Oct/Nov 2011

October/November 2011

REBUILDING AFTER SCANDAL

The Preacher’s DAUGHTER, The Baller’s WIFE

Why the Spiritually Mature are Leaving the Church

PEW TALK LIKE NO OTHER

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Pecan Tree Publishing is now accepting intern/voluntary and general contributions related to the overall theme of the respective publication issue (refer to editorial calendar). We are also accepting queries for rotating guest columnists and poetry/short fiction relative to per issue theme.

Thematic journalistic pieces submitted must:  Be between 2500 and 5000 words  Must be the author’s original work and a letter stating ownership must be included  Must clearly explore the theme/subject matter at hand through in-depth and properly accredited interviews from reputable sources, and must keep Christian tenets at the forefront  Story concept or outline must be presented to the editor, if a piece is not specifically assigned, and must be approved by the editor  Work must be turned in my stated issue deadlines.  A byline and author professional headshot must be included.

Guest columnists should submit:  A synopsis of their proposed column including suggested titles, a statement on how the column fits the vision of the publication, and whether column will be Question and Answer or narrative style. The same must be approved by Editor/Publisher  Columns must be between 1000 – 1750 words  Columns must be the author’s original work and any quoted sources must receive proper credit, according to Associated Press guidelines.  Work that espouses Christian beliefs and doctrines  Proper listing of Bible versions quoted (i.e. New King James Version)  Work that presents opinion with supporting thought steams Short Fiction submitted must:  Be between 2500 and 3500 words  Must be the author’s original work and a letter stating ownership must be included  Must espouse Christian beliefs and doctrine  The genre is Christian fiction, therefore personal testimonies not written in that format, should not be submitted.  Be romantic, inspiring, passionate without leaning towards erotica Poetry submitted must:  Be no longer than 40 lines  Must be the author’s original work and a letter stating ownership must be included  Must espouse Christian beliefs and doctrine  Cannot be slightly erotic but may infuse romance and passion, similar to the Songs of Songs (Solomon)

All work must be submitted via email and should include a brief one paragraph biography. Please submit a professional headshot as well; photographs may be featured with submission according to editor’s discretion and space allotment. All works should be submitted via email to: belovedmag@pecantreepress.com. All work is subject to editing.

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We believe in you and regardless of your circumstances you have the power to choose. SMEI owners are open to the Spirit of God in order to empower and raise consciousness as a change-agent within our community to make a difference in the lives of others. At the same time awaken an individual’s talent to create opulence in the midst of a global recession through the evaluation of strengths, weaknesses personal commitment and sacrifice.

Contact Us: Dr. Deborah Jones-Allen 305-343-4282 Rev. Yvonne Strachan 786-443-7406 Email: success.mountain@yahoo.com Success Mountain Empowerment Institute P.O. BOX 421789 Miami, FL 33242

contributors Beloved Magazine takes readers through an enchanting and enlightening walk through love, romance, relationships, passion, sexuÂŹality and sensuality all from the Christ perÂŹspective. Geared towards mature audiences, married and single, this publication is about learning to love self and others through a whole and holistic intimate and embracing relationship with God - first.

Margarette Jacob

Tavares Robinson

Kim Larkins Robinson

Tymira Mack

Dr. Dale A. Robbins

Cynthia D. Stargell

Publisher E. Claudette Freeman Editor-in-Chief Tymira Mack Associate Editor Carladean Ferguson Graphic Design Jenette Sityar Media/Publicity Cie Thomas Customer Service/Administrative Assistant Mary Brown Pecan Tree Publishing is a Emily C. Freeman Holdings, LLC company. ISSN 2159-3736 Online and ISSN 2159-3728.

For advertising, marketing or submission information, please feel free to contact our offices at: info@pecantreepress.com, 877207-2442, fax: 877-842-3263; or visit the website at: www.pecantreemags.com

PHOTOS COURTERSY OF: Telika Howard

PHOTOGRAPHERS:

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6 BELOVED

October/November 2011

CONTENTS .........

35

Silent Conspirator – Anonymous

28

SEXUAL SINS AMONG THE SACRED

– (Wells of Wellness column)

9 REHAB – The Chronicles of MaggyJay – Margarette Jacob

Tymira Mack

44 Iron Sharpens Iron

(Brothers speak column)

Cynthia D. Stargell

Patresha Anne

11 Blinded by Charisma – (Book Excerpt) –

Pastor Tavares Robinson

51 Exit Stage Left – Why the

Spiritually Mature are Leaving the Church – Dave Terpestra

53 Before You Quit Your Church

14 18 Pew Talk like no

– Dr. Dale A. Robbins

57 A Word of Encouragement

other –

– Carladean Ferguson

Telika Howard

Larkins Robinson

The Ballers Wife – (short story) –

46 Rebuilding After Scandal –

Worthy Workmen or Pulpit Pimps –

Practice What You Preach – Kimberly

38 The Preachers Daughter,

58 Before you go…Love Never Fails – Tymira Mack

22 BELOVED October/November 2011 7

One Mind, One Focus, One Purpose, One Kingdom

PECAN TREE PUBLISHING Excitedly Announces the Release of

Author/Pastor Lionel S. Reckley shares his insight on bringing the body of Christ to a powerful point of unification; and why it is now more critical than ever that pastors, leaders and congregants get ON ONE ACCORD.

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Pecan Tree Publishing and Beloved Magazine present a new column focusing on today’s single woman. It’s the latest from the front lines of the epic battle waged between faith and flesh over relationships, celibacy, social mishaps, life changes, desires and more. In an ongoing series, Margarette Jacob delves into thoughts women have had but were afraid to say aloud…she probably voices a few you hadn’t even thought of. In the end, faith shall overcome but the journey is full of exhilarating twists and turns with defeat vigorously served to the enemy on a silver platter!

REHAB

HI! MY NAME IS MARGARETTE JACOB. That’s Mar-gar-ette, it rhymes with “don’t forget”. It’s not Mar-gar-eet or Mar-gar-ita, though I can be saltier and more potent than that world famous concoction. I’m basically a Margaret with a sexy French twist.

When I asked my mother why she named me Margarette, she smiled sweetly and said “Because you needed a name.” Mom was not reading baby books while pregnant with me for sure! Oh and Jacob has no “s” on it. Just J-a-c-o-b. People automatically add an “s” for some reason. Margarette Jacob. No middle name, hence, no middle initial.

I don’t get offended over the pronunciation and spelling of my name. It’s just that I’ve positioned myself to make a ton of money, travel the world, build an empire and give way more than ten percent of my gross. That type of world domination brings lots of checks, money transfers and referrals in my name therefore we have to take care of this bit of housekeeping right off the bat so things don’t get funny with my money.

Now that you know my name, here’s my angle: I don’t want to be that third guy in the parable of the talents. Wicked and lazy is what the Master calls him who buried his talent then made excuses for his actions.

His offense is egregious because he knows better. He knows his Master and his Master’s expectations. He is given seed, time and freedom to work toward impressing his Master with his productivity. Instead he digs a hole and buries his one portion while the others work and multiply their talents.

In the end, this servant is made to turn over his one talent to the one given the most to begin with. The worthless person is then cast away from the presence of the Master.

The Chronicles of Maggyjay

How many of us wish we were given such opportunity? Aren’t you wishing someone would give you a business loan, more hours in the day, her body as your own or his knowledge at your disposal? Well I hate to bust your bubble Boo-Boo but we have all been given the same opportunity to do our thing. The proportions of talents may vary according to the will of the Father and our faith but we are all expected to get it together and roll out our excellence for the Master upon His return. Of all the things my Master can do to me, casting me from His presence is the worst ever. I plan to suction joyfully onto Him like the specks of dust and mud in the Swiffer commercials. He will be the One to never shake me off and leave me behind. Cue music: What about love…but I digress.

Through BELOVED, I am set free, given the column space to unearth talents I’d buried long ago while watching industrious servants build upon what they had been given. Wicked, slothful. I make no excuses.

Here, I will air the creativity imbedded in my DNA at the very cusp of time. Rest assured it’s going to be a wild ride: the fuzzy cuffs are off and I take no prisoners! We’ll have great fun, cry, be angry, relate to each other and may even have dissenting views but hell if I’m going to allow some show-

off, kiss-up sucker who thinks he has more talents than I take my sh--, I mean my stuff, while I am cast away. Hmph!

So this sexy, twisted Margarette aims to fill this space in BELOVED with her legacy.

This column will embody journal entries, reflections and experiences such as they have marked me in life based on my experiences as a single woman. Therefore, for reasons of compensation, identification and predestination, I present to you this column by Margarette Jacob. No “s”.

Now that you know my name, I invite you to come back and see me in the next issue.

There, I will christen this column, cut the ceremonial ribbon and let you see things from my perspective: raw, edgy and uncut yet held up to the light of my Master’s expectations.

This month’s BELOVED theme is PEW TALK: The Illicit Relationships in the Pews.

This column will support this theme over time in an ongoing examination of how ungodly relationships routinely take place in the church and how former offenders like me can find a way to recollect their goodies and sit up straight in church after the pew talk was about our own misguided behavior.

For today you have my name. Salt on the rim is optional.

MARGARETTE JACOB is a native of Boston who discovered writing and radio broadcasting early in life. She spent an even decade in Miami, now works for the government and is a caretaker in northeast Arkansas. She has done radio in three states and secretly programs a station in her head. Margarette strives to live, love and serve Christ with no hesitation. She likes road trips, marinated tomatoes and the color Cinnabar.

BELOVED October/November 2011 9

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WORTHY WORKMEN or Pulpit Pimps?

By Patresha Anné

IN A TIME WHEN GLOBAL ECONOMICS is in dire straits, some men and women of God appear to be oblivious to this reality in favor of their own desires. Revivals and conferences have become lecture circuits where crafty speakers command huge honorariums for “working the crowd” just like an entertainer. Are these high profiled vessels Worthy Workmen or Pulpit Pimps?

Headline Conference Speakers, a.k.a., Chief Fundraisers, tie faith and marketing into one gregarious theme… MOTIVATE TO CULTIVATE. Motivate the people for the speaker to receive a higher percentage of the offering. Motivate… to pay for the 10 new St. John knits for the wife, along with matching hats, shoes and designer handbags, knowing full well that money could have paid all of the monthly bills for their own temple workers and five other church

Expensive leased cars, holidays, clothing allowances, spending money, restaurant meals, hotels, flights, and expense accounts, are some of the perks demanded by these luxury smitten pastors members. Motivate… to add one more “consecration/love offering” for the private plane they absolutely must have to get to

multiple vineyards and back to their own church base by Sunday. That’s right. Motivate to cultivate—or accumulate—things.

Several blogs such as the Preacher Bureau of Investigations (www.pimppreacher. com) are taking these spiritual motivators to task. There is no question that some things have gotten out of hand, but whathas-happened-is the few at the top of their game have an insatiable need for acquiring—and preach-bragging about—the tangible things God will give them, more than the Word of God itself.

Ok, so getting pimped is defined in the Urban Dictionary as, “writing or drawing on someone that is passed out due to intoxication” literally (urbandiectionary.com).

But are revival and conference masses so spiritually intoxicated they don’t notice they are drawn to pay for the 5-star hotel BELOVED October/November 2011 11

penthouse the speaker is staying in? As comedian Arsenio Hall used to put it, the thought definitely makes you go hmmm…

Mark Vrankovich of Cultwatch.com puts it this way: “Expensive leased cars, holidays, clothing allowances, spending money, restaurant meals, hotels, flights, and expense accounts, are some of the perks demanded by these luxury smitten pastors.

Some say that if they are preaching the “prosperity gospel”, then they have to appear prosperous to “walk their talk”. But of course that is a deception. They are using God’s money to misrepresent how wealthy they are, to help prove their false teaching

works. Despicable.”

I Timothy 5:17-18 does specifically say in the New American Standard Version of the Bible, “The elders who rule well are to be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who work hard at preaching and teaching. For the Scripture says, “YOU SHALL NOT MUZZLE THE OX WHILE HE IS THRESHING,” and “The laborer is worthy of his wages.” But Timothy’s reference point of scripture is found in Luke 10. And unfortunately as communications sometimes go, perhaps the translation got lost somewhere between Luke and Revelation.

