PQ Monthly December 2014 January 2015

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A Happy New Year

INSIDE: The LGBTQ Community & Race, Kathleen Saadat, Cameron Whitten, NYE 2014, and more!

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STONEWALL WAS A RIOT

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One of the most wonderful things about publishing a queer newspaper each and every month is the opportunity to give voice to voices that might not otherwise be heard—that is, inarguably, our primary purpose. Over the years, LGBTQ publications have helped steer our national discourse—about HIV/AIDS, about marriage equality, about same-sex parenting, about trans rights and trans justice, you name it— our issues have run the gamut. We’ve listened to one another, debated, and forged compromise and an entire movement despite a coalition that often doesn’t have every single thing in common. And it’s worked— look at the strides we’ve made battling HIV, and marriage everywhere is likely an inevitability, a matter of when not if. But it is my truest hope our movement doesn’t stall—or halt—there. As Jeana Frazzini writes in her column on page18, winning marriage isn’t a zero sum game. But I’m worried for some of us it is.

Like lots of people did after the Ferguson decision came down—and after events in New York unfolded—I watched in horror as many (usually white) LGBT folk cast judgment on protestors and communities of color— all over social media, day after day. Personally, I have never believed it is appropriate for anyone to demand communities of color act or behave a certain way, especially in the face of a lifetime of systematic oppression

and bias. (Just like it is similarly inappropriate to focus on a small group of rioters when there are thousands upon thousands of peaceful protestors dedicated to peaceful civil disobedience all around them.) Although the LGBTQ struggle against oppression is different, it is the same—it is the same societal and cultural machine built to perpetuate—by any means necessary—sameness and assimilation, to stifle and oppress difference at any cost.

Also, Stonewall was a riot. The Pride Parade we march in and the Pride parties we go to year in and year out exist because LGBTQ people rioted against police harassment and brutality. Our people had had enough and they rioted—and they made change.

It is in the spirit of Stonewall that we ask you to read our pages— we ask you to open your mind and your heart and for a moment, put yourself in someone else’s shoes. We’ve dedicated several pages to the thing that’s on everyone’s mind: race in America. We did what we do best—give space to people, so they can speak about their experiences, and we can all learn from them. Cameron Whitten and Kathleen Saadat—two generations of activists—speak from their hearts, from their lives, and they share what they’ve seen and heard— their fears and their dreams. Read their words and hear their messages, because of this I can assure you—equality means nothing if it is only for some and not for all. Equality is nothing if it is only legislation and not true lived equality. We need each other—and our coalition— more than ever.

We’re also using this issue to look back at 2014 and to look ahead at 2015. Our columnists take a look at what the past year has brought them— Kathryn Martini writes about “Little Deaths and Tiny Apocalypses,” Leela Ginelle writes candidly about her transition, and asks us all to rethink the binary. On page 16 and 17, we offer our best bets in terms of ringing in the New Year—a lineup that inspired our beautiful cover, the work of the tireless, wildly talented Eric Sellers. BRO’s Jeana Frazzini looks ahead to 2015— especially timely considering BRO’s role in steering Q Center to more stable times (on page 24, we look at the current Q Center situation along with a peek at our other non-profits). Steve Strode encourages you to follow your bliss, and Belinda Carroll asks the most important question of all. (I’m not spoiling it here—you’ll have to see for yourself.) There’s lots more.

Sit back, relax, and go for a big queer ride—we’ve made these pages just for you. And from everyone at PQ Monthly and Brilliant Media, we wish you a very happy holiday season and the most prosperous New Year.

Let’s go all in together.

--Daniel Borgen

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contributing writers

TJ Acena, Ben Burwitz, Belinda Carroll, Marco Davis, Gula Delgatto, Andrew Edwards, Leela Ginelle, Kim Hoffman, Shaley Howard, Konrad Juengling, Richard Jones, LeAnn Locher, Monika MHz, Miss Renee, Katey Pants, and, of course, your PQ Editorial Team

A SMATTERING OF WHAT YOU’LL FIND INSIDE:

ON THE COVER

A conversation with local activist Cameron Whitten.......................Page 5 “We are indivisible.” PQ talks with Kathleen Saadat........................Page 9 Portland Playhouse, breaking down barriers....................................Page 13 US Women’s colleges--trans men welcome, trans women not.......Page 14

503.228.3139

You’re going to be very busy ringing in the New Year.....................Page 16

proudqueer.com

A look ahead by BRO’s Jeana Frazzini..............................................Page 18 Secrets of the living dolls....................................................................Page 20 Inspired by the fast-approaching New Year, we asked our trusty photographer, Eric Sellers, to design and photograph his dream

CAP’s successful year--and more!....................................................Page 24

holiday shoot. Yes, that is SantaGula spanking Pepper Pepper (Baby New Year)--around the tree you’ll find Kim Kizmet DeLacy, THE NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE OF PQ MONTHLY IS RIVENDELL MEDIA, INC. BRILLIANT MEDIA LLC, DBA EL HISPANIC NEWS & PQ MONTHLY.

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Josh Spencer, Wolfgang Sebastian Bloodhawk III, and Michael

Plus, Suzanne Westenhoefer, Living Out Loud, ID Check, The Lady Chronicles, Cultivating Life,

Shaw Talley. Photo by Eric Sellers, cover design by Eric Sellers and

Belinda Carroll’s Pretty, Witty, and Gay, and much more! Not seeing what you’d like to see in our

Michael Shaw Talley.

print issues? Email Daniel@PQMonthly.com.

December/January 2014-2015 • 3

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FEATURE

WHERE DOES THE COMMUNITY HAVE OVERSIGHT OVER THE POLICE? A CHAT WITH CAMERON WHITTEN

By Matt Pizzuti, PQ Monthly

If you’ve been following Portland protests in reaction to the stories of Michael Brown and Eric Garner, you might’ve already seen or heard from Cameron Whitten. The 23-year-old activist, former mayoral candidate, Portland State University student and board president of the local social justice organization Know Your City published his thoughts on the issue in two columns he wrote in Bitch Magazine, and has been actively covering the events on social media.

Whitten spoke with PQ Monthly by phone, offering his analysis of how the recent events have impacted communities in Portland.

PQ Monthly: Can you tell me a little about your role in the protests in Portland over the last few weeks?

Cameron Whitten: My role in the protests in 2014 is mostly as an observer and participant. A lot of "I THINK THE FRUSTRATION HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE. I WOULD SAY THAT DEFINITELY COMMUNITIES OF COLOR ARE DOING MORE TO my involvement during the demonACT ON THAT FRUSTRATION NOW, AND YEAH, THE MEDIA’S DEFINITELY EATING IT UP." strations has been in advocacy and awareness—it’s been a priority for me to attend, and I’ve been doing a lot of photography, documenting what’s going on. Some of my Vines were used by TV stations and newspapers like the Mercury.

I’ve never seen my social media blow up like this since Ferguson. I’ve been to all the largest protests—I missed the ones that have been in Salem and Gresham, but all the ones in Portland I’ve been able to go to.

PQ: Do you see this as a moment of heightened frustration among communities of color, or is it just that the mainstream media or general public is finally paying attention?

CW: Both. I think the frustration has always been there. I would say that definitely communities of color are doing more to act on that frustration now, and yeah, the media’s definitely eating it up.

PQ: What kind of political or policy changes in Portland do you call for?

CW: I just call for any changes. I think it’s not about me, this is really a community movement. I think the eruption is a mandate on the city council … they really need to be out in the community more because the trust with the community is deteriorating. But there’s no way I can know all [the] changes that need to happen at city council for that shift.

I think, systemically, there’s been a lack of access for communities of color within political representation, within economic representation, with displacement costs to the east, and so I think city council really needs to make sure they’re ready next year with a long-term plan for community engagement and reversing the trend of inequality we’ve been seeing.

I know it’s one of the priorities in the mayor’s next budget in 2015 to focus on equity.

I just really urge that that commitment’s true, and I really urge that the issue of police accountability is revisited. I do emphasize, still, that this is really about the community.

PQ: What kinds of policy changes do you see the community calling for?

CW: The community has called for a lot of different things, and there are a lot of different communities that are really passionate about the situation.

Ultimately the question is, where does the community have oversight over the police?— because so far it’s been really limited. Some people want the city to be fighting for the power to fire police officers, some people are talking about body cams.

One of the main things I want say about that situation is, most of the police accountability advocates and people of color who have been working on this for such a long time aren’t really happy with the way body cams have been talked about. People think that’s the main thing coming out of the mayor’s office, and it sounds like that’s not really what people want to see.

I think often that frustration comes from the Eric Garner case, where people have seen that even though things were documented, it doesn’t mean justice is going to happen. So some people are skeptical of how body cams can actually reduce or mitigate any excessive use-of-force situations but also, what about privacy? If you have a body cam that’s on all the time, are you going to use that to incriminate people in a way that pretty much takes away their Miranda rights? Who else has access to that video? What’s the law if they pqmonthly.com

take it [the body cam] off 10 seconds before an excessive-force situation happens, or if the camera accidentally malfunctions?

I know the mayor’s also talked about changes to crowd control policy, and I guess, in general, people have been asking for more community policing, police officers to be out in the community without a hostile presence. There are a lot of different narratives and anecdotes people have told about their experience talking with a police officer—that the police officer came out asking questions as if they’re a gangster, or the police officer shows up and the first thing he does is put his hand on a gun.

PQ: Are you concerned about a cycle in which these frustrations erupt every few years and then fade back into the background, or do you see this as a crucial moment for change?

CW: I’m pretty young, but through my personal experience and what I see in history, even though these moments don’t sustain their heightened level of energy, they always have their effect. After the Ferguson case, when things were dying down to a certain extent, Eric Garner’s case really brought it back. I think the echo effect from Ferguson really strengthened what was going on with Eric Garner because the conversation was so fresh in memory. Even if this comes up again five years from now, we’re not having to completely restart the conversation.

Rodney King was decades ago. A lot of people, even I was not yet alive back then. Now my generation has been exposed to the issue of what it means to have an overpowered unaccountable police force and the fact that racial profiling is so prevalent.

What we’re looking for is specific political changes. I know for sure they’re happening in Ferguson—with voter registration drives, with demonstrations at city council—and the question is, are we really ready for that in the rest of the country? I know in New York, Mayor Bill de Blasio has made police reform one of his major priorities.

Is this going happen in Portland? It’s always a struggle, because Portland is the major white city in America, and I’ve seen time and time again where they’ve been pretty tone-deaf on the issue of racial justice and creating reforms.

PQ: During the protests in Portland, there was some activity on Twitter suggesting that white protesters heckling or lashing out at police were ignorant of the risks that could pose to people of color in the protests, or trying to shift the narrative away from institutional racism to police brutality in general. Are you concerned that such a shift is happening?

CW: There are more people of color at these protests than at a lot of demonstrations I’ve seen, but still, they usually come up to be either half or majority white. And although there are so many cases of police using excessive force against people of color, I feel that that really happens when there isn’t visibility—when a police officer isn’t surrounded by hundreds of individuals who are watching, who are filming, who are out there protesting. There are issues of police using excessive force during protests, but I don’t think when police officers act out during these protests it creates unsafety, specifically for people of color.

There are, all the time, small factions of people who want the protests and demonstrations to go a different way than they currently are, with their own agenda. But this is something that happens during most protests I’ve seen over the years.

And yeah, I think they do come off as somewhat privileged, being able to wear all black and yell things at the police, but also not be harassed in the way that communities of color have been harassed. Being a white person doing that—they have their own examples of, “Oh, one time I was drunk and this happened to me” or “I was at a protest and this happened with police”—but it really isn’t the same experience as people of color saying, “There are stops and pat-downs every night when I’m not even out trying to irritate police.”

We really want to make a priority of changing the worst aspects of the police force. The more we move away from that, the less likely it is that we’re going to have communities of color, who have been completely disenfranchised for so long, wanting to trust people who are otherwise allies in wanting to see changes happen.

PQ: What responsibilities do you think white civilians in Portland, or across the country, have in the way police here are treating people of color?

CW: That is such a complicated question. So, I think we can only see these changes happen if we have white people talking about it. Portland is the major white city in America. This is just something we have to acknowledge.

I think, first of all, they need to have conversations with people of color about this.

I’m sure everyone’s talked about Ferguson, but the question is, have they talked about Ferguson with a brown person?—and I’m pretty sure the answer for a lot of them is no.

We need to create a welcoming presence, we need to recognize the situation is dire.

This a political, socioeconomic crisis going on in communities of color, and we really need to invest in black voices.

“Portland is the major white city in America and I’ve seen time and time again where they’ve been pretty tone-deaf on the issue of racial justice and creating reforms.”

December/January 2014-2015 • 5

FEATURE

EMBRACING THE AFTERMATH OF FERGUSON

By Cameron Whitten, Special for PQ Monthly

inhumane actions committed against our brothers and sisters in this “post-racial America.”

No indictment.

While Martin Luther King Jr. said “a riot is the language of I waited three months to hear the phrase—the phrase the unheard,” it is our responsibility as a community to supthat etched another devastating moment into the his- port the reconstruction of a town that changed the nation. tory of America. When it finally came, And to make sure their voice is heard.

