Issue Eleven
POSITIVITY BOARDS
• Chance To Win
• Alternative Education
• Shannon’s Thailand Trip • New Year, New You • Emotional Well-being
• Ollie Coaching
OUR EXPERT ADVISORS
Shellie Becker Ollie And His Superpowers Coach shellie.becker@olliean dhissuperpowers.com
Marie O’Sullivan Teacher, Counsellor and I.T. Trainer http://themarieosulliv an.com
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Cath Lloyd Life Change Therapist and Stress Relief Consultant www.cathlloyd.co.uk
WELCOME Hello Welcome to Issue 11 of Positive Kids Magazine. I’m delighted to introduce another exciting issue filled with information and advice to support children's well-being. Inside, you can find out more about alternative education, how making mistakes can actually help in the long run and how to be an even better you in 2020. On page 10, there’s a chance to win a fabulous Blinks Book and accompanying reference manual to help you help children navigate their emotions. You can also learn how to create some really special Positivity Boards with your children too. Plus you may be inspired to help them stretch out of their comfort zone after reading Shannon’s article about her Thailand trip. I’d love it if you’d share photos of the Positivity Boards you create or tell me what you liked best about this magazine via our facebook group or by emailing me. Positive Wishes until next time. Susan Brookes-Morris (Editor) susan@positive-kids.co.uk https://www.facebook.com/groups/positivekidsuk
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COLOUR THERAPY COLOUR ME HAPPY MEDITATION WORKSHOP Empowering EMOTIONALLY RESILIENT Children
WWW.CHRISOULASIRIGOU.COM
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UNRAVEL The same principles are subtly incorporated into The Blinks books which I developed so that this philosophy could reach more children. Entwined in each story are subtle effective strategies to help understand and move negative feelings forward so that they don’t impact too long on well-being.
By Andrea Chatten of Unravel Andrea Chatten founded Unravel, after spending over 25 years working with children’s emotional & behavioural difficulties and has since become the BBC’s go to expert when such issues arise in the news. She is also author of The Blinks novels to support children’s emotional well-being. Here she tells us why a change in mental health support is needed and how you can best support your child. There has always been a service missing to translate and transform children’s behaviours quickly and to help highlight the relevant issues so each young person can develop positively. So Unravel’s approach is aimed at seeing the behaviours that every child presents, as a form of communication and every emotion that we feel is telling the truth. Punishing a child for feeling and expressing a negative emotion will never resolve the issue. Instead we need to understand, guide and look at the causes that are activating the emotions in the first place. Until we are brave enough to ask, listen and validate a child’s concerns, the volume of the emotions will only ever increase.
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The series titles include Worry, Anger, Self-esteem, Sad, Shy and Love. They also tackle other social issues including bullying, bereavement, separation and divorce, school avoidance, elected mutism and running away. Alongside each novel is a Reference Manual so parents, carers and professionals can be one step ahead in nudging their child’s emotional wellbeing more confidently in the right direction. If you are interested visit
www.theblinks.co.uk WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN For a chance to win your choice of one of the Blinks books and the accompanying reference manual, send an email to competitions@positive-kids.co.uk by 20 March 2020 with your choice of title in the subject line
EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING
Top tips to help support your child’s emotional well-being 1. Get in sync – emotional connection is key. It is normal to disconnect with our children, life is demanding. However, when children don’t feel positively connected to us, it impacts on their well-being which is often communicated by negative behaviours 2. Communicate as much as possible from as early as possible. Talking with each other is how we learn, and problem solve, and it starts younger than we once thought. If you want to be having meaningful conversations with your teenager’s start being open and honest when they are two or three. 3. Listen to what your children tell you – they will teach us. It can be difficult hearing hurtful things from our children, but they are telling us what they need. Don’t hear what they say, actively listen. 4. Avoid general praise – be specific. Avoid using words like good and bad with kids. This can negatively impact on identity and well-being. Instead reward and praise the action, progress or value. They are less likely to reject this kind of praise and it fosters healthier self-esteem. 5. Keep reflecting. The only difference between a positive parent and a negative parent is reflection. It certainly won’t stop us making mistakes, but we might make less mistakes and certainly not keep making the same ones! 6. Help children to name and claim emotions. Our emotions are designed to keep us alive. We must acknowledge them otherwise the brain will turn the volume up on them meaning we feel emotions much more intensely. Once we name them our brain relaxes in the hope that we will then do something about it. 7. Help your child challenge their worries and fears with evidence. Most of our thoughts are just guesses. Become emotions detectives with your kids
