The Rolling in the New Year Issue

the plumber’s vol. 44 no.4 • Wednesday, Feb 3, 2010

Rolling in the New Year

Plumber’s Masthead Editor-in-Chief Daniel Keresteci Layout & Copy Editor Edward Jerjian Writers Allan Cyril Pat Diez Derek Kozak William Farrell Grey Kingsley Andrew Komar Ed Trudeau Photographer Ali Najmabadi

Special Thanks Copi-EUS E-Week Committee

Letter from the Editor The first council meeting of the EUS produced one of the most heated debates of the year as council voted to impeach Wahaj Aslam as VP Academic of the EUS. Wahaj had previously issued a letter of resignation to his fellow EUS executives on January 6th and members of council on January 13th . However his resignation was not accepted by the EUS executive.

Wahaj decided to leave the EUS after accepting an internship in Calgary over the winter break. None of the EUS executives had any knowledge of his desire to leave prior to receiving his letter of resignation.

Unbeknownst to them, Wahaj had been interviewing for internships since September. Due to his disregard for the responsibilities of the position the executives chose to submit a motion to formally impeach Wahaj at council.

Wahaj is the third EUS executive to leave their post this academic year, VP External Courtney Lessard and VP Admin Alexandru BratianuBadea resigned in September due to personal reasons.

At council, VP Communications Pat Diez supported impeachment because Wahaj had shown little respect for his fellow executives by not informing them of his search for an internship. In doing so the remaining executives were handcuffed with the difficult and time consuming task of finding a replacement in the early weeks of the semester.

His performance as VP Academic was also referenced. VP Diez accused Wahaj of being uncooperative to his fellow executives and President Doyle went so far as to call him sexist. Medina Saidova, President of the Mining Engineering Undergraduate Society, defended Wahaj, saying his performance was adequate and should not be considered grounds for his impeachment. She also described the rhetoric of VP Diez and President Doyle as personal attacks towards Mr. Aslam.

The motion, which required a 2/3rd’s majority to be accepted, passed with 22 in favour, 6 against Afterwards the new VP Academic Jonathan Lipsitz was accepted by council. Jonathan was chosen through a process similar to the EUS’s special selection committee though not in accordance with the by-laws.

Along with the motion to approve Jonathan as a VP, it was moved that the EUS by-laws that were contravened by the executive be waived retroactively given the extraordinary circumstances present.

The process, which normally takes about 3-4 weeks was completed only 14 days after Wajah Aslam submitted his letter of resignation. The executive felt it was necessary take such a course of action due to the urgent demands of the VP Academic portfolio and the additional time required to train a new executive.

In short, the EUS executives worked swiftly to resolve a problem forced upon them days after returning from winter break. The reputation of Wahaj Aslam has been permanently tarnished and a clear precedent has been established by council for the expectations of executives.

Questions & Comments faucet@mcgilleus.ca the plumber’s FAUCET

Daniel Keresteci, Editor-in-Chief

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Bus Trip to Nowhere

by Allan Cyril

Engineering is a distinct faculty in every university. Usually the leaders on campus - the ones who get things going – you know, the people who bring the spirit to a university. Then there are the enemies of engineering: Luddites.

Our enemies oppose our technology; call us sexists and try to over-politicize the university campus. In doing so they hinder our progress and impede the logical promotion of our school’s absolute supremacy.

This is the story of a few brave engineering pioneers who set out to explore the vast country called Canada in search of a possible homeland in the case that the Luddites ever force us from the Engineering complex. A last resort no doubt, but a viable contingency if it ever came to it.

The engineers, not knowing the perils of the outside world, set off on their Bus Trip to Nowhere. And the outside world, not knowing the perils of the engineers, were ready to receive them.

Our destination was the Knowlton Pub in Knowlton, Quebec; a picturesque small town in the Eastern Township region. I had the privilege of entering the bar first wearing my ceremonial garb. The locals all seemed intrigued by this strange ‘darker’ fellow with an oddly offensive lab coat walking in to their bar. To my delight the new land was very rich in beautiful locals.

Seeing that the nearly ten locals were not a threat I summoned the hundred engineers to storm the bar.

It was a horrific scene of yelling and chanting and within 5 minutes the bar had run out of pitchers. In another 2 we had depleted their supply of half pitchers and after an additional 3 minutes there were no more glasses.

They were defeated.

Shortly thereafter, in what we believe was an attempt to make peace,

one of their most beautiful women took hold of a member of our expedition and proceeded to drag him onto the empty dance floor. She performed a beautiful dance around this young shell shocked man who had obviously not seen a woman in the past 3 years, as it was his third year of engineering. The rest of the engineers were amazed. “We have arrived in the promised land!” exclaimed one of the exuberant youth.

