Piffle Magazine 2018-11 by Sargent's Piffle

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CITY SCENE MAGAZINE

November 2018 Issue #218

During WWII, three sisters left their home in occupied Holland as there was no food in their village. If they stayed, they would starve. So they began to walk 200 dangerous km to their uncle’s place. Fenny Stolp tells her story of living through the War to Lori Pappajohn on page 8.

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Peter Julian, MP New Westminster – Burnaby

Need help with federal issues such as E.I., Income Tax, Canada Pension and Canada Student Loan? Please contact Peter Julian’s Community office for assistance.

Peter Julian’s Community Office (Near New Westminster SkyTrain)

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Imperial Pharmacy Community Page �� 7 The Women Who Walked Through WWII As written and told by Fenny Stolp to Lori Pappajohn �� 8 Forgive Your Enemy by Fenny Stolp �� 9

Poet’s Corner with Janet Kvammen �� 11 Sargent’s Number Blocks �� 12 MLA’s Report by Judy Darcy �� 13

A-Maze-In �� 14 Sargent’s Math Madness �� 16 Sargent’s Sudoku! �� 16 Seniors Services Society �� 17

Pictograph by Ross Hood �� 18 Sargent’s Crossword �� 18 Sargent’s Word Search �� 20

Winter Harp �� 21

If the Unknown Soldier were a Hometown Lad by Don Benson �� 22 Remembrance Day by Evelyn Benson �� 23 Horoscopes by Liza �� 24 Piffle Locations �� 26

Puzzle Solutions �� 29 Piffle Quiz �� 29 Strata Living by Tony Gioventu �� 32 Piffle Business Directory �� 34 Kid’s Corner with Isaiah �� 37

Letters from New West Lions �� 38 Piffle Quiz Answer �� 38

Judy Darcy MLA

A Strong Voice for New Westminster

judydarcy.ca November 2018

judy.darcy.mla@leg.bc.ca

604.775.2101

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FALL FIRE SAFETY TIPS

With colder weather approaching, it is time to think about fire safety in relation to heating our homes. SPACE HEATERS • Dust and lint may have accumulated in the space heater. Be sure to clean them thoroughly with a vacuum cleaner. • Caution children not to stand too close to a space heater to warm up, as their clothing could catch fire. • Give space heaters their space! Be sure that all combustible material is away from the heater, at least 3’ in all directions. CENTRAL HEATERS • Clean or replace the furnace filter. • Clean the entire furnace area using a vacuum to remove dust and lint. • Be sure to remove any brooms, boxes, magazines, newspapers, or any other combustible material stored in the heater closet FIREPLACES • Inspect the fireplace and chimney at least once a year. Look for cracks in the firebox, flue, and chimney. Also check for build-up of soot and creosote inside the flue. • Never start a fire with gasoline, kerosene, or any other flammable liquid. • Always keep a good-quality metal fireplace screen in front of the fireplace whenever it is being used to prevent burning logs from rolling out or embers from flying out. • Keep a three-foot area in front of and to the sides of the fireplace clear of any combustibles including, logs, kindling wood, paper, rugs, clothing, or furniture. • Never leave a fire unattended. Make sure the fire is completely out before leaving your home or going to bed. New Westminster Fire & Rescue Services Fire Prevention Office, 1 East 6th Avenue, New Westminster, BC V3L 4G6

www.newwestcity.ca

November 2018

GOLFING IN HEAVEN Three golfing partners died in a car wreck and went to heaven. Upon arrival, they discover the most beautiful golf course they have ever seen. St. Peter tells them that they are all welcome to play the course, but he cautions them that there is only one rule: “Don’t hit the ducks during your first three months here.” The men all have blank expressions, and finally one of them asks, “The ducks?” “Yes”, St. Peter replies, “There are thousands of ducks walking around the course, and if one gets hit, he quacks, then the one next to him quacks and soon they’re all quacking to beat the band. It really breaks the tranquility, and if you hit one of the ducks, you’ll be punished. Otherwise everything is yours to enjoy.” Upon entering the course, the men noted that there were indeed large numbers of ducks everywhere. Within fifteen minutes, one of the guys hit a duck. The duck quacks, the one next to it quacked and soon here was a deafening roar of duck quacks. St. Peter walked up with an extremely homely woman in tow and asks, “Who hit the duck?” The guy who had done it admitted, “I did.” St. Peter immediately pulled out a pair of handcuffs and cuffed the man’s right hand to the homely woman’s left hand. “I told you not to hit the ducks” he said. Now you’ll be handcuffed together for eternity.” The other two men were very cautious not to hit any ducks, but a couple of weeks later, one of them accidentally did. The quacks were as deafening as before, and within minutes St. Peter walked up with an even more homely woman. He cuffed the man’s right hand to the homely woman’s left hand. “I told you not to hit the ducks,” he said; “Now you’ll be handcuffed together for eternity.” The third man was extremely careful. Some days he wouldn’t even play for fear of even nudging a duck. After three months, he still hadn’t hit a duck. St. Peter walked up to the man at the end of the three months, and had with him a knock-out, gorgeous woman — the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. St. Peter smiled at the man and then, without a word, handcuffed him to the beautiful woman and walked off.

continued on page 5

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The man, knowing that he would be handcuffed to this woman for eternity, let out a contented sigh and said aloud, “I wonder what I did to deserve this? The woman responds, “I don’t know about you, but I hit a duck. IT HAPPENS Q: What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? A: It gets toad away. SEVEN Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?” Johnny: “Seven.” Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?” Johnny: “Seven.” Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?” Johnny: “Six.” Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?” Johnny: “Seven!” Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!” Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!” GORILLA IN A TREE A man walks out on his front porch one day and sees a gorilla in the tree on his front lawn. He calls animal control and about an hour later a man shows up with a ladder, a pit bull, and a shotgun. The animal control employee tells the man, “I’m here to get the gorilla out of your tree. I’m going to use this ladder to climb up the tree and shake the branch the gorilla is on to knock him to the ground. The pit bull is trained to go after anything that falls from the tree and bites their family jewels which calms the animal down so I can put him in the truck.” The man says “Okay, I see what the ladder and the pit bull are for but what is the shotgun for?” The animal control employee says, “Oh, that’s for you. In case I fall out of the tree instead of the gorilla.”

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November 2018

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IMPERIAL PHARMACY THE VISTA BOUTIQUE Open Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday, 12:30 p.m.–3:30 p.m. New Vista Care Home, 7550 Rosewood St. Discover a great selection of gently used clothing and household goods. Funds raised in the boutique support special programs for the care home seniors. For more information, call 604-527-6000.

LEST WE FORGET: THE CENOTAPH PROJECT (19+ YEARS) November 3, 2:00 p.m.–3:00 p.m. Royal Canadian Legion, 631 6th St, New Westminster Join our archivist Barry Dykes as he explains the history of the New Westminster War Memorial and shares with you the archives’ ongoing research into the names and lives of those commemorated on it. He will also explain how you can help with the project. Non-Legion members welcome.

CHRISTMAS “PRESENCE” BAZAAR November 3, 12:00 p.m.–2:30 p.m., Knox Presbyterian Church Hall, 403 E. Columbia St, New Westminster Enjoy a light lunch for only $7.00. Sales tables will have baking, preserves, crafts, sewing, knitting, and a popular “new to you table.”

NW DOWNTOWN RESIDENTS’ ASSOCIATION MEETING November 7, 7:00 p.m., Holy Trinity Cathedral, 514 Carnarvon St, New Westminster NEW MEMBERS WELCOME! New memberships/renewals $5.00

MUSIC FOR US November 15, 10:15 a.m. and 11:00 a.m. every Thursday Parents are invited to bring their children ages 0–5 to enjoy music activities from this early childhood music class offered by The Stage New West. We will sing and use basic instruments while enjoying all the wonderful benefits early music education has to offer. This interactive class offers parents a chance to engage with their child and music. Drop-in fee: $2/child. Phone 604-518-1291, email info@thestagenewwest.ca or visit www.thestagenewwest.ca for more information.

