SEVEN
RELATING TO WOMEN
MEN / GOD / LIFE JULY / AUG 2019 / ISSUE 67 NEWSSTAND PRICE CDN $4.95
HAUNTED MARRIAGE
HELPING YOUR WIFE FIND HEALING
A PRODUCT OF GRACE
FROM PORN STAR TO LIVING FOR JESUS
IN A #METOO WORLD
FEATURE
ONE WOMAN’S LONG JOURNEY FROM PORN STAR TO LIVING FOR J esus BY FRANK STIRK
2 SEVEN JULY / AUGUST 2019
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“MY THOUGHT WAS IF I’M GOING TO MARRY THIS WOMAN ONE DAY, I WANT TO BE A MAN THAT WOULD BE WILLING TO EMBRACE HER PAST. IF I COULDN’T EMBRACE HER PAST, THEN I HAD NO RIGHT TO WALK INTO THE FUTURE WITH HER.”
embrace 4 SEVEN JULY / AUGUST 2019
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IT IS FOR FREEDOM THAT CHRIST HAS SET US FREE.
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rittni’s story of how Jesus freed her from a decade-long career as a porn star and heroin addict manifests the awesome promise of Galatians 5:1 – “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” “I’m full of joy and I’m full of hope and I know that whatever comes my way that I can get through it all,” she says in an interview with the Promise Keepers partner organization, This is Me TV. “I could never picture myself now making the decisions that I made a few years ago.” In fact, anyone meeting Brittni now for the first time would be hard-pressed to picture what she was like back then and what she’s been through. Today she is married to Richard de la Mora, a pastor at Cornerstone Church of San Diego, where they co-lead the young adult ministry. “I don’t see her as a product of her past,” he says. “She is a product of grace. She’s a woman of God—praying for people, leading people, serving people. I love that about her!” She used to be called the “world’s hottest porn star.” She used to make $30,000 a month. Now Brittni shares her testimony at porn conventions. And she’s a successful real estate agent. The child of a broken home and feeling rejected by her family, Brittni began stripping in nightclubs when she was 16 as a way to put herself through college in Santa Barbara. “One night,” she recalls, “there were two guys [from Los Angeles] that were tipping like excessive amounts of money. They told me they made ‘romance movies.’ I knew what they were talking about. But I just felt like, ‘I’m already taking my clothes off for money. I’m already promiscuous. So why not just take it one step further and get paid for it?’” Within days of signing on, Brittni says she “started to go downhill.” Her first porn scene was “gross” and “really bad.” Within a month, she had contracted gonorrhea. But she kept at it for seven years, starring in 300 “adult” videos under the stage-name Jenna Presley. For three of those years, she was in a drug-fueled relationship. “I got to the point where I hated myself. I
hated my life. I hated what I was doing. I hated being an addict but I couldn’t face filming without the drugs. I was a cocaine addict and a heroin addict.” Brittni reached out to her grandmother, who let her live at her home in San Diego. “I really began to second-guess what I was doing,” she says. “I heard that my grandpa was going to church. I asked if I could go with them. I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour that day.” Yet her downward spiral continued. Brittni started dating a motorcycle gang member. Two weeks later, he was stabbed to death in front of her. “I was hearing voices at this point,” she says, “and these voices were like, ‘Kill yourself. If you don’t kill yourself, they’re going to kill you.’ I got really high on crystal meth. I tried to overdose. I was in the bathroom with the lights off. I was slitting my wrist, and this voice said, ‘Turn the lights on and put the scissors down.’ I had this peace come over me. I know that God saved my life that day.” Still, Brittni’s downward spiral continued. First, her family wasn’t there for her anymore. Then she got involved with a man who said he’d take her in, but soon turned out to be a real wolf in sheep’s clothing. “He took me to church and got me baptized,” she says. “Then he told me, ‘Now it’s time. You’re going to be a bigger star than ever before.’ I said, ‘I don’t want to go back
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into that industry. Plus, I know that this is not what God wants me to do.’ But he would take different Scriptures and just manipulated me into getting back into the industry, thinking that God was my biggest supporter. This guy was a pimp.” Brittni went back to making porn videos and doing drugs. Then three years later, her downward spiral finally ended. “I remember clearly the Holy Spirit say, ‘It’s time to leave this guy.’” Which she did. But soon she was broke. Needing money, she booked a porn scene in Las Vegas. Then the breakthrough happened. Brittni remembers during the plane ride, she was reading her Bible when she came to Revelation 2:20-23 – “I have this against you: You tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophet. ... I have given her time to repent of her immorality, but she is unwilling. So I will cast her on a bed of suffering, and ... I will strike her children dead.” “In that moment,” she says, “I realized that the last three years I was not pleasing God, and I wasn’t doing what was right for me. And so on set that day, I told everybody, ‘God has spoken to me and this is going to be my last scene. You guys will never ever see me again.’ That was the last scene that I ever filmed.” That was in late 2012. Back in San Diego, Brittni started dating a man who took her to Cornerstone Church. But he was only interested in going on Sundays. When she wanted them to check out its young adult group, he refused. So Brittni went by herself— and met Richard for the first time. “He was preaching this message and he said, ‘I have a word just for the women here right now. I want you to know that you are a woman of God, that you are worthy of real true love, and you are worth the wait.’ In that moment, I really felt God say, ‘Break up with him. You’re where you need to be. You’re at home now.’ So I broke up with him. I also said, ‘God, I’m not going to date anyone for an entire year. I just want to get to know you and build a relationship with you and I don’t want any distractions.’ Over this year, I’m just reading my Bible daily and also this man who
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preached this message, I really started to like him.” The feeling was mutual. They quickly became very good friends. Then came their first date. “It was great,” says Richard. “We talked life, talked story. It was so natural because we were already such great friends. We were just having a grand time with each other. Yeah, it was good.” Brittni remembers, “I just thought, ‘This is my moment. It’s obvious. We’re best friends, we have the same God in our lives, we’re headed in the same direction.’” At the same time, Brittni understood that if their relationship was going to have a future, she needed to tell Richard about her past. That was hard. “There were times where I thought, ‘Lord, I really need you to give him grace right now because it could easily push someone away.’” But the more that Brittni opened up to him, the more Richard found himself being drawn to her. Even her detractors couldn’t dissuade him—such as when someone sent him a graphic photo from her past. “What they were really doing is growing me and growing the love I had for Brittni,” he says. “My thought was if I’m going to marry this woman one day, I want to be a man that would be willing to embrace her past. If I couldn’t embrace her past, then I had no right to walk into the future with her.” Brittni and Richard were married in 2016. “The beautiful thing about God,” Richard says, “is that when you receive a relationship with him, he wipes the slate clean. You start seeing differently, you start speaking differently, because you’re no longer a product of your past, but you’re a product of grace and God has a wonderful future in store for you.” “Oftentimes,” Brittni adds, “when you get into a relationship and you don’t know who you are, you end up more confused than before because now you have somebody trying to tell you who you are. The advice that I would give is, know what you’re worth and don’t settle for anything less. Just wait. Do it God’s way. Trust me. You’re going to save yourself years of heartache.”