Over the course of the night, a few stowaway Concordia Engineers taught us their game of slap cup. Great fun was had by all who enjoyed it. As the

evening progressed, we were realizing that this was where we belonged. A man outside gave one of my companions a lighter as a gift.

Knowlton, my fellow engineers, is a delightful small town with an abundant supply of lumber and fresh water. The area has fertile soil for which to raise our cattle and grow our crops. There are ample deposits of schist and phyllite to be mined. We were ready to breed with the friendly and attractive locals.

But before our party could set up an initial settlement, the bus driver got pissed and we had to leave.

Pat gets friendly with the local cougars, maybe a little too friendly...

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What the Fuck Are We Learning in Electrical?

by Pat Diez

What do partial differential equations, C++ programming, and the insides of a computer have in common? Answer: none of these will be seen by future graduates of the electrical engineering undergraduate programme at McGill.

Granted, partial differential equations such as the heat and wave equations are planned to be moved into MATH 264 (Advanced Calculus), but it’s this reporter’s honest opinion that ad-cal is already packed as it is. As for C++, given that it and C (which is a subset of the C++ programming language) combined are the most popular current programming languages, based on TIOBE Software’s latest statistics, why are we learning Java? (and poorly at that – ask anyone who has taken COMP 202). Some would argue that electrical engineering students don’t need to understand the assembly of your basic desktop PC – why? Because that’s for technicians. Really? Let’s see how smart our electrical engineers look when they’ve taken their first job and don’t know how to repair their own office computer, needing to ask their subordinates instead.

For those of you who are wondering, no, it’s been too long since I received my PDEs grade from Prof. Roth for it to be changed. I will say, though, that he teaches one mean course. Having passed it, I feel as though it was almost an initiation into three-hundred-level courses at McGill. It is notoriously tough, but also equally educational. Moreover, it’s worth noting that Maxwell’s equations (you know, those four equations that everything to do with electro­magnetics are based on?) are in fact partial differential equations.

But no, don’t worry Faculty, we’ll get on just fine without a proper

Lorne M. Trottier Building: DOTA Headquaters

education in the bases of electrical engineering.

Sure, Java is useful, but it has yet to become industry-standard for programming. C provides a better grounding in the basics of computer engineering, and C++ is far more extensible than Java as an objectoriented language. What electrical engineering undergraduate students need is consistent, repeated exposure to a useful programming language, not a one-time course that pussy computer science profs make too easy to pass. What’s really ironic is that COMP 208, the course taught to every other engineering student isn’t Java, but instead C and FORTRAN, two arguably far more engineeringfriendly languages. Why not unify these courses and create a C-and-MATLAB course that all engineers could benefit from? Well, AFAIK, the only reason is that the engineering faculty can’t get off its big, lazy, fat ass and do what’s best for its students, leaving the job instead to comp-sci.

Finally, if you’re an electrical or computer engineering student reading this article, I’d ask you this: have you ever built your own

computer from parts? Would you know how to diagnose a problem with a computer if it didn’t turn on? As I previously mentioned, knowledge of a computer’s workings aren’t essential, but boy shouldn’t we feel dumb knowing how to use a computer without how knowing how to build one. Isn’t that what engineering is all about? Thankfully, the EUS is trying (desperately) to start a club (called ‘Reboot’) in which students rebuild computers that were pegged to be thrown out, into working machines for either a) University reuse, or b) the less fortunate. Not only will this programme provide undergrads a small portion of the technical knowledge they so desperately need for industry, but also improve the sustainability of McGill. But that’s enough plugging Reboot.

The point here is that McGill is whittling away at the usefulness of its engineering graduates by dumbing down their courses. What we need is a concise, difficult education that prepares us properly for our work ahead, not a minimalist course-load that meets industry’s demand for engineers.

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Google Stands Up to Communism!

by Andrew Komar

I love Google, I’ll say that unhesitatingly and unambiguously.

Without Google, I would have no Reader in which to read the 100s of blogs that I regularly follow, no Gmail to consolidate my half dozen regularly utilized email accounts, no Picassa to host my thousands of travel photos, no programs to bring the entire world and sky into my very own home, or the translation software that makes my slow (but sure) learning of French possible. I would be permanently lost without Google Maps, and their transitfriendly software has saved me hundreds of dollars that would have been otherwise spent on cabs. Not to mention the ubiquity and utility of its search function, which is synonymous with web searching.

Their 20% time has brought us untold web innovations, all in the quest of giving their employees unparalleled freedom with their time.

Their business benefits are the best in any industry, and if there was a spot for a civil engineer at Google, I’d fight tooth and nail for the opportunity . Hell, their corporate manifesto is even elegant: “Don’t be Evil”. They’ve single-handedly revolutionized the internet, and are the forbearers of the next generation of the web (namely, Google Wave).

