Piffle Magazine 2018-10 by Sargent's Piffle

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CITY SCENE MAGAZINE

October 2018 Issue #217

The City has been working on the project for the last two years and now the BC Penitentiary Cemetery is now restored. See story on page 8.

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Re/Max Real Estate Services N. Tower 410-650 West 41st Ave. Independently Owned and Operated.

Peter Julian, MP New Westminster – Burnaby

Need help with federal issues such as E.I., Income Tax, Canada Pension and Canada Student Loan? Please contact Peter Julian’s Community office for assistance.

Peter Julian’s Community Office (Near New Westminster SkyTrain)

#110-888 Carnarvon St, New Westminster

Phone: 604-775-5707 l Email: peter.julian.c1@parl.gc.ca

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Imperial Pharmacy Community Page �� 7 City of New Westminster Restores BC Penitentiary Cemetery �� 8

Piffle Locations �� 10 Poet’s Corner with �� 11 Janet Kvammen �� 11 Sargent’s Number Blocks �� 12 International Artists Day Anonymous Art Show �� 12

Sargent’s Sudoku! �� 16

Sargent’s Math Madness �� 16 Pictograph by Ross Hood �� 18 Sargent’s Crossword �� 18 Sargent’s Word Search �� 20

Seniors Festival 2018 �� 22 Seniors Festival 2018 �� 23 Horoscopes by Liza �� 24 Puzzle Solutions �� 29 Piffle Quiz �� 29

MLA’s Report by Judy Darcy �� 13

Piffle Quiz Answer �� 31

Seniors Services Society �� 15

Piffle Business Directory �� 34

A-Maze-In �� 14

Strata Living by Tony Gioventu �� 32

Kid’s Corner with Isaiah �� 16

Letters from New West Lions �� 38

Judy Darcy MLA

A Strong Voice for New Westminster

judydarcy.ca October 2018

judy.darcy.mla@leg.bc.ca

604.775.2101

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LOOK. LISTEN. LEARN. BE AWARE. FIRE CAN HAPPEN ANYWHERE. That is the message during FIRE PREVENTION WEEK 2018. From OCTOBER 7 TO 13, fire departments from across Canada and the United States will work to raise public awareness about the dangers of fire, how to prevent it and how to keep your family safe by having — and practicing — an escape plan.

MAKE IT A HOUSEHOLD ACTIVITY! “LOOK” for places fire could start. Take a good look around your home. Identify potential fire hazards and take care of them. “LISTEN” for the sound of the smoke alarm. You could have only minutes to escape safely once the smoke alarm sounds. Go to your outside meeting place, which should be a safe distance from the home and where everyone should know to meet. “LEARN” two ways out of every room and make sure all doors and windows leading outside open easily and are free of clutter. Talk about your plan with everyone in your home. Make sure your home has working smoke alarms on each floor. Know the emergency number for your fire department. Lastly, and most importantly, practice your home fire drill regularly. In conjunction with fire prevention week, the New Westminster Fire Department will be opening its doors on OCTOBER 13 FROM 10:00 AM TO 2:00 PM. The main event this year will feature a fire and sprinkler side-by-side live burn demonstration. Please join us for an interactive, behind the scenes look at the services we provide for the community along with the agencies that we work with.

New Westminster Fire & Rescue Services Fire Prevention Office, 1 East 6th Avenue, New Westminster, BC V3L 4G6

www.newwestcity.ca

October 2018

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5 Vote Saturday, October 20 2018

IT’S DANGEROUS You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? Get your drunk behind off the merry-go-round!

RE-ELECT

THE BOY AND THE MONKEY A boy with a monkey on his shoulder was walking down the road when he passed a policeman who said, “Now, now young lad, I think you had better take that monkey the zoo.” The next day, the boy was walking down the road with the monkey on his shoulder again, when he passed the same policeman. The policeman said, “Hey there, I thought I told you to take that money to the zoo!” The boy answered, “I did! Today I’m taking him to the cinema.”

Mary Trentadue

FOR CITY COUNCIL

www.marytrentadue.ca twitter: @marytrentadue info@marytrentadue.ca 778 773 2390 Authorized by Mary Trentadue, Financial Agent 778-773-2390

QUITAR AND FISH Q: What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish? A: You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish. FROG SANDALS Q: What type of sandals do frogs wear? A: Open-toad! AT THE GAME FARM Two guys are walking through a game park and they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, “Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord.” He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears it saying a prayer: “Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive.” Do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?

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October 2018

sue? Missing an is ACY RM A PH L IM PE RIA y rr ca is pleased to sues -is ck ba e th many of year. from the past

Visit us ONLINE at ImperialPharmacy.ca

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IMPERIAL PHARMACY BLUE MOUNTAIN QUILTERS GUILD OUR QUILT SHOW 2018

Saturday, October 20, 10:00 a.m.–5:00 p.m. Sunday, October 21, 10:00 a.m.–3:00 p.m. Maple Creek Middle School, 3700 Hastings St, Port Coquitlam • Admission $6 • Member’s Boutique (children under 12 free) • Tea Room

• Special Seniors Festival lunch fee • Everyone Welcome to this Free Event! Call 604-519-1066 for more information

NEW WESTMINSTER COUNCIL OF WOMEN MONTHLY MEETING

• Merchant Mall

October 24, 11:00 a.m.–12:00 p.m., 815 Kennedy Street Go to main entrance and buzz “Second Floor Lounge.” The Council is hosting a panel discussion on development and density in the city. Participants will include representatives of business, city government, and advocacy groups. All residents of New Westminster are welcome to attend.

Quilt raffle with proceeds donated to Crossroads Hospice and Share Society

The NWCW is a chapter of the National Council of Women of Canada.

• 100+ quilts

• Basket Raffle

www.bluemountainquiltersguild.ca

PANEL DISCUSSION ON ELECTORAL REFORM

Wednesday, October 10, Sapperton Pensioners Hall 318 Keary St, New Westminster Doors open at 6:45 p.m. Presentation begins at 7:00 p.m. A referendum on electoral reform will take place by postal ballot between October 22 and November 30, throughout British Columbia. Do you understand the difference between ‘first past the post’ and ‘proportional representation’? Come and hear from both sides. There will be representatives from Fair Vote Canada and from the No BC Proportional Representation Society.

NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM

October 24, 6:00 p.m.–8:00 p.m., Anvil Centre, 777 Columbia St Dare to explore the museum by flashlight, listen to some spooky stories about New Westminster and make a creepy craft to take home! Then gaze into the future for some old-time Halloween fortune-telling games. Anvil Centre Room 311: Ages 7–9 Room 413B: Ages 10–12

FRASER RIVER FRIGHTS (ALL AGES)

Hosted by The Beacon Unitarian Congregation, who believe that democracy requires participation!

October 27, 1:00 p.m.–3:00 p.m., Samson V, 880 Quayside Dr Climb aboard the Samson V ghost ship. Join the crew for an afternoon of ghost stories and spooky nautical crafts and embark on an eerie scavenger hunt. Discover all the mysteries aboard!

www.beaconunitarian.org, info@beaconunitarian.org

2ND ANNUAL TRUNK OR TREAT

October 13, 1:00 p.m.–3:00 p.m., Anvil Centre, 777 Columbia St In association with the Poppy Project, make an embellish a poppy using the wet-felting technique. Your poppy will be included in their ever-growing Poppy Blanket, to be displayed at Remembrance Day. All materials included.

October 27, 3:30 p.m.–6:30 p.m. Back parking lot, 100 Braid St, New Westminster (enter off Rousseau St) A Trunk or Treat is a new way to trick or treat! It’s safe, well-lit, fun and easy to do! Local businesses and gym members will hand out candy at each themed vehicle or table — no crossing streets, no spooky houses (unless you dare to enter our haunted house) — just fun trick or treating in our parking lot!