GROUP OF FIVE & FRIENDS BENEVOLENT SOCIETY CHRISTMAS FUNDRAISER November 16, 5:00 p.m.–7:30 p.m. Centennial Lodge, Queen’s Park, New Westminster

A time to socialize with light refreshments, buy silent & live auction items. Goal is to purchase a “Tilting Wheelchair” for Royal Columbian Hospital I.C.U. Tickets $30.00 to purchase phone Betty McIntosh at 604-619-8455.

LEGO WORKSHOP: THE LOCO-MOTION November 17, 10:00 a.m.–12:00 p.m. Anvil Centre, 777 Columbia St, New Westminster In association with New Westminster Museum’s feature exhibition, People Gotta Move, re-imagine trains and travel by rail! In this 60-minute workshop, children will practice their STEM skills by building a motorized LEGO Technic model. Anvil Centre Room 411A 10:00 a.m.–11:00 a.m. 11:00 a.m.–12:00 p.m. Registration Fee:

Ages 5–8 Ages 9–12 $15.00

CHRISTMAS TEA AND SALE November 24, 1:00 p.m.–2:30 p.m., Auxiliary to Dunwood Place (Seniors Housing), 901 Colbourne St, New Westminster Everyone welcome to enjoy a cup of tea served by Hyack Ambassadors. Tickets at the door $2.00. Tables to rent for vendors $10.00 call Betty at 604-619-8455 for more info.

NEW WESTMINSTER COUNCIL OF WOMEN MONTHLY MEETING November 28, 11:00 a.m.–12:00 p.m., 815 Kennedy St. Go to main entrance and buzz “Second Floor Lounge.” On October 31, Greyhound Bus Lines will shut down most of its bus routes in BC. What are the economic, health, and social implications? What problems will the closures create for low-income people, seniors, and students? What are some potential solutions? If you have friends and family members in the Fraser Valley or the Interior who will be affected, please come to join the discussion. The NWCW is a chapter of the National Council of Women of Canada.

SALVATION ARMY COMMUNITY BREAKFAST Saturday, December 29, 9:00 a.m.–11:00 a.m. Salvation Army, 325 6th St, New Westminster

MON TO FRI 9AM-6PM | SAT 9AM-2:30PM | SUN 9AM-1:30PM 981 Carnarvon Street, New Westminster | 604-523-6767 I don’t have a solution, but I do admire the problem.

Fenny in the middle with sister Coosje (left) and sister Willy (right). Her parents Aaffina and Hendrik were part of the Dutch underground. The family had drills in their home to see how fast they could hide people beneath the dining room floor boards and then return the room back to normal. Fenny also helped deliver the illegal underground newspapers.

THE WOMEN WHO WALKED THROUGH WWII

AS WRITTEN AND TOLD BY FENNY STOLP TO LORI PAPPAJOHN

t was hard to make sense of it. At our table sat the enemy — two German soldiers. We had just shared a meal with them because they had shown us kindness. And now the tears were flowing down their cheeks. They were crying. We were crying. None of us wanted this. None of us wanted the killing, the death, the hell, the horror. At any time they could have killed us. They had captured our country — the Netherlands. They could do with us as they pleased. But instead, our family and these two men — all of us enemies — sat together crying. WWII began for Fenny Stolp on May 10, 1940. In the middle of the night the family was awakened by the roaring thunder of German planes flying low over their house. The pilots planned to land on the nearby military base. But the Dutch had covered the landing strip with old cars and scrap metal. By the time the pilots saw the debris-covered strip in the darkness, they were too low. One after another they crashed and exploded. The war had begun. November 2018

For five years the family suffered through endless bombings, food shortages and little, then no heat or electricity. Bombs routinely fell so close that the thundering shock waves shook the house and those in it to the very core. Riding a train one day, Fenny was terrified as the allies strafed it from one end to the other. At a nearby psychiatric hospital, doctors were rounded up for hiding Jews as patients. The Jews were also taken. Another time, one of Fenny’s friends was shot dead. And always there was the starvation. Fenny and others would line up for soup which was nothing more than hot water with a few small cabbage leaves in it. But it was hot. No one had gas or coal. So the meagre soup was a blessing. By 1944 the food shortages were so extreme people were starving to death during what became known as the “hunger winter.” People were dying in the streets and no, Fenny doesn’t want to talk about it. It was too | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

FORGIVE YOUR ENEMY horrific to remember. “I don’t want to think of it,” says the 91-year-old who lives in Thornebridge Gardens in New Westminster. Fenny’s parents Aaffina and Hendrik were desperate. They had no food. Yet what of their daughters and what of the young man the family was hiding from the Germans? So the hard decision was made. The three sisters would be sent to their Aunt Klazien and Uncle Dries in the north where food was plentiful. But the only way to get there was to walk the close to 200 kilometres — walk amongst the falling bombs, along German-controlled roads, through the freezing cold, seeking help from total strangers. It was either walk or starve. A few days before Christmas the sisters loaded their clothes onto a cart and said teary good-byes. The family had no idea if they’d see each other again. Fenny, aged 18, Coosje, 19, and Willy, 21, set out in the cold morning air. “We felt such desperation,” Fenny recalls. Eventually two Dutch drivers gave them a ride part way but told them they could not take them across the river as the women didn’t have documentation. The three women huddled together shivering on the open flat deck truck, their backs against the cab. At the river checkpoint the driver stopped in a way that the soldiers could not see the women. When the drivers were cleared to proceed they drove off at top speed. The soldiers suddenly saw the girls in the back and trained their shotguns on them. “We had nowhere to hide,” recalls Fenny. “We were terrified. But they didn’t shoot.” The girls were dropped off in a city where no one was allowed to enter or leave without papers. At the German ortscommandant they begged and cried until they finally received permission to leave. Back on the street, word was out that three young women were trying to go north. A man told them of a freight ship leaving that day. There was thick fog, so they could not be seen from the sky to be bombed. For hours the girls huddled on deck, chilled to the bone from the thick and frigid fog on the canal. And then they were back to walking and walking. “Friends of our parents or anybody who had relatives or friends along our way had given us letters of recomcontinued on page 10

by Fenny Stolp

hen the war ended in May 1945, I remember how thankful I was. And also thankful for all those military, mostly young people, giving their lives to free us from all the madness we had to endure. During the war it was a beautiful thing that people stood together, helping and protecting each other and o�en in danger for themselves. I was so young then, but you grow up very fast when you are under attack. At that time I learned to completely trust some people and not trust others at all. It is a feeling that came from my inside, from my soul. I think war is a very selfish thing. It is the conquering for more land, oil, diamonds or anything that will make the attacker richer. And so many people get killed because of it. Forgiving your enemy is most important. If you cannot forgive and have no peace, the war will keep on going within yourself. Thankfully I forgave the enemy years ago.