Most importantly, unlike most evil corporations, they are run by harmless, friendly and approachable nerds (Bill Gates being a very, very harmful nerd).

Some have accused Google of selling out to do business with China, which was true, to a certain extent.

However, Google has begun to revise their policy on that Human-Rights ignoring cash cow, as the result of attacks targeted at Chinese free-

Translation: Glorious children of the revolution, believe not the word of Google, they are the pawns of western imperialists! speech advocates through the Google infrastructure. The company can no longer ignore its implicit role in the censorship of information through its all-reaching internet presence, and has decided to discontinue censoring its web results in China. Like its reaction to the utility and freedom of Twitter, they will most likely have to shut down Google in China or reform, and given Google’s importance in the modern day and age, this could be as harmful as destroying one’s factories or roadways.

I welcome this step, because Google has stood up for freedom of information.

I believe in freedom of information. Ideas should have the ability to stand on their own, and there shouldn’t be a need to profit

from this. I use Linux for this reason, because the Open-Source movement embraces these ideals. Google has made money (shit tons, to be sure) by making information (in this case, advertisements) available to people that would potentially be interested in it. It makes the most popular websites (and if you Google ”Prose Encounters” , see what you get ) come to the top, and its guiding principle is “Don’t Be Evil”. The corporate world has much to learn: instead of closing down avenues by restricting people to proprietary stuff, Google encourages collaboration, sharing, and the transfer of knowledge.

And I, for one, Welcome our New Nerd Overlords. Google is the future, and we are in the hands of benevolent, joyful nerds from California.

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The Trouble With Gert’s

Article by Grey Kingsley Photo by Ali Najmabadi

Maybe some of you have been to Gert’s, maybe not. I started going on a somewhat regular basis last semester. Now, for some reason, SSMU wants to spend $100,000 on completely renovating the whole place (See: Great Gert’s Challenge).

In my humble opinion, it would take way way less money to make Gert’s way, way better. They have a really nice space as it is, and with a few minor changes, it’d be a pretty bitchin’ bar. For one thing, Monday was Jazz Night. Kudos to Austin Tufts and his band (who have yet to decide on a name). They were actually a really good jazz band, I should know, I was in the jazz band in high school. LOL. To go along with the relaxing jazz, they offered $5.00 Bombay Sapphire or Grey Goose martinis.

A good deal right? It is, trust me.

You might not all drink martinis, but conventionally, they’re garnished with an olive or a twist. This is not the case at Gert’s. If they didn’t break the glass by dumping in all the ice from the shaker, and they didn’t run out olives (which I suspect they never had in the first place), then they might have a pretty decent drink. Alas such is not to be at Gert’s.

It’s not all bad though. I counted tonight, and they had eleven (11) types of beer on tap! not to mention their selection of bottled brews that I didn’t even look at. Where else can you go and find 11 fucking beers on tap? Nowhere, that’s where.

Okay, the rest of the stuff they fucked up on is pretty much all aesthetic. For one thing, they had these ridiculous dance club lights going while the jazz band played. Now don’t get me wrong, when I’m rolling in the club, I love the crazy lights, but when it’s a mellow jazz scene, it really just doesn’t match. Also, when

Jason engages in some unwanted touching at Gert’s Bar

they served the martinis, one of them was in a broken glass.

For another thing, all the TVs were on. Now normally, I wouldn’t mind if they were showing sports or something. Sometimes they even show the artist and song name of the currently playing song. Not tonight.

All they had tonight was “no artist/ track name information available”.

It’s not that it was overly distracting having this floating around all night, but fuck, if you’re not going to display anything useful then turn the fucking screens off! I mean for fuck’s sake!

Save some damn power!

Also, they had a sad bunch of balloons hanging from the ceiling, half of which were deflated or popped. I deflated one of them. And a disco ball. Really guys? A disco ball?

Don’t worry, I also have complaints about the management.

First, Monday is live jazz night, every week. Did any of you know that? I thought not. That’s because they don’t advertise to their biggest market: McGill students! I mean the first time I saw an ad for Gerts was

when they started pushing “The Great Gert’s Challenge”.

Second, of all the bars we went to during E-Week (you were there during E-Week, weren’t you?)

Gert’s was the most difficult to deal with. At every other bar, having one manager sign the contract was entirely sufficient. At Gert’s, four (4!) signatures are required to validate a contract. As of today, they’ve had more than a month to sign a contract for an event that happened two weeks ago. We still don’t have a contract from our own campus bar? I hate to say it again, but what the fuck?

In the end though it’s all okay because they have delicious finger food. However you didn’t know that did you? They’ve had fried calamari, chicken fingers, onion rings, french fries and cheese sticks on their menu since October 2008. Of course you didn’t because they don’t advertise themselves at all.

Gert’s has so much potential to be a great campus bar but a lack of attention to detail limited its ability to succeed.