TO HEAR THE FULL PODCAST, GO TO >> www.thisismetv.com/brittni-richard
/ FRANK STIRK lives in North Vancouver. He is the author of the book, Streams in the Negev: Stories of How God is Starting to Redeem Vancouver (Urban Loft). Now available at Amazon.ca
Save your seat and press into the full life at:
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JULY / AUGUST 2019 SEVEN 7
PK PODIUM
GOD'S DAUGHTERS
FEATURES
RELATING TO WOMEN IN A "ME TOO" WORLD
02 A Product of Grace
BY KIRK GILES
14 Men’s Role in the Abortion Decision
M
any of you will know the phrase “MeToo.” It began in the fall of 2017 when sexual abuse allegations were made against movie producer Harvey Weinstein. Shortly after these allegations became public there was a flood of women on social media who shared their own stories of sexual abuse. Hence the phrase “MeToo.” Since this movement began, there has been a significant level of anger and angst. The sins of men are rightfully catching up with them. There are also many other good men who feel criticized, attacked, and are not sure how to relate with a woman without the potential of being accused of something inappropriate. In my 23 years of working in men’s ministry, I have never seen a time where the culture is as hurt, confused, and divided over male-female relations as we are now. In this edition of SEVEN magazine, we are going to be talking about women and how we relate with them as men. I want to lay a foundation for this edition of the magazine by looking at a few ways we can relate with women in the midst of a “MeToo” and “Toxic Masculinity” world. 1. They are made in the image of God, so respond accordingly. Women have worth and purpose because they are made in God’s image. If you hurt her, you are hurting someone who is meant to give the world a glimpse of what God is like. 2. They are partners with us. Women
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are not more or less valuable than men. In the Garden of Eden, male and female as image bearers were partners designed to work together for the greater mission God had given to them. Seek ways to work together. 3. They are God’s daughters. One of the most sobering principles I have been taught in marriage is the idea that God is my wife’s Father. In some essence, this makes God my fatherin-law. Honour, love, and cherish her the way you would want any man to relate with your daughter. 4. They are our sisters in Christ. Seeing a woman as a sister in Christ first should impact how you relate with her. If you have a sister, how would you want someone to relate with her? 5. Remember, many women have been deeply hurt by men. They may be naturally skeptical in relating with you. You may have to deal with the fallout of other men’s sins. Be like Jesus – gracious, kind, and caring. I do believe we are living in a defining moment as a culture. As men who follow Jesus, let’s make sure we are setting the tone for how to relate with women in a way that brings life to her and to the world.
18 The Calling on Fathers of Daughters 24 A Haunted Marriage
COLUMNS 08 // PK Podium 28 // Sports Scene 30 // Out of My Depth 31 // Lives Worth Leading
DEPARTMENTS 10 // The Pulse 33 // Music Reviews 34 // Power Play
EDITORIAL Questions and comments regarding editorial can be sent to ssukkau@promisekeepers.ca, or mailed to Promise Keepers Canada at the address provided. DESIGN DEVON WAGENAAR Devon J Andrew Design Inc. djadesign.ca PROMISE KEEPERS CANADA 210-3027 Harvester Road Burlington, ON L7N 3G7
/ KIRK GILES is the president of Promise Keepers Canada. However, his most important roles as a man are husband to Shannon and father to Carter, Joshua, Sydney and Samuel.
(905) 331-1830 info@promisekeepers.ca
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IMPACT NATIONAL CONFERENCES
10 SEVEN JULY / AUGUST 2019
/ EVERY MAN WANTS to know his life matters. Call it the search for significance, a quest for meaning, the drive to leave a legacy. We want to know our life counts, today and tomorrow. And yet the horrible truth is… most men don’t leave a lasting impact. Within a few short years their long hours at work, financial savings and material possessions are gone and forgotten. Time sweeps away everything. There is another way to live. A life of impact both now and for eternity. A way to press into the full life, the life you were meant to lead. Join us at the PK Men’s Conference as we uncover the truth and the way to lead to a life of fullness—both now and for eternity. Join us as we press into the full life.
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FROM KIRK'S BLOG
5 DECISIONS THAT DETERMINE YOUR LEGACY / I HAVE NEVER met anyone who wants their life to be a complete failure. Every person wants to know their life has counted for something. We all want to have a great legacy. As people, we reach various stages of life when we spend more time in self-reflection and consider the legacy we are having. Moments like the birth, graduation, or wedding of a child can lead us to examine the legacy we have or will leave in their lives. Career changes are also a time where people consider how they want their contributions at work to make a difference. In this series of blog posts, I look at five key decisions we all must make in life. These decisions will ultimately determine the legacy we will leave. >> Continue reading at: kirkgiles.com
IMPACT CONFERENCE SIMULCAST Want to attend the Impact National Men’s Conference but the drive is too far? Bring the conference to your church. The Toronto Impact Conference will be simulcast for live streaming to churches across Canada. >> To find out more about bringing the conference to your church visit: promisekeepers.ca/simulcast
JULY / AUGUST 2019 SEVEN 11
PODCASTS THE CHRISTIAN MAN WITH PATRICK MORLEY
SURFING FOR GOD WITH MICHAEL CUSICK
/ HOW DO WE respond to major issues that affect men? We sat down with Patrick Morley, author of The Man in the Mirror to talk about key issues like identity, balance, growth, marriage, children, friendships, work, lust, culture and sharing our faith. As Christian men living in today’s society, we cannot just sit back, be passive and just accept society as it is. God has made us to bring hope, life and to have an impact in the name of Jesus wherever He has placed us in this world. Not just where we live, but also in our circles of influence: our workplace, family, marriage, friends and neighbourhood.
/ IN A WORLD where there are 68 million searches for pornography every day, and where over 70 percent of Christian men report viewing porn in the last year, it’s no surprise that more and more men struggle with an addiction to this false fantasy. In this podcast, Michael Cusick shows us how the barrier built by porn addiction can become a bridge to abundant life.
CHOOSE GREATNESS WITH CLARENCE SHULER
ABORTION AND MEN WITH DR. LAURA LEWIS
/ WHY DO SOME teens thrive as adults while others struggle? What makes the difference? We sat down with Clarence to get some practical advice to help young men choose greatness. In this podcast, we discussed how to support young men to deal with video game addiction, sexuality, responsibility and consequences. Clarence Shuler is the president of Building Lasting Relationships and interacts internationally with young men about friendships, dating and sexuality. As a teenager he met Gary Chapman, the New York Times #1 bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages. Gary mentored Clarence and helped him make wise decisions during his tumultuous teen years. Decades later, the two are still close friends and both lead powerful ministries that help people all around the world live better, more godly lives.
/ IT WOULD BE better if men kept silent, since it has nothing to do with them. At least that is the message many of us receive when the topic of abortion comes up. Framed as an issue of women’s reproductive rights, men are pressured to tow the pro-choice position and vilified if they don’t. Kirk sat down recently with Dr. Laura Lewis from Canadian Association of Pregnancy Support Services for a down to earth discussion on the truth behind the debate and practical ways to show Christ’s love to all sides.
