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weeK I aSKea a friend about the pink sashes ha ng off the trees on Prince Arthur, between St. Urbain and ne-Mance. I learned that November was breast ca month. Gave me something to think about. This week a lot of people will be sporting white ribbon their chests. And while it's difficult at this time of year ink of anything besides reports and projects and exams, this for a moment: In 1998, there were 402 cases of Innrton rape on the 476 campuses across the United States ( always, it proved far easier to find numbers on a nation 0 sessed with statistics). Ten years after Marc Lepine savagely rifled it onto ou lective consciousness, the ugly scepter of violence towa men still hangs over our heads. Ten years ago Lepine m ered fourteen female engineering students at Ecol 'nl\l+~chnique because, well, because they were women. lous pattern of thoughts and beliefs that probably led pine into committing such brutality would be funny if 路r consequences were not so very tragic. How does
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hthers because of nothing more than their gender (or r b~liefs or (:olour for that matter)? Who does that? Sadly, At the University of Massachusetts, Tuesday night ies' Night. I don't call it that because the girls get free dri the bars there. As I write this, every Tuesday for the nth a woman has been attacked, sometimes in broad d ht, on campus. Two rapes, two assaults. Tomorrow is T ay. As far as McGill is concerned I can't give you numbe ut I wish I had the words to describe the sheer terror on ce of a friend of mine who .was assaulted here. Maybe attacker would read it and be confronted by the pain that he's caused. Maybe he'd never do such a thing again. I guess what I'm trying to say is that ten years of awa ess raiSing campaigns have done a lot, but not enough. So you pick up your white ribbon this week, take a mom think about the statement you make when wearing it. it'll be that violence against women is not acceptable. You express it differently. However you put it though, ma statement an integral part of who you are so that when you hts turn back to exams and holidays, and once yo Istopped wearing your ribbon, you'll still carry the message u wherever you go. Even when you're not wearing it, peop II see the white ribbon in your actions, your attitude and s. And when they ask you about it, tell them that Irnnn+h is white ribbon month.
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Dear Faucet:
Dear Faucet:
There's about three minutes left in my exam and I don't know the answer to question 4c. Any ideas? I just need a number to write in the answer box. - Not Graduating Soon
I'm really depressed. What with exams 'and the WTO and everything. I don't know if I can cope. Life's just really hard right now. I need some cheer. Do you have any? - Stressed in Seattle
We say: Don't worry. The WTO talks broke down and exams don't matter 'cause employers don't just look at your grades (blatant lie - Ed). Treat yourself, buy some ice cream, and then call Dr. Frasier Crane.
Dear Not Graduating Soon,
Dear Faucet:
Marilyn Manson says: God is a number you cannot count on, You are posthuman and hardwired.
This is brutal. Cancel my subscription. - Dissatisfied Reader
~~
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Dear Dissatisfied Reader,
We say: 2 root 5
Godsmack reply: And I wonder day to day I don't like you anyway I don't need your shit today You're pathetic in your own way I feel for you Better fuckin' go away.
Dear Faucet: We can't decide where to go for the holidays. We know we wanna go somewhere warm but we also want to try something different. Can you suggest a suitable destination? - Loki & Bartleby
We reply: We'll do it as soon as you graduate. Consider it a parting gift. For now you'll have to suffer with the rest of us.
Dear Loki & Bartleby,
Dear Stressed,
Carcass suggest: Let's go to hell, I've sold my soul, So when my body goes cold, I'll go straight to hell, C'mon
Fiona Apple says: When it costs too much to love, And I went crazy again today Looking for a strand to climb Looking for a little hope, Baby said he couldn't stay, Wouldn't put his lips to mine, And a fail to kiss is a fail to cope.
We suggest: Tahiti
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Answering your questions next time: Pikschu, Elmo, Saddam Hussein & that really annoying person in your class.