Seventy persons were sent out to minister ahead of Jesus: “2 And He was saying to them, ‘The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore beseech the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest. 3 Go; behold, I send you out as lambs in the midst of wolves. 4 Carry no money belt, no bag, no shoes; and greet no one on the way. 5 Whatever house you enter, first say, ‘Peace be to this house.’ 6 If a man of peace is there, your peace will rest on him; but if not, it will return to you. 7 Stay in that house, eating and drinking what they give you; for the laborer is worthy of his wages…

Verse seven specifies they were to take what was given to them because a laborer is worthy of his wages. Sadly, some modern-day laborers only accept what they tell the people to give or they won’t show up at all. Hello. How is the lavish leader lifestyle truly representing Jesus and His Anointing to the people? Does the amount of designer-anything one wears really express the level of anointing one carries, or is it just another way to show THE WORLD’S EXAMPLE OF WEALTH as an example of being blessed?

A return to the tattered and torn preacher to exemplify a walk with God is not suggested, but a deceptive spirit originated by the Father of Lies has a choke-hold on some who really do carry AN anointing from God, deceiving them to believe and communicate these things are necessary to function in the Kingdom of God. The deception took a greater hold on them than they could have ever imagined, and before they knew it, the need for more, more, more to prove to everyone else that they’ve arrived completely took over using the Gospel of Peace to get it. What a shame.

Father, open our eyes that we may see.

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BLINDED BY CHARISMA

An Excerpt from Shepherds, Hirelings and Dictators: How to Recognize the Difference

By Tavares Robinson

When we remain under the teaching of unfaithful leaders, we actually reinforce their wayward behavior. They are most likely to take our continuous support as approval and become even bolder, as they move in the flesh rather than in the Spirit of God. Eventually, false leaders come to a point where they assume they can teach anything, whether it is right or wrong, and the people won’t object. Charles Spurgeon made a powerful prophetic statement over a century ago that speaks to our generation. He said, “Everywhere there is apathy. Nobody cares whether that which is preached is true or false, a sermon is a sermon whatever the subject; only, the shorter it is the better.” How many attending churches in America today have the same feeling? And when 14 BELOVED October/November 2011

church-goers have this spiritless attitude, false leaders become very comfortable asking their people for unreasonable things God has never required, including huge sums of wealth, real estate, or other material goods. They are able to get away with such things because of the apathy of most Christians who not only allow it but have come to expect it.

Why is this erroneous practice so common and so blatant? The reason is because we have not studied to show ourselves approved unto God, rightly dividing the Word of Truth (2 Tim. 2:15).

We have not confronted such behavior with Scripture and called a spade a spade. Instead of digging into Scripture to know God, we have accepted the words of charlatans, wolves in sheep’s clothing, and we have gone along with behaviors that would never have

been allowed if the body of Christ had called them on it (2 Cor. working. Often God has already opened doors of escape, and yet 11:13-20). We do not discern the truth because we do not evaluate we keep going back like a moth to a destructive flame. We may teaching in light of Scripture. already have a witness in our spirits, but still things must really get Ungodly leaders often call us judgmental if we question them on worse before we are fed up and realize we have no other choice a point that disagrees with scripture. They constantly say things but to leave. At that point, it is time to shake the dust off our shoes like, “Touch not God’s anointed,” and “Do his prophets no harm.” and move on.

This phrase is used so often by unscrupulous leaders that we feel Some of us repeatedly set ourselves up for the same kind of paralyzed when we hear it. It makes us terrified to confront even the behaviors that allow false leaders to take control, even knowing it smallest problems, even when we know the preaching or teaching did not work before. In some ways it is like an addiction we must is wrong. And of course this is what the false leader wants. keep feeding. How many times do we have to be promised that if Those who have come out of false teaching often testify that they we sow a seed we will see millions of dollars in ninety days? How were blinded by charisma, and until the Holy Spirit revealed the many times will we hear and believe that the wealth of the wicked truth they absolutely could not see through the deception. This is will be transferred to you? much like being in love and overlooking warning signs of abuse in While on this subject, it is interesting to note, that those who your beloved. Even if a man is unfaithful, and the warning signs are “teach” and “proph-lie” about a transfer of the world’s wealth never there, some women disregard them, denying reality, thinking they received their wealth from the world. They received it from us, the are either overreacting or seeing things. And though friends may church! Do we really believe God will give us a one-hundred-timeswarn them, they refuse to face the truth until it is far too late and blessing for every dollar we sow? Let us not forget what the Bible they are in over their heads and cannot escape. At that point the says about false teachers and their destruction: “In their greed they abused get upset with themselves and others because they have will make up cleaver lies to get a hold of your money. But God been deceived, humiliated, scarred, and perhaps even impover- condemned them long ago, and their destruction is on the way.” (2 ished by a fraud.

Pet. 2:3). What happened to common sense? What happened to “If When comparing the shepherd-sheep relationship to a marriage, it sounds too good to be true it probably is?” both are ordained by God. But nowhere does Scripture demand a Just because someone calls themselves God’s man or woman wife to accept abuse. As a victim, she may have been brainwashed does not mean they are not in it for the money. How many times do into believing that things are the way they were meant to be or that we have to be fleeced before we stop and ask ourselves, “Where she is unworthy of anyone better, but that is not true. Abuse is always wrong. It is never okay, no matter who is doing it. And in the same way God has set up qualifications for a shepherd, he will remove his people from the care of a teacher who victimizes or leads his sheep astray.

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Just because someone calls themselves God’s man or woman does not mean they are not in it for the money. How many times do we have to be fleeced before we stop and ask ourselves, “Where does it say that in the context of Scripture?” In the final analysis, if the Scripture does not say it, it is wrong! does it say that in the context of Scripture?” In the final analysis, if the Scripture does not say it, it is wrong! If it had been of God in the first place, that million-dollar blessing would have manifested exactly on time.

The reason a false leader gives a ninety-day deadline is because that gives him an out, usually enough time for the beguiled to forget his prophetic lie. False prophets are notorious for blaming the victim when the prophecies go unfulfilled. They claim the deceived misunderstood, or that they never said it to begin with, or that the misled did not have the requisite amount of faith. But whatever the reason, it is never the fault of the false shepherd. I am sure this rings bells for many readers.

When these things happen we often want to blame God, and yet if we are honest, we must take responsibility for not staying true to the Word. These situations with false prophets have nothing to do with God. The real issue is what is going on in our own lives to make us fall for get-rich-quick schemes. Why are we so driven by greed? If we would choose instead to love and trust God, demanding nothing in return, no one would ever be able to defraud us.

That brings up the subject of contentment. It is probably true that our culture struggles more than any other when it comes to being content with less than the best. Compared to most others in the world, we (Americans) do have the best. Some may say, “So why not always expect the best to make us content?” Yet where in Scripture are we ever promised these things? Jesus never said we would all be rich. In fact, he often taught that money could be a stumbling block, a temptation, and a snare. He said, “No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You

cannot serve both God and Money” (Luke 16:13). We will never be content unless we love God first and have a heart to use what we already have to promote the gospel of Christ. If we have that kind of heart, we cannot be fleeced and defrauded. If we have hidden God’s Word in our hearts and have pressed in to that secret place, we will know his plans for us, and not some false prophet’s plans for us.

Many in our day are peddling the Word of God for profit and making it say things God never intended (2 Cor. 2:17), especially when it comes to giving and what is called a “first fruits offering.” This is a repulsive scam that sounds so selfless but actually swindles the naive every time. According to the first letter to the Corinthians and in the book of Acts, our first fruits offering is not money but Jesus (1 Cor. 15:20; Acts 26:23). In the Old Testament, the first fruit offering was given during the Passover, to consecrate future harvests.

All offerings were a type and shadow of Christ.

When Jesus died - he was offered up–it was during Passover, which consecrated and pointed to a coming harvest of souls into the kingdom of God. But today, the false teachers run the scam by saying that if we give our best and largest gift first; we will have more than enough. They are so persuasive in this claim that they leave their people struggling to pay their bills, while the leader enjoys the fruits of their labors, often in the lap of luxury.

I often wonder how they can look themselves in the mirror knowing they are victimizing their friends, and brothers and sisters in Christ. But in their warped minds, they think they deserve it, though they did no legitimate work to earn it. As Solomon said, “Food gained by fraud tastes sweet to a man, but he ends up with a mouth full of gravel” (Prov. 20:17). And “Ill-gotten treasures are of no value, but righteousness delivers from death” (Prov. 10:2).

It must break God’s heart to see these things happen so openly and so often in his church, because they are so far from his intent.

Scripture says that such teachers will be punished most severely for taking advantage of the poor, widows, and the unwary (Luke 20:45-47).

False teachers conveniently tell their people that their lack of prosperity is due to a lack of faith. Blame-shifting is a huge red flag that should make us sit up and pay attention. In reality, the reason such prophecies do not come to pass is because God never spoke them in the first place.

After all, “Who can speak and have it happen if the Lord has not decreed it?” (Lam. 3:37). Be warned, God will never stand behind a promise he did not make. And while he may still bring us out of such teaching, it is wise to consider the loss of money as a very and unforgettable lesson.

TAVARES ROBINSON is the founder and senior pastor of Sound the Trumpet Ministries of Miami, Florida and serves as publisher of The Trumpet Magazine. He is the author of Shepherds, Hirelings and Dictators: How to Recognize the Difference, a book which positions its readers to discern the difference between false leaders and truly, ordained shepherds. Pastor Robinson sincerely believes “In this final hour, you must know who you are following, because every sheep is tied to the destiny of their shepherd. Not knowing who you are following is to risk leaving your soul into the hands of the enemy.”

Visit his website at www.tavaresrobinson.org

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LIKE NO OTHER By: Telika Howard

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The Bible is clear that fornication (sex outside of marriage) and adultery are sins and frowned upon by God. Jesus taught against fornication and even warned that a man who looks lustfully upon a woman commits adultery (Matt 5:28). But the question still remains, why are these actions so prevalent in the church? Moreover it seems as if it’s not only ignored but sometimes celebrated?

The young daughter of an associate pastor of a small church in Chicago, Illinois is having a large baby shower.

People bring gifts, balloons and food to the church’s basement to celebrate the child she is carrying. This would be an average occurrence except that she is an unmarried teenager. Such scenarios are routinely being repeated among many Christian denominations who all believe that sex outside of marriage is sin.

“I believe I have been saved under grace,” says the associate pastor’s daughter who wishes to remain anonymous. She continues to explain that she was tempted but once she asked for forgiveness, she no longer pursues a sexual relationship with any man. The Bible states that grace is a free gift and though we are humans that fall daily, we are still covered by the blood of Jesus Christ (Rom 5:15). Perhaps this sentiment is the very reason that sexual sin is so prevalent in the church?

Yet there is no disputing that the consequences of sinful actions are not promised to be easy; such as the incident shared by Marlena Glowacki, a member of a Memphis church where the children’s minister committed adultery and refused to stop seeing his mistress. The affair was discovered by the church and according to scripture the pastor publicly, but lovingly, relieved him of his position in front of the members of the church (1 Tim 5:20).

“He talked about how in the scriptures you must approach the person about their sinful act, and if they don’t stop you must cast them from among you. There were many tears shed and love showered upon the man but he still lost his position and he left that church.”

How sex and fornication are viewed by the Church is best explained by Steve

Flinchum on his website According to the Scriptures, “The regard of people for marriage is shaped by their beliefs as to the primary purpose of it. Some have regarded its primary purpose as that of procreation. Many recognize its value to the maintenance of order in society as the primary importance. Others hold the pleasure or security they may be beneficiary of in the highest esteem. In our present day of a pleasure seeking, thrill seeking, throw-away, blame it on someone else society when we are constantly appealed to with ‘get the cash you deserve now,’ ‘return it if you don’t like it,’ and ‘tell them you mean business’ solicitations, respect for the concept of life-long marriage seems to be at an all-time low. It is only when

Sadly, the issue has also been silenced from the pulpit because there are pastors who have assumed this lifestyle themselves.

These pastors don’t teach about premarital sex or adultery because they take part in the sinful behavior themselves. a right biblical understanding of God’s purpose and intention for marriage is held that marriage can be appreciated with the esteem it is due. God instituted marriage with the intention of using it to teach truths with typology about His chosen nation, about His New Testament churches, about the bride of Christ, and even about salvation.” (http://members.prtcnet.org/ flinchum/adultery) Similarly there seems to be a lack of biblical understanding among many Christians about sex outside of marriage.