I prayed for the Brown family, who We owe a tremendous amount had to endure a painful Thanksgiving to Ferguson, the community in subdinner with one less light at the table. urban Missouri, and to #Ferguson, Since the death of Mike Brown the digital community that emerged more than 135 days ago, 14 more on social media. The loss of Mike teenagers have been killed by police Brown put the crisis of racial proofficers. The latest death was 12-yearfiling and police culture on a bright old Clevelander Tamir Rice, who died stage. It ignited a conversation within seconds of a police encounter across divided communities about on November 22nd. I prayed again, what racism in America looks like, a for every mother and father who now conversation that’s harder to ignore. holds their children close each night, In my day-to-day life, I’m talking not knowing whether the ones they more about the disparities of how love will make it to see the next day. SINCE THE DEATH OF MIKE BROWN MORE THAN 135 DAYS AGO, 14 MORE TEENAGERS HAVE BEEN KILLED BY POLICE people of color are treated when OFFICERS. stopped by the police. On too many Talks of “community healing” don’t even work as a Band-Aid for this hydrant of misery. occasions, a police officer has looked at a young man of Despite the fact that this ruling leaves me consumed by color - and seen him as so much of a threat - that their grief, rage, and despair, I have to admit that I’m not surprised. immediate reaction is to shoot. To kill. These are crimes Only 1 in 15,000 federal grand jury decisions result in no of racial profiling, but there seems to also be some sort of indictment. As the saying goes, “A grand jury would indict social illness that has infected the judgment of those who a ham sandwich.” But historically, racial inequities have are trained to protect and serve. Quoting author Tim Wise, had an unsettling presence in criminal sentencing. Grand who wrote about his fellow white people: juries acquitted those involved in the deaths of Emmett As a general rule, nothing we do will get us shot by law Till, Medgar Evers, and Trayvon Martin. enforcement: not walking around in a big box store with While I was in Ferguson in August , a group of commu- semi-automatic weapons (though standing in one with an nity organizers involved with Black Lives Matter went door- air rifle gets you killed if you’re black); not assaulting two to-door to talk to residents in the Kirkwood neighborhood, officers, even in the St. Louis area, a mere five days after the location of District Attorney Bob McCulloch’s home. Mike Brown was killed; not pointing a loaded weapon They set out to inform neighbors about one of the commu- at three officers and demanding that they—the police— nity demands of Ferguson residents: they wanted McCull- ”drop their fucking guns;” not committing mass murder och to recuse himself from the case and allow for an inde- in a movie theatre before finally being taken alive; not pendent investigation of Darren Wilson. proceeding in the wake of that event to walk around the That request was denied. Instead of pursuing a trial like a same town in which it happened carrying a shotgun; and district attorney would in a case not involving a police offi- not killing a cop so as to spark a “revolution,” and then cer, McCulloch held a mini-trial for the grand jury, playing leading others on a two month chase through the woods the role of prosecutor and defense. So, I wasn’t surprised before being arrested with only a few scratches. that Officer Wilson was cleared of any wrongdoing.

The realities between Black America and White AmerBut I did brace myself for what was coming next. ica are entirely different.

The violence and destruction in Ferguson were terriThe St. Louis grand jury may have finalized their decible for me to witness. In one night, the social fabric of an sion, but the federal Department of Justice is still in pursuit entire community was thrown into upheaval—a stark con- of an independent investigation into Wilson’s conduct on trast from my visit with hopeful community organizers in that day. They’ve also committed to a system-wide investiAugust. The horrifying images were like a war zone: Fire. gation of the Ferguson Police Department in order to estabGun shots. Surveillance. Tear gas. lish trust within the community. And even though Darren I don’t know who initiated the looting or what their ulti- Wilson has announced his resignation from the Ferguson mate intentions were, but this violence was an echo of the Police Department, the quest for justice is far from over.

And what does justice look like? A system change.

Two generations ago, American culture hit the pause button on the Civil Rights movement of the 1960’s. Now, there is a window to resume that dream of equality that we all hold dear. We must build homes of resilience. We must create communities of justice and truth. Until then, we take to the streets. We raise our hands and shout to the sky in a unified voice of triumph.

Despite the odds supporting the status quo, demonstrations in solidarity with the people of Ferguson have flourished in almost every major city. Oakland activists chained themselves to trains and disrupted the BART transit system.

New Yorkers brought an alternative “justice” theme to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Organizers in Seattle staged a “die in” demonstration at Westlake Mall. Hundreds joined a 120-mile march from Ferguson to the governor’s mansion in Jefferson City. Across the country, tens of thousands shared the hashtag #BlackOutFriday, a call to boycott the traditional Black Friday spending and to support black-owned businesses.

In my home of Portland, we’ve maintained a presence almost every day since the Ferguson ruling. Thousands have gathered to pay their respects to Mike Brown, and to those whose lives were lost to the pattern of police violence in Portland: Kendra James, James Chasse, Keaton Otis, Aaron Campbell, and others.

Recently, the Rev. Jesse Jackson lent his voice to one of the Portland demonstrations. The rally was followed by a peaceful march that lasted a symbolic four-and-a-half hours (the length of time Ferguson police left Mike Brown’s body lying the street). The Portland Police responded with flash bomb grenades, charging in their riot gear, and corralling the remaining protesters for half an hour in the cold under threat of arrest.

Despite that dismal scene, a different moment resounds with me. Days earlier on Tuesday, photographer Johnny Nguyen captured an astounding image of a Ferguson protest that rose to the top of the global narrative: 12-year-old Devonte Hart tearfully embracing a Portland police sergeant.

Does it fill me with hope? Yes. But I worry to myself, “What will happen to the next 12-year-old black boy who is approached by an officer?

Will he end up like Devonte … or like Tamir?”

Related Reading: Remembering the Black Women Killed

By Police.

Cameron Whitten is the Board President at Know Your City, an economics student at Portland State University, and a community advocate in Portland. Follow him on Twitter @CameronWhitten.

This article was originally published by Bitch: Feminist Response to Pop Culture.

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FEATURE

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December/January 2014-2015 • 7

FEATURE

FEATURE

ON WHITE PRIVILEGE

By Matt Pizzuti, PQ Monthly

One of the most pervasive forms of white privilege I’ve experienced is having full control over the way that different parts of my personal identity come up, and the ability to play them to my own advantage.

I can joke about the funny idiosyncrasies of my Irish-Italian family to get a laugh. I can talk about values I gained CONSTANTLY, PEOPLE OF COLOR ARE TOLD WHEN or struggles I faced THEIR RACE SHOULD MATTER, HOW IT SHOULD growing up Roman MATTER, HOW MUCH IT MATTERS, AND WHEN IT SHOULDN’T. Catholic to win interest or sympathy. I can bond with someone as an everyday guy who grew up in the suburbs of Denver, or as a now-urban creative adult in Portland, and people will go along with whatever I tell them that means.

There are dozens of different ways I can define myself — I, like all people, have a rolodex of identities and associations that make up who I am: in my case a writer, a college graduate, a liberal Democrat, a gardener, a Millenial, a vegetarian, and so forth. But whenever any of these associations stops being beneficial to me or stops being pertinent to a situation, I just shift the conversation to something else, and can be pretty certain that everyone will go along.

It’s seamless.

But, constantly, people of color are told when their race should matter, how it should matter, how much it matters, and when it shouldn’t. I notice this more often during serious public debates — it’s something that has become even more apparent in polarized reactions to the shooting death of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri, and the grand jury that declined to charge the officer who shot him. As communities voiced their outrage at the government response to the situation, people of color were admonished that they shouldn’t “racialize” the issue, told to believe it didn’t make any difference that Michael Brown was black. Yet many of those very same white commentators were happy to describe Brown in racial terms as a “thug,” and eager to bring up blackness regarding

looting and riots in Ferguson.

Constantly, people of color are told by white people that there’s something wrong with when they bring up race, celebrate their culture, build institutions to improve their community or benefit from community institutions and relationships — they are expected, in these cases, to be individualists, and relinquish all associations related to race.

Yet when people of color are denied access to mainstream institutions or reduced to stereotypes, the response is that some sort of collective failure of people of their own race is to blame for obstacles they experience.

I can offer a few more examples of when people of color are denied full control of their identities: often, people of color are told by white people not to take it seriously when racial caricatures in the form of a fictional character, Internet meme, costume or mascot are the only depiction of their race that many white people see. Often, people of color have their opinions or lifestyles attributed solely to their racial identity, or their words dismissed because some other person of color said something white people find more agreeable. And, often, people of color are under suspicion of trying to somehow “take advantage” of being their race, as if white people would never use their own biographies as an asset.

In other words, people of color are tied to race in ways that hinder them, and separated from race when race could be beneficial to them.

As a white person, I can use important components of my identity how I choose to and when I choose to. I can call on my associations with various groups when doing so would boost my credibility, but distance myself when the association would be irrelevant or disadvantageous, and there’s never any resistance or perception of hypocrisy when I do so. All these components of my identity are just tools I can use (or not to use) in any setting to my advantage, and my level of ability in artfully switching between them plays a significant role in how socially and economically successful I am. Meanwhile, people of color are asked to allow what could be one of the most significant components of their identities be moderated on someone else’s terms.

THREE PORTLAND METRO OPENLY LGBTQ CANDIDATES WIN THEIR ELECTIONS

By George T. Nicola, GLAPN

Three openly LGBTQ Portland areas candidates for public office won in the November general election.

Attorney Karin Power took 54% of the votes in a field of three candidates for a Milwaukie City Council position. It was Karin’s first run for public office. She is the first openly LGBTQ person elected to public office in that city.

Portland candidate for the Oregon House 8 • December/January 2014-2015

Rob Nosse was appointed earlier this year to the same position to fill a vacancy. This was his first election to retain the seat. He won by taking an impressive 91% of the vote.

The only other openly LGBTQ Oregon Legislature member, Portlander Tina Kotek, was elected to her fifth term with 85% of the votes. As House Speaker, Tina is the first openly LGBTQ person to lead a legislative chamber in Oregon and the first openly lesbian leader of any legislative chamber in the country. pqmonthly.com

FEATURE NEWS

“WE’VE LOST SOMETHING. PEOPLE HAVE LOST HOPE.” – AN INTERVIEW WITH KATHLEEN SAADAT

“WE ARE INDIVISIBLE.”

By Kat Endgame, PQ Monthly

On the morning of December 10, I sat down with renowned community activist Kathleen Saadat to discuss the recent protests in Portland and nationwide over the non-indictment of Darren Wilson for the killing of Michael Brown, as well as the growing list of unarmed African-Americans killed by white police officers. Born in St. Louis, Saadat moved to Portland in 1970 to attend Reed College. Since then Saadat has worked with numerous organizations, touched all levels of government, worked to organize the first gay rights march in Oregon in 1976 and served as Diversity Director for Cascade AIDS Project. You can read a full profile on Saadat online at PQ’s Queer Heroes NW page.

PQ Monthly: How do you see and experience race and sexuality intersecting in the issue of police brutality?

Kathleen Saadat: I am black and lesbian and if the police are abusing me, they’re not just abusing the black part of me. I am indivisible. We are indivisible, as human beings.

We have our characteristics and our traits, and anywhere you go, you bring them with you. When people ask me what comes first, I say, “You can’t divide me that way.” The names that we have assigned the various parts of ourselves are social constructs; we accept them as real whether they are or not. Race, for instance, is a social construct based on myth. Gender? Well, that’s becoming more flexible, isn’t it?

pqmonthly.com

I think we need to have another language for talking about ourselves. We need to think about our language for talking about ourselves as human beings. I want to be a part of that big global “we.”

PQ: I feel like there’s tension between the desire to achieve a global sense of “we” without losing the specificity of our oppression.

KS: Oh, I agree. That’s one of the consequences of oppression. Bruno Bettelheim wrote about the concentration camps in WWII and talked about Jews who picked up pieces of Nazi uniforms and put them on themselves.

The oppressed begin to identify with the oppressor or with the oppression. If I have been assigned a role in society, how do I get out of it and who am I going to be when I get out of that role? Some find this frightening to think about.

PQ: What do you think the next step is for activists attempting to hold police accountable in Portland and beyond? Who should lead that work, and how can the rest of us support them?

KS: There is no one next step, there are several. The people who should lead those next steps are the people who know about what needs to happen. Established organizations need to play a role in policy change. Certainly in Portland, the Albina Ministerial Alliance should be part of working with police and to restructure the [criminal justice] system. People who have been victimized by the system have voices; those must be heard.

There is no one step because even as you take that first step toward police accountability, you will introduce other issues. You’re going to introduce, well, what about these gay people that keep getting beat up by the police? What about this woman who was raped by somebody who had a key to her jail cell? Our work has to be multi-issue. If we want change the institutions, we have to learn to recognize that it’s not just about yelling at the system. There has to be a continuum from me, the person who’s yelling, all the way to the person who is changing the policy, or institutional structures. Otherwise, you’re just shouting in the wind.

There is no institution in our country that is not biased.

This is collective, big picture stuff—not individual. What about the whole group of people who are denied a decent education? Or denied good health care so they can participate in the education that they need? What about all these issues? We have to look at them together as an entire interactive system. We can’t just say we’re going to pick on this institution and not that one—they work together.

PQ: I think many of us come to the conclusion that the revolution must be intersectional, that it must be on all fronts, for all people.

KS: Yes, and that’s not new. Sojourner Truth said, “Do not give black men the vote without giving black women the vote, because then you leave his boot on my neck.”

This issue of intersectionality has always been there. We know that the systems are skilled at exploiting the fears

that set us against one another. What do we do to keep working together?

PQ: What would you say to those in PQ Monthly’s audience who feel tremendously outraged but don’t have any idea where to put that outrage?

KS: If you really want to, you can find a place. You can go to organizations, you can go to a march, you can introduce yourself to people. Yes, it’s scary, it’s all scary. I mean, it’s scary to stand in a group of 2,000 people and know that at any moment the police may come and spray you with something that may alter your life. I’ve gotten older and I can’t stand as long and being cold just makes me grumpy. But I’m looking at the young people who are doing all kinds of things all across this country and there’s no reason that you can’t find a way to hook into that. It just requires a decision to do it. Go to your church, to your social group, to your social media and ask! “Where do I l find a way to get involved here in Bloomingdale, Illinois?”

“I don’t know what to do” is in the way of so much. Well, we don’t know what to do a lot of the time either! We just know to make some noise. We don’t know which noise to make, or which direction to take it until we get together and start having a discussion about whether our noisemaking has done what we want it to do. That’s where I think the older generation comes in handy—you have to exploit those brains that have done this before. Ask us what we think. You don’t have to do what we say! Just ask... ‘cause we’re sitting here thinking, “Oh, just get a better sound system, that’ll improve your rally. Or don’t have the rally on a Tuesday afternoon. Your best time is Friday, rush hour, people going home.” You know these things from your own experience that you can hand to somebody else. What I want is to give younger people the benefit of my experience.

PQ: Do you like Octavia Butler?

KS: I love Octavia Butler.

PQ: Do you ever feel like we’re living in the prologue to Parable of the Sower?

KS: I would have to go back and read it again to answer that question. What I feel like we are living in is a global upheaval. Now, you can say in China it’s about this, or in Mexico it’s about that, but the common refrain is people saying, “This is enough.” We’ve got American Indians saying, “No pipelines across our land!” And we’ve got black people saying, “None of this!”

PQ: Where do you feel white allies fit into the struggle for racial justice and police accountability?