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and help them to learn that our brain isn’t always our friend. 8. Don’t be afraid to show your variety of emotions so that children see that they are normal and that they come and go. Talk about them together and if you have nor dealt with an emotion as well as you would have liked, apologise and explain. 9. Model the behaviours you want to see in your child. If you are shouting and slamming doors because you are stressed, then they will learn to do the same. 10. Check in on your own well-being. If you aren’t feeling great, then neither will your children and vice versa. As parents we must make sure that parenting goes one way and that is from us to them. Invest positively into your children even if you aren’t always feeling it and their behaviour will follow suit meaning you benefit too, win-win.
Contact hello@unravelsupport.co.uk Or have a look at www.unravelsupport.co.uk
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SARA SARASHEBEAR SHEBEAR fed to them. Some children are unable to concentrate for long periods and are not able to focus on information that does not interest them. Most of us have been bought up to understand that we have to go to school, that it is the law, when in fact it is not. What the law says in the Education act (1996), is: The parent of every child of compulsory school age shall cause him to receive efficient full-time education suitable (a) to his age, ability and aptitude,
EMBRACE UNIQUENESS
and (b) to any special
In this article, education is defined as “the act of imparting and/or or acquiring general knowledge, developing the powers of reasoning and judgment, and generally of preparing oneself or others intellectually for mature life.” There are many different forms of education and they may not necessarily include going to school. Conventional school education (schooling) was set up over a century ago to equip young people to be valuable members of society and to enable them to take and carry out orders as people did in the manufacturing industries. There are a growing number of children who do not see the point of sitting down and taking in information that is spoon-
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educational needs he may have, either by regular attendance at school or otherwise. (Crown, 1996 Part 1, Chap 1, Sect 7)
It also says: Whoever has parental responsibility for a child is also responsible for safeguarding or promoting the child’s welfare. The welfare of the child includes “his physical, emotional and educational needs
ALTERNATIVE EDUCATION routine and follow curriculum subjects and some parents do not, it really depends what suits the family best.
The provision of conventional school education is overseen by the Local Educational Authority (LEA). Once a child is registered at a school then they are in the system, they are monitored. This includes their attendance, their progress and their well-being through the safe-guarding regulations. Many children can cope with schooling, however, there are some children who cannot.
Those families that do not follow an educational structure are sometimes known as free schooling or unschooling. Some parents leave it to the child to learn what they want to learn, how they want to learn it and whenever. This is called child lead or self directed learning. Having a vast array of information available on the Internet has been invaluable.
There are many reasons why children do not thrive in schooling. They can be physical, developmental, emotional or a combination of all of them. However much society may want them to fit in, if they do not and cannot, alternatives are available for them.
Some parents worry about young children learning to read and write, however, each child has the innate ability, curiosity and passion to copy adults and learn new things. Children learn by doing every day activities with an adult, like cooking, going to the shops, walking in nature and playing board games. Children can also learn to read, write and do maths by using modern day technology especially if they are researching something they are very interested in.
Special educational needs schools have been set up to cater for a variety of special educational needs. There are fewer special needs schools compared to conventional schools and generally, there are also a limited number of places within each SEN school.
Self directed learning centres are now being set up in the UK. These are venues where the adults facilitate the children’s learning. Some are democratic which involves children and adults voting about how things are run. Again all centres vary depending on the underlying ethos, approach and aim.