In the past when churches taught about fornication and adultery, they were immediately deemed as uncomfortable or unloving and people left them. This left pastors with the choice of preaching the whole truth or facing decreasing membership. In an August 2002 article entitled “Religious Community Reluctant to Criticize Cohabitating Couples” edited by Terry Mattingly for the Rocky Mountain News and cited on the website BibleTruths.net, quoting Scott Stanley, Mattingly observed, “Pastors are getting very gun-shy when it comes to issues of marriage, family and sex. Certainly, cohabitation would be right at the top of a list of these issues, along with premarital sex. They are so tired of getting beat up because they have hurt people’s feelings.”

To drive his point home Mattingly also referenced statements made by Michael McManus, founder of Marriage Savers: Helping Your Friends and Family Stay Married. “Some church leaders have fallen silent on this issue because they no longer believe that sex outside of marriage is a sin. Their silence is understandable.” And, Mattingly reported that “the Marriage Savers network is active in 163 cities and towns in 39 states and, wherever he travels to speak, McManus said he never sees more than one or two hands raised when he asks, ‘How many of you have ever heard a sermon on cohabitation?’ ” According to Mattingly, McManus is convinced most pastors simply do not know that 5 million unmarried Americans - 60 percent of all couples - are living together.’” (http://www.bibletruths.net/archives/BTAR372.htm) Sadly, the issue has also been silenced from the pulpit because there are pastors who have assumed this lifestyle themselves. These pastors don’t teach about premarital sex or adultery because they take part in the sinful behavior themselves. This behavior can be secretive, or well known by church members who simply refuse to acknowledge it. Examples of this behavior are widespread among clergy, including prominent pastors such as Ted Haggard and Reverend Jesse Jackson.

Even worse are situations where pastors are silent on the subject because BELOVED October/November 2011 19

they are actively engaged in perpetrating sexual abuse. According to Sandra Gates, “Whenever pastoral/clergy sexual abuse is mentioned, it is automatically assumed that it is the sexual abuse of young boys. The reality is that women too, are often victims of sexual abuse by pastors. Whenever it is mentioned in the news about a well known Televangelist having sexual contact with one of his congregants, it is most likely labeled as a scandal or an ‘adulterous affair.’ Again I argue that these are not affairs, its pastoral sexual abuse!” (www.thehopeofsurvivors.com) Pastoral/Clergy abuse is many things. It is a relationship of trust that has been broken by sexual behavior. It is when one who is in a position of trust or power takes advantage of the person they are supposed to help and care for, to satisfy their own selfish sexual or emotional needs. Abuse of power causes tremendous harm to both parties, their respective families, the church and the community; but especially the one whose trust (and body) has been violated.

Some congregants feel compelled to do whatever their pastors ask them to do; most times all it takes is for the pastor to assure the victim that the request is the Lord’s will. Peter Rutter, M.D. supports this position in his book Sex in the Forbidden Zone, “A sexually abusive pastor can easily exploit his authority by telling the woman that their ‘sexual relationship’ is part of

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a divinely ordained plan.” This abuse, however, is not just limited to men as abusers or women as victims. In all instances it is a betrayal of the power and authority which God has entrusted in pastors as undersheppards charged with watching over, protecting and caring for their congregations.

Such abusing pastors also manipulate vulnerable members into thinking that they are responsible for any repercussions that befall the pastor. Thus these victims sit quietly and accept the guilt and pain of the unhealthy relationships, so as not to hurt their abusers. Meanwhile, as illuminated in an article by Debbie Baier for the Edmonton Journal and excerpted on AdvocateWeb. org, there becomes a need for abused congregants to protect the pastor (abuser), essentially yielding “the perpetrator as victim.” And, as the perpetrator becomes viewed as the victim, other congregants – who refuse to believe that the perpetrator is anything other than a lovable, but misunderstood, person – begin to turn on the actual victim and accuse them of hurting the perpetrator.

Sandra Gates recounts a similar situation. “I recall being summoned into a meeting with the Pastor’s wife because as I was going through the fellowship line the pastor grabbed me and held me so close that my head was pressed into his chest (his hand pressed my head to his chest). The wife accused me of purposely laying my head on his chest. Her explanation for his close hug was, ‘he’s just a lovable, hands-on pastor.’ I ended up being scolded because he held me close to him and pressed my head to his chest with his hands!”

All who accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior have a responsibility to grow in the teachings that God has set forth in the Bible. Pastors and the churches they lead have a tremendous duty to teach believers the whole counsel of God, including His instructions to refrain from fornication, adultery and other sexual immorality. Although grace is afforded to all believers, when pastors, church leaders and individual believers consciously choose to tolerate, celebrate or even participate in sexual sin, what results are houses of prayer which gradually disintegrate into houses of carnality and lust.

TELIKA HOWARD is a full time wife, mother of five, freelance writer and author. She has a degree in journalism and a passion for God, family and writing nonfiction and fiction. Visit her website at www.tfreelance.weebly.com

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Practice What You Preach By: Kim Larkins Robinson

At least half of husbands and almost half of wives have had extramarital affairs; and of 300 pastors in a study, 23% admitted to some form of sexual relations with partner(s) other than their wife, while in the ministry (Journal of Psychology & Christianity 1989) Hidden Sin

“I’ve got two people in my head. One, I revered and admired as a spiritual father.

Then I’ve got the other guy over here more perverse than any other human being I’ve ever seen or read about.” In the Atlanta-Constitutional Journal (2006) this is how Bobby Brewer described Bishop Earl Paulk after standing by Paulk through decades of sexual misconduct allegations and then being affronted by his wife’s

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tearful confession of a 14-year coerced affair with this spiritual leader who at the time was also his closest friend. On March 29, 2009 Bishop Paulk, founder of one of the first “megachurches” in America died, leaving a legacy of sexual scandal involving adultery and a charge of child molestation that began as far back as 1990 and culminated with Brewer’s wife’s allegations in 2004.

Today allegations and confessions of sexual misconduct among megachurch pastors is widespread and consuming as congregations and the watching world process the conflicting faces of church pastors, such as Bishop Eddie Long, recently deceased Pastor Zachery Tims, and Pastor Thomas Weeks, formerly married to Prophetess Juanita Bynum.

What happens when the pulpit is uncovered and found to be something unholy?

How do the believer and the non-believer reconcile the perfect word of God with the imperfectness of the men behind the altar?

What happens to the message of Christ and is there room in the body of Christ for redemption?

Exposed Pastors

In 2004 Bishop Eddie Long marched against gay marriage. In 2011 Bishop Long settles several lawsuits out of court, in which four young men accused Long of seducing them into sexual relationships with him. Bishop Long pastors the now 25,000plus congregation of New Birth Missionary Baptist Church in Lithonia, Georgia and has been married to his second wife Vanessa since March 10, 1990. Today his wife remains silent on this choice to settle as some call for Long’s transparency regarding these allegations. While the official New Birth statement regarding the settlement of these lawsuits alleging sexual misconduct emphasizes a need for closure and moving forward, stating that “the resolution [settlement] is the most reasonable road for everyone to travel.”

Pastor Thomas Weeks is probably best known for his violent split from Prophetess Juanita Bynum after an eye-witnessed battery of Bynum by Weeks in August 2007.

Yet an even clearer picture of his other face is seen in a YouTube posted video of his need to get laid and the implication

that he only feels like a man when he can have sexual relations with someone not his wife; Weeks even engages in continued comments with deacons and fellow male church leaders whose conversation and gestures advocate sexual misconduct by Pastor Weeks and others in the group – and this is all done with the group knowing that they are being videotaped.

Holiness is a way of life that ishard to find when examining the lives of many preachers in the past decade. Believers’ perceptions about the role of God in their lives are skewed by credible allegations against and in some cases actual confessions of sexual misconduct by their pastors.

But where is the repentance, the truly turning away from sinful behavior?

In October 2007 Pastor Zachery Tims came before his 7,000-plus member Orlando congregation, New Destiny Christian Center and announced that he would step down from the pulpit to seek healing for an “indiscretion” as reported by Charisma News Online. His estimated year-long affair with an exotic dancer he met through a gentleman’s club he visited in Paris, led to a divorce from his wife of 15 years Riva Tims. At the writing of this article Pastor Zachery Tim’s body was found at 6:00pm on August 12, 2011 in his hotel room on the 37th floor of the W Hotel in New York’s Times Square, and the New York Police

Department is currently investigating the cause of death.

“Be ye holy for I am holy”

The consequences of disobedience to this biblical standard have had an immediate impact on believers and non-believers and more importantly on the integrity of the message of Christ. Yes, congregations dwindle - Paulk’s faithful congregation at 12,000 fell away to a few hundred as he continued to preach in the taped-off Chapel Hill sanctuary to members seated close for the church television cameras. But more importantly the power of Christ’s message loses ground. Sin becomes debatable – “it might be sin for you but not for me.”

Holiness is a way of life that is hard to find when examining the lives of many preachers in the past decade. Believers’ perceptions about the role of God in their lives are skewed by credible allegations against and in some cases actual confessions of sexual misconduct by their pastors. But where is the repentance, the truly turning away from sinful behavior?

Weeks, after being charged with the battery of Bynum, surfaced on YouTube in video speaking approvingly about extramarital sex and his need to engage in this kind of sexual relationship to feel like a man.

Paulk denied sexual misconduct allegations, and then confessed to the first charges 32 years after they were made.

This confession came in the midst of national adultery charges against him and several church leaders by six women led

by Tricia Weeks in 1992, which Paulk denied but was later found to have committed. Before he died in 2009 he confessed to more previously denied allegations of sexual misconduct and it was revealed that Paulk made being his mistress a special mission from God. “And the truth shall set you free?”

A clear call for transparency by Bishop Eddie Long in the face of sexual coercion? allegations settled out of court has left many pondering whether Long is repentant and whether he is hiding something. Prominent minster Bernice King at New Birth resigned following the settlement. CNN Political commentator Roland S. Martin asBELOVED October/November 2011 23

serted that Long himself should share the truth of the situation with the thousands of people touched by Long’s ministry instead of hiding behind the details of an undisclosed legal settlement and statements that de-emphasize the past.

When asked for his reaction to Pastor Tim’s death and the surrounding questionable circumstances (drugs and sex), Orlando Pastor Randolph Bracy of New Covenant Baptist Church responded “I do know this, sooner or later the truth will come out” as reported by WFTV’s Daralene Jones.

Adultery, homosexuality and child molestation are just a few of the sexual behaviors alleged and/or exposed in the lives of preachers, men of God teaching one thing and with another face doing or credibly accused of doing what they have taught is not right in the eyes of God. How can the members of the body offer forgiveness or even recognize true repentance among their leaders if they themselves are caught in the same snare

of sin? At what cost do congregations forget the past and move forward with leaders who may still be entangled with fleshly pursuits outside the boundaries of God’s word?

Preachers struggling with the concept “practice what you preach” should consider their heart. In John 8, Jesus taught that His message of truth is not really in your heart if you walk in disobedience.

At the same time, congregations have as much responsibility to study and live the truth of God’s word as their pastors. Followers cannot hold their leaders accountable if they do not study as directed in II Timothy 2:15. The body of Christ must be unified to effectively present and represent the message of Christ daily.

KIM LARKINS ROBINSON is a training professional, certified in customer service. She specializes in technical, customer service and leadership training. She is also a veteran youth ministry worker and leadership development trainer.

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LOVE Bytes

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 ESV For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;

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Q: As a parent it is important to me for my children to be actively engaged in ministry activities in our church and community. However, with all the recent publicity about inappropriate pastoral relationships involving teen boys and girls, what advice should I be giving my children about the type of relationships they should have with their youth and pastoral leaders? Also, what signs should I look for to indicate whether an inappropriate relationship may be occurring, and how should I handle the situation if I discover and inappropriate relationship is developing?

A - FROM Dr. DEBORAH JONES-ALLEN: You would think that the church is one of the most trusted and safest places where we can release our children to. Yet, it has come to be one of the places where perversion is on the rise. With this mind, we as parents must take the time to educate our children and grandchildren to beware of wolves in sheep clothing, considering that the church is one of many places where you can find sex offenders; even as ministry leaders and pastor.

