur Athletic Alliance (NAGAAA) winter meeting at the Hyatt on Capitol Square January 29-31. The NAGAAA Board and delegates representing 37 cities will be in Columbus in advance of the Columbus 2010 Gay Softball World Series (GSWS). Please join us at the delegate receptions to welcome NAGAAA and show the delegates how excited we are to

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january 2010

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CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Jennifer Vanasco, Deborah Steele, Wayne Besen, Rolanda Copley, Ashley Grimes, Regina Sewell, William Ashley, Gregg Shapiro, Aaron Leventhal, Romeo San Vicente, Jack Fertig, Simon Sheppard, Dan Savage, Marcus Morris, Mette Bach, Elliot Fishman, Mickey Weems, Jason Tanner, Michael Daniels, Chris Hayes

CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Danner-Morris, Robert Trautman, Andrea Haley, Nikki Mumolo, cowtowndesign.com Cover photo: Nikki Mumolo INTERNS Dominic Presutto, Phillecia Cochran, Stephanie Booth

Who says you can’t find a job in this market? Kaleidoscope has an opening right now. So does the Cleveland GLBT Community Center.

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The dandy in the Level ad is cupping his glass much in the same way Traut cups Candiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s balls!

january 2010

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january 2010

Welcome Innova Financial Group, our latest fantastic Network Columbus sponsor!

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LOW (od

Jerry Rhodes’s Business Builders Building Business through Partnerships by Elliot Fishman Rhodes said his clients range from dentists and Jerry Rhodes knows a lot about the adversity his engineers to retailers and florists. “We even small business clients can face: payrolls, budg- work with some rock bands,” he noted. ets, taxes, financial statements - or even a natural disaster, like a flood or fire. The company was founded when Rhodes and Mallet - who was also his boss at a large acHe should know. A fire nearly destroyed his busi- counting center - were talking about job satisness. faction. “I said to her, ‘we’re accountants. We’re not supposed to have job satisfaction,” Rhodes A 2008 fire gutted the Grandview Avenue offices said, laughing. of Business Builders, the bookkeeping and fiscal services firm Rhodes owns with longtime friend Actually, the pair decided they could be very satKim Mallet. isfied, indeed, if they could help entrepreneurs and business owners succeed. “We thought we had lost everything,” said Rhodes, who noted that his employees were in “Kim said, ‘I know a lot of people who have the office at the time of the fire and called in the great ideas, but they don’t know how to turn alarm. them into a business,” said Rhodes. Business Builders, he said, was founded to do just what A year and a half later, Business Builders has it- the business’ name implies: helping people self been rebuilt. Many client records were recov- build their businesses. ered, insurance helped replace equipment and furnishings, and the company moved to sleek Reasonable pricing is an important part of the new offices at the corner of Grandview and firm’s success, said Rhodes. Dublin Roads. “Most people can’t afford to pay $200 to $250 Rhodes, meanwhile, uses his experience as a an hour for something just tangentially related teachable moment for his clients. to their business,” he said, “we decided we could do it for less money than the bigger firms “I’m going to be pushing my clients to measure charge.” their success - not only in terms of finances, but in terms of customer service and even their own For example, Rhodes said their hourly rate starts personal satisfaction, he said. The fire, he said, at about $75 an hour. Individual tax returns made him re-examine his own measures of suc- start at $75, and partnership and corporate recess. turns start at $200 and $500, respectively. Business Builders can do a company’s payroll for as Business Builders provides small- and medium- little as $35 per pay. sized businesses with value-priced bookkeeping and tax preparation services. Rhodes said the Rhodes noted that they tailor the amount of firm’s business model focuses on four core serv- services to the clients’ needs. ice areas: QuickBooks integration, basic bookkeeping, payroll, and tax returns for businesses “For some of our clients, we’re over there once a and individuals. The only services the company week, doing payroll, paying bills, doing taxes,” does not provide are those related to audits. he said. “For others, we may just do monthly or quarterly checkups.” “Entrepreneurs know a lot about the products or services they offer, “ he said, “but they often One other way in which Business Builders differdon’t know a lot about the mechanics of owning entiates itself is its ability to create networks of a business. We can take over those functions, so similar clients. For example, Rhodes explained that they can concentrate on the core business.” that he works with several “green” businesses

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and plans to bring them all together, so that they can learn from and find synergy with each other. In fact, the company is creating its own network of accountants and accounting firms. “So many accountants are isolated and reluctant to pick up a phone when they have questions or aren’t sure how to approach a situation,” Rhodes said. “We thought that having a friendly network of accounting businesses would benefit all of us. Business Builders, Rhodes said, also wants to help build the LGBT community.

$25 to Stonewall. “It’s a way that I can help my customers and my community,” he said.

“I am especially passionate about the Stonewall Community Center and also the Point Founda- To find out more about Business Builders or to tion,” the scholarship program for LGBT youth, just say “hi” to Jerry, contact him at he said. 614.486.5480 or jrhodes@businessbuildersinc.org. You can also meet Jerry at the January In fact, Business Builders is sponsoring a tax13th Network Columbus being held at the Busiseason fundraiser for Stonewall. The company ness Builders offices located at 815 Grandview will prepare tax returns at the community center Ave, Suite 150 - 43220. This free event includes on Friday, February 19. For each tax return pre- complimentary booze and food. Yeah! pared that day - or prepared from appointments made that day - Business Builders will donate

Isn’t he just sooo cute! You just want to pinch his cheeks. Either set.

january 2010

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State Treasurer Kevin Boyce:

Census Creates Jobs, Determines Resources and Representation by Michael Daniels

MD: How are the data used and what difference does it make? Every ten years, it comes around. The US Cen- KB: Every year, the federal government allosus, with its forms and workers striving to cates more than $400 billion to states and count every individual in the United States. His- communities based, in part, on census data. torically, GLBT folks have been underrepreCensus data affect school budgets, including sented – our relationships didn’t officially even the distribution of Title 1 funding and college exist. But with the 2010 Census, all that tuition grant and loan programs. Funding for changes. new construction such as highways and hospitals; community services and school lunch proState Treasurer (and former Columbus City grams are also affected by census data. Councilmember) Kevin Boyce chairs the 2010 Community planners use census data to deterComplete Count Committee for the State of mine where to build new development and Ohio. We asked him the how, what, why, and where to provide public transportation. Particiwho cares of the upcoming count. pation is important as it directly affects the quality of life in your community. In addition, Michael Daniels: What is a Census? What the Census data will help to determine Ohio’s questions are asked? representation in the U.S. House of RepresentaKevin Boyce: Article 1 Section 2 of the U.S. Con- tives during the next decade. stitution mandates a population count every ten years of everyone residing in the United MD: When does the Census begin and end? States: in all 50 states, Puerto Rico, and the Is- KB: In mid March census questionnaires are land Areas. The count includes all residents – mailed and delivered to households. April 1, people of all ages and races; citizens and 2010 is Census Day. In late April/early May noncitizens. The count determines the number Census takers will begin making visits to of seats each state will have in the U. S. House households that did not return a questionnaire of Representatives. With only ten questions, the by mail. On December 31, 2010 the Census Census questionnaire is easy to complete. Bureau delivers population counts to the PresiHouseholds are asked to provide key demodent. graphic information, including: whether a housing unit is rented or owned; the address of MD: When are the collected data available? the residence and the names, genders, ages KB: The basic population count for the nation and races of others living in the household. will be on our President’s desk by December 31, 2010. In March of 2011 the Census Bureau de-

january 2010

livers redistricting data to the states. MD: How many jobs are created by the Census? How much do these jobs pay? KB: 1.4 million temporary workers will fill a variety of positions across the country. Pay ranges from $8.75 to $19.50 an hour depending on the job and location. In Ohio we are projected to fill over 20,000 jobs. Some of these jobs could last until the end of July. These jobs can range anywhere from 20-40 hours a week and are perfect for those currently in transition, snowbirds, college students and those simply just trying to supplement their income. For a list of jobs in the Ohio area, visit: ohiomeansjobs.com to view the complete listing. To sign up to take the test, call 866.261.2010 or visit www.census.ohio.gov for more information.

partner” or “husband/wife” and who live in the same household and file on the same form will be counted as a same-sex couple. Data products will show numbers of same-sex couples, as well as a breakdown of both categories (unmarried partner and spouse). One thing to note is that for the first time in the history of the US Census, there will be a special report on samesex couples, which will show demographic information such as: race and ethnicity, geographic location and whether families have children. MD: How should transgender people answer the question regarding sex- should they check the sex they were assigned at birth or the one that reflects their gender identity/expression at the present time? KB: The census relies on self-identification. Transgender individuals should self-identify on the form as male or female – how they see themselves.

MD: Does the 2010 Census ask about sexual orientation or gender identification? Why or why not? KB: Orientation and gender identification are not asked on the 2010 Census Decennial form. MD: Where can I go to learn more about the The US Congress determines what questions Census? are asked on the Census form. KB: We have a link on our website (www.ohiotreasurer.org) or you can directly go MD: If the Census doesn’t ask about sexual to www.census.ohio.gov for more details. orientation, how will GLBT couples - married and unmarried - be counted? [Ed Note: Want to encourage the government to KB: Same-sex couples who self-identify will be actively count all GLBT people by asking the counted in official bureau data products after question directly on the Census form? Visit the 2010 Census concludes. Two people of the www.queerthecensus.org for information.] same gender who self-identify as “unmarried

People in racially mixed households should have the person of color as person number one on their Census form. It makes a HUGE difference in counting!

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COMMUNITY RESOURCES

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Malcolm, we love you AND your Mama!

january 2010

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President Obama; It Is Still Climate Time by Deborah Steele Last month in Copenhagen Denmark world leaders come together to negotiate a new international treaty to replace the Kyoto Treaty (the protocol to the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change aimed at combating global warming). As this is being written the outcome of these negotiations remains unknown. Overall our history on climate change is nothing to be proud of; we all recall hearing about how the United States never signed the Kyoto Protocol. Now we have a President who is quoted as saying “the issue of climate change is one that we ignore at our own peril” yet the writing on the wall is not so clear if we are finally going to join the world in working together to help solve this crisis. When Obama took office the goal was to work on passing strong science-based legislation here at home before the climate summit in Copenhagen, (what became known as cap and trade) in order to come to the table with substantial emission reduction targets already in place. This would have allowed the United States to show up in better standing with the global community rather than being the ridiculous largest historic emitter of greenhouse gasses who has yet to own up to our responsibility. To no surprise corporate polluters are extremely intimidated by the notion of ending our dangerous dependence on fossil fuels and are actively pressuring our elected officials and citizens not to kick our bad habit. The climate legislation introduced in Congress this past spring became so weakened by these culprits that it falls far short of what science says we must do in order to avoid runaway climate change. There are deep well-lined pockets behind this deplorable mission to undermining climate legislation. Since Obama has taken office, on a low estimate, polluters are spending over $300,000 every day to put off ending our addiction to dirty energy sources. While the summit has ended, their funding to impede action that works to solve our climate problems will not cease anytime soon. Their tactics include creating confusion around the science of climate change and if the conversation shifts to the necessity of addressing climate change, they play the blame game and say China will only con-

january 2010

tinue to pollute. While it is true all countries need to be working towards solutions, to date we continue to not admit our responsibility in this, nor have we instated any legislation that will significantly reduce our greenhouse gas emissions by 2020. These characters hope we do not pay attention to the fact that China has already surpassed the United States in solar panel and wind turbine manufacturing. Overall these thugs don’t really care where the conversation or argument goes as long as we don’t take action, resulting in them continuing to roll in record profits while destroying our planet. Tackling global warming, this is the issue of our generation and will define the Obama presidency. While this is a big problem, people uniting to take on oppressors is a story that has played out before. As long as there have been groups profiting off of others they will do anything to maintain their stronghold. While at the moment we may be holding the world back in solving climate change, the United States has a strong history of overcoming huge obstacles once we become significantly appalled by an atrocity. The excellent news is the majority of citizens want our government to take strong action to address climate change. Today what is needed is a social movement on the same scale as the civil rights era that demands our elected officials take science-based action. More and more people understand not only the necessity but the opportunity to solve this problem. Already, Toledo, Ohio produces the most solar panels in the country. We have the manufacturing base to build the new technologies right here in our state. Building green energy sources will provide two to three times more energy than fossil fuels can and at the same time provide a safer climate. Even though the summit has ended, there is no better time to be sure the President hears your voice on this matter. No matter what happens in Copenhagen, it will be the people power that gets our country back on track. Right now you can log on to greenpeace.org to see our take on the outcome of Copenhagen and learn how you can get more involved. This is the time to remain steadfast and urge Obama to carry out his campaign promises of tackling climate change. Mr. President, we still need a leader, not a politician.