>> Find these and other podcasts at: www.promisekeepers.ca/podcast 12 SEVEN JULY / AUGUST 2019
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FEATURE
M
en are still finding their voice, and their grief, when it comes to abortion. While the legal issues can seem black and white to advocates on either side of the political debate, the individual stories reveal the real lives being impacted. Dr. Laura Lewis is the Executive Director of the Canadian Association of Pregnancy Support Services. She says men have historically been sidelined from pregnancy. Since the sexual revolution when sex, pregnancy, and fatherhood were separated. “In many ways, men have been told they don’t have any place in an unplanned pregnancy,” she says, but the emotional impact continues to be very real. Lewis shares the story of a young man who returned after being gone for the weekend to find his girlfriend had been pressured to have an abortion and received the unwanted procedure in his absence. “It was very traumatic for him... it’s been devastating. It’s been a long journey in coming to terms with it.” For men who had an active role in choosing abortion, Lewis says they can feel like they don’t have permission to grieve. “It’s not true. When a man gives himself permission, then that journey will begin in stages... it will look unique for each individual.” Lewis worked for 22 years as a family physician. Her journey has been one from a pro-choice to a pro-life stance, one she shared on the Promise Keepers Canada podcast for a downto-earth discussion, as well as practical ways to show Christ’s love to all. “It certainly wasn’t something I set out to do,” she says, but it’s a role she’s taken on, advocating for reformation on how the medical profession handles an unplanned pregnancy. “One of the most effective ways to do this is through the beautiful, compassionate work of local pregnancy care centres.” However, this wasn’t always Lewis’ perspective. Even during her education, she compartmentalized the knowledge of embryology and the unique DNA blueprint established at conception. “I didn’t really think about what abortion was, I just really focused on helping women “fix” unplanned pregnancy through whatever solution they wanted, which is really what we see in our culture today.” It’s a far cry from her perspective now, she says, after seeing the impact of abortion on women, men, and families and
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Men and Abortion
LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO GRIEVE BY STEVEN SUKKAU
JULY / AUGUST 2019 SEVEN 15
the importance of having practical, compassionate alternatives available. It was on a medical mission trip to Guatemala that Lewis says she “saw God in action” and her heart began to soften. It set her on a path towards seeing the value in all life. The next revelation came when she observed a young woman with Down Syndrome in her community. “I
just saw how people made room for her, how much joy she brought into every situation and how her parents loved her.” It brought up the question of “who are we to say who should die in our prenatal testing?” Soon after Lewis helped establish a pregnancy centre, and she began hearing the stories of women recovering emotionally from abortions. “I had never heard them before. It was hard to hear them... it deeply affected my view.” Abortion has come squarely into public view recently as a number of U.S states have addressed the issue head-on. In January 2019, the state of New York removed a clause with the Reproductive Health Act that considered abortion a criminal activity after 24 weeks gestation, unless the woman’s life was in danger. It also removed a section that forced medical staff to protect life
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and provide assistance if the aborted baby was born alive. Canada is unique in being the only Western nation without any abortion legislation. It’s completely legal to abort a baby until they exit the birth canal. The last law was struck down in 1988 when Henry Morgentaler took the issue to the Supreme Court. “We still have a legal void in our nation, and many Canadians don’t realize that.” Within that void, many women and young couples find themselves in extremely difficult situations. Approximately half of all pregnancies are unplanned, Lewis notes, many from younger women. She recalls one story of a 14-year-old who became pregnant and was pressured to have an abortion by her boyfriend’s mother. Four years later, Lewis says the teen shared she’s thought about her child every day since the termination of her pregnancy. While many women deeply regret the decision to abort, Lewis says many feel they don’t have a choice, overcome with fear their boyfriend will leave them, questions of how they will finish school and financially support the child. “An unplanned pregnancy can cause this flood of fear and uncertainty... and without others that can come alongside and bring hope and encouragement and practical support, women can feel abortion is the best choice, or the only choice, available to them.” The first thing she tells the father is to just listen to the mother. “I think sometimes men feel they are supposed to say, “It’s your decision and I’ll support you in whatever you want to do,” and yet those words can actually sound like the man is not
interested and the woman can feel abandoned.” It’s key to identify where the pressure is coming from, Lewis says, whether it’s from people in their lives or circumstances. Next, it’s important to identify all your options including adoption, parenting, and abortion. “All of them have a life-impacting consequence, there’s no reverse button, and so you really have to work through “what does this look like” for each option. And then make sure to identify your own values.” It’s a decision that needs to be made with your head and your heart as a couple, Lewis says. When abortion has been chosen, Lewis says it takes both parents on a journey from becoming an expectant parent to a father and mother who have lost a child. The disconnect between Western culture’s flippant view of abortion and the devastating emotional aftermath can lead to added shame, she says. “Our culture says it shouldn’t be a problem to have an abortion... so it’s really hard to even know where to let grief land.” It can lead to secret shame, and “it’s hard to heal from something you never speak about,” she adds. Instead, she encourages people to acknowledge the grief and find someone they feel safe in sharing with. “There is a journey and there are wonderful resources out there to help men find the fullness of the healing and forgiveness in Christ.” TO LEARN MORE, VISIT >> capss.com/resources. >> Listen at promisekeepers.ca/podcast.
/ STEVEN SUKKAU is a journalist living and working in Winkler, Manitoba. He splits his time between breaking stories, changing diapers and taking his wife on movie dates.
All of life is ministry “I think every believer is called to be in fulltime ministry whatever their life situation.” Caleb Courtney [MTS] is a husband, father of four, high school teacher, worship leader and just completed the Master of Theological Studies program. He knew he could only afford a one-year leave to complete his masters, so he began planning a few years ago. Caleb has seen God open every door along the way. A percentage of Caleb’s salary was saved to fund a leave from his teaching job, and he received scholarships and awards. He also took advantage of flexible course modes such as online, evening and one-week intensives. This made it possible for him to still put his family time first. Caleb is now returning to work and plans to take on more of a teaching role at his church. “People have this idea of full-time ministry as being full-time in a church,” he says. “I think every believer is called to be in fulltime ministry whatever their life situation.”
Tyndale offers flexible full-time and part-time study options to meet your needs. Learn more. Visit Tyndale.ca or call 1.877.TYNDALE. JULY / AUGUST 2019 SEVEN 17
FEATURE
THE SPECIAL CALLING ON FATHERS WITH DAUGHTERS THE THREE ESSENTIALS IN BUILDING A STRONG FATHER-DAUGHTER CONNECTION BY LISBETH SPLAWN
I
never imagined that my work as a pediatrician would lead me to consult with NFL players in the NFL Fatherhood Initiative about how to be better fathers. What did I have to tell pro football players? The last thing they needed, I assumed, was a grandmother pediatrician. I was wrong. Most of the players I consulted with in the Fatherhood Initiative relate extremely well to older women, partly because many of them grew up without fathers, so they relate well to mother and grandmother types. Most of the players I interviewed who grew up without a dad expressed inner turmoil and insecurity about their own calling as fathers. They weren’t sure how to be a good father, especially to a daughter, whose emotions and personality felt foreign to them. My job was to assure these dads that they were already hardwired with everything they needed to be a good dad to their little girl. I was simply there to show them what was already inside of them. One character quality we talked about that is essential to parenting daughters is compassion. Compassion allows a dad to connect with his daughter, no matter her age or stage. But compassion must be practiced and cultivated if it’s going to be something that strengthens your relationship with your daughter.
