The Plumber's Faucet - Frosh Issue 2014

the plumber’s

FAUCET Vol. 31 no. 1 • August 25th, 2014

The Frosherheroes Issue

The Career Hunting Issue

2 the plumber’s FAUCET the plumber’s Masthead Batman (Editor-in-Chief) Faraz Oman Robin (other editing) David Bailey The Super Friends (writers) Aedan Kiernan David Bailey Faraz Oman Ian Richardson Jessika Ferkul Hadi Sayar Luis Pombo Neil DenToom Reid Hadaway Alfred (illustrators) Celestine Hong(Cover) Faraz Oman Disclaimer The Plumber’s Faucet is a Publication of the Engineering Undergraduate Society of McGill University. The opinions expressed in the Faucet are not necessarily those of the EUS nor of any other university body, unless such opinion appears over an authorized signature of a representative of the said body. The Faucet does not print works which are sexist, libelous, racist, homophobic, or violating the copyright laws of Canada. It should be noted that some content is meant to be satirical or humourous in nature.

For general enquiries, contact faucet@mcgilleus.ca.

Complaints The EUS takes complaints very seriously. All complaints should begin with the heading “Official Protest to Content in The Plumber’s Faucet”, and should be sent to vpcomm@mcgilleus.ca, publications.director@mcgilleus.ca, and faucet@ mcgilleus.ca. the plumber’s FAUCET vol. 31 no. 1 Monday, August 25th, 2014 ISSN (print): 1707-7478 ISSN (online): 2291-3513

Letter from the Editor: Whether you are an eager first-year student or a hardened sixth-year alcoholic, welcome to 2014-2015! If you’re new, you’re probably wondering what the deal is with this hastily put-together magazine. What you have in your hands is the Plumber’s Faucet, your dirty neighbourhood engineering humour paper.

The Faucet will be your friend and source of need-to-know information for the next four or five years of your degree (or six or seven, if you’re lucky). You can fail your exams, get dumped by your girl- or boyfriend, or run out of money, but the Faucet will always be there for you.

And you know, the Faucet is kind of a big deal. The only other campus paper that is close to being as funny as ours is the McGill Daily, and readers include Rob Ford, KimJung Un, and your mother. You’re going to be seeing Faucets on the stands every three weeks, and you’re going to find that it’s a much better read than your textbooks.

Now, it’s the new year, and if you are interested in devoting yourself to a greater purpose, you too can be a part of the Faucet! We are always looking for new people, whether they be illustrators, writers, or layout specialists. No experience is needed, believe me.

Just shoot an email to faucet@mcgilleus.ca and we’ll fill you in with everything you need to know!

Also, the Plumber’s Faucet is online! We were about a decade late, but we have an awesome website where you can read old articles and issues. We even have some online-only content. And we don’t even have a pay-wall!

Check out www.plumbersfaucet.ca!

Enjoy Frosh, stay alive, and get ready for McGill – there is a great time to be had here!

- Faraz Oman

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Save the World; Join the Faucet

by Liquid Giggles So, you’re new here, eh? I bet you’re a fresh-faced Froshy, probably worrying about classes and textbooks and meal plans and stuff. Well listen, there are 3 things you need to know right now to survive your first few days: i. Don’t panic about textbooks – take your time to get the best prices. Buy used, even if it means buying old editions. Order international versions if you need to. Only first-years go to the McGill Bookstore, but it doesn’t need to be that way. ii. Boustan, Burrito Shop, Belle Pro, and La Banquise are great drunk food (basically, anything that starts with a “B”). Boustan does delivery of its perfect shawarma until 4 am. iii. You know those condoms in your Frosh bag?

Practice with one on a banana or something, because you don’t want any screw-ups when drop your engineering V-card. Use Faucet-branded condom for best results.

Yes, these are a thing Ok, you got that stuff down, so you should be safe for now. Next, let’s talk about the next 8 months. School is going to keep you busy and rez is going to keep you tipsy. Strike a good balance, and remember that there is no shame in taking a five-year program. But if you really want to make the most of your university experience, then it is really important that you join the Plumber’s Faucet.