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Like everyone else , the Plumber's Faucet has unfortunately been struck by a svere ase of Millennial Madness. The reason: we have absolutely no idea what the hell is going to appen and frankly , we 're quite terrified. The world might come to an end, then again, it might not. Arnold Schwarzenegger might win an Oscar, sanity might reign over government education policies , pigs might Iy, the Facuet editors might get over their crack addiction. Som of them might even finally graduate . Maybe . So you see our dilemma e're sat here promising ourselves that for the first time in our lives we'll actually stick to our New Year's Resolutions hen we suddenly realise that their might not even be a new year. To prepare for the possibility that the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse decide to ride 'em in at the end of the month , the Faucet editors have decided to make the most of the time we have left on this world. That's right , we're gonna party , erm , like it's 1999, we guess. 're gonna eat , drink and be merry, It's gonna be one endless (until it ends) rave and we'll be on every drug known to man. N e 'll 1,8ve sex e i 0h teen times a
day and nineteen times a night. OUf only hope is that you , yes you dear reader, will have the opportunity to enjoy half the fun e'll be having. Because then e'll have had twice as much un as you. And oh yeah , if you nna join us , we'll be partying in Newfoundland 'cause we 'll be ble to party for half an hour longer than the bozos in the rest of Canada. HAPPY HOLIDAYS . The Plumber's Faucet is a satirical monthly published by the EUS . The opinions printed here do not in any ay express the opinions of the EUS . Satan . Un Secretary General Kofi Anan . the WTO , the couple ho are always kissing in the McConnell lobby. Ben Benj amin. us. or anybody for that matter . Some opinions might belong to the voices in our head . but we're not ompletely sure. If you have an y idea whose opinions are expressed in this rag , please. drop us a line : THE PLUMBER'S FAUCET 480 UNIVERSITY STREET IRON RING ROOM (ROOM 7) MONTREAL , QUEBEC H3A 2K6 T: 514 -398-4 396 F: 514-398-5044 e: faucet@care-a-Iot.zzn.com
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IROOMIALL ITARTS JANUARY SOMETBING [ASK A SPORTS REP]
>Fwd[>Fwd[>Fwd: Stop forwarding me all your crap]]] ... And then we From the 'Crazy shit that shows up in our mailbox' Department Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases: poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the travelling freak show. Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give $1000 to you and everyone you send "his" email to? How stupid are you? Ooooh, lookyhere! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy model in the magazine! What a bunch of bullshit. So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail fprwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5 AD and was brought to North America by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of 짜"orld Records for longest chain letter. If you 're going to forward something, at least make sure it's mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity. THE THREE BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTER: Chain Letter Type 1 As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends. Friends: A friend is someone who is always
at your side, A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, And your breath smells like you've been eating catfood, A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a hat full of assholes, A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself, ' A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your sad, sad life, A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious dogs, A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the cheque and leaves and doesn't speak much English ... no, sorry that's the cleaning lady, A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true. Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again. Chain Letter Type 2 Send This to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter. Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter. Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life. Send this to 10-20 people : 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house. Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!! Chain Letter Type 3 Hello and thank you for reading this, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send
this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder-if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!! Chain Letter Type 4 Hi there!!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many sad ricks with nothing better to do. So this is how it works: Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like: Bizarre Horror Story #1 Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewal~, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poop, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!! Bizarre Horror Story #2 Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You Too!!! Remember, you could end up just like Pin.sley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay. The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shag less or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years and who can only be saved by the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this mail. Otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right? Now forward this to everyone you know, otheTWise you'll find all your knickers missing tomorrow morning.
got this: On the given day, in the given month of the given year, at the stroke of the given hour, in the stone catacombs of a forgotten city, an event took place that forever changed the nights into days and the days into nights. It tripped over a stair and slammed Its forehead onto the pavement. It was drunk. It slowly unstuck It's bloody head from the spit-stained concrete and stood up. It tried to pull little pieces of gravel from the wound on It's head, but that was futile since for every one It pulled out It pushed four more further in. ... No. Better yet, It saw a movie - wait a minute - read a book that changed Its life. Actually, It saw a billboard that read "TODAY'S THE DAY", but no ... well, what does it matter anyway? The event is given. Who or what is IT? That question is irrelevant to our purposes ... you know what? Whatever you want It to be: he, she, this, that. It's given too. All of a sudden, it turned out that the world didn't begin until the setting of the sun. The last rays of light weren't a cosmic coincidence, they were a verf definite call for all of nature to awaken. The world died every day and was reincarnated by some unfathomably significant moment, albeit a broken one, and for the first time It was allowed to be a witness to Life as it was never witnessed before. All of a sudden, life was death, and death was life. All of the events of the day: the movement, the babble, the drama, the hugging, the kissing, the love, the hatred, the awakenings. All of them were more dead than all of the rotting carcasses in all of the graveyards in history. Only when everything
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Did Ash say that or did Marilyn Manson? Pikachu & 'I are going to generate a little excitement.
