SEVEN PROMISE KEEPERS CANADA
A FATHER’S BLESSING
THE KEY TO UNLOCKING YOUR CHILD’S FUTURE
MEN / GOD / LIFE
FATHERHOOD GIVING CHILDREN A GLIMPSE OF GOD
MAY / JUN 2018 ISSUE 60 NEWSSTAND PRICE CDN $4.95
MOVING BEYOND FAILURE KEEPING UP THE PURSUIT FOR RECONCILIATION
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CONTENTS
15
COLUMNS 6 // PK Podium You Never Stop Being a Dad 8 // Lives Worth Leading The Hidden Father In Saskatchewan 29 // No Man is an Island A Chip off the Old Block
FEATURES 15 WHEN DADS ARE OPTIONAL Why present fathers help develop smarter, healthier children and the far-reaching brokenness of being fatherless.
18 MOVING BEYOND FAILURE AS A DAD Being a father who failed does not need to make you feel hopeless or filled with despair. In fact, being honest about your failures is the beginning of a journey of redemption. Don’t stay where you are. Your kids still need you.
22 IN THE GAME
18
Some days parenting will be a blessing, and other days it will test you. Ben Watson shares a sobering reminder to be grateful for every one of them and the challenges and beauty they pose.
30 // Sports Scene Embracing Failure To Succeed 32 // Out of My Depth Why Is Parenting So Incredibly Hard?
DEPARTMENTS 10 // The Pulse Bits. Blips. Beats. Blurbs. 14 // Music Reviews Miracles. Lights. Trials. 34 // Power Play Toys. Tools. Technology.
24 THE FATHER’S BLESSING
24
Many men feel a great deal of anxiety about becoming a dad. Their fathers were either emotionally distant or physically absent from their lives. With poor role models, they feel overwhelmed by the responsibility. As we receive the Father’s blessing from God, it moves us from a deficit position, to a position of strength.
MAY / JUNE 2018 SEVEN 3
ON THE COVER
SEVEN is a Christian magazine for Canadian men that exists to help men lead more fulfilling lives and leave enduring legacies.
FATHERHOOD
Being a dad is an incredible calling, one that will require everything we have to give. It means learning to forgive our own fathers to model our Heavenly Father, and forgiving ourselves for our own failures to bless the generations to come.
The name reflects the seven promises that form the basis of the Promise Keepers organization, which works with churches to minister to men across Canada. 1 // A promise keeper is committed to honouring Jesus Christ through worship, prayer, and obedience to God’s Word in the power of the Spirit. 2 // A promise keeper is committed to pursuing Christ-centred friendships with a few other men, connecting regularly, understanding that he needs brothers to help him keep his promises. 3 // A promise keeper is committed to practicing biblical integrity: spiritually, morally, ethically and sexually. 4 // A promise keeper is committed to strengthening families and marriages through love, honour, protection, and biblical values. 5 // A promise keeper is committed to supporting the mission of his church by honouring and praying for his pastor, and by actively giving his time and resources. 6 // A promise keeper is committed to reaching beyond racial, social, economic, generational, and denominational barriers to demonstrate that power of biblical unity. 7 // A promise keeper is committed to influencing the world by his fervent love for God while loving his neighbour, seeking justice for the poor and oppressed, and making disciples of Jesus Christ.
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PROMISE KEEPERS CANADA
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KIRK GILES
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Promise Keepers Canada
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Promise Keepers Canada
The PK Canada logo features a maple leaf, indicating our dedication to serve the men of Canada. An arrow breaks into the maple leaf symbolizing the impact we believe God wants to see Promise Keepers and men making in our nation. A special thank-you to all the pastors who continually encourage us to communicate God’s truth with grace and love.
4 SEVEN MAY / JUNE 2018
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BUILDING A BETTER WORLD
MAY / JUNE 2018 SEVEN 5
PK PODIUM
NEVER STOP BEING A DAD THE MOST IMPORTANT ROLE ON EARTH BY KIRK GILES
M
any men completely underestimate how much they matter in the lives of their children. No matter what stage of life you are in, if you have children, then you have an extremely important role to play in their life. Our family is about to experience a significant transition. We now have one son who is engaged to be married, and other children who are seriously dating someone. This stage is causing me to reflect on so many things as a dad. I wonder if I did enough for my kids. I consider if I was present enough or working too much. Then, I take time to reflect on all the good moments and rich memories we have shared together. It would be easy in the stage of life we are facing to believe that my role as a father is coming to an end. The truth is, once we have children, we should never stop being a dad. When your children move towards becoming adults, it is easy to think that you have done your part and now you don’t matter as much. I am so glad that this is not the way God has been a Father to me or to you. No matter what stage of life you are in, God is still fathering you. How he expresses that towards you may be different in these seasons, but He is still and always will be fathering you. We can learn much about fatherhood by understanding and knowing the only perfect Father in existence. This is the big idea behind a book I have written — The Seasons of Fatherhood. In every stage of your children’s lives, you matter as a father. They need your love, encouragement, presence, and guidance. As my children transition towards their own families and careers, my role as a father will change, but my responsibility and privilege as a father remains. It is important for us to understand our role in different seasons of our children’s lives. As we walk in this role, we will bring life and purpose to them. In this edition of Seven Magazine, we will be exploring different elements of fatherhood. Take the time to read these articles and really learn more about how important you are in the formation of your children. I want to encourage you to also pass this magazine around to friends or other men you know who could use some encouragement as a dad. Next to being a husband, fatherhood is the most important role you will have on this earth. You have incredible potential to have influence and impact that will last for multiple generations. You have the privilege of giving your children a glimpse of what God the Father is like. Take this seriously, and enjoy the rewards along the way.
6 SEVEN MAY / JUNE 2018
KIRK GILES is the president of Promise Keepers Canada. However, his most important roles as a man are husband to Shannon and father to Carter, Joshua, Sydney and Samuel.
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MAY / JUNE 2018 SEVEN 7
LIVES WORTH LEADING
THE HIDDEN FATHER IN SASKATCHEWAN
THIS WORLD IS FILLED WITH GOD’S GRACE AND BEAUTY, BUT AT THE SAME TIME DARK, SENSELESS TRAGEDIES TAKE PLACE BY COLIN MCCARTNEY
A
s I write this article, I am on a plane flying back from Brazil after training up young missionaries serving in urban slums. Experiencing third world poverty can do a real number on you and your faith. It can make you ask; “Where is God in all of this? Why doesn’t our Father God do something to help these poor hungry children?” I had the same experience while walking the slums in Mexico and the Dominican Republic, and while visiting survivor camps in Haiti after the horrible earthquake that took place in 2010. Now, as I sit here on Flight AA 992, my mind has slowed down only to envision what took place on Highways 35 and 335 in rural Saskatchewan, as a bus carrying the Humboldt Jr A hockey team was crushed by a truck, killing 16 people on board. Like most families in our beloved country, I feel a special bond to these precious young men and team staff who are now gone, and I feel for their families and friends dealing with such a devastating loss. It was only last year that my son travelled frequently in a Coach Bus with his college hockey team on the very same Saskatchewan roads as these young men did. I will never comprehend or understand what Sean Brandow, the team chaplain of the Humboldt Broncos, is going through right now. He arrived on the scene of the accident shortly after the crash took place. At the team vigil he shared his pain, saying: “Where was God? All I saw was darkness. All I saw was hurt and anguish and fear and confusion. And I
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had nothing. Nothing.” I appreciate Mr. Brandow’s honesty, and he echoes what many of us also feel. Where is God at these times? Truth be told, terrible accidents and the reality of hungry children living in Brazilian slums are a real problem for those of us who espouse that God is controlling every detail of our universe. If this is the case, then what kind of God would orchestrate such tragedies and injustice? “Ah”, some reply, “God didn’t do it. He only allows accidents and world hunger to take place for his glory.” If that is the case, then the question is still relevant—what kind of God would allow these things to happen and how do they glorify him? Either way, God is implicit in senseless tragedies and horrible inequalities! As someone who deals with horrible injustice and evil, I cannot accept the idea of a micro -manager God. What I do know is this — God is a loving God, and love never overpowers people’s ability of freedom of choice. Adam freely chose evil, and through his choice sin entered the world with all of its accompanying chaos and darkness, allowing satanic and demonic powers to be unleashed. This is on Adam and us, not God. Ever since this happened, we, and even creation, groan for the fullness of the reign of God through Christ that is not fully here... yet (See Romans 8: 22, 23). This is the world we live in—where wonderful kingdom of God things are present, but at the same time dark, senseless tragedies take place. God is all-powerful, his reign is expanding, but until Christ returns, the presence of sin means that God is not fully in
control. So we cannot blame God for tragedies and injustice, but we can lean on God to get us through tough times as Jesus promised: “In this life you will face trials of all sorts. Take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33). I am comforted to know that everyone who suffers injustice, physical and emotional pain, and undeserved death, is a child of God. God is their father too, and I believe he, like the mothers and fathers of the young men killed in this accident, weeps and continues to grieve with all those affected by such tragedies. God is the hidden Father who was with those boys in Saskatchewan before, during and after the accident. He was there comforting them all along. He does the same with us. God is love. One day things will be perfect, and we, like the creation affected by sin, long for that day, but for now we work with God in the extension of his kingdom reign until Jesus returns. Tonight, I will join hundreds of thousands of Canadians and put my hockey stick out on our porch in honour of these young, hockey-loving boys, and in anticipation for the day when death and darkness, weeping and grieving will be no more. Come, Lord Jesus, come!