What is the Faucet? The Faucet is McGill University’s premier humour paper, and has a rich history of satire, controversy, and vulgarity. We publish every 3 weeks and meet weekly at a bar for meetings. We also

spend a lot of time collaborating with the likes of Will Farrell and Stephen Colbert, because sometimes they run out of material.

The main qualification for joining the Faucet is basic literacy, but even that is optional when it comes to illustrators. Whether you want to write, draw, or do layout, we take anybody, especially if you have a half-decent sense of humour. Absolutely no experience is necessary.

I have compiled a list of the main reasons to join the Faucet: i. Meet new people. The Faucet staff is pretty cool I guess. ii. Meetings are at a bar. This is important for reducing stress. iii. Prevent illiteracy. You won’t be writing much as an engineering student, and literacy is kind of like a penis – if you don’t use it, you lose it. iv. Low time-commitment. Writing an article every few weeks doesn’t take that much time, especially if you’re doing it during class. If you want to do more though, we can get you into layout. v. Sex. Faucet writers are legendary for their sexual prowess, and your name on an article will attract hordes of horny potential playmates to your doorstep. That’s why we developed Faucet condoms. Want to see my Faucet? It’ll make you wet!

And there you have it. Is there anything else I need to tell you to convince you that this isn’t some sort of trap? I swear it isn’t, and that the Faucet has absolutely no ties to the black market organ trade.

If you’re interested, joining the Faucet is easy. All you need to do is email faucet@mcgilleus.ca! You will also see us at EUS Activities Day, and can check out our website at www.plumbersfaucet.ca or our Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/ThePlumbersFaucet!

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A Taste of What is in Store for the Frosherheroes Frosh of Thrones pics by Ali Najmabadi and Wei-Di Chang

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The PPO: Not Your Typical Orchestra

by Jack to the Smoocher and Red Light Do Right

“A charity group with a drinking problem” -Anonymous many of the men and women in engineering who have gotten involved in various charitable and social events, helped McGill Engineering to be all it is, build up school spirit, and attend the ever so popular Blues Pub every Friday night.

Welcome aboard, froshies! You’ve just begun the best 4 years of your life - or 7 if you’re lucky enough to stick around McGill Engineering that long. In your first week, you’ll probably see plenty of people in some form-fitting, vibrant, and stunning superhero outfits.

That’s pretty much exactly how you can identify the members of the Plumbers Philharmonic Orchestra. However, for our superhero outfits, we have a different understanding of “form-fitting, vibrant, and stunning”. By form-fitting, we mean labcoats with all of the buttons undone and two sizes too big. By vibrant, we mean that they were white and colourful at some point before we started having way too much fun. And by stunning, we mean McGill Engineering sexy.

Though these labcoats may look dirty and smell like they could use a good Febrezing, McGill has liked us enough to allow us to continue our shenanigans for nearly fifty years. What started as a somewhat musically talented, hardhat-wearing group of folks cheering at McGill sporting events, has evolved into a slightly less musically-talented group of labcoat-clad, charity-loving, spirit-filled engineering students. Essentially, the members of the PPO are

So, “what’s the story with these labcoats?”, you ask. Each of our labcoats has a tale behind it.

They are easily identifiable by a distinct Immortal Name and colourful attempts at art on the back and all over. These names and drawings are chosen to recognize accomplishments or to help remind everyone of best-forgotten evenings. Our adventures depict who we are and let us share our time at McGill with other great folks. There is many a story behind pretty much everything on the labcoats, so, if you just ask about them, you’re probably in for a good anecdote!

Now, that’s great that there’s this group that likes to play dress-up, but we’re always up to fun stuff. Some of our most memorable philanthropic events are Golden Valentine’s, Loonie Line, Shave to Save, and Rowdy Day. Whether it be serenading loved ones or friends in class on Valentine’s Day (or Rick-rolling them), begging for change at the Roddick Gates, donating all of the profits and funds raised at a Blues Pub, or having our bravest members shave their heads, we can be pretty hard to miss.

On top of the charity events that the PPO runs, you can find us around everything engineering and all over the

place. As much as we have infinite respect and obedience to our mothers, we love to talk to strangers, so come say hi to anyone in a labcoat. Heck, we’ll probably be even better friends if you have free candy you want to share.

(Note: greater or equal friendship opportunities via gifts of free beer).