Fenny Stolp with a painting of a countryside similar to that around her village in Holland before WWII. At right, a photo of her husband who served in WWII.

mendation asking if we could sleep at their house for one night. “After hours of walking it became dark. We had to find a family we never saw before, knock on their door,

During the War identification documents were required for all Dutch citizens. This is Fenny’s — front and back. November 2018

give them a letter with their name on it and wait until they read it. These people were overwhelmed to see three young women with luggage and a cart standing at their door in the pitch dark. “But what a welcome we had. They started cooking right away and served us a wonderful meal. We had not had food like this for several years.” The next morning the sisters were back on the road walking for hours and hours. Now and then they would be passed by cyclists. No one had tires. They just rode on the rims. They were cycling to farms to trade their jewelery or whatever else they had for food. Finally the sisters came to a truck with two German soldiers. A Dutchman was getting a ride with them, so the girls asked if they could get a ride, too. Enemy or not, they were exhausted. Coincidentally, the soldiers were driving to the women’s uncle’s village. “Later, once in a while I saw one of these two soldiers in the village and he would wave, but I could not,” said Fenny. “He was my enemy. Until this day I feel bad that I just could not greet them. They were | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

11 so good to us. I hope they understood. That’s what war does to you.” When the women reached their relative’s home, it was as if they had found paradise. There was hardly any bombing in this rural area, and there was a warm house and plenty to eat. “It was so hard to see so much food and not be able to send any home where people were starving,” said Fenny. “There were no trains, buses, or any type of transportation. There was no mail either, so we couldn’t write to tell them we were okay.” Early one morning 8 to 10 German soldiers came to the house and began ransacking it — throwing things out of cupboards and drawers. “We girls and our cousins were woken by the commotion. We were terrified and all five of us crawled into one bed and pulled the blankets over us. We could hear the heavy boots going from room to room and then coming up the stairs. We were so terrified that one of us started to giggle from our sheer nervousness. Then we all were giggling. A soldier pulled back our blankets and saw five giggling young women staring at him.” Fortunately he left them alone. The soldiers left the house in shambles. “They must have been looking for someone hiding behind double walls,” said Fenny. “My uncle and dad worked for the underground. We were always terrified they would be found out and picked up by the Gestapo. “One day a large truck and trailer stopped in front of our house. Two German soldiers jumped out. Again we were terrified. The soldiers said my father had sent them to get food for his village where the people were starving. My father knew someone who knew some ‘good soldiers’ and was able to arrange the food pickup.” Fenny’s aunt invited the two middle-aged men in for dinner and arranged for them to sleep overnight. “At the table, the soldiers started talking. They did not want to fight. One lived just across the border from Holland, the other one came from Dusseldorf, a place that had been bombed repeatedly by the allies. He had not heard from his wife or children for three months. He had no idea if they were dead or alive. “Sitting with us at our table, feeling the warmth of a family reached deep into their hearts and both of them began to cry — just tears at first, but then crying like children. Then all of us were crying. None of us wanted the war, the hell, the starvation, the killing. Yet what continued on page 12

POET’S CORNER with

JANET KVAMMEN

VICE-PRESIDENT, ROYAL CITY LITERARY ARTS SOCIETY

Fraser Dreams Wake © Janet Kvammen

the memory of wild poppy covered banks forever bloom in winter dreams ice breaks through the summer stars shedding a heavy aura of grief the dark river rises to meet the fallen sky overcome with light a gush of remembrance enlightens the grey silence we dreamt the world back into place where north was south east was New West Downtown was up and the night a brand new day we dreamt the world back into space where everything was the same even when it wasn’t stopped clocks ticked the Fraser still flowed beyond Hope where your smile an extension of spring spread across the dull November morn autumn’s blush covered the Golden Mile the way a romantic rumour sets the sky singing an embryonic dawn aglow in utero Janet Kvammen is a poet, photographer and visual artist. Follow her on Instagram under @janetkvammen and @newwestrocks.

Welcoming New Westminster Poets! Please submit your “New West” poems by emailing Janet at janetkvammen@rclas.com Visit www.rclas.com for all the latest events.

Me and my recliner… we go WAY back.

NUMBER BLOCKS

Try to fi ll in the missing numbers. The missing numbers are integers between 0 and 9. The numbers in each row add up to totals to the right. The numbers in each column add up to the totals along the bottom. The diagonal lines also add up the totals to the right.

November 2018

Seated on a German bunker after the War are (from the left) Fenny, a friend, Fenny’s sisters Coosje and Willy and her cousin Trijny.

could we do? There we were — enemies, sharing a meal and crying together at the hopelessness of it all.” The next day the soldiers and the uncle drove to his father’s farm and loaded up. “It was a dream when they came back,” said Fenny. “The truck and trailer were overflowing with food. People from all over brought packages and asked the soldiers to take them to family and friends near my parents. “When the soldiers arrived at my parents’ village, everyone was elated — food at last!” By April 1945 there were rumours that the war was about to end. April 25 paratroopers landed outside the village and an intense battle ensued. “During the night of April 27 my uncle woke us and told us to look out the window. There we watched as thousands of German soldiers walked past on their way to Germany. Some were lame or crippled, others wounded and riding in farmers’ carts or on crutches or leaning on bicycles. It was such a sad, sad sight. After such a long, terrible war they had to walk, wounded | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

MLA’S REPORT

By Judy Darcy all has been a busy time with so many people heading back to school or work. The BC Legislature is back in session, and many folks in New Westminster have been active in municipal elections. We also have a Referendum on Electoral Reform happening from October 22nd to November 30th. This referendum will give British Columbians the opportunity to choose what voting system they prefer. The choices are between our current First Past the Post system or a new Proportional Representation system. Elections BC is responsible for administering the 2018 Referendum on Electoral Reform The first thing you can do to get prepared is to visit the Elections BC website at www.elections.bc.ca/referendum. You can also make sure you are registered to vote at www.elections.bc.ca/ ovr or by calling 1-800-661-8683. The next step is to learn about the voting systems. There is great information available on the Elections BC website, but there are also lots of news articles and active groups campaigning on either side of the referendum.

You can look for your ballot in your mailbox after October 22nd. Your completed ballot must be returned to Elections BC before November 30th via mail. The voter package will have an addressed envelope with postage already paid — just drop your completed ballot in a mailbox! You can also drop it off at any Service BC Centre or Referendum Service Office. Locations are listed at www.elections.bc.ca/rso. This is an exciting opportunity for everyone in our community to have a say about our voting system. Should BC stay with first-past-the-post or move to a system of Proportional Representation. Make sure you cast your vote!

and defeated, the long road back to their homeland. Yet I can’t help thinking they, like us, were glad it was over. “The next afternoon our wildest dreams came true as dozens of tanks and trucks rolled into the village. They were Canadians! They had come to liberate us!” The entire village was insane with joy, recalls Fenny. The hell had ended! The bombs would no longer fall! The years of fear and terror were gone. Hundreds of villagers crowded around and on top of the tanks, waving Dutch flags, shouting and thanking the Canadians. People began dancing. They were free.

The next day, those who had collaborated with the Germans were picked up to be tried. The Dutch women who had made friends with the soldiers had their heads shaved. Then the bald women were put in a horse-drawn cart and pulled through the village for all to see. And so it was. Peace finally came. On May 5, 1945, the war ended for all of the Netherlands. The next month Fenny and her sisters returned home to their parents. Such joy. Such gratitude. Lest We Forget…

If you aren’t signed up yet, send an email to Judy.Darcy.MLA@leg.bc.ca to sign up and make sure you don’t miss out on the next newsletter!

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PIFFLE’S

HOW FAST CAN YOU GET THROUGH?

CAN’T BE TRUSTED Q: Why can’t you trust an atom? A: Because they make up everything. BIG Q: If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have? A: Big hands. PREHISTORIC JOKE Q: Why shouldn’t you make fun of a paleontologist? A: Because you will get Jurasskicked. GOD (PARKING) SPOT A guy is late for an important meeting. But he can’t find a place to park. In desperation, he begins to pray. “Please Lord, if you help me find a parking stall right now, I promise to go to church every Sunday and never drink vodka again!” A moment later, he sees a beautiful empty spot right next to the entrance. “Never mind. Found one!