/ COLIN MCCARTNEY is an ordained minister, speaker, and a bestselling author. He is also the founder of UrbanPromise Toronto and now leads Connect Ministries in Toronto where he, his wife Judith, and their two children reside. For information in booking Colin as a speaker, please visit www.connectministries.org.
“WE HAVE SEEN THAT ALL WE NEED TO DO IS SHOW UP AND PARTICIPATE FOR GOD TO USE US TO CARRY OUT HIS PLAN.” Jason Braam, Director of HR & Safety at Robertson Bright Inc.
Equip your team for spiritual success.
promisekeepers.ca/business
THE PULSE
BITS / BLIPS / BEATS / BLURBS THE LATEST NEWS FROM PROMISE KEEPERS CANADA
BITS / BLIPS / BEATS / BLURBS
DISRUPTIVE
10 SEVEN MAY / JUNE 2018
Think of the words you would want someone to use when they describe you. Words like: intelligent, strong, kind, wise, brave and trustworthy come to mind. I am pretty sure however, Disruptive was not on your list. When we think of the word disruptive, it is usually negative examples that come to mind: the overactive kid in a grade 3 class, a baby crying during a sermon, or a city crew digging up the water line on our street. A disruption is like an interruption with attitude. It intrudes into our life and demands attention. But what if a disruption is what we need? Each of us longs to lead lives of significance. We all have those moments when we wonder if we make a difference, wonder if the world is a better place with us in it. It is the theme of movies like Saving Private Ryan, It’s a Wonderful Life, and Bridge of Spies. Along with the characters, we ask ourselves, “Do I matter?” We are challenged and encouraged. We vow to change, to make a difference. But then life gets busy… We go to work, pay the bills, clean the house, take the kids to hockey, go to church, get the oil changed on the car, take a vacation, work overtime, watch TV, fix the toilet, grab supper on the run and soon we fall back into routine, forgetting all about the bigger questions. Who has the time or energy? We are giving all we can just to keep up with our routines and make it to bed time! Jesus knows we need a disruption! Like Moses standing before a burning bush, David facing his giant, or Daniel in the lion’s den. Like fishermen called to fish for men, Jesus washing your feet, or meeting the risen
Saviour. Like Pentecost, Paul blinded on the road to Damascus, or John’s vison of a triumphant Christ. Like your moment of salvation, desperate prayers in the night, or the friend at your side when life falls apart. The grace of God is disruptive! Jesus breaks into our routine and pulls us toward the lives of significance we long for. Longing for comfort, we resist his prompting, but he graciously never gives up on us. We can foolishly try to walk on our own, only to be stuck in the routines of life, or we can allow Jesus to transform us, walk with us, and use us for his glory! What would it look like to let Jesus disrupt your life and use you to be a Godly disruption? A disruption of grace, offering real hope and change? Join thousands of other men across Canada as we explore what it means to become a disruptor and find the life of significance you are longing for!
COMING THIS FALL TO: OCT 13, 2018
>> Cornwall, PEI
OCT 27, 2018
>> Grande Prairie, AB
NOV 3, 2018
>> Calgary, AB
NOV 16/17, 2018 >> Toronto, ON
SPRING 2019 LOCATIONS INCLUDE: Ottawa, Winnipeg, Edmonton, Saskatoon, Regina and Windsor.
>> Registration opens June 1: www.promisekeepers.ca
THIS IS ME TV FINDING YOUR WILDCARD / MAGICIAN, ILLUSIONIST, MENTALIST, pastor and a white boy who can dunk — Drew Worsham — shares his adventure of discovering his wildcard and how God wanted to use it. He unpacks how the adventure God has called us into is so much bigger, so much scarier, yet so much more rewarding. Drew knows this first-hand as he was faced with giving up his dream for God’s dream. Spoiler alert… continually saying yes to God’s plan has and is taking him around the world to meet people and see places he’d never thought he’d ever go. Watch the doc, share it with some friends, and let us know what stood out!
JOY AND SUFFERING / IT WAS AFTER checking out youth group that Trip Lee encountered Jesus and a new hope for life. What surprised him was people were ok with him following Jesus, it was when he tried to actually do what Jesus said that they thought he was crazy. Today as a rapper, author, and pastor, he knows what it means to live in that new hope; he also knows what it means to deal with chronic sickness. Trip Lee shares with us his story of faith and what it means to walk with Jesus when healing doesn’t come.
>> Find more amazing episodes at www.thisismetv.com
MAY / JUNE 2018 SEVEN 11
PODCASTS A GAME PLAN FOR PURITY
/ AFTER MORE THAN two decades of secret and steadily intensifying compulsive sexual behaviour, Nate Larkin’s nightmare finally ended in a painful collision with reality. Today, he helps other men avoid taking a similar path to destruction. For this episode, we’d like to feature a message Nate did at a Promise Keepers Canada workshop, titled “A Game Plan for Purity.”
SEX IN THE DIFFERENT SEASONS OF MARRIAGE
/ NOBODY EVER TOLD us that sex would change as… …we had kids …kids move out …our bodies change …we get older …fill in the blank Sheila Wray Gregoire is a popular speaker, marriage blogger, and the author of eight books, including The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex. For many years, Sheila was a columnist for SEVEN magazine. Sheila shares how she unintentionally became known as “the Christian sex lady,” and how husbands can understand and love their wives well during the different seasons of marriage.
WHAT EASTER MEANS FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR
/ THOUGH CHRISTMAS IS very important and enormously popular, Easter — and the days leading up to it — is the most significant event in the Christian’s calendar. We may not even realize how much bearing this one event, the resurrection of Jesus, has on our everyday lives. We caught up with pastor and author Brady Boyd at a recent Promise Keepers Canada conference where he shared with us why the resurrection of Jesus matters, the evidence for it, and the implications it has for our life here and now — as well as in the future.
MONEY PROBLEMS AND MARRIAGE SOLUTIONS
/ CHUCK BENTLEY IS an author and the CEO of Crown Financial Ministries. In this interview, Chuck helps us understand why finances in particular cause so much strain for many couples, and the seven keys to solving our money problems in marriage.
>> Find these and other podcasts at: www.promisekeepers.ca/podcast
12 SEVEN MAY / JUNE 2018
All of life is ministry “I think every believer is called to be in fulltime ministry whatever their life situation.” Caleb Courtney [MTS] is a husband, father of four, high school teacher, worship leader and just completed the Master of Theological Studies program. He knew he could only afford a one-year leave to complete his masters, so he began planning a few years ago. Caleb has seen God open every door along the way. A percentage of Caleb’s salary was saved to fund a leave from his teaching job, and he received scholarships and awards. He also took advantage of flexible course modes such as online, evening and one-week intensives. This made it possible for him to still put his family time first. Caleb is now returning to work and plans to take on more of a teaching role at his church. “People have this idea of full-time ministry as being full-time in a church,” he says. “I think every believer is called to be in fulltime ministry whatever their life situation.”
Tyndale offers flexible full-time and part-time study options to meet your needs. Learn more. Visit Tyndale.ca or call 1.877.TYNDALE.