How do you become a part of the PPO? It’s invite-only we’re afraid, but if you get involved, show engineering leadership, and express an interest in our activities, you might find yourself wearing a lab coat too! There are countless ways to get involved, and chatting with people is a great way to start. No matter what you’re into, there are tons of opportunities with us and everywhere in engineering. You can meet plenty of new people, help out a new charity, run a social event, come to varsity games, sing karaoke, start a new event that could become a tradition, or really just cruise around anywhere having a great time.

Now that you’ve stepped into McGill Engineering as that bright, intelligent, and awesome future engineer you are, we would love to meet you, so come say hi! The whole engineering world is a blast, so saddle up and grab engineering life by the horns!

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The Sordid Tale of Frosh 2.0

by Liquid Giggles It may not look it, but I was once a Froshie just like you.

Back in my day, Frosh cost $45, our leaders wrote profanities on our T-shirts, our songs were dirty enough to offend Seth MacFarlane, and one of our events was to stir up shit at Concordia. Bandit-O-Week, how I miss you…

But I’m not here to harp on tides of change – you froshies are going to get your fair share of debauchery one way or another. I’m here to tell the tale of my Frosh experience. For me, 4 days just wasn’t enough. This was probably because I missed most of it - during Frosh, I would typically black out by 2 pm and get walked back to Rez, fed water, and tucked into bed by concerned friends. I would sleep 18 hours and wake up at 9 am, bright, chipper, and ready for the next day. So by the time Monday rolled around, Frosh was over, and all I had to show for it were a couple blurred memories and my intact virginity. I knew the situation was unacceptable, and there was only one thing that could be done – extend Frosh by another 4 days.

I called all the numbers girls had given me during Frosh and invited everyone on my floor at Rez. The phone numbers didn’t work and everyone at rez was hung-over, so I resolved to do Frosh solo. I put on the remaining shreds of my Frosh shirt, and headed onto the streets of Montreal for the wildest 4 days of my life – RedO-Week.

many teeth and the alley looked pretty lived-in. But I don’t discriminate, so I partied with them anyway.

When some older ones joined them, I had to run back to the dep to get some more Colt 45, and soon we were all having a good time.

I don’t remember too much, but I woke up the next morning when I rolled over onto an old needle. I was butt-naked on a bed of cardboard in the ally, with a sun-pruned woman sleeping beside me, with grey tangled hair and a tattoo that read, “Concordia, Class of ’83” on her left breast. She woke up, and asked for $20 for the night. I gave her the money and walked back to rez with a skip in my step, proud that I had finally lost the V-Card.

Day 2: The Strip Club For my second day, I figured that I would try one of those famous Montreal strip clubs. I knew it wasn’t exactly a traditional Frosh activity, but my mind was filled with dirty thoughts after the adventures of the previous night. And clearly, Montreal was obsessed with sex as well, and there were signs of it everywhere.

Check out the picture I took below – I can’t believe that there are vulgarities like that on almost every doorway in the city!

Day 1: Street Party I knew that to get the party started, I needed to pick up some beers and find a group of people to party with.

On my way to the dep, I came across a group of unwashed dudes with dreadlocks, unkempt facial hair, and old patched clothes. Clearly, they were hip.

They told me I looked like I was looking for a party, and they said they knew of a cool one going down.

We went to the dep, and we agreed that I would buy the first round of Colt-45s.

Their party was in the back alley behind the dep.

At this point I was starting to suspect that they were bums, not hippies, especially since they didn’t have too

Seriously, every doorway.

Such a sex-obsessed city.

the plumber’s FAUCET I went down to St. Cat’s, and went to the club with the brightest lights – MegaSexe. I handed the bouncer $10 cover, paid $10 for coat check (I had no coat, but it was mandatory), $10 for a beer, and $10 for a seat. After enjoying the show for a bit, a beautiful nude woman sat with me and struck up a conversation. Her name was Mercedes, and she had all sorts of compliments for me. I knew she was paid to act nice, but I was convinced that I was in love with her, so I jumped at the opportunity to have a private talk in a separate room.

After a beautiful hour, Mercedes said her shift was up, and said she would see me next time. She left the room, and in came a bouncer, asking me to pay $1700.

He brought me to an ABM and had me take out everything I could. It wasn’t enough though, and he told me he would have to extract payment in the back alley.