KS: Our allies have to figure that out, and if they can’t figure out how this struggle is in their interest then they can go home. I don’t need ’em. I don’t need anybody coming to save me. Now, if you know that what endangers me ultimately endangers you, there’s the answer to your question.

I think the people who are asking where do the white allies fit are frightened. They want to know where they can go so WE’VE LOST SOMETHING page 10

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NEWS

WE’VE LOST SOMETHING: “I AM BLACK AND LESBIAN AND IF THE POLICE ARE ABUSING ME, THEY’RE NOT JUST ABUSING THE BLACK PART OF ME. I AM INDIVISIBLE. WE ARE INDIVISIBLE, AS HUMAN BEINGS.” Continued from page 9

it’ll be easy and they won’t have to learn anything new. Well, there isn’t anywhere like that. There were white allies in the ’60s. We’ve been doing this together all along. White allies need to get over the hump of fear; it can still be there, but you can decide that it’s not an impediment to your action.

PQ: Right, get past the white guilt.

KS: White guilt is totally useless. It serves no one. Not even the white people who feel it.

PQ: I’ve been present for the Ferguson protests in Portland, and for probably the first time I can remember, I’ve had the experience of watching the nightly news report and feeling that reporters weren’t completely dismissing the protestors as lunatics or potential terrorists. The tone felt a lot more sympathetic. Do you feel like the media’s tone has shifted in any meaningful way?

KS: I think it’s shifted a little, but I don’t know how meaningful it is. We have to remember that the media is in the business of selling controversy. We can like or dislike the story; we just have to remember what they’re selling is controversy. We have to tell our own stories, which is a good thing about social media; we share our own stories, we post our own pictures. I think, for America in general, witnessing the murder of Eric Garner in such graphic detail has made people pay attention. It means reporters have to pay attention. People see how it doesn’t work for us and ultimately how it can be that it won’t work for them.

We’re the surface at this point, but they’re not just doing it to black people.

PQ: Right, the police are unaccountable everywhere.

KS: A lot of ink has been spilt lionizing or denigrating those who’ve engaged in property destruction in Ferguson and beyond. Do you think that property destruction can exist inside of the framework of an overall nonviolent protest movement? Does its presence distract from or add to the gravity of that movement?

I understand frustration. Back in the ’60s, I understood for the first time in my life the inclination to throw a brick through a window. The window didn’t have a name and it didn’t have a color; it would be the sound of the glass breaking that was going to give me some relief from the tension and the rage that I felt. I didn’t do it. I probably still wouldn’t

do it, because I don’t think it helps much, except as a release of personal rage. When you’re talking about advancing a movement for peace, or a peaceful movement, you automatically exclude those things that are seen as violent, and property destruction, in this country, is seen as violent.

You are looking at broken hearts. You are looking at people grieving, and they have no other way to grieve. It is our body lying in the street. It’s our body, and it’s “Somebody killed us again.” You’re looking at hurt and disappointment, which does not lend itself to a rational approach to politics. You’re looking at anger. You’re looking at years and years and years of grief.

We need a place for public grieving about this. I’ve been talking to people about this and I see tears pop up in their eyes. Where do we grieve over this and what does our grief bring us?

PQ: It either breaks you or it transforms you, right?

KS: Yes. PQ: So, how can we offer up the space and energy to allow it to transform us, instead of break us?

KS: Precisely, and what does it mean in the larger context? If I went downtown today, went and took a chair and said, “I am grieving a loss of confidence in my government, I am grieving the loss of lives across our country.” What if I just sat there and cried? What kind of response would I get? I wonder if other people would sit and cry with me.

We’ve lost something. People have lost hope.

PQ: You’ve been doing this a long time. You’ve been involved in radical work, organizing in nonprofit management, and all kinds of struggle for social justice. What sustains you in that struggle, and how do you avoid burnout and hopelessness? What’s your secret?

KS: It’s not a secret. I believe in what I’m doing. I totally believe in the possibility of human beings working together to make things better for all of us, and better doesn’t mean having more money. I believe I’m valuable and the people around me are valuable. I believe in redemption. I believe in reconciliation, in forgiveness, and I believe I don’t know every goddamn thing. It took me a long time to get there.

I know that if I become a cynic, they’ve won. I know I am blessed in every sense of that word, and my obligation is to

take the skills that I have and to use them to make things better. I live a really comfortable life. I sleep in a warm, dry bed every night. I’m blessed. That means I have an obligation. So that keeps me going. Other things that sustain me are my computer games, movies, arguments with friends and allowing myself to feel sad—allowing myself to feel sad because it is sad that we even have to have this kind of a conversation.

My friends are critical. Friends saw me through the stint I did on the steering committee against Ballot Measure 9 [in the 1990’s]. If I hadn’t had people holding me up, I would never have made it. Support from people like Jack Danger made the difference. She helped me think, and she gave me so much support that I didn’t even know was there until afterwards. That was a terrible, terrible time. I was fighting outside and fighting inside. Racism is a part of the gay and lesbian community, just like sexism is a part of every community.

PQ: We are indivisible.

KS: We are indivisible.

PQ: One last question. In your best estimation, how do we win? How will we know when we have won?

KS: The answer to how we win may be situational, but there are some basic tools that we need; without them we will not win. Coalition is one. Assumption of good will, until proven otherwise, is another. You cannot do this work if you keep flashing your ego. Compassion, empathy, a willingness to work with people, a willingness to understand, a willingness to forgive. You cannot have a movement if you don’t have forgiveness. You cannot have a marriage, a partnership, anything that lasts beyond the first fight, if you do not have forgiveness. So part of what we have to do if we are to win is forgive each other for the present and the past. Let’s start here.

In terms of knowing when we’ve won, it’s when we feel good about the world we’re living in. It doesn’t mean the world will be perfect, but it does mean that that old man down in Florida’s not going to get arrested for feeding hungry people.

It does mean that when somebody hears somebody say, “I can’t breathe,” they stop.

They stop, and they say, “Let me help you breathe.”

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NEWS

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December/January 2014-2015 • 11

QUEER HISTORY

VOICES

ID CHECK

Keep Your Binary Off My Gender

By Leela Ginelle, PQ Monthly

When one has experienced an erroneous gender assignment, and then had to live with it, suffering a traumatic puberty; when one has fought the perception that their gender is somehow inauthentic, and has seen their identity characterized as a mental illness, with hints that it, in itself, classifies one as a sexual predator, it’s probably natural that the esteem in which one holds their culture’s approach to and understanding of gender should be low.

The categories of female and male, as gender descriptors, are stiflingly limited, akin to reducing the entire field of nature to “warm” and “cold.” Just as categorizing the natural world in such a way, posting signs at parks and oceans with “W” and “C” markers, would seem nonsensical, even if the weather patterns in those places trended those ways, so burdening humans with male and female “identities” is painfully reductive, and, as we see in the cases of violence against trans women, consistently life-threatening.

Female assigned people in our culture, while victimized by patriarchy, have, for the past few generations, experienced more freedom in gender expression, enjoying greater latitude in clothing and grooming choices, than male assigned people.

Were a male assigned person to wear a skirt one day, what would happen? Their sanity would likely be questioned, as well as their sexuality, and their fitness as an employee, parent, etc. If that sounds exaggerated, imagine if either Barack Obama or Mitt Romney had done so during one of their debates.

The unfitness of the gender binary as an organizing system is currently on display at women’s colleges, such as Smith and Wellesley, each of which is well-stocked with trans men, while actively prohibiting trans women. The people overseeing admissions policies appear tacitly to be arguing that trans men are “essentially” women, and trans women are “essentially” men, despite the proof to the contrary.

Pondering things such as this — the cultural taboo against trans femininity, the monolithic transmisogyny manifesting itself in ways ranging from exclusion from women’s spaces, to the yearly murder of hundreds of trans women — I more and more desire the complete dissolution of gender as anything more than a form of individual expression.

Last year I wore almost nothing but skirts with tops and sweaters. This year I’m favoring slacks. To wear skirts, to transition, I spent all my money, risked my job and social status, had to submit to psychiatric eval-

uation and withstood all manner of harassment. Those were some of the costs of being a male-assigned person with a feminine gender identity.

Dressing more androgynously, I’ve been thinking about genderqueer, the idea that the binary should be deconstructed. Previously I saw this idea as nihilistic, a negation of gender in total. Today it feels like a gateway to viewing my gender as part of my ever-evolving identity.

Having been forcibly closeted, having witnessed trans people ridiculed and scrutinized throughout my life, having learned and, through great effort, unlearned, the practice of self-policing around my gender expression, I now want to accept that part of myself in whatever way it evolves.

It’s always struck me as ironic, given that femininity in our culture is associated with passivity and weakness, that trans women display such immeasurable tenacity and fire in pursuing our transitions. Inside we steel ourselves, as every cultural signal we’ve received prior to the past few years has prepared us for harassment, rejection, or worse.

With our stridency, vigilance and single-mindedness, trans women and male-assigned non-binary people are creating a space for ourselves previously denied by rigidly defined, patriarchal gender roles.

“Your rules are illusions.” “Your assumptions are wrong.” “We’re not going away.”

Each day we live our lives, each time we speak up for ourselves, these are the messages we communicate.

If the rules applying to us are wrong, though, what rules would be right? Not many, I imagine. What rules govern your musical tastes, your food choices, or your exercise habits? Were they handed down to you, according to government regulation at your birth, enforced by your school, and encoded on your identification cards?

Four years ago, when my transition began, it felt like I was jumping off a cliff. I had never seen someone break every rule, and couldn’t predict the results. It feels like, in four years, our culture’s changed as much as I have, but perhaps that’s just my perception.

I wonder sometimes if I’ll experience the end of stigma around gender identity, if gender expression will be simply an outward display of personality, which, without policing and rules, it likely would. Will we stop scaring each other, and our children, into being “men” “women “boys” and “girls,” a process so pervasive and unconscious as to be nearly invisible?

I’m ready to when you are.

Leela Ginelle is a playwright and journalist living in Portland, OR. You can write her at leela@pqmonthly.com.

12 • December/January 2014-2015

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TRANSITIONS

THEATER FEATURES

PORTLAND PLAYHOUSE: SEEKING TO BREAK DOWN BARRIERS

PHOTOS PROVIDED BY BRIAN WEAVER, PORTLAND PLAYHOUSE.

By Leela Ginelle, PQ Monthly

When Portland Playhouse Artistic Director Brian Weaver, his wife, and company Education Director Nikki Weaver, and brother Michael, arrived Portland in 2008, the three hit the ground running. Within two weeks of relocating they’d found a donated space for their new company, in the old church in the King neighborhood they still occupy today, and premiered their first show, “After Ashley,” by Gina Gionfriddo.

“The first night, we had two people in the audience,” Weaver says. “The second night, we had no one. But by the twelfth night, word had got out, and we had 144 people in the crowd.”

The auspicious start was a sign of things to come for the company, which has established itself as an integral part of the city’s theater scene. From the start, Portland Playhouse has striven to engage with Portland in ways other companies might have shied away from.

“We intentionally chose a neighborhood that was not home to a theater, and a nontraditional space, the rehabbed church,” Weaver says. “We wanted to break down barriers and draw in people who don’t necessarily attend theater.”

A hallmark of Portland Playhouse has become their yearly staging of the plays of August Wilson. One of America’s foremost African-American playwrights, Wilson completed a set of ten plays known alternately as the “Pittsburgh Cycle” and the “Century Cycle,” all ten of which Portland Playhouse plans to stage (this season they’ve mounted their sixth, “The Piano Lesson”). This ambitious project grew out of a desire to respond to and reflect on the dynamics they

saw taking place in their new King area home.

“We didn’t start out to do the whole cycle,” Weaver says. “We staged (Wilson’s) ‘Radio Golf’ because it comments specifically on gentrification. The things it details: land values, previously vibrant, black-owned businesses, a Whole Foods land deal, all seemed extremely relevant to what was going on in the King neighborhood. We wanted to tell it because we could see it and see our part in what was happening. It was a way we could try to invest in the cultural heritage of the neighborhood.”

Weaver says the play struck a nerve with audiences.

“Response was very big. It drew a diverse audience and people had strong reactions. People didn’t want to leave after the show. They wanted to stay and talk.”

Weaver sees issues of racial and social justice as being central to Portland Playhouse’s mission. The company has engaged with LGBTQ issues in past seasons with their staging of “Angels in America,” and Tarell Alvin McCraney’s “The Brother/Sister Plays.” Weaver says his involvement with LGBTQ theater dates to the first play he produced at Goshen College in Indiana.

At the time, as an undergrad, Weaver identified as bi/ curious and wore skirts on occasion. One day, in response, another student at the Mennonite school posted on the campus opinion board that Weaver’s behavior was “disgraceful,” and that “God did not approve.” Soon a different student posted a pro-gay opinion, following which others burned the opinion board down, drew chalk outlines around it, and scrawled, “God Hates F-gs.”

Weaver felt he needed to respond, and turned to theater as a vehicle, mounting a queer production of Shakespeare’s

play “The Tempest.” He thought the play’s themes, which he characterized as being about being cast out, creating one’s own world, and then reintegrating, spoke to what was taking place, and also believed theater, with its ability to create community and gather diverse audiences together for a shared experience, could be a uniquely powerful tool or addressing the intolerance and dissension.

Weaver and the Portland Playhouse continue to believe in theater’s power, as well as the importance of breaking down traditional barriers that might keep people away from productions. The Playhouse’s education program, for instance, which is overseen by Nikki Weaver, and operates in eight area schools, uses a call and response method for line learning in order to eliminate reading ability as an obstacle for young actresses and actors to take part in productions.

The company also has a knack for staging buzzy new plays, such as this season’s “Mr. Burns, A Post-Electric Play,” or 2012’s production of the musical “Bloody, Bloody Andrew Jackson.”

The church on Prescott where The Portland Playhouse’s first show went up in 2008, has become its permanent, or, at least, long term, as the company recently signed a ten year lease. When asked whether he thought it was presumptuous of three people who had moved from Virginia and Boston literally two weeks earlier to name themselves “The Portland Playhouse,” Weaver agrees it was, but says it spoke to their aspirations.

“We thought it was presumptuous, but we wanted to grow into being a significant company for Portland.”

They’re well on their way.

