Issue 4 Positive Kids by Positive Kids

WELCOME Hello Welcome to Issue 4 of Positive Kids Magazine. This time we have a special focus on Self Esteem:- an essential ingredient for a child’s well-being I’ve loved getting the articles together. There’s inspirational mums, new tools and techniques to try, fabulous pieces written by young people, two great prizes to win and lots more. Do let me know what you think of this edition and don’t forget to connect with me, other readers and the experts and advertisers via social media. Please share with your family, friends and colleagues too. Positive Wishes Susan Brookes-Morris (Editor) susan@positive-kids.co.ukusan@positive-kids.co.uk www.positive-kids.co.uk Twitter: PositiveKidsUK Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PositiveKidsMagazineandEvents/ Facebook discussion group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/positivekidsuk/

MUM’S INSPIRING IDEA Kids have so much to worry about nowadays, and there’s so much pressure on them to be happy and to not think negatively, but this is hugely unrealistic. We as adults struggle, so how can we expect our children not to. Giving your child a pep talk can be effective at the time but children struggle to retain this feeling and easily forget the message they’ve been told. Because of this, I really wanted to create a physical product so that the message of positivity wasn’t lost as the day went on.

I’m Claire Clements, proud owner and creator of Positive Pants! Positive Pants was launched just a couple of months ago,and has really caught the imagination of both children and adults. The idea came about last year when I was creating a photo-book for my daughter Ellie, which consisted of lots of positive quotes. One of the quotes that I stumbled across was ‘Put on your Positive Pants’ and when I showed it to Ellie she loved it and so did others who said, “I wish I had a pair of those!” And so, Positive Pants was born, I secured the trademark and then spent many an hour searching for underwear on the internet.

Positive Pants started as underwear for children. Each pair has a motif with a positive affirmation, currently ‘I can do it’ unicorns for the girls and ‘I am brave’ dinosaurs for the boys. They also have the ‘Put on your Positive Pants’ logo to reinforce the message. Children can put on their positive pants in the morning to start the day with a positive mindset and keep this with them throughout the day. The great thing about using pants is that it’s a private thing. Other children don’t need to know that they are worried or anxious, and if they forget the positive message, there will be plenty of times during the day to be reminded! The pants act as an anchor which is comparable to your child turning to their favourite cuddly toy or comforter when they need that feeling of security.

As a teenager and in my adult years, I had several health issues, depression included, and have struggled to cope, turning to various forms of counselling and therapies to try to help me through. I really feel that the next generation have much more to deal with, especially with the pressures of social media and it became clear that the starting block for my business would be aimed at children.

PUT ON YOUR POSITIVE PANTS The feedback I’ve received from parents of children who have worn them has made all the hard work worthwhile! It’s helped children to feel more confident in tests, with friendship worries, when missing Mum, going away camping and so much more. One girl put it brilliantly and said, “I feel like a superhero!” Due to the popularity of the concept, I have now also created T-Shirts and Mug sets which are proving popular with adults It’s a great activity to do in groups and I too! It seems that everyone wants to find run parent and child sessions, as well as workshops in schools and community ways to boost their positivity! groups such as Brownies. Alongside, this I also run Positivity Board workshops, which takes the idea of Vision I have big dreams for Positive Pants and hope to have more size options, designs Boards and adapts this for children to allow them space to think about how they and merchandise out, as well as having want to feel or what they want to achieve, my book ‘Putting on Your Positive Pants’ published this Autumn, and of course, and then use their creativity to make a board of visual prompts to enhance this. pants for adults too in time for Christmas!

WIN 50 WAYS TO FEEL HAPPY 50 Ways to Feel Happy is an actionpacked, illustrated book which helps children build happiness skills and develop helpful habits for their daily lives. Aimed at 7-11 year olds (Key Stage 2), this unique book helps children explore what happiness really means and learn habits that science shows makes a difference. It's packed full of feel-good ideas to try with family, friends and on your own, with each activity relating to one of the Ten Keys to Happier Living. Whether the reader feels happy right now and wants to stay that way, or wants practical ideas to feel happier, this book is for them. "Beautifully illustrated book simply bursting with practical and fun activities for children to try. Parents will love engaging with the ideas too!" ~ Sir Anthony Seldon

For a chance to WIN this fabulous activity book simply email: competitions@positivekids.co.uk by 5 August 2018

Put â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;50 Waysâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; in the Subject Line and your name and postal address in the body of the message.

CELEBRATING KIDS DOING POSITIVE THINGS

Sienna, 13, from Doncaster was selected to attend the Making A Difference leadership skills for girls programme run by www.aspirewomen.co.uk

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Sienna said it was the most inspirational day of her life yet, it has given her so much confidence, to be fearless and to believe in yourself no matter what. Sienna also completed her own visionary board which is displayed on her bedroom wall. Here’s one of her journal entries following the event.

Well done to Joel,11, from Manchester. His primary school submitted his mini saga ‘The Giant’ to a Young Writer’s competition. It has been chosen from in excess of 25,000 entries nationwide for inclusion in a book showcasing young writers' work, called Toy Stories Cheshire & Lancashire Tales. The book will be out 31st August 2018.

Don’t forget to send in photos and details of Kids Doing Positive Things, for the next edition. Email: susan@positive-kids.co.uk

SOURCES OF HELP F – Feelings R – Remember to Relax I – I can do it! I can try my best! E – Explore solutions and Coping Step Plans N – Now reward yourself! You have done your best! D – Don’t forget to practice! S – Smile! Stay calm and talk to your support networks.

Hi, I’m Jan Dering and I’m a Friends accredited facilitator. That means that I have the necessary qualifications to perform a Friend’s session anywhere in the world. Pretty cool eh? What on earth is a Friends session I hear you cry? Well it’s a suite of evidence-based, social and emotional skills programmes designed to build lifelong resilience in individuals, families, and communities. The Friends Programmes are endorsed by the World Health Organisation as best practice for the prevention and treatment of anxiety and depression.

