Keep‘em
Talking By: Oluyinka Marcus
As a woman of African descent, a professional counseling psychotherapist and a mother of two adult children, I have found that most children did not experience open conversations with their parents, especially around the topic of ‘sexuality.’ Sexuality is simply described as the ways in which people experience sexual feelings; that is, all human beings have that capacity for that experience. According to research, there is no specific age too early to discuss sexuality. When children watch movies or TV ads with sexual and relationship content, they may require clarification. When children ask, they deserve to know. Responses however must be tailored to their level of understanding. Maintaining regular conversations from a young age will help children better understand healthy sexuality as they grow older. Conversations around sexuality with children can be awkward at first, but it needs to be viewed as a normal practice. When speaking about sexuality, there is a tendency to project our feelings of ‘embarrassment’, triggering us to use euphemisms (using words like ‘private parts’ to replace words like vagina and penis). Some experts believe in using the real names from the get-go, however, parents can start where they are most comfortable. Age appropriateness in these conversations will be quite crucial. For instance, responding to the question about where babies come from will contain less detail to a five-year-old than to a ten-yearold. The conversations should start as soon as the child begins to differentiate genders. This is usually at about the age of three. From this age, children need to learn to name these ‘private parts’ and not leave things ambiguous. An important part of this process is to teach children how to respect their ‘private parts,’ and other children’s. 34 MELANISTIC