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SPACE CADET JOKE Q: How do astronomers organize a party? A: They planet. SMALL RELATIONSHIPS Molecule 1: I just lost an electron. Molecule 2: Are you sure? Molecule 1: I’m positive.

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SECONDARY INDEPENDENT SCHOOL

ACCEPTING FALL ! REGISTRATIONS NOW

WEIRD SCIENCE Q: What do you do with a sick scientist? A: Well if you can’t helium and you can’t curium then you might as well barium. BRAINBUSTERS • Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over. • I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day. • I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised. • My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away. • My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down. • I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me. • I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time consuming. • I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can’t put it down. • I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work. • Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way. • Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet. • My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort. • I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do NOT read it! • I’m so good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed. • My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.

continued on page 16

• No tuition • Full Dogwood Diploma Program • Your choice of morning, afternoon or full-time program • Music, Visual Arts, Career Development and Adventure Based Learning • Structured classrooms with small group and individualized instruction • Complete 2 courses in a 10 week term • Grades 8 - 12 • Friendly welcoming inclusive atmosphere

Purpose Secondary Independent School exists to serve those students who, for a variety of reasons, find it difficult in the traditional school system. Students succeed from the fact that we are a small student centered Independent School.

Continuous Intake

604.528.6014 604.526.2522

www.purposesecondary.org 40 Begbie Street, New Westminster, BC V3M 3L9

Is it true that cannibals won’t eat clowns because they taste funny?

MATH MADNESS

• A woman walks into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia. The librarian says “They’re right behind you!” • The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me. • When you look really closely, all mirrors look like eyeballs. • My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?” I said, “No it doesn’t.” THE COMPUTER SAID… Submitted by Ray Sargent

“Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.” HIS FIRST WORDS Submitted by Ray Sargent

Try to fi ll in the missing numbers. Use the numbers 1 through 9 to complete the equations. Each number is only used once. Each row is a math equation. Each column is a math equation. Remember that multiplication and division are performed before addition and subtraction.

Puzzle 1 (Medium, difficulty rating 0.50)

SUDOKU! 6

GETTING OUT OF JURY DUTY

9 5

3 8 1

Submitted by Ray Sargent

9 7

4 4

8 7

3 5

3 1

Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku on row Tue Decmust 5 23:19:11 2017 GMT. Enjoy! Each column must Each Each block must contain all of the contain all of the contain all of the numbers 1 through 9 numbers 1 through 9 numbers 1 through 9 and no two numbers and no two numbers and no two numbers in the same column in the same row of a in the same block of of a Sudoku puzzle Sudoku puzzle can a Sudoku puzzle can can be the same. be the same. be the same.

November 2018

My son crawled for the first time while I was away on exercises. I also missed Harry’s first steps and was afraid an upcoming course would cause me to miss his first words. Each day, I called home and asked if he had spoken yet. The answer was always “no” until my wife said Harry had something to say to me. “Daddy, daddy,” I heard over the phone, and glowed with pride. My wife came back on the line and said, “You should come home as soon as possible.” “Why?” I asked. “Harry was speaking to the dog.”

Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case? Prospective Juror: I don’t want to be away from my job that long. Judge: Can’t they do without you at work? Prospective Juror: Yes, but I don’t want them to know it. TOUNG TWISTERS 1. Denise sees the fleece, Denise sees the fleas. At least Denise could sneeze and feed and freeze the fleas. 2. Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. How many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick? 3. How can a clam cram in a clean cream can? 4. Sheena leads, Sheila needs. 5. The thirty-three thieves thought that they thrilled the throne throughout Thursday. | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

6. Something in a thirty-acre thermal thicket of thorns and thistles thumped and thundered threatening the three-D thoughts of Matthew the thug — although, theatrically, it was only the thirteen-thousand thistles and thorns through the underneath of his thigh that the thirty year old thug thought of that morning. 7. Can you can a can as a canner can can a can? 8. Seth at Sainsbury’s sells thick socks. 9. Roberta ran rings around the Roman ruins. 10. Clean clams crammed in clean cans. 11. Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks. 12. I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won’t wish the wish you wish to wish. 13. Stupid superstition! 14. There was a fisherman named Fisher who fished for some fish in a fissure. Till a fish with a grin, pulled the fisherman in. Now they’re fishing the fissure for Fisher. 15. To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock, In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock, Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock, From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block! To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock, In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock, Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock, From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block! A dull, dark dock, a life-long lock, A short, sharp shock, a big black block! To sit in solemn silence in a pestilential prison, And awaiting the sensation From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block! 16. Luke Luck likes lakes. Luke’s duck likes lakes. Luke Luck licks lakes. Luck’s duck licks lakes. Duck takes licks in lakes Luke Luck likes. Luke Luck takes licks in lakes duck likes. 17. Picky people pick Peter Pan Peanut-Butter, ‘tis the peanut-butter picky people pick.

continued on page 18

750 Carnarvon St, New Westminster

THANK YOU for another successful evening at Monaco Casino Night and Dinner Gala! Proceeds helped vulnerable seniors with services that allow them to age with dignity and independence!

Need a delicious and affordable meal? Meals on Wheels provides seniors with a caring connection to the community and maintains their independence at home by delivering delicious and affordable meals prepared by Starlight Casino. Please call 604-520-6621 for prices and delivery schedule.

Love to get out and about? Senior Services Society supports New Westminster residents (60+) to maintain their independence by providing an opportunity to enjoy meals, activities and events with other local seniors at reduced admission costs in partnership with our outing venues. Our 16-passenger bus provides door-to-door service to New Westminster residents (60+). Our experienced drivers and volunteers assist with boarding and disembarking, providing care and attention to ensure our outings run smoothly. To register, please call 604-520-6621.

Go the extra mile — volunteer with Seniors Services Society! We would love to offer you the opportunity to engage with older adults 60+ in a friendly, vibrant setting. Connect with others who share your interest in helping others and learn about issues that impact older adults. Contact us today and become part of our dynamic volunteer team at volunteer@seniorsservicessociety.ca or 604-520-6621.

Help us help seniors! If you would like to make a monthly donation to help vulnerable seniors email nipab@seniorsservicessociety.ca.

If a parsley farmer is sued do they garnish his wages?

18. If Stu chews shoes, should Stu choose the shoes he chews?

BY ROSS HOOD

PUZ ZLE #52

19. There those thousand thinkers were thinking how did the other three thieves go through.

The principle of this puzzle is to shade, in a logical way, boxes in the grid to discover a picture solution. Numbers on the left show the sets of boxes to be shaded in the corresponding line. Numbers above the grid show the sets of boxes to be shaded in the corresponding column. There is always at least one clear box separating the shaded boxes. TIP: It is just as important to discover which boxes are clear.

20. Santa’s Short Suit Shrunk

HINT: HE IS THE BOSS

Two-two was one too.

1 1

2 3

1 1

5 1 19

10 5 3

5 10 8

21. I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream! 22. Wayne went to Wales to watch walruses 23. One-one was a race horse. One-one won one race. Two-two won one too.

24. Six sleek swans swam swiftly southwards

25. Gobbling gorgoyles gobbled gobbling goblins. 26. Pirates Private Property

27. When you write copy you have the right to copyright the copy you write.

28. A big black bug bit a big black dog on his big black nose!

29. Ann and Andy’s anniversary is in April.

30. Hassock hassock, black spotted hassock. Black

spot on a black back of a black spotted hassock.

continued on page 20

CROSSWORD

ACROSS 1.

This sport is the most watched game in the month of November.

4. The other sign of November.

5. This was called “Blood Month” by the ancient Saxons because it was the month they sacrificed animals to their gods. 7.

Ted is a retired New Westminster police officer who now volunteers at Honour House.