Those in our pulpits can be religious but not righteous. It has become common practice to do background checks for clergy, church workers, youth leaders, choir directors, counselors and such. Yet this still will not reveal the hidden secrets of man’s heart; a heart that is found to be desperately wicked and perverted. We as parents cannot deny that people have a form of Godliness, yet they deny the power of Jesus to heal by shining light in darkened areas of their lives, regardless of their position.

It’s time to teach and discuss with our children what is appropriate and what is not. In other words, “If it don’t feel good, then it ain’t good.” Just like we “talk” to our children before sending them off to school and check them, this principle should apply to every area of visitation when you are not around them. Emphasize, that “no one” including your pastor should be permitted to touch them in areas that are not visible to the eye or put things in their mouth that are not edible – especially behind closed doors or in unsupervised situations, regardless of their position, power or money.

In these difficult times, it’s easy to prey on kids because they are gullible and money is enticing. No rewards or special treatments should be given to our children individually such as taking them to have ice-cream, pizza or even to buy shoes or clothing without a parent or guardians permission. As parents and guardians it is imperative that we do not give our children permission to seek out leaders for favors or make special requests of them.

The outcome could be unpleasant. Many are not praying but preying. We live in a society where every man (mankind) is doing that which is right in his own eyes. Men and women alike are seeking out their fantasies, through arousal of sexual and pornographic satisfaction in the House of God. Parents have to trust and learn to listen to their children when they feel threatened by someone touching, kissing and speaking sensual overtures that make them feel uncomfortable. Children must feel safe enough to immediately bring issues to their parents or guardians attention. We must learn to act in a timely manner; and, for God’s sake take a witness.

This could mean having your child checked by a doctor. If your child has been molested or accosted by someone in a leadership position it’s not too late. Don’t cover it up for fear of embarrassment or loss of fellowship. Discuss the situation with your leaders and make a police report. Yes report it. What is more important? Losing fellowship or losing your child’s identity or even their life? The time has come for the body to wake up and come to our senses. Pray but watch!

Dr. Deborah Jones-Allen is the Director of Daughters of Siyyon, a Chartered Counseling and Ministry Center of the National Conservative Christian Church. She is a Licensed and a Ordained Minister receiving a Ph.D. in Clinical Pastoral Counseling, a Doctoral of Ministry in Christian Counseling.

Q: Last year I committed myself to secondary virginity.

Before I made my decision to stop having sex until I get married, I only had a couple of sexual partners. Although I haven’t had sex in over a year lately I have become more and more curious about watching pornography to the point where I watch it almost every day. The more I watch it, the more I want to do something even if it means masturbation.

I feel ashamed about this but I’m afraid to talk to anyone especially people at my church - because I know that they will judge me and look at me different. What do you think I should do because I really don’t want to fall off the wagon again?

A – FROM DR. SARA VON: First, I would like to start by thanking the reader for this question. The issues that are troubling the reader are common concerns of many individuals that attend church (male & female).

The answer to this question is complex because a number of factors must be taken into consideration. Let us start with statements in the question that defines the writer’s state of mind: First, the writer reports that he/ she is committed to secondary virginity. Second, the writer of the question expressed great concern about what church members would think about him/her watching pornography or the possibility of him/her engaging in masturbation. At no point did the writer show any indication that he/she had accepted the vow of salvation or he/she was concerned about how his/ her behavior is affecting his/her relationship with God. This is not unusual because many people who attend church view the concept of God and their salvation as a church thing. Their religion starts when they enter the church doors and end when they exit the church doors. They have little or no understanding of the characteristics of being a Christian. Nor do many church people understand the Christian’s vow of salvation. I advise the reader to study to show him/herself approved. Search your scriptures in the New Testament; attend Sunday school and bible study classes to gain a better understanding of what the primary concerns of a Christian should be. This may also include finding a bible based study group designed and/ or focused on young Christian singles. In your studies you will find that as a Christian, your body belongs to God and everything about you is defined in God through His Son Jesus and His Holy Spirit (I Corinthians 6:19). In other words, being a Christian is a lifestyle that is defined by God and not by you and other church members.

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An understanding that a Christian’s lifestyle is scripted by Jesus’ walk while he was on the earth will help you to understand that your commitment to abstain from sex is a commitment to chastity. Virginity from a biblical perspective is associated with a person who has never engaged in sexual activity (Judges 21:12; Revelation 14). When we try to make an association between two concepts that do not exist, we create confusion and minimize or diminish the definition of one or both of the concepts.

When we overlook the difference between virginity and chastity we remove the consideration of complexities and pitfalls that are associated with engaging in sex outside of marriage. Understanding and clarity are key factors in setting goals, keeping goals, and overcoming situations. When you engaged in sex outside of a committed monogamous marital relationship, you released the dragon of sexual involvement and allowed the feelings of lust to go beyond thoughts. You now know what it feels like to have that libido tapped. This complicates your goal to restrain from sexual

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activity. Your ability to put the leash back on the dragon is found in your commitment to God not to chastity. Chastity is a factor in a single person’s walk with God, but it is not the key factor in your salvation; your relationship with God through His word in Christ is the key factor to your salvation.

An understanding of what it means for a Christian to be committed to God and His lifestyle for us will reveal to you that your first love should be the love you have for God. A Christian’s first concern about anything should include God’s opinion of that topic. The word of God in Deuteronomy 6:5 and Luke 10:27 advises us to put God first in all things and informs us that we should love God with all our heart, soul, strength and mind. John 14: 21, states that if you love God, you will keep His commandments. These scriptures remind Christians that they should seek to please God, not man, and desire to be what God is calling them to be. True Christians know that it is God’s will for them that help them live prosperous and productive lives in the body of Christ. Members of the body of Christ must

quickly come to the realization that it takes a renewing of your mind to live for God in this world (Romans 12:2). In other words, a Christian must move away from thinking like unbelievers and focus on thinking more like Christ. Once this understanding is achieved, Christians must choose to consult God’s word when making decisions and problem solving. Your decision to engage in sexual behavior prior to marriage has placed a stumbling block in your Christian path. This is a stumbling block that has the potential to hinder or destroy the intimate relationship God has for you and your future husband. I must keep it real, sex and relationships are viewed very seriously by God. God will not consent to an unequally yoked union between two people (II Corinthians 6:14). This simply means you cannot have the best of God when you have chosen to live your life outside of God. This does not mean God’s will for you cannot be fulfilled in the areas of sex and marriage.

However, you must quickly realize that your gain in God is based on your ability to choose His will for you through His word

over your personal perceptions of what you think God wants you sex partners when exposed to pornography. The question here to be. may not be that a woman’s sexuality is less tightly connected to Now concerning God’s opinion of you watching pornography, their sexual orientation, but Bailey may be tapping into the fact “Do you think it is God’s will for you to choose to engage in that most women’s perception of sex and making love has not watching people acting out sexually? Do you not think a Chris- been well developed. This may be due to the fact that women tian’s time could be spent doing more productive things? Do you grow up in a male dominant society that has fed our women know who you are? You are a child of the King. What does the mixed messages about what it takes to please their men and King’s child, of royal heritage, look like equalizing him/herself to what it takes for them to be sexually satisfied. Compounded with behavior that follows the norm and not His will? How are Chris- the many studies that suggest that women are emotional thinktians expected to be representatives of their heavenly Father, ers with the ability to be flexible in their thinking, research may be the King, if they are behaving as unbelievers? Leviticus 18 com- examining the psychological development of women who have mands us not to engage in lascivious sexual behavior. I Corinthi- grown up in a society that has failed to address their womanhood. an 5:9 tells us that we should not even associate with people that The average heterosexual man knows from a very early age that engage in such behavior. Child of God! Shouldn’t you be about having sex is about getting a woman to satisfy his organs. From your father’s business? Cancel that cable channels that include their peers to the media, the message is clear that your penis pornography, throw out your sex tapes, join a Christian support is designed for a woman’s vagina. Women, on the other hand, group, and involve yourself in activities that will enrich your char- may have missed the developmental window of solidifying the acter and make you a more profact that their sexual desires need ductive person. God commanded to be satisfied through an interperus to stay away from exposing sonal relationship with a man only.

Now concerning God’s ourselves to sexual immorality Most women do not know how to opinion of you watching because God knows that there address the call of their sex drive are many hidden elements assoand follow the lead of dysfunctional pornography, “Do you ciated with this type of behavior. peers and a media that is driven think it is God’s will for These hidden factors can and in by the lust of people with heathen many cases do hinder our ability characteristics. you to choose to engage to be what God is calling us to be This research on pornography in watching people acting in Christ. The fall out of engaging and sexual arousal in women is imin or exposing ourselves to sinful portant because the reader needs out sexually? Do you not behavior opens a Pandora’s box to know that watching pornograthink a Christian’s time of physical and spiritual demons phy sends a woman into a state that have the potential to destroy could be spent doing more of confusion. It may cause her to our ability to walk in the way of interpret feelings of arousal in the productive things? Do our God. Forget about what the wrong way. Having sexual feelings people in the church have to say about what women are viewing in you know who you are? about your pastime activity of porn material and films may be inwatching pornography. God is terpreted wrong. What women are watching you and your concern feeling when watching this material should be about His opinion of your behavior. God has already may have nothing to do with who you are and what you were spoken and in essence judged on this matter. The command- designed to be. This material also carries with it spiritual elements of God are in place for our protection. Man is only just ments that lure you into this world of sexual perversion. As for beginning to uncover the dangers associated with exposing our- masturbation, this is an act that conditions your sexual organs selves to and/or engaging in sexual behaviors that are in conflict to be aroused by, long for and be gratified with activity that is not with the word of God. Research by J. Michael Bailey, a Professor natural in an intimate relationship between a man and a woman of and Chair of Psychology at Northwestern University, has ex- under the cloak of God. Therefore, you will be setting yourself up amined the association between watching pornography sexual to reject the appreciation of natural intercourse between a man arousal. The study is forthcoming in the journal of Psychological and a woman. To examine this would be tackling another quesScience. tion. However, Reader, to continue your habits of a steady diet Bailey’s research strongly suggests that the sexual arousal of of porn and ruminating on getting you some, may not only cause women is significantly different from that of men. According to you to fall off the wagon of chastity, but you may just fall into a Bailey’s study, the sexual arousal of women appears to be less very, very dark place. tightly connected to their sexual orientation. As with previous studies, both homosexual and heterosexual women showed a Dr. Sarah Von Moore (a/k/a Dr. Von), holds a B.S. Experimental Psypattern of responding to opposite sex partners as well as same chology, M.A. Community Psychology, and a Psy. D. Clinical Psychology. She works and ministers in the Belle Glade, Fl area.

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LOVE Bytes Ephesians 5:5 ESV For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.

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Silent

Conspirator By: Anonymous

Acts 5:9 “Then Peter said unto her, how could the two of you have agreed and conspired together to try to deceive the Spirit of the Lord?” was the word the Holy Spirit illuminated to me that brought me to my knees but it was also at that point I knew I would no longer be able to live this lie.

As the wife of an associate pastor of 17 years, I can personally attest that there are many challenges that pastors and ministers wives face. From women who can’t wait to come up to our husbands after church to tell them how awesome the message was – leading of course with their breasts! To actually dealing with men of the cloth who’ve chosen to venture to the point of no return. In the face of this, I definitely feel that to be the wife of a pastor and/or preacher you have to be confident in who God created you to be and know who you are in Him. There is defiantly no room for jealousy in the world of ministry; it will destroy you.

Some may be asking what the silent conspiracy was. For me it was knowing that every time my husband stood in that pulpit to preach the gospel to so many vulnerable people I knew it was a lie. He preached a word that he was blatantly rejecting from his own life. Not only was it hypocritical of him but of me as well because I knew it was a lie and for seven years of our seventeen year marriage I conspired with him (subconsciously) to cover it up, or lie to the people and try to deceive the Spirit.

He would preach messages about fornication/adultery and I would sit there and look at him thinking to myself, “we have been married 15 years and I cannot remember a year when we did not have another woman in our ‘marriage’.”