THE POPPY PROJECT (ALL AGES)

SENIORS FESTIVAL 2018 — AGE FRIENDLY NEW WEST October 13, 10:00 a.m.–3:00 p.m. Century House, 620 8th St In celebration of National Senior’s Day, sponsored by City of New Westminster Seniors Advisory Committee. • Keynote speaker: George Garrett, “The Intrepid Reporter” • Keynote speaker: Janice Bannister, Wellness Humour • Speaker John Stark, City of New Westminster — Age-Friendly New West • Music: Lesismore Trio and Gary Kehoe (Johnny Cash Tribute) • Information Fair — over 32 community groups and businesses Trinket Market — where artists 50+ sell their wares

There will also be door prizes, barbecue and concession stand, bake sale, open gym, haunted house and more! Want to be a vendor? Email us at info@royalcitycheer.com or fill out the form here: www.goo.gl/forms/Pvr9xX8ZUX0vMFL33

CEMETERY TOUR: HALLOWEEN EDITION (10+ YEARS) October 30, 6:00 p.m.–8:00 p.m. Fraser Cemetery, 100 Richmond St Join Archie Miller of A Sense of History Research Services to hear tales with a bit of mystery, a touch of mayhem, and even a care or two of murder. While walking through the cemetery by lantern, some ghosts may even appear to help the stories come to life! Registration required.

MON TO FRI 9AM-6PM | SAT 9AM-2:30PM | SUN 9AM-1:30PM 981 Carnarvon Street, New Westminster | 604-523-6767 Is it true that cannibals won’t eat clowns because they taste funny?

CITY OF NEW WESTMINSTER HAS RESTORED BC PENITENTIARY CEMETERY PHOTOS HAVE BEEN USED WITH PERMISSION FROM NEW WESTMINSTER ARCHIVES.

The New Westminster Penitentiary guards on the steps of the jail building. Names listed on the back of the photo correspond to numbers written on the front: 1) Mike Levall, 2) R.J. Robertson 3) Jim Atcheson 4) John McNiven 5) Warden J. C. Whyte, 6) Finley Stewart, 7) Deputy Warden D.D. Bourke October 2018

8) James Doyle, 9) Alex McNeil, 10) John Imlak, 11) H. McKee, 12) Bob Sainsbour, 13) Tom Sampson, 14) Ben Burr, 15) A Coutts, 16) W.A. Patchell 17) R.J.L. Atkins, 18) E. Walmsley, 19) W. Walsh, 20) R. Dynes, 21) W.J. Carroll, 22) Pat Smith, 23) Geo Mackenzie, 24) Pat Devine. | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

he City of New Westminster has restored the BC Penitentiary Cemetery located near 245 Francis

Way in New Westminster. Over the past two years, the City’s BC Penitentiary Cemetery Task Force has been working to uncover the history hidden on this site that has remained inaccessible for several years as result of construction in the Victoria Hill development. With construction completed, and a new public path installed to access the cemetery, a task force was created to undertake the physical restoration of the cemetery. The project also included identifying the locations of many unmarked graves, and removing, hand cleaning, and reinstalling headstones. “The BC Penitentiary Cemetery is a bit of hidden history in New Westminster,” said Councillor Jaimie McEvoy, Chair of the BC Penitentiary Cemetery Task Force. “We want to acknowledge the past, educate, and inform future generations of those buried here and fulfill our municipal responsibility of maintaining our cemeteries.” The BC Penitentiary was a federal prison operating in New Westminster from 1878 to 1980. The BC Penitentiary Cemetery lies within the Glenbrook Ravine Parklands, located on the western edge of the Glenbrook Ravine. The cemetery was established in 1913 for burials of inmates who were not claimed by family or friends. Burials continued here until 1968. The path to access the cemetery begins 135m south of the intersection of Memorial Drive and Francis Way in New Westminster behind the Parkside tower. To RSVP, please visit www.bcpenitentiarycemetery.eventbrite.ca.

Signs & Printing

GRANDMA IS LIKE GOD My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, “Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?” I mentally polished my halo while I asked, “No, how are we alike?” You’re both old,” he replied. SENIOR GOLF An eighty-year-old man’s golf game was hampered by poor eyesight. He could hit the ball well but he couldn’t see where it went. So his doctor teamed him up with a ninety-year-old man who had perfect eyesight and was willing to go along to serve as a spotter. The eighty-year-old man hit the first ball and asked his companion if he saw where it landed. “Yep,” said the ninety-year-old. “Where did it go?” the eighty-year-old demanded. The ninety-year old replied, “I don’t remember.”

Pick-up your issue of Piffle at these locations… NEW WESTMINSTER

New Westminster Public Library (Uptown) Imperial Pharmacy

981 Carnarvon St

New Westminster City Hall Renaissance Books Kent Guardian Pharmacy Queensborough Community Centre Burnaby Square Guardian Drugs

511 Royal Ave Unit B, 712 12th St 424 Columbia St 920 Ewen Ave

BURNABY

Burnaby Public Library (Tommy Douglas)

716 6th Ave

107-7885 6th St 7311 Kingsway

For a full list of locations, visit www.piffle.ca/locations October 2018

LONG HAPPY LIFE A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. “I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,”she said. “What’s your secret for a long happy life?” “I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise.” “That’s amazing,”the woman said. “How old are you?’ “Twenty-six,” he said. OH MY Q: Why did the fish blush? A: Because it saw the ocean’s bottom. KARATE Q: What do you call a pig that does karate? A: A pork chop. WHERE ARE YOU GOING Grandma and Grandpa were sitting in their porch rockers watching the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about “the good old days”. Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, “Honey, do you remember when we first started dating and you used to just casually reach over and take my hand?”

continued on page 11

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11 Grandpa looked over at her, smiled and obligingly took her aged hand in his. With a wry little smile, Grandma pressed a little farther, “Honey, do you remember how after we were engaged, you’d sometimes lean over and suddenly kiss me on the cheek?” Grandpa leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her a lingering kiss on her wrinkled cheek. Growing bolder still, Grandma said, “Honey, do you remember how, after we were first married, you’d kind of nibble on my ear?” Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house. Alarmed, Grandma said, “Honey, where are you going?” Grandpa replied, “To get my teeth!” MY KNEE HURTS An old man limped into the doctor’s office and said, “Doctor, my knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!” The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then said, “Sir, how old are you?” I’m 98,” the man announced proudly. The doctor just sighed, and looked at him again. Finally he said, “Sir, I’m sorry. I mean, just look at you. You are almost one hundred years old, and you’re complaining that your knee hurts? Well, what did you expect?” The old man said, “Well, my other knee is 98 years old too, and it doesn’t hurt!” DISH OF ICE CREAM An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning to forget many little things around the house. They were afraid that this could be dangerous, as one of them may accidentally forget to turn off the stove and thus cause a fire. So, they decided to

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On October 20th

VOTE for a NEW Independent Voice

ANGELA SEALY for Council

www.voteangelasealy.com

POET’S CORNER with

JANET KVAMMEN

VICE-PRESIDENT, ROYAL CITY LITERARY ARTS SOCIETY

Weltschmertz

(German expression, “The World Hurts”) © Margo Prentice Why does this world hurt? It doesn’t hurt in the trees, the grass in Moody Park, the sun still shines, grass vibrant green, birds sing, children play. Seventy years ago I sat on a bench near the path in this park when World War II ended. Trees newly planted, now tower majestic along the same path. I have aged with them this planet, still Weltschmertz. I am old now; I hear the hum of conversation, The same children laughing, splashing, birds still fl y against a blue sky, crows caw, people young, new refugees stroll down tree lined paths. On this path stood a water fountain where as a child I chipped my tooth. I remember my pain, I hurt. The world still hurts then as now. World War ravaged the earth, millions of misplaced humans looked for refuge, looked for peace, humanity hurt. The fountain is gone. Moody Park remains. I send my thoughts with hope that the world stops hurting. Margo Prentice is a writer of short stories and has been published in Canadian Magazine, Vancouver Sun and Royal City Literary Arts on-line magazine. Her poems have been published in dif ferent anthologies locally and in Ontario. She has written four plays. She is in the process of editing and organizing her material for publication.