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Avatar Fraud: New Age Occult Symbolism

by Edward Jerjian

Avatara, a Sanskrit word meaning “decent,” refers to a Hindu belief whereby the personality of a Supreme Being incarnates into an image or manifestation.

James Cameron’s movie Avatar ripped-off the spiritual context from which his ideas were derived – laden with occult symbolism aimed at subliminal hijacking our consciousness. As a spiritualist myself, you can guarantee that the rest of this article is written for YOUR benefit and understanding.

The movie Avatar is about YOU. If you pay close attention to the primary motif of the movie, the revelation of a new world order is what the planet Pandora offers YOU in IMAX 3D for the price of $16.50. In Ancient Greek mythology, Pandora is a female persona molded out of earth who “sends up beautiful seductive gifts.” Avatar makes a specific allusion to Greek mythology, as Pandora is associated with her close aspect Gaea – or more commonly known to us as Mother Earth. Pandora allegedly opens a jar releasing seductive pleasures, much like the Earth provides humanity with the fruits of her own labors as well as a plethora of various bizarre plants and animals for us to admire on Discovery Channel HD. At $491,767,005, Avatar’s boxoffice sales just surpassed that of The Matrix ($460,279,000), demonstrating that “science and spirituality” is a theme captivating to audiences. It is said in that when yogis meditate on the crown of the head – the sahasrar chakra, a bright violet color and a sense of detachment from illusion is experienced. When yogis meditate on the space between the eyebrows – the ajna chakra, a tugging tunneling sensation draws them to the indigo color and they experience mind-full intuition. If you will notice, the primary

Lord Vishnu ehibits striking similarities to Jake in Avatar.

hues of the film are violet and indigo, which also reflects Cameron’s chosen color of The Na’vi People. Avatar also plays upon the effigy of avatara Lord Krishna, the 40th incarnation of Vishnu – described as a blue Supreme Being who exhibits mastery over the allpervading essence of all other beings, sustaining and governing them with consciousness. The Na’vi remind us of our own ability to connect physically and spiritually with the Universe, which includes plants, animals and the Earth.

Neo in The Matrix, and Jake in Avatar, acquire their powers in a new world through plug-and-play technology much like that which is available in our own body. Our nervous system – the spine, brain and nerves – operates electrochemically. The purpose of our pineal gland, a unique pea-sized calcite deposit situated in the brain’s centre, is to regulate melatonin and hormonal changes affecting the modulation

of waking and sleeping patterns – inducing lucid dreaming and LSD-like experiences. Calcite is a carbonate mineral, crystalline in nature – meaning it has distinct piezoelectric properties that allow it to act as an antenna – transmitting and receiving airborne electromagnetic impulses. As evidenced in the film, the physical connection that Eywa provides between the Na’vi on Pandora is essentially an allusion to the little known fact that our pineal gland, or “third-eye,” allows us to interact with the electromagnetic world that composes life on Earth.

The inherently Hermetic and occult undertones in Avatar, illustrate that humanity is not the machine mongering enemy they are portrayed as in the film.

The gifts of Pandora can be accessible to humans in the very same way, through a more intuitive knowledge of how electromagnetism and spirituality are intertwined.

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A Tale of Two E-Weeks

by William Farrell Photos by Ali Najmabadi Prologue It was the best of times it was the worst of times. For one week every year, a handful of brave souls choose to endeavor on the noblest of quests: running over thirty events over a period of eight days from approximately 10 in the morning until 3 in the morning. They are trying times, indeed; some will not make it.

Those who do surely have some sort of insatiable apatite for masochism. But E-Week did happen, oh did it ever happen! It swept through Engineering like a tornado through a trailer park, and likewise marked its path with chaos and destruction. For E-Week this year was a triumphant return to the spirit and fervor of times past, the likes of which we have not seen since before the current graduating class had entered the hallowed halls of McConnell Engineering. Even though participation was at its highest level in recent institutional memory, no one was at everything, so allow me to summarize the glory that was Gladiator Flip CUp at PJ O’Hara’s E-Week!

Day I: Friday, Jan. 8 The air was still and cool on a clear January afternoon. It was the inagural Blues Pub of the semester- a time for men and women to reunite after an underwhelming winter retreat. It was a time of peace, a time of tranquilitybut it would not last. For we were on the eve of an epic confrontation.

Friends and brothers (and sisters) who so recently frolicked in the snow were to become mortal enemies, bound by loyalty to their respective departments. No longer did Electrical provide software to Mechanical, Mechanical provide HVAC to Civil, Civil provide structures for Mining, and Mining... well... I guess they do something.

The battle flags were painted.

Civil’s adorned by a well-endowed centaur, Electrical’s by Zeus’ fist and lightning bolt, Chem’s by a battle shield and swords, and Mech’s by a lot of paint and glitter. They were to be carried to the first event: Yards of Ale. Civil and Mech were the only departments able to complete the task without spillage penalties, but that’s besides the point. The battle was fierce; the fatigue had not yet set in.