MAY / JUNE 2018 SEVEN 13
MUSIC REVIEWS
BY STEVEN SUKKAU
A MILLION LIGHTS
HAWK NELSON
I AM THEY
MICHAEL W. SMITH (Rocketown Records)
MIRACLES (Nashburnham Inc)
TRIAL & TRIUMPH (Provident Label Group)
/ WHAT MORE can you say about Michael W. Smith? The face of CCM and the praise and worship scene for the past four decades, Smith continues to shift his musical focus throughout the years and as a result remains increasingly timely and relevant. Now Smith seemingly has returned to his pop music roots, with a twist. Titular track on his latest album, A Million Lights, is reassurance his catchy piano mastery is intact. Paired with his soaring, steely voice it conjures the same emotions as his iconic hits of the 90’s. For many this will be a hit of nostalgia, but with a freshness that comes with an updated electronic musical palette. The listener can’t help but feel the influence of recent chart-topping artists like Owl City or even The Chainsmokers. Yet, Smith never loses his signature style, but rather infuses the new sounds into his own creative process. Throughout I couldn’t stop thinking, “man, I’ve missed listening to Michael W. Smith,” and also “how is Michael W. Smith cribbing The Chainsmokers and doing it so well?” Unfortunately not every track delves into deep theological musings here, but plays it relatively safe, like on Love Always Wins, “I cannot see You but I know You're near/No need to hide, no need to fear/You know the light's gonna find us.” In the end, the album is light, it’s full of emotion and will likely fill a void in your music library you may have not realized was there.
/ HAWK NELSON surged to popularity in the early 2000’s with their in-vogue pop punk, buoyed by bands like Thousand Foot Crutch and Relient K. But a shift after the departure of lead singer Jason Dunn in 2012 saw the band embracing a softer sound. The difference in eras is instantly recognizable, but the spirit of a punk band, grafted onto an exquisite pop outfit has created something new and beautiful. Their latest offering, Miracles, builds on the positivity of 2014’s Drops In the Ocean with tracks like He Still Does (Miracles), “Like the fire in the night/Like the ocean parted wide/Like the grave, empty inside/ You will see He still does/Miracles” If punk rock is about being irreverent with the established rules and goofing around, you can feel Hawk Nelson having fun with the pop medium. On Never Let You Down you can hear an eclectic use of instruments some pop musicians would’ve shied away from, but it works here. As a fan of the early Hawk Nelson as well, I can’t help but wish they would’ve brought back and reinvented their earlier influences. Instead, the entire album is cohesive but mostly one-note in terms of sound and tone; everything is bright and upbeat with seemingly the same lyrical theme of positivity. Maybe their next album will create a fusion of new and old for something even richer, and delve into more complex questions.
/ WORSHIP/FOLK/ROCK band I Am They is coming into their own. Born out of worship gatherings in the late 2000’s, the band has flourished after diving into original songwriting, powered by an eclectic range of sounds and instruments from the foundational guitar and piano to banjo, mandolin and the organ. Walking the same musical trail blazed by bands like Mumford & Sons, I Am They takes the former’s spiritual searching folk/ rock and channels it directly into worship. Standout tracks on their latest album, Trial & Triumph, like ‘My Feet Are on the Rock’ and ‘No Impossible with You’ capture the frenetic folk Mumford & Son are famous for. Elsewhere the toned down ‘Scars’ showcases their lyrical songwriting, “these wounds are a story you’ll use/so I’m thankful for these scars/ without them I wouldn’t know your heart.” Other tracks wholeheartedly embrace praise and worship. On the brilliant, ‘The Water (Meant for Me)’, powerful biblical imagery combines with their modern worship sound, singing, “There is power, victory/Hope for the broken-hearted/ Healing meant for me/There is goodness, justice/Rest for the weak and weary/Love that's meant for me.” In the end, I Am They is that perfect blend of the revived folk/rock that ignites the heart and spiritual nourishment of praise and worship that fuels the soul.
/ STEVEN SUKKAU works in radio on the prairies of Southern Manitoba.
14 SEVEN MAY / JUNE 2018
FEATURE
Dads When
Are Optional
Why present fathers help develop smarter, healthier children, and the far-reaching brokenness of being fatherless BY BRIAN RUSSELL
I
t’s a confusing time for fathers these days. On one hand, dads are spending time with their children, intimately involved in their daily lives and living with a sacrificial commitment to their families’ well-being.1 On the other hand, this is also a time when some are saying fathers are considered “second-class” parents when it comes to who influences children 2. In fact, there seems to be a growing sense to not take the role of fathers seriously, as if it’s convenient to value fatherhood when available, but not actually necessary for a child’s future. We don’t talk about this much, often for fear of being labeled patriarchal bullies, but men have been subtly lulled into believing that they really don’t make a difference — that our voice, our strength, our presence is more a detriment than a blessing to our children and families. This easily silences or distances fathers from embracing their role with the initiative and zeal that God has intended for them. However, there is much at stake. The impact of low father engagement (or fatherlessness, at the extreme) ripples though our society in ways we don’t often consider. For example, fatherless homes see a rise in poverty, crime, and gun violence, dropping out of school, drug use, and teenage sexual behavior. These are significant issues facing our society today. And if all these are at some level connected with not having fathers in the home, then perhaps it’s time to acknowledge this missing piece. Instead of showering the problems with more social programming that replaces a dad in the home, why not build up men to be stronger dads? It’s been said that 85% of men aspire to be a father one day, 3 and most men say that being a father is the most difficult, yet rewarding experience a man can have. As well, it’s interesting that the birth of a child most often encourages men to make changes in their lives. What is it that can put such an urge inside a man to see that he leaves a legacy in the lives of his progeny? What does it say about men that most of us desire to influence the next generation? Perhaps it is supposed to be that way. Perhaps
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we were designed as more than a spermdonor, but rather to invest our lives into someone else’s life. And perhaps this says something about what children need. But what do we mean by fatherhood, or even responsible fatherhood? Here is one definition we can work from: Responsible fatherhood is when a man takes intentional interest in the care and well-being of a child. Pulling this apart, we see we’re talking about men. It’s the role of a man to be a father. It is also a man who has a clear purpose and is intentional in why he does what he does and says what he says to, and around, his children. The focus of this intention is on what is best for the child. He is acutely aware of the needs, interests, and situations that his child experiences. A responsibly involved father invites his child to join him as he lives to be a solid role model worthy of his child’s devotion. A child devoted to his father will benefit in significant ways. Our intuition says that fathers matter to their children. As Christians we know God’s standard for fathers and that He urges us to be the strongest men possible for our families. Society is also (generally) doing a better job recognizing the intrinsic importance of responsible fatherhood. Society’s foray into understanding fatherhood began in earnest in the late 1990s when child poverty was suddenly connected with fatherlessness. We are now over 20 years into concerted efforts to understand the mystery of the father-child bond. What now are the documented implications of a father’s role? How does he matter to children? Check out some of what we are discovering about the impact of fatherhood. Socially, how children get along with others is something that fathers influence. Children take more initiative in social situations and appear more socially mature. This impact can be seen as early as three years old. Father involvement also encourages healthier, positive peer relationships and has a direct bearing on bullying (both the bully and the
bullied). They show a higher level of empathy for others and tend to have better relationships with their siblings. Emotional health has to do with how a child feels about themselves and the world around them. It directly impacts the ways they interact with others. Children with caring fathers will show a greater tolerance for stress and frustration. They are more curious and eager to explore the world around them and tend to problem-solve more efficiently when new things come their way. These children show less signs of depression and anxiety and they more appropriately manage things like fear and guilt. Cognitively, fathers’ attention to their children affects the ways their brains develop. These children tend to do better in school, stay focused on tasks, and read better. A father’s loving attention to academics encourages children to place a high value on working hard at school and overall academic achievement. Children tend to enjoy
stamped deep within their hearts that says something about how important and valuable and acceptable that child believes herself to be. It’s the father’s voice and actions that have the strongest impact. These children are more likely to know who they are, be confident in their actions, and to trust God. Father involvement is not a guarantee for children to never struggle with things and because of the Fatherhood of God, there is hope for anyone without a solid fatherfigure in their life. However, we can’t ignore the bigger picture given in Malachi 4:6, which predicts that the land is healed as fathers turn their hearts to their children and vice versa. We know God makes this happen; He is the maker and director of all hearts. But maybe there is something deeper going on here. Maybe with this verse God inseverably and irreversibly weaves the heart of the relationship between
FATHERHOOD IS NOT JUST AN INTUITIVELY GOOD THING. IT IS A DOCUMENTED GOOD THING. IT IS AN IMPORTANT THING. PERHAPS THERE IS NOTHING MORE SIGNIFICANT THAN A FATHER’S CAREFUL AND INTENTIONAL ATTENTION TO HIS CHILDREN. school more and get involved in extracurricular activities. So we know the costs are evident, but it is the benefits (or blessings) of involved fatherhood that are so important and motivating. Perhaps the positive impact of fatherhood can be summed up in two ways. First, children make better decisions about their relationships, their future, and how they will live their life. This is a result of good, clear direction that comes with responsible father involvement. Children need to have solid, respectable men speaking to them about their choices, men who share their wisdom, who hold to boundaries consistently, and who speak directly to the issues their children are dealing with. Children take great confidence and assurance when they see their father as someone they can trust. This trust is built directly through the type of relationship the father shares with his family. Second, children have a stronger sense of personal identity. Children left to figure things out on their own are more likely to feel less sure of themselves. At some point in the early development of a child, this is something
a father and his children with the good of the land. Fatherhood is not just an intuitively good thing. It is a documented good thing. It is an important thing. Perhaps there is nothing more significant than a father’s careful and intentional attention to his children. Perhaps this is why God wants us all to know Him as Father.