As a new university student, I was down for some experimention, but something about his tone told me it wouldn’t be like my last back alley adventure. Luckily, I remembered my dad’s credit card number just in time, and I was able to get out of there.

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I’m not sure if it was the language barrier or my level of drunkenness, but it was really hard to communicate with them.

Eventually, one of them told me in broken English that there was going to be a big warehouse party down at the port, and that I should head out. He gave me a couple pills to get the party started, and told me that the party was at 9876 Rue de la Eille Ti-Cul. I drunkenly made my to the docks, and when I couldn’t find the address, I went to the nearest building I could find. It was the only thing that looked like a warehouse, so I popped the pills and went on in. My instincts were right, because it really felt like a party when I entered the building, though maybe it was just the pills. I do remember entering a dark room and joining the most sordid orgy imaginable.

I woke up a few days later in shipping container filled with dried meat, on a ship headed to Liberia. I don’t know how I got there, but a week on the sea was exactly what I needed to relax.

Day 3: Beach Day After the excitement of the last few days, I figured it was time to relax and relive Beach Day. There aren’t really any beaches in Montreal though, so I brought a 24 and stereo up to Beaver Lake on the Mountain, and hung out in my swim suit. I brought a pack of chips too, because it’s legal to drink in the park if you make it a picnic.

It took a few beers to get into the right mood, but before long I was jamming, and I was soon joined by some other cool park-goers. I enjoyed myself until I was dead tired, and decided to take a nap on the grass.

Five hours later I woke up to find that the party was over, and I was covered in 2nd degree burns on my unprotected skin from the sun. But that’s ok - a cure for cancer is just around the corner.

Day 4: Secret Location

By Day 4, I was dead tired, but still determined to complete RedO-Week, so I headed out to Foufounes Electriques, that weird hipster-gothic-artsy bar on St. Cat’s. I got super drunk, and tried to befriend some of the patrons at the bar. I told them how cool their tattoos looked, and how pretty their nose rings were.

Epilogue It took me about a month to sort my life out after that, and I ended up needing to drop out of first year.

The upside was that I got to do Frosh again the next year, but I managed to screw up then too, and a vicious cycle was formed. But it’s all good, because this year Frosh is going to be better than ever!

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Julius Pleaser

A How-To Guide for Assembling a Toga by: Rocky Mountain Runaway Here at McGill Engineering, we like to honour the Greeks, Romans, and producers of Animal House for one night before the beginning of the school year, and throw a legendary Toga Party. This ongoing tradition is similar to Cinco de Mayo and St. Patrick’s Day, where we dress in culturally insensitive costumes and get highly intoxicated. This guide will show you how to make a badass toga with just a bed sheet that will make you look like a Greek God. I’ve seen people’s toga fall down at the worst moments.

Do you want to be that guy?

thumb is wear as little as you would be comfortable with around your best friend. Then take off some more.

Wrap the bed sheet around at waist-level once, and then bring the sheet around your back and up to the flap from Step 2.

Step 2: Hold that shit.

Ladies, you may want to replace “waist-level” with h, where h = hchest – (willingness to be stared at) cm

Step 4: Tie that shit.

Step 1: Get naked.

You want to wear as little as possible underneath your toga. T-shirt?

Sweatpants? Hell No! The Greeks competed nude at the original Olympic Games and were butt-naked under their toga. Plus, the party is going to be hot. My rule of

Hold a corner of a bed sheet or blanket to your left shoulder, and hold the rest out to your right. Or vice versa if you’re a non-conformist.

Attach the corners together with a knot, safety pin, magnets, super-glue, nails, solder, or 1/8” ANSI screws. The more creative, the better.

Step 3: Wrap that shit.

Step 5: Accessorize.

The Greek nobles embroidered their togas with Pokémon and Disney characters, so creative patterns are encouraged. Sandals, necklaces, crowns, tiaras, (fake) swords, and deodorant are also highly recommended.

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Step 6: TOGA! TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!

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Hunt for the Almighty Internship by: Aedan Kiernan Internships. It’s a word you’ll be hearing a lot about in you next four (or eleven) years at McGill. It will bring joy, stress, and hopefully, if you are lucky, money. These magical sojourns around the working world will be a key to you getting what most go to university for: a job.