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Do it, Pikachu! Agility now!
I don't like the drugs but the drugs like me.
2000 copies of this issue. ColIect 'em all!
/
I knew George Bush was a lizard! The stuff below was taken offDavid Icke's website. Ifyou ask us, the guy's a kook. Amazingly enough though, he actually has lots of followers. We imagine they're all people who watched too muych of the 'V'series!
There are many things to know about the Millennium to understand what is really going on. Firstly it is only happening at this point because of the Gregorian calendar introduced by the Illuminati via the Vatican in October, 1582. It is a ridiculous measurement of what we call "time" with it's 31 day months, 30 day months, and 28 days .. 29 every four years. It is like throwing all of your clothes in a wardrobe and pressing your bum against the door to bang it shut. Everything is in there, but it's a bloody mess. So it is with the Gregorian calendar. But, then, it is not there to efficiently measure " time", it was created to hit key solar cycles and astrological sequences which the Illuminati-reptilians planned to use to advance their agenda. The Millennium is a classic example of this. The Illuminati have always focused on the power of the Sun. After all the Sun is 99% of the mass of the solar system - it IS the solar system. When it changes, we change. They know the effect on human thought and emotions when, for instance, the Sun cycles reach their peak and massively powerful solar energy is projected at the Earth. At it's most pow-
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so: What a coincidence that the Illuminati-created Gregorian calendar should be orchestrated to hit the peak of a massive Sun cycle PRECISELY at the point of the false millennium - January 2000. This has been done for a specific reason - more than one - and that includes the way this powerful solar energy will prime human consciousness to be more likely to react to events in the desired fashion. In January 1997 there were 19 significant emissions of energy; Sun spot activity; which affected the Earth field. This cycle has been climbing ever since and will hit it's peak at the Millennium and the immediate months afterwards with 160 solar "strikes" on the Earth. The whole scenario was planned centuries ago because the reptilians, operating from the lower fourth dimension, and indeed whatever force controls them, have a very different version of "time" than we have, hence they can see and plan down the three-dimensional "time"-line in a way that those in three-dimensional form cannot. You not be surprised to learn, therefore, that an enormous network of
Illuminati rituals are planned all over the world at the turn of the Millennium, especially at the Giza pyramids in Egypt where a stream of Illuminati names will attend, including George Bush. The Giza ritual, which will cost some $9 .5 million, will attract 50,000 people, it is estimated, and will be broadcast to 60 countries. The centre of the ritual will be a golden capstone placed on top of the Great Pyramid which will emit golden light. They are not putting this in our face are they? This, of course, relates to the Illuminati symbolism which spans the ages of the pyramid with the capstone missing; the very symbol you find on the dollar bill. The pyramid and all seeing eye - the shining capstone and eye which represents the force which controls the world. Remember that the consciousness of the entire planet will be focused on time .. Gregorian-Illuminati time on the night of December 31 st-January 1st. If the Illuminati can lock into this cons;ciousness focussed on their version of time, their playing field, they can affect that consciousness in many ways, not Least flicking it off the time-frame it is currently tuned to and causing enormous confusion and chaos. I am sure there is a plan to
change the human mind's relationship to "time" in some way and if you know any more about this or you know of other Illuminati ritual plans around the world, please let this website know and we will post them. Contact us here privatetexas@planetall.com Also, I would ask people to contemplate on what they can best do to bring in light at the Millennium. Weare not here to battle with the Illuminati or fight them, we are here to bring in light to this troubled dimension and therefore raise it's consciousness to beyond that of the Illuminati frequency range. The Illuminati wish to keep us in low vibrational ignorance, therefore control, and we are here to infuse high vibrational energy and break the vibrational stranglehold humanity has been imprisoned by for thousands of years. I am planning to be in Egypt at the time of the Millennium with the Zulu shaman, Credo Mutwa, and others and you can be there with us, too.