If Obama doesn’t take action after seeing that Knut look-a-like, he never will.

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Meredith, you’ve got style by Mette Bach

But more to the point, I think her invisibility in the media has something to do with her age and gender and her calmness as a human being.

This is why it rocked my world when Baxter made her big announcement, even Maybe it’s because I watched all of her though she acknowledged that she was made-for-TV movies. merely telling her side of the story before As a real-life mother of five, Baxter either the tabloids exposed her. Maybe it’s because the theme song to kept the cameras away from her family or Family Ties still gets stuck in my head else the cameras weren’t interested be- Still, when was the last time a woman now and then. cause, in spite of her multiple marriages, over 60 was given the airtime to discuss there was nothing juicy to uncover. sexuality at all? And here was Baxter, a Maybe it’s because, growing up in suburbeautiful and clearly together woman bia in the 1980s, television played a for- Baxter is not the stuff of headlines. Like talking about a moment she could have midable role in raising me, teaching me Elyse Keaton, Baxter seems pretty kept private. what was right and wrong and what was grounded. Sure, she starred in TV movies normal. Nothing said “normal” quite like playing characters who were out of con- “This is a political act, even though family sitcoms - this is frightening, I trol: she taught me about eating disorthat’s not what it feels like to me,” she know. ders, drug addiction and murderous said. “If anybody knows someone who’s divorcees raging against their ex-husgay or lesbian... they’re less likely to vote So when Meredith Baxter told the world bands. against them to take away their rights... she’s a lesbian, I couldn’t help but smile. If I can be that lesbian you know now But all along the media treated her as okay.” Baxter, who played my favorite TV mom, though her own life mirrored the safe sitElyse Keaton, has generally kept herself com that made her career. Baxter publicly outing herself reminded out of the spotlight. In part, this says me that the most radical way to treat something about her ability to negotiate Granted, the Keaton family were the hip- sexuality is to make it normal. And if Baxpersonal space and privacy for herself pies on the block, willing to discuss teen ter isn’t the perfect person to do that, I and her family in an industry obsessed pregnancy and make jokes about Readon’t know who is. with the minutiae of celebrity gossip. gan, but their Ohio home was still a bastion of normality and heterosexuality. outlookcolumbus.com

I bet we’ve been together for a million years, and I bet we’ll be together for a million more... sha la la.

january 2010

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The New GLBT Pope Problem by Wayne Besen It is time to admit that the gay community has a gigantic Pope problem. Under the leadership of Benedict XVI, the Vatican has become an implacable foe of liberalism, modernity and basic rights for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. Rome has eagerly jumped with both feet into America’s culture wars and is working on a global scale to punish or purge ideological dissenters within the church. This aggressive activism presents a formidable new front in the fight for parity one with considerable political clout and financial resources. Last week, a coalition of totalitarian religious activists and radical clerics joined forces to unveil the “Manhattan Declaration” at Washington’s National Press Club. This rambling manifesto, written by former Watergate felon Chuck Colson, called for “Christians” to disobey laws they didn’t fancy and to ignore civil rights laws that protected GLBT people from discrimination. It was a dishonest document filled with historical revisionism that promoted theocracy, encouraged anarchy and supported the dissolution of the rule of law. It falsely portrayed right wing Christians as vic-

january 2010

tims, even as they pledged to work tirelessly to Catholic involvement with arch-conservative deny equality to those who would not adhere politics is growing by the day. In May, Catholic to their sectarian church rules. groups tried to stop President Barack Obama from speaking at a Notre Dame commenceAn extreme manifesto of such breathtaking ment ceremony because of his pro-choice pocynicism and insincerity is no surprise coming sition. from what passes for “leaders” in today’s evangelical circles. It was striking, however, Earlier this month, Providence Bishop Thomas that more than 15 key American Catholic Tobin put the clamp on Rep. Patrick Kennedy leaders signed on to the “Manhattan Declara- (D-RI), banning the lawmaker from communtion”. Signatories included heavyweights such ion because he is pro-choice. This was remias Timothy Dolan, Archbishop of New York and niscent of The St. Louis Archbishop refusing to Donald Wuerl, Archbishop of Washington, DC. give communion to Senator John Kerry during This was clearly a call to arms and a powerful his presidential campaign. signal that the Roman Catholic Church is taking their gloves off to fight political battles in The Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis America. has suddenly begun to steer GLBT Catholics to 12-step programs that promise to “cure” hoThis hands-on involvement from Rome has mosexuality or support them in a lifelong passed the “trend” stage and appears to be celibacy. The Catholic Diocese in Sioux Falls, official policy. Consider the significant inSouth Dakota urged its 128-thousand memvolvement the Catholic Church had in stripbers to oppose an attempt to bring legalizing ping marriage rights away from GLBT couples embryonic stem cell research to a public referin a Maine referendum held earlier this month. endum. (I guess the sacrosanct “people’s right to vote” on controversial social issues In the same manner, on June 11, the Washing- only applies to same-sex marriage) ton, DC Archdiocese threatened to abandon the homeless and quit charity work in the Dis- In fighting back, we must remember that the trict if it had to comply with anti-discrimina- Vatican is launching these attacks from a potion laws. Catholic Charities had the audacity sition of weakness. It has yet to recover its to believe it was entitled to collect $8.2 million moral authority from public exposure of ramin tax dollars meant to serve all DC residents, pant child sexual abuse scandals that cost and then still get to handpick whom it deems the Church billions of dollars in legal settleworthy of assistance. ments.

What in the Hell are those things on his scarf? Letter openers? Club sandwich picks? Catholic throwing stars?