The programmes also teach kids to have and respond to: Self-awareness – knowing what we are feeling in the moment. Social awareness – understanding what others are feeling. Self-management – handling our emotions thoughts and behaviours in effective ways. Relationship Skills – establishing and maintaining healthy and rewarding relationships based on cooperation, resistance to inappropriate social pressure, negotiating solutions to conflict and seeking help when needed. Responsible Decision Making – making decisions based on an accurate consideration of all relevant factors and the likely consequences of alternative courses of action.

These Programmes are broken down into four age-appropriate modules: ● Fun FRIENDS (children between 4 and 7 years) ● FRIENDS For Life (children between 8 and 11 years) ● My FRIENDS Youth (for adolescents between 12 and 15 years) ● Adult Resilience (for everyone over 16 years) Sadly I’m only able to deliver Fun Friends, Friends For Life and My Friends Youth, as I’ve not yet received the training for Adult Resilience.

Why are the Friends programmes so important? Well, sadly one in five children and teenagers have an anxiety disorder. This may lead to inhibited personal development, academic underachievement, social isolation, and depression. But this is where the Friends programmes can help, by giving them the tools and support they need to

“FRIENDS” is an acronym used throughout each of the programmes. The acronym itself represents the strategies and skills that individuals can use to effectively manage anxiety:

FRIENDS PROGRAMMES My first-hand experience is working with with a group of children who all had a range of anxiety issues which was affecting their ability to concentrate.

overcome these disorders. Each of the programmes is designed for a group of age ranges with a special needs programme, which is suitable across a wider age range. This is the one I use the most as I work in the special education field. Most of, if not all of, the programme is delivered in play based group activities which also helps the children see that they are not alone with their feelings.

During the first 6 weeks, I started to see small improvements, after this, I had a better understanding of where their issues lay and I was able to better tailor the last 6 weeks to their needs. This last 6 weeks saw the biggest improvement in all the childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s behaviour. So does it work? Yes, it does, but it works even better if the programme is tailored to the childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s needs.

Ah, you say, but does it really work? Yes, it really does, but donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t take my word for it. There is plenty of research to back up claims that these are very effective programmes for children with social and emotional problems.

To find out more see: www.friendsresilience.org

CAREERS Accessing the right careers advice is no easy feat. Young people have been quick to air their frustrations over the provision they have received, knowing that a lack of consistency and support is a significant barrier to their future employment. In a recent survey conducted by King’s College London, less than two-thirds of students in Year 11 said they received careers education and, of those that did, only just over half were satisfied with the careers education they have received. Just as worryingly, research undertaken by WorldSkills UK and The Careers Enterprise Company, identified no less than 56% of young women, aged between 17 and 19, believed that their gender limits their career options. The Government understands that for too long, careers guidance has not been given the status it deserves. In late 2017, it launched its Careers Strategy stating how it would deliver world class careers provision. WorldSkills UK is a key part of this new Careers Strategy. Each November it hosts the UK’s largest skills, apprenticeships and careers event, WorldSkills UK LIVE. Free to attend, the event attracts over 70,000 young people, teachers and parents over three days at the NEC,. With over 100 employers in attendance, across industries including engineering, construction, digital, hospitality and creativity, young people are provided with a unique opportunity to meet with employers and discuss with them the

full range of opportunities within their business. Emily Scott, 19, an apprentice with HS2, attended WorldSkills UK LIVE with her family. She said: “I didn’t really know what I wanted to do and had thought about University. I came across the HS2 stand and took loads of leaflets and information home. I decided to apply for an apprenticeship with them and was lucky enough to be successful.” Returning as an apprentice to WorldSkills UK LIVE the following year, Emily had the important job of speaking to students on the HS2 stand and showing them just where and how far they could go if they applied for an apprenticeship with the organisation. Ethan Davies, 22, was already a CNC Milling apprentice with Electoimpact, when he attended WorldSkills UK Live. He wanted to find out more about the National Finals of the WorldSkills UK Competitions, which are held during the three day event. The Competitions see the UK’s top apprentices and learners battle it out to be named the Champion in their skill. Those who excel in the Finals join the WorldSkills UK International Development and Training Programme

WORLD SKILLS UK knowledge, skill and maturity. I was promoted on my return and now mentor apprentices in Electroimpact”

with the hope of being selected to represent the UK at WorldSkills, known as the ‘Skill Olympics’. This international competition sees 1,000 talented young people, all under the age of 25 from over 75 countries, compete to be named the world’s best in over 50 skills.

Ethan is not alone in his competition success story. A chef who has worked at no less than three Michelin-starred restaurants, a paint technician who is part of the team behind Lewis Hamilton’s Formula One success and a fashion designer who was head hunted to work at Yves Saint Laurent and now runs his own fashion label have two things in common: their success has all been achieved under the age of 30 and they have all won medals with WorldSkills UK. It is this accelerated learning which shows why our apprentices are the role models that our Prime Minister is looking for to showcase the young talent in this county and inspire the next generation of young people at WorldSkills UK LIVE.

Inspired by his visit to LIVE, Ethan entered the WorldSkills UK Competitions and went on to represent the UK in CNC Milling at WorldSkills Abu Dhabi 2017. The team had fantastic success, finishing tenth in the medals table . It was the smallest team to make the global top 10. Ethan said: “Representing your country in the skill that you are passionate about is amazing . You feel like an Olympian. Due to the training I had with WorldSkills UK, I was at least five years ahead of my peers in terms of

WORLD SKILLS UK

WorldSkills UK LIVE 2018 takes place from 15 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 17 November. Book your free place and find out more about WorldSkills UK Competitions at www.worldskillsuk.org

AVOID SUMMER AVOID BRAIN SUMMER DRAIN BRAIN DRAIN Summer brain drain has been a common fear of parents and educators for decades. Research shows that students return to school approximately one month behind academically. Some students lose more of what they’ve learned, and some lose less. There are ways children can use the summer to not only maintain their academic knowledge, but expand it as well. This is the perfect time for them to regain their love of learning and explore what excites them. They can then reflect on what they’ve learned and why it is important. Exercise for the brain is part of a healthy lifestyle, just like with physical exercise. Good exercise routines include training, warm-up stretches, the exercise itself, a strengthening component, and a cool-down stretch. We have a workout plan designed to strengthen your child’s brain this summer!