Day II: Saturday, Jan. 9

The soldiers ate a great feast of french fries, cheese curds, and gravy before making their way to the convoy. They travelled many leagues across Québec terrain and came across a village in the middle of nowhere. The locals called it “Knowlton.” It was the most engineers we have seen on such a raid in many years: almost one hundred, in fact. The number had indeed tripled since the previous year and they were most prepared to answer their call to duty. They left in victory and those who survived made the long treck back to their home island by the time the merchants began preparing their markets for the day’s commerce.

Chariot Races on the broomball rink on lower field. Here, ExCSESS pulls ahead of Mechanical and Mining to claim victory!

Day III: Sunday, Jan. 10 The legion was weary. Not a couch was left unused in the Common Room, and some we stacked with two or three bodies deep. They awoke the next morning... or perhaps early afternoon, and sought nourishment.

The soliders nursed their wounds as they played video games, ate tacos, and watched Office Space. They were to set up camp in the Common Room that night. A long week lay ahead.

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lagers, one for each direction. As hard as Mech, Electrical, and Civil tried though, they were no match for Mining, who blew away the competition!

Day VI: Wed., Jan. 13

Weary soldiers take rest in McConnell basement.

Day IV: Monday, Jan. 11 Day V: Tuesday, Jan. 12 After a hearty breakfast supplied by CARE, the engineers were set to continue the competitions. A mighty battle was had as Helots from each department chugged PC Colas while racing up the elevators. Unfortunately, not everyone was able to keep their stomach contents in the proper place. As the dust settled, Chemical emerged victorious!

The strategic skill of each department was then tested in the classic game of Risk. Only Electrical, Civil, and Mech had the courage to compete, and all fought valiantly.

However after some time, Civil eliminated Mech, but Electrical was soon to force Civil into a surrender.

At sunset the soldiers marched on to Boite á Karaoke in great numbers.

The night grew strange as these brave men and women sought membership amongst the elite few known as the “Century Club.” Many proved their worth and were thusly admitted.

Right: The winning Pub Crawl team from Electrical, Computer and Software who arrived 45 minutes ahead of the competition. Seriously it was no big deal we’re just kind of awesome that’s all.

Top Right: Helots engage in gladiatorial combat

Again, they feasted. This time on sausages cooked by POWE. The engineers were then to continue their gluttony as they determined to see who could eat the most macaroni and cheese in the shortest period of time. The departmental Helots were then to compete in a test of wit and intellegence. The Chem Helot again proved his worth!

That night the soldiers marched to McKibbins where they would again confront one another. Boat Races were to be held with two twelve ounce

Each group was to prepare its chariot this morning. Mechanical, Electrical, and Mining took up the challenge and spent the afternoon fabricating their vessels. From Chemical Blues Pub the soldiers made their way to the icy battle field of McConnell Arena.

While watching the Redmen destroy the Concordia Bumblebees they took to the ice. Each department’s Helot dragged a classmate across the ice on an innertube in a test of coordination and speed. Civil was the victor. The engineers had been fighting hard though and had grown weary. Few were to make it to the final destination at Peel Pub.

10 the plumber’s FAUCET Day VII: Thurs., Jan. 14 This day was to be a day of utter madness. Many men and women took part in the 3-Man Competition, to be followed immediately by the Improvisation Competition. Several men drew ridicule as they sought the laughter of their peers, and more importantly- the judges. Following this was the fourth Helot Task, this time testing agility. Each one attempted to prove his agility and footwork in the classic game of Dance Dance Revolution. Mechanical proved to be the most agile. This was soon followed by Civil Blues Pub at which point the legions were preparing for their next outing: Pub Crawl! Seven scores of engineers journeyed into the city, chasing clues, drinks, and food from destination to destination. At the tenth and final destination they rested and rejoiced. Yet although every team gave its all, only Electrical The helots compete in elevator races in McConnell, chugging cokes on each floor. was victorious!

Day VIII: Friday, Jan. 15

Embracing teamwork is never easy, especially with the Shotski.

The final day. Many had longed for it and many had dred it. The engineers were weary from their many battles and nights of debauchery. First the Helots competed in their final encounter. In an “American Gladiators” inspired event, each man stood on his ice cream bucket as he fought to dismount his opponent with a PVC stiffened pool noodle.

Again, Mechanical proved its strength and stability in this task. The engineers then raced their chariots they had built two days prior. Mining’s had failed at the starting line and Mech’s had failed at the first turn, allowing Electrical to emerge victorious.

Mechanical Blues Pub would be the final one of E-Week. Grateful for the return of the full-length time the engineers became merry. They brought their cheer to the last event: a toga party at Gert’s with the Faculty of Education students! Everyone donned their formal toga wear for this prestigious occasion.