FEATURES

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December/January 2014-2015 • 13

FEATURE

U.S. WOMEN’S COLLEGES: TRANS MEN WELCOME, TRANS WOMEN NOT

By Leela Ginelle, PQ Monthly

U.S. women’s colleges. The “individuals who identify as transgender” at Smith are largely trans men, while trans women, like Wong, are excluded. As Kiera Feldman wrote in an op-ed for the New York Times entitled “Who Are Women’s Colleges For?” schools such as Smith, have

who they say they are, just as the trans women attempting, and failing, to gain entrance aren’t.

In 2013, graduating high school senior and transgenThat is, of course, false, and it’s heartening to note that der woman Calliope Wong applied for admission to the Mt. Holyoke has recently become one of three women’s all-women’s Smith College. Being female, Wong assumed colleges who’ve clarified their policies on trans students her gender identity would not preclude her and committed to affirming trans women’s acceptance there, particularly given stateidentities. ments on the school’s website such as, “Smith A darker strain appears to be at play, howhas a diverse and dynamic student body that ever, in this dynamic, involving transmisogincludes individuals who identify as transyny. In the more recent New York Times article gender.”

“When Women Become Men at Wellesley ColWong’s hopes were dashed, however, when lege,” a trans man student, speaking anonyin March 2013 she received a rejection from mously, shared the view that his school—a purthe dean of admissions stating, “Smith is a portedly all-women’s school that he is allowed women’s college, which means that underto attend—should only accept trans women graduate applicants must be female at the who have “begun sex-changing medical treattime of admission.” At issue in the matter was ment or have legally changed their names or Wong’s FAFSA application, which listed her sex on their driver’s licenses or birth certifigender as “male.” cates.” “I know it’s a lot to ask of an 18-yearFor those unfamiliar with it, suffice it to old,” he said. “But at the same time, Wellesley say that the process of changing one’s gender needs to maintain its integrity as a safe space markers in the U.S. is byzantine and costly. for women.”

While certain states are doing away with surHere’s a trans man, giving voice to all the gery requirements for such changes, many tropes that dog trans women: that they’re haven’t yet. Likewise, the DMV, Social Secuinvaders, and impostors, dangerous people rity Administration and state offices where who threaten the safety of “real” women.

“SMITH IS FULLY CAPABLE OF REVIEWING MY APPLICATION AND MAKING AN ADMISSIONS DECISION BASED ON MY CREDENTIALS. IT’S SO SIMPLE. THIS IS OBVIOUS DISCRIMINATION ON SMITH’S PART.” They’re not who they say they are, and therebirth certificates are kept all have their own time-consuming, paper-intensive protocols. fore, the weaker, fairer, more virtuous female Some states, moreover, like Tennessee, forbid the changing placed themselves “in the untenable position of essen- sex must be kept separate from them. of gender markers on birth certificates altogether. T o tially discriminating against women in favor of men.”

Thankfully, the tide slowly seems to be turning from this expect a high school senior, like Wong, to manage a social For a clue as to how that might have happened, one line of thought. Three women’s colleges—Mills, Mt. Holyoke gender transition, a college application process and this can look at a quote in that same article from Lynn Pas- and, most recently, Simmons—have committed to admitsort of high-level record-keeping seems unreasonable, a querella, the president of Mt. Holyoke College, another ting trans women, based on those women’s self-identifiview Wong herself expressed. After posting her rejection all-women’s school. Addressing the potential pitfalls of cation. Genny Beemyn, a trans woman and the director of letter to social media, she wrote on Facebook, “Smith is admitting trans women, Pasquerella asks, “What would the Stonewall Center at the University of Massachusetts, fully capable of reviewing my application and making an prevent the male child of a faculty member, who gets a free believes the trend will continue. admissions decision based on my credentials. It’s so simple. tuition break, from saying, ‘Well, I identify as female, so I Speaking to the Boston Globe, Beemyn said, “I think This is obvious discrimination on Smith’s part.” want to go here and get a free tuition’?” we’re going to see more women’s colleges making the Students at Smith agreed, and a movement sprouted up.

Aside from sounding like the plot of a bad ’80s comedy, change to recognize students who identify as women. It’s A campaign called “@smith” shared pictures of Smith stu- the statement conveys an ignorance and condescension a matter of equality and a matter of fairness that women dents holding signs that read “Transwomen Belong at Wom- about transgender identities. Elsewhere in the article, Bar- should be able to go to women’s colleges even if that’s not en’s Colleges” and “Trans Ladies Belong Here.” A petition nard College President Debora L. Spar admits as much, how they were assigned at birth.” from the group Smith Q & A calling for the admission of trans saying, “Part of it is a generational thing. I think most of Unfortunately, Calliope Wong, who now attends the women to the school collected more than 3,600 signatures. us were raised to believe boys are boys and girls are girls. University of Connecticut, did not get to benefit from the The episode of discrimination against Calliope Wong Period.” Viewed this way, it’s possible to imagine the school’s increasing enlightenment on this issue. By speaking out, shone a light on an ugly double standard present at presidents thinking the trans men on their campus are not though, she did do a lot to help spark it.

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VOICES

HOLIDAY

LIVING OUT LOUD Little Deaths and Tiny Apocalypses

By Kathryn Martini, PQ Monthly

“December’s wintery breath is already clouding the pond, frosting the pane, obscuring summer’s memory...” John Geddes Oregon settled into autumn quickly this year, and we all braced against the unseasonable cold and familiar rain. The earth is preparing for change; parts of her are dying, like the leaves that float to the ground and cover the sidewalks surrounding my apartment; this place I don’t own; this place I don’t share with anyone but my children and pets. Being without a partner for the first time in my adult life is like adding something to my bucket list I never intended.

It isn’t good or bad; it just is, but the sadness in it is like dying sometimes. Coyotes live near the Tualatin River behind me, and they snatch little unprotected and unaware cats and dogs, dismantling their bodies and leaving parts behind to rot. My Malti-poo Ginger sniffs the yellow and orange ground; can she smell their death? Does it linger in the thick, moist air carrying with it a healthy dose of fear? She pays no mind to the squirrels and blue jays who hop around as we walk; they scurry to gather food before it’s gone, making popping noises in the trees where they hide for the upcoming winter; they don’t mind Ginger either.

Twenty years ago my oldest daughter was born. I sat in Good Samaritan Hospital and watched the colors blanket the affluent homes dotted over Portland’s West Hills; if I had been allowed to go outside, I would have smelled the crispness in the air mixed with the sweet smell of decay, and I couldn’t have imagined the meanderings my life would take. Part of me died that fall; I became a mother and whomever I was before that moment ceased to exist; she faded away just like the clear blue northwest sky that will soon be covered in grey, hiding our majestic Mt. Hood behind the wet clouds only revealing her white pointed breast as a pleasant surprise.

Twenty sets of seasons passed, and now my child is an adult college student making her own life and mine is beginning again too. Seasons redefine, reset, and rejoice in their newness: winter is for hibernation, spring is for new life, summer is for growth and fall is for death and preparation for resurrection. Autumn is the time for the greatest change: more relationships end between September and December than any other time of the year, people sensitive to mood disorders are more likely to have manic or depressive events, and especially here

in the Northwest, where so many are affected by the sudden weather change, bringing seasonal affect disorders, migraines and sadness. Ten years ago I ended a marriage. Two years ago I ended another. Little deaths. Tiny Apocalypses.

Last year at this time, a turkey was living outside of my apartment. I would hear her rustle in the leaves assuming she was one of the tame squirrels that sit and watch me when I walk by. I looked to see her sitting there, then she jumped off and clucked, or gobbled, or made some kind of bird noise before flitting off into the field.

I read that Native Americans viewed turkeys as symbols of abundance and fertility. The turkey displays anxiety when he or she senses a change in the weather and many tribes watched for this behavior as a sign of what was to come. The Sioux used four turkey feathers in certain rituals to represent the four winds. Four Winds: Four Seasons.

Benjamin Franklin lamented to his daughter that he wished the turkey was chosen as the national bird instead of the Bald Eagle. The eagle is mostly a scavenger and Franklin didn’t see this as an honest way to obtain food; turkeys are omnivores and they eat plants and small insects. Turkeys are considered brave and courageous.

They are also symbols of pride, abundance, generosity, awareness, virility, fertility, and sacrifice. “When the turkey visits us it is a sign that we must be mindful of the blessings bestowed upon us each day. Further, it is a message to express our strength and brilliance—it’s time to show our own plumage and reveal true selves”. The turkey unfortunately met an untimely death—run over by an impatient holiday shopper at the Best Buy shopping plaza next door.

Endings must continue before there are new beginnings, before there are preparations for the next cycle of life. I’m changed and still changing, but who I will become has yet to be determined. It’s all part of the process. Rebirth follows dying, and the last parts of the old me are dying alongside the life around me. I connect to what perishes and take it in like the air I breathe, filling my lungs with understanding: life stops, and soon it will all start again. The Winter Solstice is coming—the darkness is upon the world and it’s nearly time to hide in that darkness and fill our souls with truth—so we can step into the light once again.

Kathryn Martini is a Portland writer, author and columnist.

She can be reached through kathrynmartini.com. pqmonthly.com

December/January 2014-2015 • 15

HOLIDAY

HOW TO RING IN THE NEW YEAR, PQ-STYLE Here we are: on the cusp of another year, nearly halfway through another decade. You have a variety of options this blessed holiday, and we’ve rounded up the best of them right here.

Kick off your New Year’s Eve with Poison Waters & Friends during their 4th Annual NYE Happy Hour Show! Join Kourtni Capree Duv, Mis Inanna, Superstar Diva Topaz Crawford, and Diva-Simone Slaughter for another unforgettable show. (Plus Poison, obviously.) No cover, loads of fun laughs, and early enough to start with the queens and then head out to your dinner or party—Al’s Den in the McMenamins Crystal Hotel, 5:30-7PM. Bring your friends and toast to sparkles and glamour. 303 SW Twelfth Avenue.

Lumbertwink is back for a fantastic New Year’s Eve edition. New Year’s Eve! Can you even?! Count down to 2015 with hundreds of furballs, furball-adjacents, and sans-furballs — grab your flannels and head to this beardfriendly social where you’ll find drinkin’, dancin’, and participating in some mutual beard-rubbing. Perhaps even erotic beard-rubbing—it’s your night. Play along with the PNW fantasy and come in plaid or a union suit for a $6 cover, $10 without. Photo booth by Wayne Bund Photography, countdown at midnight, go-go lumbertwinks on stage—it’s a night of dreams! 8pm, Funhouse Lounge, 2432 SE Eleventh.

TwerkBag NYE ! (Dirt Bag + Twerk.) From the party architects: Waaaah! <babybottleemoji> Waaaaah! <babybottleemoji> Waaaaah! <babybottleemoji> Waaaaah!

UH-OH! Twerk and Dirt Bag have been getting busy again.

Celebrate NYE where you know you wanna be. Champagne toast at midnight. Bruce LaBruiser, Ill Camino, II

16 • December/January 2014-2015

Trill. 9pm, Local Lounge, 3536 NE MLK. Hello/Hello returns—and take a deep breath, this one’s a doozy. What better way to ring in the New Year than with three of our favorite queens? Very special guests: Alaska Thunderfuck 5000 (RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 5), Tammie Brown (RuPaul’s Drag Race All-Stars), and Trixie Mattel (RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 7). That’s a lot of wig. The evening is hosted by our beloved Carla Rossi, with local queens Madame Dumoore, Shitney Houston, Artemis Chase, Svetlana, and Lulu Luscious. Deejays: Jens Irish and Sappho.

Go-go dancers, portraits by Horwitz, etc. etc. Hello/Hello is routinely one of the most debaucherous parties of the year, so dress up and come out! There will also be a bestdressed competition, best in drag, and more. (Along with the countdown at midnight.) 9pm, Branx, 320 SE Second.

Ticket info here: http://holdmyticket.com/event/187651.

(We recommend buying yours in advance if you want a glimpse of greatness.)

And last but never least, our besties at Scandals are throwing a big gay shindig as well—it’s called Lavish. At Lavish, you can saunter up and down Stark like all the gays of yesteryear, mix and mingle on the patio, stare at the beautiful help—better yet, karaoke your little queer heart out. You are the star, queen! Sing your faves with—wait for it—a live band.

Hot damn. 9pm, Scandals, 1125 SW Stark. It’s OK to meander down to CC’s or Silverado afterward—just make sure you sing a tune before you do.

Stay safe—don’t drink and drive (Radio Cab is always a lovely option), but most of all—make it a night of dreams.

--Compiled by Daniel Borgen

pqmonthly.com

GET OUT! VOICES

PQ PICKS

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 18 PQ Monthly Press Party—mix and mingle with the makers of your queer newsmagazine. Rub elbows with a wildly diverse crowd. (And hit up Polari afterward. See: Dance it Out to the right.) This month’s shindig is at Scandals!

As always, 5pm. (And mark your calendars—every third Thursday at rotating venues. Next month: Vault.)

Polari. Troll in for buvare. Back-in-the-day language, music, and elegance. An ease-you-into-the-weekend mixer. Bridge Club boys make the music. Bridge and tunnel patrons have no idea what to do with us when we pour in. Hint: it’s always the Thursday we go to press. What serendipitous fortune!

10pm, Vault, 226 NW 12. Free.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 19 Portland Saturday Market presents Spirits Fest 2014 (opens at 11am Friday, runs through December 21). 1. Have a drink. 2. Catch a show. 3. Shop Local. Spirits Fest highlights local distillers who are shaking up Portland’s vibrant scene.

It is all about meeting the makers of the local crafted spirits and the wonderful concoctions people can create using local spirits. Purchase a $5.00 wristband with proper ID to enter the event. (It’s Festival of the Last Minute so continue your experience at the market with some local shopping at the nation’s largest weekly open-air arts, crafts market. They offer a unique experience for the whole family. Stroll around the Market to buy distinctive artisan gifts and eat delicious international foods. Open March-Christmas Eve, Saturdays 10-5pm and Sundays 11-4:30pm.)