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SO, WHAT ARE SOME WAYS DADS CAN CULTIVATE COMPASSION? EMPATHIZE. Think back over your own childhood and teenage years. Remember what it felt like to have braces; move to a new place; lose a pet; get dumped by your girlfriend. Tap into those memories; it will give you a newfound compassion for the things your daughter is facing. EXAMINE. Whether you are religious or not, examining the life of Christ in the Bible as an example of compassion can be very beneficial. Read the Gospel of Mark. As you do, you’ll discover no one had compassion like Christ. His compassion was not limited to sympathy. His tender mercy included a willingness to step boldly into the lives of those who were hurting. ENGAGE. Dads, every day you have an opportunity to cultivate and demonstrate compassion by engaging with your daughter, rather than brushing her off. Here are some specific situations in which you can practice this: • Be patient with her (not frustrated) when she is terrified of the dark. • Be sad with her when she is sad. • Get down on the ground with her when she has fallen and hurt herself. • Hold her when she says things like “I’m ugly,” “None of the boys like me,” “All my friends make fun of me.” As a father, you are your daughter’s first and most important experience of male love, compassion, and kindness. Whatever your early interactions with her, they will be imprinted deeply on her brain and heart. If you think it’s too late to make a positive impact on her, it’s not. I have seen many fathers turn a girl’s life around with a renewed commitment and demonstration of love. It is never too late. And, you don’t have to be in the NFL to be considered a hero by your daughter. You already are her hero. All you have to do is live into your calling. Originally published at MegMeekerMD.com. Used with permission.
/ LISBETH SPLAWN is an experienced actress and writer working closely with internationally-known author and pediatrician Meg Meeker, M.D. Splawn has worked as a broadcast producer and freelance copywriter and editor.
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JULY / AUGUST 2019 SEVEN 23
FEATURE
Haunted Marriage WHAT TO DO WHEN PAST SEXUAL ABUSE IS HURTING YOUR MARRIAGE
BY BARBARA WILSON
C
hildhood sexual abuse (CSA) is an unimaginable evil perpetrated upon the most innocent and vulnerable, and it shatters a child’s sense of safety, security, and trust. If this has happened to you or your wife, I am so sorry. And though the struggles in your marriage may seem hopeless right now, I have good news. God can heal and restore the past, and redeem what this evil threatens to destroy in your life and marriage. According to the most recent statistics from the US Department of Justice, 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will experience some form of sexual abuse before they’re 18 years old. And experts assert that this greatly underestimates the actual numbers, as many victims don’t report their
abuse. This has been my experience as I’ve worked with women (and men) who’ve experienced abuse--that the shame, guilt, and trauma from the memory keeps them in a prison of secrecy and pain. And while we tend to think of sexual abuse in terms of molestation and rape, sexual abuse encompasses a variety of non-contact forms that include exposing children to pornography, sexual activity, and sexual talk, breaching their privacy during dressing and showering at inappropriate ages, and filming or exploiting children for one’s sexual pleasure. Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, eating disorders, cutting, suicidal ideation and attempts, posttraumatic stress, flashbacks, nightmares, and substance use are just some of the
consequences survivors struggle with as adults. But even more, CSA can hinder adults from forming and maintaining healthy relationships in marriage. When a child is betrayed by a trusted adult, their sense of self is damaged and they can lose confidence in themselves, and their ability to be safe. This can cause them to build emotional and physical walls that, despite desiring closeness in relationships, keep them isolated and alone, often not understanding why. As a result, some with CSA may have difficulty trusting their spouse or expressing themselves emotionally and sexually. In addition, CSA survivors may need to control their environments to protect themselves, since they had no control during the abuse. While an individual’s response to abuse is unique to them, research has found that some behaviors can vacillate to extremes— such as being completely aversive to sex to being overly promiscuous, from being completely shut down emotionally to having exaggerated emotional responses, or from having to control even the smallest detail to being unable to make any decisions. Further, CSA can have an impact on parenting, as often memories of the abuse are locked away until a survivor has children, or a child of the same sex reaches the age when they were abused. But generally, it’s in the bedroom where the effects of CSA are felt the most. Sexual abuse, as well as sexual assault, can damage a women’s view and experience of sex. Something that God created for bonding, intimacy, and pleasure between a husband and wife now feels more like a weapon that is used against her. Sex
JULY / AUGUST 2019 SEVEN 25
can feel shameful, coercive, scary or disgusting. Rather than feeling safe and enjoyable, sex is now painful and humiliating.
THE BRAIN AND BODY REMEMBERS Research on how trauma affects the brain and body has continued to illuminate why decades later, CSA can trigger a myriad of negative symptoms. Whenever we experience something that feels scary or threatening, the memory along with our emotional and physical response can get tucked away in the threatcenter of our brain, the amygdala. The amygdala is the survival center that tells us when to fight, flee or freeze during a l ife-t hreatening or dangerous situation. However with CSA, a child often has no way to fight or flee their older attacker and therefore, their response is to freeze. This can take the form of dissociating from the experience as if it’s not happening to them, which protects them in the moment of the trauma. A young child is often unable to cognitively process or understand what is happening, they just know how it makes them feel. As a result, the traumatic memory can get locked in the emotional part of the brain causing the body and brain to be triggered with similar responses decades later. Our brain has the amazing ability to block traumatic memories to help us survive and cope during trauma. However, even if we don’t have specific memories, our body remembers and when something happens that reminds our threatcenter of that dangerous experience, our body responds in similar ways—
THOUGH DIFFICULT AND SCARY, HAVING THE COURAGE TO UNLOCK THE MEMORIES AND MAKE SENSE OF THEM, FREES HER BODY FROM BEING TRIGGERED WITH THE PAINFUL REMINDERS OF HER TRAUMA.
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by shutting down, dissociating, feeling anxious, and scared—and along with it the physical symptoms of a racing heart, trouble breathing, sweating, anxiety, etc., all without knowing why. CSA also has a confusing experience of sexual arousal for the child. In addition to feeling a sense of threat and danger, their bodies may have responded with a sense of pleasure. Not being able to cognitively process what they are experiencing, they lock away a combined body memory of danger and pleasure associated with sex. Now fast-forward to marriage, when sex is supposed to be something beautiful, intimate, pleasurable and permissible. But now when they get sexually aroused, their body remembers the confusing feelings they experienced as a child, thus unleashing their protective response causing them to shut down,
dissociate, flee or freeze.
