The Self-Care Issue Making Time for SelfCare
Self Care for Men North Carolina Resources
Power of Positive Thinking
In This Issue Self-Care Issue February 2020 Letter from the Executive Director
2
Word of the month
4
North Carolina Resources
5
Self-care on a Busy Schedule
7
Positive Thinking: How to Get Started
9
Self-care for Men
12
Letter from the Executive Director I’ll be the first to admit – the term selfcare sounds a little “woo-woo”. You might be thinking that I’m an adult, I don’t have a choice but to take care of myself. I work, house myself, and feed myself. Of course I take care of myself. Or you may be thinking – I’ve got bills, I have time to take care of myself, but I don’t have time to pamper myself. But, when you dig deeper, self-care is about nurturing your mind, body, and spirit. And as much as we like to go full speed ahead, when we take care of those parts of ourselves, we can become greater than the sum of those parts. We laugh harder, love more passionately, think more clearly, and function better. So we are pleased to offer you this issue on self-care. Real talk about positive thinking and incorporating self-care into a busy schedule. And if you think self-care is for women, you are sorely mistaken. Our final article explores the way men can take care of themselves. We hope you enjoy this issue Sincerely, Porche Proffit
2
Masthead and Contributors Editor-in-Chief, Porche Proffit Editor, Ericka Foster
Contributors Contributing Editor, Lakia Goodman Writer, Maggie Allen Writer, Amanda Knight Nutrition and dietician Isabella Dos Santos Art Director, Willow Wood Positive Transitioning Inc. is a non–profit organization that provides information and resources for individuals reentering the community after incarceration. In addition to this magazine, Positive Transitioning Inc. offers a 24-hour Resource/Listening Line that services all 50 states. The Resource/Listening line is staffed by life coaches, and provides individuals with the immediate support and resources they may be needed during reentry. Positive Transitioning Inc. also provides individuals life coaches that will assist them in every step of the reentry process: housing, education, employment, vocational training, obtaining government benefits, veteran assistance, medical management, sponsorship, financial stability, family reintegration, and legal assisting. Currently Positive Transitioning Inc. is entirely web–based as we are hoping that this makes it easily accessible for anyone to access from anywhere.
3
Word of the Month de¡com¡press calm down and relax. The best way to avoid falling prey to the opinions of others is to realize that other people's opinions are just that - opinions. Regardless of how great or terrible they think you are, that's only their opinion. Your true self-worth comes from within. Travis Bradberry.
4
North Carolina State Services Center for Community Transitions centerforcommunitytransitions.org The Center for Community Transitions (CCT) is a nonprofit organization in Charlotte, North Carolina. The organization helps people with criminal records and their families find healthier and more productive ways of living. They offer services such as employment search and readiness, transportation assistance and more. Crossroads Reentry crossroadsreentry.org Located in Charlotte, NC, Crossroads Reentry provides services to individuals prior to and after their release. Services include vocational classes, home plans, and 1on1 counseling. Delancey Street Foundation delanceystreetfoundation.org This organization has several locations across the country, including Greensboro, NC. The house accommodates 30 individuals who receive job skill training. MenTouring Our Brothers www.mentouringourbrothers.org/ MenTouring our Brothers focuses on African-American men between the ages of 18 to 21, providing mental health services, fatherhood instruction, and basic needs assistance. Leading into New Communities lincnc.org/ Located in Wilmington, NC, this organization offers residential services on the Marvin E Roberts Transitional Living Campus for men and women. They also provide Case Management Services to help people with employment, life skills, mental health services, and educational assistance.
5
ďƒ‹ Inmates to Entrepreneurs inmatestoentrepreneurs.org This organization offers in-person and online courses for former inmates who are interested in starting a business. ďƒ‹ Religious Coalition for a Nonviolent Durham nonviolentdurham.org The Religious Coalition for a Nonviolent Durham is a collection of churches and nonprofit organizations that work together to help individuals re-entering society.
6
Self-Care on a Busy Schedule Amanda Knight
We all know how important it is to make time for ourselves. As much as we care for others, it should be a given that we would care for ourselves as well. But in a busy life with a hectic schedule, most of us bump self-care so far down the priority list, we don’t even know it’s there anymore. Self-care is as simple as it sounds- taking care of you. Making sure that you are not neglecting your own well-being as you navigate daily life. Essential self-care habits include getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, knowing how to set limits for yourself, and being able to say “no” to something that may overwhelm you. How are you supposed to make time for self-care when all you have is five or ten minutes here and there? That’s where I come in. I’m going to share some easy ways to show yourself some love when you start to feel like you’re sinking. In five minutes, you can:
7
•
Eat a quick and healthy snack. It won’t take long to eat an apple or banana. You’re getting a healthy dose of vitamins and providing a (natural) sugar pick-me-up to boost energy and mood.
•
Meditate. Most people think of meditation as sitting on the floor in a special position, muttering “ohm” under your breath. Lucky for you, all you need to do is close your eyes and focus on your breath and soothing thoughts. No weird looks required. Even a couple minutes of this has been shown to revitalize and reenergize.