Welcoming New Westminster Poets! Please submit your “New West” poems by emailing Janet at janetkvammen@rclas.com Visit www.rclas.com for all the latest events.

Me and my recliner… we go WAY back.

NUMBER BLOCKS

Try to fi ll in the missing numbers. The missing numbers are integers between 0 and 9. The numbers in each row add up to totals to the right. The numbers in each column add up to the totals along the bottom. The diagonal lines also add up the totals to the right.

go see their doctor to get some help. Their physician told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders. The elderly couple thought this sounded wonderful, and left the doctor’s office very pleased with the advice. When they got home, the wife said, “Honey, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And why don’t you write that down so you won’t forget?” “Nonsense,” said the husband, “I can remember a dish of ice cream!” “Well,” said the wife, “I’d also like some strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you’ll forget.” “Don’t be silly,” replied the husband. “A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!” “OK, dear, but I’d like you to put some whipped cream on top. Now you’d really better write it down now. You’ll forget,” said the wife. “Come now, my memory’s not all that bad,” said the husband. “No problem, a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream.” continued on page 13

International Artist Day Anonymous Art Show to benefit local charity New Westminster, BC — The Arts Council of New Westminster is pleased to announce that they have been selected by International Artist Day Anonymous Art Show as their charity of choice. Proceeds from sales at the 2nd Annual Anonymous Art Show on October 25, 2018 will be benefitting the Arts Council of New Westminster’s work of “Bringing Community Together Through the Arts”. Funds will support the Arts Council’s work in the visual arts community, including ongoing programming at The Gallery at Queen’s Park such as the Inter/Action Artist Learning Series and Gallery Session monthly concert series. Hosted at 100 Braid Street Studios, the International Artist Day Anonymous Art Show will feature over 100 well known and emerging artists exhibiting 12” x 12” art on canvas or wood panels, all works are signed only on the back of the piece. The anonymous nature of the show ensures that all the art is treated equally, and that the excitement of the unknown adds a special anticipation and excitement to the event.

For more information: Stephen O’Shea Executive Director, Arts Council of New Westminster info@acnw.ca | 604 525 3244 www.acnw.ca @ArtsCouncilNW (Twitter/Instagram/Facebook) #ArtsNW

The Anonymous Art Show Call for Artists is available online. More information about the International Artist Day Anonymous Art Show, please visit: https://internationalartistsdayyvr.com/ Key Dates: The Anonymous Art Show Gala Opening 2018 Thursday, October 25, 100 Braid St Studios, 7:00-10:00pm The Anonymous Art Show Artist Reception Friday, October 26, 100 Braid St Studios, 7:00-10:00pm Open Studio Viewing at 100 Braid Street Studios Friday, October 26, 10:00-6:00pm Saturday, October 27, 10:00-5:00pm Sunday, October 28, 10:00-5:00pm October 2018

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MLA’S REPORT

By Judy Darcy s the days get shorter and the leaves change colour, children are back in school and I’ll be heading back to Victoria for the Fall Session. But before I do, I’d like to reminisce about just a few of the things we got done over the warmer months. All summer long, our government kept busy putting people first. It was exciting to host an event at Seniors Service Society in New Westminster to announce that, effective September 1st, seniors who receive rent supplement through Shelter Aid for Elderly Renters (SAFER) will see an average increase of $900 a year — a big help to 23,200 households who currently receive SAFER! Low-income families will also benefit from increases to the Rental Assistance Program (RAP). We’ve increased the maximum gross household income to $40,000 so more families will qualify — benefitting 35,000 B.C. families, including 3,200 new households. And, there was wonderful news for many families with young children. Minister of State for Child Care Katrine Chen announced that our government is expanding subsidies for Child Care with the new Affordable Child Care Benefit. Over 80,000 B.C. families are now eligible for this support — a dramatic increase from 20,000 previously. The

benefit for infant/toddler care has also been increased, with some families now eligible for up to $1,250 a month per child, up from $750 per child! I can’t tell you how many parents have let me know what an enormous difference this means for their families. In September, over 15,000 people filled the streets of New West for the biggest and best Recovery Festival ever. The BC government was a major sponsor for the first time ever. I’m proud of the work our Government has done in our first year, but there’s lots more to do. Time for me to head back to Victoria! Stay tuned this fall as the Rental Housing Task Force reports back on its findings. And watch for lots of information leading up to a referendum where you will decide on whether or not to change the current voting system in BC.

With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans, and making some noise inconsistent with his preparing a dish of ice cream, strawberries, and whipped cream. He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later. Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife took one look at

the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, “Hey, where’s the toast?”

If you aren’t signed up yet, send an email to Judy.Darcy.MLA@leg.bc.ca to sign up and make sure you don’t miss out on the next newsletter!

SNOW IN THE HAIR One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white

continued on page 14

GROOMING SALON

8 2 0 B - 12 t h S t r e e t New Westminster, BC

Carefree grooming with Rick.

604-526-5026 w w w.tif fanysgrooming.com

Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?

continued on page 13

hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?” Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little girl thought about this revelation for a while, and then said, “So, Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”

PIFFLE’S

HOW FAST CAN YOU GET THROUGH?

FRECKLES An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws. “You’ve got so many freckles, there’s no place to paint!” a girl in the line said to the little fella. Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head. His grandmother knelt down next to him. “I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles,” she said, while tracing her finger across the child’s cheek. “Freckles are beautiful.” The boy looked up, “Really?” “Of course,” said the grandmother. “Why just name me one thing that’s prettier than freckles.” The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma’s face, and softly whispered, “Wrinkles.”

Consignment Store 712-C Twelfth Street 604-644-1274 New Westminster, BC V3M 4J6 ImpactConsignment@gmail.com

TRUE CONFESSION Submitted by Ray Sargent

Serving as a Marine recruiter in western North Carolina, I found a young man who met all the requirements and was ready to enlist. I explained the importance of

continued on page 18

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PURPOSE

SECONDARY INDEPENDENT SCHOOL

750 Carnarvon St, New Westminster

Evening in Monaco Casino Night and Dinner Gala

ACCEPTING FALL ! REGISTRATIONS NOW

Thursday October 4th at 5pm La Perla Ballroom

Featuring: Funny-money Casino, Dinner, Silent Auction, and dancing Tickets are $120 or $800 for a table of 8: Tickets can be purchased at http://www.seniorsservicessociety.ca/ Buy_Tickets.html Proceeds help vulnerable seniors with services that help them age with dignity and independence

Need a Delicious and Affordable Meal?

Meals on Wheels provides seniors with a caring connection to the community and maintains their independence at home by delivering delicious and affordable meals prepared by Starlight Casino. Please call 604-520-6621 for prices and delivery schedule.

Love to get Out and About?

Senior Services Society supports New Westminster residents (60+) to maintain their independence by providing an opportunity to enjoy meals, activities and events with other local seniors at reduced admission costs in partnership with our outing venues. Our 16-passenger bus provides door-to-door service to New Westminster residents (60+). Our experienced drivers and volunteers assist with boarding and disembarking, providing care and attention to ensure our outings run smoothly. To register, please call 604-520-6621.

• No tuition • Full Dogwood Diploma Program • Your choice of morning, afternoon or full-time program • Music, Visual Arts, Career Development and Adventure Based Learning • Structured classrooms with small group and individualized instruction • Complete 2 courses in a 10 week term • Grades 8 - 12 • Friendly welcoming inclusive atmosphere

Purpose Secondary Independent School exists to serve those students who, for a variety of reasons, find it difficult in the traditional school system. Students succeed from the fact that we are a small student centered Independent School.