/ BRIAN RUSSELL is a Psychotherapist in Toronto, ON and the Provincial Coordinator for Dad Central Ontario. He is married with three daughters.
1 https://www.statcan.gc.ca/pub/11-008-x/2010002/article/11165-eng.htm 2 http://www.thejournal.ie/readme/what-rights-do-fathers-have-3088947-Nov2016/ 3 https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/06/15/poll-most-men-aspire-to-bedads/2427123/
MAY / JUNE 2018 SEVEN 17
FEATURE
MOVING BEYOND
FAILURES AS A DAD AN EXCERPT FROM “THE SEASONS OF FATHERHOOD”
18 SEVEN MAY / JUNE 2018
BY KIRK GILES
hen you spend as much time working with men as I have, you hear a lot of stories of brokenness. I have met men who have never spoken to their children, and fathers who once had a good relationship, but it has broken down somewhere along the way. I have met men who can identify actions they have taken to deeply hurt their children, and men who simply don’t know where it all went wrong. If you find yourself in a place where you recognize how you have failed as a father, I want to encourage you with the reality that you are not alone. Failure is a sure sign that you are human. Sadly, broken relationships are part of the human existence as well. However, your failure and brokenness doesn’t need to define you. Billy Graham is perhaps the most famous evangelist for the Christian faith in modern history. Shortly after he passed away, the Washington Post wrote an article on what life was like for Billy Graham the father and his children: When their first child, Virginia, was born in 1945, Billy was away on a preaching trip. As Graham’s crusades took him throughout the world, little was left for Ruth and the children … Once, when Ruth brought Anne to a crusade and let her surprise her father while he was talking on the telephone, he stared at the toddler with a blank look, not recognizing his own daughter. In a turnabout a few years later, young Franklin greeted his father’s homecoming from a crusade with a puzzled ‘Who’s he?’ Graham’s daughter, Gigi, told a story of a time when her father was going to discipline her: “Once, he disciplined me for something I did. I don’t even remember what it was about, but we had some disagreement in the kitchen. I ran up the stairs, and when I thought I was out
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of range, I stomped my feet. Then I ran into my room and locked my door. He came up the stairs, two at a time it sounded like, and he was angry. When I finally opened the door, he pulled me across the room, sat me on the bed, and gave me a real tongue lashing. I said, “Some dad you are! You go away and leave us all the time!” Immediately his eyes filled with tears. It just broke my heart. That whole scene was always a part of my memory bank after that. It is difficult for many people to imagine this would be the family life of a well-respected, world famous Christian father. In June 2009, his daughter Ruth wrote a story in Joy! Magazine about a poor decision she made as an adult. She was in a relationship with a man her parents and family warned her about. Ruth ignored the warnings and married him anyway. As reality in her relationship set in, she became fearful for her safety and realized she needed to leave this man:
I had no place to go except to my parents’ home. My fears multiplied with every mile. Questions swirled in my mind: What was my life going to be like now? What was I going to say to my parents? What would they say to me? I had failed my children. What kind of example was I? Fear kept my hands on the steering wheel, and adrenaline kept my foot on the accelerator. As I rounded the last bend in my parents’ driveway, I saw my father standing there. I parked the car and took a deep breath to try and stifle the flood of emotions I felt. As I got out, my father wrapped his arms around me and said, “Welcome home.” There was no condemnation, no “I told you so,” no guilt or shame. One of the sureties of my life has been that I know my father loves me unconditionally. Through all my ups and downs, heartbreaks, bad choices and sins, he is constant in his love. I have often said that I wouldn’t compare my father to God, but he has shown me what unconditional love, forgiveness and grace are. My father’s grace and gentleness colour my world. I share this story with you, because I want you to have hope. Billy Graham’s stories of failure as a father are well recorded, but something must have changed along the way. Somewhere in the story of their family, his children began to experience a father who wanted to be like God the Father. The same God whom Billy Graham told millions of people about, is the One who loved him and forgave him of his sins. That same God had the ability to bring healing in the brokenness of their family.
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The same God who forgave and helped to heal Billy Graham, can provide the same forgiveness and healing for you.
IF YOU HAVE FAILED AS A FATHER, HERE ARE SOME THINGS I WANT TO ENCOURAGE YOU TO CONSIDER DOING:
1
Ask God to forgive you of your sins and failures as a father. 1 John 1:9 says that if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us. This is all possible because Jesus took the place for you on the cross. Your sin deserves to be punished, but Jesus took your place. Forgiveness is possible by God’s grace and by your faith in Jesus and His sacrifice for you.
2
Ask God to help you begin to be the father your children deserve — no matter what stage of life you are in. 2 Peter 1:3 says that God’s divine power gives us everything we need for life and godliness through the knowledge of Him. God’s promise is that He will give you everything you need to be a great dad.
3
Write a letter to your children or talk to them. Tell them all the ways you know you have failed as a father. Ask them to forgive you. This is most appropriate for teenage and adult children. You may have to filter this step with younger children.
4
Be prepared for them to reject you. You cannot control if they will forgive you or want a relationship with you. The only thing you can control is your love for them. Unless they tell you to leave them alone, don’t ever give up loving them.
5
Begin to pursue relationship with them. You cannot just start to be a good father and assume everything will immediately be fine. It’s a journey of establishing relationship. You may have missed out on many important seasons in your relationship, but that does not mean you have to lose the relationship. Keep pursuing your children and building your relationship with them. See how God brings healing to your family.
Being a father who failed does not need to make you feel hopeless or filled with despair. In fact, being honest about your failures is the beginning of a journey of redemption. Don’t stay where you are. Your kids still need you. Humble yourself — pursue being a better man — pursue the heart of your children.
/ KIRK GILES is the president of Promise Keepers Canada. However, his most important roles as a man are husband to Shannon and father to Carter, Joshua, Sydney and Samuel.
Impact lives with the gospel Join the movement!
gideons.ca/join MAY / JUNE 2018 SEVEN 21
FEATURE
In the Game THE DAYS ARE LONG, BUT THE SEASON IS SHORT
BY BENJAMIN WATSON
I
love my children. I love my wife. They are blessings bestowed on me by the Lord. Sometimes I’m not as thankful as I ought to be. I take their presence for granted. Their questions become irritating; hearing the same knock-knock joke over and over loses its charm. But when I am traveling for work and I’m alone in a hotel room, there’s nothing I wouldn’t give to have my loud, noisy, chaotic family right there with me. When I become exhausted by the endless games of peekaboo or being used as a human chariot, I take a deep breath and remember that these moments are precious, and one day these daily activities will fade into cherished memories. Last off-season, I was reminded of how lucky I am. My whole family was traveling to visit relatives. Since
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we’re such a large group, we’ve got traveling through airports down to a science — my children are pros at taking off their backpacks and patiently going through security checkpoints. However, this particular trip stood out because nothing seemed to be going right. Out flight was delayed, our seat assignments landed us in separate areas of the plane, and my children were acting like… children. Tired, cranky, hungry, excited children. Add the rude stares and “Wow, you’ve got your hands full!” comments, and Kirsten and I were at the limit of our patience. Finally, we made it to our seats. As I took a calming breath, I wondered what would be expected of me while scuttling between my children and my wife over the next few hours. Instead of being thankful that we
were all on the plane and nothing terrible had happened, I was stressed out. And my kids were still acting like kids — chattering, enthusiastic cherubs, to be sure, but a minute of silence would have been welcomed. As I sat collecting my thoughts, a flight attendant who had been standing in the aisle walked in front of my seat and leaned toward me. Great, I thought. We haven’t taken off yet, and already there’s trouble. “I’m so happy for you,” the flight attendant said. “Excuse me?” I said, caught completely off guard. “It’s wonderful to see such a big, happy family like yours,” he said. “I’ve been married for twenty years, and my wife and I have been unable to have children. You are blessed.” After he walked down the aisle,
His descendants will be mighty on earth; The generation of the upright will be blessed. Psalm 112:2 NASB
my heart sank. I felt so sad for this man, and I was embarrassed that I was ungrateful for even a minute that God had entrusted these young lives in my care. It was humbling, and it shouldn’t have taken a moment like that to remind me of the blessing bestowed upon me. I think God understands that I’m imperfect, and that little situation was a way to put me back on course. To say that every day since that flight has been perfect would be misleading. There have been days when I’ve lost my cool, and others when I’ve acted so poorly that I’ve had to ask my children for forgiveness. Overall, Kirsten and I work toward raising our children to respect others, to love one another, and to live in the light of the Lord. We try to teach by example, but we’re not always
perfect. Our bedtime ritual includes singing one of our favourite verses from the Bible: “Be ye kind, one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another even as Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians four thirty-two (badum, ba-dum), Ephesians four thirtytwo, (ba-dum, ba-dum).” I always hope my children sing that song and will internalize those words. Some days parenting will be a blessing, and other days it will test you. No matter what, we as parents must be willing to teach our children well, to explain right from wrong, and to encourage a life of faith. The best way to teach is to lead by example. Though it is the power of the Holy Spirit that ultimately draws people to himself, all the hymns and Bible verses in the world won’t amount to a hill of beans if we don’t live what we preach. This means we parents must be willing to admit to our own shortcomings and to ask for forgiveness when we mistreat others, including our children. We’re all imperfect, and we’re all going to stumble at some point or another. And when we do fumble, we must be willing to ask for forgiveness, even if it’s a thirty-five-year-old asking his three-year-old for clemency. Our children may obey us as we obey the Lord and strive to live the life we have been called to, not in our own power, but by that of his Son. To bring everything back to the gridiron, I once asked a former coach of mine for advice on parenthood. “The days are long, but the season is short,” he replied. I’m grateful for every one of them and the challenges
and beauty they pose. There will continue to be obstacles on the road ahead, but I hope to face them with clarity. I am confident that you will also find the joy and the wonder in raising a happy and healthy family as well. Your work will not return void. Your commitment will not be in vain. Always remember, my brothers, you have what it takes to leave a legacy that will bless generations you may never see! Previously published in The New Dad’s Playbook published by Baker Books. Used by permission.