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And the winners are...

Boat races at McKibbin’s between ExCSESS & Civil Engineering.

Epilogue

As dawn approached, a great calm had infected the room. E-Week was over.

It was a long and glorious trip, and something we are all proud to have lived through. The results of the competition were announced the following Friday and were decreed to be:

1st Place: Mechanical (7,775) 2nd Place: Civil (4,440) 3rd Place: Electrical, Computer, & Software (4,184) 4th Place: Mining & Materials (3,756) 5th Place: Chemical (1,200)

Cheery end to the festivities, Zeus praise the organisers!

In all seriousness though, I’d like to thank everyone who came out to participate in this great tradition! The score was based in part on the competitions and in part on participation. Many people put a lot of effort into attending many events and encouraging their friends and classmates to do the same. It is for this reason that for the first time in recent history, the current E-Week has had greater participation than the previous one! We sold out two buses, sold out the Pub Crawl, and filled basically every place we went to! Thank you for coming out, and I hope you had as much fun as I did! I hope to see even more of you next year!

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Western Alienation

by Andrew Komar

I would like to begin by beating my chest and prefacing all that I say with the disclaimer that I am indeed a Canadian. Born and raised in Calgary, Alberta, I’ve hardly even left this fine country of ours. Speaking from this western perspective, it will not come as a surprise that I am not the biggest fan of Toronto. Why is that?

There are really only two types of Canadians: Torontonian sympathizers, and the Torontonian Haters. The GTA, (or “T-dot” for you assholes), contains about 7 million people, out of a possible 34 million Canadians. That’s one in five Canadians, for you math-tards.

And what’s not to love? It is arguabley the most multicultural city in North America, boasting a huge ethnic sociocultural landscape. It boasts such classic neighbourhoods like ‘Cabbage Town’ and the distillery district, offering the cutting edge of bo-urb-hemian living.

It has the financial districts, the tech districts, manufacturing, malls, factories, football, soccer, hockey, baseball, basketball teams and all that shit. Fine, whatever. So Toronto has lots of stuff. Big. Fucking. Deal.

See, this is my primary beef with Toronto, is that they fall into the 'centre of the universe' thinking.

I get the distinct impression from Torontonians that they feel, given the Centrality of Central Canada, that they serve as the cultural flag-bearers for the rest of Canada. Not so much that Torontonians are better than other Canadians, but that the Canadian

Identity is somewhat derivative from Toronto. When we describe where we are from to foreigners, it is always in relation to Toronto.

It's not just cultural hegemony, this Toronto-centric thinking infuses our political and financial landscapes as well. Speaking from my experience with elections out west, no mainstream politicians care about the west, besides the conservatives, and as a result, an inordanite amount of time and attention is paid to that 20% of Canadians that fall into the Southern Ontario voting bloc. A third of all ridings are contained out west, and two thirds of the ridings are not involved in the Ontario area whatsoever. And yet, there is a view within Canadian politics that you cannot do anything without Toronto.

When you include the effects that the latest economic downturn has had on Southern Ontario's economy, they have a newfound status as a 'havenot' province. Granted, they are still paying more then they get out of it, but by the voodoo magic of that formula, they have been regulated to a relatively minor player in the Canadian Economy.

Like the NEP of years past, Toronto benefits from western resource dollars while conveniently ignoring where it comes from, marginalizing our place on the national stage.

All I'd like is some hubris from Toronto, and a recognition that they are one of many players in our mosaic, instead of the centerpiece. Oh, and the Leafs suck.

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Engineering Game 2010: Shitshow

by Ed Trudeau

One of the most epic engineering event to take place annually are the Engineering Games (Jeux de Génie).

Delegations from every university in Québec meet and compete in a variety of activities. This year’s edition took place in Québec City from the 3rd to the 7th of January. This article will try to summarize the proceedings, however it will in no way be thorough as several parts have been erased from my memory.

Coincidentally, those parts are probably of such a nature that they would have been censured out by the EUS. How convenient!

The delegation met at 7:00 am on Sunday at the Milton Gates to get on the bus and embark on a (un) memorable experience. I must mention that everything happened in French, and that for the duration of the game I forgot English. Thanks to crafty binoculars, we were able to watch various species of birds, which made the ride more fun. Our first stop was Trois-Rivières, where we rehydrated and met the other delegations, I don’t remember much of this. Before we knew it, we were on our way to Québec City and our hotel, the majestic Hilton. Then the came introductory games, designed to introduce delegations to each others, but not many McGillians attended.

Dinner that night was fantastic, as it consisted of an all-you-can-eat buffet. Let’s just say it was plundered

by Vikings, literally, as the Sherbrooke delegation was dressed so. On our side we were Mexican wrestlers, with masks and all. We proceeded to club O-Zone for the opening party. Every delegation put on a show or presented a video.