Continuous Intake

Enjoy Lending a Hand?

604.528.6014 604.526.2522

Volunteer and make a difference in your community! Join today to be a Medical Transport Driver, Meals on Wheels Pick Up or Delivery Driver, Telephone Grocery Shopper, Bus Outing Host and become part of a dynamic team. Contact us at volunteer@seniorsservicessociety.ca.

Help us Help Seniors!

If you would like to make a monthly donation to help vulnerable seniors email nipab@seniorsservicessociety.ca.

www.purposesecondary.org 40 Begbie Street, New Westminster, BC V3M 3L9

If a parsley farmer is sued do they garnish his wages?

KID’S

MATH MADNESS

CORNER with

ISAIAH

Do you have a joke you want to share? Submit them at

www.piffle.ca/ contact

Q: What always comes at the beginning of parades? A: The letter P!

Q: How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey? A: One, but you really have to squeeze him in!

Q: Why should you never leave a turkey alone with Thanksgiving dinner?

Q: Why do turkeys gobble? A: Because they never learned table matters!

A: Because he will gobble, gobble it up! Q: Why didn’t the turkey eat dessert? A: Because he was already stuffed!

Q: Why did the turkey play the drums in the band? A: Because he already had drumsticks!

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road twice? A: To prove he wasn’t chicken!

Q: Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? A: The outside!

Q: What do Math teachers do on Thanksgiving? A: Count their blessings!

Q: Why is Thanksgiving an intelligent holiday? A: Because it’s in Knowvember!

October 2018

Q: If twenty Thanksgiving turkeys told terrible tales, how many T’s would there be in all? A: None, all doesn’t have any T’s!

Try to fi ll in the missing numbers. Use the numbers 1 through 9 to complete the equations. Each number is only used once. Each row is a math equation. Each column is a math equation. Remember that multiplication and division are performed before addition and subtraction.

Puzzle 1 (Medium, difficulty rating 0.45)

Q: What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter? A: Quack, Quack, Quack! Q: How many cranberries grow on a bush? A: All of them! Q: What is big, green and goes gobble, gobble? A: A Turkey-saurus Rex! Q: What do you wear to Thanksgiving dinner? A: A har-vest! Q: What’s blue and has feathers all over? A: A turkey holding it’s breath! Q: What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving? A: The letter G!

SUDOKU!

2 6

5 1

3 5

9 4 7

5 9

5 1

6 4

Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku on row Tue Decmust 5 23:18:53 2017 GMT. Enjoy! Each column must Each Each block must contain all of the contain all of the contain all of the numbers 1 through 9 numbers 1 through 9 numbers 1 through 9 and no two numbers and no two numbers and no two numbers in the same column in the same row of a in the same block of of a Sudoku puzzle Sudoku puzzle can a Sudoku puzzle can can be the same. be the same. be the same.

| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

GENERAL LOCAL

ELECTION for Mayor, Councillors, and School Trustees

OCTOBER 20, 2018 Who is eligible to vote?

Where can I vote on voting day?

Residents of New Westminster for at least 30 days, who are 18 years or older at the time of voting, have lived in BC for at least six months and are Canadian citizens are eligible to vote. You do not need to own property to vote.

GENERAL VOTING DAY – OCTOBER 20, 2018 Voting locations open from 8:00 am to 8:00 pm.

Call us or check the website at www.newwestcity.ca/elections for full details on eligibility.

Advance Voting Voting locations open from 8:00 am to 8:00 pm.

VOTING LOCATION

LOCATION

ADDRESS 921 Salter Street

Queen Elizabeth Elementary School

Gym

Connaught Heights Elementary School

Gym

2201 London Street

St. Aidan’s Presbyterian Church

Basement

1320 Seventh Avenue 1010 Hamilton Street

Lord Kelvin Elementary School

Gym

Century House

Douglas/Fir Rooms

620 Eighth Street

St. Barnabas Anglican Church

Parish Hall

1010 Fifth Avenue

Fraser River Middle School

Gym

800 Queens Avenue

Day of Vote

Voting Location #1

Voting Location #2

Herbert Spencer Elementary School

Gym

605 Second Street

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

Council Chamber City Hall 511 Royal Avenue

Queensborough Community Centre Poplar Room 920 Ewen Avenue

Glenbrook Middle School

Gym

701 Park Crescent 91 Courtenay Crescent

Saturday, October 13, 2018 Wednesday, October 17, 2018

New West Lawn Bowling Club Clubhouse 710 Eighth Street Council Chamber City Hall 511 Royal Avenue

NW Lawn Bowling Club Clubhouse 710 Eighth Street

F.W. Howay Elementary School

Gym

Richard McBride Elementary School

Gym

331 Richmond Street

Sapperton Pensioners Hall

Basement

318 Keary Street 76 Jamieson Court

Glenbrook Park Amenities Centre

Main Room

Royal Westminster Armory

Main Hall

530 Queens Avenue

Riverbend Housing Co-operative

Common Room

1050 Quayside Drive

Qayqayt Elementary School

Gym

85 Merivale Street

ELECTION OFFICE

MORE INFORMATION

2nd floor, City Hall, 511 Royal Ave.

T 604-636-4484

/NewWestminster

New Westminster, B.C.

E elections@newwestcity.ca

@New_Westminster

Would a wingless fly be called a walk?

nwelxn

newwestcity.ca/elections

being truthful on the application, and he began filling out his paper work. But when he got to the question

BY ROSS HOOD

PUZ ZLE #51

The principle of this puzzle is to shade, in a logical way, boxes in the grid to discover a picture solution. Numbers on the left show the sets of boxes to be shaded in the corresponding line. Numbers above the grid show the sets of boxes to be shaded in the corresponding column. There is always at least one clear box separating the shaded boxes. TIP: It is just as important to discover which boxes are clear.

HINT: TRANSIT?

“Do you own any foreign property or have any foreign financial interests?”

He looked up at me with a worried expression. “Well,”

he confessed, “I do own a Toyota.”

We enlisted him the next day. (From “Humor In Uni-

form.”)

THANKFUL FOR LITTLE THINGS 1 3

15 12

4 2

A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with

waning enthusiasm for the sport. “These fairways

seem to be getting longer and longer,” said one of the foursome.

“And these hills are getting steeper as the years go

by,” another complained.

“The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember

them, too,” said the third senior.

After hearing enough from his buddies, the oldest,

and the wisest of the four of them at 87 years old,

piped up and said, “Oh my friends, just be thankful we’re still on this side of the grass!”

CROSSWORD ACROSS 5. A very handy mode of transportation. 8. Another ghost synonym.

11. This guy is always a downer. (two words)

14. A synonym for ghost.

15. Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman, Ironman, Spiderman.

16. If you’re going to storm the castle, you’ll need one of these. 17. Watch out, or he’ll get you.

18. Kids wear these on Halloween.

DOWN 1. Be sure to take this when you go out for Halloween. 2. Where the dead are buried.

3. Two rhyming words used in a spell.

4. This monster has fangs. But he’s OK with garlic. 5. B-movies always have these screams. 6. They’re heeere! 7.

E.T. flew across this.

9. If black cats have you reaching for salt, you might be .

10. Scary movies can cause these. Sleep tight! 12. Tombstone letters.

13. A creepy cooking accessory. October 2018

| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

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SHARE AND SHARE ALIKE At a local Burger King an elderly couple came in and ordered one burger, one order of fries and one coke with two glasses. When they got to their booth, the man placed a napkin in front of himself and one in front of his wife, then proceeded to divide the fries, cut the burger in half and divided the coke equally. A gentleman nearby noticed and offered to buy them another burger, fries and Coke. The woman then said, “No you don’t understand. We’ve been married over 50 years and all our life we agreed to split everything right down the middle.” Her husband then began eating, as she sat with her hands in her lap. The gentleman nearby noticed and asked the lady why she wasn’t eating. She replied, “As I said before, we split everything right down the middle, and it’s his day to use the teeth first.”