The Vatican appears to be acutely aware it is losing its worldwide market share. It is basically defunct in the Middle East, where the religion began, and on life-support in Western Europe, where it once prospered. In Africa, Rome competes with Islam and Anglicanism for a shrinking slice of the pie. (Who can forget that while in Africa the Pope said condoms could make the AIDS crisis worse?) South America, one of its few remaining strongholds, is losing Roman Catholics to evangelical faiths by the millions. Instead of competing against the conservative evangelical brand, Pope Benedict has decided to embrace it, shaping a conspicuously political Catholicism that embraces extremism and drives out dissenters. The Vatican has become so doctrinaire that it recently launched an invasive probe into the lives of America’s 60,000 nuns to enforce anachronistic rules. In January, Benedict welcomed back excommunicated Bishop Richard Williamson who denied that millions of Jews died in Nazi death camps. Fortunately, Benedict is a cold, unsympathetic figure and the majority of American Catholics often ignore his edicts. The strategy for the GLBT community should be to stand up to Rome and help mobilize mainstream Catholics to fight back against an authoritarian Pontiff who is hell-bent on making the Catholic Church as unpopular and unappealing as His Holiness. outlookcolumbus.com

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Krav Maga is a mixed martial art developed by the Israeli army, and used by their scary intelligence agency, the Mossad! Chad found out the hard way.

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Rights, Slights and Wrongs by Regina Sewell You pray to God each day /That your son won’t turn out gay And your daughter won’t bring home / Someone like me Timbuk 3 “Prey” Stage a demonstration / And call on every dove To pass the legislation / To legalize our love Legalize it /Legalize our love Timbuk 3 “Legalize our Love” Six states, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont and New Hampshire, now allow same sex couples to legally wed. Last October, President Obama signed legislation that makes assaulting someone for his or her sexual orientation or gender identity a federal crime and he’s vowed to purge “don’t-askdon’t-tell-but-we’ll-still-beat-the-crap-out-of-you-and-do-ourbest-to-purge-you-from-the-military-because-we-can” from the books. A celebration is in order, and yet those state laws don’t really translate into full legal rights because the Defense of Marriage Act, (DOMA) prevents the federal government from recognizing same sex marriage. And, states like California and Maine also passed legislation legalizing gay marriage only to repeal those rights the first chance voters got. And even though it’s nice to hear a president say he supports us, we’ve learned that talk is cheap when it comes to our rights. That’s how we got stuck with DOMA and “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” in the first place.

“practicing” gay or lesbian pastors. It’s hearing people you grew up tell you, “marriage should be between a man and a woman.” It’s hearing someone who claims to love you tell you that you’re going to hell. And it’s the pain of worrying deep down inside that something’s wrong with you because you’re different and wondering if your parents really love you. The best way, I think, to deal with these and other slights and wrongs is to use “emotional judo.” In judo, the idea is to bend and blend with the attack and use the attacker’s force against them. This makes it possible for someone small to successfully defend themselves against someone very large. In practice, it’s like a dance that, if executed properly, will get the target of the attack out of the way so that they don’t take a direct blow.

“Emotional judo” is a different way to “dance” with the attacker. It gets us, (at least our ego) out of the way so that we don’t get knocked out by the impact of the hurtful policy, action or words. Emotional judo involves eliminating the “hooks” that allow those policies, actions, and words to hurt us emotionally. To do this, remind yourself that those policies, actions or words are not about you. They are rooted in other people’s anger, fear and greed. Another crucial part of eliminating the hooks involves doing meditation, journaling and/or therapy to heal the wounds that make the policies or words hurt so badly. For example, many people in my generation grew up feeling, deep in the core of our being, that being queer was really, really bad. We got the message, either directly or indirectly, that being attracted to someone of the same sex or deviating from society’s Meanwhile, conservative groups like the Family Research gender scripts was not acceptable. The message many of us Council, The Traditional Values Coalition, The Christian Coaliinternalized was something like, “I’m unacceptable as I am. If I tion, Focus on the Family, Concerned Women for America, Amer- don’t act straight or like a real boy or real girl, my parents won’t ican Family Association, and the Southern Baptists are doing love me. And if my parents don’t really love me, I’m not worth their best to make sure that we never get basic rights. Add to loving.” This is a core wound. Removing that hook involves rethis that nut jobs like Fred Phelps and his merry band of hate moving the connection between the message and our own mongers (famous for protesting Matthew Shepard’s funeral sense of worthiness. It means coming to a place where we feel flaunting “God Hates Fags” signs), periodically grab the that we are absolutely and completely worth loving just as we media’s attention with a new twist on gay bashing. are, warts, queerness, size, annoying habits and all. While the political maneuvering and hate rhetoric are frustrating and annoying, it’s the day to day “slights and wrongs” that really hurt. It’s the frustration of learning that if you and your partner were a “real” married couple, you’d be covered by insurance for an extra $150 a month, but since your relationship isn’t recognized, you are expected to pay $450 a month for the same benefit. And you have to pay taxes on that “benefit” because of DOMA. It’s realizing that your insurance doesn’t cover the child you and your partner had or adopted together if you weren’t the birth parent or person who signed the adoption papers. It’s the realization that you lost all rights to the house you’ve been helping to pay for or providing in-kind services such as housecleaning, laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, and home repairs when you and your partner broke up because the FHA loan you got wouldn’t let an unmarried couple sign off on it and the mortgage is not in your name*. At a more emotional level, it’s hearing your nephews and nieces say, “That’s so gay” when they are putting each other down. It’s having a snotty nosed teenager yell, “fag” or “dyke” when you cross the street. It’s hearing your parents refer to your partner as your landlord. It’s feeling your partner’s discomfort when you reach for his or her hand at a family birthday party because they are afraid that their family will be uncomfortable with this overt display of affection. It’s the sense of fear you feel every time you come out to the Maytag repairman, the hotel reservations agent, your doctor, or the random person in your yoga class because you don’t know how they’ll react. It’s the sense of self-disgust you feel because you sometimes let people assume your partner is a member of the opposite sex. It’s knowing that many churches who claim to be GLBT friendly still won’t ordain

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Taking action also helps defuse some of the sting of slights and wrongs. Rather than sitting passively and feeling sorry for yourself, come out, make noise, protest, call and/or e-mail your legislators, and speak to the folks in the HR departments where you work about discriminatory company policies. Confront harassers and gently but firmly educate folks that just don’t get it that their statements are not OK. Taking action will not only help you, it will help all of us. For more suggestions about how to work through the emotional baggage that allows you to get hooked into anger, shame and other negative emotions and/or for help with responding to emotional and physical attacks, check out my book, “We’re Here! We’re Queer! Get Used to Us!” It’s available through my website: www.ReginaSewell.com. * I know that you’d like to believe that your partner (or their family in the case of your partner’s death) would never screw you, but death and break-ups bring out the worst in people. In such circumstances, people say and do things you’d never imagine. If you have children, joint property or shared finances, it’s best to meet with an attorney familiar with working with GLBT clients to get your wills in order and to legalize your financial agreements.