2000
Will my Ford product work? lRegarding our products , our intensive investigation has progressed no the point that we can confirm that the Year 2000 will not impac !the performance of your vehicles , or any other Ford 'Motor Com pany products for industrial or marine applications, The microproces sors involved with the performance of your vehicles do not use cal endar-related functions and , therefore , will not be affected by the so called "Year 2000 Bug",
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'Trader Dick' creates chemistry between officials; charges up negotiations SEATTLE- This past week, the wily fox that is the World Trading Organisation put its tail between its legs and scurried out of this northwestern city as external protests and internal disputes collapsed the trade talks. Overshadowed and generally unreported on though was a major deal that promises to have profound effects on life here at McGill. Negotiators for the departments of Electrical and Chemical Engineering at McGill finally reached agreement at 6am this morning (4pm last Thursday in Newfoundland) on ending their long running trade dispute. The deal will end the department of Chemical Engineering's monopoly on female engineers in return for similar concessions with regards to men by Electrical Engineering and a promise to ban its students from wearing flannel and bragging loudly about the fabulous high-paying jobs they're being offered. Officials from both sides, looking haggard after marathon overnight talks, described the events as 'historic', 'fantastic', 'wicked'; 'kickass' and 'pretty cool'. Upon learning of the deal, Trade Minister Pierre Pettigrew pumped his fist in the air and then mooned anti-WTO protestors in the streets. His brazen actions were followed by much running as he quickly fled from the scene, only just escaping the clutches of about a hundred pacifists who had vowed to kill him. Back at home, Prime Minister Jean Chretien also commented on the deal but by press time there was still no consensus in the Faucet of-
Electricity ....
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fices as to what it was he actually said. Talks between the two departments were actually close to being broken off after Professor Munz (Chair,ChemEng)tossedhydrochloric acid into the face of Professor Lowther (Chair, Electrical Eng) for insisting that all documents be translated into binary before negotiations could begin . Talks were saved only after McGill Chancellor Richard 'Trader Dick' Pound secretly flew into Seattle armed with cargo load of poutine and locked the teams inside the Microsoft Suite at the Sheraton Hotel. Professor Lowther's agonising pleas to be taken to the hospital were firnil~路\I;.J~t..\~ ~') ~~;\ ..l. ':.J) i.M~路1
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you reach a deall", he bellowed in tion failed to pass when SSMU counresponse. At the end of the talks, cilor Ben Benjamin suddenly realised there were cheese curds hanging that the births of all members of counfrom the ceilings and Professor cil had occurred in contravention to Lowther's eyes rolling around in the the SSMU constitution and the Cacorner somewhere but officials didn't nadian Charter of Rights. "None of let any of it dampen their spirits as us should even exist much less be they announced the good news. sitting here, passing resolutions.", Here at McGill, the two Agri- stated Benjamin before performing culture students we interviewed ritual Hara-Kiri. seemed generally indifferent towards Nevertheless, there is no denews of the deal. The SSMU tried to nying that life at McGill Engineering pass a resolution against the agree- will never be the same. The immediment citing the environmental dam- ate effect: more girls in McConnell, age and labour and human rights fewer obnoxious Electricals, fat abuses that would naturally follow if cheque in the pocket of Dick Pound. students were forced to accept un- The long term result? We'll see. (This fettered trade between departments. arlicle really sucks. Note to self. do In an ironic twist though, the resolu- not print this - Ed) ,
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AW YOU AT BOOKSTORE or maybe it was the Machine Tools Lab. You had reddish hair and orne kind of blue or silver blouse. I had black hair and was maybe wearing a wife-beater or turtleneck caught your eye. You either smiled or turned away. Please call. 10231 OU WERE HANDING OUT surveys about Teledildonics in the EMF lab. I think you're a pervert. e too. Let's do lunch. 90873 OU POURED HYDROCHLORIC acid on my hand after I pinched your bum. I like S&M too. My mgers burn with lust for you. I want to take an acid bath with you. 52096
T YOU at the 'Classroom 2000' lecture, asked you out, took you to dinner and local theater, alked along the riverfront with you, went back to your room, had a drink, made small talk, went to ed with you. Forgot to have sex. Let's give it another try. 12093
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ost your number. Would like you to do my laundry. Call soon. 93090 OU STRIPPED at Blues Pub. I'm into people with pot bellies and no shame. Wanna make out in the cConnelllobby? 40137 ith many, many, many apologies and thanks to the kind folks over at the Brunching teal and pilfer their ideas.