Home schooling is becoming more popular and this can take a variety of forms. Home schooling is legal as it comes under the otherwise option from the Education Act (1996) as above. If a child did attend any form of schooling, they need to be deregistered from school with the LEA. Currently the HE officer from the LEA will arrange to discuss the progress of the child on an annual basis.
These self directed learning centres are generally private funded as currently there is no recognition of them as a fundable education alternative.
There are no set guidelines for home schooling. Some parents set up a
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MAKING MINDFULNESS FUN In this era of information technology there is an emphasis on people being resourceful, adaptable and able to learn new things quickly. It is felt by some, that society needs to start incorporating this approach. Dr. Mal Levine, professor of paediatrics at the University of North Carolina Medical School, sums it up so well when he said “Children need to learn how to learn, not what to learn."
Sara Shebear B.A. Educational Studies – Learning Empowerment Consultant
MAKE MATHS FUN Great game which improves children's maths skills and reduces maths anxiety.
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SHANNON SINGHKIDS DOING POSITIVE THINGS CELEBRATING Luckily, I did not find the heat too draining as we had lots of activities to get on with!
Celbratingkdsfl
A group of students and teachers from my school, Sacred Heart, travelled to Thailand In October 2019 for 12 days. This is an event that takes place annually and has done for the last 10 years. I volunteered myself even though I was scared as I had never travelled before and left my family, however, I pushed past the fear and focused on the joy and care I could bring others who were less fortunate than myself. Over the past 2 years, the school has been saving up money so we can provide orphanages, children's homes, children's villages and day-cares with football kits, toys/games, uniforms and furniture/appliances. After a long 14 hours, we arrived, and the weather was very humid and different from the UK!
We played with children, we performed choreography with and for them. We took them shopping, and even took them out for KFC so they could experience our world in the UK and taught lots of them to dance! We also went to the swimming pool and played games in the water with them along with taking them to a water park which I really enjoyed. We also painted a disabled school and redecorated it so that the students will feel cheery when they come back from their break. We had an epic sports day as there was an eating competition, a pig catching competition, a three-legged race, and a chicken catching competition!! We also did a big performance in front of many children at their farewell/birthday/Halloween party! I loved playing with all the children and even meeting some that were my age! They are all so kind and giving there, considering their lifestyle, this really was heart-warming to experience. We also visited the day-care and took them to the zoo and taught them some numbers and the English alphabet. We also had the opportunity to learn braille as we visited the school for the blind. I found this very interesting. After that, a group of my friends (including myself) and some teachers went to the slums where most of the children from the day care lived. It was heart-breaking as there were mostly families of four living in a one-roomed house,sharing a bed.
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MY TIME IN THAILAND
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SCREEN TIME Their back garden was the same size as our school tables. It was shocking and sad. After, when we were about to leave, they gave us fruits and we took it out of respect. I learned so much from this trip, I value my life and the opportunities I have here in the UK. It re-emphasised how lucky I am and how grateful I am for even the basic things in life like water, education and a home. I am so glad that I went and would encourage everyone else to do the same, it was an eye-opening experience. Shannon visited Pattaya. She is aged 12 and from South London. She enjoys all things creative such as the arts, make up artistry and enjoys learning the violin. She is a fan of musicals (participating in the second musical in her school) and enjoys the cinema. She loves helping others when she can as she is passionate about making a positive impact in the world.