Regina Sewell is a mental health counselor. To ask a question, propose a column topic, read about her approach to counseling, or check out her books and other writing, go to: www.ReginaSewell.com. Her most recent publication, “Sliding Away” can be found in Knowing Pains: Women on Love, Sex and Work in Our 40s, edited by Molly Rosen.

The Family Research Council, The Christian Coalition, DOMA, Don’t ask Don’t Tell...at least Lady Gaga is on our side.

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Merri Bame is Chadâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s communication coach. We imagine she sometimes finds that overwhelming.

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18 january 2010

Why do the spa lesbians have cocaine on their lips? Or is it rock salt? Or were they just kissing Nina after her Confections Tour?

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Don’t ask, Don’t give by Jennifer Vanasco

The idea is this:

President Barack Obama was AWOL when it came to the marriage vote in Maine and the partnership vote in Washington. The DNC was worse, actively working against us by sending out an email to Maine Democrats asking them to campaign for New Jersey Gov. Jon Corzine – instead of asking them to man phones in their home state, working for marriage equality. Despite a supposed commitment to gay civil rights expressed in the DNC platform and by the Obama campaign and administration, there has been relative silence on our issues. That needs to change. And thanks to John Aravosis and Joe Sudbay, it’s about to. Aravosis and Sudbay run the political website Americablog and this week, angry about the Administration’s inaction around Maine, they declared they had enough. So they are launching a financial boycott of Democrats called “Don’t Ask, Don’t Give.” outlookcolumbus.com

The most powerful tools we have to fight this sort of blindness are money and media Gays and lesbians should stop giving money attention, and this boycott highlights both, to the DNC and President Obama until ENDA because they get less money but more passes and Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and DOMA (negative) media attention. are overturned. It’s a brilliant strategy. “It’s really more of a ‘pause,’” than a boycott,” Aravosis and Sudbay say on America- As Americablog says: “Democratic leaders blog.com. “Boycotts sounds so final, and see the LGBT community as a guaranteed angry. Whereas this campaign is temporary, source of cash, regardless of their broken and is only meant to help some friends promises. They think we, and those who President Obama and the Democratic party support us, have nowhere else to go, that - who have lost their way. We are hopeful there’s nothing we can do. It’s time to draw that via this campaign, our friends will keep our own line in the sand, and use the one their promises.” thing that matters to the Democratic Party: our money.” This is exactly the right thing to do. For this strategy to work, we all need to join Americablog lists almost 40 grievances, in on the boycott. First, you should get over large and small, against the President, the to Americablog and sign the pledge form – leader of the Democratic Party. Together, and stick to it. the grievances paint a portrait of a man who is not just refusing to show leadership But even that’s not far enough. The DNC on our issues – he seems unaware of why needs to know that this is not laziness. It’s our issues are important. not just that the economy is lousy or that we want to spend more money on Christmas And the DNC, despite including us in their presents. platform, seems to be hardly aware that, post-campaign, we exist.

So give as much as you can to a gay activist group, national or local, of your choice, instead. Send in the receipt for the donation to the DNC with a note explaining that your money went elsewhere and why. Will this hurt Democrats? Will it make it more likely that much more repressive Republicans get back in power? Americablog addresses these types of questions. Their answer is no – I fear that actually, the answer is yes. But that’s the point. The DNC and President Obama need to start taking us seriously. They will only do that if we start affecting their pocketbook. Gays and lesbians raise a large amount of funds for the DNC. Until our major issues are addressed, it is time we close the gayTM. Don’t give until the DNC and Obama have met their obligations to us. We have waited long enough. Jennifer Vanasco is an award-winning, syndicated columnist. Email her at Jennifer.Vanasco@gmail.com; follow her at Twitter.com/JenniferVanasco.

I wonder how many other people confuse their Chase credit card with their debit card and rack up fees like Chris does? Anyone?

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EVEN

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by Mickey Weems 2009 was the Year of the Homophobe. Gay marriage initiatives are losing almost everywhere, it seems. We had our wake-up call in 2008 when a majority of the good citizens of California voted against Gay marriage. Since then, it’s been downhill. Our Gay leaders have done everything to sugar-coat the issue, even dropping the G-word. Instead of “gay marriage” (contains the offensive word “gay”) or “same-sex marriage” (contains the offensive word “sex”), the preferred term is “marriage equality.” Like that was going to fool anybody. We tried showing America how beautiful our couples are. We portrayed LGBTQ families as wholesome. It didn’t matter. More often than not, homophobes don’t see “gay” as people. They see us as it - an incoherent mass of non-procreative sex acts. Defective, immoral, and inferior when compared to Straight.

ports of angry queers chasing the police, yelling, “GET ‘EM! FUCK ‘EM!” Women and men alike took to the streets and shouted, “GAY POWER!” But even “gay” was too much for some of us. The rainbow flag was also too scandalous, so some of our more timid and power-hungry siblings (HRC) decided to whitewash the gay right out of their movement, and restricted their colors to blue and yellow, leaving out communist red, tree-hugger green, flaming orange and that faggy, faggy shade of lavender. Pink, of course, was out of the question. Squares don’t like triangles. Years later, we can see for ourselves just how effective the HRC has been. Not. An Immodest Proposal One huge problem with Gay identity is Straight people’s obsession with SEX, same-SEX marriage, and homoSEXuals. They look at us and they see cocksuckers, carpet munchers, and fudge-packers. But we can use their fixation on sex to our advantage. Rather than pandering to their sensitivities, let’s capitalize on that obsession.