/ BENJAMIN WATSON is a tight end for the Baltimore Ravens, an ESPN and NFL Network commentator, a leading spokesman for All Pro Dad and NFL Father & Kids Experience, and the founder of One More, a foundation that helps to spread the love and hope of Christ by meeting real needs, promoting education, and supporting local charities.
MAY / JUNE 2018 SEVEN 23
FEATURE
The
Father’s 24 SEVEN MAY / JUNE 2018
Blessing THE GIFT OF IDENTITY, AFFECTION AND AFFIRMATION BY JEFF STEARNS
MAY / JUNE 2018 SEVEN 25
D
ave, a small grade-nine kid, struggled to carry the large TV down the hallway. I’m not talking about a modern, thin TV. This was the 80’s, and TV’s were square and weighed a ton. Legs bent, arms stretched, blood vessels near popping, he looked like he was about to collapse under the strain at any moment. “Dave! Put that down. You’re going to drop it!” said his exasperated father. “It’s ok! I can do it! I’ve got it.” Dave replied, in a voice that clearly gave away how over his head he truly was. The whole move was like that. Dave desperately trying to work harder to gain his dad’s approval. His Dad constantly annoyed. The move summed up their relationship. For all the years I knew Dave, he desperately wanted his dad’s blessing, and his dad mostly looked at him with disappointment and irritation. Looking back, I can see the long-term effects that had on Dave, the insecurities that plagued him. To know who you are, that you are loved and that someone is proud of you, are longings that speak to the foundation of who we are. Even for Jesus. As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” (Matthew 3:16,17 NIV) God the Father repeated this blessing later in Jesus’ ministry in Matthew 17: 1-5 at the transfiguration of Christ. Think of how complete that blessing is: Blessing of Identity — This is my Son. Blessing of Affection — Whom I love. Blessing of Affirmation — With him I am well pleased. Think of how complete that blessing is. What it would mean to receive a blessing like that? Could God see us that way? In becoming a follower of Christ, we receive the privilege of becoming God’s children. As a result, we receive this blessing of Jesus as our own, for God our Father feels the same about us. For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. (Romans 8: 14-16 NIV) So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith. (Galatians 3:26)
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Think about how profound that is. You are God’s child. He loves you and he is proud of you. Many men feel a great deal of anxiety about becoming a dad. Their fathers were either emotionally distant or physically absent from their lives. With poor role models, they feel overwhelmed by the responsibility and totally unprepared to be the dad they want to be. A friend from a broken home once told me he felt one of his greatest callings was to end the cycle of family dysfunction with him—to step up and spare his children from what he had gone through. As we receive the Father’s blessing from God, it moves us from a deficit position, to a position of strength. God blesses us with identity, love, and affirmation. God gives us the foundation to be a blessing to our children. Think of two fathers. One has a lot of experience as a dad, but has bought into our culture’s lie that what truly matters is his own happiness. He firmly believes he will be no good to his kids if he is not feeling personally fulfilled and enjoying life. Without the Heavenly Father’s blessing, he is always striving to find identity, love, and affirmation. The other recognizes his lack of experience and knowledge about being a good dad. However, he loves Jesus and strives to bring the love of Christ into his relationships. Knowing the Heavenly Father’s blessing, he prays regularly that he would live out the fruit of the Spirit as a dad, demonstrating love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Which dad you want to be to your kids?
Building Identity We must take the time to help our children know who they are, both in the sense of being God’s children as well as ours. A healthy identity provides our kids both with a sense of security and confidence. When we provide a secure environment for our children it gives them an atmosphere in which to grow, make mistakes, learn, and find forgiveness. They become confident and feel free to express their Godgiven gifts and abilities. In Kirk Giles book, The Seasons of Fatherhood, he talks about the main identity challenges facing young people: One of the prime emotional challenges for young women in our culture is the issue of beauty. The National Association of Anorexia reports that 69% of teenage girls report that magazine pictures influenced their idea of a perfect body shape. Multiple studies show that the influence of media can have a negative impact on selfimage. The emotional impact to the heart and mind of a teenage girl can be overwhelming. In his book, Wild at Heart, John Eldredge talks about the
one question that strikes at the heart of young men: “Do I have what it takes?” Another way of putting it: “Dad, do you believe in me?” Of course, most of us will be shaking our heads in acknowledgment while thinking “Of course I believe in my son.” The real question is whether your son knows that you believe in him. Men who are over-the-top workaholics and perfectionists as adults are often trying to prove to others that they have what it takes to succeed. Men who are isolated, lonely, and discouraged can be living in a place of constant fear of not being good enough for others because of the message they heard from dad. Men who longed for a healthy intimacy from dad can attempt to fill that void with seeking out sexual fantasy in ways that do not produce true relationship and connection. So much of our culture is performance driven and honors and rewards it. But performing is tiring and especially so in the Christian faith. When we help our children understand who they are in Christ, they will find a place of rest. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t encourage our children to succeed in life, to strive to do well. The point is, where is that coming from? When it is grounded in an established identity, they can truly strive to do well and not worry about whether they match up or not.
Giving Love It is important that our children know they are loved. How love is demonstrated is deeply influenced by our culture. Many adults grew up with dads who loved them but rarely, if ever, did their fathers express their love outwardly. At a workshop one man told me he knew his father loved him. He couldn’t remember his dad ever saying it or hugging him but he had no doubt of his dad’s love. Many people will be familiar with Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages. In it he sets forth the idea that people express love in five main ways, and each person has a preference for how they demonstrate their love: • Words of affirmation • Acts of service • Receiving gifts • Quality time • Physical touch
My wife and I have noticed this with each of our kids. Some say, “I love you” more than others or want hugs more than others. Another will go out of their way to make and give gifts. This doesn’t mean our kids don’t like the other ways, but that one tends to mean more to them than the others. I have tried to respond to each child with their preferred love language.
Speaking Affirmation As we speak about the affirmation our children need, it’s critical we help them understand that it is not performance based. Yes, we affirm the things they do well, but their affirmation is based on who they are in Christ. God said of Jesus. “With him I am well pleased.” Some ways to do this are: to celebrate their giftedness, express appreciation just for who they are, and help them to see the value of who God has created them to be. This article is based on a workshop from Promise Keepers Canada called Becoming a Better Dad. After teaching it for the first time earlier this year, I tried giving the Father’s Blessing to my kids. I went up to them, hugged them individually and said, “You are my child, I love you and I am proud of you.” I could feel the response. They hugged me back harder and smiled back at me. To be honest, I was surprised at the response! Since then I have tried to say it more often.
/ JEFF STEARNS has been married to Jacqueline for over twenty-five years and is the father of five children. He serves as the Content Director for Promise Keepers Canada.