TRY THIS

As the summer holidays approach, many of us will be looking to go away on holiday or preparing for lots of outdoor playtime with the children. This can be quite an apprehensive time for us as parents, worrying about stings, summer illnesses, a change of routine or travel sickness for instance! There are many natural solutions, particularly in the form of pure essential oils that can help empower us as parents to support our children’s health and well-being. It’s important to look for essential oils that are Certified Pure Therapeutic Grade, such as doTERRA’s essential oils, where the oils are sourced indigenously and rigorously tested for purity, with no filters, chemicals or synthetic materials used. They will be a lot safer and more effective to use. Here are a few tips on how to use these oils during the summer holidays. Diffusing: doTERRA’s essential oils are diffused with a cool mist. The diffuser is safe if it’s knocked over by a child as the water is always cold. Inhaled oils have long been studied for their ability to enhance feelings of relaxation, sleep,

encouragement,excitement,focus, and well-being. Additionally, diffused oils may support a healthier indoor environment. That’s always a bonus when you’ve got a houseful of kids! Topically: Kids’ skin is different from adult skin; it’s thinner and generally more sensitive. It’s important to dilute essential oils in a good carrier oil before applying to children. You’ll still get the same benefits of the essential oil—you’re just adding extra moisture and pampering delicate child skin. doTERRA has a selection of already diluted roller bottles to use with children which makes it so much easier. You can just put them in your swim bag, hand bag or, rucksack and take them with you.

SUMMERTIME OILS Lavender Touch – rub on the back of the neck to help calm a restless child – rub on the skin to lessen the effects of minor skin irritations (stings, bites, cuts, burns) – rub on the bottom of the feet to aid a good night’s sleep Melaleuca Touch – rub on the bottom of the feet before and after swimming or in the mornings to support the immune system – rub over the nails to help fight fungal infections – rub over spots or boils to help draw out infection Digestzen Touch – rub over the tummy to ease the effects of motion sickness and stomach upset – take on a long journey and rub inside the wrists to ease the effects of motion sickness – have on hand when flying or travelling to support the digestive system Breathe Touch - rub over the chest to maintain feelings of clear airways and easy breathing - apply to the chest, back, or bottom of the feet to minimise the effects of seasonal threats - rub on the bottom of the feet to promote a restful sleep Deep Blue Touch - massage the Deep Blue Touch onto growing kids' legs before bedtime - apply on the feet and knees

before and after exercise, or after being out for a long day at a theme park for example

Correct-X – I always have this product on hand during outdoor adventures; it’s great to have something natural and effective, yet gentle and non-irritating, for sensitive young skin. It’s particularly great for grazed knees!

In a world where most of our products for children are full of harmful chemicals and toxins or synthetic materials, it’s so reassuring to have these pure, safe and effective natural solutions at hand. To learn more about doTERRA’s essential oils please contact: Louise Wade www.louisewade.org louisewade.doterra@gmail.com 07957476084

HELPING THEM TO GROW decision and do the best that we can. For one reason and another both my children went to secondary school outside the borough and in opposite directions. This could have been a logistical nightmare for us to manage and there was no grandparenting back up for us.

By Cath Lloyd - Life Change Therapy and Stress Relief Consultancy As a daughter of two professional career parents it was important to them to bring my sister and I up to be as independent and adaptable as possible. Now, as parents of grown up children my sister and I have both adopted the same approach to rearing our children. I see so many children still being collected and delivered from school. At times there is a need for this but at other times is it a necessity? I hear these parents saying, “But I am only protecting my children.” Or, is it a case that they aren’t allowing their children to make their own way in the world so that they can be more forward thinking, more adaptable, more skilled and confident in making good decisions? I believe it is important for them to learn to be able to depend on themselves, the majority of the time. As mother to mother I want to share with you a system I put into place with my children to support this. There’s not always going to be someone there to hold their hand whether it is us as parents, as siblings, as partners or friends. Sometimes things happen, we are thrown into situations where we have to stand on our own two feet, make the

Starting with my oldest daughter I had to think this through long and hard to find a solution to train her to be safe, secure and confident about her journey. I also had to know that she understood how to look after herself and that I had done my utmost to support her. To do this I decided to book a week off work for that first week of term to give us both plenty of time to get used to the new routine and responsibilities. First and foremost what I need to explain is that my daughter was not forced to go to a school outside of the borough. She made that decision. I was nervous and anxious about her doing the journey but she understood what she would have to undergo every day. That she may not have school friends living around the corner and would probably be travelling on her own. She would have to get up early and wouldn’t be home until late. Planning the process and talking through it was an important part of the training we were going to undertake together. Together we researched the buses and highlighted the time tables she would be using. We spent time at the dinner table as a family talking about situations that might arise and what she should do if something untoward happened. We purchased a mobile and saved useful numbers like, home, Mum, Dad, school, Grandma and Auntie Joan and made sure she knew how to use it proficiently. Also to follow the

NURTURING INDEPENDENCE school rules with it being switched off and in her locker during the day but this is the thing, that she remembered to pick it up at the end of the day and turn it on. Monday morning and a new school routine started. She and I left home. My daughter with her bus pass and me with my day pass, we headed for the bus stop as she would do for the next seven years. We travelled the exact bus route and walked the quarter of the mile at the other end to get to school on time, noting the landmarks. I said good bye to her at the school gates and did the return journey with her knowing that I would meet her at the school gates at the end of the day.

odd occasion did we have to go out and collect them due to a lost bus pass and no money. One frantic occasion my daughter didn’t arrive home and there was no response on her mobile. I got so frantic I was nearly at the bus station with a photo in my hand scouring the streets. At the last moment I heard the key in the door and the cheery but weary hello from the daughter. As I rushed towards her with a frantic look on my face and concern in my voice I was met with, “Oh, there was in incident in the city centre so there were no buses and my phone was dead because I didn’t put it on to charge last night. I’m starving what’s for tea?”