And when infidelity comes knocking, it’s as if someone has died. You experi-

ence the same emotions as a widow. An inexplicable pain; yet it’s even more painful because you have decided to please man over God. You stay in the marriage not only to save face for the ministry, because you truly understand that the fallout from this will be devastating to the body; but also for the children. You do not want to be the one to break up the “family”. So, you stay and you pray knowing that a little bit of your spirit is dying daily.

However as God began to mature me in His word and surrender my will to His, I knew I could no longer keep up this charade because it would cost me my anointing. It had gotten to the point to where I could no longer listen to him preach so I decided to leave the church. That was not the sole reason but it was a major contributing factor since there was no one there in leadership who was willing to hold my husband accountable for his sins.

Oh, he was one that could “preach ‘em under the benches,” as Mr. Brown (of Tyler Perry’s Meet the Brown’s) would say. He could fill the pews, so asking him to step down and actually get help to deal with his issues was out of the question. Obviously, in this situation neither leadership nor my husband was being guided by the Word because my Bible says, “your sins will find you out.”

Women, we think we are staying in the marriage for the kids but if we sit back and get real with ourselves, we will realize we are not helping our children by having them live in hostile family environments and telling them “what goes on in this house stays in this house.” That’s a recipe for an even bigger mess! Marriage is supposed to be an example of

the relationship and love Jesus had for the church; and is what we should be displaying for our children.

Our oldest son (17) is just starting to heal his relationship with his father because of all the things he witnessed in our home throughout the years. Our youngest son (8) simply loves unconditionally, yet he was emotionally devastated by the separation of his father and I because he didn’t really understand what happened or why. (A question I often ask myself). In the midst of it all I praise God for their reconciliation because regardless of what the future holds for my husband and I, I desire for him to be a great father.

Even through all of this, the question still remains; can marriages like mine be healed? My answer is yes for with God, nothing is ever impossible. However, there has to be two willing parties using the word of God to heal, disclose, surrender, deliver and restore trust. As for me so far, it has not been the typical happy ending but as long as I remain in the will of God, I know all things work together for the good. And, that to me means a happy ending!

Standing with you in prayer, An Overcomer

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LOVE Bytes

1 Corinthians 6:13-20 ESV “Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food”—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.

And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power.

Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. ...

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The Preacher’s Daughter, the Baller’s Wife By: Tymira Williams Mack

ALTHOUGH MY WHOLE BODY IS NESTLED COMFORTABLY IN THE BUTTERY SOFT leather of my husband’s latest over-priced, tastefully tricked out black and chrome German import, the closer we get to our intended destination, the harder the veins in my temple and the back of my neck begin to throb. Instinctively I lean back deeper into the head rest, perch my right arm on the doorframe and begin rhythmically stroking my temple, praying for relief. Out of the corner of my one open eye, I catch a glimpse of the long line of cars waiting to secure a space in the general lot as Brayden whizzes past the weekly faithful and maneuvers into one of several reserved parking spaces nearest the side entrance to the building.

In one smooth move, Bray pops his sunglasses off, tosses them into the drop down holder, closes it and reconfirms his sexy in the rearview mirror. Satisfied that his stats are up to par, he glides out of the car, comes around and opens my door. I sigh deeply, wondering if I’ll be able to bear the next few hours.

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The crowd and the cliques. The haves and have-nots. The posturing and the pretenses. The loud music. The extravagant performances. The mere thought of Bray and I making another required appearance at this place, for status sake, sends my impending headache from a six to a ten in a matter of seconds. Nonetheless, I swing my red-bottomed stiletto heels out of the car, clutch my bag in one hand and tightly grip Bray’s outstretched hand with my other. He lightly squeezes my hand for reassurance, yet not quite understanding why I had become so tense about coming back to this place that I once so loved.

One would think that I’d be the one convincing him to grin and bear it given the fact that by virtue of two simple words, “I do,” mumbled seven years ago, I’d dragged him into the abyss of what has been my life for the past 28 years. Well actually 21 since I had managed to escape those five years while I studied at Boston College and the two we’d lived out west.

“Boston!?” Just the thought of daddy’s reaction when I told him that his only baby girl had been accepted to a college in the farthest place from Florida that I could think of besides Siberia, was enough to put a brief smile on my face. But then as if on cue, good old Nate the Snake Jackson opened the door to the side entrance and ushered us in as he spoke softly into the mic hidden beneath his coat sleeve.

“No doubt alerting the Prince of Zumunda that the Heiress to the Throne has arrived,” I mumbled under my breath to Bray who barely even noticed the utter irony of Bouncer Jackson’s speaking into his knock off Secret Service, I-Spy-Abishai, Star Wars decoder watch, because he was too busy cranking his swag into over drive with every step we took toward the main event.

Undeniably, in the years since we’ve married, Bray has definitely started to become one of them. In the beginning he was this awkwardly handsome, yet unpretentious, country boy who hadn’t quite settled into his sexy. Ours was a swift courtship that resulted in marriage midway through our junior year since he’d decided to forgo completing college and instead enter the draft. Up until that point, we’d been each other’s source of solace in a place where the color of our skin and the similarities of

To them, he was the BISHOP of what many felt was poised to become the next great non-denominational mega-church the world had ever seen. To me he was the daddy that I still dearly loved, yet the spiritual father whom I’d begun to morn in the three years since Brayden’s career had brought us back to Florida. our rich heritage never quite found its fit among our scholarly peers.

He was an enigma of sorts. A down-toearth jock with a brain who loved to cuddle and listen to me rant about the absurdity of the latest theological mumbo-jumbo that my never-had-any-real-world-experience professors spouted while my note taking colleagues mindlessly drank the purplesyrup. Oh I sipped on it too, but never swallowed. Only swirled it around on my palate long enough to regurgitate it on the exams.

Nevertheless, I loved the fact that although he’d been raised a Southern Baptist just outside of Little Rock, Brayden definitely had his own mind when it came to God and religion. Smart, sexy, and a religious rebel? Oh my gosh! I couldn’t let that one get away. So contrary to his desire to meet my parents, ask for my hand and propose to me in a proper southern fashion, I whisked him down to the courthouse before he could be corrupted by my parents and their mindless minions.

“Good Morning Bishop,” I heard Brayden gleefully state as he let go of my hand in favor of exchanging a father son embrace with Bishop Paul Silas Washington the third.

“Hey daddy,” I chirped in a manner which hinted at the fact that I was far less impressed with who the Bishop had become than the throngs of my fellow brethren who accompanied him. To them, he was the BISHOP of what many felt was poised to become the next great non-denominational mega-church the world had ever seen.

To me he was the daddy that I still dearly loved, yet the spiritual father whom I’d begun to morn in the three years since Brayden’s career had brought us back to Florida.

Our return to Tampa coincided with the culmination of an eighteen month all out war that had ensued at the Royal Priesthood Baptist Church after the much anticipated passing of my 94 year old great grandfather the right Reverend Paul Silas Washington the first who had founded RPBC back in the late 1930’s. Although Reverend Daddy, as most all RPBC’ers affectionately called great granddad, had long since assumed the role as Pastor Emeritus and the Church had been pastured by my granddad Paul Silas the second for over 24 years, the congregants didn’t dare stage a mutiny until they were sure that Reverend Daddy’s body was verifiably cold in the ground.

At the very next official business meeting held on a Tuesday night, ironically three days after Reverend Daddy’s funeral, the junior members of the Church’s Deacon Board and Board of Trustees called a vote insisting that granddad assume the role of Pastor Emeritus in favor of my dad, Paul Silas the third, becoming the new Senior Pastor of RPBC. Thankfully, Brayden and I were living in San Francisco when the royal rumble ensued at RPBC; but, we’d returned just in time to witness the aftermath. An official church split. The older, long-time, married to their religious traditions, yet faithful, set remained at the Royal Priesthood Baptist Church; while the younger, upwardly mobile, spiritually-minded set left to form the non-denominational Royal Priesthood Cathedral of Hope, naming dad as their Senior Pastor.

Through countless conversations that he and I alone shared over the 18-month period of unrest, I sensed that dad was thoroughly conflicted in his spirit. On the one hand he felt an allegiance to his father and the church home of his youth, yet on the BELOVED October/November 2011 39

other hand, he clearly felt a call for change in order to minister to the needs of the ever changing face of the congregants that RPBC had begun to serve. Dad stated time and time again “Pauletta, too many are being lost, simply because the old faithful refuse to loosen their tightly controlling grip in favor of fading church traditions.” In the end, dad made the painful, yet he felt necessary, decision to accept the call to pastor the new RPCH. Yet the man, with whom I fall in line with on our ceremonial march to the pulpit today, hardly resembles the humble man I once fully respected and admired. The man who sensing early on that I was destined to become a serious minded young woman of deep faith, took me aside and taught me how to watch, and not just read, the word.

The man who’s wisdom, Biblical knowledge and compassion for God’s people painted for me a daily portrait of David – a man after God’s own heart.

Of late, that man seems to have been possessed by a spirit that I do not recognize. One whose calendar seems filled more with appointments with government officials and business dignitaries than with widows and the sick. One that does not out-

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right lie to, or steal from, the sheep; but sufficiently masks the details of the church’s financial position and his ever growing list of church financed benefits into convenient little lump sum budget items. One who sees dreams and visions, but fails to assign qualified leaders to carry out those visions, nor slow himself down long enough to allow the faithful to fully embrace the vision before another is cast; essentially leaving the sheep disillusioned and the lambs bewildered and confused.

I probably wouldn’t be so jaded if I’d remained on the outside looking in like so many of the faithful, including mom who’s content to sit week after week in her reserved seat and support the ministry as the beautiful, elegantly adorned, and faithfully loving First Lady of Royal PC of Hope. But not I. While its true I was a staunch rebel against religious hypocrisy, I had actually managed to graduate from BC with a minor in Business and an MA in Theology and Pastoral Ministry – probably as much for my love of ministry, as for my need to force daddy’s hand. Although now pastoring one of the largest non-denominational churches on the outskirts of Tampa, when it came to women in leadership positions

in the Church – besides teaching Sunday School, leading the Choir and serving as the Church Clerk – dad was still as old school a Baptist preacher as was the right Reverend Daddy.

I’m told by one of my brethren, a young minister who once served as the Assistant Youth Minister under my dad, that it was only after I had graduated, moved to San Francisco to be with Brayden and begun ministering at a small outreach ministry in a seedy section of Oakland, that dad finally publically acknowledged “the Lord has shown me I may have been wrong about the permissibility of women in the pulpit.”

Dad never in so many words said that to me, but I guess it was inferred the Sunday he welcomed Brayden and I into the pulpit the week after we moved to town.

“Royal Priesthood family, please join with me in welcoming my son-in-law Brayden McFarland, ALL PRO WIDE RECEIVER FOR THE TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS, and his wife, my baby girl Pauletta, the new Associate Pastor of Administrative Affairs here at RPCH.” Administrative Affairs? The people were so busy clapping and Amen-ing, mostly for Brayden, I’m sure they hardly noticed that my broad smile had quickly faded into a forced grin. * * * * * “Administrative Affairs daddy?” I asked over family dinner. “Seriously, I’ve been working in the community and organizing meaningful outreach and evangelism activities for the past two years and now you want me to join RPCH as a secretary?”

“Baby girl, after I spent all that money sending you to BC to get a business degree, the least you could do is help your daddy get our Finance and Business Affairs straight, what with our Capital Campaign mid-swing for the Hope Family Life and Christian Education Center.”

“Yes daddy, but business was my MINOR, my degree is in Theology and PASTORAL MINISTRY.” “I know that baby girl and as any good pastor will tell you, PASTORAL leadership ain’t just about leading the flock, it’s also about being an accountable steward over the provisions that are stored up in the

house for ministry to the flock.”

“So young man you ready for the pre-season?” Dad said turning to Brayden, essentially signaling that our conversation was officially over. I could either accept the position as Associate Minister of all things in the RPCH Office or I could simply sit at home all day and settle for being the woefully unfulfilled Mrs. Brayden McFarland, wife of an NFL Superstar. * * * * * I remained sufficiently busy during the first year of my tenure as AP of AA at Royal PC of Hope. Given the fact that the church collected over $60 thousand in tithes in offerings weekly and almost twice that on first Sundays, I was utterly amazed at how sloppily the finances had been kept. At first I simply chocked it up to yet another casualty of the ‘royal rumble,’ with newly appointed deacons and trustees struggling to develop a solid financial management routine in the wake of the seasoned elders and trustees opting to remain at Royal Priesthood Baptist.