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INSPIRATION WHEN YOU NEED IT MOST Devotionals / Articles / Podcasts Videos / Shop / Events ...and more DOWNLOAD PK@HOME—THE OFFICIAL PROMISE KEEPERS CANADA APP
28 SEVEN MAY / JUNE 2018
NO MAN IS AN ISL AND
A CHIP OFF THE OLD BLOCK
OUR FATHERS PROFOUNDLY INFLUENCE US, FOR GOOD AND BAD BY NEIL JOSEPHSON
T
o forgive your father you must first understand him I met Earl when his marriage was in trouble. Years of putting work before his wife had led to a huge gap between the two of them. Earl was a hard worker, successful in his fulltime job, holding down a part-time job plus farming “on the side”. Earl assured me he was doing it all to provide for his wife and family and he felt hurt and angry that they didn’t seem to appreciate it. But after a few conversations it became apparent that all his hard work was really an attempt to win his father’s approval. You see, Earl’s dad had been ultra successful, a hard worker and a good provider. He was also a man who motivated his only son by relentless criticism and by raising the bar of his approval to unattainable levels. Ray and Sandy were on the brink of divorce when Sharol and I met with them. They walked into our living room like they had just walked off the cover of a fashion magazine! They were successful, wealthy and had two sweet kids but they were drowning in hurt and anger. The root issue surfaced pretty quickly—a lack of forgiveness. Any couple that goes the distance learns to practice forgiveness but for Ray this seemed impossible. His military officer father had drilled into him: “if someone wrongs you, forgive them once but if they do it again, get even. Or get out.” I have no idea how that wisdom served his
dad but I do know it played a big role in ending Ray’s marriage. That’s a father’s influence. I have dozens more stories of men who are poorly disciplined and never manage to live up to their potential... just like their fathers. Men who don’t believe they are worth much or are capable of much because their fathers told them that. Men who abuse substances or women because that’s what dad did. Men who are emotionally absent and men are physically absent, walking out on their relationships because that’s what their fathers did. Men who find it almost impossible to express love or respect the important people in their life because their father never did. But I also have hundreds of stories of guys who have become men of integrity and compassion, men who are successful at home and in the marketplace, men who are able to give and receive affection and respect because they are following the example of a great father. This too is a father’s influence. Men, the truth is this: our fathers profoundly influence us—for good and bad. If we want to live freely into our own identity and potential we must come to peace with our dads. We must come to the place where we can give thanks for the all the good they have blessed us with and forgive them for the ways they have hurt and disappointed us. If you find this difficult, here are two things that can help:
1. CONSIDER THAT YOUR FATHER DID THE BEST HE COULD. You will never fully understand the issues that shaped your father or compelled him to act the way he did, including unresolved issues with his own father. Choose to believe that your father was doing the best he could and forgive him for the rest. Do it in your heart first. Then, if your father’s alive, reach out to him. If your father is gone or unreachable, it will help to write down your thoughts and share them with a close friend. 2. CONSIDER OUR HEAVENLY FATHER AND SEEK TO BE LIKE HIM. God teaches us throughout the Bible how to give thanks and forgiveness. His Son Jesus Christ was the perfect human example of this. It is very possible that we have deep wounds from our fathers. God’s grace can heal our hearts and our relationships. He can give us the ability to forgive. And our Heavenly Father can teach us new patterns of living and loving in our relationships, with our father and in all our relationships. We need this... because no man is an island.
/ NEIL JOSEPHSON is the National Director with FamilyLife Canada. Neil, together with his wife Sharol, lead FamilyLife Canada. Neil loves to learn, teach and write about anything related to marriage, family and Christian discipleship. Married since 1982, Neil and Sharol have two great sons, two awesome daugther-in-laws and three of the sweetest grandchildren ever.
MAY / JUNE 2018 SEVEN 29
SPORTS SCENE
EMBRACING FAILURE TO SUCCEED
SECOND STRING TO SUPER BOWL CHAMPION, THE PHILADELPHIA EAGLES STORY BY CARTER BROOKS
I
t was a Super Bowl for the ages this past February. With Tom Brady and the New England Patriots set to defend their crown against the Carson Wentz-less Philadelphia Eagles, many expected to see a lopsided Pats victory in Super Bowl 52. But lo and behold, a banged-up, resilient, God-fearing group of young men from Philadelphia walked away with the Vince Lombardi Trophy as league champions. It was anything but a typical season for the Eagles. After bouncing back from a 2016 campaign that saw the team from Pennsylvania finish the year 7-9, this past season’s squad clinched their division with a win against the St. Louis Rams. However, it was that game in which star quarterback Carson Wentz went down with a torn ACL. Although many believed all hope was lost after Philadelphia’s 25-year-old quarterback — the second
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overall selection in the 2016 NFL Draft — suffered his injury, backup QB Nick Foles took the reins and helped guide the Eagles to their first Super Bowl, and first championship since 1960, with a 41-33 victory over the Patriots from US Bank Stadium in Minnesota. It was Foles’ faith in the Lord that helped the 29-year-old keep his head above the water after being cut by the Rams in 2016. He came back to Philly for his second stint — this time as a backup — but stepped up to the plate and delivered mightily in quite possibly the most important moment of this life, becoming the first quarterback in NFL history to both throw for and receive a touchdown in the Super Bowl. Finishing Super Bowl 52 with three touchdown passes, a touchdown reception, 373 yards, a 78 percent completion rate, and the Super Bowl
MVP trophy capped off what was a brilliant comeback for the Austin, Texas native — one that was charged by his Christian faith. After the game, Foles met with the media and dropped a bomb in the form of this viral quote. “I think the big thing is not to be afraid to fail,” the Super Bowl champion said. “I think in our society today, Instagram and Twitter are highlight reels; they’re all the good things. But when you fail, or when you have a rough day and you look at that, your life doesn’t seem as good, and you think you’re failing. You know, failure is a part of life. That’s a part of building character and growing. Without failure, who would you be? I wouldn’t be up here if I hadn’t fallen thousands of times, made mistakes. We all are human, we all have weaknesses.” Foles continued:
“Hey, we might have just won the Super Bowl, but we still have daily struggles. I still have daily struggles, and that’s where my faith comes in — that’s where my family comes in. So when you look at a struggle in your life, just know that that’s just opportunity for your character to grow. If something’s going on in your life and you’re struggling, embrace it, because you’re growing.” After being cut from the Rams, Foles did not act in a vengeful or angry manner, but took the demotion in stride, learning from the experience through help from God. “I kept reading Scripture, I kept praying, and I just kept talking to God,” Foles said shortly after signing with the Eagles. “Through that prayer, God told me to just take a step of faith. You’re either going to stop playing the game of football and you’re going to go on to a different area of your life and I’m going to be with you, or you’re going to step back into football and you’re going to continue to play, and I’m going to be with you every step of the way, and you’re going to play to glorify me.” Playing to glorify God is nothing new for members of the of the Philadelphia Eagles, as Zach Ertz,
Jordan Hicks, Chris Maragos, Trey Burton (recently signed by Chicago), Jordan Matthews (most recently with Buffalo), Torrey Smith (recently traded to Carolina) and starting quarterback Carson Wentz are all very vocal and evangelical Christians. “The seeds were sown a long time ago, as I’ve been able to prepare myself for this week by burying myself deep in the word, growing in my faith, and obviously having teammates push me each and every day,” said Ertz, days before his Super Bowl-winning touchdown. “It’s huge that I am able to be accountable to them, and they’re able to be accountable to me too. We’re never going to let each other slip. And that’s why I love being on this team and being around those kind of guys.” Although only able to lead from the sidelines in the playoffs, starting quarterback Carson Wentz is also able to lead the team spiritually, an additional role he thoroughly enjoys. “Every Monday night we have ‘couples Bible study’, while every Thursday night we have ‘team Bible study’,” Wentz said. “Then on Saturday night — the night before the game — we just get together and pray, and just kind of talk through the Word and go over what we have been
Photos courtesy of Philadelphia Eagles Media
reading, learning, and what we are struggling with. We just try to keep it real with each other.” Known to the world primarily as a professional football player, Wentz has other hopes in mind. “I think the biggest thing that we are challenging each other with is to not lose sight of the bigger picture,” he said. “Wins or losses, highs or lows — with everything that comes with this game, it can become so easy to take your eyes off the ultimate prize. And that prize is living for the Lord.”
/ CARTER BROOKS is a news writer and sports columnist situated in Winnipeg, Manitoba. On top of reading and writing, coaching hockey is his favourite pastime. Carter can be reached at carterbrooks1994@gmail.com.
MAY / JUNE 2018 SEVEN 31
OUT OF MY DEPTH
WHY IS PARENTING SO INCREDIBLY HARD?