9. This is a short text honoring a deceased person.

10. The first known use of “Novemberish” was by Burns in 1793. 11. The November birth flower.

12. This world-famous playwright never mentioned the month of November in any of his plays.

DOWN 2. This is celebrated south of the border. But us Canadians are already stuffed from it. 3. One of the signs of November.

6. This nickname is “growing” in popularity and represents men’s health awareness such as prostate and testicular cancer. 8. This is the last name of a famous “friend” who was born in November.

November 2018

| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

Community AUTO SALES

Jason

Serving the Burnaby & New Westminster community for 25 years. Trades Welcome.

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2001 Suzuki XL7

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31. How many cookies could a good cook cook If a good cook could cook cookies? A good cook could cook as much cookies as a good cook who could cook cookies. 32. How much ground would a groundhog hog, if a groundhog could hog ground? A groundhog would hog all the ground he could hog, if a groundhog could hog ground. 33. How much wood could Chuck Woods’ woodchuck chuck, if Chuck Woods’ woodchuck could and would chuck wood? If Chuck Woods’ woodchuck could and would chuck wood, how much wood could and would Chuck Woods’ woodchuck chuck? Chuck Woods’ woodchuck would chuck, he would, as much as he could, and chuck as much wood as any woodchuck would, if a woodchuck could and would chuck wood. 34. Mary Mac’s mother’s making Mary Mac marry me. My mother’s making me marry Mary Mac. Will I always be so Merry when Mary’s taking care of me? Will I always be so merry when I marry Mary Mac?

Signs & Printing

continued on page 21

D R A V F G X S G B J S Z C Q V H L J M

L L L G Q X R Q P K E G H S G F F B T T

C R E J G E Q M R X V R F A C B A M E R

November 2018

B Y J I I X O H G J Y E O G E J N X X A

Y F B D F V I T F S X B O I N C F F V B

Y N L E E S O J A A S M T T I I W N Y O

L O O M R P R N P I B E B T R F G X I K

S P B M A M T E K A W M A A T S O P H D

I E P Z E H O N D V Y E L R I Z R A P U

R P Z I E R J N X N E R L I C O I S R P

K G R M W O E T D V A T L U C L E O Q L

C P U F U C C C S A M L E S G W R H Q Y

S M M I C A W U X S Y R F R E F S S X Q

Y M R A N O I T A V L A S Y A I Y K D P

L G B L A C K F R I D A Y A X N P F L H

R E B M E V O N E G L Y H U C K S P W L

N I B P Q W K P V K Y E P I T A P H O O

N H H L R B G A L O K S R E D L E K G P

D B Y S U V Q Z K D L O I A V P J H D T

D M I J F H B K T I N L D S O H I B O D

WORD SEARCH BLACK FRIDAY

NOVEMBER

CEREMONY

POPPIES

CHRYSANTHEMUM CITRINE CYBER MONDAY ELDERS EPITAPH FLANDERS FIELD

REMEMBER SAGITTARIUS SALVATION ARMY SCORPIO SOLDIERS

FOOTBALL

TOPAZ

MOVEMBER

VETERANS

| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

35. How much pot, could a pot roast roast, if a pot roast could roast pot. 36. Mr. Tongue Twister tried to train his tongue to twist and turn, and twit an twat, to learn the letter “T”. 37. Pete’s pa pete poked to the pea patch to pick a peck of peas for the poor pink pig in the pine hole pig-pen. 38. Rudder valve reversals. 39. Birdie birdie in the sky laid a turdie in my eye. If cows could fly I’d have a cow pie in my eye. 40. How many cans can a cannibal nibble if a cannibal can nibble cans? As many cans as a cannibal can nibble if a cannibal can nibble cans. 41. Thirty-three thirsty, thundering thoroughbreds thumped Mr. Thurber on Thursday. 42. Four furious friends fought for the phone. 43. Through three cheese trees three free fleas flew. While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew. Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze. Freezy trees made these trees’ cheese freeze. That’s what made these three free fleas sneeze.

continued on page 24

Serving Our Community Since 1908

We believe that locally-based, Family owned funeral homes are an important part of any community. We are honoured to carry forward our 110 year legacy of care.

Columbia-Bowell Funeral Chapel 219 6th Street, New Westminster

604-521-4887 4 LOCATIONS TO SERVE YOU:

VANCOUVER

BURNABY

NEW WESTMINSTER

CLOVERDALE

www.KearneyFS.com

WINTER HARP Performs with the

Vancouver Welsh Men’s Choir W

INTER ARP brings its magic to Massey Theatre Sunday, Dec. 2 with the Vancouver Welsh Men’s Choir. This acclaimed 80-voice choir joins with harps, flutes, fiddle, percussion and rare medieval instruments for an enchanting afternoon of Christmas music. Don’t miss this — the city’s most popular Christmas concert. Tickets at 604-521-5050 or www.ticketsnw.ca. Winter Harp musicians, dressed in gorgeous medieval attire, perform a hauntingly-beautiful collection of carols on their own and with the choir which is known for its powerful

and touching performances. It’s like two concerts in one — hearing both groups on their own as well as together. Winter Harp performs with the Vancouver Welsh Men’s Choir Sunday, Dec. 2 at 2:30 p.m. at Massey Theatre. See Winter Harp on its own Dec. 12 and 13 at Capilano University, Dec. 15 at St. Andrew’s-Wesley United Church in Vancouver and Dec. 16 at the ACT in Maple Ridge. Details at www.winterharp.com. For information on the Welsh Choir’s other concerts visit www.vwmc.ca.

Would a wingless fly be called a walk?

If the Unknown Soldier were a Hometown Lad

By Don Benson He was a young Canadian who died at Vimy Ridge; Did he come from Chilliwack, or Gibsons Landing? Did he grow up out in Surrey, or up near Spences’ Bridge? Or, did he live within a mile of where we’re standing? Did he play for Salmonbellies at the oval in the Park? Was he rover? Or assigned to guard the net? Or was the local drama club the way he made his mark? Did he learn to swim and fish in the Brunette? Did he dance around the maypole? Was he in the Boy’s Brigade? November 2018

Did a New Westminster girl say she would wait? Did he lie in bed and listen to the sounds the river made? Was the Frozen Fraser where he learned to skate? Did he labour on the green-chain down at Royal City Mills? Did he plan to log for Gilleys? Or to teach? In winter, did he ride his sleigh down Sixth or Sherbrooke hills? Did he spend his summers down at Crescent Beach? Did he hang out down on Front Street near the taverns and the docks, And take a drink, and charm the girls and brawl? Did he still-fish on the sand bars and take solitary walks? Was he quiet? Did he hear the poet’s call? | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

REMEMBRANCE DAY

By Evelyn Benson

n the year 2000, a tomb for Canada’s Unknown Soldier was dedicated at Ottawa. Within the tomb rests the remains of a young Canadian soldier who gave his life in the famous Battle of Vimy Ridge in WWI. Many Royal Westminster Regiment young men fought and died in that bloody watershed battle. Don Benson, New Westminster’s poet laureate emeritus, raises in his poem The Unknown Soldier the possibility that Canada’s Unknown Soldier could be a New Westminster lad who once drilled in our historic local Armory. My father, Pte. Lewie Sangster was a battalion scout in that historic battle, and his twin brother Pte. Philip Sangster was wounded and captured at Vimy Ridge. Photo by Janet Kvammen

Was the telegram delivered to a mansion on the hill, Or a humble Lulu Island fishing shack? Was his graduation picture sitting on the window sill? Did his dog sense he was never coming back? When we wear the blood-red poppy, or say a silent prayer, Or lay a wreath beside the silent guns; We feel that he is present; we feel him standing there; For he is all our wars and all our sons. Yes, he’s with us as we gather on the plaza this November; The longing for his native soil is past; He’s with us, as we gather on the plaza to remember He’s come home to rest in Canada… at last. Isn’t it scary that doctors call what they do “practice”?