Week in and week out I would uncover inappropriate financial procedures, bills for seemingly redundant services, instances of people who were being paid to do a job yet were either unqualified or who had become lackadaisical in their duties.

Week in and week out, I would prepare an administrative summary report for dad outlining the concerns that I’d discovered and recommended courses of action to correct the problems.

And, week in and week out dad would essentially acknowledge the validity of my findings but cite what I eventually deemed to be excuse after excuse of why he was so slow about tightening our financial controls.

Somewhere in the midst of my frustrations, while waiting to talk to dad about yet another ridiculous discovery, his assistant’s unattended phone rang and instinctively I picked it up.

“Good Afternoon God is great and greatly to be praised, thank you for calling RPCH, this is Pastor Pauletta how may I serve you today?”

“Oh hey Pauletta, this is Irv, Irv Poletti, your dad’s insurance agent.”

“Hey to you too Mr. Poletti, I’m afraid dads in a meeting right now, can I take a message and have him or Sister Agnes call you back?”

“Oh sure, you can just tell him we moved on that key man insurance he’d inquired about and obtained a $1 million policy for him with your mom as named beneficiary.”

“O – Oh – Okay?” I stammered. “Strong man insurance? I certainly will give him the message.”

“No that’s Key Man Insurance,” Irv chuckled, “Ok, so just let Agnes know I’ll be forwarding the policy to your dad and the premium notices to the Church in her care just as I do for all the other policies.”

All the other policies? “Um, I sure will Mr. Poletti.”

“You can just call me Irv. And hey, call me up when you and Brayden are ready to obtain some insurance to shore up your financial future after football! Thanks again and say hello to your mom for me. ”

“Sh – sh – sure, no problem Irv, I’ll be sure to let them both know you called.”

That day the scales were officially removed from my eyes and I began to see dad and the direction of RPCH in an entirely new light. Evidentially, after the official split, a few of the more vocal, prosperity inspired members had encouraged dad to dress, drive and dwell in a manner that was more indicative of a Royal Priesthood. Understanding that nice things, in and of themselves, weren’t sinful, dad allowed the new RPCH inner leadership circle free reign to revamp the image of the ministry. A new parsonage was purchased in an area far ritzier than we’d ever lived in all my life; new personal vehicles and new church vans were leased; new pastoral allowances were created and new ministry credit cards were obtained; new cell phones and electronic gadgets were purchased; and, the list went on and on. Now three years after the split, in spite of receiving over $4 million dollars in tithes and offerings each year, the church is at the point of barely breaking even each month.

And there I sat, the Associate Pastor of Administrative Affairs, smack dab in the center of it all.

Over that next year up until this very day, I’d uncovered and silently wept, prayed and anguished over the father that I was slowly losing. I began making routine trips to the ER suffering from symptoms that mimicked vertigo, heart attacks and brain cancer; finally being diagnosed with acute anxiety, stress and migraine headaches. My marriage was suffering too because I couldn’t bring myself to admit to anyone, not even my husband who’d spent years listening to my theological rants, that I was facing the most difficult decision of my life. Do I continue to sit in the RPCH pulpit, a mere shell of who I once was, angry at myself for my passive role in the heretofore unfathomable situation that had become all too apparent to me? Or understanding that God’s people are inherently loving and forgiving of most anything; do I betray my family and come clean about the puzzle that I’d finally pieced together, hoping they’d forgive dad and move forward in faith?

So today as I ascend into the pulpit with dad and the brethren, the only thing that is on my mind is WWJD – What would Jesus do?

Beloved’s Editor-and-Chief TYMIRA WILLIAMS MACK is an inspirational speaker, an author and the primary visionary for the Divas Keepin’ It Real Young Ladies Empowerment Conferences. Ty is best known for her wiliness to be completely transparent as she ministers to women and teens. She resides in South Florida with her husband and their three children.

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LOVE Bytes Mark 7:20-23 ESV And he said, “What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.�

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BROTHERS SPEAK

IRON SHARPENS IRON Pray or Prey?

Q: I am a single man attending a church full of women. Every time I go to church I almost feel like prey being stalked by both married and single women alike.

Although I desire to find a God fearing woman as a future mate, I’m not interested in most of the women at my church because they are either too aggressive and in your face or very desperate. Why don’t women understand that easy to conquer never equals long term commitment in a man’s eyes?

A: Being a single Christian male, I understand your perspective of feeling uncomfortable with how aggressive women present themselves in church. I can’t address your specific question because I’m not a woman, but hopefully I can offer some encouragement. You are responsible for your actions. Communicate your intentions clearly, don’t send mixed signals and be careful what access you give to your personal life. If you’re not interested in women at your church, don’t hesitate to look elsewhere. Should you find someone in your assembly, establish a workable boundary and a level of confidentiality.

Min. Adrian Warren A: The women at your church are approaching you because it seems as if you have something that is appealing to their eye (make sure it’s not a spirit of lust). Women are becoming more aggressive – even if they are already with

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someone – because the field for a good man is scarce.

Some women are willing to settle for a thug, or a man that doesn’t have anything going on, because her biological clock is ticking. While others believe that it’s hard to find a good man; and as you have noted, it is also difficult to find a good woman. Everyone says “Well what do you mean, I’m good and I’m right here.” Unfortunately, our paths never cross because we won’t consider dating someone outside of our type or we are blinded by our past experiences and hurts.

Yes I realize that we men are sometimes slow to catch on, but I’m old fashioned. I believe that if a woman is interested in a man, rather than being aggressive, she should smile, giggle, give a nod or some other subtle sign that she is interested and then allow us to approach her. At the same time, we need to understand that if a woman does approach us men, it doesn’t mean that she is desperate, but she does want to know if you are going to respond to her obvious interest in you. We also have to remember that in this Era of the New Millennium, independent, making moves in life woman, that same attitude can carry over into our relationships – they see what they want and they go get it.

My hope is that you can gain helpful nuggets from my response and the responses of other brothers since iron sharpens iron!

Kervin Jean-Baptiste

LOVE Bytes Romans 13:11-14 ESV Besides this you know the time, that the hour has come for you to wake from sleep. For salvation is nearer to us now than when we first believed. The night is far gone; the day is at hand.

So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.

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PHOTO: Sura Nualpradid

REBUILDING AFTER SCANDAL By: Cynthia D. Stargell

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PERILOUS TIMES

The Holy Bible points out a period of perilous times to come. For today’s churches, perilous runs parallel to scandal. How did it get to this point? What are people thinking? Let’s address what Rebuilding After Scandal could involve.

It’s 5AM and like clockwork, the man of God enters his cherry wood and leather study for morning prayer and meditation. His loving First Lady is tucked quietly away in the eloquently designed master suite-- oblivious to the fact that he’s slipped away to prepare the weekly message for the 10,000+ congregants they serve. Although he usually doesn’t carry his mobile phone into such an intimate time with the Father, today he does. As he sits at his desk and bows to pray, like an omen the phone beeps with an urgent text message from his personal assistant… “911. It’s out now. She’s on the news!” What transpires next is a rushed search for the remote control… and there it is-- His pulpit photo placed slightly above the left shoulder of the polished and respected news anchor with the words, PULPIT SCANDAL typed neatly across the bottom of the picture. His assistant was right. It’s out now.

Like Aristotle’s Tragic Heroes, Pastors have been viewed as the epitome of virtue—or so the congregation and general public thought. Little did the Christian world know, sexual scandals reaching the digital airwaves would involve some of the most prominent, most admired, and most financially set leaders in Christiandom.

There was no solid foundation for rumors citing the Pastor in suspect locations both in town and while traveling on speaking engagements-- also known in religious circles as “appointments.” Maybe the semantics in using the term appointment wasn’t quite clear. And what are the SPOUSES of these “great” leaders saying behind closed doors now that their worst nightmare has finally surfaced, far beyond church vestibule and parking lot discussions?

Is rebuilding possible from the inevitable exodus of tithing church members and the rubble of investigations pointing to misuse of church funds once the media establishes the financial trail from church monies is tied to countless perverted liaisons? Is there really a balm in Gilead to heal the souls of fallen Pastors and their churches? Many would say, that depends.

It depends on the nature of the scandal. There is a difference in perception and subsequent quality control if the scandal reads like the personal ads in the classified section of a newspaper. Male/female relationships tend to be more acceptable than male/male relationships. Dr. Boyce Watkins (and later quoted by Kenny Pittman) concurs by comparing the scandal of Bishop Stephen Arnold in Little Rock, Arkansas with that of Bishop Eddie Long in Atlanta, Georgia. Watkins wrote: “There’s one obvious difference in the two scandals: One pastor was accused of sleeping with a woman and

From out of these types of ashes, the ability to rebuild following a church or pastoral scandal certainly challenges the strength of the Pastor’s leadership. The ministry is faced with questions of who takes on the leading role during this time, and better yet who will be there to RESTORE this proverbial fallen hero? the other with men.

I can’t help but wonder if there’s a difference in how the scandals are perceived by members of the church. I’ve seen quite a few cases in which pastoral promiscuity is the hidden secret in the church, but being a gay pastor would be simply unacceptable.”

The immediate ability to rebuild also depends on whether the scandalized leader appears truly remorseful for their actions—as seen in carefully crafted public statements and interviews—or, if insincere quality control is shown through arrogance and a holier-than-thou attitude of men (and women) of the cloth. Dr. Watkins continues on his column: “One must give Stevens respect for admitting to his congregation that he’s done something wrong and gracefully stepping away from the pulpit. Now, one can’t say what pressures might have led him to do this, but I can’t imagine that pressure being much greater than that being laid upon Long.

Long’s insistence on fighting the allegations and using the support of his followers to challenge his sex scandal either says that he is an innocent man being framed or that he is far more devious, manipulative and sinister than anyone could have ever imagined. A true man of God would not lie to millions of people in order to save face.”

Unfortunately, at the time of this writing, Dale Russell, Senior Reporter for Atlanta’s Fox 5 I-Team unveiled an additional blow to the seemingly never-ending saga for Bishop Eddie Long. A “mysterious fifth young man”, reported Mr. Russell, totally removed from four others suing Bishop Long for sexual misconduct, was revealed as also being a part of the out of court settlement minus his BELOVED October/November 2011 47

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official lawsuit. The 22-year old single, hip, and tattooed aspiring recording artist “Tweets openly of gay rights” according to the news exclusive and was shown in an Atlanta studio recording a dance tune titled, “Pornography” at a cost of $100 per hour. The song’s sentiment suggests “the story of an angry lover” tied with profanity and sexual imagery. The mystery man bears the Bishop’s name on a wrist tattoo along with the words, “Never a mistake always a lesson” which is suspected to be Bishop Long’s signature lesson to all youth.

From out of these types of ashes, the ability to rebuild following a church or pastoral scandal certainly challenges the strength of the Pastor’s leadership. The ministry is faced with questions of who takes on the leading role during this time, and better yet who will be there to RESTORE this proverbial fallen hero? Will the Pastor be able to REESTABLISH himself as under-shepherd, or will the Trustees simply take over as directed in the By-laws or Constitution of their church? Is the national or parent organization ultimately sanctioned to REBUILD this congregation through another leadership appointment? And does the word appointment now mean who’s next in line for a leadership favor? By the way, should the congregants have any say in the matter? As with so many decisions in this earthly life, nothing is absolute. It simply depends on the specific situation.

In the wake of the recent investigation surrounding Orlando Pastor Zachery Tims’ untimely death at age 42, church officials of the New Destiny Church are seeking a permanent pastor and considering Tims’ ex-wife Rita, who divorced him in 2009 following admission of a year-long affair with a stripper. (ClickOrlando.com, 2011) Subsequent to his admission of indiscretion in 2007, Tims submitted to several months of ecumenical in-house counseling and out of state counseling both before and after reentering his pulpit.

(BlackChristianNews.com, 2009) Just short of two years after finalization of the divorce, the charismatic Tims was found dead at the W Hotel in Times Square with mysterious circumstances looming.