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Mouse Trap Ifyou haven't spent the last month pulling your hair out over projects and reports and demos, we hate you! Just to give you a taste ofwhat it's been like, here's a string offrantic e-mails from last Thursday, less than 24 hours before the Electronic Design mouse project was due. Date: Thu, 2 Dec 199920:45:37 0500 (EST) From: Amir Bar-Dor alpha@ugrad.ece.mcgill.ca To: Shahryar Sheibani ssheib@ugrad.ece.mcgil1.ca Cc: Man Yee Liu <manyee1@ugrad.ece.mcgill.ca>, Wen Jung Chan <jungc@ugrad.ece.mcgill.ca>, William Michael Lavery <lavery@ugrad.ece.mcgill.ca>, Colm Elliott <co1m@ugrad.ece.mcgill.ca>, Yuan Mei Liao felisha@ugrad.ece.mcgill.ca Subject: The project is gone ...
hell with you! you always enjoyed playing with my mind, with my emotions. well, i'm stronger than that. i've grown since we first met! i won't take this shit from you! I'm giving you ten seconds to reconsider, if not, go to hell!
... um, now isn't this a charming development
hi everybody, i'd like you to meet ed-'proj3 .. .i think you can say that we're "attached"...
I WILL SURVIVE! ... ten seconds later... goodbye! it's been fun ... these tears that you see doesn't mean you've won. it means i've grown! ... hours later...
shit, shit, shit, shit.... .. .i was so close to making it out of engineering with my sanity intact and, tonight, on the last day of lectures ...
all the files that I opened today have disappeared. my ED assignment#l, the ed project report .. .if anyone is still at school, can you Date: Fri, 3 Dec 199901:48:50try logging in on a PC (not a unix terminal) and fmd the file ed-'proj2, 0500 (EST) From: William Michael Lavery open it and see if it's the version lavery@ugrad.ece.mcgil1.ca from today at 5pm. (and not the To: Amir Bar-Dor super-old version) the version at 5 abardor@hotmai1.com 'm, ha~ .{!!l31ysis and conc1usio!} at the end... Cc: felisha@ugrad.ece.mcgill.ca, ps: amy can you check what manyeel@ugrad.ece.mcgill.ca, version you have... colm@ugrad.ece.mcgill.ca, somebody help! call me ifthere's ssheib@ugrad.ece.mcgill.ca, any developments good or bad. jungc@ugrad.ece.mcgill.ca Subject: Insanity's contagious .. . Date: Thu, 02 Dec 1999 22:09:06 PST howdee, From: Amir Bar-Dor abardor@hotmail.com Amir, I will have my part of the To: lavery@ugrad.ece.mcgill.ca, report done for you tomorrow felisha@ugrad.ece.mcgill.ca, morning. What is the plan for manyeel@ugrad.ece.mcgill.ca, tomorrow because ... drum role colm@ugrad.ece.mcgill.ca, please... ssheib@ugrad.ece.mcgill.ca, jungc@ugrad.ece.mcgill.ca Subject: now you see it, now you don't THE MOUSE IS WORKING!!!!!! where's ed-'proj2? did you see him? i didn't see him? i think he YIIIIIPPPPPPPPPEEEEEE!!!! !!!! !!!! !!!!! ran away ... bad document, bad document... why do you run away? THAT'S RIGHT, JUST AS I didn't i show you enough love? PROMISED! please come back. ..i didn't mean what i said? i was just under a lot A FULLY FUNCTIONAL of stress? you know, school ending, MOUSE!!! job hunts .. .i didn't mean to take it out on you ... please come back to I haven't hooked it up with the rest the computer. we can all be one of the stuff yet. Does someone happy family, again. remember want to meet up with me tomorrow like the good 01' days. remember and make sure that the mouse now when we were working on that cold works with the patterns and the november night? I looked at the menu. I gotta get some sleep. But screen and you stared back at me, I'll write up a fantastic report it's moments like that, the good tomorrow and we'll hook everytimes that i want you to remember. thing up and tomorrow night... well come back ed-'proj2. tomorrow night we drink like frankly, i'm starting to get a bit fish!! !! upset here. i've opened up my heart, i made myself vulnerable and L8trsk8trs, you still reject me. damn you! to Will
MONGOLIAN LIFESTYLES