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A BOWL OF PEANUTS Mrs. Jones had been a staple of her local congregation for many years and that is why her absence was

www.KearneyFS.com T T H A N K S G I V I N G V K X C D E A

R R A C H S G R E C I H I F N Z E O S B

S D I X O O S L N E R T C O O C W L U R

October 2018

C U Y C B S E E T K I E O T H M T S O U

A Q O L K C T S L R T M E O I F D Y H U

R L I V T O N U D P L O C P B W B E D M

E N Z I E E R Y M L P O M C Y Y M R E G

C K O P K I Q T U E L A A B S A F E T Y

R N W N O Y H F R A M N Q L S C E C N S

O X A T R K Z C T E D L Y W P T X W U O

W R U C V M Z E S Y A O X Q I R O M A V

F L O W E R E W M I T T Y U R C Q N H R

N E E W O L L A H P M S E Z I Z F Z E E

continued on page 21

G R A V E Y A R D U A S M Z T Z S R R I

S E V A E L Y O T M L E U L A J M I N B

Y R A C S K T I D P U C M L S M P U C M

G D J F O A N E S K C N M F K M N Z W O

J P V O H K O R M I A I Y P A J U R D Z

U K P L A W W Y O N R R O V Z P H Z O L

N S D E J R Q T J M D P H A R V E S T C

WORD SEARCH APPLES

MISCHIEVOUS

CANDY

MUMMY

CHOCOLATE

PRINCESS

CORN MAZE

PUMPKIN

COSTUME

SAFETY

CREEPY

SCARECROW

DRACULA

SCARY

ELECTION

SPIRIT

FRANKENSTEIN

SPOOKY

FULL MOON

THANKSGIVING

GOBLIN

TOMBSTONE

GRAVEYARD

TRICK OR TREAT

HALLOWEEN

VAMPIRE

HARVEST

WEREWOLF

HAUNTED HOUSE

WITCH

LEAVES

ZOMBIE

| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

noticed lately. The pastor decided to drop by her house to check up on her after the Sunday service. He knocked on her door and being that she’s nearly 85 it took her a bit to get to the door. “Hello, who is it?” she asked. “It’s Pastor Smith”, he answered. “OH, Hi! Come in, Come in, how’s the ministry doing?” She said. “Very well, I just wanted to make sure your prayer needs are being met.” “Oh honey, I haven’t felt well lately but I’m getting better” Just then the phone rang and she excused herself to get it. The pastor sat near a table with an old reader’s digest and a bowl of peanuts. After 15 minutes, then 20, he heard his stomach growl and began to get restless. He started in on the bowl of peanuts and began reading. After 45 minutes, he suddenly realized that he had eaten all of the peanuts. Right then Mrs. Jones returned and said, “Oh I sure am sorry, that was my sister from Pittsburgh. She only calls once per month so when she does we have continued on page 25

What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

HALLOWEEN

By Evelyn Benson alloween was quite different in the 1940s. We always felt a shiver of anticipation and adventure when we headed out for “Halloween Handouts”! It was the one night of the year when we were allowed out after dark without adult supervision. Many of us believed that witches and ghosts really did come out that night, and we were wary but excited at the prospect. Today’s kids are faced with real dangers — razor blades or other sharp objects embedded in treats, and poisons or contaminates in homemade goodies. Parents, rightly, insist on accompanying their children because of the very real possibility of danger from those who prey on children. How joyless Halloween has become compared to that bygone era. We treasured homemade handouts, and even sought them from ladies like the one on Fourth Street who always made sugar cookies with pumpkin faces, or the lady on Second Street who made yummy and sticky popcorn balls, and the one on Durham Street who coated apples in real toffee! During the war years when sugar was rationed, these kindly ladies contributed their precious sugar ration coupons rather than disappoint the neighbourhood kids. Another special treat we could count on during those lean war years came from local lumber magnate, J. G. Robson. In that era, the Robson home was the beautiful white mansion at the foot of Third Street (now a private school). “JG” himself would open the door holding a shiny silver tray of REAL CHOCOLATE BARS! The kind that we hadn’t been able to buy since the war began — Jersey Milk, Burnt Almond, Malted Milk, or my favourite, Crispy Crunch. Kids flocked there from every neighbourhood in town to get this special treat. Some boys would try going back for seconds, but old “JG” was too smart for them. He’d always spot the cheaters and say, “Get out of here, you rascals! You’ve already had yours.” We’d trudge for hours, passing the word to each other about which houses had the best handouts. Then, when

.95

continued on page 24 October 2018

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SAVE THE DATE:

Seniors Festival 2018

ageNEW friendly WEST

NEW WEST

In Celebration of National Seniors Day

Saturday, October 13 10:30 am - 3:00 pm City of New Westminster Seniors Advisory Committee presents: KEYNOTE: GEORGE GARRETT This long time CKNW news reporter was dubbed ”The Intrepid Reporter” by Rafe Mair. George has covered everything from Crime to Politics and will share stories from his news career.

JANICE BANNISTER The Wrinkle Revolution - In a humorous and practical way, Janice, will share new scienti�c �ndings that will help you disrupt ageing. It is time for us to share our vitality!

MASTER OF CEREMONY - Chief Constable Dave Jones During his over 36 year career, in March 2011 Chief Jones was promoted to the rank of Chief Constable, making him one of the �rst members of the NWPD to work his way through the ranks to the position of Chief Constable.

ENTERTAINMENT: lesismore seamlessly mixes elements of roots, soul and blues into a polished sound that is uniquely their own. Charismatic lead singer Leslie Harris joins musicians: guitar virtuoso Curtis DeBray and one of the great veteran bassists of the West Coast scene, Lee Oliphant. Gary Kehoe “Tribute to Johnny Cash” Gary identi�ed with Johnny Cash when he �rst heard him. One of the few bass-baritone voices in country music, Johnny Cash was at once recognizable and different from other country artists. Trinket Market - Where older artists sell their wares. a

Information Fair with over 32 Community Groups and Businesses that provide services, bene�ts and much more to older adults. a

Prize draws at 2:00 pm a

Complimentary coffee, tea and cookies sponsored by Thornebridge Gardens. a

ArtsToGo, a fun, educational & interactive experience with Arts Council of NewWestminster. a

Special Seniors Festival lunch fee for $4.00. CENTURY HOUSE 620 Eighth Street, New Westminster For more information call 604.519.1066 www.newwestcity.ca a

Everyone Welcome! Free Event! Parking behind City Hall, off Sixth Street, with shuttle service to Century House

For Personality Proﬁles/ Transit Report/Relationship Compatibility visit www.astrologybyliza.com HOROSCOPES by LIZA