Eat, drink, and be merry like the ancient Greeks and Romans. Remember to be responsible - you don’t want to be spending your night with the Porcelain God.

Now at this point, on the precipice of a beer-induced 4-day funfest, internships and jobs will be very far from your little froshie mind—and so they should be!

Have fun. Makes friends. Forget those friends’ names and repeat.

The world is your oyster!

But eventually after you froshies pull yourselves out of bed and grab the Gatorade on Labour Day, school will be on the horizon; then exams, internships, and jobs.

Photos by Ali Najmabadi and Wei-Di Chang

I had finished my first year in engineering and my naïve self assumed that it was guaranteed I’d be making the big bucks at an engineering firm in Australia, spending

my days working, making money, and relaxing on the beaches. I talked to people at conferences and they all said, “I like you! You’ll be hearing from us soon.”

And I did hear from them soon.

They sent emails that all ended the same: “Sorry… we’ll be keeping you in mind for next year.” It can be quite discouraging and at times harsh, but the truth is everyone goes through it and it makes you better as a person. I had about four internships that seemed in the bag.

Unfortunately, it was very holey bag that holds stuff about as good as a science student holds their alcohol.

But I stayed optimistic and now I’m learning how to design mines at a mining software company, unpaid. At first it seemed like a let-down - I wouldn’t be able to buy rounds of shots every night at Gerts or have a driver from Chef on Call on retainer. I thought I had failed, but I was very wrong. I’m learning things most don’t learn in school from people who have been in the industry for years, and I’m having fun while doing so. Next year when the hunt for an internship starts again, I’ll be more than ready to join the workforce.

So have fun and make memories that last lifetimes (or sometimes less than a day) and stay optimistic. Frosh is a great experience that will set the trend for your experience at McGill and the future.

And internships.

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Looking for good a place where you can have fun, drink good beer, and listen to music, all while on campus? Look no further than Blues Pub, held every Friday from 4:00pm-9:00pm in the McConnell Engineering Common Room basement. We have weekly themes, live music, and of course, great prices. There is never a reason to miss out on the Friday festivities, so don't feel blue, and come out to Blues Pub!

A Battle Hymn for Software Engineers

We are, we are, we are, we are the software engineers We can, we can, we can code while we're drunk on rum and beer So come, so come, so come, so come, so come program with us For we don't give a damn for any old man who can't catch a bug like us

by: Hadi Sayar

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Lost In Montreal by: Faraz Oman

Ever had a long night out and realize that you can’t find your way back home? Well if you haven’t, you’re probably doing something wrong. But never fear, for here is a foolproof guide to get you back home safely, or at least back to campus.

There are many places you could end up - NDG, the Village, Mount Royal, Old Port, or even Laval. Regardless of where you are, just make sure you know the important streets: St. Denis, St. Laurent and Cresent. St. Denis and St. Laurent are east of campus, and there you will find many bars and clubs. It will be your home on late Friday nights (after Blues Pub) and probably also during frosh.

In the west is Cresent. There are some things around this area that may be worth mentioning, but the only thing that really matters here is Boustan. Boustan is open every day until 4 AM, and they deliver. It’s the best shawarma in Montreal, and it won’t make a hole in your wallet.

Now that you know the areas you will most likely wind up late at night, you have to make it back to campus. First, make sure you know where North is, usually where Mont Royal is. If you are on St. Laurent or St. Denis, face North, turn left and keep walking West.

Don’t make the mistake of walking East, as fewer and fewer speak English when you go that way. Walk West until you hit University Street, and you should be able to figure it out from there. If you are starting from the West, repeat the same steps, except walking East.

It is possible that these instructions are too simple, and that you will pass north of the mountain or end up in Quebec city. If you find yourself in this situation, take out your phone and get directions from Google Maps, like you should have done in the first place.

If you follow these steps and keep this map with you, you will be bound to get home. Or again, at least to school so you can make it for the next day of Frosh.

N O T

N O T

T O

T O

S C A L E

S C A L E

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OAP

“The Best Place on Earth”

by Red Light Do Right on internships to spend on drinks. Then there are the other friends who spent all their dollars hopping between resorts and clubs who are counting on you to buy all the rounds. Either way, there are always good stories, hugs, and handshakes to catch up on, and OAP is where you want to be.