Not only is “gay” an insult among our youth (as in “Ugh, that’s so gay”), it’s also a punishment. When Major Nidal Malik Hasan murdered his fellow soldiers in Fort Hood, the reaction of American bigots was to accuse all Muslims. The solution: kick all openly Muslim military personnel out of the Armed Forces. In other Let’s fuck with homophobes by ridiculing their silly words, treat them like they were Gay. ideas based vaguely on sex, like the Defense of Marriage Act. No real surprise, this recent attempt at the gayification of Muslim Americans, since Muslims are beaten up If only Straights can get married because of the sancabout as much as Gays are. And those of us who are tity of procreative sex, then all non-procreative sex openly Gay and openly Muslim, holy shit! We are walk- should be considered Gay, and restricted to our people ing punching bags. only. For example: What to do about homophobes? I say let’s fuck with them. If I can paraphrase Hank Williams, Jr., fucking with homophobes is our family tradition. A Proud History of Fucking We have always been an offensive people, even when we don’t mean to be.

The Gay Vagenda and Vanilla Marriage: DOMA Versus DOSCA 20 january 2010

Back in the early days before Stonewall, activists tried their best to be inoffensive and even invisible. They called themselves “homophiles” because “homosexual” was too scandalous. An early American Lesbian organization called itself the Daughters of Bilitis (DOB) for that same reason. Homophiles and the DOB required their members to dress and behave gender-appropriately. Can’t have butch women or queeny men setting us back, can we? But eventually the Daughters came out and said, “Fuck off” in their own way. They held the first National Lesbian Convention in 1960, despite the fact that calling a woman a “lesbian” was considered an insult, and “lesbianism” was treated like a communicable disease.

“Sucking cock has been an important tradition for those of us who are Gay men. As such, it is an insult to us if Straight women suck cock, especially if they have husbands. They betray the sanctity of vanilla marriage.” We could call it the Defense of Sucking Cock Act or DOSCA. And let’s add a DOEPA, DOBFA, and even DOBOA (for defense of cunnilingus, anal sex, and masturbation, respectively). Although procreative sex is popular among Straights, non-procreative is even more so, married or otherwise. If we could get Straight Americans to associate Gay people with the pleasures of spicy Straight baby-free lovemaking, we’d have our rights in no time. On a Side Note: In Praise of Oral’s Sex As if to cosmically prove my point in a rather twisted fashion, televangelist Oral Roberts died on the same day the City Council in Washington DC voted to legalize Gay marriage, which is the very day I am writing this article (December 15).

Here is a quote (word for word, and completely out of It wasn’t until Stonewall, however, that we as a people context) from the late great Oral: “Only one organ publicly claimed the word “gay” and screamed it at made can bring forth light. It’s the male organ. It’s not the top of our collective lungs. It’s been ours ever since. in lesbianism.” When we went from “homophile” to “gay,” all sense of No, I guess a shining dick is not in lesbianism, except hetero propriety went out the window. The Stonewall as a novelty dildo. Thank you, Mr. Roberts, for amusing Riots were sparked by an unknown female dressed in us more than you’ll ever know. Requiescat in pace. men’s clothing who didn’t like being pushed into a paddy wagon and so decided to push back, and all hell broke loose. Later, a chorus line of drag queens fucked with riot police by performing dance routines in front of them and singing obscene songs. There are even re-

Don’t caress the hand too much or Kanye will come runnin’ out yellin’ ‘No Homo!’

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Mr. Frye once had a little too much “juice” at an Ani concert, and made himself his very own “untouchable face” somewhere in the bushes.

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The National Agenda by Elliot Fishman He begins the conversation talking about Congress and ends it talking about Columbus. She starts out with the March and finishes with the NAACP.

important,” said Nipper. “We heard it at the March on Washington and post Proposition 8 (California’s anti-marriage-equality referendum). But there’s a lot of opposition. We need to find meaningful and less sexy opportunities which can engender equality, perhaps at the administrative and regulatory level,” she said.

But when it comes to the LGBT political agenda, leaders of two very different national advocacy groups have remarkably similar goals for the coming year.

Health care may well present just such an opportunity. Advocates have worked to include LGBT equality in many aspects of the Obama health insurance overhaul and the bills before ConHuman Rights Campaign President Joe Solgress. To Solmonese, these measures will have monese, and the Rev. Darlene Nipper, Deputy Ex- significant impact on equality for gay and lesecutive Director of the National Gay & Lesbian bian families. Task Force, talked in separate interviews about the challenges of legislation, the importance of “When we went to the White House Summit on state and local organizing, and the value of Health Care a while back,” he said, “we pointed building on each other’s strengths. They also re- out that domestic partner benefits are taxed, vealed different - but complementary - apwhile the benefits for married couples are not.” proaches to the national movement for LGBT The summit participants, he said, were surprised rights. by this disparity. “We said, if this bill is really going to be about bringing health care opportuniThe two leaders identified three priority areas of ties, then we have to eliminate this unfair tax,” work for 2010: said the HRC exec. • Gaining equality for same-sex couples; • Making discrimination against LBGT persons Nipper took a somewhat broader approach to the illegal; and impact of health reform on. “It’s a great issue for • Repealing the military’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t the Task Force,” she said, “because we see LGBT Tell” policy. people and we see people who are LGBT who need access to health care.” She pointed out that “We have to take a very thoughtful approach, but the community is often ignored in federal health I’m confident we can make progress” to give care surveys and said that inclusion in these surLGBT persons “an equitable experience wherever veys would be a “critical piece” in making sure they are,” said Solmonese. He said last year’s that health care is uniformly accessible to LGBT passage of the Matthew Shepard and James persons. Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act was the “signature success” for the community and opens Investing efforts on other less-prominent measthe door for movement on the other three goals. ures can also have a high return. The Family Medical Leave Act, which requires businesses to Nipper agreed: “2010 will be a meaningful and provide leave to employees whose family mempowerful year,” she said, pointing to some of the bers have medical problems, currently does not policy successes of last year, including counting define family to include same-sex couples. MakGLBT households in the upcoming U.S. Census, ing the definition more inclusive may not seem redefining families for HUD housing programs, important, Solmonese said, “but if you’re a parand establishing an LGBT resource center at the ent who can’t take leave to tend to an ill partner Department of Health and Human Services. or child, the impact is huge.” Marriage Equality. Losses on state marriage equality issues in Maine and New York - plus the likely failure of the New Jersey legislature to affirm same-sex marriage - have clearly tempered national leaders’ appetite to pursue broad-brush approaches to the issue, such as the repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). Both Nipper and Solmonese spoke about same-sex marriage in more nuanced terms - mostly avoiding the use of the word “marriage” - but seemed assured that gains will be made to close the gap in equality for same-sex couples. “The community is at a place where this notion of full equality [for same-sex couples] is really