•
Listen to a favorite song or two. When you’re feeling that afternoon slump coming on, pop in your earbuds and enjoy those couple songs that always bring a smile to your face.
•
Take a quick walk. This doesn’t mean you need to put on the athletic shoes and hit the trail. Take a quick walk around your workplace. Simply getting up and getting your blood pumping will be a great pick-me-up to wake you up and improve your mood.
In ten minutes, you can: •
Make a “grateful for” list. Making a list of things that you are grateful for can be done in just a few minutes, and it can help bring things back into perspective and level your mood.
•
Enjoy a stroll down memory lane. Scroll through pictures on your phone that make you happy and bring back good memories. This will boost the happy chemicals in your brain and is sure to have you feeling more relaxed in no time.
•
Read something motivational or watch a Ted Talk. Ted Talks are often less than 10 minutes long and can be a quick way to remind yourself of how great you are. You can also read something motivational. Try buying a book of motivational quotes or read your favorite Bible verses if you’re religious.
Those are just a few ideas of things you can do when you’re short on time to make sure you make time for you. Other things that will help you feel your best include eating a balanced diet and drinking plenty of water. Find a hobby that you enjoy and make sure you devote time to it several times a week. Even if you feel like you’d rather just veg out in front of the TV, making time to work on a small craft or other hobby will probably make you Photo by Willow Wood feel better than television. Making time for yourself is essential. If you’re not in tip-top shape, you can’t effectively care for others. This includes your significant other, your children, your elderly family you may care for, and even your coworkers. If you’re feeling run down, you won’t be as productive at work. Start small and begin showing yourself some love and attention today.
8
Positive Thinking: How to Get Started By Maggie Allen Positive thinking was not something that ever came naturally to me. Or self-love, for that matter. Growing up, I was frequently plagued with self-doubt and overbearing internal criticism. I sought validation from everyone but myself, and several people were all too happy to reinforce my low opinion of myself. So what turned this around? A number of things, but the first was to identify what kinds of negative thoughts I was having. Having a name for our experiences can be surprisingly powerful, because language is a major agent that affects the way we think. What flavor is your negative thinking? Negative thoughts are like ice cream; they come in several different flavors. Maybe you are a catastrophizer, meaning that anything negative around you can quickly become a world-ending tragedy, in a way that seems deceptively logical. For example, you’re running late to work one morning, and you stressfully conclude that your boss will be angry, you will lose your job, and you might not be able to get another one. How will you pay your bills? Will you have to starve? Or maybe everything has to fall into one of two categories: success or failure. You ate a brownie at breakfast this morning, which obviously means that your diet is shot, and there’s no point in trying to be good for the rest of the day. Maybe you shouldn’t even bother trying to eat healthy at all. Or maybe you feel stressed and tired all the time and take that as a sign that there is no way to move forward. The fact that you feel so overwhelmed means it must be true, and if it is, what can you really do about it? There are many more patterns like these, but they all have at least one thing in common: they are traps designed to paralyze you in self-loathing and pity. They play on your insecurities and fears, about yourself, about life, about the things you can and can’t control. But while they can be debilitating and discouraging, you can jump the hurdle.
9
Be mindful of your thoughts Sun Tzu once said, “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.” In this case, the enemy and the self may be one and the same, but surely you know yourself better than anyone, right? Well, there is always more to learn. No man leaves this world knowing everything there is to know about it, or even himself. I am a vocal advocate for therapy, but there may be times when it is too expensive or difficult to maintain. While there is no true substitute for a licensed professional, at the very least, consider journaling. Keep a book and pen on hand and write down the kinds of thoughts you experience. It can be very cathartic by itself, but you can also keep track of all sorts of things: when the thoughts occur, the severity, how long they persist, what effects, etc. Perhaps most importantly, you can list and monitor possible triggers. Most ideas don’t come out of nowhere, and if you can successfully identify encounters, ideas, conversation, or objects that spark or contribute to the negativity, you can begin either removing or minimizing them in your everyday life. If nothing else, you are better prepared for them when they occur again. Challenge your inner critic According to the philosopher Simon Critchley, the human mind can be split into two entities: the experienced self and the ideal self. The ideal self is the little voice that sometimes acts as our moral conscience, or the feelings of “should” and “should not” that frequently guide our choices. The ideal self can be a tool of betterment, but it can also be one of self-destruction. As with my example earlier, it can also be fed negativity by outside sources, repackaging it as your own words, or just the bitter, “keeping it 100”. But just because something is harsh doesn’t mean it is true. There is a difference between realism and pessimism. Falling short of your personal or professional goals doesn’t inherently make you a bad person. Everyone struggles, and it’s usually indicative of some change or adjustment that needs to be made. Keep track of the harsh voices in your head and try to discern fact and opinion. You’d be surprised how much opinion is masquerading as fact. Is the thought
10
helping you, or just making you feel worse? If it helps, think of yourself as your best friend, or even your child. Would you talk to them this way, and if not, why not? What is preventing you from loving and respecting yourself, the way you would someone else? If you can respect and lift up other people, you are definitely capable of doing that for yourself. And the more confidence you gain, the less you will ultimately be shaken or knocked down by others. Make a conscious effort towards positivity Watch your thoughts, until it becomes a habit. Your current thoughts might be so prevalent that they seem second-nature, so you will need to be vigilant and consciously fight back as much as possible. No good comes from self-loathing, so correct your ideal self, firmly but kindly, and steer it towards more positive motivations. In addition, take care of yourself. Sleeping well, eating well, and exercising regularly will improve your outlook and general thought processes, but so too will taking time for yourself and the things you enjoy. Remember, this is what your “friend” deserves. This may be challenging for a while, but there is some wisdom to the expression, “Fake it ‘til you make it.” Treat yourself as worthy, even if you don’t always feel like it.