If you’re brand new to McGill and haven’t experienced Open Air Pub yet, here’s fair warning that your entire move-in and settling-in schedule are about to change drastically. You think you need to buy groceries? OAP has all the BBQ’d burgers and hotdogs you could ask for. You need to do a beer run? OAP’s always stocked with cold ones. You want to pick up new speakers for your place? Guaranteed you can hear OAP’s music from there. Need some extra toilet paper?

OAP even has fully loaded outhouses now. So no excuses will be accepted. OAP awaits.

If you’re coming back to McGill after the long hot summer, you should be fully aware of all this, and there’s tons of catching up to do. By “catching up”, we’re not talking about a final exam three-months-in-three-days cram session, but more the reuniting with those good ol’ McGill buds who were scattered around the world for way too long. You get to hang out with all those ladies and gents coming back from making huge dollars

To inspire you or to refresh your memory, from August 25th to 29th and September 2nd to 5th, we’re talking about packing Three Bares Park on Lower Field with everything you want out of summer. For these two weeks, you can cruise in, park yourself in a lawn chair, enjoy burgers and ice cold beer, and listen to hours of great live music from many fellow McGillians each night. And you’re certainly not going to be the only one looking to spend your day there, so you’re guaranteed to be in good company!

What you’ll see at OAP this year also didn’t quite just OAPpear out of thin air. OAP has been running since the 80’s and has grown significantly to what it is now. The EUS has been at the helm for years and everything you’ll see is run 100% by engineering and “friengineering” volunteers from all across campus. In the Fall, every penny (nickel) of the profits goes directly to the EUS to support everything we do, like design teams, engineering trips, EngGames, design competitions, and so much more.

Also, at the end of the Winter semester’s final exams, you can always look forward to the Lite at the end

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pus.

• “More beer! More beer, more beer, more beer…!”

-- When you hear the servers singing, feel free to be convinced.

• Drink water too -- The more you drink, the more you can drink.

• Like OAP on Facebook -- Facebook.com/OpenAirPub has all the OAP news and hype to get you ready for an awesome two weeks.

of the tunnel. OAP Lite happens in late April, where we bring back all the goodness of OAP for two days to celebrate the year and say farewell for a few months.

All the proceeds for those two days are donated to the President’s Choice Children’s Charity, and OAP Lite has raised $70,000 in just the last 4 years. So, when you come to OAP, you aren’t only helping yourself have a great time, you’re giving back to your faculty and to charity too.

So now, what else should you know about OAP? Well, there’s really no way of doing it wrong, but here are a few ways to make your OAP experience as great as it can be: • Get there early and go for lunch -- The Park opens at noon and runs until 9:00pm, so grab lunch early and stay all day. Camping out to be first in line is always a good time too.

• Bring your McGill & government ID -- As much as the rest of campus is pretty nice, you want to get into Three Bares.

• Bring your friends and neighbours -- You probably won’t have to drag them kicking and screaming; OAP’s a great place to go with your pals or make new ones.

• Rock some OAP swag -- We have special deals for OAP T-shirts, sunglasses, and more, so pick up yours early and look amazing in your OAPparel all week.

• Visit the sponsors -- They help make OAP possible and usually have special deals for you.

• Enjoy the music -- The bands are great and you’ll probably run into a lot of these incredible local McGill musicians around Engineering and across cam-

• Join the ‘OAP - Volunteers’ Facebook group -- You think the public side is great, but the other side is a blast too. Join the group and find out about all the opportunities to help make OAP happen.

• Entertain yourself with some OAPuns -- Because it’s always OAPpropriate to OAPretend you’re an OAPoet and OAProduce OAPerfect OAPuns from OAPening until you OAPack up and OAPass out on your OAPillow in your OAPartment. You’ll have our OAPerpetual OAPproval. OAPeace!

• Take pictures -- you’ll love the nostalgia when you look back four OAP’s later, trust us.

Now that you know everything you need to, do make sure to free your schedule and take advantage of this wonderful OAPportunity. By the way, OAP is widely known as ‘The Best Place on Earth’, so we can’t wait to let you experience it all firsthand. Enjoy!

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Surprise Interview with the EUS President interviewd by: I Guana Lay Más Pipeline

doesn’t really matter. I don’t want to get in trouble for this.