WHAT YOUR WIFE NEEDS Being willing to get healing is often scarier than the trauma itself because it means opening up all the memories that she has spent years trying to forget, stuff down, medicate or numb. I tell my patients that healing is hard, but without it, your body and brain will continue to keep the trauma locked away allowing the suffering to continue. Though difficult and scary, having the courage to unlock the memories and make sense of them, frees her body from being triggered with the painful reminders of her trauma. It doesn’t mean she’ll forget, but with healing, the memories no longer trigger the familiar feelings of shame, dread or fear. “But what if my wife won’t get healing, or doesn’t think she needs it?”, I can hear some of you asking. “How can I encourage her to?”
That’s tough, and it’s true that some minimize what happened to them when comparing their stories to others, or they believe that it’s in the past and no longer a factor. The truth is, we can’t make someone get healing, even when it’s so obvious to us. However, you can lead her to the place of being willing to consider it with your kind and gentle encouragement. Read this article with her. Offer to read one of the books offered at the end of this article with her. Having someone to go through the journey is always less scary than going it alone. Seeing a professional counselor who specializes in trauma is a first great step towards healing. Traumafocused cognitive behavioral therapy (TF-CBT) is an empirically proven therapy to heal past abuse and trauma. In addition, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is another effective and proven trauma-focused therapy that helps your brain process traumatic events.
My book, Kiss Me Again; Restoring Lost Intimacy in Marriage, offers some trauma-focused therapy steps along with biblical principles to help you and your wife begin the healing journey. It explains the science of bonding and trauma and has exercises and discussion points, along with a study guide to help you and your wife both process past sexual experiences that may be affecting your sexual intimacy. In addition, my study, Free: Finding Freedom and Healing for Your Past, offers a 12-week intensive spiritually-based program based on TF-CBT that can be done in groups or on your own. Check out these resources on my website at barbarawilson.org.
HOW CAN YOU HELP? First, you need to remember that you can’t fix your wife, only God can. But He will use you in this healing journey as you support, encourage, and walk alongside her. As God brings up her painful past, be prepared for a rollercoaster of emotions;
sadness, anger, shame, regret, and an abundance of tears. At first, she may appear to take out her emotions on you, as if you’re to blame. Be patient and gentle. Let her express her feelings to you without judgment, or the need to ‘fix’ her. As God reveals new insights, she may want to share these with you. Listen. Let her cry. Give her the time she needs to process all God is showing her. Be prepared that, for a period of time, the pain associated with her abuse may trigger greater difficulty with sexual intimacy. If that happens, remember two things: it will get better, and it’s not about you. Most importantly, stay hopeful even if your wife isn’t. Give her courage when she is afraid, strength when she is feeling weak, and a calm presence when her emotions are out of control. It sounds like a lot—I know. It won’t be easy. But on the other side of this painful journey is a healing that will not only set your wife free but a hope and a future for your relationship that you could never have imagined. And don’t forget—you’re not alone. God is more invested in your wife’s healing and the restoration of your marriage than you are—you can trust that He will be with you. Every step of the way.
/ DR. BARBARA WILSON is an author, psychotherapist and the founder of Freedom Bound Communications, an organization that brings healing and hope to those with a sexual past. She speaks internationally to youth and adults with her message of sexual bonding and healing. Released from a past of her own, Barbara combines neuroscience and Scripture, with her own story of healing to explain what sexual bonding is and how to move freely into your future in her books, The Invisible Bond: How to Break Free From Your Sexual Past and Kiss Me Again; Restoring Lost Intimacy In Marriage.
JULY / AUGUST 2019 SEVEN 27
SPORTS SCENE
HARD WORK, PATIENCE, AND BELIEVING IN GOD
THE CHLOE JACKSON STORY BY CARTER BROOKS
F
or many, the misfortune of a broken foot, sitting out two-straight seasons, rotating through three basketball programs in five years and a major change of position would spell the end of a dream for a national championship. But for Baylor’s Chloe Jackson, it just added fuel to the fire.
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AFTER MAKING HER NCAA debut in the 2014-15 season for the North Carolina State Wolfpack, Jackson fractured her foot just four games into her young career, thus forcing the then 18-yearold to watch from the sidelines all season. Jackson moved to Louisiana State University for three years – the first of which was spent serving as a redshirt to comply with an NCAA transfer rule – before ultimately making the decision to move once again, this time to Baylor University in Texas. But there was a catch; the Lady Bears were not in need of a shooting guard. Baylor was, however, looking to fill the role of starting point guard, following the release of two players for the 2018-19 season. It was an easy decision for Jackson to make. “Anticipate it like you’ve got to get rid of your quarterback in football,” said Baylor Lady Bears’ Head Coach Kim Mulkey to reporters prior to the NCAA Women’s Basketball National Championship “You take your wide receiver and put them at quarterback; that’s what we had to do.” Considering Jackson had played as a shooting guard for the duration of her basketball career leading up until that conversation with coach Mulkey, the ease displayed by the 22-yearold in shifting to point guard was remarkable. The 5-foot-8, fifth-year player put up career highs in many statistical categories, playing in 38 games while averaging a 47.3 field goal percentage. Her 11.7 points, 5.1 assists and 3.7 rebounds-per-game in 2018-19 helped lead the Lady Bears to a 37-1 record while earning a No. 1 seed and working their way to the NCAA Final Four in March/April. It was in that national champion-
ship game that Jackson elevated her We just beat the defending national game to an even higher level against champions. This team is so good, so the Notre Dame Fighting Irish. In the talented. You’re going to see those title game on April 7th, the Upper guys play at the next level.” Marlboro, MD native set season highs Just three days after her monin points (26), minutes ster performance in the played (40), field goals NCAA National Chammade (13) and field goals pionship, Jackson was “HARD attempted (25). She was drafted very early in the WORK, by far the best player on second round, 15th overPATIENCE, the court and scored Bayall by the Chicago Sky of lor’s final basket, a layup the Women’s National AND to give Baylor a one-point, Basketball Association, BELIEVING 82-81 victory with just where she plans to conIN GOD,” seconds left on the clock. tinue playing basketball, The national chamnow professionally. WAS HER pionship victory was the Much like the words ANSWER. Lady Bears’ first since of the ‘Jeremiah 29:11’ 2012, and the lifelong tattoo that she added to dream of Chloe Jackson her left shoulder during since early childhood. The Masters of her season of recovery following the Divinity student was rightly named broken foot in 2014, Jackson never the Final Four’s Most Outstanding knew the overall plan, but kept Player immediately following the everything up to the will of her God game, and was then subsequently and Saviour. asked about her performance by ESPN “For I know the plans I have for you, on national television. declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you “Hard work, patience, and and not to harm you. Plans to give you believing in God,” was her answer. “I hope and a future.” – N.I.V. never knew what my plan was going to be, but I just believed in Him all the way. I wouldn’t be here without Him.” Jackson’s statements were echoed by coach Mulkey – the woman who / CARTER BROOKS is a news writer and served as the main reason why the sports columnist situated in Winnipeg, 22-year-old made the switch to Baylor. Manitoba. On top of reading and writing, “God is good and He blessed these coaching hockey is his favourite kids,” Mulkey also said to ESPN. “They pastime. Carter can be reached at fought through it, injuries and all. carterbrooks1994@gmail.com.