Photo by Willow Wood
Other good habits that contribute: trying to focus on positive happenings, and the ways in which you excel. Write them down in your journal to keep yourself grounded and encouraged. Practice expressing gratitude for the good things in your life and being more forgiving of mistakes and difficulties. If you just can’t do this alone, you shouldn’t have to. Surround yourself with positive people in healthy, mutual, fulfilling relationships. Ask them to challenge you and hold you accountable. If they can’t, or you need more support, seek out local and online communities of those with similar goals. If thoughts persist or seem like too much to bear with alone, consider seeing a therapist, or exploring options with medication. Whatever you do, don’t sit quietly in darkness and despair.
11
Self-care for Men By Ericka Foster
Men are tough. And men who have done some time might be the toughest. So when you throw out terms like “self-care” to a tough guy, they bounce off him like raindrops on an umbrella. Or do they? "Men just deal with stress differently," Edward Hallowell, MD, explains in a WebMD article. Dr. Hallowell is founder of the Hallowell Center in Sudbury, Mass., and author of Crazy Busy: Overstretched, Overbooked and About to Snap! Strategies for Coping in a World Gone ADD." Men tend to judge their value on performance, and the additional obstacles of being released from prison can be…stressful to say the least. The physical signs of stress include fatigue, shortness of breath, chest pain, headaches, indigestion, skin problems, and sexual dysfunction. But often men don’t think that they can slow down enough acknowledge those things. The emotional effects of stress such as sadness, insomnia, job satisfaction, anger, or mood swings can too easily be chalked up to “life”, instead of what they really are – red flags. Stress is going to happen. In fact, some stress is actually healthy, it can encourage a man to be more competitive and reach a goal. Self-care can help identify that stress and curtail it before it gets out of hand. "Men notoriously have trouble putting their feelings into words," says Dr. Hallowell in the WebMD article. "They bottle things up so they're more subject to the damages of stress." A man can use the technology at his fingertips to record or type in the things on his mind without feeling like a 12-year-old girl recording things in a journal. Those recordings can be kept safely behind a password where only he knows they exist, and they give him the chance to process his feelings. Talk therapy Fortunately, more and more people are talking about the benefits of therapy and mental health care. Olympic swimmer and gold medalist Michael Phelps is a spokesperson for Talkspace, a company offering teletherapy. In a recent episode of NBC’s This is Us, African American characters Sterling K. Brown and Omar Epps discuss the value of therapy. There are many opportunities for those re-entering society to participate in discussion groups. In
12
groups like AA, individuals can share problems amongst others with similar challenges. Make good choices A large part of self-care is doing the things required to take care of yourself – eating healthy, exercising, getting enough sleep, etc. Studies show that when you make one good choice, it empowers you to make additional good choices. After working out, it makes one more likely to eat a healthy snack instead of an unhealthy. In this case, self-care begets self-care. You can turn up your self-care by turning necessary experiences into rituals – listening to your favorite song while showering, eating a healthy snack mindfully. If you have ever stepped out of the barbershop with a pep in your step, you know the value of feeling good about how you look. Making the choice to groom yourself is a form of self-care that will leave you a little more excited to be out in the world.
Photo by Willow Wood
Work it out Whether incarcerated or out in the world, physical exercise is a socially acceptable way for men to relieve stress. Whether you are working out a gym, or playing a pick-up game of basketball, exercise has been proven to release endorphins, the feel-good hormones. Even taking the time to go on a brisk walk during a work break can offer up the stress relieving benefits of exercise. Get a hobby For SO many of us, life falls into a cycle of go to work, go home, watch TV, go to sleep. Go to work, go home, watch TV, go to sleep. If you’re lucky, at some point in that cycle, you are doing some of that with loved ones. And how often do we throw a drink in there “to relax”? But why not break that cycle with a hobby? Something simple like art, gardening, or building can be a way to relieve stress and take care of oneself. Traditional ideas of masculinity can get in the way of doing things required to help us feel good. But both men and women need to take care of themselves.
13
We would like to thank our sponsors and supporters
14