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GLBT movement. ENDA would add sexual orientation and gender identity to the list of prohibited types of employment discrimination under Federal law. “We anticipate it will pass,” said Nipper. Solmonese was a bit more cautious. “The President will sign whatever passes,” he said, “but we want to make sure that the bill we get is the bill we want. We have to be very thoughtful and careful with how it is managed.” He explained that as part of managing the bill, there have been a couple of delays in committee, so that it would not languish over the Congressional break and lose its momentum. The HRC president also noted that even with a

Both Nipper and Solmonese also suggested that passage may be possible for the Domestic Partner Benefits and Obligations Act, which would equalize the treatment of benefits for same-sex couples and their families. Nipper also proposed looking for additional equalization of benefits for LGBT Federal employees, such as the pension changes instituted by the Office of Personnel Management and the recent inclusion of domestic partners in policies affecting diplomats and other employees at the State Department.

Joe Solmonese

Employment. The long-pending Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) is poised for passage in 2010 and would be a major win for the

To learn more about HRC and NGLTF goto: www.hrc.org and www.thetaskforce.org.

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• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • outlook’s sponsored events • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

• • • • • • • • about town • • • • • • • • Art Pad Gallery, 4969 N High St, 614.888.8966, www.artpadgallery.com: Come see artwork from a variety of artists in line with the theme, “These are a few of my favorite things.” Artwork and holiday gifts will be for sale! Jan 5; until 6p.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 8 WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT SHOW? Josh Blue @ The Funny Bone, 145 Easton Town Center, SUNDAY, JANUARY 3 614.471.5653, www.columbus(PROBABLY) DOESN’T HAVE ANYTHING TO funnybone.com: Head over to The Funny Bone to see Josh Blue, winDO WITH TRANNIES Trans-Siberian Orchestra @ Na- ner of Last Comic Standing’s tionwide Arena, corner of Nation- 2006 season. Don’t be alarmed by that. He’s actually funny. Jan 8 wide and Neil, 614.246.2000, www.NationwideArena.com: If you - 10; Times vary by show; $20. thought you would never have to opportunity to see old men wish- TATTOOS FOR EVERYONE! ing they used to be in an 80s hair Moral Tales @ Havana, 862 N High St, 614.421.9697, columband, think again. Performing busnightlife.com: Scottie Niemet rockin’ Christmas classics, the brings you this night of Trans-Siberian Orchestra is in town and you can see them for a disco/house not like anywhere reasonable (or not so reasonable) else. Funky fun and good martinis price. Jan 3 & 5; 7:30p; $25, $38, every second Friday. 10p; free. $48, and $58. FRIDAY, JANUARY 15 HAPPY BIRTHDAY! TUESDAY, JANUARY 5 Chris Hayes’s B-day: Your faNET WORK IT January Speaker Breakfast @ vorite publisher turns 37 today. In Champps Lennox, 1827 Olenlieu of gifts, just find him a hustangy River Rd, 614.298.0833: band. Join guest speaker Sue Doody, President of Lindey’s Restaurant, SATURDAY, JANUARY 16 and the Columbus Young Profes- IT’S ALL ABOUT LAYERS & BEAN SOUP sionals Club for breakfast. NetWinter Hike @ Hocking Hills work in a casual setting and get State Park, State Route 664 in advice on business and careers. Hocking County, about 12 miles Even better than that, this event southwest of Logan, includes bagels, pastries, and 740.385.6842, www.hockcoffee. Yum! You must register inghillspark.com: Enjoy Winter’s for this event. Jan 5; 7:30a - 9a; splendor on this 6-mile trek from $5. Old Man’s Cave to Ash Cave. Layered clothing and good THERE’S NO REASON TO BE ASHAMED footwear recommended. Bean OF THOSE LEG WARMERS! soup, corn bread and hot cocoa Punk Rock “Aerobics” @ Surely are available at Cedar Falls for a Girl Saloon, 1126 N High St, donation. A shuttle bus returns 614.294.4900, www.surlygirlsa- hikers to Old Man’s Cave. Continloon.com: Run over to Surly Girl ual starts from 9a-11a; free. Saloon for tasty food and drinks or to get in a quick work out. IF YOU WANT TO PRETEND YOU’RE Semi-structured “aerobics” are CLASSY held every Tuesday and feature Dianne Reeves: Celebrating music by The Ramones, The Sarah Vaughan @ Vets Memorial Clash, and more. Jan 5 (every Center, 300 W Broad St, Tuesday); 6:30p - 8p. 614.221.4341, www.fcvm.com: Four-time grammy-winning jazz RAINDROPS ON ROSES AND WHISKERS vocalist Dianne Reeves will inON KITTENS voke the memory of “The Divine “These Are A Few Of My Favorite One.” Vaughan’s career spanned Things” Holiday Group Show @ several decades and will be cele-

brated with this one time performance. Jan 16; 8p; $18, $25, $42, $45, $56, and $64.