JULY / AUGUST 2019 SEVEN 29
OUT OF MY DEPTH
NORM IS NOT ALONE
EMBRACING A WOMEN'S MYSTERY BY PHIL WAGLER
I
have a vague recollection of an episode of Cheers—that sitcom of the last century. Norm, greeted with an everybody-knows-your-name “Norm!” when he enters the pub, sits over a half-spent pint. As usual, he bemoans his relationship with his wife Vera, whom we never see, but is the mysterious partner/antagonist in the background of Norm’s life. In the scene I recall, Norm is processing woman as he knows her. Perplexed he blurts, “Women. Can’t live with them. Pass the beer nuts.” Norm is not alone. How are we to understand the mystery; this wonder woman who is beautiful, gifted, a gift, confounding, and a blessing? Let us start at the very beginning, with God the Blesser. This is a glorious paradox. Holy God, deserving of greatest honour, always looks to bless. In the creation story, as soon as there are creatures to fill the void and join his creative purposes God leaps to bless. The word “bless” is barak: “to kneel down, praise, abundantly and altogether congratulate.” Before humanity rises from the dust God blesses sea creatures and the birds. Then, famously and resolutely God blesses us. He delights in sharks and guppies, canaries and bald eagles, horses, and dogs (possibly even cats), congratulating them on getting busy and filling the earth with the goodness of life. This is pleasing. But, the Lord reserves his most full blessing for humanity! Tall and short, six-pack or beerbelly, male and female are blessed
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and elevated. “Let us make humanity in us is indiscriminate. God blesses in our image” (Genesis 1:26-27) “them”—male and female. He elevates declares the Creator! (Of nothing else us together and gives one mandate: is this said.) We bear the image of “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the God, relating to Him, reflecting and earth. Accentuate my good purpose. partnering with Him in the stewarding Steward what is created. I gift you all and blessing of the good. Male and this. Be my participants, my proxy, female: in essence one, my ambassadors, my kings distinct in identity, blessed and queens.” THIS IS A to live out these differences The only thing in all creCOMPLETELY and commonalities in the ation “not good” is aloneDIFFERENT one reality that together we ness (Genesis 2:18). The are the image of God. fullness of the image of God NARRATIVE In a spectacular mysintroduced in Genesis 1:26OF BEING tery, we individually bear 27 comes clearer. God is not HUMAN THAN the image of God. And yet, alone, but a communion of the image of God in man is One—Father, Son, and SpirOUR CULTURE incomplete without the imit. Those, therefore, made in CURRENTLY age of God in woman. Both the image also shouldn’t be EMBRACES together reflect the fullalone, indeed we cannot be. ness of God. Independent of If we travel alone, the image each other or against one another, we of God is incomplete. We were created shroud the holy mystery of God. We as a partnership. diminish the divine glory and end up, Marriage between a man and a unwittingly, diminishing ourselves. woman (distinct and different, yet As guys, we may drop tears in one) becomes a unique picture of Norm’s beer. Women are a mystery this mystery of God. But it’s not just to us. But rather than nod with Norm, married guys like Norm who must men of God should embrace the work at this. There is a larger principle mystery. To do otherwise is beneath here: man was made for partnership our dignity—and hers. with woman, and woman with man. This is a completely different We need each other. Men should kneel narrative of being human than our before the mystery of woman to bless. culture currently embraces. Our No man should diminish her. Norm is cultural debates are not elevating not alone, and this, sadly, is not funny. this dignity, but instead confusing – ultimately separating us from one another and absolutely destroying the / PHIL WAGLER is married to a blessing of God we were meant to be wonderful mystery named Jen. She’s still together. trying to figure him out too. They live in From the beginning God’s delight Surrey, BC.
LIVES WORTH LEADING
DIVINE SPARK
GROWING THE PRESENCE OF GOD WITHIN US BY COLIN MCCARTNEY
D
on’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” - Albert Camus As a husband, father and son, I owe a lot to women. I have been married to my wife for 30 years and can say I am more captivated by her now than ever before. I don’t know if this is because my wife has changed over the years or because I have changed over the years. It is probably a bit of both. All I do know is that life with my wife is never boring; it just keeps getting better and better. I also have a 21-year-old daughter who I have watched grow up from a little girl to a responsible woman. She, like my wife and I, has gone through various changes in her personality, outlook, and character. Once again, all I can say is it keeps getting better. My mother is a strong Irish lady who taught me to stay true to my convictions and stand up for what is right and good no matter the personal cost. Now she is elderly and battling against the enemy we will all eventually lose to—time. But I have to tell you something—she is really giving time a run for its money. My mother is a fighter, a true symbol of the “fighting Irish,” and I actually feel sorry for time as my mother is giving it a real whooping. Three strong, talented and gifted women. Three women that have the “imago dei” (Image of God) imprinted in them. In fact, every person possesses the imago dei which makes every one of us sacred and
valuable. We are all born with God’s beauty marks imprinted deeply in our souls. This is why it hurts me to see women devalued by a society that exalts appearance over substance and power over caring. From observing life with my wife and daughter, these are huge issues women have to face on top of their sexualization through media, advertising, and other sources. Unfortunately, in today’s society it is still a man’s world when it comes to these areas of our culture, and we need to do all we can to put a stop to it. Instead of harming the imago dei in women, let’s fan it into flame. I love how the ancient Jewish mystics described this imago dei as the sparks of God’s Shekinah glory living inside of every person. These mystics believed our job was to fan those sparks into flames, and by doing this we grow the presence of God in every person. What a great way to look at people and our responsibility to tease God’s glory out of every soul we meet. That is a sacred purpose and responsibility for all of us. Let’s take this holy task to heart and commit to fan the sparks of God’s glory ever present in the souls of women. What does that look like? For me, it meant supporting my wife as she completed her Masters in Leadership this past April. What a privilege to join God in helping release the leadership gifts He created her to have. Now as she lives into her calling, I get the honour to encourage her in practical ways. As for my daughter, I need to keep fanning the flames of
God in her by listening to her dreams, encouraging her in her talents and bringing her into understanding her value as a daughter of God. As a father of a young woman like my daughter, it also means using my influence as a man to break the glass ceiling still present in our culture holding I NEED TO women back from KEEP FANNING the equality they deserve as the imago THE FLAMES dei bearers that they OF GOD IN HER are. By doing this, we not only bless our daughters but also help this world to be a better place because of what our daughters bring to the table. The great French Philosopher, Albert Camus, once said; “Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” Any leader worth his or her salt leads by walking beside others. As we walk life, let us pursue practical ways we can fan into flame the imago dei present in all people and in particular the women in our lives. They are worth it. They are the images of God.
/ COLIN MCCARTNEY is an ordained minister, speaker, and a bestselling author. He is also the founder of UrbanPromise Toronto and now leads Connect Ministries in Toronto where he, his wife Judith, and their two children reside. For information in booking Colin as a speaker, please visit www.connectministries.org.