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 20 Santas & Santos Holiday Dance Party: You’re invited to Santas y Santos, Milagro’s Holiday Dance Party! Put on your dancing shoes and a fun/fancy holiday getup, and plan to shake your booty to the beats of DJ Coast2C. Tickets will be available at the door only for a $10 minimum donation per person, which will go toward their Give!Guide campaign. They’ll have holiday noshes, with beer and wine available for purchase. Special gift items will also be sold to help them reach our goal of $5,000 and help you wrap up your holiday shopping. Credit cards will be accepted and encouraged. 9:30pm, 537 SE Stark.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 26 Now every 4th Friday, Turnt Up! is a club night featuring queers and queer sentiments, nudity inducing dance music, a live band when possible and mind altering atmosphere to help you get your scene right. All are welcome just come correct, K? For this round they’re keeping it real simple (and a little cheaper). They welcome DJ Pavone from Seattle (Bottom Forty/Stiffed) onto the decks alongside resident Sappho. 9:30pm, Lovecraft, 421 SE Grand.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 27 In Salem, a Winter Masquerade Drag Show. A fun filled and talent packed drag show coming to you. Being it’s the holidays, these kids added a little fun for audience members; come dressed in your best Masquerade look for your chance to win $50. Amazing drinks, killer food items, drag, games, booty shaking, and more. So after relaxing all Christmas long, go get a drink at Duffy’s and celebrate with the Lipstickdivas. 8pm, show at 9pm, Duffy’s, 2275 Mcghilcrist St SE, Salem. $7 dollars at the door.

Blow Pony gets a special additional shout out for inviting Jackie Hell to party with you. Get your Elves in order! It’s time to be Gay and Mary. This Saturday, December 27th, you could have sat in Santa’s lap, but instead, you’ll be sitting in JACKIE HELL’S! Yikes. Two giant floors. Wide variety of music, plenty of room for dancing. Rowdy, crowdy, sweaty betty, the one tried and true, even after all these years. 9pm, Rotture/Branx, 315 SE 3. $5.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 31 (SEE OPPOSITE PAGE) Kick off your New Year’s Eve with Poison Waters & Friends during their 4th Annual NYE Happy Hour Show! Join Kourtni Capree Duv, Mis Inanna, Superstar Diva Topaz Crawford, and Diva-Simone Slaughter for another unforgettable show.

(Plus Poison, obviously.) No cover, loads of fun laughs, and early enough to start with the queens and then head out to your dinner or party—Al’s Den in the McMenamins Crystal Hotel, 5:30-7PM. Bring your friends and toast to sparkles and glamour. 303 SW Twelfth Avenue.

OPENING THURSDAY, JANUARY 8 (RUNS THROUGH JANUARY 17) Searching for Aztlán. A satirical journey in search of lost identity and culture! Caught in a political and metaphorical haboob, Dolores Huelga finds herself on a quest for the mythical land of Aztlán. Along the way she encounters: a quirky High-Spanic, a militant Super-Chicano, and a working class Lati-Immigrant –all dispossessed exiles. These four unlikely companions journey together in search of truth, justice, and the “indigenous way!” Preview Jan 8, opening Jan 9 with a post-show reception by La Bonita. For more info visit milagro.org SUNDAY, JANUARY 18 Mr. Miss & Ms. Northwest Fierce Pageant Benefiting Cascade AIDS Project. The second annual NW Fierce Pageant benefiting CAP, a 100% charity event. Open to all of Idaho, Washington and Oregon performers. Hosted by Ivanaha Fusionn and Kurtis Hendricks. With amazing local performers (TBA ). Win an amazing CROWN and SASH (or watch a great show) and help our community raise money for CAP. Starring RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 1 and RuPaul’s All Stars Drag Race Season 1 Shannel. One night only.

Stepping down are the talented 2014 NW FIerce’s Alexis Campbell Starr, Jayla Rose Sullivan, and Isaiah Esquire.

If interested in running please contact Jerid Lee, Ivanaha Fusionn, and Kurtis Hendricks. Registration and application is free and all are welcome participate until pageant is full. Doors at 5pm, pageant at 6pm. $15 dollars at the door. Embers, 110 NW Broadway.

MONDAY, JANUARY 19 The days are shorter, darker, and colder, but it’s still an excellent time to get your active socializing on.

Gay Skate is a joy. Meet queers and mingle with them outside the bar setting — maybe your dream lover will ask you to hold hands during couples’ skate.

And there are themes now! Themes! (Check online for the latest.) Come dressed to impress and wine beautiful prizes, and look for our publisher, who’s always handing out copies of PQ. And, you know, you’ll probably get a date. Food drive for Take Action Inc. 7pm, Oaks Park, 7805 SE Oaks Park Way. $6.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 22: Family Home Evening “Ugly Sweater Party.”

This 22nd, get bourgie boozy at Vault Martini in your most reverse fabulous Christmas sweater best/worst. Garish yarn garlands, sexually offensive Daddy Santa boob tassles (with glitter highlights), jangly Christmas tree sweater cuffs with flashing lights...the possibilities are endless. Peacock your way to a grand old time with all of your besties, and they’ll top it off with delicious cocktails to smooth your socializing. Happy hour all evening—includes martinis and cocktails, along with a variety of nibbles. Music by DJ Orographic, drinks by Jens Irish, and photos by Wayne Bund. New Year’s Eve came early, mama! 7pm, Vault, 226 NW Twelfth.

1

pqmonthly.com

Want more? We’ll give you everything. Head over to pqmonthly.com and check out our online calendar of events, submit your own events, and peruse photos from your reporters-about-town. Also, remember to carefully examine our weekly weekend forecast — with the latest and greatest events — each Wednesday (sometimes Thursday), online only.

--DANIEL BORGEN

pqmonthly.com/get-out

DANCE IT OUT FIRST SUNDAYS Bridge Club. A slew of stellar deejays play music on the city’s most treasured patio. Old Boys Club regularly welcomes special guests. (On hiatus until spring.)

EVERY SUNDAY. Superstar Divas. Bolivia Carmichaels, Honey Bea Hart, Topaz Crawford, Isaiah Tillman, and guest stars perform your favorite pop, Broadway, and country hits. Dance floor opens after the show. The Drag Queen Hunger Games are over, and the shows must go on! Check out the newest and freshest Diva hits. 8pm, CC Slaughters, 219 NW Davis. Free!

FIRST THURSDAYS Hip Hop Heaven. Bolivia Carmichaels hosts this hip-hopheavy soiree night every Thursday night at CCs. Midnight guest performers and shows. 9pm, CC Slaughters, 219 NW Davis. Free.

FIRST SATURDAYS Sugar Town. DJ Action Slacks. Keywords: Soul, polyester. 9pm, The Spare Room, 4830 NE 42. $5.

SECOND THURSDAYS I’ve Got a Hole in My Soul. Three keywords, the most important being: DJ Beyondadoubt. Others: soul, shimmy. 9pm, Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison. $5.

SECOND TUESDAYS Bi Bar—every second Tuesday at Crush, and it’s an open, bi-affirming space for music and mingling. Correction: Bi/Pan/Fluid/Queer. 8pm, Crush, 1400 SE Morrison.

SECOND FRIDAYS Slo Jams is a Queer Modern R&B & Neo Soul Dance Night at Local Lounge. DJ II TRILL (TWERK) and DJ MEXXX-TAPE lay down everything from Mary J // Jagged Edge// Keyshia to Badu//Lauryn Etc. 10pm, Local Lounge, 3536 NE MLK. $5.

SECOND SATURDAYS Hot Flash: Inferno. (Second and Fourth Saturdays) In the heart of Portland is where the women are—dancing the night away and burning up dance floors the second and fourth Saturdays of every month at Trio. Welcoming all women, queers, and their allies. 6pm-10pm, Trio, 909 E. Burnside.

Mrs.: The queen of theme welcomes its new hostess, KajAnne Pepper! And dynamic DJ duo: Beyondadoubt and Ill Camino. Costumes, photo booths, all the hits. 10pm, Mississippi Studios, 3939 N. Mississippi. $5.

SECOND SUNDAYS Beat It at Black Book: A beautiful new queer night all for you at one of the city’s most exciting new(ish) venues.

A monthly event celebrating everything from beards and tattoos to butch queens. Mark your calendars: second Sundays. Hosted by JC Powers, killer deejays. 7pm, Black Book, 20 NW Third.

W E D N E S D A Y, DECEMBER 31: Our besties at Scandals are throwing a big gay shindig to ring in the New Year—it’s called Lavish. At Lavish, you can saunter up and down Stark like all the gays of yesteryear, mix and mingle on the patio, stare at the beautiful help—better yet, karaoke your little queer heart out. You are the star, queen! Sing your faves with—wait for it—a live band. Hot damn. 9pm, Scandals, 1125 SW Stark. It’s OK to meander down to CC’s or Silverado afterward— just make sure you sing a tune before you do. Stay safe—don’t drink and drive (Radio Cab is always a lovely option), but most of all—make it a night of dreams.

2

CALENDAR FEATURES

THIRD WEDNESDAYS Comedy at Crush: Belinda Carroll and a slew of locals rustle up some funny. Special guests, and Crush’s signature cocktail and food menus. Donations, sliding scale.

(Comics have to eat and drink, too, so give!) 9pm, Crush, 1400 SE Morrison.

THIRD THURSDAYS Polari. Troll in for buvare. Back-in-the-day language, music, and elegance. An ease-you-into-the-weekend mixer. Bridge Club boys make the music. Bridge and tunnel patrons have no idea what to do with us when we pour in. Hint: it’s always the Thursday we go to press.

What serendipitous fortune! 10pm, Vault, 226 NW 12.

Free.

THIRD FRIDAYS Ruthless! Eastside deluxe. DJs Ill Camino, Rhienna. Come welcome new resident deejay Rhienna and listen to the fiercest jams all night long. Keyword: cha cha heels.

10pm, Local Lounge, 3536 NE MLK. $3.

THIRD SATURDAYS Burlescape! Burlesque & boylesque wrapped in a taste of tease! Zora Phoenix, Isaiah Esquire, Tod Alan. (And there’s more than that, kids.) Zora is a treat and a treasure—and so are her shows. Try one out! 9pm, Crush, 1400 SE Morrison. $10.

Gaycation: DJ Charming always welcomes special guests. Be early so you can actually get a drink.

Sweaty deliciousness, hottest babes. THE party. Yes, boys, even you can hit on Mr. Charming. We know you want to. 9pm, Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison. $5.

FOURTH FRIDAYS Twerk. DJs ILL Camino and II Trill. Keywords: bring your twerk. The city’s longest-running queer hip hop/R&B party--where artists, deejays, performers come to mix, mingle, and move on the dance floor. Established fun, all night long. 9pm, Local Lounge, 3536 NE MLK. $5.

FOURTH SATURDAYS Blow Pony. Two giant floors. Wide variety of music, plenty of room for dancing. Rowdy, crowdy, sweaty betty, the one tried and true, even after all these years. 9pm, Rotture/Branx, 315 SE 3. $5.

LAST THURSDAYS Laid Out, Bridgetown’s newest gay dance party. Seriously, the posters read: “gay dance party.” And oh, how it’s a gay dance party. Thursdays are a real thing again. Deejays Gossip Cat and Pocket Rock-It, with photos by Eric Sellers. 9pm, Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison. $3 after 10pm.

LAST SUNDAYS Sabbathhause Discotheque, gay night is back at Aalto lounge and it is bigger and more queer than ever before.

Featuring some of the best deejays and performers around and hosted by night hawk Chanticleer Tru. 8pm, Aalto Lounge, 3356 SE Belmont.

OPENING THURSDAY, JANUARY 8 (RUNS THROUGH JANUARY 17): Searching for Aztlán. A satirical journey in search of lost identity and culture! Caught in a political and metaphorical haboob, Dolores Huelga finds herself on a quest for the mythical land of Aztlán. Along the way she encounters: a quirky High-Spanic, a militant Super-Chicano, and a working class Lati-Immigrant –all dispossessed exiles. These four unlikely companions journey together in search of truth, justice, and the “indigenous way!” Preview Jan 8, opening Jan 9 with a post-show reception by La Bonita. For more info visit milagro.org

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December/January 2014-2015 • 17

FEATURES STYLE

FEATURE

WINNING MARRIAGE ISN’T A ZERO-SUM GAME — HOW DO WE ACHIEVE LIVED EQUALITY FOR EVERYONE?

By Jeana Frazzini, Executive Director, Basic Rights Oregon

18 • December/January 2014-2015

agenda. We are now better poised to pass laws that promote fairness and equality, and ensure that the voices of LGBT OregoI remember May 19, 2014 like it was yes- nians are heard and represented. terday. A burst of joy. Then hugs. Then tears.

2014 has been a historic year for equalAs news of victory spread across the mas- ity in Oregon thanks to an unprecedented sive crowd of volunteers and supporters at number of volunteers, donors and advocates our campaign headquarters, the up swell of that stepped up and turned out for equality. emotion and relief was palpable. Lisa Chick- It is a testament to Oregonians’ fair-minded adonz, one of the plaintiffs in the court case, determination and commitment to carry embraced me. “We did this work forward, far it,” she said. “We finally beyond the marriage did it.” milestone.

What has always I cannot express been clear to me is the importance that our fight to win of determination the freedom to marry and commitment has been about more enough. Now more than just being able than ever, looking to marry. Oregon has forward into the New faced more anti-gay “WHAT HAS ALWAYS BEEN CLEAR TO ME IS THAT OUR FIGHT TO WIN THE FREEDOM TO MARRY HAS BEEN ABOUT MORE Year and beyond.

THAN JUST BEING ABLE TO MARRY.” ballot measures than As we reflect on any other state. Many will remember the our journey for fairness and equality it’s relentless Oregon Citizen Alliance attacks important we ask: how we can do better? against our communities in the 1990’s. Fear, A Heartbreaking Defeat: The defeat of hatred and hopelessness were the dominant Measure 88, the driver card policy, is deeply sentiments that characterized the time. disappointing because it denies residents Love wins human dignity that all Oregonians deserve.