The most intense was Concordia’s rendition of “I’m On a Boat” with real-life mermaid and T-Pain. It was so good the Poly girls took their panties off and threw them on stage. Later we broke the stage.

Then the Dégrise started. “Dégrises” are parties held every night at the hotel and organized by a couple of delegations.

They each have a theme, that night was “Fish Tank”. The parties last until you drop (or 6am, at which time breakfast is served) and pretty much anything flies. “No Pants Zone” for example, or finding Jacob passed out on the toilet.

He even made the “Potins” (news and rumors people write during the Dégrise and publish the next day).

Now this is where it gets intense: between 6h00 and 8h00 you have to wake

up for the days activity, meaning you get about 0 hours of sleep. Thankfully the breakfast is very good and people sing outrageous songs on the bus rides.

Activities took place at Université Laval (the host). Monday was academic competitions in the morning followed by Génie en Herbes, improvisation or oral debates in the afternoon. McGill didn’t do too bad though I think the “supplies” we brought for the day impaired our brains. The judges mentioned we were one of the most fun delegation. After dinner (and more brewed liquids), we went to watch the improvisations. McGill did much better there, placing 3rd. The cycle then went on with another Dégrise (Legends) and even more outrageous shenanigans.

Tuesday was sports day. I played water-polo with an all-star team and

managed to lose my bathing suit on the bus there. We tied our last game after prolongation, so came second after counting total goals for. Our broomball team won, all games being shutouts.

There was some streaking on the ice.

Other teams did well, all finishing in the top five. At this point I should have gone back to O-Zone for the “Régions vs Montréal” party, but my entire room decided to nap for what was to be the sickest (in more ways than one) Dégrise (Bal en Blanc). Someone found a cabinet full of toilet paper which were thrown all around the party. The hotel was not happy with bits of paper all over the room, or the state of the bathrooms that night.

On the final day was the machine competition, the summon of the games.

The challenge this year was to remove objects from a network of pipes using a robot and building a water turbine.

McGill did fairly well.

Everything ended with a superb banquet where awards were given. There was wine, and porto, and champagne, and I’d lost at beer basketball beforehand.

Shit went down, like my pants. I don’t remember much about the last Dégrise, but some guys went to the pool at 6am.

No one will ever know how I got back from the 19th to the 8th floor of the hotel. The next morning we had to clean up the war-zone our room had become and get to Montréal and reality. Some of us delayed that, but that’s for another story.

It’s hard to accurately describe how intense everything was, but it is the most extreme test I have ever been through.

Everything was incredibly fun, the people, the activities, the experiences.

If intense is your thing, I suggest you do the games next year and contact the McGill organisers. McGill finished 4th overall, next year we want a podium position.

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the plumber’s FAUCET

Sports Review ... but you can call it a RANT

by Derek Kozak

Welcome to the Plumber’s Faucet’s new Sports Section/Article. I have B a s e b a l l a lot of opinions about the sporting world which I love yelling at people, so I decided “why not do it over the Faucet?” and here I am. This article’s going to recap some happenings in the sports world from my point of view.

Fo ot b a l l The New England Patriots were great a couple years ago; I’ll give them that much credit. But those of you who still love going on about how they’re still the best team around can go fuck off because lately they are slightly above average. Let’s take the past two seasons as examples: In 08-09 they didn’t even make the playoffs; instead the Miami Dolphins beat them out to win the division. That would be the Miami team that had a rookie coach, no set quarterback, and somehow pulled off the wildcat offense on every team in the league (wildcat is an offensive style based mainly on trick plays).

In 09-10 they managed to come back and win the division; however that was after a regular season which saw them lose again to the fucking Dolphins due to Bill Belichick’s ridiculous quest to convert as many 4th and longs as possible. Despite making the playoffs though they got dismantled by Joe Flacco and the Baltimore Ravens (if you

don’t know who Flacco is then you just proved my point). Also in the playoffs they were outlasted by the Jets, which means that a team which can’t even afford to have their own stadium can still make it further in the playoffs than the Pats.

Judging from the last two seasons it’s pretty obvious that they are no longer a great team. Instead they’re just another football team with a prettyboy quarterback. So given this new information I am kindly asking all you Patriots fans to get your heads out of your asses and realize that the Pats aren’t the team they once were. And just as a final piece of evidence I’d like to point out that the Colts and Vikings have had better records and the Steelers, Titans, and Chargers had the same record over the past two years as the Patriots.

PS: New England fans should learn those teams well because I know most of you will be jumping on their bandwagon soon enough once the Pats start to suck again.