Tuesday soon came around and we repeated the process with my daughter taking the lead on the journey. Wednesday and I travelled with my daughter to school but she made the decision to travel home on her own with me at the end of the phone whenever she needed me and with the knowledge that if she changed my mind I would go to meet her. Thursday, she travelled on her own both ways and so this went on for her life at that school.

On this occasion the tables had turned and it was me with the low confidence levels and the scaremongery stories flying through my head. As parents is it better to spend quality time teaching our children how to get through high risk situations so that they can make good decisions about everyday matters as well as long term issues, or wrap them up in cotton wool? After all, we’re not immortal. There will be a time when they are on their own and need to trust their judgments. Helping my children in this way and supporting them through managing their travelling has meant, now in their twenties, they are independent and free thinking young people. They can organise their travelling and accommodation arrangements around Europe, enjoy their freedom in the knowledge that they have good decisionmaking skills. This has put them on a great course to be successful in life wherever they may take it.

The process worked so well I repeated the same system with my son but in the opposite direction. I’m not saying it was seamless. There were the occasions when they did not arrive at the usual time and I couldn’t get hold of them on their mobile. There were times when I would get a frantic phone call that they had missed the bus, fallen asleep or missed their stop but talking through the situation invariably helped them to calm their concerns and think logically and get them home safely. Only on the

further and write a diary. Even though life isn't perfect being positive and writing positive thoughts will help. To keep myself positive I think of what I'm good at and then I think of what I could work on, soon enough I'll get better at it.

My name is Grace; Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m 11 years old and this is how I keep positive in daily life: I live with my mum and my naughty little sister, Tilly. I am mostly really happy. I like sunny days, seeing my friends. Going to the seaside, collecting sea glass and having fun.

These are the challenges I've had in my daily life: Monday I have to leave at 7:20 for breakfast club then I have all day at school, where I only have one teacher I like, after Tilly and I go to after-school child care and get changed for brownies and guides next mum picks us up and we go to brownies then I go to guides, that finishes at 9:00pm! We call it Manic Monday! Mum delivers a 9.00am lecture and we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to quit Brownies or Guides so manic Monday it is!

Sometimes, when I wake up, very occasionally I will be feeling down. Maybe a bit tired so I look out the window. I may see it's raining but I decide to imagine the sun will shine later and look on the positive side: like thinking what I have got to look forward to. My mum likes booking treats like the theatre and cinema. I also like to make up stories and I like reading. For a while I felt sad about my school work as I have dyslexia but I have been reading more and had a tutor, things have improved a lot. Guess sometimes we have to work on improving life. My favorite teacher is there in the mornings she suggested I take it a step

Take a risk or lose a chance

The rest of the week is not quite so busy but I am lucky I get to do performing arts and choir and swimming. I am proud I have sung solo at Durham cathedral.

YOUNG MINDS The biggest is challenge is when my dad returns from Africa and I see him. I don’t find him easy to talk to and prefer to be at home. Adjusting to different things is hard. Like recent SATs URGHH

Don’t count the days, make the days count

I’m soooooo worried about secondary because my best friend of all time is going to a different school, mum has been inviting other friends to come over but it will never be the same. So I think of all the options I’ll have in my new school. Most of all I think of my future and what I want to be. I am going to join the navy then I hope I‘ll be a writer. My hope is my travels will be interesting reading for others...

By Grace aged 11.

See below for my 5 tips for a happy and positive life: -

5 tips for a positive life style 1) Don’t let the little things get you down, every day has a little challenge, maybe someone will be unkind but focus on the friends who say kind things. 2) Remember the R’s, Rest, relaxation, reading and always being respectful and real! 3) Always be kind and you will get kindness back. 4) Try to plan fun things in like swimming, going to the park and meeting friends. 5) Never be afraid to ask for help and share feelings as you will be surprised your friends may have similar feelings and a problem shared really is a problem halved.

SELF ESTEEM For a chance to win a pack of Kids Coaching Cards simply email: competitions@positivekids.co.uk by 5 August 2018 Put â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Cardsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; in the Subject Line and your name and postal address in the body of the message.

IDENTITY By guiding your child toward a positive self-image their identity will grow and flourish into adulthood. They will have a high level of resilience in the face of challenge and will remain strong and grounded. They will be safe and secure and will stay true to themself. They will have the confidence to be themselves rather than losing their identity in times of social pressure.

Between the ages of 5 and 12 your child is rapidly learning to accept more and more about who they are. Every experience and every situation that your child faces will shape them into the person they will be as an adult. Family life, school, friends and the media all have an impact. Your child is at a critical stage in their development of their self-image. As a parent, you can’t be there with your child all the time. They will build friendships and be influenced by other children. They will see and absorb behaviours and attitudes that will all contribute to their own view of themself. Every child has a unique blend that forms their personality and self. Your child will take a mixture of what they experience and see at home, their school life, friendships and the wider world as they develop their own identity. This is a super important time for your child as what they learn and accept about their identity now, will have a major impact upon them in adulthood. Adults that have a poor view of their identity go on to limit themselves dramatically in their life. They unconsciously wear negative labels about themselves which continue to destroy their self-belief throughout their life. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Listen to your child and pay attention to opinions such as ‘I am’. Clues to your child’s identity are hidden among their statements about self. Help them state it in the positive. If your child is holding on to a negative view, change it slightly and give it possibility. For example, ‘I am not good at making friends’ becomes ‘I am getting better at making friends’. With time and practise your child can accept ‘I am good at making friends’. Identity builders • I am • I want to be • I will be • I love this about myself • I see myself as • I do Top Tip Be careful of labelling your child, even if it comes from a place of love and protection. Statements like ‘They are shy, they are nervous or they are quiet’ quickly become a part of your child’s identity. Think of some positive suggestions that will help boost your child’s identity such as ‘You are learning more every day’ By Emily Harbecht of Mind Tools For Kids

SELF ESTEEM said to me that “self-esteem and body image are one and the same, if you don’t feel good about yourself, you won’t like what you see in the mirror.”