I just got back from my trip to Inner Mongolia. The trip was a mixture of great fun and enormous let downs. It all started with a 12-hour train ride from Beijing to Hohhot, Inner Mongolia's largest city. Since we left around 6:00PM, we spent most of our time sleeping. Luckily, I was in a cab with some heavy sleepers so I was able to get a good night's rest. While on the train I was fortunate enough to enjoy modem plumbing in the form of a hole in the floor. Since the matter passing through the hole went straight to the train tracks, we were not able to use the facilities while the train was stationary. Makes sense. When we finally arrived in Hohhot, we were met with temperatures hovering around zero. (I don't even want to imagine how cold it must be in the winter). Since I brought more camping and warm weather gear than anyone else I was warm and toasty while a group o f Italians who had previously laughed at my excessive amount of luggage froze their asses off. The first thing we did was visit the grasslands and experience the "Mongolia lifestyle". The bus ride to the grasslands was yet another experience in Chinese stunt driving. Our driver spent an excessive amount of time in the oncoming traffic's lane, regardless of the size ofthe approaching vehicle. He made Beijing drivers look like timid little grandmothers. When we finally arrived in the grasslands we were greeted by a group of Mongolians on horseback. Two women from the group sang traditional songs and offered us some disgusting clear hard liquor. Only a few "lucky" people were able to taste their offerings. I was fortunate enough to taste this fine elixir not once but multiple times. One of the first things we did when we arrived in the grasslands was to go horseback riding. We were all prepared to ride massive horses like Mongolians did hundreds of years ago. Instead we rode little ponies with tiny saddles that were definitely not deSigned for North American males (and they wondered why I was yelling when the horse started running). After the horse ride we were shown our living quarters. They told us it was the way the Mongolian people used to live. I found it hard to believe that a traditional Mongolian yurt would have cartoon characters on the lining, a concrete foundation and electricity. In the evening we were expected to see traditional dancing
and signing. The event took place in a small dance hall illuminated by neon signs and decorations. Upon witnessing the interior of the dance hall, I was a little unsure as to whether or not we were going to actually hear and see traditional dancing and singing. When the first singer came on stage, the synthesised intro music confirmed my suspicion. Even though the music in the evening was a complete waste of my ear muscles, we were still able to hear some Mongolian music in one of its purest forms. When most ofthe group was taking a nap, a friend met two Mongolian boys. They were very pleasant children and very mature for their age (the youngest of the two boys was the uncle of the older boy) The youngest boy sang a traditional Mongolian song and tried to teach us some simple Mongolian words. It was one of the highlights of the trip. The next day started at 5: 15 in the moming. We woke up early to witness the sunrise across the grasslands. Later in the day we watched horse racing and Mongolian wrestling. The horse race consisted of one horse running full speed, two horses galloping, and another horse slowly walking while crapping all over the place. Hardly what I would call a race. Then it was back to Hohhot. That evening in Hohhot, we went to a block filled with little restaurants as recommended by a cab driver. When we arrived, we were instantly attacked by restaurant owners. While we were walking around trying to chose a ~
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restaurant, a swarm of people followed us to watch our every move. We decided to go to the restaurant that was the loudest and most interesting. For the first 20 minutes in the restaurant a crowd did nothing but stare at us. We drank many, many bottles of beer and ate some fine Kebabs. The next day we took a 4-hour bus trip that took us across the yellow river and into some sand dunes. When we arrived in the desert, it was tank top weather and very peaceful. While we climbed the massive sand dunes we wondered how plants could ever survive in such a barren environment. Twenty minutes later our question was answered. A thunderstorm rolled in, bringing with it fierce winds and massive amounts of water. My roommate and I got very wet. Who would have guessed that it could rain so hard in a dessert? Anyway, that was the end of our trip. We drove back to Hohhot to catch our train to Beijing.
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Boot Camp: Evveek 2000
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