This time I’d actually like to be semiserious. Congratulations to Andre “Hawk” Dawson for being inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame after 9 years on the ballot. Hawk was originally drafted by the Montreal Expos when they were in their prime and he played 11 seasons with Nos Amours including his 1977 rookie season when he earned the National League’s Rookie of the Year Award.

In addition to a stellar career in Montreal he also excelled as a Cub in Chicago. He was so good in Chicago in fact that despite his team finishing last place in the 1987 season he still won the MVP (his Hall of Fame Cubs team mate Ryne Sandberg called it the most unbelievable thing he’d seen in baseball). He also won 8 Gold Gloves, 4 Silver Sluggers, and 8 All-Star game nods in his 21 year MLB career.

So at this point it isn’t so much a matter of congratulating him for getting in after waiting for so long, I think it’s more a question of why the fuck did it take so long?!? He was undoubtedly one of the best players of the 80’s and 90’s but since he wasn’t as outspoken or well known as Ricky Henderson or Hank Aaron (both of whom by the way did not receive their deserving 100%

the plumber’s FAUCET election approval for some ridiculous reason) he had to spend 9 years in limbo waiting for the inevitable call to the hall. Did the voters not believe his stats when they saw them and decide they weren’t real, or was it because nobody actually saw him because he played the majority of his days in Montreal and no media would ever travel here? No matter what the reason for the wait I’d like to say to the Hawk that even though the moronic BBWAA (Baseball Writers Association of America) took so long to elect you in, you’re a first ballot Hall of Famer in every Montreal baseball fans eyes.

So again, Congratulations Hawk and fuck the BBWAA of taking so long to figure out how good you actually were.

H o c key I really don’t have anything to say about the NHL concerning the play of the game; however I do have something to say about the ridiculous amount of alternate jerseys (if you call them vintage jerseys then go fuck yourself because there is no way that Florida or Tampa Bay has anything vintage) that are popping up throughout the league. The three jerseys that I’d like to focus on are the alternate Senators, Lightning, and Panthers jerseys.

If you haven’t seen the Senators or Lightning jerseys then you aren’t missing much, it’s a plain looking jersey that says either “SENS” or “BOLTS”. Fuck that, the only writing on the jerseys should be the name of the city or the full name of the team. If you like the fucking nickname so damn much then change your name to it like the Ducks did.

Also I can’t believe people are paid to design those jerseys, the unoriginal bastards couldn’t even come up with a new logo of a lightning bolt, instead they just decided to put a retarded

nickname on the front... Morons!

The Panthers jersey pisses me off too because they changed the fucking color scheme. You can’t make a blue and black jersey when your colors are orange and red. Once again it’s nowhere near original seeing as it’s a blatant rip off of the Penguins throwback jerseys.

The point is that NHL teams should just stop getting alternate jerseys. Maybe if you stop wearing them the unoriginal dumbasses will lose their job and we can get back to the regular, good looking jerseys.

B a s ke t b a l l Like most of the readers of this fine piece of media, the basketball I watch is confined to whenever it’s on in a bar which I’m proceeding to get shitfaced in.

Now for most of you that may not be a problem, but I like to listen to the commentators as well as watch the game which doesn’t happen in a bar unless somebody accidentally leans on the remote and un-mutes the TV. So this section is going to be less about the actual sport and more about my drunken observations of muted Toronto Raptors games.

Observation 1: Chris Bosh, the Raptors’ all-time leading scorer, actually kind of looks like a Raptor.

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Maybe it’s a sign that it was meant to be or maybe it’s just alcohol getting to me, either way I have come to two conclusions: either Bosh is the next step in evolution making our humanity doomed to athletic predator-basketball players (i.e. Space Jam coming to life), or somewhere in Georgia there is a Jurassic Park-like place where they breed human-dinosaur hybrids. If these options seem farfetched to you then go watch a game when you’re drunk in a bar and it’ll all make sense.

Observation 2: The Raptors are white. Three of the five starters for the Raptors are white, and what’s even weirder is that none of them are actually from North America. For the only Canadian team in the association I feel that if they’re going to have white players they should at least be Canadian, not Italian and Spanish. So here’s my recommendation to the Raptors’ executives: start drafting Canadians and get more humandinosaur people. They’ll be the meanest team around and even if they don’t win the championship they’ll still take it anyway.

Observation 3: NBA teams change more than any other sports league.

Within recent memory numerous teams have moved or been added to the NBA, examples include the New Orleans Hornets (formerly Charlotte), Oklahoma City Thunder (formerly Seattle), Memphis Grizzlies (formerly Vancouver), and the Charlotte Bobcats (expansion the year after the Hornets moved... I’m still trying to figure that one out). However despite teams moving for greener fields, I’m talking more about how players change teams. I love basketball and used to watch every game I could, until about a year ago when all my friends lost cable TV. Apparently in that year almost every player in the league got traded or signed somewhere else... it’s ridiculous.