When asked the question: “What is it that you most want for your child?”, most parents I have spoken to have said something along the lines of: “I just want them to feel happy within themselves.” Naturally, parents want their child to feel good about who they are, but for adolescents this can seem like an extremely hard task. The Internet and social media age hasn’t made this any easier. Snapshots of “the perfect life” are on show everywhere and this gives young people a distorted vision of how they should look (flawless, 100% of the time) and only piles more pressure on them to “be someone”. Combine this with a young person’s natural instinct to compare themselves with others when they are developing their sense of self and it would seem that adolescents today need high levels of self-esteem more than ever. Self-esteem can be described as having confidence in one’s own worth or abilities. Essentially, it’s having a healthy level of self-respect. Someone I know who has suffered the effects of an eating disorder,

So how can parents and other adults achieve that shared goal of helping young people feel good about themselves? Can we help them to develop an acceptance of themselves the way they are? To see a body that they love and accept as their own, no matter the shape or size? Let’s start by breaking it down into three areas: education, building resilience, and positive reinforcement. Education is one of the most powerful tools we can give young people to build self-esteem and confidence. We could be doing so much more to educate young people in how to take a step back and think differently about the images and language they see online and in the media. Talk them through how what they are seeing isn’t someone’s reality, but more often than not it’s a sales pitch instead. That some content is designed to make them think they have a problem a particular product or look can solve, to make them feel like they need to improve themselves. In a recent workshop with a group of young women on the subject of body image, I got them to go through a magazine (their social media feed would have worked just as well) and asked them to remove any page with an advert on. They were left with only a few. “What does this show you?” I asked. “That I need all this stuff in order to be

WE JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY happy.” one responded. “And how does this make you feel?” “Sad.” As a result of this education, young people can start to see that resilience will play a major role in determining whether they live a happy and successful life, as defined by them. In her book “Supernormal,” Meg Ryan describes how resilience is not a trait one just acquires, but an expression that can be used to describe someone who triumphs over adversity with time. Part of being resilient is having a positive attitude, and we can show young people how optimism will help them to develop strong self-esteem. How? Don’t highlight or condemn what you see as their ‘failures,’ instead help them see that failure is not final or defining, but rather a milestone they must encounter as part of learning. The process of making mistakes, discussing what they can do next and not passing blame to others will allow them to take responsibility for their own self-esteem, belief and confidence. Find out what inspires them,and use this in simple goal setting procedures and watch their selfesteem soar; I’ve witnessed this in action and it’s quite something to behold.

It can be hard for a young person to understand that some comments come from a place of love, and they may interpret them differently. “It’s good to see you’re finally exercising,” may be interpreted as “you need to lose weight.” We must talk to young people in a way that highlights their positive qualities and attributes. Help them to understand what makes them special and unique, and to let go of what they do not have, or who they aren’t. This will give them the space, time and confidence to concentrate on who they really are. Show them that in a world where everybody else is taken, being yourself is exceptional. By Matt Barnes-Smith, Coach & Mentor for Young People www.lifecoachdirectory.org.uk/lifecoaches/matthewbarnes-smith

This is where the challenge comes in for us as adults, we must see past our own expectations of what we think the young person “ought to be” and see the person that they are at that point in time, and most importantly respect them for that. A sign I saw on a gate entrance to a field nicely summarises this point; “Please do not feed our horses, your kindness may kill.”

SELF ESTEEM Self-esteem is how we value and think about ourselves. Healthy self-esteem means feeling good about ourselves, our abilities and our thoughts. Low self-esteem may present as someone who is self-critical, may not feel accepted by others, struggles to stand up for themselves and gives up on tasks easily. Our self-esteem can have a huge impact on our mental health and emotional well-being for example, someone with low self-esteem may have difficulties with low mood, guilt, shame and social anxiety. Although self-esteem may seem personal to an individual, it can have a significant impact on our external presentation and affect the relationships we have, our ability to socialize, our activity levels and aspirations for the future.

emotional wellbeing no matter how big or small the activity.

For children and young people, the process of building self-esteem starts early and is an ongoing process. As a parent/guardian or professional it’s vital that we remember to praise, listen and keep boundaries in a positive way to help children build a self-esteem. You could suggest children try the following:

Keeping a ‘positivity journal’ it helps to keep a note of 3 positive things you have done that day. Our inner critic can take over our thoughts at times.

Be Kind. We know that doing kind things for others can also have a positive effect on how we feel about ourselves.

Be active! This can be difficult when feeling low in self-esteem but exercise is proven to increase

Prioritise yourself! Too often we spend time doing things we feel we “have” to do or spend time with people who don’t make us feel good. It’s time to be kind to ourselves and do things we ‘choose’ to do with people who make us happy.

Goal setting! Identify and aim for what you would like to achieve.

CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) has been proven to be effective for improving self-esteem. There is self-help online and face to face interventions.

TIPS FOR PARENTS AND CARERS:

Less reassuring, more encouraging! - Try to

BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM encourage children more than reassure them. When our children say, “I can’t do that, I’m rubbish”, it’s within our parental instincts to protect and tell them all the positive things we see. However, what is truly powerful is if we help them to see this for themselves so that they are more likely to believe the positives. By encouraging them and supporting them in life’s challenges, we help them to build resilience and self-esteem. -

When setting goals, it’s important we ensure they are realistic and achievable. This is particularly

important with self-esteem because if we set the bar too high this can have a negative impact. -

Be aware of online activity due to issues with online bullying being so high. Promoting socialising in person is better for a young person’s emotional well-being.

Give children and young people some quality time. It doesn’t have to be expensive, it could be a simple quiet time to talk or a slow walk in fresh air.