OCT 2018

ARIES: Pent up energy? Any relationship started at this time will be quite intense in regards to what it brings out in you. Are you ready to delve into places you have forgotten? TAURUS: You will shine in all partnerships during this time; business & pleasure. Others are attracted to your positive energy. Your displaying your best personality traits, feels good doesn’t it. GEMINI: You can learn a lot about yourself during this time. You may feel compelled to help others or feel compassion towards them. By November you will on a brand new road, prepare for it now. CANCER: A time of massive growth in your life. What you learn from others will benefit you; just don’t let it go to your head. Your in a major developmental cycle. LEO: A time of great activity in your life. Your able to push on through all those projects that are handed to you. Others may not be able to keep up with you. Keep your anger in check. VIRGO: You are much more in tune with all the beauty that surrounds you during this time. All communications with others can be turned into positivity. You may sign up for a course to beautify your home. LIBRA: Formulate your goals and go after them with gusto. You may find the groups you want to attach yourself to may not quite agree with you. Use your charm to turn this around. SCORPIO: Avoid conflict with others at all cost during this time. You have great ideas on how things should be done. Remember to present those ideas with smiles and not with your ego. SAGITTARIUS: If you already signed up for those course, great. If not, get to it. Your on a mission to learn and gain new experiences. What you learn can be applied into day to day living. CAPRICORN: If you’ve got ideas to share with authority figures, now is the time to do it. Expect a pleasant working environment and ease of conversation with your coworkers. Forget the tension, just go with the flow. AQUARIUS: You put 110% into all relationships during this time. Just remember others may not be as enthusiastic as you are — keep your ego in check, others are watching. PISCES: If travel is on your mind then now is the time to book that perfect get-a-way. Foreign cultures and higher learning appeal to you. Your more open to new experiences more than ever. October 2018

our bags became too heavy to carry any farther, we’d reluctantly head home, sure in our minds that it must be at least ten or eleven o’clock. It was always surprising and a little disappointing to find out that it was only about eight-thirty. The bag of treasures was all ours. Our mothers didn’t go through our loot looking for anything harmful. We got to keep it all! In those days, the only real danger on our streets on Halloween night were the ghosts and goblins in our young imaginations. Times change. And it never crossed our minds to actually play tricks on people. But that wasn’t the case when my Dad was a boy. One year, as teenagers, Dad and a bunch of sturdy friends “liberated” a flatbed dray wagon from Gilley Brothers on the waterfront, hauled the wagon up Eighth Street hill to Royal Avenue, then to the Central School where the Royal Towers Hotel now stands. They completely dismantled the dray and passed it piece-by-piece through a first floor window they had jimmied open. Then they reassembled the monstrous wagon in the classroom of the most despised teacher in the school — the same teacher who took obvious pleasure in rapping Dad’s knuckles with a metal ruler whenever Dad used his left hand to write! Two great wooden spoked wagon wheels were erected in one classroom aisle, with the other two set up three aisles away. The rear of the wagon touched the back wall, and the great wagon tongue extended up to the blackboard. The next morning the boys in that class got half a day off while the school administration dealt with the situation. Boys were known to stuff burlap sacks into the chimneys of curmudgeons who didn’t like kids. Tipping over outhouses was another traditional Halloween prank. One Halloween, the front gate of 319 Sixth Avenue disappeared off its hinges. Weeks later, while on his way to work, my Grampa Appleton spotted his gate at the top of a big maple tree on Fourth Street.

This story is from Evelyn Benson’s awardwinning book, A CENTURY IN A SMALL TOWN — One Family’s Stories. Both Book 1 & Book 2 are available at Renaissance Books, 712 – 12th St, New Westminster and www.amazon.ca. Watch for more stories in next month’s Piffle. | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

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to catch up on everything.” The pastor feeling a little embarrassed said “I must also apologize, for while you were gone I got hungry and ate all the peanuts in your little bowl there. Please, forgive me” he said. Mrs. Jones replied, “Oh that’s OK, without my teeth, all I can do is just suck the chocolate off of them!” she says. SPEEDING Late one night a man is driving down the road, speeding quite a bit. A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over. The cop says to the man, “Are you aware of how fast you were going?” The man replies, “Yes I am. I’m trying to escape a robbery I got involved in.” The cop gives him a skeptical look and says, “Were you the one being robbed?” The man casually replies, “No, I committed the robbery.” The cop looks shocked that the man admitted this. “So you’re telling me you were speeding… AND committed a robbery?” “Yes,” the man calmly says. “I have the loot in the back.” The cop begins to get angry. “Sir, I’m afraid you have to come with me.” The cop reaches in the window to subdue the man. “Don’t do that!” the man yells fearfully. “I’m scared you will find the gun in my glove compartment!” The cop pulls his hand out. “Wait here,” he says. The cop calls for backup. Soon cops, cars, and helicopters are flooding the area. The man is cuffed quickly and taken towards a car. However, before he gets in, a cop walks up to him and says, while gesturing to the cop that pulled him over, “Sir, this officer informed us that you had committed a robbery, had stolen loot in the trunk of your car, and had a loaded

continued on page 26

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gun in your glove compartment. However, we found none of these things in your car.” The man replies, “Yeah, and I bet that liar said I was speeding too!” MATH A math professor, John, is having problems with his sink so he calls a plumber. The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, “How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck.” But he pays it anyway. The plumber tells him, “Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumber and triple your salary. Just make sure you say you only made it to 6th grade, they don’t like educated people.” The professor takes him up on the offer and becomes a plumber. His salary triples and he doesn’t have to work nearly as hard. But the company makes an announcement that all of their plumbers must get a 7th grade education. So they all go to night school. continued on page 27

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October 2018

| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

On the first day of night school they all attend math class. The teacher wants to gauge the class so he asks John, “What is the formula for the area of a circle?” John walks up to the board and is about to write the formula when he realizes he has forgotten it. So he begins to attempt to derive the formula, filling the board with complicated mathematics. He ends up figuring out it is negative pi times radius squared. He thinks the minus doesn’t belong so he starts over, but again he comes up with the same equation. After staring at the board for a minute he looks out at the other plumbers and sees that they are all whispering, “Switch the limits on the integral!” THE MOBILE PHONE Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: Hello. WOMAN: Honey, it’s me… R u at the club? MAN: Yes. WOMAN: I’m at the City Centre mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it? MAN: Sure, go ahead if you really like it. WOMAN: I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2013 Models. I saw one I really liked. MAN: How much? WOMAN: $98,000 MAN: OK, but for that price make sure it comes with all the options. WOMAN: Great! Oh, and one more thing, the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking for $980,000. MAN: Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, go the extra 50 thousand if you think it’s really a pretty good price. WOMAN: OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! You’re so generous! MAN: You’re worth it. Bye! The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, with mouths wide open. The man turns and asks “Anybody knows whose phone this is?” Is a shell-less turtle homeless or just naked?

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October 2018

AT THE GYM “I said to the Gym instructor “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said, ”How flexible are you?” I said, ”I can’t make Tuesdays.” CHESS A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ”But why?” they asked, as they moved off. ”Because,” he said ”I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.” THE ZOO ”I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.” PUNS There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. TO ABSENT BROTHERS An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender says to him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.”

continued on page 29

| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

The Irishman replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I’m here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days we all drank together.” The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.” The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a lights dawns in his eye and he laughs. “Oh, no,” he says, “Everyone is fine. I’ve just quit drinking!”

(See the OK Tire ad for the answer)

Subscription Form Name Address

Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku on Tue Dec 5 23:18:53 2017 GMT. Enjoy!

City Province Phone Email

Postal

❑ 1 Year ($50 + $2.50 TAX)* ❑ New ❑ Renewal ❑ Send me the FREE digital version too! Subscription Start M M / Y Y Y Y Make payments to “Sargent’s Publishing” Piffle Subscription Manager 4th Floor, 604 Columbia St New Westminster, BC V3M 1A5

continued on page 30

*Subscription rate has increased due to Canada Post’s announced increase in stamp prices.

Each column must contain all of the numbers 1 through 9 and no two numbers in the same column of a Sudoku puzzle can be the same.

7 4 3 1 9 5 8 6 2

Each row must contain all of the numbers 1 through 9 and no two numbers in the same row of a Sudoku puzzle can be the same.

2 3 5 8 6 9 4 1 7

8 7 4 2 3 1 9 5 6

9 1 6 7 5 4 2 8 3

Each block must contain all of the numbers 1 through 9 and no two numbers in the same block of a Sudoku puzzle can be the same.