BECAUSE KIDS ARE TERRIBLY SINFUL AND OTHER REASONS BY PAUL CARTER
I
had a rough day as a parent earlier this week. It wasn’t the first time, and I’m sure that it won’t be the last. My wife and I have 5 kids, and we have fostered 16 other children for varying lengths of time. If I have learned anything over the 20 + years of my marriage, it is that parenting is incredibly hard. I’m sure there are many reasons for that, but these 6 come immediately to mind. Parenting is incredibly hard, first of all:
PARENTING IS INCREDIBLY HARD:
BECAUSE KIDS ARE TERRIBLY SINFUL
Our culture thinks of children as innocent and impressionable, blank slates awaiting the external influences of education and culture. The Bible says something very different: “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him” (Proverbs 22:15 ESV). The Bible says that children come into the world already leaning in the direction of sin and rebellion. A fair bit of bad stuff comes preinstalled. Parenting is not ultimately about teaching right behaviours, it is about facilitating a right relationship. Your first job as a parent is to help your child relate to his or her Creator through the person of Jesus Christ. You are an evangelist, and God has sent you a sinner.
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That’s why parenting is so incredibly hard.
IT IS ALSO INCREDIBLY HARD:
BECAUSE CHANGE IS REMARKABLY SLOW
I feel like parenting would be easier if kids were better listeners and faster learners. I think I explain things brilliantly, and yet very little of what I say tends to result in positive action. I make a compelling case for the wisdom of starting each day with a clean room and a made bed. I tell stories about how professional athletes and military heroes learned this simple discipline at an early age. I talk about great journeys and single steps, and then I wake up the next morning to a house full of sloth and stupid. Was I not clear? Why are we not getting this? And the answer of course is that change is remarkably slow. Parenting is the fine art of saying the same thing 10,000 times over the course of 20 years without losing your mind. Change happens slowly. Bit by bit. Inch by inch. By one degree of glory to the next. This is a call for endurance.
THIRDLY, PARENTING IS ALSO INCREDIBLY HARD:
BECAUSE I AM BREATHTAKINGLY SELFISH
I find myself getting angry as a parent, more often than not, because the sinfulness of my children and the slowness of their growth and development interferes with my desire for rest, respect and recreation. I want to nap on Sunday afternoon. My children want to poke each other in the eye. I also want to be well thought of, but my children like to misbehave in public. I want to watch the hockey game, but inevitably, just before puck drop, someone comes downstairs for a glass of water, another story, or for some other mindnumbingly nonsensical excuse or reason. And Daddy gets upset, because Daddy is really, really, tired and really, really selfish. Of course I know that I won’t remember the score of this game three weeks from now, and I know that when I’m 75 years old I will care more about that glass of water or bedtime story than the fate of my beloved team, but still, Daddy really, really wants what he wants. And that’s why parenting is incredibly hard.
ITS ALSO INCREDIBLY HARD:
BECAUSE THE CULTURE IS TRAGICALLY CONFUSED
We send our kids out into a world where people are confused about the
most obvious and elemental aspects of reality. The people in our culture don’t even know which bathroom to use or whether to call someone ‘he’, ‘she’, ‘ze’ or ‘it’. The culture is seemingly engaged in a self-destructive, nihilistic spiral from which there will likely be no escape. Sending your child out into that world is like tossing a sparrow into a tornado. Disorientation and destruction is now assumed. Jesus warned the disciples about the corrosive and contagious effect of unbelief in the culture. He said: “Watch out; beware of the leaven of the Pharisees” (Mark 8:15 ESV). Charles Taylor, the famous Canadian philosopher, says in his book A Secular Age that over the last several generations the conditions for faith have changed dramatically in this culture. 500 years ago it was impossible not to believe. 200 years ago it was possible not to believe. Today, in most of the Western world it is virtually impossible to believe. Our children are dealing with cultural and ideological influences the likes of which have never been seen. That is a major reason why parenting is so incredibly hard in this generation.
PARENTING IS ALSO INCREDIBLY HARD:
BECAUSE THE DEVIL IS DAMNABLY DISHONEST
Jesus said that the devil “is a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44 ESV). In the Garden of Eden he attacked the Word of God and seduced the man and woman into ruin. His gameplan has not been adjusted. He continues to stir up pride, lust, and rebellion by whispering sin and stupid into the minds and hearts of human beings. And the devil is no gentleman. He goes after the weak, the vulnerable, and the young. He does not go on vacation. He never goes on strike. He never takes a day off. 24/7 he is whispering lies into the minds of our sons and daughters. A recent study said that 63% of
Canadian young people are now considered “high risk” for mental health disorders1. Our children are dealing with depression and anxiety in never-before-seen numbers. Dr. Martyn Lloyd Jones, the author of Spiritual Depression says: Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself?2 The devil gets inside your child’s head and whispers lies and uncertainty. Our job as parents is to fill their headspace with the life giving Word of God. But our efforts are not uncontested.
LASTLY, I THINK PARENTING IS INCREDIBLY HARD:
BECAUSE PRAYER IS ENTIRELY FOREIGN
Prayer tends to be the thing we do after trying everything else. It has ever been thus. In Mark 9, Jesus has been away on a field trip up the mountain with three of his disciples. The other disciples have been left behind down in the valley to carry on as best they can. Apart from Jesus, they fare very poorly. A desperate father brought his sick child to see if the disciples could help. Apparently they tried, really hard, and failed. Finally, Jesus comes back down the mountain and the desperate father was able to get his son before the Master. And Jesus did what Jesus does. He had compassion, and he brought mercy and help to the point of need. The boy was healed, restored, and returned to a grateful father. Later, the disciples asked Jesus why they had failed so spectacularly in their efforts to help the child. Jesus said simply: “This kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer” (Mark 9:29 ESV). The disciples, apparently, didn’t have super powers. What they had was access to the Father because of their relationship with Jesus Christ.
When they neglected that, they found themselves operating without power in a very hostile world. Why is that lesson so very hard for us to learn? We don’t have super powers. We cannot save or sanctify our kids. We cannot teach them out of their sin. We cannot scold them out of their stupid. We need grace and help from God! We need to get our children before Jesus! That is where every miracle begins and that is where every believing parent eventually ends up. Because parenting is desperately hard — and we need Jesus! I’m not sure why we always come to this last. After all, Jesus said: “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28 ESV). That sounds really good. That sounds like the perfect verse for parents. Because parenting is incredibly hard, but thanks be to God, Jesus is remarkably kind. He is large, and in charge, and he cares for little children. Thanks be to God!
/ PAUL CARTER To listen to Paul’s Into The Word devotional podcast visit the TGC Canada website or find it on iTunes. 1 https://globalnews.ca/news/3417600/why-more-canadianmillennials-than-ever-are-at-high-risk-of-mental-health-issues/ 2 https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/199587-have-you-realizedthat-most-of-your-unhappiness-in-life
MAY / JUNE 2018 SEVEN 33
POWER PLAY
TOYS / TOOLS / TECHNOLOGY FROM HERE TO THERE AND FUN ALONG THE WAY BY SANDY MCMURRAY
BULLETPROOF TESLA
// armormax.com
If you need an armoured car, why buy something plain or cheap? The best option, obviously, is a Tesla. Tesla already offers an air filtration option that protects against bioweapons. Once you add lightweight ballistic shielding, you're ready for any attack. Sure, Armormax coating adds about 500 pounds to the Tesla, but that's far less than traditional steel armour. With everything tucked under the body panels, this Model S looks like any other Telsa and is nearly as fast as stock. The armoured Model S comes in a variety of trims with various features and battery sizes. If you have to ask how much it costs, you can't afford it.
34 SEVEN MAY / JUNE 2018
TUG PLUG
// ilovehandles.com Mac users fondly remember one of Apple's best inventions: the MagSafe power cord plug that popped loose when pulled. This simple idea prevented many a Mac from being dragged off desks and tables onto the floor. The Tug Outlet Adapter does the same thing, but for any cord in your house. It uses a magnetic break-away connection to keep you from tripping over cables or knocking over lamps and other valuable electronics. One pull and the cord comes away from the wall. Make a clean break with Tug, the appliance saver.
NOKIA 8810 4G
// nokia.com Movies and TV have always influenced technology. Star Trek's communicator led to the flip phone. Dick Tracy's wrist radio inspired the Apple Watch. Get Smart showed us that a shoe phone was probably a bad idea. When the coolest phone of 1998 was featured in The Matrix, people went bananas. It was sleek, black, and curvy, with a spring-loaded keyboard and recessed antenna. It looked like the future — a good future, not the dystopian nightmare of The Matrix. Now, 20 years later, Nokia has released an updated version of the iconic Matrix phone - the Nokia 8810 4G. It's available in two colours: classic black and banana yellow.