RESTORE

Following the darkness of church scandal, there can be light at the end of this tumultuous tunnel. Restoration, reestablishment and rebuilding can take place. Fallenpastors.com is one such place to begin the rebuilding process.

According to their website, they are “a place where broken, bruised and bleeding Pastors can come and be touched again by the power of God’s grace and unconditional love for them.” Their purpose “is to offer churches, denominations and individual Pastors and Ministers resources to reconnect the fallen Pastor back to the Redeemer of broken lives.” Their obvious passion is restoration and they note several revealing statistics from Barna, Maranatha Life and Focus on the family (compiled by Pastor Darrin Patrick, St. Louis) on their site to support the need for this type of service and ministry: • EVERY MONTH 1500 American Pastors leave the ministry due to moral failure, spiritual burnout, or contention in their churches.

• Almost 40% POLLED SAID THEY HAVE HAD AN EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIR since beginning their ministry.

• Because they are so discouraged, 50% (OF PASTORS) WOULD LEAVE THE MINISTRY if they had other means to live by.

In the case of Colorado Springs Pastor Ted Haggard, his was a public and media frenzied fall from grace in 2006.

Haggard was noted for denouncing gays and homosexual activity from his New Life Church pulpit, yet he was caught in the “very act” so to speak, with a male prostitute AND it was revealed he was also doing crystal meth. The discovery sent shockwaves through his 14,000 member church and the evangelical community at-large. He was President of the National Association of Evangelicals, carrying 45,000 member churches. Pastor Haggard was openly rebuked by followers and peers alike. This hero was most assuredly, fallen.

Steve Rabey from the Religion News Service, The Record, posted an article of restoration for Haggard and other pastors on NorthJersey.com in June 2010. The writing identifies a New Life Church parishioner along with many others who gave Pastor Haggard a second chance by following him to his new ministry, St. James Church, in the same vicinity as his old church. In the article, Haggard is quoted as saying, “This was a resurrection party for me…I am out of the grave. And we are rolling.” (Rabey, 2010) For many, the road has not been easy to rebuild. The fall was so great the last thing these Tragic Heroes wanted to hear about was leading people in ministry again, but the thought of losing their community and professional status, acquired possessions and not to mention, salaries and perks BELOVED October/November 2011 49

due to one or several mistakes is overwhelming. The return of trust and loyalty from their congregation may be slow but steady. In January 2011, six months after his St. James Church launch party, Pastor Ted Haggard was quoted by Entertainment Weekly as saying, “My family and I endured the darkest hours imaginable in the public spotlight, and have spent the last four years fighting and struggling to rebuild our lives, our faith and our family” (Hibbard, 2011) Given time, effort, and support, God’s exchange of beauty for ashes found in Isaiah 61 is a welcome end to a turbulent period in the wake of church and pastoral scandal: “To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.”—Isaiah 61:3 REESTABLISH

Even Jesus had disciples who didn’t carry the best character traits. Peter was considered the rock or foundation of the Christian church today as the derivative of his name, Petra, suggests. Yet, in the heat of pressure with a need to refute his Godly activities as a means of self preservation, Peter not only denied knowing Jesus, but went on to curse at persons who suggested it. Yes, a cursing disciple walked right next to Jesus. Did Jesus not know the type of people, including Judas, he was surrounded by? In the words of Paul, God forbid. Everyone had their purpose in God’s Master Plan.

Pastor Arthur F. Mosley of Cathedral of Faith Church of God in Christ in Atlanta is a Pastor who has had to face the struggle of rebuilding a church following scandals of previous administrations. He shared in a recent message that yes, Peter fell through his public denial of his association with Jesus. But, the story didn’t end there. Peter later became a true rock who was used by God to assemble the great gathering on the Day of Pentecost. After his message to the Israelites that day, 3000 people were added to the Body of Christ. Do you think God re-established both Peter AND his ministry?

The Gospel speaks for itself.

REBUILD

The turmoil centered around church or pastoral scandal may leave one to wonder, who is really adhering to a life as a living sacrifice? Although scandals noted here may address those that are more personal in nature, other scandals such as ministry IRS issues are certainly no less significant within the Body of Christ.

To rebuild requires first the acceptance and will to meet the challenge. It then requires emotional, professional and tangible support from both inside and out of the church. It requires a penitent heart of all church leadership, a willingness to admit the mistakes of the past and forgive oneself, then asking forgiveness from the people to move forward. It requires focus on the end result, the testimony that begins with “To God Be the Glory.” For the last year Elder Gene Primus has shared messages on Church Growth. He commented, “When Elijah was running from Jezebel, God reminded him there were 7000 prophets who could continue His work, but God wanted him to get up from his situation and do the work…before he was replaced.” Elder Primus says to congregations, “Don’t get caught up in individual leaders.

Stay focused on God.” With no heaven or hell at hand, it is not the focus of this writing to decide who gets forgiven and who doesn’t. And at some point, all involved parties have to repent for not allowing the rebuilding to take place by continuing grapevine communications the media originally cultivated. The best thing congregations can do is pray for the fallen and offer solace in the peace of God that passes all understanding, all theory, and all reasoning. That doesn’t mean the fallen leader will remain leader of that congregation, but in the end Christ will get His due glory out of the situation. Restoration is at hand through prayer and professional counseling.

Just as Haggard suggested, this rebuilding process symbolizes Christ’s victory over the grave, and overcomes all forces sent to condemn the Body of Christ. No, Rome wasn’t built in a day, but for those who are sincere, God forgives in an instant. With God’s help the leader or church can be restored, the ministry can be reestablished and the congregation of believers—even if under a different name-- can be rebuilt!

CYNTHIA D. STARGELL is an Adjunct Professor of General Education Studies at Carver Bible College.

She is a former Evening School Instructor at Moody Bible Institute in Chicago and a published author.

She has traveled around the world on missions and serves faithfully as Minister of Music of Cathedral of Faith COGIC.

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EXIT STAGE the Spiritually Mature LEFT: Why are Leaving the Church By: Dave Terpstra

I’m sure there are just as many reasons that people leave churches as there are people who leave them. Perhaps more. In this consumer culture I’m sure that many people who leave churches are going to search for a better or newer “product.” But recently I’ve wondered if some followers of Christ simply outgrow churches.

If you haven’t read the book The Critical Journey by Janet Hagberg and Robert Guelich (Second Edition, Sheffield Publishing 2005) you need to pick up a copy. Although the book’s subject is spiritual formation and not church dynamics, it gives great insights into why people leave the church - reasons many pastors have likely never considered.

Hagberg and Guelich propose that most spiritual journeys tend to move in six distinct stages. The first three are easy to see and hard to argue with: (1) Recognition of God, (2) The Life of Discipleship, and (3) The Productive Life. Certainly after most people become followers of Christ (stage 1) they begin to absorb as much content (stage 2) as possible. Then sometime later they begin to serve (stage 3). And since the authors propose that the

stages are cumulative, people of faith continue to be good at these stages over the long haul. I believe these are the three stages of faith where our churches excel and where most church leadership energy is expended.

But Hagberg and Guelich suggest there are still three stages to go, and it is the fourth I want to focus on. The fourth stage is called “The Journey Inward.” The authors suggest that at some point our faith shifts focus from the externals of discipleship and service and begins to become internalized. We begin to redefine our impressions of the faith and to some degree even our theology as we mature.

This fourth stage is where my experience (and the authors’) reveals the church’s weakness. Speaking in generalities, churches do not specialize in people who have been following Christ for years and who are deeply questioning and reexamining their beliefs. It’s especially difficult when people who reach stage four are in positions of influence and leadership. Churches, from the mega to the mini, are designed to help people mature in the external areas of service and discipleship, not the internal struggles of identity and meaning.

So what happens when people get burnt out on the ba-

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sic teaching and serving? Some go looking for fresh new content and areas of service.

Some discover a new teacher across town who “really” teaches the Bible. Some discover service to the under-resourced or in foreign countries. While their true need may be for something deeper, they settle for at least something different.

Chances are you have not only seen these attempts at continued growth in stages two and three, but you have experienced them yourself. Maybe you have even suggested them to others. But if you have experienced stage four yourself then you know what comes at the end: “The Wall.” Our attempts to continue to grow in discipleship and service eventually wear out. Many people become so disillusioned they leave the church (physically or at least metaphorically by “checking out”).

Obviously churches can’t stop evangelizing and doing the basics of discipleship.

After all, most of our people are in stages 1, 2, or 3. But how do we walk alongside those on the Journey Inward. What do we do when someone hits the spiritual wall?

What happens when we as leaders reach that place? I believe it is this moment in our journey when we need the church most; so what’s a local church to do?

Exit Stage Left 2: How the Spiritually Mature Reengage

When my friend’s dad died it was a challenge to his faith to say the least. His dad was a long time follower of Christ and had been in full-time ministry for years. He seemed to be at the height of his ministry career. Then he got sick and died. My friend didn’t officially “leave” our church. But as best as I can remember he stopped serving. He stopped participating in programs.

I rarely saw him at worship services. I’m sure he missed more than he made. But God was up to something amazing in his life and with his faith.

Some of the comments seemed to hold the viewpoint that my friend was being spiritually immature because he stopped serving. But to cut straight to the point, I trust his maturity more than those who would question it simply because he stopped serving for an indefinite period of time.

It has been my experience that everyone who matures in their faith has times where

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God grows them tremendously through basic discipleship and service. I would hope that those are maturing elements of our faith to varying degrees throughout our lives. However, I disagree with those who would argue those are the only times and ways in which we grow. I believe in the same way we experience times of transformation through discipleship and serving, we also experience times of inner transformation that are not initially outwardly expressed.

In Galatians 1:15-17 Paul writes, “But when God, who set me apart from birth and called me by his grace, was pleased to reveal his Son in me so that I might preach him among the Gentiles, I did not consult any man, nor did I go up to Jerusalem to see those who were apostles before I was, but I went immediately into Arabia and later returned to Damascus.”

According to scholars Paul spent a couple of years in Arabia. He was not doing the externals of the faith, being discipled in church services or serving. Paul was receiving the gospel straight from heaven. That seems to be quite a journey inward to me.

Why is it that when someone tells us they need to take a break from serving or from the programs of our churches we become so defensive? Was Paul being selfish because he took two years off from helping in children’s ministry? I think my defensiveness towards those who might leave my church is wrapped up in a healthy sense of wanting what’s best for them, and an unhealthy desire that I (or even my well programmed church?) have failed them.

No, I am not creating victims. No, I am not excusing selfishness. I am questioning the mentality of myself and other church leaders who so quickly assume that a time of disconnect from the programs of the modern (or postmodern) church immediately indicates apostasy.

My friend who “left” our church has come back. He is now an elder. He is one of the most spiritually mature men I have met for his age. He serves and disciples in ways he never could have before his inward journey. He is moving on to the selflessness

of stages 5 and 6 where his faith and service are out of a deep friendship with God. If our greatest strength is found where Christ is made strong in u s

(2 Cor. 12:10), then perhaps as church leaders we should delight when others experience the weaknesses that come from not growing through our teaching or the service opportunities we provide. Perhaps God has them on a journey we can’t draft on the white boards of our meeting rooms or diagram in a membership manual. We can plant. We can water. But let’s trust God to make people grow. © 2006 Reprinted by permission from Christianity Today International/Leadership Journal. www.leadershipjournal.net

DAVE TERPSTRA, his wife Amy and their three kids moved to Maputo, Mozambique in September 2010 to join a team with World Venture. Dave works with church leaders who have little to no resources and helps develop their skill sets and vision in partnering with other Mozambican church leaders. He is also working with younger church leaders to develop businesses that can help to financially sustain their ministries.

PHOTO: Tom Curtis

BEFORE YOU Quit Your Church

By Dr. Dale A. Robbins

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THERE ARE MANY THINGS THAT CAN CAUSE A PERSON to consider leaving a church -- some good and some not so good.

Many times the Lord may reassign a person to another church so they can bring ministry or encouragement to another congregation -- that’s the best reason to leave a church. In other situations, people may discover that their church actually impedes their spiritual well-being, and may find the necessity to withdraw.

Frequently, people leave a church simply because they are disinterested, dissatisfied, or feel they can find something better.