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TRY THIS - MAKE A POSITIVITY BOARD I am so excited to see what 2020 brings, both professionally and personally. A new year signifies new beginnings for many and the power of this motivation is not to be underestimated, but equally, common sense also needs to be applied! A habit takes 21 days to form and so it is consistency that is the key to any changes you wish to make and also a limit on these changes! If you focus on one thing at a time, you are more likely to stick to it and see results, which of course will motivate you further. I frequently use Vision Boards (or Positivity Boards as I like to call them) to help me with this and it is a great activity to do as a family too. You'll need •Scissors • Glue • Big sheet of paper or card (A3 or bigger!) • Some magazines This is a great time to sit as a family and discuss what your highlights of the past year have been, what have you enjoyed doing and who with? This will hopefully result in some happy memories from everyone and often the recalling of anecdotes that will become part of your treasured moments for years to come too. Once you have done this, encourage the family to pause and think about how those memories made them feel, does that feeling evoke a certain colour, words or images perhaps? Do they want to create similar experiences in 2020 or perhaps some new ones? Now comes the really fun part, without over thinking of guiding anyone, grab a couple of magazines each and just start cutting out- go wild and don't over analyse or try to steer anyone in any direction! Allow this sub-conscious process to flow (although hold off on actually gluing anything just yet!). Once you've all got lots of pictures and words cut out, start laying them out on the sheet and moving them around until you're satisfied that you've really captured everyone's thoughts and feelings then get sticking! By the end of this, you will have a piece of art work that represents your family and what's important to them. Visual representations of anything are extremely powerful and so this technique is particularly effective when linked to goals and how they make you feel. If you can display your family Positivity Board somewhere for you all to see, this will act as a visual reminder to you all of the great times you've shared and help you to focus on that, therefore making it more likely that you'll recreate those feelings more frequently. I'd love to see what you come up with! Claire www.positivepants.co.uk FB: positivepantsfamily
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OLLIE COACHING
OLLIE COACHING and understanding or, a bit of advice from someone who already knew and had the good sense and kindness to pass it on. I now call ‘mistakes’ Personal Challenges. Anyone can call them whatever they want, but the simple changing of their name to something else can change the very fabric of what they mean to the namer. This could be your first action in making a difference to yourself, your life and those that are in it, not least your children. The things you do and the way you handle these things can be completely different.
By Shellie Becker I don’t know about you, but I’ve had some ugly thoughts about myself and my parenting throughout my time, over many things. One big problem for me has been making ‘mistakes’. A biggie, I think for many and a label that can cover so many things. We might call them ‘bad decisions’, we might call them ‘acting out of ‘instinct’’ or not ‘knowing what else to do’. Or, we might call them barely informed decisions, or acting out of not having learned any better way yet. How much time have any of you spent regretting, worrying and hating perhaps yourself or the event or situation, because of things that you were unsure of what to do on? Fearing what will, and what won’t? I used to spend so much time on this I could probably have put it on my CV as a favourite pass time. Now, it’s a (not so) favourite PASS TIME. I learned something different, something that could only have come with wisdom
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If you are involved in the Positive Kids Facebook group you may have seen a recent post discussing the influence we have over how our children turn out. Our own mindset and ways would have largely come from our parents. Everything each of us does has an effect on others in some way. Sometimes big, sometimes small, sometimes straight away, sometimes a little down the line, sometimes way down the line. Sometimes we can notice these things and sometimes we can’t. We are all human and all these things are part of being human. But we are human, we have the ability to learn and grow, change and adapt, to recoup and to decide for ourselves how we want to move forward, or up in life. Reminding ourselves of all these things as often as we can, can help us to do what we can for our children’s future sake, and our’s. One of the facts of life is that things
MISTAKES OR CHALLENGES happen, some good, some bad, some that we have to do something with, some we want to do something with and some we are expected to sit back and feel powerless to affect. ‘Mistakes’ are surely, in the last category, they have a feeling of a something that is not our own, something that happened, that wasn’t supposed to happen, without control or influence. When we didn’t want something to happen, or when we realise after the fact that we got it wrong we call it a ‘mistake’. I can’t say something is not meant to happen. But it doesn’t have to mean ‘mistake’.