By Tina Jackson. The Link

01642 505580 If you feel a child or young person requires more support in building self-esteem. The Link is a service which help ages 3-18 in building emotional resilience, self-esteem and improving overall mental health. We offer CBT-based friends groups, open groups (promote socialising), as well as 1:1 in emotional regulation along with specific therapies such as CBT, Psychotherapy, Art Psychotherapy, Theraplay, DDP and more. We can offer a tailored package to meet the individual needs of your child. If you would like more information please contact: info@redcarlink.com or visit our website at www.redcarlink.com You can also contact us by telephone. If you let us know that you have seen us in Positive Kids and we will give you a 10% discount!

SELFESTEEM ESTEEM SELF 8 Nurturing Steps to help avoid this are: 1. refrain from saying such negative comments as: (Just a few examples) You’re hopeless You’ll be sorry, just you wait and see You’re as bad as…….. Oh my god you're stupid Why are you such an idiot? Just look at you you’re …so!!!! /fat etc. Have a conversation as adults. Ask each other what you say to your children. Be honest. Practice making positive comments not negative, this will avoid damaging your child's selfesteem.

In the early years of childhood there is much that can be done to help children build and maintain healthy self-esteem. Children face many challenges in life, so it is imperative as parents, carers and safe adults who have the responsibility of bringing up and guiding children we are aware and understand how we communicate in order to support the healthy self-esteem of children.

2. Refrain from having adult conversations within earshot of your children, children pick up more conversations than adults realise. 3. Do not use your children as emotional props, they are children and emotionally cannot cope with taking on board the burden of adult emotions.

Working as a children's counsellor I am very aware of the damage that can be done, often unintentionally by adult’s words.

4. Be aware of what your child is watching or involved in on social media that is inappropriate for their age, or their emotional state ……many times children tell me they are in bed watching inappropriate films or on other social media sites until the early hours and they find it amusing their parents have no idea…. yet

Sadly, many children hear or are told negative “words “leading to the child believing and building up negative selfimage at a very deep level. This can profoundly affect the child on many levels, low self-esteem and complex low self-image leading to many issues into adulthood.

TALKING AND LISTENING it is affecting them negatively in many ways. 5. Remember a child's mind is always questioning they trust you so always think through when you are disciplining, comment on the behaviour not the child “I do not like your behaviour” is very different to saying” I do not like you” 6. If the child is telling you they are being bullied or hurt by anyone in school or out of school follow this up with actions. Reassure the child, find out the facts. If you need to speak to the school or others do so, trust your gut feeling without overreacting. 7. Many children who I see with low self-esteem are struggling because they need more time with their parents; we live in a very pressurised world where work and other commitments take our time away from our children. Early-morning childcare, after-school childcare parents tired and stressed often lead to children not receiving the loving nurturing time with their parents. Although it is very difficult to manage time children need your time, not to always be in clubs but with you calmly doing nice things or just being with you where your time is concentrated on the child. It is most important to make

time to listen to children, when you are calm but not only to listen but to really hear what they are saying. Children need us as adults to keep them safe both physically and emotionally. Worries that children have if they are not listened to and worries left unattended can lead to low self-esteem and possibly more complicated issues. Take time to listen

8. The nurture eight point is to yourself, look after yourself take time out to make sure you are looking after your own selfesteem and well-being. We live in a very complicated stressful world it is very important we look after ourselves then we can look after our children much more successfully.

By Elaine Clark Children’s Consultant Practitioner Adult/Children’s Counsellor Trauma/Bereavement Counsellor

RECIPE

STEWED POTATO POT (with peas & roast chicken strips) Makes 2-3 portions (30 minutes) Ingredients: ● 5- 6 white potatoes ● 2 medium/ large sweet potatoes ● Some tomato puree ● Frozen peas ● Sunflower oil ● Leftover cooked chicken (or another protein of choice) ● Small cut red onion (blend with very little scotch bonnet or by itself) ● Herbs, spice, seasoning: ½ teaspoon oregano, ½ teaspoon basil, black pepper, salt to taste

2. Add the sweet potatoes and allow to cook for another 5 minutes. The water should slowly decrease.

Method: 1. Peel white and sweet potatoes. Cut into small pieces. Rinse in cold water, then place the white potatoes in a clean pan. Add a little water, then salt and drizzle of sunflower oil. Bring to simmer for about 5 minutes

TIP: You can add other vegetables like carrots to give more sweetness to stewed mix if your child would prefer sweeter dishes.

3. Add a little tomato puree, the herbs, onions, black pepper (and scotch bonnet). Drizzle a little more sunflower oil, and water if needed. 4. Leave to cook on low to medium. heat, until the stew is mixed in and potatoes are almost soft. Taste for flavours and adjust accordingly 5. Add the peas and the chicken {optional}. Simmer for another 2-3 minutes. Stewed potato pot is ready!

By Tracey Sokoya- Author of Quick and Tasty Kids Recipes For Busy Mums www.traycess.com

VOLUNTEERING Volunteering Awareness Week is in June. Here’s a few examples from our readers about their volunteering activities with and for children. designed, covered in sweets and absolutely perfect for an 11 year old! She said it was the best cake she'd ever had and she was absolutely over the moon. She had a wonderful birthday and for a few hours was a normal kid again! To see her smiling was amazing; it wasn't just her that felt over the moon – it was me as well. http://www.friendshipproject.co.uk Matthew - The Great Men Project Sophie and Skye - The Friendship Project When I'm not tutoring maths (amongst sleeping and other things!) I volunteer for a wonderful charity called The Friendship Project. It pairs up children who need a stable adult in their life and together they have fun once a week and do 'normal' things that the child wouldn't otherwise experience.

The Great Men project’s aim is to challenge stereotypes of masculinity and to engage men and boys in the movement towards gender equality. They do this by delivering engaging workshop to boys in schools that get them talking about difficult issues they may not have had the chance to previously talk about. As a volunteer, I deliver these workshops and lead group discussions that enable these conversations to happen.