4 6 7 9 2 8 1 3 5

5 9 2 3 1 7 6 4 8

3 8 1 5

7 2 9

5 3 1

4 3

15 12

2 1

3 3

2 3

2 4

3 3

2 1

HINT: TRANSIT? The principle of this puzzle is to shade, in a logical way, boxes in the grid to discover a picture solution. Numbers on the left show the sets of boxes to be shaded in the corresponding line. Numbers above the grid show the sets of boxes to be shaded in the corresponding column. There is always at least one clear box separating the shaded boxes. TIP: It is just as important to discover which boxes are clear.

BY ROSS HOOD

HOW FAST CAN YOU GET THROUGH?

NUMBER BLOCKS

PUZ ZLE #51

Puzzle 1 (Medium, difficulty rating 0.45)

SUDOKU!

2 1

1 6 6

4 6

GOLF BALL Two Golfers were approaching the first tee. The first guy goes into his golf bag to get a ball and says to his friend, “Hey, why don’t you try this ball.” He draws a green golf ball out of his bag. “Use this one — you can’t lose it!” His friend replies, “What do you mean you can’t lose it?!!” The first man replies, “I’m serious, you can’t lose it. If you hit it into the woods, it makes a beeping sound, if you hit it into the water it produces bubbles, and if you hit it on the fairway, smoke comes up in order for you to find it.” Obviously, his friend doesn’t believe him, but he shows him all the possibilities until he is convinced.

What New Westminster downtown building escaped the Great Fire of 1898 but is (allegedly) home to a few spirits on the fourth floor?

MATH MADNESS

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The friend says, “Wow! That’s incredible! Where did you get that ball?” The man replies, “I found it.” SHREDDER The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused. “Need some help?” a secretary asked. “Yes,” he replied. “How does this thing work?” “Simple,” she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder. “Thanks, but where do the copies come out?” Q: What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom? A: “Odor in the court!” SPECIAL John was starving!! He was stuck in a small hick town, lost and hungry. He was happy when he saw a small restaurant coming up on his right. John quickly pulled over, parked his car, and walked inside. John noticed a blackboard with a sign written in yellow chalk, “Today’s Special: Vegetable Soup with Fried Chicken and Grilled Vegetables.” “I’ll take the special”, said John to the waiter when he came to take his order. A few minutes after receiving his order John called over the waiter, he was fuming mad. “IS THIS THE SPECIAL!? It says vegetable soup, BUT THERE ARE NO VEGETABLES! It says grilled vegetables, BUT THEY AREN’T GRILLED THEY ARE BAKED!? And it says fried chicken, AND THE CHICKEN ISN’T FRIED!? The waiter was not used to city folks and their attitudes and frankly he was not going to put up with this behavior. “My dear man,” said the waiter looking down at John over his glasses, “that is what makes it so special!!!” OUR SONS Three old ladies are sitting around a table playing bridge and bragging about their sons. “My Freddie,” said Margaret, “Everyone should be so lucky to have a son like my Freddie. Once a week he brings me a huge bouquet of flowers, he’s constantly bringing me out to restaurants to eat, if I so much as hint that I want something the next morning it’s on my doorstep.”

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October 2018

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“That’s very nice about your Freddie”, says Gertrude. “But with all due respect, when I think about the way my Sammy takes care of me, it just can’t compare. Every morning as soon as I wake up he greets me with bacon and freshly brewed coffee. Every lunch he comes over and cooks me a gourmet lunch, and every supper he brings me to his house for supper, he truly treats me like a queen.” “WELL!” says Barbara. “I don’t want to make any of you feel bad or anything, but wait until you hear about my Harry, twice a week he pays someone $200 an hour just so he can lie on their couch and talk to them, and who do you think he speaks about at those prices? Asks Barbara with a big excited double chin smile, “I’ll tell you who he speaks about! ALL HE SPEAKS ABOUT IS ME!” PEOPLE A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.” A FROG Q: What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? A: It gets toad away. THE JOB INTERVIEW Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, “And what starting salary are you looking for?” The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?”

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STRATA LIVING IS IT NOTICE OR NOTIFY?

By Tony Gioventu, Executive Director, Condominium Home Owners' Association of BC

ear Tony: Our strata council is a bit confused over the requirements of the Act. Owners are complaining because we have not given them notice of the minutes of the Annual general Meeting in July, but we have posted them on our bulletin board and made them available to anyone who has requested. We have a retired lawyer in our building who insists that we must send a copy of the minutes to every owner within 14 days of the meeting. ~ Martin D. White Rock Dear Martin: There are two types of notice in the Strata Property Act. The most commonly understood is the formal “notice” requirement that is issued for general meetings. When a strata corporation calls an annual or special general meeting, the Act imposes a mandatory notice period of 14 days for the meeting, plus the notice period of 4 days for delivery. In addition, we also add the date of issue and the date of receipt under the Interpretation Act, so for formal notice of general meetings or any other formal notice requirement under the Act or Regulations, it is 20 days. The Act also sets out specific methods of delivery such as mail, hand delivery, fax or leaving it with an adult person, or sent to an email address provided by that person for the purpose of receiving notice. The Act also clearly defines what information must be included in the notice package depending on the type of meeting that is being called. The other form of notice, which is less formal, is where the strata corporation has an obligation to “notify or inform” the owners of specific information or an event that has occurred. Unless your bylaws set

George Garrett, Vice-President

different conditions to notify the owners, the Act and Standard Bylaws set out the provisions. To notify or inform owners implies that the information is available and has been posted somewhere accessible. It could be leaving the document in an area designated by the strata for the distribution of such information, such as the community mail room, posted on a community bulletin board, or the elevator sign chart. The minutes of meetings, calling council meetings, notice of change in approved budgets and strata fees, emergency expenses, bylaw amendments, new rules and when the strata has been sued are all reasons why the strata is obliged to inform the owners. Posting of information on a web site provided by the strata corporation or strata manager is also an option; however, that is not a provision of the Act. If your strata is considering using your web site as a community posting site, adopt bylaws that permit the use of a web site for the specific purpose of posting information to inform owners and tenants of information and events, and clearly identify the purpose in the web site. This publication contains general information only and is not intended as legal advice. Use of this publication is at your own risk. CHOA, the author and related entities will not be liable to you or any other person for any loss or damage arising from, connected with or relating to the use of this publication or any information contained herein by you or any other person. The contents of this publication may not be reproduced, blogged, or distributed in any fashion without the explicit prior consent of the writer.

Direct office phone: 604-515-9683 +Office email: tony@choa.bc.ca Mobile: 604-323-6458

Condominium Home Owners Association of BC

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October 2018

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33 The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?” The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.” THE WITNESS Submitted by Ray Sargent

An old man was a witness in a burglary case. The defense lawyer asked Richard, “Did you see my client commit this burglary?” “Yes,” said Richard, “I saw him plainly take the goods.” The lawyer asks Richard again, “Richard, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?” “Yes” says Richard, “I saw him do it.” Then the lawyer asks Richard, “Richard listen, you are 80 years old and your eye sight probably is bad. Just how far can you see at night? Richard says, “I can see the moon. How far is that?” THE BURGLAR Late one night a burglar broke into a house and while he was sneaking around he heard a voice say, “Jesús is watching you.” He looked around and saw nothing. He kept on creeping and again heard, “Jesús is watching you.” In a dark corner, he saw a cage with a parrot inside. The burglar asked the parrot, “Was it you who said Jesús is watching me?” The parrot replied, “Yes.” Relieved, the burglar asked, “What is your name?” The parrot said, “Clarence.” The burglar said, “That’s a stupid name for a parrot. What idiot named you Clarence?” The parrot answered, “The same idiot that named the rottweiler Jesús.” PENGUINS A man was driving and saw a truck stalled on the side of the highway that had ten penguins standing next to it. The man pulled over and asked the truck driver if he needed any help. The truck driver replied, “If you can take these penguins to the zoo while I wait for AAA that will be great!” The man agreed and the penguins hopped into the back of his car. Two hours later, the trucker was back on the road again and decided to check on the penguins. He showed up at the zoo and they weren’t there! He