.95

For Personality Proﬁles/ Transit Report/Relationship Compatibility visit www.astrologybyliza.com HOROSCOPES by LIZA

NOV 2018

ARIES: Your daily life becomes busy with activity. You are able to accomplish a great deal during this time. Avoid arguments with co-workers and concentrate on getting things done. TAURUS: Expressing yourself takes on a whole new meaning. You’re more competitive now so make good use of those energies. Your love nature is strong, go after what you want. GEMINI: Much activity takes place within your home. Much can be accomplished in this area. Your professional life may oppose your ideas, best to keep a low profile. CANCER: Communications may take on a defiant tone. Conflicts within your daily life are apparent. Refrain from coming across as a “know it all” — listen and digest before reacting. LEO: Not everyone thinks the way you do about your belief system so watch your reactions in this area. Understanding others will work wonders. Possessions do not make the person. VIRGO: You have the opportunity to show the world what you can do, so do it. You may find yourself having to fight for your rights or belief systems. Physical activity is strong. LIBRA: Are you not getting the credit you think you deserve? This is not a good time to assert yourself. You will be able to put your plan into action next month. For now, patience. SCORPIO: Formulate your goals and go after them with gusto. Much can be accomplished within a group; not a good time to go it alone. Get together with friends for the support you require. SAGITTARIUS: You have great ambition to achieve just avoid challenging authority figures. Conflict with bosses will come easy so be aware of others requirements and not just yours.

44. She saw Sherif’s shoes on the sofa. But was she so sure she saw Sherif’s shoes on the sofa?

45. Bobby Bippy bought a bat.

Bobby Bippy bought a ball.

With his bat Bob banged the ball Banged it bump against the wall But so boldly Bobby banged it That he burst his rubber ball “Boo!” cried Bobby Bad luck ball

Bad luck Bobby, bad luck ball

Now to drown his many troubles Bobby Bippy’s blowing bubbles.

46. Black background, brown background, black

background, brown background, black background, brown background.

47. Why do you cry, Willy? Why do you cry? Why, Willy? Why, Willy?

Why, Willy? Why?

48. Tie twine to three tree twigs.

49. Rory the warrior and Roger the worrier were reared wrongly in a rural brewery.

BUSINESS One entrepreneur says to another, “I’ve just been in the Far East prospecting for gold.”

“Japan,” asks the second entrepreneur.

“Gosh, no,” he replies. “I used much more scientific

methods.”

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

CAPRICORN: You have a strong need to assert your belief systems onto others. Don’t waste time on defending your ideas, rather, look for new experiences to add new dimensions to your life.

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, “Sorry,

AQUARIUS: There may be disagreement within partnerships about money. It’s not a good time to ask for that loan. Any new relationships formed now will have a powerful eﬀect on you.

OOOPS!

PISCES: Compromise is the name of the game for you now. Avoid all conflicts. If you must argue and defend, make sure it is worth fighting for. A great deal of energy can be put back into all relationships.

LOVE CONNECTION

November 2018

we don’t serve food in here.”

A dyslexic man walks into a bra…

Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The

ceremony wasn’t much but the reception was brilliant. | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

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LIFE QUESTIONS Two cows standing next to each other in a field.

Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.”

“I don’t believe you,” replies Dolly. “It’s true, no bull.

THE BLAME GAME A man flying in a hot air balloon realizes he is lost. He

reduces his altitude, spots a man in a field down below and shouts, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?” The man replies, “Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon,

about 30 feet above this field.”

“You must be an engineer,” says the balloonist. “I am. How did you know?” says the man.

“Everything you told me is technically correct, but

it’s of no use to anyone.”

The man below says, “You must be in management.”

Ken McIntosh Rod Drown Researchers

604-396-0773 “NO DOG BARKED”

“I am. But how did you know?” says the balloonist.

a story of the MacLauchlan murders

but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the

same position you were before we met, but now it’s

Available at: Root Source, 239 6th St, New West 105-505 6th St, New West and STC Creations, 239 6th St, New West

PRESSED BY THE PRESS

YOUR TROPIC SNORKELING CENTRE!

“You don’t know where you are, or where you’re going,

my fault.”

Rod rpdrown@gmail.com

These four guys were walking down the street: a

Over 40 Years

Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean and a New Yorker. A

reporter runs up to them and says, “Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?”

Serving the Snorkeling & Scuba Community

The Saudi says, “Excuse me, what’s a shortage?” The Russian says, “Excuse me, what’s meat?”

The North Korean says, “Excuse me, what’s an

opinion?”

The New Yorker says, “Excuse me? What’s excuse me?”

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Pick-up your issue of Piffle at these locations… NEW WESTMINSTER

New Westminster Public Library (Uptown) Imperial Pharmacy

981 Carnarvon St

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BURNABY

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For a full list of locations, visit www.piffle.ca/locations November 2018

STATE YOUR ANSWER At one American university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes. “Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor to the student from Arkansas, “what is the opposite of joy?” “Sadness,” replied the diligent student. “And the opposite of depression?” he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma. “Elation,” she said. “And you, sir,” he said to the young man from Texas, “what about the opposite of woe?” The Texan replied, “Sir, I believe that would be ‘giddy up.’” HARSH NOTES Q: What’s the difference between a 16" pizza and a jazz musician? A: A 16" pizza can feed a family of four. THE PSYCHOANALYST A man goes to his psychiatrist. “Doctor, you’ve got to help me,” he says. “I keep thinking that I’m a wellknown psychoanalyst.” “How long has this been going on?” asks the shrink. “Well,” the man replies, “it all started when I was Jung… SAY WHAT? Submitted by Ray Sargent

When my neighbor’s granddaughter introduced me to her young son, Brian, I said to him, “My grandchildren call me Mimi. Why don’t you call me that too?” “I don’t think so,” he retorted, and ran off after his mother. Later I was asked to baby-sit for Brian, and we hit it off wonderfully. As he snuggled up to me, he said, “I don’t care what your grandchildren say. I love you, Meanie.” THE TAT Submitted by Ray Sargent

When my brother-in-law was on leave from national service, he brought home a heavily tattooed friend. We all sat down to Sunday lunch, and my four-yearold nephew couldn’t take his eyes off the man’s colorful arms. Curiosity finally got the better off him. Politely, he asked the visitor, “Didn’t your mother give you paper to write on?” | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

THE CONDUCTOR A man had a dream to be an engineer. Driving a train

had been ever since he was a child. He loved to make

the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He

made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution.

When the day of the execution came, he requested

a single banana as his last meal. After eating the

banana, he was strapped into the electric chair. The

switch was flown, sparks flew, and smoke filled the air

— but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine. Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that

said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free. Somehow,

he managed to get his old job back driving the train.

Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon.

Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time kill-

ing two people. The trial went much the same as the

first, resulting in a sentence of execution. For his final meal, the man requested two bananas. After eating

the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room — and the man was once again unharmed.

Well, this of course meant that he was free to go.

And once again, he somehow managed to get his old job back. To what should have been the surprise of

no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people. And so he once again found himself being

sentenced to death. On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal: three bananas.

“You know what? No,” said the executioner. “I’ve had

it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I’m not giving you a thing to eat; we’re strapping you in and doing this now.”

Well, it was against protocol, but the man was

strapped in to the electric chair without a last meal.

The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the

room - and the man was still unharmed. The executioner was speechless.

The man looked at the executioner and said, “Oh,

the bananas had nothing to do with it. I’m just a bad conductor.”

Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?

Ed Goss

Associate Broker MLS Master Medallion

Serving You Since February 1984

604-644-0141 edjgoss@gmail.com www.EdGoss.com WORK ING FOR YOU

SHORES OF MAUI Vacation Condo Rental Terry & Loretta Embling terryloretta@hotmail.com Cel: 604-418-8782

OH, MY ACHIN’ Submitted by Ray Sargent

Inquire Online:

www.shoresofmaui.net

November 2018

EINSTEIN Albert Einstein had a driver that looked amazingly similar to him. One day when driving to a science conference, he says to his driver, “I’m sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!” The driver agrees. “You’re right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don’t know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place.” “That’s a great idea!” says Einstein. “Let’s switch places then!” So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it. But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he won’t be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question. The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response. The driver looks at him, dead in the eye, and says, “Sir, your question is so easy to answer that I’m going to let my driver reply to it.

Jim, Scott and Alex are tired after traveling all day, and check into a big-city hotel. When they get to reception, they find out they’ll have to walk 75 flights of stairs to get to their room because the elevators are out of order. Jim suggests that they do something interesting to pass time while they walk the 75 flights.

continued on page 29

| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.

PIFFLE PUZZLE SOLUTIONS PIFFLE’S

NUMBER BLOCKS HOW FAST CAN YOU GET THROUGH?

SUDOKU!

Puzzle 1 (Medium, difficulty rating 0.50)

8 1 5 3 6 4 7 2 9

Each column must contain all of the numbers 1 through 9 and no two numbers in the same column of a Sudoku puzzle can be the same.

7 4 8 9 2 6 3 5 1

6 3 1 7 5 8 2 9 4

9 5 2 1 4 3 8 6 7

Each row must contain all of the numbers 1 through 9 and no two numbers in the same row of a Sudoku puzzle can be the same.

3 8 9 6 1 5 4 7 2

5 7 6 4 3 2 9 1 8

MATH MADNESS

2 4 8

BY ROSS HOOD

PUZ ZLE #52

HINT: HE IS THE BOSS

2 5

4 3

3 5

5 2

1 6 1

1 5 2

1 7

2 7

10 5 3

3 8

Each block must contain all of the numbers 1 through 9 and no two numbers in the same block of a Sudoku puzzle can be the same.

10 8

Q: Why can’t you trust an atom? A: Because they make up everything.

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Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A: A carrot.

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Q: Where do you find a cow with no legs? A: Right where you left it.

City Province Phone Email

Q: Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up? A: Because it was two tired! Q: What did one hat say to the other? A: You stay here. I’ll go on ahead. Q: What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? A: Aye matey.

Postal

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Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku on Tue Dec 5 23:19:11 2017 GMT. Enjoy!

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Q: Whatdya call a Frenchman wearing sandals? A: Phillipe Phillope. Q: What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? A: Roberto. Q: Why do blind people hate skydiving? A: It scares the hell out of their dogs.

(See the OK Tire ad for the answer)

MIND YOUR AND Q: Why is Peter Pan always flying? A: He neverlands. QS

What is the population of New Westminster BC?

Jim will tell jokes, Scott will sing songs and Alex will tell sad stories. So Jim tells jokes for 25 flights, Scott sings songs for 25 flights and Alex tells sad stories for 24 flights. When they reach the 75th floor, Alex tells his saddest story of all: “Guys, I left our room key at reception.”

IT WORKS Submitted by Ray Sargent

Feeling listless, I bought some expensive “brain-stim-

ulating” pills at the health food store. But it wasn’t until I got home that I read the label. “This is just rosemary extract,” I complained to my husband. “I can’t believe

I spent all that money for something that I have growing like wild in the yard!”

“See?” he said. “You’re smarter already.”

KNOCK IT OUT OF THE PARK Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Lettuce

Lettuce who?

Lettuce in and we’ll tell you! Knock, knock! Who’s there? King Tut

King Tut who?

King Tut-key fried chicken! Knock, knock! Who’s there? Roach

Roach who?

Roach you a letter, did you get it? Knock, knock! Who’s there? Etch

Etch who? Bless you!

Knock, knock! Who’s there? Annie

Annie who?

Annie body home? Knock, knock! Who’s there? Tiss

Tiss who?

Tiss who is good for blowing your nose! Knock, knock! Who’s there? Watson

Watson who?

What’s on TV tonight? November 2018

| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

Q AND ARITHMETIC Q: What do you call a man who spent all summer at

T H A N K

Y O U !

the beach?

A: A Tangent.

Q: What did Al Gore play on his guitar? A: An Algorithm.

Q: What do you call a snake after it drinks five cups of coffee?

A: A hyper boa. Q: Why was the Calculus teacher bad at baseball?

A: He was better at fitting curves than hitting them

Q: What do you call an angle that is adorable? A: Acute angle.

Q: What do you call a destroyed angle? A: A Rect-angle.

Q: Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?

A: It was a ‘mean’ thing to say! Q: What do you call more than one L? A: A Parallel.

Q: Why does nobody talk to circles? A: Because there is no point!

Q: What is a math teacher’s favorite type of tree? A: A “Geome-tree”

Q: Why is the obtuse triangle always upset? A: Because it is never right.

Q: What do you get if you cross a math teacher and a clock?

A: Arithma-ticks! Q: Why did the polynomial plant die? A: Its roots were imaginary.

Q: Why couldn’t the angle get a loan? A: His parents wouldn’t Cosine

Q: Why didn’t the number 4 get into the nightclub? A: Because he is 2 square

Q: Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party? A: Just cos.

Mary Trentadue

FOR CITY COUNCIL T hank you New Westminster for your support! Authorized by Mary Trentadue, Financial Agent 778-773-2390

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Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?

STRATA LIVING ACCESS TO A STRATA LOT

By Tony Gioventu, Executive Director, Condominium Home Owners' Association of BC

ear Tony: My strata unlawfully accessed my strata lot while I was away on holidays. They claim a neighbour complained about the sound of constant running water, and even though there was no evidence of water damages to any strata lots below, and no one could verify the sound form the doorway, they declared it as an emergency to inspect the strata lot and went into my unit. Much to my surprise I also discovered that the strata council has a master key to everyone’s strata lots, and never told us. There is nothing disclosed or approved in the bylaws, rules or minutes that would ever permit the strata to have key to strata lots. The council president said this is our right, even though the council has been unable to produce the neighbour who allegedly complained about the sound. Word has got around and owners are upset about the master keys, and several owners have since come forward with the same stories about someone obviously having been in their homes while they were on vacation. What can the strata do to stop this? ~ Morgan R. Dear Morgan: A strata corporation DOES NOT have the right to demand a key or maintain a master key for strata lots in a property. There is no such provision within the Strata Property Act. You are the owner of your strata lot, not the strata. Your personal security and safety relies on your ability to control access to your strata lot. The standard bylaws of the Act, similar to most amended bylaws, require that a strata corporation must give written notice to access a strata lot at least 48 hours in advance to inspect, repair or

George Garrett, Vice-President

maintain common property, limited common property or portions of a strata lot that are the responsibility of the strata corporation to repair and maintain under their bylaws, or insure under the Act. A strata or person authorized by the strata, which includes emergency personnel, may access in an emergency, without notice, to ensure safety or prevent significant loss or damage. Owners are entitled to protect their personal safety and property. Have your locks changed and consider monitored security access if you are concerned for your safety or property. If a strata corporation is considering holding keys for owners, they should do so only with the written consent of the owners. The consent should also stipulate when the keys may be used, the purpose of use, how the keys are stored and secured, who has access to the keys, what measures are taken in the event the keys are lost or stolen, and who is liable for any damages or losses as a result of holding these keys. This publication contains general information only and is not intended as legal advice. Use of this publication is at your own risk. CHOA, the author and related entities will not be liable to you or any other person for any loss or damage arising from, connected with or relating to the use of this publication or any information contained herein by you or any other person. The contents of this publication may not be reproduced, blogged, or distributed in any fashion without the explicit prior consent of the writer.