Ten years after the loss on Measure 36, This loss hurts all our communities, includwinning marriage was a repudiation of ing our LGBT community members who hate. It showed that same sex couples, like are immigrants. We will continue to stand any other couple, want to be there for each with immigrant rights partners like CAUSA other in times of need, to love one another, to fight for equality for Oregon’s immigrant to grow old and have a family together. It and refugee families. showed that Oregonians value, above all, Police Accountability: LGBT communitreating others as we want to be treated. ties are not immune to police raids, violence And perhaps most importantly, winning and abuse, which is why we cannot be silent marriage sends the fundamental message with the deaths of Darren Wilson and Eric to our children and our youth that it’s okay Garner. It speaks to the much larger issue of to be who they are. systemic racism, police accountability and While the broad impacts of this victory the long history of state violence against cannot be understated, we must recognize black communities in this country. We need that this is not a zero-sum game. As import- to come together and confront the oppresant a milestone as it is, marriage equality will sive systems that lead to such violence. not keep LGBT youth safe in our schools. It Trans Justice: As we have won access will not ensure transgender people access to health care and rights for transgender to accurate identity documents or critical people, we also witnessed an escalation health care services. It will not make our mil- of anti-transgender violence, particularly itary, our prisons, or our immigration system aimed at transgender women of color this safe or just. It will not guarantee that LGBT year. This reminds us of the very real need Oregonians can live their lives free from the to address transphobia and the hardships sting of discrimination. faced by those living at the intersections of That’s why Basic Rights Oregon and our multiple identities. partners immediately set out to harness the What’s next? Basic Rights Oregon is momentum from our victory to build polit- developing its next five-year vision for our ical power and create new policies that pro- equality movement. We’ve held nine listenmote fairness and equality for all LGBT Ore- ing sessions, dozens of one-on-one congonians. We already have a lot to show for it: versations, and received more than 1,000 Lifesaving health care survey responses to identify the most pressIn August, Oregon became the third ing needs of our state’s diverse communijurisdiction in the nation to include cover- ties and build a new road map for addressage of medically necessary healthcare for ing those needs. transgender people on a state’s health plan.

Being a better advocate means recogThe broad coalition of advocacy groups, nizing our understanding of how we are all individuals, and partner organizations that inextricably connected, no matter who you came together to make this historic victory are, who you love, or where you come from. happen was united by the principled belief There isn’t one campaign or one issue that that we all deserve access to basic care. defines or separates us. Rather, every issue Pro-Equality Legislators affects all of us. I sincerely look forward to We also had an incredibly successful the work ahead as we chart new paths for election season and sent a majority of our equality and justice in our state. And I look pro-equality candidates to Salem, which forward to the part that you, the reader, will sets the stage for an ambitious legislative play in that journey. pqmonthly.com

VOICES

FEATURE PERS{ECTOVES

THE LADY CHRONICLES Kissing the Lipless, and Kissing 2014 Goodbye

By Daniel Borgen, PQ Monthly

2014 was a banner year for me in a lot of ways—the year was momentous more often that it was mundane. I celebrated my first full year as editor of the city’s queer newsmagazine, steering the big, wordy ship through its share of challenges and triumphs; we told important stories I’m proud of. The greatest thrill of my life is giving voices to the oppressed and those who might not be heard otherwise. This year, I also quit my day job of a decade—I left a comfortable position in Starbucks management, abandoning weeks and weeks of accrued vacation time and stellar benefits to dive into a completely foreign business—skin care—initially as a part-timer: no insurance, no security. (For a Taurus, such change can be a struggle.)

2014 also saw me visit Hawaii for the first time (at the time, the longest flight of my life); later I’d tour Spain and Portugal via Amsterdam (now my longest plane trip ever). I also dated up a storm this year.

Despite this flurry of romantic activity, I’m entering 2015 as I began 2014: wildly single.

In the spirit of the retrospective, I offer you a short list recapping my experiences, tentatively titled Things I Hope Never Happen Again But They Undoubtedly Will, This is the Life of an Elderly Spinster Editor Lady.

1. It is my prayer that I never again suffer through a dinner or several rounds of cocktails with a potential suitor who hates Portland as much as the gentlemen I met this year seem to. I know first conversations are a challenge, but I also know there is nothing more unpleasant than listening to the man sitting across from the table from you bemoaning Portland for all it “lacks.” Are you unable to look for jobs in other cities? Is there a financial reason you’re stuck here, making the rest of us miserable? Move in with your parents, save up some cash, and get out. The world awaits! I applaud that Nike CIO, Mr. Watson, for knowing himself well enough to know he had to cut his losses and flee. Portland isn’t for everyone; it’s a queer, sometimes sleepy town filled with big feelings and bigger protests—and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Yes, I’ve lived here most of my life.

Yes, I’m proud of that.

2. It is my truest hope that I never again suffer through a date’s angry rant about how Portland has no “nightlife.” (I wasn’t friends with that Nike guy, FYI. This isn’t some passive-aggressive dig.) I have a variety of suggestions for those who lament our fair city’s lack of “vibrant gay districts,” and they include: A) sucking it up; B) trying new things; go to a queer dance night you’ve never been to before; C) creating the culture you want to see—gather your closest friends and queer up your favorite dive bar (I’ve done this a thousand times at Yur’s in Northwest Portland and these

are routinely memorable occasions); D) moving. I mean, I really hope you don’t move, because the more the merrier—but if your bitterness has reached such levels that you must thrust it upon the closest captive stranger (your date), there are some things you need to work out, sir. Nightlife is what you make of it; it is what you create— that applies to everything, really. So get to making magic.

3a. It is my truest hope that men will just begin saying what they mean and meaning what they say. (Alternate title: Here’s Where I Get a Little Needy.) When I have a nice time with a gentleman courter, when we seemingly enjoy one another’s company, eat delicious foods, enjoy a few cocktails, and then make love on my living room floor beneath the warm glow of my Christmas tree lights and scented candle collection, when I apply lotions from my vast collection of Kiehl’s products to the rug burn on his back, when all of these things coalesce into a genuinely wonderful evening, I am prone to wanting to repeat such a scenario, to experience it anew. But it is unfortunate when new gentlemen callers say, “Yes, I would like to hang out again sometime very soon” when they really mean, “I was using you for Kiehl’s.” Or “I was using you for free dinner because you are a sucker and you tend to pick up the tab in an effort to impress your dates.” Or “I really needed to reach orgasm and you were close by.” One of my dearest friends, Ryan, tells me my problem is I need to do a better job of “playing it cool” and “letting things be.” For me, that’s like telling the ocean to become the moon. I’m not wired that way, no matter how hard I try. If I enjoy something, I say it. If I hate something, I say that too. Old dogs, new tricks.

Last month, as I wrote in November’s column, I had a delightful, platonic date with the first boyfriend I ever had. There’s nothing quite like dining with nostalgia, strolling down memory lane, and being showered with compliments while sitting across from a successful, tall, handsome drink of water. Such a scenario is a healing balm of Gilead, the shot of adrenaline we single ladies need to soldier on romantically. You can control how you act, what you say, your attitude, how you dress, how often you text after (or before) a date, whether or not you cry after making love—but the one thing that is beyond our control is timing; I’m not saying I believe in fate, per se, but I do believe timing is everything. When the time is right, it will be right. I am recklessly optimistic about that.

3b. Coming soon: pushing 40 and a look at my newfound “daddy” status on the friendly gay dating apps. Those young men are coming after my pension! Won’t they be disappointed; Suze Orman I am not.

Always have supported LGBT rights, Always will.

Daniel@PQMonthly.com pqmonthly.com

December/January 2014-2015 • 19

NIGHTLIFE FEATURE

WHO ARE THE MASKERS? BBC 4’S SECRETS OF THE LIVING DOLLS

By Leela Ginelle, PQ Monthly

SAVE THE DATE! PQ’S PRESS PARTY!

January 15th

JOIN US! 5PM - 7PM • January 15, 2015, 5P.M.-7 P.M. VAULT MARTINI (226 Northwest 12th Avenue, Portland, OR 97209)

Find us on Facebook:

facebook.com/pqmonthly 20 • December/January 2014-2015

The subculture of “maskers,” profiled in the fascinating BBC 4 documentary Secrets of the Living Dolls, consists of heterosexual, male-assigned people who buy and wear “Femskins”—rubber, woman-shaped suits, including masks, that allow them to live out their fantasies of being sexually desirable females.

In the hour-long film, we meet three maskers, or dolls: Robert, a retired Orange County businessman; Jon, a married father of six who organizes a yearly doll convention, called the “Rubber Doll World Rendezvous,” in Minneapolis; and Joel, a twentysomething Brit, who has just moved in with his girlfriend.

While the film is a bit sensational (one could play a drinking game around the recurrence of the word “normal”), it’s mostly sympathetic. Early on, the maskers attempt to explain their predilections.

While Joel professes to just liking masking, Charles and Jerry, both older than Joel, employ the strangely defensive logic of failed pick-up artists: namely, that because they lacked the social capital to date gorgeous women, becoming them through masking was the next best thing.

No definition of the queer community or trans* umbrella I’ve seen includes dolls, but their place there seems worth considering. They’re clearly not cisnormative. Their closest analogues might be cross-dressers or drag queens. Like the former, they appear to be mostly attracted to females; like the latter, several in the film express a desire to display glamour or feel like celebrities.

The maskers in the film all express a sense of marginalization owing to their trans feminine gender expression. Joel fears going outside while dressed like a doll, and he relates a story of his parents throwing out three of his (expensive!) masks due to their disapproval. Robert, at the film’s start, has told none of his family about his activities, and doesn’t dress as a doll when his teenage daughter is home. Jon implies his masking led to the end of his first marriage, and it appears to be straining his second one.

Is masking a fetish? Watching Robert photograph himself in his Femskin and bikini in his backyard, and then swoon over the results, certainly begs the question. The issue is complicated, though, by the secrecy that societal disapproval over trans feminine expression creates. Shame, longing and desire, along with our culture’s strange neuroses over beauty and sex, create a big, knotty mess that’s almost impossible to tease out.

If Robert felt comfortable going for an oil change in his Femskin, for example, would he still get an erotic charge from it at home? Likewise, if Joel could wear whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, would he, when masking, eventually stop dressing like a woman in a Def Leppard video?

The most problematic aspect on display in the documentary, from a feminist perspective, is the literal objectifying of female body parts by the maskers. When, toward the end of the film, Robert, having been emboldened by

his trip to the Real Doll World Rendezvous, goes out as a doll to an Orange County beach, the joy the audience feels at the acceptance he receives is complicated by his allowing passersby to grope his silicone breasts, and his celebrating to the camera crew after having been catcalled by a group of men.

Secrets of the Living Dolls spends some time at Femskin’s manufacturing site—a family-owned rubber molding shop in Florida operated by Barbie Ramos and her two sons. The trio is touchingly committed to maintaining the business they consider their deceased husband and father’s legacy.

Watching the sons, clad in their Rush and Judas Priest T-shirts, earnestly discuss the intricacies of their suits’ vaginal constructions, or their mom taking a Skype order from a nervous, masked customer from England, should be enough to obliterate any viewer’s lingering concepts of “odd” and “normal” with regard to gender.

That said, one is left wondering how exactly the late Mr. Ramos got started making Femskins, a question never addressed in the film.

The documentary also visits the Real Doll World Rendezvous. While surprisingly small given the buildup it receives (there appears to be only a dozen or so attendees), it’s touching to see the sense of community the maskers find there, an escape from the isolation and fear most experience.

The conventioneers venture out to a nightclub where, after being met by mostly good-natured approval (perhaps catalyzed by the presence of a documentary crew?), they’re harassed by a transphobic, seemingly mentally ill passerby.

Participation in the film appears to benefit Robert and Joel. The former, we learn, has since shared his masking with his family and, as mentioned earlier, ventured out for a happy, if problematic, visit to the beach. The latter reveals his doll self to two long-term friends during the show, both of whom are accepting, and later holds a tea party with some fellow maskers in his backyard—his first trip outside.

At the tea party, Joel’s friend asks if he thinks maskers will ever be an integrated part of the culture, and Joel answers “no.” Is he correct? One cannot say. Aside from Jon, the maskers profiled in the film do not articulate or ask for changes they’d like to see.

I think the world would be richer and more interesting if one came across maskers at Trader Joe›s or the credit union, and I can›t really think of any reason one shouldn›t, beyond ignorance and gender policing.

Early on in the documentary, the narrator describes Robert’s neighborhood as a “normal” one, with “normal” residents leading “normal” lives—the implication being that one wouldn’t expect to find maskers residing there.

When the concept of normality regarding gender encompasses, rather than precludes, trans feminine variety— when the trans femininity already present in all our neighborhoods finds expression rather than repression— our culture will be a more just and humane one, and stories like the ones portrayed here won’t have to be secret anymore. pqmonthly.com

GLAPN

CALENDAR

GLAPN PRESERVES LOCAL LGBTQ HISTORY

ROBIN WILL, SHOWN HERE IN FRONT OF THE PORTLAND PRIDE QUEER HEROES NW 2013 DISPLAY, IS GLAPN’S CURRENT PRESIDENT.

By George T. Nicola, GLAPN

The Gay and Lesbian Archives of the Pacific Northwest, often known by its acronym GLAPN, was founded in 1994. Its original intention was to preserve and share documents from our local history.

From the beginning, GLAPN was interested in the history of all sexual minorities, and as community groups began to find their voices and speak up, the “gay and lesbian” portion of the name became too confining. These days, the organizational logo downplays the “Gay & Lesbian” wording and emphasizes the motto “Northwest LGBTQ History.” The rise of electronic media leveraged GLAPN’s abilities significantly, and many historical narratives are now available online.

Some of our legal research has been used recently by attorneys and organizations in their advocacy for LGBTQ equality, including the freedom to marry.

GLAPN maintains a YouTube channel at

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https://www.youtube.com/user/GLAPN. To help keep up to date on GLAPN offerings, “Like” our Facebook page at https:// www.facebook.com/glapn.oregon.

Long time GLAPN member Pat Young teaches the LGBTQ History Capstone class at Portland State University: http://www. glapn.org/1002capstone.html. Students interview elder members of our community, and help build our oral history archives.

GLAPN is an affiliate of the private nonprofit Oregon Historical Society (OHS). OHS houses our extensive archives which are available for research. The archives include documents from numerous private collections. Many past issues of Oregon LGBTQ periodicals are housed there. You can find a guide to some of our archives at http:// glapn.org/5000collections.html.

GLAPN partners with Portland Q Center in the Queer Heroes NW project: http:// glapn.org/6399queerheroesfront.html. We honor a Queer Hero individual or group for every day in June as part of our celebration of Pride. We look for examples of risk, sacrifice, service, example and inspiration from individuals, living or dead, who made the world a better place for LGBTQ people.

We announce a hero each day on our websites and social media pages. Just before Pride, we display all of the heroes’ posters at a reception in Q Center’s Aaron Hall Gallery, and we take a duplicate display to Portland Pride. The June, 2015, Pride will mark our fourth year of celebrating Queer Heroes NW. GLAPN has limited financing which comes largely from small donations and membership fees. The organization has never paid any of its members for their work.