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headed back into his truck and started driving around the town, looking for any sign of the penguins, the man, or his car. While driving past a movie theater, the truck driver spotted the guy walking out with the ten penguins. The truck driver yelled, “What are you doing? You were supposed to take them to the zoo!” The man replied, “I did and then I had some extra money so I took them to go see a movie.” SHORTS Submitted by Ray Sargent

When I get a headache, I take two aspirins and keep away from children, just like the label says. Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance? You can distinguish between an alligator and a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or after a while. WEALTHY LADY A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her poodle along for company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before

long, discovers that he’s lost. Wandering about, he notices a hungry-looking leopard heading rapidly in his direction. The poodle thinks, “Uh, oh!” Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the poodle exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?” Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. “Whew!” says the leopard. “That was close! That poodle nearly had me!” Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here, monkey, hop on my back so you can watch me chew

continued on page 36

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that poodle to bits!” Now, the poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, “What am I going to do now?” but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and waits until they get just close enough to hear. “Where’s that damn monkey?” the poodle says. “I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!” FAMOUS RABBIT Q: What do you call a rabbit that has fleas? A: Bugs bunny.

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BANNANA OPENER Q: What kind of key opens a banana? A: A monkey. THE VEST Q: What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? A: An investigator. THE PANDA A panda walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for the food!” The panda yells back, “Hey man, I’m a panda. Look it up!” The bartender opens his dictionary to panda, “A tree climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats, shoots, and leaves.”

continued on page 38

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ray.sargent@shaw.ca | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

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New Westminster Lions Club

PALM SUNDAY VISITOR Submitted by Ray Sargent

It was Palm Sunday. But because of a sore throat,

October Meetings

Monday, Oct 8th, 6:45 pm Monday, Oct 22nd, 6:45 pm

five-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter.

When the family returned home, they were carrying

several palm fronds. Johnny asked them what they were for.

“We Serve” Proudly serving our community since 1946

“People held them over Jesus’ head as he walked

“Spend a little time with Lions”

by,” his father told him.

Meet us at Boston Pizza 1045 Columbia St (Tenth St & Columbia) New Westminster

DON’T BUG ME “That’s disgusting. Don’t talk about things like that

over dinner,” the dad replies.

E: newwestminsterlionsclub@hotmail.com

C T O B E R

Letters from New West Lions

Sunday I don’t go and He shows up.”

A boy asks his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?”

Louisa Lundy 778-791-1633 O

“Wouldn’t you know it,” Johnny fumed, “the one

After dinner the father asks, “Now, son, what did you

want to ask me?”

“Oh, nothing,” the boy says. “There was a bug in your

soup, but now it’s gone.”

I F F L E

A G A Z I N E

International to over 89 countries throughout the world. In Canada, they are collected from Newfoundland to Vancouver Island, sorted, graded Dear Piffle People and sanitized by volunteers at CLERC stations in In the last issue, I t alked about ser vice dogs Calgary and the Maritimes, supported by inmates — D o g G u i d e s — a m o n g w h i c h v i s i o n d o g s of correctional facilities, a double blessing. play a prominent role. Vision and hearing loss support have special focus of attention for Lions L o c a l l y, L i o n J u n e W i t t y h a s o v e r s e e n t h e Clubs from the time iconic figure, Helen Keller, collection of thousands of used eyeglasses, (w ho was bot h blind a nd deaf ) f ir s t m ade a n including sunglasses, safety glasses and readers impassioned plea in 1926 that Lions become deposited in CLERC boxes peppered throughout the “Knights of the Blind”. our community. These can be found at a number of locations including: City Hall, Lifetime Optical, We can be found ‘jousting’ for improved vision Nu Look Optical, Twelfth St. Optical, Sapperton with CLERC, the Canadian Lions Eyeglass Vision Source and Opal Vision. Recycling Centre. By providing recycled eyeglasses internationally to those who cannot New West Lions have set our sights on collecting a cce s s a s i m p le p a i r of le n se s , we eve n t h e thousands more, with the help of our Piffle Pals. p l a y i n g f i e l d , m a k i n g l i f e f u n a n d f a i r. T h i s Please, call us for CLERC collections and give par ticular ‘piece of armour ’ gi ves those less the gift of second sight by donating your used fortunate a fighting chance at full participation glasses, because “Seeing is Believing”. in the arena of human endeavour. I n t h e p a s t 21 ye a r s , ove r 5 m i l l io n p a i r s of recycled glasses have been distributed by Lions October 2018

Lion Louisa E: louisalion@gmail.com or Post: PO Box 503 Stn. Main, New West V3L 4Y8 T: 778-791-1633

| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

39 SOLD

217 HAMPTON

NASH CUSTOM HOMES 2-5-10 Warranty in new 6 bed 5 bath home which includes legal 2 bed suite with A ROOFTOP PATIO! This home features: hardy plank, beautiful stonework, patios/decks with a East facing yard, back lane, radiant floor heating, quartz countertops, Professional Chefs kitchen, Gas range, built in oven, Large island, luxury shower, gas fireplace, separate laundry, tandem garage, with AC/Vacuum/Satellite Rough/In, Stainless steel appliances, open den upstairs, the list goes on. This is a very unique floor plan for the area with very little wasted space, must see! Easy access and proximity to highways, shopping and most amenities. Schools: Queen Elizabeth Elementary, Queensborough Middle School and New Westminster Secondary School.

SOLD

234 LAWRENCE

NASH CUSTOM HOMES 2-5-10 Warranty in new 6 bed 5 bath home which includes 2 bed suite with potential for another 1 bed suite. This home features: hardy plank, beautiful stonework, vaulted ceilings, patios/deck with a south facing yard, radiant floor heating, quartz countertops, Wok kitchen, breakfast bar, luxury shower, gas fireplace, wet bar, separate laundry, & a fenced yard. A/C/Vacuum/Satellite Rough/In, stainless steel appliances, quiet dead end street kids can go to park/recreation/ preschool/elementary/middle school without crossing any roads. Close access & proximity to highways, shopping & most amenities. Catchment schools: Queen Elizabeth Elementary, Queensborough Middle School & New Westminster Secondary School.

AVAILABLE

SOLD

1206 EIGHTH PLACE DUPLEX

The Uptown New West Duplex you’ve been waiting for! Remarkable architecture and design by Nash Custom Homes. Built to the highest standard, this luxurious home is perfect for someone looking close to the best amenities that New West has to offer without sacrificing space. 5 Bedrooms, 4 Bathrooms, OVER 2300 square feet of functional living space plus a potential suite. Experience some of the most beautiful finishes in this home that sets the bar for all new homes in the area. Roof Top patio. Quartz counter tops, Kitchen Aid appliances, Kohler fixtures, Artificial turf, finished security camera system 1080p w/2TB hard drive, Wifi thermostats just to name a few of the upgrades. This is a must see! Open House Aug 18 & 19, 2-4pm.

343 CARNEGIE Large 6387 sf, mountain view lot on quiet “Leave it to Beaver” street in the desirable Heights neighbourhood with older 3 bdrm, 1.5 bath, 2246 sf 1947 home. Home has 2 fireplaces, hardwood floors, 8 year old roof, kitchen added onto in 1991, private fenced yard & single carport + workshop. RS1 zoning allows new 3193 sf home with legal suite + 638 sf laneway home or 2874 sf home with legal suite + 950 sf laneway home. Seller will paint & recarpet or refinish floors in hall, LR, DR, & 2 bdrms to buyer’s choice.

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