Direct office phone: 604-515-9683 +Office email: tony@choa.bc.ca Mobile: 604-323-6458

Condominium Home Owners Association of BC

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November 2018

| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

NORRIS FACTS • Chuck Norris doesn’t brush his teeth. He points his fist at his mouth and the plaque jumps out.

• When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

• Fear of spiders is called Arachnophobia, fear of

tight spaces is called Claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic

• Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

• There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

• Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

• Chuck Norris doesn’t call the wrong number. You answered the wrong phone.

• Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn’t dead it’s just afraid to move.

• Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face.

• Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Congratulations to all the elected oﬃcials:

• When you say “no one’s perfect”, Chuck Norris

OF F IC E OF M AYOR

• Chuck Norris once played Jenga. The result was

OFFICE OF COUNCILLOR

takes this as a personal insult. the Empire State Building.

• The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

• Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

• Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

• There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’s computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

• When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang, the

boomerang doesn’t return because it’s too afraid to come back.

• There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

• Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.

Jonathan X. COTE Nadine NAKAGAWA Patrick JOHNSTONE Mary TRENTADUE Jaimie McEVOY Chinu DAS Chuck PUCHMAYR OF F ICE OF S CHO OL T RUS T E E

Anita ANSARI Dee BEATTIE Gurveen DHALIWAL Mark GIFFORD Maya RUSSELL Danielle CONNELLY Mary LALJI

If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?

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| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

SUPERHERO FUN! Q: What does Spiderman put in his beverages? A: Just ice.

Q: What is Spider-Man’s favorite month? A: Web-ruary.

Q: How did Dr. Otto Octavius present his new project? A: Energetically!

Q: What’s the difference between Batman and a robber? A: Batman can go into a store without robin!

Q: What position did Bruce Wayne play on his littleleague team?

A: He was the bat-boy. Q: What does Batgirl wear to bed? A: Her Dark Knight gown!

Q: Why did Spiderman flush the toilet? A: Because it was his duty!

Q: Where’s Spiderman’s home page? A: On the world wide web.

continued on page 36

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Q: What is spidermans favourite brand of Rice? A: Uncle Ben’s.

Q: What is a Spider-Man’s favorite part of the joke? A: The Punch Line!

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Q: What is Supermans favorite drink? A: Fruit Punch.

Q: Why did Superman flush the toilet? A: Because it was his duty!

Q: What’s the difference between Green Lantern and a unicorn?

A: Nothing, they’re both fictional characters Q: Why did Bruce’s date go badly? A: Because he had BAT breath!

HOCKEY Q AND A Q: What do Edmonton Oilers and the Titanic have in common?

A: They both look good until they hit the ice! Q: What does a Nashville Predators fan do after his team has won the Stanley Cup?

A: He turns off the Xbox.

COUNTRY, BLUEGRASS AND SOUTHERN GOSPEL MUSIC SERVED…

with your host

RAY SARGENT

www.sundaysideup.org November 2018

ray.sargent@shaw.ca | L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

WHAT’S IN A NAME? A child goes to his father and asks, “Father, how do parents think of names for their children?” The father answers, “Well, son, the night before the mother gives birth, the father goes into the woods and camps for the night. When he wakes the following morning, the first thing he sees is what he names his child, which is why your sister is named Soaring Eagle. Why do you ask, Bear Poop?” SALES CALL Two salesmen were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their offer and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result — the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude salesmen were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of the men said, “Ma’am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat.” CLASSICS Three men were at a bar discussing coincidences. The first man said, “My wife was reading A Tale of Two Cities and she gave birth to twins.” “That’s funny,” the second man remarked, “My wife was reading The Three Musketeers and she gave birth to triplets.” The third man shouted, “Oh my, I have to rush home!” When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, “When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves!” To all who took the time from your busy schedule and voted for me on October 20th, thank you so very much for your faith in my platform and my ability to work on your behalf. Although I was not successful as a candidate, I have not abandoned the issues because they are important to all of us. Let us congratulate our new council and throw our support behind their role as managers of this great city. Thank you, Angela Sealy

KID’S CORNER with

ISAIAH

Do you have a joke you want to share? Submit them at

www.piffle.ca/ contact

Q: Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? A: To the baa-baa shop! Q: What is a pirate’s favourite letter? A: Aaarrr! Q:

Why are leopards so bad at playing hide and seek?

A: Because they’re always spotted! Q: Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

Q: What time do you go to the dentist? A: At tooth-hurty! Q: Why did the banana go to the doctor? A: Because he wasn’t peeling very well! Q: What kind of button can you not undo? A: A belly button! Q: What kind of keys can’t open locks?

A: Because he though it was a HIGH school!

A: Monkeys! (or donkeys or turkeys!)

Knock, knock Who’s there? Juno. Juno who? Juno how to open this door? It’s stuck!

Knock, knock Who’s there? Scott. Scott who? Scott nothing to do with you!

When someone asks you, “A penny for your thoughts,” and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

New Westminster Lions Club

October Meetings

Monday, Nov 12th, 6:45 pm Monday, Nov 26th, 6:45 pm

604-517-1230

“Spend a little time with Lions” “We Serve” Proudly serving our community since 1946

Meet us at Boston Pizza 1045 Columbia St (Tenth St & Columbia) New Westminster

oktirenw@shaw.ca

WE HAVE MOVED! WE ARE NOW AT 641 LOUGHEED HWY

Louisa Lundy 778-791-1633

70,996 (2016)

E: newwestminsterlionsclub@hotmail.com

O V E M B E R

Letters from New West Lions Dear Piffle People

I F F L E

A G A Z I N E

sites. They will also unveil the headstone of the previously unmarked grave of WWI veteran William Stevenson, who died in 1939. Lions are proud to stand beside this worthy group who are sharing veteran’s stories with school children and the communit y, while maintaining the sadly neglected grave sites of soldiers. This is a compassionate community project to which all Piffle readers are invited.

November has always seemed to me to be a time of ‘gathering’, taking stock, reflecting on the past in order to prepare for the future. Lions’ emblem features two lions in profile, facing forward and back, a fitting representation of the feeling I’m expressing to you, Piffle Pals. And don’t forget about Honour House, which undertakes respite for military and first responders The evocative beaut y of gilded leaves falling to w h o g o t h e d i s t a n c e f o r u s e v e r y d a y. N e w earth, turning into a carpet upon which new life might Westminster Lions were privileged to beat their emerge, is both poetic and terrible. November 11, drum at their first fundraiser at the Armoury before Remembrance Day, embodies both. Even now, so the 2011 opening. Become a member or volunteer. many young still offering themselves so that others Be a friend. might live to reconfigure the world. New Westminster Lions will join you at the Cenotaph to honour them Lions take “We Serve” seriously, responding when as a part of our solemn duty. something needs taking care of. As the fall weather closes in, let’s wrap our arms around each other and Lions can also be found at the Fraser Cemeter y remember those that have fallen while standing up on Saturday, November 3, between noon and 3 pm, for us because we care. combining forces with Rob Rathbun and the Society of the Officers of the Honourable Guard who have Lion Louisa E: louisalion@gmail.com or Post: PO Box spearheaded a community based project over the 503 Stn. Main, New West V3L 4Y8 T: 778-791-1633 past six years, cleaning neglected militar y grave November 2018

| L O C A L LY P U B L I S H E D S I N C E 2 0 0 0

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