CAMP ADVENTURE PARK
// campadventure.dk/en Camp Adventure, Denmark's largest climbing park, is preparing to open a new attraction: a treetop walk with a 45 metre observation tower. Camp Adventure Park will be located in the preserved forest, Gisselfeld Klosters Skove, one hour south of Copenhagen. The project, when completed, will give visitors a chance to explore the forest from the ground or from the air. The high walkway passes through the oldest parts of the forest while the tower and the lower walkway are located in the younger areas. The tower climb and treetop walk are designed as one continuous path, accessible to walkers, strollers, and wheelchairs. The high walkway also features a series of activities for visitors to enjoy and learn about the forest. Admission to the park is about $20. Now all you need is a flight to Denmark.
CHEESE LOG
// genuinefred.com The fine folks at Fred & Friends know that whimsical names are the key to selling kitchen stuff to men. Anyone can make a joke about cutting the cheese but it takes a special kind of man — a Dad, probably — to come up with something as punny as The Cheese Log. The “log” is solid beechwood and the “axe” is made of stainless steel with a real wood handle. It makes you feel like a lumberjack when you're slicing monterey jack. Does anyone really need this product? You cheddar believe it. The Cheese Log is really gouda, and it will change your life for the feta. This truly is the best whey to cut cheese. Sorry. Cheese puns are terrible, but they make you feel grate.
PERSONAL YACHT
// jetcapsule.com The Jet Capsule is a personal watercraft, made in Italy, which looks like something from a Bond film. It blends the luxury of a yacht with the maneuverability of a dinghy, resulting in a unique design that one reviewer called "the camper van of the sea." The Jet Capsule is made from 70% carbon fiber, which greatly reduces weight, allowing the HamiltonJet propulsion system to hit speeds of up to 35 knots or 40 mph. The interior is completely customizable with everything from shaded windows and seating for 12 to a small kitchen and bathroom. You can see videos of the capsule in action at jetcapsule.com
FUEGO GRILL
// fuegoliving.com The Fuego Professional Grill is a powerful, portable grill designed for small spaces. The slim cylindrical base has a door that closes to conceal the propane tank, and four casters that make it easy to move around. Open the 45-degree lid and you'll find 525 square inches of grilling space — room enough to cook 20 burgers at once. The 26,500 BTU dual-zone burner system reaches 500º F in just 5 minutes and is capable of temperatures up to 700º F. The heavy duty grate weighs in at over 18 lbs, providing a massive heat sink that gets you great sear marks from any spot on the grill. The Fuego Pro sells for about $500.
36 SEVEN MAY / JUNE 2018
HOT DOG TOASTER
// nostalgiaproducts.com Do you have a campfire and a stick in your kitchen? Probably not. Does your microwave have a setting for "hot dog"? No dice. In this modern age there's simply no way to make hot dogs in the comfort of your own home. Or is there? Nostalgia Products solves this classic modern problem with the Hot Dog Toaster — a handy appliance that makes indoor homemade hot dogs as easy as 1-2-3. Step 1: put two wieners and two buns in the toaster. Step 2: press the lever down. Step 3: wait for perfect hot dogs. That's it. Simple controls make it easy to adjust the cooking time to prepare your hot dogs just the way you like them. Buns are lightly toasted while the meat is cooking. The cooking "cage" is roomy enough for two regular or plump wieners. Now if only there was some way to cook slices of bread at home. But that's ridiculous.
TRAILER VALET RVR
// trailervalet.com Backing up with a trailer is a manly art. The first time you have to do it — usually with someone watching — you discover that it looks easy, but it's not. The good people at Trailer Valet have a variety of products to tackle this problem. The latest Trailer Valet is the RVR — a self-motorized and remotecontrolled trailer mover. With the RVR you can move your trailer without backing up a vehicle or breaking your back. Now all you need is a remote control and some video game skills. With three models ranging from 3,500 lbs, 5,500 lbs, and up to 9,000 lbs, there’s a RVR for every trailer. Heavy-duty caterpillar treads allow the RVR to go over different terrains including asphalt, gravel, grass, and dirt. The RVR also comes with 2 or 4 planetary gear motors that can drive both single and dual axle trailers. The remote control allows you to move your trailer from a safe distance. With the RVR, you can back into tight spaces without a spotter to check your progress. The RVR comes with a rechargeable lithium-ion battery that can give you up to 30 minutes of runtime. All RVR models include the Trailer Valet Base + Ball Set attaching the unit to your trailer coupler. This includes interchangeable 2 inch and 2-5/16 inch hitch balls. The RVR sells for about $2,200
/ SANDY MCMURRAY writes about games, toys, and gadgets at funspot.ca.
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“At the time I had just finished a body of professional development with United Way at Harvard and at the Centre for Creative Leadership, so I was in a good mindset for this kind of professional development, and one that was available right at home was compelling so I thought ‘I’ll give this a try’.
Michael Allen 54%
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CEO, United Way Ottawa
*Independent survey by Excellence in Giving. Sample size of 3,743 gives a 3% error margin with a 99% confidence level.
GLS is hosted by a Canadian Not-For-Profit organization, with a goal of providing high calibre leadership development opportunities at an affordable cost. Attendees benefit from networking opportunities with leaders from their community – and spend less time and cost on travel. 38 SEVEN MAY / JUNE 2018
Here’s just a sneak peek: Here’s just a sneak peek:
Erwin Erwin McManus McManus
Author, Futurist, Author, Futurist, Filmmaker and Filmmaker and Pastor Pastor
PRICING PRICING GRID GRID
*Early Bird Deadlines: *Early Bird June 12, Deadlines: 2018 for August GLS September 18, August 2018 forGLS October GLS June 12, 2018 for September 18, 2018 for October GLS
What about the What about quality the broadcast and broadcast quality and the overall conference the overall conference experience? experience? Since this is being held Since is being in a this church, is it aheld inreligious a church,event? is it a religious event?
Restaurateur; TIME Restaurateur; Magazine’sTIME “100 Magazine’s “100 Most Influential Most People” Influential People”
Dr. Nthabiseng Dr. Nthabiseng Legoete Legoete Founder & CEO, Founder & CEO, Quali Health; Social QualiEntrepreneur Health; Social Entrepreneur
Early Bird* Early Bird*
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Group 10+ Group 10+
$159 $159
$199 $199
Student Student
Why do you hold the Why do you hold the Global Leadership Global Leadership Summit in churches? Summit in churches?
Danny Meyer Danny Meyer
$99 $99
As a non-profit organization, we know the necessity of making every dollar count. Sometimes, Asconveniently a non-profit located organization, know the necessity of making every dollar count. Sometimes, larger we churches in the community can provide a valuable resource of both conveniently larger the community canthe provide a valuable resource of both committed located volunteers andchurches spaciousinfacilities for viewing conference, while providing committed volunteers and spacious facilities for viewing the conference, while providing breakout areas and networking space. breakout areas and networking space. We’re known for providing a world-class experience. Our state-of-the-art equipment, We’re known for providing a world-class experience. state-of-the-art equipment, and professional staff produce each event, and our Our site volunteers are trained and and professional staff produce each event, and our site volunteers are trained and engaged to serve. engaged to serve. The Global Leadership Summit grows out of a Christian desire to improve the effectiveness The Leadership Summit grows out of a Christian to improve thefrom effectiveness of Global leaders. The Summit is designed to reach 445,000desire people worldwide the pews to ofthe leaders. The Summit is designed reach people worldwide fromof the pews marketplace because we believetowe can 445,000 learn from each other, regardless our faithto the marketplaceSpeakers because are we believe can learn other, regardless of ourfrom faith perspective. chosen we each year tofrom bringeach fresh, actionable insights perspective. Speakers are chosen each year bring fresh, actionable insights from their own area of expertise – dealing with thetomost pressing issues people their area expertise – dealing thechurch most pressing issues people are own facing – atofwork, in their homes,with in the and in the community. are facing – at work, in their homes, in the church and in the community. Elements of the Christian faith are celebrated, as we open with prayer Elements of the faith are celebrated, as we open with prayer and several of Christian the leadership talks will be presented by pastors who and several of the leadership talks will be presented who share leadership insight from their context but theyby allpastors stand alongside share leadershipfaculty insight from from business, their context but theyetc. all stand non-Christian education, If youalongside are not a non-Christian faculty from business, education,inetc. If part you of arethe not a Christian, there is no requirement to participate every program. Christian, there is no requirement to participate in every part of the program.
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