I've always enjoyed working, volunteering and just generally helping young people so when I was looking to volunteer and give something back to the local community and I heard about this charity, it seemed a bit of a no-brainer! I take my ‘younger friend' out on a weekly basis to do all kinds of fun activities swimming, rock climbing, to the park, baking cakes and all sorts!! My favourite highlight was my younger friend's birthday last month. She turned 11. Through a network of volunteers she was baked a cake by a wonderful lady called Lindsay who lives in Warwick. Words can't express how grateful my younger friend was. It was beautifully

Why is this work important? Using the project’s words; young men are often under a lot of pressure to prove their

JUST FOR YOU masculinity in ways that put them and others at risk, and they are influenced by cultural expectations of how girls and boys should behave according to their gender. Statistically compared to girls, boys are more likely to:

If anyone is interested in becoming a volunteer or booking a workshop, you can visit https://www.great-men.org/ or contact Project Manager, David Brockway at david@goodladinitiative.com

Be violent towards others. Become addicted to alcohol or drugs. Be imprisoned. Achieve lower grades in school. Never seek help for mental health problems. Suicide is the single most common cause of death amongst men under 35, The Great Men workshop challenges boys to think critically about the gender stereotypes that fuel these kinds of behaviors; that ‘real’ men shouldn’t express emotions other than anger or control, that aggression, money and promiscuity are the markers of ‘success’, and that women and homosexual men represent the opposite of these characteristics and should be treated as inferior. In the short term the workshops objective is to improve the experience of boys and girls at school and challenge negative gender stereotypes which effect boys’ behavior, mental health and academic performance, as well as the ways in which they interact with young women. Longer term, the project wants to see the next generation of men taking an active role in promoting gender equality. Findings from the workshops will also be used to campaign on education and equality policy.

Karen - School Governor When my twin boys started a first school I wanted to play an active role in contributing towards the school. I considered joining the PTA but having very few talents to offer of an artistic nature I put myself forward as a governor. After being successfully elected, it wasn’t long before I found myself as the Chair of governors. As a governor you are responsible for strategic decisions of the school rather than the day to day running. Being a governor is a voluntary role but it is a crucial role for the effective running of any school. The governing body as a whole is there to challenge the Head Teacher and ‘hold them to account’. Your responsibilities will include the well- being of the children, the policies that help the school to operate effectively, monitoring of the finances against the budget and more

VOLUNTEERING importantly to ensure that the children are getting the best possible education and that they have plenty of learning opportunities open to them. As the Chair of governors, I was the Head Teachers ‘critical friend’, meaning that she could confide in me when she faced difficult decisions. Governing bodies are usually made up of a selection of parents, local community and teacher elected representatives who together bring a mix of expertise and experience. I found it a very rewarding role and after six years I have now decided to step down and allow someone else the opportunity to be part of the school team as I was. I would highly recommend being a governor to anyone that wants to contribute towards a school, but my advice would be to find out how often the governing body meets and ensure that you have the time to dedicate and contribute effectively. Finally if you are thinking of joining as a parent, a note of warning, you would have to leave your parent hat at home when attending meetings, which some individuals do struggle with because as I said earlier you are there for the strategic running of the school not for your specific child. See www.nga.org.uk for more information

This helped children look creatively at Maths. I went into primary and secondary schools using games to help children transform their Maths skills and attitude. This was a pivotal point. Within just a couple of months I saw that the children were having fun and as a result their Maths anxiety reduced, they had an improved attitude towards Maths and this resulted in them doing better in their Maths exams. After that experience I constantly had this nagging feeling that there was more I could do to help youngsters and make sure they weren't missing out on the enjoyment of Maths. It was when I was pregnant with my son that I really had the space and time to look at what my input could be and how I'd go about it and I’ve been in the creative Maths space since. It’s taken years to get right, but I have now created a fun Maths Game called Race To Infinity. It's an educational game which is available to buy on Amazon. Some of the benefits of volunteering ● It’s rewarding giving something back ● Helps you develop new skills and contacts ● May help you see if a new work area is suitable for you ● It’s fun

Grace - Helping With Maths In Schools

Find out more at: https://do-it.org or contact local charities and organisations direct.

I volunteered my time with a charity called the Sir John Cass Foundation.

JUST FOR YOU

summer season runs from around the end of June/July – end of September/October (give or take!) but given our quirky UK climate, it’s often difficult to predict what the weather’s going to do! A rule of thumb is to go with the flow and adjust foods according to the weather, listening mindfully to what our body is asking for. On cooler days in early summer, you may feel you still need slightly heavier warming foods, but you’ll definitely want to lighten up when things start heating up.

Eating ‘seasonally’ is about a whole lot more than not eating strawberries in December! Did you know that every season, our gut needs a health-promoting change in its balance of digestive microbes? Yep - our cheeky little Gut Critters (aka our gut microbiome) call for us to change our diet as the Summer months come full-on… calling for us to calm the heat in our belly and transition away from heavier, warming foods to diet of cooler, moister foods which balance immunity, digestion, energy and weight!

You may have heard of ‘eating mindfully’… but it’s is about more than eating slowly and deliberately; it starts with learning to listen intuitively to the body’s messages that might be saying: “Hey, it may be Sunday, but it’s not a great idea to tuck into that traditional roast dinner at 30 degrees and

No matter our chosen ‘diet’ (traditional foods, low carb, paleo or veggie) we can all follow our body’s natural wisdom and these healthy ‘Summer diet’ principles! In this part of the world, the full-blown