JULY / AUGUST 2019 SEVEN 31
NO MAN IS AN ISLAND
WHAT WOMEN WISH MEN KNEW
LEADING WITH GENTLENESS AND MERCY BY NEIL JOSEPHSON
I
wish I had $10 for every guy who has said to me, in one way or another, “I just don’t get her. I want to. I am trying to, but I just don’t get her.” If I did have all those $10 bills, I would be writing this to you between rounds on my latest golf holiday! I have heard this lament often enough, I knew we all needed some help. So, we started asking the women who came to our FamilyLife Canada Weekend Getaway marriage conferences what they wished their men knew about them. We now have over 4,000 responses and here are the top 5: 1. I WANT TO HAVE REAL CONVERSATIONS WITH YOU. Most women feel loved and secure in the relationship when they are able to have conversations— real conversations—with their men. Lack of conversation is often interpreted by men to mean that everything is fine. Silence is interpreted by our women as “something is wrong”. Carve out 15 minutes a day for non-logistical conversation and you will be surprised at how your relationship changes. 2. I WANT TO FEEL LIKE A PRIORITY. When we were pursuing our wife, she felt like a priority…but how about now? The prime priority pirates are work, kids, family, friends and hobbies. All those things are good, and the wise
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response isn’t to bail out on any of those, but our wife wants to know that if you had to make a priority choice, you would choose her. If you want to know if your wife feels like a priority, ask her. And here’s the follow up question: “What could I do to make you feel like my number 1 priority?”
5. I WANT YOU TO LEAD. When men think about leadership, far too often they conceive of it only in terms of power. Maybe that’s a carryover from work or competition but it’s not what our wives mean. Here is a direct quote from one of the women in the survey that says it so well:
3. I WANT TO FEEL LOVED AND RESPECTED. Some people have distorted the truth of Ephesians 5:33 to mean that women only want to feel loved and don’t care about respect. Not true, according to the women who shared their hearts in this survey. They want both. And that isn’t too surprising because all the men I talk to tell me that they want to be both respected and loved. I know I do.
“I want you to lead with gentleness and mercy – when you do this I LOVE following your lead. There are days when the sun goes down and I am utterly spent. One more decision will break me. It may seem like a small thing but deciding on a meal, choosing what Sunday service we’ll go to or picking the movie we’ll watch can mean so much. “
4. I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT I ENJOY SEX TOO, BUT I AM NOT LIKE YOU. One of the classic mistakes we all make in love is assuming that the other person is like us. It is a megamistake men make in the area of sexual intimacy. Men are aroused more quickly and more visually than women in most cases. Men take an average of 2 minutes from first contact to orgasm. Women take an average of 17 minutes. Be sensitive to this and make plans together with your wife to navigate this. You will be happy you did.
Those are the top five responses from 4,000 Canadian women. Share this article with your wife and ask her which of the five best represents her heart. That would go a long way toward answering the question we began with.
/ NEIL JOSEPHSON is the National Director with FamilyLife Canada.Neil, together with his wife Sharol, lead FamilyLife Canada. Neil loves to learn, teach and write about anything related to marriage, family and Christian discipleship. Married since 1978, Neil and Sharol have two great sons, two awesome daugther-in-laws and four of the sweetest grandchildren ever.
MUSIC REVIEWS
FEAR NO MORE THE AFTERS (Self published)
HAVEN’T SEEN IT YET DANNY GOKEY (Sparrow Records)
TRENCH TWENTY ONE PILOTS Fueled By Ramen
/ SINCE BURSTING ONTO the scene in 2005, The Afters have crafted a sound all their own. A big fan since their debut album I Wish We All Could Win, I’ve always felt they were a punk band that left all their punk songs on the cutting room floor but released their softer, pop/rock tracks. That tension still remained and it created something special. Back for their sixth studio album, Fear No More is a welcome antidote in an age steeped in mistrust and social media anxiety. Throughout, the band point listeners back to the unshakable joy of knowing that Christ has overcome the world and shared that great victory with us.
On “I Will Fear No More” lead Joshua Havens sings, “No darkness can overwhelm me/ ‘Cause You have already won.” However, the danger of leaning into this theme is making light of suffering, which is tempered by songs like “Wait” which speaks to our eventual face-to-face reunion with Christ, or the picture of comfort in our current sorrows as on “Forever and Always” as Havens sings, “I wish I could say it’ll be okay/But I don’t have all the answers/I just know He is close to the broken hearted… In silence I will share your hurt.” Needless to say, my fandom continues.
/ DANNY GOKEY RETURNS now a decade on since his debut on American Idol, settling into his most comfortable and confident sound. To borrow a phrase from Gokey, his latest album, Haven’t Seen It Yet, is bursting with hope, making the case to the jaded and downtrodden that “love hasn’t given up on you.” As he sings on the title track, “Good things are coming even when we can’t see/We can’t see it yet, but we believe that/He is moving with a love so deep.” All of it could’ve come off as pat answers, but the truth hits too close to home. On ‘Love God Love People’ he taps into our universal trap of “Getting caught in that rush of doing so much/ I’m
feeling kinda worn out.” It also doesn’t hurt that Gokey’s soaring voice and bombastic pop singles like ’New Day’ are catchy and contagious. But it’s his stripped-down tracks like ‘Wanted’ or ‘Tell Somebody’ that settle on piano and string accompaniment that really stand out. Unfortunately, the album dips in the middle, becoming a muddle of generic pop, which makes it hard to differentiate between a few of the late tracks. Thankfully, it doesn’t last long and Gokey pulls up near the back half to end a mostly strong album on a high note.
/ COMING A LITTLE late to the party, I rediscovered twenty one pilots earlier this year with a chance to experience the enigmatic duo live with my sister, an ardent fan. I had heard some of their hits on secular radio, but it wasn’t until having their cryptic personas and lore explained to me that I fell in love with the artistry and hopeful message of their subtle mythology. Yeah, these guys aren’t just writing songs about a string of exgirlfriends, they’re turning anxiety, darkness, and depression into personified villains for a hero to struggle against. It’s easy to see why they’ve garnered a legion of fans; their authenticity is so transparent you
can’t help but identify with their inner battles. Their latest album, Trench, also exemplifies their myriad of musical genres, everything from pop/rock, alternative, rap, R&B, electronica, stripped-down piano crooning, yet it all ties together to tell a compelling collection of vignettes of pain, searching and self-realization. And while their faith is not necessarily in the spotlight, it’s there working in the background. On top of it all, each song and album, (a total of five now) speaks and whispers to each other, teasing at greater themes and stories with a new piece of the puzzle revealed with each new release.
/ STEVEN SUKKAU works in radio on the prairies of Southern Manitoba.