If you are interested in preserving local LGBTQ history, please see our website http://glapn.org/ for more information and the dates of our meetings. For questions, contact us at info@glapn.org.

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December/January 2014-2015 • 21

NIGHTLIFE

VOICES

Pretty And Witty And Gay So, Honey, a Question for You…

By Belinda Carroll, PQ Monthly

GAY SKATE WITH PQ Oaks Park Roller Skating Rink

Always the 3rd Monday of every month from 7-9pm

THE THEME FOR JANUARY IS: Pajamas THE THEME FOR JANUARY IS: Prom Follow us on Facebook for details

ADMISSION $6.00 PQ Monthly is proud to partner with Take Action Inc for their “Backpack program.” This program fills backpacks, utilizing YOUR Gay Skate food donations, for Oregon kids pre-kindergarten to 8th grade, so they do not go hungry over the weekends.

Thank you for donating to this most worthy program.

Please visit www.pqmonthly.com/ partnerships and click on “Take Action Inc” to view their list of preferred foods.

22 • December/January 2014-2015

I was reading the Internet aloud to my girlfriend Aly, as I am wont to do. “Did you know that we can get married in 35 of 50 states?!”

Now, I consider myself pretty ‘radtastic’ and ‘hip’. “But, Belinda!” You cry with passion, “Young people don’t say ‘hip and ‘radtastic’ anymore.” Shut up. What are you twelve?

You’re likely giving yourself varicose veins with your skinny jeans and fixed gear bikes.

Anyhow, I keep up with the latest, and I’ve been reporting the seeming-daily news of another state legalizing same sex marriage since DOMA was struck down. Samesex people in Utah can get married. I don’t know if they have to wear the special underwear, although I’d like to think they do. Do you think it’s itchy? I do.

When I thought about same sex marriage being legalized, it was always after I was dead and gone. Likely because I have huge commitment issues and was raised in the Southern Missionary Baptist tradition; that tradition is hating queer people.

When I did picture my wedding as an adult, I pictured my drag queen bridesmaids (probably the Superstar Divas) dressed to the nines, while my duel ex-pornclerk/ex-stripper-now-comedian maids of “honor” tried not to adjust their underwires in public. I’d have big hair, an even bigger tiara, my partner would have on the world’s perfect tux, and when we started our reception/rave/ karaoke party, we’d have to warn the elderly guests to avoid taking pills from anyone calling themselves “Magic Mike, The Sequel.”

I have had a lot of girlfriends in my life.

If we were to take all of the people I have dated and laid them end to end you’d have enough people to make a pretty interesting Saturday night. That’s why when I met Aly two years ago, I was pretty leery of a relationship, especially one that also involved two kids. I wasn’t sure I wanted the responsibility, and I was pretty sure they weren’t

mine. So, when we started to get serious, I knew it had to be really for serious because I didn’t want to mess up a six year old for life. I couldn’t afford the therapy bills.

Aly and I have always wanted to wait to get married until it was legal in Oregon, as we are both native Oregonians. If you’re from out of state and you don’t know—when you’re born in Oregon and get married out of state, the tree nymphs won’t recognize your union as valid and will curse your first child. Since Aly’s first child is eighteen we figure it would be pretty cruel to curse him now. Even though he sleeps enough that a curse might have already happened and we weren’t aware.

Aly has dealt with all sorts of things in our time together. My crazy career and schedule. Ten thousand comedy showcases and open mics, travelling, a metric ton of queer politics, crazy highs followed by mind-blowing disappointments and of course, having your life written about in the paper and talked about on stage.

She really has gone above and beyond as my partner. She is literally the only person I have known that can pick out clothes for me, and I don’t have to be there. I don’t like to get squishy in public, but let’s just say she knows her a-line from a pencil skirt. She pays attention, and if I can give one piece of advice for the lonely hearts out there, it’s pay attention. It’s a small thing that she cares about how to remove glitter polish, (a real crisis in our house this week) even though she’d rather burn eternally than wear anything called “Devil’s Kiss,” but it’s enough to prevent me from killing her when there’s a goat wandering into the house for the third time this week. See? Give and take.

Oregon legalized same sex marriage on May 19th, 2014 so maybe you’re asking “Why haven’t you guys gotten married?” It’s because no one has officially asked.

So, Aly. Will You Marry Me?

Belinda Carroll is a Portland-based, nationally-touring stand-up comic, writer, vocalist, and an ardent LGBT activist who is in desperate need of a nap, a massage, and a girlfriend who works for an airline or a spa. For booking or to offer the aforementioned services, her email is BelindaDCarroll@gmail.com.

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ARTS & CULTURE

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December/January 2014-2015 â&#x20AC;˘ 23

PERSPECTIVES BOOKS

FEATURE

FYI: A LOOK AT YOUR LOCAL NON-PROFITS

SOLD

by Realtor Gabriela

“HOME PRICES ARE UP! What is YOUR home worth?

Text “kw2f3g82a” to 87778 for an evaluation of your house.

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9755 SW Barnes Rd #560 Portland, OR 97225 Each office independently owned and operated 24 • December/January 2014-2015

First, a peek at Cascade AIDS Project’s annual report (keep these numbers in mind when you’re making your AIDS Walk donations). In 2014, Cascade AIDS Project provided: 3,910 HIV testing and counseling sessions—a 10% increase over 2013. 612 syphilis tests were administered. 3,202 gay and bisexual men—a third of whom were people of color—visited Pivot for 52 social and 24 educational events. 3,422 youth engaged in conversations about healthy sexuality. 1,538 people were educated about HIV/AIDS via 30 speakers bureau presentations. Housing and Support Services: 94% of participants in the Minority AIDS Initiative engaged in medical care—42 Latinos and African-Americans with significant needs participated in the program.

122 at-risk people living with HIV received navigation services to help them access and manage care from CareLink or related services. 85 homeless clients living with mental illness and/or substance abuse took part in one of two of CAP’s programs targeting that population. 78% saw improvement in medical care. 2,413 people received support services, including housing, employment counseling, referrals, and continuing education. 125 people received employment counseling and assistance. $1,153,230 went directly to 812 households for rent, utilities, and emergency assistance. 70 Positive Force Northwest members—an openly HIV-positive community— took part in events ranging from volunteering at a food bank to lobbying for affordable housing to combating isolation through potlucks and other social activities. 31 HIV-impacted families, including 70 adults and 64 children, took part in the educational, supportive, and community-building Kids Connection—and 35 children attended Camp KC, a week-long sleep-away camp at the Oregon Coast. For a full accounting of CAP’s good work, go to http://annualreports.cascadeaids.org/2014/.

A note from Friendly House: For over a decade Friendly House has provided a range of services for LGBT older adults with a mission to enhance the lives of LGBT community members through education, advocacy, outreach, resource development, and case management. Previously known as Gay & Grey, they are now officially part of the SAGE network as the Portland local affiliate, known as SAGE Metro Portland. SAGE (Services & Advocacy for GLBT elders) is the world’s oldest and largest nonprofit agency dedicated to serving LGBT older adults.

Since its inception, SAGE has pioneered programs and services for the aging LGBT community, provided technical assistance and training to expand opportunities, and advocated for public policy changes that address the needs of LGBT older adults.

LGBT older adults face challenges that their heterosexual counterparts do not. For example, the effect of historical and present-day social stigma and prejudice often cause LGBT older adults to not seek care or services when needed. This stigma can also leave LGBT older adults and seniors isolated or having to face the impossible decision to go back into the closet to seek care, services, or housing. Whereas many

older adults and seniors turn to families for care or support, LGBT older adults are more likely to live alone or have inadequate family support networks. Lastly, LGBT older adults and seniors face unequal treatment under laws, programs and services. All together these challenges make it more difficult for LGBT older adults to achieve three key aspects of successful aging; financial security, good health and health care, and community support and engagement.

Friendly House notes: From now until January 2nd, NW Veterinary Hospital will be matching your in-kind donations to Friendly House with quality pet food for the pets of Friendly House clients. They are accepting the following: nonperishable human food, unopened quality cat & dog food will be matched pound for pound, new kids’ socks and underwear, adult socks, and blankets will be matched with 5lbs of quality pet food per item. Bring items to NW Vet, 2680 NW Thurman Street. Questions? Contact Mary at (503)227-6047. For more information about Friendly House, visit http://www.friendlyhouseinc.org/programs/gay-and-grey/.

Q Center: Basic Rights Oregon, Q Center to Convene Community Committee to Determine Future of Q Center Following Significant Leadership Changes. Q Center’s Board of Directors announced on 12/12 that Barbara McCullough-Jones is resigning her position as Q Center Executive Director effective December 30. McCullough-Jones’ resignation follows the departure of a number of volunteer and staff leaders at the Center after months of community feedback related to the delivery of services and concerns about the financial stability of the Center.

As a result, Basic Rights Oregon’s Board of Directors will join Q Center Board members to convene a community-based committee to lead a conversation to determine the future of the Q Center as an organization and the programs and services it provides.

Basic Rights was invited into the process after community leaders, Q Center leadership, and McCullough-Jones approached Executive Director Jeana Frazzini to consider a merger. Frazzini took the question to her Board of Directors, which declined to consider the request at this time and instead offered to convene a community-driven conversation to hear what the community needs and wants related to Q Center and what role Basic Rights Oregon and other organizations might play.

Q Center is an important community resource, particularly for youth. Hundreds of people have invested their heart and souls to create a community space— it needs to be safe and welcoming to all LGBTQ community members who use the center. BRO and Q Center are committed to creating an open and transparent process where the community can have input on the Q Center’s future.

Representing Basic Rights Oregon in this community process are board members Cyreena Boston Ashby, John Halseth, CM Hall, and Jackie Yerby. Q Center Board Members Aaron Hall (a Q Center Founder) and Andre Pruitt are also engaged in the process.

--Compiled by Daniel Borgen pqmonthly.com

MUSIC

VOICES

THE HOME FRONT Follow Your Bliss

By Steve Strode, PQ Monthly

When asked what I love most about my job, the answer is quick and always the same, “the great variety of people I meet!”

Sure, the 10PM call when there is midnight contingency deadline is both annoying and usually 100% avoidable if someone hadn’t dropped the ball. But when the deal closes, and anyone needing to be talked off a proverbial ledge is now calm, I can’t envision doing anything else for a career.

We tend to typecast white collar professional gay guys—urban, stylish house, some type of fun car—probably foreign, and the relaxing trips to Palm Springs or Hawaii each winter. I love meeting people who defy these stereotypes and happily chart their own course. Which leads me to this story Mark Schmidt and Dan Sapp work at Kaiser Permanente Center for Health Research, and Brian Winner works at Wells Fargo as a Financial Crimes Manager.

Mark and Dan met in Michigan about 14 years ago, then moved to Oregon in the past decade. About five years ago they met Brian, and in getting to know each other found their lifestyle values were very much aligned.

Owning a home in North Portland, they developed an interest in farming, and over a period of time an original small garden grew to cover most of the property. Fruit trees were added. And of course, there had to be chickens (sorry, I didn’t ask their names or provenance). The guys began canning vegetables too. The goal really became about growing as much food for themselves as they could in this urban homestead. Neither Mark nor Dan grew up on a farm, but rather the suburbs of Detroit; Brian’s grandma had a 10-acre farm near Cottage Grove on which he used to help occasionally. So it was an evolutionary process for all of them.

About four years ago, by then running out of urban farm space, they decided to pursue this passion further, and began looking for a farm within a 90-minute radius of Portland. After exploring lots of areas, scouring the consumer and foreclosure websites, they honed in on Pugent Island and the town of Cathlamet. If you’re like me, I needed a little geography lesson when we all first met; picture the drive from Portland to Astoria and it’s a little

more than half-way bet we en t he t wo cities.

I asked why they chose Cathlamet and it was for totally objective reasons—water rights, close to Portland, but far enough out to be affordable. Imagine Sauvie Island West without the beach. The big unknown was the subjective part. How would a rural community react to three gay dudes buying a farm together? And here was the pleasant surprise—they felt the community itself was very progressive and they met other transplants from Portland, Seattle and the Bay Area. Moreover, Mark, Dan, and Brian were excited by the community of talented artists and professional types, dedicated to agricultural and environmental stewardship, who have all created their own paths to coalesce here. As far as any other LGBT population, they’re still getting settled and getting to know people— having just sold their home in Portland and closed on the farm (called Blue Skies Farm of Pugent Island) in the past year. But they were already impressed and have heard great things about the local PFLAG chapter.

When talking about the logistics of the move, we chatted about what else they’d have to consider because of taking this plunge. And here it boiled down to the old adage “don’t quit your day job.” This is a labor of love and a long-term commitment, not a get-rich scheme. Working an established farm is hard; creating a farm is even harder. There are significant barriers for entry into farming—land acquisition, and money for capital expenses such as equipment and greenhouses (hence the desire to sell the Portland home). They’ll keep a small condo in Portland and maintain their careers. But it boils down to envisioning the type of world they want to live in, then doing their part in a little corner of the world to make it so.

Final thoughts from the guys? First, was recalling a unique contingency from the purchase of the farm—requesting that the seller remove four inches of goat poop covering the front porch, which had accumulated while the property sat vacant.

But in a more pleasant memory, Mark recalled when they got their first batch of honey and realized “Wow, we can do this!”

DYKES ON BIKES® & FRIENDS

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Steve Strode is a broker with Meadows Group in Portland. He serves on the Global Leadership team of the National Association of Realtors, and also learned about sustainable and organic farming practices in Cuba this past Spring. He can be reached at steve@sagepacificliving.com.

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December/January 2014-2015 • 25

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26 • December/January 2014-2015

By Shaley Howard, PQ Monthly

I thought I had earned all my stripes for being an official lesbian: Womyn’s Music Festival; laundry list of girlfriends; Indigo Girls, Ani DiFranco and Melissa Etheridge concerts; endless Gay Pride parades; Dyke marches; Lilith Fair—I’d even played on a lezzie drama-filled softball team. But recently I experienced my first Olivia Cruise, which I do believe finally made me an over-the-top 100% Lesbionic Lesbian—although that may be redundant.