IT’S SUMMERTIME - AND THE EATING IS EASY climbing!” On the other hand, when it’s hot, it’s very tempting to skip meals, or to leave our main meal until later in the evening when it’s cooler. But our digestion is actually strongest around mid-day, so making time to eat a substantial (but not rib-sticking!) lunch – which includes a balance of proteins, fats and carbs that’s right for you – will see us through the afternoon. By the way… this is also a perfect opportunity to grab a traditional siesta and a lighter evening meal can then be satisfying and more easily digestible, yet see us through with the energy we need for a good night’s sleep. Pita – the ‘fire’ in your belly! I have a huge respect for the traditional food wisdom's of all cultures – and here’s what I want to share with you: The ancient science of Ayurveda sees ‘summer diet’ as all about balancing our ‘Pita’ energy. Pita is all about heat… the fire in our belly which supports digestion and metabolism. In Ayurvedic medicine, the hotter summer months bring on an excess of Pita, which overheats our body and produces metabolic dysfunction, the wrong kind of gut bacteria and, ultimately, less than optimal health. This wise tradition knows that during the summer season, we do our gut critters a favour by selecting sweet, bitter, astringent tastes and cooler, moister metabolic foods – like salads, steamed vegetables, fruit and coconut oil (famed for its easy digestion and

regulation of metabolism). Sipping cool (not icy cold) water infused with cooling cucumber, coconut water, mint or dandelion herbal teas is also called for. For me, this feels like a whole lot of sense! As well as soothing digestion (like mint), dandelion is a natural diuretic and supports our liver’s detox function, strengthens the immune system and balances blood sugar – and has a whole bunch of other impressive health benefits, too. And, much as we all love those spicy and stimulating foods like curries, chillis (and coffee), they should really be taking a bit of back seat over the summer period – and if that’s too much to ask, eat them in moderation and go for the aromatic, but lighter Thai-style seafood dishes made with coconut milk for its cooling effect on the body! Summer Diet Principles This list here is not (and couldn’t be) in ANY way prescriptive. I offer it to guide your appetite and help enrich your experience of eating summer’s gifts, rich in cooling seasonal foods. Remember that no ‘one-size’ fits all but no matter our chosen ‘diet’ (traditional foods, low carb, paleo or veggie), we can all follow these ‘Summer diet’ principles: Any food marked with an asterisk (*) flags a ‘best-bet’ for a Summer food, so if you LIKE it and can TOLERATE it, choose MORE of it! Always choose non-GMO, organic and

JUST FOR YOU whole foods where possible; often intolerances are not caused by the food per se, but by the way they are grown, prepared and processed:

an easily digestible way of getting energy into cells. However, fibrous fruits that hang around in your stomach ferment quickly; if your digestion is weak, eat fruits before eating other foods, or eat them separately (away) from other foods.

CHOOSE MORE: Summer foods to include in your diet with tastes that are sweet, bitter, astringent and cool like salads, smoothies and fresh fruit.

DAIRY: Choose raw (unpasteurised dairy) if you can. *Ghee, Butter, Cheese (moderation), Cottage cheese, *Milk, Ice Cream, (If you can tolerate it, dairy is an extremely nutrient-dense FOOD and an easily digestible source of energy).

CHOOSE FEWER: Summer foods that are pungent, spicy, sour, salty, hot and dry like spicy foods and hot drinks. VEGETABLES: *Artichokes, *Asparagus, Avocados, Bean Sprouts, *Bell Peppers, *Broccoli, *Cabbage, *Cauliflower, *Celery, Chicory, *Coriander, Collard Greens, *Cucumbers, *Dandelion, Aubergine, Endive, *Fennel, Green Beans,*Kale,*Lettuce, Mushrooms, Mustard Greens *Okra, Parsley, Peas, Pumpkin *Radishes (moderation) *Seaweed, Spinach (moderation) *Squash, Acorn Squash, Winter Sweet Potatoes, Swiss Chard, Tomatoes (sweet) , *Watercress *Courgettes. (For easy digestion make sure veggies are well cooked – unless they’re fermented – serve them with a little butter or olive oil, to better absorb the nutrients).

OILS: *Coconut oil, *Olive oil, Avocado, *Ghee. NO… fats do NOT make you fat (leave that to junk food) and, despite the dietary nonsense based on bad science, coconut oil is magic to your body! SWEETENERS: natural whole foods sweeteners, in moderation: Maple Syrup (small amounts), raw sugar. SPICES: Star Anise, Asafoetida, *Chamomile, *Coriander, Cumin, Fennel, Saffron, Mint (all) (Herbs and spices are, by weight, some of the most nutrient-dense foods on the planet – use them daily!) LEGUMES: UNPROCESSED, PROPERLY PREPARED: *Adzuki Beans, Sprouts, *Black Gram, *Fava, *Garbanzo Kidney, Lentils, Lima, *Mung, *Split Pea (All can make a contribution to a nutrient-dense diet BUT they do have inherent drawbacks. If you choose to eat them regularly, take the trouble to prepare them traditionally to avoid digestive distress

FRUITS: *Apples, *Apricots, *Blueberries, *Cantaloupe, *Cherries (ripe) *Cranberries, Dates, Dried Fruit, Figs, *Grapes, *Guavas, *Mangoes, *Melon (all), Nectarines, Oranges (sweet), Tangerines (sweet), Papayas (small amounts) *Peaches (ripe and/or peeled) *Pears, *Pineapple (sweet), *Plums (ripe), *Pomegranates (sour) *Raspberries, *Strawberries (Fruits are

IT’S SUMMERTIME - AND THE EATING IS EASY BEVERAGES: Herb teas - Chicory *Dandelion *Hibiscus *Mint. Plain or infused water (cool or at room temperature to help digestion). Drink a glass of plain water half an hour before your meal to help hydrate and prepare your digestive system.

and collateral health issues). GRASS-FED, MEAT & WILD FISH: Beef (moderation), Chicken, Duck (moderation), Turkey, Lamb, (moderation), Pork, Eggs (moderation), Freshwater Fish, Prawns (moderation). GRAINS: WHOLE, UNPROCESSED, PROPERLY PREPARED (soaking, sprouting or fermenting) *Barley Oat *Rice Rye Wheat (If you can tolerate them and choose to eat them, make ABSOLUTELY SURE they’re nonGMO, and organic and, as for legumes, prepare them traditionally).

As June and July lead us into full-blown summer (we hope!) explore, experiment, notice what you’re craving, how you feel and enjoy. And remember ‘Nature’ is hard at work on our insides, as well as ‘out there’! Here’s to a delicious Summer. Izabella Natrins

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