Before doing anything, it’s a good idea to pray about your situation and seek the Lord’s leading (Prov. 3:6). If you feel the Lord genuinely wants you to leave and go elsewhere for good reason, go to the pastor and discuss it with him. Don’t just stop showing up for church. That is inconsiderate and immature. Keep in mind, leaving one church always means finding another -- the Lord does not lead anyone to simply stop going to church (Heb. 10:25).

My advice to you is, if you are presently in a church that (1) is scripturally sound, (2) is reasonably stable and

loving, (3) has godly, moral leadership, (4) is doing their best to exalt Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord, and (5) if they’re making a reasonable effort to minister to you and your family, then hang in there and remain faithful! You don’t know how blessed you are to have a healthy church like that. Many Christians would give anything to just find a church that is merely at peace!

If you’re unhappy with a church which fits this fivefold description, it’s very likely that the problem isn’t the church, but yours.

Either you’re hung up on some trivial issue, your feelings have been hurt, or you struggle with discontent from other personal problems.

Seven things to consider before leaving a church:

1

. Don’t leave a church out of your personal discontent. -- If discontent is rooted within you, it will follow you wherever you go, regardless of what church you attend. Many years ago, a certain lady who had attended our church for a few weeks came to speak with me. “Your church is so refreshing from all the other churches around here,” she complemented. Curious, I asked, “Just how many other churches have you attended?” “Oh, about thirteen,” was her reply. Privately, I realized that we were going to have problems with this new lady, because when it comes down to the basics, most Christian churches aren’t that much different from each other.

Whenever a person finds dissatisfaction with several congregations, you can be assured that the problem is their own, not the churches. And sure enough, the woman eventually became discontent and left our church too, the same as the previous thirteen.

2

. Don’t leave a church because you transferred your own personal frustrations there. -- Avoid pushing off your feelings of disappointment from other areas of our life onto the church. Sometimes unhappiness toward the church is a derivative from other personal problems such as: Family or marital difficulties, job dissatisfaction, personal offenses, memories of childhood abuse, mental stress, emotional illness, and so forth. People who struggle with deep internal problems sometimes develop a distorted estimation of the people or situations around them, and may blame them, including the church, for their anguish. Generally speaking, the church is not your problem. Remember that it and its ministers are there because they love you and want to help you -- not hurt you.

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If a person remains an “island” to themself they will never have to face up to the spiritual immaturity within them. But exposing themselves to the environment of the church will cause them to face conflicts that must overcome in order to grow up.

3

. Don’t leave a church because your feelings got hurt. -- Hurt feelings are a “violation of self interests” and are usually a result of being too self-sensitive. In any church or gathering of people there may be many offensive things said or done, mostly unintended, but you don’t have to let yourself become offended. Those who are easily offended may simply be immature, too self-centered, or may retain self-sensitivities due to past, festering wounds. Hurt feelings are probably the greatest reason why people leave churches, but deepening your roots in Christ and His word can immunize you against such tenderness. “Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them” (Psalm 119:165 KJV).

4

. Don’t leave a church over trivial criticisms. -- People sometimes have a remarkable ability of making a mountain out of molehill. I’ve known people to change churches merely because they didn’t like the way the pastor combed his hair, the length of the services, how the bulletin was typed, or other silly reasons. Of the many excuses that persons use to leave a church, this is among the most shallow. If all you seem to do is criticize and find fault with the church, you have an attitude problem. Regardless of where you go to church, you’ll find similar faults again, because the problem isn’t with the church -- the problem is with you.

5

. Avoid leaving a church over its style or individuality. -- One of the most common explanations people give for switching churches is their “disagreement with certain beliefs.” However, I can recall many instances where people used this reason even though both churches believed and taught the same things. In

reality, it was a dislike of the personality of the church -- its teaching methods, the style of worship, the structure of the services, or the pastor’s preaching style, etc. Many churches actually believe and teach the same things, but each might have a slightly different method, structure, or style which makes up it’s unique personality. No two churches are alike in their personality or methods, any more than two people are alike, but it’s not really very mature to abandon a church over such, shallow, external things. Our estimation of a church should be based on more spiritual, substantive issues, such as their beliefs, their love for one another, or their commitment to reach the lost, etc.

6

. Don’t leave a church when faced with self conflict. -Many people do not understand that spiritual growth requires confronting and overcoming conflict with our self-willed nature (James 1:3-4). The environment of the church provides two important features of growth producing conflict: (1) Authority who will challenge you with truth and correct you when you are wrong. And (2) an environment of believers, many of whom are imperfect and whose rough edges will serve as sandpaper to smooth out your wrinkles.

“As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend” (Prov.

27:17).

If anyone thinks he is spiritual, just get close to your brethren, and you’ll find out what’s really inside you. People are like “mirrors” in which we can see ourselves as we really are. If there’s bitterness or a lack of love, it will become exposed. It doesn’t matter how agitating, rude or unspiritual your brethren might be. This does

not justify your intolerance or impatience with them. These attitudes are characteristics of your own immaturity -- a weakness in YOU that needs perfected. This is why some people run from church to church -- because it exposes their bad side. They see their own sins and blemishes revealed in their relationship with the brethren, or they become outraged when their self-willed desires or sins are challenged through convicting preaching or correction.

If a person remains an “island” to themself they will never have to face up to the spiritual immaturity within them. But exposing themselves to the environment of the church will cause them to face conflicts that must overcome in order to grow up. A sign of a spiritually mature person is that they can be loving and patient with anyone (1 John 2:10, Gal. 5:22-23), and they can humbly submit themselves to truth and the correction of authority (Heb. 13:17).

7

. Don’t leave a church until you have contributed in some way to try help make it better. -- I have always noticed that the most critical people in the church are usually the ones who do the least. Have you prayed for the leaders? Have you made yourself available to serve or

help in areas of ministry? Have you expressed helpful suggestions or brought your concerns to the leadership (in a non-judgmental fashion). Go to the leadership and share your heart without harsh criticism, BELOVED October/November 2011 55

verbal assaults, or nagging complaints, which only cause a leader to become defensive.

Never spread your “unhappiness,” criticism or dissatisfaction to members of the body -- this doesn’t do anything to help, and stirs up discord in the church, a sin God hates (Prov. 6:19).If you can’t keep from spreading your discontent to others, sadly, it may be in your best interest and for the peace of the congregation, for you to move on to another church. Compassionate leaders who are unable to reason with such persons would be wise, and justified by scripture, to encourage their departure from the fellowship. “Cast out the scoffer, and contention will leave; yes, strife and reproach will cease” (Prov. 22:10). © Dale A. Robbins, 1990, Reprinted by permission from Victorious Publications, Grass Valley, CA 95949.

Lead paint poisoning affects over one million children today.

DALE A. ROBBINS is the founder and president of Victorious Christian Ministries, and has served as a pastor, teacher and evangelist for over thirty years. He has written numerous Christian books and articles, and is the author of the book, What People Ask About The Church. He earned his Doctorate from American Christian College and Seminary of Oklahoma City, OK. Robbins is a pioneer of internet ministries, and for many years was a producer and host of Christian television programs in the Northern California area. He currently writes for various publications and conducts meetings and seminars in various churches and locations.

Visit his website at www.victorious.org.

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Learning disabilities, hearing loss, speech delays, violent behavior and, in rare cases, seizures and even death: these are just some of the effects lead paint poisoning has on young children. If your home was built before 1978, lead paint on your walls, doors, windows and sills may be dangerous.

And it’s not just large paint chips that can cause damage.

In fact, three granules of lead dust are enough to poison your child. Let’s make all kids lead-free kids. To learn more about the simple steps you can take to safeguard your family, log on to LEADFREEKIDS.org or call 800-424-LEAD.

PHOTO: Michal Marcol

A WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT Accountability and Determination By: Carladean Ferguson

WHY IS IT WHEN WE WANT SOMEONE OR SOMEthing we let nothing stop us from reaching our goal? Yet when it comes to our relationship with God, Jesus, and the Church we are discouraged by almost any little thing. While it is true that “Sheppard’s” should be held to a certain level of accountability, what about self accountability?

Too many times Reverends, Preachers, Teachers, Evangelists, Elders and other church leaders are placed on high pedestals as though they are the only means of approaching God. On the contrary, every one of us has to see Jesus for ourselves and as such we have to build our own relationship with Him. This relationship cannot be a threesome; it has be a one on one relationship.

Church hurt is real. People can be hurt so much by “Church folks” that it pulls and wears on their spirit to the point of giving up on God and the “Church”, but please understand that is exactly what the enemy is counting on. He is depending on us to play the blame game and fall because of the choices of others who have decided to live foul. All have sinned and come

short of the Glory of God (Romans 3:23), so know this; we can’t afford to allow others to write our life story or determine our relationship with Christ. We cannot allow anyone else’s sins to lessen our desire to build a relationship with God. Whatever that person’s sins or fault are, God will deal with them.

Instead, we should seek Christ as the ultimate mentor on how to live a holy life. Just as in the carnal world, if something is important to us and it’s our ultimate goal/desire, we fight with everything we have inside to get and keep it. Ever watched how persistent a child can be when they want something? We should be of that same mind, never letting anything or anyone cause us to lose our relationship with God or the Church.

As with building any relationship – with friends, family or significant others – we must not get discouraged or give up on our goal of building a close personal relationship with God. We have to put the work in order to get the results we want. This means praying, reading the word of God and seeking Him for direction. Then if we are not in the place He wants us to be He will lead us to exactly where we need to be.

BELOVED October/November 2011 57

LOVE NEVER FAILS The Church of the Great Whatever

ONE SIMPLE QUESTION FLOODED MY SPIRIT as I anguished for weeks to write this column.

What’s in a name?

For months I’d looked forward to the focus of this Beloved issue because I knew it would be an edgy and thought provoking examination of the Church; seemingly the most “visible” or “familiar” earthly aspect of our Christian faith. However, something unexpected happened along the journey toward creating the issue. While I was certain the issue would offer an honest assessment of the impact the contemporary Church, its practices and its members, have had on the body of believers and our witness to the world; what I didn’t expect was the immense burden and sadness the research and articles would create in my spirit.

Living in the present Internet, Reality TV, social media driven age, I hadn’t realized just how desensitized we have become to the millions of positive messages chronicling the faith-filled ministry activities carried out by Christians daily. However this issue of Beloved forced me to acknowledge that I too was essentially guilty of zoning out; tuning back in only long enough to shake my head at the most attention-grabbing headlines detailing the far fewer instances of improper behaviors or actions perpetrated by wayward believers.

I was left to wonder if other believers, and more importantly non-believers, were also only fixated on the headlines, rumors and, all too often, factual accounts of the most salacious, scandalous and hypocritical actions of those professing to be Christians. Moreover, I lamented over the impact this

58 BELOVED

October/November 2011

bombardment of negative media is having on the overall effectiveness of the church. Could this be why so many are forsaking the assembling together in “traditional” churches? Instead of spreading the Good News, are reports of the blatantly sinful behaviors of Christians giving atheists and agnostics more excuses upon which to wager their eternal souls?

With such lofty and iconic names as The Church of the Good Sheppard, St. Paul’s, Mount Sinai and Redemption Outreach, why are our churches failing to look and live like the Holy Bible? Which brings me back to my original question; what’s in a name?

The Bible illustrates that God places great value on names as clearly demonstrated in Exodus when Moses asked His name. “I Am that I Am (3:14-15).”

Likewise, the Israelites attached great importance to the names given to their children, believing that names were a present hope of a future identity.

With this in mind I would encourage those of you for whom the issues addressed within this month’s Beloved have also distressed your spirit, take your eyes off of the earthly failings of churches led and inhabited by fallible mankind and join me in embracing The Church of the Great Whatever…

37 Jesus said to him, “ ‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and GREAT commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

(Matthew 22:37-39 NKJV, emphasis mine) 8 Finally, brothers and sisters, WHATEVER is true, WHATEVER is noble, WHATEVER is right, WHATEVER is pure, WHATEVER is lovely, WHATEVER is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things 9…And the God of peace will be with you. (Philippians 4:8-10 NIV, emphasis mine).

Sincerely, Tymira Williams Mack Editor in Chief

There is no spokesperson with a catchy phrase to remind the driver to slow down, stop eating, LIk_\Jgfb\jg\ijfe%Zfd

quit messing with the radio or pay attention to the road.

There’s Only You. Speak Up.