So what can we do? Do you ever notice how you might’ve known something to be called one thing, then you hear it called something else by someone else? It doesn’t sound right, that name just doesn’t feel like that thing at all and it’s hard get your head around? The name of something is what cements it to us as what it is, what it means in general or to us personally, how it works and what we should do with it. What if we decided we wanted something to mean something different, feel different and be able to do something different with it? It may not feel quite right at first. As we have heard many times, once you’ve done something for long enough it
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becomes a habit. Habits are natural to us as humans. What if we decided what we wanted to do with it? What if we decided what outcome we were going to have? The outcome we want, or feel is necessary or best? What if this was our natural state, our habit? For me personal challenge has the feeling of something I can work with, something I want to do and to do well, something to try at. It’s something I can figure out and/or learn how to do. Something I can change my approach to if I need to. When I think ‘Personal Challenge’ instead of ‘mistake’, I get a different sense of the something. I have struggled to even think of a mistake I’ve made since making this change and actually feel really good and motivated when I try to come up with any, because I can’t. A blog post by Motivational Speaker and Success Coach Tony Robbins, explains how he has spent over two decades testing his audiences on how the words they used for what they felt were synonymous with how they felt those things. He gives an example of how using a different word for a particular feeling triggered him to feel it differently. https://www.tonyrobbins.com/mindmeaning/change-your-words-changeyour-life/
GOING TO UNI WITH A PHYSICAL DISABILITY What an idea! I wonder what might happen if we reach out this principle? Develop it, deepen it? What could we achieve with the things we would like to handle better, within ourselves, in our parenting and how we influence our children? What would you like to feel differently about? How would you like it to feel? What would you like to be able to do with it? What could you call it that would mean you get a sense of it closer to what you want to have? How would you most like to influence your children now and for their future? Help yourself be the influencer your children need, try it and pass your new learning on to them sooner rather than later. All the best, Shellie. Be
Well With Ollie 07745142332 facebook.com/bewellwithollie
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AUTHOR’S VIEW
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HOW YOU CAN GET INVOLVED WITH POSITIVE KIDS
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CATH LLOYD Make 2020 a year that counts for you. If you choose to, you could make the new year a new you contract with yourself, and why not? Don’t be a person that regrets not trying to make your vision into a reality. How many times have you heard others say? “I wish I’d….” “I regret not doing or not having….” People regret because they have made excuses, never realised their dream, or always put something or somebody else first, such as: �� �� �� �� �� �� �� �� ��
Not having enough money Not having enough time Not having enough support The kids need me My partner wouldn’t like it My parents are ill There’s so much going on at the moment It’s not the right time I’m being selfish by wanting life to be different
These thoughts and feelings are often governed by their own limiting beliefs which is revolved around making excuses which lets them off the hook. It lets them off the hook for what appears to be really good reasons for not following their dream or looking for something bigger, better and brighter. However, what they are really hiding behind is their own fear of change and what has to be done to create and achieve it. If you want 2020 to be better, bigger and brighter but you aren’t sure where
to start then here is a question for you. If your Fairy Godmother visited you today and she asked you for one wish and with one wave her magic wand your wish would come true, what would it be? What would you wish for? What do you really, REALLY want to achieve in your life? Unfortunately, we don’t have a Fairy Godmother, but we can implement a system to achieve our dreams. 5 Tops Tips on how to achieve what you REALLY want in your life. 1. Total self-honesty. Total self honesty will be difficult because you have to dig deep and really look at what is going on in your life, in your relationships and your finances. Unless you do this, you will not discover where you want to be going. You aren’t going to discover this in five or even 30 minutes as it will take time for it to come to the surface. We spend so much of our time burying our deepest thoughts, feelings, wants and desires, you will need to have time to sift and allow your creativity to uncover them. When they do come to the forefront of your mind, write them down as soon as you can so you don’t forget them. Look at
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NEW YEAR, NEW YOU 3. Your vision. You now have your list of things you really REALLY want to achieve in your life and a list of skills and qualifications in front of you. You are now at the perfect point to start exploring your vision for your future. Allow yourself to daydream for a while. Imagine if you had all these things you have pinpointed and imagine what life would look like in 3 months, 6 months and a year’s time. This might be around happier feelings about yourself, more money, better time management, a better career, more adventure in your life, a happier home life for you and your family. Whatever it is, pick the one that is going to give you the greatest benefits, because, as you work on them there will be a ripple effect into other areas of your life. What you are doing is achieving maximum benefits for yourself, your life and the people around you. Now write, draw or make a collage of what it is that you are aiming for. Whichever way you create this visual image, really connect with what it is you want to achieve. You will know when you have got it because you will recognise it.