JULY / AUGUST 2019 SEVEN 33
POWER PLAY
TOYS / TOOLS / TECHNOLOGY FROM HERE TO THERE AND FUN ALONG THE WAY BY SANDY MCMURRAY
FLY FAN
// hammacher.com Cartoon picnics are often spoiled by ants. They march up to the food and carry off whatever they want. In real life, flying insects are a bigger threat. They somehow know that we won’t use a fly swatter at the table or use a can of Raid anywhere near the potato salad. Clearly, we need the Eco Friendly Fly Deterrent—a picnic table fan that shoos away airborne insects. It has 15-inch blades made of lightweight flexible plastic that won’t knock anything over or hurt any hands that make contact by accident. The blades rotate constantly, creating a gentle breeze that pushes would-be pests away from the table. The Eco Friendly Fly Deterrent sells for about $25. Batteries not included.
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HEALTHY CEREAL
// magicspoon.com The folks behind Magic Spoon want to improve on the fun and flavours you remember from Saturday morning breakfast cereal. Instead of corn and sugar bombs, they put the “real” in cereal with products that are high in protein, keto-friendly, non-GMO, and free from gluten, grain, soy, wheat, and artificial ingredients. Magic Spoon has four flavours: Cinnamon, Frosted, Cocoa, and Fruity. It’s childlike cereal for grownups, at a grownup price: each 200g box sells for about $10.
CARDBOARD COOLER
// igloo.com Recool from Igloo is a cooler designed to replace single-use styrofoam containers. It’s strong, watertight, and made from biodegradable materials. Best of all, it doesn’t squeak when you open and close the lid. Recool weighs just 8 ounces but it can hold up to 75 pounds. The lid has a built-in handle and four built-in cup holders. It’s designed to be reusable - just dump out any water and air dry before you put it away. Each Recool sells for about $10.
PHONE FAN
// kikkerland.com iPhone fans, meet the iPhone fan! This handy accessory is perfect for a day at the beach. You can take it for a spin any time, anywhere, without using an app or installing anything. You just plug the fan into the charging port of your iPhone to generate a cool breeze wherever you need it. The iPhone fan sells for about $10.
LIQUID DEATH
// liquiddeath.com Who would be crazy enough to pay for water? Lots of people, it turns out. Bottled water was the most successful mass-market beverage category in 2018, with nearly 14 billion gallons sold. Selling water is big business, and competition is fierce. Marketing, as always, is the key to big sales. It’s not enough to drink clean, filtered water from a tap or a well. You need to buy premium, glacier water, with added vitamins, and pH balanced with electrolytes. In this crowded market, Liquid Death is the extreme sip du jour. It’s sold in tallboy cans that look like energy drinks or craft beer. The message? Skulls are cool but not as cool and refreshing as mountain spring water. MURDER YOUR THIRST with Liquid Death mountain water. A 12-pack of Liquid Death 16.9-ounce tallboys sells for about $25.
WAKE WIPES
// japantrendshop.com Feeling sleepy at the wheel? Need to perk up for work or study? Reach for Wake-Up Face Wipes by Koyo Kasei. Wake Up wipes don’t just clean your face. Each wipe is coated in a compound of menthol and caffeine that will instantly refresh and re-energize you. There’s no way you can doze off when your face is burning with freshness! Each pack of Wake Up wipes has 15 sheets inside. $30 buys you 8 packs. Heed the warning on the package: “For use on face only!”
FISHING ROD
// cyberfishing.com You’ve heard of gadgets and apps that measure when you walk or exercise? Cyberfishing is like that, but for fishing. The Smart Rod Sensor attaches to your rod and gathers all the information you need to make every trip better. Every cast is counted and saved. Every lake and stream is mapped, so you know where the fish are biting. Setup is easy. You just attach the sensor to your rod with the rubber bands provided, then start fishing. The Smart Rod Sensor automatically captures data on the number of casts you make and the surrounding conditions. When you catch a big one, just click one button to save the location. When the day is done, you can review your activity online and share your catches in the Cyberfishing online community. Bring your fishing rod into the 21st century with the Cyberfishing digital sensor. It sells for about $80.
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PLAYDATE
// play.date It’s a bright yellow. It fits in your pocket. It has a weird crank on the side. It looks like a retro Game Boy but it’s something entirely new. Playdate is the latest thing from Panic, a company mostly known for making great Mac and iOS software. The bright colours and bold design are the results of a partnership with Swedish electronics manufacturer Teenage Engineering. And the crank? That’s one of Playdate’s fun and unique features. Some games use the built-in buttons and D-pad but others use the crank as a rotating analog controller. Playdate puts a new spin on how you play. Playdate includes a dozen unique games from talented indie developers like Keita Takahashi, the creator of Katamari Damacy. New games will be released weekly, and each new game will be an event. A light on the Playdate will tell you when the next game is available. Playdate will sell for about $150. All twelve games are included at no extra charge. Playdate ships next year, but you can learn more and pre-order at play.date
LAY DOWN DADDY GAMES
// laydowndaddygames.com I remember Saturday mornings with my Dad when I was a kid. He would lie down on the floor and I would drive toy cars over him. He made vroom vroom noises for a while, and then he made snoring noises. Now that I’m older, I understand this better. After a long week at work, there’s not much energy left over. You just want a nap. Fortunately, there are plenty of fun things you can do with your kids from a nearly-napping position. Lay Down Daddy Games is a handy guide for tired and lazy dads who are looking for fun and rewarding floor-based activities. When you can’t get up you can still tell stories. You can pretend to swim. You can hold on to the leg of the couch and pretend you’re dangling from a cliff. You can lie on your back and describe the shapes of imaginary clouds. And, yes, you can become a winding mountain raceway for a bunch of toy cars. Lay Down Daddy Games is a bargain at $10.
/ SANDY MCMURRAY writes about games, toys, and gadgets at funspot.ca.
NEXT ISSUE
WORK Men often tie up their self-worth in their work. While partly divine design, we’ve also twisted our calling by becoming workaholics, sacrificing family, friends and faith on the altar of getting that promotion. Or seen ourselves become unmoored and lost when our vocation changes or have felt the pain of being fired or laid off. In the next issue of SEVEN, we seek to understand the concept of working heartily for the Lord in the fast-paced, sometimes heartless corporate world of the 21st century.
38 SEVEN MAY / JUNE JULY / AUGUST 2019 2019
NEW FROM KIRK GILES
THE SEASONS OF FATHERHOOD WHY DADS MATTER AT EVERY STAGE OF LIFE
“...an empowering guidebook for men who want to succeed as a dad. Kirk’s sage advice helps fathers recalibrate their thoughts to focus on what matters most. It is inspiring and a book every dad should read more than once.” TERENCE ROLSTON, PRESIDENT OF FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA
“...so helpful and easy to read, every dad should read it. Written from his perspective as both a father and a leader of men, Kirk shares a wealth of wisdom, anecdotes and guidance for dads and grandads. This short book will make a long impression on each one of us who engage with it.” NEIL JOSEPHSON, NATIONAL DIRECTOR OF FAMILYLIFE CANADA
“...a readable, practical manual for dads of all ages and stages. I’d pass this book on to any father I know.” DR. RICK REED, PRESIDENT OF HERITAGE COLLEGE & SEMINARY
ORDER NOW
promisekeepers.ca/fathers
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