IGLMP: What is your stance on the Oxford Comma?

For the most recent issue of The Plumber’s Ledger, which is like the Faucet except “serious”, I interviewed EUS President Robert Forestell. Unbeknownst to him, a series of these questions were on the silly side of the spectrum. Here are a few of the silly questions and President Forestell’s reactions to them.

IGLMP: Pick two current or past EUS executives to be your parents.

RF: I would say David Bailey, last year’s MAME President. He’s a very knowledgeable guy and a great guy to work with, and gave me tons of motivation to work. The cheesy goto would be that any one of the EUS execs would make great parents except for, you know... *awkward silence* I think humour is a good trait so, you know what? I’m going to pick you. I think you would make a great father. Or mother depending on what role you want to assume.

RF: My stance on the Oxford Comma? Oh, I think it’s an absolute necessity. I read somewhere a few years (and by a few I mean a few hundred years) ago that someone got killed because someone forgot to put a comma somewhere. I am actually a dedicated user of the Oxford Comma, it just makes sense. I was trying to work in a joke but it’s really hard to do so when talking.

IGLMP: Worry not, we did not elect you to be comedian of Engineering! So an iguana walks into the EUS Office on the first day of classes, what does he apologize for?

RF: He apologizes for... This is tough, I’m usually good with these things... I’m struggling Oh! he probably apologizes for being an iguana. I didn’t know iguanas could talk. Was the door closed?

Did he knock? We have an open door policy, so that shouldn’t be an issue.

I think that’s an absurd question and I dismiss it due to its absurdity.

IGLMP: Fair enough, what song best describes your work ethic and why is it #selfie?

RF: You know what? I listened to that song for the first time down in the Southern US and everyone went crazy about it, I didn’t understand what was going on until I listened to the lyrics.

a great band to work to. 15 Step is a good song and how I start my days sometimes - it gets me going.

IGLMP: What is your most favourite McGill administrative division, and your least?

RF: I would say the Athletics Department is my favorite because they put on such a great job with intramural sports and the gym and all athletics facilities, where I have spent a great deal of my time at McGill. I would say all divisions are important. You can’t just dismiss the Ombudsman, for example, or any of the other divisions.

In terms of least I do not have any so far. I’ll get back to you at the end of the year!

IGLMP: If you were to get rid of one engineering class you had to take at McGill, why would it be FACC 100?

RF: FACC 100? It wasn’t so bad when I went through it - they brought very good workshops and professionals. Last year they started to have equity workshops, which I think is really great and something that I hope continues. As long as they keep making FACC 100 valuable to engineering students I think it’s a good course. In terms of another course... I was going to say COMP 208, but I heard they took FORTRAN out and they are going to make it more relevant so it’s not a problem anymore.

For more serious discussion of his plans for the EUS and tips for first years, check the article in the most Actually yes, I would like to clarrecent issue of The Plumber’s LedI’m going to throw a flag out there ify when I said father or mother it and say Radiohead because they are ger!

I prefer the term gender-neutral parent...

the plumber’s FAUCET

15

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16 the plumber’s FAUCET

Where and When Use Your Powers

to

Not all superheroes are omniscient, and even the rowdiest of superheroes need to be in the right place at the right time if they are going to save the night.

When

T H U R

F R I D A Y

S A T U R D A Y

S U N

Where

What Hard Hat Challenge, BBQ, and Beer

5

pm-

9

pm

10

pm-

3

am

Secret Location

11

am

Breakfast

OAP

Design Competition

OAP

9

am-

11 1

am-

pm-

10

1pm

9

pm-

pm

Montreal Crawl

Lower Field Leave

from the

Roddick

Gates

Montreal’s Finest Drinking Establishments

3

am

Olympia

1004 St-Catherine East

8

am-

9

am

Bus Loading for Beach Day

Ask Your Frosh Leaders

9

am-

6

pm

Beach Day

Beach Club

8

pm-

10

10

pm-

pm

sunrise

8am - 7 7

pm

- 2

pm

am

Pre-Drink

Ask

your

Leaders

Toga Party

Ask

your

Leaders

SSMU Day

Pepsi Forum and Mount Royal

SSMU Concert

Terasse Bonsecours