all areas of your life. What do you want from your relationships, from your career, from your hobbies? What have you always dreamt of doing that you have always put off? What excites you? What adventures do you want to have? What is important to you? What is your passion? Most important of all write your ideas down without over thinking them because if you over think you will push them to one side. 2. Skills and qualifications. When you start to investigate this part of you, it is important to remember that skills come in all sorts of forms and sizes. It isn’t all about qualification and training but also about life experiences and social skills. We tend to overlook these as being obvious or natural but all of our skills, whatever they might be, are transferable. When we are looking at making a change in our life, it’s important to recognise them for what they are, the ones that are already great, or whether they need improving or adapting. Talking with a variety of people who know you is a good idea but make sure they are honest with you. There’s nothing more useless than someone saying, “You’re fantastic as you are”. What you are looking for is constructive criticism so that you can get a really clear vision of what others see. Don’t forget the way we actually behave can be very different to what others hear, see and feel about us. So, be open minded about what they are saying, take it on the chin. It is then your choice how you are going to process that information.
4. Actions. With a very clear vision in place you can now start setting your actions. This is the key to your success through planning. Plan small steps. You know the saying, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” This is exactly the same. Step by step is the most productive way so you can clearly see what is going well and what adjustments need to be made. It is difficult to foresee a lot of the difficulties, interruptions and events that might get in the way of your progress, so adjustments will need to be made. A great starting point is
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JUST FOR YOU setting out a timeline so you can start to plot putting dates next to them, where possible. I say, if possible, because some actions will be determined by other actions, information and feelings. Have your plan but also be prepared to be flexible with it, as long as it is moving you in the right direction, towards your vision, you are progressing. 5. Support structure. However independent and capable we like to think we are; we mustn’t let our ego get in your way of our progression. Asking for help isn’t a weakness, we can’t do everything all of the time. We aren’t superhuman, therefore look at what you need support with and, from who and where you can find it. ��Your friends and family are a good place to start. What do they have to offer? ��Professional help, such as a mentor, someone to be accountable to. ��Professional help around things you can’t do, is worth paying good money for.
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��Find someone to bounce ideas off who will give you honest feedback, when you need it. ��Someone to kick you up the back side when you are feeling sorry for yourself and feel like giving up. You will feel like this from time to time, and someone who has a good ear for listening to you. ��BUT, the main source of support is going to be yourself. Being able to tap into your inner strength and resourcefulness, to get you back up when you are down, when nothing is working or going right for you. Being able to check in with your fantastic goal, take a deep breath and keep going. There is no quick fix to a bigger, better and brighter future. It will take time and effort but you’re worth, it aren’t you? The important point to remember is nothing will happen if you don’t take the first step. Do you want to keep living the same life or do you want something different? That is the question.
JUST FOR YOU PROBLEMS AT WORK? ��
Sleepless nights and dreading going to work tomorrow
�� Confidence low, unable to deal with difficult
people/situations �� Fed up of being unsupported and under valued �� Facing Redundancy & worrying whether you'll get another job �� Overwhelmed by your workload, pressure weighing you down �� At a crossroads but confused about what to do My own career was peppered with episodes of stress, frustration and feeling trapped. I took action for the sake of my health, relationships and sanity. I can help you do the same. W ork is only part of who we are. Specialising in working with you, the human inside your job title, I ensure the changes you make are the right fit and you have the skills and the mind-set to get you there.
**FREE Telephone Taster Session: “Take the Weight off Work & Life” Book Here: www.achievemorelivemore.com/book-online
Life Changing Career Coaching with Michelle Tranter
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