If you’ve never been on the Olivia lezzie Love Boat, all I have to say is it’s really, let’s just say female-oriented—women spelled womyn. It turns out I’m just not really a cruise type of person, no matter who’s on the boat, but I was lucky enough to be on the same cruise as one of my longtime favorite lesbian comedians, Suzanne Westenhoefer, who graciously agreed to an impromptu interview for PQ Monthly.

PQ: Hello! So Suzanne, how is your career going?

Suzanne Westenhoefer: My career is going great! [It’s been] 24 years since I did my first stand-up, so 22 years on the road; I got it down. I think I started when I was around 6.

PQ: With so many lesbian-only places going away, are you finding audience spaces waning?

SW: Yes. The younger, 20-30-years-old lesbians do not have the same feeling of needing to pay to be gay or go to Provincetown to be gay. They’re like, “Wait, we can be gay in Kansas City and we don’t have to spend $400 dollars a night for four nights!”

So there’s not a lot of having to seek out big women’s weeks in certain areas. But as far as my audience goes, they stay strong—plus I do straight clubs.

PQ: Does your humor have play with hetero audiences?

SW: I started in straight clubs as an openly gay comic in 1990. So yeah, I don’t have a problem with straight people because that’s where I started. The main difference between the two [lesbian and straight clubs] is instead of saying “we” or “us” or “our people,” I say “I” because you don’t want to assume the audience is gay, although I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.

PQ: Do you play at colleges?

SW: Not so much anymore. The college humor was never my best stuff. They want “I got drunk. I did drugs, I fell down, etc.” and I wasn’t ever really doing that sort of humor.

I remember doing a show at Syracuse University and I’m talking about my relationship that was about seven years old. I said to the audience, “You know when sex gets a little boring ’cause you’ve been together for a while”—and then you look out at 600 people who are 19 going, “It gets boring?!

We’re just trying to get laid! What?!” I don’t have a message for young straight people.

Plus back when I did do colleges, fraternities would make all of their pledges come to

my show as hazing. It was the ’90s. “You have to sit through the lesbian comedy in order to become part of our fraternity!” Seriously.

PQ: How are you gaining traction with younger queer audiences?

SW: It’s really hard because, in general, it seems like the 20-year-olds aren’t very interested in the history of gay rights, coming out, etc. It’s just not that exciting for them in general.

Obviously with promoters, we try and offer deals for students or 2-for1s to get them in. Once they’re in, they like me ’cause it’s still the same comedy of sex, falling down, work, traffic, parents—the same things any other comic talks about.

PQ: LGBTQ folks have such varied gender expressions. Do you notice that some of the dichotomous history of playing into some of the butch/femme dynamics and stereotypes doesn’t hold up or that it goes over the heads of some younger audience members?

SW: It does not go over their heads but it has never held up. Lesbians in general have been fighting the butch/femme thing since I can remember back when I came out in 1981. A large chunk of lesbians just don’t like it and are upset and offended by that whole thing. It exists, get used to it. I think there are two sides of women when we are in relationships. I used to call it “yin and yang”—I used to do a whole piece on that. There’s a reason I would be attracted to a certain woman in a sexual way, and most of the time it has nothing to do with how attractive or funny we are. Women think that somehow by calling it butch/femme it’s somehow negative. It isn’t. Just because someone says you’re a butch doesn’t mean that you have to act a certain way; just be you. That’s how someone’s defining you because that’s the language they have. Big deal!

At a certain time in the past, how we were defined depended largely on where we lived in the country. If you went down to the South in the early ’90s and I called you a dyke, oh my God, they were so insulted: “I’m a lesbian. I’m not a dyke” [said in a Southern drawl]. But at the time, that was their language and that was fine. But then as soon as you were in New York, you were a dyke again. Since I can remember, I’ve been calling myself a dyke, a lezzie and on.

But here’s the thing: they’re words. You know who you are. Are you really gonna let words matter so much? It’s how the word is said.

It’s the intention. We keep trying to give words all this major power; why not take it from them? I loved when the LGBT community started saying “queer” and took it back.

PQ: Has the LGBTQ community become so politically correct that we’ve lost our sense of humor and ability to poke fun of ourselves?

SW: I can’t say we’ve lost our sense of humor. I just think that for some people words and politics are more important than the humor. Comics are like the court jesters.

We’re the ones who are supposed to make SUZANNE WESTENHOFER page 29

pqmonthly.com

NEWS

COSBY, GHOMESHI, & THE CULTURAL EMERGENCE OF THE RAPIST

By Leela Ginelle, PQ Monthly

When rape is talked about in our culture, it generally involves a discussion of the raped. We talk about why people might be raped (alcohol consumption, walking alone, etc.), and why discussing such things constitutes victim blaming. We seem almost never to discuss rapists.

Prior to perhaps this last month, which has seen the high profile cases of Bill Cosby and Canadian radio star Jian Ghomeshi, the idea that a male celebrity might also be a rapist was nearly unthinkable.

In our cultural conversation rapists have been nonexistent. People never confess to being rapists. We have no trove of “rapist narratives.” Bill Cosby was a popular entertainer, and, as such, not a rapist, because no one could be anything and also a rapist.

This dissonance is glaring as we learn about how campus rape cases are handled. Students, mostly young women, report having been sexually assaulted, and University officials drag their feet, bury cases, mete out laughably insufficient penalties, and generally look the other way. “Our students wouldn’t really do that sort of thing,” their actions say.

The officials appear unable to consider their students rapists, which presents a problem, as one in five females on their campuses are being raped by classmates.

When Jian Ghomeshi surrendered himself to the police recently it felt revolutionary. Women had accused him of rape. His employer, the CBC, in response, had fired him.

Ghomeshi defended himself, calling his accusers liars, and nobody believed him.

Coming of age in the early ‘90s, I’d grown up hearing

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that a false accusation of rape was the greatest threat a man could face. It was a threat so great, it seemed to trump the much more statistically likely threat women faced of being raped. Male privilege and power seemed to dictate that a woman’s claim of being raped must always be held suspect, as it might be false.

A woman who brought rape charges against a man subjected herself to intense scrutiny, as though any imperfection on her part was somehow equally worthy of judgment as the sexual assault her perpetrator may have committed, the implication always being, “It’s her word against his.”

Rape, as an act, is a complete violation.

A sexual assault survivor is one who’s experienced utter physical insecurity, the loss of autonomy. In our culture, added to this is the shame of secrecy—the idea that one will be judged for having brought this violence onto one’s self, that one is lying, that one may be ruining another’s life.

The Ghomeshi case is perhaps the first I recall in which, when the word of female accusers was weighed against that of a powerful, dismissive male, and the accuser was believed. Rather than burying the accusations, the police openly sought more, pledging to believe those who came forward and to protect their anonymity. A person, in this case, Ghomeshi, was actually considered a rapist.

The consensus appears now to be that Bill Cosby, too, is a rapist. Nearly two dozen women have told similar stories, of Cosby offering to mentor them, giving them tainted drinks, and then raping their incapacitated bodies. “How could this be?” people ask. He was America’s beloved father figure. Almost in slow motion, we observe the nation attempt to reconcile these two

facts, as though solving a high level math problem.

Yes, “x” does equal “y,” and always has. As long as rapes have been committed, people have committed rapes. In films and stories, it was often “the other” perpetrating these crimes: ethnic or sexual and gender minorities; xenophobia being the only possible explanation. Rapes happen in the world, but rapists live in the shadows, and rape survivors are expected to stuff their experiences, handle them on their own, and not expect any sort of public justice for what’s occurred.

The rare exceptions previously, seemed almost to prove the rule. Roman Polanski drugged and raped an underage girl, fled a warrant for his crime to France, and subsequently won an Oscar (?!?!) for directing “The Pianist” while in exile, where he still lives free of consequences.

Culturally the category of rapist appears now, though, to be coming into existence. Ghomeshi, Cosby, the gang rapists at the University of Virginia, the actions of whom were detailed in a gruesome Rolling Stone article, are men who’ve committed sexual assault in people’s eyes. Their accusers’ words are more important than the denials they’ve made or refused to make.

Being a survivor of sexual assault should never have carried a stigma. That stigma came only from a culture-wide denial, a collective lie that said, “Whoever you’re saying raped you, would not have done such a thing, unless you, perhaps, provoked them.” Survivors have been doubted and blamed, and that is finally ceasing. Survivors are no longer being deemed delusional, at fault, or the victim of some phantom criminals.

We’re finally identifying rapists in our midst, and, in the case of Ghomeshi, holding them accountable.

It’s finally becoming more important to value the security, sanity, and sanctity of rape survivors, than that of the perpetrators whom they’re accusing of their crimes—that of the rapists.

December/January 2014-2015 • 27

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Featured: PQ November Press Party at Mitchell Gold + Bob Williams and LookBook.

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VOICES

CULTIVATING LIFE Brrrr: Winter Hits the Garden

By LeAnn Locher, PQ Monthly

Well the weather outside is frightful and if your plants are like mine, they may not be so delightful.

This season’s winds have taken down two arbors and my Chilean jasmine vine is looking like toast. But I remind myself of my winter drama mantra: any plants lost in the garden this winter open opportunities for growing something new next season. It doesn’t mean, though, that I’m not doing what I can to protect my marginally hardy plants. You can too, with a few simple steps: --Mulch your plants with a nice thick and fluffy coating of mulch. All those leaves you raked up should be shredded and piled on your tender tendrils. This will help winter vegetables keep producing (if you’re lucky) the cold season veggies, like kale, and hardy greens.

--Cold and wet is better than cold and dry. When cold and dry, the cold keeps the plants from taking in moisture and without any rain, they’re more likely to die from lack of water than from the cold itself. It’s a bad combo. Watering plants before a deep freeze will help them more than hurt them.

--Plants in pots? Bring them inside the garage, or, bury them in the ground for the winter. Roots of plants in pots are above ground and more susceptible to cold temperatures. Again, make sure they have some water.

If we are expecting really low temperatures, I’ve been known to throw sheets or an old blanket over tender shrubs. This even included wrapping some in Christmas lights and leaving them on day and night. These aren’t long term solutions, but can work in a pinch. If you’re using a cover,

stick in a few bamboo supports to tent the cover to help with insulation and to create less weight on the plant itself. Denser blankets or covers will block light so don’t leave them on for more than a few days.

Look on the bright side? Colder winters mean overwintering pests may have just gotten their death wish. Same with some diseases. Snap goes the cold? Snap goes some problems.

And what about those of you with chickens? Don’t let their waddles freeze off. I’m not kidding. You need to watch waddles for frostbite, but generally, chickens will do fine in dropping temperatures as long as you make sure they have plenty of scratch, and keep their water replenished frequently, and not frozen. You can rotate two waterers in and out of the house, or buy a heated base to set your water on. You can reuse your brooder reflector and bulb that may have used when you had chicks, and mount it 3 feet above where the chickens are roosting. Also, insulate the coop and block drafts with a blanket: it’s most important to protect your chickens at night when they’re sleeping and not moving much. Just like us, chickens dry out during extreme cold, and a dab of Vaseline on their waddles helps prevent frostbite and protect moisture.

Chickens aren’t the only birds in our garden that could use some TLC when the weather is so cold. If snow hits, access to food and bits under brush becomes hard to access: keeping bird feeders full during periods of snow is nice for the birds and gives you something wonderful to watch out those windows to the winter wonderland. A white snow-filled winter garden is much more delightful when it’s full of bird life.

Now where did I sit that cup of cocoa and put those seed catalogs? Aaah, yes. Winter gardening at its best.

LeAnn Locher is an avid gardener, home cook, and adventurer. Connect with her at facebook.com/sassygardener or at leann@pqmonthly.com

SUZANNE WESTENHOFER Continued from page 26

fun of it all, sometimes to get people thinking so you don’t get so caught up in the language that’s being used or the way it’s being used as opposed to the content—what’s really being said here behind the PC rhetoric. Part of our job is to get people to lighten up. If you get so caught up with being too PC, people sometimes start to alienate other LGBT folks that in actuality agree with the content of your messages.

PQ: How do you view “labels”?

SW: It’s the way we communicate verbally, that’s all. It’s so we understand who and what we’re talking about. Everybody says, “We don’t like labels,” but it’s not very thoughtful.

You’re not really thinking it through. Labels are just descriptions. It doesn’t mean if someone says you’re a certain kind of lesbian that you then have to act a certain way. Labels pqmonthly.com

are useful, amazing parts of how we communicate; that’s all. When you say, “We don’t need labels and don’t want labels,” all you’re doing is giving them [labels] a power they don’t really deserve. I mean, isn’t “queer” a label? When people say, “I don’t want to be labeled except for this one I’ve chosen,” aren’t they just choosing their own, new label? For people, especially the younger generation, to say, “I don’t want to be labeled” means really, “Don’t you tell me who to be or who I am or how to act. I want to choose it.” And they’re young enough that that’s important to them— which it should be! But we all still need to find some sort of labels to define who you are or what you’re talking about. Funny, you never hear a sports fan saying, “I don’t want to be defined and labeled.” They’re always like, “I’m a Packers fan!”

For more information about Suzanne Westenhoefer check out her website: http://www. suzannew.com/ December/January 2014-2015 • 29

QUEER APERTURE Through his Queer Aperture project, photographer Jeffrey Horvitz has spent years documenting the LGBTQ communities of Portland, San Francisco, Seattle, and Vancouver, B.C. He’s well aware that a picture paints a whole mess of words, but here he offers a few actual words to better acquaint us with his dynamic subjects.

What is your name?

Larry Lewis

Favorite book?

Snow Crash

How long have you lived in Portland?

About 5 years—but Portland metro, my my whole life.

Favorite movie?

5th Element

What is the first time you noticed that gayness existed?

I was 12 when I noticed the sexy neighbor throwing hay bales shirtless.

Favorite word?

Flabbergasted

What would you consider a guilty pleasure?

Teen Wolf Series You’re having a dinner party of 6, whom would you invite?

My Great Grandma, Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter, My Father, Jay Brannan, & Jesus What would you consider a perfect meal?

Homemade Kentucky Fried Chicken Dinner What would be a perfect day off?

A day spent with family and friends.

Least favorite word?

The “N” word Favorite swear word?

Fuck What is your profession?

Sales If you could with a snap of a finger what would be another profession you would like to do?

Pilot Whom would you like to meet dead or alive?

Leonardo Da Vinci

PHOTO BY JEFFREY HORVITZ

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