mainstay. Come sweat both upstairs and down every fourth Friday. Fierce DJs and a diverse crowd found no where else in MONDAY, JANUARY 18 town make up this epic party. DOES THIS GIVE NEW MEANING TO EAT- Mom? Is that you? 10p; cover. ING OUT? SOME PEOPLE CAN STILL DIG CHICAGO. Restaurant Week @ Dozens of Participating Eateries. RestauSOME PEOPLE. rant Week in Columbus is in full Spinning Wheel @ The Southern force. Participating establishTheatre, 21 E Main St, ments will be offering a 3-course 614.340.1896: Featuring famed menu to patrons at a fixed, musician Bruce Wermuth, come cheaper price (and no, the price enjoy the music of Blood, Sweat, does not account for your kickin’ & Tears and Chicago. If that’s back a few). The Mid Ohio Food your thing, then this is your thing. Bank will benefit from this week- Jan 22 & 23; 8p; $49, $46, and long event. They’ll receive a $41. $5,000 donation on behalf of the participating restaurants and THURSDAY, JANUARY 28 (614) Magazine. A full list of BECAUSE DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE WON’T BE HERE restaurants can be found at www.restaurantweekcolumbus.co Owl City @ The Lifestyle Communities Pavilion, 405 Neil Ave, m. Reservations are highly recommended. Jan 18 - Jan 23; Any- 614.461.LIVE (5483), promowestlive.com: Now is your chance to time; $15-$35. get a thousand hugs from ten thousand lightning bugs. OpenEDUCATE YOURSELF Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day @ ing for Death Cab Owl City is Every Place In The U.S. Take the Deas Vail and Lights. Maybe day to honor the work of Dr. Mar- they’re not too bad. This show tin Luther King, Jr. Jan 18; All was originally scheduled at NewDay; free. port Music Hall, but was moved when the show sold out. Jan 28; TUESDAY, JANUARY 19 6p; $14. DOES THIS HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE “STEP UP” MOVIES? SATURDAY, JANUARY 30 Alfred Hitchcock’s “The 39 NO THANK YOU, PINK FLOYD! Steps” @ The Palace Theatre, 34 Oz With Orchestra @ The Ohio W Broad St, 614.469.9850: Win- Theater, 39 E State St, ner of 2 Tony Awards, “The 39 614.469.0939: We all want our Steps” is a joy for all ages. This own pair of sparkly red heels, but comedy had a cast of only four some of us just can’t have them. performers playing over 150 Live vicariously and enjoy this characters! Jan 19 - Jan 24; 8p; classic movie with music re$22.50 and $52.50. moved and instead performed by a live orchestra. If not for the FRIDAY, JANUARY 22 music, just go to watch Judy runILLUMINATE YOUR NIGHT nin’ around lookin’ all fierce. Jan Andre Watts @ The Ohio Theater, 30; 7:30p; $18, $32, $33, $42, 39 E State St, 614.469.0939: If $45, $55, $56, and $64. you just read his name and found that a little light bulb went off in GOTTA LOVE BALLS your head, go check out Watts Grande Winter Ball @ The Ohio performing Beethoven’s “EmStatehouse, High & Broad, peror” concert. You’ll see his per- 614.466.3774, www.ohiostateformance and think, “Wow this house.org: Come waltz or simply was a great idea.” Jan 22 & 23; observe at the annual Grande 8p; $60, $48, $40, $32, $27, and Winter Ball. Hosted by Civil War $18. Choices! re-enactors, you can dress in Civil War attire or just as you are. MAKE YOU SWEAT Reservations are required. Jan Sweatin’ @ Axis, 775 N High St, 30; 7:30p - 9p; free! 614.291.4008, columbusnightlife.com: The alternative dance party finds a home at this

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FRIDAY, JANUARY 1 RESOLUTION #1: BECOME LESS OBSESSED WITH DRAG QUEENS New Year’s Day @ Your Personal Celebration Destination. Don’t lie. You spent New Year’s Eve getting’ loco. Spend the first with family, friends, loved ones, whoever. Sit around and make resolutions for the new year. Just don’t say you want to lose weight. You know you won’t stick with it.

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• • • • • Stylings Lee Press on Beard = $42.50 Vintage Miami Vice Jacket from Rag O Rama = $123.50 Armani Classic 2-Piece Tuxedo = $$1,995.00 Mister Right Packer VixSkin = $48.00 x 3

Royal Renegades starring in Fear and Men’s Clothing in Las Vegas January 2010

photography by robert trautman

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Bars-Clubs Sunday

Monday 27

11:00 AM Brunch & Showtunes @ U 6:00 PM Stippers @ Q Bar 8:00 PM Sunday Night Players @ Wall St 9:00 PM Strippers @ Score 9:30 PM Strippers @ Exile 10:00 PM Karaoke @ Level 10:30 PM Strippers @ Havana 11:00 PM Strippers @ Tradewinds II

Tuesday 28

12:00 PM Dollar Days @ Flex 1:00 PM Happy Hour @ Tremont 4:00 PM $2 Bitchy Mondays @ Club D 5:00 PM Happy Hour @ Blazers 8:00 PM Martini Monday @ Havana 8:00 PM Karaoke Monday @ U 9:00 PM Service Industry Night @ Level 10:00 PM Trivia & Comedy @ Q 10:00 PM Karaoke @ AWOL

3 11:00 AM Brunch & Showtunes @ U 6:00 PM Stippers @ Q Bar 8:00 PM Latin Dance Night @ Wall St 9:00 PM Strippers @ Score 9:30 PM Strippers @ Exile 10:00 PM Karaoke @ Level 10:30 PM Strippers @ Havana 11:00 PM Strippers @ Tradewinds II

10 11:00 AM Brunch & Showtunes @ U 6:00 PM Stippers @ Q Bar 8:00 PM Latin Dance Night @ Wall St 9:00 PM Strippers @ Score 9:30 PM Strippers @ Exile 10:00 PM Karaoke @ Level 10:30 PM Strippers @ Havana 11:00 PM Strippers @ Tradewinds II

17 11:00 AM Brunch & Showtunes @ U 6:00 PM Stippers @ Q Bar 8:00 PM Latin Dance Night @ Wall St 9:00 PM Strippers @ Score 9:30 PM Strippers @ Exile 10:00 PM Karaoke @ Level 10:30 PM Strippers @ Havana 11:00 PM Strippers @ Tradewinds II

24 11:00 AM Brunch & Showtunes @ U 6:00 PM Stippers @ Q Bar 9:00 PM Strippers @ Score 9:30 PM Strippers @ Exile 10:00 PM Karaoke @ Level 10:30 PM Strippers @ Havana 11:00 PM Strippers @ Tradewinds II

Wednesday 29

4:00 PM 5:00 PM 7:30 PM Club D 8:00 PM 8:00 PM mers